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1
00:00:54,620 --> 00:00:56,487
Now, the whole country
is in a panic.
2
00:00:56,489 --> 00:00:59,290
We've been summoned
to the White House
3
00:00:59,292 --> 00:01:01,726
knowing that the World War
is upon us.
4
00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:05,163
Well, he comes bursting
down the stairs
5
00:01:05,165 --> 00:01:08,533
with his dick resting
over a hanger shouting,
6
00:01:08,535 --> 00:01:12,803
"Does this look too wrinkled
to wear into Congress?"
7
00:01:13,372 --> 00:01:17,308
But that was Woodrow Wilson
for you.
8
00:01:17,310 --> 00:01:20,545
He just didn't give a fuck.
9
00:01:21,613 --> 00:01:23,414
The next day
10
00:01:23,416 --> 00:01:26,584
we entered World War I,
11
00:01:26,586 --> 00:01:29,053
and the bitch of it is...
12
00:01:29,988 --> 00:01:32,790
I never got my iron back.
13
00:01:34,993 --> 00:01:36,327
We got movement.
14
00:01:36,329 --> 00:01:39,197
What do you think Bronson,
is this our grizzly?
15
00:01:39,199 --> 00:01:40,231
Can't tell.
16
00:01:40,233 --> 00:01:43,401
It's moving between the trees
too quickly.
17
00:01:43,403 --> 00:01:46,204
Have a look Governor Roosevelt.
18
00:01:49,608 --> 00:01:53,911
Oh, my God!
19
00:01:53,913 --> 00:01:56,280
What is it?
20
00:01:56,982 --> 00:01:58,482
Werewolf!
21
00:01:58,484 --> 00:02:00,551
Everybody run!
22
00:02:06,792 --> 00:02:08,359
We're all going to die!
23
00:02:08,361 --> 00:02:11,862
Don't panic, we just got to make
it back to the cabin.
24
00:02:13,432 --> 00:02:16,400
Wait! Wait!
25
00:02:16,568 --> 00:02:19,170
Why me?
I'm fat and weak.
26
00:02:19,172 --> 00:02:21,172
Probably for exactly
that reason.
27
00:02:21,174 --> 00:02:21,772
No!
28
00:02:21,774 --> 00:02:25,076
Let's get some, boys. No, we
got to keep moving, Frank.
29
00:02:25,078 --> 00:02:26,677
They carry polio.
30
00:02:37,723 --> 00:02:41,559
Fuck polio.
31
00:02:45,097 --> 00:02:46,063
Good shot, old boy.
32
00:02:46,065 --> 00:02:48,299
Did you put silver bullets
in that thing, Frank?
33
00:02:48,301 --> 00:02:50,601
No, why?
34
00:02:54,673 --> 00:02:56,707
That's why. Run!
35
00:02:56,709 --> 00:02:58,609
Oh, shit.
36
00:02:58,611 --> 00:03:02,046
Sweet Jesus!
37
00:03:11,056 --> 00:03:12,757
What the shit?
38
00:03:12,759 --> 00:03:13,591
Ooh!
39
00:03:13,593 --> 00:03:17,361
Why even spend the time
to do that?
40
00:03:17,863 --> 00:03:19,397
Frank, we got to get
the hell out of here.
41
00:03:19,399 --> 00:03:22,166
No chair lift,
we're never going to make it.
42
00:03:22,168 --> 00:03:24,502
We're going to have to go
old school on this.
43
00:03:24,504 --> 00:03:27,738
This isn't a time for that--
we need silver bullets.
44
00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:56,334
Oh, sick goblins!
45
00:03:56,336 --> 00:03:58,636
Frank, I'm sorry.
46
00:03:58,638 --> 00:04:01,672
Tell Eleanor I love her.
47
00:04:04,176 --> 00:04:06,610
Eleanor has silver bullets.
48
00:04:14,853 --> 00:04:16,487
Eleanor.
49
00:04:16,489 --> 00:04:19,490
Frank, stay with me.
50
00:04:19,492 --> 00:04:21,492
Stay with me, Frank.
51
00:04:25,230 --> 00:04:30,468
Frank, Frank,
stay with me, Frank.
52
00:04:30,470 --> 00:04:32,570
Please.
53
00:04:36,608 --> 00:04:38,175
Oh, thank God.
54
00:04:38,177 --> 00:04:39,744
Oh, I thought
you were dead, Frank.
55
00:04:39,746 --> 00:04:44,181
Ain't nobody going to take down
The Delano, Kitten Tits.
56
00:04:44,183 --> 00:04:47,385
Kitten Breasts, Frank.
57
00:04:47,387 --> 00:04:48,753
Hey, Frank, how you feeling?
58
00:04:48,755 --> 00:04:53,257
Like a bag full of dicks
at a lesbian convention.
59
00:04:53,259 --> 00:04:55,059
Oh, language, Franklin.
60
00:04:55,061 --> 00:05:00,798
Eh, Comme sucka des
dicks at a convention de lesbian.
61
00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:02,433
Oh, that's better.
62
00:05:05,537 --> 00:05:07,304
Easy Lou, just me.
63
00:05:07,306 --> 00:05:08,906
Put that hamster back
in its cage.
64
00:05:08,908 --> 00:05:11,409
Glad to see you awake,
Governor Roosevelt.
65
00:05:11,411 --> 00:05:15,179
Let me just say, on behalf
of the great State of New York,
66
00:05:15,181 --> 00:05:16,747
it is our honor--
Cut the shit, doc.
67
00:05:16,749 --> 00:05:19,216
If I wanted smoke
blown up my ass,
68
00:05:19,218 --> 00:05:20,384
I would have spread my cheeks
69
00:05:20,386 --> 00:05:24,255
and jammed a whistling teapot
up there.
70
00:05:25,857 --> 00:05:28,225
Why can't I feel my legs?
71
00:05:28,227 --> 00:05:31,662
When the werewolf attacked you
and bit your leg,
72
00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:34,698
it released a small stream of--
73
00:05:35,967 --> 00:05:39,069
You've got the polio, Frank.
74
00:05:40,405 --> 00:05:41,939
Does my cock still work?
75
00:05:41,941 --> 00:05:45,576
Yes, I had one of the nurses
run tests.
76
00:05:49,014 --> 00:05:49,847
Well,
77
00:05:49,849 --> 00:05:53,284
why is everybody looking
so down? Cock works.
78
00:05:53,286 --> 00:05:56,086
I'll be up and at it
in no time.
79
00:05:56,088 --> 00:05:58,956
Oh, in two weeks, Lou,
I want a rematch
80
00:05:58,958 --> 00:06:01,492
of that 100 yard dash,
you son of a bitch.
81
00:06:01,494 --> 00:06:03,427
I'm going to get you this time!
82
00:06:03,429 --> 00:06:05,529
I'm going to get you!
83
00:06:05,531 --> 00:06:08,132
Frank, Frank,
you're not hearing me.
84
00:06:08,134 --> 00:06:10,801
You'll never be able
to walk again.
85
00:06:10,803 --> 00:06:11,435
What?
86
00:06:11,437 --> 00:06:13,003
That's the thing
about werewolf attacks--
87
00:06:13,005 --> 00:06:16,907
where you're bitten is where
the polio sets in.
88
00:06:16,909 --> 00:06:19,143
In your case...
89
00:06:20,946 --> 00:06:23,147
it's your legs.
90
00:06:23,149 --> 00:06:25,316
Oh!
91
00:06:25,318 --> 00:06:28,853
God, no.
92
00:06:28,855 --> 00:06:29,620
Why?
93
00:06:29,622 --> 00:06:34,391
Why did you have to give him tiny,
little, shriveled-up polio legs?
94
00:06:34,393 --> 00:06:37,695
Why, why!
95
00:06:37,697 --> 00:06:39,296
I love you Eleanor,
96
00:06:39,298 --> 00:06:41,332
but you got to just
shut-the-fuck-up
97
00:06:41,334 --> 00:06:42,566
when grown men
are conversing!
98
00:06:42,568 --> 00:06:45,236
Fortunately, Louis got you
to the hospital
99
00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:47,638
before the polio spread
to your--
100
00:06:49,174 --> 00:06:51,775
Good looking out, Lou.
101
00:06:52,878 --> 00:06:55,446
On the reels,
I'll never walk again?
102
00:06:55,448 --> 00:06:57,348
Can't something be did?
103
00:06:57,350 --> 00:06:59,683
If I'm going to give you real
barbershop talk,
104
00:06:59,685 --> 00:07:01,919
no rashes, no chalk--
with rehabilitation
105
00:07:01,921 --> 00:07:04,021
you might be able to stand
with leg braces--
106
00:07:04,023 --> 00:07:05,456
possibly a cane.
107
00:07:05,458 --> 00:07:08,359
But you will never again walk
without guided assistance.
108
00:07:08,361 --> 00:07:10,494
Well, fuck it then! Just get
a goddamn hacksaw up here
109
00:07:10,496 --> 00:07:14,198
and cut my legs off and sew them
on his goddamn body!
110
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:15,533
Oh, let's do that.
111
00:07:15,535 --> 00:07:16,700
Keep your pants on, Louis.
112
00:07:16,702 --> 00:07:18,469
That isn't how this works.
113
00:07:18,471 --> 00:07:20,938
There's nothing more we can do.
114
00:07:21,573 --> 00:07:24,141
Mr. Roosevelt,
I'm so very sorry.
115
00:07:24,143 --> 00:07:27,478
Eleanor can take you home
this afternoon.
116
00:07:33,618 --> 00:07:36,253
All right, thank you, doctor.
117
00:07:36,255 --> 00:07:39,890
Louis, can I see you
out in the hallway for a moment?
118
00:07:42,060 --> 00:07:43,827
Shut up.
119
00:07:43,829 --> 00:07:47,998
What's the skinny, pill pusher?
It's not good for me to leave the Gov by himself.
120
00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:50,534
There's something I need
to show you.
121
00:07:50,536 --> 00:07:53,237
Do not grab your dick and ask me
to guess the temperature.
122
00:07:53,239 --> 00:07:55,306
Motherfucker, I'm not playing
hide the keys
123
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:57,007
from the jailer either,
understand?
124
00:07:57,009 --> 00:07:58,342
Put the gun away.
125
00:07:58,344 --> 00:07:59,510
What I'm about to show you
126
00:07:59,512 --> 00:08:01,312
affects not only
Governor Roosevelt,
127
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:04,181
but possibly all of mankind.
128
00:08:08,486 --> 00:08:10,621
I don't understand--
why are we in the morgue?
129
00:08:10,623 --> 00:08:15,559
This is what I wanted
to show you.
130
00:08:16,761 --> 00:08:18,028
What the fuck, bro?
131
00:08:18,030 --> 00:08:20,130
Sorry, wrong one.
132
00:08:22,133 --> 00:08:26,403
This is what I wanted
to show you.
133
00:08:27,806 --> 00:08:29,139
That thing's dead, right?
134
00:08:29,141 --> 00:08:31,141
Yes, I had a male nurse
check him out.
135
00:08:31,143 --> 00:08:33,310
I won't go into details,
but I owed him a favor.
136
00:08:33,312 --> 00:08:37,915
Anyway, while he was
shaving him, he found this.
137
00:08:39,150 --> 00:08:40,351
Is that a belly tattoo
of a swastika?
138
00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:43,187
The detail's amazing--
Those fucking Germans, man,
139
00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:44,388
their craftsmanship
is unmatched.
140
00:08:44,390 --> 00:08:46,457
How do you know the werewolf
is German?
141
00:08:46,459 --> 00:08:48,792
Besides the swastika,
142
00:08:48,794 --> 00:08:51,195
we found this on him.
143
00:08:51,863 --> 00:08:52,529
But why?
144
00:08:52,531 --> 00:08:55,432
We're not at war with Germany
anymore-- this doesn't add up.
145
00:08:55,434 --> 00:08:58,202
I'm not a mathematician,
I'm a damn doctor!
146
00:08:58,204 --> 00:09:00,371
And I didn't train on wolves.
147
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:01,271
Plus, he's a German.
148
00:09:01,273 --> 00:09:02,973
We have to call in
the authorities.
149
00:09:02,975 --> 00:09:04,541
You shut that whole
spitting shit
150
00:09:04,543 --> 00:09:06,243
out of your face,
do you hear me?
151
00:09:06,245 --> 00:09:07,711
Do you hear me?
Yes.
152
00:09:07,713 --> 00:09:09,113
Good, now--
153
00:09:09,115 --> 00:09:11,215
I'm going to pull my Model A
around the back
154
00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:12,716
while you bag
this son of a bitch up.
155
00:09:12,718 --> 00:09:15,252
Then you are going to help me
load him into the automobile.
156
00:09:15,254 --> 00:09:17,655
And if you breathe a word
of this to the press out there,
157
00:09:17,657 --> 00:09:19,757
so help me God, I will come up
in here with an axe
158
00:09:19,759 --> 00:09:22,559
I will split your ass in two
like a Granny Smith apple.
159
00:09:22,561 --> 00:09:24,662
Do you understand me?
Yes!
160
00:09:24,664 --> 00:09:25,929
Good.
161
00:09:25,931 --> 00:09:27,865
The Governor's had a bad day.
162
00:09:27,867 --> 00:09:30,467
I don't want him seeing any
of this shit.
163
00:09:30,469 --> 00:09:32,903
Bag that evidence with it too.
164
00:09:34,172 --> 00:09:35,739
I've had a bad day too.
165
00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:39,743
Doctor Bender
to the mental ward, please.
166
00:09:40,345 --> 00:09:43,414
I don't know if I could spend
the rest of my life
167
00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:45,716
in that goddamn thingy.
168
00:09:45,718 --> 00:09:46,583
I know, sweetie.
169
00:09:46,585 --> 00:09:49,019
When we get out of here,
I say we get a second opinion
170
00:09:49,021 --> 00:09:51,155
about attaching Louis's legs
to your body.
171
00:09:51,157 --> 00:09:53,524
FDR, FDR, FDR...
172
00:09:53,526 --> 00:09:55,025
What the hell is that?
173
00:09:55,027 --> 00:09:56,026
FDR, FDR...
174
00:09:56,028 --> 00:09:58,195
Looks like a crowd
is gathered outside.
175
00:09:58,197 --> 00:10:00,898
And they're holding signs
for you--
176
00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:02,466
to run for President,
177
00:10:02,468 --> 00:10:05,402
FDR, FDR, FDR...
178
00:10:07,739 --> 00:10:09,039
among other things.
179
00:10:09,041 --> 00:10:10,474
Hey, Frank, you got a minute?
180
00:10:10,476 --> 00:10:12,009
Yeah, sure-- what the hell's
going on out there.
181
00:10:12,011 --> 00:10:14,812
It's pandemonium, people are
going shit house, Frank.
182
00:10:14,814 --> 00:10:16,280
You're all over the news.
183
00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:17,514
We got to get you
out there, boss.
184
00:10:17,516 --> 00:10:19,450
Let the people know
you're all right.
185
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:20,818
I can't.
186
00:10:20,820 --> 00:10:22,152
At least not in that thing.
187
00:10:22,154 --> 00:10:25,823
Mr. Roosevelt, there's someone out
here that would like to see you.
188
00:10:25,825 --> 00:10:28,926
Unless it's your identical twin,
not right now.
189
00:10:28,928 --> 00:10:31,495
It's a ten-year-old boy, Timmy.
190
00:10:31,497 --> 00:10:33,831
He's stricken with polio.
191
00:10:33,833 --> 00:10:35,065
Werewolf attack?
192
00:10:35,067 --> 00:10:37,000
No, he had a prolonged virus
193
00:10:37,002 --> 00:10:38,135
in his intestinal track.
194
00:10:38,137 --> 00:10:40,137
Well, mine's kind of braver--
sorry.
195
00:10:40,139 --> 00:10:43,707
Frank.
Oh, all right, I'll see him.
196
00:10:43,709 --> 00:10:45,642
God.
197
00:10:49,414 --> 00:10:50,981
Hi, Mr. Roosevelt.
198
00:10:50,983 --> 00:10:53,784
Please call me Governor.
199
00:10:53,786 --> 00:10:55,819
Okay, Gov, Gov, Governor.
200
00:10:55,821 --> 00:10:59,156
Oh, Jesus, is polio going to
make me stutter too?
201
00:10:59,158 --> 00:11:01,191
Oh, no, that's a separate
problem
202
00:11:01,193 --> 00:11:02,693
he's dealing with, as well.
203
00:11:02,695 --> 00:11:04,228
Oh, thank God.
204
00:11:04,230 --> 00:11:07,998
Wha-- why aren't you
in a wheelchair?
205
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,167
Well, Tommy,
Timmy.
206
00:11:10,169 --> 00:11:14,204
Timmy, I uh...
207
00:11:19,611 --> 00:11:23,180
I was just waiting for you
to come in
208
00:11:23,182 --> 00:11:25,983
and push it to me.
209
00:11:26,718 --> 00:11:27,818
Did you hear that, son?
210
00:11:27,820 --> 00:11:30,921
Bring the Governor
his wheelchair.
211
00:11:40,198 --> 00:11:42,032
Independent.
212
00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:44,201
There you go.
213
00:11:52,310 --> 00:11:58,549
Well, now we're
twi, twi, twi, twins.
214
00:11:59,684 --> 00:12:01,585
Thanks for taking the time,
Governor.
215
00:12:01,587 --> 00:12:03,020
It sure means a lot to him.
216
00:12:03,022 --> 00:12:04,421
I bet it does.
217
00:12:04,423 --> 00:12:05,322
Well, hmm,
218
00:12:05,324 --> 00:12:08,258
take care of yourself, Tommy-- Timmy.
Timmy.
219
00:12:08,260 --> 00:12:11,929
And why don't you drop
by the mansion
220
00:12:11,931 --> 00:12:17,167
on the sixth Tuesday in July
and we'll have a catch?
221
00:12:18,403 --> 00:12:20,938
Thank you.
Yes.
222
00:12:22,674 --> 00:12:27,578
Are you going
to run for President,
223
00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:29,179
Mr. Roosevelt?
224
00:12:29,181 --> 00:12:34,885
You're the only one
who can save us.
225
00:12:38,556 --> 00:12:43,193
FDR, FDR, FDR...
226
00:12:51,069 --> 00:12:53,503
Are you sure you want
to do this, Frank?
227
00:12:53,505 --> 00:12:54,771
I'm sure.
228
00:12:54,773 --> 00:12:57,474
I've got it from here.
229
00:12:57,476 --> 00:12:58,609
How you feeling, Governor?
230
00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:00,944
Like a one dollar bill,
never better.
231
00:13:01,813 --> 00:13:03,914
What was it like being attacked
by a werewolf?
232
00:13:03,916 --> 00:13:05,249
About the same
as having your money
233
00:13:05,251 --> 00:13:08,151
in the stock market,
these days.
234
00:13:10,421 --> 00:13:11,321
Hey, Governor Roosevelt,
235
00:13:11,323 --> 00:13:14,758
there hasn't been a werewolf
attack on a public figure
236
00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:17,461
since Abraham Lincoln in 1860.
237
00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:18,595
Why now?
238
00:13:18,597 --> 00:13:19,529
Ask him.
239
00:13:19,531 --> 00:13:21,064
Oh, no, wait-- head blown off.
240
00:13:21,066 --> 00:13:23,166
Almost forgot about that.
241
00:13:24,469 --> 00:13:27,738
But who am I kidding?
I'm not any better.
242
00:13:28,706 --> 00:13:31,408
Marco... polio.
243
00:13:33,211 --> 00:13:35,712
Hey, all kidding aside,
Mr. Roosevelt, Yep.
244
00:13:35,714 --> 00:13:37,414
you plan on running
for President?
245
00:13:37,416 --> 00:13:38,715
And if you win,
how will it feel
246
00:13:38,717 --> 00:13:41,618
to be the first invalid
ever elected?
247
00:13:42,453 --> 00:13:44,888
Gee, Bob, if I had known you
were going to try to fuck me,
248
00:13:44,890 --> 00:13:48,625
I would have had the hospital
dress me in a nicer gown.
249
00:13:49,727 --> 00:13:52,930
Men are not prisoners
of their fate.
250
00:13:52,932 --> 00:13:57,501
They are only prisoners
of their own mind.
251
00:13:57,503 --> 00:14:02,940
And I will not allow you
to rape the prisoner
252
00:14:02,942 --> 00:14:05,876
inside my mind.
253
00:14:06,678 --> 00:14:08,812
And as far as invalids go--
254
00:14:08,814 --> 00:14:13,150
oh, hell, the conservatives
in this country
255
00:14:13,152 --> 00:14:15,819
have been invalids for years.
256
00:14:16,487 --> 00:14:17,587
He's got that right.
257
00:14:17,589 --> 00:14:21,792
I view this werewolf attack
not as an attack against me,
258
00:14:21,794 --> 00:14:23,627
but an attack
against our nation.
259
00:14:23,629 --> 00:14:26,863
And I will fight the problems
of this nation
260
00:14:26,865 --> 00:14:28,832
with the same tenacity
that I used
261
00:14:28,834 --> 00:14:31,435
to take down
that vicious beast.
262
00:14:32,503 --> 00:14:36,239
So, today I toss my hat
into the ring
263
00:14:36,241 --> 00:14:39,343
with the Democratic Party
to be the next President
264
00:14:39,345 --> 00:14:42,245
of the United States.
265
00:14:43,414 --> 00:14:46,183
God bless America.
266
00:14:46,185 --> 00:14:49,319
FDR, FDR, FDR...
267
00:14:52,190 --> 00:14:53,824
How was that?
It was good.
268
00:14:53,826 --> 00:14:55,926
The part about the prisoner
was a little weird.
269
00:14:55,928 --> 00:14:58,695
I was freestyling, son.
270
00:14:58,697 --> 00:14:59,896
Oh, Frank!
271
00:14:59,898 --> 00:15:01,898
Mrs. Roosevelt,
you're going to have to sit
272
00:15:01,900 --> 00:15:03,633
up front on Franklin's lap.
273
00:15:03,635 --> 00:15:04,801
Ooh.
274
00:15:04,803 --> 00:15:05,402
Why?
275
00:15:05,404 --> 00:15:07,671
Because there's a dead werewolf
in the trunk.
276
00:15:07,673 --> 00:15:09,740
I'll explain later.
277
00:15:15,146 --> 00:15:16,680
Did you debrief him?
278
00:15:16,682 --> 00:15:17,681
Yes.
Cool.
279
00:15:17,683 --> 00:15:19,816
I hate when I have to take
his boxers off.
280
00:15:19,818 --> 00:15:21,618
Is he in bed?
Yes.
281
00:15:21,620 --> 00:15:22,486
Where are you going?
282
00:15:22,488 --> 00:15:25,889
I'm going to sleep
in the guest bedroom.
283
00:15:25,891 --> 00:15:28,558
Do you really think
he should be alone right now?
284
00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:30,227
I can't--
285
00:15:30,229 --> 00:15:32,329
It's just--
286
00:15:33,031 --> 00:15:34,164
His legs--
287
00:15:34,166 --> 00:15:37,467
They're shriveled-up
like two-day-old hot dogs.
288
00:15:37,469 --> 00:15:40,504
I don't want them
touching me.
289
00:15:40,506 --> 00:15:41,271
Eleanor,
290
00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:44,174
He is running for the Presidency
of the United States.
291
00:15:44,176 --> 00:15:46,543
You are his wife
and a potential first lady.
292
00:15:46,545 --> 00:15:47,944
So, what are you saying?
293
00:15:47,946 --> 00:15:50,881
What I'm saying is you have got
to get your shit together!
294
00:15:50,883 --> 00:15:51,948
Not just for Frank,
295
00:15:51,950 --> 00:15:54,584
but for the good of the whole
country, do you hear me?
296
00:15:54,586 --> 00:15:55,719
Yes.
297
00:15:55,721 --> 00:15:56,720
A divorce will blow his chances
298
00:15:56,722 --> 00:15:59,056
right out of the water
and that just can't happen.
299
00:15:59,058 --> 00:16:01,124
There's too much at stake.
300
00:16:01,126 --> 00:16:02,125
We think
301
00:16:02,127 --> 00:16:04,294
there might still be more...
302
00:16:05,730 --> 00:16:07,931
werewolves out there.
303
00:16:07,933 --> 00:16:09,266
Are you serious?
304
00:16:09,268 --> 00:16:13,336
I thought that was
an isolated attack.
305
00:16:13,338 --> 00:16:14,938
We still don't know.
306
00:16:14,940 --> 00:16:16,640
Oh.
Look,
307
00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:18,442
we'll talk about it tomorrow.
308
00:16:18,444 --> 00:16:19,743
Get some sleep.
309
00:16:19,745 --> 00:16:21,678
Oh.
310
00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:23,213
Yes.
311
00:16:23,215 --> 00:16:24,748
How you feeling, Frank?
312
00:16:24,750 --> 00:16:25,615
Not too bad, actually.
313
00:16:25,617 --> 00:16:27,684
Just getting used to getting
in and out of that chair.
314
00:16:27,686 --> 00:16:31,254
Crawling into bed here, I was
as nervous as a 10-year-old
315
00:16:31,256 --> 00:16:33,824
in a whore house.
I bet.
316
00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:34,591
So,
317
00:16:34,593 --> 00:16:38,295
Eleanor is tending
to the kids?
318
00:16:38,297 --> 00:16:41,164
Yeah, she's probably
going to spend the night
319
00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:42,699
with them tonight--
keep an eye on them.
320
00:16:42,701 --> 00:16:44,501
They've had a pretty big scare.
321
00:16:44,503 --> 00:16:46,369
They have? Shit, look at these!
Oh!
322
00:16:46,371 --> 00:16:48,572
Frank, you've got to stop
doing that.
323
00:16:49,875 --> 00:16:51,408
Here's the paper, by the way.
324
00:16:51,410 --> 00:16:52,876
Thank you.
325
00:16:52,878 --> 00:16:54,177
Let's see.
326
00:16:54,179 --> 00:16:57,614
Oh, American hero
and werewolf killer,
327
00:16:57,616 --> 00:16:58,615
Franklin Delano Roosevelt
328
00:16:58,617 --> 00:17:00,851
announces he's running
for President.
329
00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:01,852
Thank you, mm-hmm.
330
00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:07,524
I hope it mentions something
about my cock still working.
331
00:17:07,526 --> 00:17:08,291
No.
332
00:17:08,293 --> 00:17:09,459
Well, shit, call them up!
333
00:17:09,461 --> 00:17:11,695
I want a press release
first thing in the morning.
334
00:17:11,697 --> 00:17:13,296
Before we do that--
But--
335
00:17:13,298 --> 00:17:14,498
let's leak them a picture too.
336
00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:16,366
Before we do that, I have
something to discuss with you.
337
00:17:16,368 --> 00:17:19,236
I don't think there's anything
more important than this.
338
00:17:19,238 --> 00:17:21,404
It's about the dead werewolf.
339
00:17:21,406 --> 00:17:24,374
Stuff it-- hang it
over the mantle.
340
00:17:24,376 --> 00:17:25,942
Put it in the kids' room.
341
00:17:25,944 --> 00:17:27,244
This is serious, Frank.
342
00:17:27,246 --> 00:17:28,812
The doctors ran some tests
and they think
343
00:17:28,814 --> 00:17:31,481
the werewolf might have come
from Germany.
344
00:17:31,483 --> 00:17:33,350
What?
345
00:17:33,352 --> 00:17:34,151
Yeah.
346
00:17:34,153 --> 00:17:35,318
They found some markings
on it
347
00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:37,621
and some literature
next to the body.
348
00:17:37,623 --> 00:17:39,723
German...
349
00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:41,191
why?
350
00:17:41,193 --> 00:17:41,858
I don't know.
351
00:17:41,860 --> 00:17:44,261
But don't you think it's odd
that the last attack
352
00:17:44,263 --> 00:17:47,063
was on Abraham Lincoln
before he ran for President?
353
00:17:47,065 --> 00:17:49,065
The only thing I find odd
354
00:17:49,067 --> 00:17:50,834
is that there's no--
355
00:17:50,836 --> 00:17:51,701
I'm serious, Frank.
356
00:17:51,703 --> 00:17:55,605
I'm serious too, Lou,
I am serious!
357
00:17:57,175 --> 00:17:58,308
All right, what should we do?
358
00:17:58,310 --> 00:17:59,976
Should we call up the FBI
and have them--
359
00:17:59,978 --> 00:18:02,112
No, no, no, I don't want Hoover
to be using
360
00:18:02,114 --> 00:18:04,881
any bullshit German propaganda
against you in the election.
361
00:18:04,883 --> 00:18:07,250
We'll just
get you elected first,
362
00:18:07,252 --> 00:18:08,652
then we'll let them have
a look at the wolf.
363
00:18:08,654 --> 00:18:11,721
In the meantime, I'll beef up
security on the campaign trail.
364
00:18:11,723 --> 00:18:12,956
That's a good idea,
thank you, Lou.
365
00:18:12,958 --> 00:18:15,425
Just keep the kids
out of the meat freezer
366
00:18:15,427 --> 00:18:17,827
for a couple of months
367
00:18:17,829 --> 00:18:18,995
Oh, Lou,
368
00:18:18,997 --> 00:18:19,829
Yeah.
369
00:18:19,831 --> 00:18:21,231
Cancel my soccer camp tomorrow.
370
00:18:21,233 --> 00:18:25,135
I don't think
I'm going to be any good.
371
00:18:26,370 --> 00:18:29,706
Oh, fuck you.
372
00:18:58,169 --> 00:19:00,203
Pleasure.
373
00:19:00,205 --> 00:19:01,104
Yes.
374
00:19:01,106 --> 00:19:02,005
Here we go, there we go.
375
00:19:02,007 --> 00:19:04,774
Excuse me, would you sign
my newspaper?
376
00:19:04,776 --> 00:19:06,109
And does it work?
377
00:19:06,111 --> 00:19:10,113
Damn straight-- the answer
to both those questions.
378
00:19:11,148 --> 00:19:12,749
Thank you.
379
00:19:12,751 --> 00:19:14,484
Thank you.
380
00:19:14,486 --> 00:19:16,686
Lou.
381
00:19:16,688 --> 00:19:18,722
Hey.
382
00:19:24,795 --> 00:19:27,764
So, he reads the sign,
he gets all pissed off,
383
00:19:27,766 --> 00:19:31,201
throws down his pickax
and helmet and starts to leave.
384
00:19:31,203 --> 00:19:35,605
Well, she-- she runs
out of the brothel naked
385
00:19:35,607 --> 00:19:39,142
and says, "No, we don't serve
minors.
386
00:19:39,144 --> 00:19:42,145
You, sir, look well over 18."
387
00:19:54,559 --> 00:19:56,026
And we go.
388
00:19:56,028 --> 00:20:00,463
Oh, I'm exhausted
and I can't even stand up.
389
00:20:00,465 --> 00:20:03,867
God bless you guys.
390
00:20:03,869 --> 00:20:05,669
Keep laughing, boys.
391
00:20:05,671 --> 00:20:08,505
You think God blessed Tommy?
392
00:20:08,507 --> 00:20:10,974
Hold on, fellows.
393
00:20:10,976 --> 00:20:12,108
Who's Tommy?
394
00:20:12,110 --> 00:20:16,846
Tommy-- Tommy used to work
on the docks.
395
00:20:16,848 --> 00:20:18,815
Unions been on strike,
396
00:20:18,817 --> 00:20:20,550
down on his luck.
397
00:20:20,552 --> 00:20:22,852
It's tough.
398
00:20:22,854 --> 00:20:25,522
So tough.
399
00:20:26,724 --> 00:20:28,091
What happened to him?
400
00:20:28,093 --> 00:20:32,696
Got so depressed,
he tried to off himself.
401
00:20:33,964 --> 00:20:37,267
And who's taking care of him?
402
00:20:37,269 --> 00:20:38,968
His wife, Gina.
403
00:20:38,970 --> 00:20:42,405
Gina works the diner all day.
404
00:20:42,407 --> 00:20:45,542
Working for--
405
00:20:45,910 --> 00:20:48,511
Come over here,
come over here!
406
00:20:48,513 --> 00:20:52,082
Sit on Uncle Frankie's lap.
407
00:20:53,617 --> 00:20:57,387
Okay, sh-hhh.
408
00:20:57,988 --> 00:21:00,557
Your Uncle Delano's going to fix
this shit.
409
00:21:00,559 --> 00:21:02,258
You guys are the salt
of the earth.
410
00:21:02,260 --> 00:21:04,994
The real people who make
this country run.
411
00:21:04,996 --> 00:21:08,932
And I am not going to leave you
412
00:21:08,934 --> 00:21:10,967
to live on a prayer!
413
00:21:34,458 --> 00:21:36,192
Beautiful melons, mam.
414
00:21:36,194 --> 00:21:38,294
They sure are ripe
for the picking.
415
00:21:38,296 --> 00:21:39,829
I meant your tits.
416
00:21:39,831 --> 00:21:41,097
So did I.
417
00:21:41,099 --> 00:21:42,932
What in the hell is going on
down here?
418
00:21:42,934 --> 00:21:45,869
Okay, Frank, got to get there.
Yeah, yeah.
419
00:21:45,871 --> 00:21:50,707
Excuse me, were you ogling
at my wife's breasts?
420
00:21:50,709 --> 00:21:52,409
Mm-mm.
421
00:21:52,910 --> 00:21:54,077
I don't mind if you were.
422
00:21:54,079 --> 00:21:56,246
I just want to view it,
that's all.
423
00:21:56,248 --> 00:22:00,450
Congressman Cleavon Baybridge
Buford-- Repube, Georgia.
424
00:22:00,452 --> 00:22:01,985
Nice to meet you.
Yes, you too.
425
00:22:01,987 --> 00:22:03,653
Did you just say Repube?
426
00:22:03,655 --> 00:22:05,221
Mm-hmm, yes, sir.
427
00:22:05,223 --> 00:22:07,157
You mean Republican?
428
00:22:07,159 --> 00:22:08,458
No, sir.
429
00:22:08,460 --> 00:22:12,662
The form I filled out when I ran
for congress said Repube on it.
430
00:22:12,664 --> 00:22:14,564
It was a professional
form, sir.
431
00:22:14,566 --> 00:22:16,633
It was typed on paper--
432
00:22:16,635 --> 00:22:18,735
maybe even double-space.
433
00:22:18,737 --> 00:22:21,938
I think you meant Repub,
short for Republican.
434
00:22:21,940 --> 00:22:23,540
No, sir.
435
00:22:23,542 --> 00:22:25,475
I saved the form, sir.
436
00:22:25,477 --> 00:22:28,311
It is inside a folder
marked official on it.
437
00:22:28,313 --> 00:22:29,379
So, I know that it is real.
438
00:22:29,381 --> 00:22:32,182
Yes, but-- You're probably good then.
Let this one go, Frank.
439
00:22:32,184 --> 00:22:34,350
Nice meeting you folks.
Oh, no stay for dinner.
440
00:22:34,352 --> 00:22:38,188
We've got fried chicken
and fresh biscuits and okra.
441
00:22:38,190 --> 00:22:39,923
I'll go down on you all.
442
00:22:39,925 --> 00:22:42,091
It'll be a nice time.
443
00:22:42,093 --> 00:22:43,026
Excuse me?
444
00:22:43,028 --> 00:22:48,198
My cousin-- wife is excellent
at entertaining guests.
445
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:51,201
And even though I am a Repube,
446
00:22:51,203 --> 00:22:53,570
it would be an honor to have
the next President
447
00:22:53,572 --> 00:22:56,506
of the United States
over to our house for dinner,
448
00:22:56,508 --> 00:22:58,708
possibly share our bed,
449
00:22:58,710 --> 00:23:01,811
even if he is a Democrat.
450
00:23:02,780 --> 00:23:05,648
No, we have a long campaign
ahead of us.
451
00:23:05,650 --> 00:23:07,450
I don't think it's the--
452
00:23:07,452 --> 00:23:09,319
Sir, I can assure you
453
00:23:09,321 --> 00:23:12,856
that this is
a house where wolves
454
00:23:14,925 --> 00:23:18,027
will not attack us.
455
00:23:18,496 --> 00:23:20,430
Plus, I got some moonshine
456
00:23:20,432 --> 00:23:22,799
which does not taste
like asshole grease.
457
00:23:22,801 --> 00:23:25,168
Sold!
458
00:23:25,170 --> 00:23:26,236
So I said to her
459
00:23:26,238 --> 00:23:29,205
keep your back straight,
knees bent,
460
00:23:29,207 --> 00:23:30,240
feet shoulder-width apart,
461
00:23:30,242 --> 00:23:33,176
and keep your strokes
to a minimum.
462
00:23:33,178 --> 00:23:35,712
Well, she can't golf
worth a shit
463
00:23:35,714 --> 00:23:38,781
but she can give
a hell of a blow job.
464
00:23:38,783 --> 00:23:39,616
It's true.
465
00:23:39,618 --> 00:23:42,986
I'm looking at a big handicap
right now.
466
00:23:42,988 --> 00:23:46,189
Ahhh, Cleavon,
467
00:23:46,191 --> 00:23:50,693
so why do they call
this town Warm Springs?
468
00:23:51,362 --> 00:23:52,495
Oh, Legend has it
469
00:23:52,497 --> 00:23:56,666
that whenever a young Injun girl
470
00:23:56,668 --> 00:23:59,469
becomes a woman,
471
00:23:59,471 --> 00:24:02,138
you know, down there,
472
00:24:02,140 --> 00:24:05,875
she will race toward the springs
473
00:24:05,877 --> 00:24:08,444
and jump inside the water
474
00:24:08,446 --> 00:24:13,783
and begin her menstruation
process.
475
00:24:13,785 --> 00:24:16,286
It is said that the blood
476
00:24:16,288 --> 00:24:19,422
collectively joining together
477
00:24:19,424 --> 00:24:23,793
creates a natural warmth
478
00:24:23,795 --> 00:24:25,795
that gives a man a feeling
479
00:24:25,797 --> 00:24:31,601
as if he is back inside
a womb again.
480
00:24:31,603 --> 00:24:33,469
It will invigorate him
481
00:24:33,471 --> 00:24:34,837
and cause him to do things
482
00:24:34,839 --> 00:24:39,676
that he could only do
when he was a fetus.
483
00:24:42,179 --> 00:24:44,581
Is that true?
484
00:24:48,352 --> 00:24:49,819
Is what true, sir?
485
00:24:49,821 --> 00:24:52,822
The story you just told.
486
00:24:52,824 --> 00:24:57,527
I am sorry,
I am quite inebriated
487
00:24:57,529 --> 00:25:01,064
and I was unaware that I was
speaking out loud just now.
488
00:25:01,066 --> 00:25:02,932
I am shamed.
489
00:25:03,567 --> 00:25:05,802
Who want dessert?
490
00:25:05,804 --> 00:25:08,438
We got peach cobbler,
rhubarb pie,
491
00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:12,141
some southern
strawberry jam cake, and--
492
00:25:12,143 --> 00:25:14,744
Excuse me, this doesn't
seem appropriate.
493
00:25:14,746 --> 00:25:15,912
What is that, sir?
494
00:25:15,914 --> 00:25:18,348
A black slave walking in
with a chalkboard
495
00:25:18,350 --> 00:25:20,683
around his neck
with dessert choices on it.
496
00:25:20,685 --> 00:25:24,153
It seems a little... racist.
497
00:25:24,688 --> 00:25:27,924
These kind people
have taken me in,
498
00:25:27,926 --> 00:25:30,360
given me an education,
499
00:25:30,362 --> 00:25:32,695
shared their bed with me,
500
00:25:32,697 --> 00:25:35,164
given me food,
501
00:25:35,166 --> 00:25:37,467
and you have the nerve
502
00:25:37,469 --> 00:25:39,302
to call them racist.
503
00:25:39,304 --> 00:25:40,269
How dare you, sir?
504
00:25:40,271 --> 00:25:44,273
I have merely been falling
behind on my writing,
505
00:25:44,275 --> 00:25:47,543
so I asked if I may use
the chalkboard
506
00:25:47,545 --> 00:25:48,878
to further my spelling,
507
00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:50,513
and I have to deal with this?
508
00:25:50,515 --> 00:25:51,447
I'm sorry, I--
509
00:25:51,449 --> 00:25:55,585
I shall leave two incongruent
pieces of Georgia pine
510
00:25:55,587 --> 00:25:56,586
next to your bed
511
00:25:56,588 --> 00:26:00,189
in case you want to transfix
them together with twine
512
00:26:00,191 --> 00:26:01,758
and light them ablaze
513
00:26:01,760 --> 00:26:04,961
to make you feel at home, sir!
514
00:26:04,963 --> 00:26:06,496
I didn't mean anything.
515
00:26:06,498 --> 00:26:08,931
May I be excused, sir?
516
00:26:08,933 --> 00:26:09,999
Yes, sure, Curtis.
517
00:26:10,001 --> 00:26:14,337
I shall be in the garden
playing basketball,
518
00:26:14,339 --> 00:26:16,339
should anyone need me.
519
00:26:20,577 --> 00:26:22,211
So, Mr. Roosevelt,
520
00:26:22,213 --> 00:26:25,148
may I escort you out
to the springs?
521
00:26:25,150 --> 00:26:27,917
I think that you will find them
quite delightful.
522
00:26:27,919 --> 00:26:29,619
I know that I do.
523
00:26:29,621 --> 00:26:32,288
Well, I think that would be
quite pleasant.
524
00:26:32,290 --> 00:26:33,623
Mmm, Mrs. Buford,
525
00:26:33,625 --> 00:26:35,491
will you show our esteemed
guest, Louis,
526
00:26:35,493 --> 00:26:37,360
where our extra bathing
suits are?
527
00:26:37,362 --> 00:26:39,162
Oh, that won't be necessary.
528
00:26:39,164 --> 00:26:41,431
I like to be choked.
529
00:26:41,433 --> 00:26:42,899
Mmm, indeed, sir.
530
00:26:42,901 --> 00:26:46,202
Ah, this is remarkable,
I feel so invigorated.
531
00:26:46,204 --> 00:26:51,207
It's like I have full movement
in my extremities again.
532
00:26:51,209 --> 00:26:52,942
Kick your little old
legs, Frank.
533
00:26:52,944 --> 00:26:54,777
Kick your little old legs.
534
00:26:54,779 --> 00:26:57,313
Oh, yeah.
535
00:26:58,682 --> 00:27:00,049
Legend has it
536
00:27:00,051 --> 00:27:04,654
that the Injuns used to come
here to hide from werewolves.
537
00:27:04,656 --> 00:27:10,226
Seems the wolves hate
warm water.
538
00:27:12,129 --> 00:27:12,995
Is that real?
539
00:27:12,997 --> 00:27:17,033
Because earlier you told me
another story about this place.
540
00:27:17,035 --> 00:27:18,367
Mm?
541
00:27:18,369 --> 00:27:22,138
I'm sorry, was I speaking
out loud again?
542
00:27:22,140 --> 00:27:22,739
Yes.
543
00:27:22,741 --> 00:27:27,343
God, shit, sometimes I think
that I am silent
544
00:27:27,345 --> 00:27:30,980
when these thoughts
just flow between my lips.
545
00:27:30,982 --> 00:27:33,149
I'm seeing a specialist
about it.
546
00:27:33,151 --> 00:27:37,420
Anywho, my doctor recommended
that I come here
547
00:27:37,422 --> 00:27:41,491
to relieve my polio
after my attack.
548
00:27:41,493 --> 00:27:43,693
What?
549
00:27:43,695 --> 00:27:45,895
Well, you were attacked too?
550
00:27:45,897 --> 00:27:47,930
Mm-hmm, yes, sir--
551
00:27:47,932 --> 00:27:49,198
up in the Appalachian Mountains.
552
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:53,603
I had taken my nephew, Jimmy,
Jimmy Carter,
553
00:27:53,605 --> 00:27:55,171
on a camping trip.
554
00:27:55,173 --> 00:27:58,808
Well, in the middle of the night
555
00:27:58,810 --> 00:28:00,777
I had awoken
556
00:28:00,779 --> 00:28:03,146
to relieve myself with my hands.
557
00:28:03,148 --> 00:28:06,449
When, all of a sudden,
out of the corner of my eye
558
00:28:06,451 --> 00:28:09,585
I noticed this werewolf
559
00:28:09,587 --> 00:28:10,653
running through the trees
560
00:28:10,655 --> 00:28:13,956
over to the tent,
trying to kill him.
561
00:28:16,861 --> 00:28:18,795
Uncle Cleavon, Uncle Cleavon.
562
00:28:18,797 --> 00:28:20,229
And what did he do?
563
00:28:20,231 --> 00:28:21,964
Well, instincts kick in
at that point.
564
00:28:21,966 --> 00:28:25,935
And I do the only thing that Cleavon
Baybridge Buford knows how to do,
565
00:28:25,937 --> 00:28:28,037
which is to sprint
over to the tent,
566
00:28:28,039 --> 00:28:31,140
pull out a small sterling
silver cheese knife
567
00:28:31,142 --> 00:28:33,543
I keep tucked inside my pants
at all times,
568
00:28:33,545 --> 00:28:36,846
and kill that son of a bitch
dead on the spot.
569
00:28:36,848 --> 00:28:40,550
That, sir, was unnecessary.
570
00:28:42,052 --> 00:28:45,788
And you are dead, sir.
571
00:28:50,227 --> 00:28:51,027
Damn.
572
00:28:51,029 --> 00:28:55,364
Well, I got a mild case
of the polio--
573
00:28:55,366 --> 00:28:57,166
enough that I can walk
with a cane
574
00:28:57,168 --> 00:29:01,437
as long as I have plenty
of Georgia peaches. Ah.
575
00:29:02,739 --> 00:29:04,440
Peaches?
576
00:29:04,442 --> 00:29:06,275
Mm-hmm.
577
00:29:07,477 --> 00:29:11,380
Peaches, meet the next President
of the United States,
578
00:29:11,382 --> 00:29:13,583
Mr. Franklin Delano Roosevelt.
579
00:29:13,585 --> 00:29:16,819
Much obliged, sir.
Mam.
580
00:29:17,688 --> 00:29:19,589
I didn't touch your wife.
581
00:29:19,591 --> 00:29:20,556
Oh, that's okay.
582
00:29:20,558 --> 00:29:24,961
Our votes are swing,
if you know what I mean.
583
00:29:30,133 --> 00:29:31,934
Let's enjoy the springs,
shall we?
584
00:29:31,936 --> 00:29:36,439
Here, here.
Enjoy the springs.
585
00:29:38,175 --> 00:29:40,142
This, sir,
was a pleasure.
586
00:29:40,144 --> 00:29:42,011
Well, the pleasure
was all mine.
587
00:29:42,013 --> 00:29:43,679
And mine-- twice.
588
00:29:43,681 --> 00:29:44,747
Thanks, Mrs. Buford.
589
00:29:44,749 --> 00:29:45,915
You're mighty welcome, boys.
590
00:29:45,917 --> 00:29:47,350
You all come back soon,
now, you hear.
591
00:29:47,352 --> 00:29:49,619
And good luck on the rest
of the campaign.
592
00:29:49,621 --> 00:29:54,056
Just know that this Repube
will be voting for you.
593
00:29:54,058 --> 00:29:55,658
Cleavon, if I win,
594
00:29:55,660 --> 00:29:57,426
how would you like
to come down to Washington
595
00:29:57,428 --> 00:29:59,762
and serve
as my vice president...
596
00:30:03,600 --> 00:30:05,434
of the hot tub committee.
597
00:30:05,436 --> 00:30:06,969
Are you serious, sir?
598
00:30:06,971 --> 00:30:09,171
Yes, we can always use
a good Repube
599
00:30:09,173 --> 00:30:11,340
like you on the other side
of the aisle.
600
00:30:11,342 --> 00:30:14,243
Sir, you have no idea
601
00:30:14,245 --> 00:30:17,013
how much this would mean to me.
602
00:30:17,015 --> 00:30:19,081
When I was a little boy,
603
00:30:19,083 --> 00:30:21,784
I put a magic hat on a snowman.
604
00:30:21,786 --> 00:30:23,953
And he came to life.
605
00:30:23,955 --> 00:30:27,556
I blacked out, I got all dizzy
606
00:30:27,558 --> 00:30:29,859
and fell over on the ground.
607
00:30:29,861 --> 00:30:32,061
And when I came to,
608
00:30:32,063 --> 00:30:33,396
I looked up
609
00:30:33,398 --> 00:30:36,365
and the sky was filled
with different colors.
610
00:30:36,367 --> 00:30:40,603
We were flying
through the air together,
611
00:30:41,338 --> 00:30:43,372
kicking our little legs.
612
00:30:43,374 --> 00:30:45,708
We were free.
613
00:30:45,710 --> 00:30:47,410
We were free.
614
00:30:47,412 --> 00:30:51,614
I have that same feeling
right now, sir.
615
00:30:54,685 --> 00:30:55,952
Just say, "yes."
616
00:30:55,954 --> 00:30:58,187
Yes-- yes, sir.
617
00:30:58,189 --> 00:30:59,121
Yes, sir.
618
00:30:59,123 --> 00:31:01,357
And sir, don't worry--
619
00:31:01,359 --> 00:31:03,960
we will get you
the great State of Georgia.
620
00:31:03,962 --> 00:31:05,161
I can promise you that, sir.
621
00:31:05,163 --> 00:31:08,030
Even though this is a State
filled with Repubes,
622
00:31:08,032 --> 00:31:11,634
I will take my wife
to every single town.
623
00:31:11,636 --> 00:31:15,838
She and I will suck
as many dicks as it takes
624
00:31:15,840 --> 00:31:17,740
to get these votes, sir.
625
00:31:17,742 --> 00:31:19,842
That's how much you mean to me.
626
00:31:19,844 --> 00:31:23,479
The experiences we had together,
627
00:31:23,481 --> 00:31:27,350
I will never forget.
628
00:31:28,585 --> 00:31:30,286
Just being friends, you know?
629
00:31:30,288 --> 00:31:31,220
Not in a gay way,
630
00:31:31,222 --> 00:31:34,557
just another politician,
you know?
631
00:31:34,559 --> 00:31:37,994
Just shared
a warm bath together.
632
00:31:37,996 --> 00:31:40,196
I will go door-to-door
633
00:31:40,198 --> 00:31:41,897
and ask each and every person
634
00:31:41,899 --> 00:31:45,201
to have a heart
and vote for FDR.
635
00:31:45,203 --> 00:31:47,570
I will do that, sir.
636
00:31:47,572 --> 00:31:50,239
I will do that.
637
00:31:52,275 --> 00:31:53,209
Love the guy--
638
00:31:53,211 --> 00:31:55,211
crazier than shit,
but I love him.
639
00:31:55,213 --> 00:31:57,113
Thank you, sir.
640
00:32:29,379 --> 00:32:32,248
And the results
are slowly coming in.
641
00:32:32,250 --> 00:32:33,449
Here is what we know, so far--
642
00:32:33,451 --> 00:32:37,086
Hoover has won Pennsylvania,
New Hampshire, Vermont,
643
00:32:37,088 --> 00:32:39,488
Delaware, and Connecticut.
644
00:32:39,490 --> 00:32:40,256
Ooh.
645
00:32:40,258 --> 00:32:41,457
Roosevelt has managed to secure
646
00:32:41,459 --> 00:32:45,194
New York, New Jersey, Virginia,
Tennessee, and Georgia.
647
00:32:45,196 --> 00:32:48,798
Hah, hah!
Good old Cleavon Buford,
648
00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:49,965
that son of a bitch did it!
649
00:32:49,967 --> 00:32:53,669
I'll bet Mrs. Buford
carried a few favors too.
650
00:32:53,671 --> 00:32:55,037
Who?
651
00:32:55,039 --> 00:32:56,772
A Congressman we met--
652
00:32:56,774 --> 00:32:59,275
and his wife, lovely people.
653
00:32:59,277 --> 00:33:00,509
Southern.
654
00:33:00,511 --> 00:33:01,644
Two more States have come in--
655
00:33:01,646 --> 00:33:06,248
North and South Carolina
are for Roosevelt.
656
00:33:06,250 --> 00:33:07,683
Yow!
Ah.
657
00:33:07,685 --> 00:33:09,218
Daddy! Daddy!
658
00:33:09,220 --> 00:33:10,820
I have great news.
659
00:33:10,822 --> 00:33:12,388
Being gay is not
great news, James.
660
00:33:12,390 --> 00:33:13,656
We are listening
to the results
661
00:33:13,658 --> 00:33:17,059
to see if your father
is going to be President.
662
00:33:17,061 --> 00:33:18,727
That's just it-- he won.
663
00:33:18,729 --> 00:33:20,229
He won!
664
00:33:20,231 --> 00:33:21,430
Hoover only carried six States.
665
00:33:21,432 --> 00:33:23,165
You carried the rest
of the country.
666
00:33:23,167 --> 00:33:25,267
If you're sniffing glue again,
667
00:33:25,269 --> 00:33:29,171
I swear to God I'll beat you
with a fat man's belt
668
00:33:29,173 --> 00:33:30,873
and wheel over you repeatedly
669
00:33:30,875 --> 00:33:33,709
until you bleed
out of your eyes, nose and ears.
670
00:33:33,711 --> 00:33:35,644
More State results are in--
671
00:33:35,646 --> 00:33:38,981
Florida, Alabama,
Mississippi, Nebraska--
672
00:33:38,983 --> 00:33:42,585
my God, man, every other State
except for Maine
673
00:33:42,587 --> 00:33:44,753
has gone to Roosevelt.
674
00:34:36,806 --> 00:34:42,244
Now, I am the most powerful man
in the world!
675
00:34:42,246 --> 00:34:45,414
Suck it, bitches!
676
00:34:53,723 --> 00:34:55,257
You can't walk.
677
00:34:55,259 --> 00:34:58,594
I can't walk, I forgot.
678
00:35:00,830 --> 00:35:04,767
Mr. President, secret service
agent, Dan Ru-- therford.
679
00:35:06,136 --> 00:35:08,804
What... the... fuck?
680
00:35:08,806 --> 00:35:10,272
Oh, shit.
681
00:35:10,274 --> 00:35:13,842
What is wrong with you people?
682
00:35:13,844 --> 00:35:17,346
Get it together, man.
683
00:35:18,348 --> 00:35:20,783
I'm just fucking with you.
684
00:35:20,785 --> 00:35:24,687
Woodrow Wilson did the same shit
when he was elected.
685
00:35:24,689 --> 00:35:25,888
I knew it, I knew it!
686
00:35:25,890 --> 00:35:30,993
But you should tell your son
to stop crapping in that vase.
687
00:35:30,995 --> 00:35:33,662
That's pretty messed up, man.
688
00:35:34,397 --> 00:35:34,897
James.
689
00:35:34,899 --> 00:35:37,700
I'll give you 15 minutes
to collect yourselves.
690
00:35:37,702 --> 00:35:42,071
Then I need to get you to
the White House, Mr. President.
691
00:35:42,073 --> 00:35:43,906
Mr. President.
692
00:35:43,908 --> 00:35:46,609
Mr. President.
Yes!
693
00:35:46,611 --> 00:35:50,312
Wipe yourself, James,
wipe yourself.
694
00:36:14,771 --> 00:36:19,408
And it's official-- the new
President of the United States
695
00:36:19,410 --> 00:36:21,744
is Franklin Delano Roosevelt.
696
00:36:21,746 --> 00:36:22,911
Nein!
697
00:36:22,913 --> 00:36:24,747
Turn that scheisse off.
698
00:36:24,749 --> 00:36:27,349
I was afraid
this would happen.
699
00:36:27,351 --> 00:36:29,718
Get Mussolini on the phone,
schnell!
700
00:36:29,720 --> 00:36:31,920
Right away, Fuhrer.
701
00:36:34,592 --> 00:36:37,760
Rachel Ray's Beach
at Broadway and 7th location.
702
00:36:37,762 --> 00:36:39,395
What! What the fuck?
703
00:36:39,397 --> 00:36:41,463
Whoa, hey,
this is America, Jack.
704
00:36:41,465 --> 00:36:42,298
Who is this?
705
00:36:42,300 --> 00:36:44,266
I'll come down there
and I'll get your fucking--
706
00:36:44,268 --> 00:36:47,202
Sorry, Fuhrer,
wrong Italian.
707
00:36:47,204 --> 00:36:48,604
That is a take-out place
in New York
708
00:36:48,606 --> 00:36:52,174
that is quite delightful--
thin slices, crispy crust
709
00:36:52,176 --> 00:36:54,310
but not overdone, it's--
710
00:37:00,217 --> 00:37:03,118
Mussolini, it's the fuhrer.
711
00:37:03,120 --> 00:37:04,219
Yah, heil me.
712
00:37:04,221 --> 00:37:05,187
Did you hear
the news?
713
00:37:05,189 --> 00:37:07,189
I heard all about that shit.
714
00:37:07,191 --> 00:37:10,726
We should have taken him out
when we had the chance.
715
00:37:10,728 --> 00:37:13,128
I sent my best man
to take him out
716
00:37:13,130 --> 00:37:14,830
before he decided
to run.
717
00:37:14,832 --> 00:37:18,434
But the polio only spread
to his legs.
718
00:37:18,436 --> 00:37:19,868
What about the cock?
719
00:37:19,870 --> 00:37:20,936
It still work?
720
00:37:20,938 --> 00:37:23,739
Jah.
Ah, shit!
721
00:37:23,741 --> 00:37:27,142
The last thing we need
is a big swinging dick
722
00:37:27,144 --> 00:37:28,377
in the White House
723
00:37:28,379 --> 00:37:30,612
trying to fuck up
a whole world takeover.
724
00:37:30,614 --> 00:37:34,049
You are preaching
to the gas chamber on this one.
725
00:37:34,051 --> 00:37:35,818
We already lost Franz.
726
00:37:35,820 --> 00:37:37,252
Okay, hold the phone,
727
00:37:37,254 --> 00:37:39,388
I'm going to get Hirohito
on a 3-way.
728
00:37:39,390 --> 00:37:42,157
Get me Hirohito
on a 3-way.
729
00:37:43,761 --> 00:37:46,662
Hirohito's on 61st
and Madison.
730
00:37:46,664 --> 00:37:47,629
Hello, who?
731
00:37:47,631 --> 00:37:49,898
Hirohito's dry cleaner
on 61st and Madison.
732
00:37:49,900 --> 00:37:52,167
What's the matter you?
733
00:37:52,169 --> 00:37:53,869
Hey.
I'm so sorry, boss.
734
00:37:53,871 --> 00:37:57,840
That's a dry cleaning place
I send out to in New York
735
00:37:57,842 --> 00:37:58,807
for my uniform.
736
00:37:58,809 --> 00:38:00,709
Perfect amount of starch--
737
00:38:00,711 --> 00:38:03,679
not too much, not too little--
738
00:38:03,681 --> 00:38:07,449
Hitler, is it too much to ask
to have a decent assistant
739
00:38:07,451 --> 00:38:08,951
hate America like me?
740
00:38:08,953 --> 00:38:11,820
Tell me about it.
741
00:38:14,224 --> 00:38:15,624
Hello.
742
00:38:15,626 --> 00:38:19,995
Hirohito, it's Moosie
and Hitler.
743
00:38:19,997 --> 00:38:25,467
Ooh, you using that new 3-way
switchboard technology
744
00:38:25,469 --> 00:38:27,136
my scientists invented.
745
00:38:27,138 --> 00:38:31,507
I told you the Japanese
were good at electronics.
746
00:38:31,509 --> 00:38:33,208
Yeah, you also make
a nice car
747
00:38:33,210 --> 00:38:36,412
but better
you no drive, huh?
748
00:38:37,614 --> 00:38:39,415
That's funny.
749
00:38:39,417 --> 00:38:41,417
You heard about FDR?
750
00:38:41,419 --> 00:38:42,985
He got elected.
751
00:38:42,987 --> 00:38:44,052
Of course, I did.
752
00:38:44,054 --> 00:38:45,521
And I'm not happy
about it!
753
00:38:45,523 --> 00:38:49,658
Hitler, you were supposed
to take care of him.
754
00:38:49,660 --> 00:38:50,926
If this is going to be
one of those
755
00:38:50,928 --> 00:38:54,163
gang-up-on-Hitler calls,
I'm out.
756
00:38:54,165 --> 00:38:55,964
I say we go to war.
757
00:38:55,966 --> 00:38:56,899
Okay, not yet.
758
00:38:56,901 --> 00:39:01,103
I'm going to send my mafia
guys over to America.
759
00:39:01,105 --> 00:39:03,105
And they're going to handle
this problem
760
00:39:03,107 --> 00:39:03,972
and make it disappear.
761
00:39:03,974 --> 00:39:06,842
I'm going to pollute
the whole country.
762
00:39:06,844 --> 00:39:10,279
And how do you plan
on doing that?
763
00:39:10,281 --> 00:39:11,113
Prohibition.
764
00:39:11,115 --> 00:39:13,715
You see, these guys
still bootleg
765
00:39:13,717 --> 00:39:14,917
my fine Italian wine.
766
00:39:14,919 --> 00:39:19,288
So, I'm going to take
my werewolf blood
767
00:39:19,290 --> 00:39:21,757
and I'm going to stick it
in my wine
768
00:39:21,759 --> 00:39:23,425
everybody drink in America.
769
00:39:23,427 --> 00:39:26,862
Then everybody going to be
like us--
770
00:39:26,864 --> 00:39:27,930
a werewolf.
771
00:39:27,932 --> 00:39:31,133
FDR, he going to have
no chance.
772
00:39:31,135 --> 00:39:32,534
I'll make
that whole country
773
00:39:32,536 --> 00:39:36,472
- howling at the moon.
- Yes, jawohl, I like it.
774
00:39:36,474 --> 00:39:39,942
I'll give some of mein fine
German beer
775
00:39:39,944 --> 00:39:41,844
to take, as well, huh?
776
00:39:41,846 --> 00:39:43,879
Me like it too.
777
00:39:43,881 --> 00:39:45,147
Count me in.
778
00:39:45,149 --> 00:39:48,650
We will donate sake.
779
00:39:48,652 --> 00:39:49,418
Sake?
780
00:39:49,420 --> 00:39:53,422
Sake is for women
und the gay community.
781
00:39:54,724 --> 00:39:57,259
Laugh it up, bitches!
782
00:39:57,261 --> 00:39:59,862
Sake is a sensual drink
783
00:39:59,864 --> 00:40:04,199
that relaxes the mind,
body, and--
784
00:40:06,369 --> 00:40:08,704
That's so funny.
Fine!
785
00:40:08,706 --> 00:40:10,772
Fuck you!
786
00:40:10,774 --> 00:40:12,274
3-way done!
787
00:40:12,276 --> 00:40:14,376
Pull it!
788
00:40:25,755 --> 00:40:28,223
Mr. President, may I present
to you, George Freeman,
789
00:40:28,225 --> 00:40:31,426
the official White House butler.
It's an honor, sir.
790
00:40:31,428 --> 00:40:32,494
Freeman, Mother.
791
00:40:32,496 --> 00:40:34,830
Yes, sir.
Kind of ironic, isn't it?
792
00:40:34,832 --> 00:40:37,032
I guess so.
793
00:40:37,433 --> 00:40:41,236
Well, we're going to set
this motherfucker off, George.
794
00:40:41,238 --> 00:40:43,071
Pound my shit!
795
00:40:43,339 --> 00:40:45,107
There's some weed
in Washington's humidor--
796
00:40:45,109 --> 00:40:46,842
third drawer down on the right,
good stuff--
797
00:40:46,844 --> 00:40:48,510
no sticks, no stems, no seeds.
798
00:40:48,512 --> 00:40:50,112
My negro.
799
00:40:50,114 --> 00:40:51,547
Literally.
800
00:40:51,549 --> 00:40:52,915
Mr. President,
may I present to you
801
00:40:52,917 --> 00:40:55,183
White House secretary,
Miss Melissa Ricksman.
802
00:40:55,185 --> 00:40:56,852
Mr. President,
anything you need,
803
00:40:56,854 --> 00:40:58,453
anything at all,
don't hesitate to ask.
804
00:40:58,455 --> 00:41:02,824
Anything you dictate,
I will transcribe.
805
00:41:02,826 --> 00:41:05,027
My dictate works just fine.
806
00:41:05,029 --> 00:41:06,762
I mean my dick,
807
00:41:06,764 --> 00:41:08,263
if I was going to dictate
something,
808
00:41:08,265 --> 00:41:11,867
I would talk directly
to the American citizens.
809
00:41:11,869 --> 00:41:14,469
I'm sorry, sir,
I'm not understanding.
810
00:41:14,471 --> 00:41:17,406
You are going to talk
to them directly,
811
00:41:17,408 --> 00:41:19,975
as in town gatherings?
812
00:41:19,977 --> 00:41:22,177
No, what I mean is--
George, how are you with radios?
813
00:41:22,179 --> 00:41:23,679
I'm black, son.
Cool!
814
00:41:23,681 --> 00:41:25,013
Then rig that bitch up--
815
00:41:25,015 --> 00:41:27,482
so I can speak
directly through it
816
00:41:27,484 --> 00:41:29,051
to the entire nation.
817
00:41:29,053 --> 00:41:31,186
Cool.
818
00:41:32,956 --> 00:41:34,656
Hat.
819
00:41:38,194 --> 00:41:40,395
Oh.
820
00:41:40,397 --> 00:41:42,097
There you go, sir.
821
00:41:42,099 --> 00:41:42,931
Right there.
822
00:41:42,933 --> 00:41:44,900
Check one-two, check one-two.
823
00:41:44,902 --> 00:41:46,768
Yo, turn me up
in the headphones.
824
00:41:46,770 --> 00:41:48,036
Your levels are proper, kid.
825
00:41:48,038 --> 00:41:51,306
Now, let me turn
this record player off.
826
00:41:51,741 --> 00:41:53,408
Ooh, shit, sorry guys.
827
00:41:53,410 --> 00:41:56,678
No, no, no, George,
keep doing that-- I like that.
828
00:41:56,680 --> 00:42:00,816
The Delano needs to chat
fireside up in this bitch.
829
00:42:00,818 --> 00:42:02,484
Let that beat right out.
830
00:42:02,486 --> 00:42:04,953
Franklin, I think
this is inappropriate.
831
00:42:04,955 --> 00:42:08,624
Shh, grown men conversing--
seen, not heard, Eleanor.
832
00:42:08,626 --> 00:42:11,460
George, keep scratching.
833
00:42:13,763 --> 00:42:16,398
My fellow Americans,
834
00:42:16,400 --> 00:42:20,669
this is your new President,
Franklin
835
00:42:20,671 --> 00:42:22,170
Delano Roosevelt,
836
00:42:22,172 --> 00:42:25,173
a.k.a. The Delano,
837
00:42:25,175 --> 00:42:26,642
a.k.a.
838
00:42:26,644 --> 00:42:29,277
Big Baby Juice Maker.
839
00:42:29,979 --> 00:42:33,582
And I'm chatting to you
live from the double O.
840
00:42:33,584 --> 00:42:34,483
First of all,
841
00:42:34,485 --> 00:42:38,720
I want to thank you for electing
me as your President.
842
00:42:38,722 --> 00:42:42,958
On the reels,
that was a smart play.
843
00:42:42,960 --> 00:42:44,092
Hoover was great.
844
00:42:44,094 --> 00:42:47,329
They'll probably name a dam
or a vacuum cleaner
845
00:42:47,331 --> 00:42:49,998
after him some day, but--
846
00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:52,501
he wasn't cut out
847
00:42:52,503 --> 00:42:55,771
for what lies ahead.
848
00:42:55,773 --> 00:42:58,573
I know times are hard.
849
00:42:59,108 --> 00:43:02,044
Some of you
are probably wondering
850
00:43:02,046 --> 00:43:03,045
where your next
851
00:43:03,047 --> 00:43:05,547
meal is coming from, or
852
00:43:05,549 --> 00:43:08,984
who your next employer
is going to be.
853
00:43:08,986 --> 00:43:09,718
Hey, hold my hole.
854
00:43:09,720 --> 00:43:11,787
Back of the line--
wait for the glory hole.
855
00:43:11,789 --> 00:43:13,689
You-- glory hole four.
856
00:43:13,691 --> 00:43:14,356
Shh, wait, wait.
857
00:43:14,358 --> 00:43:16,992
I got to hear what
he's got to say.
858
00:43:16,994 --> 00:43:17,793
Me too.
859
00:43:17,795 --> 00:43:19,161
or even if you're
going to be able
860
00:43:19,163 --> 00:43:22,297
to buy your wife
flowers anymore.
861
00:43:24,334 --> 00:43:25,267
James,
862
00:43:25,269 --> 00:43:27,569
stop crapping in that vase!
863
00:43:27,571 --> 00:43:28,804
Sorry, Manny.
864
00:43:28,806 --> 00:43:30,439
If your daddy wasn't President,
865
00:43:30,441 --> 00:43:33,408
I'd steam your chest
like I was Grover Cleveland.
866
00:43:33,410 --> 00:43:35,777
I want you to rest assured
867
00:43:35,779 --> 00:43:39,181
that The Delano
is going to handle shit.
868
00:43:39,183 --> 00:43:41,616
I've got a new deal for you.
869
00:43:41,618 --> 00:43:43,585
I vow
870
00:43:43,587 --> 00:43:45,754
to end the recession
871
00:43:45,756 --> 00:43:47,689
and get every American
872
00:43:47,691 --> 00:43:49,424
working again.
873
00:43:49,426 --> 00:43:50,926
How the hell's
he going to do that?
874
00:43:50,928 --> 00:43:54,196
How the hell am I going
to do that, you ask?
875
00:43:54,198 --> 00:43:55,363
I'm going to
876
00:43:55,365 --> 00:43:56,498
close our borders
877
00:43:56,500 --> 00:43:58,967
and block foreigners
from coming in
878
00:43:58,969 --> 00:44:01,403
and taking away jobs
from Americans.
879
00:44:01,405 --> 00:44:02,938
I'm going to give incentives
880
00:44:02,940 --> 00:44:06,408
to farmers who provide us
with healthy food.
881
00:44:06,410 --> 00:44:08,243
And last, but not least,
882
00:44:08,245 --> 00:44:12,581
I'm going to end prohibition.
883
00:44:12,583 --> 00:44:15,717
I want to be able to come home
884
00:44:15,719 --> 00:44:17,152
after a hard day's work
885
00:44:17,154 --> 00:44:19,821
and drink a glass
of whiskey and milk
886
00:44:19,823 --> 00:44:21,423
like a goddamn man!
887
00:44:21,425 --> 00:44:23,058
You hear that, darling?
888
00:44:23,060 --> 00:44:26,795
We don't have to make
toilet wine anymore.
889
00:44:26,797 --> 00:44:28,964
Put the kiddies to sleep.
890
00:44:28,966 --> 00:44:32,768
Parents,
push your beds together.
891
00:44:32,770 --> 00:44:34,870
And know when you wake up,
892
00:44:34,872 --> 00:44:39,474
you will wake up
to a new America.
893
00:44:39,476 --> 00:44:42,177
This is The Delano,
894
00:44:42,179 --> 00:44:43,945
signing off.
895
00:44:44,580 --> 00:44:46,248
God bless.
896
00:44:46,250 --> 00:44:49,918
You're off the air,
Mr. President.
897
00:44:49,920 --> 00:44:53,054
Jesus, Frank, what was that?
898
00:44:53,056 --> 00:44:55,190
I was freestyling again, son.
899
00:44:55,192 --> 00:44:56,458
Gangsta, wasn't it?
900
00:44:56,460 --> 00:44:59,561
Parents pushing
their beds together--
901
00:44:59,563 --> 00:45:01,296
that is disgusting.
902
00:45:01,298 --> 00:45:02,264
Oh, come on, Eleanor.
903
00:45:02,266 --> 00:45:03,799
I think by now
the American people
904
00:45:03,801 --> 00:45:06,835
know that babies do not
come from storks.
905
00:45:06,837 --> 00:45:08,336
Hell, we have six kids.
906
00:45:08,338 --> 00:45:11,373
Let's make a seventh
one, tonight.
907
00:45:11,375 --> 00:45:12,808
Ooh! Ooh!
908
00:45:12,810 --> 00:45:14,342
You're sick.
909
00:45:14,344 --> 00:45:17,012
I'm going to tend the children.
910
00:45:17,914 --> 00:45:20,749
I loved your speech,
Mr. President.
911
00:45:20,751 --> 00:45:22,918
Thank you.
I don't know, Frank,
912
00:45:22,920 --> 00:45:25,153
shutting down the borders,
ending prohibition.
913
00:45:25,155 --> 00:45:26,188
Sir, speaking of prohibition,
914
00:45:26,190 --> 00:45:28,490
I think there's something
you need to see--
915
00:45:28,492 --> 00:45:31,026
the FBI would like to have
a word with you.
916
00:45:31,028 --> 00:45:34,029
Ooh, all right, Captain Ominous.
917
00:45:36,732 --> 00:45:39,868
The fucking guy.
918
00:45:45,042 --> 00:45:47,409
Oh, way to go, Einstein.
919
00:45:47,411 --> 00:45:49,544
Our scientist, Albert Einstein--
a real jackass.
920
00:45:49,546 --> 00:45:53,515
Mr. President, may I present
Douglas MacArthur,
921
00:45:53,517 --> 00:45:56,084
Chief of Staff
of the United States Army.
922
00:45:57,186 --> 00:45:58,386
Mr. President,
923
00:45:58,388 --> 00:45:59,554
Call me Frank.
924
00:45:59,556 --> 00:46:01,990
Dougie Mac.
Peace be with you.
925
00:46:01,992 --> 00:46:02,891
And also with you.
926
00:46:02,893 --> 00:46:04,659
My father was a midget
so, I'll keep it short.
927
00:46:04,661 --> 00:46:06,928
I heard your speech about ending
prohibition, earlier.
928
00:46:06,930 --> 00:46:09,030
Dope, wasn't it?
I was freestyling.
929
00:46:09,032 --> 00:46:10,532
And I can go along with that
930
00:46:10,534 --> 00:46:11,633
when we fuck all those bastards
931
00:46:11,635 --> 00:46:13,802
who wanted prohibition
in the first place.
932
00:46:13,804 --> 00:46:15,303
But unfortunately sir,
933
00:46:15,305 --> 00:46:17,639
you can't end it right now.
934
00:46:17,641 --> 00:46:19,174
Why not?
935
00:46:19,176 --> 00:46:20,775
What we have here
936
00:46:20,777 --> 00:46:22,043
is a pale lager.
937
00:46:22,045 --> 00:46:24,145
And apparently it's been shipped
from overseas.
938
00:46:24,147 --> 00:46:27,148
Now, some college students
have bootlegged it
939
00:46:27,150 --> 00:46:30,151
and drank it,
and have been wolfing out.
940
00:46:30,153 --> 00:46:32,187
Well, what did you do to them?
941
00:46:32,189 --> 00:46:33,588
We killed them!
942
00:46:33,590 --> 00:46:34,356
Is that legal?
943
00:46:34,358 --> 00:46:37,158
We're the United States
Government-- anything's legal
944
00:46:37,160 --> 00:46:37,893
Fuck yeah.
945
00:46:37,895 --> 00:46:40,328
Now we ran some tests on this
and sure enough we did find
946
00:46:40,330 --> 00:46:42,764
some small traces
of werewolf blood in it.
947
00:46:42,766 --> 00:46:45,367
And the beer itself
came back German.
948
00:46:45,369 --> 00:46:46,635
Same as the wolf.
949
00:46:46,637 --> 00:46:48,536
Motherfucker!
And that's not all.
950
00:46:48,538 --> 00:46:52,440
We got a report that some kids
went full on beast mode
951
00:46:52,442 --> 00:46:54,175
after drinking some wine.
952
00:46:54,177 --> 00:46:55,343
So, we tested that, as well.
953
00:46:55,345 --> 00:46:56,878
And it came back Italian.
954
00:46:56,880 --> 00:46:58,246
Polluted with wolf blood.
955
00:46:58,248 --> 00:47:00,315
Doesn't make any sense, Dougie.
956
00:47:00,317 --> 00:47:01,283
Tell me about it.
957
00:47:01,285 --> 00:47:04,653
Oh, and there was
a lone case of sake
958
00:47:04,655 --> 00:47:07,355
that was found
in the freighter.
959
00:47:07,357 --> 00:47:09,858
Untouched, obviously.
960
00:47:09,860 --> 00:47:10,659
Obviously.
961
00:47:10,661 --> 00:47:12,794
Anybody drank that,
they'd come down
962
00:47:12,796 --> 00:47:16,131
with a fast case
of dick-in-the-mouth.
963
00:47:16,133 --> 00:47:17,966
Chief symptom--
foaming at the ass.
964
00:47:17,968 --> 00:47:22,904
They'd start smelling
in the testicular area.
965
00:47:23,239 --> 00:47:25,974
Shut the fuck up, Einstein!
966
00:47:27,677 --> 00:47:28,643
Damn!
967
00:47:28,645 --> 00:47:32,514
Now, I know this may
sound crazy, Mr. President,
968
00:47:32,516 --> 00:47:36,885
but we think that Germany
and Italy and Japan
969
00:47:36,887 --> 00:47:38,720
are joining forces
970
00:47:38,722 --> 00:47:41,189
to form a kind of axis of power
971
00:47:41,191 --> 00:47:42,724
to take over the world
972
00:47:42,726 --> 00:47:44,326
and turn everyone
into werewolves.
973
00:47:44,328 --> 00:47:47,028
Thundercunt!
Yes, it's a real fuckery!
974
00:47:47,030 --> 00:47:48,663
That same freighter is back
975
00:47:48,665 --> 00:47:51,733
unloading at a warehouse
on a dock in Baltimore.
976
00:47:51,735 --> 00:47:53,601
I have a team of my men
standing by.
977
00:47:53,603 --> 00:47:55,603
No, that won't be necessary.
978
00:47:55,605 --> 00:47:57,839
I got this shit on lock.
979
00:47:57,841 --> 00:48:00,675
I had a feeling
you were going to say that.
980
00:48:00,677 --> 00:48:03,378
Heard you were
a real hard-core S.O.B.
981
00:48:03,380 --> 00:48:06,114
You know, don't let
this limp fool you.
982
00:48:06,116 --> 00:48:07,916
I'm as street as they come.
983
00:48:07,918 --> 00:48:11,219
You cross me and the
motherfuckers come undone.
984
00:48:11,221 --> 00:48:12,787
No tux, no cummerbund.
985
00:48:12,789 --> 00:48:16,458
Respect-- Einstein, the chair.
986
00:48:17,760 --> 00:48:18,660
The chair?
987
00:48:18,662 --> 00:48:22,597
I call this the Delano 2000.
988
00:48:25,434 --> 00:48:26,201
Oh, shit.
989
00:48:26,203 --> 00:48:29,204
That's what the fuck
I'm talking about!
990
00:48:29,206 --> 00:48:30,805
Welcome to death row, gentlemen.
991
00:48:30,807 --> 00:48:31,539
Ha-ha!
992
00:48:31,541 --> 00:48:34,642
This chair is fully tricked-out
with two rocket launchers,
993
00:48:34,644 --> 00:48:38,246
as well as 164 rounds
of silver bullets
994
00:48:38,248 --> 00:48:39,280
inside the wheel wells,
995
00:48:39,282 --> 00:48:42,817
that when spun, activate
a machine gun-like intensity.
996
00:48:42,819 --> 00:48:45,420
Why do you call it
the Delano 2000?
997
00:48:45,422 --> 00:48:46,287
Because with this
998
00:48:46,289 --> 00:48:50,158
the Delano is going to blow
those werewolf asses
999
00:48:50,160 --> 00:48:51,426
into the next century!
1000
00:48:51,428 --> 00:48:53,962
Regulators, mount up.
1001
00:49:00,236 --> 00:49:02,203
Hey Paulie, what the fuck?
1002
00:49:02,205 --> 00:49:03,738
Will you watch
what you're doing!
1003
00:49:03,740 --> 00:49:07,108
You're going to spill that shit,
you fucking mook.
1004
00:49:07,110 --> 00:49:09,244
Now that would be a shame.
1005
00:49:09,246 --> 00:49:11,479
Wouldn't it?
1006
00:49:13,182 --> 00:49:15,383
FDR.
1007
00:49:15,385 --> 00:49:16,251
Wow.
1008
00:49:16,253 --> 00:49:18,787
Surprised to see
you here.
1009
00:49:18,789 --> 00:49:22,857
Hey, how's that polio
treating you, huh?
1010
00:49:22,859 --> 00:49:26,294
Hey, I heard you were
on your last leg.
1011
00:49:27,163 --> 00:49:30,231
But I thought you were
a stand-up guy.
1012
00:49:30,233 --> 00:49:32,801
I'm sorry, is that your face
1013
00:49:32,803 --> 00:49:36,504
or are you talking
out of a vagina?
1014
00:49:38,307 --> 00:49:43,044
You crippled motherfucker!
Get him!
1015
00:50:11,140 --> 00:50:14,676
Okay, okay, okay!
1016
00:50:15,344 --> 00:50:17,812
Please, don't kill me, please.
1017
00:50:17,814 --> 00:50:20,515
Oh, well, since you're being
so nice and saying, "please,"
1018
00:50:20,517 --> 00:50:23,551
the least I can do
is offer you a drink.
1019
00:50:32,895 --> 00:50:34,062
All right!
1020
00:50:34,064 --> 00:50:37,465
What the hell do you want, huh?
1021
00:50:38,634 --> 00:50:41,636
I'll do anything.
1022
00:50:44,607 --> 00:50:46,407
I'll suck your dick.
1023
00:50:46,409 --> 00:50:48,343
What?
1024
00:50:49,812 --> 00:50:52,080
I'll suck your dick.
1025
00:50:53,415 --> 00:50:54,482
Please!
1026
00:50:54,484 --> 00:50:55,450
Get the fuck out of here
1027
00:50:55,452 --> 00:50:57,185
and show some respect
for yourself, man!
1028
00:50:57,187 --> 00:50:59,187
Thank you, thank you,
Mr. President.
1029
00:50:59,189 --> 00:51:02,423
And tell your leader,
if I see another werewolf
1030
00:51:02,425 --> 00:51:03,391
on American soil,
1031
00:51:03,393 --> 00:51:05,160
I am personally going
to come over there,
1032
00:51:05,162 --> 00:51:08,863
roll down the streets, and kill
every last motherfucker
1033
00:51:08,865 --> 00:51:10,999
I see with a face comb-over.
1034
00:51:11,001 --> 00:51:12,033
Do you hear me!
1035
00:51:12,035 --> 00:51:16,571
The Delano don't give a fuck!
1036
00:52:09,158 --> 00:52:09,891
Boss,
1037
00:52:09,893 --> 00:52:11,259
Eh, what's the matter
with you?
1038
00:52:11,261 --> 00:52:14,262
I'm making cannoli,
you scared me out of my skin.
1039
00:52:14,264 --> 00:52:16,331
I mean,
I know we're werewolf,
1040
00:52:16,333 --> 00:52:19,000
but have some couth,
for Chris sake, huh?
1041
00:52:19,002 --> 00:52:20,535
I'm sorry, boss.
1042
00:52:20,537 --> 00:52:22,370
How did the drop off go?
1043
00:52:22,372 --> 00:52:24,572
Not too good, boss.
1044
00:52:24,574 --> 00:52:27,408
You see, Roosevelt showed up
1045
00:52:27,410 --> 00:52:30,979
and uh... he sort of killed
everyone.
1046
00:52:30,981 --> 00:52:32,513
How the hell he kill everybody?
1047
00:52:32,515 --> 00:52:34,482
The guy got polio,
for fuck sake!
1048
00:52:34,484 --> 00:52:36,784
That's just it--
he rolled up in some kind
1049
00:52:36,786 --> 00:52:38,453
of tricked-out
wheel-fucking chair
1050
00:52:38,455 --> 00:52:42,223
with machine guns
and missile contraptions.
1051
00:52:42,225 --> 00:52:43,224
I don't know.
1052
00:52:43,226 --> 00:52:46,828
But you still alive--
how do you do that, eh?
1053
00:52:47,363 --> 00:52:50,298
You suck the dick?
1054
00:52:50,733 --> 00:52:52,600
Oh, you suck the dick?
1055
00:52:52,602 --> 00:52:54,302
Oh, you suck the dick, Vincent.
1056
00:52:54,304 --> 00:52:56,304
No suck the dick.
1057
00:52:56,306 --> 00:52:58,506
Eh, Vincenzo,
do me a favor.
1058
00:52:58,508 --> 00:52:59,807
You take a little plug
over there,
1059
00:52:59,809 --> 00:53:02,010
you stick it in the wall
in the hole that says Hitler.
1060
00:53:02,012 --> 00:53:05,146
Yeah, I make a call, go ahead.
Yeah, sure, boss.
1061
00:53:06,148 --> 00:53:07,515
Anything else, boss?
1062
00:53:07,517 --> 00:53:10,151
No, I'm good, Vincenzo.
1063
00:53:22,898 --> 00:53:24,465
You got to take a drink.
1064
00:53:24,467 --> 00:53:26,501
Hitler, it's Moose.
1065
00:53:26,503 --> 00:53:28,169
Shit got fucked up.
1066
00:53:28,171 --> 00:53:30,538
FDR, he iced everybody.
1067
00:53:30,540 --> 00:53:33,775
Scheisse, I told you that guy
was ein badass.
1068
00:53:33,777 --> 00:53:35,977
What do you
suggest we do?
1069
00:53:35,979 --> 00:53:37,578
You already know
my answer.
1070
00:53:37,580 --> 00:53:40,515
It rhymes with go
to fucking war.
1071
00:53:40,517 --> 00:53:41,816
Big shock, there.
1072
00:53:41,818 --> 00:53:43,618
You talk
to Hirohito?
1073
00:53:43,620 --> 00:53:46,087
No, I'll get him
on the 3-way.
1074
00:53:46,089 --> 00:53:47,322
Oh, scheisse!
1075
00:53:47,324 --> 00:53:51,025
Are you playing beer pong again
with the big-titty girl?
1076
00:53:51,027 --> 00:53:52,493
Who me?
1077
00:53:52,495 --> 00:53:58,633
No, we're just working on
plans to kill Jews. Ah.
1078
00:53:58,635 --> 00:54:00,702
Get me Hirohito.
1079
00:54:19,555 --> 00:54:20,788
Hello.
1080
00:54:20,790 --> 00:54:23,157
Hiro, it's Moosie
and Hitler.
1081
00:54:23,159 --> 00:54:26,694
Excellent, how did
the mission go?
1082
00:54:26,696 --> 00:54:28,162
Is Franklin dead?
1083
00:54:28,164 --> 00:54:30,665
No, he sniffed out
our plan
1084
00:54:30,667 --> 00:54:31,933
and kill all
my mafia guys
1085
00:54:31,935 --> 00:54:34,369
before they had a chance
for the beer and the wine
1086
00:54:34,371 --> 00:54:35,870
to spill
and take effect.
1087
00:54:35,872 --> 00:54:36,971
Did anyone think--
1088
00:54:36,973 --> 00:54:39,407
Sir, this package just
came for you.
1089
00:54:39,409 --> 00:54:41,309
Did I not kill you already?
1090
00:54:41,311 --> 00:54:43,845
No, sir, we do not
all look alike.
1091
00:54:43,847 --> 00:54:47,048
I'm on 3-way long distance!
1092
00:54:47,050 --> 00:54:50,451
I'm sorry, sir,
but this is from America.
1093
00:54:50,453 --> 00:54:53,955
There's a card that's
from the White House
1094
00:54:53,957 --> 00:54:56,190
Hold on, guys.
1095
00:55:03,999 --> 00:55:06,200
Son of bitch!
1096
00:55:10,639 --> 00:55:12,907
I say we go to war.
1097
00:55:12,909 --> 00:55:15,143
If we spread
the werewolf virus
1098
00:55:15,145 --> 00:55:17,478
across to neighboring
countries,
1099
00:55:17,480 --> 00:55:21,482
we can take over
the world slowly
1100
00:55:21,484 --> 00:55:23,017
and we crush him!
1101
00:55:23,019 --> 00:55:25,620
Yes, finally someone
who gets it.
1102
00:55:25,622 --> 00:55:27,188
Hito, you are awesome.
1103
00:55:27,190 --> 00:55:30,391
I'll start with Austria,
Czechoslovakia,
1104
00:55:30,393 --> 00:55:33,027
und then we march
into Poland for lunch.
1105
00:55:33,029 --> 00:55:34,395
I will take over China.
1106
00:55:34,397 --> 00:55:36,664
Cool, I'll take
Ethiopia.
1107
00:55:36,666 --> 00:55:37,665
What!
1108
00:55:37,667 --> 00:55:39,634
You fucking pussy.
1109
00:55:39,636 --> 00:55:40,701
Ethiopia, really?
1110
00:55:40,703 --> 00:55:43,004
What, Ethiopia
is strong.
1111
00:55:43,006 --> 00:55:45,540
Great runners--
guys run very fast.
1112
00:55:45,542 --> 00:55:47,608
Plus, Hitler,
you going to need
1113
00:55:47,610 --> 00:55:49,544
somebody coming up
from the south
1114
00:55:49,546 --> 00:55:51,078
when they retreat down.
1115
00:55:51,080 --> 00:55:54,715
Yeah, well, it's kind of ein
bitch move, but whatevers.
1116
00:55:54,717 --> 00:55:57,218
Bitchy, bitchy, bitchy.
1117
00:55:57,220 --> 00:55:58,953
Eh, fuck you guys.
1118
00:55:58,955 --> 00:56:01,689
Eh? Moosehead out.
1119
00:56:04,126 --> 00:56:06,494
Drink up, bitch,
salute the fuhrer--
1120
00:56:06,496 --> 00:56:07,862
Heil me, Heil me.
1121
00:56:07,864 --> 00:56:11,232
Are you playing beer pong?
1122
00:56:12,535 --> 00:56:16,137
Can't hear you--
bad reception.
1123
00:56:16,139 --> 00:56:20,141
Now, where were we, Fraulein?
1124
00:56:27,349 --> 00:56:29,383
The werewolfs are
spreading fast.
1125
00:56:29,385 --> 00:56:31,953
That's why I came here
in person, he needs our help.
1126
00:56:31,955 --> 00:56:33,154
Have you ever met him?
1127
00:56:33,156 --> 00:56:35,456
No, but I heard he's
a big drinker.
1128
00:56:35,458 --> 00:56:36,791
Who isn't?
1129
00:56:36,793 --> 00:56:39,494
Well, I've invited Buford
and his wife to join us.
1130
00:56:39,496 --> 00:56:42,797
Hopefully,
he'll help break the ice.
1131
00:56:42,799 --> 00:56:44,198
Who's this--
1132
00:56:44,200 --> 00:56:47,235
Frank, I came as soon
as I got your message.
1133
00:56:47,237 --> 00:56:50,438
Oh, hello, Congressman
Cleavon Baybridge Buford,
1134
00:56:50,440 --> 00:56:53,040
Repube, Georgia--
also vice-president
1135
00:56:53,042 --> 00:56:54,275
of the hot tub committee.
1136
00:56:54,277 --> 00:56:57,178
My wi-- well, I'm sorry,
1137
00:56:57,180 --> 00:56:58,479
Dougie Mac, is that you?
1138
00:56:58,481 --> 00:57:01,115
No, I don't think we've met.
1139
00:57:01,117 --> 00:57:02,750
Oh, sure we have.
1140
00:57:02,752 --> 00:57:06,120
You did a cannonball
into the hot tub last week
1141
00:57:06,122 --> 00:57:07,955
when the Swiss delegates
were there.
1142
00:57:07,957 --> 00:57:10,992
No, I think you're thinking
of someone else.
1143
00:57:10,994 --> 00:57:13,194
You're hung like
a full-grown ox.
1144
00:57:13,196 --> 00:57:15,329
That's Dougie Mac!
1145
00:57:16,365 --> 00:57:18,966
Mr. President,
may I present to you,
1146
00:57:18,968 --> 00:57:21,168
Sir Winston Churchill.
1147
00:57:21,170 --> 00:57:23,137
You guys are drinking.
1148
00:57:23,139 --> 00:57:25,139
And during a time like this.
1149
00:57:25,141 --> 00:57:28,876
Jesus, honestly,
had I known this,
1150
00:57:30,145 --> 00:57:32,380
I would have come earlier.
1151
00:57:32,382 --> 00:57:34,715
Rosey, you old son of a bitch.
1152
00:57:34,717 --> 00:57:37,485
Oh, Winny, Winny,
it's nice to meet you.
1153
00:57:37,487 --> 00:57:39,153
Buford, would you pour him
a drink?
1154
00:57:39,155 --> 00:57:41,422
Yes, sir, in just
a moment, sir.
1155
00:57:41,424 --> 00:57:42,590
I bring my own.
1156
00:57:42,592 --> 00:57:44,559
Well, that's my kind
of man, yes.
1157
00:57:44,561 --> 00:57:48,229
Call this the Georgia sweet tea.
1158
00:57:50,532 --> 00:57:52,466
Thank you, Mrs. Buford.
1159
00:57:52,468 --> 00:57:56,337
Boy, this drink is as stiff
as a dead man's cock.
1160
00:57:56,339 --> 00:57:58,172
Thank you, sir.
1161
00:57:58,174 --> 00:57:59,373
I take great pride in that.
1162
00:57:59,375 --> 00:58:03,711
My father passed away
with an erection.
1163
00:58:04,246 --> 00:58:04,946
Look, Rosey,
1164
00:58:04,948 --> 00:58:07,648
I'm going to cut through
all the dumb shit--
1165
00:58:07,650 --> 00:58:09,216
we're at war.
1166
00:58:09,218 --> 00:58:11,752
And these goddamn werewolves
are getting
1167
00:58:11,754 --> 00:58:13,454
closer and closer to us
by the day.
1168
00:58:13,456 --> 00:58:16,524
So, what do you need
from The Delano?
1169
00:58:16,526 --> 00:58:18,559
Supplies, ammo, ships, tanks--
1170
00:58:18,561 --> 00:58:22,263
anything you can spare that will
stop these fucking things!
1171
00:58:22,265 --> 00:58:24,298
And look, we're the only ones
1172
00:58:24,300 --> 00:58:25,933
who speak English
over in Europe.
1173
00:58:25,935 --> 00:58:27,802
You need us to be
werewolf free.
1174
00:58:27,804 --> 00:58:30,404
Ireland speaks English.
1175
00:58:32,608 --> 00:58:34,275
You need someone
you can understand.
1176
00:58:34,277 --> 00:58:35,476
Half the time I don't
even know
1177
00:58:35,478 --> 00:58:37,144
what these potato fuckers
are trying to say.
1178
00:58:37,146 --> 00:58:41,215
Look, just lend me something
that will blow their minds.
1179
00:58:41,217 --> 00:58:44,051
Fine, I will lend you my wife.
1180
00:58:44,053 --> 00:58:45,786
I will do it for my country.
1181
00:58:45,788 --> 00:58:47,321
Thank you dear lady.
1182
00:58:47,323 --> 00:58:49,357
But I actually need
real weapons.
1183
00:58:49,359 --> 00:58:51,759
Are you saying my wife's breasts
aren't real weapons?
1184
00:58:51,761 --> 00:58:53,060
They have killed lesser men.
1185
00:58:53,062 --> 00:58:55,896
They're powerful, sir, but I
need weapons
1186
00:58:55,898 --> 00:58:58,199
of steel and smoke and noise.
1187
00:58:58,201 --> 00:58:59,734
Well, you can motorboat them
if you want
1188
00:58:59,736 --> 00:59:00,968
and make your own noises.
1189
00:59:00,970 --> 00:59:02,503
Well, let me level
with you, Winnie--
1190
00:59:02,505 --> 00:59:05,973
I want those sons of bitches
1191
00:59:05,975 --> 00:59:07,942
wiped off the face of this earth
1192
00:59:07,944 --> 00:59:09,110
just as much as you do.
1193
00:59:09,112 --> 00:59:13,114
But I have to justify this
to the American people.
1194
00:59:16,718 --> 00:59:20,488
Dougie, do we got
any extra shit?
1195
00:59:20,490 --> 00:59:23,791
Sure, we can open up some more
defense plants too.
1196
00:59:23,793 --> 00:59:26,293
Frank, there's an election
coming up.
1197
00:59:26,295 --> 00:59:29,964
No offense, Mr. Churchill, but
we can't just lend it to you.
1198
00:59:30,465 --> 00:59:32,366
But we could lease it to you.
1199
00:59:32,368 --> 00:59:36,137
And whatever you use,
you pay for.
1200
00:59:36,471 --> 00:59:38,572
So it would be sort of a--
1201
00:59:38,574 --> 00:59:41,409
a lend-lease kind of program?
1202
00:59:41,411 --> 00:59:43,277
Exactly.
1203
00:59:45,480 --> 00:59:46,814
You've got a deal!
1204
00:59:46,816 --> 00:59:51,419
Oh, damn, go Winnie!
1205
00:59:51,421 --> 00:59:52,787
Also, uh...
1206
00:59:52,789 --> 00:59:54,488
I could lease you my wife.
1207
00:59:54,490 --> 00:59:57,158
Yeah, whatever holes you use,
you pay for.
1208
00:59:57,160 --> 00:59:59,293
I think we'll all take
that deal.
1209
00:59:59,295 --> 01:00:00,261
To the hot tub!
1210
01:00:00,263 --> 01:00:02,363
Yes, sir, to the hot tub.
1211
01:00:04,332 --> 01:00:06,367
Did you bring cash?
1212
01:00:34,696 --> 01:00:36,831
Mr. President,
Uh-huh.
1213
01:00:36,833 --> 01:00:38,766
I have an urgent telegram
from Churchill.
1214
01:00:38,768 --> 01:00:40,167
Please read it aloud.
1215
01:00:40,169 --> 01:00:43,671
Rosey, it's me!
1216
01:00:43,673 --> 01:00:45,873
No, I didn't mean loud.
1217
01:00:45,875 --> 01:00:47,108
Just read it normally.
1218
01:00:47,110 --> 01:00:48,275
Rosey, it's me,
1219
01:00:48,277 --> 01:00:51,846
Winnie has his head stuck
in the honey pot on this one.
1220
01:00:51,848 --> 01:00:53,514
Need troops.
1221
01:00:53,516 --> 01:00:55,649
Send Miss Buford over too.
1222
01:00:55,651 --> 01:00:58,185
XO, W.C.
1223
01:00:58,187 --> 01:01:01,489
Oh, shit.
1224
01:01:01,491 --> 01:01:03,357
I was afraid of this.
1225
01:01:03,359 --> 01:01:08,295
I was trying to keep us
out of this damn war
1226
01:01:08,297 --> 01:01:10,598
as long as I could.
1227
01:01:12,601 --> 01:01:15,770
Being President
of the free world is--
1228
01:01:15,772 --> 01:01:18,439
oh, it's so stressful.
1229
01:01:18,441 --> 01:01:21,375
I bet-- sir, anything
that I can do?
1230
01:01:21,377 --> 01:01:23,844
How about a massage?
1231
01:01:23,846 --> 01:01:26,347
That would be rad.
1232
01:01:29,050 --> 01:01:30,317
No, what are you doing? Don't.
1233
01:01:30,319 --> 01:01:32,253
Don't, no, they're all
shriveled-up from polio.
1234
01:01:32,255 --> 01:01:37,191
I don't mind-- just sit and relax.
Don't-- don't.
1235
01:01:37,193 --> 01:01:39,894
Shh-hhh
1236
01:01:40,962 --> 01:01:43,230
Oh, God, that feels so good.
1237
01:01:43,232 --> 01:01:44,565
Oh, God.
1238
01:01:44,567 --> 01:01:48,235
Oh, my God.
1239
01:01:49,038 --> 01:01:54,108
Eleanor hates my tiny, little,
shriveled-up polio legs.
1240
01:01:54,110 --> 01:01:55,810
I don't.
1241
01:01:55,812 --> 01:01:56,811
Oh God!
1242
01:01:56,813 --> 01:01:58,779
They remind me of home!
1243
01:01:58,781 --> 01:01:59,446
Huh?
1244
01:01:59,448 --> 01:02:01,448
I used to enter the hot dog
eating contest
1245
01:02:01,450 --> 01:02:03,884
every year at Coney Island.
1246
01:02:08,190 --> 01:02:10,457
So sexy!
1247
01:02:16,431 --> 01:02:19,800
Whoa, whoa, whoa...
1248
01:02:32,181 --> 01:02:36,016
Tie me, Frank, tie me!
1249
01:02:48,730 --> 01:02:50,464
Frank,
1250
01:02:51,700 --> 01:02:53,100
What the shit?
1251
01:02:53,102 --> 01:02:55,803
It's not what it seems, unh-unh.
1252
01:02:55,805 --> 01:02:56,904
Oh, it's not?
1253
01:02:56,906 --> 01:02:59,473
Because it looks like
your secretary is sucking
1254
01:02:59,475 --> 01:03:01,141
mustard and ketchup off of you.
1255
01:03:01,143 --> 01:03:02,176
Then it is what it seems.
1256
01:03:02,178 --> 01:03:05,880
And it looks
like Eleanor Roosevelt
1257
01:03:05,882 --> 01:03:09,049
is going to have
to strong arm a ho!
1258
01:03:10,185 --> 01:03:11,285
Get the fuck out of here,
1259
01:03:11,287 --> 01:03:13,854
I need to talk
to my husband, bitch!
1260
01:03:16,625 --> 01:03:18,559
Really, Franklin.
1261
01:03:18,561 --> 01:03:19,960
Jesus.
1262
01:03:19,962 --> 01:03:21,829
Oh, my God, just look
at yourself.
1263
01:03:21,831 --> 01:03:24,732
You are President
of the United States!
1264
01:03:24,734 --> 01:03:27,568
Frank! Ooh.
What is it, Louis?
1265
01:03:27,570 --> 01:03:30,170
MacArthur's here with General
Eisenhower-- says it's urgent.
1266
01:03:30,172 --> 01:03:32,806
Oh, of course,
it's always fucking urgent!
1267
01:03:32,808 --> 01:03:35,509
Well, I--
Well, I, oh-- by all means, go.
1268
01:03:35,511 --> 01:03:37,611
And if they ask you
what happened here,
1269
01:03:37,613 --> 01:03:43,484
just tell them a rainbow
took a shit on your legs.
1270
01:03:47,522 --> 01:03:48,756
Do you have a handkerchief,
Louis?
1271
01:03:48,758 --> 01:03:52,426
I think it's going to take
a full-blown shower, chief.
1272
01:03:53,561 --> 01:03:55,763
Talk to her--
Eleanor's more important.
1273
01:03:55,765 --> 01:03:57,398
I'll make the Generals wait.
1274
01:03:57,400 --> 01:03:59,667
Jesus.
1275
01:03:59,669 --> 01:04:03,270
General, General...
1276
01:04:03,272 --> 01:04:06,607
wait.
1277
01:04:14,516 --> 01:04:17,284
Oh, so this is what
this room looks like.
1278
01:04:17,719 --> 01:04:20,487
I wouldn't know because you've
never let me sleep in here.
1279
01:04:20,489 --> 01:04:24,224
Don't you dare try to turn this
around on me.
1280
01:04:24,226 --> 01:04:26,727
I saw that whore on her knees
1281
01:04:26,729 --> 01:04:31,198
rubbing and moaning all over you
as she touched your le--
1282
01:04:31,200 --> 01:04:32,199
What?
1283
01:04:32,201 --> 01:04:34,168
My what, Eleanor?
Say it.
1284
01:04:34,170 --> 01:04:35,703
I want you to say it.
1285
01:04:35,705 --> 01:04:39,373
Your le-- le-- le--
1286
01:04:39,375 --> 01:04:44,611
Legs-- my tiny, little,
shriveled-up polio legs!
1287
01:04:44,613 --> 01:04:47,715
Eleanor, take a good look
at them!
1288
01:04:47,717 --> 01:04:49,216
No.
1289
01:04:49,218 --> 01:04:50,584
Look at them.
1290
01:04:50,586 --> 01:04:54,088
I can't, it's just too hard, Frank.
Is it?
1291
01:04:54,090 --> 01:04:57,191
Is it hard for you, Eleanor?
1292
01:04:57,726 --> 01:04:59,693
What about me?
1293
01:05:00,729 --> 01:05:02,796
I'm stuck
in this damn wheelchair
1294
01:05:02,798 --> 01:05:03,998
for the rest of my life
with a wife
1295
01:05:04,000 --> 01:05:05,966
who doesn't want to have
sex with me.
1296
01:05:05,968 --> 01:05:08,369
I may be the only President
1297
01:05:08,371 --> 01:05:10,137
in the history
of the United States
1298
01:05:10,139 --> 01:05:13,007
who's never
gotten laid in office.
1299
01:05:13,708 --> 01:05:15,709
And this is my third term!
1300
01:05:15,711 --> 01:05:18,545
Now, am I going to ball
the secretary,
1301
01:05:18,547 --> 01:05:21,548
who obviously has daddy issues,
of course I am!
1302
01:05:21,550 --> 01:05:23,384
Because, at least,
she shows some interest in me.
1303
01:05:23,386 --> 01:05:27,021
Did you honestly believe
that I thought
1304
01:05:27,023 --> 01:05:29,156
that you had to tend
to the children
1305
01:05:29,158 --> 01:05:32,159
every night
for the last nine years?
1306
01:05:32,161 --> 01:05:34,561
Eleanor, we have one kid
1307
01:05:34,563 --> 01:05:37,498
who's old enough
to shit in a vase!
1308
01:05:37,500 --> 01:05:39,533
I know.
1309
01:05:42,237 --> 01:05:44,538
Excuse me.
1310
01:05:45,573 --> 01:05:48,375
I have to go tend
1311
01:05:48,377 --> 01:05:51,745
to an entire nation.
1312
01:05:56,518 --> 01:05:59,486
Damn you, Frank!
1313
01:06:04,659 --> 01:06:06,160
At ease, gentlemen, sit.
1314
01:06:06,162 --> 01:06:08,562
What's the haps, Dougie Mac?
1315
01:06:09,264 --> 01:06:10,564
And who the fuck is this?
1316
01:06:10,566 --> 01:06:13,033
This is General
Dwight Eisenhower,
1317
01:06:13,035 --> 01:06:15,135
call sign-- Dew Drop.
1318
01:06:15,137 --> 01:06:16,336
Mr. President,
1319
01:06:16,338 --> 01:06:18,138
it is a pleasure for me
to be here--
1320
01:06:18,140 --> 01:06:21,041
Let's keep the pleasantries to
the left hand on your clam bag.
1321
01:06:21,043 --> 01:06:25,212
You know, I'm surprised to see
you boys here this late.
1322
01:06:25,214 --> 01:06:27,347
This better be important.
1323
01:06:27,349 --> 01:06:29,383
Well, sir, I only wish
we were here to tell you
1324
01:06:29,385 --> 01:06:32,753
about some hot dog eating
contest that's gone wrong.
1325
01:06:32,755 --> 01:06:34,588
But we're not.
1326
01:06:34,590 --> 01:06:38,158
What the fuck did you just say?
1327
01:06:39,294 --> 01:06:40,727
Come here.
1328
01:06:40,729 --> 01:06:42,796
Come here.
1329
01:06:46,701 --> 01:06:49,603
Come here-- a little closer.
Yes, sir.
1330
01:06:49,605 --> 01:06:53,173
I can fucking weigh you down,
pretty boy!
1331
01:06:53,175 --> 01:06:54,741
Mr. President!
1332
01:06:54,743 --> 01:06:57,978
Mr. President!
Mr. President!
1333
01:06:59,214 --> 01:07:01,181
Okay, all right.
1334
01:07:04,352 --> 01:07:06,386
You still got it, you old
son of a bitch-- good!
1335
01:07:06,388 --> 01:07:09,490
We're going to need your spirit.
For what?
1336
01:07:09,492 --> 01:07:10,457
War!
1337
01:07:10,459 --> 01:07:12,626
I got this telegram
from Churchill.
1338
01:07:12,628 --> 01:07:14,394
Shit is fucked up
over there.
1339
01:07:14,396 --> 01:07:17,231
He's not going to be able
to hold out much longer.
1340
01:07:17,233 --> 01:07:19,233
They're converging from all
angles, Mr. President.
1341
01:07:19,235 --> 01:07:22,236
Germany has already taken
Austria, Czechoslovakia,
1342
01:07:22,238 --> 01:07:24,338
Poland, and France
is likely next.
1343
01:07:24,340 --> 01:07:25,772
Of course, they're pussies.
1344
01:07:25,774 --> 01:07:27,941
Japan has taken
complete control of China
1345
01:07:27,943 --> 01:07:30,210
and now, they're focusing
on Russia.
1346
01:07:30,212 --> 01:07:34,181
I also got a telegram
from Missy, from your secretary,
1347
01:07:34,183 --> 01:07:35,516
from the Prime Minister
of Ethiopia.
1348
01:07:35,518 --> 01:07:38,152
Italy has taken them over
and I dismissed it because--
1349
01:07:38,154 --> 01:07:40,654
Because it's fucking Ethiopia.
1350
01:07:41,389 --> 01:07:43,991
In all seriousness, sir,
I know you've been trying
1351
01:07:43,993 --> 01:07:45,893
to avoid going to war
for years, but now--
1352
01:07:45,895 --> 01:07:48,695
We must blast
their fucking asses!
1353
01:07:48,697 --> 01:07:52,366
Player to player, pimp to pimp,
I appreciate it.
1354
01:07:52,734 --> 01:07:55,469
Well, let me put my mind
on the grind
1355
01:07:55,471 --> 01:07:58,739
while you unwind--
just for tonight.
1356
01:07:59,040 --> 01:08:01,708
I'll go fireside
on their ass tomorrow
1357
01:08:01,710 --> 01:08:05,012
and when the American people
come home from work,
1358
01:08:05,014 --> 01:08:06,380
I'll tell them...
1359
01:08:06,382 --> 01:08:09,483
that we're going to war.
1360
01:08:09,485 --> 01:08:12,452
I want you two to strategize
a plan of attack.
1361
01:08:12,454 --> 01:08:14,621
And we'll reconvene at O. H.!
1362
01:08:14,623 --> 01:08:15,455
R.O.
1363
01:08:15,457 --> 01:08:18,692
I'll catch you
in the heart of things.
1364
01:08:18,694 --> 01:08:20,861
Mr. President.
1365
01:08:42,917 --> 01:08:45,419
Mr. President, do you need
anything before bed, sir?
1366
01:08:45,421 --> 01:08:47,588
You got anything that will
tell me what to do
1367
01:08:47,590 --> 01:08:49,489
with this fucking mess
I'm in, right now?
1368
01:08:49,491 --> 01:08:52,492
Third drawer down on the right--
Washington's humidor.
1369
01:08:52,494 --> 01:08:56,463
It'll give you advice
on everything you need to know.
1370
01:09:13,915 --> 01:09:19,119
What kind of shit
were you into, G-dubs?
1371
01:09:42,777 --> 01:09:44,611
Oh.
1372
01:09:47,849 --> 01:09:52,753
Jane, Mary Jane,
Mary Jane, how I miss you.
1373
01:09:52,755 --> 01:09:56,490
Over here, boss.
1374
01:09:57,659 --> 01:09:59,359
You going to choke on that
like a prom date
1375
01:09:59,361 --> 01:10:01,828
or are you going to give
The Honest One some?
1376
01:10:02,597 --> 01:10:05,565
Oh, shit, I'm high.
1377
01:10:05,567 --> 01:10:06,533
Yeah, that's rad.
1378
01:10:06,535 --> 01:10:08,168
Would you pass that dutchie
to the right-hand side--
1379
01:10:08,170 --> 01:10:11,338
I've been dead for 75 years
there, chief.
1380
01:10:16,678 --> 01:10:19,012
Thanks, dude.
1381
01:10:24,185 --> 01:10:26,186
Why don't you come with me?
1382
01:10:26,188 --> 01:10:28,655
We're going to talk.
1383
01:10:39,901 --> 01:10:41,735
Are you real?
1384
01:10:42,203 --> 01:10:46,540
No, only when other presidents
are in time of crisis
1385
01:10:46,542 --> 01:10:47,941
and need advice.
1386
01:10:47,943 --> 01:10:50,377
Oh, man, that is so cool.
Yeah.
1387
01:10:50,379 --> 01:10:52,979
There's this president in
the next century-- Uh-huh.
1388
01:10:52,981 --> 01:10:56,483
Obama-- he's going to be talking
to me a lot.
1389
01:10:56,485 --> 01:10:58,318
Oh, man, you got
a raw deal
1390
01:10:58,320 --> 01:11:01,755
with that whole
John Wilkes Booth thing.
1391
01:11:01,757 --> 01:11:06,193
Mary Todd had to go
to that fucking play.
1392
01:11:06,195 --> 01:11:06,893
Bitch.
1393
01:11:06,895 --> 01:11:08,428
Hey it sounds like
you did any better.
1394
01:11:08,430 --> 01:11:10,430
Where?
What has two wheels,
1395
01:11:10,432 --> 01:11:12,666
looks gay, and isn't a bicycle?
1396
01:11:12,668 --> 01:11:14,301
This guy.
D'oh!
1397
01:11:14,303 --> 01:11:16,036
Well played, sir,
1398
01:11:16,038 --> 01:11:18,872
well played.
1399
01:11:18,874 --> 01:11:23,176
Oh, fuck, Linc, I'm in a real
shit-pickle with the missus.
1400
01:11:23,178 --> 01:11:27,714
She caught me playing hide
the wrench in the steam engine
1401
01:11:27,716 --> 01:11:29,750
with my secretary.
1402
01:11:29,752 --> 01:11:31,184
I know, I saw that.
1403
01:11:31,186 --> 01:11:34,521
What?
You bastard, you were watching?
1404
01:11:34,523 --> 01:11:35,889
Of course.
1405
01:11:35,891 --> 01:11:37,424
You were about two minutes away
1406
01:11:37,426 --> 01:11:40,627
from her throwing your legs
over her head.
1407
01:11:42,463 --> 01:11:44,664
Somebody had told me
that the Japanese,
1408
01:11:44,666 --> 01:11:47,067
that their werewolves
are teaming up
1409
01:11:47,069 --> 01:11:51,271
with the German
and the Italian werewolves
1410
01:11:51,273 --> 01:11:53,206
and they're trying
to take over the world.
1411
01:11:53,208 --> 01:11:55,809
But I just can't
figure out why.
1412
01:11:55,811 --> 01:11:58,011
Now, you were attacked,
right?
1413
01:11:58,013 --> 01:12:02,983
Do you have any insight
on the werewolf tip?
1414
01:12:02,985 --> 01:12:08,255
Werewolves-- they're
telepathic-- always have been.
1415
01:12:08,257 --> 01:12:11,525
They can sense when someone's
born with true greatness--
1416
01:12:11,527 --> 01:12:13,860
someone who's a revolutionary.
1417
01:12:13,862 --> 01:12:15,562
That's what they see in you.
1418
01:12:15,564 --> 01:12:16,630
It's what they saw in me.
1419
01:12:16,632 --> 01:12:17,964
It's what they saw
in Washington.
1420
01:12:17,966 --> 01:12:19,833
Hey, what, did they attack
G-thing too?
1421
01:12:19,835 --> 01:12:23,403
That's why he left
his weed.
1422
01:12:23,405 --> 01:12:25,338
That's why I could have
this talk with him,
1423
01:12:25,340 --> 01:12:27,407
and so, you could have
this talk with me.
1424
01:12:27,409 --> 01:12:29,342
Why didn't they go
after Woodrow?
1425
01:12:29,344 --> 01:12:33,380
Oh, I mean, he was, you know,
there for World War I.
1426
01:12:33,382 --> 01:12:34,681
That was a bitch war.
1427
01:12:34,683 --> 01:12:37,884
We really didn't need
to be in that shit.
1428
01:12:41,522 --> 01:12:44,391
G-dub was a rocking
revolutionary.
1429
01:12:44,393 --> 01:12:46,726
I laid the beat down on civil
and you're the man.
1430
01:12:46,728 --> 01:12:49,296
You are the man to lead us
through the deuce.
1431
01:12:49,298 --> 01:12:51,765
Oh, shit, I don't know
what the hell I'm doing.
1432
01:12:51,767 --> 01:12:54,367
I'm just freestyling
half the time.
1433
01:12:54,369 --> 01:12:56,970
I just do what I feel is right.
1434
01:12:56,972 --> 01:12:59,773
I didn't know what the fuck
I was doing.
1435
01:12:59,775 --> 01:13:00,941
Shit.
1436
01:13:00,943 --> 01:13:02,342
I thought so.
1437
01:13:02,344 --> 01:13:03,410
Don't worry, man,
1438
01:13:03,412 --> 01:13:05,579
I just did what I believed
in my heart.
1439
01:13:05,581 --> 01:13:07,180
You do the same
and you'll be straight.
1440
01:13:07,182 --> 01:13:11,384
You're one
cool motherfucker, Linc.
1441
01:13:11,386 --> 01:13:12,819
I know.
1442
01:13:12,821 --> 01:13:15,689
You are, man,
you are.
1443
01:13:15,691 --> 01:13:18,358
You want to see something cool?
1444
01:13:18,360 --> 01:13:20,560
What's that?
1445
01:13:20,562 --> 01:13:23,163
I can fucking fly.
1446
01:13:24,365 --> 01:13:26,900
This is awesome!
Isn't it?
1447
01:13:26,902 --> 01:13:30,337
Hey look, there's my monument.
1448
01:13:30,905 --> 01:13:33,707
Is there going to be a statue
like that of me?
1449
01:13:33,709 --> 01:13:35,242
No, no, no, but they're
going to name like,
1450
01:13:35,244 --> 01:13:38,345
a thousand high schools
after you.
1451
01:13:38,846 --> 01:13:41,381
That's cool.
Yes, it is.
1452
01:13:41,383 --> 01:13:43,617
Hey, Hey, check it out.
1453
01:13:43,619 --> 01:13:46,486
There's a hot dog vendor.
You-- you hungry?
1454
01:13:46,488 --> 01:13:50,257
Hey, FDR, this is for you,
Roosevelt.
1455
01:13:50,259 --> 01:13:52,559
Yeah!
1456
01:13:53,895 --> 01:13:56,429
Oh, you fucker!
1457
01:14:01,370 --> 01:14:03,136
Oh, shit.
What?
1458
01:14:03,138 --> 01:14:04,971
Look at them.
1459
01:14:07,208 --> 01:14:08,708
What's up, Abe?
1460
01:14:08,710 --> 01:14:09,776
Thanks for freeing me.
1461
01:14:09,778 --> 01:14:11,778
Look, I'm fucking a white girl.
1462
01:14:11,780 --> 01:14:13,313
You're welcome.
1463
01:14:13,315 --> 01:14:14,915
Emancipate that ass.
1464
01:14:14,917 --> 01:14:16,883
You know this, kid.
1465
01:14:18,986 --> 01:14:21,555
God damnit, you are cool.
I know.
1466
01:14:21,557 --> 01:14:23,390
Here you go, Sam.
1467
01:14:23,392 --> 01:14:24,190
Who's that?
1468
01:14:24,192 --> 01:14:26,560
That's Uncle Sam,
the bald eagle of justice.
1469
01:14:26,562 --> 01:14:29,329
Why don't you grab on to those
wings and he'll carry you home.
1470
01:14:29,331 --> 01:14:31,665
Oh, no, no, no,
I'm too heavy.
1471
01:14:31,667 --> 01:14:35,201
No, if he can handle Taft,
he can certainly handle you.
1472
01:14:35,203 --> 01:14:36,202
Come on there, Frankie,
1473
01:14:36,204 --> 01:14:37,304
grab one of those wings
of justice.
1474
01:14:37,306 --> 01:14:40,040
Grab on and he'll take you home.
No, I can't.
1475
01:14:40,042 --> 01:14:41,641
No, I can't, no.
You can do it.
1476
01:14:41,643 --> 01:14:44,444
I can't, I can't--
oh, shit!
1477
01:14:46,714 --> 01:14:47,881
Hey!
1478
01:14:47,883 --> 01:14:51,184
You weren't honest at all!
1479
01:14:57,725 --> 01:14:59,659
You okay, sir?
1480
01:15:00,194 --> 01:15:01,494
I had this weird dream.
1481
01:15:01,496 --> 01:15:05,298
Louis, get Dougie Mac
and Ike on the phone.
1482
01:15:05,300 --> 01:15:06,600
Right away, sir.
1483
01:15:06,602 --> 01:15:08,034
Scrambled eggs and sausage, sir?
1484
01:15:08,036 --> 01:15:09,703
You look like
you have the munchies.
1485
01:15:09,705 --> 01:15:11,638
Oh, that sounds good.
1486
01:15:12,373 --> 01:15:14,941
Jorge,
Si, senor.
1487
01:15:15,810 --> 01:15:17,243
Respect.
1488
01:15:17,245 --> 01:15:19,512
For what?
1489
01:15:30,191 --> 01:15:32,525
Let's get wet.
1490
01:15:32,527 --> 01:15:33,660
Louis, you got him?
1491
01:15:33,662 --> 01:15:36,763
Our drop point
is right here, gentlemen.
1492
01:15:36,765 --> 01:15:38,832
And once you hit
the ground
1493
01:15:38,834 --> 01:15:40,700
you have to hit
the ground running.
1494
01:15:40,702 --> 01:15:42,469
Our element
of surprise,
1495
01:15:42,471 --> 01:15:43,837
it's only going
to last so long
1496
01:15:43,839 --> 01:15:45,071
once they finally
figure out
1497
01:15:45,073 --> 01:15:49,275
that we're actually launching
a full-scale attack.
1498
01:15:53,614 --> 01:15:55,181
Attention!
1499
01:15:55,183 --> 01:15:56,583
I got it from here, Ike.
1500
01:15:56,585 --> 01:16:01,421
I know what you're thinking,
as you stare at that map.
1501
01:16:01,423 --> 01:16:02,856
Hell, I'm thinking
the same thing.
1502
01:16:02,858 --> 01:16:04,891
How in the world
are we going to storm
1503
01:16:04,893 --> 01:16:05,925
the beaches of Normandy,
1504
01:16:05,927 --> 01:16:09,129
take down an entire army
of werewolves,
1505
01:16:09,131 --> 01:16:13,333
and still make it to a French
titty-bar by last call?
1506
01:16:13,335 --> 01:16:15,835
At ease, gentlemen.
1507
01:16:15,837 --> 01:16:17,871
I am not going to tell you
1508
01:16:17,873 --> 01:16:21,541
that there aren't
going to be casualties,
1509
01:16:21,543 --> 01:16:23,643
or that it's going to be easy.
1510
01:16:23,645 --> 01:16:25,645
Because it's not.
1511
01:16:25,647 --> 01:16:31,418
Unfortunately, that is
the business of war.
1512
01:16:32,486 --> 01:16:35,055
I can't change that.
1513
01:16:35,690 --> 01:16:39,025
But I can lead by example.
1514
01:16:39,027 --> 01:16:41,761
And not the example
of somebody
1515
01:16:41,763 --> 01:16:43,963
who has survived
a werewolf attack
1516
01:16:43,965 --> 01:16:48,568
and now wheels back and forth
in front of you
1517
01:16:48,570 --> 01:16:52,238
like a God damn cripple
in a wheel chair!
1518
01:16:52,240 --> 01:16:56,743
That's right--
take a good look.
1519
01:16:58,746 --> 01:17:00,747
Cripple in a wheelchair!
1520
01:17:00,749 --> 01:17:02,515
Cripple in the wheelchair!
1521
01:17:02,517 --> 01:17:04,951
I could have heard that
my entire life
1522
01:17:04,953 --> 01:17:06,820
as people waited on me
hand and foot.
1523
01:17:06,822 --> 01:17:09,155
And there's nothing wrong
with that.
1524
01:17:09,157 --> 01:17:11,224
Except I wanted more--
1525
01:17:11,226 --> 01:17:15,462
I wanted to be the President
of the United States.
1526
01:17:15,464 --> 01:17:19,132
I wanted to lead
this great nation of ours
1527
01:17:19,134 --> 01:17:20,200
in its darkest hour.
1528
01:17:20,202 --> 01:17:24,137
And now I am going to lead
you into war.
1529
01:17:24,139 --> 01:17:27,941
I am going to fly
the first plane in
1530
01:17:27,943 --> 01:17:31,010
and lead our troops
onto the beach.
1531
01:17:31,012 --> 01:17:33,379
"Why would you do this?"
you might ask.
1532
01:17:33,381 --> 01:17:37,717
Not because I'm President
of the United States.
1533
01:17:37,719 --> 01:17:40,453
Not because it's
the heroic thing to do.
1534
01:17:40,455 --> 01:17:43,156
I am doing this to prove
1535
01:17:43,158 --> 01:17:44,924
to those werewolves,
1536
01:17:44,926 --> 01:17:47,060
that despite their attack,
1537
01:17:47,062 --> 01:17:49,729
I am not just
going to sit here
1538
01:17:49,731 --> 01:17:54,667
like some cripple
in a wheelchair!
1539
01:17:55,369 --> 01:17:56,369
Now look,
1540
01:17:56,371 --> 01:17:59,439
I know that you're scared.
1541
01:18:00,207 --> 01:18:02,776
Hell, I'm afraid too.
1542
01:18:05,112 --> 01:18:08,248
But I want you to remember...
1543
01:18:21,362 --> 01:18:25,832
we have nothing
to fear, but...
1544
01:18:26,400 --> 01:18:30,637
fear itself.
1545
01:18:31,238 --> 01:18:37,143
Now, let's go kick
some werewolf ass tomorrow!
1546
01:19:11,946 --> 01:19:14,747
Hito's been handled,
he won't bother us anymore.
1547
01:19:14,749 --> 01:19:16,382
Word.
Yep.
1548
01:19:16,384 --> 01:19:17,350
Fucking Einstein--
1549
01:19:17,352 --> 01:19:20,386
That project he was working on
in Manhattan is ready.
1550
01:19:23,123 --> 01:19:25,925
Way to go, Einstein.
1551
01:19:25,927 --> 01:19:26,826
Let me go with you.
1552
01:19:26,828 --> 01:19:29,996
No, Lou, The Delano's
got to do this on his own.
1553
01:19:29,998 --> 01:19:31,397
I'm a motorcycle of death.
1554
01:19:31,399 --> 01:19:33,733
I ain't got no sidecar.
I know.
1555
01:19:33,735 --> 01:19:36,369
Chair's all loaded
with silver Bs.
1556
01:19:36,371 --> 01:19:37,537
Rockets are loaded.
1557
01:19:37,539 --> 01:19:40,139
You're all set.
Thanks, man.
1558
01:19:40,141 --> 01:19:42,775
Oh, Lou, I just want you
to know,
1559
01:19:42,777 --> 01:19:44,878
if anything happens to me,
1560
01:19:45,713 --> 01:19:47,714
take care of my mistress,
will you?
1561
01:19:47,716 --> 01:19:48,548
I have a spare key
1562
01:19:48,550 --> 01:19:49,983
for the Lincoln bedroom
underneath the mat,
1563
01:19:49,985 --> 01:19:53,319
but you might want to change
the sheets first, though.
1564
01:19:53,321 --> 01:19:55,154
Okay.
1565
01:19:55,156 --> 01:19:56,990
Word.
1566
01:19:56,992 --> 01:19:58,625
Word.
1567
01:19:58,627 --> 01:20:00,159
Give them hell, Frank!
1568
01:20:00,161 --> 01:20:02,195
Yeah!
1569
01:20:28,355 --> 01:20:32,425
Tower one, this is
Franklin Delano Roosevelt,
1570
01:20:32,427 --> 01:20:35,395
call sign-- Wheels of Steel.
1571
01:20:35,397 --> 01:20:36,763
Ready for take off.
1572
01:20:36,765 --> 01:20:38,331
Roger that, Mr. President.
1573
01:20:38,333 --> 01:20:40,233
This is
Commander Winston Churchill,
1574
01:20:40,235 --> 01:20:42,735
call sign--
Big Fish and Chips.
1575
01:20:42,737 --> 01:20:44,370
You're clear for take off.
1576
01:20:44,372 --> 01:20:46,306
Winnie, you old son of a bitch,
1577
01:20:46,308 --> 01:20:47,473
what are you doing in there?
1578
01:20:47,475 --> 01:20:49,309
Do you think I'd miss this?
1579
01:20:49,311 --> 01:20:50,310
If I wasn't drunk and blind,
1580
01:20:50,312 --> 01:20:52,211
I'd be up there with you,
right now.
1581
01:20:52,213 --> 01:20:55,315
I appreciate that, Churchie.
1582
01:20:55,317 --> 01:20:56,382
No retreat.
1583
01:20:56,384 --> 01:20:58,251
No fucking surrender!
1584
01:20:58,253 --> 01:20:59,385
God damn right!
1585
01:20:59,387 --> 01:21:00,853
Now, go over there and blow
1586
01:21:00,855 --> 01:21:01,988
those fucking werewolves
1587
01:21:01,990 --> 01:21:03,423
off the face of the planet!
1588
01:21:03,425 --> 01:21:04,924
Over and out.
1589
01:21:04,926 --> 01:21:08,795
May God be with you, Frank.
1590
01:21:13,801 --> 01:21:14,901
Oh, come on, George.
1591
01:21:14,903 --> 01:21:16,602
I'm fidgeting here
1592
01:21:16,604 --> 01:21:18,371
like a three-peckered puppy
in a wood chipper.
1593
01:21:18,373 --> 01:21:20,473
Hold on, hold on,
I'm almost there.
1594
01:21:20,475 --> 01:21:22,742
Oh, ho-ho-ho!
1595
01:21:22,744 --> 01:21:24,544
I think that's him.
1596
01:21:24,546 --> 01:21:25,712
So, I said to Stalin,
1597
01:21:25,714 --> 01:21:27,513
"I don't care
if you are Russian,
1598
01:21:27,515 --> 01:21:29,916
you can't grab
another man's cock at dinner
1599
01:21:29,918 --> 01:21:32,986
and say, 'Sorry, I thought
that was my breadstick.'"
1600
01:21:32,988 --> 01:21:34,721
You know?
That's him all right.
1601
01:21:34,723 --> 01:21:36,789
Commies, what are
you going to do with them?
1602
01:21:36,791 --> 01:21:39,192
They're all dick grabbers.
They love it.
1603
01:21:39,194 --> 01:21:42,261
All right, Frank,
you're approaching France.
1604
01:21:42,263 --> 01:21:46,466
Let's go silent on the radio
unless it's necessary-- over.
1605
01:21:46,468 --> 01:21:48,201
Over and out.
1606
01:21:48,203 --> 01:21:49,202
Get a hold of him?
1607
01:21:49,204 --> 01:21:52,205
Yeah, I think Stalin
got a hold of him, personal.
1608
01:21:52,207 --> 01:21:53,639
That is enough, George.
1609
01:21:53,641 --> 01:21:54,941
Sorry, go back to standing
1610
01:21:54,943 --> 01:21:56,376
in the corner and being black.
1611
01:21:56,378 --> 01:21:57,510
How are you, Eleanor?
1612
01:21:57,512 --> 01:22:00,346
I'm hanging in there.
1613
01:22:00,348 --> 01:22:03,616
I'm just so worried.
1614
01:22:03,618 --> 01:22:04,450
Yeah.
1615
01:22:04,452 --> 01:22:07,153
Can't imagine what
you must be feeling.
1616
01:22:23,203 --> 01:22:27,707
Boss, boss, it's FDR.
1617
01:22:33,180 --> 01:22:34,380
Whoop, what the fuck?
1618
01:22:34,382 --> 01:22:35,948
What is it, Frank?
1619
01:22:35,950 --> 01:22:37,417
I'm under attack.
1620
01:22:37,419 --> 01:22:38,818
Jesus Hightower Christ,
1621
01:22:38,820 --> 01:22:40,820
they're lighting me up like
an Indian peace pipe
1622
01:22:40,822 --> 01:22:42,255
before the first
Thanksgiving dinner!
1623
01:22:42,257 --> 01:22:44,190
God damnit, Frank,
get the hell out of there!
1624
01:22:44,192 --> 01:22:46,459
I can't, there's
too much fire power.
1625
01:22:46,461 --> 01:22:48,394
These fucking werewolves
are relentless.
1626
01:22:48,396 --> 01:22:53,099
Ha ha, it's time to go
cripple-dick crazy
1627
01:22:53,101 --> 01:22:56,269
on these motherfuckers!
1628
01:23:15,456 --> 01:23:16,989
I was going to open
1629
01:23:16,991 --> 01:23:20,593
a chain of Italian
restaurants in America
1630
01:23:20,595 --> 01:23:24,597
with a staff that make
you feel like family.
1631
01:23:24,599 --> 01:23:27,200
I was going to call
1632
01:23:27,202 --> 01:23:30,169
the Olive...
1633
01:23:30,171 --> 01:23:32,839
Garden.
1634
01:23:33,240 --> 01:23:36,542
What kind of name
is Delano, anyway?
1635
01:23:36,544 --> 01:23:38,878
It sounds Jewish!
1636
01:23:41,281 --> 01:23:42,682
Oh, oh, shit.
1637
01:23:42,684 --> 01:23:43,916
Shit, I'm hit, I'm hit.
1638
01:23:43,918 --> 01:23:47,787
Talk to me, Frank, Talk to me.
The right engine is out.
1639
01:23:47,789 --> 01:23:49,288
I'm going down.
1640
01:23:49,290 --> 01:23:51,090
I'm going down.
1641
01:23:51,092 --> 01:23:52,959
I'm going down!
1642
01:23:52,961 --> 01:23:54,060
Frank!
1643
01:23:54,062 --> 01:23:54,994
Mayday! Mayday!
1644
01:23:54,996 --> 01:23:56,529
This is
Franklin Delano Roosevelt,
1645
01:23:56,531 --> 01:23:59,999
call sign-- Wheels of Steel,
I'm going down!
1646
01:24:00,001 --> 01:24:01,200
I'm going down!
1647
01:24:01,202 --> 01:24:03,503
I got to bail out--
too much firepower.
1648
01:24:03,505 --> 01:24:06,139
I don't know if I'm going--
1649
01:24:08,143 --> 01:24:11,144
No--
1650
01:24:13,247 --> 01:24:16,883
I am a President's wife.
1651
01:24:18,218 --> 01:24:22,321
I knew what I was getting into
when he took the job.
1652
01:24:22,990 --> 01:24:24,490
George,
1653
01:24:24,492 --> 01:24:25,558
Yes, mam.
1654
01:24:25,560 --> 01:24:29,362
could you get me the bottle
1655
01:24:29,364 --> 01:24:31,797
that Mr. Daniels sent over?
1656
01:24:31,799 --> 01:24:35,067
Yes, mam.
Thank you.
1657
01:24:41,642 --> 01:24:44,343
Cheers.
1658
01:24:46,680 --> 01:24:47,613
I'm sure he's all right.
1659
01:24:47,615 --> 01:24:50,883
He's got to be all right--
it's Frank, right?
1660
01:25:24,251 --> 01:25:27,920
Come here, you son of a bitch.
1661
01:25:34,761 --> 01:25:36,028
I got your back, Frank.
1662
01:25:36,030 --> 01:25:38,598
What the hell
are you doing here?
1663
01:25:38,600 --> 01:25:41,167
I stashed myself away in there
1664
01:25:41,169 --> 01:25:43,636
just in case you might
need some help.
1665
01:25:43,638 --> 01:25:44,503
Oh!
1666
01:25:44,505 --> 01:25:46,706
Plus, I wouldn't miss
a chance
1667
01:25:46,708 --> 01:25:48,040
to help you kill
some werewolves.
1668
01:25:48,042 --> 01:25:53,246
Hold on, I'm going to get
you out of here.
1669
01:25:54,648 --> 01:25:56,983
Underneath the arms.
1670
01:26:00,220 --> 01:26:01,887
Friends until the end, Frank.
1671
01:26:01,889 --> 01:26:03,289
Friends until the end!
1672
01:26:03,291 --> 01:26:07,460
Hang on, Frank, I'm going to get
you out of here.
1673
01:26:10,297 --> 01:26:11,764
You ready, Frank?
1674
01:26:11,766 --> 01:26:13,199
Red-eye!
1675
01:26:13,201 --> 01:26:15,134
Follow me!
1676
01:26:15,136 --> 01:26:18,771
Wow, we're really high up here,
aren't we, Frank?
1677
01:26:18,773 --> 01:26:20,806
We're really doing it.
1678
01:26:20,808 --> 01:26:22,608
We're going into war.
1679
01:26:22,610 --> 01:26:23,743
Yeah.
1680
01:26:23,745 --> 01:26:26,045
Oh, shit.
1681
01:26:26,047 --> 01:26:27,146
What?
1682
01:26:27,148 --> 01:26:28,147
Hey, Frank,
1683
01:26:28,149 --> 01:26:30,983
remember when I said,
"Friends until the end?"
1684
01:26:30,985 --> 01:26:32,218
Yeah.
1685
01:26:32,220 --> 01:26:34,053
well, this is the end.
1686
01:26:34,055 --> 01:26:36,222
I'm not wearing
a parachute.
1687
01:26:36,224 --> 01:26:38,257
I'm definitely
going to die.
1688
01:26:38,259 --> 01:26:39,558
You're a hero, Cleavon.
1689
01:26:39,560 --> 01:26:41,727
I'll make sure
people know that.
1690
01:26:41,729 --> 01:26:43,663
I appreciate that, Frank.
1691
01:26:43,665 --> 01:26:45,531
And Frank,
1692
01:26:45,533 --> 01:26:48,367
take care of my wife for me.
1693
01:26:53,173 --> 01:26:55,574
No doubt.
1694
01:26:56,376 --> 01:26:58,077
Oh.
1695
01:27:01,948 --> 01:27:03,683
Down with Americans.
1696
01:27:03,685 --> 01:27:06,285
You want The Delano, bitch!
1697
01:27:07,220 --> 01:27:11,123
You got The Delano,
motherfucker!
1698
01:27:11,125 --> 01:27:15,194
Fuck you, Roosevelt, fuck you!
1699
01:27:17,130 --> 01:27:20,199
Picture me rolling!
1700
01:27:22,302 --> 01:27:26,038
What's up, Hitler?
1701
01:27:27,441 --> 01:27:31,344
It's been 16 days since
President Roosevelt's plane
1702
01:27:31,346 --> 01:27:33,646
went down over Normandy
and there's still
1703
01:27:33,648 --> 01:27:34,980
no sign of the old stalwart.
1704
01:27:34,982 --> 01:27:38,150
At this point most have begun
to fear the worst--
1705
01:27:38,152 --> 01:27:41,020
that our beloved FDR
has been killed.
1706
01:27:41,022 --> 01:27:42,521
Turn that God damn thing off.
1707
01:27:42,523 --> 01:27:44,824
I can't bear it, anymore.
1708
01:27:46,760 --> 01:27:47,927
I'm back.
1709
01:27:47,929 --> 01:27:50,763
I have a nice crème brûlée
and a chocolate mousse.
1710
01:27:50,765 --> 01:27:54,433
I'll take the chocolate mousse if
you-- Get the fuck out of here.
1711
01:27:55,535 --> 01:27:57,670
Bet if I was white
I could have had
1712
01:27:57,672 --> 01:27:59,872
a chocolate mousse.
1713
01:28:00,841 --> 01:28:04,243
Who ordered the burnt honky
with the side of polio?
1714
01:28:04,245 --> 01:28:06,412
For God's sake, Frank.
1715
01:28:06,414 --> 01:28:08,180
What?
1716
01:28:08,182 --> 01:28:09,482
Somebody die?
1717
01:28:09,484 --> 01:28:12,251
Oh yeah, Mussolini and Hitler,
1718
01:28:12,253 --> 01:28:13,853
I capped those bitches.
1719
01:28:13,855 --> 01:28:14,954
Oh, Frank, I knew it!
1720
01:28:14,956 --> 01:28:16,522
What the hell happened
out there?
1721
01:28:16,524 --> 01:28:19,191
Well, my plane was shot to shit,
1722
01:28:19,193 --> 01:28:20,126
so I had to go rogue --
1723
01:28:20,128 --> 01:28:22,428
I had to go with an old-school
ground attack.
1724
01:28:22,430 --> 01:28:24,930
There were werewolves
everywhere.
1725
01:28:24,932 --> 01:28:27,933
I just never took my finger
off the trigger.
1726
01:28:27,935 --> 01:28:29,935
It was a hell of a battle,
hell of a battle!
1727
01:28:29,937 --> 01:28:32,705
Were you captured? You've been
missing for 16 days.
1728
01:28:32,707 --> 01:28:36,275
No, I killed Hitler
and Mussolini right off--
1729
01:28:36,277 --> 01:28:37,576
and most of their soldiers.
1730
01:28:37,578 --> 01:28:40,813
I was cool until I had to wheel
myself out of there.
1731
01:28:40,815 --> 01:28:42,648
Do you know how hard it is
1732
01:28:42,650 --> 01:28:45,584
to maneuver a wheelchair
through sand?
1733
01:28:48,356 --> 01:28:49,455
Eleanor, are you okay?
1734
01:28:49,457 --> 01:28:51,290
You haven't said anything.
1735
01:28:51,292 --> 01:28:52,792
Aren't you happy to see me?
1736
01:28:52,794 --> 01:28:53,759
Damn you, damn you,
1737
01:28:53,761 --> 01:28:56,362
don't you ever put me through
anything like that again!
1738
01:28:56,364 --> 01:28:58,397
Ooh, come here!
1739
01:28:58,399 --> 01:29:00,266
Come here.
1740
01:29:04,704 --> 01:29:06,138
Sh-hhh, I told you, baby,
1741
01:29:06,140 --> 01:29:10,910
ain't nobody going to take down
The Delano.
1742
01:29:12,879 --> 01:29:15,848
I'm going to ride you
like a free pony
1743
01:29:15,850 --> 01:29:17,917
at the state fair,
tonight.
1744
01:29:17,919 --> 01:29:20,519
Frank, should we leave?
1745
01:29:20,521 --> 01:29:21,654
I'm cool to stay.
1746
01:29:21,656 --> 01:29:24,123
Oh, no, actually, George,
1747
01:29:24,125 --> 01:29:26,792
I want you to rig up the radio.
1748
01:29:26,794 --> 01:29:30,429
Daddy wants to go fireside.
1749
01:29:30,431 --> 01:29:31,430
Right away, sir.
1750
01:29:31,432 --> 01:29:34,300
Back in the saddle, Frankie.
1751
01:29:44,144 --> 01:29:45,377
My fellow Americans,
1752
01:29:45,379 --> 01:29:51,350
this is your President,
Franklin Delano Roosevelt.
1753
01:29:51,352 --> 01:29:55,754
As you know, we are at war.
1754
01:29:55,756 --> 01:29:57,656
And as your President,
1755
01:29:57,658 --> 01:30:02,161
I felt the need to lead
our troops into battle--
1756
01:30:02,163 --> 01:30:06,999
a battle which
we successfully won.
1757
01:30:07,001 --> 01:30:10,669
The fight against werewolves
is over!
1758
01:30:10,671 --> 01:30:14,707
For those of you who thought
I was gone,
1759
01:30:14,709 --> 01:30:18,477
allow me to reintroduce
myself--
1760
01:30:18,479 --> 01:30:23,349
It's Franklin Delano Roosevelt,
motherfucker!
117120
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