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1
00:00:03,554 --> 00:00:05,390
(door opens)
2
00:00:08,698 --> 00:00:11,069
(footsteps approaching)
3
00:00:17,181 --> 00:00:19,218
(chains jingling)
4
00:00:36,052 --> 00:00:37,488
Hello.
5
00:00:39,259 --> 00:00:42,599
I'm Alan Strauss.
6
00:00:43,433 --> 00:00:45,270
Dr. Strauss.
7
00:00:46,439 --> 00:00:49,746
-Y-You're...?
-Candace.
8
00:00:49,846 --> 00:00:51,617
Sorry.
9
00:00:54,289 --> 00:00:55,725
I'm Sam's mother.
10
00:00:57,395 --> 00:00:58,430
Oh.
11
00:01:00,234 --> 00:01:03,273
Is this... your house?
12
00:01:04,442 --> 00:01:07,783
Sam moved back in with me
when he split up with Mary.
13
00:01:07,883 --> 00:01:11,189
-Ah, I see.
-Did he...
14
00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:14,630
You know about Mary, don't you?
15
00:01:14,730 --> 00:01:17,468
I'm sorry, I can't
really discuss that.
16
00:01:17,569 --> 00:01:19,138
Of course. Yes.
17
00:01:19,238 --> 00:01:23,147
So, you know who I am?
18
00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:25,651
Of course I do.
19
00:01:25,752 --> 00:01:27,555
I loved your book.
20
00:01:28,791 --> 00:01:30,428
When his father left,
21
00:01:30,494 --> 00:01:32,665
I started reading
all these books.
22
00:01:32,799 --> 00:01:35,204
You know, self-help.
23
00:01:35,304 --> 00:01:38,477
The Cactus and the Mirage
was one of my favorites.
24
00:01:38,578 --> 00:01:42,352
I had Sam read it, too,
but it didn't really help him,
25
00:01:42,452 --> 00:01:44,255
so I...
26
00:01:44,322 --> 00:01:46,393
told him he should try
real therapy.
27
00:01:46,493 --> 00:01:48,364
This isn't trying real therapy.
28
00:01:48,497 --> 00:01:49,700
Of course.
29
00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:52,104
I know how terrible this is.
30
00:01:52,171 --> 00:01:54,810
-Believe me, I know.
-(chains jingling)
31
00:01:58,150 --> 00:01:59,719
Unlock me.
32
00:01:59,853 --> 00:02:01,523
I don't have a key.
33
00:02:01,657 --> 00:02:03,628
(sighs) Well...
34
00:02:03,695 --> 00:02:05,866
call the police.
Then we can help Sam.
35
00:02:05,966 --> 00:02:07,501
CANDACE:
Please understand.
36
00:02:07,636 --> 00:02:11,243
I don't support him
in this at all.
37
00:02:11,343 --> 00:02:13,848
I'm not... like him.
38
00:02:14,917 --> 00:02:18,123
But I can't turn in my own son.
39
00:02:18,189 --> 00:02:20,194
You're his mother.
Can't you tell him to stop this?
40
00:02:20,327 --> 00:02:22,633
He's trying to stop.
I know it's-it's...
41
00:02:22,733 --> 00:02:25,303
Candace, please.
42
00:02:25,370 --> 00:02:28,544
I have kids.
A son and a daughter.
43
00:02:28,678 --> 00:02:31,550
They need me,
just like he needs you.
44
00:02:33,287 --> 00:02:34,856
I know this isn't right.
45
00:02:36,392 --> 00:02:38,097
But you have to help him.
46
00:02:38,197 --> 00:02:40,367
He's my baby.
47
00:02:42,505 --> 00:02:44,308
♪
48
00:02:57,836 --> 00:03:00,240
(truck approaching)
49
00:03:03,480 --> 00:03:06,587
(truck door opens, closes)
50
00:03:07,956 --> 00:03:10,260
(footsteps crunching in gravel)
51
00:03:19,713 --> 00:03:21,216
You ever had pho?
52
00:03:21,316 --> 00:03:23,888
-Yes.
-Not like this, you haven't.
53
00:03:29,833 --> 00:03:31,235
(Sam exhales)
54
00:03:31,335 --> 00:03:32,437
(door opens)
55
00:03:34,241 --> 00:03:36,780
(liquid pouring)
56
00:03:36,914 --> 00:03:40,922
(water runs, stops)
57
00:03:47,770 --> 00:03:49,372
I'm gonna get bowls.
58
00:03:49,438 --> 00:03:51,677
Sam, hold on a second.
59
00:03:51,777 --> 00:03:53,781
When you were gone,
60
00:03:53,881 --> 00:03:56,921
I heard someone
moving around upstairs,
61
00:03:57,021 --> 00:03:58,825
and I called up to them
62
00:03:58,958 --> 00:04:01,396
and asked them to come down.
63
00:04:01,463 --> 00:04:02,799
Did they come down?
64
00:04:04,970 --> 00:04:07,374
-So you met my mother.
-Yes.
65
00:04:07,474 --> 00:04:11,551
I was a little surprised.
Y-You said she was dead.
66
00:04:11,651 --> 00:04:14,557
Yeah, my parents aren't dead.
67
00:04:14,657 --> 00:04:16,493
I-I lied about that, too.
68
00:04:16,627 --> 00:04:18,898
Sorry.
69
00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:22,672
One of the reasons
that I didn't want
70
00:04:22,806 --> 00:04:24,577
to go into therapy
71
00:04:24,643 --> 00:04:26,479
was because I know it's all
72
00:04:26,580 --> 00:04:29,452
"mothers, mothers, mothers."
My mother is not my problem.
73
00:04:29,553 --> 00:04:31,890
Let me get the bowls.
74
00:04:31,990 --> 00:04:34,763
(footsteps ascending stairs)
75
00:04:34,863 --> 00:04:37,802
(exhales shakily)
76
00:04:47,822 --> 00:04:49,893
I'm going to
77
00:04:50,027 --> 00:04:52,464
need you to take off this chain.
78
00:04:53,834 --> 00:04:56,239
There's no way to do
this work effectively
79
00:04:56,339 --> 00:04:57,842
with the therapist tied up.
80
00:04:57,976 --> 00:05:00,247
The chain's on your leg,
not on your mouth.
81
00:05:00,347 --> 00:05:03,454
Sam, I present
no physical threat to you.
82
00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:06,325
You're young and strong,
83
00:05:06,426 --> 00:05:09,533
and I-I... I sit
in a chair all day.
84
00:05:09,666 --> 00:05:13,473
What do you imagine
would happen if I attacked you?
85
00:05:15,811 --> 00:05:16,947
(sighs)
86
00:05:17,047 --> 00:05:19,819
I... I pictured this
with you chained to the floor.
87
00:05:19,886 --> 00:05:22,491
I understand,
and I am asking you
88
00:05:22,559 --> 00:05:24,094
to adjust that
89
00:05:24,228 --> 00:05:27,501
so I can help you
more effectively.
90
00:05:27,602 --> 00:05:32,311
Sam, there is no way that
this is going to work
91
00:05:32,378 --> 00:05:34,448
unless you take off this chain.
92
00:05:38,256 --> 00:05:40,460
She usually doesn't
come down here.
93
00:05:45,738 --> 00:05:47,742
-(grunting)
-(gurgling)
94
00:05:51,917 --> 00:05:53,386
(sighs)
95
00:05:53,487 --> 00:05:57,294
Before, when we were
in my office...
96
00:05:57,394 --> 00:06:00,400
you told me that your mother
took care of you
97
00:06:00,500 --> 00:06:02,104
when your father
was being violent.
98
00:06:02,204 --> 00:06:03,640
"Mothers, mothers, mothers."
99
00:06:03,741 --> 00:06:06,980
It's just one part of things,
Sam, but we can't ignore it.
100
00:06:09,252 --> 00:06:12,424
Your mother told me
that he left.
101
00:06:13,393 --> 00:06:16,432
Can you tell me about that?
102
00:06:16,566 --> 00:06:17,936
He left us.
103
00:06:18,036 --> 00:06:20,006
How old were you?
104
00:06:21,743 --> 00:06:22,612
Fourteen.
105
00:06:23,413 --> 00:06:25,584
And what do you remember
about that?
106
00:06:28,824 --> 00:06:30,762
He left us.
107
00:06:30,862 --> 00:06:33,333
So, he didn't hit me anymore.
108
00:06:33,433 --> 00:06:35,871
Did you see him after that?
109
00:06:39,445 --> 00:06:41,550
This is the house
you grew up in?
110
00:06:42,553 --> 00:06:45,090
(clears throat) Yup.
111
00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:50,634
Do you have memories,
um, like...
112
00:06:52,104 --> 00:06:55,544
Did he hurt you in this room?
113
00:06:57,081 --> 00:06:58,818
If I was in this room...
114
00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:01,623
-(bowl thuds)
-it was in this room.
115
00:07:03,026 --> 00:07:05,598
And you'd be here and...
116
00:07:05,698 --> 00:07:08,036
And he'd say something
117
00:07:08,136 --> 00:07:11,577
that I was supposed to do,
and if I didn't do it
118
00:07:11,644 --> 00:07:13,614
within one second...
119
00:07:14,582 --> 00:07:17,154
I didn't know what he meant
sometimes. I-- He was...
120
00:07:17,254 --> 00:07:19,726
(scoffs) I needed time to think,
121
00:07:19,826 --> 00:07:21,128
but...
122
00:07:22,933 --> 00:07:24,401
Like, one time,
123
00:07:24,501 --> 00:07:25,838
he got a whole load of grout
124
00:07:25,939 --> 00:07:28,510
for the kitchen
and the bathroom, and...
125
00:07:28,611 --> 00:07:30,848
he got a deal, right,
126
00:07:30,982 --> 00:07:34,522
so he ordered a ton of it,
and it came in these boxes.
127
00:07:34,623 --> 00:07:37,796
And he was yelling at me,
"Break 'em down."
128
00:07:37,862 --> 00:07:40,668
Screaming. "Break 'em down."
129
00:07:40,801 --> 00:07:43,340
I didn't know what he meant
130
00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:45,477
because I'd never
heard that before
131
00:07:45,578 --> 00:07:49,018
'cause he... he wasn't
pointing at the boxes.
132
00:07:49,118 --> 00:07:51,489
(inhales sharply, exhales)
133
00:07:51,590 --> 00:07:55,531
Then he just,
he just went at me,
134
00:07:55,631 --> 00:07:58,136
like he did.
135
00:08:03,212 --> 00:08:05,718
You said your mom got it, too.
136
00:08:06,253 --> 00:08:09,258
She's a good mother.
137
00:08:09,392 --> 00:08:12,064
She made me sandwiches
every day.
138
00:08:12,164 --> 00:08:13,867
She did the laundry.
139
00:08:17,642 --> 00:08:21,182
It's a terrible situation
for a mother and a son.
140
00:08:29,032 --> 00:08:31,704
♪
141
00:08:31,804 --> 00:08:34,976
(Alan breathing deeply)
142
00:08:43,594 --> 00:08:45,632
RABBI:
Everyone, please.
Everyone, please.
143
00:08:45,732 --> 00:08:48,070
-(overlapping chatter)
-RABBI: People!
144
00:08:48,203 --> 00:08:51,109
People. People!
145
00:08:51,242 --> 00:08:52,979
I have something to say.
146
00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:57,087
People, people.
I have something to say.
147
00:08:57,187 --> 00:08:59,560
-(chatter quiets)
-RABBI: I understand that
148
00:08:59,660 --> 00:09:02,231
the mother of the chatan
has some
149
00:09:02,298 --> 00:09:04,001
words she'd like to share
150
00:09:04,101 --> 00:09:06,205
with the new couple.
151
00:09:09,044 --> 00:09:13,085
(murmuring)
152
00:09:18,731 --> 00:09:20,769
We don't have women sing.
153
00:09:20,869 --> 00:09:23,774
Rabbi, it's my son's wedding.
154
00:09:33,326 --> 00:09:37,735
BETH:
Hi. I'm Ezra's mom.
155
00:09:38,704 --> 00:09:41,042
-(overlapping chatter)
-Where are you going?
156
00:09:41,142 --> 00:09:43,814
BETH: I'm also the cantor
at Temple Sinai.
157
00:09:43,947 --> 00:09:46,654
(murmuring continues)
158
00:09:46,754 --> 00:09:49,158
(Beth clears throat)
159
00:09:49,258 --> 00:09:51,730
(strums guitar)
160
00:09:55,069 --> 00:09:57,140
(sighs)
161
00:09:58,811 --> 00:10:00,981
(thunder rumbles)
162
00:10:09,197 --> 00:10:10,801
Talk to me, Sam.
163
00:10:12,639 --> 00:10:14,508
I know you're struggling
with your feelings
164
00:10:14,610 --> 00:10:16,780
about the manager
at the restaurant.
165
00:10:18,684 --> 00:10:22,057
Is there anything else
you can tell me about it?
166
00:10:22,191 --> 00:10:24,161
(thunder rumbling)
167
00:10:25,665 --> 00:10:26,834
Uh...
168
00:10:26,934 --> 00:10:29,004
You should help me.
169
00:10:39,091 --> 00:10:41,830
Hmm...
170
00:10:45,805 --> 00:10:47,809
I have a thought for us.
171
00:10:47,875 --> 00:10:50,547
-Mm-hmm.
-You know,
172
00:10:50,648 --> 00:10:53,554
your mother
is an impressive woman,
173
00:10:53,654 --> 00:10:56,225
and she would clearly
do anything
174
00:10:56,358 --> 00:10:58,162
to help you feel better,
175
00:10:58,229 --> 00:11:00,802
help you live the life
that you want to live,
176
00:11:00,869 --> 00:11:03,874
and I think that
she can help us now.
177
00:11:04,843 --> 00:11:08,183
We are all part
of family systems.
178
00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:10,253
You, me, everyone.
179
00:11:10,386 --> 00:11:13,159
Changes to those systems
180
00:11:13,226 --> 00:11:15,063
can have a profound effect
on us,
181
00:11:15,163 --> 00:11:17,735
even at your age.
182
00:11:17,836 --> 00:11:19,005
And I was thinking
183
00:11:19,071 --> 00:11:21,609
that it might be beneficial
184
00:11:21,710 --> 00:11:24,348
if we were to do
some family therapy work
185
00:11:24,448 --> 00:11:25,884
with you and your mother.
186
00:11:29,125 --> 00:11:29,993
Mm.
187
00:11:30,093 --> 00:11:31,863
She's been through enough.
188
00:11:33,901 --> 00:11:36,841
She doesn't need to be dragged
into what we're doing here.
189
00:11:36,907 --> 00:11:38,644
I think that's kind of you,
190
00:11:38,744 --> 00:11:40,982
and I can see why
you'd want to protect her.
191
00:11:41,082 --> 00:11:42,317
But I don't think you need
192
00:11:42,417 --> 00:11:45,724
to worry about her feeling
dragged into this.
193
00:11:45,824 --> 00:11:49,164
I think she might
find it helpful, too.
194
00:11:51,737 --> 00:11:53,105
Sam.
195
00:11:54,876 --> 00:11:57,448
You don't have to take
this next step alone.
196
00:11:57,549 --> 00:12:02,024
There is someone
who wants to be there with you.
197
00:12:02,124 --> 00:12:06,265
She doesn't want you struggling
with this by yourself.
198
00:12:18,289 --> 00:12:20,259
(birds chirping)
199
00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:33,286
He was always
a very physical man,
200
00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:37,261
and it was always
a very intense relationship.
201
00:12:37,361 --> 00:12:40,768
-I think Sam and I...
-SAM: He was an asshole.
202
00:12:40,868 --> 00:12:42,772
It's pretty simple.
203
00:12:42,906 --> 00:12:45,944
He was a terrible father,
and Sam and I...
204
00:12:46,078 --> 00:12:47,548
Worse than terrible.
205
00:12:47,649 --> 00:12:49,953
Let's try to slow down
a little bit.
206
00:12:50,086 --> 00:12:53,961
In this space, let everybody
finish what they're saying.
207
00:12:54,095 --> 00:12:56,900
When we go more slowly,
208
00:12:56,967 --> 00:13:00,139
usually, everyone thinks
a little more clearly,
209
00:13:00,239 --> 00:13:03,046
and sometimes, when we wait,
210
00:13:03,146 --> 00:13:06,318
people don't say what we think
they are going to.
211
00:13:09,291 --> 00:13:13,232
Sam and I took refuge
in each other.
212
00:13:13,299 --> 00:13:16,139
I learned that from one
of the books I read.
213
00:13:16,272 --> 00:13:18,109
Not yours.
214
00:13:18,176 --> 00:13:19,979
Hmm.
215
00:13:21,349 --> 00:13:23,452
That it was a refuge.
216
00:13:23,519 --> 00:13:25,156
You were in this together.
217
00:13:25,290 --> 00:13:27,361
Mm-hmm.
218
00:13:27,461 --> 00:13:29,465
ALAN:
You still are.
219
00:13:29,533 --> 00:13:33,940
You are bonded to each other.
220
00:13:34,007 --> 00:13:36,178
It's very moving.
221
00:13:38,416 --> 00:13:41,122
-Sam.
-Yup.
222
00:13:41,188 --> 00:13:43,426
You love your mother,
223
00:13:43,526 --> 00:13:46,966
and I think that can give us
a way to help you.
224
00:13:48,971 --> 00:13:51,442
I want you to think
in a new way of how
225
00:13:51,508 --> 00:13:54,549
you can protect your mother.
226
00:13:54,649 --> 00:13:58,355
As you struggle
with this impulse
227
00:13:58,456 --> 00:14:01,630
to become violent,
228
00:14:01,730 --> 00:14:03,768
I want you
to protect your mother
229
00:14:03,868 --> 00:14:06,505
by not acting on that impulse.
230
00:14:07,507 --> 00:14:11,215
So that she can be free
from this source of pain.
231
00:14:11,315 --> 00:14:13,386
So...
232
00:14:13,486 --> 00:14:15,457
you think to yourself,
233
00:14:15,558 --> 00:14:18,196
"I will not do this,
234
00:14:18,296 --> 00:14:21,001
so that I can
protect my mother."
235
00:14:26,947 --> 00:14:28,516
(sniffles)
236
00:14:40,140 --> 00:14:42,377
(Alan clears throat)
237
00:14:48,590 --> 00:14:51,529
Will you do that for me, Sam?
238
00:15:06,426 --> 00:15:08,396
(truck approaching)
239
00:15:08,463 --> 00:15:10,433
(sighs) Okay.
240
00:15:12,371 --> 00:15:14,341
(chains jingling)
241
00:15:17,247 --> 00:15:19,018
(truck door opens, closes)
242
00:15:19,118 --> 00:15:21,756
-(metallic creak)
-(footsteps approaching)
243
00:15:27,468 --> 00:15:29,104
(door slides closed)
244
00:15:30,073 --> 00:15:32,443
(Sam sighs)
245
00:15:56,492 --> 00:15:58,462
SAM:
Pastitsio.
246
00:16:01,502 --> 00:16:03,439
That guy at the--
247
00:16:03,540 --> 00:16:06,111
this restaurant
where I did the inspection.
248
00:16:07,615 --> 00:16:09,619
I went back there tonight.
249
00:16:22,979 --> 00:16:24,115
Mmm.
250
00:16:24,181 --> 00:16:26,986
I figured I'd be okay,
251
00:16:27,086 --> 00:16:28,155
maybe,
252
00:16:28,255 --> 00:16:30,661
you know, with you here.
253
00:16:30,728 --> 00:16:33,332
I was just looking at him.
254
00:16:35,503 --> 00:16:37,107
How did that feel?
255
00:16:37,174 --> 00:16:39,345
I got my food.
256
00:16:39,445 --> 00:16:40,981
There he was.
257
00:16:41,081 --> 00:16:44,656
Mm, I sat in my car
across the street,
258
00:16:44,723 --> 00:16:47,527
and I did the whole thing
259
00:16:47,662 --> 00:16:51,468
in my head, every second.
260
00:16:53,206 --> 00:16:55,343
You said with me here.
261
00:16:55,443 --> 00:16:57,548
Was this a test for yourself?
262
00:16:59,051 --> 00:17:00,219
Yeah, I guess so.
263
00:17:03,159 --> 00:17:04,494
Seems like you did well.
264
00:17:06,365 --> 00:17:09,504
I-I want to show him...
265
00:17:10,541 --> 00:17:13,847
I-I want to teach him
how to behave
266
00:17:13,914 --> 00:17:16,385
to other people
in the world. I...
267
00:17:17,588 --> 00:17:19,491
I still want to do it.
268
00:17:25,570 --> 00:17:27,675
(mutters): Okay.
269
00:17:30,379 --> 00:17:34,254
Mmm. Mmm.
270
00:17:35,423 --> 00:17:36,258
Thanks.
271
00:17:38,730 --> 00:17:42,203
Was it like that
with the other ones who you...
272
00:17:44,709 --> 00:17:46,245
Did they do something
273
00:17:46,345 --> 00:17:49,351
that made you want
to teach them a lesson?
274
00:17:49,418 --> 00:17:52,090
Yes.
275
00:17:52,190 --> 00:17:54,763
They were all-- I...
276
00:17:54,863 --> 00:17:56,733
Every one of them deserved it.
277
00:18:06,218 --> 00:18:07,989
(birds chirping)
278
00:18:08,089 --> 00:18:10,459
♪
279
00:18:26,660 --> 00:18:29,230
(creaking overhead)
280
00:18:33,105 --> 00:18:35,443
Candace?
281
00:18:35,577 --> 00:18:37,748
(footsteps)
282
00:18:42,390 --> 00:18:45,429
Candace, we need to talk.
283
00:18:59,525 --> 00:19:01,729
♪
284
00:19:12,284 --> 00:19:14,756
(guitar playing)
285
00:19:14,856 --> 00:19:18,128
(Beth singing in Hebrew)
286
00:19:18,229 --> 00:19:19,799
(others murmuring)
287
00:19:19,899 --> 00:19:22,270
(continues singing in Hebrew)
288
00:19:28,182 --> 00:19:30,921
(Beth continues singing
in Hebrew)
289
00:19:41,174 --> 00:19:44,280
(continues singing in Hebrew)
290
00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:52,798
♪
291
00:20:03,185 --> 00:20:05,523
(Beth continues singing
in Hebrew)
292
00:20:21,121 --> 00:20:23,593
(Beth continues singing
in Hebrew)
293
00:20:24,328 --> 00:20:26,098
(song ends)
294
00:20:26,165 --> 00:20:27,835
(sighs)
295
00:20:36,753 --> 00:20:38,756
(truck approaching)
296
00:20:41,863 --> 00:20:44,234
(truck door opens, closes)
297
00:20:44,334 --> 00:20:46,338
(thudding overhead)
298
00:20:56,660 --> 00:20:58,730
(grunting)
299
00:21:03,205 --> 00:21:04,709
-(gasps)
-(chains jingling)
300
00:21:04,809 --> 00:21:06,813
(grunting)
301
00:21:06,913 --> 00:21:09,417
MAN:
No. No. No. No.
302
00:21:09,518 --> 00:21:11,722
Stop. (whimpering)
303
00:21:16,198 --> 00:21:18,603
(duct tape stretching, ripping)
304
00:21:26,752 --> 00:21:28,756
(keys jingle)
305
00:21:39,378 --> 00:21:41,515
(door opens, slams closed)
306
00:21:41,616 --> 00:21:43,786
♪
307
00:23:29,999 --> 00:23:32,169
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
20254
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