Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:10,855 --> 00:00:13,828
Contrary to popular belief,
the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo
2
00:00:13,895 --> 00:00:14,897
wasn't racist.
3
00:00:14,963 --> 00:00:15,899
It was racial.
4
00:00:15,965 --> 00:00:16,901
There's a difference.
5
00:00:16,967 --> 00:00:17,869
[both giggling]
6
00:00:17,936 --> 00:00:18,938
Mr. Aquino,
7
00:00:19,005 --> 00:00:20,073
passing notes and giggling?
8
00:00:20,140 --> 00:00:22,177
Not on my watch.
9
00:00:22,244 --> 00:00:23,614
"Could the postcolonial reconstruction
10
00:00:23,681 --> 00:00:25,785
of the American Southwest
be any cooler?"
11
00:00:25,852 --> 00:00:27,756
How dare you be sarcastic
with me!
12
00:00:27,822 --> 00:00:28,791
Mr. Wallace, it's sincere.
13
00:00:28,858 --> 00:00:29,860
I'm that nerdy.
14
00:00:29,927 --> 00:00:30,995
How's this for sincere?
15
00:00:31,062 --> 00:00:32,197
Extra reading tonight.
16
00:00:32,264 --> 00:00:33,568
On Julius and Ethel Rosenberg.
17
00:00:33,634 --> 00:00:34,770
STUDENT: Oh, man!
[students snickering]
18
00:00:34,836 --> 00:00:36,372
MR. WALLACE: Dissect
the Rosenbergs' timeline
19
00:00:36,439 --> 00:00:38,343
and see how it lines up
with the show The Americans.
20
00:00:38,410 --> 00:00:40,180
Passing notes
is a slippery slope.
21
00:00:40,247 --> 00:00:41,584
CHRISSY AS SKELETON:
[demonic voice] Hi, Teach.
22
00:00:41,650 --> 00:00:42,953
You bored me to death!
23
00:00:43,019 --> 00:00:44,255
Oh, God! Ahh!
24
00:00:44,322 --> 00:00:46,560
Oh, God! Ahh! Oh, God.
[laughter]
25
00:00:46,627 --> 00:00:48,496
Oh, my God.
That was so cool.
26
00:00:48,564 --> 00:00:52,304
I'm your sub, Mr. Boner,
and I'm hard for history.
27
00:00:52,371 --> 00:00:53,708
I don't--
I don't deserve to die.
28
00:00:53,774 --> 00:00:55,444
Oh, God! Oh, God!
- Yes. Yes, yes, yes.
29
00:00:55,511 --> 00:00:58,684
We still good to try that new
WWE-themed ice cream place,
30
00:00:58,751 --> 00:00:59,686
Stone Cold Creamery?
31
00:00:59,753 --> 00:01:01,289
Gimme a hell yeah!
32
00:01:01,356 --> 00:01:02,458
ARABELLA:
Hey. Chrissy, right?
33
00:01:02,525 --> 00:01:03,828
BENNIGAN:
Arabella, don't hurt us!
34
00:01:03,894 --> 00:01:05,865
One of us could be the person
to solve global warming.
35
00:01:05,932 --> 00:01:07,167
You know my name?
36
00:01:07,234 --> 00:01:09,238
That skeleton thing you did
was so dank.
37
00:01:09,305 --> 00:01:11,376
Like, such a subversion
of Western hegemony.
38
00:01:11,442 --> 00:01:12,646
Oh, yeah, that's, uh,
39
00:01:12,712 --> 00:01:14,482
my least favorite kind
of hegemony.
40
00:01:14,549 --> 00:01:16,921
We're protesting fast fashion
at Camry's later.
41
00:01:16,987 --> 00:01:18,256
You should come.
- Uh, yeah.
42
00:01:18,323 --> 00:01:19,225
Okay, I'll be there.
43
00:01:19,292 --> 00:01:20,862
TTYL, Chrissy.
44
00:01:20,929 --> 00:01:22,331
We have to stop at Forever 21.
45
00:01:22,398 --> 00:01:24,636
I'm gonna hang out with
Arabella and her friends today?
46
00:01:24,703 --> 00:01:26,774
Sure, she's popular,
but what's the big deal?
47
00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:29,111
They're somebody.
People remember their names.
48
00:01:29,178 --> 00:01:31,015
They're not just "new girl."
Oh, God.
49
00:01:31,082 --> 00:01:32,451
What do I wear
to protest fast fashion?
50
00:01:32,519 --> 00:01:33,688
What's slow? A turtleneck?
51
00:01:33,754 --> 00:01:35,357
You mean after we get
ice cream, right?
52
00:01:35,424 --> 00:01:37,227
The flavors will put you
in a suplex.
53
00:01:37,294 --> 00:01:39,031
- Cool if we reschedule?
- Totally.
54
00:01:39,098 --> 00:01:40,167
TTYL.
55
00:01:40,233 --> 00:01:43,006
[laughs] LOL, NP...
56
00:01:43,073 --> 00:01:44,743
if "LOL, NP" stood for
57
00:01:44,810 --> 00:01:48,718
"Losing one's laughter.
Nihilism, pain."
58
00:01:48,784 --> 00:01:51,724
[dramatic music]
59
00:01:51,790 --> 00:01:56,366
♪ ♪
60
00:01:57,234 --> 00:02:00,374
[clock ticking]
61
00:02:02,244 --> 00:02:04,248
[slurping]
62
00:02:05,918 --> 00:02:08,691
So, uh, don't forget it's our
weekly deer skinning tonight.
63
00:02:08,758 --> 00:02:11,062
Gonna show you how to remove
soft tissue from the hide.
64
00:02:11,129 --> 00:02:12,464
Ugh, vom.
65
00:02:12,532 --> 00:02:13,834
LAURA: Okay,
can you just put down that book
66
00:02:13,901 --> 00:02:14,870
and eat your breakfast?
67
00:02:14,936 --> 00:02:16,507
It's the novelization
of Parasite.
68
00:02:16,573 --> 00:02:18,443
And breakfast
is a social construct.
69
00:02:18,511 --> 00:02:20,581
Last week, you wanted
dinosaur-shaped pancakes,
70
00:02:20,648 --> 00:02:22,652
and now you're protesting
the idea of breakfast?
71
00:02:22,719 --> 00:02:23,754
[chuckling] Got it.
- [scoffs]
72
00:02:23,821 --> 00:02:25,223
Some of us are interested
in growth,
73
00:02:25,290 --> 00:02:26,292
not just being a shill.
74
00:02:26,359 --> 00:02:27,762
I literally support anarchy.
75
00:02:27,829 --> 00:02:29,298
That outfit is anarchy.
76
00:02:29,365 --> 00:02:30,935
All right, Chrissy,
what has gotten into you?
77
00:02:31,002 --> 00:02:32,204
Stop calling me that.
78
00:02:32,271 --> 00:02:33,941
My girlfriends call me
Skelli-Trash Bride.
79
00:02:34,008 --> 00:02:36,012
Wait a minute--you don't have
any friends that are girls.
80
00:02:36,079 --> 00:02:38,450
I have more of a life outside
of this house than you think.
81
00:02:38,517 --> 00:02:40,521
Coming from the girl who took
Erwin to the fall dance?
82
00:02:40,588 --> 00:02:42,559
- I'm right here.
- Whatever!
83
00:02:42,625 --> 00:02:44,462
[horn honks]
I'm gonna be late. Bye.
84
00:02:44,529 --> 00:02:46,499
Wait a minute.
Who is driving you to school?
85
00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:48,403
Are they old enough?
- My friend Camry.
86
00:02:48,470 --> 00:02:50,875
And she repeated eighth grade
three times, so yeah.
87
00:02:50,942 --> 00:02:53,113
Maybe your new friends
like your shitty attitude,
88
00:02:53,179 --> 00:02:54,248
but I don't.
89
00:02:54,315 --> 00:02:55,551
[demonic voice]
Don't touch me.
90
00:02:55,618 --> 00:02:57,622
I wanna hang out
with people my own age,
91
00:02:57,689 --> 00:03:01,697
not skin deer with some
ancient, dried out hag.
92
00:03:01,764 --> 00:03:02,932
[door slams]
93
00:03:02,999 --> 00:03:04,970
Oh, by the way, Chrissy took
one of your Wiccan tools
94
00:03:05,037 --> 00:03:06,305
earlier.
- What?
95
00:03:06,372 --> 00:03:07,942
Why the fuck didn't you say
something sooner?
96
00:03:08,009 --> 00:03:09,078
Maybe don't shit on me
97
00:03:09,145 --> 00:03:10,313
for being someone's
fall dance date.
98
00:03:10,380 --> 00:03:11,349
[slurping]
99
00:03:11,416 --> 00:03:12,919
[door creaks]
100
00:03:12,986 --> 00:03:14,689
That little fucking brat.
101
00:03:14,756 --> 00:03:16,025
[ominous music]
102
00:03:16,092 --> 00:03:17,161
[tires squeal]
103
00:03:17,227 --> 00:03:18,898
[goat bleats]
104
00:03:18,964 --> 00:03:21,102
And where does she get off
calling me a hag?
105
00:03:21,169 --> 00:03:22,371
I am 34.
106
00:03:22,438 --> 00:03:24,375
Thank you very much.
107
00:03:25,143 --> 00:03:26,245
[goat bleats]
108
00:03:26,312 --> 00:03:28,016
[blade swishes]
109
00:03:28,083 --> 00:03:31,222
[baby crying]
110
00:03:31,957 --> 00:03:33,527
Haruch vas divinite!
111
00:03:33,594 --> 00:03:34,730
[mystical whooshing]
112
00:03:34,796 --> 00:03:37,869
[easy listening music playing]
113
00:03:37,936 --> 00:03:39,740
♪ ♪
114
00:03:39,806 --> 00:03:42,177
Hey, Laura, I'm joining
a rec softball team.
115
00:03:42,244 --> 00:03:43,881
You in? Oh, God. What's this?
116
00:03:43,948 --> 00:03:45,685
I'm borrowing youth
from this baby.
117
00:03:45,752 --> 00:03:47,889
So you're taking
this hag thing hard, huh?
118
00:03:47,956 --> 00:03:48,791
Chrissy took a Wiccan tool
119
00:03:48,858 --> 00:03:50,360
that can conjure
the darkest evils,
120
00:03:50,427 --> 00:03:52,231
and it's all because of those
popular girls.
121
00:03:52,297 --> 00:03:53,734
She's only listening to them,
122
00:03:53,801 --> 00:03:56,072
so I have to transform myself
into an actual tween
123
00:03:56,139 --> 00:03:57,174
to get through to her.
- Oh.
124
00:03:57,241 --> 00:03:58,443
Well, when you put it
like that,
125
00:03:58,511 --> 00:04:00,113
this kidnapping
is actually cool and normal.
126
00:04:00,180 --> 00:04:01,215
Oh, grow up.
127
00:04:01,282 --> 00:04:02,451
They're in a state
of deep slumber.
128
00:04:02,519 --> 00:04:04,488
They might as well be
in a spa right now.
129
00:04:04,556 --> 00:04:05,858
This is gonna be painful
for me.
130
00:04:05,925 --> 00:04:07,060
Lock the garage door.
131
00:04:07,127 --> 00:04:09,498
No matter how much I beg you,
do not open it.
132
00:04:09,566 --> 00:04:10,902
All right, but later,
133
00:04:10,968 --> 00:04:12,806
I get to do one weird thing
in the garage.
134
00:04:12,872 --> 00:04:13,841
[door creaks, slams]
135
00:04:13,908 --> 00:04:16,580
LAURA: [screaming]
Oh, Jesus fucking Christ!
136
00:04:16,647 --> 00:04:18,483
Erwin, this wasn't worth it!
I'll Let Chrissy die!
137
00:04:18,551 --> 00:04:20,420
Please open the garage!
138
00:04:22,024 --> 00:04:23,259
Would it kill you to smile?
139
00:04:23,326 --> 00:04:24,729
I promised Chrissy a weekend
140
00:04:24,796 --> 00:04:26,533
of gambling and smoking cigars.
141
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,138
[speaking language]
142
00:04:29,673 --> 00:04:31,442
[rumbling]
- Ah, hold up, hold up.
143
00:04:31,510 --> 00:04:32,846
I'm getting a text.
144
00:04:32,912 --> 00:04:33,948
[creature screeches]
[flame whooshes]
145
00:04:34,850 --> 00:04:36,085
"Hey, Dad.
146
00:04:36,152 --> 00:04:37,622
"Can't make this weekend.
147
00:04:37,689 --> 00:04:39,191
Have a crazy school project."
148
00:04:39,258 --> 00:04:40,494
Grimacing emoji.
149
00:04:40,561 --> 00:04:42,599
"Working at Bennigan's." What?
150
00:04:42,665 --> 00:04:45,137
I'm being upstaged
by the fucking yo-yo kid?
151
00:04:45,203 --> 00:04:47,107
Son of a bitch, pulling the ol'
152
00:04:47,174 --> 00:04:49,178
"school project" routine on me?
153
00:04:49,245 --> 00:04:50,480
It's code for butt stuff.
154
00:04:50,548 --> 00:04:52,451
Snake with Arms, cadaver.
155
00:04:52,519 --> 00:04:54,321
[tires screeching]
[crashing]
156
00:04:54,388 --> 00:04:56,459
DRIVER: Oh, God!
I killed an armadillo!
157
00:04:56,527 --> 00:04:58,864
SATAN IN ARMADILLO:
[grumbling] Fucking stairs...
158
00:04:58,931 --> 00:05:00,835
[pop]
All right, you sick fuck.
159
00:05:00,902 --> 00:05:02,437
Ahh! Zombie armadillo!
160
00:05:02,505 --> 00:05:04,743
It's me, the Devil,
in a dead armadillo.
161
00:05:04,810 --> 00:05:05,945
Wait, what do you want
from me?
162
00:05:06,012 --> 00:05:07,515
Are--are we friends now?
- Where is she?
163
00:05:07,582 --> 00:05:09,986
I heard about your
"school project," perv.
164
00:05:10,053 --> 00:05:11,523
Your pee-pee's getting
the guillotine.
165
00:05:11,590 --> 00:05:13,059
I guess that was her cover.
166
00:05:13,126 --> 00:05:14,563
I haven't seen Chrissy in days.
167
00:05:14,629 --> 00:05:16,199
Ever since she got popular.
168
00:05:16,265 --> 00:05:17,201
What the f--
169
00:05:17,267 --> 00:05:18,403
When did this happen?
170
00:05:18,469 --> 00:05:20,140
Tell me everything you know,
now!
171
00:05:20,207 --> 00:05:21,442
This week! What's wrong?
172
00:05:21,510 --> 00:05:23,547
Popular people
are a menace to society.
173
00:05:23,614 --> 00:05:25,016
And this is me talking.
174
00:05:25,083 --> 00:05:27,655
I've seen this crap play out
for hundreds of years.
175
00:05:27,722 --> 00:05:29,626
First, she's popular
in middle school.
176
00:05:29,693 --> 00:05:32,599
Then she joins a middle tier
sorority in college.
177
00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:34,034
Before you know it,
she's married
178
00:05:34,101 --> 00:05:35,571
to some dick-nose named Trent
179
00:05:35,638 --> 00:05:37,942
who works in mergers
and acquisitions.
180
00:05:38,009 --> 00:05:39,913
She'll be so wrapped up
in that kind of shit,
181
00:05:39,980 --> 00:05:41,917
she'll lose sight of what's
really important in life.
182
00:05:41,984 --> 00:05:43,954
- Her real friends--
- Universal supremacy!
183
00:05:44,021 --> 00:05:45,858
There's gotta be something
we can do, right?
184
00:05:45,925 --> 00:05:47,394
Nah. We can't do shit.
185
00:05:47,461 --> 00:05:48,797
Chrissy's popular now.
186
00:05:48,864 --> 00:05:50,935
She won't listen to anyone except...
187
00:05:51,002 --> 00:05:52,805
a more popular kid.
188
00:05:52,872 --> 00:05:55,143
You're gonna possess someone
more popular and get her back?
189
00:05:55,210 --> 00:05:56,613
You kidding? If I possess,
190
00:05:56,680 --> 00:05:57,982
Chrissy will sniff me out.
191
00:05:58,049 --> 00:05:59,619
I got it! You.
192
00:05:59,686 --> 00:06:00,821
- What?
- Only you can help her.
193
00:06:00,888 --> 00:06:02,357
No, no, no.
I can't become popular.
194
00:06:02,424 --> 00:06:03,594
I'm more of a wallflower.
195
00:06:03,661 --> 00:06:05,196
Not just popular,
196
00:06:05,263 --> 00:06:08,169
the kind of kid she doesn't use
as a cover story.
197
00:06:08,236 --> 00:06:09,573
Plus, she seems to like you.
198
00:06:09,639 --> 00:06:11,877
Or she did, at least.
199
00:06:12,812 --> 00:06:13,747
You know what?
200
00:06:13,814 --> 00:06:16,219
Let's make me
the coolest gosh-darn kid
201
00:06:16,285 --> 00:06:17,487
this town has ever seen.
202
00:06:17,555 --> 00:06:19,425
Now you're talkin', Benny!
203
00:06:22,565 --> 00:06:23,534
[bell rings]
204
00:06:23,601 --> 00:06:26,439
[upbeat rock music]
205
00:06:26,506 --> 00:06:27,709
All right, Laura.
206
00:06:27,775 --> 00:06:29,478
You're wiser and hotter
than these morons.
207
00:06:29,546 --> 00:06:30,848
I'll have Chrissy back
before lunch.
208
00:06:30,915 --> 00:06:32,284
SECRETARY EDNA:
Just a reminder,
209
00:06:32,351 --> 00:06:34,421
Principal Dawkins
is holding a safety assembly
210
00:06:34,488 --> 00:06:35,725
in the theater this afternoon
211
00:06:35,791 --> 00:06:37,562
on the new dangers
of teenager-ness.
212
00:06:37,629 --> 00:06:39,365
Attendance is mandatory.
213
00:06:39,431 --> 00:06:41,503
Hi. Where can I find
Chrissy Feinberg?
214
00:06:41,570 --> 00:06:42,739
I'm her lab partner.
215
00:06:42,805 --> 00:06:43,874
Why don't you just text her?
216
00:06:43,941 --> 00:06:45,711
Uh, because cell phones
are brain poison.
217
00:06:45,778 --> 00:06:47,014
Read a book, you dumb idiot.
218
00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:49,084
Whoa, uncool.
Weaponizing intelligence?
219
00:06:49,151 --> 00:06:50,955
Not a behavior
I wanna see normalized.
220
00:06:51,022 --> 00:06:53,026
- Are you all right?
- I just feel so gaslit.
221
00:06:53,092 --> 00:06:54,663
Get away from us,
toxic new girl.
222
00:06:54,729 --> 00:06:56,633
Aw, wait, come on, come on.
223
00:06:56,700 --> 00:06:57,869
I--I didn't mean...
224
00:06:57,936 --> 00:06:59,371
Wait a minute,
why do I give a shit?
225
00:06:59,438 --> 00:07:01,342
[scoffs]
Stupid fuckin' teen spell,
226
00:07:01,409 --> 00:07:03,279
making me all hormonal
and emotional.
227
00:07:03,346 --> 00:07:06,285
[ominous music]
228
00:07:06,352 --> 00:07:13,466
♪ ♪
229
00:07:16,907 --> 00:07:18,877
- You vape?
- Sometimes.
230
00:07:18,944 --> 00:07:20,548
You know
it gives you popcorn lung.
231
00:07:20,615 --> 00:07:22,484
- What are you, my mom?
- Uh, me? No--
232
00:07:22,552 --> 00:07:24,589
I'm Abigail Carter-Lange,
new in town,
233
00:07:24,656 --> 00:07:26,727
no discernible past,
so don't bother looking me up.
234
00:07:26,793 --> 00:07:28,998
- Okay?
- So what's the haps, huh?
235
00:07:29,064 --> 00:07:31,469
Where do the, uh, cool kids go
to let loose
236
00:07:31,536 --> 00:07:33,139
and play with
otherworldly artifacts?
237
00:07:33,206 --> 00:07:34,208
Are you confused?
238
00:07:34,274 --> 00:07:35,511
[stall door opens]
239
00:07:35,578 --> 00:07:37,180
Is toxic new girl
bothering you?
240
00:07:37,247 --> 00:07:38,249
No, she just, like--
241
00:07:38,316 --> 00:07:39,986
Who made those braces,
Amtrak?
242
00:07:40,053 --> 00:07:42,525
Those shoes should come
with a Content Warning.
243
00:07:42,592 --> 00:07:43,761
Let's leave
before toxic new girl
244
00:07:43,827 --> 00:07:45,296
tries to red-pill us.
245
00:07:45,363 --> 00:07:47,502
♪ ♪
246
00:07:47,568 --> 00:07:49,038
Well, who made your shoes, huh?
247
00:07:49,104 --> 00:07:50,106
Amtrak?
248
00:07:50,173 --> 00:07:51,342
Damn it.
249
00:07:51,409 --> 00:07:53,212
[dripping]
250
00:07:53,279 --> 00:07:54,448
[dramatic music]
251
00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:55,518
"Slimm Timm"?
252
00:07:55,584 --> 00:07:57,889
Who the hell is Slimm Timm?
253
00:07:57,955 --> 00:08:00,895
♪ ♪
254
00:08:00,961 --> 00:08:03,499
All right, first step
in making you cool as shit
255
00:08:03,567 --> 00:08:05,538
was getting you
this cool-as-shit hat.
256
00:08:05,604 --> 00:08:07,575
I will agree with you, sir,
on this.
257
00:08:07,642 --> 00:08:09,579
This hat is super cool.
- Keep it on.
258
00:08:09,646 --> 00:08:11,048
I'm gonna pull your hair
to control you.
259
00:08:11,115 --> 00:08:12,451
Ooh, like Ratatouille.
260
00:08:12,518 --> 00:08:14,589
If you don't shut up, you're
gonna fuck up my whole plan.
261
00:08:14,656 --> 00:08:16,058
Oh, and--and what is
your plan, sir?
262
00:08:16,125 --> 00:08:17,729
Let's just say
you're about to look
263
00:08:17,795 --> 00:08:19,866
like the biggest badass
in middle school history.
264
00:08:19,933 --> 00:08:21,035
Now mush.
265
00:08:21,102 --> 00:08:23,006
Whoa, wait. H-how?
266
00:08:23,072 --> 00:08:24,642
I started a credible rumor
that you're banging
267
00:08:24,709 --> 00:08:26,045
the hottest teacher in school.
268
00:08:26,112 --> 00:08:27,080
Wait. You what?
269
00:08:27,147 --> 00:08:28,917
Miss Rainy,
you are utterly depraved!
270
00:08:28,984 --> 00:08:30,921
How could you?
- Principal Dawkins,
271
00:08:30,988 --> 00:08:32,725
I swear those photos
aren't real.
272
00:08:32,792 --> 00:08:34,428
Bennigan, please.
Tell the truth.
273
00:08:34,495 --> 00:08:36,633
Of course. The truth is...
274
00:08:36,700 --> 00:08:37,869
SATAN VOICING BENNIGAN:
That I nailed Ms. Rainy
275
00:08:37,935 --> 00:08:40,206
in ways
that would make God cry.
276
00:08:40,273 --> 00:08:41,409
[students exclaiming]
277
00:08:41,475 --> 00:08:42,879
[gasps] Oh, God.
278
00:08:42,945 --> 00:08:44,181
Please, no! Please, no!
STUDENT: That is so messed up.
279
00:08:44,248 --> 00:08:45,718
She was my favorite teacher,
and now she's a perv.
280
00:08:45,785 --> 00:08:46,686
SATAN IN ARMADILLO:
I don't get it.
281
00:08:46,753 --> 00:08:47,989
Why aren't people
worshipping you?
282
00:08:48,056 --> 00:08:50,561
You told people
that I slept with a teacher.
283
00:08:50,628 --> 00:08:52,130
- That's cool.
- That's not cool!
284
00:08:52,197 --> 00:08:53,499
It's a heinous crime!
285
00:08:53,567 --> 00:08:54,536
Poor Miss Rainy.
286
00:08:54,602 --> 00:08:55,504
What are they gonna do to her?
287
00:08:55,571 --> 00:08:56,472
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
288
00:08:56,540 --> 00:08:57,942
All press is good press.
289
00:08:58,009 --> 00:09:00,080
As long as people are talking.
290
00:09:00,146 --> 00:09:02,952
[keys clacking]
- "Slimm Timm."
291
00:09:03,019 --> 00:09:04,321
[upbeat dance music playing]
292
00:09:04,388 --> 00:09:06,125
KAMERICKLE SPURKLES:
W-w-w-w-w-wowy kazowee,
293
00:09:06,192 --> 00:09:07,227
shizbags!
294
00:09:07,294 --> 00:09:08,262
Aye! Aye!
295
00:09:08,329 --> 00:09:09,264
Kamerickle Spurkles
296
00:09:09,331 --> 00:09:10,266
with all the latest tea
297
00:09:10,333 --> 00:09:12,204
on the cray and creepy.
298
00:09:12,270 --> 00:09:14,676
Hold onto yer tables
and piss on this!
299
00:09:14,743 --> 00:09:16,011
Slimm Timm.
300
00:09:16,078 --> 00:09:18,282
Teens across the world
posted stories
301
00:09:18,349 --> 00:09:20,654
of a slender man
who roams the globe
302
00:09:20,721 --> 00:09:24,027
in search of young hearts
to devour.
303
00:09:24,094 --> 00:09:25,130
How the hell
don't I know this freak?
304
00:09:25,196 --> 00:09:26,499
It's my whole thing.
305
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:27,568
KAMERICKLE SPURKLES:
The more you believe in him,
306
00:09:27,635 --> 00:09:29,405
the more real he becomes.
307
00:09:29,471 --> 00:09:31,375
A tulpa. Fuck. Of course.
308
00:09:31,442 --> 00:09:32,712
KAMERICKLE SPURKLES:
Acolytes will often offer him
309
00:09:32,779 --> 00:09:34,214
their weakest member
in exchange
310
00:09:34,281 --> 00:09:36,720
for his eternal love
and admiration.
311
00:09:36,787 --> 00:09:38,055
Don't forget
to smash Subscribe
312
00:09:38,122 --> 00:09:40,326
for more sick vids
and dank memes.
313
00:09:40,393 --> 00:09:42,698
Those bitches
are gonna sacrifice Chrissy.
314
00:09:42,765 --> 00:09:44,034
Hey, you, where in this school
315
00:09:44,101 --> 00:09:45,571
do kids go to do dark shit, huh?
316
00:09:45,638 --> 00:09:46,740
Tell me now. Come on.
317
00:09:46,807 --> 00:09:48,309
That depends
who you're referring to.
318
00:09:48,376 --> 00:09:50,714
Manga girls read guro
under the bleachers.
319
00:09:50,781 --> 00:09:53,019
Then you got the art kids,
total smackheads.
320
00:09:53,085 --> 00:09:54,856
Okay, okay. Well,
what about the popular girls?
321
00:09:54,923 --> 00:09:56,025
Always something new
with them.
322
00:09:56,091 --> 00:09:57,562
Just look at their
ShitSta page.
323
00:09:57,628 --> 00:09:59,164
They'll post
all their dark shit there.
324
00:09:59,231 --> 00:10:00,333
The fuck is...[scoffs]
325
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,204
Look, if that's some
social media bullshit,
326
00:10:02,270 --> 00:10:03,640
there's no way
Chrissy has one of those.
327
00:10:03,707 --> 00:10:04,642
Chrissy Feinberg?
328
00:10:04,709 --> 00:10:05,945
Uh, yes, she does.
329
00:10:06,011 --> 00:10:08,082
Her page is growing in numbers
as we speak.
330
00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:10,353
Climbing to the top ten
student body influencers
331
00:10:10,420 --> 00:10:11,756
in just under three days, and--
332
00:10:11,823 --> 00:10:14,729
Save it for your podcast,
loser, and show me.
333
00:10:14,796 --> 00:10:15,731
She likes free jazz?
334
00:10:15,798 --> 00:10:17,267
Since when?
335
00:10:17,334 --> 00:10:19,739
Hey, guys, sorry
I haven't posted in forever.
336
00:10:19,806 --> 00:10:21,843
Laura's been sucking the life
out of me.
337
00:10:21,910 --> 00:10:23,780
Can't wait to get
out of the hag's prison
338
00:10:23,847 --> 00:10:26,318
and into my happy place,
hangin' with my girlies.
339
00:10:26,385 --> 00:10:28,055
[grumbles]
340
00:10:29,291 --> 00:10:30,360
Hey, where is this?
341
00:10:30,426 --> 00:10:31,563
The old boiler room.
342
00:10:31,630 --> 00:10:32,965
It's the tragic
and haunted site
343
00:10:33,032 --> 00:10:34,301
where they take kids
to get bullied.
344
00:10:34,368 --> 00:10:36,172
Nearly 40 years ago,
they went too far--
345
00:10:36,238 --> 00:10:38,677
Oh, my God, I'm gonna turn
your ribcage into a lampshade.
346
00:10:38,744 --> 00:10:40,815
Shut up and tell me
where the fuck it is.
347
00:10:40,881 --> 00:10:42,685
BENNIGAN:
Look, I want to get popular
348
00:10:42,752 --> 00:10:44,021
and talk some sense
into Chrissy
349
00:10:44,087 --> 00:10:45,223
just as much as you do, sir--
350
00:10:45,290 --> 00:10:46,225
Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeah.
351
00:10:46,292 --> 00:10:47,662
But we can't hurt anyone.
Deal?
352
00:10:47,728 --> 00:10:49,064
This idea's harmless.
353
00:10:49,131 --> 00:10:50,433
See those cool kids over
there cutting class?
354
00:10:50,500 --> 00:10:51,570
BENNIGAN: Yeah.
SATAN IN ARMADILLO: We're gonna
355
00:10:51,636 --> 00:10:53,105
do one of those viral pranks
356
00:10:53,172 --> 00:10:55,678
that kids love to make you look
like a fuckin' stud.
357
00:10:55,744 --> 00:10:57,280
Okay.
And we're gonna do this by...
358
00:10:57,347 --> 00:10:59,786
On my signal,
a team of Beast Guards
359
00:10:59,853 --> 00:11:01,790
are gonna beat the shit
out of that cool kid.
360
00:11:01,857 --> 00:11:03,492
I mean,
really decimate the guy.
361
00:11:03,560 --> 00:11:06,265
Then I figure you jump out,
strip to your undies,
362
00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:08,804
dive into a kiddie pool
of tapioca pudding,
363
00:11:08,871 --> 00:11:11,610
and you will yell "swag"
or "kazooie."
364
00:11:11,676 --> 00:11:12,678
Wha--no!
365
00:11:12,745 --> 00:11:14,314
H-how is that a prank to you?
366
00:11:14,381 --> 00:11:16,352
Beating someone
within an inch of their life?
367
00:11:16,418 --> 00:11:17,655
Holy shit, kid.
368
00:11:17,722 --> 00:11:19,191
You are fuckin' hopeless.
369
00:11:19,258 --> 00:11:22,264
First, it's, "Ew, sex
with teachers is a crime."
370
00:11:22,330 --> 00:11:24,067
- It is.
- Now you're against pranks.
371
00:11:24,134 --> 00:11:27,207
This isn't the '80s,
Mr. Satan, sir, okay?
372
00:11:27,274 --> 00:11:29,846
Why can't we just get popular
by being like a decent person?
373
00:11:29,913 --> 00:11:31,181
All right,
you don't wanna listen to me?
374
00:11:31,248 --> 00:11:32,183
Try it. Be decent.
375
00:11:32,250 --> 00:11:34,388
Let's watch you
crash and burn, dipshit.
376
00:11:34,454 --> 00:11:36,392
Fine. Respectfully, I will.
377
00:11:37,562 --> 00:11:39,632
What do you want?
We're ditching class.
378
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:41,636
Beat it.
- Hey, I've been there.
379
00:11:41,703 --> 00:11:43,640
Skipping class
is just a way to say,
380
00:11:43,707 --> 00:11:46,111
"Hey. I'm so, so scared,
381
00:11:46,178 --> 00:11:49,484
and in my life, this is
the one thing I can control."
382
00:11:49,552 --> 00:11:51,388
But Brian, hey.
383
00:11:51,455 --> 00:11:53,259
Look at me, bud. Look at me.
384
00:11:53,326 --> 00:11:55,731
You. Are. Valid.
385
00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:57,267
[gentle music]
386
00:11:57,334 --> 00:11:58,670
[sniffling]
387
00:11:58,737 --> 00:12:00,240
I'm so afraid of the future.
388
00:12:00,306 --> 00:12:02,745
Sometimes I feel invisible,
and this is the only way
389
00:12:02,812 --> 00:12:04,882
I feel seen.
- Shh, shh, shh. I gotcha.
390
00:12:04,949 --> 00:12:07,855
Ol' Benny Boy Superstar's
gotcha.
391
00:12:07,922 --> 00:12:12,030
You are the single
coolest kid I've ever met.
392
00:12:12,097 --> 00:12:13,132
Welcome, king.
[students cheering]
393
00:12:13,199 --> 00:12:14,769
STUDENT 1:
Yeah! No, he is cool.
394
00:12:14,836 --> 00:12:16,305
STUDENT 2:
Emotional maturity is the tits.
395
00:12:16,372 --> 00:12:19,411
- Holy shit.
- That worked? That worked!
396
00:12:19,478 --> 00:12:22,350
I never thought to just talk
to the popular people.
397
00:12:22,417 --> 00:12:24,956
Big deal, "kazooie" would've
accomplished the same thing,
398
00:12:25,023 --> 00:12:26,358
but with more sex appeal.
399
00:12:26,425 --> 00:12:28,797
Now for phase two.
400
00:12:28,864 --> 00:12:30,668
You ever see someone
and think, man,
401
00:12:30,734 --> 00:12:32,605
that looks just like
the child version
402
00:12:32,672 --> 00:12:34,041
of somebody I used to nail?
403
00:12:34,107 --> 00:12:35,611
I--I never thought that.
404
00:12:35,678 --> 00:12:38,583
[suspenseful music]
405
00:12:38,650 --> 00:12:45,363
♪ ♪
406
00:12:45,430 --> 00:12:47,000
ARABELLA:
Skelli-Trash Bride, hurry up
407
00:12:47,067 --> 00:12:49,539
and sit your sacrificial ass
on that pentagram.
408
00:12:49,606 --> 00:12:51,041
You got it...
[chuckles] Bish.
409
00:12:51,108 --> 00:12:52,410
You don't call her bish!
410
00:12:52,477 --> 00:12:54,616
Sorry. Sage Dragomire.
411
00:12:54,682 --> 00:12:57,220
[eerie whispering]
412
00:12:57,287 --> 00:13:00,126
I can't believe she chose
dungeons and dipshits over me.
413
00:13:00,193 --> 00:13:02,665
And as your principal,
I am obligated to speak up
414
00:13:02,732 --> 00:13:04,502
about the latest trend
I'm seeing,
415
00:13:04,569 --> 00:13:06,138
worshipping the occult.
416
00:13:06,205 --> 00:13:07,975
You are not
"the daughters of the witches
417
00:13:08,042 --> 00:13:09,679
they could not burn,"
all right?
418
00:13:09,746 --> 00:13:11,148
You're 12.
- Whoo-ey. [chuckles]
419
00:13:11,215 --> 00:13:13,553
Wow, popularity
really is a trip.
420
00:13:13,620 --> 00:13:14,956
[chuckles] So what's the plan?
421
00:13:15,023 --> 00:13:17,427
Do I pull Chrissy aside
and we do a heart-to-heart
422
00:13:17,494 --> 00:13:18,730
about how, popular or not,
423
00:13:18,797 --> 00:13:20,066
true friends will--
- No, no.
424
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:22,137
Get up on stage
and read this speech I wrote.
425
00:13:22,203 --> 00:13:24,207
"Friends,
as the new popular kid,
426
00:13:24,274 --> 00:13:25,878
"I must warn you
about the scourge
427
00:13:25,944 --> 00:13:27,347
"that is Chrissy Feinberg.
428
00:13:27,414 --> 00:13:28,950
"Her impression
of Charles Barkley
429
00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:30,688
is the most racist thing
I've ever seen"?
430
00:13:30,754 --> 00:13:31,890
Wait, wait, no.
431
00:13:31,956 --> 00:13:33,359
You want to cancel
your own daughter?
432
00:13:33,426 --> 00:13:34,194
It's for her own good.
433
00:13:34,261 --> 00:13:35,496
But what about being kind?
434
00:13:35,564 --> 00:13:37,167
That's how we got cool
in the first place.
435
00:13:37,233 --> 00:13:40,106
I did opiates with Rasputin.
Don't lecture me about "cool."
436
00:13:40,173 --> 00:13:41,943
Now get up there
and read the damn speech.
437
00:13:42,010 --> 00:13:43,647
- She'll be a pariah.
- Good.
438
00:13:43,714 --> 00:13:46,418
All the more reason for her
to ditch the mortal bullshit
439
00:13:46,485 --> 00:13:49,224
and make chaos reign with me.
- Wow.
440
00:13:49,291 --> 00:13:51,763
You're so insecure that she
has other people in her life
441
00:13:51,830 --> 00:13:54,134
you'd rather
she be totally alone.
442
00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:56,305
Which means I make you insecure
443
00:13:56,372 --> 00:13:57,975
because I have
a real connection with her,
444
00:13:58,042 --> 00:13:59,612
and you don't.
- You little fuckin'...
445
00:13:59,679 --> 00:14:00,581
All right, all right. Look.
446
00:14:00,647 --> 00:14:01,883
I'm not gonna mince words here.
447
00:14:01,950 --> 00:14:03,219
Read the speech, or I'll murder
448
00:14:03,285 --> 00:14:04,421
your whole family.
- [whimpers]
449
00:14:04,488 --> 00:14:05,891
SATAN IN ARMADILLO:
Hey, everybody.
450
00:14:05,958 --> 00:14:08,162
The new cool kid Bennigan
should give a speech.
451
00:14:08,229 --> 00:14:10,066
[students cheering]
STUDENTS: Speech! Speech!
452
00:14:10,133 --> 00:14:12,337
Oh, Slimm Timm,
hear my plea.
453
00:14:12,404 --> 00:14:15,143
We call you forth
as witches three.
454
00:14:15,209 --> 00:14:17,213
With tainted blood,
we sacrifice,
455
00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:19,752
to hear your call
as cold as ice.
456
00:14:19,819 --> 00:14:21,890
Please accept this mortal coil,
457
00:14:21,956 --> 00:14:24,127
bone to dust, and soul to soil.
458
00:14:24,194 --> 00:14:27,935
Deus mar varicht.
Deus mar varicht.
459
00:14:28,002 --> 00:14:30,173
Ugh!
God, these girls are amateurs.
460
00:14:30,239 --> 00:14:32,143
ARABELLA:
Deus mar varicht.
461
00:14:32,210 --> 00:14:33,980
[mystical whooshing]
462
00:14:34,047 --> 00:14:36,619
LAURA: Oh, shit, it's working.
463
00:14:36,686 --> 00:14:39,826
[dramatic music]
464
00:14:39,892 --> 00:14:42,998
CHRISSY: [screaming]
465
00:14:43,065 --> 00:14:45,203
[whooshing]
466
00:14:45,269 --> 00:14:47,975
SLIMM TIMM: Yippee-ki-yi-yay...
467
00:14:48,042 --> 00:14:51,415
Here I come.
Here comes Slimm Timm.
468
00:14:51,482 --> 00:14:53,452
Tumm Timmy Tumm.
469
00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:54,756
♪ ♪
470
00:14:54,822 --> 00:14:56,258
[eerie growling]
471
00:14:56,325 --> 00:14:59,364
[growls]
I can growl too, bitch.
472
00:14:59,431 --> 00:15:01,569
♪ ♪
473
00:15:01,636 --> 00:15:02,805
[grunts]
474
00:15:02,872 --> 00:15:03,840
[blade slashes]
475
00:15:03,907 --> 00:15:05,611
SLIMM TIMM: [groans]
476
00:15:07,815 --> 00:15:09,752
[low humming]
477
00:15:09,819 --> 00:15:16,933
♪ ♪
478
00:15:27,287 --> 00:15:28,890
- Whoa! Hey.
- [gasps]
479
00:15:28,957 --> 00:15:30,059
Hey, guys.
480
00:15:30,126 --> 00:15:31,996
Crazy seeing you all
round here.
481
00:15:32,063 --> 00:15:33,767
Got lost
looking for the bathroom.
482
00:15:33,834 --> 00:15:35,002
Whazzup?
483
00:15:35,069 --> 00:15:37,040
What the--
where is he, Chrissy?
484
00:15:37,107 --> 00:15:38,342
It didn't work.
485
00:15:38,409 --> 00:15:40,346
We rehearsed
your fake sacrifice all week.
486
00:15:40,413 --> 00:15:41,683
Fake?
ARABELLA: You said
487
00:15:41,749 --> 00:15:43,486
your Wiccan tools could help us
summon Slimm Timm
488
00:15:43,553 --> 00:15:45,156
so we could finally
hold him accountable
489
00:15:45,223 --> 00:15:47,026
for all those young girls
he preyed on.
490
00:15:47,093 --> 00:15:48,429
I know, I'm sorry.
491
00:15:48,496 --> 00:15:49,999
I-I used my powers
to make me look half-dead.
492
00:15:50,066 --> 00:15:51,401
It should have lured him to me.
493
00:15:51,468 --> 00:15:53,907
The only thing it lured
was that toxic new girl.
494
00:15:53,974 --> 00:15:55,109
What a waste.
495
00:15:55,176 --> 00:15:57,781
See you never, Chrissy.
496
00:15:57,848 --> 00:15:58,950
[sighing] Hey.
497
00:15:59,017 --> 00:16:00,554
So Arabella ditched you, huh?
498
00:16:00,621 --> 00:16:02,223
I guess she really sucks.
[chuckles]
499
00:16:02,290 --> 00:16:03,192
Sorry, who are you?
500
00:16:03,259 --> 00:16:04,896
Abigail, from earlier?
501
00:16:04,962 --> 00:16:06,633
I just wanna be alone
right now.
502
00:16:06,699 --> 00:16:07,935
And I'm the one that sucks.
503
00:16:08,002 --> 00:16:08,970
I screwed up.
504
00:16:09,037 --> 00:16:10,039
That's not true.
505
00:16:10,106 --> 00:16:11,141
Plus, who cares
what they think?
506
00:16:11,208 --> 00:16:13,345
I thought I raised you--I...
507
00:16:13,412 --> 00:16:16,218
I thought you'd be cooler
than trying to impress bullies.
508
00:16:16,285 --> 00:16:17,555
Maybe this sounds stupid,
509
00:16:17,621 --> 00:16:19,491
but I moved around so much
growing up
510
00:16:19,559 --> 00:16:21,963
that I never had girlfriends
my own age.
511
00:16:22,030 --> 00:16:23,399
So I guess
when they noticed me,
512
00:16:23,465 --> 00:16:27,040
it felt like it might be my
only chance to have friends.
513
00:16:27,106 --> 00:16:28,710
See ya.
514
00:16:30,012 --> 00:16:31,014
[sighs]
515
00:16:31,081 --> 00:16:33,720
I really am a fuckin' hag.
516
00:16:35,022 --> 00:16:36,893
Store-bought cloves? Come on.
517
00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:39,064
No one even bothers to forage
their own shit anymore.
518
00:16:39,130 --> 00:16:40,366
Bunch of posers.
519
00:16:40,433 --> 00:16:41,769
It's like, are we trying
to be real witches
520
00:16:41,836 --> 00:16:42,838
or make a fucking pie?
521
00:16:42,905 --> 00:16:43,807
[eerie whooshing]
522
00:16:43,874 --> 00:16:44,942
Hmm?
523
00:16:45,009 --> 00:16:48,015
[eerie whispering]
524
00:16:48,082 --> 00:16:49,719
Oh, fuck.
525
00:16:49,785 --> 00:16:51,556
Where the hell did he go?
526
00:16:51,623 --> 00:16:53,392
Fuck. Fuck. Chrissy!
527
00:16:56,900 --> 00:16:58,168
Uh... what's up, guys?
528
00:16:58,235 --> 00:16:59,271
[cheers and applause]
STUDENT: We love you, Bennigan!
529
00:16:59,337 --> 00:17:02,443
Hmm. I...I just, uh...
wanted to say...
530
00:17:02,511 --> 00:17:03,547
STAN IN ARMADILLO:
Stay on the script, you--
531
00:17:03,613 --> 00:17:04,649
I...I...
532
00:17:04,715 --> 00:17:05,817
SATAN IN ARMADILLO:
Think about your mother.
533
00:17:05,884 --> 00:17:06,986
Think about your father.
534
00:17:07,053 --> 00:17:08,355
I'm gonna kill your family.
535
00:17:08,422 --> 00:17:09,825
I can't do it.
SATAN IN ARMADILLO: Ah!
536
00:17:09,892 --> 00:17:12,263
STUDENT: Can't do what?
BENNIGAN: I've had a crazy 48.
537
00:17:12,330 --> 00:17:14,702
I used to think
I was a pretty good person,
538
00:17:14,769 --> 00:17:17,473
that I used to be someone
who cared about his friends.
539
00:17:17,541 --> 00:17:19,512
I was ready to throw
that all away.
540
00:17:19,579 --> 00:17:21,148
Well, I'm done
being a pushover.
541
00:17:21,215 --> 00:17:23,052
I'm done lying.
542
00:17:23,118 --> 00:17:24,354
[crowd gasping]
543
00:17:24,421 --> 00:17:25,691
STUDENT 1: You just revealed
an armadillo.
544
00:17:25,757 --> 00:17:27,795
STUDENT 2: Yeah, that doesn't
mean anything to us.
545
00:17:27,861 --> 00:17:29,364
I'm done taking orders
from you.
546
00:17:29,431 --> 00:17:31,201
I'd rather Chrissy blow me off
until the end of time
547
00:17:31,268 --> 00:17:32,470
than say those mean things.
548
00:17:32,538 --> 00:17:34,241
Huh.
What are you gonna do, twerp?
549
00:17:34,307 --> 00:17:36,278
You're still the same
nerdy bitch, Bennigan.
550
00:17:36,345 --> 00:17:37,648
Oh, yeah? Well, you forgot
551
00:17:37,715 --> 00:17:39,585
the most important part
of being a nerd.
552
00:17:39,652 --> 00:17:40,554
What's that?
553
00:17:40,621 --> 00:17:43,325
Always carry
a writing utensil.
554
00:17:43,392 --> 00:17:44,327
SATAN IN ARMADILLO:
[grunts]
555
00:17:44,394 --> 00:17:45,797
[squelching]
[gurgling]
556
00:17:45,864 --> 00:17:48,235
[crowd gasping]
STUDENT 3: Armadillo murderer!
557
00:17:48,302 --> 00:17:49,739
[crowd booing]
STUDENT 4: Not cool!
558
00:17:49,805 --> 00:17:50,741
Wait, no, no, no.
559
00:17:50,807 --> 00:17:52,343
I can explain.
560
00:17:52,410 --> 00:17:54,715
That Armadillo did
a Charles Barkley impression,
561
00:17:54,782 --> 00:17:56,686
and it's the most racist thing
I've ever seen.
562
00:17:56,753 --> 00:17:58,188
STUDENT 5: Hell yeah!
STUDENT 6: Very cool!
563
00:17:58,255 --> 00:17:59,558
STUDENT 7: That's my Bennigan!
564
00:17:59,625 --> 00:18:00,961
CAMRY:
We should get Sasquatch next.
565
00:18:01,028 --> 00:18:02,798
I've never seen him wear pants.
566
00:18:02,865 --> 00:18:05,804
[unsettling music]
567
00:18:05,871 --> 00:18:07,173
♪ ♪
568
00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:08,543
[electricity crackling]
569
00:18:08,610 --> 00:18:10,814
♪ ♪
570
00:18:10,881 --> 00:18:13,152
[eerie breathing]
571
00:18:13,218 --> 00:18:16,224
[sinister laughter]
572
00:18:16,291 --> 00:18:18,630
♪ ♪
573
00:18:18,697 --> 00:18:20,266
[screams, laughs] OMG!
574
00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:21,536
I totally just screamed.
575
00:18:21,603 --> 00:18:22,571
It's Slimm Timm.
576
00:18:22,638 --> 00:18:23,940
CAMRY: I thought
it was Pete Davidson.
577
00:18:24,007 --> 00:18:26,546
SLIMM TIMM: [roaring]
578
00:18:26,613 --> 00:18:27,413
Run!
579
00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:28,449
Strong women don't avoid
580
00:18:28,516 --> 00:18:30,152
tough challenges, Skelli-Trash.
581
00:18:30,219 --> 00:18:31,355
Get in formation, girls.
582
00:18:31,421 --> 00:18:33,593
It's time
to hold him accountable.
583
00:18:33,660 --> 00:18:36,465
Whatever.
Hey, Slimm Timm, over here!
584
00:18:36,532 --> 00:18:37,868
It's me you want.
- Slimm Timm?
585
00:18:37,935 --> 00:18:39,170
More like Dimm Timm.
586
00:18:39,237 --> 00:18:41,375
You're an ageless being
who exploits tweens.
587
00:18:41,441 --> 00:18:42,878
Literally grow up.
588
00:18:42,945 --> 00:18:44,347
ICAL: Piggybacking off that,
Slimm Timm,
589
00:18:44,414 --> 00:18:46,084
have you ever heard
of toxic parasocial
590
00:18:46,151 --> 00:18:47,320
sexual power dynamics?
591
00:18:47,387 --> 00:18:53,065
♪ ♪
592
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:54,702
[grunts]
593
00:18:54,769 --> 00:18:56,204
[winces]
594
00:18:56,271 --> 00:18:59,277
SLIMM TIMM: Now you die.
595
00:18:59,344 --> 00:19:01,214
[roaring]
ARABELLA: Enough talk.
596
00:19:01,281 --> 00:19:02,885
Time to take action.
597
00:19:02,951 --> 00:19:04,154
Can someone please help?
598
00:19:04,220 --> 00:19:05,824
This is a contemplative
think piece
599
00:19:05,891 --> 00:19:06,993
for Vulture
600
00:19:07,060 --> 00:19:08,530
that not only enumerates
your crimes,
601
00:19:08,596 --> 00:19:11,234
but puts the media on trial
for their complicit--
602
00:19:11,301 --> 00:19:12,571
Whoa, nice hit.
603
00:19:12,638 --> 00:19:14,140
If we somehow survive this,
604
00:19:14,207 --> 00:19:15,577
I'm gonna be a social pariah.
605
00:19:15,644 --> 00:19:18,048
When I was your age,
I had the same fears.
606
00:19:18,115 --> 00:19:19,217
But if you're true to yourself,
607
00:19:19,284 --> 00:19:20,787
the right friends
will come along.
608
00:19:20,854 --> 00:19:22,223
Wait, aren't we both 13?
609
00:19:22,290 --> 00:19:23,893
Uh, no. I'm 14.
610
00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:26,833
I shall devour you all.
611
00:19:26,899 --> 00:19:27,901
[roaring]
612
00:19:27,968 --> 00:19:29,437
LAURA: Hey. No heavy petting.
613
00:19:29,505 --> 00:19:31,208
[grunts]
614
00:19:31,274 --> 00:19:34,715
Mortal tools cannot kill
Slimm Timm.
615
00:19:34,782 --> 00:19:36,652
Wait.
Y'all manifested him, right?
616
00:19:36,719 --> 00:19:38,857
It's like
that Stephen King miniseries.
617
00:19:38,923 --> 00:19:40,159
Just stop believing in him.
618
00:19:40,226 --> 00:19:41,161
I don't believe.
I don't believe.
619
00:19:41,228 --> 00:19:42,296
Ahh, I fucked up!
620
00:19:42,363 --> 00:19:43,432
He's not Tinkerbell.
621
00:19:43,499 --> 00:19:44,735
The only way to destroy him...
622
00:19:44,802 --> 00:19:46,739
BOTH: Is with the tool
that summoned him.
623
00:19:46,806 --> 00:19:47,975
Was about to say that.
624
00:19:48,042 --> 00:19:49,110
Shit. Shit!
625
00:19:49,177 --> 00:19:50,413
What the phrase? What was it?
626
00:19:50,479 --> 00:19:52,985
Um, "revi", or, uh, "rembi--"
627
00:19:53,052 --> 00:19:56,793
- Reverterte.
- Reverterte unde venisti.
628
00:19:56,859 --> 00:19:59,632
SLIMM TIMM: [groaning]
629
00:20:02,336 --> 00:20:03,740
[grunts]
630
00:20:09,952 --> 00:20:11,421
That was fucking awesome.
631
00:20:11,488 --> 00:20:13,727
Accountability
does not equal violence.
632
00:20:13,793 --> 00:20:14,929
Not cool, Chrissy.
633
00:20:14,995 --> 00:20:17,200
In some ways,
you're worse than Slimm Timm.
634
00:20:17,266 --> 00:20:18,335
You're welcome.
635
00:20:18,402 --> 00:20:20,306
You, uh... you okay?
636
00:20:20,372 --> 00:20:21,509
I'm fine.
637
00:20:21,576 --> 00:20:23,145
Except I nearly got us both killed
638
00:20:23,212 --> 00:20:24,982
so I could have somewhere
to sit at lunch.
639
00:20:25,049 --> 00:20:25,984
You think that's bad?
640
00:20:26,051 --> 00:20:27,521
At Matt Levy's bar mitzvah,
641
00:20:27,588 --> 00:20:29,324
I once drank my own pee
on a dare.
642
00:20:29,390 --> 00:20:31,027
[both laughing]
643
00:20:31,094 --> 00:20:33,633
Hey, um, have you ever been
to Jake's Pizza?
644
00:20:33,700 --> 00:20:35,136
They have the best breadsticks.
645
00:20:35,202 --> 00:20:36,506
We should, uh, go sometime.
646
00:20:36,572 --> 00:20:37,975
Yeah, that would be...
647
00:20:38,041 --> 00:20:40,212
[watching beeping]
Oh, shit.
648
00:20:40,279 --> 00:20:41,682
- Where are you going?
- I forgot!
649
00:20:41,749 --> 00:20:43,285
I'm, uh, babysitting tonight.
650
00:20:43,352 --> 00:20:44,989
And every night!
I'm a teen mom!
651
00:20:45,055 --> 00:20:46,158
[laughs] Don't look for me.
652
00:20:46,224 --> 00:20:47,895
Bye.
653
00:20:47,961 --> 00:20:49,865
Damn, she's fast.
654
00:20:49,932 --> 00:20:52,905
[soft music]
655
00:20:52,971 --> 00:20:54,775
♪ ♪
656
00:20:54,842 --> 00:20:57,146
[baby fussing]
657
00:20:57,213 --> 00:21:00,386
Oh, wow, I feel like I've
been asleep for 6,000 years.
658
00:21:00,453 --> 00:21:02,323
I feel fucking great.
659
00:21:02,390 --> 00:21:06,031
♪ ♪
660
00:21:06,097 --> 00:21:08,603
Hey, Bennigan, way to hold
that racist accountable.
661
00:21:08,670 --> 00:21:11,174
Bennigan, yo.
Yeesh. You okay?
662
00:21:11,241 --> 00:21:13,378
Yeah. Long story. You?
663
00:21:13,445 --> 00:21:14,882
Yeah, same.
664
00:21:14,949 --> 00:21:18,590
Hey, so, uh, normally
I wouldn't say anything,
665
00:21:18,656 --> 00:21:20,861
but you blew me off
all last week,
666
00:21:20,927 --> 00:21:22,664
and that wasn't cool.
667
00:21:24,033 --> 00:21:25,904
I'm sorry.
I just got so caught up
668
00:21:25,971 --> 00:21:28,208
in being popular and--
- No, I get it.
669
00:21:28,275 --> 00:21:29,578
You're trying so hard
to become popular
670
00:21:29,645 --> 00:21:30,714
that before you know it,
671
00:21:30,780 --> 00:21:31,883
you're slaughtering
an armadillo
672
00:21:31,949 --> 00:21:33,620
in front of a group
of your peers.
673
00:21:33,686 --> 00:21:35,289
Huh.
674
00:21:35,356 --> 00:21:36,626
I know we couldn't go earlier,
675
00:21:36,692 --> 00:21:39,397
so I managed to sneak
your favorite.
676
00:21:39,464 --> 00:21:42,638
The Macho Man Candy Savage
flavor?
677
00:21:42,704 --> 00:21:44,542
Ooh, yeah.
678
00:21:48,650 --> 00:21:51,722
[crackling, whooshing]
679
00:21:53,025 --> 00:21:54,394
[speaking language]
680
00:21:54,460 --> 00:21:56,599
[groans]
Bennigan wrecked my shit.
681
00:21:57,901 --> 00:22:00,272
What, so Chrissy could
ice me out of Armageddon?
682
00:22:00,339 --> 00:22:01,408
Pass.
683
00:22:01,474 --> 00:22:03,078
That weirdo cares
more about her
684
00:22:03,145 --> 00:22:05,182
than I realized.
685
00:22:05,249 --> 00:22:07,821
That might be,
as the kids say...
686
00:22:07,888 --> 00:22:09,490
problematic.
687
00:22:15,002 --> 00:22:17,240
[footsteps approaching]
- [slurping softly]
688
00:22:17,306 --> 00:22:18,610
[clanking]
689
00:22:21,849 --> 00:22:24,087
Look, before you can say
anything, I'm sorry.
690
00:22:24,153 --> 00:22:26,592
You were right.
Those girls were just trouble.
691
00:22:26,659 --> 00:22:28,262
We could spend the weekend
692
00:22:28,328 --> 00:22:30,132
skinning that deer
like you wanted.
693
00:22:30,199 --> 00:22:32,303
Eh, you should be
with your friends, you know?
694
00:22:32,370 --> 00:22:33,540
Go see a movie with Bennigan
695
00:22:33,606 --> 00:22:35,610
or get breadsticks
from Jake's Pizza.
696
00:22:35,677 --> 00:22:37,681
Does this mean
I'm not grounded?
697
00:22:37,748 --> 00:22:39,518
Get out of here
before I change my mind.
698
00:22:39,585 --> 00:22:41,321
Oh, my gosh. Thanks, Mom.
699
00:22:41,388 --> 00:22:43,325
I'll be back later.
700
00:22:43,392 --> 00:22:44,795
ERWIN: [grunts]
701
00:22:44,862 --> 00:22:46,632
At least we still have
each o...
702
00:22:47,300 --> 00:22:48,368
Whatever.
703
00:22:48,435 --> 00:22:49,872
"Hey, Erwin, how was your whole
704
00:22:49,939 --> 00:22:52,611
heartwarming comeback saga
with your rec softball league?"
705
00:22:52,678 --> 00:22:54,414
"Good, thanks for asking."
706
00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:55,517
Dick.
707
00:22:55,584 --> 00:22:58,488
[upbeat rock music]
708
00:22:58,556 --> 00:23:05,670
♪ ♪
709
00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:10,270
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
50537
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Oromo
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof