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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,153 --> 00:00:05,660 So now you and Ben are officially donezo, 2 00:00:06,033 --> 00:00:07,706 any plans to get back in the saddle? 3 00:00:07,954 --> 00:00:11,669 My masseur is single and he has a beautiful ponytail. 4 00:00:11,670 --> 00:00:14,675 Oh, no, you know, I think once you get divorced, 5 00:00:14,676 --> 00:00:17,712 that part of you that notices men just kind of dies. 6 00:00:17,932 --> 00:00:19,384 - Thanks, Bill. - You got it. 7 00:00:19,384 --> 00:00:21,094 Like how after I graduated medical school, 8 00:00:21,095 --> 00:00:22,155 I just forgot everything. 9 00:00:22,155 --> 00:00:25,341 See, I don't know, 'cause when Mother divorced Sheik Abdul, 10 00:00:25,437 --> 00:00:27,331 she swore she would never date again. 11 00:00:27,356 --> 00:00:29,047 Two weeks later, she meets Larry King. 12 00:00:30,023 --> 00:00:32,134 - Whoa, who 'dat? - Yikes. 13 00:00:32,356 --> 00:00:36,156 Schwing. Um, hello. Hi, sir. 14 00:00:36,156 --> 00:00:37,909 We couldn't help but notice that you look lost. 15 00:00:37,910 --> 00:00:39,996 - Can we help you find something? - Or someone? 16 00:00:39,997 --> 00:00:42,877 Oh, Mormon missionaries. Thanks, but I'm not interested. 17 00:00:42,878 --> 00:00:45,090 Ha, ha, no, no, no, no, no, no, we're not religious. 18 00:00:45,091 --> 00:00:46,440 We just thought you might be lost, 19 00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:48,310 and we'd be sad if anything were to happen to you. 20 00:00:48,335 --> 00:00:49,163 Why? 21 00:00:49,188 --> 00:00:50,718 Because you're handsome, man. What's your deal? 22 00:00:50,719 --> 00:00:52,971 I'm Jeremy. This is my single friend, Mindy. 23 00:00:52,996 --> 00:00:54,194 Hi. 24 00:00:54,583 --> 00:00:56,586 Hey, I'm not lost, I'm David. 25 00:00:56,587 --> 00:00:58,236 Sorry, I was checking out this building. 26 00:00:58,424 --> 00:01:00,382 I'm a big architecture buff. 27 00:01:00,413 --> 00:01:02,666 Oh, no way! Me too! You know this building was actually 28 00:01:02,667 --> 00:01:05,380 built as a brothel, and when it rains, you can still 29 00:01:05,381 --> 00:01:06,733 catch a whiff of parfum. 30 00:01:06,766 --> 00:01:08,894 I too love architecture. My favorite building? 31 00:01:08,895 --> 00:01:10,522 The M&M building in Times Square. 32 00:01:10,523 --> 00:01:12,401 - Cool, that's a nice one. - Yeah. 33 00:01:12,402 --> 00:01:14,321 We actually work here at Schulman and Associates. 34 00:01:14,322 --> 00:01:15,700 We're doctors, but don't be intimidated! 35 00:01:15,701 --> 00:01:16,988 I'm not that smart. 36 00:01:17,621 --> 00:01:21,377 Wow, funny and friendly. Are you sure you're New Yorkers? 37 00:01:23,132 --> 00:01:25,761 You know, I have a patient right now, 38 00:01:25,762 --> 00:01:28,141 but if you're interested, maybe we could go get lunch sometime. 39 00:01:28,191 --> 00:01:29,710 Yeah. Yeah, let's do it. 40 00:01:29,735 --> 00:01:31,529 Perfect! I mean, I'm on a broth cleanse, 41 00:01:31,563 --> 00:01:33,023 but I could just bring the Thermos. 42 00:01:33,064 --> 00:01:34,775 Actually, you know what? Sod it, I deserve to be naughty. 43 00:01:34,776 --> 00:01:36,445 No, Jeremy, you can't go, 'cause remember 44 00:01:36,446 --> 00:01:38,031 you have to get your shin looked at? 45 00:01:38,032 --> 00:01:39,993 I don't know what you mean. 46 00:01:39,994 --> 00:01:42,395 - I'm good with the broth. - So it'll just be you and me. 47 00:01:47,012 --> 00:01:49,131 Synced and corrected by louvette www.addic7ed.com 48 00:01:49,615 --> 00:01:51,374 He hasn't expressed romantic interest, 49 00:01:51,401 --> 00:01:53,488 but I feel it could last forever. 50 00:01:54,229 --> 00:01:57,789 Wow. Not cool. I just read the RSVP's for mine and Anna's 51 00:01:57,790 --> 00:02:00,762 housewarming party; all of you said you're coming. 52 00:02:00,815 --> 00:02:03,320 I have never been more offended. 53 00:02:03,393 --> 00:02:04,365 Why? 54 00:02:04,409 --> 00:02:06,359 Because clearly a prank is afoot. 55 00:02:06,553 --> 00:02:08,180 I know none of you are coming. 56 00:02:08,181 --> 00:02:09,746 Look, I know the theme of the party... 57 00:02:09,766 --> 00:02:11,769 come dressed as your favorite Meryl Streep character... 58 00:02:11,770 --> 00:02:14,136 is a tad outré. Fine, I am a tad outré, 59 00:02:14,166 --> 00:02:16,044 but this is just cruel. And you know what? 60 00:02:16,045 --> 00:02:17,965 Sod it. Sod you, the party's cancelled. 61 00:02:17,966 --> 00:02:20,210 What? Jeremy! 62 00:02:20,250 --> 00:02:21,877 We're all coming to your party. 63 00:02:21,878 --> 00:02:23,548 If you cancel it, I will kill myself. 64 00:02:23,573 --> 00:02:24,793 What are you talking about? 65 00:02:24,830 --> 00:02:26,707 Are you kidding me? I have the chance to express myself 66 00:02:26,709 --> 00:02:29,589 through a strong female character? I live for this. 67 00:02:29,647 --> 00:02:30,747 Really? 68 00:02:30,747 --> 00:02:32,791 Yeah, Dr. Reed. You picked the one actress in America 69 00:02:32,792 --> 00:02:36,025 that everyone can get behind. And she is so good at accents. 70 00:02:36,050 --> 00:02:40,550 She's all, "If I must, I chose my son." 71 00:02:41,353 --> 00:02:43,856 She's so talented, I can ignore her politics. 72 00:02:43,857 --> 00:02:46,237 And she seems genuinely excited to be nominated 73 00:02:46,238 --> 00:02:48,616 for awards, even the Golden Globes. 74 00:02:48,617 --> 00:02:51,747 Yeah, she actually attends the ceremony, unlike some people, 75 00:02:51,748 --> 00:02:53,259 Maggie Smith! 76 00:02:53,375 --> 00:02:55,378 Darling, it's real. They were all just discussing 77 00:02:55,378 --> 00:02:56,796 the costumes they were going to wear. 78 00:02:56,797 --> 00:02:58,550 Guys, I'm so sorry. I'm floored. 79 00:02:58,551 --> 00:03:00,313 I'll see you at the party. 80 00:03:00,805 --> 00:03:01,931 So, anyways... 81 00:03:02,269 --> 00:03:03,032 Huh? 82 00:03:03,522 --> 00:03:04,927 Still not a prank! 83 00:03:05,276 --> 00:03:07,822 I know that. I know. 84 00:03:12,374 --> 00:03:14,627 So how's NYU going for you, Micaela? 85 00:03:14,628 --> 00:03:16,171 Is your roommate still stealing your yogurt 86 00:03:16,172 --> 00:03:17,465 out of your mini-fridge? 87 00:03:17,466 --> 00:03:19,948 Nope, she did semester at sea, and the boat disappeared. 88 00:03:19,990 --> 00:03:22,410 Well, the Lord works in mysterious ways. 89 00:03:22,955 --> 00:03:24,469 Now, so what can I do for you today? 90 00:03:24,469 --> 00:03:26,555 I was actually thinking about getting an IUD. 91 00:03:26,556 --> 00:03:30,271 Oh, Micaela, I don't know. I don't recommend an IUD 92 00:03:30,272 --> 00:03:32,109 unless a patient really doesn't want to have children 93 00:03:32,110 --> 00:03:33,596 for a very long time. 94 00:03:33,608 --> 00:03:36,075 There's no way I'm bringing a child into this crazy world. 95 00:03:36,135 --> 00:03:37,809 Did you know that all the bees are dying? 96 00:03:37,810 --> 00:03:38,982 And no one knows why? 97 00:03:38,982 --> 00:03:40,526 Oh, sure. Everything's disappearing. 98 00:03:40,527 --> 00:03:42,530 Icebergs, bees, our civil liberties, 99 00:03:42,531 --> 00:03:44,408 but this is a serious procedure. 100 00:03:44,409 --> 00:03:46,246 I think you should think about it, and if you discuss 101 00:03:46,247 --> 00:03:47,999 this with your mother and your father... 102 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:49,460 You know what? A lot of my friends are going 103 00:03:49,461 --> 00:03:51,756 to this cool female doctor downtown. 104 00:03:51,757 --> 00:03:53,635 Maybe she'll be a little less judgmental. 105 00:03:53,636 --> 00:03:56,182 Judgmental? Well, my father was a judge, 106 00:03:56,183 --> 00:03:57,518 and my mother was mental. 107 00:03:57,519 --> 00:03:58,812 So... 108 00:03:58,813 --> 00:04:00,010 Karen! 109 00:04:00,030 --> 00:04:02,242 - Oh, hey, Dr. Kimball-Kinney. - Hello. 110 00:04:02,341 --> 00:04:04,302 Hey, I finished polishing your rifle. 111 00:04:04,303 --> 00:04:06,932 - It was loaded, by the way. - Wonderful. 112 00:04:06,933 --> 00:04:08,977 Now, Karen, would you be a doll, 113 00:04:08,978 --> 00:04:11,441 and tell me where you forwarded Micaela Kellerman's file to? 114 00:04:11,442 --> 00:04:13,946 The one that dumped you for a different doctor 115 00:04:13,947 --> 00:04:15,908 because you were being too patronizing? 116 00:04:15,909 --> 00:04:17,745 Patronizing? Sweetie, 117 00:04:17,746 --> 00:04:19,791 are you sure you understand that big word? 118 00:04:19,792 --> 00:04:21,753 I'm sorry, but I can't give you 119 00:04:21,754 --> 00:04:24,592 her new doctor's information due to the Patient's Bill of Rights, 120 00:04:24,593 --> 00:04:27,557 a copy of which I have posted right here. 121 00:04:27,558 --> 00:04:30,563 Ah, Karen, I noticed that the magazines in the lunchroom 122 00:04:30,564 --> 00:04:32,316 are all out of order. 123 00:04:32,317 --> 00:04:35,039 Code red! We got a code red! 124 00:04:35,786 --> 00:04:37,142 Let's see this... 125 00:04:37,831 --> 00:04:40,331 Patient file... sent to... 126 00:04:40,671 --> 00:04:42,374 Dr. Mary Hernandez. 127 00:04:43,468 --> 00:04:46,791 The Lower East Side? Micaela could be in danger! 128 00:04:47,183 --> 00:04:49,382 Some of our most lecherous young actors live there! 129 00:04:51,943 --> 00:04:54,071 Wow, so you're a mechanical engineer. 130 00:04:54,072 --> 00:04:55,616 I don't know anything about that. 131 00:04:55,617 --> 00:04:57,244 Are you like Hugh Jackman in "Real Steel?" 132 00:04:57,245 --> 00:05:00,291 Yes, I create robots that then box each other 133 00:05:00,292 --> 00:05:02,655 for human entertainment. It's really fulfilling. 134 00:05:03,591 --> 00:05:05,511 - So you're an OBGYN? - Mm-hmm. 135 00:05:05,512 --> 00:05:07,180 That was my dream job when I was 14. 136 00:05:07,181 --> 00:05:08,892 - Do you like it? - I love it. 137 00:05:08,893 --> 00:05:11,230 I mean, I get to bring life into this world. 138 00:05:11,231 --> 00:05:12,859 And I also get to keep up to date on 139 00:05:12,860 --> 00:05:15,337 all of the new pubic hair trends, so... 140 00:05:15,699 --> 00:05:18,286 Um, what about your co-workers? What are they like? 141 00:05:18,287 --> 00:05:19,863 Oh, the other doctors I work with? 142 00:05:19,886 --> 00:05:21,712 They're fine. I want to find out more about your job. 143 00:05:21,737 --> 00:05:23,949 Right, but it's not just doctors at your practice right? 144 00:05:23,950 --> 00:05:26,766 Like, there's nurses and there's receptionists. 145 00:05:26,794 --> 00:05:28,672 - What about them? - I don't know why you care, 146 00:05:28,673 --> 00:05:30,425 but if you really want to meet them, 147 00:05:30,426 --> 00:05:32,136 one of my co-workers is having a party tonight. 148 00:05:32,137 --> 00:05:33,335 You could come with me. 149 00:05:33,683 --> 00:05:35,101 Absolutely. I'm there. 150 00:05:35,102 --> 00:05:37,398 Really? Guess it's a date. 151 00:05:37,399 --> 00:05:39,275 Just so you know, I'm on medication 152 00:05:39,276 --> 00:05:40,946 for a bladder infection, so who knows what'll happen 153 00:05:40,947 --> 00:05:42,015 when I drink? 154 00:05:43,326 --> 00:05:45,831 Thank you for coming downtown with me today, Morgan. 155 00:05:45,832 --> 00:05:48,271 I get nervous going south of 72nd Street alone. 156 00:05:49,004 --> 00:05:51,341 Or North of 80th. Pardon me. 157 00:05:51,368 --> 00:05:52,548 You want to jump in real quick? 158 00:05:52,585 --> 00:05:54,922 Oh. Pardon me, I'm sorry. Just for a moment. 159 00:05:54,922 --> 00:05:56,549 - Sorry. - Pardon me, Miss. 160 00:05:56,550 --> 00:05:58,803 Excuse me, Miss? Just one quick... 161 00:05:58,804 --> 00:06:00,766 - Oh! Jesus! Oh! - Are you all right? 162 00:06:00,767 --> 00:06:03,230 - No! - Hola, little amigo. 163 00:06:04,071 --> 00:06:06,596 Hey, I like your necklace. Muy brillante. 164 00:06:06,618 --> 00:06:08,121 Do you want something? 165 00:06:08,122 --> 00:06:10,366 - Uh, si. - You're weird. 166 00:06:10,432 --> 00:06:11,730 Do you want me to handle this young man? 167 00:06:11,789 --> 00:06:14,276 No. Listen, I'll buy you a horchata 168 00:06:14,276 --> 00:06:16,947 if you tell me where I can find Dr. Mary Hernandez. 169 00:06:16,948 --> 00:06:18,564 I'm Dr. Mary Hernandez. 170 00:06:20,330 --> 00:06:23,125 Dr. Hernandez, when I saw that my patient, 171 00:06:23,126 --> 00:06:25,631 Micaela Kellerman, decided to leave me and seek care 172 00:06:25,632 --> 00:06:27,593 with you, I noticed a couple of red flags. 173 00:06:27,594 --> 00:06:30,474 He's referring to your gender and your race. 174 00:06:30,475 --> 00:06:32,018 Oh, my. I can't imagine why a patient 175 00:06:32,019 --> 00:06:33,355 would ever want to leave you. 176 00:06:33,355 --> 00:06:36,615 No, madam. He didn't mean that, he's overstimulated. 177 00:06:36,727 --> 00:06:38,104 He just took his first taxi ride. 178 00:06:38,105 --> 00:06:39,774 It's true. It was amazing. 179 00:06:39,775 --> 00:06:42,362 Taxi TV. Michael Strahan was talking to me, 180 00:06:42,363 --> 00:06:43,325 like we're best friends. 181 00:06:43,356 --> 00:06:45,316 Okay, I don't want to be rude, but I'm very busy, 182 00:06:45,365 --> 00:06:47,952 and this seems like nonsense. 183 00:06:47,985 --> 00:06:51,450 Dr. Hernandez, my patient Micaela was upset with me 184 00:06:51,451 --> 00:06:53,662 the other day, and rashly decided to leave me. 185 00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:55,833 The thing is, she's a nice girl from a nice home, 186 00:06:55,834 --> 00:06:57,169 and I think our practice would be 187 00:06:57,170 --> 00:06:58,839 much more appropriate for her. 188 00:06:58,840 --> 00:07:01,219 Dr. Kimball-Kinney, I know that 189 00:07:01,220 --> 00:07:03,515 the Five Points Community Clinic doesn't offer 190 00:07:03,516 --> 00:07:06,855 the plush creature comforts of your Park Avenue practice. 191 00:07:06,856 --> 00:07:08,442 Yes, we don't have a lot of money. 192 00:07:08,443 --> 00:07:11,191 Yes, our posters are a little outdated. 193 00:07:11,783 --> 00:07:14,370 So you agree with me then, well, fantastic. 194 00:07:14,371 --> 00:07:16,205 Tell Micaela I'll see her in two weeks. 195 00:07:16,245 --> 00:07:19,320 Why would I ever send her back? 196 00:07:19,380 --> 00:07:22,134 We're the highest-rated women's healthcare clinic in the city! 197 00:07:22,712 --> 00:07:24,046 Including yours. 198 00:07:24,046 --> 00:07:27,594 That can't be possible. I suspect voter fraud. 199 00:07:27,596 --> 00:07:30,192 So while I can't offer her spa water 200 00:07:30,233 --> 00:07:32,421 or condescending, patriarchal advice, 201 00:07:32,446 --> 00:07:34,602 what I can provide her with is 202 00:07:34,627 --> 00:07:36,649 the best women's healthcare in Manhattan, 203 00:07:36,649 --> 00:07:39,843 and we do it for free. ¿Comprende, cabron? 204 00:07:39,843 --> 00:07:42,054 Yeah, we do. Oh! 205 00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:44,238 The Chupa Chups are for the kids. 206 00:07:49,208 --> 00:07:52,794 Oh! Karen! "The Devil Wears Prada." 207 00:07:52,827 --> 00:07:55,270 - I love it. - Thanks. Who are you? 208 00:07:55,303 --> 00:07:57,850 Oh, I'm Karen Blickson from "Out of Africa." 209 00:07:57,851 --> 00:08:00,564 I already owned the costume. My family colonized Zimbabwe. 210 00:08:00,565 --> 00:08:03,945 If you like Anna's costume, you will love mine. 211 00:08:04,375 --> 00:08:05,273 Whoa. 212 00:08:05,295 --> 00:08:07,730 Jeremy, darling, you look even more wonderful 213 00:08:07,755 --> 00:08:09,382 - than your sketches. - Thank you. 214 00:08:09,383 --> 00:08:12,639 Oh damn, Dr. Reed. Who are you? 215 00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:13,762 Surely you're joking. 216 00:08:13,969 --> 00:08:16,681 I'm obviously Florence Foster Jenkins. 217 00:08:19,904 --> 00:08:22,577 - Oh, come on. You said it was... - That was spot on. 218 00:08:24,831 --> 00:08:27,641 Francesca, "Bridges of Madison County," right? 219 00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:30,187 Dr. Kimball-Kinney. 220 00:08:30,212 --> 00:08:33,724 - Oh yes, of course, Dr. Gonzalez. - Hernandez. 221 00:08:33,749 --> 00:08:35,047 What are you doing here? 222 00:08:35,047 --> 00:08:36,883 Oh, dear, you're not catering on the side, are you? 223 00:08:36,884 --> 00:08:38,887 Because your patients don't have any money? 224 00:08:38,888 --> 00:08:42,455 No, Anna invited me. We went to medical school together. 225 00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:43,990 You went to Harvard Medical School? 226 00:08:43,991 --> 00:08:46,015 The Florida State University of the North? 227 00:08:46,487 --> 00:08:48,824 Then why are you working in a clinic with a metal detector? 228 00:08:48,825 --> 00:08:51,079 It's not great. I can't wear an underwire bra 229 00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:53,208 without setting it off, but it's worth it. 230 00:08:53,209 --> 00:08:55,212 I get to help patients in need. 231 00:08:55,213 --> 00:08:57,008 I'm guessing that you don't understand that. 232 00:08:57,009 --> 00:08:59,607 Well, that is not true. I am very altruistic. 233 00:08:59,722 --> 00:09:01,016 If a patient doesn't have insurance, 234 00:09:01,017 --> 00:09:02,363 I make sure they're very rich 235 00:09:02,408 --> 00:09:03,928 before I make them pay out of pocket. 236 00:09:03,965 --> 00:09:05,890 Wow, that is truly moving. 237 00:09:06,051 --> 00:09:08,095 I should go before I start to cry. 238 00:09:08,528 --> 00:09:11,907 I've been up in New York long enough to recognize sarcasm, 239 00:09:11,932 --> 00:09:13,727 and to think just a moment ago, 240 00:09:13,728 --> 00:09:15,480 I was considering asking you to dinner. 241 00:09:15,512 --> 00:09:17,238 Oh, no! 242 00:09:17,263 --> 00:09:19,766 Did I miss my chance to go out with you? 243 00:09:19,767 --> 00:09:23,554 Well, no, not quite, but you... Oh, damn it. 244 00:09:24,696 --> 00:09:26,468 I feel like I'm in that "Seinfeld" program. 245 00:09:26,469 --> 00:09:29,390 Wow, oh my gosh. 246 00:09:29,391 --> 00:09:31,019 David, thank you so much for coming 247 00:09:31,020 --> 00:09:32,633 to this costume party with me. 248 00:09:32,658 --> 00:09:33,848 Of course. 249 00:09:33,926 --> 00:09:37,709 And might I add, you make a stunning Julia Child. 250 00:09:37,738 --> 00:09:40,638 Oh thank you! I actually ate an entire boeuf bourguignon 251 00:09:40,638 --> 00:09:42,014 in preparation for the role. 252 00:09:42,061 --> 00:09:43,914 - Oh, hi, Jody! - Oh, hello. 253 00:09:43,966 --> 00:09:45,803 What Meryl Streep character are you? 254 00:09:45,844 --> 00:09:47,650 I'm Gail from "River Wild" obviously. 255 00:09:47,699 --> 00:09:48,889 Oh, I haven't seen it. 256 00:09:48,889 --> 00:09:51,225 Are you crazy? It's wonderful. 257 00:09:51,226 --> 00:09:53,563 You try to disarm criminal madman Kevin Bacon 258 00:09:53,564 --> 00:09:55,490 while tackling category five rapids. 259 00:09:55,515 --> 00:09:56,647 It's not easy. 260 00:09:56,687 --> 00:09:59,153 David! You made it! Fantastic! Don't go anywhere. 261 00:09:59,189 --> 00:10:01,400 I have three costume changes throughout the night. 262 00:10:03,451 --> 00:10:05,413 Cool, now is this everybody? 263 00:10:05,414 --> 00:10:07,494 I thought you said your entire office was coming. 264 00:10:07,495 --> 00:10:09,912 Uh, believe it or not, those are the two coolest. 265 00:10:09,961 --> 00:10:11,566 - Do you want to meet them? - Yeah. 266 00:10:11,591 --> 00:10:12,499 Okay. 267 00:10:12,527 --> 00:10:14,253 ♪ Rock and roll will never die ♪ 268 00:10:14,278 --> 00:10:17,259 Hey, guys. For some reason, David really wanted to meet you. 269 00:10:17,294 --> 00:10:19,297 David, this is Tamra and Morgan. 270 00:10:19,298 --> 00:10:21,845 Hey, I'm dressed as Meryl from "Death Becomes Her." 271 00:10:21,906 --> 00:10:23,617 I was gonna do "Sophie's Choice," 272 00:10:23,617 --> 00:10:25,453 but everyone kept saying I looked too hot in the costume. 273 00:10:25,454 --> 00:10:27,959 Oh, yeah. I am Ricki from "Ricki and the Flash." 274 00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:30,279 My favorite movie. Yeah! 275 00:10:32,093 --> 00:10:34,638 Oh, Beverly, you must be the Witch from "Into the Woods." 276 00:10:34,639 --> 00:10:36,601 Nah, I'm just Beverly. 277 00:10:37,938 --> 00:10:39,726 I can't believe this is happening. 278 00:10:40,422 --> 00:10:41,498 You're Beverly? 279 00:10:41,523 --> 00:10:43,539 - Who's askin'? - I am. 280 00:10:44,738 --> 00:10:45,948 I'm your son. 281 00:10:48,489 --> 00:10:49,595 Sorry. 282 00:10:52,972 --> 00:10:55,385 Oh my God! Beverly, David's your son? 283 00:10:55,438 --> 00:10:57,650 It's true. She left me in a basket in front 284 00:10:57,651 --> 00:11:00,614 of a Jazzercise studio! It was 1982. 285 00:11:00,615 --> 00:11:02,743 Hold on! I'm so sorry. The similarities between 286 00:11:02,744 --> 00:11:05,374 this situation and the plot of "Ricki and the Flash," 287 00:11:05,375 --> 00:11:08,834 which, once again, is my favorite movie, are stunning. 288 00:11:08,882 --> 00:11:12,174 It's a good story, but how do I know I'm really your mother? 289 00:11:12,215 --> 00:11:14,008 Well, I was left with a cassette tape, 290 00:11:14,009 --> 00:11:15,970 - Oh, quiet! - Everybody be quiet! Be quiet! 291 00:11:15,971 --> 00:11:18,016 - Listen! There's a cassette! - Dr. K, come here please. 292 00:11:18,017 --> 00:11:19,600 - Come here, listen. - Turn the music down, Mike. 293 00:11:19,673 --> 00:11:23,419 Hi, whoever finds this baby, please take good care of him. 294 00:11:23,546 --> 00:11:25,758 He likes a little Jim Beam in his bottle. 295 00:11:25,759 --> 00:11:28,555 Don't come looking for me, you'll never find me. 296 00:11:28,589 --> 00:11:29,989 Bus leaving for New York City! 297 00:11:30,051 --> 00:11:32,556 Okay, I gotta go. Bye, little David. 298 00:11:32,557 --> 00:11:35,645 Have a nice life. Love, your mom, Beverly. 299 00:11:35,646 --> 00:11:38,316 - Oh, come on. - Okay, what do we know? 300 00:11:38,317 --> 00:11:39,579 It's clearly Beverly. 301 00:11:39,615 --> 00:11:41,301 Play it back. I'm gonna really listen. 302 00:11:41,751 --> 00:11:44,539 Mom, is there somewhere we can 303 00:11:44,564 --> 00:11:46,359 speak in private? 304 00:11:47,313 --> 00:11:48,552 I have to go! 305 00:11:48,578 --> 00:11:50,889 Bev, Bev, Bev, Bev! Ah! She's my ride! 306 00:11:53,708 --> 00:11:57,617 Wow, my mom just rejected me again. 307 00:11:57,642 --> 00:12:01,482 David, Beverly is an odd duck. And I'm sure she wants 308 00:12:01,483 --> 00:12:02,810 to get to know you, too, you know? 309 00:12:02,854 --> 00:12:04,355 Hey, why don't you come to the office tomorrow 310 00:12:04,356 --> 00:12:06,174 and talk to her one on one? 311 00:12:06,174 --> 00:12:07,482 Yeah, you're right, and maybe I shouldn't have sprung it 312 00:12:07,507 --> 00:12:08,801 on her like this. 313 00:12:08,842 --> 00:12:10,344 What did I miss, everyone? 314 00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:14,222 Oh, it looks like a dingo ate my party. 315 00:12:18,392 --> 00:12:21,647 Beverly, what the hell? You were awful last night! 316 00:12:21,648 --> 00:12:25,154 All right, all right. You can have it all back. 317 00:12:25,155 --> 00:12:26,176 My God. 318 00:12:26,198 --> 00:12:29,738 My inhaler! I had to go to the hospital last night. 319 00:12:29,785 --> 00:12:31,412 I'm allergic to wig glue. 320 00:12:31,413 --> 00:12:33,875 No, not that! I was obviously talking 321 00:12:33,876 --> 00:12:35,754 about the way you acted around David, 322 00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:37,877 your hot and incredibly sweet son. 323 00:12:37,877 --> 00:12:39,880 Lucky for you, I used my charm and good looks 324 00:12:39,881 --> 00:12:41,592 to get him to come here today for a do-over. 325 00:12:41,593 --> 00:12:44,764 Why'd you do that? I don't want to see him! 326 00:12:44,765 --> 00:12:46,602 I'll make him another cassette. 327 00:12:46,603 --> 00:12:48,814 Beverly, he's your son! 328 00:12:48,815 --> 00:12:50,801 He deserves a chance to talk to you. 329 00:12:50,828 --> 00:12:51,934 I don't know, guys. 330 00:12:51,975 --> 00:12:53,477 Maybe we're being too hard on her. 331 00:12:53,478 --> 00:12:55,597 I never knew my parents, and I turned out... 332 00:13:01,034 --> 00:13:02,870 Oh, my God, my Lego man! 333 00:13:02,917 --> 00:13:06,216 All right, all right! I'll talk to him. 334 00:13:06,252 --> 00:13:08,984 Thank God I'm wearing my fanciest outfit. 335 00:13:09,037 --> 00:13:12,773 Corduroy skirt and a bolo tie. Watch this. 336 00:13:13,254 --> 00:13:14,881 Your closet or mine? 337 00:13:14,882 --> 00:13:18,221 Mm, I don't know. I feel like a narc. 338 00:13:18,222 --> 00:13:19,558 Are you kidding me? 339 00:13:19,559 --> 00:13:21,687 That's Patricia Heaton for Kohl's! 340 00:13:21,688 --> 00:13:23,566 You've never worn anything better than that. 341 00:13:23,567 --> 00:13:25,443 It is chic. No, but, Beverly, 342 00:13:25,444 --> 00:13:27,281 tell me the topics that are safe to talk about. 343 00:13:27,282 --> 00:13:30,632 My cats, excitement for Christmas, 344 00:13:30,805 --> 00:13:31,921 Pier 1. 345 00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:33,530 - Yes. - Good, good, good. 346 00:13:33,531 --> 00:13:35,994 - How to throw a knife! - No! No way. 347 00:13:35,995 --> 00:13:37,939 How to get a knife through airport security. 348 00:13:37,939 --> 00:13:39,440 - No knives. - I think we avoid the knives. 349 00:13:39,441 --> 00:13:41,340 Oh, hell. Then what's the point? 350 00:13:42,327 --> 00:13:44,163 Okay, Beverly, think about it this way. 351 00:13:44,163 --> 00:13:46,541 Wouldn't it be nice for you to have a relationship 352 00:13:46,542 --> 00:13:48,545 with your own flesh and blood? 353 00:13:48,546 --> 00:13:52,470 I have often thought about when I'm lying on my deathbed, 354 00:13:52,471 --> 00:13:54,767 who'll be there by my side, 355 00:13:54,768 --> 00:13:57,230 ready to smother me with a pillow? 356 00:13:57,231 --> 00:13:59,025 Guess I'd rather it be kin. 357 00:13:59,026 --> 00:14:01,656 Damn, Beverly, you look kind of okay. 358 00:14:01,657 --> 00:14:03,409 That son you abandoned is here. 359 00:14:03,410 --> 00:14:05,224 - Aah! - Go, go! 360 00:14:06,307 --> 00:14:08,755 Anna, get your beautiful head out of that magazine. 361 00:14:08,780 --> 00:14:10,825 I had a miserable time at your party last night. 362 00:14:10,826 --> 00:14:13,329 Your Harvard classmate accosted me, told me I was self-centered, 363 00:14:13,330 --> 00:14:15,626 didn't care about the less fortunate. 364 00:14:15,627 --> 00:14:18,005 - That sounds accurate. - Could not have said it better. 365 00:14:18,006 --> 00:14:19,717 Why am I the bad guy? 366 00:14:19,718 --> 00:14:21,638 No one at Schulman's is philanthropic. 367 00:14:21,639 --> 00:14:23,307 Meanwhile, I helpfully tell every woman in the office 368 00:14:23,308 --> 00:14:24,735 to smile more! 369 00:14:24,912 --> 00:14:26,623 You know, we used to have this mobile medical van 370 00:14:26,624 --> 00:14:28,951 that we would drive into low income neighborhoods, 371 00:14:29,152 --> 00:14:31,572 but it got impounded when I parked in the Lincoln Tunnel. 372 00:14:31,573 --> 00:14:34,078 Well, damn it, let's go un-impound it! 373 00:14:34,079 --> 00:14:36,942 - Follow me, Morgan. - I got a lot of work, but okay. 374 00:14:41,635 --> 00:14:43,188 Yeah, there she is. 375 00:14:43,915 --> 00:14:45,462 There's the old girl. 376 00:14:46,896 --> 00:14:49,516 Oh my God! Whoa, whoa! Geez Louise! 377 00:14:49,541 --> 00:14:51,270 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 378 00:14:51,770 --> 00:14:53,438 Are you sure that's safe in there, Morgan? 379 00:14:53,439 --> 00:14:54,483 All right, I'm gonna check it out. 380 00:14:54,508 --> 00:14:56,521 Yeah. I'll, uh... 381 00:14:56,547 --> 00:14:59,427 Oh my God, it's like a raccoon cemetery in there. 382 00:14:59,428 --> 00:15:01,179 - Fabulous. - Give me 15 minutes. 383 00:15:01,180 --> 00:15:02,726 Oh, my God. 384 00:15:04,346 --> 00:15:05,976 Come on. Come on, Bev. 385 00:15:08,146 --> 00:15:11,067 Dr. Reed, the hospital called. Mrs. Morgenthal is fully dilated 386 00:15:11,068 --> 00:15:12,523 and ready for you. 387 00:15:12,523 --> 00:15:13,983 Just give her a copy of "In Style" and tell her 388 00:15:13,984 --> 00:15:15,803 to take some deep breaths. Sit down. 389 00:15:15,828 --> 00:15:16,793 Please! 390 00:15:21,206 --> 00:15:24,703 Oh my God! They're hugging! Jeremy, we did it! 391 00:15:26,617 --> 00:15:30,092 She was everything you could want in a mom! 392 00:15:30,117 --> 00:15:33,414 You know, lucid and warm, and you know, 393 00:15:33,415 --> 00:15:35,322 super excited about Christmas. 394 00:15:35,461 --> 00:15:38,674 She did talk about taxidermy more than I would've imagined, 395 00:15:38,675 --> 00:15:40,846 but at least now I know how much stuffing it would take 396 00:15:40,847 --> 00:15:42,767 to fill me, you know? 397 00:15:42,768 --> 00:15:44,603 Well, that is very surprising, 398 00:15:44,604 --> 00:15:48,027 because Beverly is a bit of a controversial figure 399 00:15:48,028 --> 00:15:49,322 in this floor, so... 400 00:15:49,322 --> 00:15:51,033 What? She's the best. As a matter of fact, 401 00:15:51,033 --> 00:15:52,827 can you give her my business card? 402 00:15:52,828 --> 00:15:54,957 She's gonna e-mail me a list of mental illnesses 403 00:15:54,958 --> 00:15:57,294 and addictions I'm susceptible to, so... 404 00:15:57,295 --> 00:15:58,382 Yeah, no problem. 405 00:16:00,432 --> 00:16:02,479 Huh. Wallet's gone. 406 00:16:02,998 --> 00:16:05,829 Had it when I was talking to her. 407 00:16:07,481 --> 00:16:10,810 I was sitting with her, and she patted me... 408 00:16:13,897 --> 00:16:16,450 Step right up, ladies and ladies! 409 00:16:16,475 --> 00:16:19,308 We got the Schulman and Associates Mobile Health Unit! 410 00:16:19,333 --> 00:16:22,172 We got mammograms! We got pap smears! 411 00:16:22,173 --> 00:16:23,673 Come on, right in here. 412 00:16:23,985 --> 00:16:25,461 I don't know what we're doing wrong. 413 00:16:25,486 --> 00:16:27,364 How am I supposed to rub our free, quality healthcare 414 00:16:27,365 --> 00:16:29,618 in Dr. Hernandez's pretty face and ample bosom 415 00:16:29,619 --> 00:16:31,289 if we can't get any patients? 416 00:16:31,290 --> 00:16:33,334 Oh! Oh! Maybe I should dress up like a woman, 417 00:16:33,335 --> 00:16:35,004 and I can stand behind you and talk about what a great doctor 418 00:16:35,005 --> 00:16:36,799 you are? I can do that, 419 00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:38,511 but it would be Ricki from "Ricki and the Flash." 420 00:16:38,512 --> 00:16:40,432 It's my favorite movie. Have you seen that? 421 00:16:40,433 --> 00:16:42,060 Uh, excuse me, Madam. Are you in need 422 00:16:42,061 --> 00:16:43,563 of healthcare services today? 423 00:16:43,564 --> 00:16:45,312 That depends. Are you a doctor? 424 00:16:45,312 --> 00:16:48,118 All I see is two suspicious men in front of a damaged van. 425 00:16:48,143 --> 00:16:49,395 I assure you I'm fully licensed, 426 00:16:49,396 --> 00:16:50,689 and I can see you right away. 427 00:16:50,690 --> 00:16:52,192 I just need some antibiotics. 428 00:16:52,193 --> 00:16:53,945 I have a really bad UTI. 429 00:16:53,946 --> 00:16:56,325 I held in my pee for an entire women's march. 430 00:16:56,326 --> 00:16:58,162 I told people those were a bad idea. 431 00:16:58,163 --> 00:17:00,000 Come with me, I'll take care of you. 432 00:17:01,879 --> 00:17:05,259 Hey! What is wrong with you? 433 00:17:05,260 --> 00:17:07,180 How could you steal from your son? 434 00:17:07,181 --> 00:17:09,267 Yes, I take Leo's Halloween candy, 435 00:17:09,268 --> 00:17:10,614 but only after he's gone to bed! 436 00:17:10,614 --> 00:17:13,003 Well I don't know what to tell you; I'm just a bad person. 437 00:17:13,028 --> 00:17:15,992 That's what everybody says, and now I guess it's true. 438 00:17:15,993 --> 00:17:18,914 Hey, stop! Stop. That is not true. 439 00:17:18,915 --> 00:17:20,918 Remember the time I had too many margaritas 440 00:17:20,919 --> 00:17:23,165 at Jeremy's Miss America pageant viewing party? 441 00:17:23,466 --> 00:17:25,219 And you took my car keys away from me. 442 00:17:25,220 --> 00:17:26,805 Yeah, but I made a copy of the keys, 443 00:17:26,806 --> 00:17:28,778 and I've been using your car ever since. 444 00:17:29,060 --> 00:17:32,190 Okay, well, what about the time when I didn't know 445 00:17:32,191 --> 00:17:34,279 if I should leave Danny or not, and you told me 446 00:17:34,280 --> 00:17:37,452 I would be fine by myself? That was good advice. 447 00:17:37,453 --> 00:17:40,249 I just told you that 'cause I wanted him for myself. 448 00:17:40,250 --> 00:17:42,892 Okay, that is ridiculous, Beverly. Sit down. 449 00:17:44,049 --> 00:17:45,582 - Sit! - Okay! 450 00:17:47,222 --> 00:17:49,392 I don't get it. David said that you guys 451 00:17:49,393 --> 00:17:50,756 were having a great talk. 452 00:17:51,093 --> 00:17:53,442 Why would you ruin everything by stealing his wallet? 453 00:17:53,443 --> 00:17:55,813 I don't know. Why did I steal your identity? 454 00:17:55,813 --> 00:17:57,440 It's just who I am! 455 00:17:57,441 --> 00:17:59,111 Okay, I didn't know you had done that, 456 00:17:59,112 --> 00:18:01,745 but... can I tell you what I think? 457 00:18:02,451 --> 00:18:04,371 I think you stole his wallet because you wanted 458 00:18:04,372 --> 00:18:05,697 to push him away, 459 00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:09,047 because it was easier to do one bad thing 460 00:18:09,048 --> 00:18:11,427 than to have a relationship with your son 461 00:18:11,428 --> 00:18:12,805 for the rest of your life. 462 00:18:15,186 --> 00:18:18,221 Well, you may be right. 463 00:18:19,762 --> 00:18:21,660 But I also wanted a picture of him. 464 00:18:21,685 --> 00:18:24,479 He looks just like his dad, Tavis. 465 00:18:26,066 --> 00:18:28,078 Well, I think you'll feel a lot better 466 00:18:28,103 --> 00:18:30,190 if you go upstairs and give this back to him. 467 00:18:31,109 --> 00:18:33,947 And put in a good word for me, because you owe me now. 468 00:18:33,972 --> 00:18:36,313 Ha! My son can do better than you! 469 00:18:36,338 --> 00:18:39,097 Yeah, but he doesn't know that yet. Just listen to what I say. 470 00:18:39,122 --> 00:18:41,288 All right, all right, I'm going, I'm going. 471 00:18:41,362 --> 00:18:44,116 Sofia, it's nice to meet you. Here's your birth control 472 00:18:44,117 --> 00:18:46,454 for this month, and here's your prescription for the rest. 473 00:18:46,455 --> 00:18:49,168 Oh, thanks, but uh... I don't think I can afford this. 474 00:18:49,184 --> 00:18:50,688 I don't have health insurance. 475 00:18:50,713 --> 00:18:52,632 My word, I've been hearing that a lot today. 476 00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:54,677 I thought that was something liberal media just made up, 477 00:18:54,678 --> 00:18:58,142 like police brutality, but don't worry, the prescription's on us. 478 00:18:58,143 --> 00:19:00,981 You know what? Next month, you come see me at this address. 479 00:19:00,982 --> 00:19:03,402 I'll give you your next pack. Pharmaceutical companies 480 00:19:03,403 --> 00:19:04,945 give those away like candy. 481 00:19:05,355 --> 00:19:07,442 Thank you so much, Dr. Kimball-Kinney. 482 00:19:07,704 --> 00:19:10,358 Oh! 483 00:19:16,552 --> 00:19:19,641 Goodbye, Paula. Remember to take all of your antibiotics. 484 00:19:19,641 --> 00:19:22,394 Otherwise humankind will be wiped out by a super-bug. 485 00:19:23,212 --> 00:19:24,503 And enjoy this weather! 486 00:19:26,172 --> 00:19:27,841 - Woof! - Right? 487 00:19:27,842 --> 00:19:28,990 What a day! 488 00:19:28,990 --> 00:19:31,535 Man, that was just like go, go, go! 489 00:19:31,536 --> 00:19:32,993 And now, here we are. 490 00:19:33,033 --> 00:19:36,200 And yet as tired as I am, I haven't felt this fulfilled 491 00:19:36,274 --> 00:19:39,487 since I felled the wild hog that gored Grandmother. 492 00:19:40,268 --> 00:19:41,260 Wow. 493 00:19:41,260 --> 00:19:43,230 Well, well, well, Dr. Hernandez. 494 00:19:43,238 --> 00:19:44,336 What a surprise. 495 00:19:44,361 --> 00:19:48,319 A surprise? Is it? You tagged me in a taunting Instagram 496 00:19:48,481 --> 00:19:50,348 with the hashtag "Clinicfail," 497 00:19:50,735 --> 00:19:54,500 # jodyhasmoregenerositythandrmary hernandez. 498 00:19:55,226 --> 00:19:57,980 Real quick, hold on, that was me. 499 00:19:57,981 --> 00:20:00,403 I run the social media for Schulman and Associates, 500 00:20:00,404 --> 00:20:03,282 so I apologize for... for tagging you. 501 00:20:03,283 --> 00:20:04,911 Look, Mary, I will admit that 502 00:20:04,912 --> 00:20:08,544 this mobile unit began its mission out of spite, 503 00:20:08,545 --> 00:20:11,466 much like the space race or a Taylor Swift video. 504 00:20:11,467 --> 00:20:13,429 Great, then you can just leave... 505 00:20:13,430 --> 00:20:14,723 But after helping all these women in need, 506 00:20:14,724 --> 00:20:16,267 something strange happened. 507 00:20:16,268 --> 00:20:18,062 I began to feel good about myself. 508 00:20:18,063 --> 00:20:20,317 - What? - Yeah, I was as shocked as you. 509 00:20:20,318 --> 00:20:23,529 But yes, I enjoyed helping people for free! 510 00:20:24,092 --> 00:20:25,881 I'm sorry I was so dismissive. 511 00:20:25,906 --> 00:20:29,705 I've never seen him this happy outside of Derby Day. 512 00:20:29,707 --> 00:20:30,658 Really? 513 00:20:31,711 --> 00:20:35,509 Well, I hate to admit it, but having you here was a help. 514 00:20:35,510 --> 00:20:37,012 Well, then you wouldn't mind if Morgan and I 515 00:20:37,013 --> 00:20:38,068 came back next week? 516 00:20:38,829 --> 00:20:41,933 Great, but maybe Morgan 517 00:20:42,173 --> 00:20:44,031 could not use our bathroom so much. 518 00:20:44,058 --> 00:20:46,050 - Ah, yeah. - I'm sorry. 519 00:20:46,050 --> 00:20:47,970 I can't agree to that at this moment in time. 520 00:20:47,971 --> 00:20:50,726 - He'll use it less. - I won't use it less. 521 00:20:50,758 --> 00:20:52,531 I don't know. I don't know how I'll feel next week. 522 00:20:52,556 --> 00:20:53,633 I'll make sure. 523 00:20:53,633 --> 00:20:55,513 Then I guess I'll see you next week. 524 00:20:55,538 --> 00:20:56,540 I look forward to it. 525 00:21:01,570 --> 00:21:05,251 Oh, oh, my gosh. Sparks! 526 00:21:08,381 --> 00:21:10,593 It's like frickin' aluminum foil in the microwave. 527 00:21:16,639 --> 00:21:19,143 Well, I hope you can come visit me 528 00:21:19,144 --> 00:21:20,896 on Long Island sometime. 529 00:21:20,897 --> 00:21:23,484 We'll be there. Sometimes just me alone. 530 00:21:23,485 --> 00:21:25,572 That's not gonna work. You know I'm married, 531 00:21:25,573 --> 00:21:27,242 and I have two kids. 532 00:21:27,243 --> 00:21:29,956 What? You're married? Where's your ring? 533 00:21:29,957 --> 00:21:31,293 I'm allergic to metal. 534 00:21:31,464 --> 00:21:33,592 You have a metal allergy? What a crock! 535 00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:37,153 What a waste of time! Ah, come on! 536 00:21:37,154 --> 00:21:39,001 Okay. 537 00:21:44,293 --> 00:21:46,548 Ah. 538 00:21:49,947 --> 00:21:50,847 Bye. 539 00:21:52,967 --> 00:21:54,887 Oh, remember what I told you: 540 00:21:54,888 --> 00:21:57,463 The government's coming for our guns! 541 00:21:58,934 --> 00:22:00,277 I love you too, Mom. 542 00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:04,176 Oh, wait. Still got it. 543 00:22:10,732 --> 00:22:13,802 Well, Beverly, looks like even you are capable 544 00:22:13,836 --> 00:22:15,287 of being a good person sometimes. 545 00:22:16,110 --> 00:22:17,441 Aw, shut up. 546 00:22:19,530 --> 00:22:20,707 Thanks. 547 00:22:29,206 --> 00:22:30,366 Where's my purse? 548 00:22:30,750 --> 00:22:31,743 Go to bed. 42225

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