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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,542 --> 00:00:10,410 [theme music] 2 00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:13,413 ANNOUNCER: "The Dick Van Dyke Show." 3 00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:22,789 Starring Dick Van Dyke, Rose Marie, Morey Amsterdam, Larry 4 00:00:22,889 --> 00:00:27,827 Mathews, and Mary Tyler Moore. 5 00:00:27,927 --> 00:00:30,296 Warden, as spokesman for this group, 6 00:00:30,397 --> 00:00:32,632 we think this is highly unfair. 7 00:00:32,732 --> 00:00:34,868 Boxer, I think the trouble your gang 8 00:00:34,968 --> 00:00:38,304 caused after the last show was unfair to me and the other men. 9 00:00:38,405 --> 00:00:40,573 You don't deserve to see tonight's show. 10 00:00:40,673 --> 00:00:43,143 Hey, Warden, we ain't going to cause any more trouble. 11 00:00:43,243 --> 00:00:44,144 Cross my heart. 12 00:00:44,244 --> 00:00:46,112 I cannot take any chances. 13 00:00:46,212 --> 00:00:48,047 These people from "The Alan Brady Show" 14 00:00:48,148 --> 00:00:49,582 have been kind enough to come all the way 15 00:00:49,682 --> 00:00:50,850 up here to entertain us. 16 00:00:50,950 --> 00:00:52,786 And I want to be sure there's going to be no trouble. 17 00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:53,853 [buzzing] 18 00:00:54,754 --> 00:00:56,389 Now, you quiet down. 19 00:00:56,489 --> 00:00:57,390 Yes? 20 00:00:57,490 --> 00:00:58,958 MAN (ON INTERCOM): Delp is here, sir. 21 00:00:59,058 --> 00:01:00,560 Oh, hold it a minute. 22 00:01:00,660 --> 00:01:02,862 I'll finish with you men after the show. 23 00:01:02,962 --> 00:01:04,998 There ain't going to be no show. 24 00:01:05,098 --> 00:01:06,666 What was that? 25 00:01:06,766 --> 00:01:07,567 Oh, nothing. 26 00:01:07,667 --> 00:01:10,003 Just an idle threat. 27 00:01:10,103 --> 00:01:12,005 Guard, take them outside for a moment. 28 00:01:12,105 --> 00:01:13,006 Right. 29 00:01:13,106 --> 00:01:14,140 Oh, Warden, it's criminal. 30 00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:15,642 That's what it is. It's not fair. 31 00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:16,543 This just criminal. 32 00:01:16,643 --> 00:01:19,112 [shouting] 33 00:01:19,212 --> 00:01:20,313 Send Lyle in. 34 00:01:23,283 --> 00:01:26,152 Warden, Warden, thank goodness you're all right. 35 00:01:26,252 --> 00:01:27,287 I got here in time. 36 00:01:27,387 --> 00:01:28,922 WARDEN: What is it, Lyle? 37 00:01:29,022 --> 00:01:30,123 The men, Warden. 38 00:01:30,223 --> 00:01:31,591 They're rioting in cell block three. 39 00:01:31,691 --> 00:01:34,661 Burt Lancaster is holding Hume Cronyn hostage. 40 00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:36,930 They're going to kill him if you don't meet their demands. 41 00:01:37,030 --> 00:01:37,864 All right. 42 00:01:37,964 --> 00:01:39,399 What are their demands? 43 00:01:39,499 --> 00:01:41,768 They want Pat O'Brien back as warden. 44 00:01:45,038 --> 00:01:46,172 Pretty good, huh? 45 00:01:46,272 --> 00:01:47,106 How was the acting? 46 00:01:47,207 --> 00:01:48,775 Did you like it, Warden? 47 00:01:48,875 --> 00:01:52,645 Lyle, I like it much better when you do it as Jimmy Cagney. 48 00:01:52,745 --> 00:01:54,547 Oh, Warden. 49 00:01:54,647 --> 00:01:56,082 What else can I do for you, Lyle? 50 00:01:56,182 --> 00:01:57,317 I got my friends outside. 51 00:01:57,417 --> 00:01:58,751 They're here for the show. - Wonderful. 52 00:01:58,852 --> 00:01:59,652 Bring them in. 53 00:01:59,752 --> 00:02:01,855 OK, Warden. 54 00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:02,789 OK, Rob. 55 00:02:02,889 --> 00:02:03,723 Come on in. 56 00:02:03,823 --> 00:02:06,826 I got him tied up. 57 00:02:06,926 --> 00:02:07,894 Here they are. 58 00:02:07,994 --> 00:02:09,696 Come on in, gang. 59 00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:10,797 Here they are, Warden. 60 00:02:10,897 --> 00:02:14,100 Gang, this is my friend, the camp counselor. 61 00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:16,336 Uncle Warden Jackson. 62 00:02:16,436 --> 00:02:17,237 A sweetheart of a guy. 63 00:02:17,337 --> 00:02:18,371 How do you do? 64 00:02:18,471 --> 00:02:19,372 Hello. 65 00:02:19,472 --> 00:02:20,640 This is Buddy Sorrell, Sally Rogers. 66 00:02:20,740 --> 00:02:21,574 How are you? 67 00:02:21,674 --> 00:02:22,709 How do you do? 68 00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:24,677 And these are two of my favorite victims, Rob 69 00:02:24,777 --> 00:02:25,411 and Laura Petrie. 70 00:02:25,512 --> 00:02:26,546 How do you do, Warden? 71 00:02:26,646 --> 00:02:27,480 How do you do? 72 00:02:27,580 --> 00:02:28,915 So you're the ones he tried to hold 73 00:02:29,015 --> 00:02:30,717 up in an elevator using a comb. 74 00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:31,751 That's right. 75 00:02:31,851 --> 00:02:33,887 Unfortunately, the comb wasn't loaded. 76 00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:35,388 Oh, come on, Rob. 77 00:02:35,488 --> 00:02:38,091 Don't take away my dignity as a criminal. 78 00:02:38,191 --> 00:02:39,459 Lyle, you know very well you're 79 00:02:39,559 --> 00:02:41,160 just not the criminal type. 80 00:02:41,261 --> 00:02:42,829 I think you're right. 81 00:02:42,929 --> 00:02:43,730 See. 82 00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:44,531 Didn't I tell you? 83 00:02:44,631 --> 00:02:46,366 He's a sweetheart of a guy. 84 00:02:46,466 --> 00:02:47,867 I just want to say we certainly 85 00:02:47,967 --> 00:02:49,369 appreciate your coming up here. 86 00:02:49,469 --> 00:02:50,937 The boys are looking forward to it. 87 00:02:51,037 --> 00:02:52,238 Now, if you ladies will follow me, 88 00:02:52,338 --> 00:02:53,506 I'll show you where you can change. 89 00:02:53,606 --> 00:02:55,174 I'll see you later, dear. See you later. 90 00:02:55,275 --> 00:02:57,076 Hey, girls, be careful where you sit down. 91 00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:58,711 Be sure the chair ain't plugged in. 92 00:02:58,811 --> 00:02:59,712 Oh. 93 00:03:01,915 --> 00:03:05,385 Mr. Petrie, you and Mr. Sorrell can use my office. 94 00:03:05,485 --> 00:03:06,619 Anything you need? 95 00:03:06,719 --> 00:03:08,087 Well, all I need is a prison outfit. 96 00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,088 Oh, they're right here. 97 00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:10,757 Oh, thank you. 98 00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:12,625 Lyle, your best behavior. 99 00:03:12,725 --> 00:03:16,396 Remember, you're our most trusted trustee. 100 00:03:16,496 --> 00:03:18,965 Sure does believe in me. 101 00:03:19,065 --> 00:03:21,100 Lyle, you're looking just great. 102 00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:22,135 When are you getting out? 103 00:03:22,235 --> 00:03:23,536 Pretty soon. 104 00:03:23,636 --> 00:03:25,038 I bet you're counting the days by now, aren't you? 105 00:03:25,138 --> 00:03:26,039 Oh, not really. 106 00:03:26,139 --> 00:03:27,640 It's been kind of nice here. 107 00:03:27,740 --> 00:03:29,275 Hey, why don't you stay in longer, you know, 108 00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:30,543 after your term is up? 109 00:03:30,643 --> 00:03:31,678 What for? 110 00:03:31,778 --> 00:03:35,148 Build up a credit in case they nab you again. 111 00:03:35,248 --> 00:03:36,416 Nah. 112 00:03:36,516 --> 00:03:38,451 I'm a fully rehabilitated citizen now. 113 00:03:38,551 --> 00:03:39,419 Yeah. 114 00:03:39,519 --> 00:03:40,486 That's what you said the last time. 115 00:03:40,587 --> 00:03:41,588 No. 116 00:03:41,688 --> 00:03:43,022 This time I got to the root of my problem. 117 00:03:43,122 --> 00:03:44,958 I went to the prison psychiatrist, and he helped me. 118 00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:45,858 Well, that's wonderful. 119 00:03:45,959 --> 00:03:46,793 What was it? 120 00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:50,396 Uh, I like to steal. 121 00:03:50,496 --> 00:03:52,131 Don't worry. You'll be back. 122 00:03:52,231 --> 00:03:53,066 No, no. 123 00:03:53,166 --> 00:03:54,334 I'm OK now. 124 00:03:54,434 --> 00:03:55,435 And I found out I like something better 125 00:03:55,535 --> 00:03:57,470 than crime, show business. 126 00:03:57,570 --> 00:04:00,039 Hey, would-- would you get me a job when I get out? 127 00:04:00,139 --> 00:04:02,308 We'll do what we can for you, Lyle. 128 00:04:02,408 --> 00:04:04,944 Hey, why don't you become a comedy writer? 129 00:04:05,044 --> 00:04:05,878 No. 130 00:04:05,979 --> 00:04:07,347 I-- I can't write jokes. 131 00:04:07,447 --> 00:04:08,247 What write? 132 00:04:08,348 --> 00:04:10,917 Steal them. 133 00:04:11,017 --> 00:04:12,518 That was very cruel. 134 00:04:12,619 --> 00:04:15,121 [chuckles] Well, I've been doing it for years. 135 00:04:15,221 --> 00:04:18,091 Incidentally, Lyle, what kind of an audience are these guys? 136 00:04:18,191 --> 00:04:19,192 Captive. 137 00:04:19,292 --> 00:04:22,095 Best audience in the world. 138 00:04:22,195 --> 00:04:23,363 They're great. 139 00:04:23,463 --> 00:04:25,031 Hey, do they like short fat cello players? 140 00:04:25,131 --> 00:04:26,432 Hey, tonight. 141 00:04:26,532 --> 00:04:28,901 They'll love anything, even if you play a kazoo. 142 00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:30,503 Why is that? 143 00:04:30,603 --> 00:04:34,807 Well, you see, we haven't had a show here in several months. 144 00:04:34,907 --> 00:04:35,742 Gee. 145 00:04:35,842 --> 00:04:37,176 I thought you have one every week. 146 00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:40,213 Well, we do, you see, but the warden 147 00:04:40,313 --> 00:04:44,951 had to postpone the last one because of the riot. 148 00:04:45,051 --> 00:04:46,386 The riot? 149 00:04:46,486 --> 00:04:48,988 Well, [chuckles] it wasn't exactly a riot. 150 00:04:49,088 --> 00:04:53,326 It was sort of a difference of opinion with injuries. 151 00:04:56,496 --> 00:04:59,098 Well, wh-- what was the riot about? 152 00:04:59,198 --> 00:05:02,535 They didn't like the last show. 153 00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:06,439 [chuckles] He's kidding us. 154 00:05:06,539 --> 00:05:07,674 He's not kidding. 155 00:05:11,344 --> 00:05:12,712 Lyle, you must be kidding. 156 00:05:12,812 --> 00:05:15,615 They didn't have a riot after the last show, did they? 157 00:05:15,715 --> 00:05:16,382 No. 158 00:05:16,482 --> 00:05:19,519 It was during the last show. 159 00:05:19,619 --> 00:05:20,820 What kind of a show was it? 160 00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:23,056 Well, it was like sort of an amateur night. 161 00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:24,691 We used local talent. 162 00:05:24,791 --> 00:05:27,760 It was called "An Evening with Lyle Delp." 163 00:05:27,860 --> 00:05:29,262 I was the emcee. 164 00:05:29,362 --> 00:05:30,930 Wasn't it a good show? 165 00:05:31,030 --> 00:05:32,498 Oh, it was a great show. 166 00:05:32,598 --> 00:05:33,966 We had a guy sing "Granada." 167 00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:36,135 And another fellow played the accordion, you know. 168 00:05:36,235 --> 00:05:37,603 And he did "Lady of Spain." 169 00:05:37,704 --> 00:05:39,739 Then we got two lifers to do a duet, 170 00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:42,709 and one sang "Old Man River" and the other one went, hummmm. 171 00:05:45,211 --> 00:05:46,245 And they didn't like that? 172 00:05:46,345 --> 00:05:47,180 No. 173 00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:48,548 I can't understand it. 174 00:05:48,648 --> 00:05:51,117 What kind of shows do they like? 175 00:05:51,217 --> 00:05:53,086 Strippers. 176 00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:55,621 Well, they're not going to see any of that in this show. 177 00:06:04,897 --> 00:06:05,798 Hey! 178 00:06:05,898 --> 00:06:06,866 What? 179 00:06:06,966 --> 00:06:10,203 Those are the craziest shorts I ever saw. 180 00:06:10,303 --> 00:06:11,537 They were a Mother's Day present. 181 00:06:11,637 --> 00:06:13,039 - Mother's Day? - Yeah. 182 00:06:13,139 --> 00:06:14,640 I got them for my mother, but she wouldn't wear them. 183 00:06:16,943 --> 00:06:19,579 Boy, that's what I call freedom. 184 00:06:19,679 --> 00:06:23,416 Big car, lots of money, and flashy underwear. 185 00:06:23,516 --> 00:06:26,185 With us it's cockamamie gray all the way. 186 00:06:26,285 --> 00:06:28,187 I'll tell you what, Lyle, for a getting out present 187 00:06:28,287 --> 00:06:29,956 I'll buy you a pair of wild shorts. 188 00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:31,624 Make it polka dots. 189 00:06:31,724 --> 00:06:32,558 OK. 190 00:06:32,658 --> 00:06:33,493 Listen, you can do a favor for me. 191 00:06:33,593 --> 00:06:34,794 Anything. Anything. 192 00:06:34,894 --> 00:06:36,095 Will you get me a pair of pants? 193 00:06:36,195 --> 00:06:37,630 They gave me two shirts. 194 00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:40,032 The warden's a sweetheart, but he ain't show biz. 195 00:06:40,133 --> 00:06:41,834 Hey, I better hurry up. 196 00:06:41,934 --> 00:06:44,170 The show is scheduled for 8 o'clock. 197 00:06:44,270 --> 00:06:46,272 Yeah. 198 00:06:46,372 --> 00:06:49,275 And the riot for 9:00. 199 00:06:49,375 --> 00:06:50,409 Here's the stage and all, gang. 200 00:06:50,510 --> 00:06:51,677 Hey, listen. 201 00:06:51,778 --> 00:06:52,645 I better go out there and warm them up. 202 00:06:52,745 --> 00:06:53,346 OK? 203 00:06:53,446 --> 00:06:54,313 I've seen their faces. 204 00:06:54,413 --> 00:06:57,049 You better use a blowtorch. 205 00:06:57,150 --> 00:06:59,218 Hey, you sure they like short fat cello players? 206 00:06:59,318 --> 00:07:00,286 They'll love you. 207 00:07:00,386 --> 00:07:01,420 You have nothing to be afraid of. 208 00:07:01,521 --> 00:07:04,357 They never heard him play. 209 00:07:04,457 --> 00:07:05,725 Lyle, do you think they'll mind our doing 210 00:07:05,825 --> 00:07:06,692 a lot of jokes about prison? 211 00:07:06,793 --> 00:07:08,361 No. They love them. 212 00:07:08,461 --> 00:07:09,395 He's right, Laura. 213 00:07:09,495 --> 00:07:10,663 It's basic psychology. 214 00:07:10,763 --> 00:07:12,565 We love to be kidded about ourselves. 215 00:07:12,665 --> 00:07:13,933 Isn't that what you told me, Rob? 216 00:07:14,033 --> 00:07:15,201 Yep. 217 00:07:15,301 --> 00:07:17,370 Well, how do you think they're going to feel about our 218 00:07:17,470 --> 00:07:19,405 doing a dance with chains on? 219 00:07:19,505 --> 00:07:21,140 Home sick. 220 00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:22,074 Don't worry, Laura. 221 00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:23,209 They'll love you. 222 00:07:23,309 --> 00:07:24,210 Honey, did you bring the chains? 223 00:07:24,310 --> 00:07:25,411 No, didn't you? 224 00:07:25,511 --> 00:07:27,013 Oh, I must have left them downstairs. 225 00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:28,114 I'll get them. 226 00:07:28,214 --> 00:07:29,515 - Oh, well, hurry, darling. - I'll be back. 227 00:07:29,615 --> 00:07:31,150 Gee. I'd better get out there too. 228 00:07:31,250 --> 00:07:33,052 Hey, Lyle, don't be nervous. 229 00:07:33,152 --> 00:07:34,287 Are you kidding? 230 00:07:34,387 --> 00:07:35,488 This is my room. 231 00:07:38,324 --> 00:07:40,026 OK, fellas. 232 00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:43,129 [cheering] 233 00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:45,431 Hi, guys. 234 00:07:45,531 --> 00:07:48,034 Like I said, Lyle Delp, your good friend. 235 00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:49,101 I came through for you. 236 00:07:49,202 --> 00:07:50,903 We got a great show. 237 00:07:51,003 --> 00:07:52,305 [cheering] 238 00:07:52,405 --> 00:07:53,272 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 239 00:07:53,372 --> 00:07:55,308 Just shut up, Pop, huh? 240 00:07:55,408 --> 00:07:56,676 Now, listen, you guys. 241 00:07:56,776 --> 00:07:58,010 You're going to be a lot of fun, you see. 242 00:07:58,110 --> 00:07:59,612 Now, we're going to have a lot of classy girls 243 00:07:59,712 --> 00:08:01,247 come out here and nice guys. 244 00:08:01,347 --> 00:08:02,615 I don't want any guys going crazy 245 00:08:02,715 --> 00:08:03,549 and yelling out bad things. 246 00:08:03,649 --> 00:08:04,450 You know what I mean? 247 00:08:04,550 --> 00:08:05,585 A little class. 248 00:08:05,685 --> 00:08:08,821 Do you understand this, dumb dumb? 249 00:08:08,921 --> 00:08:11,290 I'm talking, and you're staring at me like I'm the yo-yo. 250 00:08:11,390 --> 00:08:13,292 You're the one that's sick. 251 00:08:13,392 --> 00:08:15,494 Like last time, Harry, I don't want with the toothpick, 252 00:08:15,595 --> 00:08:16,729 you know, throwing it up at the stage. 253 00:08:16,829 --> 00:08:18,397 Seeing if you can hit the girl. 254 00:08:18,497 --> 00:08:19,298 There's no humor in that. 255 00:08:19,398 --> 00:08:21,367 You understand? 256 00:08:21,467 --> 00:08:23,336 Accept your punishment without grumbling, 257 00:08:23,436 --> 00:08:24,737 and don't cause any trouble. 258 00:08:24,837 --> 00:08:26,672 Gee, Warden, just because we done 259 00:08:26,772 --> 00:08:29,675 one bad little thing do we have to suffer forever? 260 00:08:29,775 --> 00:08:31,711 This isn't my decision alone. 261 00:08:31,811 --> 00:08:33,846 Your fellow inmates, the prison council, 262 00:08:33,946 --> 00:08:35,448 ruled that this would be your punishment. 263 00:08:35,548 --> 00:08:36,749 What do they know? 264 00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:39,385 They're just a bunch of ignorant criminals. 265 00:08:39,485 --> 00:08:41,087 And what we did wasn't so bad. - No. 266 00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:41,854 After all we did-- 267 00:08:41,954 --> 00:08:42,955 Back to your cells, men. 268 00:08:43,055 --> 00:08:43,756 Oh. 269 00:08:43,856 --> 00:08:45,124 - Oh, come on. - Jenkins. 270 00:08:45,224 --> 00:08:46,158 JENKINS: Yo. 271 00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:47,293 I have a few rounds to make. 272 00:08:47,393 --> 00:08:48,527 Then I'm going to playhouse. 273 00:08:48,628 --> 00:08:49,729 Take these men back to the cell. 274 00:08:49,829 --> 00:08:50,730 You come with me. 275 00:08:50,830 --> 00:08:52,698 JENKINS: All right, come on. 276 00:08:52,798 --> 00:08:55,468 Well, that ain't very sporting of you, I'll tell you. 277 00:08:55,568 --> 00:08:56,402 [shouting] 278 00:08:56,502 --> 00:08:57,570 JENKINS: Let's go. 279 00:08:57,670 --> 00:08:58,571 Let's go right now. 280 00:08:58,671 --> 00:08:59,872 What's the matter with you? 281 00:08:59,972 --> 00:09:01,374 Hey, hey, hey, hey, what are you doing here? 282 00:09:01,474 --> 00:09:02,975 Oh, grab a suitcase. 283 00:09:03,075 --> 00:09:05,311 Planning a little trip for the weekend, huh? 284 00:09:05,411 --> 00:09:06,412 No. This is for the show. 285 00:09:06,512 --> 00:09:07,513 Yeah, but you won't need it. 286 00:09:07,613 --> 00:09:08,547 You're not going to the show. 287 00:09:08,648 --> 00:09:10,149 What? 288 00:09:10,249 --> 00:09:12,652 The warden said you guys are being punished, 289 00:09:12,752 --> 00:09:14,120 you're not going to see the show. 290 00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:15,354 Oh, you guys-- 291 00:09:15,454 --> 00:09:16,522 [chuckles] look. 292 00:09:16,622 --> 00:09:17,957 I'm not one of them. I'm in the show. 293 00:09:18,057 --> 00:09:19,458 This is a costume. - Sure it is. 294 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:20,393 Come on. Let's go. 295 00:09:20,493 --> 00:09:21,460 Outside. - No, wait. 296 00:09:21,560 --> 00:09:22,628 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 297 00:09:22,728 --> 00:09:23,729 You're making a terrible mistake. 298 00:09:23,829 --> 00:09:25,031 Ask them. - Oh, yeah. 299 00:09:25,131 --> 00:09:26,299 He's in the show. - That's right. 300 00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:27,466 We're in the show. 301 00:09:27,566 --> 00:09:28,534 We're chorus girls. - That's right. 302 00:09:28,634 --> 00:09:29,702 No. No, they're not. 303 00:09:29,802 --> 00:09:32,038 I'm a chorus-- no, look, guard. 304 00:09:32,138 --> 00:09:33,806 I brought the show up here. I'm a writer. 305 00:09:33,906 --> 00:09:35,241 Yeah. And I'm a camera. 306 00:09:35,341 --> 00:09:36,142 I'm a microphone. 307 00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:37,076 All right. 308 00:09:37,176 --> 00:09:37,843 That's enough, you guys. 309 00:09:37,944 --> 00:09:39,612 Everybody, out. - Listen. 310 00:09:39,712 --> 00:09:40,813 You're making a terrible mistake here. 311 00:09:40,913 --> 00:09:42,315 - Let's go. - Call the warden. 312 00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:43,916 Hey, listen. I'm the president. 313 00:09:44,016 --> 00:09:46,686 [shouting] 314 00:09:46,786 --> 00:09:49,288 Hello, Warden. 315 00:09:49,388 --> 00:09:52,959 [shouting] 316 00:10:00,366 --> 00:10:01,200 The warden knows me. 317 00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:02,134 Yeah. 318 00:10:02,234 --> 00:10:02,969 He knows us too. - Look. 319 00:10:03,069 --> 00:10:04,637 I'm telling you. Call the warden. 320 00:10:04,737 --> 00:10:06,238 He'll tell you. - Yeah. 321 00:10:06,339 --> 00:10:08,240 Now, look, you guys are in there because you're a troublemakers. 322 00:10:08,341 --> 00:10:09,642 So just relax. 323 00:10:09,742 --> 00:10:12,411 How can I make you understand that I'm not a-- 324 00:10:12,511 --> 00:10:13,579 I got it. Look. 325 00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:14,613 Look at that, guard. 326 00:10:14,714 --> 00:10:15,681 Look at that number. Look. 327 00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:16,616 Check me in the files. 328 00:10:16,716 --> 00:10:17,617 You won't find me there. 329 00:10:17,717 --> 00:10:19,652 That is an unlisted number. 330 00:10:19,752 --> 00:10:21,854 Keep it quiet and maybe next time 331 00:10:21,954 --> 00:10:23,356 you'll get to see the show. - Wait. 332 00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:24,290 Guard, wait. Wait. 333 00:10:24,390 --> 00:10:25,224 Guard, come back. 334 00:10:25,324 --> 00:10:26,225 Wait a minute. 335 00:10:36,736 --> 00:10:39,839 Hey, what do you know about that? 336 00:10:39,939 --> 00:10:41,774 They won't let Shakespeare out of jail? 337 00:10:41,874 --> 00:10:43,476 What are you up to? You planning something? 338 00:10:43,576 --> 00:10:44,710 That's it. It's a break, isn't it? 339 00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:46,178 I'm a hostage? 340 00:10:46,278 --> 00:10:48,047 You want-- you want better conditions? 341 00:10:48,147 --> 00:10:49,815 Better food, I'll bet, too. Yeah. 342 00:10:49,915 --> 00:10:51,250 Boy, I'll tell you something, you guys. 343 00:10:51,350 --> 00:10:52,151 You deserve it. 344 00:10:52,251 --> 00:10:53,886 Every-- every bit of it. 345 00:10:53,986 --> 00:10:55,721 Hey, I'll tell you what I'll do. Let me out of here. 346 00:10:55,821 --> 00:10:56,622 I'll go to tell the warden. 347 00:10:56,722 --> 00:10:57,923 I'll tell-- I will. 348 00:10:58,024 --> 00:10:59,225 What are you going to do to me? 349 00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:01,093 We ain't going to do nothing to you. 350 00:11:01,193 --> 00:11:02,862 It's just that if you're here, you 351 00:11:02,962 --> 00:11:04,830 ain't going to be in that show. 352 00:11:04,930 --> 00:11:07,233 Well, what does that accomplish? 353 00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:08,200 Justice. 354 00:11:08,300 --> 00:11:09,402 Justice? 355 00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:12,671 If we don't see the show, nobody sees the show. 356 00:11:12,772 --> 00:11:14,440 Well that-- fellas, that's not justice. 357 00:11:14,540 --> 00:11:15,374 That's vicious. 358 00:11:15,474 --> 00:11:16,308 Oh, I mean, you know-- 359 00:11:16,409 --> 00:11:17,510 I mean it's revenge. 360 00:11:17,610 --> 00:11:18,544 Gee. 361 00:11:18,644 --> 00:11:19,712 I always get them two confused. 362 00:11:19,812 --> 00:11:21,013 Hey, look, you guys. 363 00:11:21,113 --> 00:11:22,615 It's not going to do a bit of good anyway. 364 00:11:22,715 --> 00:11:24,350 There's a lot of people up there that are going to do the show. 365 00:11:24,450 --> 00:11:25,685 They'll do it right ahead without me, so holding me here 366 00:11:25,785 --> 00:11:26,986 is not going to do any good at all. 367 00:11:27,086 --> 00:11:28,487 So you might just as well let me out of here. 368 00:11:28,587 --> 00:11:29,622 Guard! 369 00:11:29,722 --> 00:11:31,924 Fellas, I'd like introduce to you 370 00:11:32,024 --> 00:11:35,361 one of the great classical cello players of our time. 371 00:11:35,461 --> 00:11:38,564 [booing] 372 00:11:38,664 --> 00:11:39,498 Now, wait a minute. 373 00:11:39,598 --> 00:11:41,367 Wait a minute now. 374 00:11:41,467 --> 00:11:42,668 You see? You see? 375 00:11:42,768 --> 00:11:43,669 Wait a second. 376 00:11:43,769 --> 00:11:44,637 You see that's what I mean. 377 00:11:44,737 --> 00:11:45,571 That's what burns me up. 378 00:11:45,671 --> 00:11:47,173 You see? 379 00:11:47,273 --> 00:11:48,941 That's why you guys are sitting here with the West Point cadet 380 00:11:49,041 --> 00:11:50,976 suits on for being wise guys. 381 00:11:51,077 --> 00:11:52,912 Now, let's have a little respect, huh? 382 00:11:53,012 --> 00:11:54,080 Give the man a chance. 383 00:11:54,180 --> 00:11:58,050 After he plays, we'll get him. 384 00:11:58,150 --> 00:12:02,354 Let's hear it for one of the real great guys, Buddy Sorrell. 385 00:12:02,455 --> 00:12:03,656 Let's hear it. 386 00:12:03,756 --> 00:12:05,224 [applause] 387 00:12:05,324 --> 00:12:07,860 [whistling] 388 00:12:08,661 --> 00:12:10,296 A real sweetheart of a guy. 389 00:12:10,396 --> 00:12:11,697 He does great imitations. 390 00:12:11,797 --> 00:12:14,400 He did Dillinger so good they're holding him over for 20 years. 391 00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:15,668 [laughter] 392 00:12:15,768 --> 00:12:17,136 Well, you want to hear a little music. 393 00:12:17,236 --> 00:12:18,838 You're going to hear as little as little as possible. 394 00:12:18,938 --> 00:12:22,074 Peanuts, popcorn, chewing gum, candy. 395 00:12:22,174 --> 00:12:23,943 Oh, doctor, I'm so nervous. 396 00:12:24,043 --> 00:12:25,644 This is my first operation. 397 00:12:25,744 --> 00:12:26,545 I know just how you feel. 398 00:12:26,645 --> 00:12:27,747 You're my first patient. 399 00:12:27,847 --> 00:12:29,949 [cello music] 400 00:12:30,049 --> 00:12:31,717 30 days has September. 401 00:12:31,817 --> 00:12:33,619 And my Uncle Irving for booking horses. 402 00:12:33,719 --> 00:12:36,856 [laughter] 403 00:12:38,057 --> 00:12:39,325 You know how they play Russian roulette in India? 404 00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:41,694 One of the cobras is hard of hearing. 405 00:12:41,794 --> 00:12:44,964 [cello music] 406 00:12:46,098 --> 00:12:47,433 I told you guys it's not going to do any good. 407 00:12:47,533 --> 00:12:49,101 There's going to be-- you're going to get in trouble. 408 00:12:49,201 --> 00:12:52,404 Hey, yeah, you know, they might put us in jail. 409 00:12:52,505 --> 00:12:55,975 [laughter] 410 00:12:56,075 --> 00:12:57,109 Hey, fellas, look. 411 00:12:57,209 --> 00:12:58,077 I'm sorry. 412 00:12:58,177 --> 00:12:59,311 I'm sorry you can't see the show. 413 00:12:59,411 --> 00:13:00,446 Believe me. 414 00:13:00,546 --> 00:13:01,614 If it was up to me, I'd let you see the show. 415 00:13:01,714 --> 00:13:03,182 I don't care what you did. 416 00:13:03,282 --> 00:13:08,487 Hey, you know, Shakespeare, you're an all right guy. 417 00:13:08,587 --> 00:13:10,356 Well, thanks a lot, Harry. 418 00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:12,124 You going to let me go? 419 00:13:12,224 --> 00:13:14,827 No. 420 00:13:14,927 --> 00:13:16,662 Hey, Mac. 421 00:13:16,762 --> 00:13:17,563 Hey, Mac! 422 00:13:17,663 --> 00:13:18,664 Yes, sir. 423 00:13:18,764 --> 00:13:20,332 What do you do in the show? 424 00:13:20,432 --> 00:13:21,433 Oh, well, nothing. 425 00:13:21,534 --> 00:13:23,102 I just-- I sing, dance, joke just a little. 426 00:13:23,202 --> 00:13:23,903 Nothing. 427 00:13:24,003 --> 00:13:25,805 Hey, I'd like to see that. 428 00:13:25,905 --> 00:13:27,306 Wouldn't you guys? - Yeah. 429 00:13:27,406 --> 00:13:28,374 I'd like to see that. 430 00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:30,075 But you aren't allowed up there, fellas. 431 00:13:30,176 --> 00:13:31,911 Who said anything about up there? 432 00:13:32,011 --> 00:13:33,412 Here. - Here? 433 00:13:33,512 --> 00:13:34,446 BOXER: Yeah. 434 00:13:34,547 --> 00:13:35,548 What do you want to do first? 435 00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:36,715 Sing or dance? 436 00:13:36,815 --> 00:13:37,683 What? 437 00:13:37,783 --> 00:13:39,084 Yeah. 438 00:13:39,185 --> 00:13:40,586 Do a little something, and then I'll call the guard 439 00:13:40,686 --> 00:13:41,687 and tell him to let you go. 440 00:13:41,787 --> 00:13:42,955 Wait a minute. 441 00:13:43,055 --> 00:13:44,490 You mean, you want me to entertain here? 442 00:13:44,590 --> 00:13:45,925 Why, sure. 443 00:13:46,025 --> 00:13:48,861 You guys on TV is always saying thanks for letting us 444 00:13:48,961 --> 00:13:50,262 into your living room. 445 00:13:50,362 --> 00:13:53,432 Well, we're letting you into our living room. 446 00:13:55,868 --> 00:13:57,436 And we ain't going to let you out. 447 00:14:02,308 --> 00:14:04,843 And I'm supposed to know something about this business. 448 00:14:04,944 --> 00:14:06,045 One day, a girl comes up to me. 449 00:14:06,145 --> 00:14:06,979 She says, I got talent. 450 00:14:07,079 --> 00:14:08,013 Make me a star. 451 00:14:08,113 --> 00:14:08,948 I said, forget it. 452 00:14:09,048 --> 00:14:09,982 You got nothing. 453 00:14:10,082 --> 00:14:10,916 You know who that girl is today? 454 00:14:11,016 --> 00:14:13,285 John Wayne. 455 00:14:13,385 --> 00:14:15,254 [cello music] 456 00:14:16,355 --> 00:14:18,057 And now, a song that has been sweeping 457 00:14:18,157 --> 00:14:19,959 the country, and the country is sweeping it back to the city. 458 00:14:20,059 --> 00:14:21,093 A song that you all love. 459 00:14:21,193 --> 00:14:22,361 "It's Better to Be on the Rock Pile 460 00:14:22,461 --> 00:14:25,764 Than To Have the Rock Pile on You." 461 00:14:25,864 --> 00:14:29,935 [cello music] 462 00:14:31,670 --> 00:14:32,805 Where's Rob? 463 00:14:32,905 --> 00:14:33,839 I don't know, Laura. 464 00:14:33,939 --> 00:14:35,507 You've asked a hundred times. 465 00:14:35,608 --> 00:14:36,709 Nothing could happen to him. 466 00:14:36,809 --> 00:14:37,743 Nothing? 467 00:14:37,843 --> 00:14:40,079 The place is full of criminals. 468 00:14:40,179 --> 00:14:41,981 You sure know how to hurt a guy, Laura. 469 00:14:42,081 --> 00:14:45,484 Oh, Lyle, I'm sorry, but you know what I mean. 470 00:14:45,584 --> 00:14:46,652 Don't worry. 471 00:14:46,752 --> 00:14:48,487 He's only been gone a few minutes. 472 00:14:48,587 --> 00:14:50,089 Lyle, we came in with four. 473 00:14:50,189 --> 00:14:52,825 We'd like to leave with four. 474 00:14:52,925 --> 00:14:56,395 Would you like to leave with five? 475 00:14:56,495 --> 00:14:57,596 Where could he be? 476 00:14:57,696 --> 00:14:59,632 He's probably downstairs chatting with the warden 477 00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:00,866 about prison reforms. 478 00:15:00,966 --> 00:15:02,534 Guard! [rattling] 479 00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:03,502 Guard! 480 00:15:03,602 --> 00:15:04,403 Guard! 481 00:15:04,503 --> 00:15:06,739 Ow. 482 00:15:06,839 --> 00:15:07,673 All right. 483 00:15:07,773 --> 00:15:08,707 Knock it off there. 484 00:15:08,807 --> 00:15:09,875 Now, I know why you're in there. 485 00:15:09,975 --> 00:15:11,644 Boy, you're a real troublemaker. 486 00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:13,078 He'll never learn. 487 00:15:13,178 --> 00:15:15,080 Just keep it down in there, you guys. 488 00:15:15,180 --> 00:15:16,448 And don't bother me anymore. 489 00:15:16,548 --> 00:15:17,383 Guard, wait. 490 00:15:17,483 --> 00:15:18,417 Wait! 491 00:15:18,517 --> 00:15:20,386 Guard, what kind of a prison is this? 492 00:15:20,486 --> 00:15:23,455 Maximum security. 493 00:15:23,555 --> 00:15:27,059 A perfectly respectable citizen gets locked in a jail 494 00:15:27,159 --> 00:15:28,661 cell, and nobody cares. 495 00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:30,262 Oh, we care, Bob. 496 00:15:30,362 --> 00:15:31,530 Rob. 497 00:15:31,630 --> 00:15:33,632 Rob, it's just that we're starved for entertainment. 498 00:15:33,732 --> 00:15:34,566 Go ahead. 499 00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:37,269 Do something, huh? 500 00:15:37,369 --> 00:15:38,404 All right. 501 00:15:38,504 --> 00:15:40,105 The deal is that if I do something for you, 502 00:15:40,205 --> 00:15:41,807 you guys will tell the guard the truth, right? 503 00:15:41,907 --> 00:15:43,042 Right. 504 00:15:43,142 --> 00:15:44,410 ROB: Promise? 505 00:15:44,510 --> 00:15:46,011 Cross my heart. 506 00:15:46,111 --> 00:15:47,513 This is silly. 507 00:15:47,613 --> 00:15:50,983 Hey, Harry, what is that song that you like so well? 508 00:15:51,083 --> 00:15:53,085 You know, with them all them doodahs. 509 00:15:53,185 --> 00:15:54,753 HARRY: Oh, you mean the one we saw in the movie 510 00:15:54,853 --> 00:15:55,921 last week with Will Rogers. - Yeah. 511 00:15:56,021 --> 00:15:57,323 Yeah. 512 00:15:57,423 --> 00:15:58,857 Do you know that song with all the doodahs in it? 513 00:15:58,957 --> 00:15:59,992 With the doodahs? HARRY: Yeah. 514 00:16:00,092 --> 00:16:01,327 Yeah Yeah. - "Camptown Races"? 515 00:16:01,427 --> 00:16:03,028 Hey, that's it. That's one, yeah. 516 00:16:03,128 --> 00:16:03,996 Yeah. Come on. 517 00:16:04,096 --> 00:16:05,130 Sing it. - Come on. 518 00:16:05,230 --> 00:16:06,031 Sing. - I don't know. 519 00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:07,166 It's a pretty old song. 520 00:16:07,266 --> 00:16:07,966 I-- I don't know. HARRY: Go on. 521 00:16:08,067 --> 00:16:08,901 Try it. 522 00:16:09,001 --> 00:16:10,269 Well, let's see. 523 00:16:10,369 --> 00:16:12,905 [mumbles] 524 00:16:13,005 --> 00:16:14,006 Yeah. Yeah. 525 00:16:14,106 --> 00:16:15,341 [mumbles] OK. 526 00:16:15,441 --> 00:16:16,075 Yeah. 527 00:16:16,175 --> 00:16:17,242 Uh, uh, let's see. 528 00:16:17,343 --> 00:16:18,310 Um. 529 00:16:18,410 --> 00:16:20,646 (SINGING) Camptown ladies, sing this song. 530 00:16:20,746 --> 00:16:21,547 ALL: Doodah. 531 00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:22,548 Doodah. 532 00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:24,883 A camptown racetrack five miles long. 533 00:16:24,983 --> 00:16:26,185 ALL: Oh, the doodah day. 534 00:16:26,285 --> 00:16:27,419 Hey, now, dance. Now, dance. 535 00:16:27,519 --> 00:16:28,520 - Do a little dance. - Sing and dance. 536 00:16:28,620 --> 00:16:29,221 Going to run all night. 537 00:16:29,321 --> 00:16:30,489 Going to run all day. 538 00:16:30,589 --> 00:16:32,725 ALL: I bet my money on a bob-tailed nag. 539 00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:34,226 Oh, the doodah day. 540 00:16:34,326 --> 00:16:35,728 Say, he's pretty good, huh? 541 00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:36,895 [humming] 542 00:16:36,995 --> 00:16:37,796 ALL: (SINGING) Doodah. 543 00:16:37,896 --> 00:16:38,931 Doodah. 544 00:16:39,031 --> 00:16:41,867 [humming] All the doodah day. 545 00:16:41,967 --> 00:16:42,768 Yeah. 546 00:16:42,868 --> 00:16:43,902 Yeah. Bravo. 547 00:16:44,002 --> 00:16:44,837 Bravo. 548 00:16:44,937 --> 00:16:45,738 Hey, Bob. 549 00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:47,339 Bob, that's just great. 550 00:16:47,439 --> 00:16:49,141 Yeah, you know, you're almost about as good as Will Rogers. 551 00:16:49,241 --> 00:16:50,476 Oh, thanks a lot, fellas. Look. 552 00:16:50,576 --> 00:16:52,077 I got to go now, huh? - No, no, listen. 553 00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:53,612 Do something else, huh? 554 00:16:53,712 --> 00:16:55,414 But you said just do one thing, and you'd tell the truth 555 00:16:55,514 --> 00:16:56,248 and help me out. 556 00:16:56,348 --> 00:16:59,418 Rob, we've got a confession. 557 00:16:59,518 --> 00:17:00,452 We lied. 558 00:17:03,622 --> 00:17:05,290 Mrs. Petrie, please don't worry. 559 00:17:05,391 --> 00:17:07,860 There's been no indication of any trouble. 560 00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:09,395 What do you mean by trouble? 561 00:17:09,495 --> 00:17:10,262 Hey, I know. 562 00:17:10,362 --> 00:17:11,330 Like him holding him hostage when 563 00:17:11,430 --> 00:17:12,531 they're planning for a break. 564 00:17:12,631 --> 00:17:13,599 Oh. BUDDY: Right? 565 00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:15,367 Buddy, you should have your own TV show, 566 00:17:15,467 --> 00:17:17,569 "The Amazing Mr. Stupid." 567 00:17:17,669 --> 00:17:19,471 What are you trying to upset her for? 568 00:17:19,571 --> 00:17:21,306 There's nothing to be upset about. 569 00:17:21,407 --> 00:17:23,409 We'll have him back in no time. 570 00:17:23,509 --> 00:17:24,376 From where? 571 00:17:24,476 --> 00:17:25,911 Well, we're not sure yet. 572 00:17:26,011 --> 00:17:27,479 Don't worry, Laura. 573 00:17:27,579 --> 00:17:29,515 If they do anything to Rob, they'll never get away with it. 574 00:17:29,615 --> 00:17:30,749 Oh, Buddy. 575 00:17:30,849 --> 00:17:31,884 Hey, Sally. 576 00:17:31,984 --> 00:17:32,985 I just introduced you. You're on. 577 00:17:33,085 --> 00:17:33,886 OK. 578 00:17:33,986 --> 00:17:35,120 Do me a favor, will you? 579 00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:38,457 Just keep that there until I get back. 580 00:17:38,557 --> 00:17:41,593 [cheering] 581 00:17:42,694 --> 00:17:44,863 (SINGING) When I was a little bitty baby, 582 00:17:44,963 --> 00:17:46,899 my momma rocked in the cradle. 583 00:17:46,999 --> 00:17:51,703 In them old cotton fields back home. 584 00:17:51,804 --> 00:17:54,373 When I was a little bitty baby, my mama 585 00:17:54,473 --> 00:17:59,978 rocked me in the cradle in them old cotton fields back home. 586 00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:02,648 Oh, when them cotton bolls get rotten, 587 00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:05,317 you couldn't pick very much cotton in them 588 00:18:05,417 --> 00:18:09,288 old cotton fields back home. 589 00:18:09,388 --> 00:18:12,524 It was down Louisiana just about a mile or two 590 00:18:12,624 --> 00:18:17,396 from Texarkana in them old cotton fields back home. 591 00:18:21,266 --> 00:18:23,502 It may sound a little bit funny, but you 592 00:18:23,602 --> 00:18:27,940 really don't make much money in them old cotton fields 593 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,209 back home. 594 00:18:30,309 --> 00:18:32,511 It may sound a little bit funny, but you 595 00:18:32,611 --> 00:18:36,815 really don't make much money in the old cotton fields 596 00:18:36,915 --> 00:18:38,250 back home. 597 00:18:38,350 --> 00:18:40,686 Oh, when the cotton bolls get rotten, 598 00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:43,755 you couldn't pick very much cotton in them 599 00:18:43,856 --> 00:18:47,693 old cotton fields back home. 600 00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:50,462 It was down, down in Louisiana just 601 00:18:50,562 --> 00:18:52,731 a mile or two away from the Texarkana 602 00:18:52,831 --> 00:18:55,701 old cotton fields back home. 603 00:18:59,271 --> 00:19:01,974 When I was a little bitty baby, my momma 604 00:19:02,074 --> 00:19:08,413 rocked me in the cradle in them old cotton fields back home. 605 00:19:08,514 --> 00:19:10,983 When I was a little bitty baby, my momma 606 00:19:11,083 --> 00:19:16,488 rocked me in the cradle in them old cotton fields back home. 607 00:19:16,588 --> 00:19:21,593 In them old cotton fields back home. 608 00:19:21,693 --> 00:19:23,228 It was down in Louisiana, where we 609 00:19:23,328 --> 00:19:24,930 used to have a little tiny shack about a mile 610 00:19:25,030 --> 00:19:32,771 or two across the Texas border in the cotton fields back home. 611 00:19:32,871 --> 00:19:36,375 [applause] 612 00:19:40,512 --> 00:19:41,680 Look. 613 00:19:41,780 --> 00:19:43,415 It's only a matter of time before I get out of here. 614 00:19:43,515 --> 00:19:44,650 When the warden finds out you kept me locked in a cell, 615 00:19:44,750 --> 00:19:46,185 you're going to be in some trouble. 616 00:19:46,285 --> 00:19:47,419 Now, look, pal. 617 00:19:47,519 --> 00:19:48,787 I know a great way to get into trouble 618 00:19:48,887 --> 00:19:51,156 is to let a prisoner out of jail just because he 619 00:19:51,256 --> 00:19:52,925 says he's a song and dance man. 620 00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:54,793 I am not a song and dance man. 621 00:19:54,893 --> 00:19:55,994 I am a writer. 622 00:19:56,094 --> 00:19:58,564 Well, then write yourself a parole. 623 00:19:58,664 --> 00:20:00,566 I simply came up here to entertain the inmates, 624 00:20:00,666 --> 00:20:02,834 and I'll tell you something, I am never coming back again. 625 00:20:02,935 --> 00:20:03,802 Hmph. 626 00:20:03,902 --> 00:20:06,104 That's what they all say. 627 00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:09,074 Say, Rob, we think you're an OK guy, 628 00:20:09,174 --> 00:20:10,676 and we're going to help you. 629 00:20:10,776 --> 00:20:12,077 You are? 630 00:20:12,177 --> 00:20:14,446 Guard, he's not one of us. 631 00:20:14,546 --> 00:20:16,114 He's with the TV show. 632 00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:17,983 Now, open up this door and let him out. 633 00:20:18,083 --> 00:20:18,850 Yeah, come on. Let him out. 634 00:20:18,951 --> 00:20:19,918 Oh, thank you, guys. 635 00:20:20,018 --> 00:20:20,852 I'll never forget this. Come on. 636 00:20:20,953 --> 00:20:21,820 Open it up. 637 00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:23,455 You must really be nutty. 638 00:20:23,555 --> 00:20:27,292 I don't believe you, and I'm going to believe them? 639 00:20:27,392 --> 00:20:29,294 We never thought of that, Rob. 640 00:20:29,394 --> 00:20:31,296 We tried. 641 00:20:31,396 --> 00:20:32,598 Look, Guard. 642 00:20:32,698 --> 00:20:33,432 Look at me. 643 00:20:33,532 --> 00:20:35,634 Do I look like a convict to you? 644 00:20:35,734 --> 00:20:39,004 You don't act like one, but you sure dress like one. 645 00:20:39,104 --> 00:20:39,972 That's it. 646 00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:40,973 What's it? 647 00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:42,174 I don't dress like one. 648 00:20:42,274 --> 00:20:43,875 Is this the underwear of a criminal? 649 00:20:47,279 --> 00:20:50,882 [cheering] 650 00:20:52,951 --> 00:20:54,152 OK. Shut up. 651 00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:55,621 Shut up. 652 00:20:55,721 --> 00:20:59,191 I'd like you to meet two people who fingered me and got 653 00:20:59,291 --> 00:21:02,060 me in here, but they're great. 654 00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:03,562 Let's really hear it for them, huh? 655 00:21:03,662 --> 00:21:04,263 OK. 656 00:21:04,363 --> 00:21:05,330 Real big. 657 00:21:05,430 --> 00:21:07,099 Rob and Laura Petrie. 658 00:21:07,199 --> 00:21:08,133 Let's hear it. 659 00:21:08,233 --> 00:21:09,134 Huh? 660 00:21:09,234 --> 00:21:12,137 [applause and whistling] 661 00:21:12,237 --> 00:21:14,106 Hit it, boys. 662 00:21:14,206 --> 00:21:15,107 [music playing] 663 00:21:15,207 --> 00:21:17,109 The worst thing I ever saw. 664 00:21:17,209 --> 00:21:20,812 [music playing] 665 00:21:29,187 --> 00:21:32,924 (SINGING) I've got your number. 666 00:21:33,025 --> 00:21:36,194 I know you inside out. 667 00:21:36,294 --> 00:21:39,398 You ain't no Eagle Scout. 668 00:21:39,498 --> 00:21:42,801 You're all at sea. 669 00:21:42,901 --> 00:21:43,802 Oh yeah. 670 00:21:43,902 --> 00:21:45,604 You brag a lot. 671 00:21:45,704 --> 00:21:49,341 Wave your own flag a lot. 672 00:21:49,441 --> 00:21:52,311 But you're unsure a lot. 673 00:21:52,411 --> 00:21:55,981 You're a lot like me. 674 00:21:56,081 --> 00:21:59,217 I've got your number. 675 00:21:59,317 --> 00:22:02,454 And what you're looking for. 676 00:22:02,554 --> 00:22:09,227 And what I'm looking for just suits me fine. 677 00:22:09,327 --> 00:22:12,164 BOTH: We'll break the rules a lot. 678 00:22:12,264 --> 00:22:15,333 We'll be darn fools a lot. 679 00:22:15,434 --> 00:22:18,170 But then why should we not? 680 00:22:18,270 --> 00:22:21,139 How could we not combine-- 681 00:22:21,239 --> 00:22:24,109 BOTH: When I've got your number. 682 00:22:29,247 --> 00:22:31,950 I've got the glow you've got. 683 00:22:35,954 --> 00:22:38,223 I've got your number. 684 00:22:38,323 --> 00:22:43,028 And, baby, you know you've got mine. 685 00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:51,870 [applause] 686 00:22:51,970 --> 00:22:54,272 [whistling] 687 00:22:54,372 --> 00:22:58,243 [dance music] 688 00:22:58,343 --> 00:23:02,514 [shoes tapping] 689 00:23:47,125 --> 00:23:51,696 [applause] 690 00:23:56,535 --> 00:23:57,502 OK, guys. 691 00:23:57,602 --> 00:23:59,237 And now, we're in for a treat. 692 00:23:59,337 --> 00:24:01,540 Rob has a surprise for us. 693 00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:03,375 Oh, thank you very much, Lyle. 694 00:24:03,475 --> 00:24:04,843 As a memento of our little visit up here 695 00:24:04,943 --> 00:24:07,345 to Granville State Prison, we have a door 696 00:24:07,446 --> 00:24:09,014 prize for some lucky convict. 697 00:24:11,817 --> 00:24:13,885 We're going to give him a door and let him out. 698 00:24:13,985 --> 00:24:15,287 [laughs] 699 00:24:15,387 --> 00:24:16,621 No. 700 00:24:16,721 --> 00:24:19,090 What it is is a beautiful transistor radio. 701 00:24:19,191 --> 00:24:20,292 OK, Sally. 702 00:24:20,392 --> 00:24:22,494 [murmuring] 703 00:24:25,163 --> 00:24:27,132 Read the number. 704 00:24:27,232 --> 00:24:35,207 And the winning number is 5278. 705 00:24:35,307 --> 00:24:36,508 That's me! 706 00:24:36,608 --> 00:24:37,876 Hey, I won it. I can't believe it. 707 00:24:37,976 --> 00:24:38,810 That's me. 708 00:24:38,910 --> 00:24:39,544 I won. 709 00:24:39,644 --> 00:24:41,146 [clamoring] 710 00:24:41,246 --> 00:24:42,147 Wait a minute. 711 00:24:46,084 --> 00:24:50,021 [theme music] 47372

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