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[theme music]
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ANNOUNCER: "The Dick Van Dyke Show,"
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starring Dick Van Dyke, Rose Marie, Morey Amsterdam, Larry
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Mathews, and Mary Tyler Moore.
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Hey honey, what is this junk?
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It's a new recipe for leftovers.
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Oh, where'd you get the recipe?
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On the back of a box of pepper.
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You want some water?
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I've got some.
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Hurry, darling.
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Oh, boy.
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[ringing telephone]
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I'll get it.
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Hello.
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Oh, hi, Sal, what's up?
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Laura? Yeah, she's right here.
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Just a second.
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She's recovering from a recipe.
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Hi, Sally.
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Hi, Laura. Is Rob there?
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Oh, well, I thought you wanted to talk to me.
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I do, but I mean, uh, can he hear us?
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Well, Sally, what's the matter?
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I'm at the Marlowe Galleries on 57th Street.
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A new art show started this week.
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So?
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Uh, ham and cheese on rye, OK?
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Yeah, and hold the pepper, will ya?
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Now, what'd you say, Sally?
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Well, there's a picture here you just wouldn't believe.
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Of what?
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Well, if I didn't know better, I'd swear it was you.
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Me?
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Well, that's funny.
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It's not so funny, Laura.
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Do you happen to know a painter by the name of Sergei Carpetna?
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Do you want any mustard on yours?
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SALLY (ON PHONE): Laura?
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Laura?
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Do you want any mustard?
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Uh, yes.
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You do him?
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How about mayonnaise?
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No, no.
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You don't know him?
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Yea-- yea-- yes, I do.
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I-- you'd better make your own sandwich.
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Listen, did he ever paint a picture of you?
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Laura?
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Did he ever paint a picture of you?
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[clears throat] Yea-- yes, he did.
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[clears throat]
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Can't believe it.
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Listen, Sally, if it's the one I think it is, I can explain.
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If you have to explain, it's the one you think it is.
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There it is.
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Oh.
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Laura, look, one thing you've got to say.
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He's painted some funny things, but this one,
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there's something about it that's really beautiful.
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Oh, Henry, look.
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This is the one I was telling you about, "October Eve."
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Oh, it is lovely.
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It must be from his early period.
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Yes, I suppose.
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Well, let's see.
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Ah, yes, here.
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"'October Eve,' Carpetna's inspiration for this work was
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his feeling that only in autumn, the evening of the year when
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nature sheds its outer superficial covering,
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does the world show its true inner beauty.
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A perfect example of the genius of his early period."
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Yes, it certainly is.
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His skin tones are so alive and natural-looking.
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Laura, everyone seems to love it.
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Well, I hate it.
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OK, OK, let's have the whole story.
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But before you start, I want you to know one thing.
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What?
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I believe you.
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Well, Rob always said that he wanted a painting of me.
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And so when we first moved to New York,
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I decided to have one done.
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Like that?
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Sally.
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Anyway, a friend of mine used to go with this painter.
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He was unknown, but good.
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And a little eccentric, but good.
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And this painter was, uh, Carpetna.
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Right.
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Anyway, I went down to a studio in Greenwich Village
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to pose for him, in slacks, a sweater, and a scarf.
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Slacks, sweater, and a scarf?
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Go ahead, I still believe you.
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Well, anyway, I--
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not here.
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It's too crowded.
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Oh, I'm not worried about it.
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I'm just annoyed.
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I can't figure it out.
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Because everything was fine until Sally called.
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And something about Sally's call upset Laura.
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Maybe she called collect.
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No, Sally told Laura something,
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and then she began to act peculiar.
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You know, when I asked her what was the matter,
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she said nothing.
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Boy, when a woman says nothing, it means something.
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From that minute on, the whole evening was shot.
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And then this morning, Sally calls up and tells
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you she's going to be late.
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Now, those two are up to something,
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and I don't know what it is.
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It's not my birthday, not my anniversary.
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Hey, Sally got a new fella.
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Well, now why should that concern Laura?
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Maybe she's got a new fella for Laura.
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You know, I just figured something out.
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What?
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In a situation like this, you're absolutely useless.
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Why should that concern Laura?
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Holy mackerel.
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Holy mackerel, all right.
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But I thought you said you ruined it.
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It doesn't look ruined.
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I tried to destroy it, but he fixed it.
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He retouched it.
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And you never told Rob?
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Well, we were practically newlyweds,
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and I was embarrassed.
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Well, who would think it would ever turn up here, or anywhere.
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Yeah.
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Well, I'm going to have to tell them.
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I mean, people we know are bound to see it.
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You saw it.
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And Rob comes in here an awful lot.
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Well, he'll understand.
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You did.
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Yeah, but Laura, I'm not your husband.
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Knowing Rob, the only thing he could possibly be upset about
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is that I didn't tell him about it when it happened.
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The only thing?
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Yes.
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Good, uh, good dinner, honey.
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It's a lot better than that pepper
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stuff we had the other night.
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Wasn't that awful?
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I mean, it was just so awful.
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Ah, I mean, that really was awful.
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It was murder.
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Sally, uh, came in this morning and said you
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two had a lot of fun.
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Oh, yes, a lot of fun.
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See, I couldn't understand how you
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could spend an entire morning in a yarn shop like that.
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Oh, well, Rob, they have such yarns today, darling.
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You could just spend a whole week in the store,
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making up your mind.
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The reds and the blues and the mohairs.
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OK, that does it.
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That's enough.
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What?
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Sally didn't say anything to me about going to a yarn shop.
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Now, what are you two up to?
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Well, what do you mean?
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Aw, come on, honey, I'm dying to find out what's going on.
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And I'm dying to tell you, Rob.
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I just don't know how.
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Honey, there's nothing the matter with you, is there?
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You're not going to have another--
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Oh, Rob.
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Would Sally call and tell me that?
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No.
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Rob, do you remember when we were first married,
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you bought me a black sweater and pants.
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And you-- - Yeah.
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You remember you said you'd like
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to have a painting of me in that outfit
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so you could hang it in your den?
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Are you having a portrait done in that--
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do you still have that outfit?
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No, Rob, I'm not having a portrait done.
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I already had one done.
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Where are you hiding it, honey?
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Rob, would you just let me tell the story?
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Oh, I'm-- I'm just helping.
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Well, you're not.
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Anyway, this friend of mine, Gloria Edwards, remember--
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Yeah.
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--had a friend who was a painter.
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So I went to him.
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Well, I never knew that.
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Well, I wanted it to be a surprise.
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And anyway, I went to a studio and posed for him for weeks.
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I was so excited, I could hardly sit still,
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waiting for it to be finished.
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(WORDLESS SINGING) Darling, don't look.
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(WORDLESS SINGING)
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Oh, Sergei, I can't wait to see it.
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Lauriska, your way, darling.
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Now, don't move.
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My husband is going to be so excited.
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That peasant, what does he know?
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Jokes he writes for Milton Berle.
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No, Alan Brady.
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What's the difference?
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He's a jolly jokester, a peasant.
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He should kiss the ground of a girl like you.
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Well, I love him.
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So you're a peasant too.
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Say, when are you and Gloria going to get married?
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If I'm lucky, never.
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She's not good enough for me.
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You know what your problem is?
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You're just too much in love with yourself.
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Right, and even I'm not good enough for me.
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Well, I feel sorry for Gloria.
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And I feel sorry for the "Mona Lisa."
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When she sees this, she wouldn't smile no more.
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Could I move?
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You can move, jump, do somersaults, anything you want.
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You mean it's finished?
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Except for the most important thing.
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Carpetna.
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Ah ha ha.
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I'm so excited, I'm almost afraid to look.
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Don't be afraid.
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You're never more beautiful.
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Oh, that Petrie is a lucky peasant.
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For 50 lousy bucks, I made you immortal.
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Come darling, come.
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Come, and we look at my lovely portrait of Laura, huh?
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- What-- - Heh.
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What--
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Heh, I did, yeah, yeah, yeah.
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But-- but-- but-- my-- you-- you're-- what's--
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Breathtaking, isn't it?
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How dare you!
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How dare me?
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How dare me what?
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Well, my, I--
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why, I never-- you-- you--
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[gasp]
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You are a crazy person.
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How could you?
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I'm a genius.
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I can do anything.
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And besides, I not like the tone of your voice.
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(HIGH-PITCHED) Well, what, ooh ah, what is that?
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Well, that's not me.
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I mean, not the way I was standing over there.
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That is more you standing there than when
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you were standing there.
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How do you look like you know what you were standing there.
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Where you standing here? No, you were there.
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I was here.
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I didn't look like that.
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Did you have a mirror?
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No, of course not.
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I don't need a mirror.
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True.
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All the mirror shows is the outside of a person.
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The true mirror of a person is in the eyes
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and the brush of the artist.
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And this, my darling, is the way I saw you.
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You know what you are?
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00:10:45,978 --> 00:10:47,880
You're-- you're just evil.
269
00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:48,614
Evil?
270
00:10:48,714 --> 00:10:49,782
Heh.
271
00:10:49,882 --> 00:10:51,951
Evil is in the mind of the beholder.
272
00:10:52,051 --> 00:10:53,886
If you see evil in this painting,
273
00:10:53,986 --> 00:10:55,421
then more's the pity for you.
274
00:10:55,521 --> 00:10:56,722
There's no evil here. No.
275
00:10:56,822 --> 00:10:58,290
All right, I don't want to argue with you.
276
00:10:58,391 --> 00:10:59,725
Just fix it. - Fix it?
277
00:10:59,825 --> 00:11:00,926
Yes, fix it.
278
00:11:01,027 --> 00:11:03,329
You just put-- you know what I mean.
279
00:11:03,429 --> 00:11:05,197
Oh, fix it.
280
00:11:05,297 --> 00:11:06,165
You mean ruin it.
281
00:11:06,265 --> 00:11:07,700
No, no, this picture is finished--
282
00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:09,502
signed, complete, finished.
283
00:11:09,602 --> 00:11:11,070
I wanted a painting for Rob.
284
00:11:11,170 --> 00:11:14,707
A picture of me, exactly the way I look in this outfit.
285
00:11:14,807 --> 00:11:17,076
For that kind of a picture, you take a camera,
286
00:11:17,176 --> 00:11:18,811
you go to Central Park, you get on a pony
287
00:11:18,911 --> 00:11:20,179
and snap your brains out.
288
00:11:22,481 --> 00:11:24,717
You-- you-- you wanted a painting, a painting you got.
289
00:11:24,817 --> 00:11:26,052
I don't want that painting.
290
00:11:26,152 --> 00:11:27,920
I wouldn't let Rob see that in a million years.
291
00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:30,089
And neither would I. I painted you as a goddess,
292
00:11:30,189 --> 00:11:31,357
and you're acting like a peasant.
293
00:11:31,457 --> 00:11:32,291
All right, look.
294
00:11:32,391 --> 00:11:33,659
Just tear it up, hmm?
295
00:11:33,759 --> 00:11:34,727
Tear it up?
296
00:11:34,827 --> 00:11:36,028
Yes, tear it up.
297
00:11:36,128 --> 00:11:38,264
Tear it up, I would rather tear myself up.
298
00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:39,198
All right, lady.
299
00:11:39,298 --> 00:11:40,733
Listen my little darling lady girl
300
00:11:40,833 --> 00:11:42,735
woman, outside, back to New Rochelle,
301
00:11:42,835 --> 00:11:43,903
the land of the peasants.
302
00:11:44,003 --> 00:11:46,038
Goodbye, lady peasant.
303
00:11:46,138 --> 00:11:46,972
Tear it up.
304
00:11:47,073 --> 00:11:48,641
A piece of art, you don't tear up.
305
00:11:48,741 --> 00:11:49,875
Even-- what did you did?
306
00:11:49,975 --> 00:11:51,243
What? What?
307
00:11:51,343 --> 00:11:52,044
What!
308
00:11:52,144 --> 00:11:53,646
Ooh, you're a crazy person.
309
00:11:53,746 --> 00:11:57,283
What did she-- [sputtering vocalizations]..
310
00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:58,417
I'll wipe it off.
311
00:12:03,055 --> 00:12:05,091
He painted a picture of you--
312
00:12:08,094 --> 00:12:09,428
honey, I think it's funny, really.
313
00:12:09,528 --> 00:12:11,297
I don't see why you were so nervous about telling me
314
00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:12,098
about it.
315
00:12:12,198 --> 00:12:15,367
Well, Rob, you see, Sally--
316
00:12:15,468 --> 00:12:16,268
well, Sally--
317
00:12:16,368 --> 00:12:18,237
Sally met Carpetna.
318
00:12:18,337 --> 00:12:19,271
That's it, of course.
319
00:12:19,371 --> 00:12:20,606
And she mentioned The Alan Brady Show.
320
00:12:20,706 --> 00:12:22,174
He made the connection right away
321
00:12:22,274 --> 00:12:23,776
and told her the whole story, right?
322
00:12:23,876 --> 00:12:24,944
Well, in a way--
323
00:12:25,044 --> 00:12:26,345
You shouldn't be so upset.
324
00:12:26,445 --> 00:12:28,314
For crying out loud, I understand completely.
325
00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:30,649
And the point is, you didn't do anything wrong.
326
00:12:30,749 --> 00:12:31,684
For that matter, neither did he.
327
00:12:31,784 --> 00:12:33,119
The guy's an artist, you know?
328
00:12:33,219 --> 00:12:35,187
I mean, even if he did paint you that way.
329
00:12:35,287 --> 00:12:36,455
Rob--
330
00:12:36,555 --> 00:12:38,958
Well, in a way, I'm kind of sorry you destroyed it.
331
00:12:39,058 --> 00:12:41,327
I would have loved to seen that picture.
332
00:12:45,030 --> 00:12:47,032
Can you imagine Sally meeting the painter.
333
00:12:47,133 --> 00:12:48,300
Boy, it's a small world.
334
00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:50,369
No, Rob, Sally didn't meet the painter.
335
00:12:50,469 --> 00:12:51,303
Huh?
336
00:12:51,403 --> 00:12:53,105
She met the painting.
337
00:12:53,205 --> 00:12:54,907
Huh?
338
00:12:55,007 --> 00:12:58,043
She saw the painting.
339
00:12:58,144 --> 00:13:00,546
Well, I-- I thought you, uh--
340
00:13:00,646 --> 00:13:03,716
So did I, Rob, but he fixed it.
341
00:13:03,816 --> 00:13:05,618
Where did-- where did he see it?
342
00:13:05,718 --> 00:13:07,186
In an art gallery.
343
00:13:07,286 --> 00:13:08,587
I saw it too.
344
00:13:08,687 --> 00:13:11,390
Oh, one of those little places down in Greenwich Village, huh?
345
00:13:11,490 --> 00:13:14,827
No, one of those big places on 57th Street.
346
00:13:17,897 --> 00:13:19,565
No kidding, huh?
347
00:13:19,665 --> 00:13:22,468
He-- he must-- he must-- he must be a pretty big artist.
348
00:13:22,568 --> 00:13:23,402
Yeah.
349
00:13:23,502 --> 00:13:24,937
Yeah.
350
00:13:25,037 --> 00:13:26,038
Well, how do you like that?
351
00:13:26,138 --> 00:13:28,440
My little Laura inspired him.
352
00:13:28,541 --> 00:13:31,977
Honey, he'll probably cut off his ear and send it to you.
353
00:13:32,077 --> 00:13:34,313
Aw, Rob, I'm so sorry.
354
00:13:34,413 --> 00:13:37,183
Honey, stop, now, there's nothing to be sorry about.
355
00:13:37,283 --> 00:13:39,585
Oh, Rob, wait till you see that picture.
356
00:13:39,685 --> 00:13:40,753
That's what it is, honey.
357
00:13:40,853 --> 00:13:41,754
It's just a picture.
358
00:13:41,854 --> 00:13:43,355
It's a painting. It's art.
359
00:13:43,455 --> 00:13:44,490
And art is art.
360
00:13:44,590 --> 00:13:47,526
Yeah, well, it may be art, but it's also me.
361
00:13:47,626 --> 00:13:50,696
Oh, I hope they sell it fast so it's out of that gallery
362
00:13:50,796 --> 00:13:52,198
and out of sight.
363
00:13:52,298 --> 00:13:54,166
Well, honey, if you're-- if he's as good as you say,
364
00:13:54,266 --> 00:13:56,302
he probably will, and the whole thing will be over with.
365
00:13:56,402 --> 00:13:57,336
Oh, I hope so.
366
00:13:57,436 --> 00:13:59,205
Listen, don't worry about it anymore.
367
00:13:59,305 --> 00:14:01,140
Oh, Rob, you're so understanding.
368
00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:02,474
That's what we're here for.
369
00:14:02,575 --> 00:14:05,377
Now look, go and splash some water on your face
370
00:14:05,477 --> 00:14:06,412
and feel better.
371
00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:08,080
I wish I told you this last night so I
372
00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:09,215
could have gotten some sleep.
373
00:14:09,315 --> 00:14:10,683
Well, that's what we're here for.
374
00:14:10,783 --> 00:14:12,818
I love you.
375
00:14:12,918 --> 00:14:14,653
Just relax about it.
376
00:14:27,933 --> 00:14:31,537
[music playing]
377
00:14:34,506 --> 00:14:38,077
[music playing]
378
00:16:10,536 --> 00:16:11,337
[cough]
379
00:16:11,437 --> 00:16:14,373
Oh, excuse me.
380
00:16:14,473 --> 00:16:15,974
Why don't you do that one over there?
381
00:16:16,075 --> 00:16:16,942
Why?
382
00:16:17,042 --> 00:16:18,644
Well, I'm doing this one.
383
00:16:29,555 --> 00:16:31,890
Uh, good afternoon.
384
00:16:31,990 --> 00:16:33,425
Oh, good-- good afternoon.
385
00:16:33,525 --> 00:16:35,361
I couldn't help noticing that since you've come in here,
386
00:16:35,461 --> 00:16:37,730
you've looked at nothing else but my "October Eve."
387
00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:39,098
Well, it-- I like--
388
00:16:39,198 --> 00:16:40,466
is that-- you did that?
389
00:16:40,566 --> 00:16:41,567
Sergei Carpetna.
390
00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:44,236
Oh, you're-- oh, you're the, uh, perpetrator
391
00:16:44,336 --> 00:16:45,704
of this painting, huh?
392
00:16:45,804 --> 00:16:47,773
Well, I've never heard it quite expressed that way,
393
00:16:47,873 --> 00:16:49,375
but I guess I am, yes.
394
00:16:49,475 --> 00:16:50,876
I notice you're making a sketch of it.
395
00:16:50,976 --> 00:16:52,111
You like it very much huh?
396
00:16:52,211 --> 00:16:54,480
Oh, what-- what's not to like?
397
00:16:54,580 --> 00:16:57,750
I-- I mean, there's nothing there to get upset about.
398
00:16:57,850 --> 00:17:01,453
You have a very unusual way of expressing yourself about that.
399
00:17:01,553 --> 00:17:04,590
Yeah, so do you.
400
00:17:04,690 --> 00:17:08,627
I suppose you-- you use a real, uh, live, uh, person?
401
00:17:08,727 --> 00:17:09,762
Oh, yes.
402
00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:13,332
It's much easier than to build one.
403
00:17:13,432 --> 00:17:14,500
Much.
404
00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:18,337
Who-- [cough] who, uh, who is she?
405
00:17:18,437 --> 00:17:20,639
I'm sorry, I don't divulge.
406
00:17:20,739 --> 00:17:22,207
Oh, that's wonderful.
407
00:17:22,307 --> 00:17:24,643
You're-- you're an artist, and-- and you're a fine gentleman.
408
00:17:24,743 --> 00:17:25,611
Well, an artist, yes.
409
00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:26,645
A gentleman, I don't know.
410
00:17:26,745 --> 00:17:28,313
But we never tell who our models are.
411
00:17:28,414 --> 00:17:29,581
There's no point to it.
412
00:17:29,681 --> 00:17:31,250
She was a beautiful girl, a good study,
413
00:17:31,350 --> 00:17:34,920
but an artist sometimes sees things that aren't there.
414
00:17:35,020 --> 00:17:37,456
Yeah, and misses some that are.
415
00:17:37,556 --> 00:17:40,392
Yes.
416
00:17:40,492 --> 00:17:44,129
How, uh-- how, uh, much is she?
417
00:17:44,229 --> 00:17:45,731
Oh, this painting is $5,000.
418
00:17:45,831 --> 00:17:48,033
Fi-- five-- thou-- um--
419
00:17:48,133 --> 00:17:49,334
[whistle]
420
00:17:49,435 --> 00:17:50,636
Well, that's a-- that's a lot of, uh, money.
421
00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:52,304
Well, I've already had three offers for it,
422
00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:53,038
Three?
423
00:17:53,138 --> 00:17:54,206
Mm-hmm.
424
00:17:54,306 --> 00:17:55,741
There's a South American millionaire
425
00:17:55,841 --> 00:17:58,043
wants it for his mansion on top of a mountain in Brazil.
426
00:17:58,143 --> 00:18:02,714
That's a wonderful place for it!
427
00:18:02,815 --> 00:18:04,583
David Schuman wants it too.
428
00:18:04,683 --> 00:18:05,918
What, the producer?
429
00:18:06,018 --> 00:18:08,020
Yes, he wants to hang it in the lobbies of his theaters.
430
00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:10,556
And the-- the World's Fair wants it.
431
00:18:10,656 --> 00:18:11,657
The World's Fair?
432
00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:13,158
They want to hang it in the art pavilion.
433
00:18:13,258 --> 00:18:15,694
The art pavilion, hmm.
434
00:18:15,794 --> 00:18:18,831
Well, I-- I wouldn't like to influence your-- your decision,
435
00:18:18,931 --> 00:18:21,400
of course, but I think it would, uh, be a great place for it
436
00:18:21,500 --> 00:18:23,268
up on that mountain in Brazil.
437
00:18:23,368 --> 00:18:25,003
There's only one thing that will
438
00:18:25,103 --> 00:18:26,305
really influence my decision,
439
00:18:26,405 --> 00:18:27,639
- What is-- what is that? - Money.
440
00:18:27,739 --> 00:18:28,841
Yes.
441
00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:31,009
The first one to offer more than $5,000 gets it.
442
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:31,977
Oh.
443
00:18:32,077 --> 00:18:33,312
Yes, pardon me a moment.
444
00:18:33,412 --> 00:18:36,281
Oh, yes, well, I'd vote for that guy in Brazil.
445
00:18:46,592 --> 00:18:51,763
Why-- Mel Cooley, you son-of-a-gun!
446
00:18:51,864 --> 00:18:53,632
What are you shouting about?
447
00:18:53,732 --> 00:18:54,666
Well, look at that.
448
00:18:54,766 --> 00:18:56,502
Isn't that yellow painting beautiful?
449
00:18:56,602 --> 00:18:58,403
What's the matter with you, Rob?
450
00:18:58,504 --> 00:19:00,372
I'm just glad to see you, Mel. that's all.
451
00:19:00,472 --> 00:19:02,541
Well, but you saw me 20 minutes ago in the office.
452
00:19:02,641 --> 00:19:03,909
What are-- what are you doing here?
453
00:19:04,009 --> 00:19:05,310
Well, you think you're the only art
454
00:19:05,410 --> 00:19:07,713
lover on "The Alan Brady Show"?
455
00:19:07,813 --> 00:19:08,814
And look at that yellow.
456
00:19:08,914 --> 00:19:09,781
The blue one, it's junk.
457
00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:10,749
It's junk, isn't it?
458
00:19:10,849 --> 00:19:12,050
Rob, you're hurting my arm.
459
00:19:12,150 --> 00:19:13,752
Come on, look at the rest of them, Mel.
460
00:19:13,852 --> 00:19:15,053
It's all a lot of junk.
461
00:19:15,153 --> 00:19:16,188
If you've seen one, you've seen all of them.
462
00:19:16,288 --> 00:19:17,589
Rob, what is the matter with you?
463
00:19:17,689 --> 00:19:18,290
Nothing, Mel.
464
00:19:18,390 --> 00:19:19,491
I-- I'm worried.
465
00:19:19,591 --> 00:19:20,626
About--
466
00:19:20,726 --> 00:19:21,827
About that, uh-- that meeting this afternoon.
467
00:19:21,927 --> 00:19:22,861
Meeting? What meeting?
468
00:19:22,961 --> 00:19:23,896
At 1:30 with the sponsor.
469
00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:25,163
Didn't they tell you about that?
470
00:19:25,264 --> 00:19:26,732
My secretary is going to-- are you sure?
471
00:19:26,832 --> 00:19:27,666
I'm sure.
472
00:19:27,766 --> 00:19:28,567
We're all due there.
473
00:19:28,667 --> 00:19:29,501
Are you--
474
00:19:29,601 --> 00:19:30,402
Rob, right you're hurting my arm.
475
00:19:30,502 --> 00:19:31,436
Yeah, we better go.
476
00:19:31,537 --> 00:19:32,938
It's almost that time now, Mel.
477
00:19:33,038 --> 00:19:34,072
Come on, we've got to-- taxi!
478
00:19:34,172 --> 00:19:35,574
Rob, you're hurting my arm.
479
00:19:35,674 --> 00:19:36,608
Taxi!
480
00:19:39,211 --> 00:19:41,346
That's my wife up there.
481
00:19:41,446 --> 00:19:44,383
Rob, look, no matter how we feel about it, we cannot
482
00:19:44,483 --> 00:19:46,718
afford $5,000 for a painting.
483
00:19:46,818 --> 00:19:48,020
$5,000+.
484
00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:49,621
Remember, there are three other guys we got to outbid.
485
00:19:49,721 --> 00:19:51,356
And I could have had it for $50.
486
00:19:51,456 --> 00:19:53,492
Oh, boy, you should have paid him, grabbed the painting,
487
00:19:53,592 --> 00:19:54,226
and run.
488
00:19:54,326 --> 00:19:55,360
I did pay him.
489
00:19:55,460 --> 00:19:57,095
You paid him for the painting?
490
00:19:57,196 --> 00:19:58,397
Yes, I had to.
491
00:19:58,497 --> 00:20:02,868
We needed the money for canvases and paints.
492
00:20:02,968 --> 00:20:03,969
I paid him!
493
00:20:04,069 --> 00:20:05,070
You didn't get your money back?
494
00:20:05,170 --> 00:20:06,338
No, I just ran.
495
00:20:06,438 --> 00:20:08,040
Did you get a receipt?
496
00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:09,308
I had one.
497
00:20:09,408 --> 00:20:11,076
It was hand-painted, but I threw it away.
498
00:20:11,176 --> 00:20:12,611
Doesn't make any difference.
499
00:20:12,711 --> 00:20:14,680
Honey, the fact of the matter is, we own that painting.
500
00:20:14,780 --> 00:20:15,981
Well, we don't have the receipt.
501
00:20:16,081 --> 00:20:17,382
He doesn't know that.
502
00:20:17,482 --> 00:20:18,951
Do you think we can force him to give it to us.
503
00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:19,851
Sue him, or something?
504
00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:21,086
We'll sue him.
505
00:20:21,186 --> 00:20:22,387
You-- ha, would you like to have that
506
00:20:22,487 --> 00:20:26,225
in a courtroom as exhibit A?
507
00:20:26,325 --> 00:20:27,626
Well, what then?
508
00:20:27,726 --> 00:20:29,428
I don't know, honey, but I--
509
00:20:29,528 --> 00:20:31,663
all I know, tomorrow is going to be round 1 of the painter meets
510
00:20:31,763 --> 00:20:32,664
the peasant.
511
00:20:42,741 --> 00:20:43,442
[knocking]
512
00:20:43,542 --> 00:20:45,611
(WORDLESS SINGING) Come in.
513
00:20:50,148 --> 00:20:50,949
Hello.
514
00:20:51,049 --> 00:20:51,883
Oh, yes?
515
00:20:51,984 --> 00:20:54,653
Well, I-- oh.
516
00:20:54,753 --> 00:20:56,788
Oh, my funny-talking friend.
517
00:20:56,888 --> 00:20:57,789
What are you doing here?
518
00:20:57,889 --> 00:20:59,391
Well, uh, you weren't at the gallery.
519
00:20:59,491 --> 00:21:01,126
They told me you might, uh, be here.
520
00:21:01,226 --> 00:21:02,294
You, uh, you live here?
521
00:21:02,394 --> 00:21:03,228
I used to.
522
00:21:03,328 --> 00:21:04,463
Now I only paint here.
523
00:21:04,563 --> 00:21:05,864
Who could live in a pigsty like this?
524
00:21:05,964 --> 00:21:08,200
What, uh, what can I do for you, my friend?
525
00:21:08,300 --> 00:21:11,470
Uh, my name is Robert Petrie.
526
00:21:11,570 --> 00:21:12,504
So?
527
00:21:12,604 --> 00:21:14,640
Laura Petrie's husband.
528
00:21:14,740 --> 00:21:16,708
Laura Petrie?
529
00:21:16,808 --> 00:21:18,844
"October Eve."
530
00:21:18,944 --> 00:21:21,613
Ho, ho, ho, ho, Lauriska.
531
00:21:21,713 --> 00:21:22,814
Yeah.
532
00:21:22,914 --> 00:21:24,583
Oh, no wonder you were staring at that painting.
533
00:21:24,683 --> 00:21:26,952
Oh, look my friend, if you come here to punch me
534
00:21:27,052 --> 00:21:28,286
or to strangle me, forget it.
535
00:21:28,387 --> 00:21:29,621
There was nothing between us, nothing.
536
00:21:29,721 --> 00:21:31,156
I know that, she told me,
537
00:21:31,256 --> 00:21:32,591
Oh, good.
538
00:21:32,691 --> 00:21:34,159
You are perhaps interested in buying the painting?
539
00:21:34,259 --> 00:21:36,161
Well, as a matter of fact, Mr. Carpetna, I don't have to,
540
00:21:36,261 --> 00:21:37,162
uh, do that.
541
00:21:37,262 --> 00:21:38,296
I already own the painting.
542
00:21:38,397 --> 00:21:40,032
Uh, again you're talking crazy.
543
00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:43,535
You see, my wife Laura paid you $50 for that painting.
544
00:21:43,635 --> 00:21:46,805
$50 for an original Carpetna?
545
00:21:46,905 --> 00:21:48,173
That's ridiculous.
546
00:21:48,273 --> 00:21:50,342
Well, that's when you were painting and, uh, living here.
547
00:21:50,442 --> 00:21:53,478
I know what it was, it's still ridiculous, heh.
548
00:21:53,578 --> 00:21:55,414
Uh, you say she--
549
00:21:55,514 --> 00:21:56,782
she paid me for it?
550
00:21:56,882 --> 00:21:58,250
Yes, as a matter of fact, she has a beautiful
551
00:21:58,350 --> 00:21:59,451
hand-painted receipt.
552
00:21:59,551 --> 00:22:01,520
Yes, that's what I used to give.
553
00:22:01,620 --> 00:22:02,654
You'd be surprised how much they're
554
00:22:02,754 --> 00:22:05,957
selling those receipts for now.
555
00:22:06,058 --> 00:22:07,459
Well, I don't care about that.
556
00:22:07,559 --> 00:22:08,427
I don't care.
557
00:22:08,527 --> 00:22:09,761
You don't care.
558
00:22:09,861 --> 00:22:12,664
You come here to claim a $5,000 painting for $50?
559
00:22:12,764 --> 00:22:14,032
I could fight you on this.
560
00:22:14,132 --> 00:22:15,167
Not if you're reasonable.
561
00:22:15,267 --> 00:22:16,601
Now, look, my wife and I both think
562
00:22:16,702 --> 00:22:18,704
it's a-- a beautiful painting.
563
00:22:18,804 --> 00:22:20,772
We're just a little uncomfortable having it around.
564
00:22:20,872 --> 00:22:22,974
And you want to get it so you can destroy it?
565
00:22:23,075 --> 00:22:24,009
Well--
566
00:22:24,109 --> 00:22:25,343
Never, I won't allow it, sir.
567
00:22:25,444 --> 00:22:26,945
You do not destroy my paintings.
568
00:22:27,045 --> 00:22:29,247
I would rather knock you in the head than allow you to do that.
569
00:22:29,348 --> 00:22:30,482
Well--
570
00:22:30,582 --> 00:22:31,616
And a piece of art is not destroyed.
571
00:22:31,717 --> 00:22:32,517
- Hold it. - It is not destroyed.
572
00:22:32,617 --> 00:22:33,418
Wait, now calm down.
573
00:22:33,518 --> 00:22:34,319
Never mind calm down.
574
00:22:34,419 --> 00:22:35,454
You don't destroy art.
575
00:22:35,554 --> 00:22:36,588
Now look, all-- all I want to say
576
00:22:36,688 --> 00:22:38,356
is it would be a crime to destroy
577
00:22:38,457 --> 00:22:39,524
a beautiful painting like that.
578
00:22:39,624 --> 00:22:41,159
It would also be a crime to deprive
579
00:22:41,259 --> 00:22:42,327
you of the money you've struggled
580
00:22:42,427 --> 00:22:44,529
so hard to earn with your work.
581
00:22:44,629 --> 00:22:47,833
That was a very good sentence.
582
00:22:47,933 --> 00:22:49,468
Come on, come on.
583
00:22:49,568 --> 00:22:50,635
Continue, continue.
584
00:22:50,736 --> 00:22:53,538
Well, all we really want for our $50
585
00:22:53,638 --> 00:22:56,975
ownership is the right to choose which one of your offers
586
00:22:57,075 --> 00:22:58,143
you accept.
587
00:22:58,243 --> 00:23:00,579
Petrie, you are an unusual man.
588
00:23:00,679 --> 00:23:02,848
Petrie, you're not a peasant.
589
00:23:02,948 --> 00:23:04,583
Where do you want the painting to go?
590
00:23:04,683 --> 00:23:06,451
You remember that fella in Brazil
591
00:23:06,551 --> 00:23:08,587
with a mansion on top of the mountain?
592
00:23:08,687 --> 00:23:09,855
I like to see "October Eve"--
593
00:23:09,955 --> 00:23:12,290
Like it had wings, it's off to Brazil,
594
00:23:12,390 --> 00:23:14,793
flying to the mountaintop.
595
00:23:14,893 --> 00:23:17,262
Heh heh, you're all right, Petrie.
596
00:23:17,362 --> 00:23:18,764
Hey, I bet you know art.
597
00:23:18,864 --> 00:23:19,865
Come, tell me.
598
00:23:19,965 --> 00:23:21,199
Tell me, what do you think of this painting?
599
00:23:21,299 --> 00:23:22,134
Uh--
600
00:23:22,234 --> 00:23:23,635
Huh?
601
00:23:23,735 --> 00:23:27,539
Uh, well, uh, to be honest with you, I don't like it.
602
00:23:27,639 --> 00:23:29,474
You-- you don't like it?
603
00:23:29,574 --> 00:23:30,509
I-- I don't like it,
604
00:23:30,609 --> 00:23:31,443
You're right.
605
00:23:31,543 --> 00:23:32,911
It's junk, garbage.
606
00:23:33,011 --> 00:23:33,979
It's peasant garbage.
607
00:23:34,079 --> 00:23:35,914
I try a new technique, but it's nothing.
608
00:23:36,014 --> 00:23:37,082
It's just for fun.
609
00:23:37,182 --> 00:23:38,650
You can't beat brushes. - Yeah.
610
00:23:38,750 --> 00:23:40,051
Come on, Petrie, we have some fun.
611
00:23:40,152 --> 00:23:40,986
Let's kill us a painting.
612
00:23:41,086 --> 00:23:41,920
Really?
613
00:23:42,020 --> 00:23:44,623
Sure, go ahead.
614
00:23:44,723 --> 00:23:45,924
Hey, you've got talent, you know?
615
00:23:46,024 --> 00:23:46,658
This is fun.
616
00:23:46,758 --> 00:23:47,859
Look, look, look, look.
617
00:23:47,959 --> 00:23:48,593
Wait, wait.
618
00:23:48,693 --> 00:23:50,128
Look what you made here.
619
00:23:50,228 --> 00:23:51,296
You made me deaf.
620
00:23:51,396 --> 00:23:52,531
That's what you made.
621
00:23:59,638 --> 00:24:04,676
(WORDLESS SINGING) You're looking again.
622
00:24:04,776 --> 00:24:06,077
I just can't wait.
623
00:24:06,178 --> 00:24:09,080
When you're getting an original Carpetra for $50,
624
00:24:09,181 --> 00:24:10,615
you'll wait.
625
00:24:10,715 --> 00:24:12,784
Well, I must say, uh, it's very, very generous of you.
626
00:24:12,884 --> 00:24:15,720
Generous deserves generous.
627
00:24:15,821 --> 00:24:17,022
Come.
628
00:24:17,122 --> 00:24:18,190
Hm?
629
00:24:18,290 --> 00:24:19,191
Hm? - My.
630
00:24:19,291 --> 00:24:20,458
Uh-oh.
631
00:24:20,559 --> 00:24:23,295
Gee, that really is something, isn't it?
632
00:24:23,395 --> 00:24:27,766
You mean you are still upset that I paint you as I see you?
633
00:24:27,866 --> 00:24:30,569
No, no, if that's the way you see me,
634
00:24:30,669 --> 00:24:32,571
then that's the way you see me.
635
00:24:32,671 --> 00:24:34,105
But-- but that is you.
636
00:24:34,206 --> 00:24:35,040
Isn't that art?
637
00:24:35,140 --> 00:24:36,174
Well, yeah.
638
00:24:36,274 --> 00:24:37,509
Honey, I think it looks a lot like you, there,
639
00:24:37,609 --> 00:24:39,444
especially right around the noses.
640
00:24:39,544 --> 00:24:41,746
I got your noses.
641
00:24:46,084 --> 00:24:49,621
[music playing]
642
00:24:53,959 --> 00:24:58,597
[music playing]
44086
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