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[theme music]
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ANNOUNCER: "The Dick Van Dyke Show,"
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starring Dick Van Dyke, Rose Marie, Morey Amsterdam, Larry
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Mathews, and Mary Tyler Moore.
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Hi, Abe.
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Oh, boy.
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Hey, no wonder he won.
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Look at the size of this guy.
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Makes the whole golf course look like a pool table.
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You don't know what the reason for it is,
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but that's the most pleasant 18 holes of golf I ever played.
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I got to agree with you, Rob.
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When you first invited me to play with you and Buddy,
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I got to admit, I had big qualms.
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You still got them, but I think
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if you zip up your zipper, nobody will notice.
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Buddy, you promised to honor the truce
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till we got back to the office.
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You're right.
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Melvin, I apologize.
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Accepted.
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Would you believe that, Joe?
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That's the first time I ever saw Buddy apologize to Mel.
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Well, it's a privilege to be here for the occasion.
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Say, I want to thank you for letting me join you today.
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It was our pleasure, Joe.
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I think you were the stabilizing influence here.
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Best game I ever played in my life.
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You want to see something?
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Look at that score, 68.
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And on the second nine, I did even better.
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Yeah, 51.
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When you coming out again, Joe?
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I'm going to try to sneak away for a couple of hours
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next Friday.
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I promised my wife I'd be home by 5:00.
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It's almost that now. - Come on, Mel.
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I'll drive you home.
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I brought my own car.
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Then drive me home.
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I took a bus.
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All right, no cracks about, uh--
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I never make remarks about anybody who's driving
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a car that contains my body.
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Can I make sure of that?
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Ask any bald-headed cab driver in New York.
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All right, come on.
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- Good meeting you, Joe. - Yeah--
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- My pleasure. - Enjoyed the game.
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Thanks a lot.
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See you tomorrow, Rob.
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All right.
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What is that bit?
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Just so you won't be tempted.
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See you Monday.
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Well, Joe, how about a cup of coffee?
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Love one.
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You have time?
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Well, I am on a five-hour pass.
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My wife happens to be a doll.
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Can we have a couple of cups of coffee over here?
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Your wife doesn't mind you having fun without here, eh?
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No, as a matter of fact, getting me out of the house
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this morning was more for her enjoyment than it was for mine.
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I was pretty surly.
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Golf as a way of relaxing people.
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Yeah, especially when you shoot an 85.
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Laura does know me pretty well.
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She seems to want to make me happy.
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You're a lucky guy.
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Yeah, I picked me a good one, all right.
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Well, here's to your wife.
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Thank you.
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Laura, was it?
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Yeah, Laura.
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Hey, how about let's drink to your wife?
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I'm afraid we can't.
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I don't have a wife.
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A handsome dog like you?
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Hows come some girl never corralled you?
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It's a long story.
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I'll bore you with it next time.
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That's a deal.
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I got to warn you though, I'm a writer.
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And I'll probably adapt it and make a hit movie out of it.
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It's called "The Life and Love of Joe"--
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I'm sorry, Joe, what's your name?
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Coogan.
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I'll tell you one thing, it's going to be a short movie.
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I've only been in love once, and that was a long time ago.
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As a matter of fact, the girl's name was Laura.
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That's a coincidence.
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Sure is.
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I was in college at the time.
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I never knew I could write poetry until then.
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Oh, it really inspired you, huh?
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I spent all my time writing sonnets
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and sending them to her.
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Oh, boy.
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I wrote some poems to my Laura.
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Maybe Shakespeare was wrong.
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Maybe there is something in a name.
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Have you ever noticed how many heroines
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in movies and television and books are named Laura?
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That's true, isn't it?
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Yeah.
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Did you know that saltine crackers and coffee
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together are terrible?
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Thanks.
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I'm so hungry, I don't care.
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Whatever happened to your Laura?
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She ran off and got married.
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You mean just like that?
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Well, not exactly.
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She, uh, she joined a USO troop to entertain servicemen.
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She was a dancer.
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A dancer?
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Yeah, last time I heard, she wrote
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and told me about this sergeant she met in some camp
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in Missouri.
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Uh, Camp Crowder?
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I think that was it.
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I assume she married him.
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I haven't heard from her since.
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Well, that's-- that's amazing.
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No, not really.
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You, uh, well, you're not carrying a torch for her
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or anything like that?
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No, no, nothing like that.
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Would you care for anything else?
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No, I, uh, think I got to go.
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I have to be running to.
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Will you be playing again soon?
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Uh, why, I don't know.
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I'll be out here Friday afternoon, about 3:30.
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3:30, well, if I can, I will.
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Good.
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Uh, thanks for the coffee, Joe.
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Well, you're welcome, Rob.
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He called you Joe.
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Well, that's my name.
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I know, but it sounds funny to hear someone call you that.
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Some people can't play their regular game
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when they know who I am.
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You mean they can't cheat when they know, huh?
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Well, let's say they become inhibited
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when they know I'm a priest.
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Hi, darling.
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How'd you do today?
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Well, just-- just fine.
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Oh, OK.
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Tell me all about the 3-inch putt you missed.
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Well, I had a great day, honey.
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I shot 85, and I missed a hole-in-one about like that.
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Well then, how come you're not twice as happy?
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Well, I am, I am.
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Where's, uh, where's Rich?
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He's at Stuart and Millie's.
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I thought maybe you and I would have just a nice, quiet, fussy
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dinner tonight.
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Oh.
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Darling, is something the matter?
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Well, no.
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Why-- why do you ask that?
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Well, you have the strangest attitude.
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Well, I'm a little tired I guess.
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No, that's not it.
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What do you mean, that's not it?
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I don't know if I'm tired or not?
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Darling, are you nervous about something?
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What have I got to be nervous about?
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I got a bogey and some pars, and I got one birdie.
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Well, why don't you change, darling?
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I'll put a steak on.
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OK.
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Honey.
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Hm?
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How's come you never told me about Joe Coogan?
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What did you say?
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I said, how's come you never told me about Joe Coogan?
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Rob, you didn't.
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I didn't what?
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You found the shoe box.
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The shoe box?
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Don't play innocent with me, Rob.
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You found it and you opened it, didn't you?
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What do you--
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I don't know what you're talking about.
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I don't know about any shoe box.
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You weren't down in the basement this morning?
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Well, sure, I want to get my golf--
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wait a minute.
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Have you got a shoe box full of love sonnets hidden down there?
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Ah-ha!
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What ah-ha?
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So, you didn't know about the shoe box, huh?
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No, I didn't.
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Uh-huh, well then, how do you know there are sonnets in it?
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I didn't know. I just assumed.
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Oh, really.
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Do you assume that all shoe boxes have sonnets in them?
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Oh, Rob, how could you?
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How could I what?
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You know what.
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Those are my personal sonnet's in my personal shoe box.
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Honey, I didn't read your personal sonnets
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and I didn't see your personal shoe box.
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Then how did you know?
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I met your personal poet, Joe Coogan.
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Where?
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On a second tee at the golf course.
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I don't believe it.
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What's so hard to believe about that?
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Well, it's just hard to believe that anyone would go
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around telling someone's husband that he
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wrote love sonnets to his wife.
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He didn't happen to know that I was your husband.
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Well, who did he think you were?
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Just another golfer, that's all.
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You mean to tell me he goes around telling strange golfers
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that he wrote sonnets to me?
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I-- I-- I--
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I just happened to mention your name, that's all.
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If you don't believe me, you can go
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down there next Friday afternoon at 3:30 and check for yourself.
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You made a date to play golf with him again?
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No.
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He tried to make one with me, But I just
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didn't happen to feel like giving him a progress
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report on our marriage.
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Well, I just don't know what to say.
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Neither do I.
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Rob, I-- I apologize about the shoe box,
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Uh-huh.
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And just in case you're interested,
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he didn't happen to get fat.
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He's still pretty charming and handsome.
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I don't think it was any coincidence
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he ran into me on the second tee this afternoon.
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Oh, Rob, you couldn't mean that--
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Well, he could easily have arranged it.
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For what purpose?
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To find out about the stability of our marriage,
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that's why.
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Oh, darling, you know you don't believe that.
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Well, I don't know, I just don't
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trust your friend, Mr. Coogan.
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Too nice.
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Rob, darling, please forgive me for saying
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that you read the sonnets.
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I forgive you for that.
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Well, darling, you have to understand
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why I thought you read them.
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I understand that.
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Well, what don't you understand?
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I just don't see why a happily married woman has
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to keep a box full of strange love sonnets
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hidden down in her basement.
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They're not hidden in the basement.
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They're not?
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I didn't see any shoe box down there.
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Well, you're just not very observant, that's all.
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Because they're lying right there.
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Where?
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By the furnace.
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There's no shoe box by that furnace.
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Well, they're there.
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They're right behind some loose bricks.
269
00:08:50,296 --> 00:08:51,998
Behind some loose bricks?
270
00:08:52,098 --> 00:08:54,400
Rob, would it make you happy if I burned them?
271
00:08:54,500 --> 00:08:55,835
Is that what you want?
272
00:08:55,935 --> 00:08:57,303
You just say the word, dear, and I will burn them.
273
00:08:57,403 --> 00:08:58,738
Burn them.
274
00:08:58,838 --> 00:09:01,040
No, sir, not if you're going to take that attitude.
275
00:09:11,751 --> 00:09:14,086
I should have thrown them away the day I got married.
276
00:09:14,186 --> 00:09:15,922
Laura, you wouldn't mind if I opened this up
277
00:09:16,022 --> 00:09:17,290
and read a couple of them, would you?
278
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:18,658
I certainly would.
279
00:09:18,758 --> 00:09:19,926
Well, maybe later, huh?
280
00:09:20,026 --> 00:09:21,294
No, never.
281
00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:24,196
Well, all right, but I'm not going to tell you what Sadie
282
00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:25,965
Stein said about your hair.
283
00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:27,066
What'd she say?
284
00:09:27,166 --> 00:09:28,668
She thinks it's a wig.
285
00:09:30,970 --> 00:09:33,039
Listen, if these were my love poems
286
00:09:33,139 --> 00:09:35,308
and they made my husband crazy jealous, I'd keep them.
287
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:37,109
There's nothing worse than a complacent husband.
288
00:09:37,209 --> 00:09:39,979
Oh, Millie, you wouldn't say that if you'd seen Rob.
289
00:09:40,079 --> 00:09:41,580
He was so hurt.
290
00:09:41,681 --> 00:09:43,649
I just was wrong to keep these.
291
00:09:43,749 --> 00:09:44,951
I should have gotten rid of them.
292
00:09:45,051 --> 00:09:46,485
A person should get rid of things
293
00:09:46,585 --> 00:09:48,154
like this when a person gets married.
294
00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:49,589
Oh, come on now.
295
00:09:49,689 --> 00:09:51,691
Don't tell me Rob hasn't kept a memento
296
00:09:51,791 --> 00:09:53,125
or two of his early triumphs.
297
00:09:53,225 --> 00:09:54,593
Oh, I know he hasn't.
298
00:09:54,694 --> 00:09:55,928
How do you know?
299
00:09:56,028 --> 00:09:58,164
Well, men just aren't as sentimental as women.
300
00:09:58,264 --> 00:09:59,532
Well, I disagree.
301
00:09:59,632 --> 00:10:02,301
You never see a woman with a heart tattooed on her forearm
302
00:10:02,401 --> 00:10:05,671
saying mother, do you?
303
00:10:05,771 --> 00:10:09,942
Millie, what's the real reason I've kept these?
304
00:10:10,042 --> 00:10:12,178
I mean, why didn't I just drop them in the trash
305
00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:14,213
outside instead of bringing them in here?
306
00:10:14,313 --> 00:10:15,681
I don't know, why?
307
00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:19,352
Why did I only keep Joe Coogan's sonnets and not Philip
308
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:20,619
Cabot's or Jim Darling's?
309
00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:22,154
Did they write you sonnets too?
310
00:10:22,254 --> 00:10:22,888
No.
311
00:10:22,989 --> 00:10:24,490
Well, maybe that's why.
312
00:10:24,590 --> 00:10:28,561
Oh, but, they wrote me love letters and things like that.
313
00:10:28,661 --> 00:10:30,329
Now, why didn't I keep theirs?
314
00:10:30,429 --> 00:10:31,464
Because.
315
00:10:31,564 --> 00:10:32,565
Because why?
316
00:10:32,665 --> 00:10:33,799
I don't know.
317
00:10:33,899 --> 00:10:35,234
Well, then why did you say "because"?
318
00:10:35,334 --> 00:10:37,970
Well, I didn't say "because" because I knew what.
319
00:10:38,070 --> 00:10:40,673
I said "because" to give you a kind of a springboard
320
00:10:40,773 --> 00:10:42,174
to finish.
321
00:10:42,274 --> 00:10:43,776
You would even keep writing love letters
322
00:10:43,876 --> 00:10:46,679
except Joe Coogan's because--
323
00:10:46,779 --> 00:10:50,449
Because I never really felt this chapter in my life
324
00:10:50,549 --> 00:10:51,384
was closed.
325
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:52,885
I'll accept that.
326
00:10:52,985 --> 00:10:53,619
Or--
327
00:10:53,719 --> 00:10:54,553
Or what?
328
00:10:54,653 --> 00:10:55,688
I didn't know.
329
00:10:55,788 --> 00:10:58,624
I was giving another springboard.
330
00:10:58,724 --> 00:10:59,892
Or--
331
00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:03,195
Or because I was so young, I withheld
332
00:11:03,295 --> 00:11:06,766
my true feelings about him, and now I'm guilty that I did.
333
00:11:06,866 --> 00:11:08,501
I'll accept that too.
334
00:11:08,601 --> 00:11:10,136
That could be it.
335
00:11:10,236 --> 00:11:12,304
He wrote me these beautiful love sonnets,
336
00:11:12,405 --> 00:11:14,674
and I answered him with nice chatty little notes
337
00:11:14,774 --> 00:11:16,642
about what movies I'd seen.
338
00:11:16,742 --> 00:11:18,344
I mean, I never even told him I was leaving
339
00:11:18,444 --> 00:11:19,645
the city to join a USO show.
340
00:11:19,745 --> 00:11:20,579
Why?
341
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:23,049
Because--
342
00:11:23,149 --> 00:11:25,317
Because I was afraid he was going
343
00:11:25,418 --> 00:11:26,819
to ask me to marry him, and--
344
00:11:26,919 --> 00:11:27,987
And, and, and, and--
345
00:11:28,087 --> 00:11:29,889
--and I was afraid I'd say yes.
346
00:11:29,989 --> 00:11:31,290
Oh that, I can't accept.
347
00:11:31,390 --> 00:11:32,291
It's true.
348
00:11:32,391 --> 00:11:33,325
Well then, I'll accept it.
349
00:11:33,426 --> 00:11:34,627
No, it's not.
350
00:11:34,727 --> 00:11:36,362
Aw, Millie, I don't know why I kept them,
351
00:11:36,462 --> 00:11:37,296
but what am I going to do?
352
00:11:37,396 --> 00:11:38,764
About what?
353
00:11:38,864 --> 00:11:41,200
Well, the sonnets, Joe Coogan, my husband, my guilt.
354
00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:44,470
Well, I'd say, keep the sonnets, keep your husband,
355
00:11:44,570 --> 00:11:47,073
get rid of your guilt, and see Joe Coogan again.
356
00:11:47,173 --> 00:11:49,542
Oh, Millie, this is no joke.
357
00:11:49,642 --> 00:11:51,077
Who's joking?
358
00:11:51,177 --> 00:11:52,812
It's the only way you're going to get rid of your guilt,
359
00:11:52,912 --> 00:11:54,380
by seeing him again.
360
00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:57,383
Then you'll find out all the reasons why you didn't find him
361
00:11:57,483 --> 00:11:58,684
as attractive as your husband.
362
00:11:58,784 --> 00:12:00,719
Millie, that's a terrible idea.
363
00:12:00,820 --> 00:12:02,421
Au contraire.
364
00:12:02,521 --> 00:12:03,989
Oh.
365
00:12:04,090 --> 00:12:06,292
As a matter of fact, after spending an evening with him,
366
00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:08,961
you'll probably wonder why you ever bothered keeping
367
00:12:09,061 --> 00:12:10,529
those poems in the first place.
368
00:12:10,629 --> 00:12:12,465
Oh, Millie, you're so wrong.
369
00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:14,133
Oh boy, are you wrong.
370
00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:15,601
But even if you weren't-- which you are.
371
00:12:15,701 --> 00:12:16,569
You are dead wrong.
372
00:12:16,669 --> 00:12:17,837
What am I supposed to do?
373
00:12:17,937 --> 00:12:19,872
Just sneak down to the golf course
374
00:12:19,972 --> 00:12:21,707
and then accidentally bump into him?
375
00:12:21,807 --> 00:12:22,608
Yeah.
376
00:12:22,708 --> 00:12:24,910
OK.
377
00:12:25,010 --> 00:12:27,480
Only to show you how wrong you are.
378
00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:29,181
Boy, are you wrong.
379
00:12:37,289 --> 00:12:39,925
This is the stupidest idea in the whole world,
380
00:12:40,025 --> 00:12:41,293
and I'm going home.
381
00:12:41,393 --> 00:12:43,829
Without finding out why you kept those sonnets
382
00:12:43,929 --> 00:12:44,964
all these years, and why you didn't
383
00:12:45,064 --> 00:12:46,665
burn them when Rob told you to?
384
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:48,033
I know why I kept them.
385
00:12:48,134 --> 00:12:49,602
I kept them because they're beautiful.
386
00:12:49,702 --> 00:12:52,071
And I didn't burn them because I consider them literature,
387
00:12:52,171 --> 00:12:54,306
and I'm against any form of book burning.
388
00:12:54,406 --> 00:12:55,374
Now, let's go home.
389
00:12:55,474 --> 00:12:56,942
Now, wait a minute.
390
00:12:57,042 --> 00:12:59,011
Listen, we're all dressed to play golf,
391
00:12:59,111 --> 00:13:00,713
and we're here on a golf course.
392
00:13:00,813 --> 00:13:03,048
So why don't we just play a little golf?
393
00:13:03,149 --> 00:13:06,418
Because I decided I don't want to see Joe Coogan again.
394
00:13:06,519 --> 00:13:07,686
I'm going home.
395
00:13:07,786 --> 00:13:09,021
Oh, I beg your pardon.
396
00:13:09,121 --> 00:13:11,457
Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Father, I didn't see--
397
00:13:14,660 --> 00:13:16,695
are you who I think you are?
398
00:13:16,795 --> 00:13:18,597
Well, of course he is.
399
00:13:18,697 --> 00:13:19,732
He's a priest.
400
00:13:19,832 --> 00:13:23,335
Who'd you think-- oh my goodness.
401
00:13:23,435 --> 00:13:25,271
Well, Joe?
402
00:13:25,371 --> 00:13:26,639
Laura?
403
00:13:26,739 --> 00:13:28,007
Father Joe!
404
00:13:28,107 --> 00:13:30,142
Joe-- Joe Coogan?
405
00:13:30,242 --> 00:13:32,745
Well, how wonderful to see you again, Laura.
406
00:13:32,845 --> 00:13:36,148
Well, it's wonderful to see you too.
407
00:13:36,248 --> 00:13:38,250
Well, what have you been doing?
408
00:13:38,350 --> 00:13:41,420
Oh, yes.
409
00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:44,190
Oh, um, I'd like you to meet my friend, Mildred Helper.
410
00:13:44,290 --> 00:13:45,724
Mildred, this is my friend, Joe.
411
00:13:45,824 --> 00:13:46,659
Uh, my father, Joe.
412
00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:48,127
Joe-- Father--
413
00:13:48,227 --> 00:13:50,462
Joe Coogan, Mildred Helper.
414
00:13:50,563 --> 00:13:51,764
Nice to meet you, Mildred.
415
00:13:51,864 --> 00:13:54,733
I'm fine, fine.
416
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:55,734
Well, how have you been Laura?
417
00:13:55,834 --> 00:13:57,436
Oh, oh, just fine, fine.
418
00:13:57,536 --> 00:13:58,804
Thank you. And you?
419
00:13:58,904 --> 00:13:59,939
Fine.
420
00:14:00,039 --> 00:14:01,407
I assume you have a family by now?
421
00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:02,408
Oh, yes, yes.
422
00:14:02,508 --> 00:14:03,209
Very happy, very--
423
00:14:03,309 --> 00:14:04,310
Well, I'm glad to hear it.
424
00:14:04,410 --> 00:14:05,978
Thank you.
425
00:14:06,078 --> 00:14:08,347
Well, would you like to play some golf?
426
00:14:08,447 --> 00:14:09,748
I'm afraid I can't.
427
00:14:09,848 --> 00:14:10,816
I just had a phone call.
428
00:14:10,916 --> 00:14:11,850
Something I have to take care of.
429
00:14:11,951 --> 00:14:13,886
Aw, gee, well, that's a shame.
430
00:14:13,986 --> 00:14:15,754
I'd really like to have chatted with you.
431
00:14:15,854 --> 00:14:18,190
Well, so would I. I'd like to meet your husband, your family.
432
00:14:18,290 --> 00:14:19,658
Oh, well, we'd love that.
433
00:14:19,758 --> 00:14:21,594
Would-- would you like to have dinner tonight, or--
434
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:22,528
Tonight?
435
00:14:22,628 --> 00:14:23,596
Well, or the next day.
436
00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:24,663
Any time you say.
437
00:14:24,763 --> 00:14:25,931
I may be free tonight.
438
00:14:26,031 --> 00:14:27,433
Oh, wonderful. Good.
439
00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:28,968
Uh, Millie, do you have a piece of fish?
440
00:14:29,068 --> 00:14:31,837
I mean, a piece of paper.
441
00:14:31,937 --> 00:14:34,306
We'll have fish because you're Friday.
442
00:14:34,406 --> 00:14:35,541
Do you? - Yeah.
443
00:14:35,641 --> 00:14:36,275
I'll get-- write it down for you.
444
00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:37,376
Thank you.
445
00:14:37,476 --> 00:14:38,644
Say, you know, this really is a coincidence.
446
00:14:38,744 --> 00:14:40,045
What is?
447
00:14:40,145 --> 00:14:41,914
Well, I was talking about you just the other day,
448
00:14:42,014 --> 00:14:43,282
right here in this room.
449
00:14:43,382 --> 00:14:44,617
Oh, really?
450
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:46,952
Say, I even mentioned the sonnets I used to write to you.
451
00:14:47,052 --> 00:14:47,887
Do you remember?
452
00:14:47,987 --> 00:14:50,456
Uh, the sonnets.
453
00:14:50,556 --> 00:14:51,757
Oh, the sonnets.
454
00:14:51,857 --> 00:14:55,060
Of course I remember the sonnets.
455
00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:56,195
Millie, do you have the--
456
00:14:56,295 --> 00:14:56,929
Yeah.
457
00:14:57,029 --> 00:14:57,896
Thank you.
458
00:14:57,997 --> 00:14:58,897
That's the address there.
459
00:14:58,998 --> 00:15:00,232
Oh, good.
460
00:15:00,332 --> 00:15:01,634
What time would you like me to come?
461
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:03,636
Well, 7:00-ish, for dinner.
462
00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:04,937
Good.
463
00:15:05,037 --> 00:15:05,971
Give me a chance to see what kind of a cook
464
00:15:06,071 --> 00:15:07,306
you turned out to be. - Uh--
465
00:15:07,406 --> 00:15:09,408
Laura's a great cook, one of the great cooks.
466
00:15:09,508 --> 00:15:10,342
No, I--
467
00:15:10,442 --> 00:15:12,111
I'm sure she is.
468
00:15:12,211 --> 00:15:13,746
Well, I'll see you tonight. - Oh, fine.
469
00:15:13,846 --> 00:15:14,713
Nice meeting you, Mildred.
470
00:15:14,813 --> 00:15:15,748
My pleasure.
471
00:15:15,848 --> 00:15:17,316
See you later, Laura.
472
00:15:17,416 --> 00:15:18,317
Bye.
473
00:15:20,519 --> 00:15:23,122
Joe Coogan's a priest!
474
00:15:23,222 --> 00:15:26,358
Why didn't Rob tell you that?
475
00:15:26,458 --> 00:15:27,660
He didn't know.
476
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,061
How could he not know?
477
00:15:29,161 --> 00:15:32,598
He's dressed like a real priest.
478
00:15:32,698 --> 00:15:34,667
He is a real priest.
479
00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:36,568
Well, you know what I mean.
480
00:15:36,669 --> 00:15:38,871
Maybe Rob didn't see him in his clerical--
481
00:15:38,971 --> 00:15:40,005
Of course.
482
00:15:40,105 --> 00:15:43,042
He saw him out on the golf course.
483
00:15:43,142 --> 00:15:46,478
Laura, you know what would be funny.
484
00:15:46,578 --> 00:15:51,050
No, Millie, that wouldn't be funny.
485
00:15:51,150 --> 00:15:52,885
How did you know what I was going to say?
486
00:15:52,985 --> 00:15:55,220
I thought of it to.
487
00:15:55,321 --> 00:15:59,224
It's just not fair not to tell Rob that the man he thinks is
488
00:15:59,325 --> 00:16:02,628
my long lost love is a priest.
489
00:16:06,231 --> 00:16:07,566
What did you say?
490
00:16:07,666 --> 00:16:11,236
I invited Joe Coogan to have dinner with us tonight.
491
00:16:11,337 --> 00:16:14,540
Laura, where did you happen to meet Joe Coogan?
492
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:16,675
Well, at the golf course.
493
00:16:16,775 --> 00:16:17,843
At the golf course?
494
00:16:17,943 --> 00:16:19,311
Yeah.
495
00:16:19,411 --> 00:16:20,846
You went out there with the hope of bumping into him,
496
00:16:20,946 --> 00:16:22,114
didn't you?
497
00:16:22,214 --> 00:16:24,283
Rob, I must say, you're being very un--
498
00:16:24,383 --> 00:16:25,017
un--
499
00:16:25,117 --> 00:16:26,018
ROB (ON PHONE): Un what?
500
00:16:26,118 --> 00:16:27,619
Well, un something.
501
00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:29,154
And I object to your tone.
502
00:16:29,254 --> 00:16:31,023
You're going to hear a dial tone in a minute
503
00:16:31,123 --> 00:16:34,026
because I want to hang up.
504
00:16:34,126 --> 00:16:37,096
Well, I can't call it off now, Rob.
505
00:16:37,196 --> 00:16:38,897
You will be home, won't you?
506
00:16:38,997 --> 00:16:40,933
Oh, oh, well I'll be home.
507
00:16:41,033 --> 00:16:42,668
Good.
508
00:16:42,768 --> 00:16:43,569
Goodbye, dear.
509
00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:45,070
Goodbye.
510
00:16:45,170 --> 00:16:48,140
You, uh, didn't tell Rob that Joe was a priest.
511
00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:51,543
Well, he didn't give me a chance to.
512
00:16:51,643 --> 00:16:52,911
Anyway, I'm glad.
513
00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:56,582
Now he'll see how foolish he is to act the way he just did.
514
00:16:56,682 --> 00:16:58,217
Going to tell us what it is, or is it
515
00:16:58,317 --> 00:16:59,551
going to be a staring contest?
516
00:17:02,421 --> 00:17:04,256
Sally, what are you doing tonight?
517
00:17:04,356 --> 00:17:06,458
Nothing, but I think I can get out of it.
518
00:17:10,329 --> 00:17:11,697
How would you like to come to dinner?
519
00:17:11,797 --> 00:17:14,466
What, to sit between Laura and her phantom poet?
520
00:17:14,566 --> 00:17:15,300
No.
521
00:17:15,401 --> 00:17:16,969
Well, yeah. How about it?
522
00:17:17,069 --> 00:17:18,670
I don't know whether I like that role or not.
523
00:17:18,771 --> 00:17:20,072
Ah, you'd love it, Sal.
524
00:17:20,172 --> 00:17:22,307
It's the best-looking phantom poet you ever saw.
525
00:17:22,408 --> 00:17:25,544
Makes Zorro look like a zero.
526
00:17:25,644 --> 00:17:26,912
He's that good-looking?
527
00:17:27,012 --> 00:17:28,080
What's he look like?
528
00:17:28,180 --> 00:17:29,948
Oh, he's a cross between Gregory
529
00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:31,617
Peck and Stewart Granger.
530
00:17:31,717 --> 00:17:32,684
Hey, that ain't too bad.
531
00:17:32,785 --> 00:17:33,619
What's his name?
532
00:17:33,719 --> 00:17:34,620
Stewart Peck.
533
00:17:39,858 --> 00:17:41,460
His name is Joe Coogan.
534
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:43,662
And you don't have to just sit there between he and Laura.
535
00:17:43,762 --> 00:17:47,699
Oh, you mean maybe I can, uh, flirt a little bit?
536
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:49,068
No, a lot.
537
00:17:49,168 --> 00:17:51,270
Rob, you've got a vengeful streak in you
538
00:17:51,370 --> 00:17:52,337
I've never noticed before.
539
00:17:52,438 --> 00:17:53,939
It's been in there for years.
540
00:17:54,039 --> 00:17:55,908
I just keep it under control, that's all.
541
00:17:56,008 --> 00:17:57,376
Well, I don't know.
542
00:17:57,476 --> 00:17:58,944
With all the fish in the ocean.
543
00:17:59,044 --> 00:18:01,180
I don't like to try to hook one that got away from Laura.
544
00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:03,649
Sal, don't wait too long.
545
00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:06,051
I had an aunt waited so long for her ship to come in,
546
00:18:06,151 --> 00:18:07,653
her pier collapsed.
547
00:18:12,291 --> 00:18:14,560
Look, Sal, it isn't only out of vindictiveness.
548
00:18:14,660 --> 00:18:15,828
I want you to come.
549
00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:17,362
I think you and Joe Coogan might make a nice couple.
550
00:18:17,463 --> 00:18:18,997
OK, good. Then I'll go.
551
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:19,932
Now, let's see.
552
00:18:20,032 --> 00:18:21,467
What dress shall I wear?
553
00:18:21,567 --> 00:18:23,635
Shall I wear my velvet sheath with the slit on the side,
554
00:18:23,735 --> 00:18:26,371
or shall I wear my lace-neck with the low V?
555
00:18:26,472 --> 00:18:27,840
Why don't you wear the top of one
556
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:30,642
and the bottom of the other?
557
00:18:30,742 --> 00:18:32,211
Well, goodbye, Laura.
558
00:18:32,311 --> 00:18:33,212
And good luck. [doorbell]
559
00:18:33,312 --> 00:18:34,146
Thank you.
560
00:18:34,246 --> 00:18:35,347
I'll get it.
561
00:18:37,816 --> 00:18:38,817
Hello, Father Coogan.
562
00:18:38,917 --> 00:18:39,918
- Hello, Mildred. - Hello.
563
00:18:40,018 --> 00:18:40,919
Father. - Hi, Laura.
564
00:18:41,019 --> 00:18:42,087
- Am I early? - Yes.
565
00:18:42,187 --> 00:18:43,288
I mean, no.
566
00:18:43,388 --> 00:18:45,257
Actually, my husband's a little late.
567
00:18:45,357 --> 00:18:46,758
Bye, Laura. Bye, Father.
568
00:18:46,859 --> 00:18:47,826
Bye.
569
00:18:47,926 --> 00:18:48,994
Well, come on in.
570
00:18:49,094 --> 00:18:49,928
Sit down, please.
571
00:18:50,028 --> 00:18:50,963
Thank you.
572
00:18:51,063 --> 00:18:51,964
What a lovely house you have.
573
00:18:52,064 --> 00:18:53,065
Oh, thank you.
574
00:18:53,165 --> 00:18:54,099
Thank you.
575
00:18:54,199 --> 00:18:55,667
My husband should be home soon.
576
00:18:55,767 --> 00:18:57,269
He writes for television, you know.
577
00:18:57,369 --> 00:18:58,704
No, I didn't.
578
00:18:58,804 --> 00:18:59,705
Oh, didn't he tell you?
579
00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:00,506
Well, you didn't.
580
00:19:00,606 --> 00:19:01,640
I haven't met him, remember?
581
00:19:01,740 --> 00:19:02,474
Oh!
582
00:19:02,574 --> 00:19:04,176
Well, actually, you have met.
583
00:19:04,276 --> 00:19:05,110
We have?
584
00:19:05,210 --> 00:19:06,145
Yeah.
585
00:19:06,245 --> 00:19:06,979
You see, my husband was the--
586
00:19:07,079 --> 00:19:07,913
[buzz]
587
00:19:08,013 --> 00:19:09,047
Oh, it's the oven.
588
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:10,048
I have some hors d'oeurves heating.
589
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:11,183
I hope you're hungry.
590
00:19:11,283 --> 00:19:12,751
I'm hungry enough to eat a shark.
591
00:19:12,851 --> 00:19:13,919
A shark?
592
00:19:14,019 --> 00:19:15,053
Well, it's Friday.
593
00:19:15,153 --> 00:19:15,988
Oh!
594
00:19:16,088 --> 00:19:17,956
Yes.
595
00:19:18,056 --> 00:19:19,825
Well, I hope you like my cooking.
596
00:19:19,925 --> 00:19:21,059
I'm sure I will.
597
00:19:21,159 --> 00:19:23,228
Well, I certainly hope that you sure--
598
00:19:41,179 --> 00:19:42,848
Well, how's the old duffer today?
599
00:19:42,948 --> 00:19:45,284
Old-- Rob!
600
00:19:48,987 --> 00:19:50,055
Well, well, I didn't--
601
00:19:50,155 --> 00:19:51,356
I didn't mean to--
602
00:19:51,456 --> 00:19:54,393
I didn't mean you're an old duffer, Father.
603
00:19:54,493 --> 00:19:57,829
Father Duffer, I mean Father Duffy.
604
00:19:57,930 --> 00:20:01,400
Why, you're a sly rascal, Rob, having your wife
605
00:20:01,500 --> 00:20:03,268
invite me here to dinner.
606
00:20:03,368 --> 00:20:05,804
Oh, Rob, you came home.
607
00:20:05,904 --> 00:20:08,006
Yeah, I came home.
608
00:20:08,106 --> 00:20:09,575
I see you two have met.
609
00:20:09,675 --> 00:20:11,376
I see we have.
610
00:20:11,476 --> 00:20:14,012
You know, at the clubhouse, this husband of yours
611
00:20:14,112 --> 00:20:16,315
let me go on and on about you, and never once told me
612
00:20:16,415 --> 00:20:17,749
I was talking about his wife.
613
00:20:17,849 --> 00:20:18,483
Ah.
614
00:20:18,584 --> 00:20:19,518
Yeah, well-- well, I--
615
00:20:19,618 --> 00:20:21,086
I didn't want to embarrass you.
616
00:20:21,186 --> 00:20:25,157
You know, I didn't know you were a, uh--
617
00:20:25,257 --> 00:20:26,124
Well, that's right.
618
00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:27,025
You didn't, did you?
619
00:20:27,125 --> 00:20:28,093
No, no.
620
00:20:28,193 --> 00:20:29,027
I'm glad you are.
621
00:20:29,127 --> 00:20:30,062
Oh, so am I.
622
00:20:30,162 --> 00:20:31,363
Yes.
623
00:20:31,463 --> 00:20:32,464
And were you surprised when Laura told you?
624
00:20:32,564 --> 00:20:37,102
Yeah, ho ho ho, was I surprised.
625
00:20:37,202 --> 00:20:41,907
Honey, speaking of surprises, I invited Sally over for dinner.
626
00:20:42,007 --> 00:20:43,675
Sally's coming here?
627
00:20:43,775 --> 00:20:46,979
Yeah, I wanted her to meet, uh, Father, uh, Coogan.
628
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:48,680
Oh, oh, Rob, where is she?
629
00:20:48,780 --> 00:20:50,248
Well, she followed me in her car.
630
00:20:50,349 --> 00:20:51,917
She should be here about any minute now.
631
00:20:52,017 --> 00:20:52,884
I'll set another place.
632
00:20:52,985 --> 00:20:54,419
Well, that's all right.
633
00:20:54,519 --> 00:20:56,855
Gee, darling, I sure wish you'd told me Sally was coming.
634
00:20:56,955 --> 00:20:59,157
I wish you'd tell me something once in a while.
635
00:20:59,257 --> 00:21:00,826
Yes, I know.
636
00:21:00,926 --> 00:21:03,295
I'll try to stop her before she gets in the door.
637
00:21:03,395 --> 00:21:04,229
Would you?
638
00:21:04,329 --> 00:21:05,163
[vigorous knocking]
639
00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:06,231
OK, Sally's here!
640
00:21:06,331 --> 00:21:07,799
- Yeah, well-- - Hi!
641
00:21:07,899 --> 00:21:08,800
Hi, Sally.
642
00:21:08,900 --> 00:21:10,002
Obviously, [inaudible].
643
00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:12,070
Where's this tall, good-looking, charming priest
644
00:21:12,170 --> 00:21:13,905
you wanted me to meet?
645
00:21:18,977 --> 00:21:22,147
Well, I, uh, I'm the only priest here,
646
00:21:22,247 --> 00:21:23,315
so I guess it must be me.
647
00:21:23,415 --> 00:21:24,916
SALLY: Ho ho.
648
00:21:25,017 --> 00:21:27,686
Welp, uh, Sally, I'd like for you to meet the Father Coogan.
649
00:21:27,786 --> 00:21:29,154
And, uh, Father Coogan, I'd like for you
650
00:21:29,254 --> 00:21:30,922
to meet, uh, Sally Rogers.
651
00:21:31,023 --> 00:21:35,293
Sally's-- she's very religious.
652
00:21:35,394 --> 00:21:37,295
How do you do, Father?
653
00:21:37,396 --> 00:21:39,264
Always nice to meet one of the flock.
654
00:21:39,364 --> 00:21:41,166
Thank you.
655
00:21:41,266 --> 00:21:43,669
Well, how-- how about--
656
00:21:43,769 --> 00:21:46,605
yeah, how about a little, uh, wine for everyone.
657
00:21:46,705 --> 00:21:48,674
Oh, Sally, can I take your coat?
658
00:21:48,774 --> 00:21:49,708
No, no.
659
00:21:53,278 --> 00:21:56,048
It's just-- it's a little chilly in here.
660
00:21:56,148 --> 00:21:57,049
I'll keep it on.
661
00:21:57,149 --> 00:21:57,983
[inaudible]
662
00:21:58,083 --> 00:21:59,317
Well, Father.
663
00:21:59,418 --> 00:22:02,254
I didn't know.
664
00:22:02,354 --> 00:22:03,422
Well, here we are.
665
00:22:03,522 --> 00:22:05,991
Nice warm, uh, friendly, warm wine.
666
00:22:06,091 --> 00:22:07,426
How about a toast?
667
00:22:07,526 --> 00:22:09,194
Oh, yeah, please, please do, Father.
668
00:22:09,294 --> 00:22:12,030
To Laura and Rob, a long and happy life.
669
00:22:12,130 --> 00:22:12,964
Oh, thank you.
670
00:22:13,065 --> 00:22:15,033
Thank you.
671
00:22:15,133 --> 00:22:20,038
And to Sally Rogers, may the next blind date Rob arranges
672
00:22:20,138 --> 00:22:22,607
for you be more, uh, your type.
673
00:22:22,708 --> 00:22:23,709
Oh!
674
00:22:23,809 --> 00:22:24,543
Amen.
675
00:22:24,643 --> 00:22:26,011
I mean, I'll drink to that.
676
00:22:36,988 --> 00:22:40,792
Honey, I thought it was a lovely evening.
677
00:22:40,892 --> 00:22:41,927
I know.
678
00:22:42,027 --> 00:22:44,329
Well, why aren't you happier about it then?
679
00:22:44,429 --> 00:22:46,765
I'm happy.
680
00:22:46,865 --> 00:22:49,334
You still mad at me for being jealous of the guy
681
00:22:49,434 --> 00:22:50,602
that wrote the sonnets?
682
00:22:50,702 --> 00:22:53,438
Rob, I'd really rather not talk about it.
683
00:22:53,538 --> 00:22:55,574
Honey, I'm going to bother you to find out
684
00:22:55,674 --> 00:22:57,008
what's upsetting you, and I'm not going
685
00:22:57,109 --> 00:22:59,044
to let up till you tell me.
686
00:22:59,144 --> 00:23:00,545
You really want to know?
687
00:23:00,645 --> 00:23:02,214
Yeah, I really want to know.
688
00:23:02,314 --> 00:23:03,448
All right.
689
00:23:09,287 --> 00:23:10,722
This is what's bothering me.
690
00:23:10,822 --> 00:23:13,391
Oh, what to do with the sonnets, huh?
691
00:23:13,492 --> 00:23:16,061
No, the sonnets themselves.
692
00:23:16,161 --> 00:23:18,497
I read them over last night and I've been thinking
693
00:23:18,597 --> 00:23:19,831
about them all evening.
694
00:23:19,931 --> 00:23:21,032
And?
695
00:23:21,133 --> 00:23:23,335
And, well, read one and see.
696
00:23:23,435 --> 00:23:24,302
[music playing]
697
00:23:24,402 --> 00:23:25,470
You want me to read one?
698
00:23:25,570 --> 00:23:27,339
Yeah, read it.
699
00:23:27,439 --> 00:23:28,573
OK.
700
00:23:31,910 --> 00:23:32,878
[clears throat]
701
00:23:34,646 --> 00:23:37,282
Mine eyes will ne'er behold which
702
00:23:37,382 --> 00:23:39,518
my heart doth see so clearly.
703
00:23:39,618 --> 00:23:43,021
Inward stirs this passion, deep, uniting,
704
00:23:43,121 --> 00:23:47,426
leading my path away from all and to my love.
705
00:23:47,526 --> 00:23:49,127
Well, honey, I think that's--
706
00:23:49,227 --> 00:23:51,062
Read on.
707
00:23:51,163 --> 00:23:54,366
I reach out for thee and pray your hand
708
00:23:54,466 --> 00:23:56,468
be there to welcome mine.
709
00:23:56,568 --> 00:23:59,137
You're light to a loom where my life
710
00:23:59,237 --> 00:24:03,408
be spent, for my soul is sore.
711
00:24:03,508 --> 00:24:04,409
Well, that's beautiful, honey.
712
00:24:04,509 --> 00:24:06,445
Yes, it is beautiful.
713
00:24:06,545 --> 00:24:09,347
And I feel so silly.
714
00:24:09,447 --> 00:24:11,716
I, like an idiot, thought he meant me.
715
00:24:11,817 --> 00:24:14,352
Well, who did he mean?
716
00:24:14,452 --> 00:24:16,254
God.
717
00:24:16,354 --> 00:24:17,556
God?
718
00:24:17,656 --> 00:24:19,591
He was telling me in those sonnets
719
00:24:19,691 --> 00:24:22,160
that he planned to dedicate his life to God.
720
00:24:22,260 --> 00:24:23,528
Honey, I think you're right.
721
00:24:23,628 --> 00:24:25,831
I know I'm right.
722
00:24:25,931 --> 00:24:30,035
Well, you don't have to feel so bad about it.
723
00:24:30,135 --> 00:24:31,269
Look at it this way.
724
00:24:31,369 --> 00:24:32,938
You lost him to a better man.
725
00:24:38,677 --> 00:24:43,648
[theme music]
49503
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