All language subtitles for My Family - S11E01 - Janeys Choice.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:03,435 (VACUUM CLEANER BUZZES) 2 00:00:07,680 --> 00:00:09,512 You've missed a bit! 3 00:00:09,560 --> 00:00:11,358 My sincere apologies, Your Highness(!) 4 00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:14,074 Can I fluff a couple of pillows for you? 5 00:00:14,120 --> 00:00:15,713 That would be lovely. 6 00:00:18,520 --> 00:00:19,669 Thank you! 7 00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:22,638 You said you'd help me with the cleaning. 8 00:00:22,680 --> 00:00:25,433 Doesn't sound like something I would say. 9 00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:29,394 I know. It's right up there with, "No, please, I insist on paying for dinner." 10 00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:32,637 - Hi! - Oh, hello! 11 00:00:32,680 --> 00:00:34,990 Did you have fun with Mum and Dad at the zoo today? 12 00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:36,838 1 saw a pigeon. 13 00:00:36,880 --> 00:00:40,396 A pigeon! Well, that's worth the price of admission. 14 00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:43,317 Mummy, please can I go and get a drink? 15 00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:44,998 Of course you can. 16 00:00:45,040 --> 00:00:47,270 Thanks for taking me to the zoo, Dad. 17 00:00:47,320 --> 00:00:50,517 - Any time, kiddo. - Ah-ha, Mark! 18 00:00:50,560 --> 00:00:51,880 - It's good to see you again, Ben. - Yes! 19 00:00:51,920 --> 00:00:54,434 Give him time. He doesn't know you like we do. 20 00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:56,357 Well, we're seeing a lot more of you of late. 21 00:00:56,400 --> 00:00:58,516 Well, got a lot of time to make up with Kenzo. 22 00:00:58,560 --> 00:01:01,029 Not all of us could be amazing parents like you straight off, Ben. 23 00:01:01,080 --> 00:01:02,832 He really doesn't know you like we do. 24 00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:05,633 No, really, you make being a good dad look easy. 25 00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:07,432 Oh, well, I don't like to brag. 26 00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:09,232 You have to be good at things to brag. 27 00:01:09,280 --> 00:01:11,794 Right, um, I'm off, then. 28 00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:13,558 Er, speak to you later, Janey? 29 00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:15,796 Yeah. Today was lovely. Thanks, Mark. 30 00:01:19,360 --> 00:01:20,430 - Bye, Mark. - Yeah. 31 00:01:21,520 --> 00:01:24,194 Good man, that Mark. Glad to see he's stepping up. 32 00:01:24,240 --> 00:01:25,878 - Do you want something to eat? - No, thanks, Mum. 33 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:27,115 Craig's taking me for dinner. 34 00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:29,231 Oh, really? I'm so glad Craig's found time 35 00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:32,955 in his busy schedule as a shiftless layabout to let you buy him dinner. 36 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:34,399 Have you ever heard the expression, 37 00:01:34,440 --> 00:01:37,114 "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"? 38 00:01:39,160 --> 00:01:41,754 How about, "If you don't stop talking, I'L smother you in your sleep"? 39 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:43,234 Yeah, that rings a bell. 40 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:02,799 - All right, Benno? How are you, mate? - Gainfully employed. You? 41 00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:04,513 Yeah, well played. 42 00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:06,517 That's as funny as the first 25 times you've said it. 43 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:07,550 (CHUCKLES) 44 00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:11,275 - Oh, wow, a , you look amazin, g! 45 00:02:11,320 --> 00:02:12,958 BOTH: Mwah! 46 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:14,832 Ah, and you smell amazing, too. 47 00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:17,599 Well, she's showered - it's an old English custom. 48 00:02:18,920 --> 00:02:21,514 I had something for you here... Now, where did I put it? 49 00:02:21,560 --> 00:02:24,632 Oh, no, I must have left it somewhere. 50 00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:28,469 Oh, my gosh, you are as cute as a kitten. 51 00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:29,510 - Grr! - (SLAPY) 52 00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:30,550 - (GIGGLES) - (GROWLS) 53 00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:32,511 (SLAP!) 54 00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:36,110 Well, I guess we'll be off, guys. Nice talking with you. 55 00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:37,673 Come by any time, Craig. 56 00:02:37,720 --> 00:02:41,600 Any time I'm not here, Craig. Nice boy. 57 00:02:41,640 --> 00:02:44,234 - I'L really miss him. - He likes her, 58 00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:46,191 she likes him - what is your problem? 59 00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:47,560 I just think she can do better. 60 00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:50,240 And I think one day she'll appreciate me for pointing it out. 61 00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:51,759 Mmm, perhaps you're right. 62 00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:55,191 God knows, I wish somebody had done the same for me! 63 00:02:57,520 --> 00:03:02,640 OK, so what can we do for you today, Mr...Best Friend?! 64 00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:03,909 "Best Friend"? That's a bit... 65 00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:05,951 Top of the morning to you, Mr Best Friend! 66 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:09,397 Roger, what are you doing here? 67 00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:11,351 I just came by for my annual cleaning. 68 00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:13,232 Which you had two months ago. 69 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:15,237 My semi-annual cleaning, then. 70 00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:16,873 Roger, it is your holiday. 71 00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:20,197 Your holiday. That means you don't have to come in to the surgery, 72 00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:21,913 and I get to have a pleasant week. 73 00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:23,951 I don't want to be on my own, Ben. 74 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:26,196 I miss being in a relationship. 75 00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:28,117 Will I ever find love again? 76 00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:29,639 Of course you will, Roger. 77 00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:33,036 Of course you will. There are lots of desperate women out there. 78 00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:34,070 You think? 79 00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:38,193 Mmm. Somewhere out there is a hopeless loser who has completely given up. 80 00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:39,958 - But where do I find her? - Well, one thing's for sure, 81 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:42,879 Roger, it won't be in here. 82 00:03:42,920 --> 00:03:44,433 Ah, Mark! 83 00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:46,039 - Hello. - Come in, come in! 84 00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:47,195 What can I do for you? 85 00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:49,470 Wanted to have a moment, if I could, sir? 86 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:52,911 Sir! Entrez, entrez. Have a seat. 87 00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:54,712 Can I get you a mouthwash? 88 00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:56,637 Only joking. (CHUCKLES) 89 00:03:57,760 --> 00:04:01,310 There was something I wanted to discuss with you. 90 00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:02,589 You're a good man, Ben... 91 00:04:02,640 --> 00:04:05,871 - Ben, there are no women out here... - Out! 92 00:04:05,920 --> 00:04:07,957 ...man of integrity, old-fashioned values. 93 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:09,911 One tries. One tries. 94 00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:11,997 And I've been trying my best of late 95 00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:15,032 to live up to the values you represent as a father. 96 00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:17,720 Well, it's a hard act to follow, Mark, hard act to follow. 97 00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:20,832 Which brings me to the purpose of my visit. 98 00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:24,555 Now, I know I've made mistakes in the past but I'm a different man now. A better man. 99 00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:27,638 And I'm interested in being more than just Kenzo's father. 100 00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:31,394 I'd also like to be...Janey's husband. 101 00:04:31,440 --> 00:04:34,000 Plot twist. 102 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:37,670 You see, I want to ask Janey to marry me so the three of us can be a proper family. 103 00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:39,870 Why would you want me living with you?! 104 00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:41,877 Kenzo. 105 00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:43,354 Kenzo, yes, sorry! 106 00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:45,073 (CHUCKLES) 107 00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:50,069 So, from a father who can only hope to measure up to your standards, 108 00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:54,398 I'd like your permission to ask for Janey's hand in marriage...sir. 109 00:04:54,440 --> 00:04:56,272 Well, you have it, sir. 110 00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:58,789 You have it indeed. 111 00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:00,069 Thank you! 112 00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:03,636 And I promise to repay your largesse by making your daughter 113 00:05:03,680 --> 00:05:05,159 as happy as you make Susan. 114 00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:08,238 Ooh...aim a little higher, OK? 115 00:05:08,280 --> 00:05:09,270 A -little higher. 116 00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:13,119 Craig! 117 00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:17,069 I'm afraid you've just missed Janey. 118 00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:20,715 - Actually, I came round to talk with you. - Coffee? 119 00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:22,159 Er, sure. 120 00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:26,998 Yeah, there's something I wanted to discuss with you. 121 00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:29,998 - You're a good woman, Susan. - Yes, I know. 122 00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:31,553 And beautiful. 123 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:32,954 If you insist. 124 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,434 You know, they say... 125 00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:37,791 - Milk? - Er, sure. Yeah, they say... 126 00:05:37,840 --> 00:05:39,069 Sugar? 127 00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:40,474 Er, yeah, yeah. 128 00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:43,990 They say that if you want to know what a woman will look like when she's older, 129 00:05:44,040 --> 00:05:47,829 just take a look at her mother and, er, standing here with you now, 130 00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:50,394 I just know that Janey's only going to get more and more divine. 131 00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:52,556 They do say that, don't they? 132 00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:54,113 Sit. 133 00:05:57,240 --> 00:06:00,153 Um, the thing of it is, 134 00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:05,149 I love Janey, and I know I don't have much to offer her in the way of fancy things - 135 00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:07,555 you know, cars and jewellery - 136 00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:12,356 but I want to grow old with her and I want to get your blessing 137 00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:14,630 to ask Janey to marry me. 138 00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:18,518 Isn't it traditional to ask the father for his blessing? 139 00:06:18,560 --> 00:06:21,439 Ah, traditions were made to be broken... 140 00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:23,835 especially when Benno is the father. 141 00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:25,518 You have my blessing. 142 00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:27,756 - Ask away. - Ah, thank you! 143 00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:29,950 Thank you, Susan. I'm going to make Janey so happy. 144 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:32,514 And my husband so mad. 145 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:35,393 It's a win-win for all of us. 146 00:06:35,440 --> 00:06:37,636 - Biscuit? - Oh, sure. 147 00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:41,429 Hang on. You're not going to hit 35 148 00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:45,189 and metamorphose into some misanthropic misogynist, are you? 149 00:06:45,240 --> 00:06:47,754 I don't know any of those words. 150 00:06:48,840 --> 00:06:50,399 Welcome to the family, son. 151 00:06:55,840 --> 00:06:58,593 # I've got big news. # 152 00:06:58,640 --> 00:07:00,074 Not as big as my news. 153 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:02,509 - I don't think so. - Oh, but Ido. 154 00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:05,916 I bet your news is crap news compared to my news. 155 00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:08,474 My news will slice up your news like a salami. 156 00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:11,558 OK, well, I had a little visit today 157 00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:14,319 from a certain gentleman caller of Janey's. 158 00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:15,839 - You did? -Idid. 159 00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:17,439 And did he ask you for something? 160 00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:19,835 - He did indeed. - And? 161 00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:21,598 I gave him my blessing. 162 00:07:21,640 --> 00:07:24,109 - You did?! -Idid. 163 00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:25,753 Oh, Ben. I am so proud of you. 164 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:27,837 I invoke pride in others, "tis true. 165 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:30,030 What's your news? 166 00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:33,198 He came round to the house and asked me for my blessing, too. 167 00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:35,516 - He did? - Mmm, he did. 168 00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:36,595 - Are you upset? - No. 169 00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:39,109 No, no, no. I mean, it's traditional 170 00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:43,233 that the father's blessing carries more weight but, er... 171 00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:47,319 I thought my blessing would have been blessing enough, but... 172 00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:49,078 For a sneeze, maybe(!) 173 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:51,111 Anyway, let's not argue. This is good news. 174 00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:53,390 - It's great news - the best. - Yes. So you're happy? 175 00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:55,590 - Very. You? - Very. 176 00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:57,392 I wonder where Janey and Craig will go on honeymoon. 177 00:07:57,440 --> 00:07:59,795 Well, I hear Morocco... Janey and Craig?! 178 00:07:59,840 --> 00:08:02,514 - Yes, why? - You mean Janey and Mark? 179 00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:04,233 Mark?! 180 00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:06,749 Mark asked for your blessing to marry Janey? 181 00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:08,757 Yes, and I gave it. 182 00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:10,029 But they're not even dating! 183 00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:11,559 Well, they should be. 184 00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:14,796 I can't believe you gave Craig your blessing! 185 00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:17,400 - Craig and Janey are in love. - So were we and look how that turned out. 186 00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:19,238 Don't you want Janey to be happy? 187 00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:22,750 When did marriage have anything to do with happiness? 188 00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:29,751 - I guess I'm sleeping in the spare room. - Yes, you are. 189 00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:35,119 Morning. 190 00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:41,435 What are you two fighting about today? 191 00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:43,391 Nothing. 192 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:46,034 What makes you think we're fighting? 193 00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:47,832 You're in the same room. 194 00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:49,951 It's just that your m... 195 00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:52,276 A friend of ours is having a little problem. 196 00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:54,038 Well, actually, their daughter does. 197 00:08:54,080 --> 00:08:57,118 Yes, it seems that she's going to get two marriage proposals 198 00:08:57,160 --> 00:08:58,355 from two different guys. 199 00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:00,835 (CHUCKLES) What a slapper! 200 00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:06,239 Well, her father wasn't around much. 201 00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:11,593 Yes, and her mother is an overbearing control freak. Anyway, 202 00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:13,870 apparently, this woman has got to decide between 203 00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:16,150 the responsible, working father of her child... 204 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:18,191 Or a cute, fun-loving Australian. 205 00:09:18,240 --> 00:09:21,278 (COUGHS AND SPLUTTERS) 206 00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:23,231 Mark and Craig want to propose to me?! 207 00:09:23,280 --> 00:09:25,112 Who told you? 208 00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:26,912 How do you two know this? 209 00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:29,839 Well, because Mark, being a proper gentleman, 210 00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:32,952 came to me and asked for my blessing in the traditional manner. 211 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:36,880 And Craig, knowing your father to be an imbecile, asked me for my blessing. 212 00:09:36,920 --> 00:09:39,992 Wow! Well, this is kind of cool. 213 00:09:40,040 --> 00:09:42,714 Two men want me and it's not even Friday night. 214 00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:45,798 So tell me, when they do get round to asking, 215 00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:49,071 who do you think you'll go with? Mark, or Craig? 216 00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:50,599 - Mark? - Or Craig? 217 00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:52,472 - Mark? - I honestly don't know. 218 00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:54,670 It depends on what they have to say, how they say it, 219 00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:56,552 and how I feel when they do. 220 00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:58,238 I guess my heart will answer for me. 221 00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:04,637 My guy is going to win. 222 00:10:04,680 --> 00:10:09,231 My guy is going to win, OK? So in your face, Susan! 223 00:10:09,280 --> 00:10:10,475 Stop it. Stop it, Ben. 224 00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:13,672 This is not about you and me, this is Janey's life we're talking about. 225 00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:15,199 It's time for us to step back. 226 00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:17,436 What, so we stay out of it, yeah? 227 00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:19,437 Leave the decision to the kids, right? 228 00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:20,470 Precisely. 229 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:21,794 - Completely? - Entirely. 230 00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:23,319 - Done? - Done. 231 00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:26,112 Thanks for the coffee... 232 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:28,673 ...darling. 233 00:10:28,720 --> 00:10:31,155 You're welcome...sweetheart. 234 00:10:37,560 --> 00:10:38,550 (PHONE BEEPS) 235 00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:40,590 Susan? 236 00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:43,750 Ben? 237 00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:45,949 Who were you calling? 238 00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:48,196 No-one. Who were you calling? 239 00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:50,436 No-one. 240 00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:52,357 Then why did you pick up the phone? 241 00:10:53,840 --> 00:10:54,910 I was just about to clean it. 242 00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:58,949 OK. Bye, then. 243 00:11:06,760 --> 00:11:08,717 - Susan! - Janey is marrying Craig. 244 00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:10,717 - Over my dead body. - Oh, fine! 245 00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:12,080 We'll find someone else to walk Janey down the aisle. 246 00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:13,918 She is marrying Mark! 247 00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:14,950 - Craig! - Mark! 248 00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:15,990 - Craig! -M..! 249 00:11:16,040 --> 00:11:18,509 - Aw... - Oh, I'm so stupid, I forgot my keys. 250 00:11:18,560 --> 00:11:20,836 - Ah, lovely. - Yes. 251 00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:23,190 - Mm... Mark! - Craig! 252 00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:24,833 - Look, Susan... - No, you look, Ben. 253 00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:26,075 I am going to help Craig 254 00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:29,351 put a marriage proposal together that will make Janey swoon. 255 00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:32,199 - Yes, from nausea, no doubt. - Oh, you think you can do better? 256 00:11:32,240 --> 00:11:36,154 Look, I do know a thing or two about asking a woman to marry me. Remember? 257 00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:39,113 As I recall, you were so drunk, you muttered something 258 00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:42,710 about two lives becoming one before heaving and passing out. 259 00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:45,320 As I recall, you said yes. 260 00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:46,998 - I was drunk, too. - Oh... 261 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,838 (KNOCKING) 262 00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:51,235 - Hi. - Hello, Janey. 263 00:11:51,280 --> 00:11:52,554 What's up, Rog? 264 00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:57,276 Oh, I'm just making the most of my week off. How are you, Janey? 265 00:11:57,320 --> 00:11:59,709 Yeah. 266 00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:03,071 Oh, sorry, sorry, Rog, my mind was somewhere else. 267 00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:05,157 - Oh, my mind does that, too. - Yeah. 268 00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:06,759 Slips out for a coffee. 269 00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:09,235 Never know if it's going to come back or not. 270 00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:12,318 No, it's just I've got a decision to make. 271 00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:15,352 A big decision. Involving love. 272 00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:19,638 Don't talk to me about love. 273 00:12:19,680 --> 00:12:20,670 Love and I are... 274 00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:24,315 (JUMBLED GROANS) 275 00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:31,400 Your father said that somewhere out there is the woman for me, 276 00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:33,511 but where on earth do you start? 277 00:12:33,560 --> 00:12:36,871 Oh, don't give up hope, Rog. 278 00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:40,550 The right girl for you could be a lot nearer than you think. 279 00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:45,037 Dad's in the kitchen. 280 00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:48,152 BEN: I would be happier if Roger asked Janey to marry him! 281 00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:57,190 - Hello. - See you at the wedding... 282 00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:01,551 ...Dad, Mum. (CHUCKLES) 283 00:13:07,360 --> 00:13:10,955 All right, Craig, listen up. You're going to have to get your head out of the clouds 284 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:12,832 and your arse in gear if you want to win this thing. 285 00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:14,075 Win this thing?! 286 00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:15,269 I mean, make Janey happy. 287 00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:19,518 I-I can't tell you how much it means to me, you helping me out. 288 00:13:19,560 --> 00:13:22,393 It's not always that easy for me to express what I'm feeling. 289 00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:26,593 A man who can't express his feelings? I don't believe it. 290 00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:28,278 Well, I'm here to help. 291 00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:31,119 Now, I know money is tight, so I've got a ring for you. 292 00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:34,152 Oh, but I already have a ring. 293 00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:38,433 It's, um, it's simple, it's modest, it's elegant... 294 00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:40,278 It's crap. 295 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:44,154 Here. This is white gold with an antique amethyst and diamond inlay. 296 00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:45,793 Janey will love it. 297 00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:47,558 Wow! Thanks. 298 00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:49,637 I can't believe you're being so generous. 299 00:13:49,680 --> 00:13:52,433 Well, I'm not. It's Ben's. It belonged to his grandmother. 300 00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:54,676 She and Benno must have been pretty close, eh? 301 00:13:54,720 --> 00:13:56,870 No, he won it off her at poker. 302 00:13:56,920 --> 00:14:02,359 Now, you want to take Janey out to a nice place for dinner to propose. 303 00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:05,552 No girl wants to be asked the most important question of her life 304 00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:08,114 - at Chicken Cottage. - Right. 305 00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:10,037 Yeah. So what are you thinking? 306 00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:12,276 Nando's? 307 00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:14,914 You know what? I'll make the reservation for you. 308 00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:17,110 There's a wonderful French restaurant 309 00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:19,515 that Ben takes me to whenever he screws up. 310 00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:21,471 We eat there a lot. 311 00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:26,400 So I guess you'll be wanting to hear my proposal? It's still a bit rough... 312 00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:29,717 Oh, well, just let me hear it, and I'll tweak it a bit. 313 00:14:29,760 --> 00:14:30,909 Right. OK. 314 00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:39,271 Janey, my heart was cold until your warmth filled it. 315 00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:43,075 My world didn't turn until you walked beside me. 316 00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:45,157 You're the sunlight on my face, 317 00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:49,592 the air in my chest and the beauty in my life. 318 00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:53,474 There's no words to convey all that I feel for you, 319 00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:57,753 so I guess "I love you" will just have to make do. 320 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:00,911 Will you marry me? 321 00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:03,831 Oh, who am I kidding? 322 00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:06,434 It's all a bit rubbish, isn't it? 323 00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:12,475 It's a start... 324 00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:13,840 It...is...it's... 325 00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:17,231 ...it"s definitely a start. 326 00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:19,918 I really appreciate your help here, Ben. 327 00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:23,669 I'm a businessman. I know how to write a contract, 7of a marriage proposal. 328 00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:26,360 Mark, just relax, OK? 329 00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:31,918 When it comes to matters of the heart, you are talking to the love doctor, OK? 330 00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:32,950 Now, what have you got? 331 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:37,756 Thought I'd just speak from the heart, tell Janey I had feelings for her. 332 00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:39,552 Even feelings of love. 333 00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:44,310 No, no, no, that's se been done. Come on, what else have you got? 334 00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:48,957 Well, um, I suppose I could tell her I've been working really hard, 335 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:51,469 had a fair amount of success, 336 00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:53,591 earn a six-figure sum, got a boat... 337 00:15:53,640 --> 00:15:56,154 - Dinghy? - Yacht. 338 00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:59,955 ...a chateau in France and a small estate in Argentina 339 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:02,594 which we're really excited about, because the winery has had 340 00:16:02,640 --> 00:16:06,349 a great first year and we're exporting to America and... 341 00:16:07,920 --> 00:16:09,638 Who am I kidding? 342 00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:11,717 Janey's not going to be impressed by that, is she? 343 00:16:13,680 --> 00:16:17,275 It's a start... It's... definitely a start. 344 00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:23,431 (PHONE RINGS) 345 00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:31,234 Yeah? 346 00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:34,112 ...Hmm? Chez Maurice? 347 00:16:35,680 --> 00:16:37,717 No, I've not made a reservation. 348 00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:41,073 Oh, my wife did. 349 00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:42,758 Why? What have I done wrong? 350 00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:47,237 What? Oh, for my daughter? 351 00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:50,318 It's for Janey. Ah, right. 352 00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:56,277 Yes, thanks very much for calling to confirm. 353 00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:01,637 - Who was that on the phone? - Nobody. 354 00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:03,637 Nobody? 355 00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:05,637 Nobody. Why do you ask? 356 00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:08,115 - No reason. - Mm-hm? 357 00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:10,719 Why are you acting so strangely? 358 00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:13,479 I'm not acting strangely. What about you? 359 00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:14,919 You have anything to feel guilty about? 360 00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:16,473 Why should I feel guilty? 361 00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:18,591 You're the one on the phone to nobody. 362 00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:19,835 Was I? 363 00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:22,076 Why are you answering my questions with questions? 364 00:17:22,120 --> 00:17:24,680 -AmI? - Yes. 365 00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:26,199 - Really? - Stop it! 366 00:17:27,760 --> 00:17:29,273 I swear, you get weirder by the day. 367 00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:30,276 Do I? 368 00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:53,073 Mark? 369 00:17:53,120 --> 00:17:56,112 Thank you, yes, it's me, "Sir", yes. 370 00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:59,869 Mark, listen, meet me tonight at Chez Maurice, 7.30, Chiswick High Road. 371 00:17:59,920 --> 00:18:02,560 Yeah. Yes, good boy, good boy. 372 00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:04,910 This time tomorrow, Janey's going to be the new Mrs... 373 00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:09,279 ...whatever your name is. 374 00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:16,790 Craig, is everything OK? 375 00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:18,672 Yeah, yeah, why wouldn't it be? 376 00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:20,791 You just seem a little nervous. 377 00:18:20,840 --> 00:18:23,275 What would I have to be nervous about? 378 00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:24,799 I don't know. Maybe... 379 00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:26,513 you wanted to ask me something? 380 00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:30,918 Ah, well, actually, er, Janey, the thing of it is... 381 00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:32,030 Yeah? 382 00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:33,070 I-L, um... 383 00:18:33,120 --> 00:18:35,396 Monsieur, are you ready? 384 00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:39,320 Stop rushing me, please! For the love of God, I'll do it in my own time, OK?! 385 00:18:39,360 --> 00:18:42,478 I meant are you ready to hear tonight's specials? 386 00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:46,229 Right, er... can you give us another few minutes? 387 00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:50,797 I will await our next conversation with great enthusiasm(!) 388 00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:54,195 So, you were saying... 389 00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:56,880 Ah, yeah. Janey, I, um... 390 00:18:57,920 --> 00:19:00,753 Janey, you're the most... 391 00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:02,598 that I've ever and... 392 00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:04,233 and I'm well, you know, 393 00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:08,751 for the most part, and since we're both...you know? 394 00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:12,430 So, yeah, what do you say? 395 00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:16,631 You didn't actually say anything. 396 00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:20,036 Really?! Really? I thought I made a heap of good points there. 397 00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:22,196 Listen, I'm going to use the ladies', 398 00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:25,437 so why don't you think about what you want to tell me, huh? 399 00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:32,799 You stay here. I'll get rid of the wombat. 400 00:19:34,360 --> 00:19:36,237 Craig! Oh, thank God, I've found you! 401 00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:39,113 - Ben! What are you doing here? - It's OK, it's OK, it's, er... 402 00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:41,436 Look, I know we've had our differences, all right, 403 00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:43,153 and I know how much you mean to Janey, 404 00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:44,998 but I'd hate to see you deported. 405 00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:46,838 - Deported?! - Ssh! Ssh! 406 00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:49,872 - All right. It's OK! - What are you talking about? 407 00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:52,514 It's just that immigration turned up at the house, 408 00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:54,756 apparently a bit of a mix-up vis-a-vis a visa. 409 00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:56,154 Vis-a-vis a visa? 410 00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:59,079 Yeah, exactly, and it sounds pretty serious. 411 00:19:59,120 --> 00:20:01,111 But it's all a big mistake. My papers are all in order. 412 00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:02,230 - Yeah, I know. - What should I do? 413 00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:05,432 I think you should get over to the house, go and sort it out, let nothing stop you. 414 00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:07,551 Right! Oh, will you tell Janey I had to go? 415 00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:09,352 I would be delighted to tell her you've gone. 416 00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:10,390 Thank you, Ben. 417 00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:12,192 See you later. Good luck! Good luck. 418 00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:14,231 Mark! (WHISPERS) Ssh, ssh, come here! 419 00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:18,079 Make me proud, son. 420 00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:22,437 (SIGHS) 421 00:20:22,480 --> 00:20:23,834 Mark? 422 00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:27,714 What are you doing here? Is Kenzo OK? 423 00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:30,639 Yeah, don't worry. He's fine. Um... 424 00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:31,909 Where did Craig go? 425 00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:33,997 He had to go sort something out. 426 00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:37,834 Janey, er, it's just... 427 00:20:39,120 --> 00:20:40,519 ...I really need to talk to you. 428 00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:42,073 Can you join me? 429 00:20:42,120 --> 00:20:43,872 OK... 430 00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:51,638 The thing is, Janey, um... 431 00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:55,150 when two people have known each other as long as we have, 432 00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:59,717 they develop a certain... fondness and, um, 433 00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:03,833 one hopes that that fondness can turn into something other than... 434 00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:07,712 ...fondness. A deeper... 435 00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:09,990 fondness, for example. 436 00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:11,713 BEN: Focus! 437 00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:14,149 Right, um... 438 00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:17,272 We've been through a lot together, Janey. 439 00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:20,312 We're both parents to that amazing little man. 440 00:21:20,360 --> 00:21:23,478 And because of that, I thought...we... 441 00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:25,079 Yes? 442 00:21:25,120 --> 00:21:27,236 Can I get you anything, madam? 443 00:21:27,280 --> 00:21:30,238 How about a man who can ask me a question? 444 00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:32,191 (SIGHS) 445 00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:36,711 - Craig, what are you doing here? - Ah, it's a little emergency. 446 00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:38,797 - I'm being deported. - What? 447 00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:39,910 Yeah, your old man was good enough 448 00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:42,236 to come down the restaurant and tell me about the immigration guys. 449 00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:44,840 Did he, now? How very thoughtful of him(!) 450 00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:45,995 Where are they? 451 00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:48,953 - You're coming with me, Craig. - But my visa! 452 00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:53,437 Trust me, if anyone's leaving the country, it'll be Ben. 453 00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:56,677 W-what I'm trying to say is, 454 00:21:56,720 --> 00:22:00,156 you know, not to put too fine a... If you look at the bigger picture... 455 00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:02,510 You do know this place shuts at eleven, right? 456 00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:07,432 - Janey... - Yes? 457 00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:09,118 ...you are a wonderful woman. Will you...? 458 00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:11,310 Where is he? Where is that idiotic husband of mine? 459 00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:13,873 Ah, never mind. 460 00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:18,512 - This one's on you. - What are you doing?! 461 00:22:18,560 --> 00:22:21,029 Oh, I'm so sorry, I have a drink problem. 462 00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:22,673 What's going on? 463 00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:24,074 What's everyone doing here? 464 00:22:24,120 --> 00:22:26,157 - Mark is about to propose to you. - What?! 465 00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:29,511 - No, Craig is about to propose to you. - What?! 466 00:22:29,560 --> 00:22:31,551 Go on, Mark. Do it before Craig, then his won't count. 467 00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:32,590 Wait a minute, hold on. 468 00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:33,675 What the hell are you two doing here? 469 00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:36,189 She secretly invited him for dinner to get Mark out of the way. 470 00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:38,834 And he threatened Craig with deportation to get him out of the way. 471 00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:41,110 - Because I don't want her to marry Craig. - And I don't want her to marry Mark. 472 00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:42,559 Sorry, how about what I want?! 473 00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:45,353 Never mind what you want, it's not important! Now come on, do your thing. 474 00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:47,471 Um, Janey, you mean everything to me. 475 00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:50,558 Look at the size of that, Janey! 476 00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:52,113 You know what they say about men with big diamonds. 477 00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:53,639 They're overcompensating. 478 00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:55,034 Size is very important, Susan. 479 00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:56,354 Don't I know it(?!) 480 00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:58,710 I can't believe you two. You've actually taken sides. 481 00:22:58,760 --> 00:23:02,310 No, we haven't. Craig, get on with it, do your thing. 482 00:23:02,360 --> 00:23:04,397 Janey, I can't live without you. 483 00:23:04,440 --> 00:23:08,752 Janey, he will literally die without you. Do you want that on your conscience? 484 00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:11,918 - Janey, IL... - Oh, please, look at the size of this! 485 00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:14,474 That's so small compare... This is my grandmother's ring! 486 00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:15,669 You snooze, you lose. 487 00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:19,873 This is a family heirloom, Susan. I'm going to have to take this off eBay now. 488 00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:21,752 Just shut up, OK! You're all mad! 489 00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:23,757 Come on, do your proposal, do it! 490 00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:26,679 - CRAIG AND MARK: So will you marry me? - BEN AND SUSAN: ...him? 491 00:23:26,720 --> 00:23:28,711 I can't believe this. You're both ruining this for me! 492 00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:31,798 I must ask you all to leave, maintenant! 493 00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:35,231 Mesdames et messieurs, I do apologise for this disturbance. 494 00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:36,270 I can only assure you 495 00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:39,597 the rest of the evening will be free of this circus freak show. 496 00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:41,358 (MARIACHI BAND PLAYS) 497 00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:49,192 - Janey Harper, will you m...? - (BAND FALTERS) 498 00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:55,233 Well, um, this is awkward. 499 00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:59,519 I thought this was a Spanish restaurant. 500 00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:10,958 Oh, come on, Janey, let me explain! 501 00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:13,116 - We're so sorry, darling. - What the hell is wrong with you two? 502 00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:16,516 I am a grown woman. I don't need you deciding who I should spend my life with. 503 00:24:16,560 --> 00:24:18,790 You hear her, Ben? It's not for you to decide. 504 00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:20,194 - You too, Mum. - Oh. 505 00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:22,356 I mean, what makes you think you can run my life better than I do? 506 00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:23,595 It's a gift. 507 00:24:23,640 --> 00:24:26,234 And what the hell were you two thinking, taking advice on marriage 508 00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:28,157 from my parents, of all people?! I mean, look at them! 509 00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:30,396 Yeah, look... Steady on, Janey! 510 00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:32,590 This was a big moment in my life and you two mucked it up beyond repair. 511 00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:34,836 I mean, how much worse could this night get? 512 00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:37,872 (MARIACHI BAND PLAYS) 513 00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:45,471 Janey Harper, will you marry me? 514 00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:49,516 (BAND FALTERS) 515 00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:51,198 So, Janey, what's the decision? 516 00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:54,073 Look, Mark, you're a good friend and a great dad to Kenzo, 517 00:24:54,120 --> 00:24:55,952 but I don't want to marry you. 518 00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:58,116 And Craig, I don't want to marry you either. 519 00:24:58,160 --> 00:24:59,878 - And Roger... - She's reconsidered. 520 00:24:59,920 --> 00:25:01,672 ...we've never talked for more than ten minutes, 521 00:25:01,720 --> 00:25:03,518 and you're dressed like a Spanish bandit. 522 00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:05,756 So everyone just leave me alone, OK? 523 00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:08,873 (DOOR SLAMS) 524 00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:12,470 ...I didn't hear a no. 525 00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:21,517 (SIGHS) 526 00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:26,516 - Craig, I just need a minute. - Please, Janey, hear me out. 527 00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:29,632 I just need to ask you something. 528 00:25:29,680 --> 00:25:30,909 Craig, don't... 529 00:25:30,960 --> 00:25:32,314 Janey, please, 530 00:25:32,360 --> 00:25:35,193 I want to speak for myself for once. 531 00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:37,356 I have to ask you a very important question. 532 00:25:39,040 --> 00:25:40,553 Will you date me? 533 00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:42,839 What? 534 00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:48,239 Janey, I love you and I do want to marry you, but not right now. 535 00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:50,317 You know, there's plenty of time for that. 536 00:25:51,360 --> 00:25:54,193 I just want to keep things the way they are. 537 00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:59,679 So will you do me the honour of messing about down the pub, 538 00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:02,712 having a laugh and being my girl? 539 00:26:04,760 --> 00:26:06,637 Twill 540 00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:10,799 (GIGGLES) 541 00:26:10,840 --> 00:26:13,719 All right, shall we go out there and tell them we've sorted things out? 542 00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:16,036 Oh, Craig, you still have so much to learn. Come on! 543 00:26:17,080 --> 00:26:18,832 - Pub? - Yes. 544 00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:20,996 (DOOR OPENS AND SLAMS) 545 00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:25,073 I guess we've learnt an important lesson. 546 00:26:25,120 --> 00:26:27,077 Couldn't agree with you more. 547 00:26:27,120 --> 00:26:29,191 Which lesson's that? 548 00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:31,834 We shouldn't interfere in other people's love lives. 549 00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:34,156 I don't know, I don't know. With all our experience 550 00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:37,556 at dealing with matters of the heart, I think we could really help someone. 551 00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:42,030 Mind you, some people are really beyond help. 42334

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