Original subtitles

You tried to kill Kevin.

Help! Help!No! Shh!

[Clank, woman shouts]

Chuck's been cheating on me.

I'm offering you something real.

Being with you is going to save me?

It'd be an improvement.

No, no, no. Patti --

I brought him to the hospital.

Having him sedated in there is better

than dead in my basement.

At least now you're free to focus

on whatever you're doing to Kevin.

Somehow, I made him famous. I can't kill him.

I'm stuck here like this until I die.

I figured it out.

I know what we're going to do.

[Computer beeps]Damn it!

[Monitor beeping]Allison: Neil.

[Indistinct announcement on PA]

Neil.

[Clatter]Hey.

Jesus.

Oh, the nightmare continues.

You're out of the basement. It's an improvement, right?

Like I'm supposed to thank you?

Patty got me here.

Uh, no.

No, both of us decided that that had to happen.

Please. With what I have over you?

Here's the thing, Neil -- you don't have anything over me.

I own you. What makes you think --

We never tried to kill Kevin.

You did.

You paid Nick to break in and shoot Kevin in his sleep.

Wait, you hired that psycho?

No. We have no connection to him.

Neither of us have even met him before.

I'm just a helpless housewife.

But you -- you have a record,

and you knew Nick from way back.

You were on the hockey team with him at Burncoat, right?

Me and 15 other guys.

Right, but none of them were advertising

the grudge they had against Kevin

to Detective Ridgeway on the morning of the break-in.

You came in yelling to my apartment

that Kevin had betrayed you.

So what?Patty: I know you know what this means.

All you have is a story, and it sounds insane.

And it doesn't really help that it's coming from you.

♪

So, I guess when you really think about it...

who owns who?

Patty: Do you really think that's gonna keep him quiet?

I don't know.

[Sighs]

[Indistinct announcement on PA]

Your neck looks better.

Yeah, 'cause I have like a pound of concealer on it.

I think maybe just keeping this all hidden right now

is the right thing to do.

What about after that?

It's not exactly true that we don't have a connection to Nick.

I have a longer-term solution.

Ah, is that what your voicemail was about?

It sounded like a riddle.

"I'm fine. Put it all on me. I figured it out."

Sorry, I think I was still a little drunk when I left that,

but, um...

there's a Dunkin across the street.

Let's go have some donuts and I'll fill you in, okay?

No.

Okay, not somedonuts. Adonut.

No. I mean...

[Whispering] I don't want to know what you're doing.

I really don't want to know anything anymore.

I'm trying to fix this.

And how does that usually go, Allison?

Look, this has been the worst 72 hours of my life,

and I meant it when I said I'm out.

Okay.

So, I'm gonna go home, I'm gonna get in bed

until they discharge him in the morning.

-Fine. -Please do the same.

♪

♪

[Laughter]

[Teakettle whistling]

Allison: Oh.

[Sobbing]

Tanya Iacono.

You remember Tanya?

'Course. Lost her virginity

to Jay McMahon in the bathroom at Chuck E. Cheese

in Fitchburg.

[Sobs]

Awful.

I feel for you.

I do.

But I'm usually the one catching the affair.

So, what are you looking for from me?

Well, this -- this was my niece's idea.

We wanted to see what kind of services

you offer to someone like Diane.

Someone who doesn't realistically

have the option of divorce.

I-I don't?

It's expensive. It would take years.

It would take Chuck actually letting you leave.

So, um, do you just look into people,

or can you kind of order off the menu?

So you're looking for a way out?

Well, I --Yes. Yes.

Um, I have heard of women, you know, getting out.

They just disappear.

People assume that they -- that they died.

So, how realistic is that?

You ever see "Snapped"?

No.

Do I look like someone who would watch that?

I'm just saying, doing it is realistic.

Diane getting away with it's another thing.

I'm sorry. I-I'm not even sure I want to leave Chuck,

and now I'm on "Snapped"?

No, no, no, no, no. But, um --

[Cellphone ringing]Oh.

Ugh. He's calling.

Ah.Do -- Do you believe?

Yes?

Oh, you have got to be kidding me.

[Laughs]

Yeah. Well, it's not my fault

you don't know where the can opener is, okay?

I don't use it.

No, I did not hide it.

It is a can opener, not a Fabra-Jay Egg.

Excuse me for just a moment.'Course.

None of your business who I'm talking to.

Diane: Oh, well, that's something coming from you!

Someone who got more hair on your back

than you've ever had on your face!

Marriage, right?

Oh, yeah! Oh, no! Tell me another one!

So --It was real nice of you to bring your aunt down here.

Out of the kindness of your heart.

Yeah, well, she's family.

Yeah. She paid the $350 retainer to talk to me.

Moron!

Do you have $350?Moron! Yes.

Now you understand it?

I told you...

Feel free to come back when you do.

Move over!

Well, it's not my fault that we don't have better Wi-Fi!

[Keys clatter]

[Groans]

[Knock on door]

♪

[Knocking continues]

[Whimpers]

♪

Hi.

Hi. I know.

People who show up at front doors

without calling are very intense,

but the electricity is out at my place,

which means my phone is dead and my heat is off,

and I swear, if I spend one more minute there,

I might lose my little toe to frostbite.

Oh.And it's the cute toe.

The other ones kind of just look like peanut shells.

Gosh, they're all cute.

So you want to stay here?

Just until the power company gets its act together.

Unless it's a bad time?

Not at all. Come in.

Mwah.

♪

[Door closes]

♪

Hey, um, I'm glad we did this today.

The PI and the coffee.

I've missed you. Ah.

Yeah, you too, sweets.

God, you know, you ask for light with cream and sugar,

and they always skimp.

You know, I was thinking I'd get to see you even more

if, uh, I started working at the liquor store again.

I thought you got that cushy waitressing job at the diner.

Well, I do, but it's only part time, and I'm --

I'm just trying to save up right now.

Oh, yeah? For what?

Vacation.

Mm.

Well, I already hired Frankie DeLanzo's kid.

You know, he smells like one of those teen stores at the mall,

but, uh, he does not quit on me in the middle of a workday.

Ah. If you need cash quick, you know,

why don't you just hock something?

Like at a pawnshop?Yes.

It's a perfectly respectable thing to do.

Compared to what?

Oh, look, I needed money for girls' weekend at Foxwoods,

and Chuck said no, so what did I do?

I, uh, pawned his gold chain.

He hadn't worn it in 10 years.

Didn't even notice.

Maybe we can find something else of Chuck's.

Well, Chuck thinks a can opener's valuable, so...

Does Kevin have a gold chain?

No, Kevin says man jewelry is for "I-talians."

[Laughs]

Oh. You know, maybe there's something in the storage unit.

What storage unit?Oh, it's Chuck's.

Kevin put a bunch of his valuables in there

after the break-in.

♪

Any way you can get me in there?

Uh, I mean, I'd have to steal Chuck's key.

So, sure. Yeah.

♪

♪

♪

Tammy: You don't have to clean for me.

What? But you're a guest,

and guests are blessed and deserve your best.

[Chuckles]

Allison says that.

♪

♪

I'm donating it.

And others.

You've been reading that one for a while.

I need a Red Bull.

You want anything?

Is that Neil?

♪

[Door opens, closes]

♪

Hey.

♪

Hi.

♪

What are you doing out here?

They discharged me early.

Okay, um, it's --

it's freezing out, so go inside,

'cause you look --

♪

Well, you've looked better.

Really? 'Cause, you know, I feel terrific

after getting bottled and bleeding from the head for --[Door opens, closes]

Tammy: Hey.

How's it going, Neil?

I was just telling Patty, it's been a rough couple days,

but really nice of you two to check in.

And Allison.

Hi. Hi.

Hi.Hi.

Hi.

♪

This is fun.

♪

So, what do you think of my new haircut?

I love it.

Sometimes a transformational haircut

can be a good thing, right?

Sometimes.

Yeah, well, wasn't really my choice.

Doctors shaved a weird patch to staple a giant wound.

Oh!

I'm so sorry. I, uh --

That -- It looks so painful.

I'm just -- I'm sorry that happened.

Yeah, that is pretty gross.

Tammy, can you believe I got such bad food poisoning,

I passed out and hit my head on the tile floor of the bathroom?

Yes. He had that, uh --

He had that thing that I had.

The bug.

A few days ago.

Yeah, that bug.

Yeah, that bug.

♪

Okay, well, if you need anything,

we're right downstairs.

Yes. I will just...

-Oh. Sorry. -Sorry.

-Bye. -Bye.

-Okay. -Bye, there. Bye.

Mm-hmm.

[Door opens]

[Screaming][Glass shatters]

[Groans]

♪

♪

♪

Allison, you home?

Oh, Neil?

Kev! Oh, buddy!

[Laughs]

Oh, I'm sorry I was gone for so long.

I appreciate that, but maybe you should apologize

for this hair first. Oh, my gosh.

I mean, I know this is never what somebody wants to hear

right after a haircut, but what happened?

I actually --I mean, 'cause you have

the general vibe of a sad dog in a cone.

That's true. A lot went down --

Like, you know how they say that sore thumbs stick out?

You actually look like that.

Like -- Like a big, red, angry, sore thumb.

What the hell happened, man?

I, um --

I passed out when I got food poisoning and cracked my head.

I-I had to get stitches.

It hurts so --I was gonna guess

that you got gum stuck in there

when you passed out in a gutter.

Oh, God! I was close!

But I'm -- I'm fine.

I'm back, and I will always be here for you.

Well, that is excellent, if not a little intense.

But it's actually, uh, got me thinking.

You know, as a newly minted

and very, very busy local celebrity,

I'm -- I'm quite overwhelmed.

I-I get it, man. I mean, I feel like --

You know, I have this big interview coming up,

I've got ribbon-cutting ceremonies,

and, of course, I still have my regular 9:00-to-3:00 job.

And I'm big enough to admit when I need help.

Help sounds great. Yeah, thank you.

Which is exactly what I wanted to hear,

because I have the opportunity of a lifetime for you.

I choose you to be my altar boy.

My go-to guy.

My Girl Friday!

Except I'm a boy.

Except you're a boy. [Laughs]

You are gonna be my new official assistant.

Oh. A distraction does sound pretty good.

Great! But the job is devotion, Neil.

You'll put your own problems aside

and think of only me, 24/7.

That sounds...

amazing.

Ah! Oop!

Both: I'll have what she's having!

Blblblbl!

[Both laugh]

Alright, well, enough with this nonsense.

You're on the clock. Get me some pizza rolls.Okay.

♪

Welcome to Chuck's super-crucial storage unit.

40 bucks a month because he wouldn't throw away

an airplane propeller coffee table.

Uh-huh.

Kevin's stuff's over there. [Sighs]

You okay, D? Oh, yeah.

I always burst a blood vessel if I cry too hard.

So what are we looking for again?

We are looking for a stupid goddamn...

Wade Boggs rookie card.

I wonder how much of our rent he spent on this.

You got these?

Ah. Yeah. Grandma left them to me.

I used to wear them all the time until I met Kevin

and he said they made me look like

a poor man's Wilma Flintstone.

Those are the same ones, huh?

Yeah, I always figured they were fake.

You used to wear them to work at the Packie under your smock.

Yeah.

♪

I like them.

Eh. I do see the Wilma Flintstone thing.

Kevin's still gonna say something.

♪

[Vehicle approaches]

You know what?

I don't care.

[Vehicle door opens]

♪

Oh, my God. It's Neil.

Um, shoot! Shoot!

♪

Hey.

'Sup?

I'm just here to grab Kevin's lucky Red Sox hat

before I pick up his hot sauce samples.

I'm Kevin's assistant now.

Yeah, uh, that's, uh --

I was just here to pick up...

my can opener.

Ha!

My can opener.

You wanna see?

Sure. Oops.

Neil: Dropped it.

Oh, shiny.

♪

It's nice.

Yeah. Well, you know, just --

Yeah. I'm gonna...

Okay. Yeah, it's in one of these boxes somewhere.

I'm gonna open a can.

Okay.

♪

Bye.

♪

Diane, who knew?

Ow. Stupid --

Alright, where are you?

♪

♪

Chinese.

Fun.

♪

Are you okay?

Yeah. Yeah.

Fine.

I'm great.

♪

So, work's been a lot.

That guy who broke into Allison's?

He had some weird pill bottle on him when he did.

The only one not from Fiore's.

That's weird.

It's just one of those things that you'll never understand

and you have to let go.

Every case has them.

But this guy...

I don't know.

He was weird?

Yes, it feels like an itch.

♪

Mm. Not that one.

Has cashews. So?

So you hate cashews.

Yeah, but how do you know that?

Because I pay attention.

♪

I thought you wanted to quit.

I changed my mind.

♪

[Dog barking in distance]

-Hey. -Hey.

♪

Nope, nope, nope! You're banned from the kitchen.

Pip-pip, get out of here.

Can I be pip-pip banned from the whole house?

It's just the next two hours, okay?

I need space. I'm prepping for my big newspaper interview.

You're drinking while wearing tiny glasses.

That's not prepping.

Ah. I should have known.

You always act all high and mighty

when you wear those pearls.

What, you think you're better than me?

Yes.

Well, do you have a huge interview

with the Worcester paper?

No. And it's gonna decide whether the Worcester Wild Dude

is a flash in the pan or a household brand.

Like Coca-Cola but for Wild Dudes.

I think that's Mountain Dew.

Oh, wait, wait. Uh --

Oh, just let me be banned.

Uh, my dad says that the Wild Dude

is more aspirational if he's not married,

so if you see the interviewer, we're cousins, cool?

Well, being related to you is less pathetic

than being married to you, so...

♪

[Indistinct conversations]

♪

Hello.

♪

Allison.

Okay, so you're still upset.

What do you mean?You only call me Allison when you're pissed off at me.

That's not true.

Yes, it is.

You also like to play with things on the counter

when you're feeling flirty.

You're like...

Shoot. Jesus, Allison.

Shoot!

See? [Chuckles]

♪

I know that we both, uh, said some things the other day --

Said?

Yelled. We yelled some things the other day.

Mm-hmm.

But we've known each other so long.

Can we just try?

♪

Yeah. Sure.

Good. Great.

So, Sam, how are you?

♪

I'm good. How are you?

Mm.

I'm good.

♪

Well, in the same of our deep and longstanding friendship,

um, I'm in a bit of a tough position right now,

and I need some money, so I was hoping that --

Okay, I'm gonna stop you.

Um, I'm sorry you're going through

whatever you're going through today,

but, uh...

I can't give you your job back.

W-What?

No, I-I was just -- I was gonna ask you

if your uncle still owns that pawnshop in Sudbury.

But I-I don't work here anymore?

You didn't want my help anymore, right?Well, I never said that.

Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah, you yelledit.

Look, I-I know I-I've been a lot lately, okay?[Chuckling] Okay.

But I really am trying, okay?

All I want is to be Allie again.

♪

I understand.

But I can't work with you anymore.

Fine.

And my uncle who owned the pawnshop died.

Great.

No. I -- I'm so sorry that he di--

that he has passed on.

He was very nice.

♪

[Door opens]

[Door creaks]

Neil?

Neil!

What are you doing?

I need a hat.You're wearing a hat.

I know I'm wearing a hat, but I need a different one.

I promised Kevin I'd find his vintage Red Sox hat,

but I went to the storage unit and dug through everything,

and it still wasn't there!

Ah, shit!

Shut up.

Tammy is right downstairs.

[Breathing heavily]

Neil? Neil.

Please.

Please don't say or do anything stupid, okay?

If you start this thing with Allison,

it's just gonna cause you more trouble.

And you're already --

If you need help or something...

...I'm around.

♪

Get out.

♪

I said get out.

♪

♪

[Door opens]

[Door closes]

[Siren wailing in distance]

You got to wait till this one closes.

Ah.

[Rock music playing]

-What's in there? -Smirnoff.

-And? -Ice.

You want my help here or not?

Yeah. Sorry. Yes.

♪

Hello.

♪

Hello. Uh, we would like to pawn an item.

Yep. No shit.

Hey, James.

Diane. Hey.

Um, sorry to hear about Chuck and Tanya.

Yeah, so we're looking to get about $400.

That's Wade Boggs. Rookie card.

It's worth at least that.

♪

I could do $275.

Okay, she's my niece, okay?

You can't screw her over. So come on, $375.

♪

Fine, but don't tell anyone I go easy on you.

♪

All this for a vacation, huh?

You really think a weekend in Branson is gonna fix everything?

Worcester's a trap, Diane.

Well, that's a nice thing to say to someone who still lives here.

So do I.

Doesn't mean we can't leave.

[Keyboard clacking]

♪

Yeah, um, I can't give you anything for this.

I'm actually gonna have to take it.

Take it and not give me any money?

That's not how -- not how pawn works.

Yes, thank you, but this is stolen.

Oh, no. It -- No. It's not.

Um, it's my husband's.

So, legally, it is mine.

Property-wise. 'Kay?

It's not -- It is not stolen.

Maybe you didn't do it, but this was stolen.

It's in a database here as belonging to Brenda Daly.

Stolen eight years ago.

See the back right here? "To Brenda."

♪

I'm gonna have to report this to the police.

Oh. N--

♪

[Laughs] You are not.

[Both laughing]

[Laughs nervously]

Who do you think I am?

That do-gooder Timmy Cray over at Pawn-Porium?

[Laughter]

But, um, I am gonna have to take this.

God damn it, Kevin.

♪

You know, I've actually been in the newspaper before.

Once upon a time, I was Worcester's largest baby,

14 pounds, 12 ounces.

Natural delivery, of course.

Wow. That's...

Wow. Yep.

My head stayed pretty much the same size

since the day I was born.

Tip of the hat to your mother.

She's dead.

Uh, feel free to include all of this in the article.

Ah, yes, my, uh, assistant is back.

Hi. I'm Kevin's assistant and fun partner, Neil.

Bad news. I couldn't get the hat.

Did you even look for it?Well, of course I did, but --

"Buts" are for excuses and strip clubs, Neil.

Did you at least bring my buffalo sauce samples?

I sure did. No "if"s, "and"s, or "asses."

Ah.

Okay, gimme, gimme.

A local bar is naming a wing sauce after me,

but so far, none of these samples

have been nearly hot enough.

These sauces have simply been too mild

for the Worcester Wild...

Dude.

You want to, uh, write that down?

Nah.

Um, Neil, uh, why don't you go grab us some, uh,

afternoon tea and leave the room?

Yep. On it. Of course.

[Exhales sharply]

What's this?

Uh, I'm gonna get out of here.

Why? I have a work thing,

and then, um, I'm gonna head to my brother's.

He's got a pullout.

His kid won't shut up about "Frozen,"

but he's got a pullout.

Dude, you don't --

If you want to stay here, you can stay here.

[Scoffs]

Do you want me to stay?

Yeah.

[Sighs] U--

♪

[Sighs]

♪

Neil: Hey, give me that.Allison: No, stop.

Give me. That's not yours.

Aah! No, no!

Aah! Aah!

Give me that. Hey, hey.Stop! Stop!

Give me my phone.

[Screaming]

[Glass shatters]

[Teakettle whistling]

♪

Neil, why does the kettle sound like

Allison trying to explain something to me?

Sorry. I-I drifted.

Neil, what did I say about drifting?

Both: "It's only for cars in the Tokyo-based installment

of the 'Fast and the Furious' franchise."

Right. It was true then, it's even truer now.

Come on, bud. I need you to get focused.

I know, I know. I'm trying.

A-And you've been such a wonderful, if demanding, boss.

But I need to get my head on straight.

I gotta tell you something.

Didn't you just tell me something, like, last week?

I mean, what else could there be?

Sh-- She's trying to kill you.

The reporter?

I mean, that is an awfully short skirt she's wearing.

No, no, no, no.

Not the reporter.

Allison.

Allison tried to kill you.

Oh, that? Oh, yeah, I knew about that.

What? Yeah.

I mean, Neil, what is marriage

if not a death sentence, right?

No, no, no, Kev, she tried --You know, that's actually a pretty good line.

I'm gonna say that to the lady reporter

to explain why the Worcester Wild Dude

has been a bachelor for life.

Let's go!No, Kev, wait.

She -- She hired --

But grab those drinks first.

Sorry about that. Ready when you are.

Okay. We are all set.

So, Kevin, what would you say is your best quality?

That's a wonderful question, Kelly.

I'd say that my best quality is probably my ability

to keep total cool in any situation.

Would you care to elaborate on that?

[Exhales sharply]

Oh, uh, a-are you okay?

Ah! A-Are the wings too spicy?

[Muffled] No. No. No.

No.

[Grunts] Uh, no, it's --

[Laughs] Good. It's just, uh --

Not too spicy. I love spicy.

[Laughs] I love spicy.

You know --

Aah!

Whoo! Is it hot in here?

[Breathing heavily]

Oh, God.

Ooh! Eyes! Ah!

It's, uh -- It's just my eyes are sweaty.

I got sweaty eyes.

Are you sure you don't need anything?

No, no, no. A brief --

I'll be -- be right back. I promise I'll be right back.

[Grunts] I'm great. Don't worry.

Alright, I got...

...the tea.

[Groaning]

Oh, it feels so good to get the cold cream

on the old money-maker, you know?

Now, what was your question?

♪

Hey, D, it's me.

Uh, I need to get into the storage unit again tomorrow,

'cause there's got to be some more of Kevin's stuff

I can hock.

Hock.

Yeah, hock. Ho-- It di-- didn't sound right.

Uh, anyway, call me back. Bye.

Kelly?

Oh, my God. Allison Devine?

Hi. Hi.

What are you doing here?

I'm interviewing this ridiculous guy --

Wait, what are you doing here? Do you live here?

Uh, yeah. That ridiculous guy is my husband.

Oh. Sorry.

Ah, it doesn't matter.

He's actually, you know --

The readers are gonna love him. I mean, it's Worcester.

Yeah, you bet. You bet.

So, uh, you work at the Chronicle.

That's cool.

Yeah.

You wanna come in, answer some questions with him?

No. No. He's all yours.

No one wants to read about me.

You were in the paper like every other week in high school.

Well, that was a long time ago.

Come on. I could put a little thing in there

about that relay junior year at Nationals.

We could relive our glory days a little bit.

I don't know if they're glory days if you come in second.

Well, we would have probably come in first that next year

if you hadn't have bailed.

[Chuckles]

I just mean -- I didn't get it.

You probably could've gone to college or something.

Maybe not BC but, like, a state school.

I never really thought about it.

What do you mean?

Everybody wanted to get out of here.

You at least had a shot.

No.

No, I really didn't.

♪

♪

♪

[Coughs]

Oh, thank God.

For a second, I wasn't sure it was you.

♪

I don't want to be me anymore.

♪

And I am so sorry, but I need your help.

♪

[Down-tempo music plays]

[Indistinct conversations]

♪

♪

Hi.

♪

-Officers, hello. -Hi.

I'll see you later?Okay.

Let us know if you need anything.Thank you.

Patty: Ugh.

♪

I'm sorry, is this a funeral?

You said you were at a work thing. I am.

Oh, you forgot to mention the people in mourning part.

Well, it's for Bram,

so there are really like only two people really mourning.

Both are his sisters, and both are as horrible as he was.

Uh, he was your partner.

Yes. He was from Charlestown,

and I was his gay, black, lady partner.

Oh.Guess how that went?

I cut him slack when he was alive, but that's done.

Besides, he died on the john.

It's hard to find that tragic, even with Elvis.

So, this is why you've been so sensitive?

I'mbeing sensitive?Yeah.

You left.

Okay, I get that you're new to this.

Women? Feelings.

I can deal with the commitment freakout or whatever,

but I'm not gonna stick around where I'm not wanted.

You are. You are. I --

Okay, I know I can be --

Resentful?

Stubborn?

Cold?

Okay, maybe don't guess.

I don't love sharing.

I'm bad at it. So, I guess --

I'm sorry. I was feeling a little invaded.

I remembered that you didn't like cashews.

Yeah. I obviously have a lot of shit to figure out.

Whoo! [Laughs]

Baggage.

I swear to you, I am working on it.

Because I really do want you around.

♪

A lot.

♪

Okay?

Okay.

♪

We really can't make out at a funeral.

You sure? Yeah.

But, um, you want to stay for a bit?

I mean, Bram was the worst, but he gave us an open bar.

I'd love to, but I can't tonight.

[Sighs]

Why?

Baggage.

But I swear, I'm working on it.

♪

You look good.

♪

I am so sorry for your loss.

-Thanks. -Thank you.

♪

Gentlemen, we are here to celebrate victory.

Somehow, I was able to rally and spin Neil's failure --

My failure?Yes, I'm glad you agree.

Your failure into an article that the newspaper lady

previewed as "Exactly what she expected."

Oh, and despite Allison blowing my cover about being married

and Neil's short yet disastrous tenure as my assistant --

Wait, I'm fired?Yes.

I-I'm glad you agree that you should be fired.

The Worcester Wild Dude continues his journey

towards fame and worldwide influence.

Oh, I feel dumber already.

Hey, where are you off to?

Hanging out with Patty.

Oh, she's still next door?

I assumed she'd moved in with the lady cop by now.

No, no. That's on the third date.

[Both laugh]

Leave her alone.Leave her alone.

Hey, uh, if you see Tammy over there,

will you tell her that the Worcester Wild Dude

wants to do a ride-along.

And I want a key to the city.Okay.

And a-a milkshake!

I love being famous.

[Both laugh][Bottles clink]

♪

[Dog barking in distance]

This guy couldn't have met you

in a well-lit coffee shop or an office or something?

Well, he picked the spot. I didn't want to put him out.

Are you that surprised I'm bad at negotiating?

No. Once, I saw you pay Kevin $20

so he wouldn't wear sweats to a wake.

Yeah, my cousin's, and he wore cargo shorts.

Well, I will let you do the negotiating from now for us.

Allison, no.

I am not here for us, okay?

I am helping you with this one last...thing.

Just say it. Fake my own death.

Because when you go, you're talking all this shit with you

and everything you dragged me into. I know.

Tammy is still asking questions about Nick.

We broke my brother.

Ever since I actually made the decision

to start talking to you,

I don't think that I've had one day that's felt normal.

Or easy.

You're pretty much a pain in my ass,

and most days...

...you suck.

I know that, too.

♪

Well, if you're gonna be angry drinking,

the least you could do is share.

It's vodka. You hate vodka.

How do you know that?

You said it once.

♪

Patty: Don't run.

-Stop. -Hi.

Took you long enough.

Sorry.

We had to walk.

To a deserted parking lot.

Can you do anything alone? Who's this?

Wh-- Protection.

For the deserted parking lot.

Well, this felt safest.

I can't go to my office right now or house.

Are you sure about this guy?

Chuck heard I met with Diane and thinks I helped her leave.

Took a bat to the Wagoneer.

Wait, what?

I love this car.

No, no, no, no. What do you mean "leave"?

Apparently, she's on the road to South Carolina.

Took off in the middle of the night, left Chuck a note.

God help her.

So [Sighs] the $350.

[Sighs] Yeah, um...

Well, this is, uh -- this worth a lot more than that.

You really are bad at negotiating.

You two seem like a lot of work.

But you have my services.

Great.So, what are you after?

Another cheating husband?

Maybe you want to track down your birth parents?

Uh, no. This is, uh...

much, much more complicated than that.

We're a lot of work.

[Laughter]

Hi. Hi.

[Laughter]

I'm Kevin.Run for your life.

[Audience laughter]

Patti: She's freaked out and doesn't want to go along.

It's just Allison. You really can't blow her off.

Wow. Sorry, I said I would try

with her, and I will.

This is your best bet for a new identity.

♪

Look for a name and background that works.

Who the hell is this guy?

♪

♪

♪

♪