All language subtitles for The.Villains.of.Valley.View.S01E03.WEBRip.x264-ION100

- Oh. And this one time

I made a hundred
clones of myself

so I could rob a
hundred banks at once.

Yeah, it was all fun and games

until one of his
clones got weird

and forced us to call him Papa.

What about that time
I used my sonic scream

to distract Captain Valor

so Jake could crush
him with a boulder?

That sounds violent.

It was.

So where was Colby

while you're all off doing
those horrible things?

With the babysitter.

Wait, supervillains
use babysitters?

Okay, fine. We left them
home to play with the rats.

I'd say I'm horrified. But
from what I know about you

that's pretty on brand.

Hearing these stories
just reminds me

that I never got
to be a villain.

I've waited my whole
life to get a power

so I can prove that I'm not
just the run of the family

and now I will never
even get a chance

to fight with the rest of you.

Yeah, that's rough.

Who wants to do a puzzle?

If you're trying to find
a new look, that ain't it.

I was looking for a
clean pair of socks

in the laundry
and this happened,

the dry Texas heat wave

must be affecting
my electrical power.

Static electricity. Urgh!

All You Need Is Love?

Hartley, how did your
shirt get in our laundry?

That's not mine.

It could be anybody's.

Eva, you better get cleaned up.

I ran into our neighbor
Mr. Tennyson at the store.

He said he's gonna swing by with
a housewarming cheese platter.

Why would you let
a complete stranger

invite himself into our house?

Were you not listening?

Free cheese.

You can't say no when
Mr. Tennyson wants to visit.

He's head of the
neighborhood watch

and he checks up on everyone

who moves in around here.

Then we better be careful.

We don't wanna make him
suspicious about us.

Don't worry. We'll let him
in. We'll take his cheese

and then we'll send
him on his way.

And then we'll tell him
we're gonna return his plate

but we never will.

Now that right
there, that's weird.

Relax, Jake. We know
how to act normal.

Oh.

Well, save me some cheese.

- Hey, what are you up to?
- Shh.

Let's see. What else
can I shapeshift into?

Oh, I know.

Stand back, superheroes,
or I'll chainsaw you,

as soon as I learn how to
pull my own starter cord.

This is lame.

I wish I could be
a real villain.

Poor kid can't even
pull his own cord.

I feel so bad for him.

He never even got a
villain name or a suit.

Aw, listen to you thinking about
someone other than yourself.

I have to do it
every once in a while

to make the selfishness pop.

You know, all he wants
is to be a villain.

There's got to be a way
we can make that happen,

- even for a day.
- Look, I feel bad too

but we're on the
run so we can't.

Hey, at least he's not sitting
around playing with the rats.

Randy?

Is that you, old friend?

Yeah, we got to help this kid.

It's good thing I'm
here to help you

get ready for
Mr. Tennyson's visit.

I found your weird devices
all over the house.

Yeah, I don't feel safe
without a face melter handy.

I got two next to the toilet.

These things melt faces?

Everyone but this one.

It's out of batteries.

Hey, do you have any
batteries I can borrow?

There.

There.

There.

Now everything around
here looks presentable.

Whoa. That hair is
even too big for Texas.

I got rid of the laundry.

And now the dryer is
affecting other things.

You know what? I'm sure we
can fix it with some hair gel

or a bucket of hair gel.

Or forget the gel and
just go with a bucket.

It's not just my hair.

Ouch.

Isn't your power to
control electricity?

Usually I can, but when
the weather is this dry,

everything I touch gets
a huge static shock.

On the plus side, I can roast
a chicken with my bare hands.

- Oh, he's here.
- Okay. I can fix this.

I'll go to the lair and
create a microclimate machine

that can add
humidity to the air.

So a humidifier?

No, a microclimate machine.

What's the difference?

This one will have more buttons.

So this is my big surprise?

School on a Saturday.

I canceled plans with
Randy the Rat for this.

I'm out of here.

Halt, evil doer.

It is I, The Honorable
Captain Valor,

and I'm here to make you pay
for your villainous crimes.

Hey, Jake.

How did you know it was me?

Same shoes, lame costume,

and I never met him before but
I'm pretty sure Captain Valor

doesn't wear Harry
Styles cologne.

He might.

- Jake, what is this?
- It's what we talked about,

Colby's villain experience.

Well, who gave you total
control of the planning?

- You did?
- You literally said

take care of it.
I don't wanna do

- any of the work.
- Yeah.

That does sound like me.

What do you mean my
villain experience?

We knew you were bummed about
never getting to be a villain,

so Jake and I wanted
to give you a break

from your otherwise
pointless life.

And congratulations, Colby.

You just completed your
first villain deed,

breaking into private property.

The door was unlocked.

We just opened it and walked in.

I mean, that's not even
breaking and entering,

that's just entering.

Well, the cleaning crew
just went on break.

So time for us to have some fun,

ooh, but not too much fun,

we don't wanna make
a mess for them.

I'm going home to
play with the rat.

No, Colby, wait.

We brought you here
to be a villain.

So go ahead.

Knock this clown on his butt.

Really? I could
take all my years

of frustration out on Jake?

Yup. And you can take
some of mine, too.

Okay. What can I
shapeshift into

that'll hurt him the most?

A rocket launcher?
Or a flame thrower?

A picture from his
leather pants face.

You know what? Why
talk about hurting him

when we could just do it?

Amy, you're supposed
to let him do it.

Sorry.

I'm not sorry.

Okay. So if we're
gonna play that game.

How about a little
villain training?

Since you've ever been
in a battle before,

here's a tip, best way to
attack your opponent is...

to catch them off guard.

Good one.

But here's a better one.

Aw, even the losers
got a trophy.

That's it. You're going down.

I'm gonna use that
cape to mop the floor with you.

Please don't, it's a rental.

Let's do this.

I thought you said
this was about me?

Not now, Colby. The
grown-ups are fighting.

Uh-oh.

Looks like the cleaning crew
is gonna be working overtime.

- Colby, are you okay?
- No, he's not okay.

You just attacked
an innocent child.

Well, I was aiming for
you, so technically

it's your fault for
jumping out of the way.

You're both to blame.
Now, could someone please

do something about my
leg? It really hurts.

Should we take him
to the hospital?

We can't. They'll ask
too many questions

that can expose our secret.

Plus hospitals make
me feel guilty.

I've put a lot of
people in them.

Why doesn't Colby just
shapeshift into an animal

and we take him to the vet?

I mean, I have caught him
on more than one occasion

licking himself.

That's actually not a bad idea.

That way they can fix his leg
without us getting caught.

No way, I'm not doing that.

Okay. And I'll
just fix your leg.

Ow!

Okay.

But if I'm gonna
turn into an animal,

it's gonna be something rad.

Hi, we're here to have
our pet looked at.

Okay. What kind of animal is it?

It's a bobcat.

We don't take bobcats.

Oh, well, in that case it's a...

No, no.

Ew, no.

No.

That works. It's a turtle.

A lovely cheese spread
as always, Mr. Tennyson.

You could tell I care
because I added grapes.

Uh-uh. Not for you.

So, where are
Mr. and Mrs. Mayhem?

The cheddar is sweating.

I'm sure they'll
be out any second.

Really? Because it feels like
they're trying to avoid me.

The last people who
tried to avoid me

turned out to be smuggling
counterfeit yoga pants

out of their basement.

And what happened to them?

I called the authorities,
now they're in jail

and I'm doing tree
pose in style.

They thought they could
pull one over on me. Wrong.

I'm gonna go check
on Mrs. Mayhem.

If you're looking for a
hiding spot, that ain't it.

You have to get out there.

Mr. Tennyson just told
me he put the last people

who made him
suspicious behind bars.

But Vic's machine
isn't done yet.

I still can't control my power.

Just cover your hair.

- Right.

And don't touch anything.

Right.

Sorry.

I got it now.

- What does this do?
- No.

No. Uh-uh.

Not for you.

Oh, hello.

Oh, Mrs. Mayhem. Finally.

Allow me to officially welcome
you to the neighborhood.

- Oh.

Why don't we just sit?

So tell me about these cheeses.

Well, they weren't
aged when I got here

- but they are now.

Now, on the left, we
have a hard cheese,

which I really, really love.

I also brought a wide
selection of Italian cheeses,

my particular favorite.
I have Burrata.

I have Pecorino.

I have Romano.

I have got some Gouda over here.

Of course, I have
some Gorgonzola.

Some people pronounce
it Gorgonzola

but I think they're
absolutely wrong.

You know what? I've never asked
if your lactose intolerant.

You know, one time I did
bring a cheese platter

to somebody had a stomach issue.

It was a complete disaster.

But of course, I have a
Brie, which is very still.

Everybody loves Brie and grapes

in case people
don't like cheese.

And I heard you were English
so I brought a Stilton.

Oh, well. Oh, you're
the cleverest.

Uh-hmm.
Do I smell smoke?

- Nope.

No. That's just my
smoking hot husband.

No argument there.

Hey, Mr. T. Great
to see you again.

You should be good. The
climate machine is done

and I've dialed it
to maximum humidity.

Woo! Is it always
this balmy in here?

Uh, yeah. We like a
moist living room.

Who says that?
No one says that.

I think it feels, kind of, nice.

Come on.

How long does it take
to fix a turtle leg?

Well, Colby can be shy.

Maybe he won't come
out of his shell.

Excuse me?

Any chance you
could put him down?

- How is he?
- Your turtle is fine.

It's just a small leg sprain.

Are you sure?

He seemed pretty shell shocked.

Kid, my job is hard enough.

Jake, just pay the lady

so we can take our turtle
and get out of here.

I'm sorry but I can't
let you do that.

Why not? I thought
you said he was fine.

He is but in Texas,

that turtle is considered
to be a rare breed,

which means, you can't
keep him as a pet.

I'm sorry but animal control
is on their way to pick him up.

We can't let animal control
to take our brother.

Well, we could.

I'm just saying that one
time Dad accidentally

lost him at the mall.

It didn't really seem
like an accident.

We have to sneak
past that assistant

and get him out of here
before they show up.

Pfft. I got this.

Help! The raccoon
is eating my face!

The raccoon is eating my face?

You know, I work
dark. Let's go!

- Colby, where are you?
Over here.

How do we unlock this thing?

The locks are all controlled
by that computer over there.

Looks like we'll need
a five-digit password.

Crazy day, huh?
I know right?

- Someone's coming. Hide.
Oh, by the way,

I talked to animal control.

Not gonna work.
Not gonna work.

Animal control should be here
any minute for the turtle.

By this time tomorrow,
this little guy

will be at the
sanctuary in Costa Rica.

What?

Did that turtle just...

I need a day-off.

Get me out of here!

I can't go to Costa Rica.

All my videogames will be
in a different language.

That's all you care about?

Pretty much.

Jake, just use your super
strength to bust the cage open.

I can't. The sign says
the alarm will go off.

Well, you better do
something fast. Look.

We definitely have
to get him out.

Do you know how much
money we will make

on selling him to the circus?

Ugh, this humidity
is ridiculous.

The one day I didn't wear
a shirt with mesh vents.

Don't worry. It's just the A/C.

Mr. Mayhem is working on it.

Okay. I tweaked the unit.

This place should
be cool in no time.

I can feel the breeze already.

Oh! That A/C is powerful.

Refreshing.

This is it.

I don't know what's
going on at this house.

But something's not right.

No. Everything's fine.

Whoa!

- Just melt my face.

I can't watch anymore of this.

So my real head is
on a turtle's body?

Oh, wait till I tell the rat.

Must be the side effects
of getting your powers.

Not gonna lie. I, kinda,
like you better like this.

- With a turtle body?
- No. In a cage.

Thanks to you. I
might be stuck in one

for the rest of my life.

Don't worry. We'll get you out.

We just need to figure
out this password.

Try 12345.

Pfft. Rookie. No one uses that.

Lucky for you, Dad taught
me a little thing or two

about cracking passwords.

Wrong cage! Wrong cage!

I'm telling you. Try 12345.

Quiet, Colby. I got this.

I'm the one who taught Dad
how to crack passwords.

For an evil genius, he gets
locked out of his phone

way too much.

- Wrong cage. Wrong cage.

Are you doing this on purpose?

The first one, no.
The last two, yes.

Doctor, animal
control is here.

Guys, I'm begging
you. Just try 12345.

- Fine.

Oh, look
at that. I did it.

All right. Hurry up
and shapeshift back

so we can get out of here.

Oh, ow.

After you get out of the box.

- Okay.

What kind of air-conditioner
do you people have?

I'll go turn it down a bit.

Or not.

What's going on?

So much for staying
under the radar.

It's a dust devil!

My machine didn't
make that happen,

even I'm not that good.

I think it's Colby!

Oh! Well, I made him
so I am that good.

It sucking
off all the wind.

I have seen enough.

That was no A/C problem.

I know exactly
what's going on here.

- You do?
- No!

But your husband kept leaving
the room every five minutes.

Suspicious.

I smell smoke and you
pretended there wasn't any.

Suspicious.

And your living
room was steamier

than a tropical
rainforest in the summer.

Suspicious.

Now, I may not be able to
get to the bottom of this

but the police will.

Not so fast, sir!

You've just been pranked!

- Pranked?
- Yup.

Uh, we like to
prank our neighbors

to show them how fun we are.

I mean, you didn't really think
there was an actual dust devil

in our living room, did you?

Because that'd be...
That'd be crazy.

I know what I saw. At
least, I think I do.

Should the head of
the neighborhood watch

really be saying he
thinks he saw something?

Because that sounds suspicious.

- I see what you did there.
- Uh-hmm.

I mean, once I post
this video online,

it's gonna get
thousands of likes.

You are gonna be a
social media sensation.

Really? Me?

A star?

I've never been the
star of anything.

I can't wait to
call my sister Lulu

and rub it in her face.

You know, when I
first met this family,

I thought you were
all a little weird,

but now I see you're
actually a lot of fun.

We need that around here.

What about me and
grandma? We're fun.

Sure, you are.

I'm gonna go home,
put on a silk robe,

pour myself a nice
cold cup of something

and wait for Hollywood
to come calling.

- That was incredible, Colbs.
- That was amazing.

You just saved us
all. He's a superhero.

Way to ruin the moment, Hartley.

Colby, we're sorry about
what happened today.

Yeah. We tried to give you
a true villain experience

but it didn't go
quite as we planned.

It's okay. I appreciate
you guys trying.

I just have to face the
reality that we're here now.

And I'll never get a chance
to be a true supervillain.

You guys really messed up today.

Hey! They aren't the only ones.

It's about the kids
right now, Eva.

I feel bad. We were
supposed to be giving him

- the best day of his life.
- Yeah. I know.

I wish there was
something we could do.

Maybe there is.

All right. Come on out.

- What do you think?
- I love it.

Was I supposed to
wear underwear?

I never do.

And along with your
fancy new villain suit

comes your official
villain name.

Allow me to introduce
everyone to Flashform!

Oh, before we
forget your new suit

comes with this helmet.

Wow.

Now, you're
officially one of us.

Our supervillain family
is finally complete.

Great. Now, let's
take these things off

and get back to our
boring new lives.

An official supervillain.

Yes!

I think the helmet's stuck.

I can't get it off.

Mom?

Dad?

Randy!