All language subtitles for My Family - S10E07 - Ben Behaving Badly

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:15,845 --> 00:00:18,154 (TELEVISION IS ON) 2 00:00:18,205 --> 00:00:20,116 Hey, Dad. 3 00:00:20,165 --> 00:00:22,759 Mum asked me to come over and check on you while she's away. 4 00:00:22,805 --> 00:00:26,241 Ah, you know, that is so sweet. Bye! 5 00:00:29,085 --> 00:00:32,077 So I guess you didn't hear that last part. 6 00:00:32,125 --> 00:00:35,276 Do you mind if I hang out here for a little while? 7 00:00:35,325 --> 00:00:37,122 My flat still has some of Scott's stuff in it, 8 00:00:37,165 --> 00:00:39,633 - and it's kind of depressing. - Mm-hm. How is Scott? 9 00:00:39,685 --> 00:00:41,403 We broke up two weeks ago. 10 00:00:41,445 --> 00:00:44,801 You don't remember me coming over? I was a wreck. 11 00:00:44,845 --> 00:00:47,405 You were consoling me and telling me how things were going to be OK. 12 00:00:47,445 --> 00:00:50,596 No, yeah, right, I remember, that's right, because the new Top Gear 13 00:00:50,645 --> 00:00:53,239 was just about to start, that's it, 14 00:00:53,285 --> 00:00:54,877 and I was hoping you'd just... 15 00:00:56,565 --> 00:00:58,715 - ...be OK. - Good save. 16 00:00:58,765 --> 00:01:00,244 - Thank you. - Seriously, Dad, 17 00:01:00,285 --> 00:01:02,241 - I'm having a really hard time with this. - Mm-hm. 18 00:01:02,285 --> 00:01:04,594 I can't sleep, I can't eat. 19 00:01:04,645 --> 00:01:06,795 I could really use a hug. 20 00:01:06,845 --> 00:01:08,517 Yeah, well, your mum'll be back in a few days. 21 00:01:08,565 --> 00:01:12,001 Oh, good, Michael, you're here. Hi, Dad. 22 00:01:12,045 --> 00:01:13,876 Why don't you two give me the keys 23 00:01:13,925 --> 00:01:17,076 to your places and I'll go and watch my TV show over there? 24 00:01:17,125 --> 00:01:18,638 Listen, Michael, big favour. OK? 25 00:01:18,685 --> 00:01:21,483 Kenzo's sick and I'm supposed to watch one of my home care clients. 26 00:01:21,525 --> 00:01:24,323 If I cancel work, they're going to sack me. Can you cover for me? 27 00:01:24,365 --> 00:01:25,514 I don't know, Janey. 28 00:01:25,565 --> 00:01:26,759 Oh, please, Michael, come on, 29 00:01:26,805 --> 00:01:28,796 he's just an old guy who sits around and watches TV. 30 00:01:28,845 --> 00:01:30,244 - Does he have satellite? - Yeah. 31 00:01:30,285 --> 00:01:32,435 I'll go. 32 00:01:32,485 --> 00:01:33,713 Thanks, Dad, but I don't think so. 33 00:01:33,765 --> 00:01:35,915 Why not? I can look after an old man. 34 00:01:35,965 --> 00:01:38,081 No, it's just that this particular client's really tricky. 35 00:01:38,125 --> 00:01:40,275 He'll try just about anything to get out of the house. 36 00:01:40,325 --> 00:01:41,883 He's incredibly bright. 37 00:01:41,925 --> 00:01:43,643 So? I can look after this old guy. 38 00:01:43,685 --> 00:01:46,119 Hey, I'm incredibly bright too, you know. 39 00:01:49,205 --> 00:01:52,197 Seriously, Janey, come on, I can look after an old man, please. 40 00:01:52,245 --> 00:01:54,315 Look, I've learned a lot of things over the years, 41 00:01:54,365 --> 00:01:55,718 you know, dealing with you kids. 42 00:01:55,765 --> 00:01:58,677 Dad, I know you must have picked up a lot watching Mum raise us, 43 00:01:58,725 --> 00:02:00,602 but this guy is good. 44 00:02:00,645 --> 00:02:02,522 I went to the toilet once and he almost made it to the airport. 45 00:02:02,565 --> 00:02:05,955 Come on, Janey, you go and get Kenzo and I'll cover for you. 46 00:02:06,005 --> 00:02:11,204 OK, OK, but look, Dad, you have to promise me, under no circumstances 47 00:02:11,245 --> 00:02:13,076 - is he to leave the house. - Why? 48 00:02:13,125 --> 00:02:15,514 Because his daughter pays us a lot of money to look after him. 49 00:02:15,565 --> 00:02:18,637 - OK, understood. - (SIGHS) I can't believe I'm doing this. 50 00:02:18,685 --> 00:02:20,755 - Come on. - OK. Here's his address. 51 00:02:20,805 --> 00:02:21,920 Yeah, yeah. 52 00:02:21,965 --> 00:02:23,523 - And his keys. - OK. 53 00:02:23,565 --> 00:02:26,079 - His name's Harry. - Right, so off you go. 54 00:02:26,125 --> 00:02:29,595 Go and get Kenzo and I'll fill in for you. 55 00:02:29,645 --> 00:02:31,954 Oh, look, Dad, if anything happens, just... 56 00:02:32,005 --> 00:02:35,042 Janey, please, come on, I can handle this. 57 00:02:35,085 --> 00:02:36,564 (SADLY) Hi, everyone. 58 00:02:38,645 --> 00:02:41,113 I'm having a rough time missing Abi. 59 00:02:41,165 --> 00:02:43,838 Well, sorry, Roger, I've got to go. Look, Dad, you're a life-saver. 60 00:02:43,885 --> 00:02:45,876 Yeah, no, no, you're the life-saver. 61 00:02:45,925 --> 00:02:48,280 I could use a few hours talking about it... 62 00:02:48,325 --> 00:02:49,804 Bye, Mikey, bye. 63 00:02:52,445 --> 00:02:54,754 (KNOCKING AT DOOR) 64 00:02:54,805 --> 00:02:57,319 Hello! 65 00:02:57,365 --> 00:03:03,964 Oh, hello! The name's Ben Harper, Janey's father. You know, the carer? 66 00:03:04,005 --> 00:03:05,723 I'm standing in for her. 67 00:03:05,765 --> 00:03:08,757 (SHOUTING) Yeah. How are you? 68 00:03:10,325 --> 00:03:16,195 - Not deaf. - Oh, I'm so sorry. So sorry. (LAUGHS) 69 00:03:16,245 --> 00:03:23,117 Wow! Well, for a man who doesn't get out, you've got a lot of stuff. 70 00:03:23,165 --> 00:03:25,042 Blimey, where's all this from? 71 00:03:25,085 --> 00:03:27,918 Oh, travels around the world. I've had a good life. 72 00:03:27,965 --> 00:03:31,640 - Yeah? - Had a little adventure here and there. 73 00:03:31,685 --> 00:03:35,280 - Oh, Argentina. 1 973. - (BEN WHISTLES) 74 00:03:35,325 --> 00:03:37,793 I spent a summer taming stallions... 75 00:03:37,845 --> 00:03:39,517 - Whoa-ho! - (WHIP CRACKS) 76 00:03:39,565 --> 00:03:42,318 ...and some of the world's most beautiful women. 77 00:03:44,245 --> 00:03:48,124 Oh, right. Sounds like you've had a full and adventurous life, mate. 78 00:03:48,165 --> 00:03:50,395 Well, I'm sure you've had your share of adventures. 79 00:03:50,445 --> 00:03:52,037 Oh, yeah, yeah. 80 00:03:52,085 --> 00:03:54,201 Sure, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 81 00:03:54,245 --> 00:03:56,395 I mean, there was that time on the M25. 82 00:03:56,445 --> 00:04:01,280 Traffic...traffic backed up for miles, and I made a very cheeky move, 83 00:04:01,325 --> 00:04:03,202 Harry, really cheeky move. 84 00:04:03,245 --> 00:04:05,600 Went in the wrong direction, against the traffic. 85 00:04:05,645 --> 00:04:08,762 Mind you, found a little slip road onto the A4... (WHISTLES) 86 00:04:08,805 --> 00:04:12,354 ...which was for service vehicles only... 87 00:04:13,925 --> 00:04:16,314 ...but that's how I roll. 88 00:04:16,365 --> 00:04:18,435 How long have you been married, Ben? 89 00:04:18,485 --> 00:04:20,521 Ooh, it's got to be... 90 00:04:20,565 --> 00:04:24,080 er, oof...years. 91 00:04:24,125 --> 00:04:28,357 My wife was a sweet, loyal, caring woman. Yours? 92 00:04:28,405 --> 00:04:31,954 Yeah, for the sake of this conversation, yep, sure. 93 00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:34,917 - Kids? - Yeah, two. Boy, girl. 94 00:04:34,965 --> 00:04:37,684 I had three kids. 95 00:04:37,725 --> 00:04:39,955 But my oldest son we don't really talk about. 96 00:04:40,005 --> 00:04:44,442 That's right. Oh, I've got three as well! What am I saying? 97 00:04:44,485 --> 00:04:46,316 And now my kids feel I need to be 98 00:04:46,365 --> 00:04:49,721 watched all the time, like a child. I don't understand it. 99 00:04:49,765 --> 00:04:53,041 Well, you know, Harry, sometimes your kids want you to be safe. 100 00:04:53,085 --> 00:04:55,235 They want to control my life. 101 00:04:55,285 --> 00:04:57,276 - Oh... - Ben, I was wondering... 102 00:04:57,325 --> 00:05:01,796 No, no, no, Harry, please don't ask me that. I can't take you out. 103 00:05:01,845 --> 00:05:03,483 I was told you'd ask. 104 00:05:03,525 --> 00:05:06,198 Well, I was going to ask you to get me some water. 105 00:05:06,245 --> 00:05:07,883 I can still have water? 106 00:05:07,925 --> 00:05:11,042 Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. Absolutely. 107 00:05:11,085 --> 00:05:14,600 I'll...I'll just go and get you some, OK. 108 00:05:14,645 --> 00:05:16,124 I'll be right back. 109 00:05:24,765 --> 00:05:26,915 I'm still here! 110 00:05:29,925 --> 00:05:33,884 I miss the way Scott used to make me coffee every morning. 111 00:05:33,925 --> 00:05:36,393 I miss the way Abi used to burn herself 112 00:05:36,445 --> 00:05:38,117 on the coffee pot every morning. 113 00:05:40,205 --> 00:05:42,924 Look at me, I'm pathetic. 114 00:05:42,965 --> 00:05:45,718 I'm sitting around here like some loser who can't move on. 115 00:05:45,765 --> 00:05:47,596 This is just sad. 116 00:05:47,645 --> 00:05:50,921 This break-up is ruling my life and I'm an idiot for letting it... 117 00:05:50,965 --> 00:05:53,160 You can jump in here anytime you like, Roger. 118 00:05:54,725 --> 00:05:58,001 Mmm? Oh, right, sorry. Well, look at me. 119 00:05:58,045 --> 00:06:00,843 It's been months and months of not being able to get over Abi. 120 00:06:00,885 --> 00:06:04,958 I try, but inevitably I end up walking over to herjewellery box, 121 00:06:05,005 --> 00:06:09,874 opening it, and watching that tiny ballerina spin around and around... 122 00:06:09,925 --> 00:06:13,076 sometimes in an almost mocking fashion. 123 00:06:13,125 --> 00:06:15,081 I'll just stand there sometimes 124 00:06:15,125 --> 00:06:19,357 and look at this stupid picture that Scott gave me of us on my birthday. 125 00:06:20,925 --> 00:06:22,836 Sometimes I pretend he's talking to me. 126 00:06:22,885 --> 00:06:25,240 Sounds a little unhealthy. 127 00:06:26,805 --> 00:06:30,923 You know what? I read somewhere that to help get over a relationship 128 00:06:30,965 --> 00:06:33,684 you've got to physically destroy an object that other person gave you. 129 00:06:33,725 --> 00:06:36,034 - Really? - You know what we should do? 130 00:06:36,085 --> 00:06:37,723 I should go get that picture, 131 00:06:37,765 --> 00:06:41,394 you should get Abi's music box, and we should smash them with a hammer. 132 00:06:41,445 --> 00:06:43,913 Oh! Well, that sounds very liberating. 133 00:06:43,965 --> 00:06:46,843 I know a couple of guys who are losers who can't move on, 134 00:06:46,885 --> 00:06:48,682 - just like us. - Losers! 135 00:06:48,725 --> 00:06:51,717 We can get them to bring their stuff over and have a moving-on party. 136 00:06:51,765 --> 00:06:53,403 - (DIALLING) - Right... 137 00:06:53,445 --> 00:06:56,323 Hey, John, it's Michael. 138 00:06:56,365 --> 00:06:59,198 Oh, sorry, mate, don't want to interrupt your date. 139 00:06:59,245 --> 00:07:01,713 (DIALLING) 140 00:07:03,005 --> 00:07:05,280 Dan? Michael. 141 00:07:05,325 --> 00:07:07,600 You're on a date? With John? 142 00:07:09,685 --> 00:07:12,153 Sorry, mate, you guys have fun. 143 00:07:12,205 --> 00:07:15,277 - Call your friends. - Yes, yes, er... 144 00:07:15,325 --> 00:07:18,158 (LAUGHS) Oh... 145 00:07:18,205 --> 00:07:20,799 Oh, oh, damn this phone! 146 00:07:20,845 --> 00:07:25,123 I seem to have deleted all my contacts. 147 00:07:26,685 --> 00:07:29,153 Oh, I really need to get a new phone. 148 00:07:29,205 --> 00:07:31,435 Just go get the jewellery box. 149 00:07:31,485 --> 00:07:36,161 OK, now, er, don't think this is weird, but... 150 00:07:36,205 --> 00:07:38,958 I have it with me. 151 00:07:39,005 --> 00:07:42,520 I don't think you're weird. 152 00:07:42,565 --> 00:07:46,274 And that's me with Fidel Castro. 153 00:07:46,325 --> 00:07:49,044 - Beat him at chess. - Wow! 154 00:07:49,085 --> 00:07:51,883 And that's me fighting a bear. 155 00:07:51,925 --> 00:07:54,837 Oh, that...that is incredible. 156 00:07:54,885 --> 00:07:57,558 Ben, will you help me get some exercise? 157 00:07:57,605 --> 00:07:58,560 What do you mean? 158 00:07:58,605 --> 00:08:02,564 Well, I'd just like to walk around the room a little bit, if that's OK. 159 00:08:02,605 --> 00:08:05,915 Um, OK. Just one minute, one minute, wait. 160 00:08:08,045 --> 00:08:10,081 Can't be too careful. 161 00:08:10,125 --> 00:08:12,036 I'd like to walk over to the window, if you don't mind. 162 00:08:12,085 --> 00:08:14,235 Sure, sure. Take your time. 163 00:08:14,285 --> 00:08:16,196 Oh, oh, just to get some fresh air. 164 00:08:16,245 --> 00:08:19,555 It's been so long since I've been outside. 165 00:08:19,605 --> 00:08:23,644 - Yeah. - Oh, that's wonderful. 166 00:08:23,685 --> 00:08:26,040 It's great having you here, Ben. 167 00:08:26,085 --> 00:08:28,918 All they send me are young people who have no clue what I'm going through. 168 00:08:28,965 --> 00:08:31,001 Yeah. I just wish there was something 169 00:08:31,045 --> 00:08:35,038 - I could do to help you, Harry. - You could take me down to the shops. 170 00:08:35,085 --> 00:08:36,757 I can't do that. 171 00:08:36,805 --> 00:08:42,960 Yes, I suppose me buying my own puzzle book is too much to ask. 172 00:08:43,005 --> 00:08:46,395 It's just that I promised my daughter, Janey, that's all. 173 00:08:46,445 --> 00:08:50,404 Oh, so your kids are controlling you already! 174 00:08:50,445 --> 00:08:52,197 Oh, please, Harry. 175 00:08:52,245 --> 00:08:57,035 No, no, you're right. Even though you saw how slowly I walked, 176 00:08:57,085 --> 00:09:02,079 you can't make your own decision to make one old man happy. 177 00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:05,197 I tell you, Ben, that when the end comes, 178 00:09:05,245 --> 00:09:09,124 you can't go back and fix the mistakes you've made. 179 00:09:09,165 --> 00:09:12,282 Because it's so final, 180 00:09:12,325 --> 00:09:14,202 so desperately... 181 00:09:16,365 --> 00:09:18,117 ...final. 182 00:09:22,365 --> 00:09:24,640 Listen, Harry, if... 183 00:09:24,685 --> 00:09:26,357 Harry? 184 00:09:26,405 --> 00:09:28,635 Oh, my God. 185 00:09:28,685 --> 00:09:30,164 (WHISPERS) Harry? 186 00:09:32,525 --> 00:09:36,757 - Harry? - You see, that's as final as it'll be. 187 00:09:36,805 --> 00:09:39,524 Scary, isn't it? 188 00:09:43,325 --> 00:09:47,762 Right, Harry, one...one puzzle book and then it's straight home, all right? 189 00:09:47,805 --> 00:09:52,560 Thanks, Ben. I feel like I'm alive for the first time in years. 190 00:09:52,605 --> 00:09:54,994 Now, you stay there, cos I just want to find a place to park. 191 00:09:55,045 --> 00:09:57,195 - Hang on, there's a space there. - (HORN BLARES) 192 00:09:57,245 --> 00:09:58,473 Yeah, yeah, come on. Come on, move. 193 00:09:58,525 --> 00:10:00,004 Harry? 194 00:10:00,045 --> 00:10:01,558 Harry?! 195 00:10:01,605 --> 00:10:04,073 - (MOBILE RINGS) - Oh, no. 196 00:10:04,125 --> 00:10:09,597 Hi, Janey. Yeah, yeah, yeah, everything's fine. Yeah, yeah. 197 00:10:09,645 --> 00:10:12,318 He's having a little nap. 198 00:10:12,365 --> 00:10:15,038 Yeah, of course I can handle this. Yeah. 199 00:10:15,085 --> 00:10:18,282 - What do you think I am, an idiot? - (HORN BLARES) 200 00:10:18,325 --> 00:10:20,316 - Idiot? - No, not you, not you. 201 00:10:20,365 --> 00:10:25,041 Shh-shh, got to be quiet, dozing like a baby. 202 00:10:25,085 --> 00:10:26,996 Now let's get to it. 203 00:10:30,725 --> 00:10:32,602 - You go first. - You go first. 204 00:10:32,645 --> 00:10:35,284 - No, you go first. - You go first. 205 00:10:35,325 --> 00:10:37,236 Toss you for it. 206 00:10:37,285 --> 00:10:38,764 Heads. 207 00:10:40,685 --> 00:10:42,880 Tails. You lose. 208 00:10:42,925 --> 00:10:44,677 Very well. 209 00:10:45,725 --> 00:10:47,397 OK. 210 00:10:47,445 --> 00:10:49,436 Here goes. 211 00:10:49,485 --> 00:10:54,275 I smash this box to relieve the pain and suffering caused by Abi. 212 00:10:54,325 --> 00:10:55,883 It's time for me to move on. 213 00:10:55,925 --> 00:10:58,314 Time to move on from the heartache, 214 00:10:58,365 --> 00:11:01,516 the tears, the sleepless nights, the hours... 215 00:11:02,645 --> 00:11:05,842 - Michael! - I'm not done! 216 00:11:13,805 --> 00:11:15,284 Sorry. Your turn. 217 00:11:26,165 --> 00:11:28,235 Did I do it yet? 218 00:11:28,285 --> 00:11:31,118 No! Go for it, Roger. It feels great. 219 00:11:32,285 --> 00:11:35,083 I don't think I need to smash the box to move on. 220 00:11:35,125 --> 00:11:36,683 Goodbye, Michael. 221 00:11:36,725 --> 00:11:40,513 No, no, Roger. You mope around here like some pathetic animal 222 00:11:40,565 --> 00:11:43,955 with this ''I miss Abi'' speech every ten minutes. 223 00:11:44,005 --> 00:11:46,644 We're all sick of you, sick of you. 224 00:11:49,085 --> 00:11:50,564 I mean, 225 00:11:50,605 --> 00:11:52,197 here for you. 226 00:11:54,565 --> 00:11:57,841 (MUSIC BOX PLAYS) 227 00:11:58,925 --> 00:12:04,079 What do you mean you have a bad feeling about all this? Oh, stop it. 228 00:12:04,125 --> 00:12:06,685 Oh, hang on, Harry's just telling a joke. 229 00:12:06,725 --> 00:12:09,285 Hang on a second. Go on, Harry. (LAUGHS) 230 00:12:09,325 --> 00:12:12,761 Yeah, yeah, and then...? (LAUGHS LOUDLY) 231 00:12:12,805 --> 00:12:15,478 That is so funny, Harry. 232 00:12:16,525 --> 00:12:18,959 I really appreciate you being here, Michael. 233 00:12:19,005 --> 00:12:21,394 I feel like I'm on the verge of a breakthrough. 234 00:12:21,445 --> 00:12:24,039 After tonight, I'm going to be able to live my life again. 235 00:12:24,085 --> 00:12:25,996 Mates before dates, Roger. 236 00:12:27,045 --> 00:12:28,922 (DOORBELL RINGS) 237 00:12:32,485 --> 00:12:34,362 Scott? What are you doing here? 238 00:12:34,405 --> 00:12:38,193 I've been such an idiot, Michael. Can we give it one more chance? 239 00:12:38,245 --> 00:12:39,519 Absolutely. 240 00:12:41,125 --> 00:12:43,320 Bye, Roger. 241 00:12:43,365 --> 00:12:47,244 Sorry, Janey, I think I'll have to go, my battery's go... 242 00:12:47,285 --> 00:12:52,484 (IMITATES LINE BREAKING UP) ...dead. Bye. 243 00:12:55,205 --> 00:12:56,957 Where are you, Harry? 244 00:12:57,005 --> 00:12:58,518 Think, Ben. 245 00:13:00,085 --> 00:13:02,804 Where would you go? 246 00:13:07,925 --> 00:13:09,358 Ah-hem! 247 00:13:09,405 --> 00:13:11,043 Oh! Puzzle book? 248 00:13:11,085 --> 00:13:13,201 Strip club? Puzzle book? Strip club? 249 00:13:13,245 --> 00:13:15,076 Strip club. 250 00:13:15,125 --> 00:13:16,877 Of course. Let's get in the car and go home. 251 00:13:16,925 --> 00:13:19,075 Oh, relax, Ben. We're here already, it's raining outside. 252 00:13:19,125 --> 00:13:22,800 Now, please, one more Lady Gaga song. Look, I'll get you a drink. 253 00:13:22,845 --> 00:13:24,915 No, I'm driving, Harry. Come on, let's go home. 254 00:13:24,965 --> 00:13:26,478 Oh, fine. We'll go. 255 00:13:26,525 --> 00:13:28,720 I can tell they've got to you already. 256 00:13:28,765 --> 00:13:32,075 - Pardon? - You're already dead inside. 257 00:13:32,125 --> 00:13:33,319 What do you mean, ''dead inside''? 258 00:13:33,365 --> 00:13:37,563 One thing I learnt on my travels was wherever I was in the world, 259 00:13:37,605 --> 00:13:42,281 it was the same - men are born with a fire inside them, 260 00:13:42,325 --> 00:13:47,957 but you need to be careful, because that fire can slowly be extinguished. 261 00:13:48,005 --> 00:13:50,963 And your flame has gone out, my friend. 262 00:13:51,005 --> 00:13:53,838 There's not even a little flicker. 263 00:13:53,885 --> 00:13:56,957 That is not true, not true. I have a little...little flicker. 264 00:13:57,005 --> 00:14:00,395 (MUSIC BOX PLAYS) 265 00:14:09,325 --> 00:14:12,283 (MUSIC BOX PLAYS) 266 00:14:20,205 --> 00:14:22,878 (SILENCE) 267 00:14:27,565 --> 00:14:29,317 Goodbye, Abi. 268 00:14:33,045 --> 00:14:35,275 (MUSIC BOX PLAYS) 269 00:14:44,285 --> 00:14:47,402 Let me ask you, Ben. Do you have any regrets in life? 270 00:14:47,445 --> 00:14:51,961 Oh...! (LAUGHS) Yeah. 271 00:14:52,005 --> 00:14:53,358 Like what? 272 00:14:53,405 --> 00:14:58,957 Well... Er, yeah, but I, well... 273 00:14:59,005 --> 00:15:01,599 - Come on, seriously, tell me. - No, no, no... 274 00:15:01,645 --> 00:15:06,036 Well, it's just that...being a dentist wasn't my first choice. 275 00:15:06,085 --> 00:15:08,918 - I always wanted to be a... - What? 276 00:15:08,965 --> 00:15:13,163 A crooner, I mean, you know, like, a singer. 277 00:15:13,205 --> 00:15:16,038 Why was that so hard to say? 278 00:15:16,085 --> 00:15:17,598 - You know what, Ben? - Mmm? 279 00:15:17,645 --> 00:15:20,523 That's something we can do tonight. 280 00:15:20,565 --> 00:15:22,442 You are going to sing. 281 00:15:22,485 --> 00:15:25,204 - What, here? - No, no, no... 282 00:15:25,245 --> 00:15:27,236 I know a place. 283 00:15:28,565 --> 00:15:31,557 You can do this, Roger Bailey. 284 00:15:31,605 --> 00:15:33,357 You have to move on. 285 00:15:33,405 --> 00:15:35,396 (HE PANTS) 286 00:15:43,765 --> 00:15:45,642 I did it. 287 00:15:45,685 --> 00:15:51,043 I did it! Ooh, that felt good. 288 00:15:59,245 --> 00:16:04,365 ''To Ben and Susan, love from Roger and Abi.'' 289 00:16:13,005 --> 00:16:15,075 Abi used to love this. 290 00:16:21,845 --> 00:16:24,075 (LAUGHS MANIACALLY) 291 00:16:29,765 --> 00:16:33,235 Give it up for Sharon, ladies and gentlemen, yeah! 292 00:16:35,165 --> 00:16:36,678 - A toast. - Huh? 293 00:16:36,725 --> 00:16:42,118 Kwa hamodo chow den, whan dwang, chow hamodo. 294 00:16:42,165 --> 00:16:43,314 What's that? 295 00:16:43,365 --> 00:16:47,483 Well, I learnt it on the way to Russia on a Korean cargo boat. 296 00:16:47,525 --> 00:16:51,154 - Wow, what does it mean? - Don't let life get in the way of living. 297 00:16:51,205 --> 00:16:55,039 Wow. That... That is... That is beautiful. Cheers. 298 00:16:55,085 --> 00:16:58,873 OK, next up we have Ben Harper singing... 299 00:16:58,925 --> 00:17:02,122 - What? - ...Mr Bojangles. 300 00:17:02,165 --> 00:17:05,282 I signed you up, Ben, when you were in the loo. 301 00:17:05,325 --> 00:17:07,793 Go on. Live your dream. 302 00:17:07,845 --> 00:17:09,722 - But... But, Harry... - Oh...! 303 00:17:09,765 --> 00:17:12,279 This is your moment. 304 00:17:12,325 --> 00:17:14,202 Harry, I can't do this! 305 00:17:16,245 --> 00:17:20,033 ♪ I knew a man...Bojangles 306 00:17:20,085 --> 00:17:22,315 ♪ And he'd dance for you 307 00:17:22,365 --> 00:17:26,677 ♪ In worn-out shoes 308 00:17:26,725 --> 00:17:30,798 ♪ Silver hair, a ragged shirt and baggy pants 309 00:17:33,085 --> 00:17:37,203 ♪ He would do the old soft shoe 310 00:17:38,405 --> 00:17:40,919 ♪ Then he'd jump so high 311 00:17:40,965 --> 00:17:42,523 ♪ Jump so high 312 00:17:45,965 --> 00:17:49,514 ♪ Then he'd lightly, oh, so lightly... 313 00:17:51,165 --> 00:17:53,440 ♪ ...Touch down 314 00:17:53,485 --> 00:17:58,479 ♪ He told me of the times he worked with minstrel shows 315 00:17:58,525 --> 00:18:02,120 ♪ Travelling throughout the South 316 00:18:03,325 --> 00:18:06,874 ♪ Spoke in tears of 1 5 years 317 00:18:06,925 --> 00:18:09,962 ♪ How his dog and he 318 00:18:10,005 --> 00:18:13,759 ♪ Hey, they would travel about 319 00:18:14,965 --> 00:18:18,037 ♪ But his dog up and died 320 00:18:20,045 --> 00:18:23,640 ♪ Yeah, dog up and died 321 00:18:23,685 --> 00:18:27,564 ♪ After 20 years he, he still grieved 322 00:18:30,045 --> 00:18:31,922 ♪ He said 323 00:18:31,965 --> 00:18:35,844 ♪ ''I, I dance now at every chance in honky tonk 324 00:18:35,885 --> 00:18:39,321 ♪ ''For my drinks and tips 325 00:18:41,165 --> 00:18:46,444 ♪ ''Most of the time I spend behind these county bars...'' ♪ (LAUGHS) 326 00:18:46,485 --> 00:18:48,760 ♪ ''You see, son, I... 327 00:18:48,805 --> 00:18:51,000 ♪ ''I drinks a bit.'' 328 00:18:52,605 --> 00:18:55,165 ♪ Then he shook his head 329 00:18:56,845 --> 00:19:01,635 ♪ Oh, Lord, how he shook his head 330 00:19:01,685 --> 00:19:05,041 ♪ I could swear I heard someone say 331 00:19:05,085 --> 00:19:10,682 ♪ ''Please, please, that's Mr Bojangles 332 00:19:13,205 --> 00:19:17,995 ♪ ''Call him Mr Bojangles 333 00:19:19,285 --> 00:19:22,163 ♪ ''That's Mr Bojangles 334 00:19:22,205 --> 00:19:26,084 ♪ ''Dance, dance 335 00:19:26,125 --> 00:19:31,757 ♪ ''Oh, please dance for me 336 00:19:31,805 --> 00:19:39,758 ♪ ''Yeah, please dance again, Bojangles...'' ♪ 337 00:19:39,805 --> 00:19:43,241 (HE WHISTLES TUNE) 338 00:19:55,005 --> 00:19:56,677 It wasn't that bad, was it? 339 00:19:56,725 --> 00:19:58,124 It was, um... 340 00:19:58,165 --> 00:20:01,396 Ah-hem! You got an ''applause'' button on there? 341 00:20:01,445 --> 00:20:03,401 OK... 342 00:20:06,165 --> 00:20:07,518 Oops! 343 00:20:07,565 --> 00:20:12,275 The, er, the dog didn't really die. I mean, it's just a song. 344 00:20:12,325 --> 00:20:14,475 It's a song, isn't it? 345 00:20:14,525 --> 00:20:16,993 Isn't it, Harry? I mean, that's what I was... 346 00:20:17,045 --> 00:20:19,718 He's gone, he's gone! Harry! Harry! 347 00:20:20,805 --> 00:20:23,194 Seriously, mate, what is going on? 348 00:20:23,245 --> 00:20:25,918 Listen to you sing...or club...? Club. 349 00:20:25,965 --> 00:20:28,320 Yeah, well, come on, let's get in the car and go home. 350 00:20:28,365 --> 00:20:29,480 Well, can't we just...? 351 00:20:29,525 --> 00:20:32,198 No, we cannot, Harry. You're supposed to be at home. Now, come on! 352 00:20:32,245 --> 00:20:36,761 - OK. There's just one little problem. - Oh, no, what now? 353 00:20:36,805 --> 00:20:39,444 Well, I told a couple of friends of mine that I'd give them a lift home. 354 00:20:39,485 --> 00:20:42,045 - What? - Ben, this is Jade. 355 00:20:42,085 --> 00:20:44,041 - Hello! - And this is Michelle. 356 00:20:44,085 --> 00:20:47,316 Jade's my dancing name, my real name's Marcy. 357 00:20:47,365 --> 00:20:49,083 And Michelle's my dancing name. 358 00:20:49,125 --> 00:20:51,081 My real name's Bambi. 359 00:20:51,125 --> 00:20:53,844 Yep, course it is. 360 00:20:53,885 --> 00:20:56,160 (THEY LAUGH) 361 00:20:56,205 --> 00:21:01,074 Oh, now, that is a beautiful tattoo. 362 00:21:01,125 --> 00:21:03,400 - (HORN BLARES) - Sorry! 363 00:21:03,445 --> 00:21:06,084 Thank you. It's ancient Sanskrit. 364 00:21:06,125 --> 00:21:07,353 Oh, really? What does it say? 365 00:21:07,405 --> 00:21:08,918 ''I support Chelsea.'' 366 00:21:08,965 --> 00:21:10,956 Do you have any tattoos, Ben? 367 00:21:11,005 --> 00:21:13,360 'Fraid not. 368 00:21:13,405 --> 00:21:15,965 - Let's get tattoos! - Yeah! Brilliant! 369 00:21:16,005 --> 00:21:17,882 Well, I'm up for it. What about you, Ben? 370 00:21:17,925 --> 00:21:19,517 Wh...? Now? Where? 371 00:21:19,565 --> 00:21:21,123 I know a place. 372 00:21:21,165 --> 00:21:23,315 Look, can't you get septicaemia? 373 00:21:23,365 --> 00:21:25,925 Oh, yeah, they'll tattoo anything. 374 00:21:25,965 --> 00:21:27,444 Come on, Ben. 375 00:21:27,485 --> 00:21:29,953 - Or are you scared? - No, no, I'm not scared. 376 00:21:30,005 --> 00:21:32,155 I mean, it's a big step, come on, you know, I mean, 377 00:21:32,205 --> 00:21:33,923 I don't even know what I would get. 378 00:21:33,965 --> 00:21:35,921 I know - a chicken! 379 00:21:35,965 --> 00:21:38,843 (THEY CLUCK) 380 00:21:43,725 --> 00:21:46,285 Do we have to pick up every stray dog in London? 381 00:21:46,325 --> 00:21:48,839 Oh, come on. They're cute. 382 00:21:48,885 --> 00:21:52,798 Very romantic to get your wife's name on your backside. 383 00:21:52,845 --> 00:21:56,201 Yeah, well, she'll never see it. 384 00:21:56,245 --> 00:21:58,884 - I'm proud of you, Ben. - Me too. 385 00:21:58,925 --> 00:22:01,075 - Whoa, easy! - (MOBILE RINGS) 386 00:22:01,125 --> 00:22:03,958 Hang on, that's my phone. Could you get it? It's in my back pocket. 387 00:22:04,005 --> 00:22:07,600 Ooh, careful! Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, tattoo! Tattoo! 388 00:22:09,165 --> 00:22:10,723 It's my daughter. 389 00:22:10,765 --> 00:22:12,323 Yes, hi, Janey, hi. 390 00:22:12,365 --> 00:22:16,040 Yeah, yep. No, no, everything's fine, everything's fine. Yeah, yeah. 391 00:22:16,085 --> 00:22:20,078 You know... You know when you said you didn't think I could handle this? 392 00:22:20,125 --> 00:22:24,641 Well, as I sit here with an old man, two strippers, 393 00:22:24,685 --> 00:22:27,324 three dogs and a tattoo on my arse, 394 00:22:27,365 --> 00:22:30,721 I'm beginning to think you're right. Bye! Bye-bye! 395 00:22:30,765 --> 00:22:32,881 STRIPPERS: Bye! 396 00:22:32,925 --> 00:22:35,803 - Harry, can I ask you something? - Yeah, sure, Ben. 397 00:22:35,845 --> 00:22:38,439 You know all that stuff in your room from your adventures? 398 00:22:38,485 --> 00:22:40,237 - Oh, eBay. - Mm-hm. 399 00:22:40,285 --> 00:22:42,594 - And the photo of you and Castro? - Photoshop. 400 00:22:42,645 --> 00:22:44,636 Mm-hm. And the toast in Korean? 401 00:22:44,685 --> 00:22:46,243 Gibberish. 402 00:22:46,285 --> 00:22:49,357 Yep, yep, of course. Well played, Harry. 403 00:22:49,405 --> 00:22:50,997 OK, girls. Where do you live? 404 00:22:51,045 --> 00:22:52,683 Oh, um, I live in Leicester. 405 00:22:52,725 --> 00:22:54,204 I live in Brighton. 406 00:22:55,765 --> 00:22:57,596 Yep, course you do. Good. 407 00:22:57,645 --> 00:23:00,842 (SINGSONG) Oh, we're all going to Brighton! 408 00:23:03,125 --> 00:23:05,878 Harry, that's three-and-a-half hours on the motorway. It's killing me! 409 00:23:05,925 --> 00:23:08,393 - You'd better take care of that tattoo. - Ow! 410 00:23:08,445 --> 00:23:11,835 Keep it clean. I mean, that place looked a bit dodgy to me. 411 00:23:11,885 --> 00:23:13,443 Thanks. 412 00:23:13,485 --> 00:23:16,204 - Here. Let me check it out. - Ah...! Ah...! 413 00:23:16,245 --> 00:23:18,713 - Oh... Oh. - What do you mean, ''oh''? 414 00:23:18,765 --> 00:23:23,236 Well, I'm afraid he hasn't exactly spelt ''Susan'' properly. 415 00:23:23,285 --> 00:23:25,515 What do you mean? In what sense? 416 00:23:25,565 --> 00:23:28,443 - In that sense that says ''Jade''. - What? 417 00:23:28,485 --> 00:23:31,522 The bloke must have thought you two were married. 418 00:23:31,565 --> 00:23:33,795 - Oh, my God! - It's a fine job, if that's any help. 419 00:23:33,845 --> 00:23:35,676 Oh, thanks. 420 00:23:36,685 --> 00:23:39,358 Ah, er, 421 00:23:39,405 --> 00:23:41,919 Ben, this is... 422 00:23:41,965 --> 00:23:44,559 - my daughter, Janet. - Oh, hi. Hi. 423 00:23:44,605 --> 00:23:48,723 Um, Ben Harper, the...the carer. 424 00:23:48,765 --> 00:23:53,156 So, you've had my father out for a little night on the town? 425 00:23:53,205 --> 00:23:55,844 No, no, no. We just popped out to buy a puzzle book. 426 00:23:55,885 --> 00:23:59,844 - Show her the puzzle book. - Well, I left it in the, er... 427 00:23:59,885 --> 00:24:01,682 club. 428 00:24:01,725 --> 00:24:04,193 Oh, I've half a mind to take legal action. 429 00:24:05,365 --> 00:24:09,358 That's what I pay you people for, to keep my father in the house. 430 00:24:09,405 --> 00:24:11,680 - Look... Look, just let me explain... - No, look, this is terrible. 431 00:24:11,725 --> 00:24:13,443 I shall be calling the agency first thing in the morning. 432 00:24:13,485 --> 00:24:16,636 OK, fine, fine. Call them. But you know, let me tell you something. 433 00:24:16,685 --> 00:24:19,245 This man, this man, your father, 434 00:24:19,285 --> 00:24:23,517 is a good man and, er, he's taught me something tonight. 435 00:24:23,565 --> 00:24:26,762 I mean, I know he tricked me into all this, 436 00:24:26,805 --> 00:24:31,037 but...don't let life get in the way of living, eh, Harry? 437 00:24:31,085 --> 00:24:33,599 Thanks, mate, I should be paying you. 438 00:24:33,645 --> 00:24:35,203 I won't forget a thing you've told me. 439 00:24:35,245 --> 00:24:39,523 Oh, well, thank you so much, I'm glad someone had a good night. 440 00:24:39,565 --> 00:24:41,601 I just sat here and worried. 441 00:24:41,645 --> 00:24:44,113 - Now, please, just go. - OK, fine. 442 00:24:44,165 --> 00:24:45,723 I'll go. Kids, eh, Harry? 443 00:24:45,765 --> 00:24:49,121 - I'm sorry, Ben. It was fun. - Hey. Don't you apologise. 444 00:24:49,165 --> 00:24:50,996 And listen, I've had fun as well. 445 00:24:51,045 --> 00:24:53,275 You take care. 446 00:24:53,325 --> 00:24:55,555 Oh, what is this? 447 00:24:55,605 --> 00:24:58,073 You having dinner with JFK? 448 00:24:58,125 --> 00:25:00,514 - Too much? - Yeah, especially with the Cheeky Girls, 449 00:25:00,565 --> 00:25:02,476 but, er, that's another thing. 450 00:25:02,525 --> 00:25:04,641 Good night, Harry and, er, 451 00:25:04,685 --> 00:25:06,277 hey, 452 00:25:06,325 --> 00:25:07,804 live the dream. 453 00:25:13,325 --> 00:25:14,644 Oooh! 454 00:25:18,205 --> 00:25:22,881 Roger! What the hell are you doing?! 455 00:25:22,925 --> 00:25:27,635 Saying goodbye to Abi. Destroying everything she ever gave me. 456 00:25:27,685 --> 00:25:29,880 No! 457 00:25:29,925 --> 00:25:31,916 No, that's our china, Roger! 458 00:25:31,965 --> 00:25:35,719 She ate off it once. 459 00:25:35,765 --> 00:25:37,676 - Give me the plate. - No! 460 00:25:39,245 --> 00:25:40,917 Give me the plate, Roger. 461 00:25:40,965 --> 00:25:42,603 - No! - It's all right, I'll deal with this. 462 00:25:42,645 --> 00:25:44,124 Thank you. Now... 463 00:25:47,605 --> 00:25:51,120 - Give me the torch. - No. No, I like the torch. 464 00:25:51,165 --> 00:25:53,554 Give me the torch! 465 00:25:53,605 --> 00:25:55,641 Safe. 466 00:25:55,685 --> 00:25:59,121 You need help, Roger, come on. 467 00:25:59,165 --> 00:26:03,363 You need people to help you and support you and surround you. 468 00:26:03,405 --> 00:26:09,002 You need help and understanding at this really dark time. 469 00:26:09,045 --> 00:26:11,195 - Oh, thank you, Ben. - So, off you pop. 470 00:26:15,125 --> 00:26:18,276 Dad... Dad? 471 00:26:18,325 --> 00:26:19,804 Yeah. 472 00:26:21,605 --> 00:26:23,197 Is everything all right? 473 00:26:24,765 --> 00:26:27,325 Um, yep, yep, everything's fine. 474 00:26:27,365 --> 00:26:29,640 How did it go with Harry? 475 00:26:29,685 --> 00:26:32,597 Er, great. Yep. Finished my shift, 476 00:26:32,645 --> 00:26:35,034 - left him with his daughter. - Oh, great. 477 00:26:35,085 --> 00:26:37,041 But his daughter lives in Los Angeles. 478 00:26:37,085 --> 00:26:40,760 Hmm? Does she? Oh. No, no, no, no, she was actually there. 479 00:26:41,805 --> 00:26:44,000 Very tall, blonde woman? 480 00:26:44,045 --> 00:26:48,800 Er, yeah, that was her. 481 00:26:50,245 --> 00:26:51,724 Dad! 482 00:26:51,765 --> 00:26:54,677 Go! Go! Go! 483 00:27:04,445 --> 00:27:07,198 I thought I was never, ever going to get rid of him. 484 00:27:09,085 --> 00:27:12,555 - How much do I owe you? - Nothing. 485 00:27:12,605 --> 00:27:14,357 Anything for you, Harry. 486 00:27:14,405 --> 00:27:18,114 Hello? Susan? ...Hi, darling. 487 00:27:18,165 --> 00:27:21,714 Just called to say, ''I love you.'' 488 00:27:23,285 --> 00:27:24,798 No, there's nothing wrong. 489 00:27:26,365 --> 00:27:28,754 No, I was just remembering those times when we were young, 490 00:27:28,805 --> 00:27:33,242 you know, when we had those cute little names for each other. 491 00:27:33,285 --> 00:27:34,877 That was fun, wasn't it? 492 00:27:36,445 --> 00:27:38,879 Yes, it was. 493 00:27:38,925 --> 00:27:41,758 Well, I thought we'd try and bring a bit of romance 494 00:27:41,805 --> 00:27:45,514 back into our lives and...and make up new names for each other. 495 00:27:47,165 --> 00:27:50,202 You've always called me that. 496 00:27:50,245 --> 00:27:56,081 No, I thought I might call you something like, um... 497 00:27:56,125 --> 00:27:58,081 Jade. 498 00:27:58,125 --> 00:28:00,275 No, it's cute, isn't it? 499 00:28:00,405 --> 00:28:03,044 Oh, you'll get to like it. 500 00:28:03,085 --> 00:28:05,394 Well, I'll talk to you tomorrow, OK? 501 00:28:05,445 --> 00:28:07,834 Have a good night. Bye. 502 00:28:07,885 --> 00:28:09,477 I love you... 503 00:28:09,525 --> 00:28:11,004 Jade. 38273

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