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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:16,414 --> 00:00:19,770 Ben Harper, you are full of surprises. 2 00:00:19,814 --> 00:00:22,886 Mm. And you're full of something else, Roger. 3 00:00:22,934 --> 00:00:24,970 I didn't know you knew the Mouth Master. 4 00:00:25,014 --> 00:00:27,608 The Mouth Master? 5 00:00:27,654 --> 00:00:29,531 Nope, never heard of him. 6 00:00:29,574 --> 00:00:31,326 Oh, yeah. Of course. 7 00:00:31,374 --> 00:00:35,128 Of course, you know him better as Jeremy Livingstone. 8 00:00:35,174 --> 00:00:39,406 Oh my God! Jeremy Livingstone... 9 00:00:39,454 --> 00:00:41,012 Nope, never heard of him. 10 00:00:41,054 --> 00:00:44,364 You must have. He's dedicated his new book on dentistry to you. 11 00:00:44,414 --> 00:00:46,974 - What? - Look. Truthpaste. 12 00:00:47,014 --> 00:00:49,084 The man is a genius. 13 00:00:50,134 --> 00:00:51,886 - Oh my God. - Hm? 14 00:00:51,934 --> 00:00:53,925 "Dedicated to Ben Harper... 15 00:00:54,774 --> 00:00:57,493 "...for his tireless guidance and inspiration." 16 00:00:57,534 --> 00:01:00,094 There you are. "Ben Harper". Yeah. 17 00:01:00,134 --> 00:01:02,523 Jeremy Livingstone is my god. 18 00:01:02,574 --> 00:01:05,532 And you, Ben, are his god. 19 00:01:05,574 --> 00:01:08,691 So, that makes you a double god! 20 00:01:08,774 --> 00:01:10,127 Oh God! 21 00:01:11,174 --> 00:01:15,008 - Roger, I don't know this man. - Maybe you've just forgotten him. 22 00:01:15,054 --> 00:01:18,251 If forgetting people were that easy I'd find you much less annoying. 23 00:01:18,294 --> 00:01:20,410 He is doing a book signing later tonight. 24 00:01:20,454 --> 00:01:24,493 Seeing him might jog your memory and with Susan away you must be free. 25 00:01:24,534 --> 00:01:26,013 So, er, are you going to go? 26 00:01:27,454 --> 00:01:29,172 - Are you going? - Yes. 27 00:01:29,214 --> 00:01:31,330 Then you know my answer. 28 00:01:31,374 --> 00:01:36,129 (Susan) Dear Diary, today was the final day in my exciting quest 29 00:01:36,174 --> 00:01:39,405 to discover Eastern Europe's next great artist. 30 00:01:39,454 --> 00:01:43,925 But the real excitement didn't begin until my journey home. 31 00:01:43,974 --> 00:01:47,284 For, while connecting through Albania's third largest airport, 32 00:01:47,334 --> 00:01:50,883 I had the most intense romantic encounter of my life. 33 00:01:52,174 --> 00:01:55,484 Not with her. Please, give me some credit. 34 00:01:55,534 --> 00:01:57,843 Step forward. Quickly. 35 00:01:59,294 --> 00:02:00,613 Not that quick. 36 00:02:01,614 --> 00:02:04,333 My flight to London has just been cancelled. 37 00:02:04,374 --> 00:02:05,523 Yes. 38 00:02:05,574 --> 00:02:07,405 - Will it be rescheduled? - Yes. 39 00:02:08,414 --> 00:02:10,848 - When? - Yes. 40 00:02:10,894 --> 00:02:12,691 Look, I don't wish to be rude 41 00:02:12,734 --> 00:02:15,885 but I want you to book me on another flight right now... 42 00:02:15,934 --> 00:02:20,530 ...Miss Bedvedenkomendenrushkeshin. 43 00:02:20,574 --> 00:02:23,771 Is Bedvedenkomendrovskishine. 44 00:02:25,214 --> 00:02:29,412 An announcement will be made when the next flight is boarding. 45 00:02:29,454 --> 00:02:33,333 - When will that be? - When pilot sobers up. 46 00:02:39,374 --> 00:02:42,207 I never should have let my husband book the ticket. 47 00:02:42,254 --> 00:02:45,803 I didn't know there was still such a thing as peasant class. 48 00:02:52,534 --> 00:02:54,968 No, he's stolen my handbag! Help! Help! Stop! 49 00:02:55,014 --> 00:02:57,608 (Shouts angrily in Albanian) 50 00:02:59,854 --> 00:03:02,414 (American accent) Here you go. 51 00:03:02,454 --> 00:03:05,173 - What did you say to him? - My Albanian is a little rusty. 52 00:03:05,214 --> 00:03:07,250 It was either, "Try it and you'll regret it," 53 00:03:07,294 --> 00:03:09,569 or, "Let's make love like warthogs." 54 00:03:09,614 --> 00:03:12,526 Both work equally well, actually. 55 00:03:12,574 --> 00:03:15,213 You look a little shaken up. Sit over here. 56 00:03:20,374 --> 00:03:21,773 Lean on me. 57 00:03:23,894 --> 00:03:26,010 Did I tell you he was romantic? 58 00:03:28,254 --> 00:03:29,448 What are you doing? 59 00:03:29,494 --> 00:03:32,088 I'm looking for a man named Jeremy Livingstone. 60 00:03:32,134 --> 00:03:33,533 Has he been cremated? 61 00:03:35,374 --> 00:03:38,366 For your information he's dedicated a book to me. 62 00:03:38,414 --> 00:03:42,009 - Is it a horror novel? - It's a book on dentistry. 63 00:03:42,054 --> 00:03:44,045 Roger gave me his copy. 64 00:03:44,094 --> 00:03:46,528 Michael, Michael, Michael, read that. 65 00:03:47,574 --> 00:03:51,487 "To Ben Harper for his tireless guidance and inspiration." 66 00:03:53,694 --> 00:03:55,571 How much rent do you pay to live here, Alfie? 67 00:03:56,614 --> 00:03:57,808 Oh, what a buzz kill. 68 00:03:57,854 --> 00:03:59,367 Don't be so surprised. 69 00:03:59,414 --> 00:04:01,006 When I make a friend 70 00:04:01,054 --> 00:04:05,127 a bond is forged that nothing, nothing, nothing can sever. 71 00:04:05,174 --> 00:04:07,529 - So, how do you know this guy? - Search me. 72 00:04:09,814 --> 00:04:14,934 I'm hoping to find the answer in this. My treasured box of possessions. 73 00:04:14,974 --> 00:04:17,772 Oh, so many happy memories. 74 00:04:17,814 --> 00:04:20,931 Oh-ho! Look at this! My dental college diploma. 75 00:04:20,974 --> 00:04:23,693 Your birth certificate. Janey's birth certificate. 76 00:04:23,734 --> 00:04:26,328 Oh, Nick's note saying he was leaving for good. 77 00:04:29,414 --> 00:04:31,211 Great days. Great days. 78 00:04:32,214 --> 00:04:35,172 Hang on, dental... Dental college. 79 00:04:35,214 --> 00:04:37,205 Yes, of course! Jez! 80 00:04:37,254 --> 00:04:39,085 Jez! Jeremy Livingstone! 81 00:04:39,134 --> 00:04:41,125 - Oh, you found him, then. - Yes. 82 00:04:41,174 --> 00:04:46,043 Jez and I graduated from the same dental college in 19... never mind. 83 00:04:46,094 --> 00:04:48,528 Anyway, Jez and I were proper mates. 84 00:04:48,574 --> 00:04:51,327 Yeah, I always made sure we sat together in the same class. 85 00:04:51,374 --> 00:04:54,127 - Because you copied off him? - Bingo. 86 00:04:54,174 --> 00:04:57,564 - Sounds like your type of mate. - He never knew, I was subtle. 87 00:04:57,614 --> 00:05:01,289 Although, to think that man has dedicated a book to me. 88 00:05:01,334 --> 00:05:03,484 Oh, I wish your mother was here to see this, Mikey. 89 00:05:03,534 --> 00:05:07,527 She'd be very impressed, then she'd point out Jeremy lives in a mansion 90 00:05:07,574 --> 00:05:11,123 while you make do in a creaky house you couldn't afford at today's prices. 91 00:05:11,174 --> 00:05:15,964 While Jeremy has got celebrity patients like Ewan McGregor and... 92 00:05:16,014 --> 00:05:18,050 - Keira Knightley. ...Keira Knightley. 93 00:05:18,094 --> 00:05:21,166 You're just a cog in the machine that is the Cavitex Corporation. 94 00:05:22,734 --> 00:05:25,806 Yeah... I wish Mum were here to see this too. 95 00:05:28,974 --> 00:05:30,293 (Susan) Dear Diary, 96 00:05:30,334 --> 00:05:32,529 as that magical evening went on 97 00:05:32,574 --> 00:05:36,453 I became ever more enchanted with my handsome American stranger. 98 00:05:36,494 --> 00:05:39,770 Well, I mean... (Dreamily)... just look at him. 99 00:05:39,814 --> 00:05:41,770 Because I landed spread-eagled 100 00:05:41,814 --> 00:05:44,931 it cost me sixth place in the Chiswick ballroom dance off. 101 00:05:45,934 --> 00:05:49,324 That story is so amazing it must be true. 102 00:05:49,374 --> 00:05:53,890 Oh, Susan, I love your giggle. Do you always giggle this much? 103 00:05:53,934 --> 00:05:55,333 No. 104 00:05:57,214 --> 00:06:00,012 But I've done all the talking so far. 105 00:06:00,054 --> 00:06:01,612 So, why are you off to London? 106 00:06:01,654 --> 00:06:03,007 For a little R and R. 107 00:06:03,054 --> 00:06:05,124 I volunteer for Doctors Without Borders. 108 00:06:05,174 --> 00:06:07,404 I was here helping out at the children's hospital. 109 00:06:07,454 --> 00:06:09,843 How wonderful of you. 110 00:06:09,894 --> 00:06:12,283 Charity is in my blood, I suppose. 111 00:06:12,334 --> 00:06:15,087 I was even doing charity work in my previous life. 112 00:06:15,134 --> 00:06:16,852 And, what was that? 113 00:06:16,894 --> 00:06:18,885 I was an underwear model. 114 00:06:20,774 --> 00:06:22,571 I thought you looked familiar. 115 00:06:23,734 --> 00:06:29,047 I think I bought a pack of underwear with you on it for my husband. 116 00:06:29,094 --> 00:06:30,447 He made me take them back. 117 00:06:31,894 --> 00:06:34,010 But I kept the box. 118 00:06:34,054 --> 00:06:37,842 I didn't want to be an underwear model but it paid for medical school. 119 00:06:38,854 --> 00:06:41,766 There's not much money in being an Olympic decathlete. 120 00:06:43,174 --> 00:06:46,211 You poor, poor, extremely fit thing. 121 00:06:47,654 --> 00:06:48,882 (Susan) It was at that moment 122 00:06:48,934 --> 00:06:52,449 that I decided to tell him about my husband and my life in London. 123 00:06:53,454 --> 00:06:55,046 Yeah, rightl 124 00:06:57,014 --> 00:06:58,606 (Doorbell) 125 00:06:59,614 --> 00:07:01,764 If that's you, Roger, you can ring the bell again. 126 00:07:01,814 --> 00:07:04,851 - (Ringing continues) - Sorry, no one's home. 127 00:07:05,894 --> 00:07:08,806 Oh, sorry, Ben. I think your doorbell's broken. 128 00:07:08,854 --> 00:07:10,890 Yes. So is the lock, apparently. 129 00:07:10,934 --> 00:07:15,007 I was just passing by after the book signing. Oh, it was all terrific fun. 130 00:07:15,054 --> 00:07:17,727 Jeremy was very entertaining. In fact... 131 00:07:17,774 --> 00:07:22,245 Oh, spare me the details, Roger. The man is a top class, grade-A berk. 132 00:07:22,294 --> 00:07:23,886 I don't want anything to do with him. 133 00:07:23,934 --> 00:07:25,128 As far as I'm concerned 134 00:07:25,174 --> 00:07:29,053 he's just an over-hyped, fame-seeking, molar jockey. 135 00:07:29,094 --> 00:07:30,607 Hello, Ben! 136 00:07:30,654 --> 00:07:34,852 Whereas this Jeremy Livingstone is a top bloke! 137 00:07:34,894 --> 00:07:37,852 Who anyone would be happy to call a friend. 138 00:07:37,894 --> 00:07:41,250 Oh, this is such a surprise! 139 00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:44,809 Jez! I am so pleased to see you. 140 00:07:44,854 --> 00:07:47,846 I feel the same way, Benjie. 141 00:07:47,894 --> 00:07:49,293 Aw, Benjie. 142 00:07:49,334 --> 00:07:52,406 - Now, be quiet, Roger. - Yes, Mouth Master. 143 00:07:52,454 --> 00:07:55,491 This is... You were on the... What are you doing here? 144 00:07:55,534 --> 00:07:59,413 Well, when I told Jeremy my surgery was above yours 145 00:07:59,454 --> 00:08:02,810 he immediately called off the security guard 146 00:08:02,854 --> 00:08:07,086 who had me in a choke hold and insisted that I take him to you. 147 00:08:07,134 --> 00:08:08,283 Is this true? 148 00:08:08,334 --> 00:08:12,088 I wouldn't say "immediately called off the choke hold". 149 00:08:13,494 --> 00:08:14,722 He is such a kidder! 150 00:08:14,774 --> 00:08:17,334 - You can go now, Roger. - Yes, Mouth Master. 151 00:08:19,254 --> 00:08:22,644 Well, we, we've got a lot of catching up to do! 152 00:08:22,694 --> 00:08:24,332 We... You better believe it! 153 00:08:24,374 --> 00:08:27,571 Hey, how about a spot of dinner tonight? The Ivy? 154 00:08:27,614 --> 00:08:31,493 Oh well, that's great. Great. But, you know, I was there for lunch. 155 00:08:31,534 --> 00:08:33,809 - My treat. - Let's eat. 156 00:08:34,894 --> 00:08:37,454 To my good friend, Ben Harper. 157 00:08:38,614 --> 00:08:42,687 Who once said I was destined to be the greatest dentist in Britain. 158 00:08:42,734 --> 00:08:44,770 I said that? 159 00:08:44,814 --> 00:08:47,453 To boost my confidence before finals. 160 00:08:47,494 --> 00:08:49,166 And I got a first. 161 00:08:50,214 --> 00:08:52,569 Yeah, isn't that funny? So did I. 162 00:08:52,614 --> 00:08:56,129 I can admit it now. I was tempted to cheat off you once or twice. 163 00:08:56,174 --> 00:08:57,573 Ooh, you... 164 00:08:57,614 --> 00:09:00,447 I knew how disappointed you'd be in me. 165 00:09:01,454 --> 00:09:03,445 So, are you married now, Jez? 166 00:09:03,494 --> 00:09:06,611 - Yep, three years this spring. - Mm-hm. 167 00:09:06,654 --> 00:09:09,646 And, the wife? Nice, is she? 168 00:09:09,694 --> 00:09:11,286 Not unattractive. 169 00:09:13,174 --> 00:09:16,769 In fact, you see that woman reading a magazine over there? 170 00:09:16,814 --> 00:09:19,886 What, she's a bit like her? 171 00:09:19,934 --> 00:09:21,208 - No, it is her? - It's her. 172 00:09:21,254 --> 00:09:23,893 It's her. On the magazine cover. 173 00:09:25,094 --> 00:09:26,846 She's a model. 174 00:09:29,334 --> 00:09:31,245 Ooh! I see. 175 00:09:31,294 --> 00:09:35,048 But, what about you, Ben? Tell me about your life. 176 00:09:36,814 --> 00:09:40,204 Mm? Er... Oh, I couldn't be happier, really. 177 00:09:40,254 --> 00:09:43,007 I married my soul mate. 178 00:09:43,054 --> 00:09:45,773 A lovely, warm-hearted, gentle... 179 00:09:46,774 --> 00:09:48,127 ...creature. 180 00:09:48,174 --> 00:09:53,407 You know, we know each other so well that we barely talk any more. 181 00:09:55,174 --> 00:09:58,086 - Kids? - Angels, I call them. 182 00:09:58,134 --> 00:10:00,728 Each one brighter than the next. 183 00:10:00,774 --> 00:10:03,004 Yes, Nick, my eldest, he's flown the nest now... 184 00:10:03,054 --> 00:10:06,046 Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, what a sad day that was. 185 00:10:07,454 --> 00:10:11,527 There's Janey, my little... princess. 186 00:10:12,734 --> 00:10:15,294 Oh, not a selfish bone in her body. 187 00:10:17,654 --> 00:10:20,122 And then Mikey, my little, my little son. 188 00:10:20,174 --> 00:10:22,449 He's erm... I think I'm closest to him. 189 00:10:22,494 --> 00:10:25,691 Yeah, well, he's such a warm-hearted little tinker. 190 00:10:27,414 --> 00:10:28,847 You're a lucky man, Ben. 191 00:10:28,894 --> 00:10:30,646 Mm-hm. Mm-hm. 192 00:10:30,694 --> 00:10:31,843 Another bottle of wine. 193 00:10:33,374 --> 00:10:36,650 Well, I have to say I'm jealous. 194 00:10:39,094 --> 00:10:40,083 What, of me? 195 00:10:41,094 --> 00:10:42,971 You have it all! 196 00:10:43,014 --> 00:10:47,929 Sure, the books and the acclaim have lined my pockets 197 00:10:47,974 --> 00:10:52,809 but inside... I've got nothing. 198 00:10:52,854 --> 00:10:56,483 I've become a slave to my own success. 199 00:10:56,534 --> 00:10:58,047 Mm. 200 00:10:58,094 --> 00:11:00,449 How can I compare a... 201 00:11:00,494 --> 00:11:05,807 ...stupid million-pound endorsement deal for dental floss 202 00:11:05,854 --> 00:11:07,492 with what you've got? 203 00:11:09,614 --> 00:11:11,730 (Croaks) You can't. 204 00:11:11,774 --> 00:11:15,005 And sure, I've got money. 205 00:11:15,054 --> 00:11:17,614 A beautiful wife. 206 00:11:17,654 --> 00:11:20,248 Fabulous home. 207 00:11:20,294 --> 00:11:23,411 But would you swap my life for yours? 208 00:11:25,734 --> 00:11:27,804 Is this an official offer? 209 00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:31,812 - Of course you wouldn't. - No. 210 00:11:31,854 --> 00:11:33,492 You've won, Ben. 211 00:11:34,534 --> 00:11:35,887 And I've lost. 212 00:11:36,894 --> 00:11:38,009 Uh-uh. 213 00:11:42,574 --> 00:11:44,724 Dinner's still on you, right? 214 00:11:45,654 --> 00:11:47,690 (Traditional Albanian music) 215 00:11:57,694 --> 00:11:59,286 Dinner is served. 216 00:11:59,334 --> 00:12:00,528 What's going on? 217 00:12:00,574 --> 00:12:02,485 I took the liberty of arranging this for us. 218 00:12:02,534 --> 00:12:06,925 I thought you might like to sample some of the local cuisine. 219 00:12:06,974 --> 00:12:09,772 You truly are the last romantic man alive. 220 00:12:12,014 --> 00:12:13,413 Enjoy meal. 221 00:12:15,654 --> 00:12:17,372 This looks delicious! 222 00:12:17,414 --> 00:12:20,053 Where did you? Hang on, where is the pig? 223 00:12:21,254 --> 00:12:23,927 Exactly how local is this cuisine? 224 00:12:23,974 --> 00:12:25,009 (Pig squeals) 225 00:12:25,054 --> 00:12:26,772 Oh, thank God. 226 00:12:27,814 --> 00:12:30,009 Wait, has it always had three legs? 227 00:12:31,814 --> 00:12:33,452 I'm not happy. 228 00:12:34,454 --> 00:12:37,207 I don't think I have been for years. 229 00:12:38,214 --> 00:12:40,933 But until you came along 230 00:12:40,974 --> 00:12:45,445 no one has been honest enough or cared enough 231 00:12:45,494 --> 00:12:49,692 or had the guts to open my eyes. 232 00:12:50,694 --> 00:12:55,404 I've got loads and loads of guts. 233 00:12:55,454 --> 00:12:56,853 You do! You do! 234 00:12:56,894 --> 00:13:02,366 You have a way of popping up at pivotal moments 235 00:13:02,414 --> 00:13:04,530 and pointing me in the right direction. 236 00:13:04,574 --> 00:13:06,007 That's what I do, see? I point. 237 00:13:08,094 --> 00:13:11,166 - I'm a good pointer. - Another bottle of red wine! 238 00:13:12,334 --> 00:13:14,643 And get my friend whatever he wants, too. 239 00:13:14,694 --> 00:13:17,686 Jez. Jez, I think they're closing. 240 00:13:19,934 --> 00:13:21,049 Here! 241 00:13:21,094 --> 00:13:23,085 (Ben laughs) 242 00:13:23,134 --> 00:13:25,045 Will that keep you open? 243 00:13:25,094 --> 00:13:27,085 (Jeremy chuckles) 244 00:13:28,534 --> 00:13:29,933 God! 245 00:13:29,974 --> 00:13:33,250 Life is not about teeth. 246 00:13:33,294 --> 00:13:35,762 It's about me and I am... 247 00:13:35,814 --> 00:13:41,411 ...so tired of being a sellout to third-rate floss companies. 248 00:13:41,454 --> 00:13:44,127 Well, the turn is worming. (Snorts) 249 00:13:45,174 --> 00:13:46,732 Watch this. 250 00:13:46,774 --> 00:13:49,686 What are you? Oh, Jez. Jez? What are you doing? 251 00:13:49,734 --> 00:13:52,646 - What are you doing? - Shush. Shush. 252 00:13:52,694 --> 00:13:54,013 Ah, you're there! 253 00:13:54,054 --> 00:13:56,409 Great. Right, right. It's Jeremy here. 254 00:13:56,454 --> 00:14:00,845 You know, the man you've been exploiting all these years. 255 00:14:01,894 --> 00:14:05,569 You are nothing but a disgusting and... 256 00:14:05,614 --> 00:14:07,047 Horrible. 257 00:14:07,094 --> 00:14:11,406 ...horrible remnant of a life I no longer wish to live. 258 00:14:11,454 --> 00:14:14,048 I, I am sick of you clinging... 259 00:14:15,494 --> 00:14:16,563 Like a barnacle. 260 00:14:16,614 --> 00:14:21,244 ...like a barnacle, thank you, to my hard-earned success. 261 00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:25,845 I want our pathetic little arrangement to end immediately! 262 00:14:25,894 --> 00:14:27,646 (Chuckles) 263 00:14:27,694 --> 00:14:29,093 Well... 264 00:14:29,134 --> 00:14:32,444 Damn, Jez, I mean, who needs a dental floss company anyway? 265 00:14:32,494 --> 00:14:35,054 No! That was my wife. 266 00:14:36,614 --> 00:14:39,253 Ben, I feel so alive! 267 00:14:39,294 --> 00:14:41,091 - I'm going to do it again. - No, Jez... 268 00:14:41,134 --> 00:14:45,286 I'm going to phone my publisher and tell him to shove his book deal and then... 269 00:14:45,334 --> 00:14:48,451 No, I'm going to dump the floss people and... 270 00:14:48,494 --> 00:14:50,928 Jez, just calm down a minute, mate. Hey, whoa! 271 00:14:50,974 --> 00:14:54,205 Take a deep breath. Are you sure you want to go this far this fast? 272 00:14:54,254 --> 00:14:55,653 Yes! 273 00:14:55,694 --> 00:14:57,173 To really... 274 00:14:58,774 --> 00:15:02,244 ...appreciate what's important in my life. 275 00:15:03,254 --> 00:15:06,690 I need to be as anonymous 276 00:15:06,734 --> 00:15:10,249 and as unsuccessful as you. 277 00:15:11,614 --> 00:15:14,731 - (Coughs) ...very much. 278 00:15:16,534 --> 00:15:18,525 What are you staring at? 279 00:15:19,774 --> 00:15:22,004 I've been drooling, haven't I? 280 00:15:22,054 --> 00:15:27,003 Susan, I've seen the sun rise over the mists of Mica Maca bay. 281 00:15:27,054 --> 00:15:29,852 I've seen the Northern Lights sparkle above the Manitoba tundra. 282 00:15:29,894 --> 00:15:31,327 I have seen the power... 283 00:15:31,374 --> 00:15:33,968 Just get to the part about me. 284 00:15:34,014 --> 00:15:36,403 They all pale in comparison to you. 285 00:15:36,454 --> 00:15:40,163 When I look at you I'm whisked back 15 years. 286 00:15:40,214 --> 00:15:41,886 Really? 287 00:15:41,934 --> 00:15:44,323 Next time that happens take me with you. 288 00:15:45,614 --> 00:15:47,366 There's that giggle again. 289 00:15:47,414 --> 00:15:50,724 Susan... come with me. 290 00:15:50,774 --> 00:15:53,083 Join me on my global adventures. 291 00:15:53,134 --> 00:15:54,362 (Huskily) What do you say? 292 00:15:54,414 --> 00:15:56,848 (Sighs) I'm so torn. 293 00:15:57,894 --> 00:16:00,124 You're so gorgeous and yet... 294 00:16:01,414 --> 00:16:02,847 ...so handsome, too. 295 00:16:07,254 --> 00:16:09,131 (Woman clears throat) 296 00:16:09,174 --> 00:16:11,734 Is bad time? 297 00:16:11,774 --> 00:16:13,571 Well, kind of. 298 00:16:13,614 --> 00:16:16,572 Bad news. Plane broken. 299 00:16:16,614 --> 00:16:19,526 Ten more hours to fix. 300 00:16:20,534 --> 00:16:22,126 So, what's the bad news? 301 00:16:28,174 --> 00:16:31,291 Thank you for letting me sleep on the couch. 302 00:16:32,334 --> 00:16:36,327 - What happened last night? - (Laughs) What didn't happen? 303 00:16:36,374 --> 00:16:38,444 No, seriously. What happened? 304 00:16:38,494 --> 00:16:41,452 What, you mean you don't remember? 305 00:16:41,494 --> 00:16:43,485 I remember making some phone calls. 306 00:16:43,534 --> 00:16:46,571 - Who did I call? - Who didn't you call? 307 00:16:46,614 --> 00:16:48,286 - What did I say? - What didn't you say? 308 00:16:48,334 --> 00:16:51,167 - Would you please stop doing that? - I'm so sorry. 309 00:16:53,094 --> 00:16:54,083 Oh my God. 310 00:16:57,494 --> 00:16:58,483 Well... 311 00:16:59,494 --> 00:17:01,724 Thank you for dinner, by the way. Very nice. 312 00:17:01,774 --> 00:17:05,210 Oh my God, they'll never speak to me again. 313 00:17:05,254 --> 00:17:06,403 Jez... 314 00:17:07,454 --> 00:17:10,252 I am so sorry. I'm so... 315 00:17:12,934 --> 00:17:16,165 - Stand up, Ben. - OK, here I come. OK. OK. 316 00:17:16,214 --> 00:17:18,045 You're going to hit me, aren't you? 317 00:17:18,094 --> 00:17:19,925 Hit you? 318 00:17:19,974 --> 00:17:22,568 I'm going to hug you! 319 00:17:24,174 --> 00:17:27,246 That was the greatest night of my life. 320 00:17:27,294 --> 00:17:29,046 Look. Look, look who I rang. 321 00:17:29,094 --> 00:17:31,733 I rang my wife, my publisher... 322 00:17:32,734 --> 00:17:34,486 - Who's this? - The Chinese takeaway. 323 00:17:35,894 --> 00:17:38,283 That meal didn't fill me up last night. 324 00:17:39,294 --> 00:17:40,568 - I'm free. - Yep. 325 00:17:40,614 --> 00:17:42,366 I'm going to start a new life. 326 00:17:42,414 --> 00:17:45,372 Thank you for making this happen. 327 00:17:45,414 --> 00:17:48,247 I am precisely where I want to be. 328 00:17:50,174 --> 00:17:53,564 What, you mean here as in life, not here in my house? 329 00:17:54,614 --> 00:17:59,688 Ben, you are the midwife for my rebirth. 330 00:18:02,734 --> 00:18:06,249 Well, I'm very very very honoured and slightly disturbed but er... 331 00:18:07,294 --> 00:18:09,330 Y-You're not having second thoughts? 332 00:18:09,374 --> 00:18:11,842 No! No. Why should I have second thoughts? 333 00:18:11,894 --> 00:18:15,967 You've destroyed all your personal and professional relationships, Jez. 334 00:18:16,014 --> 00:18:19,529 You know, you've thrown away all your money, all the respect... 335 00:18:19,574 --> 00:18:24,090 that you've taken 25 years of your life to achieve. 336 00:18:26,854 --> 00:18:28,003 I suppose you're right. 337 00:18:28,054 --> 00:18:30,966 The important thing is you're not having second thoughts. 338 00:18:31,014 --> 00:18:32,766 No, I'm not. 339 00:18:34,134 --> 00:18:37,331 And at least I've got you here to support me. 340 00:18:42,094 --> 00:18:44,164 About that... 341 00:18:44,214 --> 00:18:46,648 and I don't want to appear insensitive, 342 00:18:46,694 --> 00:18:48,173 it's just that I've, erm... 343 00:18:51,214 --> 00:18:52,966 I've got a job to go to, you see. 344 00:18:54,814 --> 00:18:56,611 It's my... 345 00:19:05,654 --> 00:19:06,928 (Susan) Dear Diary, 346 00:19:06,974 --> 00:19:09,249 I can't help but wonder what my life would be like 347 00:19:09,294 --> 00:19:10,647 with this wonderful man. 348 00:19:11,694 --> 00:19:15,209 If I go with the doctor, a lifetime of romance awaits me. 349 00:19:15,254 --> 00:19:18,530 If I stay with Ben, well... 350 00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:20,769 Maybe I shouldn't dwell on that too much. 351 00:19:20,814 --> 00:19:25,968 (Announcement) Attention! Flight 13 to London is now boarding. 352 00:19:26,014 --> 00:19:31,725 Those travelling with children, the elderly or goats may do so now. 353 00:19:31,774 --> 00:19:34,049 I know what I must do. 354 00:19:34,094 --> 00:19:37,006 But I will cherish this diary until the day I die 355 00:19:37,054 --> 00:19:40,285 because it documents my encounter with an extraordinary man 356 00:19:40,334 --> 00:19:42,370 who has restored my faith in chivalry. 357 00:19:42,414 --> 00:19:44,211 No, more than that. 358 00:19:44,974 --> 00:19:47,807 He's restored my faith in humanity. 359 00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:50,243 - Small problem. - What now? 360 00:19:50,294 --> 00:19:52,364 Flight overbooked. 361 00:19:52,414 --> 00:19:56,612 Only one ticket left. One of you must wait till next plane. 362 00:19:56,654 --> 00:19:58,645 - When will that be? - Not long. 363 00:20:00,174 --> 00:20:01,573 Not sure. 364 00:20:03,654 --> 00:20:04,928 Well... 365 00:20:07,694 --> 00:20:09,730 I guess this is goodbye. 366 00:20:09,774 --> 00:20:11,048 Yep. 367 00:20:12,054 --> 00:20:14,773 I'll never forget you, Sharon. 368 00:20:17,654 --> 00:20:19,053 It's Susan. 369 00:20:29,574 --> 00:20:31,644 And I thought you were the pig. 370 00:20:40,654 --> 00:20:42,133 Is that all you're doing tonight? 371 00:20:42,174 --> 00:20:45,132 This is me celebrating, Michael. 372 00:20:45,174 --> 00:20:48,530 I am celebrating because, for all his success, 373 00:20:48,574 --> 00:20:51,372 Jeremy Livingstone is not as happy as me. 374 00:20:52,694 --> 00:20:55,367 So, someone being worse off than you makes you feel better? 375 00:20:58,454 --> 00:20:59,933 Yes. 376 00:20:59,974 --> 00:21:01,532 Ben! Ben! 377 00:21:01,574 --> 00:21:05,692 Stop bursting into this house, Roger! You don't actually live here. 378 00:21:05,734 --> 00:21:07,292 There's a major crisis! 379 00:21:07,334 --> 00:21:10,770 Jeremy is on top of the surgery roof. He's threatening to jump off. 380 00:21:10,814 --> 00:21:13,612 Oh my God. I don't believe this. 381 00:21:13,654 --> 00:21:16,373 I really am so much happier than he is. 382 00:21:17,414 --> 00:21:19,644 The only person he's willing to talk to is you! 383 00:21:19,694 --> 00:21:20,968 Come on! Come on! 384 00:21:21,014 --> 00:21:23,448 Please, I am the wrong person to talk to him. 385 00:21:23,494 --> 00:21:25,769 - Why? - I just ordered a pizza. 386 00:21:25,814 --> 00:21:26,849 Dad! 387 00:21:26,894 --> 00:21:30,330 You know, I can't talk a jumper off a roof on an emp... ty sto... 388 00:21:30,374 --> 00:21:33,252 - OK, fine. Let's go, let's go. - (Doorbell) 389 00:21:33,294 --> 00:21:36,252 Ooh, just in time. Thank you. Roger, pay the man. 390 00:21:39,414 --> 00:21:41,291 (Ben over megaphone) Jeremy! 391 00:21:41,334 --> 00:21:44,087 Are you OK? 392 00:21:44,134 --> 00:21:45,806 Ben? 393 00:21:45,854 --> 00:21:49,403 Are you planning to jump from there? 394 00:21:49,454 --> 00:21:52,764 Because if you are I'll move my car. 395 00:21:55,014 --> 00:21:57,574 Come up here, I want to talk to you! 396 00:21:58,574 --> 00:22:02,408 Or why don't you come down? 397 00:22:02,454 --> 00:22:04,012 You're going to have to go up there. 398 00:22:04,054 --> 00:22:07,330 I'm not going up there. The man's off his trolley. 399 00:22:09,494 --> 00:22:12,133 It's not like he can hear me, is it? 400 00:22:12,174 --> 00:22:14,734 What bloody off switch? Uh-oh. 401 00:22:18,134 --> 00:22:19,283 Jeremy! 402 00:22:19,334 --> 00:22:22,246 - You don't need that any more. - Oh, sorry. 403 00:22:22,294 --> 00:22:24,603 Erm, here. Er... 404 00:22:24,654 --> 00:22:26,326 Er... 405 00:22:27,934 --> 00:22:30,448 Don't do anything, Jeremy, until I come over there. 406 00:22:30,494 --> 00:22:32,564 Here I come. I'm going to come over. 407 00:22:32,614 --> 00:22:35,003 OK, just stay... Whoa. 408 00:22:35,054 --> 00:22:37,363 Whoa, that is so high. 409 00:22:37,414 --> 00:22:39,644 That is so high. 410 00:22:44,814 --> 00:22:46,532 Just have to stay there, Jez. 411 00:22:46,574 --> 00:22:48,610 Stay there, I'm coming down. 412 00:22:56,334 --> 00:22:59,167 - Is that a pizza? - That's... 413 00:23:02,134 --> 00:23:04,125 (Helicopter overhead) 414 00:23:16,334 --> 00:23:17,847 No, thank you. 415 00:23:20,654 --> 00:23:24,090 Well. Always save it for later, you know, before you... 416 00:23:25,134 --> 00:23:26,806 Er, never mind. 417 00:23:28,974 --> 00:23:30,532 I'm frightened, Ben. 418 00:23:30,574 --> 00:23:33,293 Ooh! Yeah. Me too. 419 00:23:33,334 --> 00:23:35,609 Phew, you know, looking down there... 420 00:23:36,654 --> 00:23:39,771 ...my entire life flashed before my eyes. 421 00:23:42,334 --> 00:23:44,609 - Let's both jump. - No. 422 00:23:44,654 --> 00:23:46,406 No, you've got too much to live for. 423 00:23:46,454 --> 00:23:48,524 You've got a devoted wife 424 00:23:48,574 --> 00:23:53,443 and three beautiful children who love and respect you. 425 00:23:54,494 --> 00:23:56,325 See, about that... 426 00:23:56,374 --> 00:23:59,172 Jez, erm... I've been thinking, see. 427 00:23:59,214 --> 00:24:04,811 I mean, at that restaurant I might have overstated one or two things. 428 00:24:04,854 --> 00:24:06,890 - Which things? - All of it. 429 00:24:06,934 --> 00:24:08,162 I'm not with you. 430 00:24:08,214 --> 00:24:10,284 Well, I wanted to impress you, you see, 431 00:24:10,334 --> 00:24:13,132 because I thought your life was better than mine. 432 00:24:13,174 --> 00:24:15,642 Well, we don't have that problem any more, do we? 433 00:24:15,694 --> 00:24:19,846 No. No! No! Jez! No, Jez! Jez! Calm down! 434 00:24:19,894 --> 00:24:22,249 Come on! You have so much to live for! 435 00:24:22,294 --> 00:24:25,604 - Oh, like what?! - Like you are an amazing dentist! 436 00:24:25,654 --> 00:24:30,808 Why do you think, Jez, I encouraged you to stay on at dental college? 437 00:24:30,854 --> 00:24:33,891 Because you were brilliant! 438 00:24:33,934 --> 00:24:36,494 That's why I cheated off you! 439 00:24:37,854 --> 00:24:39,492 You cheated off me?! 440 00:24:43,294 --> 00:24:45,250 Only for the main exams. 441 00:24:46,294 --> 00:24:49,092 And all of the small ones. 442 00:24:49,134 --> 00:24:51,568 Let me get this straight. You... 443 00:24:51,614 --> 00:24:54,606 You lied to me at dinner just because you were jealous? 444 00:24:54,654 --> 00:24:56,133 Yes. 445 00:24:56,174 --> 00:25:01,806 And, you sat there and watched me dismantle my life, brick by brick, 446 00:25:01,854 --> 00:25:03,412 and you didn't say a word? 447 00:25:03,454 --> 00:25:05,172 Yes. 448 00:25:07,334 --> 00:25:12,089 So, at every point in my life when I had a big decision to make 449 00:25:12,134 --> 00:25:15,843 and I turned to you for guidance, 450 00:25:15,894 --> 00:25:17,168 you lied to me? 451 00:25:19,094 --> 00:25:22,404 Oh, sorry, I thought that was rhetorical. Yes, no, that's right. 452 00:25:24,014 --> 00:25:25,891 - God! What am I doing up here? - Jez... 453 00:25:25,934 --> 00:25:28,368 No, no, you tell me what am I doing up here? 454 00:25:28,414 --> 00:25:31,326 - Jez, I've just... - (Muttering) 455 00:25:31,374 --> 00:25:34,013 Jez, you see, it's fine. You see? You see? 456 00:25:34,054 --> 00:25:35,851 You don't want to jump any more. 457 00:25:35,894 --> 00:25:37,373 No. No, I want to push you off! 458 00:25:37,414 --> 00:25:41,771 No, please, Jez! Please, Jez! Jez! Calm down, Jez! 459 00:25:43,934 --> 00:25:46,767 That's a very well made roof, that. Very well made. 460 00:25:48,454 --> 00:25:51,844 - You destroyed my life... - Jez! 461 00:25:51,894 --> 00:25:54,089 ...in one night and all because of your lies! 462 00:25:54,134 --> 00:25:55,772 - Please! Please! - Laziness! 463 00:25:55,814 --> 00:25:59,489 Please! Listen, listen. Just listen to me for one minute. 464 00:25:59,534 --> 00:26:01,764 You can kill me now or in five minutes' time 465 00:26:01,814 --> 00:26:04,567 but just listen to what I've got to say! 466 00:26:06,854 --> 00:26:08,003 Whoo! 467 00:26:11,134 --> 00:26:14,046 OK, what is it? 468 00:26:15,894 --> 00:26:16,883 Sorry? 469 00:26:16,934 --> 00:26:20,244 Agh! I... I've thought of something! I've thought of something! 470 00:26:23,254 --> 00:26:24,767 Just stay. 471 00:26:24,814 --> 00:26:29,092 You must now focus on the future. 472 00:26:29,134 --> 00:26:31,807 Let's not dwell on the past, OK? 473 00:26:31,854 --> 00:26:34,812 That is not really very original. 474 00:26:34,854 --> 00:26:37,687 I'm not really very smart. 475 00:26:37,734 --> 00:26:40,487 You're just saying that to save your own skin! 476 00:26:40,534 --> 00:26:42,843 No, no, no, no. Forget my motives! 477 00:26:42,894 --> 00:26:48,093 Look, Jez. You are a brilliant dentist! 478 00:26:48,134 --> 00:26:50,887 - That's what you said before. - This time I mean it! 479 00:26:50,934 --> 00:26:53,402 I've got no reason to lie to you now. 480 00:26:53,454 --> 00:26:55,922 Except not getting thrown off a roof! 481 00:26:55,974 --> 00:26:57,805 There is that. Come on, Jez! 482 00:26:57,854 --> 00:26:59,731 You're a genius! 483 00:26:59,774 --> 00:27:01,605 Yes! Yes, Jez. 484 00:27:02,654 --> 00:27:05,566 Come on! You'll quickly get your reputation back. 485 00:27:05,614 --> 00:27:07,809 You'll patch things up. Come on, Jez. 486 00:27:07,854 --> 00:27:11,972 We'll tell them, tell them that you were under the influence of alcohol 487 00:27:12,014 --> 00:27:17,805 and under the influence of a total... git named Ben Harper. 488 00:27:17,854 --> 00:27:18,843 All right. 489 00:27:18,894 --> 00:27:21,647 Trust me, it's not the first time I've had to do that. 490 00:27:22,654 --> 00:27:25,088 Please, Jez. Please. Come back, Jez. 491 00:27:26,134 --> 00:27:29,809 I guess it... It takes a lot to admit that. 492 00:27:29,854 --> 00:27:34,609 And you're right, I have a lot to live for. 493 00:27:34,654 --> 00:27:36,451 Jez, Jez, please, don't do that. 494 00:27:36,494 --> 00:27:40,851 No, I've invested too much to throw it away now. 495 00:27:40,894 --> 00:27:46,491 So, let's, let's go and talk somewhere er, lower. 496 00:27:46,534 --> 00:27:48,764 - OK? - Sure. 497 00:27:49,814 --> 00:27:52,009 Come on, let's get out of here. 498 00:27:52,054 --> 00:27:53,043 (Yells) 499 00:27:53,094 --> 00:27:54,209 Jez! Jez! 500 00:27:54,254 --> 00:27:56,245 (Crashing thud) 501 00:27:57,934 --> 00:28:00,926 Not the best place to put a pizza, I suppose. 502 00:28:07,934 --> 00:28:12,052 - How's everything going, Mr Harper? - Touch and go, Alfie. Touch and go. 503 00:28:12,094 --> 00:28:14,688 A lot of damage done but er... 504 00:28:14,734 --> 00:28:18,522 You don't expect to get away lightly after a fall like that. 505 00:28:18,574 --> 00:28:21,566 - What's the prognosis? - New bonnet, new windscreen. 506 00:28:25,774 --> 00:28:29,050 Yes, but on the up side I got a new sun roof, you know. 38323

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