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1
00:00:01,727 --> 00:00:04,287
(Plays opening line
of "Oh When The Saints" repeatedly)
2
00:00:29,287 --> 00:00:31,278
(Discord)
3
00:00:34,127 --> 00:00:36,243
- Kenzo...
- Yes, Grandad?
4
00:00:36,887 --> 00:00:40,004
- You ever thought of taking lessons?
- I am taking lessons.
5
00:00:40,047 --> 00:00:43,517
- Piano lessons?
- Yes. Granny got them for me.
6
00:00:43,567 --> 00:00:47,162
- Did she?
- Do you think I'm any good, Grandad?
7
00:00:50,247 --> 00:00:52,636
You'll be better
when you've had a few lessons.
8
00:00:52,687 --> 00:00:54,882
I've been taking them for three months.
9
00:00:56,607 --> 00:00:58,802
And you're sure they're piano lessons?
10
00:01:01,007 --> 00:01:02,998
(Opening line
of "Oh When The Saints")
11
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(Piano continues)
12
00:01:38,247 --> 00:01:40,636
Anything nice happen
at the surgery this week?
13
00:01:40,687 --> 00:01:45,886
Oh, just the usual crushing disappointments
highlighted by my rogues' gallery of patients,
14
00:01:45,927 --> 00:01:51,206
whose blackened cavital sockets act
as a metaphor for my own decaying existence.
15
00:01:52,247 --> 00:01:54,841
Ever thought of writing greeting cards?
16
00:01:54,887 --> 00:01:59,039
Oh, my God! Listen!
He sounds like he's playing it with his face!
17
00:01:59,087 --> 00:02:01,362
You really live in a dark place, don't you?
18
00:02:01,407 --> 00:02:04,877
It's called reality, Susan,
and Kenzo supplies the soundtrack.
19
00:02:04,927 --> 00:02:09,205
- It's good for him to learn an instrument.
- We should get that piano tuned.
20
00:02:09,247 --> 00:02:12,205
- I had it done last week.
- Then the kid needs tuning.
21
00:02:13,207 --> 00:02:16,517
- Come on, admit it. He's terrible.
- Ben, he's seven.
22
00:02:16,567 --> 00:02:19,604
Well, so what?
Mozart was writing symphonies at seven.
23
00:02:19,647 --> 00:02:23,640
So, I bet you didn't know
you had a piano prodigy living under your roof.
24
00:02:23,687 --> 00:02:25,678
Prodigy? Prodigy!
25
00:02:25,727 --> 00:02:28,321
He can't even bluff his way
through Chopsticks!
26
00:02:28,367 --> 00:02:30,881
I'm glad he's found
something he can take an interest in.
27
00:02:30,927 --> 00:02:33,077
- It's fantastic.
- It's wonderful.
28
00:02:33,127 --> 00:02:35,118
It's making my teeth hurt.
29
00:02:35,167 --> 00:02:37,601
How long is he going to practise for?
30
00:02:37,647 --> 00:02:40,241
It has to be 30 minutes a day.
How's he doing, Mum?
31
00:02:40,287 --> 00:02:41,925
Still two minutes.
32
00:02:41,967 --> 00:02:44,083
If that kid had been playing on the Titanic,
33
00:02:44,127 --> 00:02:47,324
it would have made drowning
a far more palatable option.
34
00:02:48,087 --> 00:02:50,965
Oh, Mum, I meant to say,
his recital's this Friday.
35
00:02:51,007 --> 00:02:53,601
That's in four days' time.
36
00:02:53,647 --> 00:02:56,115
Maybe we should up his rehearsal time.
37
00:02:56,167 --> 00:02:58,158
- 40 minutes?
- 40?
38
00:02:58,207 --> 00:03:00,596
- Won't Dad mind?
- Oh, that's a good point.
39
00:03:01,607 --> 00:03:03,598
Fifty.
40
00:03:05,007 --> 00:03:06,998
What do you think?
41
00:03:07,047 --> 00:03:11,040
I'm sorry, Michael, but every time you embroil
me in your delicately-woven chicaneries,
42
00:03:11,087 --> 00:03:13,078
people seem to want to hurt us.
43
00:03:14,047 --> 00:03:17,756
- How can you say that?
- What about that incident with Mr Gonzalez?
44
00:03:18,967 --> 00:03:24,087
This is different. Anyway, it was fine once we
fumigated his garage and found his Alsatian.
45
00:03:25,687 --> 00:03:28,076
Internet dating's perfectly legitimate, Alfie,
46
00:03:28,127 --> 00:03:30,925
and there are two local girls
looking for dates this Friday.
47
00:03:30,967 --> 00:03:33,037
I'm also not sure if I want to dip my rod
48
00:03:33,087 --> 00:03:36,284
into the cruel waters
of the relationship pond just yet.
49
00:03:37,327 --> 00:03:40,000
They've already got 50 hits.
They're in demand.
50
00:03:40,047 --> 00:03:43,437
I'm happy as I am.
I don't need a woman's company to define me.
51
00:03:44,327 --> 00:03:47,399
Alfie, you can't hide
behind your tractor magazines forever.
52
00:03:47,447 --> 00:03:49,438
I have a simple system.
53
00:03:49,487 --> 00:03:53,799
Whenever I start talking in my sleep to my
favourite chicken back home, Lenny...
54
00:03:53,847 --> 00:03:56,122
Oh, Lenny...
55
00:03:56,167 --> 00:03:58,158
I know I've been single too long.
56
00:03:58,447 --> 00:04:00,756
You've been doing that for the last six months.
57
00:04:02,407 --> 00:04:04,398
Oh, well, sign me up, then.
58
00:04:07,007 --> 00:04:08,998
Michael, um...
59
00:04:09,727 --> 00:04:13,800
In my dreams, I do just...
talk to Lenny, don't I?
60
00:04:17,687 --> 00:04:19,678
Recital?
61
00:04:19,727 --> 00:04:22,287
He's got a recital this Friday?
62
00:04:22,327 --> 00:04:24,921
- In front of the whole school?
- He'll be fine.
63
00:04:24,967 --> 00:04:27,242
He'll be laughed at!
64
00:04:27,287 --> 00:04:30,757
Come on. Susan,
what's that going to cost us in therapy bills?
65
00:04:31,447 --> 00:04:34,962
He's your grandson. Can't you support him?
I think he's quite good.
66
00:04:35,007 --> 00:04:37,123
Good? Have you got selective hearing?
67
00:04:39,407 --> 00:04:41,398
Sorry, did you say something?
68
00:04:42,047 --> 00:04:44,038
Am I the only one who hears it?
69
00:04:44,087 --> 00:04:49,115
I mean, he's murdered so many songs,
we'd have to get a forensic officer in here.
70
00:04:49,167 --> 00:04:52,876
I fell sorry for you,
all that negative energy clouding your mind.
71
00:04:52,927 --> 00:04:56,920
You're never going to see
beautiful meadows and butterflies, are you?
72
00:04:56,967 --> 00:04:58,958
Oh, I suppose you do?
73
00:04:59,007 --> 00:05:00,998
I picture them from time to time,
74
00:05:02,247 --> 00:05:05,205
to take myself... away.
75
00:05:06,447 --> 00:05:08,563
Away? Away from what?
76
00:05:09,407 --> 00:05:11,204
Things.
77
00:05:12,167 --> 00:05:15,557
I er... I'm surprised
he didn't inherit some talent, you know,
78
00:05:15,607 --> 00:05:19,236
considering
he's from such a musical background.
79
00:05:22,767 --> 00:05:25,759
- Hang on. You're talking about yourself here?
- Yes.
80
00:05:28,487 --> 00:05:31,684
It's in my blood. I was in a band before.
81
00:05:32,287 --> 00:05:36,280
- Where? What band?
- In my 20s, Ben Harper and the Revolutions.
82
00:05:41,327 --> 00:05:45,843
Oh, go on, go on, la... I will have you know,
we were the talk of west London.
83
00:05:45,887 --> 00:05:48,162
Our outdoor performances were legendary.
84
00:05:48,207 --> 00:05:50,198
- Festivals?
- Fetes mainly.
85
00:05:51,247 --> 00:05:53,238
But it's in my blood. You know?
86
00:05:53,287 --> 00:05:56,040
You've got to have rhythm, Susan.
You have to understand music.
87
00:05:56,087 --> 00:05:58,282
You've got to have God-given timing.
88
00:05:58,327 --> 00:06:01,080
Timing? It's taken you 30 years to tell me.
89
00:06:01,127 --> 00:06:04,836
Well, when we first went out,
I didn't want to bang on about myself.
90
00:06:04,887 --> 00:06:07,879
I wanted to... you know, learn more about you.
91
00:06:09,687 --> 00:06:11,678
Best two hours of my life.
92
00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:16,446
Have you seen Kenzo's song book?
I have to take him for a lesson.
93
00:06:16,487 --> 00:06:21,481
Please, Susan, I've got time to think about
things like that now? Real music is afoot here.
94
00:06:22,567 --> 00:06:24,762
You've got that look. What are you up to?
95
00:06:24,807 --> 00:06:29,164
- Just getting in touch with the... lads.
- Lads? As in friends? You don't have any.
96
00:06:29,207 --> 00:06:31,482
My band, Susan,
Ben Harper and the Revolutions.
97
00:06:31,527 --> 00:06:33,836
Last night's little chat got me thinking,
98
00:06:33,887 --> 00:06:37,641
"Why not get in touch for old times' sake
and have an old jam together"?
99
00:06:37,687 --> 00:06:41,566
- That I'd pay to see.
- So I decided to get the old Rickenbacker out.
100
00:06:43,207 --> 00:06:45,198
That nobody wants to see.
101
00:06:45,887 --> 00:06:47,878
Droll, Susan, very droll.
102
00:06:48,927 --> 00:06:50,918
Behold.
103
00:06:57,327 --> 00:07:01,206
I got her out of the attic this morning.
I don't know why I locked her away.
104
00:07:01,247 --> 00:07:03,238
Yes, it's a mystery.
105
00:07:03,887 --> 00:07:07,163
We don't need her, do we, darling?
No, no, no. Come to Papa.
106
00:07:08,767 --> 00:07:10,758
(Strums)
107
00:07:15,447 --> 00:07:17,438
Yeah, Daddy's back.
108
00:07:20,967 --> 00:07:24,243
Well, it's been a whole day. Have they replied?
109
00:07:24,287 --> 00:07:26,278
Er... good and bad news, Alfie.
110
00:07:26,967 --> 00:07:28,958
They do want to go out with us, wahey,
111
00:07:30,047 --> 00:07:32,356
but in the rush to get our messages to them,
112
00:07:32,407 --> 00:07:37,959
I... may have attached your photo
to my profile and mine to yours.
113
00:07:39,247 --> 00:07:42,239
Michael, computers are your thing.
It's what you do.
114
00:07:42,287 --> 00:07:45,996
If you can't even get that right,
the whole world will reverse on its own axis.
115
00:07:46,047 --> 00:07:49,926
Look, relax. They still picked us
over 74 other potential dates.
116
00:07:49,967 --> 00:07:54,518
OK, so how will this whole profile mix-up
influence their opinions?
117
00:07:55,207 --> 00:07:59,280
They think you're a member of a debating club
and a junior chess champion,
118
00:07:59,327 --> 00:08:02,956
and I was the one
born in South Wales in a barn.
119
00:08:05,007 --> 00:08:07,202
That's a lie. It was North Wales.
120
00:08:08,807 --> 00:08:11,605
It doesn't matter.
The point is Terri still likes me.
121
00:08:11,647 --> 00:08:15,879
Well, you, and Georgia likes you... me.
122
00:08:17,007 --> 00:08:20,966
I'll just pretend to like farming for the night
and you pretend to like chess.
123
00:08:21,007 --> 00:08:23,726
No, no, no, no.
I won't impersonate another man.
124
00:08:23,767 --> 00:08:26,964
If we deceive them, what sort of foundations
are those for a relationship?
125
00:08:28,527 --> 00:08:32,042
- That's Terri. That's Georgia.
- Bishops go sideways, right?
126
00:08:44,447 --> 00:08:46,438
Hey, Mikey!
127
00:08:52,767 --> 00:08:54,758
Ow!
128
00:08:54,807 --> 00:08:59,244
Oh-ho! Hello,
two boys concealing a computer screen, eh?
129
00:08:59,287 --> 00:09:02,484
We were just organising
a social rendezvous, Mr Harper.
130
00:09:02,527 --> 00:09:05,519
- Yeah. Call it what you will, Alfie.
- Get on with it, Dad.
131
00:09:05,567 --> 00:09:11,676
Mikey, I need to use the internet to make
contact with a few friends.
132
00:09:12,287 --> 00:09:13,686
- Friends?
- Yeah.
133
00:09:13,727 --> 00:09:16,525
- Now who's being dishonest?
- No, no, no. It's not like that.
134
00:09:16,567 --> 00:09:20,276
If you must know, I was in a band in my youth
and I'm trying to organise a get-together.
135
00:09:20,327 --> 00:09:23,364
- Oh, can I join, Mr Harper?
- Oh, please. Grow up.
136
00:09:24,487 --> 00:09:26,284
You never told us you were in a band.
137
00:09:26,327 --> 00:09:29,603
I didn't like making a big deal about it, Mikey,
but we were great, man.
138
00:09:29,647 --> 00:09:32,525
We were really great. We push boundaries.
139
00:09:32,567 --> 00:09:35,081
We touch people. We redefine the genre.
140
00:09:35,527 --> 00:09:38,917
We left an indelible stamp
on the face of rock'n'roll.
141
00:09:38,967 --> 00:09:42,084
- What sort of stuff did you play?
- Covers mainly.
142
00:09:42,127 --> 00:09:45,278
Remember when we went to Glasgow?
He thought he had to take his passport.
143
00:09:45,327 --> 00:09:48,444
- We left him behind. Do you remember?
- We did, yes!
144
00:09:48,487 --> 00:09:51,604
- He slept on the golf course.
- It was always your fault.
145
00:09:51,647 --> 00:09:53,638
- Always your fault.
- It was a hell of a gig.
146
00:09:53,687 --> 00:09:56,201
How we didn't start a riot that, night,
I don't know.
147
00:09:56,247 --> 00:09:59,045
That was Danny's fault.
Goading the crowd, weren't you?
148
00:09:59,087 --> 00:10:02,921
Flapping his arms all over the place.
You never could dance, could you, Dan?
149
00:10:02,967 --> 00:10:05,162
Ben, I had epilepsy.
150
00:10:09,287 --> 00:10:12,085
Oh, you know.
It kept you on your toes, didn't it?
151
00:10:12,127 --> 00:10:15,119
Come on, we're back! Crazy times!
152
00:10:15,167 --> 00:10:17,442
How you managed to track us down,
I'll never know.
153
00:10:17,487 --> 00:10:20,957
Well, I still think of the band from time to time,
and I often wonder
154
00:10:21,007 --> 00:10:24,886
if Ben Harper and the Revolutions had stuck
together, Sticks, what would have happened.
155
00:10:24,927 --> 00:10:26,519
Knebworth, Live Aid, Glastonbury.
156
00:10:26,567 --> 00:10:28,558
I spoke to the landlord of the Pig And Whistle.
157
00:10:28,607 --> 00:10:31,485
Wooh! We're back! Come on, rock'n'roll!
158
00:10:32,647 --> 00:10:35,525
Right, let's have a stab
at one of the old show stoppers, yeah?
159
00:10:36,367 --> 00:10:38,358
Er... Zigs... Sorry.
160
00:10:38,887 --> 00:10:41,560
This is my spot, er, front centre.
161
00:10:42,527 --> 00:10:44,597
Ben Harper, Revolutions. Thank you.
162
00:10:44,647 --> 00:10:46,638
- Thank you.
- Right.
163
00:10:46,687 --> 00:10:51,715
- Right, well, what about Cowgirl Blues?
- Yeah, Cowgirl Blues! Let's...
164
00:10:52,767 --> 00:10:54,758
Two, three, four...
165
00:10:56,767 --> 00:10:58,758
Boys... (Whistles)
166
00:10:58,807 --> 00:11:00,798
Hold it! Hold it! Hold it!
167
00:11:00,847 --> 00:11:04,044
We're still talking.
Do you remember that gig in Oxford?
168
00:11:04,807 --> 00:11:08,322
The Oxford gig, when we were followed
by that vanload of girls?
169
00:11:08,367 --> 00:11:10,881
Man, we'd be nothing without our groupies.
170
00:11:10,927 --> 00:11:14,203
- The Revolutionettes.
- The Revolutionettes. Yes! That's it!
171
00:11:14,247 --> 00:11:17,159
- Who was the girl with the piercings?
- Sharon.
172
00:11:17,207 --> 00:11:20,722
Oh, that Fat Shazza! Woo-hoo!
What a dog! Rough!
173
00:11:20,767 --> 00:11:24,646
Talk about rough. Used to drink meths
and surf on the bonnet of my car.
174
00:11:25,647 --> 00:11:27,638
She looked like Meatloaf in drag.
175
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:30,076
Ziggy married her.
176
00:11:31,767 --> 00:11:35,123
Cowgirl Blues! One, two, one, two, three!
177
00:11:38,807 --> 00:11:42,720
♪ The rodeo bull went stir crazy
178
00:11:42,767 --> 00:11:46,123
♪ I knew right then she was my girl ♪
179
00:11:46,167 --> 00:11:48,158
- Lady!
- Lady! I meant lady!
180
00:11:52,527 --> 00:11:54,916
If you can't remember the lyrics,
you should have said.
181
00:11:54,967 --> 00:11:57,356
- I know the lyrics.
- You wrote the lyrics.
182
00:11:57,407 --> 00:12:00,001
I wrote the... Did I... I wrote the lyrics, yes.
183
00:12:00,047 --> 00:12:03,278
- See? No problemo.
- I thought it sounded pretty good.
184
00:12:03,327 --> 00:12:05,557
Give or take one or two things.
185
00:12:07,767 --> 00:12:11,442
I've got a few notes myself actually, Dan.
You came in a bit early on the intro.
186
00:12:11,487 --> 00:12:14,923
- Are you sure?
- Think about it. Think about it. OK?
187
00:12:14,967 --> 00:12:19,085
Ziggy, er... I think you were out of tune
during the chorus.
188
00:12:19,127 --> 00:12:21,118
- Was I?
- Yeah. I'm sorry, mate.
189
00:12:21,167 --> 00:12:24,443
You know, bit embarrassing,
but work on it, it'll be fine.
190
00:12:24,487 --> 00:12:26,079
Sticks, very good, mate.
191
00:12:26,127 --> 00:12:30,200
That was good, apart from the fact
I think you were a bit flat on your solo,
192
00:12:30,247 --> 00:12:33,000
and it's Cowgirl Blues, Sticks.
193
00:12:33,047 --> 00:12:35,038
Cowgirl Blues, cow bell.
194
00:12:35,087 --> 00:12:37,999
- It's there for a reason.
- Don't touch the kit.
195
00:12:38,047 --> 00:12:40,720
You do. Utilise it, mate.
That's all I'm saying.
196
00:12:40,767 --> 00:12:45,238
If you work on your deficiencies, Ben Harper and
the Revolutions will be ready for that gig!
197
00:12:45,287 --> 00:12:48,882
Listen, Ben, you know
we're called the Revolutions, don't you?
198
00:12:48,927 --> 00:12:51,361
- That's it.
- That's all we ever were, man.
199
00:12:51,407 --> 00:12:54,763
OK. Yeah, fine. I must be mad,
must be mad, must be crazy.
200
00:12:54,807 --> 00:12:57,401
I must have imagined the Ben Harper bit.
201
00:12:58,367 --> 00:13:01,837
- Right, OK, who's for a drink, yeah? Yeah?
- Yeah, great. Thanks, Ben.
202
00:13:01,887 --> 00:13:05,118
Beer anyone? Refreshments, OK.
Here we go. Cheers, Dan.
203
00:13:05,167 --> 00:13:07,681
Anyway, I think you can still stick them away.
204
00:13:07,727 --> 00:13:10,605
Hey, boys, rock'n'roll!
205
00:13:12,527 --> 00:13:15,599
- He's got to go.
- I can't believe he's still like that.
206
00:13:15,647 --> 00:13:18,719
This is the reason I went into loft insulation.
207
00:13:20,167 --> 00:13:22,556
We'll have to find a way to tell him somehow.
208
00:13:22,607 --> 00:13:26,282
The thing I can't figure out is why we didn't
sack him sooner the last time.
209
00:13:26,327 --> 00:13:28,841
He was the only one who had a car.
210
00:13:31,647 --> 00:13:33,239
He's improved so much, Mum.
211
00:13:33,287 --> 00:13:37,200
I'm telling you, Kenzo's going to kick
some serious arse this Friday.
212
00:13:37,247 --> 00:13:41,877
Janey, it's a piano recital for seven-year-olds,
not an underground cage fight.
213
00:13:41,927 --> 00:13:45,920
I know. I know. He's just going to stick it
to the other kids. That's all I'm saying.
214
00:13:45,967 --> 00:13:50,006
You shouldn't be taking this so seriously.
So long as he enjoys it, that's the main thing.
215
00:13:50,047 --> 00:13:53,357
I just want him to have
the musical chances I never had.
216
00:13:53,407 --> 00:13:55,682
We encouraged you
to take up a musical instrument.
217
00:13:55,727 --> 00:13:58,605
I had one violin lesson
and then my violin went missing.
218
00:13:58,647 --> 00:14:01,081
What was all that about?
219
00:14:01,127 --> 00:14:03,118
Yes,
220
00:14:03,167 --> 00:14:05,158
it's a mystery.
221
00:14:05,207 --> 00:14:08,677
Hey! Did you hear that? Ha-ha!
222
00:14:08,727 --> 00:14:10,718
Did you hear that out there?
223
00:14:10,767 --> 00:14:12,837
I mean, hoo-wee! That was real music!
224
00:14:15,007 --> 00:14:19,364
I swear, when I played that final chord,
I could see a tear in Ziggy's eye.
225
00:14:19,407 --> 00:14:21,398
I'll bet.
226
00:14:22,367 --> 00:14:24,437
I'm just getting the guys some beers.
227
00:14:24,487 --> 00:14:26,955
Hey, Susan, they're drinking before lunch!
228
00:14:27,007 --> 00:14:29,760
Before...
I mean, those guys are completely mental.
229
00:14:29,807 --> 00:14:32,480
They'll be driving at 32 in a built-up area next.
230
00:14:34,367 --> 00:14:37,200
So, do you remember all the songs OK, Dad?
It has been a long time.
231
00:14:37,247 --> 00:14:41,001
Janey, that jam session was laced with magic.
232
00:14:41,047 --> 00:14:44,642
I mean, I would elaborate,
but you two just wouldn't understand
233
00:14:44,687 --> 00:14:47,599
the sheer chemistry,
the dynamism, the raw energy,
234
00:14:47,647 --> 00:14:49,638
the sheer rush of adrenaline
235
00:14:49,687 --> 00:14:54,317
when four musicians are hurtling headlong
on a path to musical nirvana.
236
00:14:59,687 --> 00:15:01,678
Thank God he didn't elaborate.
237
00:15:03,887 --> 00:15:07,004
All right, Susan, me and the guys
are just heading down to the pub.
238
00:15:07,047 --> 00:15:11,006
- Fine. Dinner will be ready around seven.
- Oh, chill out, babe. We're rock people.
239
00:15:11,047 --> 00:15:13,322
Our creative clock ticks at its own pace.
240
00:15:13,367 --> 00:15:15,676
- 7:15?
- That's lovely. Fine, OK.
241
00:15:16,527 --> 00:15:19,325
- Hey, guys, the pub!
- (Unenthusiastically) Yeah.
242
00:15:20,967 --> 00:15:23,686
Ziggy, isn't it?
- Er... yeah. Yeah, that's right.
243
00:15:23,727 --> 00:15:25,797
I heard you. Sounds like you're having fun.
244
00:15:25,847 --> 00:15:28,122
Is that what it sounded like?
245
00:15:28,167 --> 00:15:30,158
How's Ben doing?
246
00:15:30,207 --> 00:15:33,279
Er... No, he's great and all, really great.
247
00:15:33,327 --> 00:15:35,921
It's just, you know, things have changed,
248
00:15:35,967 --> 00:15:38,686
and, well, he hasn't.
249
00:15:40,047 --> 00:15:43,244
- What are you saying?
- Er... well, how can I put this?
250
00:15:44,247 --> 00:15:46,238
We want him out of the band.
251
00:15:46,967 --> 00:15:48,958
Oh.
252
00:15:49,007 --> 00:15:51,396
Is it his playing or his personality?
253
00:15:51,447 --> 00:15:53,438
Er... Yeah.
254
00:15:54,727 --> 00:15:58,242
Right. So, when are you going to tell him?
255
00:15:58,287 --> 00:16:03,441
Oh, God. Look, Mrs Harper, I used to do
a bit of roadieing for Black Sabbath in the '70s,
256
00:16:03,487 --> 00:16:07,162
when Ozzy Osbourne... had his little demons,
shall we say?
257
00:16:07,207 --> 00:16:11,962
One rainy night in Munich, Ozzy got drunk
and locked himself in a Portaloo.
258
00:16:12,007 --> 00:16:15,124
I had to batter the door down
and wrestle a bottle of Jack Daniel's off him
259
00:16:15,167 --> 00:16:17,158
while he attacked me with a mic stand.
260
00:16:17,927 --> 00:16:19,042
And?
261
00:16:19,087 --> 00:16:21,999
And I would take that
over having to tell Ben any day.
262
00:16:23,807 --> 00:16:25,399
I see.
263
00:16:25,447 --> 00:16:29,156
I don't suppose
you could... break it to him, could you?
264
00:16:29,927 --> 00:16:33,363
Well, he'll be humiliated and crushed.
265
00:16:39,647 --> 00:16:41,638
Love to.
266
00:16:51,407 --> 00:16:56,003
Yeah, Susan, I thought us appearing live again
and me fronting the band would be...
267
00:16:56,047 --> 00:16:58,436
- Well, a miracle.
- It will be.
268
00:16:59,687 --> 00:17:02,201
- Ben, we need to talk.
- You know what it is, Susan?
269
00:17:02,247 --> 00:17:05,523
When I'm with the band,
it's like I'm in a different world,
270
00:17:05,567 --> 00:17:09,685
and I can actually see those butterflies
and meadows you were talking about.
271
00:17:10,727 --> 00:17:12,718
Are you sure they're butterflies?
272
00:17:12,767 --> 00:17:15,645
They could just be dead leaves
blowing in the wind.
273
00:17:16,687 --> 00:17:18,678
All I'm saying is, Susan,
274
00:17:18,727 --> 00:17:21,446
that I haven't been as happy as this for... for...
275
00:17:22,247 --> 00:17:24,238
Ooh, ages.
276
00:17:26,567 --> 00:17:28,637
- Ben...
- You know what it is, don't you?
277
00:17:28,687 --> 00:17:32,202
For the first time in a long while,
I've got friends.
278
00:17:33,007 --> 00:17:36,204
Friends, Susan, real friends,
and it feels really good.
279
00:17:37,687 --> 00:17:39,723
Sorry, you wanted to talk about something?
280
00:17:41,047 --> 00:17:43,038
- It'll keep.
- Yup.
281
00:17:46,847 --> 00:17:52,717
♪ To think that you were a caterpillar
in a Moroccan villa ♪
282
00:17:56,407 --> 00:17:58,398
- Listen, Dad...
- Yeah?
283
00:17:58,447 --> 00:18:00,563
I let you use my computer the other day,
284
00:18:00,607 --> 00:18:03,917
so er... I need a favour in return.
285
00:18:03,967 --> 00:18:06,197
OK, Mikey. Shoot.
286
00:18:06,247 --> 00:18:08,807
Could you teach me
a few basics on that thing?
287
00:18:08,847 --> 00:18:11,645
He's embarrassed.
Mikey, don't be embarrassed.
288
00:18:11,687 --> 00:18:13,882
You want to soak up
some of my creative energy.
289
00:18:13,927 --> 00:18:16,600
- That's understandable.
- Don't make this any harder.
290
00:18:16,647 --> 00:18:18,638
Look, Mikey,
291
00:18:18,687 --> 00:18:21,360
the way I play can't actually be taught,
292
00:18:22,687 --> 00:18:25,997
but I can show you
a few very, very basic beginners' chords.
293
00:18:26,047 --> 00:18:28,038
OK? Come on, Mikey. Come on.
294
00:18:30,007 --> 00:18:31,998
You know the rules, Michael.
295
00:18:32,047 --> 00:18:35,005
He shows no interest in us,
we show no interest in him.
296
00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:39,006
Is it so wrong for a young man
to want to be mentored by his father?
297
00:18:39,047 --> 00:18:42,119
When you're the young man
and he's the father, yes.
298
00:18:42,167 --> 00:18:44,158
- What's going on?
- OK.
299
00:18:44,207 --> 00:18:48,200
I'm masquerading as Alfie to impress a girl,
so I need to learn the guitar fast.
300
00:18:48,247 --> 00:18:51,364
Alfie can't teach me as he's learning chess
in order to portray me.
301
00:18:51,407 --> 00:18:54,717
I've only got a few hours, Dad's got a guitar,
I'm desperate, he's got the time.
302
00:18:54,767 --> 00:18:58,965
I'm sorry. You lost me
at masquerading as Alfie to impress girls.
303
00:19:06,367 --> 00:19:08,358
So, how did Dad take the news?
304
00:19:09,967 --> 00:19:11,958
He didn't.
305
00:19:13,967 --> 00:19:16,276
I didn't have the heart to tell him.
306
00:19:16,327 --> 00:19:18,966
Have you seen
how happy he's been in the last two days?
307
00:19:19,007 --> 00:19:21,123
- It's not that easy.
- Of course it is.
308
00:19:21,167 --> 00:19:24,239
He was rude about Kenzo.
He deserves to hear the truth.
309
00:19:24,287 --> 00:19:27,199
Hiding from the truth
is all that keeps this family together.
310
00:19:30,407 --> 00:19:34,719
(English accent) Oh, I'd say my favourite
chess move would be the two-knight defence,
311
00:19:34,767 --> 00:19:37,406
although I am partial to the Latvian Gambit.
312
00:19:38,447 --> 00:19:42,406
Wow! I didn't realise
you liked chess this much, Michael.
313
00:19:42,447 --> 00:19:45,359
Oh, yes. I can't get enough
of the old chessarooney.
314
00:19:45,407 --> 00:19:50,435
Chess this, chess that. Queen to F-4 here,
Rook to F-5 there. Yadda-yadda-yadda.
315
00:19:51,847 --> 00:19:56,284
So, tell me
a bit about your upbringing in Wales.
316
00:19:56,327 --> 00:19:58,921
(Welsh accent) Well, there's not much to tell.
317
00:19:59,367 --> 00:20:01,358
Childhood,
318
00:20:01,407 --> 00:20:03,398
adolescence,
319
00:20:03,447 --> 00:20:05,438
adulthood.
320
00:20:05,487 --> 00:20:07,523
Three quick steps, really.
321
00:20:07,567 --> 00:20:09,558
You're so modest, Alfie.
322
00:20:09,607 --> 00:20:12,246
What about that story on your profile,
323
00:20:12,287 --> 00:20:16,917
where you found those poor sheep
lost in the mountains, struggling for oxygen?
324
00:20:17,807 --> 00:20:20,196
Well, I'm a modest sort, you know, Georgia.
325
00:20:20,247 --> 00:20:23,159
I don't really like to talk about that.
326
00:20:23,807 --> 00:20:26,480
But the way you gave the whole herd
mouth-to-mouth,
327
00:20:26,527 --> 00:20:28,518
then reared them as your own.
328
00:20:30,767 --> 00:20:32,837
Yes, I'm full of surprises, aren't I?
329
00:20:33,527 --> 00:20:36,360
Would you girls excuse us for a second?
330
00:20:36,407 --> 00:20:38,716
We need the toilet, don't we, Michael?
331
00:20:38,767 --> 00:20:41,520
Michael? Oh, yes, Michael.
332
00:20:41,567 --> 00:20:44,286
That would be me, Michael.
Yes. That's my name.
333
00:20:51,727 --> 00:20:54,924
It's a disaster.
I say we abort while we still can.
334
00:20:54,967 --> 00:20:59,483
A bit longer, Michael. If I can give Terri
more of that chess chat, she's bound to wilt.
335
00:20:59,527 --> 00:21:02,758
- It's white-hot!
- No. Alfie, they're on to us.
336
00:21:02,807 --> 00:21:04,684
I say we ride it out.
337
00:21:04,727 --> 00:21:09,357
It's strange. Once I put my moralistic instincts
to one side, I started enjoying being you.
338
00:21:09,407 --> 00:21:13,241
- I say we bail.
- Michael, we have to try and make this work.
339
00:21:13,287 --> 00:21:17,360
You and I can't go back to our weird,
girl-free co-dependency with its...
340
00:21:18,927 --> 00:21:20,918
awkward tension.
341
00:21:21,927 --> 00:21:23,918
What do you say?
342
00:21:24,967 --> 00:21:26,958
- Fine.
- Yes!
343
00:21:27,007 --> 00:21:31,239
Oh, and Alfie, what did happen
that day in the mountains with those sheep?
344
00:21:33,647 --> 00:21:35,638
Some... stuff.
345
00:21:36,847 --> 00:21:39,759
What happens on the mountain
stays on the mountain.
346
00:21:46,207 --> 00:21:48,926
(English accent) Sorry.
My bladder's an impatient mistress.
347
00:21:50,287 --> 00:21:52,278
(Welsh accent) What is it?
348
00:21:52,327 --> 00:21:54,636
I'm sorry,
but I think there's been a bit of a mix-up.
349
00:21:54,687 --> 00:21:56,678
What kind of a mix-up?
350
00:21:56,727 --> 00:22:00,515
This is going to sound really strange,
but can we swap dates?
351
00:22:00,567 --> 00:22:02,558
- Come again?
- Yeah.
352
00:22:02,607 --> 00:22:05,724
I'd actually really like
to get to know Alfie over here.
353
00:22:05,767 --> 00:22:08,645
And I quite like Michael.
I'd like to find out more about you.
354
00:22:09,607 --> 00:22:13,566
Well, it's a stretch,
but we'll see if we can't manage it.
355
00:22:22,487 --> 00:22:25,957
Hey, it's a shame about Georgia, but er...
356
00:22:26,007 --> 00:22:28,362
well, I have to say, Terri,
I'm flattered you chose me.
357
00:22:28,407 --> 00:22:32,719
- So what do you think of Michael?
- I'm sorry.
358
00:22:32,767 --> 00:22:34,723
I know he's your friend and everything,
359
00:22:34,767 --> 00:22:40,524
but a guy that lives with his mum,
plays chess and goes to a debating club?
360
00:22:40,567 --> 00:22:44,196
Two words, repressed loser.
361
00:22:50,887 --> 00:22:53,276
Kenzo's all ready to go.
362
00:22:53,327 --> 00:22:56,000
There were a few tears
and tantrums backstage,
363
00:22:56,607 --> 00:22:58,598
but I'm fine now.
364
00:23:03,687 --> 00:23:07,396
- You still haven't told him, have you?
- He's been so happy lately.
365
00:23:08,687 --> 00:23:10,882
It's almost like he's human.
366
00:23:10,927 --> 00:23:15,205
(Teacher) And now, from Year Two, playing
a selection of sheet music, Kenzo Harper.
367
00:23:15,247 --> 00:23:17,238
(# London Bridge Is Falling Down)
368
00:23:19,767 --> 00:23:22,565
That's it, Kenzo, just as we practised.
369
00:23:25,527 --> 00:23:28,246
Dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.
370
00:23:28,287 --> 00:23:30,278
What is this? Name That Tune?
371
00:23:30,327 --> 00:23:32,318
Shut up, Ben.
372
00:23:34,527 --> 00:23:37,485
I think "sheet" music's being kind.
373
00:23:39,207 --> 00:23:41,198
Focus, Kenzo. Focus.
374
00:23:42,567 --> 00:23:46,116
This is very awkward, Susan.
The kid is embarrassing himself.
375
00:23:46,167 --> 00:23:48,556
- He happens to be doing very well.
- Humph!
376
00:23:48,607 --> 00:23:51,804
Someone should have been honest
with him from the start.
377
00:23:51,847 --> 00:23:55,760
I mean, that kid is big enough
and tough enough to hear the truth.
378
00:23:55,807 --> 00:23:57,763
- That's what you really think?
- Yeah, sure.
379
00:23:57,807 --> 00:24:01,117
Simon Bowel's got it right.
If someone's crap, tell them.
380
00:24:01,167 --> 00:24:04,204
- It's cruel to be kind.
- OK. You're crap.
381
00:24:04,247 --> 00:24:07,444
Exactly. That's all it needs.
You know, no big deal.
382
00:24:07,487 --> 00:24:10,285
- No, Ben, you're crap.
- What?
383
00:24:10,327 --> 00:24:12,522
You're terrible. The band want you out.
384
00:24:13,367 --> 00:24:15,358
Er... come again?
385
00:24:15,407 --> 00:24:19,002
The Revolutions...
The Revolutions want to start without you.
386
00:24:19,047 --> 00:24:21,163
They don't want you playing with them.
387
00:24:23,327 --> 00:24:24,601
Oh, really?
388
00:24:24,647 --> 00:24:30,916
Oh, sack the lead singer and if I say so, the
heartbeat of the band, a week before the gig?
389
00:24:30,967 --> 00:24:34,323
- I don't think so.
- Ben, Ziggy told me they want you out.
390
00:24:34,367 --> 00:24:36,642
I'm sorry, but you left me no choice.
391
00:24:36,687 --> 00:24:39,679
- After all, honesty's the best policy.
- No, it is not.
392
00:24:39,727 --> 00:24:41,718
- Who said that?
- You did.
393
00:24:41,767 --> 00:24:45,237
Mum! Dad!
This is Kenzo's moment, not yours. Shut up.
394
00:24:47,047 --> 00:24:50,244
- There was no need for that.
- Ooh, what got into her?
395
00:24:53,327 --> 00:24:55,318
That's my boy.
396
00:24:58,367 --> 00:25:00,358
You can think what you want, Susan,
397
00:25:00,407 --> 00:25:03,444
but all I can say is we've got a rehearsal
at 10am tomorrow morning.
398
00:25:03,487 --> 00:25:05,364
- Oh, no, you haven't.
- Oh, yes, we have.
399
00:25:05,407 --> 00:25:08,205
One of us is going to look really foolish.
400
00:25:19,967 --> 00:25:23,562
- Yup, they're really not coming, are they?
- I'm sorry.
401
00:25:23,607 --> 00:25:25,598
- I really am.
- Humph.
402
00:25:26,087 --> 00:25:28,078
Ah, well, it doesn't matter.
403
00:25:29,767 --> 00:25:31,962
Maybe it wasn't as special as I thought,
404
00:25:32,007 --> 00:25:33,998
you know, well, like it used to be.
405
00:25:34,047 --> 00:25:36,038
- Things change, Ben.
- Yeah.
406
00:25:36,087 --> 00:25:39,159
And they were getting
very big for their boots, Susan.
407
00:25:39,207 --> 00:25:43,803
Oh, they're so bossy. I mean, it's difficult
dealing with egos like that, darling.
408
00:25:43,847 --> 00:25:45,838
Yes, I'm sure.
409
00:25:45,887 --> 00:25:49,596
If we'd gone on the road together, just think,
there would have been tantrums,
410
00:25:49,647 --> 00:25:51,797
back stabbing, infighting...
411
00:25:51,847 --> 00:25:54,042
And who needs that
when you can get it all here?
412
00:25:54,087 --> 00:25:56,078
- Exactly.
- It's cheer-up time.
413
00:25:56,127 --> 00:25:58,846
Yeah. Give me one reason why I should.
414
00:25:58,887 --> 00:26:02,880
Play your cards right, I might let you
get out your Rickenbacker later.
415
00:26:08,927 --> 00:26:10,918
- All right?
- All right.
416
00:26:11,487 --> 00:26:13,921
- You enjoy your recital?
- I'm rubbish.
417
00:26:13,967 --> 00:26:17,755
Well... You didn't overhear your grandad
last night, did you?
418
00:26:17,807 --> 00:26:21,402
No. I heard some of the other mummies
and daddies saying it.
419
00:26:21,447 --> 00:26:23,324
Oh, did you? Come here.
420
00:26:23,367 --> 00:26:25,562
Hey, it doesn't matter what they say.
421
00:26:26,327 --> 00:26:28,602
- Do you enjoy playing the piano?
- Yeah.
422
00:26:28,647 --> 00:26:31,161
- Well, that's all that matters.
- Thanks, Grandad.
423
00:26:31,207 --> 00:26:34,882
It's all right. Hey, they're old people.
They don't understand.
424
00:26:34,927 --> 00:26:36,918
We're ahead of our time, you and me.
425
00:26:38,007 --> 00:26:39,998
They're not ready for our sound.
426
00:26:40,047 --> 00:26:42,038
- Hey, do you want to jam?
- Yeah!
427
00:26:42,287 --> 00:26:44,278
(Resonating chord)
428
00:26:49,807 --> 00:26:51,798
Just stick to your piano. OK?
429
00:26:52,487 --> 00:26:54,478
Stick to your piano.
430
00:26:54,527 --> 00:26:56,518
One, two, three.
431
00:26:56,567 --> 00:26:59,365
♪ Oh, when the saints go marching in
432
00:27:00,447 --> 00:27:04,679
♪ When the saints go marching in
433
00:27:05,847 --> 00:27:10,204
♪ I'll be in that number
434
00:27:10,487 --> 00:27:13,081
♪ When the saints go marching in ♪
435
00:27:13,527 --> 00:27:15,518
- Yeah! Yeah!
- That was fun.
436
00:27:15,567 --> 00:27:18,479
It was great.
Just a little thought, little thought.
437
00:27:18,527 --> 00:27:20,677
You could play a tad quicker.
438
00:27:20,727 --> 00:27:24,402
I mean, generally speaking,
your tempo, it's all over the place.
439
00:27:25,487 --> 00:27:28,479
When we got to Row, Row Your Boat,
440
00:27:28,527 --> 00:27:31,485
it sounded like you were phoning it in,
so let's do it again.
441
00:27:31,527 --> 00:27:34,599
Let's do it. OK? OK.
After three. One, two, three. And...
442
00:27:34,647 --> 00:27:38,196
♪ Oh, when the saints go marching in
443
00:27:38,247 --> 00:27:40,238
A little quicker. Quicker. Come on.
444
00:27:40,287 --> 00:27:43,199
♪ When the saints go marching in
445
00:27:43,927 --> 00:27:48,603
♪ I want to be in that number
446
00:27:48,647 --> 00:27:52,925
♪ When the saints go marching in ♪
447
00:27:52,967 --> 00:27:54,958
Have you stopped?
448
00:27:55,807 --> 00:27:59,038
Isn't it great?
Our children are playing together.
449
00:28:00,527 --> 00:28:03,280
Listen, Mum, you were right.
450
00:28:03,327 --> 00:28:05,318
I did put too much pressure on Kenzo.
451
00:28:05,367 --> 00:28:08,803
The fact that he was playing at the recital
should have been enough for me.
452
00:28:08,847 --> 00:28:13,125
Janey, you're a mother. You're supposed
to expect the best from your child.
453
00:28:13,167 --> 00:28:15,158
I always did.
454
00:28:17,007 --> 00:28:18,998
Up to a point.
455
00:28:21,407 --> 00:28:24,558
- Kenzo, what's up?
- I can't work with this.
38820
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