All language subtitles for My Family - S08E01 - The Parent Trap
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Filipino
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hindi
Hmong
Hungarian
Igbo
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Javanese
Kannada
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Malayalam
Maltese
Maori
Marathi
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese
Punjabi
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Sundanese
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Tamil
Telugu
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Xhosa
Yiddish
Yoruba
Zulu
Odia (Oriya)
Kinyarwanda
Turkmen
Tatar
Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:33,047 --> 00:00:34,765
(# Choir chanting)
2
00:00:34,807 --> 00:00:36,798
(# Vigorous orchestral music)
3
00:00:41,487 --> 00:00:43,318
(Water bubbling)
4
00:00:48,847 --> 00:00:50,565
(Laughter)
5
00:00:55,047 --> 00:00:57,038
(Baby crying)
6
00:01:01,047 --> 00:01:03,038
(# Choir chanting)
7
00:01:06,087 --> 00:01:08,078
What are you watching?
8
00:01:08,927 --> 00:01:10,679
Everything.
9
00:01:11,807 --> 00:01:14,037
Look at it, Janey.
10
00:01:14,087 --> 00:01:16,999
- Are you sure it's big enough?
- Oh, it's perfect.
11
00:01:17,047 --> 00:01:18,958
For a multiplex!
12
00:01:19,007 --> 00:01:22,966
You are witnessing a primal ritual bond
13
00:01:23,007 --> 00:01:24,645
between man...
14
00:01:24,687 --> 00:01:26,484
and plasma.
15
00:01:27,847 --> 00:01:29,963
- Yeah. Can I ask you something, Dad?
- Mm?
16
00:01:30,007 --> 00:01:32,077
Did you cry like this when I was born?
17
00:01:32,687 --> 00:01:34,678
Not like this, no.
18
00:01:35,327 --> 00:01:37,477
Whoa. Look at it, Janey.
19
00:01:37,527 --> 00:01:39,757
Just look at that.
20
00:01:39,807 --> 00:01:42,924
That's what I've been working
my whole life for.
21
00:01:42,967 --> 00:01:45,959
(Gasps) This is what I deserve.
22
00:01:47,007 --> 00:01:50,079
Who's Mr Maclntyre?
23
00:01:53,767 --> 00:01:55,917
He's the... He lives at number 18.
24
00:01:59,287 --> 00:02:01,403
All right, it's his telly.
25
00:02:01,447 --> 00:02:04,086
I took delivery while he's on holiday.
26
00:02:04,127 --> 00:02:06,925
And nice of you to take it out of its box
and test it out for him.
27
00:02:06,967 --> 00:02:09,561
What can I say? I'm a good neighbour.
28
00:02:09,607 --> 00:02:11,325
Anyway, do you want to hear my news?
29
00:02:11,367 --> 00:02:14,484
Janey, I didn't want to hear your news
when I had a crap TV.
30
00:02:15,287 --> 00:02:17,164
Mum!
31
00:02:17,207 --> 00:02:21,246
Mum, I had the most amazing date
last night.
32
00:02:21,287 --> 00:02:23,960
His name's Daniel, he's really cute,
33
00:02:24,007 --> 00:02:26,396
and he's got a huge...
34
00:02:26,447 --> 00:02:28,324
(Whispers)... bank account.
35
00:02:28,367 --> 00:02:30,562
He showed you his bank account
on the first date?
36
00:02:31,167 --> 00:02:34,523
His cashpoint slip was just sitting there.
What was I going to do? Not look?
37
00:02:34,567 --> 00:02:36,956
Janey, Janey, Janey.
38
00:02:37,007 --> 00:02:40,317
This grasping, avaricious attitude of yours -
39
00:02:40,367 --> 00:02:42,358
I wish I had it when I was your age.
40
00:02:42,407 --> 00:02:44,967
The best part - he's a single dad.
41
00:02:45,007 --> 00:02:47,601
He has a son the same age as Kenzo.
42
00:02:47,647 --> 00:02:49,638
I don't know, Janey. A divorcé?
43
00:02:49,687 --> 00:02:51,678
No, no, no, it's better than that.
44
00:02:51,727 --> 00:02:54,082
She's dead! It's perfect.
45
00:02:55,847 --> 00:02:57,917
- (Doorbell)
-
(Shouting on TV)
46
00:02:57,967 --> 00:02:59,958
(TV off)
47
00:03:02,687 --> 00:03:04,200
(Mouths)
48
00:03:09,167 --> 00:03:10,998
PC 3089,
49
00:03:11,047 --> 00:03:13,880
Special Constable Roger Bailey Jr...
50
00:03:15,847 --> 00:03:17,724
at your service.
51
00:03:17,767 --> 00:03:20,156
- You got a search warrant?
- (Laughs) No.
52
00:03:24,927 --> 00:03:28,681
(Both) Ben! Ben!
53
00:03:30,527 --> 00:03:32,085
(Both laugh)
54
00:03:32,127 --> 00:03:34,118
What are you like?
55
00:03:34,687 --> 00:03:36,803
That is no way to treat an officer of the law.
56
00:03:36,847 --> 00:03:39,520
Er, part-time officer of the law.
57
00:03:39,567 --> 00:03:43,003
He took a test to be a part-time fireman
but he chafed on the pole.
58
00:03:43,047 --> 00:03:45,117
Ooh!
59
00:03:45,807 --> 00:03:47,718
And we got on brilliantly.
60
00:03:47,767 --> 00:03:49,758
Now it's just a question
of how the boys get on.
61
00:03:49,807 --> 00:03:52,719
If someone doesn't like your kids,
you're pretty much a social pariah.
62
00:03:52,767 --> 00:03:54,280
Mm.
63
00:03:55,287 --> 00:03:56,959
- What does that mean?
- Nothing.
64
00:03:57,007 --> 00:03:59,362
- Well, they're coming over tomorrow.
- OK.
65
00:03:59,407 --> 00:04:02,365
Keep them away from Michael's room.
He has an essay to finish.
66
00:04:02,407 --> 00:04:05,319
Oh, yes, God forbid we should disturb
the golden child.
67
00:04:05,367 --> 00:04:08,040
How is his walking on water coming along?
68
00:04:08,087 --> 00:04:11,318
Stop it, Janey. He got a distinction
for his last essay.
69
00:04:11,367 --> 00:04:14,279
- I'm very proud of him.
- Aren't you proud of me?
70
00:04:14,327 --> 00:04:15,965
Oh, darling.
71
00:04:16,007 --> 00:04:19,716
A mother is proud of her child,
no matter how big a failure they are.
72
00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:22,645
Thanks, Mum.
73
00:04:24,487 --> 00:04:26,000
Notepad.
74
00:04:27,087 --> 00:04:28,918
Pepper spray.
75
00:04:28,967 --> 00:04:30,400
Handcuffs.
76
00:04:31,327 --> 00:04:32,919
Oh.
77
00:04:32,967 --> 00:04:34,719
Sorry, Rog,
78
00:04:34,767 --> 00:04:36,758
I forgot to put them back.
79
00:04:39,887 --> 00:04:41,718
Aha, Mikey!
80
00:04:41,767 --> 00:04:44,361
Mikey, Mikey, Mikey. How was school?
81
00:04:44,407 --> 00:04:46,398
I left school six months ago. I'm at university.
82
00:04:46,447 --> 00:04:48,961
That's right, that's what I said.
83
00:04:49,007 --> 00:04:51,237
You all right? You look a bit down.
84
00:04:51,287 --> 00:04:55,326
I've got some heavy stuff I need to talk to
Mum about. Not sure how she's gonna take it.
85
00:04:55,367 --> 00:04:57,801
You don't always have to run off to Mummy.
86
00:04:57,847 --> 00:04:59,519
I'm a parent too, you know.
87
00:04:59,567 --> 00:05:02,161
Good old Dad, eh? Always here for you.
88
00:05:02,207 --> 00:05:04,198
Come on, Mikey, out with it.
89
00:05:04,247 --> 00:05:06,363
A problem shared, problem solved.
90
00:05:06,407 --> 00:05:09,399
- I've got my girlfriend pregnant.
- (Shrill) Susan!
91
00:05:12,127 --> 00:05:13,845
Erm...
92
00:05:13,887 --> 00:05:16,526
I think your mother's better
dealing with this than...
93
00:05:16,567 --> 00:05:18,125
Susan!
94
00:05:18,167 --> 00:05:20,476
- You screamed?
- Yeah, Mikey has something
95
00:05:20,527 --> 00:05:22,438
he wants to tell you. Mikey.
96
00:05:23,247 --> 00:05:24,760
Erm...
97
00:05:24,807 --> 00:05:26,763
Mum...
98
00:05:26,807 --> 00:05:29,401
you remember how caring
and supportive you were
99
00:05:29,447 --> 00:05:31,358
when Janey told you she was expecting?
100
00:05:31,407 --> 00:05:33,602
- I remember being furious.
- No.
101
00:05:33,647 --> 00:05:36,161
No, no, no, no, you weren't.
102
00:05:36,207 --> 00:05:38,596
You were loving and understanding.
103
00:05:39,767 --> 00:05:43,157
- I don't think so.
- No, no, er, read between the lines, Susan.
104
00:05:43,207 --> 00:05:45,482
- Read between the lines.
- Think of all the joy
105
00:05:45,527 --> 00:05:47,245
that little Kenzo's brought you.
106
00:05:50,087 --> 00:05:51,884
Yeah, she's there.
107
00:05:55,367 --> 00:05:57,119
I don't know how this could have happened.
108
00:05:57,167 --> 00:05:59,237
I mean...
109
00:05:59,287 --> 00:06:02,279
Michael wears rubber gloves
to take the rubbish out.
110
00:06:05,007 --> 00:06:09,159
Well, he swears he took precautions,
but, er... (Chuckles)
111
00:06:11,127 --> 00:06:13,322
...you know what this is, don't you?
- Ben, stop.
112
00:06:13,367 --> 00:06:15,483
- It's the Harper sperm.
- Oh, please.
113
00:06:16,887 --> 00:06:18,479
Sorry, sorry.
114
00:06:18,527 --> 00:06:21,678
They haven't invented a device
that can contain them.
115
00:06:22,967 --> 00:06:24,923
Much like toxic waste.
116
00:06:26,207 --> 00:06:27,925
Seriously, Ben, I'm so angry.
117
00:06:27,967 --> 00:06:29,559
Me too. What a silly boy.
118
00:06:29,607 --> 00:06:32,201
- Not with Michael, with you.
- Me? What have I done?
119
00:06:32,247 --> 00:06:34,886
You should have let him know
that things like this can happen.
120
00:06:34,927 --> 00:06:38,602
You'd have thought he'd have learned something
when I told him he was an accident.
121
00:06:38,647 --> 00:06:40,444
You never told him that!
122
00:06:41,087 --> 00:06:44,124
There's nothing to be gained
from finger pointing.
123
00:06:44,167 --> 00:06:47,079
No, no, you're right, you're right.
What's happened's happened.
124
00:06:47,127 --> 00:06:49,800
- Exactly. It's no good blaming each other.
- Right.
125
00:06:49,847 --> 00:06:52,202
- Gets us nowhere.
- Nowhere. Gets us nowhere.
126
00:06:52,247 --> 00:06:54,283
Gets us nowhere.
127
00:06:54,327 --> 00:06:56,318
I don't... I don't blame you.
128
00:06:59,727 --> 00:07:01,957
This is the bit where you say
I don't blame you either.
129
00:07:02,007 --> 00:07:04,567
No, but I do! You should have
done something to warn him.
130
00:07:04,607 --> 00:07:08,520
He's had nearly 19 years
of my grim, depressing existence.
131
00:07:08,567 --> 00:07:11,400
That would have put anyone off fatherhood
for life.
132
00:07:11,447 --> 00:07:14,883
If you'd had proper father-son talks with him,
none of this would be happening.
133
00:07:14,927 --> 00:07:17,122
Just like your mother-daughter talks with Janey.
134
00:07:17,167 --> 00:07:19,476
Riotous success they turned out to be.
135
00:07:20,687 --> 00:07:23,485
- Oh, my God. It's just occurred to me.
- What?
136
00:07:23,527 --> 00:07:26,564
Janey got pregnant,
Michael's got somebody pregnant.
137
00:07:26,607 --> 00:07:28,404
That means...
138
00:07:28,447 --> 00:07:31,564
- Nick's the responsible one.
- Oh, God.
139
00:07:35,647 --> 00:07:37,444
Yeah. OK.
140
00:07:37,487 --> 00:07:39,557
I'll talk to my mum and dad about it.
141
00:07:39,607 --> 00:07:41,325
Call you later.
142
00:07:42,287 --> 00:07:46,041
You can't sit there,
Kenzo's friend Joshua is coming round.
143
00:07:46,087 --> 00:07:48,078
You can't sit there either.
144
00:07:48,807 --> 00:07:50,798
How big is this kid?
145
00:07:51,727 --> 00:07:53,843
Look, you, he's coming round with his father.
146
00:07:53,887 --> 00:07:56,037
They'll be here any minute,
so can you just shift?
147
00:07:56,087 --> 00:07:58,157
OK, OK, I get it.
148
00:07:58,207 --> 00:08:00,675
You're on the pull. I'll leave you to it.
149
00:08:00,727 --> 00:08:02,797
- I've got work to do anyway.
- Thank you.
150
00:08:02,847 --> 00:08:05,122
Oh! And, Mike, I meant to say -
151
00:08:05,167 --> 00:08:08,796
well done, you! Mum told me your news.
152
00:08:08,847 --> 00:08:10,803
Oh, perfect!
153
00:08:10,847 --> 00:08:14,442
You get your girlfriend pregnant
and the whole bloody world has to know!
154
00:08:16,127 --> 00:08:18,357
I was talking about your essay results.
155
00:08:22,687 --> 00:08:24,484
Yeah, so was I.
156
00:08:24,527 --> 00:08:26,563
You have got a girl pregnant!
157
00:08:26,607 --> 00:08:28,404
Oh, Michael!
158
00:08:29,487 --> 00:08:31,762
You idiot!
159
00:08:31,807 --> 00:08:33,479
Says my wonderful sister,
160
00:08:33,527 --> 00:08:35,961
whose legs have two different postcodes.
161
00:08:38,527 --> 00:08:43,123
Says my wonderful brother, who seems to have
gone from virgin to father in one night.
162
00:08:43,167 --> 00:08:44,998
Well, I'm genuinely happy.
163
00:08:45,047 --> 00:08:48,642
- Cos now I'm the screw-up?
- Just happy to pass the baton.
164
00:08:48,687 --> 00:08:50,359
(Doorbell)
165
00:08:56,767 --> 00:08:59,122
- Daniel, come in.
- Thanks.
166
00:08:59,167 --> 00:09:00,964
And you must be Joshua.
167
00:09:01,007 --> 00:09:02,804
Kenzo, Josh is here!
168
00:09:02,847 --> 00:09:04,997
- So you found us all right?
- Yeah, no problem.
169
00:09:05,047 --> 00:09:06,446
Good.
170
00:09:07,247 --> 00:09:09,124
Kenzo... this is Josh.
171
00:09:09,167 --> 00:09:11,362
Josh, this is Kenzo.
172
00:09:14,087 --> 00:09:18,239
Look, Kenzo, why don't you take Josh upstairs
and show him your toys, hmm?
173
00:09:18,287 --> 00:09:19,879
OK? Come on.
174
00:09:25,127 --> 00:09:28,005
- Well, that went well.
- Yeah, that went great.
175
00:09:28,887 --> 00:09:31,082
Here's a corner.
Show me a corner, show me a corner.
176
00:09:31,127 --> 00:09:32,719
- Please. Please.
- Go on.
177
00:09:32,767 --> 00:09:34,803
- Hello, corner!
- Hello, corner.
178
00:09:34,847 --> 00:09:37,964
How are you doing?
Let's go and find the other corner, shall we?
179
00:09:38,007 --> 00:09:39,998
- Yes, why don't we?
- Here we go!
180
00:09:40,047 --> 00:09:42,880
- No, no, no.
- Oh, Ben! Oh, Ben!
181
00:09:43,767 --> 00:09:45,359
(Michael) Mum!
182
00:09:45,407 --> 00:09:49,036
We're in here, trying to stuff the duvet
into the duvet cover.
183
00:09:49,087 --> 00:09:51,726
Oh, please tell me
that's not code for something.
184
00:09:51,767 --> 00:09:54,156
And... there!
185
00:09:54,767 --> 00:09:56,405
Look at that. Nothing to it.
186
00:09:56,447 --> 00:09:58,358
Mum, Dad, I need to have a word with you.
187
00:09:58,407 --> 00:09:59,396
- What for?
- (Slap)
188
00:09:59,447 --> 00:10:01,438
Ooh. What? Oh, sorry.
189
00:10:01,487 --> 00:10:03,637
- I've been talking with Nikki.
- Nikki? Who's Nikki?
190
00:10:03,687 --> 00:10:05,996
His girlfriend. They've been going out
for nearly three months.
191
00:10:06,047 --> 00:10:07,321
I've never met her.
192
00:10:07,367 --> 00:10:09,961
That's why they've been going out
for nearly three months.
193
00:10:10,007 --> 00:10:12,919
- Sorry, darling, you were saying?
- Nikki's spoken to her mum and dad,
194
00:10:12,967 --> 00:10:16,721
and they thought it might be a good idea
if they came round to discuss the situation.
195
00:10:16,767 --> 00:10:18,280
- Absolutely.
- Absolutely not.
196
00:10:18,327 --> 00:10:20,443
- You think it's a bad idea?
- Yeah.
197
00:10:20,487 --> 00:10:23,047
What, having an irate father
with a shotgun round here?
198
00:10:23,087 --> 00:10:26,477
Not the most brilliant thing
I've ever heard, you know?
199
00:10:26,527 --> 00:10:28,563
They only wanna talk, Dad, that's all.
200
00:10:28,607 --> 00:10:30,802
- Mr and Mrs Baker thought...
- (Laughs)
201
00:10:40,087 --> 00:10:42,555
- Something funny?
- No, no, no, it's not funny.
202
00:10:42,607 --> 00:10:44,598
It's ironic, really, that they're called Bakers
203
00:10:44,647 --> 00:10:47,036
and their daughter's got a bun in the oven.
204
00:10:50,647 --> 00:10:53,719
Yeah, I guess you have to be
in the right frame of mind for that.
205
00:10:53,767 --> 00:10:56,281
Ask them when they're free,
will you, Michael?
206
00:10:56,327 --> 00:11:00,002
Erm, there is one other thing.
207
00:11:00,047 --> 00:11:02,038
Need to borrow L1,000.
208
00:11:02,087 --> 00:11:04,078
- Absolutely.
- Absolutely not!
209
00:11:05,087 --> 00:11:06,679
- You're saying yes?
- Yep.
210
00:11:06,727 --> 00:11:08,718
- You don't even know what he wants it for.
- It's obvious.
211
00:11:08,767 --> 00:11:12,726
Change of identity, new passport, airline tickets.
I'll get me chequebook.
212
00:11:12,767 --> 00:11:14,519
No, that's not what it's for.
213
00:11:14,567 --> 00:11:16,558
I've decided to tie the knot.
214
00:11:16,607 --> 00:11:18,563
It's a bit late for that, Mikey!
215
00:11:22,127 --> 00:11:24,083
- Mum, Dad...
- Yeah.
216
00:11:24,127 --> 00:11:28,405
I'm gonna ask Nikki to marry me
and I need to get an engagement ring.
217
00:11:28,447 --> 00:11:29,846
Blimey.
218
00:11:29,887 --> 00:11:32,685
Come on, Mikey, Mikey, a thousand pounds?
219
00:11:32,727 --> 00:11:37,323
Good God, that's the kind of money you spend
before you sleep with them.
220
00:11:41,047 --> 00:11:42,639
Well, it is.
221
00:11:43,687 --> 00:11:45,678
Say, "Thank you for having me," Joshua.
222
00:11:45,727 --> 00:11:47,843
- Thank you.
- Oh, you're welcome.
223
00:11:47,887 --> 00:11:51,004
And we'll see you tomorrow, all right? Bye.
224
00:11:52,567 --> 00:11:53,636
Bye.
225
00:11:54,407 --> 00:11:56,079
Bye.
226
00:11:58,247 --> 00:12:00,238
(Car passing)
227
00:12:00,287 --> 00:12:03,006
I... think Joshua's playing with the traffic.
228
00:12:03,047 --> 00:12:04,446
- Oh, God!
- Yeah.
229
00:12:04,487 --> 00:12:05,920
Bye!
230
00:12:10,887 --> 00:12:14,436
So... how did you and Josh get on?
231
00:12:14,487 --> 00:12:17,160
- Don't like him.
- Oh, of course you do.
232
00:12:17,207 --> 00:12:18,799
Don't.
233
00:12:18,847 --> 00:12:21,315
- Mummy likes him.
- You be his friend, then.
234
00:12:22,607 --> 00:12:25,360
But he wants to be your friend.
235
00:12:25,407 --> 00:12:27,602
He was nasty.
236
00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:30,798
Nasty people can be fun.
Look at your grandad.
237
00:12:32,767 --> 00:12:34,564
True.
238
00:12:34,607 --> 00:12:38,043
Well, it would be really helpful to Mummy
if you could like him.
239
00:12:38,087 --> 00:12:39,566
Hmm?
240
00:12:42,807 --> 00:12:44,798
Don't like you either.
241
00:12:47,087 --> 00:12:48,998
Er, wh... why don't we sit?
242
00:12:49,047 --> 00:12:51,038
On this... little seat here.
243
00:12:51,727 --> 00:12:53,285
Susan!
244
00:12:54,447 --> 00:12:55,846
OK.
245
00:12:58,527 --> 00:13:01,121
That's a bit of an excessively large
television you've got there.
246
00:13:01,167 --> 00:13:03,078
Oh, thank you very much.
247
00:13:04,687 --> 00:13:07,599
I mean, I'm thinking of getting
an even bigger one, you know,
248
00:13:07,647 --> 00:13:10,639
but, er, hey, don't tell Susan.
249
00:13:10,687 --> 00:13:13,076
- You keep secrets from your wife?
- Oh, God, yes.
250
00:13:15,327 --> 00:13:17,283
There's no need for blasphemy, thank you.
251
00:13:21,007 --> 00:13:24,283
This is... This is funny. This is fu...
I mean, I think it's funny.
252
00:13:24,327 --> 00:13:26,636
(Laughing) It makes me laugh.
253
00:13:26,687 --> 00:13:30,362
But, you know, the fact that you are the Bakers
and you've got a daughter with...
254
00:13:30,407 --> 00:13:32,398
Chips and dips, anyone?
255
00:13:35,967 --> 00:13:40,597
Well, this is a tricky business
that we're going to have to deal with, isn't it?
256
00:13:40,647 --> 00:13:42,638
To put it mildly, Mrs Harper.
257
00:13:42,687 --> 00:13:45,565
And we're very disappointed in Michael.
258
00:13:45,607 --> 00:13:47,837
Nikki's always spoken so highly of him.
259
00:13:47,887 --> 00:13:51,323
In Michael's defence,
he did think he had been careful.
260
00:13:51,367 --> 00:13:53,801
Nikki hasn't got pregnant on her own,
Mrs Harper.
261
00:13:53,847 --> 00:13:57,806
No, or we'd be waiting for the Three Wise Men
to turn up!
262
00:14:01,887 --> 00:14:04,481
I don't find that remark particularly funny,
Mr Harper.
263
00:14:04,527 --> 00:14:08,076
It's how my husband deals with stress,
by being an idiot.
264
00:14:09,007 --> 00:14:13,558
Question is, how do we deal
with this... situation?
265
00:14:13,607 --> 00:14:15,802
Well, we have some good news for you.
266
00:14:15,847 --> 00:14:19,157
Michael is prepared to do the responsible thing
and marry Nikki.
267
00:14:19,207 --> 00:14:20,799
Marriage?
268
00:14:20,847 --> 00:14:23,964
The Bible clearly says
that marriage is a commitment.
269
00:14:24,007 --> 00:14:26,601
It shouldn't be an excuse
to make hasty, bad decisions.
270
00:14:26,647 --> 00:14:28,638
Was for us.
271
00:14:30,567 --> 00:14:33,400
Are you saying that you two
had to get married?
272
00:14:33,447 --> 00:14:38,680
No, no, no. We had planned to get married,
the pregnancy just moved things up a bit.
273
00:14:38,727 --> 00:14:41,924
- So your eldest son was nearly a bastard?
- No nearly about it.
274
00:14:41,967 --> 00:14:43,366
Ben!
275
00:14:46,567 --> 00:14:49,479
Mr Harper, we feel the responsible thing
276
00:14:49,527 --> 00:14:53,964
is for you to make
a sensible financial contribution
277
00:14:54,007 --> 00:14:55,998
to the child's future.
278
00:14:56,047 --> 00:14:58,561
Say, L20,000?
279
00:14:58,607 --> 00:15:00,598
20,000 quid?
280
00:15:00,647 --> 00:15:02,842
Are you... Are you...
Are you out of your mind?
281
00:15:02,887 --> 00:15:06,004
As Proverbs 17:27 teaches us,
282
00:15:06,047 --> 00:15:08,925
a man of knowledge
uses words with restraint.
283
00:15:08,967 --> 00:15:11,162
Where does it say anything about 20,000 quid?
284
00:15:11,207 --> 00:15:13,277
I'm offended by your tone, Mr Harper.
285
00:15:13,327 --> 00:15:16,205
There is no way we would let our daughter
marry your son.
286
00:15:16,247 --> 00:15:18,886
He has no idea how to curb his appetites.
287
00:15:18,927 --> 00:15:22,203
Your daughter's not been exactly anorexic
in that department.
288
00:15:23,727 --> 00:15:25,718
And what about your daughter?
289
00:15:25,767 --> 00:15:28,725
Obviously the apple hasn't fallen
far from the tree there.
290
00:15:30,567 --> 00:15:32,444
Say something, Ben!
291
00:15:32,487 --> 00:15:35,923
Well, I'm trying,
but she's really got me on that one.
292
00:15:38,207 --> 00:15:41,995
We are trying to give you
the opportunity to atone
293
00:15:42,047 --> 00:15:45,483
for those terrible, sinful mistakes
you've made on your family.
294
00:15:45,527 --> 00:15:48,405
- Take more than 20 grand to do that.
- Shut up, Ben.
295
00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:51,086
How dare you come into this house
and insult my family?
296
00:15:51,127 --> 00:15:53,641
- This meeting is over. Get out.
- We were hoping
297
00:15:53,687 --> 00:15:56,360
that you'd be reasonable people,
but clearly we were wrong.
298
00:15:56,407 --> 00:15:58,557
You're not the first to make that mistake.
299
00:15:58,607 --> 00:16:00,598
- We'll say goodbye, then.
- Good night.
300
00:16:00,647 --> 00:16:03,719
(Mrs Baker) I have never been
so insulted in my life.
301
00:16:03,767 --> 00:16:06,645
(Mr Baker) Nor have I.
(Mrs Baker) I am absolutely appalled!
302
00:16:12,487 --> 00:16:15,081
- What do you think? Church wedding?
- Yes.
303
00:16:21,287 --> 00:16:23,642
You'd think a couple of Bible jockeys like them
304
00:16:23,687 --> 00:16:25,917
would be only too happy
to see their daughter married.
305
00:16:25,967 --> 00:16:29,084
Yep. Still, Michael's off the hook, thank God.
306
00:16:29,127 --> 00:16:30,685
Yes.
307
00:16:30,727 --> 00:16:33,116
He'd be an idiot to marry at 18.
308
00:16:33,167 --> 00:16:34,805
Stupid! Stupid!
309
00:16:34,847 --> 00:16:38,760
I mean, by the time his kid's grown up,
the randy little sod'd be 40.
310
00:16:38,807 --> 00:16:41,685
That's 20 years of his life down the toilet.
311
00:16:42,767 --> 00:16:45,361
You two do know I'm sitting here, don't you?
312
00:16:45,407 --> 00:16:47,796
Sorry, darling, we're just worried about you,
that's all.
313
00:16:47,847 --> 00:16:50,566
- Still gonna ask Nikki to marry me.
- Why?
314
00:16:50,607 --> 00:16:52,484
No one expects you to do that.
315
00:16:52,527 --> 00:16:55,439
Because it will give my life focus, meaning.
316
00:16:55,487 --> 00:16:58,684
- That's so romantic.
- It's completely mental.
317
00:16:58,727 --> 00:17:02,402
Why do you wanna get married when you've
been handed a get out of jail free card?
318
00:17:02,447 --> 00:17:03,926
- Here.
- What's this?
319
00:17:03,967 --> 00:17:07,357
If you're determined to marry Nikki,
I think you should have this.
320
00:17:07,407 --> 00:17:10,001
- Wow.
- Hang on, where did you get that from?
321
00:17:10,047 --> 00:17:13,960
I found it wrapped up at the back
of your sock drawer where you hid it.
322
00:17:14,007 --> 00:17:17,317
- I know all your hiding places.
- It's beautiful.
323
00:17:17,367 --> 00:17:21,804
It's not, it's gaudy. Look at it, it's tasteless,
old-fashioned. Nikki won't like that.
324
00:17:21,847 --> 00:17:24,315
It was your grandmother's engagement ring.
325
00:17:24,367 --> 00:17:27,200
By rights, your father should have
given it to me, but never did.
326
00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:29,681
Oh, forgive me! I would have prised it
from my mother's finger,
327
00:17:29,727 --> 00:17:32,719
but as she was still alive she might have
put up a bit of a struggle.
328
00:17:33,447 --> 00:17:36,280
- Now I think you should have it.
- No, no. It's an heirloom.
329
00:17:36,327 --> 00:17:40,320
That's what an heirloom is, Ben -
something you pass down through the family.
330
00:17:40,367 --> 00:17:42,756
An heirloom is something
you hold on to and cherish
331
00:17:42,807 --> 00:17:45,401
until your wife dies and you buy a sports car.
332
00:17:50,727 --> 00:17:52,604
- Give it to him, Ben.
- No.
333
00:17:52,647 --> 00:17:55,878
Do you want me to tell Michael
what else is in your sock drawer?
334
00:18:02,287 --> 00:18:03,800
(Doorbell)
335
00:18:07,327 --> 00:18:08,521
(Sobbing)
336
00:18:08,567 --> 00:18:10,717
Nikki! Come in.
337
00:18:10,767 --> 00:18:14,043
What's wrong? Here, I'll take that.
338
00:18:14,087 --> 00:18:16,760
My parents chucked me out of the house!
339
00:18:16,807 --> 00:18:20,356
Oh, just calm down and don't be stressed -
it's bad for the baby.
340
00:18:20,407 --> 00:18:23,285
Oh, Michael, what are we gonna do?
341
00:18:23,327 --> 00:18:26,160
- I'll figure something out, don't worry.
- (Sobbing)
342
00:18:26,207 --> 00:18:28,516
Shh, shh.
343
00:18:28,567 --> 00:18:30,285
- Shh.
- (Sobbing)
344
00:18:30,327 --> 00:18:31,919
Shh!
345
00:18:34,807 --> 00:18:36,798
Are you ever going back to work?
346
00:18:36,847 --> 00:18:39,236
I don't have any patients till Thursday.
347
00:18:39,287 --> 00:18:42,484
- It is Thursday.
- That's what waiting rooms are for.
348
00:18:42,527 --> 00:18:44,006
Hello!
349
00:18:44,047 --> 00:18:46,436
I'm Ben Harper, Michael's father.
350
00:18:46,487 --> 00:18:48,717
(Sobbing)
351
00:18:48,767 --> 00:18:52,999
Sorry, what did I say? I didn't mention
anything about unmarried mothers, did I?
352
00:18:53,047 --> 00:18:55,242
The pains of childbirth.
353
00:18:55,287 --> 00:18:58,040
Stretchmarks...
354
00:18:58,087 --> 00:19:00,840
- (Sobbing)
- What? What's the matter?
355
00:19:00,887 --> 00:19:03,276
- Dad, we need to have a serious talk.
- OK.
356
00:19:03,327 --> 00:19:05,318
- Right now.
- I understand. It's all right, Michael.
357
00:19:05,367 --> 00:19:07,562
- I'm here for you.
- Nikki's gonna move in with us.
358
00:19:07,607 --> 00:19:10,121
Mm-hm. Susan! Susan!
359
00:19:10,167 --> 00:19:14,080
- What's wrong? What have you done?
- Why do you always assume it's my fault?
360
00:19:14,127 --> 00:19:15,526
Experience.
361
00:19:16,207 --> 00:19:18,198
Mum, this is Nikki.
362
00:19:18,247 --> 00:19:20,317
Her parents have kicked her out of the house.
363
00:19:20,367 --> 00:19:23,120
She's got nowhere to stay,
I was thinking she could share with me.
364
00:19:23,167 --> 00:19:26,682
Why not? She's already in the club,
you can't do any more damage.
365
00:19:26,727 --> 00:19:28,957
Nikki, you're always welcome here.
366
00:19:29,007 --> 00:19:31,043
This is how we behave in a crisis -
367
00:19:31,087 --> 00:19:34,523
a family together, united, shoulder to shoulder.
It's the Harper way.
368
00:19:34,567 --> 00:19:37,127
It... Is it? Is it? Doesn't ring any bells with me.
369
00:19:38,127 --> 00:19:40,322
Mum, Dad, I've been thinking.
370
00:19:40,367 --> 00:19:42,358
Oh, makes a change.
371
00:19:42,407 --> 00:19:45,797
I've been thinking - when I propose to Nikki,
I want my family and friends around me.
372
00:19:45,847 --> 00:19:47,838
So, basically just family.
373
00:19:49,047 --> 00:19:51,083
- Yeah, thanks, Dad.
- That sounds wonderful.
374
00:19:51,127 --> 00:19:54,005
Wonderful? Has everyone in this house
gone completely insane?
375
00:19:54,047 --> 00:19:58,723
We are inviting a... a pregnant girl
into this house and you think it's wonderful?
376
00:19:58,767 --> 00:20:02,157
- Nikki, I'll show you up to Michael's room.
- Oh, that's OK.
377
00:20:02,207 --> 00:20:04,482
I know where it is.
378
00:20:04,527 --> 00:20:07,564
Actually, that was my parents' room.
Mine's down the hall.
379
00:20:13,367 --> 00:20:15,323
Thank you!
380
00:20:15,367 --> 00:20:17,358
Thank you so much!
381
00:20:17,407 --> 00:20:19,238
Thank you.
382
00:20:25,807 --> 00:20:28,401
- I'm burning those sheets.
- Way ahead of you.
383
00:20:31,887 --> 00:20:33,286
- Hi.
- Hi.
384
00:20:33,327 --> 00:20:34,726
Hello.
385
00:20:36,167 --> 00:20:38,635
Kenzo's upstairs.
386
00:20:38,687 --> 00:20:40,678
Why don't you go up and say hi?
387
00:20:40,727 --> 00:20:44,037
Yeah, why don't you go and play with Kenzo?
388
00:20:44,087 --> 00:20:46,078
- Now.
- Oh!
389
00:20:48,207 --> 00:20:49,606
(Both chuckle)
390
00:20:49,647 --> 00:20:52,241
- It's great to see them get along, isn't it?
- Yeah.
391
00:20:52,287 --> 00:20:55,085
- Did Josh say anything about Kenzo?
- Loved him!
392
00:20:55,127 --> 00:20:57,118
Did Kenzo say anything about Joshua?
393
00:20:57,167 --> 00:20:59,317
Couldn't stop talking about him. (Chuckles)
394
00:20:59,367 --> 00:21:01,722
It was fun to watch them
in the playground yesterday.
395
00:21:01,767 --> 00:21:03,485
Yeah, that was great.
396
00:21:03,527 --> 00:21:06,758
Look, sorry about Joshua not letting Kenzo
off the roundabout.
397
00:21:06,807 --> 00:21:10,720
It's fine. Kenzo throws up at the playground
all the time.
398
00:21:10,767 --> 00:21:12,758
Oh, listen, and thanks for the gift.
399
00:21:12,807 --> 00:21:15,196
You weren't to know
that Joshua can't eat peanuts.
400
00:21:15,247 --> 00:21:17,761
Oh, well, at least we all got to ride
in an ambulance.
401
00:21:18,807 --> 00:21:20,798
- Yeah, that was great.
- Yeah.
402
00:21:20,847 --> 00:21:23,156
No, we're kind of a nice little group,
aren't we?
403
00:21:23,207 --> 00:21:25,084
You, me, Kenzo and Josh.
404
00:21:25,127 --> 00:21:27,357
Actually, Janey, I've got a problem with Josh.
405
00:21:27,407 --> 00:21:30,444
Yeah. No, he can be
a bit aggressive, can't he?
406
00:21:30,487 --> 00:21:33,718
No, I mean, I don't like him being called Josh.
I prefer Joshua.
407
00:21:33,767 --> 00:21:35,519
Oh. Yeah!
408
00:21:35,567 --> 00:21:37,762
That is what I meant too. I...
409
00:21:37,807 --> 00:21:40,560
But you... What, you think
he's too aggressive?
410
00:21:40,607 --> 00:21:42,279
Well...
411
00:21:42,327 --> 00:21:46,798
it is slightly aggressive to spin a child
until they projectile vomit.
412
00:21:47,487 --> 00:21:49,637
Well, he wasn't going that fast.
413
00:21:49,687 --> 00:21:51,723
Maybe Kenzo needs to toughen up a bit.
414
00:21:51,767 --> 00:21:54,042
And become a bully like your son?
415
00:21:54,087 --> 00:21:56,157
Well, at least my son
can hold down his lunch.
416
00:21:56,207 --> 00:22:00,962
Unless it's peanuts, then it's all,
"Ooh, ooh, let's call an ambulance!"
417
00:22:01,007 --> 00:22:05,922
Well, excuse me for trying to protect my child,
mother of the year.
418
00:22:05,967 --> 00:22:07,719
Mother of the year?
419
00:22:07,767 --> 00:22:11,043
At least I taught my kid an ounce of sensitivity
toward other human beings.
420
00:22:11,087 --> 00:22:14,796
My Joshua is very sensitive.
I'll have you know, he's had nightmares.
421
00:22:14,847 --> 00:22:17,122
Oh, poor little peanut boy has nightmares.
What a shock!
422
00:22:17,167 --> 00:22:19,522
I've had enough of this. Joshua!
423
00:22:19,567 --> 00:22:21,637
Joshua! We're leaving.
424
00:22:21,687 --> 00:22:24,645
Yes, come on. Josh! Josh!
425
00:22:24,687 --> 00:22:27,724
Joshie! Josh, Josh, Josh, Josh, Josh.
426
00:22:30,327 --> 00:22:32,079
Get in the car. We're going.
427
00:22:32,127 --> 00:22:35,597
- Why?
- We're having fun. We're friends now.
428
00:22:35,647 --> 00:22:37,877
- Do you wanna finish our game?
- Come on.
429
00:22:42,367 --> 00:22:44,039
So...
430
00:22:45,447 --> 00:22:47,438
- Dinner Thursday?
- Yeah, that'd be great.
431
00:22:48,847 --> 00:22:52,044
Well, I guess as soon as Nikki comes down
we can start.
432
00:22:56,127 --> 00:22:59,164
- Are Nikki's parents coming?
- No. They're not interested.
433
00:22:59,207 --> 00:23:01,675
- They're not even talking to her.
- That's a shame.
434
00:23:01,727 --> 00:23:03,604
She seems like a lovely girl.
435
00:23:03,647 --> 00:23:07,356
It's really unfair. I thought I'd always be
the first one to get married.
436
00:23:07,407 --> 00:23:09,398
Janey, you were married.
437
00:23:09,447 --> 00:23:10,846
Was I?
438
00:23:11,647 --> 00:23:14,366
Oh, yeah. I'm not a loser.
439
00:23:15,287 --> 00:23:17,278
God, I'm really nervous.
440
00:23:18,847 --> 00:23:21,236
Dad, how did you pop the question to Mum?
441
00:23:21,287 --> 00:23:23,482
- Well...
- Let me tell the story.
442
00:23:23,527 --> 00:23:26,280
- No, don't do it. Don't do it!
- Come on, the kids are old enough.
443
00:23:26,327 --> 00:23:28,318
It's time they knew.
444
00:23:28,887 --> 00:23:30,957
Your father... Your father...
445
00:23:31,007 --> 00:23:33,680
put my ring in a glass of champagne.
446
00:23:33,727 --> 00:23:36,924
He got so nervous he mixed up the glasses
447
00:23:36,967 --> 00:23:38,958
and drank it.
448
00:23:40,407 --> 00:23:42,967
Two days later, he proposed.
449
00:23:43,967 --> 00:23:47,198
Very much set the tone of our marriage.
450
00:23:47,247 --> 00:23:49,238
- Ooh, you're up, Mikey.
- Right.
451
00:23:50,207 --> 00:23:52,926
Nikki... (Breathing heavily)
452
00:23:52,967 --> 00:23:56,164
...I wanted my family around because I've got
something very important to ask you.
453
00:23:56,207 --> 00:23:58,402
(Whimpers) Oh, my God.
454
00:23:58,447 --> 00:24:01,245
- Nicola Baker...
- Here we go.
455
00:24:05,727 --> 00:24:07,718
...would you do me the honour...
- (Doorbell)
456
00:24:07,767 --> 00:24:10,645
- Hang on. There's someone...
- Hold that thought.
457
00:24:13,087 --> 00:24:15,521
May we have a word with Nikki?
458
00:24:15,567 --> 00:24:17,683
It's really bad timing.
459
00:24:17,727 --> 00:24:19,718
It'll only take a minute.
460
00:24:21,967 --> 00:24:23,764
What are you two doing here?
461
00:24:23,807 --> 00:24:27,880
We just wanted you to know that
though we've had our differences, we...
462
00:24:27,927 --> 00:24:29,804
(Nicola laughs) Oh...
463
00:24:38,767 --> 00:24:41,201
Could we possibly have some privacy?
464
00:24:41,247 --> 00:24:43,522
Believe me, I've tried, but they don't do that.
465
00:24:43,567 --> 00:24:45,762
- Ben.
- Oh. OK.
466
00:24:55,687 --> 00:24:58,759
My God. How much time do they need?
467
00:24:59,247 --> 00:25:03,399
Evidently they're a family that communicates
and shares their feelings with one another.
468
00:25:03,447 --> 00:25:05,802
I honestly think we should do it more often.
469
00:25:09,447 --> 00:25:11,438
Let's try.
470
00:25:12,287 --> 00:25:13,322
Anyone?
471
00:25:28,727 --> 00:25:30,877
- It's not really us, is it?
- No.
472
00:25:31,367 --> 00:25:33,597
- Oh, I'm gonna see what they're doing.
- Dad...
473
00:25:33,647 --> 00:25:34,636
Ooh!
474
00:25:34,687 --> 00:25:36,564
Hello! Only us!
475
00:25:37,527 --> 00:25:40,599
Sorry for walking straight in.
The front door was wide open.
476
00:25:40,647 --> 00:25:43,036
It is what?
477
00:25:44,727 --> 00:25:48,606
- Oh, my God. They've taken Nikki.
- They've taken a bit more than that.
478
00:25:48,647 --> 00:25:52,037
- We've been robbed.
- They've nicked my television.
479
00:25:52,967 --> 00:25:57,677
This is ridiculous. How can we have been
burgled when the Bakers were in the room?
480
00:26:00,887 --> 00:26:02,764
Oh.
481
00:26:02,807 --> 00:26:04,798
Nikki wouldn't have been involved with this.
482
00:26:04,847 --> 00:26:07,839
They were all involved, Mikey.
We've been scammed.
483
00:26:07,887 --> 00:26:11,323
- So, what about the baby?
- I'm guessing there was no baby, Abi.
484
00:26:11,367 --> 00:26:15,155
Never you mind,
cos you can always try again.
485
00:26:16,127 --> 00:26:17,560
Have a word, Roger.
486
00:26:17,607 --> 00:26:19,484
About what?
487
00:26:20,487 --> 00:26:23,126
- I've been taken for a complete mug.
- Ohh.
488
00:26:23,167 --> 00:26:25,158
- Totally.
- Right, that's it.
489
00:26:25,207 --> 00:26:27,198
We're gonna have to ring the pol...
490
00:26:27,247 --> 00:26:29,715
Never mind. Mikey, Mikey, where do they live?
491
00:26:29,767 --> 00:26:32,440
- Dunno, never went round there.
- You never... Oh!
492
00:26:32,487 --> 00:26:34,682
You have got to admire them, though.
493
00:26:34,727 --> 00:26:37,400
It's a very professional job.
494
00:26:38,087 --> 00:26:40,760
We've been told to warn the public
about teams like this.
495
00:26:40,807 --> 00:26:42,479
- I've lost Nikki.
- Nikki?
496
00:26:42,527 --> 00:26:46,156
I've lost a 49-inch surround-sound
plasma television.
497
00:26:47,207 --> 00:26:50,085
Oh, there was this bloke outside
498
00:26:50,127 --> 00:26:53,119
struggling to get a great big telly
in the back of his car.
499
00:26:54,007 --> 00:26:55,599
Roger gave him a hand.
500
00:26:56,807 --> 00:26:59,082
Roger...
501
00:26:59,127 --> 00:27:01,687
Before you get too angry,
502
00:27:01,727 --> 00:27:04,605
my police instincts did tell me
to remember their number plate.
503
00:27:04,647 --> 00:27:06,683
You've got his number. He's got his number.
504
00:27:06,727 --> 00:27:09,799
He got his number! Susan, write it down.
Come on, write it down.
505
00:27:09,847 --> 00:27:12,805
- What is it? What is it?
- It was, er, erm... It was...
506
00:27:12,847 --> 00:27:14,644
- Ahem. Echo...
- Echo.
507
00:27:14,687 --> 00:27:16,279
...yodel fiver...
- Yodel.
508
00:27:16,327 --> 00:27:18,363
...fourer...
509
00:27:18,407 --> 00:27:22,320
- Oh, what's W?
- Oh, Roger, just give us the number.
510
00:27:22,367 --> 00:27:24,323
- EY54 WPR.
- What, what?
511
00:27:24,367 --> 00:27:26,278
- EY54 WPR.
- PR.
512
00:27:26,327 --> 00:27:28,557
EY54 WPR.
513
00:27:29,247 --> 00:27:31,636
The swine's stolen my car.
514
00:27:40,687 --> 00:27:43,645
I've spoken with Michael.
His feelings are a bit dented,
515
00:27:43,687 --> 00:27:46,042
- but I think he'll bounce back.
- Hmm.
516
00:27:46,727 --> 00:27:48,718
He told me to give you this.
517
00:27:52,127 --> 00:27:53,845
Right.
518
00:27:53,887 --> 00:27:59,120
OK, I'm gonna put this
in my new secret hiding place
519
00:27:59,167 --> 00:28:01,840
which you will never, never, ever find.
520
00:28:01,887 --> 00:28:04,799
- Under your jumpers?
- I really hate you.
521
00:28:04,847 --> 00:28:06,519
(Doorbell)
522
00:28:11,247 --> 00:28:12,919
- Ah, hello. Mr Harper?
- Mm-hm.
523
00:28:12,967 --> 00:28:15,800
Charles Maclntyre, number 18.
524
00:28:15,847 --> 00:28:18,315
I think you've taken delivery
of my new telly.
40813