Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:08,356 --> 00:00:10,097
This has been the worst
72 hours of my life.
2
00:00:10,227 --> 00:00:11,707
Allison:
I'm faking my own death.
3
00:00:11,837 --> 00:00:13,013
So you're looking for
a way out.
4
00:00:13,143 --> 00:00:14,884
I have heard of women,
you know, getting out.
5
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,799
People assume that
they died.
6
00:00:16,929 --> 00:00:18,453
Allison tried to kill you.
7
00:00:18,583 --> 00:00:20,977
What is marriage
if not a death sentence, right?
8
00:00:21,108 --> 00:00:23,545
If you need help,
I'm around.Get out.
9
00:00:23,675 --> 00:00:25,764
I don't want to be me
anymore. I need your help.
10
00:00:25,895 --> 00:00:27,592
[Laughs] Obviously I
have a lot to figure out.
11
00:00:27,723 --> 00:00:28,898
I am working on it
12
00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:30,421
because I really do
want you around.
13
00:00:30,552 --> 00:00:32,902
I am helping you
with this one last thing.
14
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:34,338
You have my services.
15
00:00:34,469 --> 00:00:36,558
Great.
We're a lot of work.
16
00:00:38,473 --> 00:00:44,348
[Doorknob turning,
door opens]
17
00:00:44,479 --> 00:00:47,569
[Suspenseful music]
18
00:00:47,699 --> 00:00:52,400
♪
19
00:00:52,530 --> 00:00:53,966
[Floorboard creaks]
20
00:00:54,097 --> 00:01:01,017
♪
21
00:01:01,148 --> 00:01:08,068
♪
22
00:01:08,198 --> 00:01:12,246
[Slow footsteps]
23
00:01:12,376 --> 00:01:14,422
♪
24
00:01:14,552 --> 00:01:15,988
Get the hell out of my house!
25
00:01:16,119 --> 00:01:18,034
[Grunts, coughing]
26
00:01:18,165 --> 00:01:19,731
Oh! Neil?
27
00:01:19,862 --> 00:01:21,168
God, what the hell?
28
00:01:21,298 --> 00:01:23,170
Stop hitting me!
29
00:01:23,300 --> 00:01:25,911
Jesus Christ, haven't you
assaulted me enough?!
30
00:01:26,042 --> 00:01:29,437
I'm --
No.
31
00:01:29,567 --> 00:01:31,961
This is not the time to be
in a woman's house at 4:00 AM
32
00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:33,005
sneakin' around!
33
00:01:33,136 --> 00:01:34,442
I wasn't sneakin'!
34
00:01:34,572 --> 00:01:36,008
I was...
bein' quiet.
35
00:01:36,139 --> 00:01:37,923
Excuse me --
I didn't wanna wake you up.
36
00:01:38,054 --> 00:01:39,795
Have you seen the news
in this town lately?
37
00:01:39,925 --> 00:01:41,188
You're lucky I didn't --
38
00:01:44,365 --> 00:01:46,802
Are you stealin' from me?
39
00:01:46,932 --> 00:01:49,718
No.
40
00:01:49,848 --> 00:01:52,677
I-I think of it more like
medical reimbursement.
41
00:01:52,808 --> 00:01:56,681
Since the concussion
you gave me, I can't sleep.
42
00:01:56,812 --> 00:02:00,468
I need weed,
you can afford it.
43
00:02:00,598 --> 00:02:01,686
Give me that!
44
00:02:01,817 --> 00:02:03,471
[Scoffs]
45
00:02:10,173 --> 00:02:11,348
Here.
46
00:02:11,479 --> 00:02:14,090
Now get out.
47
00:02:14,221 --> 00:02:17,093
I said I needed to sleep,
not get drunk.
48
00:02:17,224 --> 00:02:21,489
Look, can you just give me,
like, $40.
49
00:02:21,619 --> 00:02:23,447
It's the least
you can do.
50
00:02:23,578 --> 00:02:25,710
No.
51
00:02:25,841 --> 00:02:28,409
No.
I'm done.
52
00:02:28,539 --> 00:02:31,020
I'm not gonna let you hold
what happened over my head
53
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:32,152
for the rest of our lives.
54
00:02:32,282 --> 00:02:33,457
You screwed up, too --
55
00:02:33,588 --> 00:02:35,067
Hey, shut up.
56
00:02:35,198 --> 00:02:36,808
I'm not holding anythin'
over your head.
57
00:02:36,939 --> 00:02:40,421
I only wish you hit me harder
so I could forget all this shit.
58
00:02:40,551 --> 00:02:43,250
I don't want to think about it,
I don't want to talk about it.
59
00:02:43,380 --> 00:02:46,905
I just want to pretend like
it never happened at all.
60
00:02:47,036 --> 00:02:50,039
But I just --
61
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:51,693
I need to sleep.
62
00:02:51,823 --> 00:02:54,870
♪
63
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,655
Wait, I'll give you --
I'll give you the money.
64
00:02:57,786 --> 00:03:03,270
♪
65
00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:06,708
♪
66
00:03:06,838 --> 00:03:08,884
[Claps, exclaims]
67
00:03:09,014 --> 00:03:11,103
Oh, wife!
68
00:03:11,234 --> 00:03:12,975
[Studio audience laughing]
69
00:03:13,105 --> 00:03:16,283
Oh! Oh!
Are you kidding me?!
70
00:03:16,413 --> 00:03:20,243
[Studio audience laughing]
71
00:03:20,374 --> 00:03:22,419
Ah!
Of course I'm kidding you.
72
00:03:22,550 --> 00:03:23,942
If I wasn't, that'd be mean.
73
00:03:24,073 --> 00:03:25,466
[Studio audience laughing]
74
00:03:25,596 --> 00:03:27,946
And hey, you know,
it's not officially
75
00:03:28,077 --> 00:03:31,602
Pal-o-ween until I scare
the bejesus out of you!
76
00:03:31,733 --> 00:03:33,300
Oh, great.
It's Pal-o-ween again.
77
00:03:33,430 --> 00:03:35,258
Yep!
The official holiday
78
00:03:35,389 --> 00:03:37,826
to share a 'ween
between pals.
79
00:03:37,956 --> 00:03:40,089
[Studio audience laughing]
80
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:43,179
Well, you know, the day that
Neil and I scare each other.
81
00:03:43,310 --> 00:03:46,226
Right.The 31st of every month.
82
00:03:46,356 --> 00:03:48,663
Just to be clear, nothin'
about that statement
83
00:03:48,793 --> 00:03:51,405
sounds wrong to you?
84
00:03:51,535 --> 00:03:53,407
Oh! [Laughs]
I see what you mean.
85
00:03:53,537 --> 00:03:55,060
You think that we should have
the holiday
86
00:03:55,191 --> 00:03:57,628
twice a month!
Okay!
87
00:03:57,759 --> 00:03:59,195
I know I must be maturing,
'cause I'm not even
88
00:03:59,326 --> 00:04:01,415
gonna go there.Thank you?
89
00:04:01,545 --> 00:04:04,331
And, uh, I know --
I know --
90
00:04:04,461 --> 00:04:07,290
I know it might seem
a bit insensitive to do this
91
00:04:07,421 --> 00:04:10,293
while the Patriots are gettin'
murdered every Sunday,
92
00:04:10,424 --> 00:04:13,470
but I think they'd want me
to carry on --
93
00:04:13,601 --> 00:04:14,732
in their honor.
94
00:04:14,863 --> 00:04:16,430
Okay, you need to stop
honoring thing
95
00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:18,475
'cause it's always
super disrespectful.
96
00:04:18,606 --> 00:04:20,172
Like when?!Like, you only did a tribute
97
00:04:20,303 --> 00:04:22,000
to John Lennon
so you'd have an excuse to sing
98
00:04:22,131 --> 00:04:24,394
a dirty version of "Imagine."
99
00:04:24,525 --> 00:04:26,614
"Imagine all
the pee-holes"?
100
00:04:26,744 --> 00:04:30,444
Like I'm supposed to keep that
to myself?!
101
00:04:30,574 --> 00:04:31,749
Wait, where are you going?
102
00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:33,403
Goin' to the movies
with Patty.
103
00:04:33,534 --> 00:04:34,926
No, no, no, no, no!
You can't!
104
00:04:35,057 --> 00:04:38,800
You are a crucial part of
the Pal-o-ween celebration!
105
00:04:38,930 --> 00:04:41,281
Last week, you said,
"Hey, babe, no offense,
106
00:04:41,411 --> 00:04:43,544
but it's wicked cool
when you're not here."
107
00:04:43,674 --> 00:04:46,024
[Studio audience laughing]
108
00:04:46,155 --> 00:04:49,114
Wow!
That was mean!
109
00:04:49,245 --> 00:04:50,333
I know!
110
00:04:50,464 --> 00:04:53,989
I don't sound anything
like that!
111
00:04:54,119 --> 00:04:55,338
Goodbye.Wait! No, no, no!
112
00:04:55,469 --> 00:04:57,035
You can't leave! You can't!
113
00:04:57,166 --> 00:04:58,776
We'll get too scared!
114
00:04:58,907 --> 00:05:01,910
I-I mean,
Neil gets scared
115
00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:03,520
watchin' the horror movies,
116
00:05:03,651 --> 00:05:05,479
and you --
you're the --
117
00:05:05,609 --> 00:05:08,046
the harsh dose
of reality that we --
118
00:05:08,090 --> 00:05:10,527
heneeds to keep us --
119
00:05:10,571 --> 00:05:13,617
him from gettin' too scared.
120
00:05:13,748 --> 00:05:15,619
We need ya!
121
00:05:15,750 --> 00:05:18,666
Well, remind him
it's just a movie.
122
00:05:18,796 --> 00:05:21,190
Nothin' like the actual murders
that happened on the street.
123
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:25,194
Hmm?On a night just like this.
124
00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:26,543
Goodbye!
125
00:05:26,674 --> 00:05:32,244
[Studio audience laughing]
126
00:05:32,375 --> 00:05:34,769
Ah!
127
00:05:34,899 --> 00:05:36,988
[Studio audience laughing]
128
00:05:37,119 --> 00:05:40,078
♪
129
00:05:40,209 --> 00:05:42,211
I don't know why you do this
to yourself.
130
00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:44,039
Ugh.
Just keep them in one place.
131
00:05:44,169 --> 00:05:45,562
I have a system!
132
00:05:45,693 --> 00:05:47,042
Oh, yeah?
What system is that?
133
00:05:47,172 --> 00:05:49,827
I live my life.
I throw my keys where I want.
134
00:05:49,958 --> 00:05:52,439
Keeps me spontaneous.
135
00:05:52,569 --> 00:05:54,092
Ugh!
I'm gonna be late.
136
00:05:54,223 --> 00:05:55,616
It's just Allison.
137
00:05:55,746 --> 00:05:58,140
You really can't blow her off
and come with me?
138
00:05:58,270 --> 00:05:59,881
I know it's annoying,
but I promised her
139
00:06:00,011 --> 00:06:01,578
that I'd go pick up
a coffee table with her
140
00:06:01,709 --> 00:06:03,145
from this guy off
Craigslist.
141
00:06:03,275 --> 00:06:05,103
She's freaked out
and doesn't want to go alone.
142
00:06:05,234 --> 00:06:06,801
Of course.
143
00:06:06,844 --> 00:06:08,803
Wouldn't want to see her
get murdered.
144
00:06:12,459 --> 00:06:14,765
Wow.Sorry, I didn't mean that.
145
00:06:14,896 --> 00:06:18,160
I said I would try with her,
and I will.
146
00:06:18,290 --> 00:06:20,641
I am.Thank you.
147
00:06:20,771 --> 00:06:23,121
And you don't even really
have to try that hard.
148
00:06:23,252 --> 00:06:26,211
Well, it's not just that --
work kinda sucks right now.
149
00:06:26,342 --> 00:06:29,084
I'm not in homicide,
but the general sense of failure
150
00:06:29,214 --> 00:06:30,868
just sort of trickles down.
151
00:06:30,999 --> 00:06:34,394
Oh! Sounds like the O'Connor
household growin' up.
152
00:06:34,524 --> 00:06:37,135
My sister planned tonight
to cheer me up,
153
00:06:37,266 --> 00:06:39,616
or at least get me drunk.
154
00:06:39,747 --> 00:06:41,052
If you think I'm gonna miss
a chance
155
00:06:41,183 --> 00:06:45,013
to see you
slightly out of control?
156
00:06:45,143 --> 00:06:46,318
I'm gonna be there.
157
00:06:46,449 --> 00:06:48,799
I want to be there.
158
00:06:48,930 --> 00:06:50,671
Just gonna be
a little bit late.
159
00:06:52,847 --> 00:06:54,849
Your keys are on
the bathroom sink.
160
00:06:54,979 --> 00:06:56,328
You knew where they were?
161
00:06:56,459 --> 00:06:57,765
I guessed.
162
00:06:57,895 --> 00:06:59,549
[Scoffs]
163
00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:01,029
Thank you for hanging out today.
164
00:07:03,988 --> 00:07:06,904
I will
see you later.
165
00:07:07,035 --> 00:07:10,168
Lock up when ya leave.
166
00:07:10,299 --> 00:07:11,909
Bye.Bye.
167
00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:20,744
♪
168
00:07:20,875 --> 00:07:22,006
Hey.Jesus!
169
00:07:22,137 --> 00:07:24,922
Well, that was
a bit dramatic.
170
00:07:25,053 --> 00:07:27,229
Okay, well, you walk
really quiet.
171
00:07:27,359 --> 00:07:29,797
No one has ever accused me
of that before.
172
00:07:29,927 --> 00:07:32,321
I can also walk really quietly
away if that's what you want.
173
00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:34,584
No, no, no, I --
Promise I won't be a dick.
174
00:07:34,715 --> 00:07:36,368
I'm just freaked out.
175
00:07:36,499 --> 00:07:38,414
Can't do this
without you.
176
00:07:38,545 --> 00:07:40,285
Say it again.
177
00:07:40,416 --> 00:07:42,723
I cannot do this
without you.
178
00:07:42,853 --> 00:07:44,768
Okay, that's better.
179
00:07:44,899 --> 00:07:47,336
And thank you so much,
180
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:50,948
and I care for you
a great deal.
181
00:07:51,079 --> 00:07:52,602
Me, too.
Whatever.
182
00:07:55,213 --> 00:07:57,694
What'd you tell Kevin
we're doin' tonight?
183
00:07:57,825 --> 00:07:59,304
Uh, seein' a moving.
184
00:07:59,435 --> 00:08:01,872
[Scoffs, groans]
185
00:08:02,003 --> 00:08:04,658
Just once when you say
we were goin' to the movies,
186
00:08:04,788 --> 00:08:07,356
I wish we were actually
goin' to the movies!
187
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:10,359
Well, we can when
this is all over.
188
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,796
We can't, Allison.
189
00:08:12,927 --> 00:08:14,494
'Cause you'll be dead.
190
00:08:14,624 --> 00:08:23,546
♪
191
00:08:23,677 --> 00:08:26,288
[Studio audience laughing]
192
00:08:26,418 --> 00:08:30,422
[Rumbling, creaking]
193
00:08:30,553 --> 00:08:32,642
[Studio audience laughing]
194
00:08:34,296 --> 00:08:41,042
♪
195
00:08:41,172 --> 00:08:42,913
[Knocking]
196
00:08:43,044 --> 00:08:46,613
♪
197
00:08:46,743 --> 00:08:47,788
Hi.
198
00:08:47,918 --> 00:08:50,355
Yeah, yeah.
Get inside.
199
00:09:00,191 --> 00:09:02,716
So...
Good evening.
200
00:09:02,846 --> 00:09:04,935
Shall I take your coats?
201
00:09:05,066 --> 00:09:06,458
Oh. Um...
Unh.
202
00:09:06,589 --> 00:09:08,460
It's a little chilly in here.
I'm okay.
203
00:09:08,591 --> 00:09:11,551
I wasn't serious -- you're not
getting comfortable, okay?
204
00:09:11,681 --> 00:09:14,249
You're in, you're out.
You've found your bachelorette.
205
00:09:14,379 --> 00:09:17,731
So, she's in here?
206
00:09:17,861 --> 00:09:19,733
It's here or the itinerant
section of the graveyard,
207
00:09:19,863 --> 00:09:22,431
but most of those folks
kicked it a long time ago.
208
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:25,216
This is your best bet
for a new identity.
209
00:09:25,347 --> 00:09:27,523
'Kay.Can't you just f-forge us
210
00:09:27,654 --> 00:09:29,873
some documents that say
Madison McLoberts
211
00:09:30,004 --> 00:09:31,440
or something?
212
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:34,095
This needs to last you
the rest of your life.
213
00:09:34,225 --> 00:09:35,575
You need a real person,
214
00:09:35,705 --> 00:09:38,752
someone unclaimed,
young, single --
215
00:09:38,882 --> 00:09:40,971
-Dead.
-Dead.
216
00:09:41,102 --> 00:09:42,886
As far as identities go,
I mean, this seems like
217
00:09:43,017 --> 00:09:46,368
a pretty pathetic one
to assume.
218
00:09:46,498 --> 00:09:49,240
Sorry.Capobianco's a buddy.
219
00:09:49,371 --> 00:09:51,634
Well, a contact.
220
00:09:51,765 --> 00:09:53,680
He's known for taking
all the unclaimed bodies
221
00:09:53,810 --> 00:09:56,160
no one else in the city
will get rid of or bury.
222
00:09:56,291 --> 00:09:58,336
That's weird.That's helpful!
223
00:09:58,467 --> 00:10:00,077
And yeah, a little weird.
224
00:10:00,208 --> 00:10:01,470
He's done this for me
once before.
225
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:03,167
He leaves the place open
and doesn't stick around
226
00:10:03,298 --> 00:10:04,821
to ask any questions.
227
00:10:04,952 --> 00:10:06,606
Go to the storage room
in the basement.
228
00:10:06,736 --> 00:10:08,782
It's at the southeast side
of the building.
229
00:10:08,912 --> 00:10:12,829
Look for a name
and background that works.
230
00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:15,440
Good luck.Wait! No! You're not comin'?
231
00:10:15,571 --> 00:10:17,138
I did what
you paid me for!
232
00:10:17,268 --> 00:10:19,314
The rest is up to
you gals.
233
00:10:19,444 --> 00:10:21,098
I wouldn't take too long
if I were you.
234
00:10:21,229 --> 00:10:22,883
What, is he coming back?
235
00:10:23,013 --> 00:10:25,320
No, but is an empty mortuary
where you wanna be?
236
00:10:25,450 --> 00:10:27,452
[Chuckles]
237
00:10:27,583 --> 00:10:31,979
♪
238
00:10:32,109 --> 00:10:36,592
"White female, born between
1979 and 1991."
239
00:10:36,723 --> 00:10:38,942
[Scoffs] You think
you could pass for 30?
240
00:10:39,073 --> 00:10:40,814
Okay, the PI wrote that,
not me.
241
00:10:40,944 --> 00:10:43,077
Oh! That explains why it's
written in the margins
242
00:10:43,207 --> 00:10:45,688
of a Boston Whaler brochure.
243
00:10:45,819 --> 00:10:47,821
"Little online presence,
no surviving loved ones,
244
00:10:47,951 --> 00:10:49,561
on vaca--"
On vacation?
245
00:10:49,692 --> 00:10:51,433
Yeah, well, if she died here
but was from another state,
246
00:10:51,563 --> 00:10:54,044
her Social Security number's
probably still active.
247
00:10:54,175 --> 00:10:56,046
Ugh!
On vacation in Worcester?!
248
00:10:56,177 --> 00:10:58,353
I thought the new you
couldn't get any sadder.
249
00:10:58,483 --> 00:11:02,879
♪
250
00:11:03,010 --> 00:11:07,405
[Organ playing]
251
00:11:07,536 --> 00:11:13,324
♪
252
00:11:13,455 --> 00:11:19,200
♪
253
00:11:19,330 --> 00:11:20,984
Man:
I'm so sorry.
254
00:11:21,115 --> 00:11:29,993
♪
255
00:11:30,124 --> 00:11:38,915
♪
256
00:11:39,046 --> 00:11:47,968
♪
257
00:11:48,098 --> 00:11:51,536
What is it?
258
00:11:51,667 --> 00:11:54,409
Nothin'.
Just glad you're here.
259
00:11:54,539 --> 00:11:57,194
Let's find that very sad
bachelorette of yours and leave.
260
00:11:57,325 --> 00:12:05,463
♪
261
00:12:05,594 --> 00:12:08,031
I don't want to be here
longer than we have to be.
262
00:12:08,162 --> 00:12:10,381
Okay, now who's
being dramatic?
263
00:12:10,512 --> 00:12:11,643
I'm not scared.
264
00:12:11,774 --> 00:12:13,471
I'm busy --
and cold.
265
00:12:13,602 --> 00:12:15,082
You're busy?Yeah.
266
00:12:15,212 --> 00:12:17,214
I have plans
with Tammy later.
267
00:12:17,345 --> 00:12:19,434
Okay, well, if you had plans,
then we could've done this
268
00:12:19,564 --> 00:12:21,001
another time.No, you wanna be here longer
269
00:12:21,131 --> 00:12:22,480
than we have to be?
270
00:12:22,611 --> 00:12:23,655
You're right.
271
00:12:23,786 --> 00:12:25,527
We will...
be quick.
272
00:12:25,657 --> 00:12:26,702
I am right.
273
00:12:29,792 --> 00:12:32,360
Have to say, this place
is actually pretty gorgeous.
274
00:12:32,490 --> 00:12:34,144
Sure it is.
275
00:12:34,275 --> 00:12:35,842
If you like cherubs.
276
00:12:38,279 --> 00:12:40,672
Uh, which door.
277
00:12:40,803 --> 00:12:42,674
It's downstairs.What?
278
00:12:42,805 --> 00:12:44,851
No, I'm thinking that's how
we get into the basement,
279
00:12:44,981 --> 00:12:47,070
you know, and then it's probably
just a couple of turns
280
00:12:47,201 --> 00:12:49,290
to get
into the southeast corner.
281
00:12:49,420 --> 00:12:50,770
Well, I have no sense
of direction.
282
00:12:50,900 --> 00:12:52,423
I used to think that north was
283
00:12:52,554 --> 00:12:53,729
just whatever
was in front of me.
284
00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:55,557
Well, the guy said
southeast corner,
285
00:12:55,687 --> 00:12:57,341
so, in the basement.
286
00:12:57,472 --> 00:13:03,347
♪
287
00:13:03,478 --> 00:13:07,612
[Inhaling]
288
00:13:07,743 --> 00:13:10,267
♪
289
00:13:10,398 --> 00:13:15,185
[Cellphone vibrating]
290
00:13:15,316 --> 00:13:19,973
♪
291
00:13:20,103 --> 00:13:22,149
[Vibrating continues]
292
00:13:22,279 --> 00:13:26,936
♪
293
00:13:27,067 --> 00:13:28,808
Hey, buddy.
294
00:13:31,506 --> 00:13:33,073
I'm comin'.
295
00:13:41,124 --> 00:13:43,474
[Grunts]
296
00:13:46,086 --> 00:13:50,307
♪
297
00:13:50,438 --> 00:13:52,440
Great.
Even further underground.
298
00:13:52,570 --> 00:13:56,357
What kinda guy takes in bodies
nobody else wants?
299
00:13:56,487 --> 00:13:57,924
I mean,
it sounds charitable.
300
00:13:58,054 --> 00:13:59,490
I think it's creepy.
301
00:13:59,621 --> 00:14:03,277
♪
302
00:14:03,407 --> 00:14:05,583
So, what are your plans later?Huh?
303
00:14:05,714 --> 00:14:07,498
With Tammy, or...
304
00:14:07,629 --> 00:14:10,501
Oh, yeah.
Uh, board games.
305
00:14:10,632 --> 00:14:17,160
♪
306
00:14:17,291 --> 00:14:18,858
Here it is.
307
00:14:18,988 --> 00:14:24,037
♪
308
00:14:24,167 --> 00:14:29,390
♪
309
00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:34,177
Okay, who the hell
is this guy?
310
00:14:41,228 --> 00:14:44,884
Who knew there was a version of
death sadder than regular death?
311
00:14:45,014 --> 00:14:49,497
"Eleanor Barrett, 1964."
No.
312
00:14:49,627 --> 00:14:52,108
"Deirdre Ryan, 1987."
That could work.
313
00:14:52,239 --> 00:14:55,068
It just feels like punishment
for dyin' alone.
314
00:14:55,198 --> 00:14:56,983
Well, Deirdre did
die alone,
315
00:14:57,113 --> 00:14:59,028
but she had a very active
Facebook page,
316
00:14:59,159 --> 00:15:00,160
which is not helpful.
317
00:15:00,290 --> 00:15:02,989
[Thudding]What was that?
318
00:15:03,119 --> 00:15:04,338
I thought we were alone here.
319
00:15:04,468 --> 00:15:05,774
"Michelle Borgeous."
320
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:07,428
Wait, "Michelle Borj-us."
321
00:15:07,558 --> 00:15:09,212
It feels like you're just
burnin' through names.
322
00:15:09,343 --> 00:15:11,258
Well, Allison,
I gotta go!
323
00:15:11,388 --> 00:15:12,607
I know, I know.
324
00:15:12,737 --> 00:15:14,565
You have plans.
325
00:15:16,567 --> 00:15:18,656
I thought you hated board games.
326
00:15:18,787 --> 00:15:20,223
What are you talkin' about?
327
00:15:20,354 --> 00:15:22,225
Just sayin', you don't have
to pretend to like a thing
328
00:15:22,356 --> 00:15:25,185
just to make someone happy.[Laughs]
329
00:15:25,315 --> 00:15:27,187
I found her.
330
00:15:27,317 --> 00:15:28,753
Born in Connecticut.
331
00:15:28,884 --> 00:15:30,625
Died on the Mass Pike
near Grafton
332
00:15:30,755 --> 00:15:33,280
in a very violent pile up.
No kids, no husband.
333
00:15:33,410 --> 00:15:34,934
Okay, can you just
be quiet, please?
334
00:15:35,064 --> 00:15:37,110
The article about the accident
only mentions her name once.
335
00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:40,896
No obit, not even a coworker
who was guilted
336
00:15:41,027 --> 00:15:42,767
into doing a GoFundMe
to pay for the funeral.
337
00:15:42,898 --> 00:15:46,119
Completely unremarkable
and alone!
338
00:15:46,249 --> 00:15:48,860
"Gertrude Fronch"?Uh-huh.
339
00:15:48,991 --> 00:15:52,908
You want me to be someone
named Gertrude Fronch?
340
00:15:53,039 --> 00:15:54,518
And she's 10 years older
than me?!
341
00:15:54,649 --> 00:15:57,478
Well... you look really good
for your 40s.
342
00:15:57,608 --> 00:15:59,132
No, no, no.
Not happening.
343
00:15:59,262 --> 00:16:01,656
Sorry.
344
00:16:01,786 --> 00:16:04,441
♪
345
00:16:04,572 --> 00:16:07,096
[Stifling sobs]
346
00:16:07,227 --> 00:16:12,536
♪
347
00:16:12,667 --> 00:16:15,017
[Panicked breathing]
348
00:16:15,148 --> 00:16:19,369
♪
349
00:16:19,500 --> 00:16:21,676
[Door opens]
Oh, God, Allison.
350
00:16:21,806 --> 00:16:24,940
[Studio audience cheering
and applauding]
351
00:16:25,071 --> 00:16:26,811
Hi, Mom.
You weren't going at
352
00:16:26,942 --> 00:16:28,944
the honey-baked, were you?
353
00:16:29,075 --> 00:16:30,641
I know you're
an emotional eater,
354
00:16:30,772 --> 00:16:33,427
but nitrates
killed your father.
355
00:16:33,557 --> 00:16:34,950
Well, they say heart attacks
356
00:16:35,081 --> 00:16:37,866
can also be brought
on by stress.
357
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:41,391
I can't stress enough
how much I don't care.
358
00:16:41,522 --> 00:16:43,393
[Studio audience laughing]
359
00:16:43,524 --> 00:16:45,482
There's that bedside manner
that took care of Dad
360
00:16:45,613 --> 00:16:47,093
in his final moments?
361
00:16:47,223 --> 00:16:49,356
[Studio audience laughing]
362
00:16:49,486 --> 00:16:51,749
Um, it's a great photo.
363
00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:54,013
'Cause it's 15 years old.[Studio audience laughing]
364
00:16:54,143 --> 00:16:56,450
He was always
"about to get healthy,"
365
00:16:56,580 --> 00:16:58,191
lose weight, eat better --
366
00:16:58,321 --> 00:16:59,540
Stop drinkin'?Oh, no.
367
00:16:59,670 --> 00:17:01,455
He was a liar,
not an idiot.
368
00:17:01,585 --> 00:17:03,152
[Studio audience laughing]
369
00:17:03,283 --> 00:17:04,501
Well, are you gonna pick
that up,
370
00:17:04,632 --> 00:17:05,633
or are we too good for
371
00:17:05,763 --> 00:17:07,852
the five second rule?
372
00:17:07,983 --> 00:17:10,899
Right.No one's even had any.
373
00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:13,293
It's too fancy.
374
00:17:13,423 --> 00:17:15,469
I never should have let you
plan the wake.
375
00:17:15,599 --> 00:17:18,037
I bought a ham,
it's not the end of the world.
376
00:17:18,167 --> 00:17:19,995
It's not that you bought a ham.
377
00:17:20,126 --> 00:17:22,780
It's that you think
we're ham people.
378
00:17:22,911 --> 00:17:24,565
[Studio audience laughing]
379
00:17:24,695 --> 00:17:26,306
It's like that suit you put
Dad in.
380
00:17:26,436 --> 00:17:28,351
I don't even know
where you got that.
381
00:17:28,482 --> 00:17:30,788
Well, it's Gucci,
but it's spelled with two O's,
382
00:17:30,919 --> 00:17:32,312
so I thought it was fine.
383
00:17:32,442 --> 00:17:33,835
[Studio audience laughing]
384
00:17:33,965 --> 00:17:35,924
You're just like your father.
385
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:38,970
Real lofty goals,
terrible follow through.
386
00:17:39,101 --> 00:17:42,539
I spent 30 years bringing
that man down to earth.
387
00:17:42,670 --> 00:17:44,846
[Sighs]
388
00:17:44,976 --> 00:17:46,717
What am I gonna do now?
389
00:17:48,806 --> 00:17:52,984
Well, I guess I still have you
to keep an eye on.
390
00:17:53,115 --> 00:17:56,118
Actually, I was thinkin'
about going away to school.
391
00:17:56,249 --> 00:17:58,599
Oh, Allison.
392
00:17:58,729 --> 00:18:00,340
College is for ham people.
393
00:18:00,470 --> 00:18:03,343
[Studio audience laughing]
394
00:18:03,473 --> 00:18:06,172
[Laughs derisively]
395
00:18:06,302 --> 00:18:08,304
[Studio audience laughing]
396
00:18:08,435 --> 00:18:12,091
[Organ music]
397
00:18:12,221 --> 00:18:18,749
♪
398
00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:25,408
♪
399
00:18:25,539 --> 00:18:32,111
♪
400
00:18:32,241 --> 00:18:38,769
♪
401
00:18:38,900 --> 00:18:46,647
♪
402
00:18:46,777 --> 00:18:48,605
I like Gertrude.
403
00:18:48,736 --> 00:18:50,477
Gertie.
404
00:18:50,607 --> 00:18:52,305
She checks all the boat
pamphlet boxes.
405
00:18:52,435 --> 00:18:55,090
No, I can't be that
for the rest of my life!
406
00:18:55,221 --> 00:18:56,526
This is supposed
to be improvement.
407
00:18:56,657 --> 00:18:58,485
Allison, you
specifically need a loser.
408
00:18:58,615 --> 00:18:59,921
What do you want now?
You want to be a loser
409
00:19:00,051 --> 00:19:02,053
with a pretty name
and a cool backstory?
410
00:19:02,184 --> 00:19:03,577
Look, I know that this
is gross and creepy,
411
00:19:03,707 --> 00:19:05,274
but we've been looking for,
like, five minutes.
412
00:19:05,405 --> 00:19:07,624
Allison --I --
413
00:19:07,755 --> 00:19:10,192
I feel like
if we actually try,
414
00:19:10,323 --> 00:19:14,065
we can do better
than Gertrude Fronch, okay?
415
00:19:14,196 --> 00:19:15,806
Now, come on.
416
00:19:19,027 --> 00:19:22,030
Woman:
I got a five, six, seven.
417
00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:24,250
Woman: You can't go out
unless you hit 30.
418
00:19:24,380 --> 00:19:25,686
Why do we play if you don't
pay attention
419
00:19:25,816 --> 00:19:27,514
during the instructions?
420
00:19:27,644 --> 00:19:29,124
Can I please just have it back?
421
00:19:29,255 --> 00:19:30,473
No.Come on.
422
00:19:30,604 --> 00:19:32,040
You were staring at it too much.
423
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:34,173
It was getting pathetic.
Keep drinking.
424
00:19:34,303 --> 00:19:36,175
It's my phone,
you can't just steal it.
425
00:19:36,305 --> 00:19:39,090
Why not? You stole
my Ralph Lauren sweater.
426
00:19:39,221 --> 00:19:40,918
Mom got it from Loehmann's.Whatever.
427
00:19:41,049 --> 00:19:42,355
You still ruined it.
428
00:19:42,485 --> 00:19:44,531
I was 15.
We're grown now.
429
00:19:44,661 --> 00:19:46,054
Or at least, I thought we were.
430
00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:48,796
Listen, if she texts
and you haven't responded,
431
00:19:48,926 --> 00:19:50,189
it'll make you look busy.
432
00:19:50,319 --> 00:19:51,929
It's not just about her.
433
00:19:52,060 --> 00:19:53,627
I'm also waiting on a call
about surveillance footage
434
00:19:53,757 --> 00:19:55,890
from a precinct in Vermont.
435
00:19:56,020 --> 00:19:58,371
That's, like,
important police work.
436
00:19:58,501 --> 00:20:00,242
Come on!
437
00:20:00,373 --> 00:20:02,331
Jesus, Kim, it's her phone.
Just give it to her.
438
00:20:02,462 --> 00:20:06,814
♪ ...sea of love ♪
439
00:20:06,944 --> 00:20:09,643
♪ And you give me
your affection ♪
440
00:20:09,773 --> 00:20:12,254
♪ I got a picture of you ♪
441
00:20:12,385 --> 00:20:13,777
Anything?
442
00:20:13,908 --> 00:20:14,996
Not from her.
443
00:20:15,126 --> 00:20:16,780
I tried to save you from this.
444
00:20:16,911 --> 00:20:18,478
Who's Neil?
445
00:20:18,608 --> 00:20:21,045
And why's he called you
13 times?
446
00:20:24,005 --> 00:20:27,661
James Fitzpatrick,
Todd Kelly...
447
00:20:27,791 --> 00:20:29,532
Ugh!No luck?
448
00:20:29,663 --> 00:20:31,230
No!
449
00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:32,883
God, I hate this place.
450
00:20:35,364 --> 00:20:36,974
My dad's wake was here.
451
00:20:39,325 --> 00:20:41,283
Worst day of my life.
452
00:20:41,414 --> 00:20:43,590
It was also the night
I met Kevin.
453
00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:45,461
And you!
Remember?
454
00:20:45,592 --> 00:20:46,984
No.
455
00:20:47,115 --> 00:20:48,769
Can we just get out of here.
456
00:20:48,899 --> 00:20:50,292
We have what we need.Okay.
457
00:20:50,423 --> 00:20:52,425
I know this isn't fun,
but we're
458
00:20:52,555 --> 00:20:54,383
figuring out
the rest of my life, okay?
459
00:20:54,514 --> 00:20:58,126
It could mean the difference
between me dying
460
00:20:58,257 --> 00:21:00,911
surrounded by fat little
grandkids, and this.
461
00:21:01,042 --> 00:21:03,174
It's --
It's a name.
462
00:21:03,305 --> 00:21:05,742
No, it's my future.
I'm not like you.
463
00:21:05,873 --> 00:21:07,527
I can't just pretend
to like things.
464
00:21:07,657 --> 00:21:09,180
I thought you said you weren't
gonna be a dick.
465
00:21:09,311 --> 00:21:10,486
I'm not. I --
466
00:21:10,617 --> 00:21:11,922
Hey!
467
00:21:12,053 --> 00:21:15,143
Are you ladies
warm enough?
468
00:21:15,274 --> 00:21:18,451
Yeah.No.
469
00:21:18,581 --> 00:21:21,105
We're gonna get out of here.
Thank you for --
470
00:21:21,236 --> 00:21:23,717
Yeah.Sorry, sorry. Thank you.
471
00:21:23,847 --> 00:21:25,327
Sorry.
472
00:21:25,458 --> 00:21:27,590
♪
473
00:21:31,246 --> 00:21:35,424
♪
474
00:21:35,555 --> 00:21:37,339
No.
475
00:21:37,470 --> 00:21:40,995
♪
476
00:21:41,125 --> 00:21:42,823
I think there's a bus comin'
in a couple of minutes.
477
00:21:42,953 --> 00:21:44,651
I know there's a creepy guy
downstairs,
478
00:21:44,781 --> 00:21:46,261
but I'd rather wait here
than out in the cold.
479
00:21:46,392 --> 00:21:49,046
Okay.
Well, have fun with Tammy.
480
00:21:49,177 --> 00:21:50,657
What --
What are you doing?
481
00:21:50,787 --> 00:21:52,833
I'm going to the graveyard.
It's right here.
482
00:21:52,963 --> 00:21:55,357
Billy said that's where
the other abandoned bodies are.
483
00:21:55,488 --> 00:21:57,228
I --
484
00:21:57,359 --> 00:22:01,189
I can't go with you.
485
00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:02,973
I know.
486
00:22:08,501 --> 00:22:12,374
♪
487
00:22:12,505 --> 00:22:14,898
[Indistinct rock music
in background]
488
00:22:15,029 --> 00:22:20,513
♪
489
00:22:20,643 --> 00:22:21,949
Whoa!
Oh! Oh, God.
490
00:22:22,079 --> 00:22:25,039
Jesus.Sorry, sorry, sorry.
491
00:22:25,169 --> 00:22:27,171
Sweater's tricky.
492
00:22:27,302 --> 00:22:28,999
I bet.
493
00:22:31,872 --> 00:22:34,788
Hello?!
How hard is it to pour a beer?
494
00:22:34,918 --> 00:22:37,094
I got cash.
495
00:22:37,225 --> 00:22:39,575
Hey.
You can have some of this.
496
00:22:39,706 --> 00:22:43,100
I kinda hate beer,
but it reminds me of my dad
497
00:22:43,231 --> 00:22:45,799
and this was his
favorite bar, so...
498
00:22:45,929 --> 00:22:47,670
It kinda felt right today.
499
00:22:50,412 --> 00:22:53,023
Oh.Yeah.
500
00:22:53,154 --> 00:22:55,330
I was gonna pay tribute to him
by watching NASCAR
501
00:22:55,461 --> 00:22:59,552
and getting yelled at by my mom,
but this felt more fun.
502
00:22:59,682 --> 00:23:02,119
Yeah.
503
00:23:02,250 --> 00:23:03,860
It looks like
you're havin' fun.
504
00:23:03,991 --> 00:23:11,520
♪
505
00:23:11,651 --> 00:23:13,130
On the day of
my mother's funeral,
506
00:23:13,261 --> 00:23:16,264
I threw up Bailey's
behind the church.
507
00:23:16,395 --> 00:23:18,788
That's no good.
508
00:23:18,919 --> 00:23:20,790
Hey.
509
00:23:20,921 --> 00:23:22,923
Sorry! Sorry.
510
00:23:23,053 --> 00:23:26,013
Sorry about your mother.
511
00:23:26,143 --> 00:23:27,623
How old were you
when she passed?
512
00:23:27,754 --> 00:23:29,973
I was 11.
513
00:23:30,104 --> 00:23:31,714
Oh.
514
00:23:31,845 --> 00:23:34,804
Yeah, it was a bad day.
515
00:23:34,935 --> 00:23:37,241
It was a bad year,
actually.
516
00:23:37,372 --> 00:23:40,897
But she would've understood
the booze.
517
00:23:43,465 --> 00:23:47,469
I bet your dad would've too.Yeah.
518
00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:49,950
Hey, maybe they're getting
drunk together somewhere.
519
00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:51,734
Oh, I doubt that
for a whole lot of reasons.
520
00:23:51,865 --> 00:23:54,824
But if delusions
make you happy...
521
00:23:54,955 --> 00:23:57,087
They do.They do.
522
00:23:57,218 --> 00:24:00,526
They do, so,
thank you.
523
00:24:02,919 --> 00:24:04,355
You're welcome.
524
00:24:04,486 --> 00:24:06,140
Are you sure you don't want
any of this?
525
00:24:06,270 --> 00:24:08,055
I promise I won't...
cry on you
526
00:24:08,185 --> 00:24:10,318
if you sit next to me.
527
00:24:10,449 --> 00:24:12,799
No, I-I'm waiting on my,
uh --
528
00:24:12,929 --> 00:24:15,758
on my brother
and his idiot friends.
529
00:24:15,889 --> 00:24:18,718
Okay.I'll make them buy me one.
530
00:24:18,848 --> 00:24:21,503
Nice to meet you.Patty.
531
00:24:21,634 --> 00:24:23,374
Patty.
Yeah.
532
00:24:23,505 --> 00:24:25,986
I'm Allison.
533
00:24:26,116 --> 00:24:27,770
Well, good night.
534
00:24:27,901 --> 00:24:29,468
Watch out for that sweater.
535
00:24:29,598 --> 00:24:31,948
[Laughs]
536
00:24:32,079 --> 00:24:39,390
♪
537
00:24:39,521 --> 00:24:46,789
♪
538
00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:53,840
♪
539
00:24:53,970 --> 00:25:00,977
♪
540
00:25:01,108 --> 00:25:02,370
Okay.
541
00:25:02,501 --> 00:25:05,199
Maybe I should come back
in the day.
542
00:25:05,329 --> 00:25:07,549
[Cat screeches, Allison gasps]
543
00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:09,551
[Screams, thud]
544
00:25:09,682 --> 00:25:11,118
♪
545
00:25:11,248 --> 00:25:13,642
[Gasping, groaning]
546
00:25:13,773 --> 00:25:16,036
Shit.
547
00:25:16,166 --> 00:25:19,866
[Groaning]
548
00:25:19,996 --> 00:25:21,563
Fantastic.
549
00:25:23,652 --> 00:25:25,175
[Groans]
550
00:25:25,306 --> 00:25:29,353
♪
551
00:25:29,484 --> 00:25:30,833
[Grunts]
552
00:25:30,964 --> 00:25:32,748
♪
553
00:25:32,879 --> 00:25:34,837
Ah!
554
00:25:34,968 --> 00:25:39,276
[Labored breathing]
555
00:25:39,407 --> 00:25:43,716
♪
556
00:25:43,846 --> 00:25:46,066
And bam --
he walks right into me!
557
00:25:46,196 --> 00:25:48,329
There's coffee,
donuts flyin' everywhere.
558
00:25:48,459 --> 00:25:49,722
I look at him
and I says,
559
00:25:49,852 --> 00:25:51,593
"Should we exchange
insurance info?"
560
00:25:51,724 --> 00:25:54,291
[Laughter]
Like a car accident!
561
00:25:54,422 --> 00:25:58,034
[Studio audience laughing]
562
00:25:58,165 --> 00:26:00,776
Hi.
563
00:26:00,907 --> 00:26:02,473
[Studio audience laughing]
564
00:26:02,604 --> 00:26:04,519
Hi.
565
00:26:05,912 --> 00:26:07,522
Why do I get the feeling
that no one in this bar
566
00:26:07,653 --> 00:26:09,176
is having as much fun
as you are?
567
00:26:09,306 --> 00:26:11,004
Because no one
ever does!
568
00:26:11,134 --> 00:26:14,398
[Studio audience laughing]
569
00:26:14,529 --> 00:26:16,183
I'm not very
good at fun.
570
00:26:16,313 --> 00:26:18,402
Yeah.
I can tell.
571
00:26:18,533 --> 00:26:20,013
You're dressed all fancy.
572
00:26:20,143 --> 00:26:22,058
Oh.
It's not fancy.
573
00:26:22,189 --> 00:26:25,322
It's Gucci, but with two O's.
574
00:26:25,453 --> 00:26:27,063
But it's too binding, you know?
575
00:26:27,194 --> 00:26:29,065
I mean, if you wanna have fun,
you gotta be
576
00:26:29,196 --> 00:26:30,676
ready to haul ass
at any moment.
577
00:26:30,806 --> 00:26:31,894
[Studio audience laughing]
578
00:26:32,025 --> 00:26:34,418
Haul ass?
From what?
579
00:26:34,549 --> 00:26:36,029
Bouncers, Yankee fans,
580
00:26:36,159 --> 00:26:37,857
various nocturnal animals.
581
00:26:37,987 --> 00:26:40,424
[Studio audience laughing]You think he's jokin'?
582
00:26:40,555 --> 00:26:42,252
He had rabies last week.
583
00:26:42,383 --> 00:26:43,689
Ah.[Studio audience laughing]
584
00:26:43,819 --> 00:26:45,125
I'm Kevin,
585
00:26:45,255 --> 00:26:46,866
rabies-free since Friday.
586
00:26:46,996 --> 00:26:47,867
[Studio audience laughing]
587
00:26:47,997 --> 00:26:49,608
And this is Neil and Doug,
588
00:26:49,738 --> 00:26:51,697
my two best buds
in the whole world.
589
00:26:51,827 --> 00:26:53,089
Um, hello?!
590
00:26:53,220 --> 00:26:55,526
And that's
Neil's sister.
591
00:26:55,657 --> 00:26:58,007
Oh, we, uh --
we met at the bar earlier.
592
00:26:58,138 --> 00:26:59,226
Run for your life.
593
00:26:59,356 --> 00:27:00,967
[Studio audience laughing]
594
00:27:01,097 --> 00:27:03,622
You look like you,
uh, need a drink.
595
00:27:03,752 --> 00:27:07,147
Oh, uh, well,
I'd love a beer.
596
00:27:07,277 --> 00:27:09,366
Whoa.
A chick you likes beer?
597
00:27:09,497 --> 00:27:11,281
I didn't know they exist.
598
00:27:11,412 --> 00:27:15,155
[Studio audience laughing]Hello?!
599
00:27:15,285 --> 00:27:18,811
So, uh, you want a bottle
or a tap?
600
00:27:18,941 --> 00:27:20,987
Uh, tap sounds great.
601
00:27:21,117 --> 00:27:22,728
All right...
602
00:27:22,858 --> 00:27:26,340
[Studio audience laughing]
603
00:27:26,470 --> 00:27:28,124
That'll be $5.
604
00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:32,955
[Studio audience laughing]
605
00:27:33,086 --> 00:27:35,088
[Panicked breathing]
606
00:27:35,218 --> 00:27:38,308
Goddamn idiot.
607
00:27:38,439 --> 00:27:39,962
Jesus.
608
00:27:42,617 --> 00:27:44,314
Can you just calm down?
609
00:27:46,969 --> 00:27:50,799
[Ragged breathing slows]
610
00:27:58,459 --> 00:28:01,723
Ah! Ow! Ow!Leg up!
611
00:28:01,854 --> 00:28:04,900
[Both grunt]Oh.
612
00:28:05,031 --> 00:28:06,685
God!
613
00:28:09,339 --> 00:28:10,993
You okay?
614
00:28:11,124 --> 00:28:13,430
Yeah.
615
00:28:13,561 --> 00:28:15,955
I thought you left.
616
00:28:16,085 --> 00:28:18,784
I knew you'd never find your way
around here alone.
617
00:28:18,914 --> 00:28:21,569
I didn't know I'd find you
at the bottom of a grave.
618
00:28:21,700 --> 00:28:23,832
Well, I got lost.
619
00:28:26,443 --> 00:28:30,317
You ever think it's not that you
have a bad sense of direction,
620
00:28:30,447 --> 00:28:32,362
you just gotta pay attention
to where you're goin'?
621
00:28:34,669 --> 00:28:37,454
Maybe.
622
00:28:37,585 --> 00:28:39,500
Yeah.
623
00:28:39,630 --> 00:28:41,154
Alright.Come on.
624
00:28:41,284 --> 00:28:42,546
Let's get you up.
625
00:28:42,677 --> 00:28:43,896
Up, up.
626
00:28:44,026 --> 00:28:45,245
Wha--Alright.
627
00:28:45,375 --> 00:28:47,029
Don't be a hero.
628
00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:48,770
Hey.Arm up.
629
00:28:48,901 --> 00:28:52,165
Thank you.
630
00:28:52,295 --> 00:28:53,862
Yeah.
631
00:28:53,993 --> 00:28:59,563
♪
632
00:28:59,694 --> 00:29:05,178
♪
633
00:29:05,308 --> 00:29:07,006
How's it feel?
634
00:29:07,136 --> 00:29:08,790
I think I can put
some weight on it now.
635
00:29:08,921 --> 00:29:10,444
Well, careful.
636
00:29:10,574 --> 00:29:13,534
Yeah.
Ooh.
637
00:29:13,664 --> 00:29:17,059
Did I make you miss
your board games?
638
00:29:19,148 --> 00:29:20,976
Probably.
639
00:29:21,107 --> 00:29:23,022
I'm sorry.
640
00:29:23,152 --> 00:29:25,372
Eh.
I'll grovel.
641
00:29:25,502 --> 00:29:28,375
It'll be fine.
642
00:29:28,505 --> 00:29:30,203
I also could've left.
643
00:29:30,333 --> 00:29:33,684
Well, you should've.
644
00:29:33,815 --> 00:29:36,862
Yeah, I'm thinking maybe
that place is cursed for you.
645
00:29:36,992 --> 00:29:38,820
Tonight, you almost got
yourself buried alive.
646
00:29:38,951 --> 00:29:40,822
The last time
you were there,
647
00:29:40,953 --> 00:29:43,042
it was the worst day
of your life.
648
00:29:43,172 --> 00:29:46,523
Maybe find yourself
a new funeral home.
649
00:29:46,654 --> 00:29:49,613
It wasn't the worst day
of my life because of the wake.
650
00:29:51,833 --> 00:29:53,922
Hey, uh...
651
00:29:54,053 --> 00:29:56,055
Can we, uh, just wait?
652
00:29:58,013 --> 00:30:00,233
I need a minute
before I can go back in there.
653
00:30:04,106 --> 00:30:05,847
Sure.
654
00:30:08,502 --> 00:30:10,504
Man: I think we're okay,
I think we're safe.
655
00:30:10,634 --> 00:30:15,335
[Dramatic chord strikes,
all scream]
656
00:30:15,465 --> 00:30:17,119
[Laughs nervously]
657
00:30:17,250 --> 00:30:18,512
Well, gang -- ha-ha!
658
00:30:18,642 --> 00:30:21,123
This Pal-o-ween
has been...
659
00:30:21,254 --> 00:30:22,908
Weird.
660
00:30:23,038 --> 00:30:24,518
I'll say.
661
00:30:24,648 --> 00:30:27,913
Do you guys normally
get this scared?
662
00:30:28,043 --> 00:30:30,219
Psh.The only thing I'm scared of
663
00:30:30,350 --> 00:30:33,048
is not seein' the rest
of this movie,
664
00:30:33,179 --> 00:30:36,704
with my eyes wide open,
breathin' normally.
665
00:30:36,835 --> 00:30:40,447
[Sound effect from movie,
all scream]
666
00:30:40,577 --> 00:30:42,275
I'm gonna get another beer.
667
00:30:42,405 --> 00:30:44,277
Uh, will you grab me
another Miller Lite?
668
00:30:44,407 --> 00:30:47,149
But please, leave the door open,
and whistle the whole time
669
00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:48,368
so I know where you are,
670
00:30:48,498 --> 00:30:49,630
and please don't
whistle anything
671
00:30:49,760 --> 00:30:51,110
too spooky.
672
00:30:51,240 --> 00:30:52,459
[Studio audience laughing]
673
00:30:52,589 --> 00:30:54,461
I'm gonna hit the men's.
674
00:30:54,591 --> 00:30:56,637
It's always harder for me
to be scared by a movie
675
00:30:56,767 --> 00:30:59,466
after I've seen
my whole downstairs situation.
676
00:30:59,596 --> 00:31:02,599
[Studio audience laughing]
677
00:31:02,730 --> 00:31:04,906
I guess I really freaked out
tonight, huh?
678
00:31:05,037 --> 00:31:07,822
Yeah. Yeah, you --
you got pretty scared.
679
00:31:07,953 --> 00:31:10,520
But hey, how cool is it that
no we have our own personal cop
680
00:31:10,651 --> 00:31:13,306
we can call any time you start
panicking like a child?
681
00:31:13,436 --> 00:31:15,830
Yeah -- I've been having trouble
sleeping lately.
682
00:31:15,961 --> 00:31:18,485
It's done a real number on me.I can tell.
683
00:31:18,615 --> 00:31:21,270
You thought my dad was
a psycho intruder.
684
00:31:21,401 --> 00:31:24,230
We almost shot him![Both laughing]
685
00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:27,624
[Rattling]
686
00:31:27,755 --> 00:31:30,671
[Rattling, thudding,
scraping]
687
00:31:30,801 --> 00:31:32,542
What was that?
688
00:31:32,673 --> 00:31:35,632
A killer zombie monster?
689
00:31:35,763 --> 00:31:37,330
Neil, you're supposed
to suggest
690
00:31:37,460 --> 00:31:40,289
something harmless first
so I can dismiss it!
691
00:31:40,420 --> 00:31:43,989
God, you have no sense
of horror banter!
692
00:31:44,119 --> 00:31:47,470
Ugh...
Not in my house, you psycho!
693
00:31:47,601 --> 00:31:49,211
[Screams]
694
00:31:49,342 --> 00:31:50,517
Jesus!
695
00:31:50,647 --> 00:31:52,475
Are You okay?
696
00:31:52,606 --> 00:31:55,043
[Sobs, labored breathing]
697
00:31:58,873 --> 00:32:00,919
[Playful music]
698
00:32:01,049 --> 00:32:02,485
So, let me get this straight --
699
00:32:02,616 --> 00:32:04,661
It's not that hard
to follow, Allison!
700
00:32:04,792 --> 00:32:06,620
Ya left us alone
on Pal-o-ween,
701
00:32:06,750 --> 00:32:08,578
which means Neil was apt
to get terrified
702
00:32:08,709 --> 00:32:10,972
and fly off the handle!
703
00:32:11,103 --> 00:32:13,105
But how does that lead
to Tammy bein' here,
704
00:32:13,235 --> 00:32:15,237
and you kickin' a door
into my face?
705
00:32:15,368 --> 00:32:18,023
Listen, Neil came over to watch
the scariest movie
706
00:32:18,153 --> 00:32:19,676
of all time -- "Zombie Buffet.""Zombie Buffet."
707
00:32:19,807 --> 00:32:22,201
"Chitty Chitty Bang Bang"?
708
00:32:22,331 --> 00:32:24,377
Which is when we heard
the weird noises
709
00:32:24,507 --> 00:32:27,162
coming from the basement,
so obviously,
710
00:32:27,293 --> 00:32:29,599
we assumed it was
the psycho intruder.
711
00:32:29,730 --> 00:32:31,340
Or Mr. Dracula.
712
00:32:31,471 --> 00:32:33,081
I will not give that sicko
the respect
713
00:32:33,212 --> 00:32:35,388
of calling him "count."[Studio audience laughing]
714
00:32:35,518 --> 00:32:37,346
Go home, Neil.
715
00:32:37,477 --> 00:32:40,262
So, obviously,
we called for backup --
716
00:32:40,393 --> 00:32:42,830
our pal Tammy, who we know
we can always count on
717
00:32:42,961 --> 00:32:45,441
in situations like these.
718
00:32:45,572 --> 00:32:48,836
Yeah, maybe count on me
just a little less from now on.
719
00:32:48,967 --> 00:32:50,925
So, we all went downstairs
to investigate,
720
00:32:51,056 --> 00:32:53,449
but turns out,
it was just Pete.
721
00:32:53,580 --> 00:32:56,061
I've been squatting in
the basement the last two weeks.
722
00:32:56,191 --> 00:32:57,627
[Studio audience laughing]
723
00:32:57,758 --> 00:32:59,020
That's what the noises were.
724
00:32:59,151 --> 00:33:01,066
So, after Tammy
re-holstered her gun,
725
00:33:01,196 --> 00:33:03,503
we all had
a good laugh!
726
00:33:03,633 --> 00:33:06,027
At least, until I heard you
sneakin' up the stairs,
727
00:33:06,158 --> 00:33:08,638
and obviously assumed
that you were a zombie
728
00:33:08,769 --> 00:33:10,858
comin' to eat
my plentiful flesh.
729
00:33:10,989 --> 00:33:12,294
I-I can't --
730
00:33:12,425 --> 00:33:15,558
How is she
still not getting this?!
731
00:33:15,689 --> 00:33:18,561
Uh, gee, Pete, maybe it's
the severe blow to the head?
732
00:33:18,692 --> 00:33:20,259
In my defense,
Allison,
733
00:33:20,389 --> 00:33:22,000
I don't know what you
were doing out there
734
00:33:22,130 --> 00:33:26,482
moaning like a freak
and looking like an undead hag.
735
00:33:26,613 --> 00:33:29,137
That's your defense?
736
00:33:29,268 --> 00:33:31,444
How did this happen?
I thought you were picking up
737
00:33:31,574 --> 00:33:32,836
a coffee table?No! No, no, no!
738
00:33:32,967 --> 00:33:34,925
I love our coffee table!
739
00:33:35,056 --> 00:33:37,145
It looks like it was
fixed by NASA.
740
00:33:37,276 --> 00:33:40,540
Wait, is that why you said that
you were going to the movies?
741
00:33:40,670 --> 00:33:42,759
To trick me?
742
00:33:42,890 --> 00:33:45,327
Yep.
Yep.
743
00:33:45,458 --> 00:33:47,155
But, uh, joke's on me,
744
00:33:47,286 --> 00:33:48,983
'cause I slipped
on the guy's lawn
745
00:33:49,114 --> 00:33:51,246
and the septic tank
was seeping through.
746
00:33:51,377 --> 00:33:53,553
[Men laughing]How embarrassin'.
747
00:33:53,683 --> 00:33:56,425
Classic Allison!
Ugh.
748
00:33:56,556 --> 00:33:58,427
So, what, you're sitting there
leaking septic juice
749
00:33:58,558 --> 00:34:01,169
all over our couch?"Our" couch?
750
00:34:01,300 --> 00:34:02,953
Oh, I live here permanently now.
751
00:34:03,084 --> 00:34:04,607
[Studio audience laughing]
752
00:34:04,738 --> 00:34:07,436
I'm gonna go hang out someplace
a little less weird.
753
00:34:07,567 --> 00:34:10,961
Maybe bust a meth house
or something.
754
00:34:11,092 --> 00:34:12,876
I protect and serve.
755
00:34:13,007 --> 00:34:15,618
You kick a door into my face.
756
00:34:15,749 --> 00:34:18,317
I pop you in the face
by accident one time.
757
00:34:18,447 --> 00:34:21,146
How many times do I have
to say "I'm sorry"?!
758
00:34:21,276 --> 00:34:23,626
Uh, once would be nice.
759
00:34:23,757 --> 00:34:25,411
[Studio audience laughing]
760
00:34:25,541 --> 00:34:31,373
♪
761
00:34:31,504 --> 00:34:37,249
♪
762
00:34:37,379 --> 00:34:43,211
♪
763
00:34:43,342 --> 00:34:49,130
♪
764
00:34:49,261 --> 00:34:50,436
Hey.
765
00:34:50,566 --> 00:34:51,785
Oh, hey.
766
00:34:51,915 --> 00:34:54,353
Hey.
767
00:34:54,483 --> 00:34:56,311
You gonna go out with Kevin?
768
00:34:56,442 --> 00:34:58,574
Uh, yeah.
769
00:35:00,620 --> 00:35:02,491
I told him I always wanted
someone to cook for me,
770
00:35:02,622 --> 00:35:05,103
and he said he'd make me
a fancy dinner on Friday.
771
00:35:05,233 --> 00:35:08,758
[Scoffs]
772
00:35:08,889 --> 00:35:10,499
What?
773
00:35:13,067 --> 00:35:15,852
Nothin'.
774
00:35:15,983 --> 00:35:19,160
Good luck.
775
00:35:19,291 --> 00:35:20,770
Thank you.
776
00:35:20,901 --> 00:35:22,990
[Laughs]
777
00:35:23,121 --> 00:35:29,866
♪
778
00:35:29,997 --> 00:35:36,786
♪
779
00:35:36,917 --> 00:35:43,663
♪
780
00:35:43,793 --> 00:35:45,404
Hey.
781
00:35:50,844 --> 00:35:52,454
Can I see it?
782
00:35:56,110 --> 00:35:57,807
Jesus.
783
00:36:03,335 --> 00:36:06,686
You think Gertrude's
what I should do?
784
00:36:06,816 --> 00:36:09,297
You're asking me?
785
00:36:09,428 --> 00:36:11,081
Yeah.Uh...
786
00:36:11,212 --> 00:36:13,258
I mean...
787
00:36:13,388 --> 00:36:15,825
I think so.
788
00:36:18,001 --> 00:36:20,917
Yes.
789
00:36:21,048 --> 00:36:24,269
Okay.
790
00:36:24,399 --> 00:36:26,009
Then that's what I'll do.
791
00:36:30,362 --> 00:36:33,843
You trust me to figure out
the rest of your life?
792
00:36:37,064 --> 00:36:38,631
You have
a sense of direction.
793
00:36:50,599 --> 00:36:51,557
Allison.
794
00:36:51,687 --> 00:36:52,775
[Screams]
795
00:36:52,906 --> 00:36:55,300
[Breathing heavily]
796
00:36:55,430 --> 00:36:57,432
Oh. Happy birthday.
797
00:36:57,563 --> 00:36:59,608
-It's your birthday?
-Tomorrow.
798
00:36:59,739 --> 00:37:01,219
How come she knew
and I didn't?
799
00:37:01,349 --> 00:37:04,091
We're planning a surprise party
for Patti.
800
00:37:04,222 --> 00:37:05,135
[Gasps]
801
00:37:05,266 --> 00:37:06,876
A surprise party?
Yes.
802
00:37:07,007 --> 00:37:09,749
And I was actually gonna ask you
if you would help me plan it.
803
00:37:09,879 --> 00:37:11,533
What are you doing?Nothing.
804
00:37:11,664 --> 00:37:12,752
[Glass shatters]
805
00:37:12,882 --> 00:37:14,754
All: Surprise!
806
00:37:14,884 --> 00:37:18,714
♪
807
00:37:20,586 --> 00:37:27,723
♪
808
00:37:27,854 --> 00:37:35,078
♪
809
00:37:35,209 --> 00:37:42,390
♪
810
00:37:42,521 --> 00:37:49,832
♪
811
00:37:49,882 --> 00:37:54,432
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
54383
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
