All language subtitles for Reba - 2x01 - House Rules.eng

Morning, sexy.

[ Grunts ]

What in the heck
do you think you're doing?

Well, right now I'm wondering
why we chose this color grout.

You can't come in here
and just attack me like that!

Close the curtain.
I can still see the view.

- What's gotten into you?
You used to love it when I kissed you.
- Yeah, when we were married.

- We are married.
- What?

Hey, we're gonna go to the mall.
There's a sale on shoes.

I'm going 'cause I'm in love.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Who's gonna be watching Elizabeth?

- I'm not sure. Who's Elizabeth?
- Your baby.

Mom, the last thing I'd have is a baby.

I'm 1 7. I've got
my whole life ahead of me.

- Honey?
- Mom, are you all right?

No! You say
you don't have a baby...

you're talkin' responsible,
and you're acting like a lovin' husband?

What's wrong with you people?

What's that smell?

[ Gasps ]

Jake.Jake, honey,
go on back to your own room.

Is that gum?

- [ Crying ]
- [ Crying ] I can't turn her off!

Bring her here.

I haven't gotten any sleep
in three months.

- I'm losing my mind, Mom.
- It's okay.

- Shh, everybody. It'll be okay.
- [ Elizabeth Crying ]

What's wrong with you?

[ Crying ]
It's just so beautiful.

Come on.

[ Crying Continues ]

[ Sighs ]

This is more like it.

[ Reba ]
Ha, hey.!

?? [ Singing ]

?? [ Ends ]

- [ Kyra ] Morning, Mom.
- Is it technically morning
if you've never gone to sleep?

I need some coffee.

If you need more sleep,
try wearing earplugs like me.

- Ooh, can I borrow those tonight?
- Van.

What? I need some sleep
so I can start to think clearly.

How many years you plan to sleep?

If you didn't want to get up
with the baby, you should say so.

- I don't want to get up.
- Oh, you're gettin' up.

- I am not doing this alone.
- But what's the point?

I get up. I hand her to you.
That's it!

I mean, it'd be different
if I was feeding her or something.

But I'm not built that way.
These wells are dry.

- Kids, can I say something?
- Mom, the last thing we need now is your advice.

No, you're right.
You're 1 7...

living in my house with
your husband and daughter-

You've got it covered.

Hey, Reba.
This boy won't stop growing.

From now on, no vegetables
and he takes up smoking.

Well, at this point, I doubt
it would shock the neighbors.

- Did you have a good time?
- Yeah! Barbra Jean got me a GameCube.

See ya at the puppet show, buddy!

A GameCube, like the one
we both agreed not to get him?

Surprise!

Look, I know we talked,
but I changed my mind.

Brock, please tell me you're not letting
Jake play those violent video games.

We have to. The nice ones suck.

- Brock.
- No, Reba.

Barbra Jean got it so they could
have something to do together.

He's having a great time. She's having
a great time. I don't see the problem.

I don't want Barbra Jean
making the parenting decisions.

I tell you what.

From now on,
you make the rules at your house...

and don't worry about
who's making 'em at mine.

Oh, that's just great, Brock.
What happens when we go to the park?

Who makes the rules then?

I call the park!

I don't think it's fair that you always
want me to change the baby.

Well, I'm taking care of
what goes into the baby so logically-

So logically you would clean up
what you started.

No, Van. Logically-

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
Socrates, Plato.

You really need to stop arguing.

Hey, I tell you what.
Tonight I'll watch Elizabeth...

so you guys can go out
and have some fun.

- Is anyone checking on Elizabeth?
- We have a monitor.

Welcome to
the 20th century, Kyra.

- [ Clicks ]
- [ Elizabeth Crying ]

And it's the 21 st century.

[ Crying Continues ]

Are ya comin'?

Well, of course.

If I wasn't there to hand her to you,
the whole system would break down.

- SoJake got a GameCube?
- Oh, your father's so irritating.

He told me they have
a different set of rules over there,

and I just have to learn
to live with it. So here.

- What's that?
- Five dollars. Tell me the rules.

Five dollars.
Gee, I'll go see half a movie.

Look, I swear any information
you give me is confidential.

But you're my kids, and I need to know
exactly what's goin' on over there.

Well, when you put it that way.

- Okay. Well, like, one thing they do-
- Yeah.

is Barbra Jean doesn't
believe in bedtimes.

We go to sleep whenever we want,
even on a school night.

[ Chuckles ]
Well, isn't that fun?

But I'm sure you don't
stay up that late.

It's kind of hard to sleep
with all the candy and soda she lets us have.

Candy? Really?

- What else?
- She gives us fast food after you tell her not to.

- I told her not to do that!
- I just said that.

I'm not talkin' to you!
That's why I don't trust her parenting.

She's just trying to be popular.

[ Groans ] She puts her needs
over the welfare of my kids.

You think you could get her
to say some of those things on tape?

Yoo-hoo! Reba!

Oh, hi, Barbra Jean.

I got you a chair.

The little girl who was sittin' here
had to go to the bathroom.

No saveys!

My right cheek thanks you.

- My left cheek'll make do.
- [ Laughs ]

Thank you all for coming.
Today we're having a puppet show...

about a rabbit and a squirrel...

that learn an important lesson
about how we should behave.

- So what are you doing here?
- Brock had to do a root canal.

It was an emergency.

You know, dentists are
the firemen of the mouth.

Only their calendars
don't sell as well.

Larry, want to sneak
into the school tonight?

I don't know, Davey.

- [ Talking Continues ]
- Since school's only a half day...

I'd like to takeJakey to lunch
if that's okay.

Oh, lunch, huh?
Will there be food at this lunch?

Uh-huh.

You know, I'm glad you brought this up
'cause I've been wanting to talk to you again...

about keeping Jakey
away from fast foods.

Oh, of course.
I never give him fast food.

'Cause fast foods upset his stomach.
Then he's up all night.

And that's why as his biological mother
I asked you not to give him any.

We never do.

- You never give him fast food?
- Nope.

- Never?
- Not once.

'Cause you can tell me.

I swear I've never given him fast food.

Liar.

- What?
- I said you're a liar. You lie.

You take him for fast food all the time.
You take him, and then you lie to my face.

Well, I refuse to let my son
go to lunch with a liar.

It's also wrong to lie, Davey.

Did I ever tell you, when I was a kid,
we went to a dairy farm?

Oh, good Lord. Okay.
Upstairs. There you go.

Cheyenne, use a coaster.

You know, it's your fault
that I have to do this.

If you hadn't gotten Van
excited about going out...

I wouldn't have to sit here
and have my breasts vacuumed.

Our neighbors had hers shampooed.

They're just like new!

Hey, do you think
if you fell asleep...

these would just keep sucking
all the moisture out of you...

until you became like a raisin?

You can imagine how anxious I am
to have dinner with this man.

All right. Now, I want y'all
to go have a good time.

Don't talk about the baby. Don't think
about the baby. Don't even say the word " baby.''

- What?
- I miss my baby.

[ Brock ]
Hey, guys.

- Huh. What's wrong with Cheyenne?
- Gee, I don't know.

She's a teenage mother.
You'd think she'd be happier.

- What's up?
- I need you to apologize to Barbra Jean.

Apologize? Let's see.

- What are you doing?
- Checking for flying pigs.

Sorry.

- You're out of luck.
- She says you called her a liar.

She is. She said she never
gives Jake fast food.

- She doesn't.
- Yes, she does.

- No, she doesn't.
- She does.

Reba, I admitted
we had an affair.

I don't think I'd lie
about a hamburger.

Hang on a second. I'm gonna
check something in the kitchen.

Quick double check.
Barbra Jean gaveJake fast food, right?

- No.
- Great. Thanks.

- What?
- Barbra Jean did not giveJake fast food.

- But you said she-
- I know. I was just yanking your chain.

You realize your father is out there...

and now, because I was wrong,
I have to apologize to Barbra Jean?

This just keeps gettin' funnier.

I tell you what's funny.
You're grounded!

Oh, and that five bucks
I gave you- It's Canadian. Ha!

[ Laughing ]

You know what- I can't remember
what all this was about in the first place.

So what do you say next time
we're all out bowling, shoes are on me.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I'm not done here, Reba.

Barbra Jean didn't lie...

and I'm not leaving
until you promise to apologize to her.

[ Sighs ]
Fine. I'll apologize.

But she needs to apologize to me...

for making me sit on that stupid,
little ol' bitty chair!

[ Knocking ]

[ Sighs ]

Hey, Reba.

Barbra Jean.

Brock said you wanted to talk to me.

Nope. Don't think so.

No?

He seemed pretty sure.

Oh! Oh, I- I bet I know what it is.

You know, we were laughing
and talking earlier about...

you know, how you guys are
always apologizing to me about...

you know, all the terrible
stuff you've done.

And I said, " Gee, maybe I ought to apologize
to you sometime for something.''

So, I'm sorry.
See ya later.

Wait a minute.

You're apologizing to me?

For what?

Oh, all right. Here goes.

I guess because of our history...

sometimes I was a little too quick
to judge you.

And that wasn't fair, so I'm sorry.

And I'm sorry I called you a liar.

- Oh, Reba!
- [ Grunts ]

Yeah, I knew that was comin'.

[ Sobbing ]
You don't understand. I lied.

What?

I did giveJake fast food.

Don't tell Brock, because sometimes
I'm just too tired to cook...

and Jake loves it so much.

And he loves me
when I give it to him.

Can you ever forgive me?

Reba?

I'll give you 1 0 seconds.
Then I release the dogs.

- You don't have dogs.
- [ Whistles ]

Cannibal! Shredder!
Come to Mama!

[ Barking ]

This was a great idea.

I feel free.

- How's the salad bar?
- Good.

- What'd you get?
- Well, I got baby corn and little baby carrots.

[ Crying ]
And baby lettuce.

Okay. Hold it right there. Your mom said
we're not supposed to talk about that.

And why not, huh?

I mean, Van, did you ever think
maybe I'm not obsessing too much
but you're not obsessing enough?

- Oh, so this is all my problem?
- Maybe it is.

I knew it!
You think I'm a bad parent.

- I never said that.
- Well, let me tell you something.

I love that little girl.

And just because I don't check on her
every 1 0 seconds...

or jump up the minute she cries
doesn't mean I don't.

Well, of course you do.

Good. Then I don't want
to hear any more about this.

Okay.

- Van-
- [ Crying ] I'm a terrible parent.

I don't like my baby.

- What?
- Well, she-she cries...

and she doesn't sleep,
and she- she smells.

I mean, I-I love her,
but maybe I'm not a baby person.

You know, we should have had a 1 2-year-old
like my cousin. He's really cool.

Van, you poor thing.

Then I watch you,
and you're so into her...

and it just makes me feel guiltier.

[ Sighs ]

- Can I tell you something?
- Oh, why not?

It can't be worse than me saying
I don't like my own baby.

[ Crying ]
I don't know if I like her either.

- What?
- I don't know. I try, but it's just-
it is never enough.

I thought this would be easier.

I mean, Van,
I love her too, but...

God, she's like this tiny angry guest
that won't go away.

So you're a bad parent too?

Yeah.

[ Crying ]
I love you so much.

So originally you told the truth...

but then you lied when I asked you
if you lied about telling the truth.

Yeah, that's right.

Okay. So what's going on?
And this time I want the truth.

I was just kidding around at first, but...

then when everything blew up
I just wanted the arguing to stop.

But you people just won't let it go.

Oh, come on. It's not like we're
at each other's throats or anything.

I mean- [ Chuckles ]
your dad won't let it go...

but I'm not like that.
[ Laughs ]

You're both like that.

You ask me about them,
and they ask me about you...

and I'm always stuck in the middle.

Oh, honey. I'm sorry.
I didn't realize we were doing that.

It's gonna stop. I promise.

So what do they ask about me?

Hey there. Looks like
someone had a good time tonight.

Yes, we did.
We had a very long talk.

Yeah, we realized
there's nothing wrong with us.

- Babies are just a nightmare.
- Mm-hmm.

Yes, you are. Yes, you are.

You know, you could have told us that
before we got pregnant.

Yeah, we think maybe someone
wanted to be a grandparent.

Yeah, I'm living the dream.

[ Knocking ]

- Did you call me over here
about the hamburger thing again?
- Yes.

Ah, terrific.
It's the third time today.

Cows don't talk this much
about hamburger.

Look, I want to trust you
with the kids, but I can't...

unless I know everything
that's going on over there.

- But isn't trust believing without knowing?
- No, that's faith.

- Well, how about a little faith?
- How about just cough up the information?

Okay, fine.
But two can play at that game.

If I have to answer your questions,
you have to answer mine.

Fine.

You already know about the fast food.
What else?

- You let them go to bed anytime they want?
- No, they have a bedtime.

Do you say nasty things about Barbra Jean
in front of the kids?

- Yes.
- [ Scoffs ]

Do you ever let 'em have
candy and soda at night?

Yes, that's my right as a father,
but not very often.

Do you use our 1 3-year-old daughter
as a spy?

- Yes.
- Oh.

Do you makeJake take his vitamins?
Does he brush his teeth?

- Who puts gum on his feet?
- This is ridiculous.

Why her?

What?

Why her?
Why Barbra Jean?

Why?
[ Chuckles ]

Come on, Reba.
What does it matter?

'Cause it drives me crazy!

I mean, it's not like I want you back
or anything. It's just that...

it just doesn't make any sense.

I mean, I'd get it
if she was Miss NASCAR...

or the girl that hands out the rubber worms
down at the boat show.

Did you just want somebody taller?

She needs me, Reba.

- My kids needed you.
- And they still have me.

And I will always be here for our kids.
But you didn't need me, Reba.

- Oh, that's ridiculous.
- No, it's not.

I mean, you can make toast.
Barbra Jean can't.

Help me out here, Brock.

Is " make toast'' code for something?

No. No, see, Barbra Jean
loves makin' breakfast-

I mean, omelets, bacon,
fresh-squeezed juice.

But she can't make toast.
She always burns it.

So I make it. And when
I bring the toast to the table...

I'm a big hero.

Boy, I didn't think
it was gonna sound that stupid.

No, I get it.

I don't guess I made you feel
much like a hero last couple of years.

Well, maybe that's because
I wasn't much of a hero.

We okay?

Yeah.

I'll talk to ya later.

- Okay.
- [ Door Opens ]

[ Door Closes ]

What kind of a moron can't make toast?

Acme.!
[ Coughing ]