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1
00:00:05,013 --> 00:00:07,243
Oh, Paul,
2
00:00:07,348 --> 00:00:09,407
this is tenure-track.
3
00:00:09,517 --> 00:00:12,350
Hard to come by.
4
00:00:12,454 --> 00:00:14,422
Look, Dad, I know. I know.
5
00:00:14,522 --> 00:00:18,720
But, look, I still have
that writer's block and...
6
00:00:18,827 --> 00:00:20,317
Still?
7
00:00:20,428 --> 00:00:22,089
Yeah.
8
00:00:22,197 --> 00:00:25,030
Paul, I asked you to come
around my office weeks ago
9
00:00:25,133 --> 00:00:26,532
if this persisted.
10
00:00:26,634 --> 00:00:29,626
- What have you been doing?
- I've been playing...
11
00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:34,133
I've been playing pub trivia.
12
00:00:35,376 --> 00:00:37,469
Pub trivia?
13
00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:40,580
It's fun.
14
00:00:44,719 --> 00:00:47,085
Okay. Listen, Dad.
15
00:00:50,291 --> 00:00:52,782
I don't know if this is
what I want to do.
16
00:00:54,763 --> 00:00:56,697
Teach, I mean.
17
00:00:56,798 --> 00:00:59,494
I... I don't...
18
00:01:01,302 --> 00:01:03,532
Well, that is your decision,
19
00:01:03,638 --> 00:01:05,503
when you've taken
enough time to make
20
00:01:05,607 --> 00:01:08,576
what you can call a decision.
21
00:01:10,278 --> 00:01:13,839
You've worked very hard
for such an opportunity.
22
00:01:15,483 --> 00:01:19,351
And to see you follow my work
23
00:01:19,454 --> 00:01:23,049
would make me very proud.
24
00:01:40,508 --> 00:01:43,238
No, you're right.
25
00:01:43,344 --> 00:01:44,936
You're right.
26
00:01:45,046 --> 00:01:46,513
Thank you.
27
00:01:49,317 --> 00:01:51,342
Wonderful.
28
00:01:53,788 --> 00:01:57,280
Oh, there is one more thing, son.
29
00:01:58,393 --> 00:02:02,124
It's been brought to my attention
30
00:02:02,230 --> 00:02:06,189
that you've been seeing a great deal
of a female student.
31
00:02:06,301 --> 00:02:08,861
I don't need to tell you
that such a relationship
32
00:02:08,970 --> 00:02:12,098
would be quite imprudent.
33
00:02:13,474 --> 00:02:16,534
Especially for a future professor.
34
00:02:16,644 --> 00:02:17,611
Yea, nay?
35
00:02:20,281 --> 00:02:21,373
Yea.
36
00:02:34,262 --> 00:02:38,858
Tonight, we're separating the trivia men
from the trivia boys,
37
00:02:38,967 --> 00:02:41,731
because the top three teams
are gonna go on to compete
38
00:02:41,836 --> 00:02:45,067
in the championship round
next month.
39
00:02:54,182 --> 00:02:55,513
What happened?
40
00:02:55,617 --> 00:02:57,608
You look positively tubercular.
41
00:02:57,719 --> 00:02:59,118
Here.
42
00:02:59,220 --> 00:03:01,381
Ice Tiger!
43
00:03:03,191 --> 00:03:05,022
Should there be stripes?
44
00:03:05,126 --> 00:03:07,026
Our first question tonight comes to us
45
00:03:07,128 --> 00:03:09,892
from the fascinating world of golf.
46
00:03:09,998 --> 00:03:12,057
"What is the name of the trophy
47
00:03:12,166 --> 00:03:15,863
awarded to the winner
of the PGA Championship?"
48
00:03:15,970 --> 00:03:17,767
Nobody shits the Ice.
49
00:03:17,872 --> 00:03:20,466
I need a drink.
50
00:03:53,841 --> 00:03:57,402
So at the conclusion of the first half
of tonight's trivia-a-thon,
51
00:03:57,512 --> 00:04:01,505
we've got Bikers for Obama
with third place,
52
00:04:01,616 --> 00:04:04,244
17 points and a rad name.
53
00:04:04,352 --> 00:04:06,980
With 19 points
for second place so far,
54
00:04:07,088 --> 00:04:11,115
we have Den Mördaren
av Kultur och Himmelak-Själ.
55
00:04:11,225 --> 00:04:13,159
And in the lead,
56
00:04:13,261 --> 00:04:17,357
with an unprecedented
perfect score of 20 points,
57
00:04:17,465 --> 00:04:19,057
the Ice Tigers.
58
00:04:19,167 --> 00:04:21,692
- Yes! Good job.
- Ice Tiger!
59
00:04:21,803 --> 00:04:23,361
Oh, hey, Paul,
60
00:04:23,471 --> 00:04:25,462
I just wanted to come over
to say congratulations.
61
00:04:25,573 --> 00:04:26,870
Oh, why's that, Brannstrom,
62
00:04:26,975 --> 00:04:28,533
because we're kicking
your proto-Nordic butts?
63
00:04:28,643 --> 00:04:32,135
No, see, Paul is on the fast track
for a tenure position at the university.
64
00:04:32,246 --> 00:04:33,838
Yeah, word travels very quickly.
65
00:04:33,948 --> 00:04:37,509
Paul, Jesus, Mary, Jo...
Congratulations, old chum.
66
00:04:37,618 --> 00:04:40,109
Well, I'm sure his papa
had something to do with this.
67
00:04:40,221 --> 00:04:41,848
Yea, nay?
68
00:04:41,956 --> 00:04:43,446
Screw you.
69
00:04:43,558 --> 00:04:45,583
You get so mad
when I mention your papa.
70
00:04:45,693 --> 00:04:49,185
But if I had daddy like this,
I would take his charity too. Yeah.
71
00:04:49,297 --> 00:04:51,026
And what does he think
about the new girl?
72
00:04:51,132 --> 00:04:52,827
Does she say...
73
00:04:52,934 --> 00:04:55,732
Hello, you fool.
74
00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:57,134
I love you.
75
00:04:57,238 --> 00:04:58,500
Come on, join my joyride.
76
00:04:58,606 --> 00:05:00,801
Yeah, you want to join the joyride?
77
00:05:02,510 --> 00:05:05,308
- Save it! Save it for trivia!
- Shelly, help me, please.
78
00:05:05,413 --> 00:05:07,904
- He's got a switchblade.
- It's not a switchblade.
79
00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:09,916
Switchblade comb.
80
00:05:10,018 --> 00:05:12,578
Ice uses it to comb his hair.
81
00:05:12,687 --> 00:05:15,247
Let's see if we can't
settle this like men.
82
00:05:16,491 --> 00:05:17,958
Sorry.
83
00:05:20,194 --> 00:05:23,891
All right, people.
Final question of the night here
84
00:05:23,998 --> 00:05:27,729
in the special category
Elizabeth Montgomery.
85
00:05:27,835 --> 00:05:30,929
How do I love thee?
Let me count the ways.
86
00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:33,599
An entire category on actress
Elizabeth Montgomery?
87
00:05:33,708 --> 00:05:36,176
It's... My God, it's criminal.
88
00:05:36,277 --> 00:05:39,144
I mean, even if we get this last answer,
we're only gonna have 35 points.
89
00:05:39,247 --> 00:05:41,681
Okay. Relax.
Get that out of there.
90
00:05:41,783 --> 00:05:43,148
I got this one, okay?
91
00:05:48,289 --> 00:05:51,690
"In the Montgomery
TV juggernaut Bewitched,
92
00:05:51,793 --> 00:05:54,057
"the actor playing her husband Darrin
93
00:05:54,162 --> 00:05:56,062
"was notoriously switched
94
00:05:56,164 --> 00:05:57,859
"in the middle of the series
95
00:05:57,965 --> 00:05:59,557
"without any explanation.
96
00:05:59,667 --> 00:06:03,103
What were the names of the two actors
who played Darrin?"
97
00:06:03,204 --> 00:06:04,603
And you gotta get them both.
98
00:06:04,705 --> 00:06:06,104
Damn it.
This should be easy.
99
00:06:06,207 --> 00:06:07,606
Whoa, whoa.
You don't know?
100
00:06:07,708 --> 00:06:10,142
I do. Damn. I should.
101
00:06:10,244 --> 00:06:12,542
It's... It's...
102
00:06:12,647 --> 00:06:15,548
The first one is Dick Sargent.
103
00:06:15,650 --> 00:06:17,481
The second one is...
104
00:06:17,585 --> 00:06:19,644
- One minute left.
- Dick something.
105
00:06:19,754 --> 00:06:21,415
Darrin was two Dicks?
106
00:06:21,522 --> 00:06:23,080
Yes, two Dicks played Darrin.
107
00:06:23,191 --> 00:06:25,751
Okay, okay.
So we need all the Dicks we know.
108
00:06:25,860 --> 00:06:27,418
All right? So...
109
00:06:27,795 --> 00:06:29,057
- Dick Van Patten?
- No.
110
00:06:29,163 --> 00:06:30,425
- Dick Van Dyke?
- No.
111
00:06:30,531 --> 00:06:32,328
- Dick Clark?
- No, no.
112
00:06:32,433 --> 00:06:33,331
- Dick Cavett?
- No.
113
00:06:33,434 --> 00:06:34,833
- Dick Cheney?
- Come on.
114
00:06:34,936 --> 00:06:36,426
All right.
I'm sorry. Andy Dick?
115
00:06:36,537 --> 00:06:38,004
- No, damn it!
- Thirty seconds left.
116
00:06:38,106 --> 00:06:40,438
Maybe it's not Dick.
What about, like, Johnnie Cochran?
117
00:06:40,541 --> 00:06:42,475
Or Courteney Cox?
Freddie Dingus?
118
00:06:42,577 --> 00:06:44,272
Tommy Two-Balls?
Shlong von Shlongstein?
119
00:06:44,378 --> 00:06:45,572
No, no, no. Wait.
120
00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:48,171
It's... It's Dick Wilson.
121
00:06:49,217 --> 00:06:50,707
- It's Dick Wilson.
- Okay.
122
00:06:50,818 --> 00:06:52,809
He was a major actor
in the mid-'60s.
123
00:06:52,920 --> 00:06:54,820
He did television, theater,
movies, the whole thing.
124
00:06:54,922 --> 00:06:55,889
It's gotta be him.
125
00:06:55,990 --> 00:06:58,823
- Are you sure it's Dick Wilson?
- Yes.
126
00:06:58,926 --> 00:07:01,417
Just because he was on Broadway does not
mean he was doing Bewitched.
127
00:07:01,529 --> 00:07:02,826
It's Dick Wilson.
128
00:07:02,930 --> 00:07:04,830
Last 20 seconds.
129
00:07:04,932 --> 00:07:07,264
No. It's Dick York.
130
00:07:07,368 --> 00:07:08,926
- Dick York?
- Yeah. Dick York.
131
00:07:09,036 --> 00:07:10,799
- Who the hell is that?
- Dick York is the guy.
132
00:07:10,905 --> 00:07:12,702
He's the other Darrin.
I can't believe I didn't think of it.
133
00:07:12,807 --> 00:07:14,604
No. No. It's Dick Wilson.
134
00:07:14,709 --> 00:07:15,903
Listen, listen.
135
00:07:16,010 --> 00:07:18,205
- Paul, trust me, okay?
- Ten...
136
00:07:18,312 --> 00:07:20,212
- It's Dick York.
- James, I trust you. You're wrong.
137
00:07:20,314 --> 00:07:22,145
...eight, seven...
- Who's the pop culture expert here?
138
00:07:22,250 --> 00:07:24,013
- Who's the one who started this team, James?
...six, five...
139
00:07:24,118 --> 00:07:26,211
- I know the answer.
- Dick Spankalicious.
140
00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:29,153
...three, two, one.
- No, he's porn.
141
00:07:29,257 --> 00:07:31,487
Pencils down.
142
00:07:31,592 --> 00:07:33,355
Fine.
143
00:07:34,495 --> 00:07:37,055
Winner. Winner.
144
00:07:38,366 --> 00:07:41,199
All right, ladies and gentlemen,
145
00:07:41,302 --> 00:07:43,395
tonight's winners.
146
00:07:43,504 --> 00:07:46,496
With an impressive come-from-behind win,
147
00:07:46,607 --> 00:07:48,507
37 points,
148
00:07:48,609 --> 00:07:51,703
the Aryans with
the big obnoxious name.
149
00:07:51,812 --> 00:07:54,007
Nice, man.
150
00:07:54,115 --> 00:07:57,346
In second place,
with a strong showing of 36 points,
151
00:07:57,451 --> 00:08:00,682
- we got Bikers for Obama.
- Yeah!
152
00:08:00,788 --> 00:08:02,312
- Yeah!
- Right, right.
153
00:08:02,423 --> 00:08:04,220
And in third place,
154
00:08:04,325 --> 00:08:05,849
with 35 points,
155
00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:07,587
our final qualifiers
156
00:08:07,695 --> 00:08:11,791
for next month's
trivia tournament championship,
157
00:08:11,899 --> 00:08:16,165
The Luscious Lovelorn Ladies
of Lasciviousness.
158
00:08:17,872 --> 00:08:20,807
Luscious! Luscious!
Luscious! Luscious! Luscious!
159
00:08:20,908 --> 00:08:23,399
No, no.
Hey, what about the Ice Tigers?
160
00:08:23,511 --> 00:08:26,412
Uh, Ice Tigers.
Let's see.
161
00:08:26,514 --> 00:08:28,573
Fourth with 34 points.
162
00:08:28,683 --> 00:08:31,243
Sorry, fellas.
But come on.
163
00:08:31,352 --> 00:08:33,582
Everybody knows
the second Darrin is Dick York.
164
00:08:33,688 --> 00:08:35,883
What about the illustrious
Dick Wilson?
165
00:08:35,990 --> 00:08:38,356
Great actor in a bunch
of old Charmin ads.
166
00:08:38,459 --> 00:08:41,223
Had a great catchphrase.
"Please don't squeeze the Charmin."
167
00:08:41,329 --> 00:08:43,126
- I love that guy.
- Yeah, me too.
168
00:08:58,946 --> 00:09:00,846
I told you it was Dick York.
169
00:09:00,948 --> 00:09:03,678
Oh, you told me it was Dick York.
170
00:09:03,784 --> 00:09:05,183
What do you know about Dick York?
171
00:09:05,286 --> 00:09:06,776
You don't know jack
about Dick York.
172
00:09:06,887 --> 00:09:08,354
Obviously, I know more than you.
173
00:09:08,456 --> 00:09:10,253
Well, I guess you're right.
174
00:09:11,759 --> 00:09:13,124
Christ.
175
00:09:13,227 --> 00:09:15,695
We're standing out here arguing
about a magical housewife
176
00:09:15,796 --> 00:09:17,423
who can wiggle
her goddamn nose.
177
00:09:17,531 --> 00:09:19,624
He played her husband.
178
00:09:19,734 --> 00:09:21,395
Don't you guys get it?
179
00:09:21,502 --> 00:09:24,027
It doesn't matter!
It doesn't matter.
180
00:09:24,138 --> 00:09:26,606
So what?
We lost some damn trivia contest.
181
00:09:26,707 --> 00:09:28,868
We're not gonna get a box of wine.
182
00:09:28,976 --> 00:09:30,170
Who cares?
183
00:09:30,278 --> 00:09:33,179
I'm still gonna
wake up tomorrow here,
184
00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:35,647
and I'm gonna be here
forever and ever
185
00:09:35,750 --> 00:09:37,650
talking about intellectual crap
186
00:09:37,752 --> 00:09:39,413
that nobody cares about
187
00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:42,546
and go on being
Professor Elliot Tarson's son.
188
00:09:42,657 --> 00:09:45,854
And what is so damn wrong with that?
189
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:48,656
He is the best father in the world,
190
00:09:48,763 --> 00:09:50,162
and he loves me,
191
00:09:50,264 --> 00:09:51,959
and he would do anything for me,
192
00:09:52,066 --> 00:09:53,966
and he wouldn't care
if I went and had sex
193
00:09:54,068 --> 00:09:55,535
with the whole English department.
194
00:09:55,636 --> 00:09:57,900
Paul, please.
Your life is fantastic.
195
00:09:58,005 --> 00:10:00,235
You get paid to study.
196
00:10:00,341 --> 00:10:01,603
To study.
197
00:10:01,709 --> 00:10:03,939
I would switch with you
any day of the week,
198
00:10:04,045 --> 00:10:07,276
and yet all you do
is gripe and moan
199
00:10:07,381 --> 00:10:09,474
and lament your fate ad infinitum.
200
00:10:09,583 --> 00:10:10,982
"Ad infinitum"?
201
00:10:11,085 --> 00:10:13,144
James, you are not
202
00:10:13,254 --> 00:10:15,347
some ancient Platonic philosopher.
203
00:10:15,456 --> 00:10:17,356
You teach test prep.
204
00:10:17,458 --> 00:10:19,358
Test prep.
205
00:10:19,460 --> 00:10:23,226
You couldn't even
get into grad school.
206
00:10:23,331 --> 00:10:25,231
That's why he's not a grad student.
207
00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:27,392
He was rejected.
208
00:10:27,501 --> 00:10:29,401
He knows all these fancy words,
209
00:10:29,503 --> 00:10:31,061
but he didn't have the grades,
210
00:10:31,172 --> 00:10:34,403
so he teaches test prep.
211
00:10:38,979 --> 00:10:40,879
Shit, man.
Ice is done.
212
00:10:40,981 --> 00:10:42,881
Ice... Your name is Izzy, man.
213
00:10:42,983 --> 00:10:44,678
You're not the Ice.
214
00:10:44,785 --> 00:10:47,686
You're a lumberjack who talks
about himself in the third person
215
00:10:47,788 --> 00:10:49,779
and was really great
at kickball in the fourth grade,
216
00:10:49,890 --> 00:10:52,984
and he carries around a comb
that looks like a switchblade,
217
00:10:53,094 --> 00:10:54,584
which is actually kind of cool.
218
00:10:54,695 --> 00:10:55,992
I'm going home.
219
00:10:56,097 --> 00:10:58,657
Yeah. Yeah, you're damn right
you're going home.
220
00:10:58,766 --> 00:11:00,529
Ice Losers.
221
00:11:02,370 --> 00:11:03,803
That's...
222
00:11:08,042 --> 00:11:12,376
I said, hello, you fool!
223
00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:14,414
I love you!
224
00:11:14,515 --> 00:11:17,484
Come on, join the joyride!
225
00:11:19,987 --> 00:11:20,919
Paul?
226
00:11:21,021 --> 00:11:22,318
Come on!
227
00:11:26,994 --> 00:11:28,518
I suck.
228
00:11:30,264 --> 00:11:33,597
Hello, folk!
229
00:11:35,703 --> 00:11:37,671
I'm gonna catch up
with you guys later.
230
00:11:37,772 --> 00:11:39,000
East U?
231
00:11:39,106 --> 00:11:40,596
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Okay. Bye.
232
00:11:40,708 --> 00:11:42,437
Bye.
233
00:11:42,543 --> 00:11:44,602
Who are those guys?
234
00:11:44,712 --> 00:11:46,907
They're no one.
They live in my hall.
235
00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:50,983
Are you okay?
236
00:11:51,085 --> 00:11:52,882
Of course I'm okay.
237
00:11:52,987 --> 00:11:54,818
What about you?
238
00:11:54,922 --> 00:11:58,050
Haven't seen you
in class in a while.
239
00:11:58,159 --> 00:12:01,424
What about that paper?
Yea, nay?
240
00:12:04,331 --> 00:12:06,162
You gonna be able
to get home safe?
241
00:12:06,267 --> 00:12:08,064
Come on.
What's the rush?
242
00:12:08,169 --> 00:12:11,366
Well, there's this party,
243
00:12:11,472 --> 00:12:14,964
and it's kind of an undergrad thing.
244
00:12:15,075 --> 00:12:17,509
No. No. Don't be so lame.
245
00:12:17,611 --> 00:12:18,976
Lame?
246
00:12:19,079 --> 00:12:21,138
Listen, I'm sorry.
247
00:12:21,248 --> 00:12:23,910
I've had a really bad day.
248
00:12:24,018 --> 00:12:26,145
And you're gonna love
this one, I promise.
249
00:12:26,253 --> 00:12:28,744
- Oh, I am?
- I promise. It's right over there.
250
00:12:31,058 --> 00:12:35,017
Yes? Yes? Yes!
251
00:12:43,037 --> 00:12:44,265
Come on.
252
00:12:51,412 --> 00:12:53,107
Come on.
253
00:12:53,214 --> 00:12:54,613
Isn't this great?
254
00:12:54,715 --> 00:12:57,047
I love how the air smells in here.
255
00:12:57,151 --> 00:12:59,642
All the mustiness
from the old rotting books.
256
00:13:01,222 --> 00:13:04,282
Yeah, I love the smell of rotting books.
257
00:13:04,391 --> 00:13:06,723
I'm not kidding.
258
00:13:06,827 --> 00:13:08,692
No, it is really cool.
259
00:13:12,833 --> 00:13:14,824
What are you doing?
260
00:13:14,935 --> 00:13:16,630
Sex in the stacks?
261
00:13:18,072 --> 00:13:19,630
Sex in the stacks?
262
00:13:19,740 --> 00:13:23,107
Yeah. Everyone has to do it
at least once before they graduate.
263
00:13:24,178 --> 00:13:26,942
Okay. Well,
I have three more years.
264
00:13:27,047 --> 00:13:28,309
Well, I don't.
265
00:13:28,415 --> 00:13:31,384
Come on. Nobody's here.
It's gonna be fun.
266
00:13:35,256 --> 00:13:36,154
Okay.
267
00:13:36,257 --> 00:13:37,690
Yeah?
268
00:13:37,791 --> 00:13:39,691
Okay.
269
00:13:39,793 --> 00:13:40,691
- Yeah.
- Okay.
270
00:13:40,794 --> 00:13:42,284
Just get down on the ground.
271
00:13:42,396 --> 00:13:43,624
Okay.
272
00:13:45,065 --> 00:13:46,259
Okay.
273
00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:55,401
- Oh, here.
- Oh, it's really cold.
274
00:13:57,678 --> 00:13:59,646
Here's a book for your head.
275
00:14:01,282 --> 00:14:02,943
Nietzsche?
276
00:14:03,050 --> 00:14:04,984
- Just use it. It's fine.
- Okay.
277
00:14:05,085 --> 00:14:06,575
Okay.
278
00:14:08,188 --> 00:14:10,122
- Wait. I don't have a condom.
- Wait...
279
00:14:10,224 --> 00:14:11,486
Oh. I do.
280
00:14:11,592 --> 00:14:12,889
Really?
281
00:14:15,496 --> 00:14:16,724
- Here.
- All right.
282
00:14:16,830 --> 00:14:19,264
- All right.
- I got it. I got it.
283
00:14:19,366 --> 00:14:21,300
Hold on. If you...
Can you just...
284
00:14:21,402 --> 00:14:22,801
- Yep, I'm backing up. Hang on.
- Okay.
285
00:14:22,903 --> 00:14:24,302
- Ow. My knees.
- Oh, sorry.
286
00:14:24,405 --> 00:14:26,464
Okay. All right.
287
00:14:26,574 --> 00:14:28,701
- All right.
- Wait. If...
288
00:14:30,945 --> 00:14:33,140
A little over...
289
00:14:33,247 --> 00:14:35,010
That's good.
290
00:14:35,115 --> 00:14:36,343
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
291
00:14:36,450 --> 00:14:37,849
- Okay.
- Oh, wow.
292
00:14:37,952 --> 00:14:39,647
This is really uncomfortable.
293
00:14:39,753 --> 00:14:40,777
I know.
294
00:14:40,888 --> 00:14:42,082
Okay.
295
00:14:46,293 --> 00:14:49,057
Um, my dad found out about us,
296
00:14:49,163 --> 00:14:51,723
so I'm not really
297
00:14:51,832 --> 00:14:55,097
gonna be able to hang out
with you much anymore.
298
00:14:55,202 --> 00:14:57,102
At all.
299
00:15:04,712 --> 00:15:07,237
Don't make a mess.
300
00:15:27,034 --> 00:15:29,935
I might go to the party.
301
00:15:30,037 --> 00:15:31,902
Okay.
302
00:15:32,006 --> 00:15:33,473
Okay.
303
00:15:36,477 --> 00:15:38,308
I'll see you later.
304
00:15:38,412 --> 00:15:39,936
Yeah.
305
00:16:40,507 --> 00:16:42,771
Free hug.
306
00:17:13,974 --> 00:17:16,636
Oh, hey, Paul.
Bonjour, huh?
307
00:17:20,647 --> 00:17:24,208
Hello, folks!
It's an exciting day.
308
00:17:24,318 --> 00:17:26,377
A truly exciting day.
309
00:17:26,487 --> 00:17:29,081
I've just been informed
by a colleague
310
00:17:29,189 --> 00:17:30,884
that my son, Paul,
311
00:17:30,991 --> 00:17:33,255
has just submitted
312
00:17:33,360 --> 00:17:35,590
a finished dissertation.
313
00:17:35,696 --> 00:17:38,995
Paul, would you stand
and take a bow?
314
00:17:41,869 --> 00:17:44,997
And will you give him
a round of applause?
315
00:17:49,576 --> 00:17:51,476
Wonderful.
316
00:17:51,578 --> 00:17:53,671
And in honor of the occasion,
317
00:17:53,781 --> 00:17:56,249
I'd like to return now to a story
318
00:17:56,350 --> 00:17:58,181
which has been important
319
00:17:58,285 --> 00:18:01,448
to Paul and to me since he was a lad.
320
00:18:01,555 --> 00:18:02,954
Yea, Paul?
321
00:18:03,056 --> 00:18:05,490
Uh, yea.
322
00:18:05,592 --> 00:18:10,393
It's the story in Genesis 3.
323
00:18:10,497 --> 00:18:12,795
And it goes thus:
324
00:18:13,834 --> 00:18:16,029
"Now, the serpent
325
00:18:16,136 --> 00:18:19,970
"was more subtle
326
00:18:20,073 --> 00:18:21,973
"than any of the beasts of the field
327
00:18:22,075 --> 00:18:24,339
which the Lord God made"...
328
00:18:24,444 --> 00:18:25,968
You're all set, Ben.
329
00:18:26,079 --> 00:18:27,478
Thanks so much.
330
00:18:27,581 --> 00:18:30,243
You're just fine.
Real straightforward.
331
00:18:30,350 --> 00:18:33,046
On yours,
I like your idea very much.
332
00:18:33,153 --> 00:18:34,552
I think it'll be beautiful.
333
00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:36,054
And you're set, I think.
334
00:18:36,156 --> 00:18:38,454
- Best wishes with it.
- Thanks.
335
00:18:40,427 --> 00:18:41,985
Hi, Paul.
336
00:18:42,095 --> 00:18:43,494
Hey.
337
00:18:43,597 --> 00:18:45,497
Paul, I hope you don't mind
338
00:18:45,599 --> 00:18:48,124
a father's indulging his pride in you.
339
00:18:48,235 --> 00:18:51,102
I thought we both might enjoy that.
340
00:18:51,205 --> 00:18:52,832
I did, Dad.
341
00:18:52,940 --> 00:18:54,965
Your dissertation defense,
as I understand,
342
00:18:55,075 --> 00:18:56,633
is Friday at 6.
343
00:18:56,743 --> 00:18:59,234
I know I'm not on
your dissertation committee,
344
00:18:59,346 --> 00:19:01,075
but I'd like to be there.
345
00:19:01,181 --> 00:19:03,411
You don't mind, do you?
346
00:19:03,517 --> 00:19:05,144
Of course not.
347
00:19:06,186 --> 00:19:07,813
Son, I'm proud.
348
00:19:18,565 --> 00:19:21,466
- Naomi. Hey. Hi.
- Hi.
349
00:19:21,568 --> 00:19:23,593
Oh, God. Sorry.
I have morning breath.
350
00:19:23,704 --> 00:19:25,331
- Guess what?
- What?
351
00:19:25,439 --> 00:19:27,339
I finished the mighty dissertation.
352
00:19:27,441 --> 00:19:28,874
- Really?
- Yeah.
353
00:19:28,976 --> 00:19:30,375
Congratulations.
354
00:19:30,477 --> 00:19:32,911
And I figured out
what I'm doing next year.
355
00:19:33,013 --> 00:19:34,844
Where you gonna go?
356
00:19:34,948 --> 00:19:36,848
I'm gonna stay here.
357
00:19:36,950 --> 00:19:38,611
- You are?
- Yeah.
358
00:19:38,719 --> 00:19:40,778
Yeah. I'm gonna be
assistant professor in English lit.
359
00:19:40,888 --> 00:19:42,856
It's tenure-track.
360
00:19:44,458 --> 00:19:45,925
Sweet.
361
00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:49,554
"Sweet"?
You're not happy?
362
00:19:49,663 --> 00:19:51,494
I mean, it's a great opportunity.
363
00:19:51,598 --> 00:19:54,192
And it's in Ann Arbor,
and all my friends are here, and...
364
00:19:54,301 --> 00:19:55,893
- Yeah, I know. Totally.
- My family's here.
365
00:19:56,003 --> 00:19:57,903
You're here.
366
00:19:58,005 --> 00:19:59,597
What?
367
00:19:59,706 --> 00:20:01,606
What?
368
00:20:01,708 --> 00:20:03,608
Nothing.
369
00:20:03,710 --> 00:20:05,974
I feel like we've been having
a great time together.
370
00:20:06,079 --> 00:20:08,411
I wouldn't want
to wreck it by leaving.
371
00:20:09,983 --> 00:20:12,474
We have been
having a good time,
372
00:20:12,586 --> 00:20:15,054
but, Paul,
I'm a freshman in college.
373
00:20:15,155 --> 00:20:16,087
Well...
374
00:20:16,189 --> 00:20:18,453
You're, like, 79 years old.
375
00:20:19,726 --> 00:20:21,523
You're my TA.
376
00:20:21,628 --> 00:20:24,324
Didn't your dad yell at you
for hanging out with me?
377
00:20:24,431 --> 00:20:27,229
Okay, I can handle that.
And next year, I won't be your TA, so...
378
00:20:27,334 --> 00:20:29,234
"Next year"?
379
00:20:29,336 --> 00:20:31,236
Okay.
380
00:20:31,338 --> 00:20:33,033
I don't know what I'm doing tomorrow
381
00:20:33,140 --> 00:20:34,767
or in a week,
382
00:20:34,875 --> 00:20:38,208
and you're talking about next year?
383
00:20:38,312 --> 00:20:40,610
This is way too much for me.
384
00:20:43,183 --> 00:20:45,151
Are you seeing someone else?
385
00:20:46,219 --> 00:20:47,652
What?
386
00:20:47,754 --> 00:20:50,723
Are you... Of course.
Look at you.
387
00:20:50,824 --> 00:20:52,485
It's the classic walk of shame.
388
00:20:52,592 --> 00:20:54,924
- Oh, classic?
- Yeah, classic. Yeah.
389
00:20:55,028 --> 00:20:58,088
Who is it? Is it that chode
from lecture, right?
390
00:20:58,198 --> 00:20:59,859
What is a chode?
391
00:20:59,967 --> 00:21:02,060
It's a dick that's wider
than it is long.
392
00:21:02,169 --> 00:21:03,602
No, I'm not seeing a chode.
393
00:21:03,704 --> 00:21:05,194
I'm not seeing anyone from lecture hall.
394
00:21:05,305 --> 00:21:07,899
Paul, I'm not seeing you.
395
00:21:09,710 --> 00:21:13,202
Look, I am just trying to have fun
for the first time in my life.
396
00:21:13,313 --> 00:21:15,304
The doctrine of Little Thingie-ism.
397
00:21:15,415 --> 00:21:16,882
Right.
398
00:21:18,318 --> 00:21:20,718
Yeah. Okay. You know what?
You do what you got to do.
399
00:21:20,821 --> 00:21:24,018
Stay in Ann Arbor.
Tenure-track. Awesome.
400
00:21:24,124 --> 00:21:26,592
I have shit I have to do, okay?
401
00:21:26,693 --> 00:21:28,786
Hey, you know,
you can't get rid of me that easily.
402
00:21:28,895 --> 00:21:31,022
I'm still your TA.
403
00:21:31,131 --> 00:21:32,359
Excuse me?
404
00:21:32,466 --> 00:21:34,696
You owe me a paper.
405
00:21:34,801 --> 00:21:36,928
And those absences.
406
00:21:39,239 --> 00:21:41,207
Screw you, Paul.
407
00:21:43,443 --> 00:21:45,377
Look, Naomi, I'm sorry.
408
00:21:45,479 --> 00:21:47,379
You know, if I were you,
409
00:21:47,481 --> 00:21:48,880
I'd think about seeing a shrink,
410
00:21:48,982 --> 00:21:51,212
because you clearly have
some major daddy issues.
411
00:21:51,318 --> 00:21:54,310
- Really?
- Really.
412
00:21:54,421 --> 00:21:58,187
Oh, sure.
I'm on tenure-track!
413
00:21:58,291 --> 00:22:00,759
- Free hug, dude?
- Get a life!
414
00:22:07,100 --> 00:22:08,658
All right.
415
00:22:08,769 --> 00:22:10,634
Everybody open your Tarson Guides
416
00:22:10,737 --> 00:22:12,705
to Chapter 23.
417
00:22:17,477 --> 00:22:19,377
To hell with this.
418
00:22:19,479 --> 00:22:21,208
I suck at lecturing.
419
00:22:21,314 --> 00:22:23,976
Yeah. You know it.
I know it. We all know it.
420
00:22:24,084 --> 00:22:26,211
Besides, this is
a discussion section, right?
421
00:22:26,319 --> 00:22:28,753
So let's discuss something.
422
00:22:32,859 --> 00:22:35,384
- Okay. Yeah.
- What should we discuss?
423
00:22:36,530 --> 00:22:38,430
How about my dissertation?
424
00:22:40,467 --> 00:22:42,298
Yeah, all right, all right.
425
00:22:42,402 --> 00:22:45,599
What about the story that
Professor Tarson told in class today?
426
00:22:45,705 --> 00:22:48,230
Adam and Eve in the garden. Okay?
427
00:22:48,341 --> 00:22:51,105
What did you guys think about that?
What does that story mean?
428
00:22:52,746 --> 00:22:54,714
- Yeah.
- It's about sin, disobedience.
429
00:22:54,815 --> 00:22:57,375
Yeah. Okay. Good.
430
00:22:57,484 --> 00:23:00,510
It's about Adam and Eve
doing something wrong.
431
00:23:00,620 --> 00:23:02,247
Right? Sinning.
432
00:23:02,355 --> 00:23:04,346
And we all know sinning is horrible.
433
00:23:04,458 --> 00:23:06,358
Right?
434
00:23:06,460 --> 00:23:10,157
But... But let me ask you this.
435
00:23:10,263 --> 00:23:12,322
Let's say you were Adam or Eve.
436
00:23:12,432 --> 00:23:14,559
And what would you do
if you saw that apple?
437
00:23:14,668 --> 00:23:15,794
Would you take a bite?
438
00:23:15,902 --> 00:23:17,130
Yeah.
439
00:23:17,237 --> 00:23:18,795
Of course not.
That's disobeying God.
440
00:23:20,540 --> 00:23:22,906
Yeah. Okay.
Anyone other than Sarah?
441
00:23:23,009 --> 00:23:26,001
Oh, come on. Come on.
You're gonna survive, I promise. Yeah.
442
00:23:26,113 --> 00:23:27,512
I'd do it.
What the hell?
443
00:23:27,614 --> 00:23:30,082
It's shiny. It's crisp. I'm hungry.
444
00:23:30,183 --> 00:23:33,778
Besides, paradise seems
like it'd be kind of boring.
445
00:23:33,887 --> 00:23:36,720
Boring.
446
00:23:36,823 --> 00:23:38,620
- Yeah.
- Come on.
447
00:23:38,725 --> 00:23:41,489
Paradise can't be boring.
It's paradise.
448
00:23:41,595 --> 00:23:43,256
Totally boring.
449
00:23:43,363 --> 00:23:45,456
Spending every day in some garden.
450
00:23:45,565 --> 00:23:48,329
No working, no shopping...
451
00:23:48,435 --> 00:23:50,699
Shit, man, that sounds
like paradise to me.
452
00:23:52,139 --> 00:23:54,334
To hell with raising your hand.
Just jump in. Go.
453
00:23:54,441 --> 00:23:58,036
Uh, yeah. And what about
all the awesome stories in the Bible?
454
00:23:58,145 --> 00:24:01,308
Moses, David, Jesus?
455
00:24:01,414 --> 00:24:03,245
I mean, none of that would've happened
456
00:24:03,350 --> 00:24:06,410
if Adam and Eve weren't
tossed out of paradise.
457
00:24:06,520 --> 00:24:07,748
Good. Great.
458
00:24:07,854 --> 00:24:12,257
So maybe paradise
isn't all it's cracked up to be?
459
00:24:12,359 --> 00:24:15,089
So does that mean that maybe
there's some benefit to challenging God?
460
00:24:15,195 --> 00:24:18,028
No. You have to do what God says.
461
00:24:18,131 --> 00:24:20,361
That's the point.
He's God.
462
00:24:20,467 --> 00:24:23,027
It's like when you're a little kid,
and you steal from the cookie jar.
463
00:24:23,136 --> 00:24:25,036
Sure, you know it's bad
to break the rules,
464
00:24:25,138 --> 00:24:27,163
but where would you be
if you didn't break any rules?
465
00:24:27,274 --> 00:24:28,901
What does eating apples
have to do with cookie jars?
466
00:24:29,009 --> 00:24:31,876
And if she didn't the apple,
does that mean more cookies?
467
00:24:31,978 --> 00:24:34,378
Yes. Yes. Exactly.
468
00:24:34,481 --> 00:24:36,039
Now, what are we doing right now?
469
00:24:36,149 --> 00:24:38,447
What have we been doing
in discussing this?
470
00:24:38,552 --> 00:24:41,385
- We've been questioning.
- We're challenging.
471
00:24:41,488 --> 00:24:43,479
- Yes. Just like...
- Adam and Eve.
472
00:24:44,624 --> 00:24:47,957
So by doing this,
by challenging,
473
00:24:48,061 --> 00:24:50,552
it's like we're creating
our own creation story.
474
00:24:50,664 --> 00:24:53,098
Exactly. Exactly.
475
00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:56,260
It's almost as if,
in the very act of destruction,
476
00:24:56,369 --> 00:24:58,701
we've been creating literature.
477
00:24:58,805 --> 00:25:00,272
We've been creating something...
478
00:25:00,373 --> 00:25:02,068
Holy.
479
00:25:02,175 --> 00:25:03,699
Divine.
480
00:25:09,015 --> 00:25:13,475
And that, ladies and gentlemen,
481
00:25:13,587 --> 00:25:16,215
is my dissertation.
482
00:25:19,459 --> 00:25:21,484
Nice.
483
00:25:29,970 --> 00:25:32,438
Hey, James.
Thanks for coming.
484
00:25:32,539 --> 00:25:35,440
I came here for one reason,
and for one reason alone.
485
00:25:40,914 --> 00:25:42,472
What was that?
486
00:25:43,550 --> 00:25:46,212
It was supposed to be a punch.
487
00:25:46,319 --> 00:25:48,378
You spilled my coffee.
488
00:25:50,657 --> 00:25:53,751
All right.
I deserved that.
489
00:25:53,860 --> 00:25:55,760
Or maybe something
more effective than that.
490
00:25:55,862 --> 00:25:57,523
Yeah, well, you were right.
491
00:25:57,631 --> 00:26:01,761
Test prep is nefarious,
abhorrent, execrable,
492
00:26:01,868 --> 00:26:04,928
and I clearly do use a lot of big words
to make up for my failings.
493
00:26:05,038 --> 00:26:07,336
No. No. The big words are great.
494
00:26:07,440 --> 00:26:08,998
They're you. It's just,
495
00:26:09,109 --> 00:26:10,337
I was dealing with a lot of stuff,
496
00:26:10,443 --> 00:26:12,502
and I really blew it
497
00:26:12,612 --> 00:26:15,137
for you and the Ice Tigers,
and I'm sorry.
498
00:26:16,316 --> 00:26:19,649
Well, apology
gladly accepted, old chum.
499
00:26:19,753 --> 00:26:21,220
It's like you said
at the outset though,
500
00:26:21,321 --> 00:26:23,221
trivia is completely meaningless,
you know?
501
00:26:23,323 --> 00:26:25,154
Who gives a damn
whether we win or lose?
502
00:26:25,258 --> 00:26:29,319
You sure? 'Cause I recently
had a conversation with one Brian Collins.
503
00:26:29,429 --> 00:26:31,329
From Ashley's? Why?
504
00:26:31,431 --> 00:26:33,831
Well, I didn't know what I was
gonna say when I went in there,
505
00:26:33,933 --> 00:26:35,366
but I knew I wasn't leaving
506
00:26:35,468 --> 00:26:37,368
until I got the Ice Tigers
back in that championship.
507
00:26:37,470 --> 00:26:38,698
Yeah, but we lost.
508
00:26:38,805 --> 00:26:40,363
But Brian Collins told me
509
00:26:40,473 --> 00:26:42,373
that the security cameras
at the Eight Ball
510
00:26:42,475 --> 00:26:45,000
caught the second-place team
using their iPods to cheat.
511
00:26:45,111 --> 00:26:46,408
Bikers for Obama? No.
512
00:26:46,513 --> 00:26:47,605
Yeah. Disqualified.
513
00:26:47,714 --> 00:26:50,114
You mean...
514
00:26:50,216 --> 00:26:51,240
You're in, baby.
515
00:26:51,351 --> 00:26:54,650
Hallelujah!
My life has meaning!
516
00:26:55,855 --> 00:26:59,154
Wait... Hold on a second.
517
00:26:59,259 --> 00:27:01,819
What do you mean, "You're in?"
518
00:27:01,928 --> 00:27:04,658
My dissertation defense is the same night
as the championship.
519
00:27:04,764 --> 00:27:06,322
What are we gonna do?
520
00:27:06,433 --> 00:27:07,525
What do you mean?
521
00:27:07,634 --> 00:27:09,499
You and Izzy are gonna play.
You're gonna be the Ice Tigers.
522
00:27:09,602 --> 00:27:11,502
That's preposterous.
We can't play without you.
523
00:27:11,604 --> 00:27:13,162
- Of course you can.
- We're gonna get obliterated.
524
00:27:13,273 --> 00:27:15,901
Bullshit. You know as much
about history as I do.
525
00:27:16,009 --> 00:27:19,467
You know more about pop culture.
Izzy is gonna destroy on sports.
526
00:27:19,579 --> 00:27:21,638
You guys don't need me.
You're gonna win this.
527
00:27:22,716 --> 00:27:24,274
Yeah, but what about you?
528
00:27:24,384 --> 00:27:26,818
You spent the last seven years
sleepwalking through academia,
529
00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:30,287
and you finally found one thing in your
life that actually makes you happy,
530
00:27:30,390 --> 00:27:33,655
no matter how stupid or small it is,
and you're just gonna throw it away.
531
00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:35,318
And for what?
532
00:27:35,428 --> 00:27:37,396
For what you want
or for what he wants?
533
00:27:40,800 --> 00:27:43,462
James, it's trivia.
534
00:27:43,570 --> 00:27:45,902
Save me some boxed wine.
535
00:28:33,753 --> 00:28:35,653
- Hey, it's Naomi Nahas.
- Hey...
536
00:28:35,755 --> 00:28:37,882
You know what to do.
537
00:28:37,991 --> 00:28:40,789
Hello, Naomi Nahas.
538
00:28:40,894 --> 00:28:44,591
I haven't seen you in a while... around...
539
00:28:44,697 --> 00:28:46,722
I'm not talking about class at all.
540
00:28:48,501 --> 00:28:50,867
Sorry. I just meant socially.
541
00:28:50,970 --> 00:28:54,064
I mean, in a purely social way.
542
00:28:54,174 --> 00:28:58,873
Listen, I have my
dissertation defense tomorrow,
543
00:28:58,978 --> 00:29:02,175
and Hoguefeld says it's
essentially a job interview,
544
00:29:02,282 --> 00:29:05,911
so I guess it's not exactly
a little thing.
545
00:29:08,321 --> 00:29:10,118
I guess.
546
00:30:05,745 --> 00:30:07,076
But that's what it's all about.
547
00:30:07,180 --> 00:30:09,648
I don't have to worry
about it till... Mr. Tarson.
548
00:30:10,717 --> 00:30:13,242
Dr. Hoguefeld, Professors.
549
00:30:15,054 --> 00:30:17,887
Mr. Tarson, you'll have 20 minutes
550
00:30:17,991 --> 00:30:20,016
to present an overview
of your work,
551
00:30:20,126 --> 00:30:22,720
after which we'll begin the oral part
of the examination.
552
00:30:22,829 --> 00:30:24,228
Understood?
553
00:30:24,330 --> 00:30:26,662
Yes, sir.
554
00:30:35,174 --> 00:30:37,074
Tonight, I'd like to elucidate
555
00:30:37,176 --> 00:30:40,976
on what I believe to be
a very provocative thesis:
556
00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:44,106
That storytelling
in the Bible and Western canon
557
00:30:44,217 --> 00:30:46,651
represent the ultimate act
of both creation
558
00:30:46,753 --> 00:30:48,152
and destruction,
559
00:30:48,254 --> 00:30:52,054
of transcendence
and transgression.
560
00:30:52,158 --> 00:30:54,126
Language is life.
561
00:30:54,227 --> 00:30:57,993
It is, in a word, holy.
562
00:30:58,097 --> 00:31:01,794
The greatest power
in the hand of God or man
563
00:31:01,901 --> 00:31:03,266
is...
564
00:31:08,174 --> 00:31:10,870
...is the power to tell one's own story.
565
00:31:26,859 --> 00:31:28,759
Fascinating, Mr. Tarson.
566
00:31:28,861 --> 00:31:30,488
Continue.
567
00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:35,189
Paul.
568
00:31:36,736 --> 00:31:38,363
Pay attention.
569
00:31:48,815 --> 00:31:50,373
I'm sorry.
570
00:31:50,483 --> 00:31:52,815
I think I want to do things
a little differently.
571
00:31:54,287 --> 00:31:57,222
I'd like to play a game.
572
00:31:57,323 --> 00:31:59,791
It's an old favorite of mine,
and I hope yours too.
573
00:31:59,892 --> 00:32:02,122
Trivial Pursuit.
574
00:32:02,228 --> 00:32:03,559
Paul.
575
00:32:03,663 --> 00:32:05,255
Mr. Tarson...
576
00:32:05,365 --> 00:32:06,832
It's very relevant,
I assure you.
577
00:32:09,502 --> 00:32:11,527
Fine.
578
00:32:11,638 --> 00:32:13,230
Thank you, sir.
579
00:32:21,047 --> 00:32:23,379
Dr. Smies, would you like to play?
580
00:32:23,483 --> 00:32:24,711
Okay.
581
00:32:24,817 --> 00:32:26,250
Thank you.
582
00:32:26,352 --> 00:32:28,252
Now, who would like to roll first?
583
00:32:28,354 --> 00:32:31,346
Dr. Hoguefeld, what do you say?
584
00:32:31,457 --> 00:32:32,890
Fine.
585
00:32:38,398 --> 00:32:40,389
Orange.
Sports and Leisure.
586
00:32:40,500 --> 00:32:42,058
Dr. Smies,
if you wouldn't mind reading.
587
00:32:44,570 --> 00:32:48,768
"In what hospital
was Paul Tarson born?"
588
00:32:48,875 --> 00:32:49,967
I beg your pardon?
589
00:32:50,076 --> 00:32:53,068
I forgot to mention this is
the official Paul Tarson Edition.
590
00:32:53,179 --> 00:32:55,204
University of Michigan Hospital.
591
00:32:55,314 --> 00:32:57,646
Yes, that's right.
That's right, Dad.
592
00:32:57,750 --> 00:33:00,082
It's four blocks away.
You videotaped the whole thing
593
00:33:00,186 --> 00:33:01,881
so you could show me off
to your friends.
594
00:33:01,988 --> 00:33:03,888
Unfortunately,
that was Dr. Hoguefeld's turn.
595
00:33:03,990 --> 00:33:05,719
So he'll have to roll again.
596
00:33:05,825 --> 00:33:07,725
If you don't mind, sir.
597
00:33:12,298 --> 00:33:13,856
Green.
Science and Nature.
598
00:33:17,770 --> 00:33:20,500
"When and where did
Paul Tarson lose his virginity?"
599
00:33:20,606 --> 00:33:22,005
- What?
- That's a tough one.
600
00:33:22,108 --> 00:33:23,632
I'll give you the answer.
I was 20.
601
00:33:23,743 --> 00:33:26,234
It was in my dorm room at West Quad,
just a block away.
602
00:33:26,345 --> 00:33:27,744
Actually, it was one of
my dad's TAs.
603
00:33:27,847 --> 00:33:30,145
I'd always wondered
if that's why he introduced us.
604
00:33:30,249 --> 00:33:31,307
Son!
605
00:33:31,417 --> 00:33:33,146
Dr. Gordon, your turn.
606
00:33:35,455 --> 00:33:37,821
Yellow. History.
607
00:33:37,924 --> 00:33:41,257
"Despite a less-than-perfect
3.8 GPA,
608
00:33:41,360 --> 00:33:44,352
"Paul Tarson was easily
admitted to the prestigious
609
00:33:44,464 --> 00:33:47,991
"University of Michigan
graduate school.
610
00:33:48,101 --> 00:33:50,365
What teacher made certain he got in?"
611
00:33:50,470 --> 00:33:51,300
Oh, this is really...
612
00:33:51,404 --> 00:33:53,497
Wait. Let me guess.
613
00:33:53,606 --> 00:33:56,268
- Dr. Elliot Tarson?
- Correct.
614
00:33:56,375 --> 00:33:58,275
- I did no such thing.
- Good answer, Dr. Gordon.
615
00:33:58,377 --> 00:34:01,278
That's a yellow wedge.
Dr. Aegis, you're next.
616
00:34:04,283 --> 00:34:07,184
Blue. Geography.
617
00:34:09,155 --> 00:34:10,247
Is it just me,
618
00:34:10,356 --> 00:34:13,553
or do these questions bear
no relation to the category?
619
00:34:13,659 --> 00:34:14,956
You got me there, Dr. Smies.
620
00:34:19,098 --> 00:34:20,793
"As we all know,
621
00:34:20,900 --> 00:34:24,495
"Paul Tarson is virtually guaranteed
an assistant professorship
622
00:34:24,604 --> 00:34:27,402
"unless he royally screws this up.
623
00:34:27,507 --> 00:34:29,941
How the hell is he doing so far?"
624
00:34:30,042 --> 00:34:32,033
Not very well at all.
625
00:34:32,145 --> 00:34:33,908
Mr. Tarson,
626
00:34:34,013 --> 00:34:37,608
do you have any idea
of what's at stake here?
627
00:34:37,717 --> 00:34:39,116
Yes, sir.
628
00:34:39,218 --> 00:34:41,311
I'm not taking any of this trivially.
629
00:34:41,420 --> 00:34:45,481
Son, you and I are leaving, now.
630
00:34:45,591 --> 00:34:47,491
- Now.
- Wait, wait, wait. No.
631
00:34:47,593 --> 00:34:49,584
- I haven't had my turn.
- Oh, for...
632
00:34:49,695 --> 00:34:51,390
Sorry, Dad. You heard the man.
He wants to play.
633
00:34:51,497 --> 00:34:53,362
Okay.
634
00:34:58,938 --> 00:35:01,031
"Where will Paul Tarson be next year?"
635
00:35:03,142 --> 00:35:05,303
I'm guessing that it won't be here.
636
00:35:07,613 --> 00:35:10,081
Good answer, Dr. Smies.
637
00:35:14,887 --> 00:35:16,286
Paul.
638
00:35:17,423 --> 00:35:19,550
Paul!
639
00:35:29,468 --> 00:35:32,528
I'm sorry, but I have to do this.
640
00:35:34,240 --> 00:35:37,141
Look, I used to think
all the little things
641
00:35:37,243 --> 00:35:42,180
were just little ways
to escape my life.
642
00:35:42,281 --> 00:35:44,181
But they are my life.
643
00:35:44,283 --> 00:35:45,944
All the details in those cards,
644
00:35:46,052 --> 00:35:47,542
they're not meaningless,
they're me.
645
00:35:50,690 --> 00:35:53,056
I tried so hard for you.
646
00:35:54,794 --> 00:35:57,763
I'm taking my bite
out of that apple, Dad.
647
00:35:59,165 --> 00:36:01,224
It's time for me to leave.
648
00:36:01,334 --> 00:36:02,699
Paul,
649
00:36:03,870 --> 00:36:07,931
do you understand
what you're losing here?
650
00:36:08,040 --> 00:36:11,271
What you're throwing away?
651
00:36:15,314 --> 00:36:17,282
Absolutely.
652
00:36:38,704 --> 00:36:41,172
Is everything copasetic,
old chum?
653
00:36:44,043 --> 00:36:45,601
Yeah.
654
00:36:45,711 --> 00:36:48,737
Yeah, old chum,
everything is very copasetic.
655
00:36:51,117 --> 00:36:53,085
Don't shit that bitch, pussy.
656
00:36:56,455 --> 00:36:59,754
I-C-E. Ice.
657
00:36:59,859 --> 00:37:01,622
One, two, three.
658
00:37:01,727 --> 00:37:03,388
Shit!
659
00:37:36,996 --> 00:37:38,623
This is it.
660
00:37:39,899 --> 00:37:41,958
The best minds
Ann Arbor has to offer.
661
00:37:43,436 --> 00:37:45,802
It's quite intimidating.
662
00:37:47,540 --> 00:37:49,007
Men.
663
00:37:56,582 --> 00:37:58,550
Who Ice gonna be shittin' tonight?
664
00:37:59,685 --> 00:38:01,915
Over there,
we got The Wizard People.
665
00:38:02,021 --> 00:38:03,750
That mean-looking guy
is Kevin Olmstead.
666
00:38:03,856 --> 00:38:05,346
Now, he is a local trivia legend.
667
00:38:05,458 --> 00:38:07,119
Well, what about that guy?
668
00:38:08,260 --> 00:38:10,854
Herbal grain mix.
It's gluten-free.
669
00:38:10,963 --> 00:38:12,897
Yeah. Nobody actually
knows that guy's name,
670
00:38:12,999 --> 00:38:14,557
but he calls himself
The Anarchist.
671
00:38:14,667 --> 00:38:16,157
What about these tool bags?
672
00:38:16,268 --> 00:38:17,758
Bill, Doug, and Stan.
673
00:38:19,005 --> 00:38:20,666
What's their team name?
674
00:38:20,773 --> 00:38:23,401
Bill, Doug, and Stan.
They're just really nice guys, actually.
675
00:38:23,509 --> 00:38:25,602
May the best team win.
676
00:38:25,711 --> 00:38:28,805
- Then, of course, we got the...
- Hey, Paul.
677
00:38:28,914 --> 00:38:31,178
Hey. What are you
doing here, huh?
678
00:38:31,283 --> 00:38:33,683
The dissertation defense
already failed, huh?
679
00:38:33,786 --> 00:38:35,117
That was quick.
680
00:38:35,221 --> 00:38:37,815
You know, this place here
is a place of champions
681
00:38:37,923 --> 00:38:39,481
and honor,
not a place for losers.
682
00:38:39,592 --> 00:38:40,991
Yeah, well, we might be losers,
683
00:38:41,093 --> 00:38:43,220
but we're back
in the tournament, all right?
684
00:38:44,830 --> 00:38:47,025
Hey, Paul, do you know
what our team name is...
685
00:38:47,133 --> 00:38:50,000
Den Mördaren av Kultur
och Himmelak-Själ?
686
00:38:50,102 --> 00:38:52,070
Do you know what that means?
687
00:38:52,171 --> 00:38:56,574
It means The Murderers
of Culture and Heaven's Soul.
688
00:38:59,245 --> 00:39:01,145
Remember that, huh?
689
00:39:04,517 --> 00:39:07,816
All right, people.
This is it.
690
00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:10,184
The finalists from both brackets.
691
00:39:10,289 --> 00:39:14,350
The first annual Ann Arbor Trivia
Tournament Grand Championship!
692
00:39:19,598 --> 00:39:22,431
Trivia! Trivia!
693
00:39:22,535 --> 00:39:26,096
Trivia! Trivia! Trivia!
694
00:39:26,205 --> 00:39:28,264
Trivia! Trivia!
695
00:39:37,716 --> 00:39:41,208
Whoa. It's...
696
00:39:41,320 --> 00:39:44,289
It's been a long journey.
697
00:39:44,390 --> 00:39:47,621
We all know what's at stake here.
698
00:39:48,794 --> 00:39:54,130
A box of 2007 L'Italia rosé,
699
00:39:54,233 --> 00:39:57,396
a pack of Sex Candy condoms,
700
00:39:57,503 --> 00:39:59,994
and the chance for you
to be winners.
701
00:40:00,106 --> 00:40:02,006
So let's get started.
702
00:40:02,108 --> 00:40:06,374
First category:
The King James Bible.
703
00:40:11,183 --> 00:40:14,584
- Let's do this!
- Yeah.
704
00:40:14,687 --> 00:40:18,987
"On what mount did Moses encounter
the burning bush?"
705
00:40:20,826 --> 00:40:22,259
Don't pretend like you know that.
706
00:40:25,197 --> 00:40:26,755
Female Anatomy.
707
00:40:26,866 --> 00:40:29,835
"What is the term
for the distinctive folds
708
00:40:29,935 --> 00:40:32,301
found inside the Fallopian tubes?"
709
00:40:32,404 --> 00:40:34,599
Oh, man, that's just gross.
710
00:40:34,707 --> 00:40:36,436
Here's to good clean fun.
711
00:40:36,542 --> 00:40:39,067
"Sweden has had three
Nobel laureates in literature.
712
00:40:39,178 --> 00:40:40,440
Name two."
713
00:40:40,546 --> 00:40:42,275
Hello.
714
00:40:48,354 --> 00:40:50,914
Something new here.
"In the sport of kickball,
715
00:40:51,023 --> 00:40:53,651
what kind of pitch
qualifies as a bouncy?"
716
00:40:57,596 --> 00:40:58,893
Nice!
717
00:41:09,241 --> 00:41:10,799
All right, people.
718
00:41:10,910 --> 00:41:12,741
The first half was...
719
00:41:12,845 --> 00:41:15,405
The first half was very competitive.
720
00:41:15,514 --> 00:41:17,311
Got world-class trivialists here.
721
00:41:18,751 --> 00:41:21,914
In fourth,
but still close with 14 points,
722
00:41:22,021 --> 00:41:24,990
we got The Wizard People.
723
00:41:25,090 --> 00:41:26,148
We're still in it.
724
00:41:26,258 --> 00:41:29,455
And in third with 17,
we got The Anarchist.
725
00:41:31,263 --> 00:41:33,356
All right.
726
00:41:33,465 --> 00:41:37,492
In second place
is Den Mördaren,
727
00:41:37,603 --> 00:41:42,165
and the Ice Tigers,
tied with 18.
728
00:41:42,274 --> 00:41:44,742
And in first place,
going into the second half...
729
00:41:44,843 --> 00:41:46,606
Excuse me, Mr. Collins.
730
00:41:46,712 --> 00:41:49,545
- There's only six teams, correct?
- No, dipshit.
731
00:41:49,648 --> 00:41:52,412
There was a tie in the other bracket,
so they qualified four.
732
00:41:52,518 --> 00:41:54,213
Now, if you'll let me finish.
733
00:41:54,320 --> 00:41:57,812
In first place with 19 points
and an excellent first half,
734
00:41:57,923 --> 00:42:00,255
So Frosh So Clean.
735
00:42:01,460 --> 00:42:03,724
You shittin' the enemy?
736
00:42:06,732 --> 00:42:09,360
Naomi! What are you doing here?
737
00:42:09,468 --> 00:42:11,095
Kicking your ass.
738
00:42:12,238 --> 00:42:14,706
This is Mark, Steve, and...
739
00:42:14,807 --> 00:42:17,105
Oh, that's Shawn,
the chode from lecture hall.
740
00:42:18,277 --> 00:42:20,837
Yeah, that's fine. Okay.
741
00:42:20,946 --> 00:42:24,404
But you said that trivia was
for nerds and geeks and dorks...
742
00:42:24,516 --> 00:42:25,915
Paul, that's me.
743
00:42:26,018 --> 00:42:28,282
In high school,
I was captain of the quiz bowl team.
744
00:42:28,387 --> 00:42:30,548
Hell, I was valedictorian.
745
00:42:32,658 --> 00:42:35,559
I studied 24-7,
and I was sick of it.
746
00:42:35,661 --> 00:42:40,030
Hence Naomi's new doctrine
of Little Thingie-ism.
747
00:42:41,300 --> 00:42:42,995
Excuse me.
748
00:42:43,102 --> 00:42:45,900
Oh, hey, five out of five
on the Bible section.
749
00:42:46,005 --> 00:42:48,166
I had a kick-ass teacher.
750
00:42:50,576 --> 00:42:53,636
All right, everybody.
751
00:42:53,746 --> 00:42:57,238
Question 20,
last of the tournament.
752
00:43:00,819 --> 00:43:04,448
"The Lynn Redgrave movie Georgy Girl
753
00:43:04,556 --> 00:43:08,890
may be best remembered for
its classic song, "Georgy Girl."
754
00:43:08,994 --> 00:43:10,791
What are the lyrics to the song?"
755
00:43:10,896 --> 00:43:12,454
All of them.
756
00:43:12,564 --> 00:43:14,589
Okay, okay.
"Georgy Girl."
757
00:43:14,700 --> 00:43:15,667
Georgy girl.
758
00:43:15,768 --> 00:43:17,929
Okay, we know how it starts.
It goes...
759
00:43:18,037 --> 00:43:20,005
Hey, there, Georgy girl,
760
00:43:20,105 --> 00:43:22,005
flappin' in the wind,
Who knows your name?
761
00:43:22,107 --> 00:43:23,438
No, no. That's absurd. It's...
762
00:43:23,542 --> 00:43:25,567
Hey, there, Georgy girl,
763
00:43:25,678 --> 00:43:27,543
swimmin' in the ocean full of glee.
764
00:43:27,646 --> 00:43:29,807
No, that's ridiculous. It's...
765
00:43:29,915 --> 00:43:31,314
That's not ridiculous.
766
00:43:31,417 --> 00:43:34,011
Do I have to bring up
the whole Dick York fiasco again?
767
00:43:34,119 --> 00:43:36,019
Okay. Okay.
So we'll do it this way your time.
768
00:43:36,121 --> 00:43:37,952
I'm not trying to be like that.
769
00:43:38,057 --> 00:43:40,992
- No...
- Hey, there, Georgy girl,
770
00:43:41,093 --> 00:43:45,154
swingin' down the street so fancy-free.
771
00:43:45,264 --> 00:43:47,858
Nobody you meet could ever see
772
00:43:47,966 --> 00:43:50,662
the loneliness there
773
00:43:50,769 --> 00:43:53,636
inside you.
774
00:43:53,739 --> 00:43:55,536
What?
775
00:43:55,641 --> 00:43:59,168
Hey, there, Georgy girl.
776
00:43:59,278 --> 00:44:02,338
Why do all the boys just pass you by?
777
00:44:02,448 --> 00:44:04,382
Could it be you just don't try,
778
00:44:04,483 --> 00:44:07,543
or is it the clothes you wear?
779
00:44:07,653 --> 00:44:10,451
Hey, there, Georgy girl.
780
00:44:10,556 --> 00:44:13,923
There's another Georgy deep inside.
781
00:44:14,026 --> 00:44:16,085
Bring out all the love you hide
782
00:44:16,195 --> 00:44:21,360
and, oh, what a change there'd be.
783
00:44:21,467 --> 00:44:23,901
The world would see
784
00:44:24,002 --> 00:44:26,527
a new Georgy girl.
785
00:44:29,742 --> 00:44:33,234
It was written by Jim Dale
and performed by The Seekers.
786
00:44:33,345 --> 00:44:35,711
Are you sure?
787
00:44:37,850 --> 00:44:40,444
When the Ice was growing up,
he fell in love with a girl.
788
00:44:40,552 --> 00:44:42,577
She lived down the street.
789
00:44:44,323 --> 00:44:47,656
She had bangs rippled
like a washboard,
790
00:44:47,760 --> 00:44:50,194
eyes blue like an Impala,
791
00:44:52,431 --> 00:44:55,161
lips red like really red lipstick.
792
00:44:57,569 --> 00:44:59,503
Ice never spoke to her,
793
00:44:59,605 --> 00:45:02,039
but...
794
00:45:02,141 --> 00:45:04,666
she knew the way to Ice's heart.
795
00:45:04,777 --> 00:45:07,143
So she was his girl.
796
00:45:07,246 --> 00:45:09,806
She was his Georgy girl.
797
00:45:11,517 --> 00:45:13,678
What was her name?
798
00:45:14,720 --> 00:45:16,483
Tiffany.
799
00:45:18,757 --> 00:45:20,486
All right. It's, uh...
800
00:45:20,592 --> 00:45:22,685
It's been a hell of a few months,
801
00:45:22,795 --> 00:45:24,422
a hell of a tournament,
802
00:45:24,530 --> 00:45:28,227
and I just wanna say
I'm deeply proud
803
00:45:28,333 --> 00:45:30,426
of every single one of you
804
00:45:30,536 --> 00:45:32,697
for how little you truly accomplished.
805
00:45:33,906 --> 00:45:35,396
But guess what?
806
00:45:35,507 --> 00:45:37,065
It ain't over.
807
00:45:37,176 --> 00:45:38,768
That's right.
We got a tie.
808
00:45:38,877 --> 00:45:40,902
- Three-way tie.
- What?
809
00:45:41,013 --> 00:45:43,709
With 37 points between them,
So Frosh So Clean,
810
00:45:43,816 --> 00:45:45,784
Den Mördaren and yada yada...
811
00:45:45,884 --> 00:45:47,146
- Yes!
...and the only team
812
00:45:47,252 --> 00:45:50,779
to get the last question right,
the Ice Tigers!
813
00:45:50,889 --> 00:45:52,288
Georgy girl!
814
00:45:52,391 --> 00:45:53,483
Shit!
815
00:45:53,592 --> 00:45:56,060
All right. Okay.
Settle down, geniuses.
816
00:45:56,161 --> 00:45:59,460
We're gonna have a tiebreaker
to determine the grand champ.
817
00:45:59,565 --> 00:46:01,294
One sudden-death question
818
00:46:01,400 --> 00:46:04,233
to be answered by one representative
from each team.
819
00:46:04,336 --> 00:46:07,794
So choose your rep now,
and choose wisely.
820
00:46:14,546 --> 00:46:16,446
Paul.
821
00:46:16,548 --> 00:46:18,175
Shit.
822
00:46:24,756 --> 00:46:26,246
Okay.
823
00:46:26,358 --> 00:46:27,950
Okay.
824
00:46:37,269 --> 00:46:39,237
Paul,
825
00:46:39,338 --> 00:46:41,806
I'm going to annihilate you.
826
00:46:41,907 --> 00:46:45,138
All right.
So this being the first annual
827
00:46:45,244 --> 00:46:47,235
Ann Arbor Trivia Tournament,
828
00:46:47,346 --> 00:46:49,371
it's only right that the final question
829
00:46:49,481 --> 00:46:52,382
be Ann Arbor trivia.
830
00:46:52,484 --> 00:46:55,476
"The University of Michigan
was founded in 1817,
831
00:46:55,587 --> 00:46:57,316
"the first university to be established
832
00:46:57,422 --> 00:47:00,118
"by any of the country's states.
833
00:47:00,225 --> 00:47:03,820
What local priest
was one of the founders?"
834
00:47:05,063 --> 00:47:09,124
"What local priest
was one of the founders?"
835
00:47:17,543 --> 00:47:19,374
Everybody set?
836
00:47:19,478 --> 00:47:21,309
All right.
Let's see what you all got.
837
00:47:21,413 --> 00:47:22,675
Kuken.
838
00:47:22,781 --> 00:47:25,181
Ooh, not quite.
839
00:47:25,284 --> 00:47:26,683
So Frosh?
840
00:47:28,220 --> 00:47:30,051
Father Bo Schembechler?
841
00:47:30,155 --> 00:47:33,318
Ooh, excellent guess, but no.
842
00:47:33,425 --> 00:47:35,416
All right, Ice Tigers.
843
00:47:35,527 --> 00:47:37,461
We're waiting on you.
844
00:47:41,567 --> 00:47:43,467
Father Gabriel Richard.
845
00:47:43,569 --> 00:47:45,400
Pardon?
846
00:47:47,506 --> 00:47:49,303
Father Gabriel Richard.
847
00:47:49,408 --> 00:47:51,308
Father Gabriel Richard it is!
848
00:47:51,410 --> 00:47:52,570
Ice Tigers win!
849
00:47:52,678 --> 00:47:55,476
We win. We win.
850
00:47:55,581 --> 00:47:58,573
Ice Tigers are the Trivia Champions!
851
00:47:58,684 --> 00:48:00,515
We won! We won!
852
00:48:46,531 --> 00:48:48,624
Hey, Ice Tiger.
853
00:48:50,235 --> 00:48:51,862
Congratulations.
854
00:48:51,970 --> 00:48:53,835
You knew the answer
to that last question.
855
00:48:53,939 --> 00:48:57,238
The name of my high school.
I told you myself.
856
00:48:57,342 --> 00:48:59,139
Yeah.
857
00:48:59,244 --> 00:49:01,144
But Ann Arbor's your town.
858
00:49:01,246 --> 00:49:04,147
It'll always be yours.
859
00:49:07,352 --> 00:49:09,946
What is this?
860
00:49:10,055 --> 00:49:11,920
Your paper?
861
00:49:12,024 --> 00:49:14,993
What happened to your doctrine
and everything?
862
00:49:15,093 --> 00:49:18,119
Well, every good religion
has to adapt with the times.
863
00:49:19,665 --> 00:49:21,064
Besides, I'm in college.
864
00:49:21,166 --> 00:49:24,226
I should probably start
going to class and studying.
865
00:49:24,336 --> 00:49:26,031
Maybe.
866
00:49:27,139 --> 00:49:29,505
How'd your defense go?
867
00:49:31,610 --> 00:49:33,043
Not great, actually.
868
00:49:33,145 --> 00:49:34,373
- What?
- Yeah.
869
00:49:34,479 --> 00:49:35,377
- Really?
- Yeah.
870
00:49:35,480 --> 00:49:37,505
I have no idea
what I'm going to do.
871
00:49:37,616 --> 00:49:39,607
Really?
872
00:49:39,718 --> 00:49:42,084
Wow. How does that feel?
873
00:49:43,155 --> 00:49:45,020
Feels pretty great.
874
00:49:45,123 --> 00:49:46,522
Yeah?
875
00:49:53,999 --> 00:49:56,593
Bye, Paul.
876
00:49:56,702 --> 00:49:58,533
Ice Tigers.
877
00:50:01,206 --> 00:50:02,434
Champ!
878
00:50:09,681 --> 00:50:13,173
Old chum,
I'm going back to school.
879
00:50:13,285 --> 00:50:15,810
That's it. And me and Shelly...
we're gonna get married.
880
00:50:15,921 --> 00:50:17,320
Did you see that?
881
00:50:17,422 --> 00:50:19,515
We're gonna have
a plethora of babies.
882
00:50:19,624 --> 00:50:21,683
And that's the end of it.
You gotta come back inside, man.
883
00:50:21,793 --> 00:50:23,761
This party is raging.
884
00:50:29,434 --> 00:50:31,732
Did you see that?
885
00:50:35,841 --> 00:50:38,173
I'm really an accountant.
886
00:50:40,212 --> 00:50:43,113
- Is he okay?
- I think so.
887
00:50:43,215 --> 00:50:45,240
How's your 401 (k)?
888
00:50:45,350 --> 00:50:48,046
Let's go inside.
Let's go inside.
889
00:52:18,276 --> 00:52:19,538
Hey, man.
890
00:52:19,644 --> 00:52:21,407
You okay?
891
00:52:22,447 --> 00:52:25,507
Yeah. Just one of
those days, you know?
892
00:52:25,617 --> 00:52:27,983
Yeah.
893
00:52:28,086 --> 00:52:29,986
Yeah, I do.
894
00:52:35,560 --> 00:52:37,653
Well, come on.
895
00:52:45,770 --> 00:52:48,204
- Thanks.
- It's all yours.
896
00:52:52,244 --> 00:52:54,178
See you around, man.
897
00:52:54,279 --> 00:52:56,076
No.
898
00:52:56,181 --> 00:52:58,149
No, you won't.
899
00:53:01,753 --> 00:53:03,618
Right on.
900
00:54:19,197 --> 00:54:22,166
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