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.
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00:00:04,830 --> 00:00:07,224
male announcer: "Will & Grace"
is recorded in front of
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00:00:07,268 --> 00:00:08,225
a live studio audience.
4
00:00:08,269 --> 00:00:09,661
- You got to help me.
5
00:00:09,705 --> 00:00:11,141
My dad's on the way up,
and he wants me
6
00:00:11,185 --> 00:00:12,186
to drive to Schenectady
with him.
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00:00:12,229 --> 00:00:13,274
- Aww, that's nice.
8
00:00:13,317 --> 00:00:14,275
- You know that's not nice.
9
00:00:14,318 --> 00:00:16,016
Don't be that guy.
10
00:00:16,059 --> 00:00:17,582
- Oh, that's awful.
11
00:00:17,626 --> 00:00:19,367
He's my father.
12
00:00:20,368 --> 00:00:22,022
- Why don't you text me
what you want me to say,
13
00:00:22,065 --> 00:00:23,284
and I'll read it back?
14
00:00:28,071 --> 00:00:30,204
Wow, if I could
do that to myself,
15
00:00:30,247 --> 00:00:32,206
I could delete
my Grindr account.
16
00:00:35,992 --> 00:00:37,167
- Okay, okay.
17
00:00:37,211 --> 00:00:38,821
Here is where you
redeem yourself.
18
00:00:38,864 --> 00:00:41,606
Let's do that thing where
we pretend to have a thing.
19
00:00:42,390 --> 00:00:43,739
Hi, Daddy.
- Hi, darling.
20
00:00:43,782 --> 00:00:45,001
You ready to go?
21
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:46,220
- Hey, Martin.
How's my mom?
22
00:00:46,263 --> 00:00:47,699
I mean, your wife?
23
00:00:47,743 --> 00:00:49,527
I mean, my mom.
I mean, your wife.
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00:00:50,702 --> 00:00:52,095
I'll get used to that.
25
00:00:52,139 --> 00:00:53,618
No, I won't.
26
00:00:55,316 --> 00:00:56,621
- Dad, uh, about Schenectady,
27
00:00:56,665 --> 00:00:58,754
I would love to go,
but I forgot we--
28
00:00:58,797 --> 00:01:00,538
we have a thing.
29
00:01:00,582 --> 00:01:02,540
Will
30
00:01:02,584 --> 00:01:04,586
- Actually,
the thing got cancelled.
31
00:01:07,241 --> 00:01:08,981
- No, it didn't.
It's still a thing.
32
00:01:09,025 --> 00:01:10,374
Damn that thing!
33
00:01:10,418 --> 00:01:12,028
- No, no. No longer a thing.
34
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:13,029
- But the thing
is too big a thing
35
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:14,378
to no longer be a thing.
36
00:01:14,422 --> 00:01:15,510
- I don't know
what you two are doing,
37
00:01:15,553 --> 00:01:17,033
but I got
to get some floss.
38
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:18,208
I got something stuck
in my tooth.
39
00:01:18,252 --> 00:01:19,731
I had an everything bagel.
40
00:01:19,775 --> 00:01:21,168
It could be anything.
41
00:01:23,474 --> 00:01:25,694
- A long drive
with your father--
42
00:01:25,737 --> 00:01:27,087
Grace, that's a gift.
43
00:01:27,130 --> 00:01:29,219
I--I'd give anything to have
that kind of time
44
00:01:29,263 --> 00:01:30,394
to talk to my dad again.
45
00:01:30,438 --> 00:01:31,830
- It is different with girls.
46
00:01:31,874 --> 00:01:33,441
Your relationship
with your dad changes
47
00:01:33,484 --> 00:01:34,920
the second you get boobs.
48
00:01:34,964 --> 00:01:36,792
- So there's
still time for you.
49
00:01:43,929 --> 00:01:45,888
Come on. You know my dad.
50
00:01:45,931 --> 00:01:47,194
We don't talk.
51
00:01:47,237 --> 00:01:48,717
The minute anything gets real,
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00:01:48,760 --> 00:01:50,197
he gets uncomfortable.
53
00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:52,112
I mean, my whole life,
I've never seen him cry.
54
00:01:52,155 --> 00:01:53,461
- So push through
the discomfort.
55
00:01:53,504 --> 00:01:55,202
Talk about stuff that matters.
56
00:01:55,245 --> 00:01:57,160
Ask him,
"Are you afraid of death?
57
00:01:57,204 --> 00:01:58,727
"Do you have any regrets?
58
00:01:58,770 --> 00:02:01,556
Have you ever had
a gay experience?"
59
00:02:01,599 --> 00:02:02,339
- My dad.
60
00:02:02,383 --> 00:02:03,775
Would you ask your mom
61
00:02:03,819 --> 00:02:05,168
if she's ever had
a lesbian experience?
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00:02:05,212 --> 00:02:06,996
- Sure, if I wanted her
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00:02:07,039 --> 00:02:09,172
to leave the room
quickly in tears.
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00:02:10,826 --> 00:02:12,001
- Surprise!
65
00:02:12,044 --> 00:02:14,177
It was a sesame seed.
66
00:02:15,352 --> 00:02:16,788
Come on, we'll
stop by the cemetery,
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00:02:16,832 --> 00:02:18,747
visit your mother,
and while we're there,
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00:02:18,790 --> 00:02:20,270
we'll say hi to Harry.
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00:02:20,314 --> 00:02:22,446
- I'll visit Mom's grave,
not Harry's.
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00:02:22,490 --> 00:02:24,622
- Ugh, this Harry thing again.
Oof.
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00:02:24,666 --> 00:02:26,624
- Look at you two,
having fun already.
72
00:02:26,668 --> 00:02:29,975
- I have a three-hour car drive
to think of my revenge.
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00:02:30,019 --> 00:02:31,151
Wait, wait, wait.
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00:02:31,194 --> 00:02:32,804
I got it.
Come with us.
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00:02:32,848 --> 00:02:34,241
Please, please, please.
- No, no. I can't.
76
00:02:34,284 --> 00:02:36,112
I got--I got Jack's
engagement brunch.
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So I actually had a thing?
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00:02:46,340 --> 00:02:47,471
- Ooh, I--I would have to
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00:02:47,515 --> 00:02:49,647
remove two ribs
to do that.
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00:02:52,868 --> 00:02:59,918
♪
81
00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:04,184
- If you'd told me 20 years ago
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00:03:04,227 --> 00:03:06,273
I'd be celebrating
my engagement,
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00:03:06,316 --> 00:03:08,579
I would've had
so many questions.
84
00:03:08,623 --> 00:03:11,191
Are gays allowed
to get married?
85
00:03:11,234 --> 00:03:12,975
Can they be in the military?
86
00:03:13,018 --> 00:03:14,237
- Mm-hmm.
87
00:03:14,281 --> 00:03:15,238
- And why would we want
88
00:03:15,282 --> 00:03:17,197
either of those things?
89
00:03:20,243 --> 00:03:23,246
- Everything's marvelous,
Ms. Coco, but FYI,
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00:03:23,290 --> 00:03:25,640
you shouldn't put celery
in your Bloody Marys.
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00:03:25,683 --> 00:03:28,730
Too many vegetables--
hard on the liver.
92
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:31,472
- Karen's kind of a health nut.
93
00:03:31,515 --> 00:03:33,343
- Oh.
- Yeah.
94
00:03:35,867 --> 00:03:37,260
I mean, get for you...
95
00:03:37,304 --> 00:03:39,393
I mean, eat off you.
96
00:03:40,176 --> 00:03:42,047
- Coco, I'll say
what I said to you
97
00:03:42,091 --> 00:03:43,484
ten minutes ago at the urinal:
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00:03:43,527 --> 00:03:46,356
I'm fine, and my eyes
are up here.
99
00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:50,273
- I'll take it.
- I'll take it.
100
00:03:50,317 --> 00:03:53,015
Oh, Wilma, no.
101
00:03:53,058 --> 00:03:54,234
I'm paying.
102
00:03:54,277 --> 00:03:57,280
My best friend
is getting married.
103
00:03:57,324 --> 00:03:59,674
- My best friend
is getting married.
104
00:03:59,717 --> 00:04:01,589
Your best friend is in the
basement of the White House,
105
00:04:01,632 --> 00:04:03,199
trying to tunnel her way out
106
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:05,375
with the heel
of her Jimmy Choo.
107
00:04:09,031 --> 00:04:11,381
- Children, make a decision.
108
00:04:11,425 --> 00:04:12,817
I've got six more tables,
109
00:04:12,861 --> 00:04:15,603
and I'm getting less tucked
by the minute.
110
00:04:16,430 --> 00:04:18,258
- I think I can settle this.
111
00:04:18,301 --> 00:04:20,042
The best man should pay.
112
00:04:20,085 --> 00:04:21,565
both: And that's me.
113
00:04:22,349 --> 00:04:24,786
- Ooh, conflict.
114
00:04:24,829 --> 00:04:26,091
We hate that here.
115
00:04:30,313 --> 00:04:33,229
♪
116
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:36,363
- So, um, Daddy...
117
00:04:36,406 --> 00:04:39,757
I thought maybe we could talk.
118
00:04:39,801 --> 00:04:42,238
- What do you think we've been
doing for the last two hours?
119
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:44,196
- No, I mean--
I mean talk about
120
00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:46,416
real stuff, you know?
121
00:04:46,460 --> 00:04:49,332
Like, do you have any regrets?
122
00:04:49,376 --> 00:04:51,073
Are you afraid of death?
123
00:04:51,116 --> 00:04:53,031
- Yes. No.
124
00:04:56,383 --> 00:04:57,862
- Okay, that covers it.
125
00:04:57,906 --> 00:04:59,777
Uh...
126
00:05:00,996 --> 00:05:02,302
What the hell.
127
00:05:02,345 --> 00:05:04,521
Have you ever had a gay
experience?
128
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:09,309
- Does breakfast with Will
count?
129
00:05:13,443 --> 00:05:13,835
.
130
00:05:13,878 --> 00:05:15,576
- Jack asked me
to be his best man.
131
00:05:15,619 --> 00:05:16,751
- Wrong, Mary.
132
00:05:16,794 --> 00:05:19,362
Jack asked me
to be his best man.
133
00:05:19,406 --> 00:05:20,363
- Okay, okay, okay.
134
00:05:20,407 --> 00:05:22,539
I asked you both.
135
00:05:22,583 --> 00:05:25,281
I just didn't want to hurt
anyone's feelings.
136
00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:27,675
I didn't want Will
to think I preferred you...
137
00:05:27,718 --> 00:05:29,503
I do.
138
00:05:31,548 --> 00:05:32,593
- Over him.
139
00:05:32,636 --> 00:05:33,855
I don't.
140
00:05:34,638 --> 00:05:36,553
- This is crazy!
It should be me.
141
00:05:36,597 --> 00:05:38,425
I've known Jack since he was 20
142
00:05:38,468 --> 00:05:40,818
and for 20 years of his 30s.
143
00:05:41,602 --> 00:05:45,301
- Did you go on the Dark Web
to buy him a real severed hand
144
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:48,173
for his Morticia Addams
costume?
145
00:05:49,261 --> 00:05:50,132
- - Wait.
146
00:05:50,175 --> 00:05:52,482
That was a real severed hand?
147
00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,267
- Of course not.
148
00:05:59,184 --> 00:06:00,534
What do I do?
149
00:06:00,577 --> 00:06:04,146
- All right,
let's not break a press-on.
150
00:06:04,189 --> 00:06:09,064
When we have a dispute here,
we settle it like men:
151
00:06:09,107 --> 00:06:12,197
with a lip-sync
monologue throw down!
152
00:06:16,201 --> 00:06:19,117
What you do is,
you spin this wheel
153
00:06:19,161 --> 00:06:20,641
and then lip-sync whichever
154
00:06:20,684 --> 00:06:22,599
legendary monologue
it lands on.
155
00:06:22,643 --> 00:06:26,211
Then the audience decides,
with applause, who wins.
156
00:06:26,255 --> 00:06:30,172
- So we're going to determine
something as important
157
00:06:30,215 --> 00:06:33,436
as your best man by lip-syncing
campy monologues
158
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:35,743
in a room full
of drunken gay men?
159
00:06:35,786 --> 00:06:37,440
- Yeah.
160
00:06:39,137 --> 00:06:41,444
- Yay!
- Makes sense.
161
00:06:41,488 --> 00:06:45,535
- Girls, we've got ourselves
a bitch royale.
162
00:06:49,496 --> 00:06:51,323
I love laminated menus.
163
00:06:51,367 --> 00:06:53,456
You know, the story
of the restaurant in the back--
164
00:06:53,500 --> 00:06:54,631
interesting reading.
165
00:06:54,675 --> 00:06:55,763
- I'll wait for the movie.
166
00:06:55,806 --> 00:06:57,547
- Always with
the smart answers,
167
00:06:57,591 --> 00:06:58,679
like your mother.
168
00:06:58,722 --> 00:07:00,985
Hi! Hey, Patty.
169
00:07:01,029 --> 00:07:02,509
It's my favorite waitress.
170
00:07:02,552 --> 00:07:03,771
- Hi, Mr. Adler.
171
00:07:03,814 --> 00:07:06,251
Is this the new Mrs. Adler?
172
00:07:07,165 --> 00:07:09,429
- No, I'm his daughter, Grace.
173
00:07:09,472 --> 00:07:12,388
Clearly the age
of a daughter, not a wife.
174
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:13,911
- Okay.
175
00:07:15,217 --> 00:07:17,480
- How is it you get prettier
every year, eh?
176
00:07:17,524 --> 00:07:21,745
- Well, I'm pretty religious
about using sunscreen.
177
00:07:22,659 --> 00:07:25,836
May I tell you
about today's specials?
178
00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:28,230
We have broasted chicken,
179
00:07:28,273 --> 00:07:30,406
whole breaded catfish plate,
180
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:31,451
shrimp salad--
181
00:07:31,494 --> 00:07:34,105
- I'll have that.
- You stopped me.
182
00:07:35,585 --> 00:07:37,761
I memorize the specials
in order,
183
00:07:37,805 --> 00:07:41,112
so if you stop me,
I've got to go back to the top.
184
00:07:42,679 --> 00:07:43,724
- Sorry.
185
00:07:43,767 --> 00:07:45,421
- No, it's okay.
186
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,858
It's okay.
I'll just start again.
187
00:07:47,902 --> 00:07:50,731
Um, we have broasted chicken,
188
00:07:50,774 --> 00:07:52,646
whole breaded catfish plate,
189
00:07:52,689 --> 00:07:54,082
shrimp salad,
190
00:07:54,125 --> 00:07:56,432
salmon croquettes
with Creole sauce--
191
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:57,607
- Hmm.
192
00:08:05,789 --> 00:08:07,835
- Did that count
as interrupting?
193
00:08:07,878 --> 00:08:09,358
- It did.
194
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:18,715
- Oh, oh!
195
00:08:20,978 --> 00:08:22,937
I've seen this one
a million times.
196
00:08:22,980 --> 00:08:24,199
It--it used to be my--
197
00:08:24,242 --> 00:08:26,636
my go-to move to do it
on a first date.
198
00:08:28,290 --> 00:08:29,639
That's not sad.
199
00:08:31,423 --> 00:08:35,079
- Ooh, the "leave Britney
alone" speech that fan gave
200
00:08:35,123 --> 00:08:37,647
after Britney Spears
screwed up at the VMAs.
201
00:08:38,866 --> 00:08:41,042
It was sad-larious.
202
00:08:42,826 --> 00:08:44,872
- You are going down, Karen.
203
00:08:44,915 --> 00:08:46,700
- Hit it!
204
00:08:46,743 --> 00:08:51,008
- Leave Britney alone!
205
00:08:51,052 --> 00:08:53,141
Please!
206
00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:00,540
Perez Hilton talked about
professionalism
207
00:09:00,583 --> 00:09:02,759
and said if Britney
was a professional,
208
00:09:02,803 --> 00:09:05,370
she would've pulled it off,
no matter what.
209
00:09:06,067 --> 00:09:09,157
Speaking of professionalism,
when is it professional
210
00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:10,724
to publicly bash someone
211
00:09:10,767 --> 00:09:13,640
who's going through
a hard time?
212
00:09:13,683 --> 00:09:16,643
Leave Britney alone!
213
00:09:16,686 --> 00:09:19,123
Please!
214
00:09:19,167 --> 00:09:20,995
- Boo!
215
00:09:21,038 --> 00:09:22,997
Boo! Boo!
216
00:09:24,085 --> 00:09:25,826
- Take off your pants!
217
00:09:25,869 --> 00:09:27,262
Who said that?
218
00:09:27,305 --> 00:09:29,830
- Well, that wasn't half bad,
219
00:09:29,873 --> 00:09:31,483
Britney Queers.
220
00:09:32,397 --> 00:09:34,225
Now...
221
00:09:35,836 --> 00:09:37,185
Watch and learn.
222
00:09:47,108 --> 00:09:50,590
- Ah, the Wicked Witch
monologue.
223
00:09:51,765 --> 00:09:53,331
Straight out of the bible.
224
00:09:54,942 --> 00:09:56,421
- Broasted chicken,
225
00:09:56,465 --> 00:09:58,641
whole breaded catfish plate,
226
00:09:58,685 --> 00:09:59,860
shrimp salad--
227
00:09:59,903 --> 00:10:00,861
- She'll have the salad.
228
00:10:00,904 --> 00:10:02,079
I'll have the Reuben.
229
00:10:02,123 --> 00:10:04,125
Unless you're on the menu,
sweetheart.
230
00:10:04,168 --> 00:10:05,343
- I am not,
231
00:10:05,387 --> 00:10:07,084
although, my name is Patty,
232
00:10:07,128 --> 00:10:08,651
and there are
hamburger patties,
233
00:10:08,695 --> 00:10:10,610
so I almost made it.
234
00:10:17,791 --> 00:10:19,706
Flirting, calling women
"sweetheart"?
235
00:10:19,749 --> 00:10:21,403
- Ah, they love it.
- They don't love it.
236
00:10:21,446 --> 00:10:24,101
- I mean, everybody's
so sensitive nowadays.
237
00:10:24,145 --> 00:10:26,234
Sometimes I feel like
men can't be men anymore,
238
00:10:26,277 --> 00:10:28,889
not with this,
uh, #NotMe stuff.
239
00:10:28,932 --> 00:10:31,631
- "Me Too."
- Well, we agree on something.
240
00:10:32,936 --> 00:10:34,111
And why are you being
such a nudge?
241
00:10:34,155 --> 00:10:35,722
- Because it--
242
00:10:35,765 --> 00:10:37,245
You know what?
It doesn't matter.
243
00:10:37,288 --> 00:10:39,421
Let's just eat
and then visit Mom.
244
00:10:39,464 --> 00:10:40,683
- And then Harry.
- No.
245
00:10:40,727 --> 00:10:41,728
I told you. No Harry.
246
00:10:41,771 --> 00:10:42,729
- He was my best friend.
247
00:10:42,772 --> 00:10:43,904
- Well, he wasn't mine.
248
00:10:43,947 --> 00:10:45,122
- You know, it always
bothered me,
249
00:10:45,166 --> 00:10:46,733
this thing you have
about Harry.
250
00:10:46,776 --> 00:10:49,866
I got you a good job
working for my best friend,
251
00:10:49,910 --> 00:10:51,172
and you stole money.
252
00:10:51,215 --> 00:10:52,608
You know how embarrassing
that was for me?
253
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,262
- Dad--
- And you didn't apologize.
254
00:10:54,305 --> 00:10:55,872
If you had apologized,
things would be different.
255
00:10:55,916 --> 00:10:57,700
But you didn't apologize.
- That's not what happened.
256
00:10:57,744 --> 00:10:59,136
- Well, you tell me
what happened.
257
00:10:59,180 --> 00:11:00,442
- I don't want
to talk about it.
258
00:11:00,485 --> 00:11:01,835
- Now you don't want to talk.
259
00:11:03,140 --> 00:11:05,186
- The whole summer
that I worked for Harry,
260
00:11:05,229 --> 00:11:07,101
I kept telling you
he was creepy.
261
00:11:07,144 --> 00:11:08,406
What did you think that meant?
262
00:11:08,450 --> 00:11:10,713
- Uh, I don't know.
He was a flirty guy.
263
00:11:10,757 --> 00:11:12,149
- Oh, and--and you
thought that was okay?
264
00:11:12,193 --> 00:11:13,455
Him flirting with
your daughter?
265
00:11:13,498 --> 00:11:15,065
- That was a different time.
- No, no.
266
00:11:15,109 --> 00:11:16,458
That's not an excuse.
267
00:11:16,501 --> 00:11:17,720
What--just because
it was a different time,
268
00:11:17,764 --> 00:11:18,765
it wasn't bad?
269
00:11:18,808 --> 00:11:20,070
No, all that meant
270
00:11:20,114 --> 00:11:21,289
was that people
got away with it.
271
00:11:21,332 --> 00:11:22,464
- Hey, calm down.
- No, don't--
272
00:11:22,507 --> 00:11:24,292
Do not tell me
to calm down.
273
00:11:24,335 --> 00:11:26,207
I can't do this.
274
00:11:26,250 --> 00:11:28,122
I mean, what did he do?
Pat you on the tushy?
275
00:11:28,165 --> 00:11:29,645
- No, he did more than that.
276
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:31,081
- That doesn't
sound like Harry.
277
00:11:31,125 --> 00:11:32,735
He had his faults,
but he was a good guy.
278
00:11:32,779 --> 00:11:34,737
- He was not a good guy.
- It was a long time ago.
279
00:11:34,781 --> 00:11:37,871
- Maybe you're misremembering.
- No, no! I remember!
280
00:11:37,914 --> 00:11:40,830
I remember every single thing
that happened that day.
281
00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:45,879
- I-I--wait, I don't want
to talk about it.
282
00:11:47,054 --> 00:11:48,751
- No, we're talking.
283
00:11:51,406 --> 00:11:52,886
It was hot,
284
00:11:52,929 --> 00:11:54,496
so I had to have my hair up,
285
00:11:54,539 --> 00:11:57,238
and it showed off the earrings
that I borrowed from Mom
286
00:11:57,281 --> 00:11:59,762
that made me feel
really grown up.
287
00:11:59,806 --> 00:12:01,416
And then,
at the end of the day,
288
00:12:01,459 --> 00:12:03,287
Harry called me
into his office.
289
00:12:03,331 --> 00:12:05,246
- I walked in.
290
00:12:05,289 --> 00:12:07,814
He shut the door,
he closed the blinds,
291
00:12:07,857 --> 00:12:09,337
and then he pushed me up
against the wall.
292
00:12:09,380 --> 00:12:10,860
- Gracie, no.
293
00:12:10,904 --> 00:12:11,861
- I tried to scream,
294
00:12:11,905 --> 00:12:13,123
but he told me "Quiet."
295
00:12:13,167 --> 00:12:14,342
Then he started kissing me
296
00:12:14,385 --> 00:12:15,691
and touching me,
297
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:17,171
and then he pulled down
my pants,
298
00:12:17,214 --> 00:12:18,259
put his fingers up--
299
00:12:18,302 --> 00:12:19,739
- Stop!
300
00:12:19,782 --> 00:12:22,219
- I was 15.
301
00:12:29,226 --> 00:12:30,619
- I hate to interrupt
the party,
302
00:12:30,662 --> 00:12:32,839
but we ran out
of shrimp salad.
303
00:12:37,669 --> 00:12:38,540
I know.
304
00:12:38,583 --> 00:12:40,977
I'm disappointed too.
305
00:12:45,852 --> 00:12:46,026
.
306
00:12:47,984 --> 00:12:49,333
- Afterwards, I just wanted
307
00:12:49,377 --> 00:12:50,595
to get away from him.
308
00:12:50,639 --> 00:12:51,858
I just wanted to be home,
309
00:12:51,901 --> 00:12:53,468
so I took money
out of the drawer,
310
00:12:53,511 --> 00:12:54,643
and I called a cab.
311
00:12:54,686 --> 00:12:57,515
That's why I stole the money.
312
00:13:02,085 --> 00:13:03,826
What if you didn't believe me?
313
00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:05,697
What if nobody believed me?
314
00:13:07,699 --> 00:13:09,310
Why didn't you see?
315
00:13:10,224 --> 00:13:11,094
You're my father.
316
00:13:11,138 --> 00:13:12,617
You're supposed to protect me.
317
00:13:12,661 --> 00:13:13,836
- I didn't know!
- You should have.
318
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:16,273
- You're right!
319
00:13:16,317 --> 00:13:17,840
I'm so sorry, Grace.
320
00:13:17,884 --> 00:13:19,799
I'm so sorry.
321
00:13:22,758 --> 00:13:25,369
I didn't protect
my little girl.
322
00:13:27,589 --> 00:13:28,546
- It's okay, Daddy.
323
00:13:28,590 --> 00:13:30,287
- No, it's not okay.
324
00:13:30,331 --> 00:13:31,941
How can it be okay?
325
00:13:36,424 --> 00:13:37,947
How did you get through it?
326
00:13:40,732 --> 00:13:46,434
- Well, you just kind of split
yourself into two people.
327
00:13:46,477 --> 00:13:48,001
The person it happened to
328
00:13:48,044 --> 00:13:51,221
and the one who gets
through the day.
329
00:13:52,570 --> 00:13:53,833
And then you grow up,
330
00:13:53,876 --> 00:13:56,748
and your life gets bigger...
331
00:13:56,792 --> 00:13:59,055
and that stuff gets smaller.
332
00:14:00,404 --> 00:14:02,842
- Here are your waters.
- Thank you.
333
00:14:03,755 --> 00:14:05,366
- I know the glasses
look dirty,
334
00:14:05,409 --> 00:14:07,281
but it's just the water.
335
00:14:14,418 --> 00:14:16,029
- I told one person.
336
00:14:16,072 --> 00:14:17,117
- Good.
337
00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:19,771
I'm glad you have
a best friend.
338
00:14:22,426 --> 00:14:24,559
Can you ever forgive me?
339
00:14:24,602 --> 00:14:26,474
- I can.
340
00:14:26,517 --> 00:14:28,955
- I'm not gonna visit
that bastard in the cemetery.
341
00:14:28,998 --> 00:14:30,565
I never want to hear
his name again.
342
00:14:30,608 --> 00:14:32,088
He's dead to me.
343
00:14:34,134 --> 00:14:36,440
- Well, he's dead
to everybody, Daddy.
344
00:14:36,484 --> 00:14:37,702
♪
345
00:14:37,746 --> 00:14:38,921
- Just try!
346
00:14:38,965 --> 00:14:41,010
I'll get you, my pretty,
347
00:14:41,054 --> 00:14:42,707
and your little dog too!
348
00:14:48,365 --> 00:14:49,410
Broom drop.
349
00:14:57,113 --> 00:14:59,246
And who likes
my second husband,
350
00:14:59,289 --> 00:15:01,857
should my first husband die
a timely death?
351
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:06,166
We have a new dilemma.
352
00:15:06,209 --> 00:15:08,472
We've never had a tied
bitch royale.
353
00:15:09,821 --> 00:15:11,954
- Are you saying
I've got to decide?
354
00:15:11,998 --> 00:15:13,347
- Or we could have a contest
355
00:15:13,390 --> 00:15:15,523
to see which one
knows you better.
356
00:15:15,566 --> 00:15:19,222
- Or you suggesting
a public Jack
357
00:15:22,269 --> 00:15:24,227
- Okay, Will,
this question is to you.
358
00:15:24,271 --> 00:15:26,055
In the fall of aught eight,
359
00:15:26,099 --> 00:15:27,970
I had a brief,
but torrid, affair
360
00:15:28,014 --> 00:15:29,319
with a certain redhead.
361
00:15:29,363 --> 00:15:32,279
Tell me his name,
where we met,
362
00:15:32,322 --> 00:15:33,802
and what food he threw at me
363
00:15:33,845 --> 00:15:35,499
when I told him
I met someone else.
364
00:15:36,413 --> 00:15:38,198
- Dick, dock, duck.
365
00:15:40,504 --> 00:15:41,766
- That is correct.
366
00:15:43,072 --> 00:15:45,118
- In your face, Walker!
367
00:15:45,161 --> 00:15:46,510
- Nicely done, Will.
368
00:15:46,554 --> 00:15:48,469
- Gorgeous and smart.
369
00:15:48,512 --> 00:15:50,862
Oscar, I'm leaving you.
370
00:15:51,689 --> 00:15:53,300
Oh, forget it.
371
00:15:53,343 --> 00:15:54,997
- Okay, Karen.
- Okay.
372
00:15:55,041 --> 00:15:56,956
This one's for you.
373
00:15:56,999 --> 00:15:59,784
It is a question
about my "peh-nis."
374
00:15:59,828 --> 00:16:02,352
- I know it better than my own.
375
00:16:02,396 --> 00:16:04,224
Ha-ha-ha!
376
00:16:05,616 --> 00:16:08,010
- When fully aroused...
Oh, yeah.
377
00:16:08,054 --> 00:16:09,316
- Like when Conor McGregor
378
00:16:09,359 --> 00:16:10,534
is on the cover
of "Men's Health"
379
00:16:10,578 --> 00:16:11,622
or there is a light breeze...
380
00:16:11,666 --> 00:16:12,972
- Yes. Mm.
381
00:16:13,929 --> 00:16:16,497
- What is my measurement
382
00:16:16,540 --> 00:16:17,846
in Good & Plentys?
383
00:16:20,501 --> 00:16:21,719
- Damn it.
384
00:16:21,763 --> 00:16:23,591
I know it in Red Vines.
385
00:16:25,723 --> 00:16:27,203
I'm gonna say 18.
386
00:16:30,685 --> 00:16:32,861
I'd be hung like a--
oh, my God, that is correct!
387
00:16:32,904 --> 00:16:35,733
- Ah-ha-ha-ha!
388
00:16:40,129 --> 00:16:40,521
.
389
00:16:44,351 --> 00:16:46,092
So I told him, Mom.
390
00:16:47,745 --> 00:16:50,444
But you were wrong;
he did okay.
391
00:16:51,619 --> 00:16:54,143
I think you would've
been proud of him.
392
00:16:54,187 --> 00:16:56,406
He said he was sorry.
393
00:16:58,278 --> 00:16:59,583
You know, I always thought
394
00:16:59,627 --> 00:17:01,977
that I needed an apology
from Harry...
395
00:17:03,283 --> 00:17:06,764
But it turned out I really
needed one from Daddy.
396
00:17:08,418 --> 00:17:10,551
I feel better.
397
00:17:12,074 --> 00:17:16,035
Oh, by the way,
seeing someone.
398
00:17:16,731 --> 00:17:20,039
He's Jewish and straight,
399
00:17:20,082 --> 00:17:22,041
so stop spinning.
400
00:17:23,955 --> 00:17:26,001
He's a good guy...
401
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:28,438
although he complains
about everything.
402
00:17:29,744 --> 00:17:32,051
I guess you and I have a type.
403
00:17:38,579 --> 00:17:40,494
I miss you, Mom.
404
00:17:41,582 --> 00:17:45,542
♪
405
00:17:45,586 --> 00:17:48,067
- Did you have a good visit
with your mother?
406
00:17:48,110 --> 00:17:49,677
- I did.
407
00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:51,679
- You didn't tell her
I remarried, did you?
408
00:17:51,722 --> 00:17:53,072
- No.
409
00:17:53,115 --> 00:17:55,030
But don't you think
she'd want you to be happy?
410
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:56,510
- Absolutely not.
411
00:17:57,641 --> 00:18:00,122
I wouldn't want her
to be happy, either.
412
00:18:00,949 --> 00:18:01,906
That's love.
413
00:18:05,171 --> 00:18:07,564
♪
414
00:18:07,608 --> 00:18:09,784
- Once again,
the score is tied.
415
00:18:09,827 --> 00:18:12,656
- Now it's time
for the final question.
416
00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:15,877
Will, what is my greatest--
417
00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:19,054
- Sneaking into Cher's trailer
and trying on her wig.
418
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:21,839
- Please wait until I finish
the entire question.
419
00:18:21,883 --> 00:18:24,103
But, yes, that is
my greatest achievement.
420
00:18:25,060 --> 00:18:26,148
But...
421
00:18:26,192 --> 00:18:28,324
what is my greatest fear?
422
00:18:28,368 --> 00:18:29,630
- Oh, that's easy.
423
00:18:29,673 --> 00:18:31,588
Never having a legitimate
acting career.
424
00:18:31,632 --> 00:18:33,416
Ladies and gentlemen,
your best man!
425
00:18:33,460 --> 00:18:35,723
- Ha, not even close, Wilma!
426
00:18:35,766 --> 00:18:38,682
His greatest fear is aging.
427
00:18:38,726 --> 00:18:40,206
- Oh, please,
he'd be fine about aging
428
00:18:40,249 --> 00:18:41,555
if he can get
a single part.
429
00:18:41,598 --> 00:18:42,947
- Well, this sort of hurts.
430
00:18:43,731 --> 00:18:45,602
- Are you telling me
he doesn't look more and more
431
00:18:45,646 --> 00:18:47,952
like Angela Lansbury
every single day?
432
00:18:47,996 --> 00:18:49,171
- Okay, maybe we don't just--
433
00:18:49,215 --> 00:18:50,346
- Wait, wait, wait.
434
00:18:50,390 --> 00:18:52,261
I have known him
way longer than you.
435
00:18:52,305 --> 00:18:53,610
I should be best man!
436
00:18:53,654 --> 00:18:54,829
- This is stupid!
I know I'm better.
437
00:18:54,872 --> 00:18:56,222
I should be best man.
438
00:18:56,265 --> 00:18:58,572
- Why--would you--
- Stop, stop it, stop!
439
00:18:58,615 --> 00:19:01,662
Stop! Stop, stop!
440
00:19:05,187 --> 00:19:08,147
Why are we fighting over
who's best man?
441
00:19:08,190 --> 00:19:10,236
Isn't marriage
just some weird thing
442
00:19:10,279 --> 00:19:13,587
straight guys came up with
as a way to own a woman?
443
00:19:14,675 --> 00:19:18,200
And sure, it'd be great
to own a woman.
444
00:19:18,244 --> 00:19:21,595
You know, to open jars...
445
00:19:21,638 --> 00:19:23,205
or to hold your purse
446
00:19:23,249 --> 00:19:25,903
while you and your boyfriend
go on the Ferris wheel.
447
00:19:27,427 --> 00:19:29,255
But we are gay men!
448
00:19:29,298 --> 00:19:30,995
We make our own rules!
449
00:19:31,039 --> 00:19:33,824
I say, let's reinvent marriage.
450
00:19:33,868 --> 00:19:35,696
Yeah, rip it apart.
451
00:19:35,739 --> 00:19:37,567
Take off the sleeves,
fringe the bottom,
452
00:19:37,611 --> 00:19:39,395
and crop the top!
453
00:19:42,877 --> 00:19:44,922
So here's my new rule.
454
00:19:44,966 --> 00:19:49,057
I'm gonna have
two best men.
455
00:19:49,100 --> 00:19:52,234
Because, yeah,
we got gay marriage,
456
00:19:52,278 --> 00:19:54,628
but let's make marriage gay!
457
00:19:59,067 --> 00:20:01,330
- Yeah, I can live with
two best men.
458
00:20:01,374 --> 00:20:03,376
- Yeah, me too.
459
00:20:04,638 --> 00:20:07,510
Grace,
when did you get here?
460
00:20:10,557 --> 00:20:12,036
♪
461
00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:15,039
- And sure, it'd be great
to own a woman.
462
00:20:15,083 --> 00:20:16,998
You know, to open jars...
463
00:20:17,041 --> 00:20:18,869
or to hold your purse
464
00:20:18,913 --> 00:20:20,654
while you and your boyfriend
go on the Ferris wheel.
465
00:20:21,698 --> 00:20:25,093
- I can't believe you made it
on the wheel at Ms. Coco's.
466
00:20:26,703 --> 00:20:27,922
- I know!
467
00:20:27,965 --> 00:20:30,968
Everybody at the gay bar
is doing me.
468
00:20:32,970 --> 00:20:35,234
- You haven't said that
for years.
469
00:20:36,278 --> 00:20:37,627
- Honey, I've divided up
470
00:20:37,671 --> 00:20:39,238
our responsibilities
for the wedding.
471
00:20:39,281 --> 00:20:42,589
- Well, yours just says,
"Show up if avail."
472
00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:46,593
- It's a big ask,
but I love the guy.
473
00:20:48,899 --> 00:20:50,553
- Hey.
- Hey, Grace.
474
00:20:50,597 --> 00:20:52,381
Was it torture?
475
00:20:52,425 --> 00:20:55,036
- Uh, it was a lot of things.
476
00:20:55,079 --> 00:20:58,735
But it was good.
Really good.
477
00:20:59,606 --> 00:21:01,564
Thanks for making me go.
478
00:21:01,608 --> 00:21:03,044
So how was brunch?
479
00:21:03,087 --> 00:21:04,959
- Will and Karen did a Jack-off
480
00:21:05,002 --> 00:21:07,091
to decide who would
be my best man,
481
00:21:07,135 --> 00:21:08,789
and you're never
gonna guess who won.
482
00:21:08,832 --> 00:21:10,791
Oh, oh--they both did!
483
00:21:11,792 --> 00:21:12,923
Will, tell her the story.
Actually, don't.
484
00:21:12,967 --> 00:21:14,316
You'll be boring.
Karen, tell her.
485
00:21:14,360 --> 00:21:16,144
♪
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