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1
00:00:09,368 --> 00:00:12,329
- sync and corrections by Mr. C -
- www.addic7ed.com -
2
00:00:13,539 --> 00:00:15,791
[exhales]
3
00:00:16,667 --> 00:00:18,167
[Johnny Carson laughs]
4
00:00:18,168 --> 00:00:21,129
[Johnny Carson]
Well, but, we'll find out.
5
00:00:21,130 --> 00:00:24,090
Uh, uh, I'm glad
you're in a good mood tonight.
6
00:00:24,091 --> 00:00:28,386
Uh, my next guest
is a very funny comic,
7
00:00:28,387 --> 00:00:31,389
making his first
Tonight Show appearance.
8
00:00:31,390 --> 00:00:32,557
He's a former Bostonian.
9
00:00:32,558 --> 00:00:36,853
Will you please give a warm
welcome to Clay Appuzzo?
10
00:00:36,854 --> 00:00:39,730
[jazzy Tonight Show
theme music plays]
11
00:00:39,731 --> 00:00:43,526
♪
12
00:00:43,527 --> 00:00:45,611
♪ David Bowie's
"It Ain't Easy" ♪
13
00:00:45,612 --> 00:00:50,116
♪
14
00:00:50,117 --> 00:00:54,078
♪ When you climb
to the top of the mountain ♪
15
00:00:54,079 --> 00:00:58,082
♪ Look out over the sea ♪
16
00:00:58,083 --> 00:01:00,960
♪ Think about
the places perhaps ♪
17
00:01:00,961 --> 00:01:04,130
♪ Where a young man could be ♪
18
00:01:04,131 --> 00:01:08,718
♪ Then you jump back down
to the rooftops ♪
19
00:01:08,719 --> 00:01:11,262
♪ Look out over the town ♪
20
00:01:11,263 --> 00:01:15,516
♪ Think about
all of the strange things ♪
21
00:01:15,517 --> 00:01:18,227
♪ Circulating round ♪
22
00:01:18,228 --> 00:01:21,647
♪ It ain't easy ♪
23
00:01:21,648 --> 00:01:25,109
♪ It ain't easy ♪
24
00:01:25,110 --> 00:01:28,196
♪ It ain't easy
to get to Heaven ♪
25
00:01:28,197 --> 00:01:30,448
♪ When you're going down ♪
26
00:01:30,449 --> 00:01:32,325
♪
27
00:01:32,326 --> 00:01:37,079
♪ Well all the people
have got their problems ♪
28
00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:40,374
♪ That ain't nothing new ♪
29
00:01:40,375 --> 00:01:44,295
♪ With the help
of the good Lord ♪
30
00:01:44,296 --> 00:01:47,006
♪ We can all pull on through ♪
31
00:01:47,007 --> 00:01:51,219
♪ We can all
pull on through ♪
32
00:01:51,220 --> 00:01:54,597
♪ Get there in the end ♪
33
00:01:54,598 --> 00:01:57,975
♪ Sometimes it'll take you
right up ♪
34
00:01:57,976 --> 00:02:00,937
♪ And sometimes down again ♪
35
00:02:00,938 --> 00:02:04,482
♪ It ain't easy ♪
36
00:02:04,483 --> 00:02:07,693
♪ It ain't easy ♪
37
00:02:07,694 --> 00:02:10,738
♪ It ain't easy
to get to Heaven ♪
38
00:02:10,739 --> 00:02:12,949
♪ When you're going down ♪
39
00:02:12,950 --> 00:02:16,244
[laughter]
40
00:02:16,245 --> 00:02:17,828
[Bill]
Congratulations, ladies.
41
00:02:17,829 --> 00:02:19,914
Congrats, by the way.
Big court win.
42
00:02:19,915 --> 00:02:21,541
Abortion is legal.
43
00:02:21,542 --> 00:02:22,417
- [scattered whoos and applause]
- Yes.
44
00:02:22,418 --> 00:02:25,169
Clap for that.
Clap for that, guys.
45
00:02:25,170 --> 00:02:27,338
- [clapping]
- That's a big win for us too.
46
00:02:27,339 --> 00:02:28,215
- [laughter]
- That's fantastic, man.
47
00:02:28,216 --> 00:02:30,258
How pissed are
back-alley abortionists?
48
00:02:30,259 --> 00:02:33,177
There goes six months
of veterinary school
49
00:02:33,178 --> 00:02:34,345
right down the drain.
50
00:02:34,346 --> 00:02:35,846
[laughter]
51
00:02:35,847 --> 00:02:37,348
My mom had six children.
I'm one of six.
52
00:02:37,349 --> 00:02:40,393
And according to her,
we were all accidents.
53
00:02:40,394 --> 00:02:43,229
Six accidental pregnancies.
54
00:02:43,230 --> 00:02:44,897
We figured it out by now,
haven't we?
55
00:02:44,898 --> 00:02:46,983
This whole penis-vagina
conundrum, right?
56
00:02:46,984 --> 00:02:49,735
It's not the Manhattan Project.
57
00:02:49,736 --> 00:02:51,821
Not a bunch of scientists
standing around a baby
58
00:02:51,822 --> 00:02:54,156
in a room going, well, I-I don't
know how this got here.
59
00:02:54,157 --> 00:02:56,534
I'm not quite sure
I understand.
60
00:02:56,535 --> 00:02:58,202
Yes, Professor Einstein?
61
00:02:58,203 --> 00:03:00,329
[as Einstein]
Um, yeah, I just... I have...
62
00:03:00,330 --> 00:03:02,290
I just have a hunch,
if you will.
63
00:03:02,291 --> 00:03:04,959
Maybe, perhaps, the babies
are coming from the fucking?
64
00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:06,711
Do you think it's from
the fucking?
65
00:03:06,712 --> 00:03:08,879
- [laughter]
- That's just my opinion.
66
00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:10,256
♪ The Dramatics'
"Whatcha See Is Whatcha Get" ♪
67
00:03:10,257 --> 00:03:13,259
[Bill continues set]
68
00:03:13,260 --> 00:03:16,012
♪
69
00:03:16,013 --> 00:03:19,265
Watch out.
I got my eye on you.
70
00:03:19,266 --> 00:03:20,808
♪ But maybe ♪
71
00:03:20,809 --> 00:03:23,686
♪ I'm for real ♪
72
00:03:23,687 --> 00:03:25,104
- [balks]
- Yes.
73
00:03:25,105 --> 00:03:26,897
[kisses]
Tastes like tens and twenties.
74
00:03:26,898 --> 00:03:29,525
[laughs]
Hey, Rob.
75
00:03:29,526 --> 00:03:30,818
Hey, Goldie.
76
00:03:30,819 --> 00:03:33,279
So you killed it
at the Store last night.
77
00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:35,114
You know, I-I wanted
to be here,
78
00:03:35,115 --> 00:03:36,574
but, you know,
the only open spot
79
00:03:36,575 --> 00:03:37,950
wasn't until after one.
80
00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:40,536
Well, a lot of good comics
go up after one.
81
00:03:40,537 --> 00:03:41,954
Oh, I agree.
I just, you know,
82
00:03:41,955 --> 00:03:42,914
I have to be up
at work at seven.
83
00:03:42,915 --> 00:03:45,082
Totally understand.
84
00:03:45,083 --> 00:03:45,876
I just don't give a shit.
85
00:03:45,877 --> 00:03:48,586
♪ Is what you get ♪
86
00:03:48,587 --> 00:03:50,671
Uh, okay, Goldie, well, it's
just one fucking night, right?
87
00:03:50,672 --> 00:03:53,090
Caught my ex getting a blow job
in our office.
88
00:03:53,091 --> 00:03:54,759
Took a fountain pen
and stuck it through his hand.
89
00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:56,469
That was one fucking night too.
90
00:03:56,470 --> 00:03:57,803
♪ I said what you see ♪
91
00:03:57,804 --> 00:03:59,430
Okay.
92
00:03:59,431 --> 00:04:00,973
[audience laughter]
93
00:04:00,974 --> 00:04:03,017
♪ Is what you get ♪
94
00:04:03,018 --> 00:04:04,518
[Bill performing]
95
00:04:04,519 --> 00:04:04,936
Goldie.
96
00:04:04,937 --> 00:04:06,604
What the...
97
00:04:06,605 --> 00:04:08,230
Rob, uh,
he made a mistake.
98
00:04:08,231 --> 00:04:11,859
And although I find
the punishment harsh,
99
00:04:11,860 --> 00:04:13,027
I do find it just.
100
00:04:13,028 --> 00:04:14,570
Can I have his five minutes,
please?
101
00:04:14,571 --> 00:04:16,197
♪ And you know some people ♪
102
00:04:16,198 --> 00:04:17,198
[audience laughter]
103
00:04:17,199 --> 00:04:18,866
What's up, Carl?
104
00:04:18,867 --> 00:04:20,451
People sitting in my booth's
what's up.
105
00:04:20,452 --> 00:04:22,119
Fuck.
106
00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:23,954
Can I sit you somewhere else,
please, just for tonight?
107
00:04:23,955 --> 00:04:24,915
You know who I'm bringing
here tonight?
108
00:04:24,916 --> 00:04:26,082
- Charlie...
- [both] Callas.
109
00:04:26,083 --> 00:04:28,376
Yeah, that's right,
smart guy.
110
00:04:28,377 --> 00:04:29,710
You're gonna tell
an American treasure
111
00:04:29,711 --> 00:04:31,253
he's gotta sit in the back?
112
00:04:31,254 --> 00:04:32,797
All right.
113
00:04:32,798 --> 00:04:34,173
Yeah, that's been my booth
since the joint opened.
114
00:04:34,174 --> 00:04:35,633
Should fuckin' know better.
115
00:04:35,634 --> 00:04:36,676
[Arnie]
Prick.
116
00:04:36,677 --> 00:04:38,386
Hi.
117
00:04:38,387 --> 00:04:40,429
How 'bout some free drinks?
Does that sound good?
118
00:04:40,430 --> 00:04:42,848
♪ You know some people ♪
119
00:04:42,849 --> 00:04:45,101
♪ Are made of lies ♪
120
00:04:45,102 --> 00:04:46,602
♪
121
00:04:46,603 --> 00:04:47,437
♪ To bring you down ♪
122
00:04:47,438 --> 00:04:49,021
[audience laughter]
123
00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:51,691
♪ And shame your name ♪
124
00:04:51,692 --> 00:04:52,567
[sighs]
125
00:04:52,568 --> 00:04:54,985
Where the fuck
are my onion rings?
126
00:04:54,986 --> 00:04:56,862
They're not drinking
if they don't get their salt.
127
00:04:56,863 --> 00:04:58,322
♪
128
00:04:58,323 --> 00:05:00,658
Somebody call me
when Clay goes up.
129
00:05:00,659 --> 00:05:02,952
[Bill] Drunk dentist with
a pair of fondue forks...
130
00:05:02,953 --> 00:05:06,163
[audience laughter]
131
00:05:06,164 --> 00:05:09,667
♪ All I want to do
is love you... ♪
132
00:05:09,668 --> 00:05:11,335
[Cassie] Uh, what else?
133
00:05:11,336 --> 00:05:13,421
Oh, I got myself a pet rock.
He's very sweet.
134
00:05:13,422 --> 00:05:15,423
He was a rescue.
I rescued him off the street.
135
00:05:15,424 --> 00:05:18,259
- He was a stray.
- [audience laughter]
136
00:05:18,260 --> 00:05:19,719
Pet rocks are great.
137
00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:20,595
He's very protective of me.
138
00:05:20,596 --> 00:05:22,596
I was not expecting that.
It's funny.
139
00:05:22,597 --> 00:05:23,848
Anytime my boyfriend
says something mean,
140
00:05:23,849 --> 00:05:27,518
he just jumps out of my hand
and hurls himself at his head.
141
00:05:27,519 --> 00:05:28,853
[audience laughter]
142
00:05:28,854 --> 00:05:30,104
Try to get him to stop,
but he won't.
143
00:05:30,105 --> 00:05:30,939
Show us your tits!
144
00:05:30,940 --> 00:05:33,524
You first, sir.
145
00:05:33,525 --> 00:05:35,067
[crowd reacts]
146
00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:37,695
Ladies and gentlemen,
chivalry is not dead.
147
00:05:37,696 --> 00:05:39,071
Hey, why don't you suck my dick?
148
00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:40,865
Oh, what a sweet invitation.
149
00:05:40,866 --> 00:05:42,408
I have not been asked out
on a date in a long time.
150
00:05:42,409 --> 00:05:44,827
- [Cassie laughs]
- [audience laughter]
151
00:05:44,828 --> 00:05:47,037
Oh, there's a bunch
of y'all, huh?
152
00:05:47,038 --> 00:05:48,372
So what's the occasion?
153
00:05:48,373 --> 00:05:48,915
It's my bachelor party.
154
00:05:48,916 --> 00:05:50,916
- Whoo!
- Yeah.
155
00:05:50,917 --> 00:05:52,501
Well, what are you doing
in here?
156
00:05:52,502 --> 00:05:54,378
That hooker in the trunk
ain't gonna bury herself.
157
00:05:54,379 --> 00:05:56,714
[audience laughter]
158
00:05:56,715 --> 00:05:57,882
A man comes into my office.
159
00:05:57,883 --> 00:05:59,008
He says,
can I use your Dictaphone?
160
00:05:59,009 --> 00:06:00,593
I say, no,
you use your finger
161
00:06:00,594 --> 00:06:01,635
like everybody else.
162
00:06:01,636 --> 00:06:04,889
Come on, you bastards,
get off your high horses.
163
00:06:04,890 --> 00:06:06,182
Hey, Goldie, sit.
164
00:06:06,183 --> 00:06:07,558
Ah, that's a funny one.
165
00:06:07,559 --> 00:06:08,393
Adam Proteau.
What do you think?
166
00:06:08,394 --> 00:06:10,519
I think I got
more hair on my lip
167
00:06:10,520 --> 00:06:11,729
than he does on his nuts.
168
00:06:11,730 --> 00:06:12,355
Can you stick him
in The Cellar?
169
00:06:12,355 --> 00:06:13,148
Fleischer and Stephenson
170
00:06:13,149 --> 00:06:15,566
open mic'd for over a year.
171
00:06:15,567 --> 00:06:16,901
Trust me, if they'd spent
a little more time and sweat
172
00:06:16,902 --> 00:06:19,111
building the Titanic,
173
00:06:19,112 --> 00:06:20,654
the word would still
just mean "big."
174
00:06:20,655 --> 00:06:21,573
Hey, Kay,
175
00:06:21,573 --> 00:06:22,532
another Rob Roy, neat
176
00:06:22,532 --> 00:06:23,074
for my friend Carl, huh?
177
00:06:23,075 --> 00:06:25,284
Hey, pal, nice shirt.
178
00:06:25,285 --> 00:06:27,411
Who... who'd you blow, Don Ho,
for that shirt?
179
00:06:27,412 --> 00:06:30,748
[Tonight Show music
playing on TV]
180
00:06:30,749 --> 00:06:32,249
Yes.
181
00:06:32,250 --> 00:06:34,043
- [crumbles cash]
- There you go.
182
00:06:34,044 --> 00:06:35,836
- Thank you, sir.
- Thank you.
183
00:06:35,837 --> 00:06:37,922
[music continues on TV]
184
00:06:37,923 --> 00:06:39,924
[Carson laughs on TV]
185
00:06:39,925 --> 00:06:41,509
Well,
we'll... we'll find out.
186
00:06:41,510 --> 00:06:44,386
Uh, I'm glad you're in
a good mood tonight.
187
00:06:44,387 --> 00:06:47,556
Uh, my next guest
is a very funny comic,
188
00:06:47,557 --> 00:06:50,267
making his first
Tonight Show appearance.
189
00:06:50,268 --> 00:06:52,937
Uh, he's a former Bostonian.
190
00:06:52,938 --> 00:06:56,190
Will you please give a warm
welcome to Clay Appuzzo?
191
00:06:56,191 --> 00:06:59,361
[applause and music on TV]
192
00:07:00,737 --> 00:07:01,613
Thank you.
193
00:07:01,614 --> 00:07:03,155
Everyone, I... look,
194
00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:04,240
I just want to...
I want to be clear.
195
00:07:04,241 --> 00:07:05,950
I'm not just a Bostonian.
196
00:07:05,951 --> 00:07:07,785
I'm an Italian Bostonian.
197
00:07:07,786 --> 00:07:10,454
We still talk with our hands,
but we only use one finger.
198
00:07:10,455 --> 00:07:12,081
[laughter on TV]
199
00:07:12,082 --> 00:07:13,749
So I grew up with
a lot of brothers and sisters.
200
00:07:13,750 --> 00:07:17,628
Italians used to have
big families before television.
201
00:07:17,629 --> 00:07:19,880
But now they only have kids
when there's nothing good on.
202
00:07:19,881 --> 00:07:22,258
[laughter]
203
00:07:22,259 --> 00:07:23,801
But that's what they do,
Italian parents.
204
00:07:23,802 --> 00:07:25,427
They send mixed messages.
205
00:07:25,428 --> 00:07:28,472
You mess up in school,
Dad gives you the belt.
206
00:07:28,473 --> 00:07:31,100
But then two minutes later, Mom
comes in with a bowl of pasta.
207
00:07:31,101 --> 00:07:32,810
[chuckling]
208
00:07:32,811 --> 00:07:34,562
So, I mean, that's how
Italians love to do it.
209
00:07:34,563 --> 00:07:36,021
They like to follow
their violence
210
00:07:36,022 --> 00:07:37,189
with a little something
to eat, right?
211
00:07:37,190 --> 00:07:39,483
- So...
- [laughter]
212
00:07:39,484 --> 00:07:41,902
[Clay]
May I suggest the Alfredo...
213
00:07:41,903 --> 00:07:43,070
- [Cassie laughs]
- [Clay] With your beating?
214
00:07:43,071 --> 00:07:45,030
[Clay] The cream saucereally soaks up the tears.
215
00:07:45,031 --> 00:07:45,991
Hey, you do know
when Arnie flashes the light,
216
00:07:45,992 --> 00:07:48,117
that means to get
the fuck off stage, right?
217
00:07:48,118 --> 00:07:50,327
I get off the stage when
they stop fucking laughing.
218
00:07:50,328 --> 00:07:51,288
Uh, laughing, Ralph,
is the noise that people make
219
00:07:51,289 --> 00:07:53,372
when they hear something funny.
220
00:07:53,373 --> 00:07:54,873
Shut the fuck up, Sully.
221
00:07:54,874 --> 00:07:55,372
- How's he doing?
- He's killing.
222
00:07:55,373 --> 00:07:56,542
Great.
223
00:07:56,543 --> 00:07:57,835
[scoffs]
"Great"?
224
00:07:57,836 --> 00:07:59,587
That's not your "great" face,
Bill.
225
00:07:59,588 --> 00:08:01,088
That's the "why don't Johnny
fuckin' love me" face.
226
00:08:01,089 --> 00:08:02,548
How did they not shoot you
in 'Nam?
227
00:08:02,549 --> 00:08:03,882
- [Sully laughs]
- There's nothing but bamboo
228
00:08:03,883 --> 00:08:04,759
over there;
what tree could you
229
00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:06,760
have possibly
fuckin' hid behind?
230
00:08:06,761 --> 00:08:07,637
Yeah, are black hippos sacred
over there?
231
00:08:07,638 --> 00:08:09,680
- Shh, shh.
- First of all, y'all saw
232
00:08:09,681 --> 00:08:10,931
the pictures,
I was lean and mean in 'Nam.
233
00:08:10,932 --> 00:08:11,600
Charlie was terrified of me.
234
00:08:11,601 --> 00:08:13,934
Called me "The Black Beast."
235
00:08:13,935 --> 00:08:14,769
Black beast, that's what
they call you at McDonald's.
236
00:08:14,770 --> 00:08:16,270
- Black beast.
- Fuck you, Sully.
237
00:08:16,271 --> 00:08:17,855
Always talking shit.
You know what?
238
00:08:17,856 --> 00:08:18,315
When the revolution come,
motherfuckers,
239
00:08:18,315 --> 00:08:19,274
you on your own.
240
00:08:19,275 --> 00:08:21,025
Guys, I'm trying to hear Clay.
241
00:08:21,026 --> 00:08:22,359
Hear what?
242
00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:24,028
His act is practically
a sing-along.
243
00:08:24,029 --> 00:08:24,613
Bill, I love you
like a raging yeast infection,
244
00:08:24,614 --> 00:08:25,946
but shut the fuck up.
245
00:08:25,947 --> 00:08:27,156
- Gross.
- Mm.
246
00:08:27,157 --> 00:08:29,199
Come on over.
247
00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:30,076
[cheers]
248
00:08:30,077 --> 00:08:32,453
Oh, my God!
249
00:08:32,454 --> 00:08:34,663
- [clapping on TV]
- [Bill] What?
250
00:08:34,664 --> 00:08:35,624
- Oh, my God. He got the couch.
- [Sully] Wow.
251
00:08:35,625 --> 00:08:38,250
Suddenly I don't feel
so pretty anymore.
252
00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:39,960
Holy shit!
Holy shit!
253
00:08:39,961 --> 00:08:40,754
Whatever.
254
00:08:40,755 --> 00:08:43,213
Wow.
255
00:08:43,214 --> 00:08:44,298
Yeah, get your bitter ass
out of here, Bill.
256
00:08:44,299 --> 00:08:49,053
♪ mellow ragtime music ♪
257
00:08:49,054 --> 00:08:51,889
Got the couch.
258
00:08:51,890 --> 00:08:53,891
That's all she wrote.
259
00:08:53,892 --> 00:08:56,393
I told Frank
Johnny'd eat him up.
260
00:08:56,394 --> 00:09:01,398
♪
261
00:09:01,399 --> 00:09:02,733
[applause on TV]
262
00:09:02,734 --> 00:09:04,443
How are you?
263
00:09:04,444 --> 00:09:05,320
Ah.
264
00:09:05,321 --> 00:09:06,820
He smells good.
[Clay laughs]
265
00:09:06,821 --> 00:09:08,572
- [audience laughter]
- He always has.
266
00:09:08,573 --> 00:09:10,699
Don't get too close.
You'll lose a finger.
267
00:09:10,700 --> 00:09:12,284
[Carson] Very funny stuff.
268
00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:14,411
So you get back to Boston much?
269
00:09:14,412 --> 00:09:16,538
Well, I-I try to make it back
for all the major funerals.
270
00:09:16,539 --> 00:09:18,248
Ah, uh-huh.
271
00:09:18,249 --> 00:09:20,125
[Clay] Yeah, you can fly freewhen someone dies
272
00:09:20,126 --> 00:09:22,044
so I try to plan my vacations
around my dying relatives.
273
00:09:22,045 --> 00:09:23,587
[laughter]
274
00:09:23,588 --> 00:09:26,340
Oh, Uncle Sal's not doing
so good, aye?
275
00:09:26,341 --> 00:09:28,425
Oh, well, that's... that's sad.
That's very sad.
276
00:09:28,426 --> 00:09:30,719
Any chance he'll be, uh,
hanging in there
277
00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:32,137
till opening day at Fenway?
278
00:09:32,138 --> 00:09:34,139
- [audience laughter]
- [Johnny Carson laughs]
279
00:09:34,140 --> 00:09:40,021
♪
280
00:09:41,982 --> 00:09:43,315
[TV chatter continues]
281
00:09:43,316 --> 00:09:47,111
♪ acoustic folk music ♪
282
00:09:47,112 --> 00:09:52,242
♪
283
00:09:55,620 --> 00:09:58,414
What do you think happens
when we die?
284
00:09:58,415 --> 00:10:00,541
[imitating accent]
Well, Cass,
285
00:10:00,542 --> 00:10:02,167
I don't really know.
286
00:10:02,168 --> 00:10:04,253
- Shut up.
- [laughs]
287
00:10:04,254 --> 00:10:07,464
Don't make fun of my accent.
I'm working on it.
288
00:10:07,465 --> 00:10:10,300
Oh.
289
00:10:10,301 --> 00:10:13,429
Well, I think it was Buddha
that said it best.
290
00:10:13,430 --> 00:10:14,888
♪
291
00:10:14,889 --> 00:10:16,974
"You shit yourself.
292
00:10:16,975 --> 00:10:20,436
And then it's anybody's guess."
293
00:10:20,437 --> 00:10:23,522
You know, they say when
you come you die a little bit.
294
00:10:23,523 --> 00:10:25,190
Is that why you don't
want to come anymore?
295
00:10:25,191 --> 00:10:28,152
You afraid of dying?
296
00:10:28,153 --> 00:10:30,279
Fear of death is, um,
297
00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:32,656
not my issue.
298
00:10:32,657 --> 00:10:36,493
Fear of irrelevancy.
299
00:10:36,494 --> 00:10:39,830
Now, that scares
the shit out of me.
300
00:10:39,831 --> 00:10:42,541
So what is it then?
301
00:10:42,542 --> 00:10:45,210
Why don't you want to
come with me anymore?
302
00:10:45,211 --> 00:10:45,920
♪
303
00:10:45,921 --> 00:10:47,463
[sighs]
304
00:10:47,464 --> 00:10:50,758
You know who Edmund Hillary is?
305
00:10:50,759 --> 00:10:54,261
Are you fucking the guy
who climbed Everest?
306
00:10:54,262 --> 00:10:56,305
[both snicker]
307
00:10:56,306 --> 00:10:58,724
♪
308
00:10:58,725 --> 00:11:02,686
[Clay] He risked everything
to reach the summit.
309
00:11:02,687 --> 00:11:04,521
And when he finally
stood on top of the world,
310
00:11:04,522 --> 00:11:06,106
you know how long it was for?
311
00:11:06,107 --> 00:11:08,901
Mm-mm.
312
00:11:08,902 --> 00:11:10,903
Fifteen minutes.
313
00:11:10,904 --> 00:11:12,821
[tsks]
314
00:11:12,822 --> 00:11:14,865
All that excitement,
315
00:11:14,866 --> 00:11:17,451
anticipation,
316
00:11:17,452 --> 00:11:21,330
blood, tears,
and excruciating pain...
317
00:11:21,331 --> 00:11:22,623
♪
318
00:11:22,624 --> 00:11:26,043
all of it for
a measly 15 minutes.
319
00:11:26,044 --> 00:11:29,838
♪
320
00:11:29,839 --> 00:11:32,424
And on his way down,
321
00:11:32,425 --> 00:11:34,718
he and Tenzing,
his trusty Sherpa,
322
00:11:34,719 --> 00:11:36,678
celebrated with soup.
323
00:11:36,679 --> 00:11:40,390
♪
324
00:11:40,391 --> 00:11:43,185
It's the climb, Cass.
325
00:11:43,186 --> 00:11:48,274
♪
326
00:11:51,611 --> 00:11:54,488
It's all about the climb.
327
00:11:54,489 --> 00:11:56,990
I sure hope the soup was good.
328
00:11:56,991 --> 00:12:00,370
[laughs]
329
00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:08,074
Are you looking for series in italian?
Find them on filmamo.it !
330
00:12:12,090 --> 00:12:14,216
♪ rollicking blues rock music ♪
331
00:12:14,217 --> 00:12:20,056
♪
332
00:12:21,558 --> 00:12:26,646
♪
333
00:12:40,451 --> 00:12:43,621
[scattered cheers, applause]
334
00:12:45,498 --> 00:12:47,541
All right, let's hear it
for Cora, everybody.
335
00:12:47,542 --> 00:12:49,334
- [clapping]
- Huh, isn't she great?
336
00:12:49,335 --> 00:12:51,295
The lovely, sweet,
talented Cora.
337
00:12:51,296 --> 00:12:52,172
Easy!
338
00:12:52,173 --> 00:12:54,006
[Eddie] Very special lady,
that Cora.
339
00:12:54,007 --> 00:12:55,299
What, do you got
a fuckin' train to catch?
340
00:12:55,300 --> 00:12:56,425
I should be counting
my tips right now.
341
00:12:56,426 --> 00:12:58,218
Speaking of tips, uh,
342
00:12:58,219 --> 00:13:00,554
any chance of sliding mine
into your mouth for a second?
343
00:13:00,555 --> 00:13:02,472
No.
You got two minutes.
344
00:13:02,473 --> 00:13:05,142
By the way, a five-dollar
discount on a hand job,
345
00:13:05,143 --> 00:13:06,852
kind of a shitty
going-away present.
346
00:13:06,853 --> 00:13:07,812
All right, everybody.
Time to go.
347
00:13:07,813 --> 00:13:10,147
- Closing time.
- [groans and boos]
348
00:13:10,148 --> 00:13:11,356
Your soul-crushing
existences await you.
349
00:13:11,357 --> 00:13:13,775
[Heckler] Fuck you, Jew.
350
00:13:13,776 --> 00:13:17,905
Ah, "Jew."
Such a versatile word.
351
00:13:17,906 --> 00:13:19,031
It's both a people
and an insult.
352
00:13:19,032 --> 00:13:22,326
Tell me, pal, is there
a Mrs. Drunken Shithead at home?
353
00:13:22,327 --> 00:13:24,036
How'd you like
a fucking beating, huh?
354
00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:25,829
Aren't you worried if you, uh,
get blood on your knuckles
355
00:13:25,830 --> 00:13:27,581
your wife will think you're
seeing another woman?
356
00:13:27,582 --> 00:13:28,749
Cocksucker.
357
00:13:28,750 --> 00:13:30,209
"Cocksucker."
Another gem.
358
00:13:30,210 --> 00:13:31,668
Let me guess.
Lit major?
359
00:13:31,669 --> 00:13:33,503
Or is this just a game where...
where you and I
360
00:13:33,504 --> 00:13:35,297
blurt out hobbies you think
your mother and I share?
361
00:13:35,298 --> 00:13:36,174
You're dead, asshole.
362
00:13:36,175 --> 00:13:38,217
I don't think so,
you fucking hard-on.
363
00:13:38,218 --> 00:13:39,093
Hey, Lou, you want to
take care of this guy for me?
364
00:13:39,094 --> 00:13:41,053
- Lou?
- [Heckler] No fucking Lou.
365
00:13:41,054 --> 00:13:42,471
- Lou?
- No Lou.
366
00:13:42,472 --> 00:13:43,431
Fuck me.
367
00:13:43,431 --> 00:13:44,390
I think Z's in trouble.
368
00:13:44,391 --> 00:13:46,266
Would you focus, Carol?
369
00:13:46,267 --> 00:13:47,143
'Cause if I'm being honest,
370
00:13:47,144 --> 00:13:49,269
you're doing kind of
a subpar job here.
371
00:13:49,270 --> 00:13:50,687
Okay, it's like I'm jerking off
left-handed.
372
00:13:50,688 --> 00:13:52,147
Trust me, pal, you don't
want to do this.
373
00:13:52,148 --> 00:13:53,523
- Okay, trust me.
- Yeah, why the fuck not, huh?
374
00:13:53,524 --> 00:13:55,192
Full disclosure,
I'm asthmatic.
375
00:13:55,193 --> 00:13:57,194
- I have asthma.
- Shit, shit, shit.
376
00:13:57,195 --> 00:13:58,528
It's like hitting a guy with
fucking glasses, it's cowardly.
377
00:13:58,529 --> 00:13:59,863
Plus, a fucking guy from Southie
378
00:13:59,864 --> 00:14:01,323
beating up a minority,
379
00:14:01,324 --> 00:14:02,449
it's not a lot of points
for originality.
380
00:14:02,450 --> 00:14:03,034
- Yeah?
- [bottle breaks]
381
00:14:03,035 --> 00:14:04,409
[crowd gasps, laughs]
382
00:14:04,410 --> 00:14:07,537
[panting]
383
00:14:07,538 --> 00:14:10,791
You're lucky that Carol's got
palms like a fucking teamster.
384
00:14:10,792 --> 00:14:12,250
Come on, we gotta be at Logan
in two hours.
385
00:14:12,251 --> 00:14:14,044
[person claps]
386
00:14:14,045 --> 00:14:16,505
Thank you.
You've been a great crowd.
387
00:14:16,506 --> 00:14:18,548
So, Cass, should we talk about
the elephant in the room?
388
00:14:18,549 --> 00:14:20,050
- Not you, Ralphie.
- Shut the fuck up.
389
00:14:20,051 --> 00:14:21,551
- That being?
- [Sully] Come on.
390
00:14:21,552 --> 00:14:22,761
It didn't singe your sissy
a little
391
00:14:22,762 --> 00:14:23,804
seeing your ex-boyfriend
get the couch?
392
00:14:23,805 --> 00:14:25,472
Sorry, but I'm not ten.
393
00:14:25,473 --> 00:14:27,224
- Yeah, but you're human.
- Exactly.
394
00:14:27,225 --> 00:14:29,351
Thus I can transcend pettiness
395
00:14:29,352 --> 00:14:30,394
and actually be happy
for someone
396
00:14:30,395 --> 00:14:32,896
without it reflecting back
on me and my career.
397
00:14:32,897 --> 00:14:33,648
Did she just say "thus"?
398
00:14:33,649 --> 00:14:34,690
Did she say "career"?
399
00:14:34,691 --> 00:14:37,567
- Fuck you guys.
- [Ralph laughs]
400
00:14:37,568 --> 00:14:39,027
[Bill] You're full of shit.
I'm jealous.
401
00:14:39,028 --> 00:14:40,570
I'm practically shitting blood
sitting here
402
00:14:40,571 --> 00:14:41,989
thinking about it,
and you should be too.
403
00:14:41,990 --> 00:14:42,573
Every other comic's success,
404
00:14:42,574 --> 00:14:44,866
every set he kills,
405
00:14:44,867 --> 00:14:46,159
every Merv, Johnny,
406
00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:47,619
or Dinah-fucking-Shore
appearance
407
00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:48,413
another comic makes
is one more
408
00:14:48,414 --> 00:14:49,496
that we didn't get.
409
00:14:49,497 --> 00:14:50,622
Every laugh should feel like
410
00:14:50,623 --> 00:14:52,708
a sharp poke
in your fucking eye.
411
00:14:52,709 --> 00:14:55,877
If it doesn't,
get the fuck out.
412
00:14:55,878 --> 00:14:57,463
'Cause you don't care enough.
413
00:15:03,261 --> 00:15:04,261
There it is.
414
00:15:04,262 --> 00:15:06,263
- [Ralph] You know what?
- [Sully] Fantastic.
415
00:15:06,264 --> 00:15:09,016
That's a motherfucking
two-thirty in the morning
416
00:15:09,017 --> 00:15:09,726
pancake speech right there.
417
00:15:09,727 --> 00:15:11,059
Fuck you.
And fuck you.
418
00:15:11,060 --> 00:15:13,437
[Sully] Oh, man, if you
were queer, I would just
419
00:15:13,438 --> 00:15:14,730
suck your dick right now.
So beautiful.
420
00:15:14,731 --> 00:15:16,815
You know what?
I'll do it.
421
00:15:16,816 --> 00:15:18,025
- Uh-uh, uh-uh.
- Let me in there.
422
00:15:18,026 --> 00:15:19,359
- I'm going in.
- Get that dick.
423
00:15:19,360 --> 00:15:20,360
- Oh!
- [laughs]
424
00:15:20,361 --> 00:15:22,446
Can I just enjoy my
plate of latkes one night
425
00:15:22,447 --> 00:15:24,322
without you two
pretending to blow each other?
426
00:15:24,323 --> 00:15:25,615
- Waitress!
- Get the check!
427
00:15:25,616 --> 00:15:27,451
Check!
Hurry the fuck up, check!
428
00:15:27,452 --> 00:15:28,785
[Sully]
Why you gotta make this ugly?
429
00:15:28,786 --> 00:15:31,788
♪ moody folk music ♪
430
00:15:31,789 --> 00:15:35,918
♪
431
00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:55,813
♪
432
00:16:19,337 --> 00:16:25,218
♪
433
00:16:25,927 --> 00:16:28,386
[horn honks, tires screech]
434
00:16:28,387 --> 00:16:29,554
[onlookers react]
435
00:16:29,555 --> 00:16:30,931
[tires screech]
436
00:16:30,932 --> 00:16:31,849
[brakes hiss]
437
00:16:31,850 --> 00:16:35,685
[distant crowd commotion]
438
00:16:35,686 --> 00:16:38,230
[woman]
Call an ambulance.
439
00:16:38,231 --> 00:16:40,357
♪ Kathy Heideman's
"Sleep a Million Years" ♪
440
00:16:40,358 --> 00:16:46,239
♪
441
00:16:47,657 --> 00:16:49,741
♪ Please don't frown at me ♪
442
00:16:49,742 --> 00:16:52,410
♪ When you could smile ♪
443
00:16:52,411 --> 00:16:57,040
♪ Our eternity is
just a while ♪
444
00:16:57,041 --> 00:16:59,376
♪ Don't you know ♪
445
00:16:59,377 --> 00:17:01,545
♪ That later on ♪
446
00:17:01,546 --> 00:17:04,214
♪ We're going to sleep
a million years ♪
447
00:17:04,215 --> 00:17:05,715
[song playing over car radio]
448
00:17:05,716 --> 00:17:10,303
Do you think I'll ever
play The Main Stage?
449
00:17:10,304 --> 00:17:11,388
Hey, I'm talking to you.
450
00:17:11,389 --> 00:17:14,558
What the fuck, Cass?
451
00:17:14,559 --> 00:17:15,559
Come on.
452
00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:17,144
What?
453
00:17:17,145 --> 00:17:18,812
- I'm just asking.
- Well, you see what I'm doing.
454
00:17:18,813 --> 00:17:20,689
No... but-give me a...
give me a minute, okay?
455
00:17:20,690 --> 00:17:23,191
It's my third time through
the fucking alphabet down there.
456
00:17:23,192 --> 00:17:25,402
I'm a delicate flower, sorry.
457
00:17:25,403 --> 00:17:27,279
That's 20 minutes of my life
I'll never get back.
458
00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:31,741
Yeah, but do you really want
20 minutes of your life back?
459
00:17:31,742 --> 00:17:34,286
Touché.
460
00:17:34,287 --> 00:17:37,038
I need your opinion.
461
00:17:37,039 --> 00:17:38,582
[sighs]
462
00:17:38,583 --> 00:17:39,833
If the question is,
who do you have to blow
463
00:17:39,834 --> 00:17:40,876
to get in the main room,
464
00:17:40,877 --> 00:17:43,253
you're in the wrong fucking car.
465
00:17:43,254 --> 00:17:44,921
I know, it's Goldie.
466
00:17:44,922 --> 00:17:46,590
She keeps telling me
I have to do more
467
00:17:46,591 --> 00:17:47,966
"women appropriate" shit.
What is that?
468
00:17:47,967 --> 00:17:49,676
What, like jokes about
Tupperware
469
00:17:49,677 --> 00:17:51,761
and ring around the collar?
470
00:17:51,762 --> 00:17:53,680
What did you think?
471
00:17:53,681 --> 00:17:55,474
Goldie's just gonna build you
a ramp to The Main Stage?
472
00:17:55,475 --> 00:17:57,184
It's a meritocracy; it's not
a fucking charity event.
473
00:17:57,185 --> 00:17:58,768
Yeah, it's easy for you to say.
You're a guy.
474
00:17:58,769 --> 00:18:00,103
You can say whatever you want.
475
00:18:00,104 --> 00:18:02,189
Goldie doesn't owe you shit,
okay?
476
00:18:02,190 --> 00:18:04,107
You're not in the main room
because you're not ready, and
477
00:18:04,108 --> 00:18:06,026
don't give me that whole "easy
cause you're a guy" cop out.
478
00:18:06,027 --> 00:18:08,570
You're slightly better
than that.
479
00:18:08,571 --> 00:18:10,363
[tapping]
480
00:18:10,364 --> 00:18:11,740
Jesus Christ, you gave me
a heart attack, Ralph.
481
00:18:11,741 --> 00:18:14,493
[Bill] What's up?
482
00:18:14,494 --> 00:18:16,286
Get out of the car.
483
00:18:16,287 --> 00:18:17,662
[Bill] What?
484
00:18:17,663 --> 00:18:20,665
♪ somber music ♪
485
00:18:20,666 --> 00:18:25,796
♪
486
00:18:32,345 --> 00:18:35,972
A fucking bus.
487
00:18:35,973 --> 00:18:38,391
[Goldie] They act like it's
a goddamn freeway out there.
488
00:18:38,392 --> 00:18:40,895
[cracks up]
489
00:18:42,813 --> 00:18:43,314
Sorry.
490
00:18:46,234 --> 00:18:46,817
We should probably do something,
491
00:18:46,818 --> 00:18:49,236
some kind of memorial.
492
00:18:49,237 --> 00:18:50,654
[snickering]
493
00:18:50,655 --> 00:18:52,280
I'm sorry.
494
00:18:52,281 --> 00:18:55,283
I dropped two hits of blotter
around three in the morning.
495
00:18:55,284 --> 00:18:56,284
I'm still a little...
496
00:18:56,285 --> 00:18:58,328
still just a tiny bit fucked up.
497
00:18:58,329 --> 00:18:59,579
[Edgar]
This is terrible, though.
498
00:18:59,580 --> 00:19:04,709
Let's go on with our memorial
arrangements for Clay, please.
499
00:19:04,710 --> 00:19:07,170
[Edgar laughs]
500
00:19:07,171 --> 00:19:09,506
It's noticeable, isn't it?
501
00:19:09,507 --> 00:19:12,259
I'm picking up Clay's parents at
the airport in a couple hours.
502
00:19:12,260 --> 00:19:13,552
I can ask them if they're open
503
00:19:13,553 --> 00:19:14,719
to having a ceremony
or something.
504
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:16,930
[Edgar laughs]
505
00:19:16,931 --> 00:19:17,765
Oh, fuck.
506
00:19:17,766 --> 00:19:19,099
Jesus!
507
00:19:19,100 --> 00:19:21,184
Wait out-fucking-side,
will you, Ed?
508
00:19:21,185 --> 00:19:22,811
I didn't know Clay was gonna die
when I took the shit, obviously.
509
00:19:22,812 --> 00:19:24,229
[Sully] Come on.
Come on.
510
00:19:24,230 --> 00:19:26,064
Should be babysitting
my nephews now.
511
00:19:26,065 --> 00:19:28,775
- Come on.
- We watch H. R. Pufnstuf
512
00:19:28,776 --> 00:19:30,527
on Saturdays... you know what
I'm talking about, Sully.
513
00:19:30,528 --> 00:19:31,279
Yeah, man,
acid and babysitting.
514
00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:32,904
It's pretty self-explanatory.
515
00:19:32,905 --> 00:19:34,447
[Edgar]
[laughs] Fuck yeah.
516
00:19:34,448 --> 00:19:36,992
We can all, maybe
say a few words, huh?
517
00:19:36,993 --> 00:19:37,827
[sighs]
I'll call Jerry's.
518
00:19:37,828 --> 00:19:39,495
Get us a platter.
519
00:19:40,955 --> 00:19:42,914
Think I should try to
book a church?
520
00:19:42,915 --> 00:19:46,501
Fuck no.
We're in one.
521
00:19:46,502 --> 00:19:48,545
♪ upbeat jazzy music ♪
522
00:19:48,546 --> 00:19:52,257
♪
523
00:19:52,258 --> 00:19:54,384
[Carl]
You know who swam in this pool?
524
00:19:54,385 --> 00:19:56,720
[Adam]
Like, bacteria and shit?
525
00:19:56,721 --> 00:19:58,555
[Carl]
One Mister Burl Ives.
526
00:19:58,556 --> 00:20:01,725
♪
527
00:20:01,726 --> 00:20:03,935
[Adam] So you still didn't
answer my question, Carl.
528
00:20:03,936 --> 00:20:04,978
What did Goldie say?
529
00:20:04,979 --> 00:20:07,314
[Carl]
She said yes.
530
00:20:07,315 --> 00:20:09,566
[Adam, mouth full]
Well, good, shit, finally!
531
00:20:09,567 --> 00:20:11,693
In the near future.
532
00:20:11,694 --> 00:20:13,570
Oh.
533
00:20:13,571 --> 00:20:14,821
Well, how fucking near?
534
00:20:14,822 --> 00:20:16,781
Soon.
535
00:20:16,782 --> 00:20:18,908
I don't know.
536
00:20:18,909 --> 00:20:21,202
Another six months?
537
00:20:21,203 --> 00:20:23,163
She says you're not ready.
538
00:20:23,164 --> 00:20:25,999
Look, I've been doing open mic
for over a fucking year now.
539
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:27,751
Okay, I want fucking Carson,
Carl.
540
00:20:27,752 --> 00:20:28,918
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
you and every other
541
00:20:28,919 --> 00:20:30,670
pencil dick with five minutes.
542
00:20:30,671 --> 00:20:31,921
Listen, it's a marathon, kid,
543
00:20:31,922 --> 00:20:33,089
I keep telling you.
544
00:20:33,090 --> 00:20:34,591
You keep telling me
a lot of shit.
545
00:20:34,592 --> 00:20:36,593
Okay, you're my manager.
Fucking manage me.
546
00:20:36,594 --> 00:20:37,261
And if you can't
get me the big room,
547
00:20:37,262 --> 00:20:39,596
at least get me a paid gig.
548
00:20:39,597 --> 00:20:41,473
What pay?
Goldie doesn't pay anybody.
549
00:20:41,474 --> 00:20:42,849
It's a showcase.
550
00:20:42,850 --> 00:20:44,768
What about that gig
at the church?
551
00:20:44,769 --> 00:20:46,311
Babysitting immigrant kids
552
00:20:46,312 --> 00:20:47,896
is not a gig, Carl.
553
00:20:47,897 --> 00:20:49,397
Okay, I need real money.
554
00:20:49,398 --> 00:20:50,107
All right, I want to get
my own pad,
555
00:20:50,108 --> 00:20:52,776
a place where I can
take girls
556
00:20:52,777 --> 00:20:54,611
without you wandering through
in your boxers,
557
00:20:54,612 --> 00:20:56,279
eating baked beans
out of a pan.
558
00:20:56,280 --> 00:20:57,656
It'll come.
559
00:20:57,657 --> 00:20:58,782
It will come.
560
00:20:58,783 --> 00:21:00,325
In the meantime,
561
00:21:00,326 --> 00:21:01,285
just keep entertaining
the little beige tots
562
00:21:01,286 --> 00:21:03,828
while you hone your craft
at Goldie's
563
00:21:03,829 --> 00:21:04,996
until it's time.
564
00:21:04,997 --> 00:21:06,039
And... and when exactly
is... is that?
565
00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:08,458
Goldie will let you know,
566
00:21:08,459 --> 00:21:10,043
in the same way she let Prinze
567
00:21:10,044 --> 00:21:12,003
and Walker and Appuzzo know.
568
00:21:12,004 --> 00:21:15,757
♪
569
00:21:15,758 --> 00:21:18,802
♪ somber music ♪
570
00:21:18,803 --> 00:21:24,350
♪
571
00:21:25,476 --> 00:21:27,977
God willing,
572
00:21:27,978 --> 00:21:30,980
some day this will all be ashes.
573
00:21:30,981 --> 00:21:33,984
Their poor mothers.
574
00:21:40,032 --> 00:21:42,201
You know they hate you, right?
575
00:21:43,619 --> 00:21:48,457
♪
576
00:21:55,673 --> 00:21:58,591
[chuckles]
577
00:21:58,592 --> 00:22:02,804
Hey, uh, is there any chance
of us passing by Grauman's?
578
00:22:02,805 --> 00:22:03,514
Tourists?
579
00:22:03,515 --> 00:22:05,598
Uh, comics.
From Boston.
580
00:22:05,599 --> 00:22:08,226
[chuckles]
581
00:22:08,227 --> 00:22:09,019
What?
582
00:22:09,020 --> 00:22:10,854
Nothing.
583
00:22:10,855 --> 00:22:12,856
Come on,
let us in on the joke.
584
00:22:12,857 --> 00:22:13,982
At the risk of
blowing my dime tip,
585
00:22:13,983 --> 00:22:16,568
I'll tell you.
586
00:22:16,569 --> 00:22:19,821
Ever since Carson moved his
outfit from New York to here,
587
00:22:19,822 --> 00:22:21,364
every asshole who think
he can tell a joke
588
00:22:21,365 --> 00:22:23,950
has been circling Burbank
like a fucking vulture.
589
00:22:23,951 --> 00:22:26,870
Nice to meet you too.
590
00:22:26,871 --> 00:22:28,371
- You asked.
- I did.
591
00:22:28,372 --> 00:22:31,708
[church bells tolling]
592
00:22:31,709 --> 00:22:32,501
All right, oh.
593
00:22:32,502 --> 00:22:34,961
[children playing and laughing]
594
00:22:34,962 --> 00:22:38,381
You religious, Adam?
595
00:22:38,382 --> 00:22:40,216
No,
I figured I'd find Jesus
596
00:22:40,217 --> 00:22:42,552
after I'm pulled over
by some white cops in Bel Air.
597
00:22:42,553 --> 00:22:44,137
[chuckles]
598
00:22:44,138 --> 00:22:45,805
A conversion based on fear
isn't a conversion.
599
00:22:45,806 --> 00:22:48,641
It's insurance.
600
00:22:48,642 --> 00:22:50,393
That's nice, Father.
601
00:22:50,394 --> 00:22:52,437
If the Catholic Church
starts making fortune cookies,
602
00:22:52,438 --> 00:22:54,981
- I think you the man.
- [chuckles]
603
00:22:54,982 --> 00:22:57,525
So you talk to
the powers that be
604
00:22:57,526 --> 00:22:59,152
about my raise?
605
00:22:59,153 --> 00:23:00,029
Sorry.
606
00:23:00,030 --> 00:23:01,529
It pays what it pays.
607
00:23:01,530 --> 00:23:03,448
Ah, are you sure
there's nothing that I can do
608
00:23:03,449 --> 00:23:05,450
to make 'em throw
a little extra bread my way?
609
00:23:05,451 --> 00:23:08,454
Carl's cool, but I'm starting
to get desperate.
610
00:23:09,663 --> 00:23:10,915
[sighs]
611
00:23:13,542 --> 00:23:17,170
There are other ways
of supplementing income.
612
00:23:17,171 --> 00:23:20,381
Here at the church, I mean.
613
00:23:20,382 --> 00:23:22,842
What's the figure?
614
00:23:22,843 --> 00:23:24,636
Two hundred.
615
00:23:24,637 --> 00:23:26,054
Dollars?
616
00:23:26,055 --> 00:23:28,139
It pays a lot, Adam,
617
00:23:28,140 --> 00:23:30,559
because it costs a lot.
618
00:23:32,102 --> 00:23:35,146
♪ somber piano music ♪
619
00:23:35,147 --> 00:23:39,526
♪
620
00:23:39,527 --> 00:23:42,028
[sniffs]
621
00:23:42,029 --> 00:23:43,863
[sobs]
622
00:23:43,864 --> 00:23:46,866
[crying]
623
00:23:46,867 --> 00:23:49,244
[knocking]
624
00:23:49,245 --> 00:23:53,999
♪
625
00:23:54,917 --> 00:23:56,459
Hello.
626
00:23:56,460 --> 00:23:58,002
Uh...
627
00:23:58,003 --> 00:23:59,295
Is, uh, Clay here?
628
00:23:59,296 --> 00:24:00,005
Who are you?
629
00:24:00,006 --> 00:24:02,131
[both chuckle]
630
00:24:02,132 --> 00:24:03,800
We're, uh,
631
00:24:03,801 --> 00:24:04,552
we're friends of his
from Boston.
632
00:24:04,553 --> 00:24:07,345
We, uh,
he said we had a...
633
00:24:07,346 --> 00:24:10,473
we got a place to crash
if we came to town, so...
634
00:24:10,474 --> 00:24:11,850
here we are.
[chuckles]
635
00:24:11,851 --> 00:24:12,309
Ta-da.
636
00:24:12,309 --> 00:24:13,018
[both chuckling]
637
00:24:13,019 --> 00:24:15,311
Hi, I'm, uh, Eddie.
638
00:24:15,312 --> 00:24:17,313
Eddie Zeidel.
Nice to meet you.
639
00:24:17,314 --> 00:24:19,399
This is my friend, Ron Shack.
640
00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:21,067
Hey.
Very nice to meet you.
641
00:24:21,068 --> 00:24:23,570
I'm sorry, Clay's dead.
642
00:24:23,571 --> 00:24:26,322
[chuckles]
643
00:24:26,323 --> 00:24:27,699
Excuse me?
644
00:24:27,700 --> 00:24:30,952
Um, last night there was
an accident on Sunset.
645
00:24:30,953 --> 00:24:33,705
Wait.
646
00:24:33,706 --> 00:24:35,331
W...
647
00:24:35,332 --> 00:24:36,499
He...
648
00:24:36,500 --> 00:24:38,376
He was on Carson,
I mean, we...
649
00:24:38,377 --> 00:24:39,336
we talked.
650
00:24:39,336 --> 00:24:39,837
Yeah, he got the fucking couch.
651
00:24:39,838 --> 00:24:41,963
I'm sorry.
652
00:24:41,964 --> 00:24:44,215
Wait... wait, hold on, hold on.
Um...
653
00:24:44,216 --> 00:24:46,134
Look, we just kind of
654
00:24:46,135 --> 00:24:47,385
come a really long way.
655
00:24:47,386 --> 00:24:49,095
Uh, so is... is this like
a brush-off
656
00:24:49,096 --> 00:24:50,263
or... or a joke or...
657
00:24:50,264 --> 00:24:52,932
Yeah, fucking hilarious,
isn't it?
658
00:24:52,933 --> 00:24:54,602
I think it's best you boys
made other arrangements.
659
00:24:57,521 --> 00:24:58,521
[bar music playing]
660
00:24:58,522 --> 00:25:01,316
- [crying]
- Come on, Kay.
661
00:25:01,317 --> 00:25:02,859
♪
662
00:25:02,860 --> 00:25:05,320
Of course Clay loved you.
663
00:25:05,321 --> 00:25:07,447
It was two months.
[sighs]
664
00:25:07,448 --> 00:25:11,117
Hardly a romance for the ages.
665
00:25:11,118 --> 00:25:12,201
Who wouldn't be crazy about you?
666
00:25:12,202 --> 00:25:13,703
You're pretty,
you're kind,
667
00:25:13,704 --> 00:25:15,038
and you never mess up
my drink order.
668
00:25:15,039 --> 00:25:16,289
[laughs]
669
00:25:16,290 --> 00:25:18,207
- Vodka and tonic.
- Yep.
670
00:25:18,208 --> 00:25:19,959
Those acting classes
are paying off.
671
00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:21,210
Mm.
672
00:25:21,211 --> 00:25:24,255
♪
673
00:25:24,256 --> 00:25:27,383
- What is that like?
- Well...
674
00:25:27,384 --> 00:25:29,844
it, uh, doesn't burn
if that's what you're asking.
675
00:25:29,845 --> 00:25:30,970
I'm serious.
676
00:25:30,971 --> 00:25:33,264
It's like here.
677
00:25:33,265 --> 00:25:35,934
Some nights you kill.
678
00:25:35,935 --> 00:25:38,728
Some nights you bomb.
679
00:25:38,729 --> 00:25:41,814
For some fucked-up reason
you...
680
00:25:41,815 --> 00:25:44,901
keep coming back.
681
00:25:44,902 --> 00:25:47,070
♪
682
00:25:47,071 --> 00:25:48,947
We're gonna fuck, aren't we?
683
00:25:48,948 --> 00:25:52,200
Are we?
684
00:25:52,201 --> 00:25:54,077
Change of clothes.
Half a pack of cigarettes.
685
00:25:54,078 --> 00:25:56,788
A postcard.
686
00:25:56,789 --> 00:26:00,249
[Richard Thompson's
"The Calvary Cross"]
687
00:26:00,250 --> 00:26:04,087
♪ Oh, it's a black cat
cross your path ♪
688
00:26:04,088 --> 00:26:09,133
♪
689
00:26:09,134 --> 00:26:13,054
♪ And why don't you follow ♪
690
00:26:13,055 --> 00:26:15,139
What kind of god
does something like that?
691
00:26:15,140 --> 00:26:16,265
You work your ass off;
692
00:26:16,266 --> 00:26:17,392
you kill on The Tonight Show;
693
00:26:17,393 --> 00:26:18,726
you get the fucking couch;
694
00:26:18,727 --> 00:26:20,853
that very night,
you're hit by a bus?
695
00:26:20,854 --> 00:26:21,814
You're buddy got hit
crossing against a green.
696
00:26:21,815 --> 00:26:25,441
That's not God,
that's Darwin or Budweiser.
697
00:26:25,442 --> 00:26:27,443
Well, you're a real cunt
sometimes.
698
00:26:27,444 --> 00:26:31,698
Hey, I find the word
"sometimes" offensive.
699
00:26:31,699 --> 00:26:33,116
Excuse me?
700
00:26:33,117 --> 00:26:34,951
Who do we talk to
about stage time?
701
00:26:34,952 --> 00:26:36,953
Uh, amateur night's
Tuesday night, guys.
702
00:26:36,954 --> 00:26:37,621
Sign-up sheet's
by the register.
703
00:26:37,622 --> 00:26:39,497
No, no, no, no, no, uh...
704
00:26:39,498 --> 00:26:41,374
We... we don't do open mic.
We're pros.
705
00:26:41,375 --> 00:26:43,418
Oh, wow!
Oh, wow.
706
00:26:43,419 --> 00:26:44,336
Oh, I got, uh, Richard Pryor's
707
00:26:44,337 --> 00:26:46,546
going on Thursday night.
708
00:26:46,547 --> 00:26:47,464
I can, uh, bump him
if it means
709
00:26:47,465 --> 00:26:50,800
that I can get some pros
on stage.
710
00:26:50,801 --> 00:26:52,969
Look, he didn't mean anything,
okay?
711
00:26:52,970 --> 00:26:54,971
We're working comics
from Boston
712
00:26:54,972 --> 00:26:56,472
and we came out
to stay with a friend
713
00:26:56,473 --> 00:26:58,766
and he was gonna
set us up out here,
714
00:26:58,767 --> 00:27:00,184
but unfortunately, he...
715
00:27:00,185 --> 00:27:02,061
he died last night, so...
716
00:27:02,062 --> 00:27:05,064
Clay.
717
00:27:05,065 --> 00:27:06,441
Clay Appuzzo, yeah.
718
00:27:06,442 --> 00:27:08,317
Anyway, we got nowhere to crash,
719
00:27:08,318 --> 00:27:09,944
and we spent everything
just to get out here.
720
00:27:09,945 --> 00:27:13,781
So if you could help us out
and give us some stage time?
721
00:27:13,782 --> 00:27:15,616
What, are you guys
like a Rowan and Martin?
722
00:27:15,617 --> 00:27:17,410
No, separate acts.
723
00:27:17,411 --> 00:27:18,870
Well,
724
00:27:18,871 --> 00:27:21,330
amateur night's the best
I can do for you guys.
725
00:27:21,331 --> 00:27:23,416
Can't play the main room
without Goldie's blessing
726
00:27:23,417 --> 00:27:26,544
and even open mics
are like a three-week wait.
727
00:27:26,545 --> 00:27:28,963
Fuck, fucking suck a duck.
728
00:27:28,964 --> 00:27:29,590
Fuck duck!
729
00:27:29,591 --> 00:27:33,259
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
730
00:27:33,260 --> 00:27:34,303
Fuck!
731
00:27:37,139 --> 00:27:38,515
He retarded?
732
00:27:40,184 --> 00:27:42,560
Listen, man, um,
733
00:27:42,561 --> 00:27:44,520
if...
734
00:27:44,521 --> 00:27:46,814
if there's anything
you could do to help us out?
735
00:27:46,815 --> 00:27:49,150
Well, if you guys
need a place to stay
736
00:27:49,151 --> 00:27:50,526
until you make it big,
737
00:27:50,527 --> 00:27:53,447
I can set you up
with something.
738
00:27:54,948 --> 00:27:56,491
Hey, Dory, you think
you could get that ketchup
739
00:27:56,492 --> 00:27:58,451
that I asked for
a long time ago, you know,
740
00:27:58,452 --> 00:28:01,078
before your Social Security
kicks in?
741
00:28:01,079 --> 00:28:04,123
The nicest.
The nicest.
742
00:28:04,124 --> 00:28:07,002
[indistinct chatter]
743
00:28:11,548 --> 00:28:14,050
"Fa Napoli."
744
00:28:14,051 --> 00:28:15,259
Next time just mail it.
745
00:28:15,260 --> 00:28:16,677
It's a postcard,
not a telegram.
746
00:28:16,678 --> 00:28:18,680
I think it's a suicide note
from Clay.
747
00:28:23,060 --> 00:28:23,977
How is this a suicide note?
748
00:28:23,978 --> 00:28:27,438
It's part of a Goethe quote.
"Fa Napoli."
749
00:28:27,439 --> 00:28:29,315
"See Naples and die."
750
00:28:29,316 --> 00:28:30,566
Clay used to say it
all the time.
751
00:28:30,567 --> 00:28:31,818
It meant once you see Naples,
752
00:28:31,819 --> 00:28:33,569
there was nothing left to do
but die
753
00:28:33,570 --> 00:28:38,074
because nothing would ever
compare to that moment.
754
00:28:38,075 --> 00:28:39,283
It's a postcard, Cass.
755
00:28:39,284 --> 00:28:42,578
That he left on the bedside
table at the Sunset Tower Hotel.
756
00:28:42,579 --> 00:28:44,038
Why was he even staying
at a hotel
757
00:28:44,039 --> 00:28:45,289
when he lives two blocks away?
758
00:28:45,290 --> 00:28:46,707
I don't know.
759
00:28:46,708 --> 00:28:47,626
Look, you want to play
Mod Squad, fine,
760
00:28:47,627 --> 00:28:50,086
but pull this shit
with someone else.
761
00:28:50,087 --> 00:28:51,587
Pull what shit?
762
00:28:51,588 --> 00:28:53,923
The shit where you build
a fucking shrine to a guy
763
00:28:53,924 --> 00:28:55,925
who wiped his feet on your ass
for two years.
764
00:28:55,926 --> 00:28:56,385
I came here as a friend.
765
00:28:56,386 --> 00:28:57,510
I understand.
766
00:28:57,511 --> 00:28:59,804
Clay died.
It's a fucking tragedy.
767
00:28:59,805 --> 00:29:01,097
I get it.
768
00:29:01,098 --> 00:29:01,765
It's this fond revisionist
bullshit
769
00:29:01,766 --> 00:29:03,724
that makes me want to puke.
770
00:29:03,725 --> 00:29:05,893
It'd make Clay puke too.
And you know what?
771
00:29:05,894 --> 00:29:07,061
You just want to sit there and
sweep all his dick-ish qualities
772
00:29:07,062 --> 00:29:09,564
under the rug and... and magically
turn the silent asshole
773
00:29:09,565 --> 00:29:11,649
at the end of his name into a
774
00:29:11,650 --> 00:29:13,067
"There'll never be
another like him,"
775
00:29:13,068 --> 00:29:14,443
then go for it,
but you're gonna have to
776
00:29:14,444 --> 00:29:16,153
rewrite history
with some other shithead.
777
00:29:16,154 --> 00:29:16,697
Go fuck yourself, Bill.
778
00:29:16,698 --> 00:29:19,115
He dumped you, Cass.
779
00:29:19,116 --> 00:29:21,784
I'm right here.
I'm right fucking here!
780
00:29:21,785 --> 00:29:22,869
He makes a good point.
781
00:29:22,870 --> 00:29:25,329
♪ The Isley Brothers'
"It's Your Thing" ♪
782
00:29:25,330 --> 00:29:26,414
♪ It's your thing ♪
783
00:29:26,415 --> 00:29:28,040
[snorting]
784
00:29:28,041 --> 00:29:29,458
♪ Do what you want to do... ♪
785
00:29:29,459 --> 00:29:31,460
That is fucking bullshit, Mitch.
786
00:29:31,461 --> 00:29:32,421
♪ I can't tell you ♪
787
00:29:32,422 --> 00:29:33,838
Johnny liked your boy.
788
00:29:33,839 --> 00:29:35,381
- Gave him the fucking couch.
- Yeah.
789
00:29:35,382 --> 00:29:37,216
Now this thing with the bus?
790
00:29:37,217 --> 00:29:39,552
Drugs, possibly?
791
00:29:39,553 --> 00:29:41,721
So rumors are
the rule of the day now?
792
00:29:41,722 --> 00:29:44,265
He went out to celebrate,
got a little drunk,
793
00:29:44,266 --> 00:29:45,725
fell in front of a bus.
794
00:29:45,726 --> 00:29:47,768
It... Carson gave him the couch.
795
00:29:47,769 --> 00:29:49,353
Who wouldn't tie one on?
796
00:29:49,354 --> 00:29:50,147
People there say
he saw the bus,
797
00:29:50,148 --> 00:29:51,689
walked right out
in front of it.
798
00:29:51,690 --> 00:29:53,274
Police are still investigating.
799
00:29:53,275 --> 00:29:55,151
Wha... so Johnny's fucking
punishing me now?
800
00:29:55,152 --> 00:29:56,069
It's the fucking sponsors.
801
00:29:56,070 --> 00:29:57,862
If anyone's being punished,
it's us.
802
00:29:57,863 --> 00:29:59,697
Okay, look,
Johnny feels bad.
803
00:29:59,698 --> 00:30:01,324
But I just think
we need to book some
804
00:30:01,325 --> 00:30:02,700
more established comics
for a little while,
805
00:30:02,701 --> 00:30:03,160
see how it all shakes out.
806
00:30:03,161 --> 00:30:05,369
"Established"?
807
00:30:05,370 --> 00:30:06,954
What are you gonna
dry-clean Red Skeleton,
808
00:30:06,955 --> 00:30:08,998
send him out there?
Good fucking luck!
809
00:30:08,999 --> 00:30:10,541
How long we talking?
810
00:30:10,542 --> 00:30:11,709
We're thinking
four, five months.
811
00:30:11,710 --> 00:30:12,960
Then I'll bring the kids
right back in.
812
00:30:12,961 --> 00:30:15,171
You want retreads?
Be my guest.
813
00:30:15,172 --> 00:30:16,006
Merv, Midnight Special,
814
00:30:16,007 --> 00:30:18,341
they can have first shot
at my kids.
815
00:30:18,342 --> 00:30:21,302
I got agents and producers
packing this place
816
00:30:21,303 --> 00:30:23,846
every night,
because if you're waiting
817
00:30:23,847 --> 00:30:25,389
for them to act stable,
818
00:30:25,390 --> 00:30:28,059
you got a long fuckin' wait.
819
00:30:28,060 --> 00:30:30,686
I mean, they got mommy issues;
they got daddy issues;
820
00:30:30,687 --> 00:30:33,940
they're about as stable
as a Middle East cease-fire.
821
00:30:33,941 --> 00:30:36,776
That volatility,
that pain,
822
00:30:36,777 --> 00:30:40,196
that willingness to walk out
in front of a bus
823
00:30:40,197 --> 00:30:42,531
an hour after killing it
on Johnny Carson...
824
00:30:42,532 --> 00:30:45,242
- if that's what he did...
- That's exactly what he...
825
00:30:45,243 --> 00:30:47,995
Well, that's the price
of fucking brilliance, isn't it?
826
00:30:47,996 --> 00:30:51,207
That's what makes
millions of your viewers
827
00:30:51,208 --> 00:30:52,500
stay up till
the ass crack of dawn,
828
00:30:52,501 --> 00:30:55,336
waiting to see them.
829
00:30:55,337 --> 00:30:59,131
These are tortured
fucking souls, Mitch.
830
00:30:59,132 --> 00:31:00,216
I j...
831
00:31:00,217 --> 00:31:02,551
And here I thought we were
talking about comics.
832
00:31:02,552 --> 00:31:03,552
[sighs]
833
00:31:03,553 --> 00:31:04,720
You want genius?
834
00:31:04,721 --> 00:31:05,597
You come here.
835
00:31:05,598 --> 00:31:07,473
You want Catskill
836
00:31:07,474 --> 00:31:10,226
or some green kid
shitting walnuts
837
00:31:10,227 --> 00:31:11,560
on national television,
zay gezunt.
838
00:31:11,561 --> 00:31:13,813
Goldie, the kingmaker.
839
00:31:13,814 --> 00:31:15,147
[Goldie] Damn straight.
840
00:31:15,148 --> 00:31:16,108
And you know what
they get from me,
841
00:31:16,109 --> 00:31:20,236
these kids, they don't
get anywhere else?
842
00:31:20,237 --> 00:31:21,737
These babies, huh?
843
00:31:21,738 --> 00:31:22,780
Oh...
844
00:31:22,781 --> 00:31:25,074
I nurse these fuckin' kids.
845
00:31:25,075 --> 00:31:26,951
They latch on
and don't let go
846
00:31:26,952 --> 00:31:29,120
till I tell them when.
847
00:31:29,121 --> 00:31:32,039
So, when they go on your show,
848
00:31:32,040 --> 00:31:34,125
they knock it
out of the fucking park!
849
00:31:34,126 --> 00:31:34,751
Huh?
850
00:31:34,752 --> 00:31:36,919
It's called trust, Mitch.
851
00:31:36,920 --> 00:31:40,548
They trust that
when I know they're ready,
852
00:31:40,549 --> 00:31:43,217
that's when they're ready.
853
00:31:43,218 --> 00:31:45,261
And that's when
I call you fuck-tards.
854
00:31:45,262 --> 00:31:47,096
Okay, look, we both know
those other shows
855
00:31:47,097 --> 00:31:48,639
don't mean shit to these kids.
856
00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:49,890
- It's Johnny or nothing.
- [scoffs]
857
00:31:49,891 --> 00:31:51,434
So why don't we just
let the sponsors
858
00:31:51,435 --> 00:31:53,602
have a little time
to let their pants dry
859
00:31:53,603 --> 00:31:55,604
and then I'll see what I can do.
860
00:31:55,605 --> 00:31:56,981
Yeah, we can all hold hands
861
00:31:56,982 --> 00:31:58,774
and buy the world
a fucking Coke, too.
862
00:31:58,775 --> 00:32:00,026
[soft chuckle]
863
00:32:00,027 --> 00:32:00,736
Not for nothing,
nice tits.
864
00:32:00,737 --> 00:32:04,155
Fuckin' took you long enough.
865
00:32:04,156 --> 00:32:05,656
So...
866
00:32:05,657 --> 00:32:08,534
What do you think
of the place?
867
00:32:08,535 --> 00:32:10,828
I think we're standing in the
middle of a fucking closet.
868
00:32:10,829 --> 00:32:12,580
I mean, you can't put a bed
in here, much less two.
869
00:32:12,581 --> 00:32:14,290
Yeah, but you can fit
two sleeping bags right here,
870
00:32:14,291 --> 00:32:16,500
plus you got access
to a full kitchen, shower,
871
00:32:16,501 --> 00:32:18,837
toilet, all semi-functional.
872
00:32:20,088 --> 00:32:21,798
[sighs]
We'll take it.
873
00:32:24,301 --> 00:32:26,802
Are you fuckin' serious?
874
00:32:26,803 --> 00:32:27,929
We need a place to crash.
875
00:32:29,931 --> 00:32:31,515
- [sighs]
- All right.
876
00:32:31,516 --> 00:32:34,060
Need the rent up front.
Sixty bucks cash.
877
00:32:34,061 --> 00:32:35,853
I'm not gonna, uh,
I'm not gonna...
878
00:32:35,854 --> 00:32:37,605
What do you got?
Just say it.
879
00:32:37,606 --> 00:32:39,649
- I got... I got 11... 11 bucks.
- Just say what you have.
880
00:32:40,567 --> 00:32:41,859
Just give me the ten.
881
00:32:41,860 --> 00:32:44,487
- You sure?
- Yeah.
882
00:32:44,488 --> 00:32:46,030
All right.
Rules.
883
00:32:46,031 --> 00:32:47,823
You live with
three other people now, okay?
884
00:32:47,824 --> 00:32:49,075
So you got to put your name
on your food.
885
00:32:49,076 --> 00:32:50,076
If you don't have
your name on your food,
886
00:32:50,077 --> 00:32:51,202
then it's up for grabs.
887
00:32:51,203 --> 00:32:52,912
- Okay.
- Labels.
888
00:32:52,913 --> 00:32:54,497
Also, don't touch my snake,
and don't think
889
00:32:54,498 --> 00:32:56,415
you're doing me any favors
by feeding him, okay?
890
00:32:56,416 --> 00:32:57,583
Where... where's the snake?
The snake's in here?
891
00:32:57,584 --> 00:33:00,044
And listen, this is the
closet to my room, out here, so
892
00:33:00,045 --> 00:33:01,921
- if I'm in there with Maggie...
- Who's Maggie?
893
00:33:01,922 --> 00:33:04,006
She's my girl.
By the way, hands off, okay?
894
00:33:04,007 --> 00:33:07,134
If I'm out here with Maggie,
screwing,
895
00:33:07,135 --> 00:33:08,803
you gotta wait
till we're done.
896
00:33:08,804 --> 00:33:11,263
[scoffs] And what exactly does
that cocktail of degradation
897
00:33:11,264 --> 00:33:12,765
and self-loathing sound like
when it's finished?
898
00:33:12,766 --> 00:33:16,477
Sobbing? A single gunshot?
[laughs]
899
00:33:16,478 --> 00:33:18,104
Probably just a groggy
"where am I?"
900
00:33:18,105 --> 00:33:18,602
after the ether wears off.
901
00:33:18,603 --> 00:33:19,730
[laughs]
902
00:33:19,731 --> 00:33:21,899
[scoffs]
God, do you guys just
903
00:33:21,900 --> 00:33:23,567
come up with this
out of the thin air?
904
00:33:23,568 --> 00:33:24,610
It's amazing.
905
00:33:24,611 --> 00:33:27,822
Enjoy your closet.
906
00:33:27,823 --> 00:33:29,658
- [both] Oh.
- Fuck me.
907
00:33:31,701 --> 00:33:34,078
Is that a fucking cat box?
908
00:33:34,079 --> 00:33:35,038
Yeah.
909
00:33:41,711 --> 00:33:43,003
- [oxygen tank hisses]
- [knocking]
910
00:33:43,004 --> 00:33:46,048
♪ solemn music ♪
911
00:33:46,049 --> 00:33:50,137
♪
912
00:34:04,276 --> 00:34:06,068
Well, uh...
913
00:34:06,069 --> 00:34:08,529
guess I should just...
914
00:34:08,530 --> 00:34:10,406
uh, all right.
915
00:34:10,407 --> 00:34:12,409
Everybody stand back.
916
00:34:13,410 --> 00:34:18,540
♪
917
00:34:20,125 --> 00:34:23,586
Okay, well, you gotta
take that down.
918
00:34:23,587 --> 00:34:24,712
I'm fuckin' serious.
919
00:34:24,713 --> 00:34:25,796
Language, Adam, please.
920
00:34:25,797 --> 00:34:28,216
"Language"?
Really?
921
00:34:31,928 --> 00:34:34,847
♪
922
00:34:34,848 --> 00:34:39,101
So anybody here from...
from out of town?
923
00:34:39,102 --> 00:34:40,603
[slight chuckle]
924
00:34:40,604 --> 00:34:42,146
[audience laughter]
925
00:34:42,147 --> 00:34:43,772
Are you having a good time,
ma'am?
926
00:34:43,773 --> 00:34:45,774
Really?
All right, tell your face.
927
00:34:45,775 --> 00:34:47,067
[laughter]
928
00:34:47,068 --> 00:34:48,903
I am Mexican.
That's right.
929
00:34:48,904 --> 00:34:52,406
I look like, uh,
Tony Orlando
930
00:34:52,407 --> 00:34:53,616
had a baby
931
00:34:53,617 --> 00:34:54,909
with Tony Orlando.
932
00:34:54,910 --> 00:34:56,410
[audience laughter]
933
00:34:56,411 --> 00:34:57,453
What is it about Mexicans...
934
00:34:57,454 --> 00:35:00,498
eh... I wish this didn't happen,
but it's true.
935
00:35:00,499 --> 00:35:02,333
Mexican, right,
936
00:35:02,334 --> 00:35:04,251
is a dirty word still.
937
00:35:04,252 --> 00:35:06,879
You say "Mexican" before
anything, it sounds bad.
938
00:35:06,880 --> 00:35:09,965
Like, for example, uh,
I got some reefer.
939
00:35:09,966 --> 00:35:12,635
- Got some Mexican reefer.
- [audience laughter]
940
00:35:12,636 --> 00:35:14,220
- No, thank you.
- [audience laughter]
941
00:35:14,221 --> 00:35:16,472
Took my kids to the circus,
942
00:35:16,473 --> 00:35:17,932
the Mexican circus.
943
00:35:17,933 --> 00:35:18,933
[audience laughter]
944
00:35:18,934 --> 00:35:21,268
What the fuck was that about?
945
00:35:21,269 --> 00:35:22,895
Took him to see a clown,
946
00:35:22,896 --> 00:35:25,439
- the Mexican clown.
- [audience laughter]
947
00:35:25,440 --> 00:35:26,774
Hey, kids, look,
it's Puto the Clown.
948
00:35:26,775 --> 00:35:28,567
[audience laughter]
949
00:35:28,568 --> 00:35:29,818
I gotta take a piss.
950
00:35:29,819 --> 00:35:31,695
[Edgar] Want me to make a
balloon animal with my wiener?
951
00:35:31,696 --> 00:35:33,155
Hey, hey.
952
00:35:33,156 --> 00:35:34,490
I gotta talk to Goldie
about Clay's memorial.
953
00:35:34,491 --> 00:35:35,658
Look, I fucked up, okay?
954
00:35:35,659 --> 00:35:38,410
I'm an antisocial asshole,
a narcissistic douche bag.
955
00:35:38,411 --> 00:35:41,455
Let me know when
you get to an apology.
956
00:35:41,456 --> 00:35:43,832
Hey.
957
00:35:43,833 --> 00:35:46,502
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
958
00:35:46,503 --> 00:35:47,170
Oh, hey, Clay's friend.
959
00:35:47,171 --> 00:35:50,089
- Yeah, Eddie.
- Cassie.
960
00:35:50,090 --> 00:35:52,841
Look, I-I just... I wanted
to apologize for earlier.
961
00:35:52,842 --> 00:35:54,009
No, I'm sorry about that...
962
00:35:54,010 --> 00:35:55,344
No, no-no-no-no,
please, don't.
963
00:35:55,345 --> 00:35:56,345
I mean, a couple of bums
show up,
964
00:35:56,346 --> 00:35:58,597
trying to crash
on your boyfriend's couch...
965
00:35:58,598 --> 00:36:00,099
No, he wasn't my boyfriend.
966
00:36:00,100 --> 00:36:01,350
He was my boyfriend.
967
00:36:01,351 --> 00:36:02,143
We were together for two years,
968
00:36:02,144 --> 00:36:04,687
but it's been over for a while.
969
00:36:04,688 --> 00:36:06,605
- And...
- Oh.
970
00:36:06,606 --> 00:36:08,691
I'm just trying to take care
of his parents and get...
971
00:36:08,692 --> 00:36:12,945
No, that sounds...
that sounds really nice of you.
972
00:36:12,946 --> 00:36:14,196
We found a place.
973
00:36:14,197 --> 00:36:15,156
Oh, good.
974
00:36:15,156 --> 00:36:15,865
Yeah, yeah.
Arnie's.
975
00:36:15,866 --> 00:36:17,950
Oh, that's not good.
976
00:36:17,951 --> 00:36:19,034
It's great, actually,
it's, uh,
977
00:36:19,035 --> 00:36:21,745
it's a closet,
is what it is.
978
00:36:21,746 --> 00:36:23,747
It's got a wonderful view,
though.
979
00:36:23,748 --> 00:36:25,374
Looks on to some kind of
performance space
980
00:36:25,375 --> 00:36:27,668
where, uh, bums take craps
in between parked cars.
981
00:36:27,669 --> 00:36:28,503
- [laughs]
- Yeah.
982
00:36:28,504 --> 00:36:30,129
I don't want to oversell
it for you,
983
00:36:30,130 --> 00:36:31,547
but what it lacks in dignity
it makes up for
984
00:36:31,548 --> 00:36:32,673
in horrifying spectacle.
985
00:36:32,674 --> 00:36:34,216
[laughs]
Okay.
986
00:36:34,217 --> 00:36:35,010
This guy's doing fucking
dick jokes over here,
987
00:36:35,011 --> 00:36:36,969
I'm trying,
I'm trying my best.
988
00:36:36,970 --> 00:36:39,263
Oh, thank you
for making me laugh.
989
00:36:39,264 --> 00:36:40,889
- All right.
- I'll talk to you later.
990
00:36:40,890 --> 00:36:42,349
- Yeah, I'll see you.
- Okay, take care.
991
00:36:42,350 --> 00:36:44,560
Hey, is Kay here?
992
00:36:44,561 --> 00:36:45,437
Is Kay here?
Kay, Kay the waitress.
993
00:36:45,438 --> 00:36:47,646
- Clay's Kay?
- How the fuck do I know?
994
00:36:47,647 --> 00:36:48,814
[sighs]
995
00:36:48,815 --> 00:36:50,065
She gave me crabs.
996
00:36:50,066 --> 00:36:51,191
Aw, what'd you get her?
997
00:36:51,192 --> 00:36:51,901
I'm fucking serious, man.
998
00:36:51,902 --> 00:36:53,944
Just go get some Quell...
999
00:36:53,945 --> 00:36:55,571
I slept with Betty last night.
1000
00:36:55,572 --> 00:36:56,864
It's nice knowing you.
1001
00:36:56,865 --> 00:36:58,824
Yeah, and she's already hormonal
'cause she's six-months pregnant
1002
00:36:58,825 --> 00:37:00,409
so great, she's gonna
kill me now
1003
00:37:00,410 --> 00:37:03,579
because I fucking turned her
panties into a fucking aquarium.
1004
00:37:03,580 --> 00:37:05,706
You shown it to anyone else?
1005
00:37:05,707 --> 00:37:07,833
Bill.
1006
00:37:07,834 --> 00:37:08,876
Anyone who cares?
His parents?
1007
00:37:08,877 --> 00:37:10,794
No, but I'm going to.
1008
00:37:10,795 --> 00:37:12,171
They deserve the truth.
1009
00:37:12,172 --> 00:37:16,216
No one deserves the truth,
sweetie.
1010
00:37:16,217 --> 00:37:17,885
It's not a reward.
1011
00:37:17,886 --> 00:37:20,764
You wouldn't want to know
if it was your son?
1012
00:37:25,143 --> 00:37:27,186
My grandmother gave me this
1013
00:37:27,187 --> 00:37:30,606
on my 21st birthday.
1014
00:37:30,607 --> 00:37:33,901
Talk about your
"to be's or not to be's."
1015
00:37:33,902 --> 00:37:36,612
Poor fucker.
1016
00:37:36,613 --> 00:37:38,739
Treblinka.
1017
00:37:38,740 --> 00:37:41,784
Eight months
before she was liberated.
1018
00:37:41,785 --> 00:37:43,327
She said there was
a Star of David
1019
00:37:43,328 --> 00:37:46,205
hung above the entrance
to the gas chamber.
1020
00:37:46,206 --> 00:37:48,957
Written, in Hebrew,
on a purple curtain
1021
00:37:48,958 --> 00:37:51,168
were the words,
"This is the gateway to God.
1022
00:37:51,169 --> 00:37:52,503
Righteous men
will pass through."
1023
00:37:52,504 --> 00:37:56,799
They even lined the gas chamber
entrance with flowers.
1024
00:37:56,800 --> 00:37:58,550
The train ramp
to Treblinka
1025
00:37:58,551 --> 00:38:01,220
was disguised to look like
a regular railway station
1026
00:38:01,221 --> 00:38:04,223
with timetables, signs,
even a clock
1027
00:38:04,224 --> 00:38:06,767
painted on the wall.
1028
00:38:06,768 --> 00:38:10,270
What does this
have to do with Clay?
1029
00:38:10,271 --> 00:38:13,816
My grandmother knew the truth.
1030
00:38:13,817 --> 00:38:16,652
She knew where she was going.
1031
00:38:16,653 --> 00:38:19,363
And when she got there,
where she was,
1032
00:38:19,364 --> 00:38:23,325
what that acrid smell
in the air was.
1033
00:38:23,326 --> 00:38:28,497
But the truth wasn't
gonna let her sleep at night.
1034
00:38:28,498 --> 00:38:30,165
It seldom does.
1035
00:38:30,166 --> 00:38:32,459
His parents should know.
1036
00:38:32,460 --> 00:38:34,670
[cigarette case shuts]
1037
00:38:34,671 --> 00:38:35,796
Say you're right.
1038
00:38:35,797 --> 00:38:37,297
They're Catholic.
1039
00:38:37,298 --> 00:38:39,508
So you're pretty much
damning their son to Hell.
1040
00:38:39,509 --> 00:38:42,136
You tell them the truth,
and they will never have
1041
00:38:42,137 --> 00:38:45,432
another decent night's
sleep again.
1042
00:38:49,519 --> 00:38:51,895
So what, so I...
1043
00:38:51,896 --> 00:38:53,857
so I just shouldn't
say anything?
1044
00:38:57,193 --> 00:39:01,363
The flowers at Treblinka?
1045
00:39:01,364 --> 00:39:05,868
Bubbe said they were the most
beautiful she'd ever seen.
1046
00:39:05,869 --> 00:39:08,704
♪ whimsical whistling music ♪
1047
00:39:08,705 --> 00:39:13,417
♪
1048
00:39:13,418 --> 00:39:14,710
Guy?
1049
00:39:14,711 --> 00:39:16,879
Guy.
1050
00:39:16,880 --> 00:39:18,338
I'm so itchy.
1051
00:39:18,339 --> 00:39:19,882
What is it?
1052
00:39:19,883 --> 00:39:21,800
I don't know.
Is there something on me?
1053
00:39:21,801 --> 00:39:24,928
♪
1054
00:39:24,929 --> 00:39:27,723
I'm so sorry.
1055
00:39:27,724 --> 00:39:29,349
For what?
1056
00:39:29,350 --> 00:39:31,351
My dead son's accident
1057
00:39:31,352 --> 00:39:33,521
or his giving his mother crabs?
1058
00:39:37,233 --> 00:39:39,319
Mister Appuzzo.
1059
00:39:42,113 --> 00:39:45,408
Clay left this at the hotel
the night of his accident.
1060
00:39:49,329 --> 00:39:53,207
"Napoli."
See Naples.
1061
00:39:53,208 --> 00:39:54,875
Why are you showing me this?
1062
00:39:54,876 --> 00:39:56,794
[sighs]
1063
00:39:56,795 --> 00:39:59,297
I think that Clay might have...
1064
00:40:02,091 --> 00:40:03,801
No.
1065
00:40:03,802 --> 00:40:06,053
♪ somber music ♪
1066
00:40:06,054 --> 00:40:09,014
It was an accident.
1067
00:40:09,015 --> 00:40:10,265
He was drinking.
He had an accident.
1068
00:40:10,266 --> 00:40:12,309
You understand?
He had an accident.
1069
00:40:12,310 --> 00:40:14,186
- No, Mister...
- He was drinking and...
1070
00:40:14,187 --> 00:40:15,229
He left this at the hotel.
1071
00:40:15,230 --> 00:40:17,731
he fell in front of a bus
1072
00:40:17,732 --> 00:40:20,818
in this God forsaken
hell hole.
1073
00:40:20,819 --> 00:40:22,653
Here, here.
1074
00:40:22,654 --> 00:40:24,780
Here's your memorial.
Here's your ashes.
1075
00:40:24,781 --> 00:40:27,074
♪
1076
00:40:27,075 --> 00:40:28,784
Scatter them all over this...
1077
00:40:28,785 --> 00:40:30,494
Gomorrah that killed him!
1078
00:40:30,495 --> 00:40:34,624
♪
1079
00:40:42,298 --> 00:40:45,134
[bacon sizzling]
1080
00:40:48,638 --> 00:40:50,514
Good morning, roomie.
1081
00:40:50,515 --> 00:40:52,891
Morning.
1082
00:40:52,892 --> 00:40:54,309
Do you like bacon?
1083
00:40:54,310 --> 00:40:56,937
Or are you
the other kind of Jew?
1084
00:40:56,938 --> 00:40:58,565
Uh...
1085
00:40:59,023 --> 00:41:00,148
Morning, buddy.
1086
00:41:00,149 --> 00:41:02,359
Hey, Mags,
any more bacon?
1087
00:41:02,360 --> 00:41:03,069
Yeah,
there's one here.
1088
00:41:03,070 --> 00:41:05,488
[Ron] Thank you.
1089
00:41:06,739 --> 00:41:08,198
It's a memorial service.
1090
00:41:08,199 --> 00:41:09,658
Nobody's gonna say boo.
1091
00:41:09,659 --> 00:41:11,034
Man, Arnie's not even
gonna
1092
00:41:11,035 --> 00:41:12,536
let me in the building
without you.
1093
00:41:12,537 --> 00:41:14,288
That guy's got his head
so far up Goldie's ass
1094
00:41:14,289 --> 00:41:15,914
he can taste her last meal.
1095
00:41:15,915 --> 00:41:16,875
Look, I'm being serious, Carl.
1096
00:41:16,876 --> 00:41:19,585
My hands are tied.
Charlie's got the brunch.
1097
00:41:19,586 --> 00:41:20,961
Lookit, if you say the words
1098
00:41:20,962 --> 00:41:23,130
"Charlie" or "Callas"
one more time,
1099
00:41:23,131 --> 00:41:25,465
I swear to Christ that I'm going
to take this five-dollar tie
1100
00:41:25,466 --> 00:41:27,217
that you so generously
let me borrow
1101
00:41:27,218 --> 00:41:28,677
and I'ma hang your ass
with it.
1102
00:41:28,678 --> 00:41:30,345
Oh, you want Carson?
Go get Carson.
1103
00:41:30,346 --> 00:41:32,723
You got to get in there
with the big boys.
1104
00:41:32,724 --> 00:41:34,016
Let 'em see you.
1105
00:41:34,017 --> 00:41:35,475
This business is
all about relationships.
1106
00:41:35,476 --> 00:41:37,352
You got... you gotta mingle
for Chrissake.
1107
00:41:37,353 --> 00:41:39,021
Mingle at a memorial service?
1108
00:41:39,022 --> 00:41:41,356
Hey, I got my first break
on The Colgate Comedy Hour
1109
00:41:41,357 --> 00:41:43,692
by chatting up Eddie Cantor
at a urinal.
1110
00:41:43,693 --> 00:41:44,985
You do what you gotta do.
1111
00:41:44,986 --> 00:41:46,111
Wow, you are, like,
1112
00:41:46,112 --> 00:41:48,488
the worst fucking manager ever,
you know that, right?
1113
00:41:48,489 --> 00:41:50,157
Maybe.
But I believe in you.
1114
00:41:50,158 --> 00:41:51,408
And you know that.
1115
00:41:51,409 --> 00:41:53,243
We got pork chops tonight.
1116
00:41:53,244 --> 00:41:55,829
If you're late and they're dry,
don't blame me.
1117
00:41:55,830 --> 00:41:57,998
♪ Shuggie Otis'
"Strawberry Letter 23" ♪
1118
00:41:57,999 --> 00:42:03,838
♪
1119
00:42:07,342 --> 00:42:08,217
♪ Hello my love ♪
1120
00:42:08,218 --> 00:42:12,804
♪ I heard a kiss from you ♪
1121
00:42:12,805 --> 00:42:13,889
♪ Red magic satin playing
near.. ♪
1122
00:42:13,890 --> 00:42:17,684
Guy, please?
1123
00:42:17,685 --> 00:42:21,229
♪ All through the morning rain
I gaze ♪
1124
00:42:21,230 --> 00:42:24,107
♪ The sun doesn't shine ♪
1125
00:42:24,108 --> 00:42:25,317
♪ Rainbows and waterfalls ♪
1126
00:42:25,318 --> 00:42:29,863
♪ Run through my mind ♪
1127
00:42:29,864 --> 00:42:32,741
♪ In the garden
I see... ♪
1128
00:42:32,742 --> 00:42:33,618
Uh, 'scuse me, brother.
1129
00:42:33,619 --> 00:42:36,244
Think The Jackson 5's
at The Rainbow.
1130
00:42:36,245 --> 00:42:38,538
Hey, Arnie, I'm just
here to pay my respects.
1131
00:42:38,539 --> 00:42:40,499
Oh, yeah?
Really?
1132
00:42:40,500 --> 00:42:41,125
You were friends with Clay?
1133
00:42:41,126 --> 00:42:42,751
Yeah, he... he, uh,
1134
00:42:42,752 --> 00:42:45,629
bought me a slice of pizza
after one of my sets.
1135
00:42:45,630 --> 00:42:46,464
Oh, so you got
the pizza connection?
1136
00:42:46,465 --> 00:42:49,716
Wow, congrats.
That's really cool.
1137
00:42:49,717 --> 00:42:50,884
[snaps]
Screw, kid.
1138
00:42:50,885 --> 00:42:52,302
Oh, my God!
There you are.
1139
00:42:52,303 --> 00:42:54,262
You look fabulous.
How do I look? [giggles]
1140
00:42:54,263 --> 00:42:56,264
This kid doesn't know Clay.
He's just here hustling.
1141
00:42:56,265 --> 00:42:57,349
Neither do you if you think
Clay would give a shit.
1142
00:42:57,350 --> 00:43:01,895
He's my guest.
Come on.
1143
00:43:01,896 --> 00:43:05,482
You look like Flip Wilson
went to Sears.
1144
00:43:05,483 --> 00:43:07,275
- Hey, thanks, man.
- Man, forget it.
1145
00:43:07,276 --> 00:43:08,944
There's only one rule
in this business, and so far
1146
00:43:08,945 --> 00:43:09,779
nobody's figured out
what it is yet.
1147
00:43:09,780 --> 00:43:12,406
Welcome
to the wild, wild west.
1148
00:43:12,407 --> 00:43:13,116
Hey, enjoy the egg salad.
1149
00:43:13,117 --> 00:43:15,075
[indistinct chatter]
1150
00:43:15,076 --> 00:43:16,576
[chuckling]
1151
00:43:16,577 --> 00:43:18,245
- Hey, hey.
- Smart, college educated.
1152
00:43:18,246 --> 00:43:19,955
- Hey.
- Hi.
1153
00:43:19,956 --> 00:43:20,623
Uh, where's Betty?
I heard she's bringing seafood.
1154
00:43:20,624 --> 00:43:23,500
[laughs]
Shut the fuck up.
1155
00:43:23,501 --> 00:43:25,043
She's meeting her mother
to pick out a new crib.
1156
00:43:25,044 --> 00:43:26,128
She's gonna come by
a little later, thank you.
1157
00:43:26,129 --> 00:43:28,422
What about all the little
piranhas in her panties?
1158
00:43:28,423 --> 00:43:29,756
I, uh, told her
I got them at the Y.
1159
00:43:29,757 --> 00:43:31,091
Mm.
1160
00:43:31,092 --> 00:43:32,010
Well, I mean,
technically, you did.
1161
00:43:32,011 --> 00:43:34,177
[snickers] Man,
you should have heard me.
1162
00:43:34,178 --> 00:43:35,637
I'm blasting them
on the phone this morning.
1163
00:43:35,638 --> 00:43:37,389
I'm like, "You guys,
my wife is pregnant;
1164
00:43:37,390 --> 00:43:39,057
and she probably has them;
and I'm gonna take
1165
00:43:39,058 --> 00:43:41,309
the Young Man's Christian
Association to court!"
1166
00:43:41,310 --> 00:43:42,978
I used the full name
to intimidate them.
1167
00:43:42,979 --> 00:43:43,813
It really worked well.
1168
00:43:43,814 --> 00:43:44,980
And she bought all that?
1169
00:43:44,981 --> 00:43:45,857
Yeah.
Hook, line, and sinker.
1170
00:43:45,858 --> 00:43:47,983
- Ugh.
- I even canceled my membership,
1171
00:43:47,984 --> 00:43:48,860
which sucks, 'cause I loved
working out there.
1172
00:43:48,861 --> 00:43:50,152
It's inexpensive and,
truth be told,
1173
00:43:50,153 --> 00:43:52,821
it's very, very clean.
1174
00:43:52,822 --> 00:43:54,865
[audience laughter]
1175
00:43:54,866 --> 00:43:57,826
[Ralph] I mean, these
girls were bad, you know, so...
1176
00:43:57,827 --> 00:43:58,952
But Clay, he introduces us.
1177
00:43:58,953 --> 00:44:03,331
And the... and the girls ask
how we know each other.
1178
00:44:03,332 --> 00:44:06,209
Clay looks at them
with a straight face and says,
1179
00:44:06,210 --> 00:44:07,836
"We're cousins through rape."
1180
00:44:07,837 --> 00:44:10,255
[audience laughter]
1181
00:44:10,256 --> 00:44:12,007
And then... and then,
1182
00:44:12,008 --> 00:44:14,885
and then he goes on
to tell a story,
1183
00:44:14,886 --> 00:44:17,179
a history lesson about
how the Moors were black
1184
00:44:17,180 --> 00:44:19,931
and they invaded, raped,
and pillaged Sicily.
1185
00:44:19,932 --> 00:44:22,809
But we are all one,
big happy family now,
1186
00:44:22,810 --> 00:44:24,102
it's all in the past.
1187
00:44:24,103 --> 00:44:25,103
[light audience laughter]
1188
00:44:25,104 --> 00:44:27,856
Man, neither one of us
got laid that night.
1189
00:44:27,857 --> 00:44:29,274
[audience laughter]
1190
00:44:29,275 --> 00:44:30,942
Clay was my man,
I tell you that.
1191
00:44:30,943 --> 00:44:32,944
He was my man.
1192
00:44:32,945 --> 00:44:35,197
♪ somber music ♪
1193
00:44:35,198 --> 00:44:37,866
Thank you.
1194
00:44:37,867 --> 00:44:42,747
♪
1195
00:44:54,884 --> 00:44:56,301
Hello, um,
1196
00:44:56,302 --> 00:44:58,678
I know, uh,
none of you know us,
1197
00:44:58,679 --> 00:45:01,723
me and my friend Ron.
Um.
1198
00:45:01,724 --> 00:45:05,519
But, uh,
I knew Clay from
1199
00:45:05,520 --> 00:45:08,563
back in Boston when his first
name was still Calogero.
1200
00:45:08,564 --> 00:45:12,400
We were kids making pizzas
at Romero's,
1201
00:45:12,401 --> 00:45:14,903
which was an authentic
Italian restaurant
1202
00:45:14,904 --> 00:45:16,404
that was owned by
my Jewish uncle.
1203
00:45:16,405 --> 00:45:17,781
[audience chuckling]
1204
00:45:17,782 --> 00:45:21,326
Later, Clay got a job
at, uh, Combat Zone,
1205
00:45:21,327 --> 00:45:23,286
doing comedy at a strip club.
1206
00:45:23,287 --> 00:45:27,415
And I'd drive into Boston
and watch, and, uh...
1207
00:45:27,416 --> 00:45:28,959
I mean, I was probably
the one guy there
1208
00:45:28,960 --> 00:45:32,087
not to watch the strippers
but to watch Clay perform.
1209
00:45:32,088 --> 00:45:34,798
And he'd be up there
telling these jokes about,
1210
00:45:34,799 --> 00:45:37,092
about his family and
growing up in a small town,
1211
00:45:37,093 --> 00:45:38,927
but, you know, they...
they weren't...
1212
00:45:38,928 --> 00:45:42,013
they weren't jokes,
they were these...
1213
00:45:42,014 --> 00:45:44,432
I don't know,
these secrets about himself.
1214
00:45:44,433 --> 00:45:48,436
And, uh, one night
after closing,
1215
00:45:48,437 --> 00:45:51,481
we, uh, went to the bar
for a beer.
1216
00:45:51,482 --> 00:45:53,108
And, uh, I asked him
how does he
1217
00:45:53,109 --> 00:45:54,526
get up in front of
all these drunks
1218
00:45:54,527 --> 00:45:56,987
and, uh, make them laugh
1219
00:45:56,988 --> 00:45:58,947
at the most
1220
00:45:58,948 --> 00:46:01,575
embarrassing,
shameful,
1221
00:46:01,576 --> 00:46:04,244
painful moments of his life.
1222
00:46:04,245 --> 00:46:06,121
And, uh...
1223
00:46:06,122 --> 00:46:07,747
♪
1224
00:46:07,748 --> 00:46:09,875
he said it was
easier for him
1225
00:46:09,876 --> 00:46:11,668
to confess the truth
about himself
1226
00:46:11,669 --> 00:46:13,587
to a room full of
drunken strangers
1227
00:46:13,588 --> 00:46:16,631
than it was to the people
he really loved.
1228
00:46:16,632 --> 00:46:19,551
♪
1229
00:46:19,552 --> 00:46:20,344
He was beautiful.
1230
00:46:20,345 --> 00:46:26,225
♪
1231
00:46:35,359 --> 00:46:36,401
Angelina.
1232
00:46:36,402 --> 00:46:38,987
- Oh, Guy.
- We're leaving.
1233
00:46:38,988 --> 00:46:40,155
You have to stay in here.
The stories about Calogero...
1234
00:46:40,156 --> 00:46:41,990
We're leaving.
1235
00:46:41,991 --> 00:46:44,034
♪
1236
00:46:44,035 --> 00:46:45,410
[Goldie] Mr. Appuzzo, please,
1237
00:46:45,411 --> 00:46:46,912
won't you join us,
just a little while?
1238
00:46:46,913 --> 00:46:48,705
Have... have a seat, please.
1239
00:46:48,706 --> 00:46:49,158
The...
1240
00:46:50,666 --> 00:46:53,001
My son is dead.
1241
00:46:53,002 --> 00:46:54,586
He was a child.
1242
00:46:54,587 --> 00:46:55,754
He was always a child.
1243
00:46:55,755 --> 00:46:57,797
You are children.
1244
00:46:57,798 --> 00:47:00,217
You think you can
joke your way out of everything,
1245
00:47:00,218 --> 00:47:02,093
pain, heartache,
1246
00:47:02,094 --> 00:47:04,221
life!
1247
00:47:04,222 --> 00:47:06,181
Go ahead.
Then what?
1248
00:47:06,182 --> 00:47:07,474
It's all still there
waiting for you,
1249
00:47:07,475 --> 00:47:09,517
waiting to be dealt with.
1250
00:47:09,518 --> 00:47:11,061
You're children
with your eyes closed,
1251
00:47:11,062 --> 00:47:13,021
thinking nobody can see you.
1252
00:47:13,022 --> 00:47:13,814
I see you.
1253
00:47:13,815 --> 00:47:15,816
I see right through all of you.
1254
00:47:19,111 --> 00:47:21,238
♪ Iggy & The Stooges'
"Gimme Danger" ♪
1255
00:47:21,239 --> 00:47:27,119
♪
1256
00:47:35,795 --> 00:47:37,295
[Sully] Oh, shit!
1257
00:47:37,296 --> 00:47:39,172
Honey, what are you doing?
The doctor said
1258
00:47:39,173 --> 00:47:43,218
no destruction of property
until after the baby!
1259
00:47:43,219 --> 00:47:45,011
It's the receipt
from your crab lotion.
1260
00:47:45,012 --> 00:47:46,888
If you found out
about it this morning, then
1261
00:47:46,889 --> 00:47:48,598
why is the receipt from two days
ago, you son of a bitch?
1262
00:47:48,599 --> 00:47:50,558
[Sully] No, not on my car!
1263
00:47:50,559 --> 00:47:52,227
Bess, come here,
give me that...
1264
00:47:52,228 --> 00:47:53,687
Can we... no-no-no-no, please,
come here, come-here,
1265
00:47:53,688 --> 00:47:55,897
come here, stop, come on!
1266
00:47:55,898 --> 00:47:57,065
Thought I got rid of those.
1267
00:47:57,066 --> 00:48:02,904
Told you to keep your dick
in your skirt, didn't I?
1268
00:48:02,905 --> 00:48:04,281
Mind if I grab a beer?
1269
00:48:04,282 --> 00:48:06,741
I'll join you.
1270
00:48:06,742 --> 00:48:08,410
Hey, hey, Goldie.
How you doing?
1271
00:48:08,411 --> 00:48:09,494
I'm, uh, I'm Adam.
Adam Proteau.
1272
00:48:09,495 --> 00:48:11,913
Yeah, I know who you are.
1273
00:48:11,914 --> 00:48:14,040
Um, yeah, I know
now is a bad time, but I was...
1274
00:48:14,041 --> 00:48:15,583
I said I know who you are.
1275
00:48:15,584 --> 00:48:16,710
Why don't you quit
while you're ahead, huh?
1276
00:48:16,711 --> 00:48:20,839
♪ If you can't be my master ♪
1277
00:48:20,840 --> 00:48:23,300
♪ I will do anything ♪
1278
00:48:23,301 --> 00:48:24,634
♪
1279
00:48:24,635 --> 00:48:26,720
♪ There's nothing left alive ♪
1280
00:48:26,721 --> 00:48:32,434
♪ But a pair of
glassy eyes ♪
1281
00:48:32,435 --> 00:48:36,354
♪ Raise my feelings
one more time ♪
1282
00:48:36,355 --> 00:48:37,605
[knocking]
1283
00:48:37,606 --> 00:48:38,606
Come in.
1284
00:48:38,607 --> 00:48:40,525
Oh, sweetie.
Hey, you look tired.
1285
00:48:40,526 --> 00:48:41,568
You need a bump?
1286
00:48:41,569 --> 00:48:43,320
I want to go up tonight.
1287
00:48:43,321 --> 00:48:44,529
The Cellar's yours.
Name the time.
1288
00:48:44,530 --> 00:48:46,614
Not The Cellar.
1289
00:48:46,615 --> 00:48:48,200
The main room.
1290
00:48:49,493 --> 00:48:52,203
[laughs softly]
1291
00:48:52,204 --> 00:48:53,705
What are you?
1292
00:48:53,706 --> 00:48:54,956
Excuse me?
1293
00:48:54,957 --> 00:48:56,666
I have no idea
what the fuck you are.
1294
00:48:56,667 --> 00:48:58,335
I'm a comedian.
1295
00:48:58,336 --> 00:49:00,754
What are you?
1296
00:49:00,755 --> 00:49:04,090
You're funny,
I give you that.
1297
00:49:04,091 --> 00:49:06,301
Phyllis Diller,
I know what she is.
1298
00:49:06,302 --> 00:49:08,345
Joan Rivers, I get,
but you?
1299
00:49:08,346 --> 00:49:10,305
No clue.
1300
00:49:10,306 --> 00:49:10,806
You're all over the map.
1301
00:49:10,807 --> 00:49:11,807
No point of view.
1302
00:49:11,808 --> 00:49:15,310
You're sexy,
which is not a plus.
1303
00:49:15,311 --> 00:49:16,228
They don't hear
half your jokes 'cause
1304
00:49:16,229 --> 00:49:17,520
they're so busy
staring at your tits.
1305
00:49:17,521 --> 00:49:19,898
So you go a little blue.
1306
00:49:19,899 --> 00:49:21,524
And when you don't,
you're all
1307
00:49:21,525 --> 00:49:24,152
"aw, shucks and cow shit."
[scoffs]
1308
00:49:24,153 --> 00:49:27,447
I have no idea what
your female perspective is.
1309
00:49:27,448 --> 00:49:29,657
There is no one
female perspective,
1310
00:49:29,658 --> 00:49:32,702
just like there is
no one guy perspective.
1311
00:49:32,703 --> 00:49:35,580
We're not them, honey.
1312
00:49:35,581 --> 00:49:36,165
You wanna go on
The Tonight Show?
1313
00:49:36,166 --> 00:49:37,957
Yes.
1314
00:49:37,958 --> 00:49:39,667
Let me help you, hmm?
1315
00:49:39,668 --> 00:49:42,420
Find a voice
that women can relate to.
1316
00:49:42,421 --> 00:49:43,463
I have a voice women...
that women relate to...
1317
00:49:43,464 --> 00:49:48,009
That sheds light on
our mutual experiences, huh?
1318
00:49:48,010 --> 00:49:49,761
Then I'll put you
on The Main Stage,
1319
00:49:49,762 --> 00:49:50,721
front and center,
1320
00:49:50,722 --> 00:49:52,055
my right hand to Carson.
1321
00:49:52,056 --> 00:49:53,556
- Is Kaufman like Carlin?
- Ugh.
1322
00:49:53,557 --> 00:49:54,557
Is Klein like Pryor?
1323
00:49:54,558 --> 00:49:55,975
You're missing my point.
1324
00:49:55,976 --> 00:49:58,186
Yet they're all
up there on your stage.
1325
00:49:58,187 --> 00:50:00,146
Why is it any different
for women?
1326
00:50:00,147 --> 00:50:02,899
There is room for me too, I just
need your stage to prove it.
1327
00:50:02,900 --> 00:50:04,193
When you're ready.
1328
00:50:12,243 --> 00:50:13,369
[lighter flicks]
1329
00:50:17,081 --> 00:50:18,748
Word has is The Tonight Show's
gonna be
1330
00:50:18,749 --> 00:50:22,210
laying off young comics
for a while.
1331
00:50:22,211 --> 00:50:23,962
That the...
1332
00:50:23,963 --> 00:50:25,630
rumors surrounding
Clay's death
1333
00:50:25,631 --> 00:50:27,967
has them rethinking things.
1334
00:50:33,722 --> 00:50:35,807
Your point?
1335
00:50:35,808 --> 00:50:38,393
The LA Times
is doing an interview
1336
00:50:38,394 --> 00:50:40,061
with me tomorrow.
1337
00:50:40,062 --> 00:50:40,896
They want me to
set the record straight
1338
00:50:40,897 --> 00:50:44,316
about Clay,
about his death...
1339
00:50:45,359 --> 00:50:48,903
The truth.
1340
00:50:48,904 --> 00:50:50,030
And what is the truth?
1341
00:50:52,366 --> 00:50:54,742
You tell me.
1342
00:50:54,743 --> 00:50:56,870
[exhales]
1343
00:50:56,871 --> 00:50:58,830
At least now
I know what you are.
1344
00:50:58,831 --> 00:51:02,750
♪ lounge piano music ♪
1345
00:51:02,751 --> 00:51:04,836
[Sully] Guys,
Vietnam's coming to an end.
1346
00:51:04,837 --> 00:51:06,296
That means what?
1347
00:51:06,297 --> 00:51:07,256
Yes, the draft
is coming to an end.
1348
00:51:07,257 --> 00:51:09,007
It's so nice.
Comedians are coming home
1349
00:51:09,008 --> 00:51:11,593
from Canada,
'cause they're pussies, right?
1350
00:51:11,594 --> 00:51:13,595
Ugh, they are not known
for their bravery, man.
1351
00:51:13,596 --> 00:51:15,138
They're known for what?
Say it with me.
1352
00:51:15,139 --> 00:51:17,348
Big penises.
Nobody said it, that's weird.
1353
00:51:17,349 --> 00:51:19,601
That's a "no" in the back?
Is that... yeah, that's my wife.
1354
00:51:19,602 --> 00:51:21,060
How are you... oh, wait,
that's not her.
1355
00:51:21,061 --> 00:51:22,770
I'm just kidding.
She didn't make it
1356
00:51:22,771 --> 00:51:24,606
through surgery, she's dead.
How are you?
1357
00:51:24,607 --> 00:51:26,316
Ugh, I just... gonna...
I'ma need you to hold this.
1358
00:51:26,317 --> 00:51:28,193
Just put it between
your breasts, that's fine, um.
1359
00:51:28,194 --> 00:51:30,487
I'll come get it later.
Great, so...
1360
00:51:30,488 --> 00:51:32,071
Man, we hate to fight.
1361
00:51:32,072 --> 00:51:34,032
We'll make a white flag
out of anything, right?
1362
00:51:34,033 --> 00:51:34,992
We'll make a white flag out of
a fuckin' black flag.
1363
00:51:34,993 --> 00:51:37,702
[Clay] Where are you
in all this, Cass?
1364
00:51:37,703 --> 00:51:39,412
♪ tender piano music ♪
1365
00:51:39,413 --> 00:51:43,291
All those jokes about being
a single gal from Wink, Texas.
1366
00:51:43,292 --> 00:51:45,460
♪
1367
00:51:45,461 --> 00:51:47,504
[Clay] Fuck, the bartender
can tell jokes.
1368
00:51:47,505 --> 00:51:50,048
♪
1369
00:51:50,049 --> 00:51:51,466
Real laughter...
1370
00:51:51,467 --> 00:51:53,676
[exhales]
1371
00:51:53,677 --> 00:51:57,347
It's cathartic.
1372
00:51:57,348 --> 00:51:59,390
It's the current that
moves through an audience
1373
00:51:59,391 --> 00:52:01,476
when some truth
about who you are,
1374
00:52:01,477 --> 00:52:03,603
about who they are,
is revealed.
1375
00:52:03,604 --> 00:52:04,771
♪
1376
00:52:04,772 --> 00:52:07,982
Come on, Cass, you gotta
go out there and put those arms
1377
00:52:07,983 --> 00:52:10,693
around that messy part of
yourself and just...
1378
00:52:10,694 --> 00:52:15,698
♪
1379
00:52:15,699 --> 00:52:18,034
[distant laughter]
1380
00:52:18,035 --> 00:52:20,078
Get your ass on that stage.
1381
00:52:20,079 --> 00:52:22,705
Figure out what it is
that you have to say,
1382
00:52:22,706 --> 00:52:26,209
open a vein, and...
1383
00:52:26,210 --> 00:52:28,002
fuckin' say it.
1384
00:52:28,003 --> 00:52:29,629
[Sully] That's it, I'm
Sully Patterson, thank you guys!
1385
00:52:29,630 --> 00:52:31,839
[cheers and applause]
1386
00:52:31,840 --> 00:52:34,551
Yeah, give it up for
Sully Paterson, a...
1387
00:52:34,552 --> 00:52:37,345
genuine war hero
right there, man.
1388
00:52:37,346 --> 00:52:39,222
Coming to the stage next
right now is a real treat.
1389
00:52:39,223 --> 00:52:41,182
It's her first time
on the main room stage,
1390
00:52:41,183 --> 00:52:44,727
and quite frankly
it's about motherfucking time.
1391
00:52:44,728 --> 00:52:47,522
Easy on the eyes,
and funny as hell,
1392
00:52:47,523 --> 00:52:48,815
give it up for
Cassie Feder!
1393
00:52:48,816 --> 00:52:52,695
[cheers and applause]
1394
00:53:00,494 --> 00:53:01,619
Hey, y'all.
1395
00:53:01,620 --> 00:53:04,539
- [warm audience response]
- [cheers and whistles]
1396
00:53:04,540 --> 00:53:06,541
Yes, I am from Texas.
1397
00:53:06,542 --> 00:53:08,793
We do say "y'all."
1398
00:53:08,794 --> 00:53:10,795
Y'all's actually
Texas shorthand for
1399
00:53:10,796 --> 00:53:13,006
"We will shoot you,
all of you."
1400
00:53:13,007 --> 00:53:14,757
[audience laughter]
1401
00:53:14,758 --> 00:53:17,844
You know what's great
about being a single gal
1402
00:53:17,845 --> 00:53:20,054
in Texas?
1403
00:53:20,055 --> 00:53:22,557
Is making out in pickup trucks.
1404
00:53:22,558 --> 00:53:26,394
Girls, you have not lived
until you find yourself
1405
00:53:26,395 --> 00:53:28,313
in a lip lock
with a farm boy
1406
00:53:28,314 --> 00:53:29,856
who spent his afternoon
1407
00:53:29,857 --> 00:53:30,774
watching his daddy's cows hump.
1408
00:53:30,775 --> 00:53:32,776
[light audience laughter]
1409
00:53:51,462 --> 00:53:54,172
You ever have life
pull a trick on you
1410
00:53:54,173 --> 00:53:56,342
that you just
did not see coming?
1411
00:53:58,052 --> 00:53:59,385
You're just walking along,
1412
00:53:59,386 --> 00:54:03,348
all happy and stupid,
and wham.
1413
00:54:03,349 --> 00:54:06,142
Without you even realizing it,
life just
1414
00:54:06,143 --> 00:54:09,480
bends you over and tucks it
straight up your ass?
1415
00:54:12,983 --> 00:54:15,985
I lost a friend recently.
1416
00:54:15,986 --> 00:54:17,695
An ex-boyfriend, actually.
1417
00:54:17,696 --> 00:54:18,656
♪ faint ambient music ♪
1418
00:54:18,657 --> 00:54:21,616
Man...
[exhales deeply]
1419
00:54:21,617 --> 00:54:24,160
Did I ever love him.
1420
00:54:24,161 --> 00:54:28,122
He was Italian and swarthy.
1421
00:54:28,123 --> 00:54:29,707
And he had these, um,
1422
00:54:29,708 --> 00:54:32,168
these big blue eyes.
1423
00:54:32,169 --> 00:54:34,671
And not that he couldn't
be a dick too, 'cause he could.
1424
00:54:34,672 --> 00:54:36,631
Get her the fuck off the stag...
1425
00:54:36,632 --> 00:54:37,632
What?
For what?
1426
00:54:37,633 --> 00:54:39,300
[Cassie] Here I was,
1427
00:54:39,301 --> 00:54:43,054
this Jew from Wink, Texas.
1428
00:54:43,055 --> 00:54:45,306
Let me just put that
in perspective for you.
1429
00:54:45,307 --> 00:54:47,809
There's more Jews at
a Walt Disney dinner party
1430
00:54:47,810 --> 00:54:49,310
than there are in all of Wink.
1431
00:54:49,311 --> 00:54:51,479
[audience chuckling]
1432
00:54:51,480 --> 00:54:53,398
And I met my ex,
and, man,
1433
00:54:53,399 --> 00:54:56,234
I was just overmatched
right from the start.
1434
00:54:56,235 --> 00:54:59,153
You know you are overmatched
when you end up
1435
00:54:59,154 --> 00:55:00,030
blowing a guy
on the first date.
1436
00:55:00,031 --> 00:55:02,323
That's it.
The end.
1437
00:55:02,324 --> 00:55:03,283
You know what I'm talking about.
1438
00:55:03,284 --> 00:55:05,868
I can see you've done that
a few times,
1439
00:55:05,869 --> 00:55:07,662
haven't you, young lady?
1440
00:55:07,663 --> 00:55:10,331
I mean, I don't even
know what happened, really.
1441
00:55:10,332 --> 00:55:11,791
I was at dinner.
I was smiling.
1442
00:55:11,792 --> 00:55:14,252
I was nodding.
1443
00:55:14,253 --> 00:55:16,254
I was so interested in
everything he was saying.
1444
00:55:16,255 --> 00:55:19,048
One second, "Oh, my gosh,
lasagna Thanksgiving
1445
00:55:19,049 --> 00:55:22,009
instead of turkey?
No."
1446
00:55:22,010 --> 00:55:23,761
And then the next second, I'm
in the front seat of his Valiant
1447
00:55:23,762 --> 00:55:26,973
blowing him, wondering what
our kids are gonna look like.
1448
00:55:26,974 --> 00:55:28,683
[audience laughter]
1449
00:55:28,684 --> 00:55:30,977
[mouth full] If it's a boy,
1450
00:55:30,978 --> 00:55:32,854
let's name 'em 'Arry a...
1451
00:55:32,855 --> 00:55:35,441
[audience laughter]
1452
00:55:37,776 --> 00:55:39,569
And if it's a girl,
1453
00:55:39,570 --> 00:55:42,864
I'll name her Candace.
1454
00:55:42,865 --> 00:55:43,532
[audience laughter and applause]
1455
00:55:43,533 --> 00:55:46,242
I was so happy to be there
1456
00:55:46,243 --> 00:55:50,496
that I said thank you to him
afterwards.
1457
00:55:50,497 --> 00:55:52,290
[audience laughter]
1458
00:55:52,291 --> 00:55:53,875
I don't know what happened.
1459
00:55:53,876 --> 00:55:55,626
I didn't blow guys in Wink.
1460
00:55:55,627 --> 00:55:57,044
And then I'm in L. A.
for one month,
1461
00:55:57,045 --> 00:55:59,714
and I'm really thinking
1462
00:55:59,715 --> 00:56:01,466
about getting
my tonsils taken out
1463
00:56:01,467 --> 00:56:03,342
for performance purposes.
1464
00:56:03,343 --> 00:56:05,845
If my uncle knew
what was going on,
1465
00:56:05,846 --> 00:56:07,638
I could just see him.
1466
00:56:07,639 --> 00:56:11,517
[as Uncle] I can't believe
you're sucking Italian dick.
1467
00:56:11,518 --> 00:56:12,852
That's disgusting.
1468
00:56:12,853 --> 00:56:14,896
You got perfectly good
cousin dick
1469
00:56:14,897 --> 00:56:16,230
right ch'ere in Wink!
1470
00:56:16,231 --> 00:56:18,232
[audience laughter and applause]
1471
00:56:18,233 --> 00:56:20,234
[cheers and applause]
1472
00:56:20,235 --> 00:56:23,237
♪ uplifting music ♪
1473
00:56:23,238 --> 00:56:27,367
♪
1474
00:56:37,211 --> 00:56:40,171
[muffled lovemaking]
1475
00:56:40,172 --> 00:56:43,342
[muffled springs squeaking]
1476
00:56:44,927 --> 00:56:46,677
Oh, great.
1477
00:56:46,678 --> 00:56:48,888
I gotta take a piss.
1478
00:56:48,889 --> 00:56:49,848
When's this prick
gonna shoot his wad?
1479
00:56:49,849 --> 00:56:51,307
[Maggie moaning]
1480
00:56:51,308 --> 00:56:53,935
[Arnie] Ooh, yeah.
Oh, my God, yeah, oh!
1481
00:56:53,936 --> 00:56:55,436
[Eddie] You know
Lenny Bruce's first paying gig
1482
00:56:55,437 --> 00:56:59,357
was for 12 dollars and
a free plate of spaghetti?
1483
00:56:59,358 --> 00:57:01,901
I would kill for
some spaghetti right now.
1484
00:57:01,902 --> 00:57:03,194
Fucking starving.
1485
00:57:03,195 --> 00:57:07,240
[muffled lovemaking intensifies]
1486
00:57:07,241 --> 00:57:08,616
Z?
1487
00:57:08,617 --> 00:57:09,243
Yeah?
1488
00:57:09,244 --> 00:57:11,118
Where the fuck are we?
1489
00:57:11,119 --> 00:57:14,997
[Arnie's groans climax]
1490
00:57:14,998 --> 00:57:15,874
[Maggie moaning]
1491
00:57:15,875 --> 00:57:18,125
Hollywood, brotha.
1492
00:57:18,126 --> 00:57:20,294
[both laugh]
1493
00:57:20,295 --> 00:57:23,172
♪ Ringo Starr's
"It Don't Come Easy" ♪
1494
00:57:23,173 --> 00:57:26,801
♪
1495
00:57:26,802 --> 00:57:27,927
♪ It don't come easy ♪
1496
00:57:27,928 --> 00:57:29,220
Thank you.
1497
00:57:29,221 --> 00:57:34,559
♪ You know it don't come easy ♪
1498
00:57:34,560 --> 00:57:37,186
♪ It don't come easy ♪
1499
00:57:37,187 --> 00:57:40,982
♪ You know it don't come easy ♪
1500
00:57:40,983 --> 00:57:43,776
♪
1501
00:57:43,777 --> 00:57:47,238
♪ Got to pay your dues
if you wanna sing the blues ♪
1502
00:57:47,239 --> 00:57:51,409
♪ And you know
it don't come easy ♪
1503
00:57:51,410 --> 00:57:54,829
♪ You don't have to shout
or leap about ♪
1504
00:57:54,830 --> 00:57:59,166
♪ You can even play them easy ♪
1505
00:57:59,167 --> 00:58:04,046
♪ Forget about the past
and all your sorrows ♪
1506
00:58:04,047 --> 00:58:06,173
- sync and corrections by Mr. C -
- www.addic7ed.com -
1507
00:58:06,174 --> 00:58:09,427
♪ The future won't last ♪
1508
00:58:09,428 --> 00:58:14,599
♪ It will soon be over
tomorrow ♪
1509
00:58:14,600 --> 00:58:17,435
♪ I don't ask for much
I only want your trust ♪
1510
00:58:17,436 --> 00:58:22,356
♪ And you know
it don't come easy ♪
1511
00:58:22,357 --> 00:58:26,193
♪ And this love of mine
keeps growing all the time ♪
1512
00:58:26,194 --> 00:58:29,655
♪ And you know
it just ain't easy ♪
1513
00:58:29,656 --> 00:58:35,244
♪ Open up your heart
let's come together ♪
1514
00:58:35,245 --> 00:58:38,205
♪
1515
00:58:38,206 --> 00:58:40,499
♪ Use a little love ♪
1516
00:58:40,500 --> 00:58:41,335
♪ And we will ♪
1517
00:58:41,336 --> 00:58:46,881
♪ Make it work out better ♪
1518
00:58:46,882 --> 00:58:49,008
♪ Ooh ♪
1519
00:58:49,009 --> 00:58:52,012
♪ Ah ♪
1520
00:58:54,806 --> 00:58:57,558
♪ Ooh ooh ♪
1521
00:58:57,559 --> 00:59:01,228
♪ Ah ♪
1522
00:59:01,229 --> 00:59:04,774
♪ Got to pay your dues
if you wanna sing the blues ♪
1523
00:59:04,775 --> 00:59:06,610
♪ And you know
it don't come easy ♪
1523
00:59:07,305 --> 00:59:13,337
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