All language subtitles for Grandfathered.S01E19.HDTV.x264-KILLERS [SubtitleTools.com]

Edited at https://subtitletools.com

Oh, God.

We are good at what we do, aren't we?

That we are.

If I had the energy, I would

totally high five you right now.

Ooh, yikes! I missed 25 calls

and 46 e-mails!

I missed two Instagram likes

and an e-mail from Michelle Obama.

"Dear Americans..." Oh, this is serious.

We have to get out of this bed
and get back to our lives.

Yes, that we do.

Is that your hand on my breast?

Is that your breast on my hand?

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I can't believe you
haven't made one comment

about what's in my basket.

You notice anything unusual?

Lady deodorant.

Pink razors.

Is this a hint? Because in some countries,

- I'm too groomed.
- No.

I'm in a mature relationship,

so I'm maturely buying chick crap

for Catherine to leave at my apartment.

As opposed to the chick crap
that you use at your apartment?

All right, make your
little jokes, Amy Schumer.

Now, see, over the years,
women have wanted to leave

stuff like this at my
apartment, I've resisted.

Oh.

Catherine is different.

And this gesture is my way of showing her.

No, you know what?

I am very happy for you. This is big.

It almost justifies
you dragging me out here

- to brag about your progress.
- Yeah.

Someday when you're in a relationship,

you'll get to experience all this, too.

I am in a relationship.

Remember Craig, the musician?

Craig, Cra...

I get all those Hollywood
white guys mixed up.

- Oh, my...
- That's the beauty of Catherine.

She's diverse.

She looks like our country.

Remind why I agreed to help you.

Oh, right, for the free stuff.

Ooh!

Cough syrup with codeine.

Or as I like to call it...
codeine with cough syrup.

Are you allowed to-to
drink this in the store?

Mm-hmm.

I'll-I'll pay.

And here we are.

Yep.

It took a woman like Catherine Sanders

to finally get Jimmy Martino
to buy his lady tampons.

Do they sell guns here?

Which ones do you think she'd like?

Now, keep in mind she's a CEO,

- so money is no object.
- No, no.

It's an important decision.
Could you draw me a picture

of what her vagina looks like?
Which way does it lean?

Well, left...

My God, you're actually
trying to answer that.

Oh, sorry.

These are for my girlfriend.

Embarrassing, right?

You hear that? I just said "girlfriend."

I suppose "boyfriend" is gonna be next.

Ah, see it was.

Thank you.

Edie, isn't this great?

Now that Mommy and Daddy are a couple,

she can walk around naked.

I'm wearing a towel.

Yeah, but when you sat down...

Never mind.

Holy crap! What the hell was that?

- I just sneezed.
- No, this is you sneezing.

Achoo.

- Achoo!
- Exactly.

Oh, that's public sneeze persona.

I guess I'm just getting
comfortable around you.

You know what?

I love this, you know?

Even though we've known
each other for years,

there's still so much we get

to discover about each other now.

If you're saying you want us to keep

the door open when we use the bathroom,

I'm way ahead of you.

Actually been waiting for the right time

to ask you to stop that.

But you know what?

There is one very important part

of my life that you
haven't experienced yet.

You having disposable income? Hey-o!

Just kidding. We're equally poor.

No, I'm talking about Friday movie night.

I've been doing it with my
mom ever since I was a kid,

but I never brought a girl to it.

You're saying I can come
to movie night? Really?

Hell yeah. It's the best.

It's a whole big tradition.

And let's just say it ain't
your mama's movie night.

Although it is my mama's movie night.

Cool. Should I bring popcorn?

Nah, just bring your love of cinema

and adventure.

Popcorn, she says.

Wait, you've never borrowed
money from an employee?

Oh, it's the best.

They can't say no.

And they never have the
balls to ask for it back.

That sounds absolutely awful.

And I'm dying to try it.

Watch this. Annelise, can I borrow...?

Not now, Jimmy, I'm busy.

It's okay. I know where her purse is.

I'm moving it.

Close your eyes. I have something for you.

Ooh, I hope you didn't spend too much.

And you didn't.

Feminine products.

Wow, well, you really
know how to spoil a girl.

And I got you a whole toiletry kit

that you can keep at my apartment...

complete with a Sonicare toothbrush,

charging as we speak.

That is really sweet.

It's a little weird,

but I love it.

Mwah.

My sister is a world-class nightmare.

She was dropped on her head

once and it's her excuse for everything.

I'm sorry, I'm just having a bad day.

I know exactly what you need.

Stay right here, okay?

Ravi, Catherine's having a bad day.

Our Catherine? What's wrong? Is she okay?

I don't know, but you're
gonna make it all better

by making a killer plate

of cavatelli alla norcina
with black truffles, stat.

Oh, and everyone, I know I said

the most important meal you ever
made was for Mark Wahlberg.

Well, forget it.

It's for my girlfriend.

Okay, so listen, I'm-I'm at dinner.

I got to go.

No, just some guy I'm seeing.

"Just some guy I'm seeing"?

All right, people.
Prepare to be titillated.

I want your opinion on my love life.

Oh, can it wait?

Edie thinks she's cooking spaghetti.

It is literally the cutest thing
I've ever seen.

No, it can't wait.

Oh, that is the cutest little thing.

- Bam!
- Bam!

Thank you.

All right, Gerald, get her out of here.

We have important things to talk about.

Okay, people, give us a minute.

- Inner circle stuff.
- They can stay.

Okay, maybe we can just
get rid of one of them.

Doesn't matter who.

All right, so this is

about my girlfriend Catherine.

Wow, "girlfriend."

Did you hear that, Edie?

Not only did he say "girlfriend,"

but he said it casually.

Don't alert the tabloids yet, Edie.

Okay.

Last night, she referred to me as

"just some guy she's seeing."

Why doesn't she see me as her boyfriend?

I mean, I give her gifts.

We have a one-to-one orgasm ratio.

Dad, stop. Did you ever consider

that perhaps you don't see
yourself as a boyfriend?

Gerald, I don't have time

for your Chinese philosophy.

Maybe she's dating someone better?

Like who, Victor... God?

Or maybe she's aware of your reputation.

Pillar of the community?

Lovable man slut of the community.

Remember what comes up when
you make me Google you?

Dozens of Getty Image photos of you

- and young gorgeous women.
- There's me and the triplets.

Maybe that's making her afraid
to get serious with you.

You know what? You're right.

Yeah, maybe Catherine
thinks of me as a playboy.

That I'm too good for her.

I didn't say that last thing.

I know the one thing that'll fix this.

You go online and replace every woman

in a photo with you with
a really handsome guy.

No, no, Victor, don't do that.

Seriously, I'll be very
mad if you do that.

You know, honestly if I
were you, I would...

Gerald, before you finish that sentence,

I want you to stop and
honestly ask yourself,

"Does this have anything to
do with Chinese philosophy?"

It doesn't.

But I think you might think it does.

So... we're gonna go.

Say "peace out, Grandpa."

Peace out, Dampa.

Once again, Annelise is right.

Catherine thinks of me as a player.

I'm gonna have to double down
on this boyfriend stuff.

Make her think I'm in for the long haul,

and you know what? I know just what to do.

That's my boss.

Mmm, that's salty.

Not usable.

You did tell her

the proceedings start at 7:00, right?

Mom, it's 7:02. Let's cut her some slack.

That's what I did at 7:01.

I brought Tokyo Drift, bitches.

Let's watch.

Bu...

Uh, hey.

Look, I love that you're
so excited about this,

but it's not so simple.

Yeah, we have a well-established

movie selection process

that's actually more fun than the movie.

Unless we go with my first pick, Capote.

- Veto.
- Reverse veto.

Danny DeVito.

That's well played.

Um... okay.

This is... different.

All right. So it's your turn, babe.

Now do you want to make a pick or do you

want to pass and bank one of your vetoes?

Hmm...

I'd go with...

Happy Gilmore.

That's a great idea!

If it hadn't been Veto
Corleone'd last week.

- Yeah.
- What does that mean?

Well, it's a long story.

But a great one. See...

I'll get it from context.

It's Mama's turn.

What about...

The Love Guru?

You're just trying to
burn one of my vetoes.

No, I want to watch The Love Guru.

All right.

Let's watch the famously-hated movie

that we only own because it was

in the DVD player we
bought off Craigslist.

Veto.

All right.

Not that this parliamentary
exercise is not a blast,

but we are going to watch
a movie tonight, right?

I don't know.

Maybe we should ask,

- uh, Forrest Gump.
- Nagasaki!

Ah! Can't watch it for
the next five years.

My plan all along!

Oh! All right.

I could use one of my ricochets...

but I've only got 90 left.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh...

Oh, don't act like you like romcoms.

Ah ha ha ha!

You don't know what I'm gonna do!

Coming!

Ooh, sexy.

Business on the outside,

naked body underneath.

Yes, that is how clothing works.

So, I got the twist-off kind

so I could drink while I
waited in line to pay.

Okay.

- My sister...
- Uh-huh.

Has now somehow turned
my folks against me.

I mean, I gave her a job.

- Mm.
- Listen to what she said...

Yeah, hold that thought,

because I have a special treat for you.

Oh. Well, is it another bottle of wine?

Because this one is almost empty.

No, better than that.

And it's so messed up,

because my sister works for me.

Well, she did work for me,
until just recently...

May I present...

Marv, my doorman. Marv, Catherine;

Catherine, Marv.

We met downstairs

when you were calling your sister a whore.

Mm.

Yes. Nice to meet you. Again.

Now, Marv, you've known
me for a while and, uh,

you've seen me date a number
of women, have you not?

Mm-hmm. All sorts of women.

Blondes, brunettes;

25-year-olds, 28-year-olds;

twins, triplets...

Right, right, right.

And what is the one thing

- that none of 'em had?
- A college degree.

Marv.

No. No, walk-in privileges
to my apartment.

Right? So, Marv,

as my witness,

I hereby give Catherine Sanders

permission to come and go at her leisure.

No signing in, no buzzing up.

That is against leasing company policy.

Right. Thanks, Marv.

So, what do you think, huh?

Are you surprised?

It's really not necessary, Jimmy.

I can just get buzzed up the normal way.

That would be a lot better for
me, leasing company-wise.

Uh, thanks, Marv.

Wait a minute. I don't,
I don't understand.

I don't see how you're not
jumping for joy over this.

I'm giving you the keys to this castle.

It's a privilege that I didn't
even extend to Lucy Liu...

and yes, this is my subtle way
of telling you I dated Lucy Liu.

You are acting like a child, Jimmy,

and if you haven't noticed,

I am already dealing
with one of those today.

What are you talking about?

Oh, my God, you really don't know.

Why don't we just get
this out in the open?

You don't think I'm
boyfriend material, do you?

- Are you?
- Yes.

- How does Marv not prove that?
- Really?

Carting out your doorman?

You are unbelievable, Jimmy.

Yeah, and you're unappreciative.

You know how many women in this
town would love this privilege?

Then call them.

- Oh!
- Shh!

And it's my sister, for
the billionth time.

You know what? I have to go.

Hey, Marv.

Maybe you could just put
Catherine's name down on

- the sublease so it'll all work out...
- Get out, Marv.

All right.

It was a long process, but once again,

the system has prevailed.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Regarding Henry.

I don't get it.

Does anybody even want to see this movie?

No.

But that's movie night.

I think it's getting kind of late.

And even if it weren't,

I think I'm gonna hit the hay.

Nah. Are you sure?

Very sure. Good night.

Tonight was about showing

this tradition that I love to Vanessa

and she hated it.

What does that mean?

Are we just... incompatible?

Hey, movie night ain't for everyone.

But good news, now that she's gone,

Patriot Games is back on the table.

Hah!

Far be it from me to question you,

but why are you restocking
the oral hygiene aisle?

I'm returning all the things
I bought for Catherine.

We're done.

Okay, but you know you can't return items

just by putting them back the shelf.

Well, how else do you do it?

Annelise usually does it for me.

You have to wait in line,

talk to the manager,

show them the receipt,
give them the credit...

I'm not doing all that.

So why are you and Catherine done?

Got in a fight.

And she said she wanted to break up?

Well, not in so many words,

but that's usually what happens with me.

We get in a fight, we break
up and we never talk again.

Every relationship has fights.

Craig and I once had a huge yelling fight

over whether or not Tori

was on The Bachelor for the right reasons.

Well, she wasn't, clearly.

- Right?
- Right?

Anyway, after I gave him

the silent treatment
for a couple of hours,

we came together like adults,

apologized, had crazy sex, and moved on.

Tell me what your fight was about.

I don't know. She came over last night

and she got all worked up about
her sister or something.

But then I did this great thing.

I had the doorman come in

and give her walk-in privileges.

Sort of a baller twist on
giving her my house key.

Wouldn't her name have
to be on the sublease?

Yeah, I know.

But the point is that she got worked up,

she left and she said I
wasn't boyfriend material.

Well, what was the thing with the sister?

Ah... ding, ding, ding.

So it sounds like Catherine
was having a personal problem

and she could've used
a little emotional support.

You know, the kind boyfriends
tend to give their girlfriends.

- You think so?
- Yes.

But I'm only a board-certified therapist

who's always right.

You don't think she moved on already?

It's been eight hours.

I would've moved on already.

Go talk to her. I bet she's in her sweats

eating a pint of cookie dough ice cream.
Oh, by the way,

you're buying me a pint of
cookie dough ice cream.

What are you doing?

I'm not passing up free tampons.

And these are the good ones.

Oh, yeah, they are.

None of the blue liquid gets through.

Well, it doesn't.

Yes! Yes!

Rip his junk off and use
it as a puppet, Roy!

- It's so violent.
- Hey.

Thanks for letting us watch MMA here.

Hey, that's what couples
do for each other.

Yeah.

Yeah, I know movie night wasn't your jam,

but I'm excited to find

something else we can do together, yeah?

Maybe it's mixed martial arts.

- Mm.
- Oh!

Make him hemorrhage!

Make him die in his 40s!

- Uh, is that allowed?
- Uh, it's encouraged.

I love it when they cut to a
shot of his family watching.

Hey, you know what, I mean,
I feel a little weird

admitting this, and I'm not hoping for it,

but if one of them dies, it
would be pretty exciting.

Hey, you actually enjoy this, baby?

Yeah, I think I do.

I mean, you know I love pro wrestling,

and I love those live
surgeries on Discovery.

It's kind of like the best of both worlds.

All right, everyone, place your bets.

Shanahan versus Wong.

You in, G?

Uh, I mean, I haven't, uh,
placed a bet in a while.

Not long enough to forget the thrill.

Oh, my God, do you have
a gambling problem?

No.

No. Just a little online poker.

- Oh.
- And some off-track betting.

Women's college basketball,

which, if you watch preseason,
is basically free money.

Yo, my man, Money Mike.

Uh, what's the max wager?

You know what, don't answer that.

Hey, I'm gonna get out of here.
Why don't you hide that?

That's probably best for me.

Hey, what time is the main event?

Uh, don't answer that.

Hi, Jimmy.

Hi. I just came by to tell you

that I borrowed 20 bucks from Ravi,

and I have no intention
of ever paying him back.

Catherine, you're amazing.

And I really like you, and
I know I was an idiot.

And, I'll tell you, if
you were anyone else,

I-I would have moved on by
now, but I don't want to.

And I don't think you want to either.

Everything okay?

Or is this Ken doll giving you a problem?

This is weird.

I guess so. It's just that

usually when I have a
big fight with a guy,

- that's how it goes.
- Yeah, yeah, I know exactly what you mean.

Sounds like the beginning
of a beautiful threesome.

Listen, Rick,

I know I invited you here,

but get out.

We haven't even had sex yet.

I just inhaled a pint of ice cream.

That really wasn't gonna happen anyway.

I left my brother's graduation for this?

I'm, um...

I'm gonna choose to ignore all that.

He's an old friend.

Yours is bigger.

That's all I needed to hear.

Listen, I don't know what's
going on with your sister,

and that's a problem.

I mean, you needed me to listen.

That seems like a very reasonable thing

to expect from a guy who wants
to be called your boyfriend.

Well, it's also pretty reasonable

that if a girl wants a guy
to help, she should ask.

I did feel this was mostly your fault.

For two very successful people,

we are idiots when it
comes to relationships.

And what do we do now?

Kissing couldn't hurt.

Oh.

You know what?

I think we should wait on that.

Did the horny guy who
just left kill the mood?

No, no. It's just that I think that

what a boyfriend and girlfriend
are supposed to do now is cook

and sit on the couch and
talk and listen to ea...

Yeah. Well, the horny guy
did sort of kill it, too.

Come on. Now, tell me about
this horrible sister of yours.

Yo! I left my phone in there!

Ooh. Baby, you can't have that.

Baby, you can't have that.

My beer.

Hey, Vanessa, we need to
talk about something.

Your laptop was broken
before my cousins got here.

Fine. Money Mike broke it.

Fine. I broke it.

It's okay. I got it all backed up

on my external hard drive.

Money Mike broke that.

Fine. I broke that, too.

Let's... talk about that later.

Look... Vanessa, I'm-I'm worried about us.

You know? I mean, you
didn't like my thing,

and I literally can't do your thing ever.

We're two very different people.

Since when's that news?

I know, but it's just...

what's our relationship gonna look like

if we can't do anything together?

How will that work?

It just will.

Why aren't you worried about this?

Gerald, nothing about
you and me should work.

- Not helping.
- Think about it.

We got pregnant when we
weren't even dating,

we both still live with our families,

my grandmother hates white people.

Since when do we care about that stuff?

I love you.

Even during movie night, I loved you.

I love you, too.

And we're still getting to
know each other, right?

Mm-hmm.

We'll figure out tons of
stuff to do together.

Like, um... do you like mini golf?

- No.
- Do you like gun ranges?

- No.
- Do you like road trips?

No.

Do you like just
shooting guns in the desert?

- No.
- Oh.Do you like...?

- Kissing?
- Yes.

My beer.

So, I caught my sister
looking at porn at work.

Oh.

And-and I told her to
stop, and she said no,

- so I had to fire her.
- Hmm.

I mean, filthy stuff.

Genres that I didn't even know existed.

Really? Good thing I don't work for you.

I'm just kidding.

I've got my own little
porn star right here.

Is that a romantic,
boyfriendy thing to say?

- Uh-uh, not really.
- I didn't think so, no.

Oh, want to watch The Bachelorette?
It's 8:00.

I dated her for a hot minute.

- Oh, she's cute.
- See what else is on.

Ooh, big Bill O'Reilly, huh?

How about The O'Reilly Factor?

Oh, no, you did not.

He was liberal in bed.

I love that we're both funny.

Who's that? Backup booty call?

- Been there.
- Wait. No.

Coming!

Jimmy, this is my security guard Brent.

Brent, this is Jimmy,

my boyfriend.

No need to buzz him up from the gate.

He can drive on whenever he wants.

Thank you.

You know, when I say we
should just cuddle and talk,

I completely forgot about make-up sex.

Oh, right! It slipped my mind, too.

Did you really sleep with Bill O'Reilly?

Yours is bigger.

Ah. All I needed to hear.

Sync and corrections by squallounet
www.addic7ed.com