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1
00:00:02,902 --> 00:00:05,371
Now tell me exactly
2
00:00:05,438 --> 00:00:09,375
what happened.
3
00:00:09,442 --> 00:00:13,345
You, through some shady
deal with the Border Patrol,
4
00:00:13,413 --> 00:00:17,149
sent us to south Texas to capture
an individual named Moreno...
5
00:00:17,216 --> 00:00:21,953
- Mexico's most notorious coyote...
- Which is espa�ol for
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00:00:22,021 --> 00:00:23,088
people-smuggler.
7
00:00:23,156 --> 00:00:26,358
Thanks, that's --
And also for coyote, turns out.
8
00:00:26,426 --> 00:00:28,126
Archer --
It's a loanword.
9
00:00:28,194 --> 00:00:29,261
Or is it a calque?
10
00:00:29,329 --> 00:00:30,296
Why do you always do this?
11
00:00:30,363 --> 00:00:31,664
Because I'm always bored.
12
00:00:31,731 --> 00:00:34,633
Is he -- this is
totally nerve wracking!
13
00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:36,067
How are you bored?!
14
00:00:36,135 --> 00:00:37,336
Don't engage him.
15
00:00:37,404 --> 00:00:39,371
Because I've been lying
in scorpion piss for two hours,
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00:00:39,439 --> 00:00:42,741
in the sunblasted shithole
which is Texas, waiting for a
17
00:00:42,809 --> 00:00:47,012
stupid truck stuffed with smallish
brown people who just want a job!
18
00:00:47,079 --> 00:00:49,080
And probably
Mexican cartel gunmen!
19
00:00:49,148 --> 00:00:49,881
What'd I just say?
20
00:00:49,949 --> 00:00:52,484
Big whoop, I'm
spooning a Barrett fifty-cal.
21
00:00:52,552 --> 00:00:53,652
I could kill a building.
22
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:56,855
Just put one through the engine
block when the truck has to stop.
23
00:00:56,923 --> 00:00:58,190
Please.
24
00:00:58,257 --> 00:00:59,224
This is what he does.
25
00:00:59,292 --> 00:01:02,127
He knows we're tense because
we're normal human beings.
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00:01:02,195 --> 00:01:05,698
My theory, and I'm serious, is
that he's got some rare kind of
27
00:01:05,765 --> 00:01:10,035
pervasive developmental disorder, or
even undiagnosed atypical autism.
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00:01:10,102 --> 00:01:12,137
Your uh, mic's hot.
29
00:01:12,205 --> 00:01:13,205
I know.
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00:01:13,272 --> 00:01:14,440
Wow.
31
00:01:14,507 --> 00:01:17,876
- Well, here comes the truck...
- Okay, we're in position.
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00:01:17,944 --> 00:01:21,012
Great, so after we catch him, you
can intentionally hurt his feelings.
33
00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:24,049
Okay, first of all --
Can I hold the fake baby!
34
00:01:24,116 --> 00:01:25,517
Will you man up?!
35
00:01:25,585 --> 00:01:26,552
Kimberly Kevlar?!
36
00:01:26,619 --> 00:01:27,686
Here we go.
37
00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:28,587
Archer, you ready?
38
00:01:28,655 --> 00:01:32,524
Hang on Lana, I'm stacking
rocks in order of descending size.
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00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:33,992
See, right there, that's...
40
00:01:34,060 --> 00:01:36,061
Oye! Mueve el coche!
41
00:01:36,128 --> 00:01:38,330
Hi, yeah, we broke down?
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00:01:38,398 --> 00:01:41,367
And --
Bueno pues, los traspaso!
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00:01:41,434 --> 00:01:45,537
Don't run over us, we have a baby!
44
00:01:45,605 --> 00:01:46,438
Oops.
45
00:01:46,506 --> 00:01:47,239
Es un robo!
46
00:01:47,306 --> 00:01:48,474
Vaya!
47
00:01:48,541 --> 00:01:49,341
Archer!
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00:01:49,409 --> 00:01:51,377
Not talking to you.
49
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Ay!
50
00:01:59,118 --> 00:02:00,652
I can do this all day!
51
00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:04,322
Since I find repetitive
behavior so calming!
52
00:02:04,391 --> 00:02:06,625
Jesus Christ, I'm sorry!
53
00:02:06,693 --> 00:02:07,526
Ow!
54
00:02:07,594 --> 00:02:09,294
Apologize to my tinnitus!
55
00:02:09,362 --> 00:02:10,729
Now hands up, Moreno!
56
00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:11,797
It's over!
57
00:02:11,865 --> 00:02:18,003
- What're you -- that's not Moreno...
- I am Moreno!
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00:02:24,611 --> 00:02:28,013
Moreno is a woman.
59
00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:29,339
No shit.
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00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:37,074
Everyone is intimidated by a shark. Become
a Card Shark AMERICASCARDROOM.COM
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00:02:50,893 --> 00:03:01,249
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
62
00:03:06,366 --> 00:03:07,733
I don't understand.
63
00:03:07,801 --> 00:03:10,669
If Moreno had surrendered,
how did it go so wrong?
64
00:03:10,737 --> 00:03:15,541
Uh, well, kinda slowly at first...
I said slowly!
65
00:03:15,609 --> 00:03:17,209
Whoa, hey, ladies, c'mon!
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00:03:17,276 --> 00:03:19,745
I know the adrenaline's still
pumping, but let's, ya know,
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00:03:19,813 --> 00:03:21,614
de-escalate the situation.
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00:03:21,681 --> 00:03:23,682
Oh for -- de-escalate your dick.
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00:03:23,750 --> 00:03:24,984
De -- wait.
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00:03:25,051 --> 00:03:27,052
Escalate shutting up.
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00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:31,557
Hola, soy Sterling Archer, agente de --
De ISIS, no?
72
00:03:31,625 --> 00:03:34,459
Wait, how did you --
Lana, Mexico gets the news!
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00:03:34,528 --> 00:03:37,095
I think, do you guys,
uh, las not�cias...?
74
00:03:37,163 --> 00:03:39,665
Well, here's some news--
Now this is happening.
75
00:03:39,733 --> 00:03:41,333
I actually have
some thoughts on that.
76
00:03:41,401 --> 00:03:43,769
No, you actually --
Do, and those thoughts
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00:03:43,837 --> 00:03:46,805
are, how about we let Se�or... ita?
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00:03:46,873 --> 00:03:47,706
S�.
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00:03:47,774 --> 00:03:51,644
Awesome, Se�orita Moreno
go, with a stern warning, if she
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00:03:51,711 --> 00:03:56,281
promises never to do this
again, maybe over a drink?
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00:03:56,349 --> 00:03:57,182
Hola?
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00:03:57,250 --> 00:03:58,884
Oh shit, I forgot
there's people in there.
83
00:03:58,952 --> 00:04:00,385
Cyril, open the door, idiot.
84
00:04:00,453 --> 00:04:01,420
Don't push me!
85
00:04:01,487 --> 00:04:02,487
And do not!
86
00:04:02,556 --> 00:04:03,822
Open that door!
87
00:04:03,890 --> 00:04:05,824
But -- c'mon,
they gotta be roasting.
88
00:04:05,892 --> 00:04:07,927
Well I'm sorry, but if
we let 'em out, then boom!
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00:04:07,994 --> 00:04:08,861
They scatter!
90
00:04:08,929 --> 00:04:11,463
To where?!
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00:04:11,531 --> 00:04:13,465
Uh, our overburdened
health care system?
92
00:04:13,533 --> 00:04:14,099
Ooh!
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00:04:14,167 --> 00:04:16,268
Or maybe our tax-funded
government schools, for which -
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00:04:16,335 --> 00:04:18,470
spoiler ahead - they don't pay taxes!
95
00:04:18,538 --> 00:04:21,774
How is a Lorax-blowing
treehugger like you anti-immigration?!
96
00:04:21,841 --> 00:04:25,110
Because illegal immigration--
Exactly! I mean, it's
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00:04:25,178 --> 00:04:29,147
not like your ancestors, ya know...
had papers!
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00:04:29,215 --> 00:04:30,883
Wow.
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00:04:30,951 --> 00:04:32,751
Cyril I said open the door!
100
00:04:32,819 --> 00:04:37,089
And I said don't push me!
101
00:04:37,156 --> 00:04:40,826
And then very, very suddenly.
102
00:04:40,894 --> 00:04:42,895
Because I couldn't hear you!
103
00:04:42,963 --> 00:04:44,563
Over the sound!
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00:04:44,631 --> 00:04:46,732
Of now I'm punching you!
105
00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:49,534
Dammit Archer, let him --
Oops.
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00:04:49,603 --> 00:04:50,202
Lana!
107
00:04:50,269 --> 00:04:51,070
Have you lost your mind?!
108
00:04:51,137 --> 00:04:52,137
No, just my temper.
109
00:04:52,205 --> 00:04:54,673
Now open the goddamn door.
110
00:04:54,741 --> 00:04:57,576
And Se�orita
Moreno, you're free to go.
111
00:04:57,644 --> 00:05:00,946
Although the appropriate thing would
be to buy me a thank-you drink.
112
00:05:01,014 --> 00:05:01,446
Uh...?
113
00:05:01,481 --> 00:05:02,214
What're you doing.
114
00:05:02,281 --> 00:05:03,515
What are you doing?!
115
00:05:03,583 --> 00:05:04,950
You almost killed Lana!
116
00:05:05,018 --> 00:05:07,219
- Nnghh...
- No, see, she's fine!
117
00:05:07,286 --> 00:05:09,454
She's not fine, she's
at least got a concussion!
118
00:05:09,522 --> 00:05:10,322
So?
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00:05:10,389 --> 00:05:11,790
You get like, six freebies.
120
00:05:11,858 --> 00:05:12,557
No you don't!
121
00:05:12,626 --> 00:05:14,459
Yes you do,
Cyril, now put it down!
122
00:05:14,527 --> 00:05:15,494
You put it down!
123
00:05:15,561 --> 00:05:16,294
It's over!
124
00:05:16,362 --> 00:05:19,999
We are turning Moreno over to the border
patrol and taking Lana to a hospital!
125
00:05:20,066 --> 00:05:21,299
Can't let you do that.
126
00:05:21,367 --> 00:05:24,302
The first part, hospital's
probably a good idea.
127
00:05:24,370 --> 00:05:26,839
Well, then we'll just see what
your mother has to say about it!
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00:05:26,906 --> 00:05:29,508
Do not call her, I swear
to God I'll -- wait, hang on,
129
00:05:29,575 --> 00:05:30,709
are you wearing kevlar?
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00:05:30,777 --> 00:05:35,247
Yes, because I'm
not an idi -- oh no.
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00:05:35,314 --> 00:05:37,683
Sorry, I know that hurt.
132
00:05:37,751 --> 00:05:38,784
Nnghhhh...
133
00:05:38,852 --> 00:05:41,419
There, just like
"The Defiant Ones."
134
00:05:41,487 --> 00:05:45,691
Now then, I believe there was some
mention of a thank-you drink?
135
00:05:45,759 --> 00:05:49,094
So, just so I'm clear...
You expect me to believe
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00:05:49,162 --> 00:05:52,631
that Sterling beat both of
you up, then shot Cyril?
137
00:05:52,699 --> 00:05:54,066
- Uh...
- Uh...
138
00:05:54,134 --> 00:05:54,667
For some
139
00:05:54,734 --> 00:05:55,668
haggard Mexican?
140
00:05:55,735 --> 00:05:58,470
- I wouldn't really describe her as haggard...
- I would.
141
00:05:58,538 --> 00:05:59,404
Of course you would.
142
00:05:59,472 --> 00:06:03,308
But, shut up, tempers were kinda
high, about the illegals in the truck.
143
00:06:03,376 --> 00:06:04,677
Oh who cares about them.
144
00:06:04,744 --> 00:06:05,544
Not Lana.
145
00:06:05,611 --> 00:06:10,082
Still, though, it doesn't--
Do you mind?!
146
00:06:10,150 --> 00:06:13,251
Yes, it's the most
stupidest boring job in the whole stupid
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00:06:13,319 --> 00:06:16,121
boring world!
148
00:06:16,189 --> 00:06:18,423
But you insist that we do it.
149
00:06:18,491 --> 00:06:20,492
Not right this second!
150
00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:22,494
Remind me, Pam,
when did Ms. Archer say she
151
00:06:22,562 --> 00:06:23,796
wanted us to shred this crap?
152
00:06:23,863 --> 00:06:25,630
You did say right this second.
153
00:06:25,699 --> 00:06:27,465
I said it on Tuesday!
154
00:06:27,533 --> 00:06:28,033
Well?!
155
00:06:28,101 --> 00:06:29,802
Well what?!
156
00:06:29,869 --> 00:06:31,503
I actually
don't have a follow-up.
157
00:06:31,571 --> 00:06:34,506
But speaking of, I bet a Mexican
would do this for a buck an hour.
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00:06:34,574 --> 00:06:36,508
Those documents are top-secret!
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00:06:36,576 --> 00:06:37,576
You let Pam do it.
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00:06:37,643 --> 00:06:39,144
Dicknuts.
161
00:06:39,212 --> 00:06:41,413
I'm just sayin, they work hard
as hell, and they work cheap.
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00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:43,082
Cheap, because
they don't pay taxes!
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00:06:43,149 --> 00:06:43,916
Thank you!
164
00:06:43,983 --> 00:06:45,450
And when did
you work with Mexicans?
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00:06:45,518 --> 00:06:48,587
Where do you think milk comes from?
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00:06:48,654 --> 00:06:50,122
How's it hangin, Jorge?
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00:06:50,190 --> 00:06:51,356
Bien, Miss Pam.
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00:06:51,424 --> 00:06:53,125
How are joo?
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00:06:53,193 --> 00:06:56,762
Yeah, I think you're ready.
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00:06:56,830 --> 00:06:58,931
Milk comes from Mexicans?
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00:06:58,998 --> 00:07:02,400
Oh my God, what's cereal made from?!
172
00:07:02,468 --> 00:07:03,268
Thank you.
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00:07:03,336 --> 00:07:03,936
Labor of love.
174
00:07:04,003 --> 00:07:04,803
Well?
175
00:07:04,871 --> 00:07:05,537
Then what?
176
00:07:05,605 --> 00:07:08,073
I suppose next you'll tell me
Sterling drove off in the truck
177
00:07:08,141 --> 00:07:09,708
with this Mexican woman?
178
00:07:09,776 --> 00:07:10,442
Uh, no.
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00:07:10,509 --> 00:07:15,614
Because if you will recall...
Archer shot out the engine block...
180
00:07:15,681 --> 00:07:19,151
And I don't think she was the
only one he drove off with...
181
00:07:19,219 --> 00:07:20,485
So where did they all go?
182
00:07:20,553 --> 00:07:21,920
And how?
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00:07:21,988 --> 00:07:23,488
Who the hell knows where?!
184
00:07:23,556 --> 00:07:29,862
Although we do have
a working theory on how...
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00:07:29,929 --> 00:07:35,100
Hey I'm serious, if I have to
pull this car over you will regret it!
186
00:07:35,168 --> 00:07:38,971
So share the goddamn Doritos!
187
00:07:39,038 --> 00:07:41,874
Yeah, lookin right at you, Lupe.
188
00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:47,514
You want me to look for what?
189
00:07:47,582 --> 00:07:48,448
A station wagon!
190
00:07:48,516 --> 00:07:51,451
Clean the impending massive
heart attack out of your ears.
191
00:07:51,519 --> 00:07:52,619
A station wagon.
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00:07:52,687 --> 00:07:53,921
In all of Texas.
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00:07:53,988 --> 00:07:58,358
- Yeah, or Arizona, Mexico, New Mexico...
- Oh my God.
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00:07:58,426 --> 00:07:59,693
You just got that.
195
00:07:59,761 --> 00:08:03,463
Mmmokay, but that's gonna be kind
of a needle in a -- hey, is that it?!
196
00:08:03,531 --> 00:08:06,767
Oh. No, it was--
Is that it?
197
00:08:06,834 --> 00:08:07,768
Is that it?
198
00:08:07,835 --> 00:08:08,802
Is that it?
199
00:08:08,870 --> 00:08:09,836
Or is it that?
200
00:08:09,904 --> 00:08:11,104
Is that it?
201
00:08:11,172 --> 00:08:13,339
Alright, point --
Wait wait wait wait!
202
00:08:13,407 --> 00:08:14,140
Is that it?!
203
00:08:14,208 --> 00:08:15,475
Point taken!
204
00:08:15,543 --> 00:08:16,476
Ow!
205
00:08:16,544 --> 00:08:17,678
Hey, ya know what?!
206
00:08:17,745 --> 00:08:19,846
Swear to God, you people
make me want to pump nerve gas
207
00:08:19,914 --> 00:08:21,114
through the vents.
208
00:08:21,182 --> 00:08:22,148
Just say the word.
209
00:08:22,216 --> 00:08:22,983
Krieger!
210
00:08:23,051 --> 00:08:23,684
No!
211
00:08:23,751 --> 00:08:27,520
Or, nein, or -- And how the
hell is this our fault?
212
00:08:27,589 --> 00:08:33,560
- Rrrnn...
- She slapped you so hard you died.
213
00:08:33,628 --> 00:08:38,231
- No, I think I'm really dyin...
- I know.
214
00:08:38,299 --> 00:08:40,601
Hey, there's Archer.
215
00:08:40,668 --> 00:08:45,371
Aaaaaaagh!
216
00:08:45,439 --> 00:08:49,209
Ugh, whoever that was, I'm serious,
pretty sure you've got giardia.
217
00:08:49,276 --> 00:08:54,380
I'm serious, please, thank you,
but we need to get back into Mexico.
218
00:08:54,448 --> 00:08:56,149
Solo para reagruparnos!
219
00:08:56,217 --> 00:08:58,151
What the hell kind of plan is this?!
220
00:08:58,219 --> 00:08:59,853
Mmm, I dunno if
I'd call it a plan...?
221
00:08:59,921 --> 00:09:01,221
No one would!
222
00:09:01,288 --> 00:09:02,388
We can't drive around Texas!
223
00:09:02,456 --> 00:09:03,957
What about the border patrol?!
224
00:09:04,025 --> 00:09:08,461
The what?
225
00:09:08,529 --> 00:09:14,901
What in the... hell?!
226
00:09:14,969 --> 00:09:16,970
Ten-eighty, we got a ten-eighty!
227
00:09:17,038 --> 00:09:20,173
Neat!
228
00:09:20,241 --> 00:09:23,376
Puto cabezamierda
pendejo cabron!
229
00:09:23,444 --> 00:09:24,511
Ow! Ow!
230
00:09:24,578 --> 00:09:26,013
I'm really starting to
regret helping you!
231
00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:27,014
Wh-?
232
00:09:27,081 --> 00:09:27,814
This is the opposite of help!
233
00:09:27,882 --> 00:09:29,650
Which no one asked you for anyway!
234
00:09:29,717 --> 00:09:32,052
That's what makes it so noble!
235
00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:33,253
Est� loco!
236
00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:34,320
Loco, no s�.
237
00:09:34,388 --> 00:09:35,355
Tal vez autismo.
238
00:09:35,422 --> 00:09:38,091
Goddammit Chuy
I don't have autism!
239
00:09:38,159 --> 00:09:41,028
I thought if I let you go
you'd at least blow me!
240
00:09:41,095 --> 00:09:44,464
Pinche
cabezamierda pendejo cabron!
241
00:09:44,532 --> 00:09:46,499
You think I am some kind of whore?!
242
00:09:46,567 --> 00:09:49,302
No, but -- Chuy, back me
up here, was there not, like, a
243
00:09:49,370 --> 00:09:50,771
cock-hungry vibe?
244
00:09:50,838 --> 00:09:51,538
Driver.
245
00:09:51,605 --> 00:09:52,438
Driver.
246
00:09:52,506 --> 00:09:53,273
Driver!
247
00:09:53,340 --> 00:09:54,808
Hey guys!
248
00:09:54,876 --> 00:09:57,443
Can you escort us to a hospital?
249
00:09:57,511 --> 00:10:01,915
I bet at least three of these
woman are about to give birth.
250
00:10:01,983 --> 00:10:11,357
Whoa, okay, okay, I'm pulling ov --
We're ten-fifty we're ten-fifty!
251
00:10:11,425 --> 00:10:12,926
What the shit?!
252
00:10:12,994 --> 00:10:16,663
Who did that?!
253
00:10:16,731 --> 00:10:19,099
Malo, Lupe, muy malo!
254
00:10:19,167 --> 00:10:23,203
Oh, plus you are just covered in...
polvo Dorito!
255
00:10:23,270 --> 00:10:25,338
Di�s mio, don't kill them!
256
00:10:25,406 --> 00:10:26,173
What?!
257
00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:27,974
God, what kind of person
do you think I am?
258
00:10:28,042 --> 00:10:29,910
I really think
you might be insane.
259
00:10:29,977 --> 00:10:33,413
That was more of a rhetorical--
But I also think you
260
00:10:33,480 --> 00:10:36,783
make a big risk, to help some poor
people who just want a better life
261
00:10:36,851 --> 00:10:37,884
for their family.
262
00:10:37,952 --> 00:10:43,389
And that, to me, is muy admirable.
263
00:10:47,461 --> 00:10:48,228
See?
264
00:10:48,295 --> 00:10:53,200
I knew you wanted to blow m --
Sorry, that was inappropriate.
265
00:10:53,267 --> 00:10:54,801
Although so was the response.
266
00:10:54,869 --> 00:10:55,668
Drop the weapon!
267
00:10:55,737 --> 00:10:56,970
Drop it!
268
00:10:57,038 --> 00:10:57,704
Here.
269
00:10:57,772 --> 00:10:58,805
You are crazy!
270
00:10:58,873 --> 00:10:59,873
They'll kill us!
271
00:10:59,941 --> 00:11:00,941
Uh-uh, empty.
272
00:11:01,008 --> 00:11:01,641
Wh-?
273
00:11:01,709 --> 00:11:02,709
Last warning!
274
00:11:02,777 --> 00:11:05,779
Those are
three-fifty-seven, ow, Ruger sixes.
275
00:11:05,847 --> 00:11:07,013
They each fired six.
276
00:11:07,081 --> 00:11:08,414
How did you count them?!
277
00:11:08,482 --> 00:11:10,583
I'm just super good at that.
278
00:11:10,651 --> 00:11:13,086
Oh my God, maybe I am autistic.
279
00:11:13,154 --> 00:11:15,588
O.K. ya dirty-ass beaner! That's it!
280
00:11:17,291 --> 00:11:18,992
Qu�?!
281
00:11:19,060 --> 00:11:22,729
I'm sorry, I couldn't hear
you over the sound of...
282
00:11:22,797 --> 00:11:27,134
espera, ten�a algo para esto.
283
00:11:27,201 --> 00:11:30,871
But I'd like to take this opportunity
to apologize for that racial slur.
284
00:11:30,938 --> 00:11:32,139
S�?
285
00:11:32,206 --> 00:11:33,940
What about the racial profiling?
286
00:11:34,008 --> 00:11:36,042
Whatever happened to probable cause?
287
00:11:36,110 --> 00:11:38,745
Our probable cause is the border!
288
00:11:38,813 --> 00:11:41,081
Which we protect from terrorists?
289
00:11:41,149 --> 00:11:43,250
Look, we're just doin our job here.
290
00:11:43,317 --> 00:11:48,054
Shittily...
Two-for-twelve at that distance?
291
00:11:48,122 --> 00:11:50,290
Although, two does seem like plenty.
292
00:11:50,357 --> 00:11:51,858
Mijo, no debes beber.
293
00:11:51,926 --> 00:11:54,394
Really, you learn
that in med school?!
294
00:11:54,461 --> 00:11:57,330
Lo siento, Lupe, tengo mucho dolor.
295
00:11:57,398 --> 00:12:00,267
But quit hogging the beads, I'm
sure Marisol and Paz wanna pray.
296
00:12:00,334 --> 00:12:04,204
And these people aren't -- I
mean not to sound racist, but
297
00:12:04,272 --> 00:12:06,973
- we all know who the terrorists are...
- Los musulmanes.
298
00:12:07,041 --> 00:12:07,941
Lupe!
299
00:12:08,009 --> 00:12:10,343
C'mon, you're in America
now, you just imply it.
300
00:12:10,411 --> 00:12:12,245
Hey, let us go.
301
00:12:12,313 --> 00:12:14,480
You got our first aid kit, the
radio outta the truck so you
302
00:12:14,548 --> 00:12:18,118
- can monitor the police band...
- And, not to sound racist again?
303
00:12:18,186 --> 00:12:21,288
But how many Mexicans does it
take to hook up a car stereo?!
304
00:12:21,355 --> 00:12:22,022
Hey!
305
00:12:22,089 --> 00:12:22,689
Well?!
306
00:12:22,756 --> 00:12:24,090
Well what?!
307
00:12:24,158 --> 00:12:25,591
Don't actually have a follow-up.
308
00:12:25,659 --> 00:12:28,128
But seriously, Chuy, que the hell pasa?
309
00:12:28,196 --> 00:12:32,565
I dunno, the police band is
working, but now the eight-track is not.
310
00:12:32,633 --> 00:12:33,399
Why!
311
00:12:33,467 --> 00:12:35,302
Would we need the eight-track?!
312
00:12:35,369 --> 00:12:38,738
- Oh, that can't be good...
- Basta!
313
00:12:38,806 --> 00:12:39,505
Vamonos!
314
00:12:39,573 --> 00:12:40,473
We go to hospital!
315
00:12:40,541 --> 00:12:41,541
You two!
316
00:12:41,608 --> 00:12:42,209
Get your ass off the car!
317
00:12:42,276 --> 00:12:43,609
You can't just leave us here!
318
00:12:43,677 --> 00:12:45,879
We're twenty miles away
from our last call-in!
319
00:12:45,947 --> 00:12:48,581
We'll die out here!
320
00:12:48,649 --> 00:12:57,123
Goddamnit... I'm actually gonna
take that back... I'm glad you took the
321
00:12:57,191 --> 00:12:58,524
time to fix it.
322
00:12:58,592 --> 00:13:00,723
Eight-track was the way to go.
323
00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:15,334
What do you mean "Way to go"?
324
00:13:15,402 --> 00:13:17,102
Which you clearly said sarcastically.
325
00:13:17,170 --> 00:13:18,136
I mean,
326
00:13:18,205 --> 00:13:21,807
thanks to you, now there might not be any...
reward money, which I had
327
00:13:21,874 --> 00:13:24,943
earmarked for -- vital operations.
328
00:13:25,011 --> 00:13:26,845
You were gonna re-do your office.
329
00:13:26,913 --> 00:13:30,249
Picture it all sort of
pan-Asian Mod, and the carpet
330
00:13:30,317 --> 00:13:32,884
just a sea of white!
331
00:13:32,952 --> 00:13:34,920
But now I'm stuck with cat-puke green.
332
00:13:34,987 --> 00:13:36,555
Because you couldn't control Sterling.
333
00:13:36,623 --> 00:13:40,359
Since when is babysitting Archer
my job, my God, that's exactly my job...
334
00:13:40,427 --> 00:13:42,595
Which, to belabor
the point, you failed.
335
00:13:42,662 --> 00:13:46,998
Now he's run off with this old
Mexican woman to who knows where!
336
00:13:47,066 --> 00:13:48,033
Ewww!
337
00:13:48,101 --> 00:13:50,269
Put a shirt on,
what is wrong with you?!
338
00:13:50,337 --> 00:13:51,403
Archer!
339
00:13:51,471 --> 00:13:52,371
Is what is wrong with me!
340
00:13:52,439 --> 00:13:55,274
And not that I care, at all, but
have you tried calling him?
341
00:13:55,342 --> 00:13:57,509
Please, with
those idiot voicemails?
342
00:13:57,577 --> 00:13:58,544
Ugh.
343
00:13:58,612 --> 00:14:05,551
- Although, it couldn't hurt...
- Hang on, I should get that...
344
00:14:05,619 --> 00:14:06,985
Now?
345
00:14:07,053 --> 00:14:10,322
- Trust me, if you knew my mother...
- Please, if you knew mine.
346
00:14:10,390 --> 00:14:12,057
But you should not be talking right now.
347
00:14:12,125 --> 00:14:14,393
And he
really shouldn't be drinkin.
348
00:14:14,461 --> 00:14:15,193
Really?
349
00:14:15,262 --> 00:14:16,495
You learn that in med school?
350
00:14:16,563 --> 00:14:20,566
That you obviously didn't get into?!
351
00:14:20,634 --> 00:14:23,201
I'm sorry, veterinarian,
I'm in a lot of pain.
352
00:14:23,270 --> 00:14:25,203
I don't
even know how you're alive.
353
00:14:25,272 --> 00:14:26,572
I'm very strong.
354
00:14:26,640 --> 00:14:28,073
And also very drunk.
355
00:14:28,141 --> 00:14:29,642
Which, paging Doctor D.T.
356
00:14:29,709 --> 00:14:31,677
McShakyhands?
357
00:14:31,745 --> 00:14:33,812
Seriously, get your shit together.
358
00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:34,747
Mother?
359
00:14:34,814 --> 00:14:38,450
- Listen, I'm sorry, I take...
- Equal responsibility, with Lana...
360
00:14:38,518 --> 00:14:39,084
Wh-?!
361
00:14:39,152 --> 00:14:39,951
But -- ow!
362
00:14:40,019 --> 00:14:41,620
C'mon, Katy Hepburn!
363
00:14:41,688 --> 00:14:44,790
The stupid Border Patrol shot
me, twice, and I could really
364
00:14:44,857 --> 00:14:46,392
use a medivac chopper.
365
00:14:46,459 --> 00:14:52,431
I'm kinda near -- hey, where --
Goddammit man, pace yourself!
366
00:14:52,499 --> 00:14:53,198
See?
367
00:14:53,266 --> 00:14:55,334
They just get more and more
elaborate, and then it's "ha ha
368
00:14:55,402 --> 00:14:57,936
beep" and then somehow I'm the idiot.
369
00:14:58,004 --> 00:14:58,404
What?!
370
00:14:58,471 --> 00:15:01,573
No no no this isn't a voi--
Smail.
371
00:15:01,641 --> 00:15:04,510
Well, I'm sure there's a lesson
in there somewhere, but -- ow!
372
00:15:04,577 --> 00:15:05,477
Hic!
373
00:15:05,545 --> 00:15:07,346
That oughta do 'er.
374
00:15:07,414 --> 00:15:08,514
Gracias a Di�s!
375
00:15:08,581 --> 00:15:09,848
And to you, doctor!
376
00:15:09,916 --> 00:15:11,850
You truly have the gift of healing!
377
00:15:11,918 --> 00:15:14,820
Boy, I wish you'd
tell that to the licensing board.
378
00:15:14,887 --> 00:15:16,722
You don't even
have a vet license?!
379
00:15:16,790 --> 00:15:19,325
Thanks to
one petty local politician.
380
00:15:19,392 --> 00:15:21,694
And one petty barn fulla dead horses.
381
00:15:21,761 --> 00:15:25,897
Will you shut
up and stitch me up?!
382
00:15:25,965 --> 00:15:29,134
Although... if that
wasn't a prank, and the
383
00:15:29,202 --> 00:15:33,706
Border Patrol did shoot him...
384
00:15:33,773 --> 00:15:34,673
Inappropriate.
385
00:15:34,741 --> 00:15:38,009
- Oh he just has to ruin everything...
- Yeah, so watch
386
00:15:38,077 --> 00:15:41,513
- out for dehydration...
- Thank you, doctor, we will.
387
00:15:41,581 --> 00:15:43,349
And also
for internal bleeding.
388
00:15:43,416 --> 00:15:44,783
We --
And sepsis.
389
00:15:44,851 --> 00:15:46,151
We --
And MRSA.
390
00:15:46,219 --> 00:15:47,653
We --
And probably not
391
00:15:47,721 --> 00:15:48,854
a bad idea to get him
tested for feline AIDS.
392
00:15:48,921 --> 00:15:49,688
We get it!
393
00:15:49,756 --> 00:15:51,122
Now can we go already?!
394
00:15:51,190 --> 00:15:55,994
He said, in agony, because the
unlicensed vet drank all his tequila!
395
00:15:56,062 --> 00:15:58,430
Es mejor, no debes beber.
396
00:15:58,498 --> 00:16:00,766
Lupe, ya tengo una madre!
397
00:16:00,834 --> 00:16:01,667
Now go!
398
00:16:01,735 --> 00:16:02,634
Thank you, doctor.
399
00:16:02,702 --> 00:16:04,470
Oh, don't thank me.
400
00:16:04,537 --> 00:16:06,505
Seriously, I probably did more
harm than good, so if there's
401
00:16:06,573 --> 00:16:10,342
any way to get to one, a medivac
chopper wouldn't kill him.
402
00:16:13,946 --> 00:16:17,282
Less he got flung up
into the blades somehow.
403
00:16:17,350 --> 00:16:21,253
- Yeah, that'd do it...
- That will do, thank you!
404
00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:23,922
I -- wait, but two Border
Patrol agents are missing,
405
00:16:23,990 --> 00:16:26,592
Archer's missing, and you
want us to do... nothing?
406
00:16:26,659 --> 00:16:28,193
Yes, just like
you've done up to now.
407
00:16:28,261 --> 00:16:29,160
Malory, we --
408
00:16:29,228 --> 00:16:30,228
But thank you both for
409
00:16:30,296 --> 00:16:31,162
all that you did do.
410
00:16:31,230 --> 00:16:32,898
Which, again, was nothing.
411
00:16:32,965 --> 00:16:35,333
Nothing -- I got shot!
412
00:16:35,402 --> 00:16:37,803
Any idiot can get shot, Cyril!
413
00:16:37,871 --> 00:16:38,871
Ask Brett!
414
00:16:38,938 --> 00:16:42,240
Now if you'll excuse me, I need
to make some calls to see if I
415
00:16:42,308 --> 00:16:47,646
can get my son out of this mess.
416
00:16:47,714 --> 00:16:48,947
How's it hangin, Grimace?
417
00:16:49,015 --> 00:16:50,315
Owww!
418
00:16:50,383 --> 00:16:51,817
Why?
419
00:16:51,885 --> 00:16:53,285
Why's the AC on?
420
00:16:53,352 --> 00:16:55,654
That's not
the AC, it's the heat!
421
00:16:55,722 --> 00:16:57,022
Then why's it so cold?
422
00:16:57,089 --> 00:17:00,358
- Porque vas al cielo...
- Really doubt I'm going to heaven...
423
00:17:00,427 --> 00:17:01,326
Well, dying.
424
00:17:01,394 --> 00:17:05,330
No he's not!
425
00:17:05,398 --> 00:17:07,933
- Well, you say that...
- We'll never make it in
426
00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:09,601
time in this crappy car!
427
00:17:09,669 --> 00:17:10,903
You need a helicopter!
428
00:17:10,970 --> 00:17:16,975
Yeah, I dunno if you heard, but--
I don't have access to a helicopter.
429
00:17:17,043 --> 00:17:17,843
They do.
430
00:17:17,911 --> 00:17:20,245
C'mon, we're in
enough trouble already!
431
00:17:20,313 --> 00:17:21,580
With who.
432
00:17:21,648 --> 00:17:24,483
- Dammit... - You call headquarters,
you say an innocent Amer --
433
00:17:24,551 --> 00:17:26,318
Republican was shot in a
434
00:17:26,385 --> 00:17:27,653
gunfight with some illegals...
435
00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:28,286
Wh-?
436
00:17:28,354 --> 00:17:30,689
No, that'll just make
you people look worse!
437
00:17:30,757 --> 00:17:34,660
No, not worse as in -- okay, screw
you guys, you know what I meant.
438
00:17:34,727 --> 00:17:38,497
But if they call this in, you'll --
We will be far away by then.
439
00:17:38,565 --> 00:17:41,900
And besides, what kind of car will
the Border Patrol be looking for?
440
00:17:41,968 --> 00:17:47,439
A... ridiculous lowrider truck with
fender-flares and louvers and shit?
441
00:17:47,507 --> 00:17:48,674
Exacto.
442
00:17:48,741 --> 00:17:52,511
And so, Mr. Archer, I'm
afraid for us, this is adios.
443
00:17:52,579 --> 00:17:53,512
Adios?
444
00:17:53,580 --> 00:17:56,047
Not hasta pronto, or --
445
00:18:00,052 --> 00:18:05,691
So, I'm guessing that's a
no possible on the blowjob?
446
00:18:05,758 --> 00:18:11,062
Adios, lindo.
447
00:18:11,130 --> 00:18:15,400
Well, if that ain't a big loada shit...
Turns out he's some kinda spook.
448
00:18:15,468 --> 00:18:17,302
Dude, phrasing!
449
00:18:17,370 --> 00:18:18,971
He's right here!
450
00:18:19,038 --> 00:18:21,907
Don't listen to him, you're beautiful.
451
00:18:21,975 --> 00:18:25,677
As is whatever you're doing,
with the, morphine-wise.
452
00:18:25,745 --> 00:18:26,812
Keep that coming.
453
00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:29,147
That was my boss's boss's boss.
454
00:18:29,215 --> 00:18:31,082
He says yer ass gets total immunity!
455
00:18:31,150 --> 00:18:32,250
Ha ha!
456
00:18:32,318 --> 00:18:38,690
For helping the most notorious coyote
in todo Mexico, Mercedes Moreno?!
457
00:18:38,758 --> 00:18:39,591
Mercedes?
458
00:18:39,659 --> 00:18:40,792
Vrooom!
459
00:18:40,860 --> 00:18:45,296
- Shit, she must be her daughter...
- Wait, whose daughter?
460
00:18:45,364 --> 00:18:47,699
Maria Moreno, dumbass.
461
00:18:47,767 --> 00:18:50,402
She's who we're after.
462
00:18:50,469 --> 00:18:53,138
Bet she smuggles in a thouzna
them sumbitches a year.
463
00:18:53,205 --> 00:18:56,141
But word on the street
is, now she's expanding!
464
00:18:56,208 --> 00:18:59,110
Gonna start bringin em in convoys!
465
00:18:59,178 --> 00:19:00,846
And blow me if we can catch her.
466
00:19:00,914 --> 00:19:01,847
Mmm!
467
00:19:01,915 --> 00:19:09,087
But if Mercedes isn't...
then why would... but... oh, hang on a sec.
468
00:19:09,155 --> 00:19:10,522
Dear Sterling.
469
00:19:10,590 --> 00:19:13,692
You probably should not be
reading this out loud, bec --
470
00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:16,094
Because hopefully you
are with the Border Patrol, on
471
00:19:16,162 --> 00:19:17,529
the way to a real hospital.
472
00:19:17,597 --> 00:19:19,330
I'm so sorry you got shot.
473
00:19:19,398 --> 00:19:23,268
And I don't know how to tell you this,
but we did not meet by accident.
474
00:19:23,335 --> 00:19:25,804
We knew you would be there, Sterling.
475
00:19:25,872 --> 00:19:27,105
Vale vale, ah� estan.
476
00:19:27,173 --> 00:19:29,340
Prep�rate.
477
00:19:29,408 --> 00:19:33,745
We knew your strengths... And we also
knew your -- well, one of your many, many
478
00:19:33,813 --> 00:19:36,548
weaknesses.
479
00:19:36,616 --> 00:19:40,251
Por suerte no
es Ray Gillette, eh?
480
00:19:40,319 --> 00:19:42,821
And then... well, you know the rest.
481
00:19:42,889 --> 00:19:46,091
What the... mierda!
482
00:19:46,158 --> 00:19:50,996
Cuidate, Sterling Archer,
te guardar� siempre en mi coraz�n.
483
00:19:51,064 --> 00:19:52,464
But... who?!
484
00:19:52,531 --> 00:19:56,735
Oh hang on, there's a --
P.S., and as for who -- wait, hang on.
485
00:19:56,803 --> 00:19:59,304
Oh, Lupe says she will
be praying for you.
486
00:19:59,371 --> 00:20:03,541
And as for who, I hate to be the
one to tell you this, but maybe
487
00:20:03,610 --> 00:20:08,680
- you know someone who values money...
- Oh my... Mother.
488
00:20:08,748 --> 00:20:11,638
More than their
so-called principles?
489
00:20:11,997 --> 00:20:14,343
So what do you care if it's in pesos?
490
00:20:14,781 --> 00:20:18,162
Well, actually, no, I was,
but then I thought...
491
00:20:18,282 --> 00:20:19,946
white carpet?
492
00:20:20,066 --> 00:20:22,645
Because he wouldn't believe what
those *** are.
493
00:20:23,405 --> 00:20:24,739
What are you doing?
494
00:20:24,859 --> 00:20:27,671
What? Nothing. I'm just a hologram.
495
00:20:32,832 --> 00:20:34,398
Anyhoo...
496
00:20:34,518 --> 00:20:44,967
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
WEB DL Sync: VeRdiKT
www.addic7ed.com
497
00:20:45,305 --> 00:20:51,702
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