All language subtitles for The.New.Adventures.of.Old.Christine.S02E17.Strange Bedfellows.eng

Excuse me, ma'am,
may I talk to you for a minute?

- Sure.
- No, sweetie.

- We don't have any change.
- I have change.

- No, sweetie.
- I'm not asking for money.

I want to talk to you about
the upcoming special election.

Are you a registered voter?

Cool it.

You know what?
Can we do this on the way out?

I'm not blowing you off.

I really do believe that
it is our responsibility

to make informed decisions
about our legislature.

Okay.

No, really. I mean it.

I'm not one of those kind of
people who just says that.

I'm involved.
I'm a concerned citizen.

Right, sweetie?

- Okay.
- Okay.

I'll see you in a minute.

You ready?

- What are we doing?
- Just hold on.

It was so cool.

We just went flying
out of there.

We ran right over his foot.

Nice example you're
setting for our son.

Yeah.

Hey, what is going on with
you and all this backtalk?

I don't know,
I think I'm changing.

All right, well,
go change in your room.

Start your homework.

I am setting a good
example for Ritchie.

I did not talk to that guy because
I already know who I'm voting for.

I didn't want to
waste his time.

That gives him a chance to talk to
people who are ignorant on the issues.

Who's more ignorant than you?

I happen to be very
politically informed.

You know, sending Jon Stewart
pictures of yourself in a bikini

doesn't make you
politically informed.

So who are you voting for?

The handsome guy...

with the yellow lab,
a little stubble, sparkly eyes.

You're pathetic.

Oh, yeah,
who are you voting for?

The guy who used to
play for the Lakers...

with the hot wife.

And I'm pathetic.

Plus, his voting record as
an assemblyman impressed me

and he had some really great ideas
about the redistricting proposals.

That's right.

Hey, listen, you know what? I set a
fine example for Ritchie, all right?

I drive a Prius.
I burn soy candles.

I've got a black friend.

I mean,
what more could I possibly do?

Read a book.

I read Jon Stewart's book.

All right, I'm going to go
check on what's-his-face.

Anybody want more coffee?

I'll take a little.

You guys kissed.

No, we did not.

What was that?

- What?
- That. Just now.

You two just looked
at each other.

- No.
- Yes.

I said you kissed and you looked
at each other. It was weird.

And this right now, me telling you
and you denying it, that's weird, too.

Nothing's weird.
You're making it weird.

It wasn't weird before
you started saying weird.

You're just crazy.
And you're weird.

Oh, my God,
you guys are doing it.

We're not doing it.

I'm married to Pete and I'm
not even doing it with him.

Well, something's going on.
And you'd better tell me what,

otherwise I'm telling
everyone you're doing it.

You'd better tell him.

Oh, my God!

There's something to tell.
I was totally bluffing.

Quiet, jackass.

There was one time...

we made out.

It was ten years ago.
I was home from college.

It was before Barb was married.

This is huge.

I can't believe it. How was it?

- Fantastic.
- Okay.

I can't believe
Christine never told me.

Christine doesn't know.

Yeah, we didn't tell her at the time.
We thought she'd freak out.

Why?

Because back then it
would've been too weird.

And now that we've been lying about
it for ten years, now it's too late.

Yeah, and you can't tell her.

I don't know what's
going to stop me.

I'll give you a hint.

Oh, God. He's so good!

How can Simon say
he's not a star?

Simon's always right.
I don't like him, either. Not a star.

What? He grew up in
hard-times Mississippi.

He had to take care
of his entire family.

How can you not be
rooting for him?

He's never going to make it.
Look, Paula's not even crying.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Did you vote?

What? No. You can't vote until
they're done singing, you dumbass.

I'm talking about the election,
you dumbass.

Was that today?

Oh, crap.

It's not too late.

If you leave now, you can probably
get there before the polls close.

But Idol.

- TiVo it.
- No, I can't. It's broken.

We're watching this live,
like animals.

If I go now, I'll miss the end.

What'd I miss?

Your mom forgot to vote.

Don't tell him that.
I was going to vote, sweetie,

but then I lost track of
time and now it's too late.

You still have 15 minutes.

Don't tell him that.

Why aren't you going to vote?

Because...

I am. I'm going to vote.
Come on, let's go vote.

- But Idol.
- No, forget it.

This is important.
This is a sacred privilege.

We must not be take
it for granted.

We got to hurry up and get back
before that gay married guy comes on.

I love him.

Matthew, where do I vote?

Oh, dude, it's really easy.
You go to the end of our street and...

Okay, you know what,
you talk too slow.

- Come on, you're taking me.
- But Idol.

No! Come on, you're taking me.
Come on.

Did you want to go with
your boyfriend or...

Come on, I'm just teasing.

It's funny.

Just kidding around.

Okay, since you're obviously
going to be an idiot about this,

I'm going to need some insurance that
you're not going to tell Christine.

What do you mean?

You need to tell me
a secret of yours.

So that way if you tell Christine
our secret, we'll tell yours.

And it has to be
something embarrassing.

How about... I'm afraid of you?

That's no secret.

Oh! All right, you're still open.
We made it.

We are here to vote.

- Name?
- Christine Campbell.

This is my son Ritchie.

He's very interested in
how democracy works.

Can I watch your TV?

- No.
- Shoot.

I don't see you on the list.

Really? Campbell.

437 Myrtle Street.

It's a cottage-y house
with the wood shingles,

Christmas tree on the curb. Hey, do
you know who we call to pick that up...

You know what? We'll take care of that.
It's probably not your department.

You're not registered here.
When was the last time you voted?

I don't believe that you are
allowed to ask me that question

within 50 feet of
a polling place.

Matthew, do you want
to do something?

- Me? What can I possibly do?
- You're useless. Come on.

I know that this is my place.

I've been here before.
I remember the smell.

Are you sure that
I'm not on that list?

Oh, Christine.
You can't even get on this list?

Why are you voting
in my neighborhood?

We claim residency in some of
the poorer sections of town.

Some tax thing.

I think we own the liquor
store down the street.

Oh. I love that liquor store.

Thank you.

Can we move this along?
We're going to miss the gay married guy.

Oh, you have a date?

No, it's Idol.

You know,
I don't have time for this.

We should go, too. We left the
housekeepers in the car watching Shrek.

Isn't there something
that I can do?

Maybe vote now and
register tomorrow?

No, it's too late.

The polls are closing
as of right...

now.

No, no, no, but I need to vote.

My son needs to see me vote.

Wait! My son. Ritchie! Ritchie!

Okay, so.

That's voting.
Do you have any questions?

- No. That was scary.
- Yeah, okay, let's go.

Well, Ritchie's doing okay.
Luckily, he was distracted

by all those old vacuums
in that lady's garage.

Yeah, what was that about?
I mean, are they building something?

I feel like we
should call someone.

What happened to me, Matthew?
I used to be so politically active.

I used to have a
social conscience.

I used to care about things that
were bigger than American Idol.

Like when you cared
about Amazing Race?

Before that.

Oh, when you cared
about Survivor?

Before that.

You know, I used to care
about the world around me.

I was involved, you know.

Don't you remember in
college I was so active.

Oh, you were very active.

I remember three pregnancy
scares and a lot of antibiotics.

I loved college.

I used to go to rallies, I used to
go to Take Back The Night marches.

Remember that bus trip
I took to Washington, D.C.?

I remember when you found out you
had to use the bathroom on the bus,

you made them drop
you off in Barstow.

No, no, but then there was that creepy
guy in the tights at the rest stop,

so I got back on the
bus and I went to D.C.

I had a very edifying weekend,
you know.

Have you ever been to
our nation's capitol?

Well, the summer I worked
as a congressional page.

Okay!

Does everything have to be
a competition with you?

I mean,
the point is that after that trip,

I became really involved
in campus politics.

I started the Young
Democrats Club,

I slept that guy who made
the campaign buttons.

It felt good.

You know, I need to be a
better role model for Ritchie.

I do. I mean, what does it say

that his mother can't
even name our senators?

Well, it'd probably be more damaging
for him to know there's a chance

his real father is some
guy who make buttons.

Such a small chance.

You know, that's it.
I'm going to do something.

I'm going to volunteer.

Oh, hey, is Bill Clinton
running for anything?

No.

What else can I do?

Stop sharing the details
of your filthy past,

make me dinner,
clean the house.

Yeah, I'll think of something.

Hi, I'm collecting
signatures to...

Oh. Go on in. I know. You prefer to
do your crippling on the way out.

Sorry about that,
but I'm interested now.

I see your T-shirt says
"Save The Planet."

And I compost.

Well, I haven't actually
gotten the composter yet,

but I've got a black friend.

Well, we're trying to
collect signatures.

I'm in.

- Do you want to hear what for?
- Definitely.

We want to tell our representatives
in Congress that we are opposed...

Very opposed.

...to expanding unregulated offshore
drilling along the California...

Border.

...coast.

Better. Yeah. Go on.

That's it. That's the cause.

Oh. I'm in.

Great.

- There you go.
- Thanks.

Sure.

Wow! You know, I was wondering.

Do you guys need
any volunteers?

Because I would be so
happy to do my part.

Well, we could always use some
help collecting signatures.

Oh. Great.
Oh, yes, I could do that.

I can be very persuasive.

Once, I convinced
my gym teacher

that I had my period every
day for an entire semester.

You know, we don't need to be friends.
We can just work together.

Come on. You've had all day.
What's your secret?

All right. How about this?

When I was a junior in high school,
there was this super hot math teacher.

She was unbelievable.

All the guys had
total crushes on her.

And, one day,
she asked me to stay after class, and...

she propositioned me.

Okay, that's the
opposite of a secret.

Um, that's bragging.

And probably lying.

Yeah.

Well, I'm doing it.
I'm changing the world,

one "regulated coastal
use claim" at a time.

Someone let you
volunteer for them?

Yup.

I'm an activist. Check it out.

I've just got to read this crap, and
stretch out the neck on this T-shirt,

and I'm going to
hit the streets.

I start at 3:00. Hey, listen.

When you pick Ritchie up at school,
bring him by the market.

He can see his
mom being a hero.

I've got to go change. This
underwire is stabbing me in the pit.

Hey, you keep this up, they're
going to put your face on a quarter.

Yeah.

Okay, come on. Stop stalling.

We need something embarrassing. You've
got to have plenty to choose from.

You used to wear a
feathered earring.

Okay. Here's something
I've never told anyone.

I guess it's a
little embarrassing.

I was on the wrestling
team in high school.

And, one weekend,
we were initiating the new members...

So it's printed name,
signature and address.

Make sure it's all legible.
Do you have any questions?

Oh, yeah, just one.

Who makes your buttons?

It's not a guy named Larry,
is it?

Big hair? Drives a VW Rabbit?

I don't know.

Okay. Well, just had to ask.

Just get as many
signatures as you can,

and I'll be back in a couple
of hours to check on you.

Wait. Wait.
What if there's an emergency?

Here's an extra pen.

Thank you.

Okay. Oh, here we go.
Hi. I'm Christine.

I'm collecting signatures
for a very worthy cause.

Well, maybe on the way out.
That would be fine with me.

Hi. I'm working to save the environment.
I mean, not by myself.

That would be dumb.
But I'm just... okay.

Oh, hi.
I'm working to save the environment.

Save the environment.

Save the friggin' environment!

Hi. I see you.

I see you! I see you!
I see you!

Hey, Chief. What's going on?

Oh, thank you. Huh, finally,
somebody with a conscience.

I'm collecting signatures.

We want to send a message
to our representatives

to stop unregulated oil drilling
off of the California coast.

Oh, really? That's funny. Because
I want to send the opposite message,

along with the 68 registered
voters who signed my petition.

I'm not even counting the guy
who signed it "Hugh Jass".

Oh, that's funny.

Wait a minute.
You're against the initiative?

How could anybody be
against the initiative?

I suppose you're against babies
and bunnies and rainbows, too.

Oh, that's so
typical of your side.

Taking real issues and distorting
it with personal attacks.

So why don't you just
go home now, shorty.

I am not going to go home...

tall.

God! I mean, you know what?
For the first time in a very long time,

I care about something.

And, when I care about something,
I fight for it.

Like... like,
in here, you know,

they used to not let you
buy four eggs at a time,

but I fought back,

and now you can divide up your
cartons any way you want.

- Wow. That was you?
- Yeah.

I come in here every day
and buy a single egg,

and I've always wondered,
"Who can I thank for this?"

Me.

I'm mocking you, dork.

Hey, enough with
the nicknames...

tall.

God! You know,
you can make fun of me all you want,

but I am not going anywhere.

Oh, neither am I.

Hi. I'm trying to
save the environment.

It's a scam.
She's trying to steal your identity.

You want to fight dirty?
I can fight dirty.

I'm filthy.
Just ask my brother.

What?

You've heard of people
doing that before.

I haven't even heard of farm
animals doing that before.

It was the wrestling team.

We were a bunch of young guys.
Don't be so freaked out.

I'm more than freaked out.

I think I'm going
to call the police.

Oh! No... Okay, uh...
Just keep moving, Hortensia.

Hey, Marlee! Lindsay!
You guys... Hey! I see you.

Oh, Christine. Hello.

So what now?
Are you on strike or something?

Did we cross your picket line?
We don't want any trouble.

No. I don't work here.
I'm collecting signatures to pass a bill

that would help protect
the environment.

The environment?
Oh, Christine, let it go.

Let it go? No,
I'm talking about the Earth. Our planet.

The world that we're
leaving our children.

Come on.

You're being a little dramatic,
don't you think?

Yeah. The scientists will fix
everything. It'll be fine.

Look. You two are
signing this petition.

Either because it's
the right thing to do

or because, if you don't,

I'm going to tell everyone that
you vote in my neighborhood.

Go ahead.

And that you asked me
where I bought my purse.

No! We'll sign it.

Okay. And that's
two more signatures.

Thank you, ladies.

Hortensia, are you a citizen?
No? Okay.

Would you like to...?
All right. That's fine.

All right.
Thank you very much, Whitey.

Whitney.

Oh! Whitney. Oh, yeah.
That's better. Yeah.

Pretty.

Well, I did it!

I got all my pages.

Right there, baby.

And they are on their way.

Tough luck, Gigantor.

How long did it take you
to think that one up?

I worked through lunch.

- You're ridiculous.
- Oh, yeah.

And you're just mad
because the good guys won.

Good guys? How do you figure?

We're putting an end to
unregulated oil drilling.

Your entire campaign is
sponsored by the oil companies.

Didn't you even read it?

I read my T-shirt.

Do the Earth a favor, honey,

limit your voting
to American Idol.

American... What is that?

Damn it!

So I know it's a little confusing
and everything, but you understand

how the voting
process works now?

Yeah. I just call the number
of the person I want to win.

Yeah. And the great this is, there's none
of this "one person, one vote" nonsense.

I mean,
you can vote for your contestant

as many times as your
finger holds out.

It's a great example
of democracy.

So, who are you
going to vote for?

- The army guy.
- No, no, no. He's no good.

Okay. I guess I'll
vote for Monique.

And you just lost your vote.

'Cause, as our
forefathers said,

"With great power comes
great responsibility."

Spiderman's uncle said that.

Yeah. And he got it
from the forefathers.

That's enough about politics.
Let's watch Idol.