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1
00:00:08,804 --> 00:00:11,199
Okay, I'm getting
the Burnt Brow Sugar,
2
00:00:11,200 --> 00:00:13,729
you get the Peach Caramel and
we'll give each other bites.
3
00:00:13,730 --> 00:00:15,649
No, I'm not doing that.
You take giant bites.
4
00:00:15,650 --> 00:00:17,750
I can't help it.
I have a huge mandible.
5
00:00:17,751 --> 00:00:19,587
I had six wisdom teeth.
6
00:00:19,588 --> 00:00:20,635
That's ironic.
7
00:00:20,636 --> 00:00:23,136
I know, right?
8
00:00:23,382 --> 00:00:24,595
- Hey.
- Hey!
9
00:00:24,596 --> 00:00:27,315
You know, there's a donut place with
no lines right around the corner.
10
00:00:27,316 --> 00:00:28,701
Why do we have to
stand here for an hour?
11
00:00:28,702 --> 00:00:30,066
You'll understand
when you taste it.
12
00:00:30,067 --> 00:00:31,960
And by the way,
you're getting mocha cream cheese
13
00:00:31,961 --> 00:00:32,898
and you're giving me a bite.
14
00:00:32,899 --> 00:00:34,015
Not with that mandible.
15
00:00:34,016 --> 00:00:36,045
Hey, no cuts.
16
00:00:36,046 --> 00:00:37,997
Oh, it's okay.
We're saving their place.
17
00:00:37,998 --> 00:00:40,245
Tough luck. No save-sies.
18
00:00:40,246 --> 00:00:43,164
Oh, come on.
They're friends of mine.
19
00:00:43,165 --> 00:00:44,885
And if you let them in,
20
00:00:44,886 --> 00:00:47,386
you can be my friend, too.
21
00:00:47,757 --> 00:00:49,736
No.
22
00:00:49,737 --> 00:00:52,237
I'd really appreciate it.
23
00:00:52,537 --> 00:00:55,037
Ah, sure. Why not?
24
00:00:56,747 --> 00:00:58,796
- What the hell?
- Don't' worry about it.
25
00:00:58,797 --> 00:01:01,157
It happens all the time.
She's a really good flirter.
26
00:01:01,158 --> 00:01:04,484
God, what's going on with me lately?
I'm getting nothing.
27
00:01:04,485 --> 00:01:06,806
I mean, no one's
looking at me at stoplights,
28
00:01:06,807 --> 00:01:09,564
no one's hitting on me
at the supermarket.
29
00:01:09,565 --> 00:01:11,417
Got home from the
bank the other day,
30
00:01:11,418 --> 00:01:14,316
and then I had an entire
boob hanging out.
31
00:01:14,317 --> 00:01:16,345
No one noticed.
32
00:01:16,346 --> 00:01:18,447
My good one, too.
33
00:01:18,448 --> 00:01:20,036
That one?
34
00:01:20,037 --> 00:01:22,537
No, that one.
35
00:01:22,795 --> 00:01:24,346
It's so depressing.
36
00:01:24,347 --> 00:01:26,555
It's like I've lost my mojo.
37
00:01:26,556 --> 00:01:28,865
You know, I think they might
have mojo replacement therapy
38
00:01:28,866 --> 00:01:31,285
for women you're age.
39
00:01:31,286 --> 00:01:32,656
How long is this going to take?
40
00:01:32,657 --> 00:01:34,587
I have to pick up Joe at
the airport in an hour.
41
00:01:34,588 --> 00:01:37,006
Oh, your brother's coming to town?
I love Joe.
42
00:01:37,007 --> 00:01:38,544
Yeah, everyone does.
43
00:01:38,545 --> 00:01:40,716
He's sweet and
charming and gorgeous.
44
00:01:40,717 --> 00:01:41,954
Like his brother.
45
00:01:41,955 --> 00:01:44,530
Yeah, kind of like that.
46
00:01:48,317 --> 00:01:49,935
I'd be mad, but you're right.
47
00:01:49,936 --> 00:01:51,527
He really is awesome.
48
00:01:51,528 --> 00:01:53,597
In high school,
he dated three girls at the same time,
49
00:01:53,598 --> 00:01:55,536
and when they found out,
they didn't care,
50
00:01:55,537 --> 00:01:58,755
because even a third of Joe was better
than a whole of any another man.
51
00:01:58,756 --> 00:02:01,266
I don't love that phrasing.
52
00:02:01,538 --> 00:02:03,957
You're going to love him,
but not too much, okay?
53
00:02:03,958 --> 00:02:06,435
Don't worry.
You're the only Campbell I love.
54
00:02:06,436 --> 00:02:09,886
Except for Glen. My mom always
listened to him growing up.
55
00:02:09,887 --> 00:02:11,925
Hey, is he still
seeing that girl?
56
00:02:11,926 --> 00:02:14,194
I don't know. Is he even alive?
57
00:02:14,195 --> 00:02:17,167
No, not Glen Campbell,
your brother.
58
00:02:17,168 --> 00:02:19,374
Oh, no,
he said that didn't work out.
59
00:02:19,375 --> 00:02:22,486
Man, that guy goes through
women like I go through...
60
00:02:22,487 --> 00:02:24,987
less-attractive women.
61
00:02:25,436 --> 00:02:27,106
Hi, sorry about the wait.
62
00:02:27,107 --> 00:02:29,635
Here's a little sample of
our newest cupcake flavor,
63
00:02:29,636 --> 00:02:32,136
pineapple-vanilla custard.
64
00:02:33,896 --> 00:02:38,057
Mm, why am I not always eating
pineapple-vanilla custard?
65
00:02:38,058 --> 00:02:42,175
This is the best thing I
have ever had in my mouth.
66
00:02:42,176 --> 00:02:45,506
What's the big deal
about a cup...?
67
00:02:47,245 --> 00:02:50,705
Don't you think it's
a little sweet?
68
00:02:50,787 --> 00:02:53,882
I mean, gah-ah-hah!
69
00:03:11,608 --> 00:03:14,108
Who's there?
70
00:03:14,285 --> 00:03:17,695
We, we don't have
anything to steal!
71
00:03:19,728 --> 00:03:21,975
Try the neighbors.
They, they have a sticker
72
00:03:21,976 --> 00:03:26,437
that says they have a dog,
but they don't have a dog.
73
00:03:26,438 --> 00:03:27,634
It's Joe.
74
00:03:27,635 --> 00:03:31,292
Joe? Oh, my God!
75
00:03:32,775 --> 00:03:35,247
- God, Joe!
- Christine, how you doing?
76
00:03:35,248 --> 00:03:37,555
Oh, come on in! Wow!
77
00:03:37,556 --> 00:03:39,226
What are you doing here?
78
00:03:39,227 --> 00:03:40,897
I thought you were
staying at Richard's?
79
00:03:40,898 --> 00:03:42,915
Yeah, I was.
I just couldn't sleep.
80
00:03:42,916 --> 00:03:45,137
New Christine and Richard
were in the other bedroom,
81
00:03:45,138 --> 00:03:47,638
and then the sex started.
82
00:03:47,906 --> 00:03:51,067
Yeah. There were sounds
coming from that bedroom
83
00:03:51,068 --> 00:03:53,898
that you've never heard before.
84
00:03:55,086 --> 00:03:58,157
Oh, believe me,
I've heard them before.
85
00:03:58,158 --> 00:04:00,006
I'm not sure it was Richard.
86
00:04:00,007 --> 00:04:02,507
Oh, it was him.
87
00:04:02,687 --> 00:04:04,644
- It was pretty high-pitched.--
Yeah, I know,
88
00:04:04,645 --> 00:04:08,456
kind of like a donkey
having an asthma attack?
89
00:04:08,457 --> 00:04:10,957
Then a series of yips?
90
00:04:11,156 --> 00:04:12,674
Followed by a slap?
91
00:04:12,675 --> 00:04:15,224
Oh, the slap.
You should have waited.
92
00:04:15,225 --> 00:04:17,685
He was almost finished.
93
00:04:17,686 --> 00:04:19,736
A couple more grunts
and then a...
94
00:04:19,737 --> 00:04:22,237
"Uh! There it is!"
95
00:04:22,825 --> 00:04:25,224
Then you would have been done.
96
00:04:25,225 --> 00:04:28,816
Okay, Richard's completely
ruined sex for me.
97
00:04:28,817 --> 00:04:31,317
Same thing happened to me.
98
00:04:33,298 --> 00:04:36,414
But don't worry.
No chance of sex noises in here.
99
00:04:36,415 --> 00:04:41,165
I mean, if you hear a grunt, it's just
me bending over to pick up a sandwich.
100
00:04:41,166 --> 00:04:42,944
Come on. You look fantastic.
101
00:04:42,945 --> 00:04:46,027
I would pay good money to see you
bend over to pick up a sandwich.
102
00:04:46,028 --> 00:04:48,528
Hey, I'd do it.
103
00:04:48,747 --> 00:04:52,257
Hey, I'd offer you the guesthouse,
but, um, Matthew's in there, so...
104
00:04:52,258 --> 00:04:53,944
- Still.
- Yeah.
105
00:04:53,945 --> 00:04:57,215
I mean, actually, we have a deal:
If he gets a job
106
00:04:57,216 --> 00:05:01,366
or I get remarried,
then he has to go, so...
107
00:05:01,675 --> 00:05:05,665
we're pretty much in
it for the long haul.
108
00:05:05,728 --> 00:05:07,496
- The couch is fine.
- Okay.
109
00:05:07,497 --> 00:05:08,857
Hey, I'm sorry if
I woke you up.
110
00:05:08,858 --> 00:05:11,947
No, no, I was just gonna
watch a movie in bed.
111
00:05:11,948 --> 00:05:13,196
Oh, really? What movie?
112
00:05:13,197 --> 00:05:15,396
Oh, it's just a girlie thing.
You wouldn't like it.
113
00:05:15,397 --> 00:05:19,147
Hey, I watched Akeelah And
The Bee on the flight over.
114
00:05:19,148 --> 00:05:21,464
I was sobbing so much,
the flight attendant had to give me
115
00:05:21,465 --> 00:05:24,395
a set of wings to calm me down.
116
00:05:24,916 --> 00:05:26,125
Come on. What movie?
117
00:05:26,126 --> 00:05:28,747
- Um, Men Don't Leave.
- Is it good?
118
00:05:28,748 --> 00:05:30,095
Yeah, it's pretty good.
119
00:05:30,096 --> 00:05:34,066
Jessica Lange plays
this woman who's, um...
120
00:05:35,567 --> 00:05:38,603
uh, whose husband dies and...
121
00:05:39,336 --> 00:05:41,836
All right, I'm in.
122
00:05:42,958 --> 00:05:44,464
Hey, you got, you got any wine?
123
00:05:44,465 --> 00:05:46,706
Oh, gee, I don't know, but,
124
00:05:46,707 --> 00:05:50,437
oh, my goodness,
look what I just found.
125
00:05:51,467 --> 00:05:53,967
Hee-hee!
126
00:06:02,879 --> 00:06:04,907
You can let it out if you want.
127
00:06:04,908 --> 00:06:06,839
No, no, I can't.
128
00:06:06,840 --> 00:06:10,468
I'm afraid if I start,
I won't be able to stop.
129
00:06:10,469 --> 00:06:14,539
This movie brings up
a lot of stuff for me.
130
00:06:15,740 --> 00:06:17,007
I know.
131
00:06:17,008 --> 00:06:20,639
Even though I knew Akeelah was
going to win that spelling bee,
132
00:06:20,640 --> 00:06:23,870
when it actually happened,
I, uh...
133
00:06:24,298 --> 00:06:26,798
I, uh...
134
00:06:28,367 --> 00:06:30,867
Are you making fun of me?
135
00:06:31,630 --> 00:06:34,130
Yeah, I am, yeah.
136
00:06:35,839 --> 00:06:38,076
Ow! Oh, God!
137
00:06:38,077 --> 00:06:40,206
Oh, sorry.
138
00:06:40,207 --> 00:06:42,717
I'm not usually that messy.
139
00:06:45,340 --> 00:06:48,339
Hey, so what's going on with you?
Are you seeing anyone or...
140
00:06:48,340 --> 00:06:52,007
Oh, no. A few prospects,
but nothing serious.
141
00:06:52,008 --> 00:06:53,453
How about you?
142
00:06:53,454 --> 00:06:56,048
Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't introduce you.
143
00:06:56,049 --> 00:06:59,557
Joe Campbell,
meet Kendall Jackson.
144
00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:04,980
Actually, I'm going through
a bit of a dry spell myself.
145
00:07:04,981 --> 00:07:07,266
I think I might
have lost my mojo.
146
00:07:07,267 --> 00:07:12,107
Well, I just sat in something wet.
Could that be it?
147
00:07:45,938 --> 00:07:48,368
I guess we fell asleep.
148
00:07:48,369 --> 00:07:50,869
Yeah.
149
00:07:53,029 --> 00:07:55,446
This is weird.
150
00:07:55,447 --> 00:07:57,947
A little.
151
00:08:08,997 --> 00:08:11,497
And now weirder.
152
00:08:16,990 --> 00:08:21,020
Matthew, Matthew,
something bad has happened!
153
00:08:21,049 --> 00:08:22,588
I slept with Joe.
154
00:08:22,589 --> 00:08:25,089
Uncle Joe?
155
00:08:25,829 --> 00:08:28,169
No, no, not Uncle Joe.
156
00:08:28,170 --> 00:08:30,499
Why would Mommy
sleep with Uncle Joe?
157
00:08:30,500 --> 00:08:32,727
Mommy wouldn't do that.
158
00:08:32,728 --> 00:08:36,748
But Mommy might hide five
dollars in your room
159
00:08:36,749 --> 00:08:39,086
because you're the best little
boy in the whole wide world.
160
00:08:39,087 --> 00:08:41,587
Go get it!
161
00:08:41,678 --> 00:08:44,636
Wait. Last time you said there
was five dollars in my room
162
00:08:44,637 --> 00:08:45,649
and there wasn't.
163
00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:48,547
And that's why I hid ten
dollars in there this time.
164
00:08:48,548 --> 00:08:51,188
Go on! Get in there! Go, go!
165
00:08:51,987 --> 00:08:54,326
Why didn't you tell me he
was underneath the table?
166
00:08:54,327 --> 00:08:57,329
I didn't realize you were
about to scar him for life.
167
00:08:57,330 --> 00:08:59,977
- So you had sex with Joe?
- No, I slept with Joe.
168
00:08:59,978 --> 00:09:02,307
He came over last night and
he's gonna sleep on the couch,
169
00:09:02,308 --> 00:09:04,966
but then I invited him to my
room to watch Men Don't Leave.
170
00:09:04,967 --> 00:09:05,946
Which one is that?
171
00:09:05,947 --> 00:09:11,777
Oh, it's that one where Jessica
Lange is this woman whose, um...
172
00:09:11,778 --> 00:09:14,337
- whose husband dies...
- Okay, get on with it.
173
00:09:14,338 --> 00:09:18,969
Anyway, um, okay, we watched the
movie and then we fell asleep
174
00:09:18,970 --> 00:09:23,277
and nothing happened,
and then we woke up and he kissed me.
175
00:09:23,278 --> 00:09:25,496
Well, congratulations.
You've now been with your cousin,
176
00:09:25,497 --> 00:09:27,937
new Christine's father and
you ex-husband's brother.
177
00:09:27,938 --> 00:09:32,026
You're almost ready to start
dating outside the family.
178
00:09:32,027 --> 00:09:34,099
Hey, he kissed me, okay?
179
00:09:34,100 --> 00:09:35,919
We woke up together,
he looked at me
180
00:09:35,920 --> 00:09:38,219
and he found me irresistible.
181
00:09:38,220 --> 00:09:40,427
Oh, my God,
do you know what this means?
182
00:09:40,428 --> 00:09:43,279
Joe's gone blind, he lost a bet,
you're the last woman on Earth?
183
00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:47,173
No! I got my mojo back, okay?
184
00:09:47,230 --> 00:09:49,059
A man desires me.
185
00:09:49,060 --> 00:09:53,067
A handsome, vital,
successful man desires me.
186
00:09:53,068 --> 00:09:55,317
So you're really going to go
for it with Richard's brother?
187
00:09:55,318 --> 00:09:57,606
No, no, I can't.
It's too close.
188
00:09:57,607 --> 00:10:02,527
I mean, although,
I have to say he is a fantastic kisser.
189
00:10:02,528 --> 00:10:05,219
He does that thing
where he holds your face
190
00:10:05,220 --> 00:10:07,259
when he's kissing you, you know.
I just love that...
191
00:10:07,260 --> 00:10:10,090
Oh, seriously, I'm calling Mom!
192
00:10:10,357 --> 00:10:12,988
Oh, I'm going to have to tell
him it's not going to work out.
193
00:10:12,989 --> 00:10:14,948
Poor guy.
194
00:10:14,949 --> 00:10:19,869
Sometimes a taste of honey
is worse than none at all.
195
00:10:20,408 --> 00:10:23,004
Yeah, sometimes.
196
00:10:23,919 --> 00:10:27,429
Hey, he likes me.
He kissed me. I'm back!
197
00:10:27,430 --> 00:10:31,550
Oh, I'm going to have
to let him down easy.
198
00:10:37,027 --> 00:10:39,527
God, that is nice.
199
00:10:47,458 --> 00:10:49,259
What happened to my room?
200
00:10:49,260 --> 00:10:52,670
Oh, sorry,
I tidied up a little bit.
201
00:10:52,810 --> 00:10:57,556
I was going to do under the bed,
but I thought I saw something blink.
202
00:10:57,557 --> 00:11:00,057
Wow, it's beautiful.
203
00:11:00,190 --> 00:11:02,690
Like a Holiday Inn.
204
00:11:03,738 --> 00:11:07,035
Look, uh, Joe, we have to talk.
205
00:11:10,618 --> 00:11:12,129
I think you're great. Okay?
206
00:11:12,130 --> 00:11:18,466
And I'm sorry if I led you on by
inviting you into my crumb-filled bed,
207
00:11:18,467 --> 00:11:20,419
- but...
- I'm gay.
208
00:11:20,420 --> 00:11:23,536
No, it's because you're
Richard's brother.
209
00:11:23,537 --> 00:11:26,037
No, Christine.
210
00:11:26,338 --> 00:11:28,279
I'm gay.
211
00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:30,780
What?
212
00:11:30,958 --> 00:11:34,626
I've been struggling with
it for a long time now.
213
00:11:34,627 --> 00:11:39,644
And I wasn't sure
until I kissed you.
214
00:11:44,530 --> 00:11:47,460
Then I knew for sure. I am gay.
215
00:11:47,510 --> 00:11:50,435
Hey, hey... Not nice.
216
00:11:50,489 --> 00:11:52,676
Oh, no,
I don't mean it like that.
217
00:11:52,677 --> 00:11:55,719
Come on, please, you're perfect, see?
That's how I knew.
218
00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:57,967
If I wasn't going to feel
it with you, then...
219
00:11:57,968 --> 00:12:01,668
I wasn't going to
feel it with anybody.
220
00:12:01,788 --> 00:12:03,959
Then I kissed you.
221
00:12:03,960 --> 00:12:07,530
- That was it. I am gay.
- Okay, okay.
222
00:12:07,900 --> 00:12:09,617
I get it. You're gay.
223
00:12:09,618 --> 00:12:10,558
Yep.
224
00:12:10,559 --> 00:12:13,059
- Does Richard know?
- No.
225
00:12:13,359 --> 00:12:16,038
You're the first
person I've told.
226
00:12:16,039 --> 00:12:18,889
I'll get around to Richard,
I'm just not really ready
227
00:12:18,890 --> 00:12:21,168
to talk about it with him yet.
228
00:12:21,169 --> 00:12:23,157
Yeah, that's probably
a pretty good idea.
229
00:12:23,158 --> 00:12:26,698
He won't even eat
a banana in public.
230
00:12:30,899 --> 00:12:34,496
Oh, come on!
We've gone around the block four times.
231
00:12:34,497 --> 00:12:36,715
Look, the line's
getting longer.
232
00:12:36,716 --> 00:12:39,357
Frou Frou Cupcakes needs
their own parking lot.
233
00:12:39,358 --> 00:12:40,827
Or a drive-thru.
234
00:12:40,828 --> 00:12:42,518
Oh, that would be great.
235
00:12:42,519 --> 00:12:44,486
Then I could go bottomless.
236
00:12:44,487 --> 00:12:47,955
Didn't you learn your
lesson at the car wash?
237
00:12:47,956 --> 00:12:50,297
I didn't know you
had to get out.
238
00:12:50,298 --> 00:12:52,428
Look, if it's too much of a hassle,
we can skip it.
239
00:12:52,429 --> 00:12:54,929
It's just a cupcake.
240
00:12:56,147 --> 00:12:59,384
Joe, this is not
just a cupcake.
241
00:12:59,439 --> 00:13:02,476
Obviously you've never had
a Frou Frou in your mouth.
242
00:13:02,477 --> 00:13:04,977
Oh, I didn't say anything.
243
00:13:05,098 --> 00:13:06,455
All right, you know what,
just let me out.
244
00:13:06,456 --> 00:13:08,368
You guys keep looking
for a parking space,
245
00:13:08,369 --> 00:13:11,515
I'll wait in line,
but I get a bite of both of yours.
246
00:13:11,516 --> 00:13:13,377
Now when she bites your cupcake,
the important thing
247
00:13:13,378 --> 00:13:16,578
is to keep your
fingers tucked in.
248
00:13:17,306 --> 00:13:20,056
Oh, great. You saved my place.
249
00:13:20,276 --> 00:13:21,868
What is that flavor?
What did you eat?
250
00:13:21,869 --> 00:13:25,323
Is that cherry
cheesecake with a...
251
00:13:26,277 --> 00:13:27,796
graham cracker topping?
252
00:13:27,797 --> 00:13:30,467
Stop smelling me. Get off me.
253
00:13:30,516 --> 00:13:33,916
Oh, excuse me. Do you have any more
samples of the cherry cheesecake?
254
00:13:33,917 --> 00:13:35,696
I'm sorry, we ran out.
255
00:13:35,697 --> 00:13:38,997
You sure you don't
have just one more?
256
00:13:38,998 --> 00:13:41,498
Maybe in the back?
257
00:13:41,888 --> 00:13:43,125
No.
258
00:13:43,126 --> 00:13:47,806
Ma'am, could you please
take your hand off my arm?
259
00:13:48,138 --> 00:13:49,718
Ooh, burn.
260
00:13:49,719 --> 00:13:51,495
Man, you really have lost it.
261
00:13:51,496 --> 00:13:53,557
You can't even flirt a
sample from a sample guy.
262
00:13:53,558 --> 00:13:55,985
Okay, yeah.
I get plenty of samples, okay?
263
00:13:55,986 --> 00:13:58,795
You have no idea how many samples I get.
I have not lost it.
264
00:13:58,796 --> 00:14:00,867
Come on, Christine.
There's no shame in it.
265
00:14:00,868 --> 00:14:02,366
So you're having a dry spell.
266
00:14:02,367 --> 00:14:03,635
Happens to everyone.
267
00:14:03,636 --> 00:14:06,418
- Not everyone. Not me.
- Not me.
268
00:14:06,419 --> 00:14:09,586
I guess it just happens to you.
A lot.
269
00:14:09,587 --> 00:14:12,798
Then why'd your brother
kiss me this morning?
270
00:14:12,799 --> 00:14:14,628
Oh, shoot.
271
00:14:14,629 --> 00:14:16,198
You'd better be kidding.
272
00:14:16,199 --> 00:14:17,317
I am.
273
00:14:17,318 --> 00:14:18,668
Oh, good. She's kidding.
274
00:14:18,669 --> 00:14:19,995
She's not kidding.
275
00:14:19,996 --> 00:14:21,215
You're not kidding.
276
00:14:21,216 --> 00:14:23,735
You and my brother? What happened?
What did you do to him?
277
00:14:23,736 --> 00:14:26,117
I didn't do anything.
He kissed me.
278
00:14:26,118 --> 00:14:28,078
Were you fooling around
when we were together?
279
00:14:28,079 --> 00:14:30,745
Was he that hang-up on our machine
when we got back from our honeymoon?
280
00:14:30,746 --> 00:14:32,826
No. Of course not.
281
00:14:32,827 --> 00:14:35,525
Nothing is going on. He's gay.
282
00:14:35,526 --> 00:14:38,102
- Oh, shoot.
- What?!
283
00:14:38,666 --> 00:14:40,655
I shouldn't have said anything.
284
00:14:40,656 --> 00:14:43,156
You're lying.
285
00:14:43,227 --> 00:14:46,455
He kissed me,
and then he told me he was gay.
286
00:14:46,456 --> 00:14:48,466
Wow, that's worse
than a dry spell.
287
00:14:48,467 --> 00:14:51,627
Turning men gay.
That's like a superpower.
288
00:14:51,628 --> 00:14:53,807
I didn't turn anyone gay.
289
00:14:53,808 --> 00:14:55,956
This is my brother you're talking about.
He's been with more women
290
00:14:55,957 --> 00:14:57,418
than the three of us combined.
291
00:14:57,419 --> 00:14:59,997
I told you that in confidence.
292
00:14:59,998 --> 00:15:02,608
It was my year abroad.
It was Sweden.
293
00:15:02,609 --> 00:15:05,109
They love Americans there.
294
00:15:07,278 --> 00:15:10,348
Richard, you can't
say anything to him.
295
00:15:10,349 --> 00:15:12,277
- I don't believe you.
- Don't.
296
00:15:12,278 --> 00:15:16,228
Let's just drop it.
Oh, look, the line's moving.
297
00:15:16,229 --> 00:15:18,228
Save my place.
I'm going to go feed my meter.
298
00:15:18,229 --> 00:15:20,886
Richard, don't you say anything!
Oh, damn it.
299
00:15:20,887 --> 00:15:23,477
He's going to say something.
300
00:15:24,177 --> 00:15:28,786
Mmm. What is that?
That's like... It's like Oreos.
301
00:15:28,787 --> 00:15:31,287
Oh. Sorry.
302
00:15:31,906 --> 00:15:34,406
Yeah, it's Oreos.
303
00:15:39,303 --> 00:15:42,392
Boy, your sister's not neat,
is she?
304
00:15:42,393 --> 00:15:46,264
"Neat" isn't even one of the
top ten things she isn't.
305
00:15:46,265 --> 00:15:50,205
This is either a chicken
tender or an ear.
306
00:15:50,924 --> 00:15:53,782
Well, I've got honey mustard
and a Q-tip in the cup holder,
307
00:15:53,783 --> 00:15:56,373
so either way we're covered.
308
00:15:57,125 --> 00:15:59,153
I need to talk to you.
Matthew, get out.
309
00:15:59,154 --> 00:16:00,572
I'm waiting for my cupcake.
310
00:16:00,573 --> 00:16:01,562
They're coming.
311
00:16:01,563 --> 00:16:03,422
Go put some money in my meter.
I'm up the street.
312
00:16:03,423 --> 00:16:09,323
- I don't have any change.
- There's a quarter on the dashboard.
313
00:16:11,603 --> 00:16:14,103
I'll figure something out.
314
00:16:16,382 --> 00:16:17,983
This is bad.
315
00:16:17,984 --> 00:16:19,422
It was no big deal.
316
00:16:19,423 --> 00:16:20,901
It was my junior year.
317
00:16:20,902 --> 00:16:23,563
In Stockholm the nights last,
like, 16 hours.
318
00:16:23,564 --> 00:16:25,871
There's nothing else to do.
319
00:16:25,872 --> 00:16:28,873
No! I know Richard is
going to tell Joe.
320
00:16:28,874 --> 00:16:30,984
Why do I have to have
such a big mouth?
321
00:16:30,985 --> 00:16:33,082
Why does Richard have to
have such a big mouth?
322
00:16:33,083 --> 00:16:38,083
Why did I have to spend my
semester abroad in Belgium?
323
00:16:39,045 --> 00:16:42,510
Gay? Are you kidding?
324
00:16:43,172 --> 00:16:45,511
Dude, it's me.
325
00:16:45,512 --> 00:16:47,131
Dude, I know.
326
00:16:47,132 --> 00:16:48,921
But why would she say that?
327
00:16:48,922 --> 00:16:51,911
All right, I wasn't going to tell you
this, but we were hanging out last night,
328
00:16:51,912 --> 00:16:54,451
and she was telling me
about how lonely she's been,
329
00:16:54,452 --> 00:16:56,301
and I felt bad for her.
330
00:16:56,302 --> 00:16:58,413
And then this morning
she kissed me.
331
00:16:58,414 --> 00:17:02,802
I didn't know what to say.
So, I told her I was gay.
332
00:17:02,803 --> 00:17:05,901
It was the only way to get out of
it without hurting her feelings.
333
00:17:05,902 --> 00:17:08,763
Oh, my God.
That makes total sense.
334
00:17:08,764 --> 00:17:11,542
I mean, not that I would've cared if
you were gay, because I don't care.
335
00:17:11,543 --> 00:17:15,773
Last week I had some pinot gris.
It was nice.
336
00:17:16,152 --> 00:17:17,542
- Ha!
- What?
337
00:17:17,543 --> 00:17:18,813
He's not gay.
338
00:17:18,814 --> 00:17:20,804
- Richard, you told him?
- Of course I told him.
339
00:17:20,805 --> 00:17:23,053
He's my brother.
My straight brother.
340
00:17:23,054 --> 00:17:24,301
He denied it?
341
00:17:24,302 --> 00:17:26,683
I can't go into the details.
He asked me not to say.
342
00:17:26,684 --> 00:17:28,932
But if you ask me questions,
343
00:17:28,933 --> 00:17:31,041
I could probably answer them.
344
00:17:31,042 --> 00:17:33,542
Okay...
345
00:17:34,534 --> 00:17:36,554
What'd he say?
346
00:17:36,555 --> 00:17:39,334
He said he told you he was
gay because you were into him
347
00:17:39,335 --> 00:17:42,184
and he wasn't into you,
and he didn't know how to get out of it.
348
00:17:42,185 --> 00:17:43,742
Boy, you asked the
right question.
349
00:17:43,743 --> 00:17:45,224
He kissed me.
350
00:17:45,225 --> 00:17:47,094
I can't believe he's
lying about it.
351
00:17:47,095 --> 00:17:48,493
Okay, I'll be right back.
352
00:17:48,494 --> 00:17:50,572
- Don't say anything to Joe.
- I won't.
353
00:17:50,573 --> 00:17:55,191
- Then where are you going?
- Something about Ritchie.
354
00:17:55,192 --> 00:17:56,312
Where's Joe?
355
00:17:56,313 --> 00:17:58,781
Dumping the trash.
He cleaned out the back seat.
356
00:17:58,782 --> 00:18:01,471
Oh, by the way, that smell we
thought smelled like a dead squirrel?
357
00:18:01,472 --> 00:18:03,231
Bingo.
358
00:18:03,232 --> 00:18:05,852
Hey, Matthew,
do you think Joe is gay?
359
00:18:05,853 --> 00:18:06,871
I thought he kissed you.
360
00:18:06,872 --> 00:18:09,193
And then he told me he was gay.
Which is fine.
361
00:18:09,194 --> 00:18:12,653
But then he told Richard he only
said that to get away from me.
362
00:18:12,654 --> 00:18:15,513
What do you care? You said you
didn't want to be with him anyway.
363
00:18:15,514 --> 00:18:18,011
If he's lying just
to get away from me,
364
00:18:18,012 --> 00:18:20,242
then it means I've
really lost it.
365
00:18:20,243 --> 00:18:22,552
But if he's gay,
then it's not me.
366
00:18:22,553 --> 00:18:24,154
Well, he's probably gay.
367
00:18:24,155 --> 00:18:28,705
Aw... thank you, Matthew.
You are so sweet to me.
368
00:18:29,335 --> 00:18:31,824
Oh, here he comes.
Get the hell out.
369
00:18:31,825 --> 00:18:34,325
Get out. Out.
370
00:18:34,365 --> 00:18:36,104
- Joe!
- Christine.
371
00:18:36,105 --> 00:18:38,303
I'm glad you're here.
372
00:18:38,304 --> 00:18:40,641
Listen, can you keep a secret?
373
00:18:40,642 --> 00:18:43,142
Oh, that's right. No.
374
00:18:43,203 --> 00:18:46,643
Okay. I'm sorry, all right.
I shouldn't have told Richard.
375
00:18:46,644 --> 00:18:49,704
- But did you lie to me?
- No, I lied to Richard.
376
00:18:49,705 --> 00:18:51,694
- You did?
- Yes.
377
00:18:51,695 --> 00:18:54,195
Wait. Are you lying now?
378
00:18:54,204 --> 00:18:57,221
No, I'm telling you the truth.
I've always told you the truth.
379
00:18:57,222 --> 00:18:59,053
I just didn't think Richard
was ready to hear the truth.
380
00:18:59,054 --> 00:19:00,861
Well, what is the truth?
381
00:19:00,862 --> 00:19:02,982
I'm gay.
382
00:19:02,983 --> 00:19:04,472
Prove it.
383
00:19:04,473 --> 00:19:08,072
Yeah, I think that's only
going to make you mad.
384
00:19:08,073 --> 00:19:11,251
I knew you couldn't
keep your mouth shut.
385
00:19:11,252 --> 00:19:14,621
Yeah, well, the only reason
I couldn't keep my mouth shut
386
00:19:14,622 --> 00:19:17,563
is because you didn't keep your
mouth shut in the first place.
387
00:19:17,564 --> 00:19:22,451
Look, Joe, it is time for you to
tell Richard the truth, okay?
388
00:19:22,452 --> 00:19:23,913
It will be good for you
389
00:19:23,914 --> 00:19:27,374
and it'll make me
look a lot better.
390
00:19:28,343 --> 00:19:30,843
Okay.
391
00:19:30,885 --> 00:19:34,513
Richard, it seems to be
really important to Christine
392
00:19:34,514 --> 00:19:37,014
that I tell you that...
393
00:19:40,133 --> 00:19:42,633
I'm gay.
394
00:19:42,824 --> 00:19:45,419
Really? You're gay?
395
00:19:45,482 --> 00:19:48,059
Okay, well, if you say so.
396
00:19:48,113 --> 00:19:50,768
Then I guess you're gay.
397
00:19:50,913 --> 00:19:53,573
No! No, no, no.
Wait. No, he is gay.
398
00:19:53,574 --> 00:19:55,093
You told me. Tell him.
399
00:19:55,094 --> 00:19:57,684
I love the guys.
I can't get enough.
400
00:19:57,685 --> 00:19:59,022
I'm Homo Joe.
401
00:19:59,023 --> 00:20:00,412
Yeah, you're awesome.
402
00:20:00,413 --> 00:20:05,501
No, stop it. Stop telling it like that.
You are Homo Joe. Tell him!
403
00:20:05,502 --> 00:20:08,002
Okay. All right. Okay.
404
00:20:10,463 --> 00:20:13,508
Richard, I'm gay.
405
00:20:20,382 --> 00:20:22,461
Well...
406
00:20:22,462 --> 00:20:26,692
If we're all coming clean here, Christine,
I have something to tell you, too.
407
00:20:26,693 --> 00:20:29,221
After we got married,
I realized...
408
00:20:29,222 --> 00:20:31,722
I'm gay, too.
409
00:20:33,622 --> 00:20:35,451
No. Damn it!
410
00:20:35,452 --> 00:20:40,052
I have to get back in line.
Dude, you're awesome.
411
00:20:40,762 --> 00:20:42,443
What are you doing to me here?
412
00:20:42,444 --> 00:20:43,752
What are you doing to me?
413
00:20:43,753 --> 00:20:46,224
You just made me look like a
complete idiot in front of Richard.
414
00:20:46,225 --> 00:20:50,391
Christine, did you ever think
maybe my coming out to my family
415
00:20:50,392 --> 00:20:52,521
is not about you?
416
00:20:52,522 --> 00:20:55,022
What? No.
417
00:20:56,493 --> 00:21:00,117
Look, I am not ready
to tell Richard.
418
00:21:00,962 --> 00:21:06,282
But now everybody's gonna think
that I really did lose my mojo.
419
00:21:06,283 --> 00:21:10,901
Look, I'm sorry if this
hurts your reputation, but...
420
00:21:10,902 --> 00:21:16,002
you're just going to have to
take the hit on this one.
421
00:21:16,915 --> 00:21:18,964
Okay. Okay.
422
00:21:18,965 --> 00:21:21,362
I'll do it for you.
423
00:21:21,363 --> 00:21:23,831
Thank you.
424
00:21:23,832 --> 00:21:27,268
And, listen,
if I wasn't so gay,
425
00:21:27,574 --> 00:21:30,742
I could really see myself
falling in love with you,
426
00:21:30,743 --> 00:21:32,282
marrying you,
427
00:21:32,283 --> 00:21:34,783
cheating on you with guys.
31999
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