All language subtitles for Modern.Family.S08E14.720p

Breathe it in, girls.

My journey begins today.

Finally bringing something into
this world I can be proud of.

As children, the Wright Brothers
dreamed of flying machines.

Oprah dreamed of hiding
presents under chairs.

And I dreamed of building
something magnificent.

Well, recently, Jay and
I bought a vacant lot

on which we are building Dunphy Tower.

What I wouldn't give
to reach back in time

to tell the 15-year-old
dreamer who drew this,

"We did it, kid."

Hey.

- Claire, you look terrible.
- Thanks.

No. I mean, you're all locked up.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I guess the spa day that
I booked for you tomorrow

came at the perfect time.

Oh, right, that.

I have to be very delicate
with Gloria around my birthday.

Last year, for some insane reason,

she got me this gift certificate

for ridiculous salsa-dancing lessons.

Like I'm ever gonna use that. Come on.

Anyway, somehow, she's convinced herself

I didn't "appreciate" her gifts.

You know. [Scoffs]

Some people.

So, tomorrow at work might
be a little bit hectic.

Just a lot of stuff
going on at the office.

And it's not that I don't
want to do it, 'cause I do.

No, Claire, let's not
do this dance again.

We all know how you feel about dancing.

- [Camera shutter clicking]
- Proud, proud day, Phil.

Thanks, partner.

Maybe we should get
this show on the road.

The photographer's been
taking shots of Haley

when she's not looking.

That's weird. I didn't
hire a photographer.

Dunphy, right? Jared Cook.

- Nice shovel.
- Thanks. I painted it myself.

This is my partner, Jay Pritchett.

I represent Jetatech.

- Are you familiar with us?
- Not in the least.

Oh, you'll have to forgive
Jay. He's a bit of Luddite.

Anyway, our building is two doors down,

and we're looking to expand our campus.

We want this lot,

and we're prepared to offer you

20% over what you paid plus expenses.

That's a nice offer, Jare,

but I don't think you
understand what's happening here.

It's not about the huge profits.

We're building my son-in-law's dream,

and it's gonna be a giant success

because this is man of vision.

Oh, I know all about dreams.

Someday, I hope to get into
encrypted packet switching.

Good luck to you, gentlemen.

Jay, this man's vision
just got blurry with tears.

Would you get ahold of yourself.

I just said that crap
to drive the price up.

- He'll be back.
- I don't want him to come back.

Whether you meant it or
not, this is my dream.

We're in this to make money.

And we will.

By the power vested in me by
the Commercial Zoning Board,

I do hereby officially break ground

on the future home...

of Dunphy Tower.

Oh, that's... strong soil.

That's a good omen.

I'm gonna pogo it.

[All shout indistinctly]

Anybody else bring a shovel?

♪ ♪

Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb
www.addic7ed.com

Oh, thank God you're
here. It's a nightmare.

The staff is in an uproar
about these budget cuts.

Telling them there's no
more overtime was bad,

but when I had to tell them
there were no more bagels,

someone threw a cup at my head.

I don't know what else to do.

Sales-wise we didn't exactly have

the Christmas I was hoping for.

What do people give each other, anyway?

Well, just spitballing here...

maybe we could fire
Kenny from the warehouse.

No one's getting fired.

But he does a really
hurtful impression of me.

[Sighs] Come on, guys.
Everybody gather round.

I don't like these budget
cuts any more than you do,

but I want you to know
I'm in this with you.

I've cut my expenses.

All the execs are flying coach.

But I do want you to feel
like you have a voice in this.

So, not only is my office
door always open to you,

I've actually had it removed.

That's a very powerful metaphor, boss.

[Nasally] That's a very
powerful metaphor, boss.

[Laughter]

Kenny, thanks for keeping it light.

[Laughs]

So good.

Gloria: Happy birthday!

- What are you doing in here?
- You said that you were too busy

to get away from the
office to celebrate.

So I brought the celebration to you.

- Snap.
- Oh.

- Is that caviar?
- Yes!

And something to wash it down.

- Oh, yay, champagne.
- [Chuckles]

Get me a door.

If I don't win the science fair

with this thing you
built me, it's rigged.

- Amen, sister.
- [Door opens]

Oh, come on, you started without me?

No, we finished without you.

Yeah, we wanted it work.

I guess you also wanted
it to be really simplistic,

because right there,
you can make it better

- if you just added... Okay.
- [Drill whirs]

So, right there, you can make it better

- if you just added... Okay,
- [Drill whirs]

I thought you said you were done!

Okay, Mitchell,

- I love you.
- But...?

No "but."

Yet we both know I'm the
more mechanically-inclined daddy.

I'm handy.

If it makes you feel any better,
I didn't do anything, either.

No, that doesn't make me feel better.

You're supposed to
be learning from this.

I learned a new swear word.

Uh, um, I got a splinter.

- It was worth it.
- [Sighs]

Watch.

Is that it?

I'm confused 'cause I'm
not mechanically inclined.

Hardy-har-har.

No, I just need to make
a little adjustment.

- Watch out!
- Ohh! Oh, my God!

- Oh! Oh! Oh!
- Are you okay?

That's not part of it.

I got here as quick as I could.

Please tell me this is good news.

[Liquid gurgling]

Please tell me that's oil.

Found a sewer line running
straight through the property.

Also, a water main,

and for some reason,
giant pockets of methane.

- Talk to me, Pete.
- I feel like I just did.

How much is it gonna cost?

Money-wise, you're
looking at mid-six-figures.

When you say six, does that
include the two-cent figures?

No.

Plus, time-wise, you're
looking at maybe a year delay

with permits and
utilities, environmental...

Stop talking to me, Pete.

- Oh, my God, why is Jay here?
- I called him, too.

He'll shut this whole
project down if he sees this.

Put some plywood over the hole.

Tony, do what you can to
cover the methane smell.

Everybody else, just look busy.

How could this happen? I had a
ladybug land on my shoulder today.

What's the problem?

Problem is I'm hungry.

The solution... we're walking
distance to Little India.

- Shall we?
- What's that smell?

Shh, that's... that's Pete.

He's, uh, very sensitive
about it. Don't bring it up.

While I got you,

I was thinking about putting
in a bike rack over here.

- What the hell is that?
- I didn't see anything.

- I'm sure if something was wrong,
- [Flame whooshes]

someone would... Oh,
they love quittin' time.

Just like "The Flintstones."

I'm starting to develop a theory

that maybe all this is
related to why Pete called me.

[Chuckles] Jay, I think
that's just a little paranoid.

[Liquid squishes]

Well, there...

there was one thing.

Sorry. This one's definitely vanilla.

I thought you said "mocha."

Oops, I accidentally made
my favorite drink.

Thanks for the tip.

I've been working here for five years.

Didn't get this far by being stupid.

I'm thinking about having a
little party at my place tonight.

You down, A-Dogg?

If "down" means attending

and "A-Dogg" means Alex, then yes.

I thought I'd quit the coffee
shop when I went back to school,

but I'm kind of loving it.

Plus, it taught me something important.

If you pretend to be who
people want you to be,

you can have as many
friends as you want.

God, I would love another
crack at high school.

Oh, God, here he comes.

- Who?
- Ugh.

This little guy in his
40s... here every Friday.

Always has a
super-complicated drink order.

[Door bells jingle]

Oh, hey, Alex.

I'll have a 20-ounce iced
skinny hazelnut macchiato,

sugar-free syrup,
double shot of espresso,

light ice... not no ice... no whip.

- Thank you for meeting with me.
- I came as fast as I could.

[Hinges snap]

I lied to my boyfriend.

Everybody does it at the
beginning of a relationship.

"Oh, I love jazz." "It's
sexy when a man cries."

"Your daughter is so sweet."

Me... I told Rainer I love his
favorite show, "Game of Thrones,"

so now he's taking me to Comic-Con.

I don't love "Game of Thrones."

I've never even seen "Game of Thrones."

And for the record, his
daughter is kind of a monster.

This is a lot to cover in four hours.

Let's start with everything you know

about George R.R. Martin's masterwork.

Well, I know this guy
dies, there's lots of boobs,

and I want to say... a spaceship?

This will go a lot
faster if you don't talk.

So, he's kind of related to
me, but it's a long story.

Hey, it's okay. We all come
from messed-up families.

My uncle's my dad.

Shift schedule is up.

- What the literal hell?!
- [Sighs]

Double shift today
and 6:00 A.M. tomorrow?

- That's not fair.
- Management don't care.

Party tonight is off.

Nothing is off. A-Dogg is on it.

- "A-Dogg"?
- Let me have this.

So, you put a little
bit of the cream on top.

- Uh-huh.
- And then...

Got it. Mmm.

Terrific birthday
surprise. Sorry it's over.

It's just starting.

I have a lot of surprises coming.

Joshua: [Sing-song voice]
Knockedy-knock-knock.

- Okay, what do I do?
- What did you do?

It's a massage!

Let them in, young man.

It's Ben. We've met 30 times.

Oh, Gloria.

Friend.

Listen, while I appreciate
the idea of a massage...

- You hate it.
- Well...

You always hate my gifts.
I don't even know why I try.

No, no, please, uh, let me finish.

I've always appreciated the thought

of a massage in my office,

and now it's actually happening.

- Ah! [Laughs]
- Thank you.

Which one of you lovelies is Claire?

- She is!
- Oh, great.

Just give me the quick version, okay?

- 90 minutes. You got it, hon.
- Okay.

My department is asking if
there's still gonna be coffee

or if they have to start bringing it.

Who... who's this?

Uh, he's interviewing for
a job in the warehouse.

He's a, um, forklift operator.

That's right. It's 2017.

There are plenty of
gay forklift drivers.

I'm not gay.

It's cool, bro. I'm woke.

- It's cool, bro. I'm woke.
- [Laughs]

That's funny!

You sound just like that guy over there.

- That guy?
- Okay, it's back-to-work time.

- We got to take a look at these.
- Yeah.

See ya later. We'll catch up.

Okay, this is crazy.

I don't need an MRI.

The doctor ordered when you
told her you could taste colors

- in a French accent.
- Oh... all right.

Well, I don't even do a French accent.

I didn't say it was a good one.

Guys, we usually try to
move the head injuries along.

- Yes.
- Okay. Well, it's...

it's just so small.

It's bigger than it looks.

See, there's nothing
wrong with my brain,

'cause I have three
funny comebacks to that.

Cam, come on, let's
listen to, uh, Bobby.

He knows what he's talking about.

I don't think we can really trust

anything a grown man named Bobby says.

Come on, honey, you got this.

Okay. Uh, Robert, hi.

Can I have... question. So, listen.

I know this is a giant magnet,

and I have a lot of fillings.

Are they just gonna fly out of my head?

- That never happens.
- Okay.

Um, I'm also on an iron supplement.

- Is that...
- An issue? No.

Let's just get you on that table, huh?

- [Chuckles]
- Come on.

Hm.

[Exhales]

No, okay, not happening.

I'm having flashbacks.

I don't know if I ever told you this,

but when I was kid, I fell into a well.

Together: It happened the
same day as baby Jessica,

but she got all the press.

It still stings. Everybody loves a baby,

but not one single
prayer for a husky teen

who's stuck head-first in a well

for the better part of an hour.

Okay, Cam, come on. You have
got to calm down, all right?

It'll be over before you know it.

- In an hour.
- I'm... I can't!

- I'm done, I'm out!
- Okay, wait, wait, Cam, Cam.

Okay, Bobby, is it
okay if I get in there

to show Cam that it's all right?

Do we have time for that?

Sure, my 4:00 hemorrhaged.

Can you not... okay.

All right, look at this, Cam.

- Just be careful.
- It's comfortable.

- We've got you.
- Okay, I'm good.

Okay.

Ah.

Actually, Cam, this is very peaceful.

It was a torture chamber.

I was in there one minute, and I cried.

I feel so rested.

I do, I do, I really do.

Now you. It's all good.

There you go. All right.

And I will be right here beside you.

Uh, no one's allowed in
here except the patient.

I will be in the next
room right beside you.

Okay, so put your headphones on.

They're gonna play you something

- to get your mind off of it.
- Yeah.

- This is a panic button.
- Oh.

- Just push it if you need to get out.
- Oh, okay.

Well, I think I can do this.

[Sighs]

[MRI beeping]

"This American Life," I'm Ira Glass.

Today's program... "Puppy Love."

We'll hear the story of a man

who met his soul mate
through a lost schnauzer,

a beagle from Coos Bay, Oregon,
who, for one week, was mayor.

And we start with Act 1,

a search-and-rescue collie
looking for his owner,

who was buried alive for 18 days.

Woman: After drinking
his own urine for a week,

Horace Laughton could no longer
ignore the terrible truth...

he was running out of oxygen.

H-help. Help!

Help! Get me out of here!

Hey! I will kill you!

Ohh! (groans)

Cam, come on, this is serious.

[Panting]

Oh, my God. I can't breathe.

I need air. I need air!

[Scoffs] I'm sorry. He
is being such a baby, huh?

There's a camera in
there. I watched you cry.

And finally, employees should
have a say in the shift schedule.

It would allow us to
plan our lives accordingly

and would result in fewer missed days.

In summation, no caffeination
without representation.

So, am I fired?

Are you kidding me?

Those are 20-ounce
ideas in a 16-ounce cup.

[Scoffs]

I have overlooked a rising star...

right under my nose.

- But that's the...
- Yes, the assistant manager's apron.

I didn't come in here for that.

That's exactly why you're getting it.

- But I... I can't.
- Shh.

Oh, my God, this is so confusing.

- So, the little guy from "Elf"...
- Tyrion Lannister.

Whatever. I don't know actors' names.

Is he Jaime's brother
or Cersei's brother?

Both... Jaime and Cersei
are brother and sister.

But they were just
doing it in the tower.

That is so twisted.

[Gasps] Go on.

Guys, the craziest thing just happened.

I went in there with a list of demands.

And weaseled your way to a promotion.

No, trust me... n-nothing
is going to change.

But while I'm staring at it,
would one of you guys mind

taking out this trash at some point?

Heil, assistant manager.

No, no, no, no, no! This
is good for all of us.

Now we have someone on the inside... me.

- A-Dogg.
- More like Adolf.

I-I-I think you're really
minimizing that atrocity.

[Vehicle approaches]

Now, let me do the talking.

Good. I don't feel like talking.

It's just you nurture
a dream for 30 years,

only to see it go up in
flames like Pete's eyebrow.

- I feel like a part of...
- This is you not talking?

- There he is. Go.
- [Sighs]

Oh, it's you.

Now, before you say anything,

we're still not interested.

- Okay.
- But if we were interested,

it would take a hell of a lot
more than what you offered.

- What about all the sewage?
- You get used to it.

Gentlemen, when I made that offer,

we didn't know about
any of the problems.

I'm afraid we're no longer interested.

Jared, I like you.

We're willing to go 5%.

Like I said, the offer's off the table.

- You guys need a ride?
- I have a car. Thank you.

Hope it's not that one over there.

Yo! My dog is in that car!

Hey!

And as Hodor blocked the door
to save his friend Bran Stark,

Bran had a vision of
a younger Hodor saying,

"Hold the door, hold the door.

"Hold door."

And finally, "Hodor,"
the only word he would say

for the rest of his life,

a life that was now ending.

[Voice breaking] He knew.

Hodor knew his whole life

that his destiny was to
save his little friend.

Just like you have saved from
embarrassment at Comic-Con,

- so thank you, Manny.
- My pleasure.

I should get going.

Oh, my God, me too. I have to
change into my Khaleesi costume.

I could probably stick
around for a few more minutes.

Maybe I'll move the party to Monday.

Oh! I'm free Monday.

[Inhales] Let's talk later.

No, please. I never meant to betray you.

Your friendship means more
to me than this stupid apron.

Stupid?

Oh, Scott.

There's a whole world of people

that would kill to wear this apron,

but this just isn't my path.

This extra responsibility
has me feeling alienated.

It's lonely one step down from the top.

You may not believe this,

but it's even lonelier way up here.

Somewhere on my climb,
I forgot my own dream...

to be the best damn speed-metal
drummer in the Inland Empire.

- There's still time, Scott.
- You're right.

- I quit.
- What?

You are the manager now.

Hey, you two, party
at my house. Come on!

- Yeah.
- Okay.

Oh, FYI, one of the
toilets is overflowing.

Seriously, the roof?

I've been looking for you everywhere.

I just needed some
space and some fresh air.

[Inhales] It smells so purple.

Okay, you're going
in that tube. Come on.

[Grav crunching]

Seriously, that's as
hard as you can pull?

I am not the weak one here.

You're the one who won't even
get a simple medical test.

What are you... scared?
Huh? You're chicken?

Yeah, and I thought I made that
clear in there when I peed a little.

Fine, you just go ahead and die.

And I'll raise Lily by myself,

and she will never step foot
in another farm or circus.

I will haunt you.

Or you could just get your head checked

so we don't lose you
over some stupid fear.

Do you know what I went
through in that well

on October 14, 1987,

while the whole world was focused

on that media whore Jessica?

- She was a baby, but yeah.
- It was hell.

And I would not have survived

if those firemen wouldn't
have figured out a way

to lower my little
Aunt Edna into that we

and touch my feet and tell
me it was gonna be okay

and that I wasn't alone.

Cam, if there's a way that
I could be in there with you,

I would, but I...

Wait a minute.

Hey, you're doing great.

Okay, I'm right there with you.

You're not alone.

[Gloves squeaking]

Thank you.

- You're a good husband.
- Oh, that's very sweet.

- [Intercom beeps]
- Oh, and, Cam.

If the scan shows that
you're fine, you can suck it,

because this
mechanically-challenged daddy

made this foot-rubbing
machine all by himself.

I did. I did this.

It's good, right?

I see you unclenching.

I'm just concerned that
other people are gonna see me.

[Indistinct shouting]

Keep still, please.

Ben: I told you, she's
in a meeting right now.

Let... let go of my tie.

You're not getting any looser.

Oh, I wonder why.

Come on, get back to work.

It's a little hard to focus
with the smell of truffles

just wafting out of
your girlfriend's office.

My girlfriend is your boss, okay?

And she's not my girlfriend.

I won't deny we have chemistry,

a certain will-they,
won't-they kind of vibe.

Okay, guys, hi.

If you could just give me 20 minutes

to deal with a personal situation,

I promise I will come out and
address all of your concerns.

- What is going on in there?
- Yeah.

Well, um, it's a medical situation.

Actually, and it's kind of embarrassing,

so I appreciate your support
in this difficult time.

[Boxes rustling]

We got to wrap this up.
How long do you need?

At least 15 minutes.

You got five.

Ma'am, this job is hard enough.

[Moans]

Uh, hey, so, small problem.

Gloria: It can wait!

Every problem can wait.

So now go, mister.

Come on, I've been in your home.

All right, Ben. What is it?

- Today's Margaret's birthday...
- Uh-huh.

... but it was too
late to cancel the cake.

Everyone saw it get delivered.

It's fine. Let them eat cake.

- What?
- Is she kidding?

Claire: That's not what I meant!

- Claire, breathe.
- No, no!

Gloria, we're done.

Don't scream at me. I just
wanted to make you happy.

And I'm just trying to make you happy

because you're so damn sensitive

about me not liking
your birthday presents.

Come on, this is the
last thing I needed today.

[Boxes rustling]

Oh, my God. Look at her hands.

She's just been in
here getting a manicure.

How do you sleep?

- Get her!
- Whoa, whoa, back it up, Josie.

Nobody's gonna get her.

I realize that the optics are a
bit troubling, especially today.

A day when you've been sipping champagne

while we've gone over
an hour without snacks.

Enough!

You should all be ashamed of yourselves.

How long have I known you people?

Dom, Kenny, Josie,

- the two Herms.
- Seriously?

You all go home at 5:00.
This woman never punches out.

She goes home and never sleeps

because she's thinking how
to make this company better.

Can't you tell what
a mess she has become?

How tense she is, her awkward tics,

the way she grinds her teeth to dust.

I think that she
deserves some pampering.

So now get out of here!

Let's go. Come on.

Gloria.

I am sorry.

I just wanted to make
it right this year.

Oh, you did. You really did.

Okay, good. So go back and sit down

because hugging you is
like hugging a coat rack.

Bah. Okay.

Oh, that's good.

I'm sorry.

- I dreamt too big.
- It's not your fault.

I'm the one who believed in you.

You're also the one
who overplayed his hand.

We've already established
mistakes were made.

We need to be thinking about next steps.

Maybe we need to build
something smaller,

like a cool restaurant or something.

I've thought about that.
Who's gonna come down here?

There's nowhere to park.

Oh, my God, that's it... a parking lot.

That's not bad.

We could build it for nothing

and pay off the majority
of the loan by tomorrow.

- [flame whooshes]
- Let's talk about this somewhere else.

Maybe 15-year-old Phil had it right.

Sometimes you have to look at your dream

from a different angle.

I guess it was a parking lot all along.

[Timer dings]

Please tell me that's
dinner. I'm starving.

No, that's Daddy's alarm.

We can't let him nap
for more than two hours

because of the concussion.

Oh, look at him. He looks so peaceful.

He's had such a rough day.

When I tried to wake him up
last time, he got so upset.

- I'll do it.
- Who raised you?

- Fine, just be gentle, okay?
- Thanks.

Also, don't touch this.

It's my art project.

- Oh, can I help you with that?
- No.

Daddy said he should because
he's more artistic than you.

Okay.

[Pan banging]

What?! What?! Why?!

Oh, good, you're alive.