All language subtitles for Lie Hard 2022 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP2 0 H 264-EVO

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Nothing beats a good steak,

unless you're a vegetarian
and you found out

that you ate steak because
someone lied to you.

In that case, the steak didn't hurt you,

the truth did.

But this story isn't about the truth.

It's about a man.

A man who dreamed about buying a home

with the girl he loved.

But if he was gonna do all that,

he sure started off in the wrong spot.

Yo, who the fuck is that?

Um, hi, it's Rob, Rob Smart.

I'm here to see an apartment.

Why you ain't say that, man?

Hey, DQ.

Are the countertops in there marble?

Nah, they're the next best thing thoug

Well, the kitchen's really nice.

You got tons of space for $1,200 a month

Yes, sir.

You get a lot of bang for
your buck here in Beekstead.

Speaking of which, the guy
upstairs on the second floor,

he's in a rock band.

So it gets a little loud sometimes,

but they're pretty good, so...

It's my girlfriend. Do
you mind if I take this?

Motherfucker.

She is way out of your league, bro.

No disrespect.

Well, look, if you need
anything, just give me a shout.

Alright?

Hey.

Hey.

So do you maybe want to meet
my parents another night?

Uh, why would I want to do that?

My parents are a little intimidating

and I don't want to scare you off.

I appreciate you giving me
the out, but I don't need it.

And I'm excited that I finally
get to meet your parents.

And I have a feeling they're
really gonna like me.

Alright. Well, thanks for being brave.

So, are you on your way?

What is that?

Did you walk into a concert?

Oh, Katie, it's just
the neighbors. I love you.

I'll talk to you soon.

Would you like some more wine, Rob?

Absolutely.

Dear, would you do the honors?

You're a tad bit more accessible to him.

You got it. Say when.

Oh, not too much though. I'm driving.

So, Rob,

Katie says there's an interesting
story on how you two met.

I would love to hear it.

Okay.

Well, my friend Toby hits me up and says

"I know this great girl named Katie.

You're going on a blind date with her

and I'm not taking no for an answer."

So our blind date starts, we're talking,

I am having the time of my life

and Katie's laughing like a crazy person

so I'm going to assume she
was having a good time.

And then Katie notices
this guy staring at us.

So he comes over and says,

"Hey, I think you're supposed
to be on a date with me."

And then at that moment,

I realized that Katie wasn't the Katie

I was supposed to meet.

I wasn't the Rob that
she was supposed to meet.

My Katie stood me up.

And the thing is, I
think it had to be fate

because what are the chances

of me meeting a Katie that
was supposed to meet a Rob?

Wow. That is really some story.

Well, whoever that other
Katie was, she messed up.

Rob's been great.

You snooze, you lose.

Now that we're moving in
together, things are just perfect.

Hmm.

Yeah, I meant to tell you,

we've been looking at apartments.

So where are you looking?

Oh, we saw some really
nice places in Beekstead.

Beekstead?

Oh, that's a great place.

To get shot!

Dad, it's not.

I get it, Mr. Reynolds,
Beekstead has its rough spots,

I'll admit it.

But if it makes any better,

Katie and I spend so
much time in the bedroom,

that we barely go out anyway.

Excuse me?

Oh. Oh.

That was a terrible joke.

I'm just saying, we don't go out much.

Not that I can afford to anyway.

Mr. Reynolds?

Call me Julius, please.

Julius. Sure.

I just wanted to say how
sorry I am for those jokes

in there.

They were insensitive, clearly not funny

and definitely not the first
impression I want to make.

It's okay, Rob. I understand
and I accept your apology.

You can relax with me.

Wow.

Wave of relief.

It's so hard meeting the
parents for the first time.

Oh, I hear ya, kid and don't sweat it,

we're just people.

And besides, I know
you're a very nice guy.

Thank you, Julius.

Don't mention it.

I just need you to do me a small favor.

Sure, anything.

This whole thing with Katie,

I'm going to need you
to find a way to end it

without hurting her too badly.

Excuse me?

This whole thing with
my daughter and you,

it's not going to work out.

Oh God. It's the jokes.

No, it's not the jokes, Rob, it's you.

You're the joke.

Take a look at Katie and look at yoursel

Do you think you're
anywhere near her league?

You're as far below her
station as one can be.

I don't know what she sees in you.

I know what I see in
you, and I see a peasant.

You like to tell stories? Write a book.

Nice guy? Make a friend.

But my daughter doesn't
deserve a life lacking in worth

in a disgusting apartment
in a dangerous neighborhood.

By the time I was your age,

I had already paid off this whole house

and I was looking to buy a yacht.

Do you think you'll ever be
able to buy a house like this?

Never in a million years.

Now that's the life for Katie.

End it with grace, but end it, you must.

Take my hand, Madam.

Ow. Fuck!

Oh shit! Watch your head.

I'm taking this blindfold off.

No please. Just two
seconds, two seconds.

Rob!

Okay. Okay. Okay.

That's perfect.

And...

now!

Congratulations!

What's going on?

Today's the day, baby.

We're moving in together.

What are you talking about?

I bought us a mansion, baby.

Rob, we've been looking
at places in Beekstead.

You're going to tell me
you bought a mansion?

Damn right, I did.

How is that even possible?

Well,

you know how I had that
conversation with your dad?

I told you that wasn't a big deal.

I know, but he said some
things that I needed to hear.

I went into work the next day.

Rob, I just feel like
this was a huge decision

and it kind of bothers me
that I wasn't a part of it.

I just really wanted to surprise you.

Wow.

Oh, yeah.

And it came fully furnished.

I think I just
found my favorite part

of the house.

So, I wanted to ask,

That thing you said outside
about me not involving you,

was that a fight?

I didn't think it was a fight.

I don't know. It was tense.

Might've technically been a
fight and if it was a fight,

we should, you know, make up.

Well, maybe it was a fight.

Howdy, neighbor.

Hi, I'm Rob, Rob Smart.

Just moved in.

Yeah, I see that.

I'm Sydney. Welcome to the neighborhood.

Thank you. It is a beautiful place.

Oh, it is, it is. A great
place to raise a family.

My thoughts exactly.

How big's your litter?

Excuse me?

How many kids are you at?

Oh, no, we're not up to that,

Just me and my girlfriend.

Oh, well, hot diggity dog.
I'm sure she's a keeper.

You know, I got to tell
Ginnie you guys just moved in.

She makes a mean casserole.

Well, all right then.

Yeah.

Um, oh, I should probably
get back to the lady.

Yeah, yeah. Listen,
I hear you, I hear you.

I should be on my way too. Alright?

Hey.

Good luck finding it.

Huh?

I said, "Good luck finding it." (laugh

Finding what?

The treasure.

The treasure?

Hidden in the house.

What are you talking about?

There's a,

you don't know?

I don't know what you're talking about

Shh, shh.

Now look, the last fella
that lived in that house

was into some sketchy business.

I mean, he came to me to
try to hide some money

from the IRS.

I said "No way, Jose, I run a
legitimate accounting firm."

He started hiding
the money in his mattress.

And when it started hurting his back,

he started hiding it in the walls.

I mean, you could hear him
knocking all night long and

not in the carnal sense,
if you get my drift.

Wow. What happened to him?

Oh, that guy's deader than rock music.

Had a coronary the size of a Mack truck.

Hey, listen, I will bet you a million

that the walls are still
loaded with that cash.

I mean, it might be worth taking a peek.

Well, I appreciate the heads up,

but I just dropped 4 mil on this place.

I don't think I'm knocking down any wall

4 million?

That's a steal,

knowing that you could double
it with what's in there.

Okay.

Okay. Well, I gotta get going.

So, it was a pleasure.

Alright, son. See ya.

Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute.

Hey, let me buy you a drink.

You know, the local
watering hole is called the

Lighthouse Inn.

And if you really want to know the truth

that's where I really live.

So find me there

and I'll find you a nice
bourbon with your name on it.

You got it.

Hey Matt.

It's Rob.

Right. Sorry.

Oh, I was just um

Testing the acoustics of the room.

I have Janet on hold on line one.

Great. Put her through.

You just press one.

You were out for three
weeks and already forgot

how to use the phone?

This is Rob speaking.

Hey Rob. Welcome back.

You sound better.

Well, it's great to be back
and I am feeling much better,

Janet, let me tell you.

Good, because that was a
lot of time you took off.

Well, it's going to pay
you back tenfold, Janet.

Great to hear.

Listen, I got to ask you something.

Shoot.

Where the fuck were you this morning?

Excuse me?

Tenfold? You missed
today's fucking meeting.

Oh, that was today. I'm sorry, Janet.

I've just been so overwhelmed.

I don't want to hear
you took three weeks off

to not be overwhelmed.

You can't be doing this, Rob.

You're right, Janet.

You're right. It won't happen again.

I promise.

It better not happen again,

because this waterfront
redevelopment is giving me

a fucking ulcer.

Everyone's working really hard.

I need you plugged in.

Well, Janet, your electric
bill's about to skyrocket,

because I am plugged in
and I am running hot.

Whatever. Listen, go
down to Jason's office.

He'll fill you in.

I need you to put your
heads together and poke

as many holes as you can, okay?

Your presentation needs to be ready to g

first thing tomorrow morning.

Absolutely.

First thing tomorrow morning,

you need to be in the conference
room, presentation in hand.

I'll be there, Janet.

This will be the -

Ahem.

Hi. Didn't see you there.

I have a Paulie Gatto on
hold. He says it's urgent.

Oh, shit.

Ah, can you tell him
that I'm in a meeting?

Okay.

Yes?

Hi. Yes.

Mr. Gatto says that he
insists that you step out

of your fake meeting.

You told him it was a fake meeting?

No, I'm
telling you what he said.

Oh, well tell him that
it's a real meeting.

Sure.

Amanda, I told you to tell Paulie -

Hey Rob.

Tell Paulie what?

To tell Paulie that my
meeting just finished.

Hold all my calls.

Paulie, you really shouldn't -
- Sit down.

Now, look, Rob.

I'm not going to waste your time.

Circumstances have changed.

The boss wanted me to come
down and let you know that we

need the money back by
the end of the week.

What?

No, we had it.

Big Sally-

Mrs. Salerno.

Huh?

Mrs. Salerno. She doesn't
like to be called Big Sally,

finds it infantilizing and condescending

I'll make sure it doesn't happen again

I was just saying, she
gave me the year and -

Yeah. Unfortunately
that's not gonna work.

See the boss's daughter
just got accepted to the

prestigious Paris Academy of Art.

Problem is, it ain't cheap.

Paris Academy of Art charges
$500,000 a semester.

And we're the criminals.

So long and short,

boss needs 4 million for
four years of tuition,

room and board.

We go through the books,
and what do you know?

We just gave you 4 million last week.

So let's even things out.

You give us some money back.

We'll make it up to you in some other wa

Want a drink?

No, I'm okay.

Oh, you should have one.

So, how's that sound?

See, the thing is,

I kinda spent the money.

Oh, I was really hoping you
weren't going to say that.

On the other hand, your firm here,

they're going to be
submitting the bid to be

the lead contractor on the
waterfront redevelopment.

Oh, I don't know. See, I've been out.

So I haven't really been
brought up to speed.

I'm bringing you up to speed.

Salerno Construction LLC is
going to bid on those contracts

and Salerno Construction
LLC will be awarded

those contracts.

Everything's supposed to
be finalized on Thursday.

So either we get the
contracts on Thursday,

or the 4 million on Friday.

I, I don't know.

I don't have that kind
of firepower here, so-

Don't bullshit me, Rob!

You'll figure it out,

because if you don't, it actually
becomes much more simple.

Does it?

Yeah, because I'm gonna kill you.

I'm gonna pull your fucking
teeth out of your mouth,

slice you up in little tiny pieces,

and when they finally
find your carcass floating

in the fucking river,

you'll be so disfigured,
they won't even be able

to tell who you were.

You got that?

Who's she? Wife?

Girlfriend.

She's pretty.

See you real soon, Rob.
Have a nice fucking day.

Hedge fund guy would scoop it up,

but never in a million
years would I have thought

it could have been you.

You really proved me wrong, Rob.

Huh?

It pains me to admit it,
but I was wrong about you.

And I apologize for everything I said.

Oh, it's okay.

No, it's not okay.

The thought that I could
have driven you away

from my daughter, oh, it eats me up.

My wife says this is Roman marble. Bam!

Sturdy, solid, outstanding.

I'm damn proud of you, son.

Damn proud.

Thank you, Mr. Reynolds.

Julius, please.

My daughter is in great hands.

Look at you two, hitting it off.

Honey,

your man is a keeper.

No doubt about it.

Dad.

Well, I'll leave you
two love birds to it.

Why don't you help me find your mother?

Yeah, she couldn't
have kind of gone far.

Mona! We're leaving.

Looks like we had our first
successful dinner party.

I'm going to go see them
out, but I just wanted to -

Oh my God.

Good morning, sweetheart.

Are you feeling better?

Yeah. I'm great.

I'm just gonna take a shower
and I'll be as good as new.

A little fog to start off our day.

We may get some hints of sun yet.

There's my handsome
man, looking much better.

And now, over to our local news.

I'm feeling much better, too.

In other news, three bodies
were found dismembered at the

site of the upcoming Sandy
Shores waterfront redevelopment.

WHIC News is on the scene,
bringing you the latest.

Isn't that the project
your firm is working on?

The police at the moment
are not saying anything,

but with five more bodies
found and rumors they are tied

to organized crime,

residents worry that carnage
might just be the new normal

in this waterfront community.

While we don't know
much, one thing is clear,

and that is that Rob
Smart is going to die.

The only way out of this certain
and violent death is going

to work and sabotaging that proposal,

but the stress is on
because if Katie finds out,

she is certain to leave him
and never talk to him again.

With tensions running high,

the police commissioner
will be releasing a formal

statement later this afternoon.

Until then, citizens are
urged to remain vigilant.

Chuck Charles, WHIC News.

Rob, what's going on?

I can explain.

You're sick.

Aw.

I'm sick?

I'm sick. I'm sick.

Oh, I'm so sorry, baby.

Must've caught a stomach bug.

Of course. It's fine.

Just take a sick day
and I'll take one too.

I'm going to kill you.

Oh no, actually,

I got to go to work.

No. You don't. And I'm
canceling tonight's reservation.

Don't cancel the reservation.
It's our anniversary.

And really, really I'm not sick.

It was a one-time thing.

You threw up last night.

Who's keeping track? Two time thing.

Really, I'm great.

I just got to go to work and -

Rob. I'm not having this conversation.

You're sick and if you're
not gonna take care

of yourself, then I am.

So stop being a workaholic,
get back into bed,

and if I see you doing any work at all,

you and I are going to have a big proble

I don't understand.

You take one week off for a
death in the family, I get it,

another week, because your
girlfriend took you on vacation

to make you feel better, okay.

And then another week to move
into a house you recently

inherited.

You promised that would be it.

And now you come in late
on your first day back,

you miss a meeting that we
scheduled to work around

your schedule, and now
you're calling in sick?

Are you fucking kidding me?

Janet, I'm sorry.

I'm honestly feeling under the weather.

I don't care if you have
Ebola and you're bleeding

out your face,

I'm here with Jason and he
says you didn't even go to

his office yesterday,

so, what the fuck were
you doing for eight hours,

playing solitaire?

I was so busy that day, Janet,

it completely slipped past me.

I really tried to give you
an opportunity here, Rob.

I really did.

You know how important this
waterfront redevelopment

plan is.

It is very important, Janet.

It is very important.

It's very important, Rob.

It's too important to be
messing this up, I'm sorry.

You give me no choice. I
gonna have to let you go.

Janet. Please no, I have so many ideas

They will, they will knock your socks of

I promise.

Hm, well maybe if you
weren't such a fuck up,

you'd have the opportunity
to express them.

Oh shit. Oh shit.

Janet, please, I need this job.

I need this job, Janet, please.

I have worked my whole life for this.

I have earned this.

You know that I'm a kick-ass salesman.

I slipped up. I'm sorry.

You want me to break down crying again?

You know how much I loved my uncle

and now I'm sick.

I've been vomiting all over the place.

The carpets at the office
are gorgeous, Janet.

You don't want me ruining them.

Honey? Are you working?

No. I'm not working.

I'm just talking to some friends.

Who are you talking to?

Oh, it's um,

Toby.

Oh, how's he doing?

He's great.

Hi Toby.

When am I going to meet you already?

I'm starting to think you're
avoiding me, you big flake!

He says, "Hi."

Anyway, love you.

Wow.

Well, I don't know what the fuck that wa

but obviously your second
chance went out the window.

So if you're not too overwhelmed,

you can come into the
office at your leisure,

pack up your things, and turn in your ke

because you're fucking fired.

Oh, fuck.

Hey, neighbor.

Hey. Sydney, right?

Righto, brother.

Get home from work early?

No, took a sick day.

Well, you don't look too sick to me.

Yeah.

It's because I'm lying to you, Sydney.

I was fired.

And I told my girlfriend I
was going to the doctor, but

I'm not, because I'm lying to her too.

Oh, brother. The
truth will set you free.

And heck, if that fails,

maybe a little bourbon might do the tric

Hey, hey, hey, Jo Jo,

two more, if you don't mind.

Don't look so sad, son.
You'll get a new job.

It's not just the job.

I owe a lot of money to
some really bad people.

I don't know what to do.

If you're that hard pressed for cash.

I'm telling you there's a
fortune hidden somewhere

in that house of yours.

You were serious about that.

Darn serious.

Look, your house is like an ocean

and that money is lost at sea.

All you have to do is look.

I'm not going to tear
apart my dream house

on a wild goose chase.

Nay, nay, nay.

If thy wits run the wild
goose chase, I have done,

but thou hast more of the
wild goose in one of thy wits

than I am sure I have in my whole five.

It's there, kiddo. I'm sure of it.

You just need to look.

Can I have another, please?

Now this one, the zuppa
di pesce alla veneziana,

what's in that one?

Ah, yes.

That is a choice assortment of
fish in a light tomato broth,

highly recommended.

However, since it is your first time her

I do suggest you try the branzino,

it is our award-winning house specialty,

The branzino?

Absolutely to die for.

Alright. That sounds great.

And your order, sir.

Oh, I'll have what she's having.

The branzino, excellent
choice. I can take your menus.

Honey. You're allergic to fish.

I am allergic to fish.

Would you like to
change your order, sir?

Oh, um, I will have the chicken.

As previously mentioned,

we have two chicken options this evening

We have a roasted chicken -

The roasted chicken's fine.

Very well. Your menus.

Honey, I,

I want to talk about something
that's been on my mind.

Shoot.

I know you've had a big
week and maybe it's nothing,

but I can't help but feel
that something is off.

Off? I don't think so.

It's just that since you met my parent

and you had that
conversation with my dad -

I promise, everything's
good with your dad.

Great guy, seriously.

Well, if there's anything
else that's going on,

that's too much for you, you can tell me

You know that, right?

I love you and I want to be here for you

in any way that I can be.

Katie, I want to tell you everything.

And I already have.

Okay. I trust you.

I have to go to the bathroom real quic

I'll be right back.

Why didn't you tell her the truth, Rob?

Because then she would leave you, asshol

But you owe her the truth.

You gotta tell her the truth, man.

Okay.

Let's do it.

Hey Rob, is there room for one more?

What are the chances we end
up in the same restaurant

on the same night?

That's a rhetorical question,
Rob. The chances are high.

This is Mrs. Salerno's place.

Mrs. Salerno owns this restaurant?

Mrs. Salerno owns this town.

So, if could spare a moment of your time

Mrs. Salerno is having dinner in the bac

and it'd be quite rude of
you not to say, "Hello."

Oh, I really wouldn't want
to interrupt her dinner.

Please, Rob. I insist.

Mrs. Salerno, you remember Rob?

Oh yeah. Oh wow, Rob.

Oh, Robert, welcome.

This is my daughter, Tori.

Tori, say, "Hello" to Robert.

Can I be excused?

Of course.

So now listen, Robert, how are you?

Do you have the food here yet?

No, I just ordered.

Ah, everything here is delicious.

What did you order?

I got the roasted chicken.

Oh, the roasted chicken is shit.

He's going to have the branzino.

You're going to love it.
I promise. I promise.

You're going to eat every bite.

Well, come on, sit down, take a load off

So you know, we just
wanted to check in, yeah,

take a moment of your time and make sure

that we're all set for
tomorrow's delicate negotiations

for the waterfront
redevelopment contracts.

We're on track. Everything's
as good as handled.

Oh, look at that. Aye, aye.

Good as handled.

Oh, shit!

This was a test and you
failed because you're stupid.

I have your balls in a vice
and you chose to lie to me.

I know that you were fired
from your job this afternoon,

because...

I have ears, eyes everywhere, you fuck.

You stupid motherfucker.

So now the vice tightens.

What is that sharp feeling you got there

Motivation! That's what it is.

I was already motivated!

Yeah, well, a little more never hurt.

Maybe in your case it
does. Doesn't it, Rob?

You're going to get a
phone call in two days.

You are not gonna want to miss that call

and you're gonna want to have
my money when you answer.

Great.

Oh, God.

Great.

All right.

A a a ah!

Hey, you were in there for awhile.

Are you still feeling sick?

Really long line.

At the men's room? That's crazy.

The branzini.

Oh, there's been a mistake.

But this is compliments of Mrs.

Oh,

no, no, I wanted this.

I really wanted to try it.

But you're violently allergic to fish.

I don't think that I am.

I'm good. Trust me.

Enjoy your meal.

Look, look at this.

Mmm.

Mmm.

See? I'm totally fine.

Well, the good news is the
anaphylaxis has responded

to the medication and is
calming down quite a bit,

but you really should not
be eating fish, Mr. Smart.

I don't know if you know this,

but you are deathly allergic to it.

He does know this. Rob,
what were you thinking?

Gotta live dangerously, sometimes.

In my professional
opinion, you should not.

Thank you, doctor.

You're welcome.

I also looked at that
a dog bite on your leg

and I must say it is highly irregular.

You got bit by a dog?

Dog bites usually present
as multiple puncture wounds,

but this looked more like
someone stuck a steak knife

in his leg and twisted it.

Yeah, Doc. That's
exactly what it felt like.

That dog's teeth, they were sharp.

Like I said, unusual,

but no matter. We cleaned it up.

We gave you a rabies and
tetanus shot, antibiotics,

CT, and MRI, with and
without contrast, the works.

Well, it's a good thing
your job has such great

health insurance.

I can't even imagine what
all of this would cost.

Yeah, big time.

But if the insurance company is paying,

why pinch pennies, right?

It is your life on the line,

but I'm sure you'll be fine.

You'll be discharged in just a few days.

Oh no, Doc, I need to check out tonigh

I will let you two discuss.

Baby, I just want to go
home to our beautiful house.

You're not going anywhere.

The doctor just said that you shouldn't

This is totally ridiculous.

Look at me. I'm fine.

You don't look fine at all.

You look like a pufferfish

and you didn't tell me that a dog bit yo

I always look like a pufferfish.

Let's just get out of here.

We're not going anywhere.
You could've died.

Okay.

You want to stay? We'll stay.

Whoa, Nelly! What happened to you?

I know. It was an allergic reaction.

But I need to talk to you

about the money that's
hidden in the house.

If you help me find it,
I'll give you a piece of it.

Oh, it's not necessary, friend.

I have all the riches a man needs,

but I appreciate the offer.

Now, first order of business,

I'd start by taking down those walls.

Any idea which rooms?

Oh, geez, the amount of sheet
rocking this guy was doing

over the span of years, I
mean, best bet, all of them.

This cat had a lot of cash.

You better get yourself some tools.

Okay.

Where am I supposed to get
tools at two in the morning?

Hey, excuse me.

Any chance you know where the tool -

Hey, excuse me.

Any chance?

Hey, how's it going?

Benadryl's aisle two.

Thanks.

Any chance, do you guys carry power tool

No.

Uh, do you know anywhere
I can get some tools?

Hardware store.

Are any open now?

No.

Look, you gotta have like
a sledgehammer or a power saw

or something somewhere.

Um. This is a pharmacy.

Please.

You're the only place
that's open for miles.

If I don't get my hand on
some tools, I'm gonna die.

My boss has some in the
back. I'll sell them to you.

Really? That'd be amazing.

All right. 500 bucks.

You got it.

Show me the money.

Oh shit.

I don't have my wallet on me right now,

but could you spot me and
I'll come back tomorrow.

No,

I know this is strange, but
please, this is an emergency.

All right.

You want to play this
game? I'll play this game.

I want to speak to your manager.

I'm the manager.

Really?

Yeah.

Is there anything I can do
to get you to change your mind?

Yeah.

Take your fucked up face
and leave my fucking store.

Hey guys, can I speak
to you for a second?

Look, man, look, I don't
know what you think you saw

back there but we definitely
wasn't doing whippets.

Yeah.

I mean, it's medicinal
purposes for the both of us.

We got cards.

I need your help.

Yo, what's wrong with your face?

Benadryl is in aisle two.

I forgot my wallet and -

Let me stop you right there, G.

We ain't got no cash.

Okay. I wasn't asking for any,

but before I saw you shoplifting -

Whoa, that's mad accusatory, man.

Let me stop you right there, chief.

We ain't steal shit.

I just need you to
steal some tools from me

that are in the back.

Yo, are you a cop?

Are you trying to set us up?

No, I'm not a cop.

Prove it. Show us
you're not wearing a wire.

I'm not wearing a wire.

Oh? Yeah, you prove it, bitch.

Are you happy?

Drop your drawers.

What? Are you guys insane?

You could have a wire on your dick.

Show us or we won't trust you.

Fuck you.

You know, I don't have a wire on my dick

That sounds like exactly
what somebody with a wire

on their dick would say.

Fine. Fine.

Trust me now?

It's a nice dick.

Yo, man. We just fucking with you.

Cops don't wear wires on their dick.

Wave your dick.

He pulled his dick out.

In the middle of a
friggin' pharmacy

He pulled his dick out

In a pharmacy!

Whoa!

Yo, yo. We gonna help
you, we gonna help you.

Oh, shit!

He pulled his dick out.

Alright, look, I'm fucking with you, man

Yeah, I'm Clyde. This is Brick.

We get paid to steal shit quick.

What's in it for us, B?

Steal the tools and then
we will go back to my place

and I will pay you.

All right. Yeah. Go pull your car up.

We'll be out in 10 minutes.

I ain't gonna lie, this
house is fucking lit.

That's a nice painting.

I like the texture on the
background for the trees.

Yeah, that's Bob Ross shit.

Yo, not for nothing, yo,
this is a dope ass spot.

Yo, my cousin Marlon used
to rob hell a places like this.

What happened to that dude?

He's doing 10 to 15 in Oswald.

Damn, B. Shit always
happens to the good ones.

No, you know, he made a lot
of great friends up there.

Oh word?

Yeah, he's doing really well.

Oh, shit.

He's got a social scene.

Hey guys.

You said your names were
Clyde and Brick, right?

Which one of you should
I write the check to?

Okay. I will just make it to cash.

How does 200 sound?

Mm. Yeah. We was thinking
10,000 sounds about right.

Os.

- Yeah.
- $10,000?

Yeah.

Are you guys nuts?

I don't have that kind of money.

Honestly, I don't have any money.

Yeah, because I could
see you slumming it in this

Taj Mahal looking motherfucker, right?

Hey, quit the bullshit, man!

We know you got it. You loaded.

Guys. It's really not like that.

You think I want to destroy
my house for the fun of it?

What are you up to? Huh?

Yo.

He's hiding shit in the walls.

Mmm.

No, I'm not.

Yo, he's hiding stuff.

I didn't even think of that.

In the walls.

I didn't even think of that.

This wall?

There's nothing in the walls.

There's something in the walls.

I'm not hiding anything in the walls.

I know it's in the walls. (sniffs wall

There are drugs in the walls.

These walls are not filled with drugs.

Yeah.

Do you know how much yayo is probably

Yo, we could probably be like Tony Monta

in this motherfucker, yo.

Say hello to my little friend.

Hey, hey, hey!

I'm going to call the cops
if you guys don't leave

right now.

So how about I finish writing
this check and we can just

be on our -

Hey, hey! Stop, please! Please!

Please don't do this!

Did you?

Did you hear something?

No, I did not.

Did you understand that?

No. It was in snitch. I
don't understand snitch.

Ooh. Yeah. We don't have no
Rosetta Stone for that shit.

Guys, please.

And we trusted you, dog. We
went out on a limb for you.

This is how you repay us? Hm?

Calling the cops on us and
holding the drugs out from us?

Where your loyalty at, man?

I promise you. There
are no drugs hidden here.

Oh yeah. I'll put a hole in this wall.

What am I gonna find?

Millions of dollars in cash.

You for real?

Yes.

Supposedly, there's a
fortune hidden in the house

and if I don't find it, Big
Sally's going to kill me.

Wait. No, no, no, no, no, no.

You talking about Big Sally?

No. Hell no.

I don't do Big Sally.

I have to pay her $4 million by Friday

But, according to my neighbor,

there's at least double
that, hidden in the walls.

Clyde, may I sidebar
with you for a moment?

Absolutely.

- Okay.
- Give us a second.

I want a mansion,
I want a fucking house.

I want a pool. I want
a pool. I want a pool.

I want a pool. I want
a pool so fucking bad.

We talked about it.

We gonna help you, under one condition.

You can't say shit about
me and Brick helping you.

Not to Big Sally, not to your mama,

not to your grand mama's mama.

Nobody.

You can take enough to pay Big Sally

and we gonna keep the rest.

Absolutely. I think that's very fair.

Alright.

Now, look, I'm going to untie you.

Don't you attack me, alright?

All that shit, tying you
up, hitting you in the head,

"Fog of War" shit.

I was, I was in the moment.

- It's fine.
- Okay.

It's fine.

I was in ROTC program, bro.

It's cool. All is forgiven.

Yippee ki yay, motherfuckers!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait!

Yo, I am trying to get started.

Maybe we can do it without
destroying the house.

In fact, we can't damage the house.

It needs to be pristine.

Why did we get the tools,
if it's gotta be pristine?

Yo, you want this money or not, man,

cause you fucking around.

I need the money,

but we gotta find it
without damaging the house.

So you want us to do
demolition work, neat?

No, no, no demolition work. Pristine.

This is some stupid fucking shit.

Good morning, beautiful.

Got you breakfast, eggs
Benedict, fresh croissant,

and a black passion tea lemonade.

Rob.

It's okay. I woke up feeling great.

I'm sorry. How's my face looking?

Your face does look better.

See?

I was even able to run home
and get you a change of clothes

so you don't have to
rush back to the house.

Did the doctor sign off on this?

It was her idea.

So how about you take a fancy shower her

I brought you everything that you need

and then I'll drive you to
the train so we can get back

to work and have a boring old workday.

What the fuck?

What the fuck?

Hey, hey, guys? Guys?

You seriously took old
antibiotics and flu medicine?

Yo, those drugs are fucking me up.

Mmm hmm.

Oh my God. Did you find the money?

Yo, we was getting ready
to start figuring things out,

and then, you know, I-I
guess the drugs kicked in.

So you did nothing?

We did drugs.

Bro, you try looking in
the wall without breaking it.

It can't be done.

I am going to run out of time.

Look, unless you rethink
this whole pristine thing,

it ain't gonna happen.

Yo, man, we'll be super careful.

And we'll only knock out the
things we have to knock out.

Okay?

We'll be very... we won't
do a bunch of damage.

Yeah, we'll do it real
conservatively, yo. Like for real.

And we'll break a little
piece, a little piece,

that way, it's easy to patch up later.

Word.

Okay, please just do it.

Whatever you need to do, just do it.

I got to get going.

Wait, wait, where the
fuck you off to now?

I am going to call my
girlfriend and tell her

that there's a serious and
dangerous gas leak in the house.

Then, I'm gonna book us
a really nice hotel room,

tell her the gas company's
paying for it indefinitely.

Then, and hopefully relatively soon,

you're going to call
me and tell me that you

found the money, so I
can pay Big Sally back,

hire a contractor to fix the place,

and then take Katie on a
lovely vacation to Thailand,

so that the time that we get back,

she'll never know that anything was wron

That is some pathological shit.

Yeah, you a fucked up
indivisible for that, yo.

Guys, please, I am
holding on for dear life.

Please just find the fucking money.

Is it done?

Yeah, man,
we're done. Every room.

I could kiss you on the lips.

How much was there?

You're gonna want to come here

Gimme.

You destroyed my house!

You're at a 10, I
need you at 6. Alright?

Now you gotta understand,

we wasn't gonna find
this money any other way

and you was going to be dead
if we didn't find it, right?

You know, so, what's a house
if you can't live in it?

A coffin, yo.

Word. A coffin.

A coffin with high property tax

in a fly ass school district.

You said you were going
to do it conservatively.

Yo, conservatively
wasn't working for you.

Well you see, like on paper,
like conservatively sounds

real good, but in like
practical practicality practice,

it was real impractical, my G.

So what'd you find?

Well, we found that there
are some structural issues

in the bedroom.

Yes.

And some termites between
the dining room and the

kitchen.

Now if you get that shit
inspected in the next 10 years,

get those termites out of there,

you gonna have a really nice house.

It's got great bones.

You just got to fix up all these walls,

you're gonna have wonderful place to liv

Mmm hmm.

The money! Did you find the money?

No.

All of this and you found nothing?

No, we found out about
the structural problems

in the bedroom.

Yes.

We found out about the
termites between the kitchen

and the dining room.

I don't know
who inspected this place,

but they must've been smoking
a lot of crack because man,

I'm just a guy, I don't know shit,

but I can tell you that
and I can tell you that.

And I can also tell you you
should have the beams checked,

cause they're kind of wobbly.

Yeah, creaks a lot.

I am dead!

I am completely dead!

You guys fucked me! Both of you!

You destroyed my house for nothing!

I bet you did find it.
I bet you two robbed me.

Okay, now I'm going
to stop you right there.

We ain't steal shit, man.

Yo, there wasn't shit in this house.

Shit, if you don't believe me,

watch my life for the next 10
years to see if the quality

of my life improves or see
if my spending habits change.

Yo, you would never find me that way,

cause I got like mad,
modest habits, right?

I take the bus, I go to
Taco Tuesdays, but yo,

we didn't find any money.

No, we didn't find nothing.

Yo, and look, I know we had
a deal to keep the rest,

but like yo, there ain't no rest, B.

So, uh, yo, we was thinking like,

you still break us off with
the 10 Gs for like, you know,

stealing the tools and
the work we did and shit.

That's not happening.

Yo, come on, man. All that work we did

Yeah, and you failed. Your
job was to find the money.

And you did not find the money.

So what the fuck am I
going to pay you for?

Dawg? We took apart
every inch of this place.

Every inch.

The money's not here. So
your issue isn't with us.

It's with whoever the
fuck lied to you about it.

So why don't you slow your
roll and take it up with them?

Hi. Ma'am, I'm really sorry
to bother you at this hour.

Is everything all right?

Are you with the fire department?

No. No. I'm Rob, your new
neighbor from next door.

Oh, you're new neighbor.

I was going to bake you a casserole.

Why are you making all that racket?

It's the middle of the night.

Yeah, I'm really sorry about that.

And that's actually why I'm here.

I really need to speak with your husband

He finally just got to sleep.

You're lucky we didn't call the police.

You better come back in the morning.

Ma'am, ma'am.

I'm sorry, but I'm not
taking no for an answer.

Your husband put me up to this

and I'm not leaving
without talking to him.

He's always up to something, isn't he?

I'll go get him.

Who the fuck are you?

Um,

is Sydney home?

I'm looking for Sydney.

No, there's no Sydney here.

I'm Dick. Margie's my wife.

What do you want?

There's no Sydney? Are you sure?

Son, I've been living here for 45 year

If there was a Sydney, I'd know.

I'm so sorry.

I must have gotten the wrong house.

Do you know which one's his?

I'm telling you kid,
there's no Sydney's in the

neighborhood.

There has to be. There
has to be a Sydney.

You want a Sydney, you fly to Australi

Everybody on the street has
lived here for at least the past

five years or so, except you.

Unless your name is Sydney,
then there are no Sydney's here.

Now, it's 3 o'clock in the
morning and I got to go to work.

Oh, and if you turn on that
saw again, one more time,

I'll fucking kill you with it!

Rob, me boy, how are we?

Confused.

Confused? How?

Well, we gutted and destroyed my house

The house, I might add,
I did everything for

in the first place.

And wouldn't you know
it? There was no money.

That's peculiar.

And then I went to
your house to tell you,

only you weren't there,
because you don't live there.

Apparently, you're not my neighbor.

No, now son, that's not
true. We're all neighbors.

None of what you told me is true, is I

Why would you do that to me?

Everything I've been through,
has been for that house.

And now the house is
destroyed, because of you!

No, you destroyed
the house, Rob, not I.

I'm the audience, I'm here to watch.

I was hope and now hope is lost.

And now your life will be torn
asunder by your thoughtless

grabbing beyond your means

and your endless, endless,
endless trail of deceit!

No, your lies and your
shortcuts were your undoing.

Not I.

You want a piece of me, old man?

"'Twas brillig and the slithy toves

Did gyre and gimble in the wabe

All mimsy were the borogoves

And the mome raths outgrabe.

Beware the Jabberwock, my son!

The jaws that bite, the claws that catch

'Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun,

The frumious Bandersnatch!'

And as in uffish thought he stood,

The Jabberwock with eyes of flame

Came whiffling through the tulgey wood

and burbled as it came.

One, two! One, two! Through and through

The vorpal blade did sniker-snack!

He left it dead, and with his head

He went galumphing-

A a a ah!

I think I should have a lawyer.

No, no, no, no, no.

You assaulted a homeless mental patient.

What?

No, he said he was my neighbor...

Yeah, we know.

He has a lot of those.

You know, one of his personalities,

he thinks he's John Lennon.

Not a John Lennon impersonator,
but actually John Lennon.

Gotta admire a guy that nuts.

We spoke to our eccentric
friend and believe it or not,

he doesn't have to press charges.

Doesn't have to, but could.

Depends on what we ask him to do.

Big Sally is a clever operator

and we haven't been able to touch her.

You ever hear of a rat, Rob?

Not vermin, like your
new drug addled friends,

Clyde and Brick,

but a more traditional
"wearing-a-wire" type rat.

You want me to wear a wire?

Well, it's not wire nowadays.

Technology has advanced so much.

We just install an app
on your phone and boom,

we hear everything.

Incredible, right?

We'll also give you full immunity, too

Full immunity,
Rob, say whatever you want.

As long as Big Sally's
implicated in a major criminal

activity in front of you,
we don't care what you say.

Or what you do.

Kill somebody.

Steal things.

Maybe some tools at the BargainMart.

Or you can pull your dick out.

It's all kosher.

We got your back.

Meaning the government.

And it's all contingent on your abilit

to capture Big Sally in the commission

of a preferably violent crime.

So, what do you say, Rob?
Want to help your country?

You know, I think before
he helps his country,

he ought to get back to
his girlfriend, don't you?

Oh, that's right.

You left her in the city, at a hotel.

Mm, he sooner he gets out of here,

the sooner he can get back
to spinning that web of lies.

Hey, baby! You up?

I tried calling and your
phone kept going to voicemail,

and-

Oh, shit.

Hey, I got us breakfast.
Hope you're hungry.

Gotta say, I don't like the
way you're looking at me

right now.

What was that for?

Yeah?

Jesus, Katie!

Okay, all right.

I can explain.

No, it's my turn to talk

about how I woke up in a hotel room

and my boyfriend was gone.

And how, after I tried to
call you a thousand times,

I went down to the front desk
and they told me you left

in the middle of the night.

And then when I panicked
and called the police

to report you were missing,

they told me they didn't even need to lo

because you were in custody
for assaulting an old man.

He's not going to press charges...

No I'm talking.

So then I called your job

to let them know you were
gonna miss another day of work.

And they told me you got fired.

And then I had my dad go
check on the gas leak.

And not only did he
tell me that was a lie,

but that the house was
absolutely destroyed.

And there's two crackheads
eating peanuts by the pool,

who say that they're your friends.

They are not my friends.

If the next thing that
comes out of your mouth,

isn't the truth,

I don't know what I'm going to do.

Okay.

I'll tell you the truth.

My name isn't Rob.

It's Matt.

What?

I didn't have a blind
date that night. You did.

I was just sitting at the bar alone,

having a shitty day, because
every day was a shitty day.

And then you come over thinking
that you're being set up

with me?

With me!

Like that would ever
happen in a million years.

You called me Rob and I went with it.

I don't have a friend
named Toby. I made him up.

He doesn't exist.

Your name isn't Rob?

Well, it is now. I changed it legally.

But time went on and at every
turn I just pictured you

leaving me,

because I'm shit and you're amazing.

And then when I met your parents,

your dad saw me for what I
really am: a fucking loser.

And I thought,

if I buy this house, it
would solve everything,

that I could prove that I
was good enough for you.

I didn't get some job promotion.

I borrowed millions of
dollars from some really

dangerous people.

And I did it all,

because if I could prove that
I was good enough for you,

then I wouldn't have to worry
about losing you anymore.

You know what the worst part is?

You had me.

You always did.

And it wasn't because of some story

or because of some house, but because

you were good to me and I loved you.

And everything was just a lie.

Not everything.

I love you. More than you'll ever know.

I can't.

Katie, please.

I think it would be best if
I went to my parents' house.

You know what? You're right.

It's not safe for you with me.

No, I need to leave you.

Exactly, because I'm in danger,

you shouldn't be in danger, too.

No, Rob. I mean that I
think we should split up.

Exactly, because being
together right now,

until this resolves
itself, is very dangerous.

No, Rob. I mean that we're done.

Me and you, it's over.

Oh, I should've caught that one, yo.

Dammit.

You know lobsters don't die?

Bullshit. If I eat a
lobster, that shit stays dead.

No, no, no, like if
left to his own devices,

he can live forever.

Yeah?

They just keep growing and growing.

Yo! Yo, we should get a lobster.

We could put it in this pool
and we could keep that shit

alive for like a hundred years.

200.

Word.

Yeah.

Hey, yo, Rob, you want
to get some lobsters?

Rob, I said, we want to
get some lobsters, man!

Well fuck you too, motherfucker!

He's always acting like
he's better than us, man.

You know, not for nothing,

I don't think you supposed to
be diving in the shallow end

like that, man.

I think that's how you get CTE.

That's the shit that football players go

You start going crazy,
they'll figure it out.

Does he have a pipe?

A what?

A pipe, like a diving pipe.

Snorkel!

Nah, nah, he ain't got no, I
don't think he got a snorkel.

Yo, he's fit.

Yeah, he is. That's, he
can hold his breath for

a long time.

Man, I'd have been gave up.

He'll be all right.

Is that you?

Me? Oh, yeah, that is probably me.

Let me go and check that.

My mom didn't take her
dialysis this morning.

Oh.

Yeah.

How's she doing?

Huh?

How's she doing?

Oh, she'll be all right, man.

All right.

She acting like a
bitch sometimes though.

Fuck.

Fuck.

I had the best girl in the
world and now she hates me.

She hates me and I'm gonna die.

And even with all that,

I still don't have the
balls to kill myself.

Shit got deep.

That shit got sad.

Yeah, I didn't like that.

Mm mm.

Yeah, that was dramatic.

Yo, is that your phone?

Yo, that shit's fucked.

You might wanna put that
in some rice or something.

Not brown rice because
they don't absorb the same.

No.

I don't care about anything anymore.

Well, that's just a matter
of having the wrong attitude.

Interesting bathing suit,
little over dressed,

if you ask me.

What do you want?

You missed our phone calls.

Me and the boss, we were getting
really worried about you.

Well, I appreciate the concern,

but you can go fuck off.

And you can tell Big Sally
that she can fuck off too.

Excuse me?

I knew you were dumb,

but I didn't realize you were deaf.

So there's the door.

Don't let it hit you on
the way out, you wannabe

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson
looking piece of shit.

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit.

Oh, yeah? Yeah?

Do it. Do it, you fucking pussy.

Pull the fucking trigger.
You took everything from me.

Fucking do it! Come on,
put me out of my misery!

You fucking did this to me! Come on!

Jesus, kid. You lost your fucking mind

Hey.

Yeah, he's being difficult.

It's for you.

I don't give a -

Rob? Rob?

Katie?

Rob, who are these people?

What the fuck did you do?

That's enough of that.

If you hurt her, I swear to God.

Oh, look at the change in the attitude

You have a lot of Mrs. Salerno's money.

So you got one more shot to
save your girlfriend's life.

What do you want me to do?

Remember those waterfront
redevelopment contracts?

I was fired! Remember?

I can't do anything.

Well, we're going to need
you to go burn your old

office down.

Why?

Because, good luck starting
a construction when you're

trying to pick up the pieces
after a horrible fire.

Then, hey you fuck up.

You get caught, it's a
fired, disgruntled employee.

Not us. Call when it's done.

Okay guys, I need your help.

No way. You still owe
us from the last time.

It's always drama with you, dawg.

We don't need the aggravation.

We out.

Dawg, I don't need the headache, yo.

Well, what the fuck am I supposed to d

Get burning.

Hello? Anyone here?

It's Rob. Just here to get my stuff.

Hey!

Hey!

What's up, bitch? Check out the whip!

Turn the fucking music off!

What?

I said, "Turn the fucking music off!"

I can't hear you.

Turn the fucking music off!

Why the fuck you yelling, man?

Trying to get the cops
called on us? Tripping.

Where'd you get this car?

This? Got this from Big Sally.

You stole this car from Big Sally?

Listen, man.

I ain't worried about that shit, man.

She got like 50 other cars.

Yo, that's not all we stole, B.

We hit the medicine cabinet.
We hit the jewelry cabinet.

Yo, we are set for life, son.

Are you guys fucking crazy?

My girlfriend's life is on the line.

Hey, yo, the Rock and her,
man. They all fucking talk.

Yo, think about it.

When you bitched out
the Rock, did you die?

No. You didn't.

You still alive.

He all talk.

And besides I know for a fact,

your girl ain't gonna get touched.

And why is that?

We rescued her, dawg!

Yo, she's in the trunk, dawg!

- Yeah.
- She's in the trunk?

Yeah, she in the back.

What the fuck?

Yo, yo, yo!

Don't go in
there. She vicious, man.

Yo, yo, yo. Don't go on there man.

Yo, I'm telling you she'd
been a bitch ever since

we put her in there.

She been scratching me in the eye.

She tried to bite me in the arm.

She's like a fucking honey
badger, like a raccoon.

- Shut the fuck up!
- She got me in the nuts!

Open the fucking trunk.

All right. Look, I'm
gonna be honest with you.

We had to knock the bitch out.

Look, she's a fighter.

She got a left like a motherfucker.

Open the trunk.

All right.

I said what I said.

Take it into your own hands.

Yeah.

You two are the most
inept people I have ever met

in my entire life.

Yo, what's inept mean?

So, Brick, you like eggs?

I like eating them.

I'll trade you this
egg for those earrings.

What the fuck am I
going to do with an egg,

shove it up my ass?

It's your favorite
breakfast food, right?

Yeah, but I plan on
selling my cut, not eating it.

Trade you
this cat and these eggs

for them earrings.

Word.

It's like shark tank.

Oh, Oh! Look at the
diamonds on that ring.

Oh my God. Oh, that is nice.

You walk up in the club with
that and they know it's a real

OG in the house.

Oh my God!

Oh, oh, oh, yo my man got a Rolex.

Yo.

What the fuck is this?

"May your memory bless us in death,

as your smile blessed us in life."

Whatever that means.

Oh, shit.

This is Big Sally's husband.

No, it is not.

I don't want it anymore.

Yeah, fuck that. I'm good. I'm good.

Nope. Mm mm. I don't want that no more

I don't want none of
this shit. Fuck that.

Nah, man, I don't want
that shit neither, man.

I don't need anybody haunting
me from beyond the grave.

Yo!

What?

It should haunt Rob.

Oh, shit, that's diabolical as fuck.

- Hey.
- I ain't do nothing.

What if we bring her back and just say

it was a big misunderstanding.

Nah, man, stop bitching, dude.

Look, I used to be
scared of Big Sally, too,

like an hour ago.

Then I realized yo, she
ain't going to do shit

and we got the leverage.

Yo, what's leverage?

Look, the way I see
it, she got a hostage,

now we got a hostage.

Look, I done watched
enough movies to know,

we gotta do like a hostage exchange.

Everything gonna be cool.

I know you feel weak,

but you ain't never been
stronger than this moment.

Yo, it might be the fumes
and the pills we took,

but yo bro, I see a
tunnel out of this bitch.

Yo, we gotta unlock this shit.

Brick, wake her up.

Yeah. Okay.

Yo, girl. Girl, hey,
wake up.

Hey, girl. Yo, come on.

Yo, come on. Wake up, wake up.

Hello. Hello.

What did you do to her?

Hello. Hello.

Hey.

- Aaah!
- Aah, geez!

Ah, I hope you guys are having fun,

because you're going to be
looking over your shoulders

for the rest of your
pathetic little lives.

You're dead.

You're all dead.

Yeah? Well your mom's
already gonna kill me.

So if you don't give me
the pass code to your phone,

I'm going to bring you to hell with me.

That shit's intense.

Shit, that's that alpha male shit, man.

That's what I'm talking about.

I need to call your mom.

Just give me the pass code
so I can end this, please.

I don't have a password.

You don't have a pass code?

Fucking idiots.

Tori

Mrs. Salerno, it's Rob.

First off, I just want to apologize-

You motherless fuck.
You stupid motherfucker.

I should've known it was you,

because you're the only
person stupid enough

to come into my place, kidnap my daughte

and leave your fucking
girlfriend behind with me.

I'd almost respect the balls on you,

if I didn't know I was
about to chop them off

and shove them down your throat.

If you don't bring my daughter back,

I'm going to kill your girlfriend.

And it's going to take
me a month to do it.

Please, no. Mrs. Salerno, I'm sorry.

Please let me talk -

Yo dawg! You are doing it wrong.

You're going to get her killed!

- Yo, bitch.
- Relax, man.

You are talking to
Rob's representative, now.

We're going to do things a
little different, you heard?

Oh, really?

Yeah, but first off,
we're not negotiating.

We're starting with,
we're going to murder your

bitch ass daughter, bitch.

- Are you insane?
- Yo, dawg.

- Give me the phone!
- Yo dawg, she will call back.

- She won't!
- She will call back.

Dawg.

- Word.
- Holler.

You motherfucker.

You are on my list now, you
piece of shit motherfucker!

Do you understand me?

Doop.

You can't.

I have her right where I want her, daw

She's not going to call.

She will.

- Word.
- Holler.

You hang on me again
and I will turn your balls

into chopped meat!

And I will feed it to the
pigeons in the fucking park!

You understand me?

Oh yeah. I could do that all night.

Word.

Big Sally, before you
say anything else stupid

and I hang up again, get this.

We got bolt cutters and
your daughter's got fingers.

So you better start taking us seriously,

before we got to act seriously.

Understood?

I want to talk to my daughter.

You're talking to me, now, motherfucke

We're going to do a hostage exchange, yo

We're going to meet at the parking garag

Yanktown Boulevard, in two hours,

or you are going to start
planning one fucking funeral.

I want to talk to my daughter.

Oh, okay.

Is there anything you would
like to say to your mother,

right now?

Please talk.

- Mom.
- Psych!

That's what
I'm talking about, B!

That's what I'm talking about!

Yeah.

That's the intention, leverage!

Leverage, motherfucker!

That's what I'm talking about, man!

That's what I'm talking about!

- Whoa!
- Woo!

See that? Leverage.

You guys really had my back.

Hell yeah.

Listen, man, we understand
that you're the nice guy

and it's okay to be the nice guy.

Totally, get it.

That's why you call Clyde
and Brick and we do the shit

that you can't do.

Better than you would do it, bitch.

Word.

All right. Well, let's go.

Alright yeah, man.

Oh, shit.

What?

That anti-anxiety pill,

that just kicked in to like level two.

No, no, that's funny,
cause I don't feel -

Oh.

Oh, yeah, level two.

Yeah.

Yeah, man. I ain't gonna lie.

You on your own man, with
everything we taught you.

- What?
- Yeah.

You can't do this to me.

Oh, it's done.

That's what
level three feels like.

Y'all got a bed in here?

No, that desk looks comfy.

Do, do, do...

Oh, God. Ow, my nuts.

Oh, my nuts. Oh, God.

Hey Rob?

Do me a favor and turn all
the lights off when you leave.

Thanks.

Aah.

Oh, yes.

La, la, la.

Hey, I just want to say how
sorry I am for everything.

And I really, really didn't intend

for any of this to happen.

So,

I hear you're into art.

What are you doing?

Just making conversation.

No.

So what kind of bands are you into?

Just close the fucking trunk, please.

Hm.

You know Rob, you really
are a stupid motherfucker.

Where's Katie?

Get the girl.

Where's my daughter?

I need to know that once we do this,

you're not going to kill us.

Let me be clear.

The only person who has been
dishonest this entire time

is you.

So yeah, our word is good.

Where the fuck is my daughter?

Oh my God. Oh my baby.

Oh, oh, oh, my baby.

Oh, did he hurt you? Oh, baby.

I'm so sorry for everything.

You fucking see this?

Let's get of here.

Wait. There's one more thing.

I forgot.

I lied.

What? Forgot to bring your guns?

You're a tornado, Rob.

I mean, look how much
damage you caused just

from buying a house.

This here, this is me doing you a favor.

I don't know
what the fuck that was.

I mean, what the fuck was that?

Strange things
happen around here, boss.

All right, let's kill
these motherfuckers.

Drop the gun now!

Just one second.

Good to see you again, Mrs. Salerno.

I trust that the local
PD read you your rights.

We wouldn't want you skating
off on a technicality.

You're a hard fish to catch.

You must have swapped
three cars alone coming here,

but he is much easier to follow.

We have a nice video of
you pulling the trigger.

And I've got one of your goons,

who'll make a deal and tell us some othe

interesting things.

Man, do we have some
good deals to go around.

You know, it's kind of
funny, if you think about it.

After all that you've done,
how careful you've been,

the murder she goes down for,

is some guy she's never even met.

I'm not complaining.

So enjoy prison, Big Sally.

I think you're going
to enjoy it a whole lot.

All right. Get her the fuck outta here

Hey, is it cool if I
talk to you for a minute?

Rob, you saved my life,

but you're the reason why
I'm here in the first place,

so if you're about to
beg me to take you back,

then I just can't do it.

I'm not.

Look.

This whole mess was me
trying to control everything.

I tried so hard to win you over.

And all I had to do is be myself.

So I have to accept what's what.

And if that means you
never want to see me again,

then I, I have to accept that too.

I hate it.

But I accept it.

I'm not going to ask you to take me back

I just want you to know how
truly sorry I am for everything.

Would it be okay if I
gave you a ride home?

Sure.

Is that a -

Katie Reynolds,

Will you marry me?

No.

But maybe I can be okay
with trying to actually

get to know you.

Really?

Yeah. Let's start over, Matt.

It's Rob. It's legally Rob.

Come here.

And that's the story of Matt Davies,

a man who bit off more than he could che

and swallowed it whole.

Bought a house he couldn't
afford and made it

into the home he earned.

And finally became an honest man.

Oh, and in the end, he found
the treasure after all,

happiness and peace of mind.

And as for me,

well I'm dead, all right.

I mean, hell I was going to
die sometime anyway, wasn't I?

It was just a matter of time
with all the drinking I did.

Well, I'd best be on my way.

I'm headed to a spot up
north I hear is just heaven.

So be true.

Be good.

Maybe I'll meet you up there
for a bourbon sometime.

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