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1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,170
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
2
00:00:04,171 --> 00:00:06,801
♪
3
00:00:06,798 --> 00:00:11,468
♪
4
00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:12,970
♪
5
00:00:14,723 --> 00:00:15,933
[gasps]
6
00:00:18,101 --> 00:00:19,851
[gasping]
7
00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:25,725
♪ ominous music plays ♪
8
00:00:35,577 --> 00:00:36,617
- Ah, fuck.
9
00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:38,662
She thinks the house is haunted again.
10
00:00:38,664 --> 00:00:39,794
LUIS:
She probably just heard you
11
00:00:39,790 --> 00:00:41,880
moaning last night when
you were making love to Manuela.
12
00:01:00,602 --> 00:01:02,152
- Ay, no mames.
13
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- Mi hijo.
14
00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:23,916
- A ver tú.
15
00:01:24,334 --> 00:01:28,924
♪
16
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:42,191
♪
17
00:01:42,186 --> 00:01:44,436
[prayer continues]
18
00:01:46,857 --> 00:01:49,817
[men talking indistinctly]
19
00:01:49,818 --> 00:01:52,818
♪
20
00:01:59,244 --> 00:02:00,334
[chatter continues]
21
00:02:00,329 --> 00:02:04,999
♪
22
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:06,000
[Julio groans]
23
00:02:09,421 --> 00:02:10,511
[gasps]
24
00:02:21,058 --> 00:02:22,848
[Julio groans]
[men chattering]
25
00:02:22,851 --> 00:02:24,561
[groaning]
26
00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:26,771
JULIO: Ah, fuck.
[chatter continues]
27
00:02:27,231 --> 00:02:28,521
[groans]
28
00:02:28,941 --> 00:02:30,281
- Damn, fool.
29
00:02:30,275 --> 00:02:31,435
You ate shit.
30
00:02:31,443 --> 00:02:34,113
- For real.
- That fall was embarrassing, dawg.
31
00:02:34,112 --> 00:02:35,452
Hey, luckily I recorded it.
32
00:02:35,447 --> 00:02:38,077
- Hey, the streets are for cars, my boy,
not for running.
33
00:02:38,784 --> 00:02:42,754
♪ theme music playing ♪
34
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♪
35
00:02:47,793 --> 00:02:52,593
♪
36
00:02:52,589 --> 00:02:54,879
♪
37
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ANA:
This room has potential.
38
00:02:58,095 --> 00:03:00,305
I'm gonna enjoy it
once all your stupid punk shit is gone
39
00:03:00,305 --> 00:03:02,015
and I can get past the thought
40
00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:03,975
that you've jacked off in here
like a thousand times.
41
00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:06,688
- Hey, I haven't even moved out yet.
42
00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:08,057
What am I supposed to do with that box?
43
00:03:08,063 --> 00:03:10,273
- Uh, maybe walk around it.
Not my problem.
44
00:03:10,858 --> 00:03:13,488
I'm gonna save so much money
moving back in here.
45
00:03:13,485 --> 00:03:16,105
- No money is worth having to hear
Luis snore through the walls.
46
00:03:16,905 --> 00:03:18,115
That fool, he has sleep apnea.
47
00:03:19,992 --> 00:03:23,372
Ana!
- Shut up. I'm doing Maggie a favor.
48
00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:30,038
♪ Muzak playing ♪
49
00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:34,053
♪
50
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:35,047
- Tía.
51
00:03:48,770 --> 00:03:53,400
- Okay, now, you made
a great choice, youngblood.
52
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,690
You look like a Mexican James Bond.
53
00:03:55,694 --> 00:03:57,324
[both laughing]
54
00:03:57,321 --> 00:03:58,951
A real man.
55
00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:00,777
Not like that pussy Daniel Craig
56
00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:02,162
all depressed and shit.
57
00:04:02,159 --> 00:04:03,989
- You know, I get down
with that fool Pierce Brosnan,
58
00:04:03,994 --> 00:04:05,374
that GoldenEye shit.
59
00:04:05,370 --> 00:04:07,580
- Oh, Pierce is
a bigger pussy than Daniel.
60
00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:09,831
But he looks good. And so will you.
61
00:04:09,833 --> 00:04:12,463
- Uh, we do in-house alterations here.
62
00:04:12,461 --> 00:04:13,801
I can have it done by tomorrow.
63
00:04:13,795 --> 00:04:17,215
- Okay, we take this one
for job interviews.
64
00:04:21,011 --> 00:04:25,061
- This gentleman right here
will have no problem finding a job.
65
00:04:25,057 --> 00:04:26,637
He's got potential!
66
00:04:26,642 --> 00:04:28,892
I could tell that the moment
he walked in the store.
67
00:04:28,894 --> 00:04:30,194
ESPERANZA:
Ay, Luisito.
68
00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:35,360
- Hey, homey, what the fuck you doing?
69
00:04:35,359 --> 00:04:38,779
♪
70
00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:41,779
♪
71
00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:43,282
[both grunt]
72
00:04:44,159 --> 00:04:45,869
- Let go of me, you fuckin' snitch.
73
00:04:45,869 --> 00:04:47,249
LUIS:
Hell no, big dawg.
74
00:04:47,871 --> 00:04:48,871
Get up.
75
00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:53,085
I used to do the same shit,
and I wish somebody was there to stop me.
76
00:04:55,838 --> 00:04:57,878
- Here. You want these shirts?
77
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:01,512
I catch you in here again
I'm gonna shove 'em up your ass!
78
00:05:01,510 --> 00:05:02,510
Now get outta here!
79
00:05:04,847 --> 00:05:05,847
[sighs]
80
00:05:06,765 --> 00:05:09,425
Shit. My bad, OG.
I'll pay for this.
81
00:05:09,434 --> 00:05:12,234
- Amigo, please. Don't insult me.
82
00:05:12,229 --> 00:05:13,649
You can have the suit for free.
83
00:05:14,606 --> 00:05:15,976
- Nah, nah, come on, I can't accept that.
84
00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:18,823
- Well, then come work for me,
then you get it for free.
85
00:05:19,403 --> 00:05:20,493
- For real?
86
00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:23,237
- Man, I'm getting too old
to be chasing these thieves.
87
00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:25,700
I need someone like you
for a security guard.
88
00:05:25,701 --> 00:05:30,371
Also, we got a lot of little Latino boys
coming in for their quinceañero suits.
89
00:05:30,372 --> 00:05:31,922
- Oh, yeah, you mean their chambelanes?
90
00:05:31,915 --> 00:05:33,455
- Yeah, that's what I said. Quinceañero.
91
00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:35,128
Can you start tomorrow?
92
00:05:35,127 --> 00:05:36,297
♪
93
00:05:36,295 --> 00:05:38,375
- Wait. You're giving me a job?
- I'm giving you a job.
94
00:05:38,380 --> 00:05:39,840
- Hell, yeah, homey!
95
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:41,260
- A job, Luisito!
96
00:05:41,258 --> 00:05:42,378
- Hell, yeah!
97
00:05:42,384 --> 00:05:45,644
♪
98
00:05:45,637 --> 00:05:47,217
[whistles]
99
00:05:47,222 --> 00:05:48,222
Y'all hear that?
100
00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:50,015
Let all the thieves know,
101
00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:53,307
this store belongs to
Luis motherfuckin' Hernandez!
102
00:05:53,312 --> 00:05:55,692
♪
103
00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:59,147
JULIO:
This one's good, but...
104
00:05:59,151 --> 00:06:01,821
[smacks lips]
...just doesn't have a cross breeze.
105
00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:04,450
- Dude, you know this place is great.
106
00:06:04,448 --> 00:06:08,118
It has two bathrooms, so we can
blow them up at the same time.
107
00:06:08,118 --> 00:06:09,908
- Shit's expensive.
108
00:06:09,912 --> 00:06:11,252
MAGGIE:
We'll be fine.
109
00:06:11,246 --> 00:06:12,746
Stop being such a little bitch.
110
00:06:12,748 --> 00:06:14,828
- What if I like being a little bitch?
111
00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:16,713
- Then I'll cut your balls off
and feed them to Roger.
112
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:19,507
Do you wanna eat
your daddy's balls, Roger?
113
00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:21,130
Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.
114
00:06:23,634 --> 00:06:25,764
- Please don't talk like that
and say nom nom.
115
00:06:25,761 --> 00:06:26,971
It makes me sick.
116
00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:28,470
- I didn't say it, Roger said it.
117
00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:31,925
- Okay. But you have to promise
118
00:06:31,934 --> 00:06:33,524
that we're gonna keep
the new place clean.
119
00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:37,402
- I promise to make a good faith effort
120
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,397
to respect your weird-ass OCD shit
121
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,439
that you refuse to seek therapy for.
122
00:06:42,236 --> 00:06:43,396
- Thank you.
123
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:45,533
Okay. Imma submit the application
124
00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:47,156
right
125
00:06:50,536 --> 00:06:55,246
n-n-now.
126
00:06:57,125 --> 00:06:58,955
[explosion]
127
00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:09,965
LUIS:
Hey, fool, you still limping?
128
00:07:09,972 --> 00:07:11,272
If you were a horse,
they'd have to take you out back
129
00:07:11,265 --> 00:07:12,715
and do you like they did Old Yeller.
130
00:07:13,225 --> 00:07:14,225
[imitates gunshot]
131
00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:16,685
- Hey, where'd you get that suit?
132
00:07:16,687 --> 00:07:18,307
[high-pitched voice]
The kid's section of JCPenney?
133
00:07:18,313 --> 00:07:21,323
- Hey! I need both of you
to come with me right now.
134
00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:23,566
Our oven exploded last night.
135
00:07:23,569 --> 00:07:25,949
We have a huge order
to fill at Northgate Market.
136
00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:29,906
If we don't deliver, they're gonna cancel
the whole fuckin' contract, okay?
137
00:07:29,908 --> 00:07:31,368
- The oven exploded? How?
138
00:07:31,368 --> 00:07:32,908
- I don't know. Gas leak or some shit.
139
00:07:32,911 --> 00:07:34,201
Probably we're just fuckin' cursed.
140
00:07:34,204 --> 00:07:36,004
But seriously, we gotta go.
141
00:07:35,998 --> 00:07:37,168
JULIO:
Fool, we got a lot of shit to set up
142
00:07:37,165 --> 00:07:38,535
for the graduation ceremony.
143
00:07:38,542 --> 00:07:40,092
- You got wax in your ears or what?
144
00:07:40,085 --> 00:07:41,295
I said we gotta go!
145
00:07:41,295 --> 00:07:42,585
- Alight, alright. Payne, we got you.
146
00:07:43,172 --> 00:07:44,922
But aren't you gonna
compliment my suit first?
147
00:07:45,507 --> 00:07:47,257
- Get in the van!
148
00:07:47,259 --> 00:07:48,509
- Alright. Come on, let's go.
149
00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:52,183
- Payne, why did we park
all the way down here?
150
00:07:52,181 --> 00:07:54,221
Now we gotta walk up this steep-ass hill.
151
00:07:54,224 --> 00:07:56,394
- You think that fuckin' van's
gonna make it up this hill?
152
00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:58,023
LUIS:
This shit is steep.
153
00:07:58,020 --> 00:07:59,860
I'm wearing
the wrong fuckin' shoes for this.
154
00:07:59,855 --> 00:08:02,395
- Okay, listen, I don't have
enough cash to cover the price
155
00:08:02,399 --> 00:08:03,859
this guy is asking me for the oven,
156
00:08:03,859 --> 00:08:05,529
so I'm gonna have to
negotiate him down a bit.
157
00:08:05,527 --> 00:08:07,737
Just go along with whatever I say.
158
00:08:08,322 --> 00:08:10,242
- Wait. But we just got
that big-ass donation.
159
00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:11,660
- We don't have the money yet.
160
00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:13,538
Billionaires are on billionaire time.
161
00:08:13,535 --> 00:08:16,075
- Hey, but didn't they give you a check
after you smashed that dude's wife?
162
00:08:17,247 --> 00:08:19,117
MINISTER PAYNE:
Yes, but I lost it, okay?
163
00:08:19,124 --> 00:08:20,754
So I'm waiting for them
to send me another.
164
00:08:20,751 --> 00:08:22,881
Until then, we're strapped for cash.
165
00:08:22,878 --> 00:08:26,378
- Wait. You lost a $15 million check?
166
00:08:26,381 --> 00:08:28,841
- Hey, I'm the one
who whored himself out, okay?
167
00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:31,142
You guys were the ducks, I was the goose.
168
00:08:31,803 --> 00:08:33,763
Cut me a little fuckin' slack, okay?
169
00:08:34,431 --> 00:08:37,811
- Dawg, you okay?
- I'm fine. Let's just focus here.
170
00:08:38,393 --> 00:08:39,523
LUIS:
Hey, we should have just made 'em
171
00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:41,770
give you one of those big-ass checks
like when you win the lottery, you know.
172
00:08:41,772 --> 00:08:43,822
- Yeah. You can't lose those.
173
00:08:43,815 --> 00:08:46,065
- So, like I said before,
it's a thousand for the oven.
174
00:08:46,068 --> 00:08:49,028
MINISTER PAYNE:
A thousand? No! No, no, no, no, no.
175
00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:53,529
First of all, it looks a lot smaller
than it did in the photos.
176
00:08:53,534 --> 00:08:55,374
It actually looks tiny.
177
00:08:55,369 --> 00:08:57,119
It's basically like an Easy-Bake Oven.
178
00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:59,160
Come on, this ain't worth a grand.
179
00:08:59,164 --> 00:09:01,834
- I put the dimensions in the listing.
The oven's a thousand.
180
00:09:01,834 --> 00:09:04,134
If you don't want it,
I got someone else that's interested.
181
00:09:04,127 --> 00:09:06,127
- Well, do you have
a measuring tape around
182
00:09:06,129 --> 00:09:08,719
so I can double check these dimensions?
183
00:09:08,715 --> 00:09:12,335
Not that I don't trust you,
but... I guess I don't.
184
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:14,970
[sighs]
185
00:09:17,516 --> 00:09:18,676
[door opens]
186
00:09:19,643 --> 00:09:20,643
[door closes]
187
00:09:20,644 --> 00:09:23,614
Okay, each of you grab a side.
We're gonna steal this shit.
188
00:09:23,605 --> 00:09:25,645
- Payne, you're acting fuckin' nuts.
189
00:09:25,649 --> 00:09:27,479
- Hey, no can do, Dr. Payne.
190
00:09:27,484 --> 00:09:28,944
I work in loss prevention now.
191
00:09:28,944 --> 00:09:32,364
Stealing goes against everything
I stand for as a security officer.
192
00:09:32,364 --> 00:09:33,534
- You don't wanna help me? Fine, alright?
193
00:09:33,532 --> 00:09:35,242
It's up to me to be
the goddamn goose again.
194
00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:37,082
Okay. Okay.
195
00:09:39,288 --> 00:09:40,828
Hammer time, bitches.
196
00:09:40,831 --> 00:09:43,461
♪
197
00:09:43,458 --> 00:09:44,538
- Ohh!
- Oh, shit.
198
00:09:44,543 --> 00:09:45,883
- What the fuck?
199
00:09:45,878 --> 00:09:48,588
- I just noticed this big dent right here
on the side of the oven.
200
00:09:48,589 --> 00:09:51,929
Now, with a dent like this,
I can't give you more than 500 bucks.
201
00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:54,715
- You're holding the fuckin' sledgehammer
in your hand!
202
00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:56,140
I'm calling the cops!
203
00:09:56,138 --> 00:09:58,888
- I would think twice about that
if I were you, alright?
204
00:09:58,891 --> 00:10:00,311
You ever hear of Hugs Not Thugs?
205
00:10:00,309 --> 00:10:03,189
These two psychos right here,
they're gang members.
206
00:10:03,187 --> 00:10:04,897
- Isn't that the place
that reforms gang members?
207
00:10:04,897 --> 00:10:05,897
MINISTER PAYNE:
Yeah.
208
00:10:05,898 --> 00:10:09,358
And sometimes we don't do our job right
and they don't get reformed.
209
00:10:09,359 --> 00:10:10,649
LUIS:
Hold up. I'm reformed, alright?
210
00:10:10,652 --> 00:10:12,032
Homey, I got a job and everything.
211
00:10:12,029 --> 00:10:14,159
MINISTER PAYNE:
He's the exception to the rule.
212
00:10:14,156 --> 00:10:16,736
But this sick fuck right over here,
Julio Loco,
213
00:10:16,742 --> 00:10:18,242
he's gonna do the job for him.
214
00:10:18,243 --> 00:10:19,373
- That guy's no gangster.
215
00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:20,749
He looks like he likes Morrissey.
216
00:10:20,746 --> 00:10:21,866
- I fuckin' hate Morrissey!
217
00:10:21,872 --> 00:10:23,582
- Well, your stupid pompadour
says different.
218
00:10:23,582 --> 00:10:25,172
- Oh, fuck you. This is a gentleman's cut.
219
00:10:25,167 --> 00:10:26,417
Whoa!
220
00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:27,918
- The value keeps going down.
221
00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:30,510
- Okay, fine. You can have it for $500.
222
00:10:30,506 --> 00:10:32,216
Just get the fuck out of my garage.
223
00:10:32,216 --> 00:10:33,506
- Appreciate it.
224
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:35,547
Okay, let's go.
225
00:10:35,552 --> 00:10:38,182
- Hey, Louis, I don't care
that you're a rent-a-cop.
226
00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:40,220
Give us a hand here.
227
00:10:40,224 --> 00:10:41,854
- Hey, you're lucky
I don't snitch on you fools.
228
00:10:41,850 --> 00:10:44,020
I'm a civilian now,
so we're allowed to snitch.
229
00:10:44,478 --> 00:10:46,898
- Payne, why'd you bash the oven?
230
00:10:46,897 --> 00:10:48,357
Who knows if it'll even work now?
231
00:10:48,357 --> 00:10:49,727
- Just shut up!
232
00:10:50,275 --> 00:10:51,525
[bone cracks]
[groans]
233
00:10:51,527 --> 00:10:53,447
Julio! Don't let go!
234
00:10:53,445 --> 00:10:55,985
- Sorry, I rolled my ankle,
but I got it now.
235
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:57,069
MINISTER PAYNE: Okay.
- I got. [screams]
236
00:10:57,074 --> 00:10:58,244
- Julio! Julio!
237
00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:00,834
[screams] Fuck!
238
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:02,157
Fuck!
239
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,038
- Oh, fuck!
240
00:11:08,252 --> 00:11:09,342
ALL:
Ohh!
241
00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:11,126
LUIS:
Shit.
242
00:11:11,129 --> 00:11:12,759
- God damn.
243
00:11:14,508 --> 00:11:15,718
ALL:
Ohh!
244
00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:18,643
[alarm blaring]
245
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:20,429
- That's it.
246
00:11:21,265 --> 00:11:22,885
We're losing the account.
247
00:11:22,891 --> 00:11:24,021
LUIS:
It's all good.
248
00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:27,647
We have $15 million coming in.
249
00:11:27,646 --> 00:11:29,056
We can buy a new van.
250
00:11:29,815 --> 00:11:32,225
- Guess we're gonna have to
catch a ride to graduation.
251
00:11:32,234 --> 00:11:33,744
Should we call 9-1-1?
252
00:11:34,611 --> 00:11:35,701
- Nah.
253
00:11:36,530 --> 00:11:37,570
Just leave it.
254
00:11:37,573 --> 00:11:38,573
[blaring continues]
255
00:11:38,574 --> 00:11:40,414
[crow cawing]
256
00:11:42,244 --> 00:11:45,544
- I want to congratulate
this class of huggers for their hard work,
257
00:11:46,164 --> 00:11:48,794
as well as their families
for supporting them
258
00:11:48,792 --> 00:11:50,922
through this tough transition
in their life.
259
00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:53,669
But I also wanna congratulate... me,
260
00:11:54,882 --> 00:11:56,472
for putting up
with the most difficult person
261
00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:58,336
I've ever dealt with as a caseworker.
262
00:11:58,886 --> 00:12:00,386
My dumb-ass cousin Luis.
[laughter]
263
00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:01,637
I see you, playboy.
264
00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:04,059
- Hey, fuck you, primo.
265
00:12:05,726 --> 00:12:09,096
- Now I want to introduce
one of the greatest people I've ever met.
266
00:12:09,646 --> 00:12:11,646
This man will do anything
for this program,
267
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:13,362
and I mean anything.
268
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,277
His generosity is abnormally big.
269
00:12:16,278 --> 00:12:17,818
Ladies and gentlemen,
270
00:12:17,821 --> 00:12:19,991
put your hands together
for Minister Payne.
271
00:12:19,990 --> 00:12:21,240
♪ hip-hop song playing ♪
272
00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:22,491
[cheering]
273
00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:24,372
- Yeah!
- Whoo!
274
00:12:24,369 --> 00:12:26,039
- Please.
275
00:12:26,038 --> 00:12:27,368
That's enough. Thank you.
276
00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:29,962
There's no need for applause.
There's no need for music.
277
00:12:29,958 --> 00:12:32,038
Seriously stop. We need to move out.
278
00:12:32,044 --> 00:12:33,134
♪ song continues ♪
279
00:12:33,128 --> 00:12:34,128
You can stop now.
280
00:12:34,129 --> 00:12:36,089
Turn off the fuckin' music
or I'll kill you!
281
00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:37,669
♪
282
00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:39,134
♪ song stops ♪
283
00:12:39,134 --> 00:12:40,844
I'm gonna keep this short.
284
00:12:40,844 --> 00:12:44,014
Um, I wanna say big congratulations
285
00:12:44,014 --> 00:12:47,354
to the last graduating class
of Hugs Not Thugs.
286
00:12:47,893 --> 00:12:49,523
Very proud of...
- [whispers] Last?
287
00:12:49,937 --> 00:12:51,767
MINISTER PAYNE:
...the hard work you've done.
288
00:12:51,772 --> 00:12:54,322
Unfortunately, as of today,
289
00:12:55,025 --> 00:12:56,435
we are shutting down.
290
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:57,993
[all gasp]
291
00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:01,240
- Hey, Payne, you're joking, right?
292
00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:02,950
- We ran out of money.
293
00:13:02,950 --> 00:13:04,580
And it's all my fault.
294
00:13:04,576 --> 00:13:06,076
I fucked everything up.
295
00:13:06,078 --> 00:13:09,038
Except for the one thing
I actually needed to fuck.
296
00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:13,383
Uh, you don't know
what I'm talking about. Screw it.
297
00:13:13,377 --> 00:13:15,667
There's no reason
why I can't tell you all everything.
298
00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:22,093
Um, last week, a huge potential donor
stopped by and offered us
299
00:13:23,345 --> 00:13:25,505
$15 million in grant money.
300
00:13:26,890 --> 00:13:31,190
And all this kind soul
asked of us in return
301
00:13:31,186 --> 00:13:34,306
was that I should fuck his wife
in front of him.
302
00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:36,482
That's it.
303
00:13:36,942 --> 00:13:40,032
Now, I've always said
I would do anything,
304
00:13:40,028 --> 00:13:42,608
anything at all to keep
Hugs Not Thugs alive.
305
00:13:42,614 --> 00:13:45,334
♪
306
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:46,865
But I couldn't do it this time.
307
00:13:46,869 --> 00:13:48,289
♪
308
00:13:48,287 --> 00:13:49,447
I wanted to.
309
00:13:50,122 --> 00:13:51,582
I tried to.
310
00:13:51,582 --> 00:13:52,832
But the truth is,
311
00:13:53,917 --> 00:13:58,377
my P was simply too big for her V.
312
00:13:58,380 --> 00:13:59,460
[murmuring]
313
00:13:59,464 --> 00:14:01,014
[sighs]
314
00:14:01,008 --> 00:14:02,508
For those of you who don't know,
315
00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:05,509
I am swinging a big club down there.
316
00:14:06,430 --> 00:14:08,520
That's been an issue my entire life.
317
00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:11,265
That's one of the many reasons
my ex-wife divorced me.
318
00:14:11,268 --> 00:14:13,598
I haven't had a date
in two and a half years
319
00:14:13,604 --> 00:14:15,274
because I cannot bear the humiliation
320
00:14:15,272 --> 00:14:18,782
of buying condoms
in a fucking novelty store.
321
00:14:18,775 --> 00:14:22,275
Between whoopee cushions
and fake rubber asses,
322
00:14:24,281 --> 00:14:25,781
that's my world.
323
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:34,883
- And don't let anyone ever tell you
324
00:14:34,875 --> 00:14:37,665
size doesn't matter, because it does,
325
00:14:37,669 --> 00:14:40,589
and it's ruining our lives right now!
All of our lives!
326
00:14:40,589 --> 00:14:41,799
♪
327
00:14:41,798 --> 00:14:45,388
Anyway, those fucking billionaire fucks
tore up that check
328
00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:47,635
right in front of me and my big dawg.
329
00:14:47,638 --> 00:14:49,098
♪
330
00:14:49,097 --> 00:14:52,057
So, thank you all for coming.
331
00:14:52,059 --> 00:14:54,269
And I apologize for messing everything up.
332
00:14:56,730 --> 00:14:57,730
- Nah. Nah, nah!
333
00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:01,358
Hey, we can't let this place close
just 'cause Payne has a big-ass chorizo.
334
00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:02,990
MAN: That's right. Yeah, that's right.
[all agreeing]
335
00:15:03,946 --> 00:15:05,856
LUIS:
We owe a lot to this place
336
00:15:05,864 --> 00:15:07,034
and to Dr. Payne.
337
00:15:07,741 --> 00:15:09,491
Everybody pull out your wallets.
Just pony up.
338
00:15:09,493 --> 00:15:11,163
We gotta save Hugs Not Thugs.
339
00:15:11,161 --> 00:15:13,291
[murmuring]
340
00:15:13,288 --> 00:15:15,458
♪
341
00:15:15,457 --> 00:15:17,627
- We're $250,000 in debt.
342
00:15:17,626 --> 00:15:20,376
♪
343
00:15:20,379 --> 00:15:22,919
Oh, I forgot to mention
this is the point in the night
344
00:15:22,923 --> 00:15:24,303
where we become a warehouse sale,
345
00:15:24,299 --> 00:15:26,429
so, uh, take whatever you want.
346
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:29,426
A memento, some merch, a couch.
347
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:31,059
Go nuts. We're done here.
348
00:15:31,723 --> 00:15:32,723
Very sorry.
349
00:15:41,233 --> 00:15:43,943
You know, the world does not
roll out the red carpet for you
350
00:15:43,944 --> 00:15:45,494
when you start a nonprofit.
351
00:15:46,029 --> 00:15:47,279
They raise your rent.
352
00:15:47,948 --> 00:15:49,698
They deny you grants,
353
00:15:49,700 --> 00:15:53,160
and then they tell you your penis
is too big for their vagina.
354
00:15:54,037 --> 00:15:56,037
I've come to realize
it's almost impossible
355
00:15:56,039 --> 00:15:57,079
to be a good person.
356
00:15:58,041 --> 00:15:59,881
- So you're just gonna
give up on all this shit?
357
00:15:59,877 --> 00:16:01,127
MINISTER PAYNE:
For now.
358
00:16:01,128 --> 00:16:05,168
To be honest, part of me is relieved
that Hugs Not Thugs is closing.
359
00:16:05,174 --> 00:16:09,184
I mean, the constant stress of
keeping this place afloat was killin' me.
360
00:16:09,178 --> 00:16:11,758
- I've put years of my life
into this place.
361
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,062
I fuckin' need this.
362
00:16:23,275 --> 00:16:24,685
I don't know what I'm gonna do now.
363
00:16:26,028 --> 00:16:27,608
- Well, maybe that's a good thing.
364
00:16:28,614 --> 00:16:31,954
Burning down your entire life
forces you out of your comfort zone.
365
00:16:31,950 --> 00:16:33,790
It makes you have to find a new path.
366
00:16:34,578 --> 00:16:37,708
I mean, fuck it. Maybe I'll go get
my old evil job at the bank back.
367
00:16:38,415 --> 00:16:39,915
Go manage another strip club.
368
00:16:39,917 --> 00:16:42,247
[scoffs] At least it's steady work.
369
00:16:45,005 --> 00:16:46,295
- Minister Payne.
370
00:16:46,298 --> 00:16:49,428
Just want to say thank you
for everything you did for me, big dawg.
371
00:16:49,426 --> 00:16:51,756
I mean, you really helped change my life.
372
00:16:53,347 --> 00:16:54,387
You too, Julio.
373
00:16:54,973 --> 00:16:56,353
MINISTER PAYNE:
You're welcome, Fabian.
374
00:16:58,310 --> 00:16:59,810
- Hey, you think
I could get those chairs right there?
375
00:16:59,811 --> 00:17:00,811
- Please.
376
00:17:01,271 --> 00:17:06,321
♪
377
00:17:16,453 --> 00:17:17,503
[sighs]
378
00:17:17,496 --> 00:17:22,536
♪
379
00:17:22,543 --> 00:17:25,883
♪
380
00:17:25,879 --> 00:17:28,629
- It's nice just to sit back
and warm yourself
381
00:17:28,632 --> 00:17:30,882
in the burning embers of your own life.
382
00:17:30,884 --> 00:17:32,764
♪
383
00:17:32,761 --> 00:17:33,761
- Yeah.
384
00:17:33,762 --> 00:17:37,562
♪
385
00:17:41,770 --> 00:17:44,400
- Guess what,
honey toes sugar pie boo bear?
386
00:17:45,524 --> 00:17:47,234
We got the apartment!
387
00:17:50,028 --> 00:17:51,068
Sugar tits?
388
00:17:52,197 --> 00:17:56,577
I read a statistic that 50% of nonprofits
close within their first year.
389
00:17:56,577 --> 00:17:58,657
It's a systemic problem.
390
00:17:59,454 --> 00:18:02,544
You guys lasted ten years.
391
00:18:02,541 --> 00:18:03,961
That's amazing.
392
00:18:05,169 --> 00:18:07,499
And thankfully,
there are other gang rehabs in LA.
393
00:18:07,504 --> 00:18:09,344
I've heard Homeboy Industries is great.
394
00:18:10,007 --> 00:18:12,087
The huggers will land on their feet.
395
00:18:12,092 --> 00:18:14,222
- Yeah, they'll be fine.
But what about me?
396
00:18:15,387 --> 00:18:17,887
I won't to have money
for the security deposit on our new place.
397
00:18:17,890 --> 00:18:19,390
- I can cover the security deposit.
398
00:18:19,850 --> 00:18:21,730
- Okay, but what happens
when I can't find a job
399
00:18:21,727 --> 00:18:22,847
and then you have to pay my rent?
400
00:18:22,853 --> 00:18:25,363
- Then I'll cover your part of the rent
until you can.
401
00:18:25,355 --> 00:18:26,975
It's not a big deal.
402
00:18:26,982 --> 00:18:29,442
- I'm not gonna let my girlfriend
pay half of my rent.
403
00:18:29,443 --> 00:18:30,943
- Julio, shut up.
404
00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:32,284
You're not into that macho shit.
405
00:18:32,279 --> 00:18:34,359
- Look, you're not the one
that lost their job.
406
00:18:34,364 --> 00:18:35,664
I'm fuckin' worried, okay?
407
00:18:37,117 --> 00:18:38,117
[sighs]
408
00:18:38,619 --> 00:18:39,749
- You're right.
409
00:18:41,205 --> 00:18:44,285
I'm sorry you lost your job,
but I got your back.
410
00:18:45,501 --> 00:18:47,171
Look, what if we
take it a little slower...
411
00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:50,384
- Okay.
- ...and you move in here first?
412
00:18:50,923 --> 00:18:52,343
Just for a couple months.
413
00:18:54,718 --> 00:18:59,768
♪
414
00:18:59,765 --> 00:19:01,015
- Um, I don't know.
415
00:19:01,016 --> 00:19:03,886
I mean, it's kinda small,
416
00:19:03,894 --> 00:19:07,234
and it's you, me, Roger.
417
00:19:07,856 --> 00:19:09,436
I don't think there's enough room for us.
418
00:19:10,234 --> 00:19:11,534
We got big personalities.
419
00:19:12,402 --> 00:19:16,992
- So what you're saying is,
if it weren't for Roger,
420
00:19:17,741 --> 00:19:18,911
you'd move in here.
421
00:19:19,284 --> 00:19:20,374
Correct?
422
00:19:20,369 --> 00:19:22,579
- Yeah, but I'm not gonna
make you pick me over Roger.
423
00:19:22,579 --> 00:19:24,459
- Not a problem.
424
00:19:24,456 --> 00:19:26,036
It's an easy choice for me.
425
00:19:31,171 --> 00:19:33,051
- What the fuck are you doing?
426
00:19:33,048 --> 00:19:36,218
- I'll cut him up into tiny pieces
and make a Roger posole.
427
00:19:36,218 --> 00:19:38,388
Oh, no, no, no. Una lasagna.
428
00:19:38,387 --> 00:19:40,307
And then we can move in together
429
00:19:40,305 --> 00:19:42,805
because if Roger
is the only thing that's keeping us
430
00:19:42,808 --> 00:19:44,518
from taking our relationship
to the next level,
431
00:19:44,518 --> 00:19:46,188
then he has to go.
432
00:19:46,186 --> 00:19:47,346
- Hey, stop fuckin' around.
433
00:19:47,354 --> 00:19:50,524
- I'm willing to do whatever it takes
to make this relationship work.
434
00:19:50,524 --> 00:19:51,784
- Hey, just put Roger down.
435
00:19:51,775 --> 00:19:55,235
- Five, four, three, two!
436
00:19:55,237 --> 00:19:56,527
JULIO:
Wait. I admit it.
437
00:19:56,530 --> 00:19:58,240
I don't wanna move in with you, okay?
438
00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:00,910
You're messy.
I don't have a job. I'm scared.
439
00:20:00,909 --> 00:20:03,909
Also, sometimes I don't even think
we're right for each other.
440
00:20:03,912 --> 00:20:06,162
We just do this shit
because it's convenient.
441
00:20:06,164 --> 00:20:07,544
Look, I'm sorry.
442
00:20:10,919 --> 00:20:11,919
- God.
443
00:20:13,130 --> 00:20:17,010
I fucking knew this whole time
you'd find some excuse to back out.
444
00:20:17,593 --> 00:20:19,473
You've been pulling this shit
since high school.
445
00:20:21,013 --> 00:20:22,763
Get the fuck out of my apartment, Julio.
446
00:20:29,688 --> 00:20:31,318
- You're still my honey toes, right?
447
00:20:31,773 --> 00:20:32,823
[scoffs]
448
00:20:36,361 --> 00:20:37,491
♪
449
00:20:37,487 --> 00:20:38,487
[sighs]
450
00:20:38,488 --> 00:20:41,488
♪
451
00:20:48,498 --> 00:20:53,418
♪
452
00:21:05,599 --> 00:21:09,099
[reciting prayers in Spanish]
453
00:21:09,102 --> 00:21:14,862
♪
454
00:21:38,298 --> 00:21:44,218
♪
455
00:21:51,854 --> 00:21:54,154
♪ hip-hop music playing ♪
456
00:21:54,147 --> 00:21:55,227
LUIS:
Hey, ain't this place great?
457
00:21:55,732 --> 00:21:57,362
It's no palace, but it's all mine.
458
00:21:58,277 --> 00:22:01,857
Hey, and check this out.
I got that good toilet paper, baby.
459
00:22:03,949 --> 00:22:05,079
- I'm happy for you, Luis.
460
00:22:05,701 --> 00:22:06,831
You deserve it.
461
00:22:08,787 --> 00:22:10,037
So where should I sleep?
462
00:22:10,038 --> 00:22:12,748
- Hey, hey, you're the guest.
Take the bed, big dawg.
463
00:22:12,749 --> 00:22:13,879
- Oh, shit, for real?
464
00:22:13,876 --> 00:22:15,126
- Nah, nah, nah, the bed's mine.
465
00:22:15,669 --> 00:22:17,049
You can have the couch, alright?
466
00:22:17,045 --> 00:22:19,205
But you might wanna get
some of those noise-canceling headphones.
467
00:22:19,214 --> 00:22:21,304
I'm gonna be smashing a lot, my boy.
468
00:22:22,759 --> 00:22:24,639
We gotta get you back in the game too.
469
00:22:24,636 --> 00:22:26,966
- I don't know how much smashing
I'm gonna be doing.
470
00:22:26,972 --> 00:22:28,772
- Hey, come on.
Don't get all sad. Alright?
471
00:22:28,765 --> 00:22:30,725
You and Maggie's relationship
was all fucked up.
472
00:22:31,393 --> 00:22:33,403
You're smart, though.
You got out before giving her a ring.
473
00:22:33,395 --> 00:22:34,895
Could have been worse.
474
00:22:34,897 --> 00:22:36,357
Could have been a baby.
475
00:22:36,356 --> 00:22:38,476
You fools would have made
an ugly-ass baby.
476
00:22:38,483 --> 00:22:39,573
- I don't know about ugly.
477
00:22:39,568 --> 00:22:41,858
- [scoffs] Come on, homey.
Trust me, alright? For real.
478
00:22:41,862 --> 00:22:43,072
It would have been ugly.
479
00:22:43,906 --> 00:22:45,066
JULIO:
Maybe you're right.
480
00:22:45,073 --> 00:22:48,873
I feel horrible, but also kinda excited.
481
00:22:49,286 --> 00:22:50,696
Gotta figure out something new.
482
00:22:50,704 --> 00:22:52,924
I'm gonna spread my stupid fuckin' wings.
483
00:22:52,915 --> 00:22:54,995
- Hell, yeah, my boy!
484
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:57,130
And you finally moved out
of your mom's pad.
485
00:22:57,836 --> 00:22:59,126
ESPERANZA:
Julio!
486
00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:02,970
[sighs]
487
00:23:04,343 --> 00:23:05,513
Julio!
488
00:23:17,481 --> 00:23:18,571
LUIS:
Nah, nah, I could do it.
489
00:23:19,608 --> 00:23:21,278
JULIO:
I'll do it. I know how to do it.
490
00:23:21,276 --> 00:23:22,436
LUIS:
Come on, no shit.
491
00:23:22,444 --> 00:23:24,864
♪
492
00:23:24,863 --> 00:23:26,783
I can do it. I'm the one fixing up my pad.
493
00:23:26,782 --> 00:23:28,412
- Oh, you mean the neighbor's garage?
494
00:23:29,117 --> 00:23:30,947
- You live there too, idiot.
495
00:23:30,953 --> 00:23:32,543
- You're gonna fuck that place up.
496
00:23:32,538 --> 00:23:33,748
LUIS:
I should fuck you up.
497
00:23:34,706 --> 00:23:37,496
[indistinct arguing]
498
00:23:37,501 --> 00:23:39,631
♪ Spanish song playing ♪
499
00:23:39,628 --> 00:23:43,588
♪
500
00:23:43,638 --> 00:23:48,188
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