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- Synced & corrected by L0tech -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
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My wedding to Marwa
is quickly approaching,
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00:00:05,387 --> 00:00:07,749
but treachery is afoot.
There are people
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00:00:07,759 --> 00:00:10,788
that are against me
getting married and being happy.
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00:00:10,798 --> 00:00:13,126
No one is against you
or you getting married.
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00:00:13,136 --> 00:00:15,063
Don't be so naive, my little friend.
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Conspiracy is abound!
Ask the djinn. He will tell you.
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Do you wish to know
if conspiracies abound?
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No! Stop trying to trick me
into using up all my wishes.
10
00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:25,417
You're just not
thinking straight, Master.
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00:00:25,427 --> 00:00:26,908
Maybe it's because you
haven't slept in a week?
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00:00:26,918 --> 00:00:27,920
(GROANS)
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00:00:27,930 --> 00:00:29,292
GUILLERMO: Nandor is
so hyper-focused on having
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00:00:29,302 --> 00:00:31,329
the perfect wedding,
he doesn't even slumber anymore.
15
00:00:31,339 --> 00:00:34,268
He just lies awake all day,
thinking of more things
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00:00:34,278 --> 00:00:36,406
to make the wedding even more perfect.
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NANDOR: Ah.
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GUILLERMO: More things. More.
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More, more, more. (LAUGHS)
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Maybe you are the one
who is not thinking straight
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because you have not slept in a week!
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(SNORING)
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(GASPS)
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Yeah, no. I'm awake, I'm awake.
I was just...
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00:00:52,549 --> 00:00:54,275
I was just... Uh, my eyes
were just a little, just...
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00:00:54,285 --> 00:00:55,745
What were we talking about?
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CREWMAN: We were just talking
about how hard
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you're working on the wedding.
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00:00:58,794 --> 00:01:02,224
Yeah, no, it's true. I haven't
slept in a week, but I guess
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that's what it's like to be
the best man to a vampire
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who is absolutely losing
his fucking mind
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because he wants to have
the perfect fucking wedding!
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Can I do that last part again?
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Just without the cursing this time?
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♪ Don't sing if you want to live long ♪
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♪ They have no use for your song ♪
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♪ You're dead, you're dead,
you're dead ♪
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♪ You're dead and out of this world ♪
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♪ Now your hope and compassion
is gone ♪
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♪ You sold out your dream
to the world ♪
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♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead ♪
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♪ You're dead and out of this world. ♪
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♪ ♪
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NANDOR: Twirl it.
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Mm, no.
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You know, I've always dreamed
of having a big wedding.
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Or at least since that time that
we watched The Wedding Planner
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on that rainy Sunday together.
49
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- That was nice.
- It was okay.
50
00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:04,382
- (KNOCKING)
- MARWA: Knock, knock.
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- NANDOR: Come in, my love. Hi.
- GUILLERMO: Hey.
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I wanted to ask you
about the flower arrangements.
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Yes. Red and black roses.
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But I was really hoping
we could go for white and pink.
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That's...
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What about the black and the red?
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No.
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I will have Guillermo look
into it straightaway for you.
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Thank you, my love.
Thank you, Guillermo.
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- Of course.
- Bye.
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- (DOOR CLOSES)
- You see?
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Even my own bride is trying
to sabotage this wedding
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with her insane demands!
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Enough.
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- But... what?
- (DOOR OPENS)
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So you're just going to
abandon me in my darkest hour?
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No one's trying to sabotage
your wedding, okay?
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- Pull yourself together.
- You pull yourself together.
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And you do not snap at me.
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- I'll snap at you.
- You just did.
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Nandor, quick question.
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Did you invite Sean
and Charmaine to your wedding?
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Why would I do that? It is
an all-vampire wedding, Laszlo.
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But I think
he would be greatly offended
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- if you didn't invite him.
- Okay, fine.
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Guillermo, figure out a way
to make it work.
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LASZLO: Good man.
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His request for a human
plus-two is all too transparent.
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Add another name to the list
of people that are against me
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- and my wedding.
- (GROANS SOFTLY)
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00:03:06,550 --> 00:03:08,778
Oh, perhaps I should add
your name to the list, also?
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How much do you want
some of this stuff?
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'Cause you literally have a genie...
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- A djinn.
- Who can solve
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all these problems, but no.
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You don't want to use
any of your precious wishes.
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00:03:15,835 --> 00:03:17,261
Well, P. S.: you're gonna have
to, because some of these
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things are literally impossible.
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00:03:18,808 --> 00:03:21,213
- Like what? Name one.
- Oh, one? Um, I don't know.
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You want a live dodo bird to
roast for the wraiths to eat.
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Oh, you would deny the servants
a hearty meal of their own?
92
00:03:26,773 --> 00:03:28,316
- Can't we just do turkey?
- No!
93
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It has be a dodo.
What's the problem here?
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They're very slow birds,
very easy to catch.
95
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- They're everywhere!
- Not anymore!
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- Since when?
- 1681!
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- You'll figure it out.
- (GASPS)
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I'll figure it out.
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- Oh. (YELLING)
- (CRASHING, CLATTERING)
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GUIDE: The nightclub needs
cheaper drinks.
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No, we want the drinks
to be very expensive,
102
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so then we attract rich humans.
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00:03:48,768 --> 00:03:51,262
Am I right? They gorge themselves
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on sauces and creams,
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and get their muscles massaged. Oh.
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Rich humans are basically like veal...
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Conceptually repulsive,
but so buttery on my tongue.
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(YELLING, CLATTERING CONTINUING)
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Hello?
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Hello?
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What the fuck?
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Are you okay?
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I'm fine.
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- (NADJA CLEARS THROAT)
- Mm, my goodness.
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Guillermo, did you kick
five holes in the wall
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and then fuck a chicken?
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Hmm.
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- No.
- What happened to the lamp?
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You know what?
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I think this little feller
is having a tantrum.
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Is this true, Guillermo?
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Is Nandor's wedding making you
put your knickers inside a twist?
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It's just too much for you, isn't it?
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Let him speak.
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I'm perfectly fine to...
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Say no more.
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We can help.
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00:04:42,978 --> 00:04:44,536
- Okay.
- GUIDE: Let's see here, let's see here.
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Oh, well, getting a dodo bird
is easy. That's no problem.
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It is?
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Yes, I have an antique dodo bird net
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in the Chamber of Curiosities.
You can borrow it.
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NADJA: It is obviously
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not in my nature to want
to help Guillermo.
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Don't put your back out
being grateful. (SPUTTERS)
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00:04:57,025 --> 00:04:59,365
But because he is the
nightclub's accountant, I really
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need him to not have a stroke.
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00:05:00,611 --> 00:05:01,904
The Baron has not gotten back to you
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00:05:01,914 --> 00:05:03,984
about officiating the wedding ceremony?
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00:05:04,446 --> 00:05:06,780
- GUIDE: Hey.
- Yes.
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00:05:06,790 --> 00:05:08,364
We will take care of The Baron
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so then you can turn all of your
attentions to catching the dodo bird.
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00:05:10,991 --> 00:05:12,024
Oh, wow. That feels
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00:05:12,034 --> 00:05:13,804
really weird being so nice. (GAGS)
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Ooh.
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00:05:21,653 --> 00:05:23,879
- He is a good boy.
- (SIRE CHUFFS)
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Would either of you like
to give him a little scritchie?
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00:05:25,866 --> 00:05:27,428
- No, but...
- Oh.
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00:05:27,438 --> 00:05:28,724
- (BARKS)
- Eeh.
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00:05:28,734 --> 00:05:31,630
Of course, I am so flattered
that Nandor asked me
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00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:34,129
to officiate his wedding
to the beautiful
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- and charming what's-her-name.
- Hmm.
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00:05:35,413 --> 00:05:36,807
- Marwa.
- Gesundheit.
154
00:05:36,817 --> 00:05:38,677
But what you ask of me...
155
00:05:38,687 --> 00:05:41,683
- It is simply not possible.
- Baron,
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00:05:41,693 --> 00:05:44,556
everyone who's anyone who's
a vampire is going be there.
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00:05:44,566 --> 00:05:47,113
Yes, I am aware of that.
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00:05:47,676 --> 00:05:48,865
I am sorry.
159
00:05:48,875 --> 00:05:49,875
But...
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look at my wretched state.
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Oh, I could not bear so many witnesses
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to this tattered vessel.
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Once they dined on the lavish feast
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that was my visage,
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00:06:03,436 --> 00:06:05,467
but now, well,
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I serve them only a charred
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00:06:08,595 --> 00:06:10,287
and flaking peasant's crust.
168
00:06:10,297 --> 00:06:12,444
- Oh. You look great.
- Oh.
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00:06:12,454 --> 00:06:14,950
- NADJA: Never looked better.
- Oh, you are too kind.
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00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:16,787
- GUIDE: We're being honest.
- NADJA: Yeah, it's the truth.
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But I am not the dashing, radiant being
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00:06:19,603 --> 00:06:21,462
that I once was.
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I think I might know
just what you need.
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00:06:23,941 --> 00:06:25,578
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
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00:06:25,588 --> 00:06:26,940
That he's still fuckable
176
00:06:26,950 --> 00:06:28,796
even though he looks like a burnt log?
177
00:06:28,806 --> 00:06:30,678
No. Obviously, he's fuckable.
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00:06:30,688 --> 00:06:31,766
I mean, come on.
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00:06:31,776 --> 00:06:34,800
I am thinking that somebody needs
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a...
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makeover.
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00:06:38,186 --> 00:06:39,542
- Makeover.
- Makeover.
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00:06:40,438 --> 00:06:41,466
♪ What I want ♪
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00:06:41,476 --> 00:06:42,672
♪ You've got and it might ♪
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00:06:42,682 --> 00:06:45,010
♪ Be hard to handle ♪
186
00:06:45,020 --> 00:06:47,457
♪ But like a flame
that burns the candle ♪
187
00:06:48,418 --> 00:06:51,022
♪ The candle feeds the flame ♪
188
00:06:51,032 --> 00:06:53,092
♪ Yeah, yeah,
what I've got, full stock ♪
189
00:06:53,102 --> 00:06:56,633
♪ Of thoughts and dreams that scatter ♪
190
00:06:56,643 --> 00:06:58,814
♪ And you pull them all together ♪
191
00:06:59,428 --> 00:07:02,177
♪ And a-how, I can't explain ♪
192
00:07:02,187 --> 00:07:04,693
♪ Oh, yeah, well, well, you ♪
193
00:07:07,448 --> 00:07:10,576
♪ You make a-my dreams come true ♪
194
00:07:13,009 --> 00:07:15,638
♪ Whoa, oh, waiting for, waiting for ♪
195
00:07:15,648 --> 00:07:17,909
♪ Waiting for, waiting for,
waiting for ♪
196
00:07:17,919 --> 00:07:20,748
- ♪ Waiting for ♪
- ♪ You make my dreams. ♪
197
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(LAUGHING)
198
00:07:24,499 --> 00:07:25,597
Okay, what about this one?
199
00:07:25,607 --> 00:07:28,196
DJINN: It's just kind of what
you're wearing right now.
200
00:07:28,206 --> 00:07:31,031
Back in Al-Qolnidar, I would
just wear the severed penis
201
00:07:31,041 --> 00:07:34,208
of an enemy on a sling made
from his dismembered intestines.
202
00:07:34,218 --> 00:07:36,212
- This is a wedding tradition?
- No.
203
00:07:36,222 --> 00:07:38,049
For me, that was a Tuesday night.
204
00:07:38,059 --> 00:07:39,996
(TITTERS)
205
00:07:41,336 --> 00:07:42,753
Nothing?
206
00:07:42,763 --> 00:07:44,159
Okay, whatever.
207
00:07:44,169 --> 00:07:46,165
- Nandor?
- Yes, my love?
208
00:07:46,175 --> 00:07:48,564
I was just looking through
the guest list and I noticed
209
00:07:48,574 --> 00:07:50,206
- that my parents are not on here.
- Mm-hmm.
210
00:07:50,216 --> 00:07:53,212
They had a prior engagement
of being very dead.
211
00:07:53,222 --> 00:07:55,216
I just always thought
my parents would be there
212
00:07:55,226 --> 00:07:57,220
for my wedding day.
213
00:07:57,230 --> 00:07:59,959
Okay, fine. I will see what I can do.
214
00:07:59,969 --> 00:08:02,064
Thank you.
215
00:08:02,074 --> 00:08:03,967
(SIGHS) How many wishes do I have?
216
00:08:03,977 --> 00:08:06,238
- You know I can't tell you that.
- Eh.
217
00:08:06,248 --> 00:08:08,644
Okay, fine. I wish
218
00:08:08,654 --> 00:08:11,315
for you to bring Marwa's parents
back to life for the wedding.
219
00:08:11,325 --> 00:08:13,238
And do you want them to speak English?
220
00:08:13,248 --> 00:08:14,274
Sure. Why not?
221
00:08:14,284 --> 00:08:16,290
Do you want to bring
them back to life...
222
00:08:16,300 --> 00:08:17,562
permanently, or-or...?
223
00:08:17,572 --> 00:08:20,200
Eh, just for the weekend is fine.
224
00:08:20,210 --> 00:08:22,170
- It is done.
- MARWA: Baba-joon! Maman!
225
00:08:22,180 --> 00:08:23,774
- MARWA'S MOTHER: Oh, my dearest.
- MARWA'S FATHER: Where is that
226
00:08:23,784 --> 00:08:25,955
- idiot husband of yours?
- MARWA: Baba, please.
227
00:08:26,508 --> 00:08:27,782
On second thoughts,
228
00:08:27,792 --> 00:08:30,931
maybe an early departure
on Sunday after brunch.
229
00:08:32,602 --> 00:08:34,662
GUILLERMO: Oh, and for
the chocolate fountain...
230
00:08:34,672 --> 00:08:36,867
It's possible to just put stuff on that
231
00:08:36,877 --> 00:08:38,974
that's not necessarily
232
00:08:38,984 --> 00:08:40,261
chocolate, right?
233
00:08:40,271 --> 00:08:41,743
- WOMAN: Like what?
- What? We want, uh, it...
234
00:08:41,753 --> 00:08:43,680
- I'm not sure yet, but it's...
- Yes, that's fine.
235
00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:45,651
Okay, it's fine? Can I get a couple
236
00:08:45,661 --> 00:08:47,320
of those, uh, five-hour
energy capsules, please?
237
00:08:47,330 --> 00:08:49,592
Talking about the normal ones
or the kinds for your dick?
238
00:08:49,602 --> 00:08:50,950
Derek.
239
00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:52,499
Sorry, one se-one second.
240
00:08:52,509 --> 00:08:54,328
- Derek, what are you doing here?
- I'm working.
241
00:08:54,338 --> 00:08:56,272
- Working? You're a vampire.
- Hush.
242
00:08:56,282 --> 00:08:59,344
And being a vampire doesn't
exactly pay the bills, so...
243
00:08:59,354 --> 00:09:01,616
- What bills?
- Clothes, coffin,
244
00:09:01,626 --> 00:09:03,754
storage facility for the coffin.
Which, by the way,
245
00:09:03,764 --> 00:09:05,023
I'm not allowed to sleep in,
246
00:09:05,033 --> 00:09:06,358
but whatever. But, you know,
247
00:09:06,368 --> 00:09:07,962
it's not a bad gig.
248
00:09:07,972 --> 00:09:09,691
Why don't you just take money
from the peop...
249
00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:13,272
from the victims that you kill?
250
00:09:13,282 --> 00:09:15,310
Because I'm a vampire, not a thief.
251
00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:17,741
All right, so that's $16.56.
252
00:09:17,751 --> 00:09:19,665
18, 19, and 20.
253
00:09:19,675 --> 00:09:21,222
- What's going on, my man?
- Thanks.
254
00:09:21,232 --> 00:09:22,859
- I'm-I'm good. I just... Oh.
- (PHONE BUZZES)
255
00:09:22,869 --> 00:09:24,161
It's the flower people.
I have to take... I have
256
00:09:24,171 --> 00:09:25,523
- to take this. Hello. Guillermo.
- Oh, okay.
257
00:09:25,533 --> 00:09:26,733
Great shooting the shit with you, man.
258
00:09:26,743 --> 00:09:28,035
- Mm-hmm.
- Really good.
259
00:09:28,045 --> 00:09:29,739
In fact, good to talk to, well, anyone.
260
00:09:29,749 --> 00:09:31,041
I'm sorry, can you give me
one se-one second?
261
00:09:31,051 --> 00:09:32,745
Really quick, one second.
262
00:09:32,755 --> 00:09:34,916
Derek?
263
00:09:34,926 --> 00:09:37,347
- Are you okay?
- Ye-Yeah.
264
00:09:37,667 --> 00:09:39,702
Yeah. No. Ish.
265
00:09:40,314 --> 00:09:42,962
You know, it's really lonely being a...
266
00:09:42,972 --> 00:09:44,230
a vampire.
267
00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:46,355
Say, do you want a key cut
or something?
268
00:09:46,365 --> 00:09:47,808
Do you want
269
00:09:47,818 --> 00:09:50,176
to go to a vampire wedding?
270
00:09:50,186 --> 00:09:51,783
- I do.
- I'll send you the info?
271
00:09:51,793 --> 00:09:53,019
- Yeah. Text it to me.
- I'll text it to you.
272
00:09:53,029 --> 00:09:54,856
- I have to go, though, okay? Okay.
- Okay. Cool.
273
00:09:54,866 --> 00:09:56,726
Wait. You had my
number this whole ti... Mm.
274
00:09:56,736 --> 00:09:58,462
- Yeah. I have to go.
- Hmm. Okay, yeah.
275
00:09:59,046 --> 00:10:01,135
NANDOR: I am not being
greedy with my wishes.
276
00:10:01,145 --> 00:10:02,672
I simply do not have that many left.
277
00:10:02,682 --> 00:10:04,676
- How many do you have left?
- Not many.
278
00:10:04,686 --> 00:10:06,680
- Ay...
- GUIDE: Well, poor Guillermo.
279
00:10:06,690 --> 00:10:08,049
He's about to have a nervous breakdown
280
00:10:08,059 --> 00:10:09,886
with all this stuff he has to get done.
281
00:10:09,896 --> 00:10:11,890
- Boo-fucking-hoo.
- NADJA: She's right.
282
00:10:11,900 --> 00:10:13,894
And it's a terrible thing
when you work with someone,
283
00:10:13,904 --> 00:10:15,698
and all you want to do is please them,
284
00:10:15,708 --> 00:10:17,334
but they treat you like
a piece of human shit they wish
285
00:10:17,344 --> 00:10:19,672
they could just scrape off
the sole of their shoe.
286
00:10:19,682 --> 00:10:21,172
- What?
- Huh?
287
00:10:21,853 --> 00:10:24,248
Nandor, what is the point
in having a djinn
288
00:10:24,258 --> 00:10:25,751
if you're not going to use the djinn?
289
00:10:25,761 --> 00:10:27,655
- Uh...
- GUIDE: With all due respect,
290
00:10:27,665 --> 00:10:29,553
you are being a real bridezilla.
291
00:10:29,563 --> 00:10:31,696
- I don't know what that is.
- GUIDE: Oh, it's like
292
00:10:31,706 --> 00:10:33,901
a combination of a bride
and a Godzilla.
293
00:10:33,911 --> 00:10:35,671
What is a Godzilla?
294
00:10:35,681 --> 00:10:37,842
Okay, I think we're getting
a little bit off-topic.
295
00:10:37,852 --> 00:10:39,946
He's a giant lizard creature
that destroys cities.
296
00:10:39,956 --> 00:10:41,248
- Enough!
- Whoa!
297
00:10:41,258 --> 00:10:42,962
- Whoa! Fuck!
- (HIGH-PITCHED TONE)
298
00:10:44,034 --> 00:10:45,390
- You were saying?
- Nandor,
299
00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:47,093
if you want these impossible things,
300
00:10:47,103 --> 00:10:48,831
then you're going
to have to use your wishes.
301
00:10:48,841 --> 00:10:50,429
Okay, fine!
302
00:10:50,439 --> 00:10:52,103
I wish for Baron Afanas to be returned
303
00:10:52,113 --> 00:10:54,976
to his original, non-burnt-up,
non-just-a-torso form.
304
00:10:54,986 --> 00:10:57,147
- It is done.
- I wish for a live dodo bird
305
00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:58,382
that we will slaughter and roast
306
00:10:58,392 --> 00:10:59,853
and feed to the Wraith waitstaff.
307
00:10:59,863 --> 00:11:01,723
- It is done.
- And while we're at it,
308
00:11:01,733 --> 00:11:03,961
I wish that Marwa would like
all the same things that I like.
309
00:11:03,971 --> 00:11:05,371
- It is done.
- And I wish that...
310
00:11:05,381 --> 00:11:08,402
I'm sorry, but you've used up
all your wishes now.
311
00:11:08,412 --> 00:11:11,342
- What?
- Well, it's been, um...
312
00:11:11,352 --> 00:11:12,851
Yes, yeah.
313
00:11:12,861 --> 00:11:13,948
- Happy now?
- I just got everything
314
00:11:13,958 --> 00:11:15,757
- I wanted out of this, so...
- Hmm.
315
00:11:15,767 --> 00:11:17,420
- Yeah, big smile.
- Okay, I wish for you all
316
00:11:17,430 --> 00:11:19,001
- to get the fuck out of my bedroom.
- DJINN: Okay, I can do that.
317
00:11:19,011 --> 00:11:20,730
(SQUAWKS)
318
00:11:22,998 --> 00:11:24,669
- ANNOUNCER: This season...
- Game face.
319
00:11:24,679 --> 00:11:27,407
The boys are back
with even bigger flips.
320
00:11:27,417 --> 00:11:29,460
More demo, more laughs...
321
00:11:29,470 --> 00:11:30,748
(LAUGHING)
322
00:11:30,758 --> 00:11:32,150
Remove those blindfolds.
323
00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:34,254
And even more surprises than before.
324
00:11:34,264 --> 00:11:35,770
Go flip yourself.
325
00:11:35,780 --> 00:11:37,055
Tuesdays at 9:00.
326
00:11:39,441 --> 00:11:40,734
NANDOR: I am very glad that
327
00:11:40,744 --> 00:11:43,039
my wedding will now be perfect.
328
00:11:43,049 --> 00:11:44,374
I do feel a little sad that I had
329
00:11:44,384 --> 00:11:46,746
to use up all my wishes to make it so.
330
00:11:46,756 --> 00:11:48,600
Hmm.
331
00:11:48,610 --> 00:11:49,905
Looking back,
332
00:11:49,915 --> 00:11:51,388
- (YAWNING)
- I probably should not
333
00:11:51,398 --> 00:11:54,127
have used up so many wishes
on such trivial things.
334
00:11:54,137 --> 00:11:57,133
I wish for the lid
of my coffin to be closed.
335
00:11:57,143 --> 00:11:58,937
Are you sure?
I can just go fetch Guillermo.
336
00:11:58,947 --> 00:12:01,075
With Guillermo,
it will be a whole thing.
337
00:12:01,085 --> 00:12:03,055
- (LID CLOSES)
- NANDOR: Ah.
338
00:12:04,855 --> 00:12:06,407
Guillermo.
339
00:12:06,417 --> 00:12:09,022
The dodo did a doo-doo.
340
00:12:10,871 --> 00:12:14,067
BOTH: Sean and Charmaine Rinaldi,
341
00:12:14,077 --> 00:12:16,472
you will not be freaked out
342
00:12:16,482 --> 00:12:19,144
that almost everyone at this wedding
343
00:12:19,154 --> 00:12:21,483
is a vampire.
344
00:12:21,493 --> 00:12:23,419
And tomorrow morning,
345
00:12:23,429 --> 00:12:26,025
you will remember
346
00:12:26,035 --> 00:12:28,740
♪ Nothing. ♪
347
00:12:29,842 --> 00:12:31,368
- ♪
♪
- (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
348
00:12:31,378 --> 00:12:33,239
Three-quarters full,
and people are still coming in.
349
00:12:33,249 --> 00:12:35,811
Yes, I can hear them. I can
hear their hushed whispers.
350
00:12:35,821 --> 00:12:37,815
Hoping and praying
for a disaster that will
351
00:12:37,825 --> 00:12:39,451
prevent my nuptials
from being finalized.
352
00:12:39,461 --> 00:12:41,473
Will you listen to yourself?
353
00:12:41,483 --> 00:12:44,742
'Cause maybe it's you who's actually
not too sure about this wedding.
354
00:12:44,752 --> 00:12:46,231
And maybe you're the one
trying to sabotage it
355
00:12:46,241 --> 00:12:48,179
by accusing everyone else
of being against it.
356
00:12:51,485 --> 00:12:54,458
Can you blame me
for being a little afraid?
357
00:12:55,460 --> 00:12:56,987
It's a big step for me.
358
00:12:56,997 --> 00:12:58,857
Hey, it's gonna be okay.
359
00:12:58,867 --> 00:13:00,861
You're gonna be okay.
360
00:13:00,871 --> 00:13:02,687
I'm gonna be right here by your side.
361
00:13:03,209 --> 00:13:05,537
So, if you're scared,
362
00:13:05,547 --> 00:13:07,668
- I'll be right there.
- I never said I was scared.
363
00:13:07,678 --> 00:13:08,915
I said I was afraid.
There's a difference.
364
00:13:08,925 --> 00:13:10,413
- Okay.
- Hmm.
365
00:13:10,423 --> 00:13:12,343
Well, if you get afraid, I'll be there.
366
00:13:12,353 --> 00:13:13,353
Yes.
367
00:13:14,866 --> 00:13:16,435
Thank you, Guillermo.
368
00:13:16,883 --> 00:13:18,353
You're my best...
369
00:13:20,086 --> 00:13:21,478
man.
370
00:13:23,149 --> 00:13:25,009
- You're a vampire, too?
- Yes, I am.
371
00:13:25,019 --> 00:13:27,013
- Get the fuck out of here.
- (CHARMAINE SQUEALS)
372
00:13:27,023 --> 00:13:29,088
That's so cool. Sean Rinaldi.
373
00:13:29,098 --> 00:13:30,859
- This is my wife Charmaine.
- (GUILLERMO CLEARS THROAT)
374
00:13:30,869 --> 00:13:33,359
And now, it gives me great pleasure
375
00:13:33,369 --> 00:13:35,129
to introduce tonight's officiant,
376
00:13:35,139 --> 00:13:37,868
a legend of the vampire world for over
377
00:13:37,878 --> 00:13:39,438
ten centuries, -(SIRE GROWLS SOFTLY)
378
00:13:39,448 --> 00:13:42,444
please give it up for Baron Afanas!
379
00:13:42,454 --> 00:13:43,704
(WHOOPING)
380
00:13:43,714 --> 00:13:44,849
- Now we're talking.
- Here we go.
381
00:13:44,859 --> 00:13:46,896
- ♪
♪
- (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
382
00:13:49,635 --> 00:13:51,840
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- (GUIDE CATCALLING)
383
00:13:55,914 --> 00:13:58,042
- Look at that.
- (GROWLS, LAUGHS)
384
00:13:58,052 --> 00:13:59,244
LASZLO: Oh, yes, that'll do.
385
00:13:59,254 --> 00:14:00,413
NADJA: That will do very nicely.
386
00:14:00,423 --> 00:14:01,763
LASZLO: I'm as stiff as a board.
387
00:14:02,394 --> 00:14:04,282
NADJA DOLL: Make way. Coming through.
388
00:14:04,292 --> 00:14:07,027
Please rise for the bride.
389
00:14:07,037 --> 00:14:08,462
- (GALLERY GASPS)
- VAMPIRE: Beautiful!
390
00:14:08,472 --> 00:14:11,068
- GUIDE: Wow.
- LASZLO: Oh, there we are.
391
00:14:11,078 --> 00:14:12,548
♪ ♪
392
00:14:13,042 --> 00:14:15,947
- Lovely.
- You look beautiful.
393
00:14:18,259 --> 00:14:19,586
- Hi.
- Hi
394
00:14:19,596 --> 00:14:21,188
- Mm.
- You may sit.
395
00:14:21,198 --> 00:14:22,658
(WHISPERS): Sit down, sit down.
396
00:14:22,668 --> 00:14:24,194
Let's leave it.
397
00:14:24,204 --> 00:14:25,898
Dearly benighted,
398
00:14:25,908 --> 00:14:28,035
we gather here tonight
399
00:14:28,045 --> 00:14:32,310
to join these two in unholy matrimony.
400
00:14:32,320 --> 00:14:34,482
- I'll be all over that later.
- BARON: Not to bore you
401
00:14:34,492 --> 00:14:36,218
with a long speech because, well,
402
00:14:36,228 --> 00:14:38,222
it is not just the bride and groom
403
00:14:38,232 --> 00:14:40,961
who are eager to get down
to some fornicating.
404
00:14:40,971 --> 00:14:42,598
- Am I right?
- NADJA: Yow! Yow!
405
00:14:42,608 --> 00:14:44,234
(LAUGHING)
406
00:14:44,244 --> 00:14:46,973
So, before they exchange rings,
407
00:14:46,983 --> 00:14:51,583
I must ask if anyone here
can show just cause
408
00:14:51,593 --> 00:14:55,089
why Nandor and Marwa
may not be lawfully wed.
409
00:14:55,099 --> 00:14:58,630
Speak now or forever hold your peace.
410
00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:00,634
- There's no one disagreeing.
- Then,
411
00:15:00,644 --> 00:15:02,705
- by the power vested in...
- MARWA'S MOTHER: I object.
412
00:15:02,715 --> 00:15:04,074
- (GASPING, MURMURING)
- SEAN: Whoa.
413
00:15:04,084 --> 00:15:05,109
- MARWA: Mama, please.
- Awkward.
414
00:15:05,119 --> 00:15:06,245
NANDOR: I told you.
415
00:15:06,255 --> 00:15:08,249
- Didn't I tell you?
- Yes.
416
00:15:08,259 --> 00:15:11,388
A vampire marrying a woman
he was already married to,
417
00:15:11,398 --> 00:15:14,495
but then abandoned to die alone, only
418
00:15:14,505 --> 00:15:16,499
to be brought back
to life by djinn magic?
419
00:15:16,509 --> 00:15:18,135
It's just not natural.
420
00:15:18,145 --> 00:15:20,607
Mother, this is what I want.
421
00:15:20,617 --> 00:15:22,545
But I can't just not say anything.
422
00:15:22,555 --> 00:15:24,191
(SIGHS) Well, you could try.
423
00:15:25,193 --> 00:15:26,328
So awkward.
424
00:15:27,363 --> 00:15:29,625
So... that happened.
425
00:15:29,635 --> 00:15:32,363
- Now, with no further ado...
- I, too, object.
426
00:15:32,373 --> 00:15:33,733
- The fuck?
- NADJA: I sort of feel like
427
00:15:33,743 --> 00:15:36,138
this is more about
Nandor wanting a wedding,
428
00:15:36,148 --> 00:15:38,476
and wear a big dress,
than actually wanting
429
00:15:38,486 --> 00:15:41,148
to be married to Marwa.
Facts are facts.
430
00:15:41,158 --> 00:15:42,250
I'm gonna sit down. I'm done.
431
00:15:42,260 --> 00:15:43,419
- NANDOR: Thank you for that.
- Proceed
432
00:15:43,429 --> 00:15:46,091
(LAUGHING): Well, anybody else?
433
00:15:46,101 --> 00:15:47,561
Actually, yes, I thought
of something else.
434
00:15:47,571 --> 00:15:48,974
- Oh.
- (PEOPLE MURMURING)
435
00:15:51,011 --> 00:15:52,437
I just want to conclude by saying
436
00:15:52,447 --> 00:15:54,775
I think all marriage is a sham.
(LAUGHS)
437
00:15:54,785 --> 00:15:56,779
Apart from my own marriage
438
00:15:56,789 --> 00:15:59,685
to my darling wife Nadja over there.
439
00:15:59,695 --> 00:16:04,161
The very first time
I met Nandor the Relentless,
440
00:16:04,171 --> 00:16:06,431
- I fell deeply in love with him.
- Ooh!
441
00:16:06,441 --> 00:16:08,169
'Course, as I got to know him better,
442
00:16:08,179 --> 00:16:10,306
that feeling faded.
443
00:16:10,316 --> 00:16:11,709
But the memory
444
00:16:11,719 --> 00:16:13,680
of that one-sided passion
445
00:16:13,690 --> 00:16:15,651
is still too much
446
00:16:15,661 --> 00:16:18,790
for me to give this marriage
my full endorsement. Thank you.
447
00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:20,794
Hello. Um, my name is Derek.
448
00:16:20,804 --> 00:16:23,567
- Who invited this guy?
- I'm just a bit bummed
449
00:16:23,577 --> 00:16:25,469
these two can find love
and get married, but I can't
450
00:16:25,479 --> 00:16:29,612
find one chill bud
to have a bull sesh with?
451
00:16:29,622 --> 00:16:32,450
I only very recently became aware
452
00:16:32,460 --> 00:16:34,187
that vampires are real.
453
00:16:34,197 --> 00:16:36,593
Which, by the way,
doesn't freak me out at all.
454
00:16:36,603 --> 00:16:38,062
- Mm.
- It got me to thinking.
455
00:16:38,072 --> 00:16:39,374
- Everlasting life.
- CHARMAINE: Aw.
456
00:16:39,885 --> 00:16:41,757
You know? That's a long time.
457
00:16:41,767 --> 00:16:43,607
Long time to be with another person.
458
00:16:43,617 --> 00:16:45,744
You like her right now, but...
459
00:16:45,754 --> 00:16:48,449
Marwa, I just want to say
that I think it's a little rude
460
00:16:48,459 --> 00:16:50,621
that you haven't stopped by my house.
461
00:16:50,631 --> 00:16:53,459
You're new to the neighborhood.
You haven't bought any, like,
462
00:16:53,469 --> 00:16:55,229
cookies or anything.
That's what people do.
463
00:16:55,239 --> 00:16:56,766
Nope. Sorry, we do not validate.
464
00:16:56,776 --> 00:16:59,104
Once again, for the last time,
please do not get in line
465
00:16:59,114 --> 00:17:00,306
to ask if we validate.
466
00:17:00,316 --> 00:17:01,375
G-Get on with it.
467
00:17:01,385 --> 00:17:03,479
I cannot tell you how moved I am...
468
00:17:03,489 --> 00:17:05,617
Since when did The Sire speak English?
469
00:17:05,627 --> 00:17:08,455
Oh, I taught him. Flashcards, mostly.
470
00:17:08,465 --> 00:17:11,829
- Hmm.
- Time lays waste to all.
471
00:17:11,839 --> 00:17:15,737
And love turns to dust.
472
00:17:15,747 --> 00:17:18,442
Ruin is inevitable.
473
00:17:18,452 --> 00:17:22,695
And all else is prelude.
474
00:17:25,233 --> 00:17:27,227
SEAN: He's got a point.
475
00:17:27,237 --> 00:17:28,663
NANDOR: Thank you for that.
476
00:17:28,673 --> 00:17:31,401
GUILLERMO:
Next it's... The Guide again.
477
00:17:31,411 --> 00:17:32,771
I forgot to say earlier,
478
00:17:32,781 --> 00:17:35,544
I also fell deeply in love
479
00:17:35,554 --> 00:17:37,748
with Marwa when I first met her.
480
00:17:37,758 --> 00:17:40,487
Enough of this bullshit!
I've had enough!
481
00:17:40,497 --> 00:17:42,090
I know what you are doing.
482
00:17:42,100 --> 00:17:43,392
You're plotting against me.
483
00:17:43,402 --> 00:17:44,795
Fuck you.
484
00:17:44,805 --> 00:17:46,666
- And I agree with him.
- Thank you.
485
00:17:46,676 --> 00:17:48,770
I admit,
486
00:17:48,780 --> 00:17:51,509
I have had my doubts
about this marriage, as well.
487
00:17:51,519 --> 00:17:52,588
(LOUD GASPING)
488
00:17:52,598 --> 00:17:54,682
I almost called it off more than once.
489
00:17:54,692 --> 00:17:56,864
- What?
- But then, yesterday,
490
00:17:56,874 --> 00:17:58,590
a feeling came over me.
491
00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:01,228
And I realized that if this is what
492
00:18:01,238 --> 00:18:02,798
- Nandor wants...
- LASZLO: Oh, fuck.
493
00:18:02,808 --> 00:18:05,771
- Then it is what I want, also.
- Oh.
494
00:18:05,781 --> 00:18:08,335
'Cause when it comes to Nandor,
495
00:18:08,345 --> 00:18:10,446
I like what he likes.
496
00:18:10,456 --> 00:18:13,095
(CHEERING, WHOOPING)
497
00:18:19,441 --> 00:18:22,380
- ♪
♪
- (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
498
00:18:27,591 --> 00:18:29,685
Marwa, I must ask,
499
00:18:29,695 --> 00:18:31,321
when did this moment come over you
500
00:18:31,331 --> 00:18:32,891
where you realized that
501
00:18:32,901 --> 00:18:35,831
whatever I like, you like also?
502
00:18:35,841 --> 00:18:37,645
Yesterday evening.
503
00:18:38,613 --> 00:18:40,841
Was it early evening or late?
504
00:18:40,851 --> 00:18:42,210
Late evening.
505
00:18:42,220 --> 00:18:43,723
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
506
00:18:45,494 --> 00:18:47,665
Yes.
507
00:18:50,704 --> 00:18:53,198
I'd forgotten how handsome
a vampire the Baron is.
508
00:18:53,208 --> 00:18:55,604
Oh, yes, he's absolutely delicious.
509
00:18:55,614 --> 00:18:57,741
I must confess we had a little quickie
510
00:18:57,751 --> 00:18:59,477
in the cloakroom after the ceremony.
511
00:18:59,487 --> 00:19:01,883
- As good as you remembered?
- Oh, so much better.
512
00:19:01,893 --> 00:19:03,753
Right. Well, then don't mind if I do.
513
00:19:03,763 --> 00:19:05,891
- Oh, enjoy, my love. Ooh. (LAUGHS)
- I bloody will.
514
00:19:05,901 --> 00:19:07,728
I say there, Baron,
515
00:19:07,738 --> 00:19:11,368
fantastic to see you returned
to your former glory.
516
00:19:11,378 --> 00:19:15,744
I have been wanting to have
a private word with you, Laszlo.
517
00:19:15,754 --> 00:19:17,915
If you would be so good as to meet me
518
00:19:17,925 --> 00:19:21,355
in the coatroom in five minutes.
519
00:19:21,365 --> 00:19:22,752
Oh, yes.
520
00:19:22,762 --> 00:19:24,862
I think I can manage that.
521
00:19:24,872 --> 00:19:26,398
Ah. Oh.
522
00:19:26,408 --> 00:19:28,813
- MARWA: Baba, let's dance.
- So.
523
00:19:30,643 --> 00:19:31,707
So.
524
00:19:31,717 --> 00:19:33,513
I suppose later tonight
525
00:19:33,523 --> 00:19:36,385
is when you will make her a vampire
526
00:19:36,395 --> 00:19:38,823
so that the two of you can be together
527
00:19:38,833 --> 00:19:41,261
forever and ever
528
00:19:41,271 --> 00:19:44,434
and all eternity.
529
00:19:44,444 --> 00:19:45,937
We will see.
530
00:19:45,947 --> 00:19:47,541
Yes, just as I thought.
531
00:19:47,551 --> 00:19:48,943
SEAN: So that was great.
532
00:19:48,953 --> 00:19:50,781
-Then other times, I hit, uh,
-Thank you.
533
00:19:50,791 --> 00:19:53,486
Dyker Beach... which, yes,
it's a public course...
534
00:19:53,496 --> 00:19:57,393
But, oh, man, I mean, they
really take care of the greens.
535
00:19:57,403 --> 00:19:58,797
So you, uh, get out to the links often?
536
00:19:58,807 --> 00:20:01,669
- (HISSING)
- (LAUGHS) I hear that.
537
00:20:01,679 --> 00:20:03,650
- Ah...
- (GUIDE GIGGLING)
538
00:20:06,288 --> 00:20:08,449
- (SINGSONGY): Guillermo.
- (GASPS SOFTLY)
539
00:20:08,459 --> 00:20:09,985
- Marwa.
- Hi.
540
00:20:09,995 --> 00:20:11,388
- You look beautiful.
- Thank you.
541
00:20:11,398 --> 00:20:12,958
Congratulations.
542
00:20:12,968 --> 00:20:15,296
You have done such a wonderful
job tonight, Guillermo.
543
00:20:15,306 --> 00:20:17,300
Oh, no. (LAUGHS)
544
00:20:17,310 --> 00:20:19,304
I don't know
what I would do without you.
545
00:20:19,314 --> 00:20:21,576
- Mmm.
- Oh. Thank you.
546
00:20:21,586 --> 00:20:23,680
- Oh.
- That's... Thank...
547
00:20:23,690 --> 00:20:25,917
Oh, well, that's a lot
of kissing. (CHUCKLES)
548
00:20:25,927 --> 00:20:27,931
- Mmm.
- Thank you. Wow.
549
00:20:31,706 --> 00:20:33,566
- Hey, bro.
- Hey! Fu...
550
00:20:33,576 --> 00:20:35,714
I got you a little,
uh, wedding present.
551
00:20:36,622 --> 00:20:39,259
A brand-new djinn lamp.
552
00:20:40,489 --> 00:20:41,731
What?
553
00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:43,285
It's a little small.
554
00:20:43,295 --> 00:20:45,582
This one only has three wishes,
555
00:20:45,592 --> 00:20:47,427
so use them wisely, huh?
556
00:20:47,437 --> 00:20:48,730
Could I use one of the wishes
557
00:20:48,740 --> 00:20:50,466
to wish for a thousand more wishes?
558
00:20:50,476 --> 00:20:52,958
- No.
- Eh.
559
00:20:52,968 --> 00:20:54,038
Thanks for nothing.
560
00:20:54,048 --> 00:20:55,342
♪ There's going to be a wedding ♪
561
00:20:55,352 --> 00:20:57,614
♪ A wedding in the dark ♪
562
00:20:57,624 --> 00:20:59,585
♪ There's going to be a marriage ♪
563
00:20:59,595 --> 00:21:02,991
♪ And everyone will ask ♪
564
00:21:03,001 --> 00:21:06,599
♪ Who will come first
on the wedding night ♪
565
00:21:06,609 --> 00:21:10,473
♪ The wedding night,
the wedding night ♪
566
00:21:10,483 --> 00:21:13,880
♪ Who will come first
on the wedding night? ♪
567
00:21:13,890 --> 00:21:15,617
♪ I think Nandor might ♪
568
00:21:15,627 --> 00:21:18,021
♪ On the wedding night ♪
569
00:21:18,031 --> 00:21:20,994
♪ Who will come first
on the wedding night? ♪
570
00:21:21,004 --> 00:21:22,731
♪ If his cock feels right ♪
571
00:21:22,741 --> 00:21:25,069
♪ And her pussy is tight... ♪
572
00:21:25,079 --> 00:21:26,539
- Should I put hair on it?
- NADJA DOLL: It looks much better.
573
00:21:26,549 --> 00:21:28,375
- Hey!
- NADJA DOLL: Uh-oh.
574
00:21:28,385 --> 00:21:30,479
Little Colin Robinson,
what are you doing?
575
00:21:30,489 --> 00:21:32,316
- Shoo, you little rascal!
- (GIGGLING)
576
00:21:32,326 --> 00:21:33,352
- NADJA DOLL: Run, Colin, run!
- BABY COLIN: Go, go, go, go!
577
00:21:33,362 --> 00:21:34,922
Oh.
578
00:21:34,932 --> 00:21:37,059
♪ On the wedding night ♪
579
00:21:37,069 --> 00:21:39,364
- ♪ The wedding night ♪
- NADJA: Come on, boys.
580
00:21:39,374 --> 00:21:41,869
♪ Who'll come first
on the wedding night ♪
581
00:21:41,879 --> 00:21:44,508
It's okay. Back to sleep.
582
00:21:44,518 --> 00:21:46,913
Back to sleep.
583
00:21:46,923 --> 00:21:48,817
NADJA (IN DISTANCE): So, this song
is called "The House Mate."
584
00:21:48,827 --> 00:21:53,392
♪ He's relentless in love,
he's relentless in bed ♪
585
00:21:53,402 --> 00:21:55,497
♪ He's Nandor the Relentless ♪
586
00:21:55,507 --> 00:21:57,668
♪ He wears all sorts of capes ♪
587
00:21:57,678 --> 00:21:59,939
♪ He's not got much in his head ♪
588
00:21:59,949 --> 00:22:03,045
♪ He's Nandor the Relentless. ♪
589
00:22:03,055 --> 00:22:04,380
Nandor has, uh,
590
00:22:04,390 --> 00:22:06,384
really wasted a lot of wishes
591
00:22:06,394 --> 00:22:07,754
- on stupid things.
- NANDOR (HIGH-PITCHED): Yee-haw!
592
00:22:07,764 --> 00:22:10,527
It's the bee's buzz!
What a good bee you are.
593
00:22:10,537 --> 00:22:12,096
Oh, hey! So fun!
594
00:22:12,106 --> 00:22:13,766
Okay, now.
595
00:22:13,776 --> 00:22:15,704
DJINN: But it's not my job to judge.
596
00:22:15,714 --> 00:22:18,576
Hey... No, I-I said
I wanted to play one-on-one
597
00:22:18,586 --> 00:22:20,947
with the real guy,
not the cardboard cutout guy.
598
00:22:20,957 --> 00:22:22,818
I should have been more specific.
599
00:22:22,828 --> 00:22:24,822
Three points! Hey!
600
00:22:24,832 --> 00:22:29,532
♪ Hold me forever ♪
601
00:22:29,542 --> 00:22:34,575
♪ Kiss me until I see
the heavens open ♪
602
00:22:34,585 --> 00:22:39,862
♪ Promise my heart
will not be broken... ♪
603
00:22:42,066 --> 00:22:45,129
- (GASPS) Sean? Oh, Seanie.
- Shut the fuck up.
604
00:22:45,139 --> 00:22:46,556
What's wrong with you?!
605
00:22:46,566 --> 00:22:47,611
- What did you do last night?
- Jesus.
606
00:22:47,621 --> 00:22:48,703
Uh... I don't...
607
00:22:48,713 --> 00:22:50,439
- What?
- I don't remember.
608
00:22:50,449 --> 00:22:52,578
I must have really
torn one up, huh? (LAUGHS)
609
00:22:52,588 --> 00:22:54,548
Wait a minute. Weren't you there?
610
00:22:54,558 --> 00:22:56,552
No. I was in bed by 9:00.
611
00:22:56,562 --> 00:22:58,121
Aw, shit. You know what,
612
00:22:58,131 --> 00:23:00,025
I think I had one of those
CBD gummies Brenda gave me.
613
00:23:00,035 --> 00:23:01,896
They make me fucking crazy.
Just get up.
614
00:23:01,906 --> 00:23:03,766
That's why you don't do the marijuana.
615
00:23:03,776 --> 00:23:05,837
Oh, my God. I would never do
the marijuana. That's a drug.
616
00:23:05,847 --> 00:23:07,473
- That's drugs. Come on. Let's go.
- What do you think CBD is?!
617
00:23:07,483 --> 00:23:11,849
♪ Hold me forever ♪
618
00:23:11,859 --> 00:23:17,026
♪ Never let me go without you ♪
619
00:23:17,036 --> 00:23:21,969
♪ Kiss me until I see
the heavens open ♪
620
00:23:21,979 --> 00:23:25,085
♪ Promise my heart will not be. ♪
621
00:23:25,299 --> 00:23:28,456
- Synced & corrected by L0tech -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
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