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1
00:00:04,872 --> 00:00:06,583
Oh, uh, hi, did you
lose something?
2
00:00:06,607 --> 00:00:08,285
Yeah. Sure did.
3
00:00:08,309 --> 00:00:10,687
Let me give you a hand. What
are we looking for anyway?
4
00:00:10,711 --> 00:00:13,190
Well, that's... That's
darn neighborly of you.
5
00:00:13,214 --> 00:00:15,425
It's my dad blamed
ring. Your ring, huh?
6
00:00:15,449 --> 00:00:17,127
Yeah.
7
00:00:17,151 --> 00:00:20,330
Uh, I looked in the
buggy here and, uh...
8
00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:22,232
The buggy? Yeah. My car here.
9
00:00:22,256 --> 00:00:25,202
But, uh, I reckon I dropped
it out here someplace.
10
00:00:25,226 --> 00:00:27,037
Hey, wait a minute. Yeah.
11
00:00:27,061 --> 00:00:28,705
Don't I recognize
you from someplace?
12
00:00:28,729 --> 00:00:31,174
Well, I work here at NASA. You
probably saw me around here.
13
00:00:31,198 --> 00:00:33,643
Oh, well, I got some kinfolk
working here at NASA.
14
00:00:33,667 --> 00:00:35,078
Really? Yeah.
15
00:00:35,102 --> 00:00:36,413
Well, what do you know? What?
16
00:00:36,437 --> 00:00:38,081
Wait a minute. What?
17
00:00:38,105 --> 00:00:40,484
That reflection right there.
18
00:00:40,508 --> 00:00:41,640
Wait a minute.
19
00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:45,655
There it is. Why, there it is.
20
00:00:45,679 --> 00:00:48,591
Ha-ha. How about that, huh?
21
00:00:48,615 --> 00:00:49,726
Ain't that a beauty?
22
00:00:49,750 --> 00:00:51,395
Yeah. That's a
pretty ring, all right.
23
00:00:51,419 --> 00:00:55,482
That is the only square
sapphire east of the Mississippi.
24
00:00:55,506 --> 00:00:57,200
Square sapphire? Mm-hm.
25
00:00:57,224 --> 00:00:58,668
But it don't go
on my finger right.
26
00:00:58,692 --> 00:00:59,903
Oh. See what I mean?
27
00:00:59,927 --> 00:01:01,537
Too bad. I'm glad
you found it anyway.
28
00:01:01,561 --> 00:01:03,807
Well, I-I'll tell you what.
29
00:01:03,831 --> 00:01:06,359
Well, I certainly do declare.
30
00:01:06,383 --> 00:01:08,245
Lovely lifeline.
31
00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:09,546
Let me try something here.
32
00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:10,847
What are you doing?
33
00:01:10,871 --> 00:01:12,715
I'm trying it on your
finger, see if it fits.
34
00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:13,816
Wait a minute.
35
00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:16,219
Now... Now, is that
the way it should look?
36
00:01:16,243 --> 00:01:18,722
Yeah. That... That
does look kind of nice.
37
00:01:18,746 --> 00:01:21,341
Since you're one of
our boys in uniform,
38
00:01:21,365 --> 00:01:24,728
you give me 35 and
we'll call it square.
39
00:01:24,752 --> 00:01:25,846
Thirty-five dollars?
40
00:01:25,870 --> 00:01:28,532
Mm-hm. Thirty-five dollars.
41
00:01:28,556 --> 00:01:31,151
Yeah, $35. Here you are.
42
00:01:31,175 --> 00:01:32,436
I thank you.
43
00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:33,987
Keep up the good
work, lieutenant.
44
00:01:34,011 --> 00:01:34,988
I'll see you soon.
45
00:01:35,012 --> 00:01:37,624
Thirty-five hundred
dollar ring, huh? Oh.
46
00:01:37,648 --> 00:01:39,681
Oh, this time I
did it. Oh-ho-ho.
47
00:01:43,554 --> 00:01:45,865
Ooh-hoo, Major Healey, hello.
48
00:01:45,889 --> 00:01:48,334
Hi, Jeannie. Uh, how do
you like my new ring, huh?
49
00:01:48,358 --> 00:01:52,171
Oh. Well, i-it is
beautiful. Heh.
50
00:01:52,195 --> 00:01:54,140
I, uh, have never
seen one quite like it.
51
00:01:54,164 --> 00:01:55,708
Yeah. Well, it's a
square sapphire.
52
00:01:55,732 --> 00:01:57,510
It's the only one east
of the Mississippi.
53
00:01:57,534 --> 00:01:59,812
W-what?
54
00:01:59,836 --> 00:02:02,081
Uh, w-wear it in good
health. Yeah. Thank you.
55
00:02:02,105 --> 00:02:04,817
Nice talking to you.
Mm-hm. Bye-bye. Heh.
56
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:12,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
57
00:02:16,587 --> 00:02:18,932
Excuse me, sir.
May I assist you?
58
00:02:18,956 --> 00:02:22,902
Well, heh... Well, that's right
neighborly of you, ma'am.
59
00:02:22,926 --> 00:02:26,272
It's just my goll dang
diamond cuff link. Heh.
60
00:02:26,296 --> 00:02:28,575
Ooh, a diamond cuff link.
It must be quite valuable.
61
00:02:28,599 --> 00:02:33,012
Yes. And... Jeannie Nelson?
62
00:02:33,036 --> 00:02:35,465
Excuse me, ma'am,
but are you any relation
63
00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:37,217
to Major Anthony Nelson?
64
00:02:37,241 --> 00:02:40,337
Oh, no. No. He is my husband.
65
00:02:40,361 --> 00:02:43,540
Your husband. Well,
I'll be horsewhipped.
66
00:02:43,564 --> 00:02:46,009
I... I'm Arvel, his cousin.
67
00:03:44,258 --> 00:03:45,668
Square sapphire? Yeah.
68
00:03:45,692 --> 00:03:48,271
But it's the only one east of
the Mississippi. Remember that.
69
00:03:48,295 --> 00:03:49,539
Does it have a magic decoder?
70
00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:52,042
Ah, don't be funny. This
is a very expensive ring.
71
00:03:52,066 --> 00:03:54,544
You know, for secret messages
from Dick Tracy and all that?
72
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,246
You kidding? Know
how much I paid for it?
73
00:03:56,270 --> 00:03:57,713
How much? It's a $3500 ring.
74
00:03:57,737 --> 00:04:00,816
You know how much I paid
for it? I paid $35. That's clever.
75
00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:03,553
You're lucky the guy wasn't
selling the Brooklyn Bridge.
76
00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:06,356
Course my partners,
being shrewd businessmen,
77
00:04:06,380 --> 00:04:07,823
won't let anybody else in.
78
00:04:07,847 --> 00:04:09,526
But I said to them,
I 'told 'em, I said:
79
00:04:09,550 --> 00:04:13,613
"Friends, if a man can't
let his own flesh and blood
80
00:04:13,637 --> 00:04:15,648
"share in his good fortune,
81
00:04:15,672 --> 00:04:19,102
why he just ain't
much of a man."
82
00:04:19,126 --> 00:04:22,138
Well, that is very generous
of you, Cousin Arvel.
83
00:04:22,162 --> 00:04:23,940
Well, I did what I could.
84
00:04:23,964 --> 00:04:25,408
But you know something, Jeannie,
85
00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:29,128
as much as I fought them,
they wouldn't let me take in
86
00:04:29,152 --> 00:04:32,832
more than $1000.
One thousand dollars.
87
00:04:32,856 --> 00:04:36,268
Well, it's not much, heh,
but it's the best I could do.
88
00:04:36,292 --> 00:04:39,872
But, Jeannie, it won't
always be $1000.
89
00:04:39,896 --> 00:04:42,208
No. It'll be a-building
and a-building.
90
00:04:42,232 --> 00:04:46,012
And some day, why
when... When Cousin Tony
91
00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:48,748
won't be as young as he is,
92
00:04:48,772 --> 00:04:51,483
he'll be too old to fly
them moon rockets,
93
00:04:51,507 --> 00:04:53,820
and all he'll have is that
pension to look forward to,
94
00:04:53,844 --> 00:04:58,324
why there it'll be, the
greatest gift of them all.
95
00:04:58,348 --> 00:05:01,194
Gift? W-what kind of gift?
96
00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:03,451
Financial security.
97
00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:06,933
Oh. Financial security?
98
00:05:06,957 --> 00:05:08,267
Mm-hm.
99
00:05:08,291 --> 00:05:11,070
Do you really think
Anthony would like that?
100
00:05:11,094 --> 00:05:14,107
Jeannie, Jeannie. Heh-heh.
101
00:05:14,131 --> 00:05:16,542
Why does a heifer like salt, hm?
102
00:05:16,566 --> 00:05:18,878
Jeannie, when a
man has security,
103
00:05:18,902 --> 00:05:21,380
why he's like a
rattler a-sunnin' hisself
104
00:05:21,404 --> 00:05:25,351
on a flat rock, not
a care in the world.
105
00:05:25,375 --> 00:05:27,519
Then I shall buy it for him.
106
00:05:27,543 --> 00:05:30,957
Hm-hm. Yes. He'd
be like a... Hm?
107
00:05:30,981 --> 00:05:32,391
I will not be but a moment.
108
00:05:32,415 --> 00:05:34,426
Please do not go away. Heh.
109
00:05:39,156 --> 00:05:43,669
Well, Cousin Tony
not only married purty,
110
00:05:43,693 --> 00:05:45,437
he married rich.
111
00:05:45,461 --> 00:05:47,107
Hm-hm.
112
00:06:21,915 --> 00:06:24,727
Now, there's two possibilities:
113
00:06:24,751 --> 00:06:27,363
either she's really loaded
114
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:29,532
or she's plumb loco.
115
00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:31,923
And if she's loco...
116
00:06:33,794 --> 00:06:35,004
Heh.
117
00:06:35,028 --> 00:06:37,907
Here you are, Cousin Arvel.
118
00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:39,709
I hope you do not mind gold.
119
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:42,912
I-if you do, I... I
can get you bills.
120
00:06:42,936 --> 00:06:45,503
Oh, I have some more.
One moment please.
121
00:06:48,442 --> 00:06:52,354
She's rich, and she's loco.
122
00:06:52,378 --> 00:06:54,223
Gentleman, would you
bring those over here
123
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:55,324
so we can compare them.
124
00:06:55,348 --> 00:06:58,193
Here we go. Excuse me.
125
00:06:58,217 --> 00:07:01,815
Oh, major, that's a
very interesting ring.
126
00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:04,184
Thank you, sir. Actually,
that's a genuine...
127
00:07:04,208 --> 00:07:06,319
It is interesting. I
haven't seen one like it
128
00:07:06,343 --> 00:07:08,321
since I used to get
them out of cereal boxes.
129
00:07:10,431 --> 00:07:12,241
Takes you back, doesn't it?
130
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:14,577
Does it have a magic decoder?
131
00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:17,380
Now, wait a minute. This
happens to be a very expensive ring.
132
00:07:17,404 --> 00:07:19,549
I practically
stole this for $35.
133
00:07:19,573 --> 00:07:22,418
Thirty-five dollars?
Y-you paid $35 for that?
134
00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:23,620
Well...
135
00:07:23,644 --> 00:07:25,288
I'm afraid you've
been taken, major.
136
00:07:25,312 --> 00:07:27,824
I couldn't have, sir. I met
this guy in the lot by accident.
137
00:07:27,848 --> 00:07:29,125
It was a NASA lot too.
138
00:07:29,149 --> 00:07:30,877
What happened to our security?
139
00:07:30,901 --> 00:07:32,778
Well, uh, sir, I'm sorry
Roger got swindled,
140
00:07:32,802 --> 00:07:34,080
but these things happen.
141
00:07:34,104 --> 00:07:36,249
Yeah. There's a sucker
born every minute.
142
00:07:36,273 --> 00:07:38,518
No, you don't
understand, gentlemen.
143
00:07:38,542 --> 00:07:41,654
Since the space program has
been so much in the public eye,
144
00:07:41,678 --> 00:07:45,124
it was only a question of time
before con men, swindlers and...
145
00:07:45,148 --> 00:07:48,228
And phony speculators
descended on us.
146
00:07:48,252 --> 00:07:50,897
Oh, general, it's
only a worthless ring.
147
00:07:50,921 --> 00:07:52,498
Yeah. A piece of junk.
148
00:07:52,522 --> 00:07:56,535
Of course, and next comes
the phony stock investments,
149
00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:58,337
and the influence peddlers,
150
00:07:58,361 --> 00:08:01,473
and the promoters trying
to get our astronauts
151
00:08:01,497 --> 00:08:03,793
to endorse their products.
152
00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:04,794
Right.
153
00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:06,246
We're not allowed
to do that, sir.
154
00:08:06,270 --> 00:08:08,948
Exactly, major. And I don't want
to give that a chance to happen.
155
00:08:08,972 --> 00:08:11,417
I want that man caught so
that the rest of them will know
156
00:08:11,441 --> 00:08:13,286
we're not an easy mark. Mmm.
157
00:08:13,310 --> 00:08:16,372
Major Healey, we owe
you a debt of gratitude
158
00:08:16,396 --> 00:08:18,391
for bringing this
to our attention.
159
00:08:18,415 --> 00:08:21,816
Well, just doing my job, sir.
160
00:08:24,288 --> 00:08:26,899
Sounds like a snake-oil
salesman to me.
161
00:08:26,923 --> 00:08:28,401
I wish he had sold
me some snake oil,
162
00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:29,902
I could get this
ring off my finger.
163
00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:31,604
W-wait a minute. I
think that's his car.
164
00:08:31,628 --> 00:08:33,506
He must be here.
There's somebody in there.
165
00:08:33,530 --> 00:08:34,941
Let's go. Yeah.
166
00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:41,986
Gotcha!
167
00:08:45,943 --> 00:08:47,787
Now that you've got me,
168
00:08:47,811 --> 00:08:50,511
what do you plan to do with me?
169
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:56,078
Beans. Beans, Cousin Jeannie.
170
00:08:56,102 --> 00:08:57,981
Beans. Hm-hm!
171
00:08:58,005 --> 00:09:00,917
Well, they... They... They smell
very good, Cousin Arvel, but...
172
00:09:00,941 --> 00:09:03,152
B-but you did not
have to cook dinner.
173
00:09:03,176 --> 00:09:06,556
Oh, well, I'm not cooking to
show off my culinary genius.
174
00:09:06,580 --> 00:09:08,691
I am cooking these
beans to show you
175
00:09:08,715 --> 00:09:12,862
where your financial
security is. Oh.
176
00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:15,498
Well, I-I... I do
not understand.
177
00:09:15,522 --> 00:09:19,736
Fried chicken, barbecued
spare ribs, fish and chips.
178
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:22,872
Why, folks have made
a fortune out of that stuff.
179
00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:26,042
Well, I got here one of
the gone dangest recipes
180
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:29,512
for Texas chili beans that you
ever smacked your lips over.
181
00:09:29,536 --> 00:09:31,414
And with your
money and my recipe,
182
00:09:31,438 --> 00:09:34,017
why, we could make it famous.
183
00:09:34,041 --> 00:09:36,886
Uh, ooh, that is... That is
what you wanted the money for?
184
00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:38,888
For, uh, beans?
185
00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:40,590
Come now, little
lady, don't you worry
186
00:09:40,614 --> 00:09:42,559
your pretty head over
that. Now you just leave
187
00:09:42,583 --> 00:09:45,895
the cooking and the
business to little ol' Arvel here.
188
00:09:47,888 --> 00:09:49,365
Cousin Jeannie...
Cousin Arvel...
189
00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:51,233
Oh, excuse me. Heh.
190
00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:53,102
Ladies first.
191
00:09:53,126 --> 00:09:56,372
Well, uh, p-perhaps it
would be a good idea
192
00:09:56,396 --> 00:09:58,975
if we did not tell Anthony
about this just yet.
193
00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:02,712
I, uh... I-I would like to
have his financial security be
194
00:10:02,736 --> 00:10:05,048
a complete surprise.
195
00:10:05,072 --> 00:10:07,650
You just took the words
right out of my mouth.
196
00:10:07,674 --> 00:10:10,453
Oh, good. Good. Good.
197
00:10:10,477 --> 00:10:13,957
Ooh, hello, darling. Hi.
198
00:10:13,981 --> 00:10:16,692
Uh, well, I lit the fire, I
got a nice bottle of wine,
199
00:10:16,716 --> 00:10:19,462
and if you turn on the music...
Oh, well, darling, uh, no.
200
00:10:19,486 --> 00:10:21,597
I... I'm afraid not.
We... We have a guest.
201
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,099
A guest? Who?
202
00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:25,401
Cousin Tony. Lock up the silver.
203
00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:26,836
What? Nothing. Nothing.
204
00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:28,604
Oh, is this not a
pleasant surprise?
205
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:31,607
Cousin Arvel came all the
way from Texas just to visit us.
206
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:34,477
Terrific. I told you
he'd be tickled.
207
00:10:34,501 --> 00:10:37,530
Ha-ha. And I will show
you what a pleasant guest
208
00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:39,165
I can be around the house.
209
00:10:39,189 --> 00:10:42,201
I want you to wrap your
lips around some of the best
210
00:10:42,225 --> 00:10:44,787
Texas chili north
of the Pecos. Ho-ho.
211
00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:46,656
Uh, Arvel, how long
are you gonna be here?
212
00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:50,410
Try this. Oh... How's that, son?
213
00:10:50,434 --> 00:10:51,661
Is it not delicious?
214
00:10:51,685 --> 00:10:53,963
Delicious.
215
00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:55,264
What do you think of it?
216
00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:58,134
"Cousin Tony's Texas Chili."
217
00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:02,071
Oh. Oh, Cousin Arvel.
218
00:11:02,095 --> 00:11:04,473
Why, that... That is
most generous of you.
219
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:08,244
Most generous, but...
But... But it is your recipe.
220
00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:10,847
Jeannie, I just want
to show my gratitude.
221
00:11:10,871 --> 00:11:12,949
Come here. I wanna
t-tell you something.
222
00:11:12,973 --> 00:11:14,483
Sit here. Sit down here.
223
00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:17,720
Now, I have decided
that we're not only
224
00:11:17,744 --> 00:11:20,990
gonna sell our
chili from stands,
225
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:23,026
we're gonna can it.
226
00:11:23,050 --> 00:11:25,894
Ha-ho! Before I'm through,
Cousin Tony's face will be
227
00:11:25,918 --> 00:11:28,665
in every supermarket
in the country. Huh?
228
00:11:28,689 --> 00:11:31,034
Oh! Oh, how exciting.
229
00:11:31,058 --> 00:11:32,335
How long will it take?
230
00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:34,203
Well, with Tony's endorsement,
231
00:11:34,227 --> 00:11:37,757
I reckon I could sign up a
canner in about half a minute.
232
00:11:37,781 --> 00:11:40,043
His endorsement? Did
you talk to him and ask him?
233
00:11:40,067 --> 00:11:41,777
Why, Jeannie,
don't you remember?
234
00:11:41,801 --> 00:11:44,080
Don't you remember he
said it was delicious? Huh?
235
00:11:44,104 --> 00:11:45,981
Oh, yes. If that ain't
an endorsement,
236
00:11:46,005 --> 00:11:47,383
I don't know what is.
237
00:11:47,407 --> 00:11:48,484
Right? Yes.
238
00:11:48,508 --> 00:11:49,718
Oh, by... Before I forget.
239
00:11:49,742 --> 00:11:52,821
Now, not a word of this
until we can show him
240
00:11:52,845 --> 00:11:54,190
a can with his face on it.
241
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:55,958
Okay?
242
00:11:58,452 --> 00:12:00,163
Oh.
243
00:12:00,187 --> 00:12:04,400
It just goes to show you how
wrong you can be about people.
244
00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:08,704
My master's face in
every supermarket.
245
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,495
I can hardly wait.
246
00:12:12,315 --> 00:12:14,877
Oh!
247
00:12:17,336 --> 00:12:19,882
Why should I wait?
248
00:12:19,906 --> 00:12:21,572
Whee!
249
00:12:31,017 --> 00:12:34,463
Cocoa Beach Supermarket,
NASA cafeteria, Food City.
250
00:12:34,487 --> 00:12:36,465
Aha.
251
00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:38,935
This is the last one.
252
00:12:38,959 --> 00:12:40,558
Let's see.
253
00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:45,158
May I help you find
something, ma'am?
254
00:12:45,182 --> 00:12:48,727
Oh! Oh. Heh. Well, yes,
as a matter of fact, you can.
255
00:12:48,751 --> 00:12:51,096
Cousin Tony's Texas Chili.
256
00:12:51,120 --> 00:12:53,583
It is delicious.
257
00:12:53,607 --> 00:12:55,785
Cousin Tony's?
258
00:12:55,809 --> 00:12:58,754
I don't think we
carry that brand.
259
00:12:58,778 --> 00:12:59,922
Just a moment please.
260
00:13:04,234 --> 00:13:07,847
Oh, well, never
mind. I found it.
261
00:13:07,871 --> 00:13:10,249
Oh, yes, good. Good.
262
00:13:14,710 --> 00:13:16,588
Peculiar. It isn't here on...
263
00:13:16,612 --> 00:13:18,790
Pickles and ketchup.
264
00:13:18,814 --> 00:13:20,792
Uh, and, oh, yes,
Alfred loves chili.
265
00:13:20,816 --> 00:13:23,479
Cousin Tony's Texas Chili.
266
00:13:23,503 --> 00:13:26,064
Oh, uh, may I see that
for a moment, please?
267
00:13:26,088 --> 00:13:29,035
Oh, oh, yes, yes.
It's a new item.
268
00:13:29,059 --> 00:13:30,425
It's quite delicious.
269
00:13:33,096 --> 00:13:35,074
Cousin Tony.
270
00:13:35,098 --> 00:13:37,176
Oh... Oh.
271
00:13:38,734 --> 00:13:41,130
Thank you very much.
272
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:43,799
Oh, this is wonderful.
This is wonderful.
273
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:46,435
I put my master's face
in all the supermarkets
274
00:13:46,459 --> 00:13:48,571
and the NASA cafeteria.
275
00:13:48,595 --> 00:13:51,707
Why, I still have a
whole case left over.
276
00:13:51,731 --> 00:13:54,109
Cousin Jeannie. Cousin Jeannie!
277
00:13:54,133 --> 00:13:56,100
In here, Cousin Arvel!
278
00:13:58,104 --> 00:14:00,449
Yee-hoo! Ah, we done it.
279
00:14:00,473 --> 00:14:02,518
We done it!
280
00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:04,587
I just left the distributor,
and he told me
281
00:14:04,611 --> 00:14:07,055
that he would take all the
Cousin Tony Texas Chili
282
00:14:07,079 --> 00:14:08,891
that we could deliver. Oh!
283
00:14:08,915 --> 00:14:10,960
Now... Now all we gotta do
284
00:14:10,984 --> 00:14:15,030
is put that stuff in... cans.
285
00:14:15,054 --> 00:14:17,533
Oh. Oh, well, I-I have
already done that.
286
00:14:17,557 --> 00:14:20,369
And... And I have even put
it in the supermarkets too.
287
00:14:20,393 --> 00:14:22,571
And I thought I was fast.
288
00:14:22,595 --> 00:14:25,608
Cousin Jeannie,
you... You are a genius.
289
00:14:25,632 --> 00:14:29,578
Oh. W-what did you charge 'em?
290
00:14:29,602 --> 00:14:31,814
Charge 'em? Mm-hm.
291
00:14:31,838 --> 00:14:34,282
Do you mean money?
Well, I don't mean rutabagas.
292
00:14:34,306 --> 00:14:39,410
Sure, money. You...
You did charge?
293
00:14:40,479 --> 00:14:43,392
Oh. Heh-heh.
294
00:14:43,416 --> 00:14:46,562
Cousin Jeannie, I... I-I
wanna tell you something.
295
00:14:46,586 --> 00:14:47,997
You see... You see,
296
00:14:48,021 --> 00:14:51,266
the only way that we're gonna
get financial security for Tony
297
00:14:51,290 --> 00:14:54,369
is by selling the chili
to the markets, see?
298
00:14:54,393 --> 00:14:57,205
You see, and if we don't
get money for the chili, heh,
299
00:14:57,229 --> 00:14:58,807
I mean, that ain't
selling, you know.
300
00:14:58,831 --> 00:15:02,011
That's, uh... Well,
that's criminal.
301
00:15:02,035 --> 00:15:04,079
I-I'm terribly sorry,
Cousin Arvel,
302
00:15:04,103 --> 00:15:05,948
but I did not understand
about that part.
303
00:15:05,972 --> 00:15:08,250
All right, now you... Now
you take me to all those places
304
00:15:08,274 --> 00:15:10,252
where you put 'em, and
I'll make the deals, huh?
305
00:15:10,276 --> 00:15:12,154
Very well. Okay.
306
00:15:12,178 --> 00:15:13,890
Cans.
307
00:15:13,914 --> 00:15:16,259
Alfred, is it or isn't it?
308
00:15:16,283 --> 00:15:17,760
It couldn't be.
309
00:15:17,784 --> 00:15:20,930
Oh, Alfred, you just
amaze me. You really do.
310
00:15:20,954 --> 00:15:23,165
I mean, now here
is a can that says,
311
00:15:23,189 --> 00:15:25,334
"Cousin Tony's
Texas Chili" on it.
312
00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:28,404
We have Major Nelson in
his cute little astronaut suit
313
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:31,673
smiling at us, and
you still say it isn't him?
314
00:15:31,697 --> 00:15:33,009
But Major Nelson knows
315
00:15:33,033 --> 00:15:35,111
that astronauts can't
endorse products.
316
00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:37,413
He mentioned it himself. Oh.
317
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:40,416
Well, that's nice. Well, I
want to mention one thing too.
318
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:44,586
If he can endorse chili, you
can endorse headache pills.
319
00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:47,339
He's given you enough of them.
320
00:15:47,363 --> 00:15:49,642
It's a joke. It must be
somebody's idea of a joke,
321
00:15:49,666 --> 00:15:51,343
that's all. Well,
if it is, major,
322
00:15:51,367 --> 00:15:53,312
it's in very poor taste. Mm.
323
00:15:53,336 --> 00:15:56,148
Do you realize what would happen
if Schaeffer got a look at this?
324
00:15:56,172 --> 00:15:58,217
Yeah. We can't have
the general looking at that.
325
00:15:58,241 --> 00:16:00,019
No, you don't, major.
This is evidence.
326
00:16:00,043 --> 00:16:02,388
You're not gonna show
that to him without giving me
327
00:16:02,412 --> 00:16:04,807
a chance to track down who's
responsible for it, are you?
328
00:16:04,831 --> 00:16:06,776
Of course not, major.
329
00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:09,061
But I'm going to keep
it until you do. Huh?
330
00:16:09,085 --> 00:16:11,063
I'm just going to lunch.
Anyone care to join me?
331
00:16:11,087 --> 00:16:13,399
I'd love to, sir, but I'm...
I'm very busy right now.
332
00:16:13,423 --> 00:16:15,234
Uh, yes. He's very busy.
333
00:16:15,258 --> 00:16:16,952
We'd be delighted
to join you for lunch.
334
00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:17,987
In your purse.
335
00:16:18,011 --> 00:16:20,406
My purse? In my purse?
336
00:16:20,430 --> 00:16:22,507
Oh, well, he's speaking to me.
337
00:16:22,531 --> 00:16:23,709
I think it's a good idea.
338
00:16:23,733 --> 00:16:25,527
Why don't we go to
the cafeteria right now.
339
00:16:25,551 --> 00:16:26,895
It gets so busy
this time of day.
340
00:16:26,919 --> 00:16:28,597
Why don't you try
the chili. It's great.
341
00:16:28,621 --> 00:16:29,698
Chili? Yes, it's called
342
00:16:29,722 --> 00:16:31,455
Cousin Tony's Texas Chi...
343
00:16:33,810 --> 00:16:35,338
Oh, Alfred, this is ridiculous.
344
00:16:35,362 --> 00:16:36,439
I have to tell him.
345
00:16:36,463 --> 00:16:38,040
I was shopping in
the food mart today,
346
00:16:38,064 --> 00:16:41,560
and I found this can with
Major Nelson's picture...
347
00:16:41,584 --> 00:16:44,814
Are you people going
to lunch with me or not?
348
00:16:44,838 --> 00:16:47,416
Yes, I'm going to lunch
wi... Y-yes. I'm going to lunch.
349
00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:49,985
I'm suddenly very
hungry for chili.
350
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:52,621
Well, I... I think I'll
have seconds, gang.
351
00:16:52,645 --> 00:16:54,290
What's the matter?
What's the matter?
352
00:16:54,314 --> 00:16:56,125
Shh! I know a
shortcut to the cafeteria.
353
00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:58,694
Wait a minute! Wait a
minute. I'm not that hungry.
354
00:17:01,754 --> 00:17:04,299
Are you all right?
No, I'm not all right.
355
00:17:04,323 --> 00:17:06,735
Wait a minute. What do you
wanna do? I don't want seconds.
356
00:17:06,759 --> 00:17:08,137
Wait. We're on the second floor.
357
00:17:08,161 --> 00:17:09,161
Oh!
358
00:17:14,733 --> 00:17:17,179
You're an astronaut.
359
00:17:18,805 --> 00:17:19,815
Did you get all of 'em?
360
00:17:19,839 --> 00:17:20,916
Yeah, I got all of 'em.
361
00:17:20,940 --> 00:17:22,517
Why couldn't we
eat in the cafeteria?
362
00:17:22,541 --> 00:17:24,319
It's only 30 cents a
bowl and a big bowl.
363
00:17:24,343 --> 00:17:26,755
Because my picture is
on the front of it, that's why.
364
00:17:26,779 --> 00:17:28,423
Hey, that does look like you.
365
00:17:28,447 --> 00:17:31,193
Yeah. Jeannie,
Jeannie, I'm home.
366
00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:34,629
Oh, and forget about
lunch. We brought it. Huh?
367
00:17:34,653 --> 00:17:37,116
Jeannie!
368
00:17:38,207 --> 00:17:39,440
Jeannie.
369
00:17:43,912 --> 00:17:45,857
Wait a minute.
What's this? Tony.
370
00:17:45,881 --> 00:17:47,025
Huh? Wait a minute.
371
00:17:47,049 --> 00:17:48,693
I brought two boxes,
you brought a box.
372
00:17:48,717 --> 00:17:50,162
Where'd this come from? What?
373
00:17:50,186 --> 00:17:53,332
Oh, that does look like you.
374
00:17:53,356 --> 00:17:55,066
Let me see. What's the matter?
375
00:17:55,090 --> 00:17:56,768
Jeannie. Jeannie. What?
376
00:17:56,792 --> 00:17:58,803
I-I knew she had
something to do with this.
377
00:17:58,827 --> 00:18:01,440
And I bet you Cousin Arvel
had something to do with it too.
378
00:18:01,464 --> 00:18:03,242
Yeah. Who's Cousin
Arvel? Cousin Arvel?
379
00:18:03,266 --> 00:18:05,577
Oh, he's the guy that sold
you this square sapphire.
380
00:18:05,601 --> 00:18:07,912
The guy that sold me this?
Your cousin sold me the ring?
381
00:18:07,936 --> 00:18:10,048
Yes. Uh, t-twice
removed. Twice removed?
382
00:18:10,072 --> 00:18:12,551
H-here's the list of the...
Where they sold the chili.
383
00:18:12,575 --> 00:18:14,919
NASA cafeteria, Food City.
384
00:18:14,943 --> 00:18:17,022
We gotta get that
stuff off the shelf, man.
385
00:18:17,046 --> 00:18:19,658
If that's your cousin,
I want my $35 back.
386
00:18:21,750 --> 00:18:23,529
Yes, I have some
right over here.
387
00:18:23,553 --> 00:18:25,531
I put it right
down... Oh. Ha-ha.
388
00:18:25,555 --> 00:18:27,499
This young lady is
purchasing some right now.
389
00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:31,069
Miss! Don't buy that.
390
00:18:31,093 --> 00:18:33,572
You won't like it. It's
poison. This stuff is just awful.
391
00:18:33,596 --> 00:18:35,774
Really? Removing
it from the market.
392
00:18:35,798 --> 00:18:38,143
Here, have some of
that. It's really a lot better.
393
00:18:38,167 --> 00:18:41,268
Thank you for the
tip. This stuff is bleh!
394
00:18:43,005 --> 00:18:45,717
How dare you badmouth our food?
395
00:18:45,741 --> 00:18:47,752
That happens to be
one of our newest items,
396
00:18:47,776 --> 00:18:49,688
and I just made a deal
with a manufacturer
397
00:18:49,712 --> 00:18:52,357
who assures me that it's
the finest chili on the market.
398
00:18:52,381 --> 00:18:54,759
Great. I'll take it. I'll
take it all. Here. Hold that.
399
00:18:54,783 --> 00:18:58,163
I'll take all you got, huh?
400
00:18:58,187 --> 00:18:59,964
You'll love it. You'll
come back for more.
401
00:18:59,988 --> 00:19:01,833
All right. Uh, just
check me out.
402
00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:06,255
Miss.
403
00:19:06,279 --> 00:19:07,590
Hi, miss. Uh...
404
00:19:07,614 --> 00:19:09,258
I happen to be the
representative, uh,
405
00:19:09,282 --> 00:19:11,093
for Cousin Tony's Texas Chili.
406
00:19:11,117 --> 00:19:14,062
And, uh, these, uh, labels
happen to be very defective.
407
00:19:14,086 --> 00:19:17,266
So we have to get these labels.
They go back to the company.
408
00:19:17,290 --> 00:19:18,934
Now, this one
here... I noticed...
409
00:19:18,958 --> 00:19:21,770
Do you shop here very
often? You're a very nice lady.
410
00:19:21,794 --> 00:19:23,506
And you have very,
very lovely hair.
411
00:19:23,530 --> 00:19:25,674
Now, isn't that prettier?
That's very, very nice.
412
00:19:25,698 --> 00:19:26,942
Very good chili.
413
00:19:26,966 --> 00:19:29,011
Well, it certainly has
been nice talking to you.
414
00:19:29,035 --> 00:19:30,679
Have a nice shopping day. Bye.
415
00:19:30,703 --> 00:19:32,381
Ahem. Good chili. Very good.
416
00:19:33,540 --> 00:19:34,550
Got everything?
417
00:19:40,613 --> 00:19:44,092
Oh, Major Nelson, I...
Amanda, what on earth?
418
00:19:44,116 --> 00:19:45,927
You can't go through
Major Nelson's desk!
419
00:19:45,951 --> 00:19:48,063
Alfred, I am tired of
being made a fool of.
420
00:19:48,087 --> 00:19:49,865
Now, I know he switched
those cans on me.
421
00:19:49,889 --> 00:19:51,400
I know it. I'm going
to find the can,
422
00:19:51,424 --> 00:19:53,569
show it to the general to
prove to him I'm not crazy.
423
00:19:53,593 --> 00:19:55,171
But, Amanda, you
promised the major.
424
00:19:55,195 --> 00:19:57,640
Besides, they said they
didn't have any in the cafeteria.
425
00:19:57,664 --> 00:19:59,241
They didn't say
they didn't have any.
426
00:19:59,265 --> 00:20:00,543
They said they were out of it.
427
00:20:00,567 --> 00:20:03,379
And there's a big
difference. Aha. I told you.
428
00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:05,281
There it is, right here. Amanda,
429
00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:06,415
you're making a mistake.
430
00:20:06,439 --> 00:20:08,383
Now, let me tell you...
431
00:20:08,407 --> 00:20:11,253
Sergeant, you
owe us for one case
432
00:20:11,277 --> 00:20:13,322
of Cousin Tony's Texas Chili.
433
00:20:13,346 --> 00:20:15,624
Here you are. I'll say it again.
434
00:20:15,648 --> 00:20:17,726
I don't know where it
came from in the first place,
435
00:20:17,750 --> 00:20:20,128
and I don't know where it
went, but I ain't about to pay you
436
00:20:20,152 --> 00:20:22,064
for any chili that
don't exist. Oh.
437
00:20:22,088 --> 00:20:23,799
It is a mystery,
438
00:20:23,823 --> 00:20:26,101
but luckily there
is one case left.
439
00:20:30,546 --> 00:20:33,881
Oh, look, sergeant,
you must've missed it.
440
00:20:44,293 --> 00:20:47,038
That's the craziest
thing I've ever seen.
441
00:20:52,252 --> 00:20:54,697
Sergeant, this is
General Schaeffer.
442
00:20:54,721 --> 00:20:56,932
Sergeant, this may
sound like an odd question,
443
00:20:56,956 --> 00:21:00,603
but do you have any
Cousin Tony's Texas Chili
444
00:21:00,627 --> 00:21:02,192
in the cafeteria?
445
00:21:03,463 --> 00:21:05,107
What?
446
00:21:05,131 --> 00:21:06,530
You do?
447
00:21:08,401 --> 00:21:10,446
Sergeant, bring the
case to my office.
448
00:21:10,470 --> 00:21:12,570
And the man and woman too.
449
00:21:14,874 --> 00:21:17,419
Well, if this is true,
450
00:21:17,443 --> 00:21:19,888
Major Nelson is finished.
451
00:21:22,064 --> 00:21:24,009
Yeah, well, at least
we got 'em off the shelf.
452
00:21:24,033 --> 00:21:26,211
When I find Jeannie, I'll
get her to blink the labels
453
00:21:26,235 --> 00:21:28,413
off the cans that
people already bought.
454
00:21:28,437 --> 00:21:31,149
Oh, Major Nelson.
455
00:21:31,173 --> 00:21:33,718
Inside, please. You have
some explaining to do.
456
00:21:33,742 --> 00:21:36,288
I was just... Inside, major!
457
00:21:36,312 --> 00:21:38,846
You too, Major Healey.
458
00:21:41,884 --> 00:21:43,829
Hi, darling. How are you? Ooh.
459
00:21:43,853 --> 00:21:45,063
Sorry, sir. Sorry.
460
00:21:45,087 --> 00:21:46,498
I am astounded, major,
461
00:21:46,522 --> 00:21:48,984
particularly after
yesterday's conversation.
462
00:21:49,008 --> 00:21:50,853
Sir, if you just give
me a chance to explain,
463
00:21:50,877 --> 00:21:52,454
I'm sure I can
clear this all up.
464
00:21:52,478 --> 00:21:55,658
Well, general, the major did
say it was some sort of a joke.
465
00:21:55,682 --> 00:21:58,861
A can of chili
is a joke, doctor.
466
00:21:58,885 --> 00:22:01,246
A case is a court-martial.
467
00:22:01,270 --> 00:22:02,347
Bring it here, sergeant.
468
00:22:02,371 --> 00:22:04,583
A court-martial. I
do not understand.
469
00:22:04,607 --> 00:22:06,651
What about this
ring, Arvel? Shh.
470
00:22:06,675 --> 00:22:09,421
How about the Hong
Kong flu? Hm? Hm?
471
00:22:09,445 --> 00:22:11,590
Open it up.
472
00:22:11,614 --> 00:22:13,959
They'll be able to see one
if you don't blink the can out.
473
00:22:13,983 --> 00:22:15,860
Oh, but, master, they
have your picture on...
474
00:22:15,884 --> 00:22:17,196
Now.
475
00:22:17,220 --> 00:22:19,264
Yes, master.
476
00:22:26,629 --> 00:22:28,824
What is that?!
477
00:22:28,848 --> 00:22:32,093
That is the best Texas
chili north of the Pecos.
478
00:22:39,425 --> 00:22:40,835
Here you are, darling.
479
00:22:40,859 --> 00:22:43,305
Oh, thanks, sweetheart.
480
00:22:43,329 --> 00:22:45,273
Hey, this is not that,
uh... That stuff Arvel...
481
00:22:45,297 --> 00:22:46,708
It is. Yes, it is. It is chili.
482
00:22:46,732 --> 00:22:48,210
But after all, we
have so much of it,
483
00:22:48,234 --> 00:22:49,411
it is a shame to waste it.
484
00:22:49,435 --> 00:22:51,913
It is perfectly good
vitamins. Shame to waste it.
485
00:22:51,937 --> 00:22:53,581
Hi, everybody.
Hello, Major Healey.
486
00:22:53,605 --> 00:22:55,050
Sorry. Didn't
know it was dinner.
487
00:22:55,074 --> 00:22:56,551
Have a little
chili. Oh, sit down.
488
00:22:56,575 --> 00:22:59,587
No, I'm up to here in chili. I'll
have some crackers though.
489
00:22:59,611 --> 00:23:02,024
Oh, you ever get that 35
bucks back from Arvel?
490
00:23:02,048 --> 00:23:04,426
Oh, better than that, he,
uh, let me keep the ring,
491
00:23:04,450 --> 00:23:08,230
and for $35 more, he
gave me this water opal
492
00:23:08,254 --> 00:23:10,232
and threw in the
rhinestone cuff links.
493
00:23:10,256 --> 00:23:11,933
Ooh, very nice.
494
00:23:11,957 --> 00:23:13,568
Let me see that
ring again. Yeah.
495
00:23:13,592 --> 00:23:15,937
Calling all cars,
calling all cars.
496
00:23:15,961 --> 00:23:17,906
Be on the lookout for a
green and white sedan
497
00:23:17,930 --> 00:23:20,342
heading south on Boulevard
A. That's for me. I gotta go.
498
00:23:20,366 --> 00:23:21,709
Wait. Let me see this.
499
00:23:21,733 --> 00:23:23,813
I haven't seen one
of these in 30 years.
500
00:23:24,305 --> 00:24:24,925
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.
501
00:24:24,975 --> 00:24:29,525
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