All language subtitles for I Dream of Jeannie s05e14 Never Put a Genie on a Budget.eng

I've just gotten word
that Major Gregorian,

the Russian cosmonaut,
has been invited to visit NASA.

Naturally, we're
going to extend him

the courtesy of the base.

It'll be interesting to
exchange views with him,

don't you think?

Yeah, I'd like to ask him

about that, uh,
female cosmonaut.

There you are.

Thank you.

Nelson's corridor.

I... I... Listen, I told you
never to call me here.

Oh, I am sorry, master.

I thought it was important,
or I would not have...

Well, I'm sure it's important,

but couldn't it wait?

Well, i-if that is what
you wish, master.

Yes, that is what I wish.

Uh, perhaps you could stop by

and pick me up on your way home?

Okay, where are you?

In the Cocoa Beach jail.

Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.

Roger, give me
the car to your keys.

The car to my keys?
The keys to your car.

You know what I mean.
Where are you going?

We have an important
matter to discuss.

Uh, sir, there's a little
emergency's come up.

Oh, did something
happen to Jeannie?

Uh, no, no, she's in
a... In what, major?

Uh, kind of a panic. The,
uh... The plumbing broke.

There's water
all over the place.

You call the plumber? Mmm, mmm.

Well, of course she
should call the plumber.

Doesn't she know that wives
don't bother their husbands

with trivial matters,
particularly when we're

in the middle of an
important conference?

Sir, it'll take me a
minute to bail her out...

Bail the water out.
Oh, nonsense, major.

Now, she's got to begin

to learn to cope
with these things.

Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
Come on, will ya?

For heaven's sakes,
will you kindly sit down?

You're making me
nervous. Me too.

All this over a
little plumbing job?

Oh, all right. Exactly. Exactly.

Now, as l was
saying, before you, uh,

disappeared... Sorry.

Major Gregorian will be
given the courtesy of the base.

Oh, Major Healey,
since you're a bachelor,

you've been selected
to show Major Gregorian

around Cocoa Beach.

Well, I hope he has
a strong constitution.

You will conduct him on a tour

of the, uh, museum, the library,

and the public school system.

I hope I have a
strong constitution.

Uh, uh, sir, I really have to...

Uh, sit down, major. Oh.

Since you're a married man,

you've been
selected to entertain

Major Gregorian
in your home. Me?

We're going to give
an elaborate party

for Major Gregorian
on Saturday night,

but first I thought, well, um...

I'd like him to see how the, uh,

typical American couple lives.

Well, you certainly
picked the right couple.

- Fine.

When did you say
he's arriving, sir?

Tomorrow morning.

I thought perhaps that,
uh, he could have dinner

with you tomorrow night.

Uh, that is if, uh, Jeannie
will have sufficient time.

She might be kinda tied up.

She, uh... She took this, huh?

That's right, major.

She went around to every
store in Cocoa Beach,

saw what she wanted
and walked away with it.

That is not true. I charged it.

Hm. Sure she charged it.

Only she doesn't have
any charge accounts.

Hm. Did I do something wrong?

Uh, yes, I'm afraid so, Jeannie.

Um, she doesn't really
understand very much

about charge accounts, you see.

Where is she from, the moon?

Oh, no, I'm from Babylon.

Uh, there's been a big
misunderstanding here.

Well, that's what I
told the store owners.

Uh, they're willing
to drop charges.

Oh, well, that's
great. Wonderful.

The only thing, major,

they won't take the
merchandise back.

You'll have to buy it.

Well, that's
perfectly all right.

How much do I owe?

Two thousand dollars.

Two thousand dollars.

Look at... For all this junk.

Uh... Six suits, $900.

Twenty sweaters, $400.

Ten pair of shoes, $450.

Well, I bought all
these things for you.

Mrs. Bellows was going
shopping for her husband,

and so I wanted to
get some things for you.

I... I simply cannot
afford all this.

Oh, but that is the
lovely part about it.

You do not have to pay for it.

It is charged.

I think I better explain to
you about a charge account.

You see, when you
charge something,

you don't have
to pay for it today.

Well, that is what I said.

You have to pay for it tomorrow.

Oh.

Yeah, it's gonna take me

a year to pay for all this junk.

Well, I-I just wanted you
to have some nice things.

Oh, I appreciate that.

I like nice things too, darling.

I-I'd like a Rolls-Royce,
but I simply cannot afford it.

We're gonna have
to live on what I make.

Hey, would you mind
pulling over to the side?

I'm trying to get through.

Wow. Look at
this. A Rolls-Royce!

What a clever idea.

It clashes with the
couch, but I like it.

Jeannie, would you
get rid of this, please?

Don't... Don't... Don't.

Oh!

Oh, master!

You okay?

Are you all right?
Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine.

Oh, I'm so sorry, my darling.

I'm glad you're all right.

Hey, would you like
to see a movie tonight?

My girl and I are gonna
see a horror movie.

The Monster That
Stepped on Cincinnati.

Yes! I will go get my
coat... We can't afford it.

Can't afford it? You
kidding? You can't afford...?

Look at this, tennis rackets.

It looks like you just
bought out the stores.

What do you mean,
you can't afford it?

Good night, Roge. Good night?

Well, I don't suppose you'll
let me take the Rolls-Royce?

Can I drive it into the
kitchen? The bathroom? Just...

Yeah, well, uh,
nice talking to you.

See you later. Yeah, later.

Would, uh, you
like to play chess

o-or w-watch television, or...?

No. We're gonna
make out a budget.

A budget?

Yes, a budget.

We're gonna figure out
how much clothes cost,

how much, uh,
food, uh, electricity,

house payments,
medical insurance,

and you're gonna
stick to that budget.

Oh, but, master, I could
blink all those things...

No, I don't want you to
blink anything ever again.

I want you to sit
right down here.

You are my wife,
and you're gonna have

to learn to live on my salary,

starting right now,
you understand?

Yes, master. Okay.

Now, ahem, I'd like a pen
and some paper, please.

Oh, I did it again, didn't I?

All right. Ahem. Food.

Oh, uh, excuse us, gentlemen.

This is Major
Gregorian. Major Healey.

How are you, sir?

Major Nelson.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

This for me is great honor.

Uh, Major Healey is
gonna show you around

some of the cultural
exhibits in Cocoa Beach.

Uh, look, if we, uh,
get through early,

there's a couple of
friends I'd like you to meet.

I look forward.

Uh, and you're dining
with, uh, Major Nelson

and his charming
wife this evening.

It's a pleasure.

That is most kind.

Well, they're waiting to
show us around the base.

Gentlemen. Uh, shall we go?

I am ready. Oh, sir,
while you're here,

what would you rather
see, blonds or brunettes?

Uh, Major Healey.
Uh, this way, major.

How about a short, bald girl?

Roger.

Jeannie, we're
home. Go on in, major.

You...? You live here a-alone?

Well, not exactly.
Jeannie and I live here.

One family in...
In so big a house!

Yeah, that's right.

They will never believe me.

Good evening, Anthony.

Hello, darling. Uh,
this is Major Gregorian.

This is my wife, Jeannie.

Oh, I am very
pleased to meet you.

It is my great pleasure.

Your husband has told
me everything about you.

No, not everything. Oh!

Oh, Anthony, you're
going to be so proud of me.

I'm always proud
of you, darling.

Wait till you see my surprise!

Good, good.

Amazing.

I-it has springs.

Yes.

They give you all this?

Oh, no. I buy it.

You must be millionaire.

Oh, no. This is a, um,

average American house, I guess.

Wouldn't you say?

Incredible.

Darling, I don't
want to rush things,

but Dr. Bellows is
gonna come over

and pick up Major
Gregorian around 8:00.

Um, could we have dinner?
Oh, i-it is ready, Anthony.

Oh, good. This way, please.

Uh, Jeannie's really
an awfully good cook.

Please sit down and
I will bring it right in.

You sit there, dear. Thank you.

Could I tell you something in
confidence, Comrade Nelson?

Oh, certainly.

In Russia, we do
not live like this.

I have heard a great deal
about American prosperity,

but I never believed it.

You... You live like czar,

i-if you will excuse
the expression.

Here we are.

There.

Did you make these
hors d'oeuvres yourself?

Oh, those are not
hors d'oeuvres, darling.

That is your dinner.

Uh, we're on a diet around here

to keep the old weight
down, you know.

I see.

Dig in.

Break bread.

Tsk.

You should not bolt
your food like that.

It is not healthy.

Dessert.

And you shall have
the largest piece,

because you are the guest.

Well, certainly aren't gonna put

any weight on tonight, are we?

Jeannie has this
fetish about diets.

Talks about diets
all the time. Ahem.

Do you know how much
this dinner cost? Mmm?

Forty-nine cents. That much.

And that is because the
bread only cost, uh, 5 cents.

It was three days
old. It is stale.

You mean, you eat
like this all the time?

Ah, we shall from now on.

No, we won't.

I can explain. See,
one of the reasons...

Oh, excuse me. I will get it.

Will you? Yes.

Now I see how you can
pay for car and house.

You go without food!

Oh, no, no.

Uh, this is just Jeannie's
idea of a little joke.

We had a steak last night,
uh, that you wouldn't believe.

You are right, I
would not believe it.

Heh-heh-heh. Please.

Hey, wow, man,
really, that's beautiful.

Um, uh, pardon
me, uh, who are you?

Didn't your wife tell you?
We're your new boarders.

I-I'm sorry.

Uh, you... You're
our new boarders?

Now I begin to understand.

Well, I wish you'd explain it
to me because I really don't.

Well, this is the surprise
I was telling you about.

Hey, man, this is a very
together pad you've got here.

We're really gonna groove.

I'm afraid you're gonna have
to groove someplace else, Mr...

Oh, Dick. Dick Leary,
and this is Joan.

Uh, Mr. and Mrs. Leary, there's
been some kind of mistake.

You see, this is a private home.

Don't apologize. That's
just what we want.

A people-to-people
relationship. Dig?

Dig. Dig.

Dig... Uh, Jeannie, how
did you...? How did...?

Well, you see, I
was out shopping

and I ran into them,

and they were looking
for a place to live

and they are going
to pay us $30 a week.

Thirty dollars!

In Russia, we do not do that.

Hey, man, are you a Russian man?

Da. Far out.

Uh, da.

Uh, Jeannie, could I speak
to you for a moment please?

Oh, certainly, Anthony,

uh, as soon as I show Mr. And
Mrs. Leary to their rooms.

This way, please.

Show them to their
room... To their rooms?

Comrade, if you
need any rubles...

No, no, I don't need any rubles.

Then, if you will excuse me,

I will go out and
get some dinner.

Major Gregorian
thinks I'm a pauper.

Oh! Why, that is
terrible, master.

Whatever in the world
gave him that idea?

You know what I will do?

I will blink this whole
house into a palace of...

Darling, I don't want... Shh!

I don't want you to do anything.

Just get rid of those
people, please.

Oh, I cannot do that, master.

They have nowhere else to go.

Besides, do you know how
much $30 a week will buy?

Ten steaks, eight
loaves of bread and...

Darling, please. Oh.

I love it when you
call me "darling."

I just melt.

What was it you
wanted to tell me?

Get those people out by Friday.

Yes, darling.

I will go... fix
your... breakfast.

Uh, could I...? Do I
have a clean shirt?

Oh, yes. Yes, dear.
In the bottom drawer.

Oh, thanks.

I washed them myself.

Mm-hm. Heh-heh.

By the end of the year,
we will have saved $38.42.

Oh... Including tax!

Oh, good morning.

Peace. Did you sleep well?

Like, heavenly.

Jeannie, could you help
me find another shirt, please?

Oh... Oh, darling.

Excuse us.

For you. For you.

And one for you.

And it only cost
6 cents a person.

Uh, Jeannie...

Hey, man, I know
what you're gonna say,

but it's the food of the gurus

and it's very cool, believe me.

Oh, master, I am so excited.

I have figured out that if
we have rice for breakfast

every morning, at
the end of 10 years,

I shall have saved $4621.39.

Including tax. Mm-hm.

Is that not wonderful?

Oh, it's wonderful,

but I don't think
you understand...

Oh, I want to be
the best wife for you,

so you will be proud of me.

I am proud of you. Mm-hm.

But I don't like rice.

Oh, well, why did
you not tell me?

Tomorrow morning for
breakfast we shall have spaghetti.

Oh, good.

You sold my car.

Mm-hm.

Oh, Major Nelson.

Yes?

Uh, may I speak to
you for a moment?

Oh, yes, sir.

Uh, major,

I just had the most
incredible conversation

with Major Gregorian. Oh?

He told me that dinner
at your house last night

consisted of half a TV
dinner and half an apple.

Now, is that any way
to treat a VIP guest?

Tony, I'm surprised at
you. Cheap, cheap, cheap.

Uh, well, it was a little
misunderstanding, sir.

A little misunderstanding?

Major Gregorian is
under the impression

that all our
astronauts are on relief

and the entire space
program is foundering

because of lack of funds.

You shouldn't have
given him that impression.

Oh, major, tell me.

Uh, I know this is personal,
but, uh, are you having any,

uh, unusual financial problems?

Oh, no, no, nothing like that.

Uh, good, then, uh,
I'm going to give you

another chance
to redeem yourself.

I've arranged for a...

For a party to be
thrown tomorrow night

in Major Gregorian's honor.

Oh, great. A lovely gesture.

Listen, I'll bring the girls.

Maybe we can get a brunette.
Major Healey, I've already

made out the
guest list, all VIPs.

I want this to be a party
that Major Gregorian

will go back home
and talk about.

Well, I'll certainly
do everything

in my power to help, sir.

I'm counting on
that, Major Nelson.

It's going to be at your home.

My home.

Ahem. Oh, uh, Jeannie?

Did you call, master?

Yes, darling, uh,
we're giving a party.

Oh, a party! That...
Oh, that is terrible.

Why, don't you like parties?

Certainly, master, I love them,

but they are no
longer on my budget.

In three days... In three days

I'm gonna be out of a job.

Now, we are going to
give this party, Jeannie.

Do they like rice?

No, no.

Oh, by the way, NASA
is paying for all this.

Oh, master, why
did you not say so?

That is different.

Oh, I will prepare you
a feast fit for a sultan.

That's my girl.

Certainly, master.

Oh, by the way, would
you ask the Learys

to stay up in their
room during the party?

Oh, yes, master. Good, good.

JEANNIE: Goodbye, master.

Uh, goodbye, Jeannie.

Uh, uh, are you sure
you would not like

to stop at a restaurant
before dinner?

No, I... I really have
a surprise for you.

Gee, all the lights are out.

That's very observant
of you, major.

I never would have noticed.

Jeannie!

Good evening, Anthony, darling.

Hello, darling.

Dr. Bellows. Uh,
good evening, Jeannie.

Major Gregorian.
Major Gregorian, Roger.

What happened to
the lights, darling?

Oh, you will be so
pleased with me.

I suddenly realized that NASA

does not pay for
the electricity bill...

Mmm. Good evening, darling.

Fuse blew.

You didn't pay
the bill, huh? Mm!

And in one year, we
will have saved $382.39.

Major Nelson,

will you please
get these lights on?

Our guests are gonna be
arriving in a few minutes.

Uh, the... The men are
working on it right now.

Light some more candles. Hm?

Light some more
candles! Oh. Heh.

This is the most
incredible thing

I've ever seen.

How did you do that? Sir?

He... He... He... He
asked how you did that.

Oh, uh, thanks, Roge.

It's an experimental
simultaneous-illumination-

candle-power project
Roger and I are working on.

Wh-wh-what'd you
say we're working on?

It's an experimental
simultaneous-illumination...

Roger! I'd say it's
rather romantic,

by candlelight.

Yes. Very nice.

Uh, Mrs. Nelson,
may I wash my hands?

No.

Why not?

Oh, because we have no water.

In one year, we will
have saved $50... Mmm.

I like that. Yeah. Ha-ha-ha.

What kind of a
neighborhood is this?

Well, it's just an
average neighborhood

without any
water or electricity.

Major Nelson, I didn't
tell you how important

this evening is...
To you, I mean.

I know, I know, sir. I know.

I expect this party
to be memorable.

It will, sir. I promise.

I'll get it, doctor. Hmm.

Yes?

Like, uh, your
doorbell doesn't ring.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

I think you got the wrong house.

Hey, man, isn't this,
uh, Dick and Joan's pad?

No, uh, no, this is not Dick
and Joan's pad. This is...

Hey, man!

Glad you could come.
What's happening?

This is a private party.

Major Nelson, would
you mind telling me

what's going on here?

Who are these people?

Oh, they are friends
of our boarders.

Boarders? You take in boarders?

Hey, it's the Russian.

Hey, I thought you split. Split?

Uh, b-but, Major Nelson,
don't you understand?

There are senators,
th-th-there are admirals,

and all kinds of generals
coming in any minute.

Darn! Why did we leave
our petition at home?

Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

Uh, fellas, uh, there's
been a mistake here.

This really is a private party.

But, miss, you don't understand!

This is all a mistake!

This is a farewell party
for Major Gregorian.

He leaves tomorrow!

Oh, why didn't you say so?

Let's play him a
little Russian music.

Good idea, yeah.

Whoo!

Hey, look who's here!

Hey, what a great party!

Gentlemen. How are you?

All right. Do svidaniya!

Goodbye! Goodbye!

It was so much fun!
Thank you, come again.

Goodbye.

Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.
That party really swung!

Major Healey, I'm
afraid that's not all

that's gonna swing.
Sir, I want you to know...

I warned you, Major Nelson!

Do you realize what you did

when you brought
those hippies in here?

I can answer that!

You gave me greatest
party of my whole life!

Russian music, Russian dancing,

hospitality like in my country.

But they're hippies.

Is open house,
everybody welcome!

I shall never forget this night.

Neither will I.

Of course! That's
the way we planned it.

Russian music,
Russian folk songs,

dancing, candlelight!

We just wanted
you to feel at home.

Yes, it was a lovely
party, was it not?

Mm-hm. You are great hostess.

Oh, and it only cost $73...

Well, we have to be
running along now.

I'll talk to you in
the morning, major.

Oh, I'll drop you off
on the way to the hotel.

Oh, Dr. Bellows,
this is for you.

Why, Jeannie, it's
not often that I receive

a love letter from
a beautiful girl.

Yes, um... Wait!
Gregorian! Gregorian!

Oh, oh, great
party, great party.

Gregorian, I
got... I got the girl.

Was it not nice? They
all enjoyed themselves so.

What was in the letter?

Oh. Oh, that was
the bill for NASA.

I only charged
them for the food.

I did not charge them for the...

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