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1
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♪♪
2
00:00:13,647 --> 00:00:19,052
♪ I bet we've been
together for a million years ♪
3
00:00:19,186 --> 00:00:24,420
♪ And I bet we'll be
together for a million more ♪
4
00:00:24,558 --> 00:00:27,255
♪ Oh, it's like I
started breathing ♪
5
00:00:27,394 --> 00:00:30,057
♪ On the night we kissed ♪
6
00:00:30,197 --> 00:00:35,295
♪ And I can't remember
what I ever did before ♪
7
00:00:35,435 --> 00:00:41,033
♪ What would we do,
baby, without us? ♪
8
00:00:41,174 --> 00:00:46,306
♪ What would we do,
baby, without us? ♪
9
00:00:46,446 --> 00:00:52,579
♪ And there ain't no nothing we
can't love each other through ♪
10
00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:57,453
♪ What would we do,
baby, without us? ♪
11
00:00:57,591 --> 00:01:00,390
♪ Sha-la-la-la. ♪
12
00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:03,889
Hey, Dad, let me carry those.
13
00:01:03,964 --> 00:01:05,296
Alex, don't be ridiculous.
14
00:01:05,432 --> 00:01:07,677
Oh, come on, Steven, you're not
supposed to carry heavy things.
15
00:01:07,701 --> 00:01:08,896
You just had a heart attack.
16
00:01:09,036 --> 00:01:10,698
Elyse, please.
17
00:01:10,837 --> 00:01:12,066
Everyone, do me a favor.
18
00:01:12,205 --> 00:01:14,005
I don't want to hear
the words "heart attack."
19
00:01:14,041 --> 00:01:15,134
Well, Mom's right, Dad.
20
00:01:15,275 --> 00:01:16,819
I mean, you shouldn't
overexert yourself
21
00:01:16,843 --> 00:01:19,244
since, you know, you had the...
22
00:01:19,379 --> 00:01:22,941
H-thingy.
23
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:26,076
Look, I had a...
24
00:01:26,219 --> 00:01:28,085
H-thingy.
25
00:01:28,221 --> 00:01:29,450
But I'm doing fine now.
26
00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:31,855
It's not as if going to, um...
27
00:01:31,992 --> 00:01:33,984
D-thingy.
28
00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:39,531
Steven, I think you're
slowly losing your M-thingy.
29
00:01:41,468 --> 00:01:43,437
- What's for dessert, Mom?
- Oh, I made some
30
00:01:43,570 --> 00:01:44,435
chocolate pudding.
31
00:01:44,571 --> 00:01:45,931
Oh, good, I love
chocolate pudding.
32
00:01:45,973 --> 00:01:47,134
Oh, no, that's not for you.
33
00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:48,401
This is your dessert.
34
00:01:48,542 --> 00:01:51,569
Seaweed-bran pudding.
35
00:01:51,712 --> 00:01:54,773
Elyse, this was my main course.
36
00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:56,907
Not with plankton whip.
37
00:01:59,353 --> 00:02:00,787
Mmm-mmm.
38
00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:02,651
Hi. Sorry I'm late.
39
00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:03,848
- Oh, hi.
- Hi, honey.
40
00:02:03,991 --> 00:02:06,222
- Thanks for the ride, Skippy.
- Hi, Skipper.
41
00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:08,171
Hey, Skippy, would you like
to join us for some dessert?
42
00:02:08,195 --> 00:02:09,595
Uh, no thanks, Mrs. Keaton.
43
00:02:09,730 --> 00:02:12,290
I think I'm just gonna go back
to my house, go up to my room,
44
00:02:12,432 --> 00:02:15,891
and carry on with my pointless
and totally lackluster life.
45
00:02:16,036 --> 00:02:18,870
Say hello to your parents.
46
00:02:19,006 --> 00:02:20,531
Skippy, is something wrong?
47
00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:23,075
It's not something, Mrs.
Keaton, it's just everything.
48
00:02:23,210 --> 00:02:24,940
Today was Career Day at Grant.
49
00:02:25,078 --> 00:02:27,274
We got the results of
our job aptitude tests.
50
00:02:27,414 --> 00:02:28,279
How'd you do, Mal?
51
00:02:28,415 --> 00:02:29,781
Oh, great.
52
00:02:29,916 --> 00:02:32,750
They said I'm good at shopping,
exchanging and gift wrapping.
53
00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:35,580
Well, let's just hope
you use your power
54
00:02:35,722 --> 00:02:37,247
for good instead of evil.
55
00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:40,123
How'd you do, Skip?
56
00:02:40,260 --> 00:02:41,455
Oh, not bad, not bad.
57
00:02:41,595 --> 00:02:42,961
I did, uh, fine.
58
00:02:43,096 --> 00:02:45,327
Oh, yeah, what are you good at?
59
00:02:46,867 --> 00:02:49,803
"Converting oxygen
into carbon dioxide."
60
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:56,366
There's a real
future in that, Skip.
61
00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:58,604
Aw, let's face it,
I've hit my peak.
62
00:02:58,745 --> 00:03:00,407
It's all downhill from here.
63
00:03:00,547 --> 00:03:03,176
Oh, come on, Skip,
come on. It'll work out.
64
00:03:03,316 --> 00:03:05,308
Why don't you come
out with me for dessert?
65
00:03:05,452 --> 00:03:06,613
No thanks, Mr. K.
66
00:03:06,753 --> 00:03:07,618
Are you sure?
67
00:03:07,754 --> 00:03:08,619
I'm going to Baskin-Robbins.
68
00:03:08,755 --> 00:03:10,246
Steven, don't you dare.
69
00:03:10,390 --> 00:03:12,655
I'm just going to
fondle some sherbet.
70
00:03:14,628 --> 00:03:16,324
Cheer up, Skippy,
look, you brought home
71
00:03:16,463 --> 00:03:17,692
all those career brochures.
72
00:03:17,831 --> 00:03:19,857
I'm sure there's
something in there for you.
73
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:21,628
Maybe you're right.
74
00:03:21,768 --> 00:03:23,600
Um, "Join the circus.
75
00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:26,832
Become a human cannonball."
76
00:03:26,973 --> 00:03:30,705
Gee, Skip, it says
you'd be good at that.
77
00:03:30,844 --> 00:03:32,710
Oh, no, it's hopeless.
78
00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:33,973
I'll never have a career.
79
00:03:34,114 --> 00:03:36,154
Maybe I should just go
into business with my father.
80
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:38,651
Oh, what is he doing these days?
81
00:03:38,785 --> 00:03:40,913
He's retired.
82
00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:43,888
Come on, Skippy, look at
all these career opportunities.
83
00:03:44,024 --> 00:03:46,152
Uh, computer technician.
84
00:03:46,293 --> 00:03:47,659
Dental assistant.
85
00:03:47,794 --> 00:03:49,262
Bookkeeping.
86
00:03:49,396 --> 00:03:50,728
Chimney sweep.
87
00:03:50,864 --> 00:03:53,333
Hey, look at this one: the Army.
88
00:03:53,467 --> 00:03:56,266
Don't run away
from chimney sweep.
89
00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:58,684
Look at this... it says you
can travel all over the world,
90
00:03:58,805 --> 00:03:59,982
meet new and interesting people,
91
00:04:00,006 --> 00:04:01,668
work with state-of-the-art
technology.
92
00:04:01,808 --> 00:04:03,674
Oh, and you got
to love those hats.
93
00:04:03,810 --> 00:04:06,177
Oh, wow.
94
00:04:06,313 --> 00:04:07,372
No, come on,
95
00:04:07,514 --> 00:04:10,177
Skip, you're really
not the Army type.
96
00:04:10,317 --> 00:04:11,512
What are you talking about?
97
00:04:11,651 --> 00:04:12,778
It's in my blood.
98
00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:15,479
One of my relatives was a
famous Revolutionary War hero.
99
00:04:15,622 --> 00:04:17,682
Lieutenant Zachariah Handleman.
100
00:04:17,824 --> 00:04:19,190
He was the first
American soldier
101
00:04:19,326 --> 00:04:21,318
to be captured
by his own troops.
102
00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:24,995
Skip, be serious here, you know.
103
00:04:25,132 --> 00:04:26,794
It's a very big step
you're talking about.
104
00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:28,299
I want to do this.
105
00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:29,664
H-How do you join the Army?
106
00:04:29,803 --> 00:04:31,135
I don't know, I mean,
107
00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:33,206
I guess you-you go
down to a recruiting office,
108
00:04:33,340 --> 00:04:37,004
you tell them you want to
join, uh, fill out some forms,
109
00:04:37,144 --> 00:04:39,170
uh, take a medical exam...
110
00:04:39,312 --> 00:04:41,042
You know, turn
your head, cough...
111
00:04:41,181 --> 00:04:43,514
And...
112
00:04:43,650 --> 00:04:45,278
you're in.
113
00:04:45,418 --> 00:04:47,853
I can do that.
114
00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:49,616
And I am going to.
115
00:04:49,756 --> 00:04:53,284
This is the dawn of a new,
116
00:04:53,426 --> 00:04:57,090
tough, courageous,
independent Skippy Handleman.
117
00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:59,324
Alex, will you come with me?
118
00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:05,071
- You okay?
- Yeah.
119
00:05:05,205 --> 00:05:06,503
Good afternoon.
120
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,438
I'm Sergeant Davis. Can
I help you gentlemen?
121
00:05:08,575 --> 00:05:09,668
Yeah. Hi, Sergeant Davis.
122
00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:10,903
I'm Alex P. Keaton,
123
00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:13,479
and, uh, this is
Irwin Handleman.
124
00:05:13,613 --> 00:05:15,411
Irwin would like
to join the Army.
125
00:05:15,549 --> 00:05:16,812
Well, that's good, Irwin.
126
00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:19,419
Uh, what makes you
interested in the Army?
127
00:05:19,553 --> 00:05:21,784
I want to be a man, sir.
128
00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:25,484
Well, we can't
promise anything, Irwin.
129
00:05:28,528 --> 00:05:30,429
But we'll do our best.
130
00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:31,724
Uh, and what about you, Alex?
131
00:05:31,765 --> 00:05:33,199
Why do you want
to join the Army?
132
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,632
Uh, no, no, no, no, no,
no. I'm, uh, I'm really...
133
00:05:35,769 --> 00:05:37,635
I'm not the military
type, uh, Sergeant.
134
00:05:37,771 --> 00:05:40,036
I'm, uh, I'm a business major.
135
00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:41,784
Oh, well, then perhaps
you'll want to join
136
00:05:41,808 --> 00:05:45,074
our new elite fighting force,
the Airborne Accounting Corps.
137
00:05:49,082 --> 00:05:50,607
The soldiers of fiscal warfare.
138
00:05:50,750 --> 00:05:53,879
See, we drop these troops
behind hostile territory,
139
00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:56,012
and they screw up
the enemy's books.
140
00:05:59,492 --> 00:06:01,427
Uh, well, actually, sir,
141
00:06:01,561 --> 00:06:04,395
I'm-I'm from a family
of, uh, fiscal pacifists.
142
00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:10,894
We're Quakers.
143
00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:15,113
Well, that's too bad. Uh, why
don't you guys have a seat.
144
00:06:17,744 --> 00:06:19,940
Irwin, let me ask you a few
questions about yourself.
145
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:21,275
Okay, shoot.
146
00:06:21,414 --> 00:06:23,178
Uh, well, not really.
147
00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:25,911
- Age?
- 20.
148
00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:27,350
Previous military service?
149
00:06:27,487 --> 00:06:29,854
Cub Scouts.
150
00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:33,620
Then the Army's gonna be
a day at the beach for you.
151
00:06:36,997 --> 00:06:38,260
Any law violations?
152
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:40,128
Well, some people
say I violate the laws
153
00:06:40,267 --> 00:06:42,099
of natural selection.
154
00:06:47,140 --> 00:06:49,439
Education?
155
00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:51,169
Two years of college.
156
00:06:51,311 --> 00:06:52,540
Oh, that's great. Where?
157
00:06:52,679 --> 00:06:53,679
Grant College.
158
00:06:53,780 --> 00:06:56,614
Oh.
159
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,446
Well, uh, you know,
Sergeant Davis,
160
00:06:58,585 --> 00:07:00,884
Grant College...
161
00:07:01,021 --> 00:07:04,389
well, being an institute
of-of lower learning,
162
00:07:04,524 --> 00:07:07,551
has produced some
fine military prospects.
163
00:07:07,694 --> 00:07:09,060
Uh, in fact, may
I remind you, sir,
164
00:07:09,195 --> 00:07:13,360
that, uh, Grant College is
named for Ulysses S. Grant.
165
00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:17,130
Or possibly Lou Grant.
166
00:07:19,673 --> 00:07:24,111
Both-both fine fighting
men in their own right.
167
00:07:24,244 --> 00:07:26,244
You know, Alex, you might
be an excellent candidate
168
00:07:26,346 --> 00:07:28,110
for our Airborne
Verbal Assault Team.
169
00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:33,448
You flatter me.
170
00:07:33,586 --> 00:07:37,250
Well, Irwin,
militarily speaking,
171
00:07:37,390 --> 00:07:40,792
is there a specific area that
particularly interests you?
172
00:07:40,927 --> 00:07:43,453
Well, I-I've always seen
myself driving a tank.
173
00:07:43,596 --> 00:07:47,533
Uh, I feel pretty well-prepared,
because my father has a Buick.
174
00:07:49,202 --> 00:07:50,465
Tanks it is.
175
00:07:50,603 --> 00:07:51,798
That's it? I'm in?
176
00:07:51,938 --> 00:07:53,218
Well, there are
a few formalities
177
00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:55,935
that have to be completed,
but my general sense of it,
178
00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:58,204
Irwin, is that you're
good Army material.
179
00:07:58,345 --> 00:07:59,677
All right!
180
00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:02,180
Hey, hey, Skip, Skip, look,
you're moving really fast here.
181
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:03,559
Now, are you serious about this?
182
00:08:03,583 --> 00:08:05,103
Oh, yes, I feel really
good about this.
183
00:08:05,218 --> 00:08:06,584
This is, this is right for me.
184
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:08,431
Well, then, you'll be
looking at eight weeks
185
00:08:08,455 --> 00:08:10,219
of basic training
at Fort Wharton.
186
00:08:10,357 --> 00:08:12,223
- Uh, where is that?
- Just outside Dayton.
187
00:08:12,359 --> 00:08:14,487
Whoa, right on the front lines.
188
00:08:16,529 --> 00:08:18,225
And I'll be seeing
you down there, Irwin.
189
00:08:18,365 --> 00:08:19,890
I'm transferring
down to Fort Wharton.
190
00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:22,025
I'll be your drill instructor.
191
00:08:25,105 --> 00:08:27,097
He'll warm up to you, Sarge.
192
00:08:30,577 --> 00:08:31,943
Hey, don't mind if I do.
193
00:08:32,078 --> 00:08:33,438
- Thanks.
- Oh, I think I'd like...
194
00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:35,949
Dad! These chips
are not for you.
195
00:08:36,082 --> 00:08:39,052
They've not been approved by
the American Heart Association.
196
00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:41,416
What am I supposed to eat?
197
00:08:41,554 --> 00:08:43,682
Oh, Steven, do you think
we're insensitive to that?
198
00:08:43,823 --> 00:08:47,123
Came up with the perfect
solution: cardiac chips.
199
00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:49,923
And these are homemade,
and there's nothing bad in them.
200
00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:51,998
No salt, no fat,
no preservatives.
201
00:08:52,132 --> 00:08:53,464
Oh, great, what's the recipe?
202
00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:56,126
Thinly slice a raw
potato and serve.
203
00:08:59,906 --> 00:09:00,930
Oh, here, let me...
204
00:09:01,074 --> 00:09:02,354
Now, that must be
the Handlemans.
205
00:09:02,475 --> 00:09:04,355
Look, they're a little
upset about Skippy going,
206
00:09:04,444 --> 00:09:06,640
so try to be supportive
and show them a good time.
207
00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:08,214
- All right.
- Fine.
208
00:09:08,348 --> 00:09:09,475
Hello.
209
00:09:09,616 --> 00:09:11,517
Private Handleman
reporting for party, sir.
210
00:09:11,651 --> 00:09:12,846
Hey.
211
00:09:12,986 --> 00:09:14,614
At ease, Handleman, at ease.
212
00:09:14,754 --> 00:09:15,619
Come on in, Rose.
213
00:09:15,755 --> 00:09:17,195
- Harry, good to see you.
- Hi, Rose.
214
00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:18,088
Hi, Harry.
215
00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:19,419
We'd really like to thank you
216
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:22,051
for throwing this
little shindig for Irwin.
217
00:09:22,195 --> 00:09:23,595
Oh, I'm sure he'd
throw one for us
218
00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:25,562
if we were going in the Army.
219
00:09:25,698 --> 00:09:27,098
We're so proud of him.
220
00:09:27,233 --> 00:09:30,032
He's going to be such
a wonderful soldier.
221
00:09:30,170 --> 00:09:31,638
He's going to look so handsome
222
00:09:31,771 --> 00:09:33,569
in his uniform.
223
00:09:33,706 --> 00:09:35,572
Oh, don't worry, Mom.
224
00:09:35,708 --> 00:09:37,199
I'll call you every
day, twice a day.
225
00:09:37,343 --> 00:09:39,710
Uh, uh, once a day is fine.
226
00:09:39,846 --> 00:09:41,872
Every other day is fine.
227
00:09:42,015 --> 00:09:44,007
Well, come on, everybody.
228
00:09:44,150 --> 00:09:45,277
Help yourselves.
229
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:47,216
Here, have-have
something to eat.
230
00:09:47,353 --> 00:09:49,151
What's he going
to eat in the Army?
231
00:09:49,289 --> 00:09:50,814
They don't know
how to cook for him.
232
00:09:50,957 --> 00:09:52,482
He doesn't eat
everything, you know.
233
00:09:52,625 --> 00:09:55,789
It's not going to be like
the good, nourishing food
234
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:59,161
he's been eating at our house
and yours all these years.
235
00:10:01,167 --> 00:10:03,159
These are raw.
236
00:10:08,341 --> 00:10:10,469
So, Skippy, when
are you shipping out?
237
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,943
Really soon. Uh, in fact,
Sergeant Davis is coming here
238
00:10:13,079 --> 00:10:16,379
to pick me up so we can be
at Fort Wharton by 0600 hours.
239
00:10:16,516 --> 00:10:19,350
Which for you civilians
is 600 hours after oh.
240
00:10:24,190 --> 00:10:26,159
I spoke to Sergeant
Davis on the phone.
241
00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:28,523
He sounds like a very nice man.
242
00:10:28,661 --> 00:10:29,959
I told him about
243
00:10:30,096 --> 00:10:32,725
all of Irwin's special,
sweet little quirks.
244
00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:34,061
Come on, Mom.
245
00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:35,327
You don't have to do that.
246
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:37,460
You can't watch
over me every minute.
247
00:10:37,604 --> 00:10:39,095
I've got to grow up sometime.
248
00:10:39,239 --> 00:10:40,298
Now, he's right, Rose.
249
00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:41,635
He's a big boy now.
250
00:10:41,774 --> 00:10:43,974
He's not the same little
Skippy that used to walk around
251
00:10:44,043 --> 00:10:46,069
chewing an old blue blanket.
252
00:10:46,212 --> 00:10:48,545
Oh, did you pack it, Mom?
253
00:10:50,550 --> 00:10:53,042
It's in there right next
to your asthma inhaler
254
00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:55,212
and your nightlight.
255
00:10:56,523 --> 00:10:59,584
I'm sorry, I don't
mean to get emotional,
256
00:10:59,726 --> 00:11:03,060
but how would you all
feel if you were losing Alex?
257
00:11:08,034 --> 00:11:10,833
I know how I'd feel.
258
00:11:10,970 --> 00:11:13,963
And we certainly
would be having a party.
259
00:11:16,809 --> 00:11:18,368
Excuse me.
260
00:11:19,846 --> 00:11:21,337
Oh, um, Sergeant
Davis, I presume.
261
00:11:21,481 --> 00:11:22,574
That's correct.
262
00:11:22,715 --> 00:11:24,479
- I'm Steven Keaton.
- How are you?
263
00:11:24,617 --> 00:11:27,610
4F, flat feet, trick
knee, heart attack.
264
00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:33,087
That's good to know.
265
00:11:33,226 --> 00:11:34,226
Please, uh, come in.
266
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:35,589
Sergeant Davis, everyone.
267
00:11:35,728 --> 00:11:37,253
Sergeant Davis, sir.
268
00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:40,162
You don't have
to salute me, Irwin.
269
00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:42,633
This is sweet, but if
you do this at the base,
270
00:11:42,769 --> 00:11:45,364
no one's gonna want to
share a foxhole with you.
271
00:11:45,505 --> 00:11:49,033
Sergeant Davis, I'm
Rose Handleman.
272
00:11:49,175 --> 00:11:50,643
We spoke on the phone.
273
00:11:50,777 --> 00:11:51,836
I haven't forgotten.
274
00:11:51,978 --> 00:11:55,244
Uh, your son can't
digest milk products.
275
00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:57,111
And don't forget, at night...
276
00:11:57,250 --> 00:12:00,243
He kicks off the covers
and needs to be tucked in.
277
00:12:02,322 --> 00:12:04,484
Well, I guess I'm off to war.
278
00:12:04,624 --> 00:12:06,115
What about you, Alex?
279
00:12:06,259 --> 00:12:07,124
It's not too late.
280
00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:09,593
Uh, no, Sergeant,
really, please.
281
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:12,426
I, um... actually, I inherited
my dad's trick knee.
282
00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:13,565
Yeah.
283
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:14,898
What are you
talking about, Alex?
284
00:12:15,034 --> 00:12:16,445
- You don't have a trick knee.
- Yeah.
285
00:12:16,469 --> 00:12:18,597
Jennifer, listen... whoa!
286
00:12:22,408 --> 00:12:24,400
My foot just went flat.
287
00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:28,272
Wow.
288
00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:29,712
This is really good-bye.
289
00:12:29,849 --> 00:12:32,182
Well, uh, not-not quite yet.
290
00:12:32,318 --> 00:12:35,584
Uh, Rose, Harry,
uh, Skippy, look.
291
00:12:35,722 --> 00:12:37,281
We're really going to miss you.
292
00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:39,016
But, uh...
293
00:12:39,158 --> 00:12:42,890
well, it's hard to put
it in words, so, uh...
294
00:12:52,939 --> 00:12:54,168
Good-bye, Mrs. Keaton.
295
00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:59,370
I'll never forget you.
296
00:12:59,512 --> 00:13:02,175
Oh, I'm gonna miss you so much!
297
00:13:02,315 --> 00:13:04,307
You've meant the world to me.
298
00:13:06,319 --> 00:13:09,255
Mr. Keaton, you'll
wait for me, won't you?
299
00:13:14,560 --> 00:13:16,426
We'd better go now.
300
00:13:16,562 --> 00:13:22,695
♪ Glory, glory hallelujah ♪
301
00:13:22,835 --> 00:13:30,038
♪ Glory, glory hallelujah ♪
302
00:13:30,176 --> 00:13:35,615
♪ Glory, glory hallelujah ♪
303
00:13:35,748 --> 00:13:42,518
♪ His truth is marching on. ♪
304
00:13:44,624 --> 00:13:46,268
Everybody better hurry
up; inspection's in five.
305
00:13:46,292 --> 00:13:47,885
Irwin, come on, get up.
306
00:13:48,027 --> 00:13:49,893
One more minute, Mommy.
307
00:13:52,932 --> 00:13:55,128
I'm not your mommy.
308
00:13:55,268 --> 00:13:56,827
I've got a gun.
309
00:13:58,338 --> 00:13:59,338
Oh.
310
00:13:59,472 --> 00:14:00,997
Hi, Holworthy.
311
00:14:01,140 --> 00:14:02,836
Hi, shnookums.
312
00:14:02,975 --> 00:14:04,204
Now get up; it's inspection.
313
00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:05,972
And you've already failed twice.
314
00:14:06,112 --> 00:14:09,412
This time, I'm prepared.
315
00:14:09,549 --> 00:14:11,108
You better pull
yourself together,
316
00:14:11,250 --> 00:14:12,809
or you're gonna lose
your weekend pass.
317
00:14:12,952 --> 00:14:13,952
Hey, Handleman,
318
00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:15,727
what are you doing
with your weekend pass?
319
00:14:15,755 --> 00:14:17,355
Oh, I-I thought I'd
just hang around here
320
00:14:17,490 --> 00:14:20,221
and brush up on the
Geneva Convention.
321
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,261
Did you guys hear
what Handleman is doing
322
00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:23,795
with his weekend pass?
323
00:14:23,930 --> 00:14:26,229
Brushing up on the
Geneva Convention.
324
00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:28,801
What the hell is the
Geneva Convention?
325
00:14:28,935 --> 00:14:31,700
Well, maybe you should hang
out with me here and brush up on it.
326
00:14:31,838 --> 00:14:35,502
You talking to me, Handleman?
327
00:14:35,641 --> 00:14:37,303
Holworthy, back off.
328
00:14:37,443 --> 00:14:38,843
You're not scaring me.
329
00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:43,345
All right, maybe
you are scaring me.
330
00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:44,523
May I remind you gentlemen
331
00:14:44,650 --> 00:14:46,175
that I know Sergeant
Davis personally?
332
00:14:46,319 --> 00:14:48,345
We've hugged.
333
00:14:48,488 --> 00:14:50,457
Ten-hut!
334
00:14:55,194 --> 00:14:56,194
Ready for inspection?
335
00:14:56,295 --> 00:14:57,627
Yes, Drill Sergeant!
336
00:14:57,764 --> 00:15:01,166
Actually, I could use
a few more minutes.
337
00:15:01,300 --> 00:15:02,893
I don't hear you, Handleman!
338
00:15:03,035 --> 00:15:06,403
That could possibly be
wax buildup, Sergeant Davis.
339
00:15:06,539 --> 00:15:08,337
I cannot believe
340
00:15:08,474 --> 00:15:10,739
that I'm the one who
recruited you, Handleman!
341
00:15:10,877 --> 00:15:13,642
I cannot believe that you
have not tucked me in once!
342
00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:15,772
Put a lid on it, soldier!
343
00:15:19,452 --> 00:15:22,012
All right, soldiers,
stand at ease.
344
00:15:22,155 --> 00:15:24,784
Get to your bunks.
345
00:15:35,668 --> 00:15:37,933
Good job, Curtis.
346
00:15:38,070 --> 00:15:39,732
Well done, Matthews.
347
00:15:39,872 --> 00:15:41,363
Good job, Strauss.
348
00:15:41,507 --> 00:15:43,499
Well done, Holworthy.
349
00:15:55,988 --> 00:15:58,014
Are you looking for
something specific, Sarge?
350
00:15:58,157 --> 00:15:59,455
Yes!
351
00:15:59,592 --> 00:16:01,527
I'm looking for the
signs of a solider!
352
00:16:01,661 --> 00:16:03,653
And I don't see one here!
353
00:16:05,765 --> 00:16:07,825
Um...
354
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:10,368
Sergeant Davis, can I
talk to you for a minute?
355
00:16:11,404 --> 00:16:13,305
What happened to us?
356
00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:16,867
We used to be so close.
357
00:16:17,009 --> 00:16:19,308
Don't you remember,
back at the recruiting office?
358
00:16:19,445 --> 00:16:22,347
Well, we'll always have
Columbus, Handleman.
359
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:24,348
But right now...
360
00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:28,080
when one of you screws up,
you let the whole platoon down!
361
00:16:31,858 --> 00:16:34,623
When one of you
fails, you all fail!
362
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:44,937
Weekend passes revoked,
363
00:16:45,071 --> 00:16:48,530
compliments of Private
Irwin Handleman.
364
00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:51,443
Um...
365
00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:55,671
No, uh, Sergeant, you...
366
00:16:58,618 --> 00:17:00,610
Guys, I've got some
extra Fig Newtons.
367
00:17:32,785 --> 00:17:34,777
Who am I kidding?
368
00:17:40,526 --> 00:17:43,325
Celery dog, Elyse?
369
00:17:43,462 --> 00:17:47,126
Steven, tonight...
you're gonna get lucky.
370
00:17:47,266 --> 00:17:50,430
I don't care about that,
Elyse, I want some food.
371
00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:03,743
That's what I was
talking about, Steven.
372
00:18:03,883 --> 00:18:05,374
See, you've been
so pathetic all week,
373
00:18:05,518 --> 00:18:07,195
having to eat all this
low-cholesterol food,
374
00:18:07,219 --> 00:18:09,916
so I called Dr. Harrison,
and he said that occasionally
375
00:18:10,056 --> 00:18:12,582
you could have a small treat.
376
00:18:16,329 --> 00:18:18,321
Don't tease me, Elyse.
377
00:18:19,999 --> 00:18:22,867
Feast your eyes on this.
378
00:18:30,309 --> 00:18:31,868
Oh, God, Elyse, thank you.
379
00:18:32,011 --> 00:18:33,775
No, no, no, no.
380
00:18:33,913 --> 00:18:36,178
You can't have it all.
381
00:18:36,315 --> 00:18:38,284
You can just have...
382
00:18:38,417 --> 00:18:39,749
this much.
383
00:18:52,064 --> 00:18:53,555
Aren't you gonna finish it?
384
00:18:53,699 --> 00:18:56,863
I'd like to save the
rest for tomorrow.
385
00:18:59,271 --> 00:19:00,271
Hey, look at this.
386
00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:01,650
- We got a postcard from Skippy.
- Yeah.
387
00:19:01,674 --> 00:19:02,835
Oh, what's it say?
388
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:05,570
Uh... I don't know,
it's in Spanish.
389
00:19:08,614 --> 00:19:10,810
"Mis amigos Keatons.
390
00:19:10,950 --> 00:19:14,614
Todo esta muy
bueno aqui en Akron."
391
00:19:16,288 --> 00:19:19,053
It was something about Akron.
392
00:19:19,191 --> 00:19:20,557
How do you know, Jennifer?
393
00:19:20,693 --> 00:19:22,685
Did you take Spanish?
394
00:19:37,309 --> 00:19:39,301
You know...
395
00:19:42,648 --> 00:19:44,844
he's only been gone
a couple of weeks,
396
00:19:44,984 --> 00:19:47,681
but I-I really miss
our little Skippito.
397
00:19:52,124 --> 00:19:55,822
I can't believe this, Dad,
but I have to agree with you.
398
00:19:55,961 --> 00:19:58,692
I mean, remember all the
silly things he used to do?
399
00:19:58,831 --> 00:20:00,766
Like when he'd
come over to see us,
400
00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:02,630
instead of knocking on the door,
401
00:20:02,768 --> 00:20:04,999
he'd squish his face up
against the glass and...
402
00:20:09,575 --> 00:20:10,440
Skippy?
403
00:20:10,576 --> 00:20:11,853
Skippy, what are you doing here?
404
00:20:11,877 --> 00:20:13,437
I didn't think they'd
give you time off.
405
00:20:13,579 --> 00:20:16,879
Do the letters "A-W-O-L"
mean anything to you?
406
00:20:17,016 --> 00:20:18,279
You went AWOL?
407
00:20:18,417 --> 00:20:19,417
That's right, I did it.
408
00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:20,679
I went AWOL.
409
00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:22,948
What is AWOL?
410
00:20:23,089 --> 00:20:25,558
It means "Absent Without Leave."
411
00:20:25,691 --> 00:20:26,691
Really?
412
00:20:26,826 --> 00:20:29,887
I-I thought it literally
meant "a wall."
413
00:20:30,029 --> 00:20:32,658
As in going over a
wall, which is what I did.
414
00:20:32,798 --> 00:20:33,798
Oh, boy.
415
00:20:33,933 --> 00:20:35,277
Skippy, what are
you talking about?
416
00:20:35,301 --> 00:20:37,079
Listen, I thought you said
everything was going fine there.
417
00:20:37,103 --> 00:20:38,346
It wasn't. It was a
complete disaster.
418
00:20:38,370 --> 00:20:39,497
Nobody liked me.
419
00:20:39,638 --> 00:20:42,972
Oh, come on, Skippy,
you should be used to that.
420
00:20:44,610 --> 00:20:45,930
Oh, my God.
421
00:20:46,011 --> 00:20:47,489
- Oh, it's Sergeant Davis.
- Oh, it's Sergeant...
422
00:20:47,513 --> 00:20:49,057
- What am I gonna do?
- Well, Skippy, I...
423
00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:50,640
No, I...
424
00:20:53,652 --> 00:20:55,143
Well, Sergeant Davis.
425
00:20:55,287 --> 00:20:56,721
Mr. Keaton.
426
00:20:56,856 --> 00:21:00,054
If you're here to measure
me for a uniform, about-face.
427
00:21:00,192 --> 00:21:01,251
No. No.
428
00:21:01,393 --> 00:21:02,571
I'm here looking for
Private Irwin Handleman.
429
00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:03,595
Oh.
430
00:21:03,696 --> 00:21:05,240
Pri... Do you hear that, Steven?
431
00:21:07,199 --> 00:21:08,531
He's look...
432
00:21:08,667 --> 00:21:10,829
He's looking for
Private Irwin Handle...
433
00:21:10,970 --> 00:21:12,996
You want a, want
a celery dog, sir?!
434
00:21:16,208 --> 00:21:18,473
I'm here, Sergeant Davis.
435
00:21:19,845 --> 00:21:22,280
Thank you very much,
Mrs. Keaton, but...
436
00:21:22,414 --> 00:21:26,249
this is my problem, and...
I've got to deal with it.
437
00:21:26,385 --> 00:21:28,581
Excuse me, folks,
but would you mind
438
00:21:28,721 --> 00:21:31,213
if I speak to the
private privately?
439
00:21:43,068 --> 00:21:44,627
Handleman,
440
00:21:44,770 --> 00:21:48,070
you have committed
a very serious offense.
441
00:21:48,207 --> 00:21:51,336
Now, going AWOL is one of
Army's least favorite things.
442
00:21:51,477 --> 00:21:54,037
What's going to happen
to me now, Sergeant?
443
00:21:54,180 --> 00:21:56,775
We could throw
you in the stockade.
444
00:21:58,784 --> 00:22:01,083
Or we could put
you on a rock pile.
445
00:22:04,256 --> 00:22:07,454
Or... we could do
what we're gonna do.
446
00:22:07,593 --> 00:22:09,152
Let you out.
447
00:22:09,295 --> 00:22:10,661
You can do that?
448
00:22:10,796 --> 00:22:13,595
It's called a trainee
discharge for unadaptability.
449
00:22:13,732 --> 00:22:16,258
This won't be the first
one of these I've gotten.
450
00:22:18,270 --> 00:22:20,262
Look, Irwin...
451
00:22:22,341 --> 00:22:25,539
part of growing up
452
00:22:25,678 --> 00:22:28,512
is finding out where you fit in.
453
00:22:28,647 --> 00:22:30,240
And where you don't fit in.
454
00:22:30,382 --> 00:22:33,546
And we both know you
don't fit into the Army.
455
00:22:33,686 --> 00:22:35,052
I don't know.
456
00:22:35,187 --> 00:22:36,815
I don't feel good about this.
457
00:22:36,956 --> 00:22:38,822
I don't want to
feel like I'm quitting.
458
00:22:38,958 --> 00:22:40,950
You're not. You're fired.
459
00:22:45,264 --> 00:22:47,290
Well, great. So I'm
back to where I started.
460
00:22:47,433 --> 00:22:48,433
Back to square one.
461
00:22:48,500 --> 00:22:49,729
I'm just no good at anything.
462
00:22:49,869 --> 00:22:51,303
Hey, listen to me, Irwin.
463
00:22:51,437 --> 00:22:54,236
Took a lot of courage
for you to join the Army.
464
00:22:54,373 --> 00:22:55,966
And that's the
same kind of courage
465
00:22:56,108 --> 00:22:58,543
that's gonna get you to
where you should rightfully be.
466
00:22:59,979 --> 00:23:02,471
You're going to
become a man, Irwin.
467
00:23:06,685 --> 00:23:08,677
Thank you, Sergeant Davis.
468
00:23:11,757 --> 00:23:12,986
Alex!
469
00:23:13,125 --> 00:23:14,718
I want you.
470
00:23:19,164 --> 00:23:20,524
You know, actually,
Sergeant Davis,
471
00:23:20,566 --> 00:23:21,761
I've been thinking about that
472
00:23:21,901 --> 00:23:24,132
Airborne Accounting
Corps, and... oh!
473
00:23:24,270 --> 00:23:26,000
Darn, the old trick knee.
474
00:23:26,138 --> 00:23:27,936
Oh, it's...
475
00:23:28,073 --> 00:23:30,099
I'll be back for you, Alex.
476
00:23:32,044 --> 00:23:34,036
Irwin.
477
00:24:04,276 --> 00:24:05,972
Sit, Ubu, sit. Good dog.
33915
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