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-[drumbeat]
-[clapping]
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00:00:05,440 --> 00:00:07,137
-[rhythmic breathing]
-[fanfare]
3
00:00:07,181 --> 00:00:10,967
Fosse/Verdon. All new,
Tuesdays at 10:00 on FX.
4
00:00:12,316 --> 00:00:15,058
ANNOUNCER: FX presents
What We Do in the Shadows.
5
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[bats squeal]
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NANDOR:
Guillermo, I want you to go
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00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:23,240
tomorrow, and I want you to get
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00:00:23,284 --> 00:00:26,069
some of those things
that humans use for smelling.
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00:00:26,113 --> 00:00:28,332
Rhymes with "hoses."
10
00:00:28,376 --> 00:00:29,855
Noses?
11
00:00:29,899 --> 00:00:31,944
NANDOR:
No. It's a green, spiky stick.
12
00:00:31,988 --> 00:00:33,859
You know, with the colors
on the top.
13
00:00:33,903 --> 00:00:35,731
You got the red.
"I love you.
14
00:00:35,774 --> 00:00:37,733
-Here's some..."
-Roses.
15
00:00:37,776 --> 00:00:39,300
NANDOR:
Roses, yes.
16
00:00:39,343 --> 00:00:43,086
The Baron's attic has got a bitof a dank whiff.
17
00:00:43,130 --> 00:00:44,305
Since the Baron arrived,
18
00:00:44,348 --> 00:00:46,046
things have been very stressful.
19
00:00:48,004 --> 00:00:50,311
That's our familiar.
20
00:00:50,354 --> 00:00:52,313
NANDOR:
He's staying in our attic
at the moment, and
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00:00:52,356 --> 00:00:56,491
that's a lot of storage space
that we-we can't use.
22
00:00:56,534 --> 00:00:58,449
When is he going
to leave, anyway?
23
00:00:58,493 --> 00:00:59,929
Shh, Nadja!
24
00:00:59,972 --> 00:01:02,236
Guillermo.
25
00:01:04,368 --> 00:01:05,543
Well, pull it, then.
26
00:01:05,587 --> 00:01:07,110
[loud clatter]
27
00:01:07,154 --> 00:01:08,329
-NADJA: Oh!
-Too loud!
28
00:01:08,372 --> 00:01:09,765
-He needs to pipe down
with that.
-Yes.
29
00:01:09,808 --> 00:01:11,723
-When will he leave?
-Shh.
30
00:01:11,767 --> 00:01:14,117
Nadja, you must keep
your voice down, my darling.
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00:01:14,161 --> 00:01:16,511
Oh, for goodness' sake,
I'm not scared of him.
32
00:01:16,554 --> 00:01:18,513
-[cries out]
-Oh...
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00:01:20,558 --> 00:01:23,039
The Baron has awakened?
34
00:01:27,043 --> 00:01:30,177
Sorry, was that a yes?
35
00:01:31,830 --> 00:01:33,136
-LASZLO: Was it a nod?
-No, I asked and she went,
36
00:01:33,180 --> 00:01:34,920
she went and did this.
37
00:01:34,964 --> 00:01:36,226
That is a nod,
I've seen her do it before.
38
00:01:36,270 --> 00:01:37,749
What, this? Like this?
39
00:01:37,793 --> 00:01:39,273
-He's awake.
-COLIN: He's awake.
40
00:01:39,316 --> 00:01:40,752
[laughs]:
Oh, he's awake.
41
00:01:40,796 --> 00:01:42,928
All right, I-I can feel
42
00:01:42,972 --> 00:01:45,496
his energy, it's very dark
and angry, and I think
43
00:01:45,540 --> 00:01:48,369
it's pointed at you guys.
[chuckles]
44
00:01:48,412 --> 00:01:49,544
Hate to be you guys.
45
00:01:49,587 --> 00:01:52,242
["You're Dead"
by Norma Tanega playing]
46
00:01:52,286 --> 00:01:55,289
♪ Don't sing if you want
to live long♪
47
00:01:55,332 --> 00:01:57,943
♪ They have no use
for your song♪
48
00:01:57,987 --> 00:02:00,511
♪ You're dead, you're dead,
you're dead♪
49
00:02:00,555 --> 00:02:02,992
♪ You're dead
and out of this world♪
50
00:02:05,081 --> 00:02:08,171
♪ Now your hope and compassion
is gone♪
51
00:02:08,215 --> 00:02:10,826
♪ You sold out your dream
to the world♪
52
00:02:10,869 --> 00:02:13,263
♪ Stay dead, stay dead,
stay dead♪
53
00:02:13,307 --> 00:02:16,745
♪ You're dead
and out of this world.♪
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00:02:16,788 --> 00:02:20,096
♪
55
00:02:25,449 --> 00:02:29,758
In Europe, a couple of centuries
ago, the Baron was a fun guy.
56
00:02:29,801 --> 00:02:32,587
And we got up to some
very messy business together.
57
00:02:32,630 --> 00:02:34,415
-Yes.
-Problem is,
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00:02:34,458 --> 00:02:36,199
he's turned up recently
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00:02:36,243 --> 00:02:39,811
with what only can be describedas pretty old-fashioned ideas.
60
00:02:39,855 --> 00:02:43,380
He's obsessed with the idea ofvampires taking over all humans,
61
00:02:43,424 --> 00:02:46,209
which, at first, you're like,
"Oh, that's a cool idea,"
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00:02:46,253 --> 00:02:48,777
but then, after a while,
it's like,
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00:02:48,820 --> 00:02:50,779
"Sorry, why are we doing this?"
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00:02:50,822 --> 00:02:52,998
Yeah.
65
00:02:53,042 --> 00:02:54,348
You can bet your balls
he's gonna be furious
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00:02:54,391 --> 00:02:56,001
we haven't come up
with a conquering plan.
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00:02:56,045 --> 00:02:57,220
NANDOR:
Maybe he's not angry.
68
00:02:57,264 --> 00:02:58,656
Maybe he's just wanting a chat?
69
00:02:58,700 --> 00:03:01,355
Get up with the latest
vampire gossip.
70
00:03:01,398 --> 00:03:02,791
-[mouths]-That's highly unlucky, Nandor.
71
00:03:02,834 --> 00:03:04,358
The man's a fucking psychopath.
72
00:03:04,401 --> 00:03:06,011
I think he's going
to kill us all.
73
00:03:06,055 --> 00:03:07,361
That's more likely.
74
00:03:07,404 --> 00:03:09,363
Baron, we are here.
75
00:03:09,406 --> 00:03:11,669
But there's really no needfor any kind of grand entrance.
76
00:03:11,713 --> 00:03:14,629
Or j-just do your bit--
that's fine, too.
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[thunder rumbles]
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00:03:17,675 --> 00:03:21,070
♪ In nomine Patris...♪
79
00:03:21,113 --> 00:03:23,028
My slumber is...
80
00:03:23,072 --> 00:03:24,116
[distorted]:
complete.
81
00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:25,379
Great.
Uh, we weren't sure
82
00:03:25,422 --> 00:03:27,468
that you wanted us
to conquer the whole
83
00:03:27,511 --> 00:03:29,644
of North America, or just, you
know, maybe a couple streets?
84
00:03:29,687 --> 00:03:31,863
[distorted]:
Silence!
85
00:03:31,907 --> 00:03:35,824
I have heard so much of
the wonders of this New World,
86
00:03:35,867 --> 00:03:39,262
yet I have seen of it
not but this attic.
87
00:03:39,306 --> 00:03:42,483
Uh, would you like us
to get you a TV?
88
00:03:42,526 --> 00:03:43,875
No.
89
00:03:43,919 --> 00:03:46,661
I want to see the sights.
90
00:03:46,704 --> 00:03:48,663
-I want a night on the town.
-[thunder crashes]
91
00:03:48,706 --> 00:03:51,274
A night on the town?
92
00:03:51,318 --> 00:03:53,102
Really? I mean,
won't that be a bit difficult
93
00:03:53,145 --> 00:03:54,146
with your, um...?
[grunts]
94
00:03:54,190 --> 00:03:55,539
[Nadja gasps]
95
00:03:55,583 --> 00:03:56,497
Oh.
96
00:03:56,540 --> 00:03:58,499
You were saying?
97
00:03:58,542 --> 00:04:03,112
[strains]: No, but I'm sure
we can help you fit in.
98
00:04:03,155 --> 00:04:04,548
[grunts]
99
00:04:04,592 --> 00:04:05,854
Marvelous.
100
00:04:05,897 --> 00:04:09,292
-[coughs]
-Ah, relax.
101
00:04:09,336 --> 00:04:11,860
This is going to be fun.
102
00:04:11,903 --> 00:04:13,078
No.
103
00:04:13,122 --> 00:04:14,515
Oh, that's the documentary crew.
104
00:04:14,558 --> 00:04:15,733
-[growls]
-[screams]
105
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[buzzing, distorted audio]
106
00:04:18,127 --> 00:04:19,737
[dialogue inaudible]
107
00:04:19,781 --> 00:04:22,523
We are so sorry that...
108
00:04:22,566 --> 00:04:25,917
our houseguest ate
your sound recordist.
109
00:04:25,961 --> 00:04:27,963
NADJA:
This... what is this
"conquering America" stuff?
110
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He's going to get us killed.
111
00:04:29,486 --> 00:04:31,445
Not unless he tries
to kill us himself first.
112
00:04:31,488 --> 00:04:33,577
-He threw me
straight across the room.
-Most importantly, we are...
113
00:04:33,621 --> 00:04:35,318
[dialogue inaudible]
114
00:04:35,362 --> 00:04:36,450
...that he ate
your sound recordist.
115
00:04:36,493 --> 00:04:37,538
That was very...
116
00:04:37,581 --> 00:04:38,539
[dialogue inaudible]
117
00:04:38,582 --> 00:04:41,106
Yeah. Wasn't very cool.
We'll, uh,
118
00:04:41,150 --> 00:04:43,326
we'll make sure
we look after you people.
119
00:04:43,370 --> 00:04:44,762
And how are we going to do that?
120
00:04:44,806 --> 00:04:46,198
[whispers]:
I don't know, uh...
121
00:04:51,029 --> 00:04:52,596
NADJA:
Of course it's a trap.
122
00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:54,337
Why would the Baron want
to go on a night out?
123
00:04:54,381 --> 00:04:56,426
Because he wants to know howmuch of America we've conquered.
124
00:04:56,470 --> 00:04:58,341
And when he finds out thatwe've just conquered our street
125
00:04:58,385 --> 00:05:00,474
and part of Ashley Street,
he's going to kill us.
126
00:05:00,517 --> 00:05:02,737
But if we seriously think
he's gonna "quack" us...
127
00:05:02,780 --> 00:05:04,782
-NADJA: Which we do.
-...then we should
"quack" him first.
128
00:05:04,826 --> 00:05:07,132
You want us to quackhim?
129
00:05:07,176 --> 00:05:10,701
If you think he's gonna
"whack" us first, yes.
130
00:05:10,745 --> 00:05:13,922
Laszlo, be quiet. We will not
discuss this any further.
131
00:05:13,965 --> 00:05:15,489
It is the greatest violation
132
00:05:15,532 --> 00:05:18,492
of the unnatural order
by which we live.
133
00:05:18,535 --> 00:05:20,581
Also, can he even die?
134
00:05:20,624 --> 00:05:22,757
-[door closes]
-NADJA: Oh, my...
-[shouts]
135
00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:24,149
NANDOR:
You happy now? You just scared
136
00:05:24,193 --> 00:05:25,499
the shit out of all three of us?
137
00:05:25,542 --> 00:05:26,978
Hmm? You don't knock anymore?
138
00:05:27,022 --> 00:05:29,372
Is this the new you? Hmm?
139
00:05:29,416 --> 00:05:31,505
Sorry, I just wanted to inform
you that the Baron's ready.
140
00:05:31,548 --> 00:05:33,158
-Oh.
-NADJA: God...
141
00:05:33,202 --> 00:05:34,508
He's really terrifying.
142
00:05:34,551 --> 00:05:37,162
Yes, okay, well, we all are,
we are vampires.
143
00:05:37,206 --> 00:05:38,381
Well...
144
00:05:38,425 --> 00:05:40,470
-[hisses]
-Eh.
145
00:05:40,514 --> 00:05:42,516
[hisses]
146
00:05:42,559 --> 00:05:44,953
Get out.
147
00:05:44,996 --> 00:05:47,259
We shall call this night
Operation...
148
00:05:47,303 --> 00:05:49,610
Accidentally Kill the Baron.
149
00:05:49,653 --> 00:05:53,048
Absolutely not. At least think
of a different name.
150
00:05:54,092 --> 00:05:56,399
This conversation
never happened.
151
00:06:01,056 --> 00:06:02,579
[owl hoots]
152
00:06:05,016 --> 00:06:06,453
[creaking]
153
00:06:06,496 --> 00:06:09,281
[whispering]:
She keeps looking at me.
154
00:06:11,283 --> 00:06:13,503
Don't look at her.
155
00:06:13,547 --> 00:06:15,200
[door opens]
156
00:06:15,244 --> 00:06:17,768
[Nadja laughs nervously]
157
00:06:17,812 --> 00:06:20,031
Bloody hell,
he's wearing two ruffs.
158
00:06:20,075 --> 00:06:25,515
-[applause]
-Let our grand evening
on the town commence.
159
00:06:25,559 --> 00:06:26,995
-NADJA: Yes! Very good.
-[chuckles] Yes.
160
00:06:27,038 --> 00:06:30,825
Yes, uh, this is what
you're going to wear?
161
00:06:31,695 --> 00:06:33,871
Is it not right?
162
00:06:33,915 --> 00:06:37,571
Y-Yes, I mean, you look
the... dog's knackers.
163
00:06:37,614 --> 00:06:41,052
But, um, where we come from,
two ruffs
164
00:06:41,096 --> 00:06:43,228
means you're up for anything.
165
00:06:43,272 --> 00:06:45,796
Uh, it's best just to kind ofblend in like-- like we are now.
166
00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:47,624
Yes.
167
00:06:47,668 --> 00:06:49,844
Yes, I see.
168
00:06:49,887 --> 00:06:53,674
I want to walk amongst
the commoners unnoticed.
169
00:06:53,717 --> 00:06:55,632
-NADJA: Yes.
-A prince amongst paupers.
170
00:06:55,676 --> 00:06:57,591
-NADJA: Yes, very good.
Very good.
-NANDOR: Exactly.
171
00:06:57,634 --> 00:07:00,071
Two ruffs don't make a right.
172
00:07:00,115 --> 00:07:03,031
[low snarl]
173
00:07:03,074 --> 00:07:04,728
Colin Robinson.
174
00:07:04,772 --> 00:07:07,905
Oh, wow. Uh... hello.
175
00:07:07,949 --> 00:07:09,820
NANDOR:You wouldn't happen to have any
176
00:07:09,864 --> 00:07:13,302
human-type clothes
to lend to the Baron?
177
00:07:13,345 --> 00:07:16,827
Uh, yeah, I-I could
scrounge something up.
178
00:07:16,871 --> 00:07:18,046
What size are you?
179
00:07:18,089 --> 00:07:19,700
Mm, this size.
180
00:07:19,743 --> 00:07:23,268
And what kind of vibe
are-are you going for?
181
00:07:23,312 --> 00:07:27,055
Jeans, T-shirt? Are you a jeansand T-shirt type of guy?
182
00:07:27,098 --> 00:07:28,709
Probably not shorts.
183
00:07:28,752 --> 00:07:33,278
Um, maybe some cords,
some w-wale cords.
184
00:07:33,322 --> 00:07:35,280
He is not coming along, is he?
185
00:07:35,324 --> 00:07:37,500
I will take care of it.
186
00:07:37,544 --> 00:07:41,112
Oh, okay. But don't make
a big thing out of it.
187
00:07:41,156 --> 00:07:42,897
-Mm?
-Okay.
188
00:07:42,940 --> 00:07:46,640
LASZLO:
Vampires have hidden
amongst humans
189
00:07:46,683 --> 00:07:48,337
for millennia.
190
00:07:48,380 --> 00:07:50,600
There are some in the community that believe
191
00:07:50,644 --> 00:07:53,734
that vampires
should rule the world.
192
00:07:53,777 --> 00:07:55,518
One such person
193
00:07:55,562 --> 00:07:56,737
is the Baron.
194
00:07:56,780 --> 00:07:59,087
And he's become a massive prick.
195
00:07:59,130 --> 00:08:01,306
Absolutely agree.
196
00:08:01,350 --> 00:08:04,353
LASZLO:
Which is ironic,
because he doesn't have one.
197
00:08:06,137 --> 00:08:08,139
[bats squeaking]
198
00:08:09,576 --> 00:08:10,664
Where is he?
199
00:08:10,707 --> 00:08:13,144
He was right behind us.
200
00:08:13,188 --> 00:08:14,798
-[cawing]
-LASZLO: Ah.
201
00:08:14,842 --> 00:08:16,887
NANDOR:
He's going to frighten
the townspeople.
202
00:08:16,931 --> 00:08:20,108
-Oh.
-[grunts]
203
00:08:20,151 --> 00:08:22,197
-LASZLO: Um...
-MAN: Holy shit.
204
00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:24,329
A lot of these buildings
are, uh, are taverns,
205
00:08:24,373 --> 00:08:26,767
-or bars as they call them.
-NADJA: Don't mind him.
206
00:08:26,810 --> 00:08:28,116
-WOMAN: Did you see that?
-Why are these pedestrians
207
00:08:28,159 --> 00:08:29,378
making rictus faces at us?
208
00:08:29,421 --> 00:08:30,597
MAN 2:
Oh, my God.
209
00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:32,424
Devils suck, man.
[chuckles]
210
00:08:32,468 --> 00:08:33,425
We are vampires!
211
00:08:33,469 --> 00:08:34,601
Shh! What are you doing?
212
00:08:34,644 --> 00:08:36,777
He is literally going around,
213
00:08:36,820 --> 00:08:40,128
telling everyone, "Nice to meetyou, I am vampire."
214
00:08:40,171 --> 00:08:41,912
And, you know,
there's only so many times
215
00:08:41,956 --> 00:08:44,741
you can say that he's joking,
because look at his face.
216
00:08:44,785 --> 00:08:48,179
-Yo, Laz. Nadja. Whoa...
-[low growl]
217
00:08:48,223 --> 00:08:51,792
I was just, uh, stocking upon some brews for the big game.
218
00:08:51,835 --> 00:08:53,968
Who is this guy?
[groaning]
219
00:08:54,011 --> 00:08:56,144
NADJA:
No, no, no. This is
our neighbor Sean, sire.
220
00:08:56,187 --> 00:08:57,798
NANDOR:
He brings our trash cans in
221
00:08:57,841 --> 00:08:59,756
when we forget them.
222
00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:00,757
[grunts]
223
00:09:00,801 --> 00:09:01,802
[coughs]
224
00:09:01,845 --> 00:09:03,978
What the fuck? How did he...?
225
00:09:04,021 --> 00:09:05,588
LASZLO:
Shut up.
You won't remember anything
226
00:09:05,632 --> 00:09:08,591
from the last five minutes.
227
00:09:08,635 --> 00:09:10,767
Yo, Laz, Nadja.
228
00:09:10,811 --> 00:09:12,943
I was just going to stock up
on some more brews.
229
00:09:12,987 --> 00:09:15,424
-[groaning]
-Oh, no, no, no, no.
-LASZLO: No, no, no, no...
230
00:09:16,904 --> 00:09:18,732
BARON:
We will fill this place
231
00:09:18,775 --> 00:09:21,430
with the carcasses
of the conquered.
232
00:09:21,473 --> 00:09:23,954
Some humans will become slaves.
233
00:09:23,998 --> 00:09:26,435
The rest, food.
234
00:09:26,478 --> 00:09:28,872
Slave.
235
00:09:28,916 --> 00:09:30,874
WOMAN [over P.A.]:
Pharmacy, pick up
line three, please.
236
00:09:30,918 --> 00:09:31,875
Pharmacy, line three.
237
00:09:31,919 --> 00:09:33,398
[gasps]
238
00:09:33,442 --> 00:09:34,835
Food.
239
00:09:34,878 --> 00:09:37,185
He's as mad as a wax banana.
240
00:09:37,228 --> 00:09:39,187
-He's a fucking liability.
-I think it might be
241
00:09:39,230 --> 00:09:40,754
better if he dies.
242
00:09:40,797 --> 00:09:43,887
How about we just put his coffinon a nice, long ocean journey?
243
00:09:43,931 --> 00:09:46,977
Look at this wonderful talisman.
244
00:09:47,021 --> 00:09:49,240
-Whoop.
-[laughter]
245
00:09:49,284 --> 00:09:51,765
Need I haggle
with the proprietor?
246
00:09:51,808 --> 00:09:54,855
-Just put it in your pocket.
-Hmm. It is done.
247
00:09:55,856 --> 00:09:58,902
BARON:
Let us see, what to drink.
248
00:09:58,946 --> 00:10:00,643
What to...
[gasps]
249
00:10:00,687 --> 00:10:03,428
[moans]
250
00:10:03,472 --> 00:10:04,473
-LASZLO: Oh, no, no.
-[laughs]
251
00:10:04,516 --> 00:10:06,649
[overlapping chatter]
252
00:10:06,693 --> 00:10:08,825
NANDOR:Oh, give him a nice hug from us.
253
00:10:08,869 --> 00:10:10,827
-Is he okay? I...
-NADJA: Ha, ha.
254
00:10:10,871 --> 00:10:12,873
Whoa, dear. Hi.
255
00:10:12,916 --> 00:10:15,440
The Baron is being
very loud and obvious
256
00:10:15,484 --> 00:10:18,922
and vampirey and reckless.
257
00:10:18,966 --> 00:10:21,795
He had
a very high alcohol content.
258
00:10:21,838 --> 00:10:24,449
Do you think maybe
we should move the body?
259
00:10:24,493 --> 00:10:27,061
Now he's just gone up
to a drunk man
260
00:10:27,104 --> 00:10:28,932
and he's drunk
the drunk man's blood
261
00:10:28,976 --> 00:10:31,065
that has made him drunk.
262
00:10:31,108 --> 00:10:33,241
[sighs] Okay. That's a...
263
00:10:33,284 --> 00:10:34,895
Just a little dizzy. Okay.
264
00:10:34,938 --> 00:10:37,288
-A little dizzy, little dizzy.
-[mouthing]
265
00:10:37,332 --> 00:10:38,550
[mouthing]
266
00:10:38,594 --> 00:10:40,683
[all whispering]
267
00:10:40,727 --> 00:10:42,337
I am better.
268
00:10:42,380 --> 00:10:44,469
Back in the saddle.
269
00:10:44,513 --> 00:10:46,384
The drinking saddle!
270
00:10:47,516 --> 00:10:48,735
That was bollocks.
271
00:10:53,783 --> 00:10:56,525
♪ We need you now...♪
272
00:10:56,568 --> 00:10:58,962
You people are as much fun
as the plague.
273
00:10:59,006 --> 00:11:01,051
Remember the plague?
And how much fun it was?
274
00:11:01,095 --> 00:11:02,531
That's this.
275
00:11:02,574 --> 00:11:05,273
-Let's liven this place up.
-Not too lively.
276
00:11:05,316 --> 00:11:09,277
It's very important to just
blend in and go with the flow.
277
00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:10,713
Or we could do shots.
278
00:11:10,757 --> 00:11:13,107
Shots, shots, shots,
shots, shots,
279
00:11:13,150 --> 00:11:15,500
shots, shots, shots,
shots, shots, shots,
280
00:11:15,544 --> 00:11:16,937
shots, shots, shots, shots.
281
00:11:16,980 --> 00:11:18,721
[man gasping]
282
00:11:18,765 --> 00:11:19,896
LASZLO:
For God's sake.
283
00:11:19,940 --> 00:11:22,986
Oh, who wants a shot? [snarls]
284
00:11:23,030 --> 00:11:24,509
We could do shots.
285
00:11:24,553 --> 00:11:25,902
[Baron moaning]
286
00:11:25,946 --> 00:11:28,862
Just a minute.
287
00:11:28,905 --> 00:11:31,734
-[all laughing]
-And I said,
288
00:11:31,778 --> 00:11:34,911
"No, how do you like
yourstakes?"
289
00:11:34,955 --> 00:11:38,001
And pushed itright through his stupid heart.
290
00:11:38,045 --> 00:11:40,090
[Nadja shrieks with laughter]
291
00:11:40,134 --> 00:11:42,136
You know I'm not really a baron.
292
00:11:42,179 --> 00:11:43,746
NANDOR [slurring]:
Yes, you are.
293
00:11:43,790 --> 00:11:45,748
You're the Baron.
294
00:11:45,792 --> 00:11:48,969
No, I am not. It was a nickname.
295
00:11:49,012 --> 00:11:50,753
To tease me.
296
00:11:50,797 --> 00:11:53,625
Barren, B-A-R-R-E-N.
297
00:11:53,669 --> 00:11:54,757
Huh.
298
00:11:54,801 --> 00:11:56,846
Because I cannot sire offspring
299
00:11:56,890 --> 00:11:59,893
due to my lack of genitals.
300
00:11:59,936 --> 00:12:02,199
-Hello-- whoop!
-There it isn't.
301
00:12:02,243 --> 00:12:03,766
NADJA:
I like it.
302
00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:06,987
All I ever wanted
was a child of my own.
303
00:12:09,076 --> 00:12:11,426
Well, I don't know, Baron.
304
00:12:12,601 --> 00:12:14,385
Maybe we could be your children.
305
00:12:14,429 --> 00:12:16,561
-NADJA: Yes.
-Yes.
306
00:12:16,605 --> 00:12:17,998
-Yes.
-Also, maybe
307
00:12:18,041 --> 00:12:20,217
you want to pull
your pants back up now or...?
308
00:12:20,261 --> 00:12:22,393
Hmm? Oh, of course.
309
00:12:22,437 --> 00:12:24,613
NADJA:
Aw...
310
00:12:26,963 --> 00:12:28,922
[group laughing]
311
00:12:28,965 --> 00:12:31,011
NADJA:
The Baron,
312
00:12:31,054 --> 00:12:33,013
he told us very sad story.
313
00:12:33,056 --> 00:12:35,929
We might not kill him now--
314
00:12:35,972 --> 00:12:37,931
no, not going to kill him.
315
00:12:39,410 --> 00:12:41,412
BARON:
It's just hard.
316
00:12:41,456 --> 00:12:45,025
I used to derive such pleasure
from killing,
317
00:12:45,068 --> 00:12:46,940
but now... it's just a thing
318
00:12:46,983 --> 00:12:50,813
I do because... why?
319
00:12:50,857 --> 00:12:52,815
Because I've always
done it, I guess?
320
00:12:52,859 --> 00:12:56,253
And these dark rages
that overtake me,
321
00:12:56,297 --> 00:12:58,690
oh, my mind is devouring itself.
322
00:12:58,734 --> 00:13:00,040
Aw...
323
00:13:00,083 --> 00:13:01,476
We're all going through shit.
324
00:13:01,519 --> 00:13:03,217
It's hard doing what we do.
325
00:13:03,260 --> 00:13:05,175
BARON:
You know...
326
00:13:05,219 --> 00:13:07,177
this is going
to sound odd, but...
327
00:13:07,221 --> 00:13:09,049
I was thinking of killing
all of you tonight.
328
00:13:09,092 --> 00:13:10,180
NADJA:
Ah.
329
00:13:10,224 --> 00:13:12,008
-Yeah, yeah, I was.
-Ah.
330
00:13:12,052 --> 00:13:13,836
BARON:
What have I become?
331
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,969
[Nadja and Laszlo
chuckle weakly]
332
00:13:19,233 --> 00:13:20,930
Guess what.
333
00:13:20,974 --> 00:13:22,497
[Nandor giggles]
334
00:13:23,672 --> 00:13:26,414
We were going to kill you
tonight, too.
335
00:13:26,457 --> 00:13:28,198
[snickers]
336
00:13:28,242 --> 00:13:32,072
[trio laughing]
337
00:13:32,115 --> 00:13:33,725
NANDOR:
We were going to kill you!
338
00:13:33,769 --> 00:13:36,685
[laughing]:
It was, it was Laszlo's idea.
339
00:13:36,728 --> 00:13:39,209
-Yeah, it was.
-[trio laughing]
340
00:13:39,253 --> 00:13:40,645
He had the stake,
341
00:13:40,689 --> 00:13:42,082
-the...
-[laughter stops]
342
00:13:42,125 --> 00:13:43,997
...stake...
343
00:13:44,998 --> 00:13:47,478
I beg your pardon?
344
00:13:47,522 --> 00:13:48,915
NANDOR:
Uh...
345
00:13:48,958 --> 00:13:50,525
LASZLO:
He was just joking, it was,
346
00:13:50,568 --> 00:13:52,875
it was just an idea
that we were kicking upstream.
347
00:13:52,919 --> 00:13:54,964
NANDOR:
Was more of a "what if"
situation.
348
00:13:55,008 --> 00:13:58,663
-Like, "What if?" and then "No."-Shut up.
349
00:13:58,707 --> 00:14:00,317
-[groans]
-[Nadja giggles nervously]
350
00:14:00,361 --> 00:14:03,538
You... "kicked upstream"
351
00:14:03,581 --> 00:14:06,671
the idea of killing...
352
00:14:06,715 --> 00:14:08,108
me?
353
00:14:08,151 --> 00:14:10,675
As a joke. Nothing more.
354
00:14:10,719 --> 00:14:12,112
NADJA:
Just a-- a laugh.
355
00:14:12,155 --> 00:14:13,156
NANDOR:
Nothing happened.
356
00:14:21,077 --> 00:14:23,079
[laughs]
357
00:14:23,123 --> 00:14:24,689
LASZLO:
Oh...
358
00:14:24,733 --> 00:14:26,343
-Your faces!
-Oh, the Baron...
359
00:14:26,387 --> 00:14:27,779
-Oh...
-You shithead.
360
00:14:27,823 --> 00:14:29,694
BARON:
Oh, I am proud of you.
361
00:14:29,738 --> 00:14:31,696
If I were you, I would have
done the same thing.
362
00:14:31,740 --> 00:14:33,046
[all laughing, chattering]
363
00:14:33,089 --> 00:14:34,351
BARON:
Where is next?
364
00:14:34,395 --> 00:14:36,266
You know what I have
always wanted to try?
365
00:14:36,310 --> 00:14:37,964
-Coprophilia.
-No.
366
00:14:38,007 --> 00:14:39,574
Pizza pie.
367
00:14:39,617 --> 00:14:42,098
Is it as wonderful
as they sa...?
368
00:14:42,142 --> 00:14:43,926
Coprophilia?
369
00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:45,710
Sire, this is an even worse idea
370
00:14:45,754 --> 00:14:47,582
than when we tried
to invade Vienna.
371
00:14:47,625 --> 00:14:49,105
It's certainly going
to make you very ill.
372
00:14:49,149 --> 00:14:51,194
I'm having pizza pie.
373
00:14:52,195 --> 00:14:53,762
Oh, no, no, no.
374
00:14:53,805 --> 00:14:55,807
[trio groaning in disgust]
375
00:14:55,851 --> 00:14:57,331
Mmm.
376
00:14:57,374 --> 00:14:58,723
[chuckles]
377
00:14:58,767 --> 00:15:00,334
Mmm.
378
00:15:00,377 --> 00:15:01,944
The garlic burnt a little,
but...
379
00:15:01,988 --> 00:15:02,989
[retches]
380
00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:06,122
[group gasping, groaning]
381
00:15:07,384 --> 00:15:09,082
Down he goes.
382
00:15:09,125 --> 00:15:10,779
-[retching]
-NANDOR: He's up again.
383
00:15:10,822 --> 00:15:11,780
NADJA:
The Baron has eaten
384
00:15:11,823 --> 00:15:13,956
some human food and now his body
385
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:16,611
is being propelled around
by his own vomit.
386
00:15:16,654 --> 00:15:18,091
-LASZLO: Is he all right?-NANDOR: Now, where's he going?
387
00:15:18,134 --> 00:15:19,788
NADJA:
So, that's what's happening
388
00:15:19,831 --> 00:15:21,137
right now.
389
00:15:22,791 --> 00:15:24,358
[trio gasping]
390
00:15:24,401 --> 00:15:26,403
-LASZLO: There he is.
-NADJA: Ooh.
391
00:15:29,798 --> 00:15:32,018
♪
392
00:15:36,631 --> 00:15:37,980
Uh...
393
00:15:38,024 --> 00:15:39,547
[Laszlo and Nandor gasp]
394
00:15:39,590 --> 00:15:41,375
Totally worth it.
395
00:15:41,418 --> 00:15:42,767
What is next?
396
00:15:42,811 --> 00:15:44,813
[techno music playing]
397
00:15:55,041 --> 00:15:57,826
-[techno music playing]
-[Baron hisses]
398
00:15:57,869 --> 00:15:59,828
[gasps]
399
00:16:01,612 --> 00:16:03,614
[growls]
400
00:16:07,662 --> 00:16:10,012
♪ I♪
401
00:16:10,056 --> 00:16:13,233
♪ I'm alive♪
402
00:16:13,276 --> 00:16:18,238
♪ I'm alive.♪
403
00:16:18,281 --> 00:16:20,153
We drank the blood
of some people,
404
00:16:20,196 --> 00:16:22,372
but the people were on drugs
405
00:16:22,416 --> 00:16:24,809
and now I am a wizard.
406
00:16:24,853 --> 00:16:29,031
The Baron is, is very,
actually... great man...
407
00:16:29,075 --> 00:16:30,424
I drank the drug blood.
408
00:16:30,467 --> 00:16:32,252
Yes, I drank some drug blood.
409
00:16:32,295 --> 00:16:34,254
We drank-- we've done
some drug blood.
410
00:16:34,297 --> 00:16:36,821
BARON:
♪ It is the time♪
411
00:16:36,865 --> 00:16:38,823
♪ Of the season♪
412
00:16:38,867 --> 00:16:42,262
♪ When the love runs high♪
413
00:16:42,305 --> 00:16:43,654
♪ It is the time...♪
414
00:16:43,698 --> 00:16:47,180
That's the Baron I remember.
415
00:16:47,223 --> 00:16:49,878
Having a really great time,
416
00:16:49,921 --> 00:16:51,923
but it's almost sunup.
417
00:16:51,967 --> 00:16:54,709
I think we should leave soon,otherwise we're gonna be fried.
418
00:16:54,752 --> 00:16:59,627
♪
It's the time of the season♪
419
00:16:59,670 --> 00:17:04,284
♪ For loving♪
420
00:17:04,327 --> 00:17:05,850
♪ Ah.♪
421
00:17:05,894 --> 00:17:07,852
Laszlo, can you see if they have
422
00:17:07,896 --> 00:17:10,203
"Girl in the Village
with the One Small Foot"
423
00:17:10,246 --> 00:17:12,074
by Vasilios the Balladeer?
424
00:17:12,118 --> 00:17:13,858
-Yep.
-Never mind.
425
00:17:13,902 --> 00:17:15,164
I'll sing a cappella.
426
00:17:15,208 --> 00:17:16,731
-[clears throat]
-LASZLO: Okay.
427
00:17:16,774 --> 00:17:19,690
♪ There was a girl
in the village♪
428
00:17:19,734 --> 00:17:22,867
♪ She had one very small foot♪
429
00:17:22,911 --> 00:17:25,087
♪ Did she lose her foot
in the well?♪
430
00:17:25,131 --> 00:17:26,654
-It is time
to return to our den.
-♪ No one knows♪
431
00:17:26,697 --> 00:17:29,874
-♪ No one knows...♪
-Party's over.
432
00:17:29,918 --> 00:17:31,354
[distorted]:
I said we are leaving!
433
00:17:31,398 --> 00:17:32,660
[feedback]
434
00:17:32,703 --> 00:17:34,314
-NANDOR: We should go.
-LASZLO: Yeah, yeah.
435
00:17:34,357 --> 00:17:35,532
-[keys jangling]
-NADJA: The sun is coming.
436
00:17:35,576 --> 00:17:37,360
NANDOR:
The door's stuck again.
437
00:17:37,404 --> 00:17:39,449
Everyone, quickly,
the sun is coming.
438
00:17:39,493 --> 00:17:40,755
[cheering, laughter]
439
00:17:40,798 --> 00:17:43,323
-♪ Par-tay!♪
-Come on.
440
00:17:43,366 --> 00:17:45,325
Just one foot at a time, Baron.
441
00:17:45,368 --> 00:17:47,240
COLIN:
Someone sure had
a good time, huh?
442
00:17:47,283 --> 00:17:50,112
NADJA:
Colin Robinson, we missed you.
443
00:17:50,156 --> 00:17:51,157
-BARON: Hi.
-What?
444
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:52,680
What-What's wrong with you?
445
00:17:52,723 --> 00:17:54,116
We are on drugs.
446
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:56,553
[Baron pants]
447
00:17:56,597 --> 00:17:58,338
Have you partaken
of the pizza pie?
448
00:17:58,381 --> 00:18:01,689
[group laughing]
449
00:18:01,732 --> 00:18:03,691
NANDOR:
I can do this, I can do this.
450
00:18:03,734 --> 00:18:06,215
NADJA [laughing]:
Oh, no, the sunlight.
451
00:18:06,259 --> 00:18:07,912
-[laughs]
-Laszlo!
452
00:18:07,956 --> 00:18:09,349
Careful.
453
00:18:09,392 --> 00:18:10,480
Be careful.
454
00:18:10,524 --> 00:18:11,916
-Oh...
-Oh, man.
455
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:13,266
BARON:
Look at this... wait.
456
00:18:13,309 --> 00:18:16,138
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
457
00:18:16,182 --> 00:18:17,531
No, the sunlight.
458
00:18:17,574 --> 00:18:19,272
I'm so scared.
459
00:18:19,315 --> 00:18:20,708
No, no, no, Baron.
460
00:18:20,751 --> 00:18:22,536
-Baron...
-No, no, no, no!
461
00:18:22,579 --> 00:18:25,278
No, no, no, no, go easy.
It's dangerous, man.
462
00:18:25,321 --> 00:18:27,149
He's being an idiot.
Come on, Baron.
463
00:18:27,193 --> 00:18:29,282
You're a bunch of pussies...
[yelps]
464
00:18:29,325 --> 00:18:30,761
[groans, laughs]
465
00:18:30,805 --> 00:18:31,936
NADJA [laughing]:
See what you've done.
466
00:18:31,980 --> 00:18:33,242
-Did you see that?
-You hurt yourself.
467
00:18:33,286 --> 00:18:35,331
-Come on, Baron.
-Put your night skirts on
468
00:18:35,375 --> 00:18:36,724
-and go to coffin.
-BARON: All right, okay,
469
00:18:36,767 --> 00:18:38,378
-okay, okay.
-Go to coffin, Baron.
470
00:18:38,421 --> 00:18:41,381
Thing off, I don't know
how to work this. [laughs]
471
00:18:41,424 --> 00:18:42,512
-[Nadja laughs, gasps]
-Oh-- ah!
472
00:18:42,556 --> 00:18:43,513
LASZLO:
Oh, shit.
473
00:18:43,557 --> 00:18:45,776
[Baron gasping]
474
00:18:45,820 --> 00:18:48,214
[grunting]
475
00:18:48,257 --> 00:18:50,390
LASZLO:
Baron?
476
00:18:50,433 --> 00:18:53,001
Well, that was unexpected.
[laughs]
477
00:18:53,044 --> 00:18:54,829
Uh, oh-- oh...
478
00:18:54,872 --> 00:18:58,311
oh... aw...
479
00:18:58,354 --> 00:19:00,356
Hello.
Oh.
480
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:02,402
[exclaims]
481
00:19:02,445 --> 00:19:04,404
-NADJA: Shit.
-LASZLO: Shit.
482
00:19:04,447 --> 00:19:05,970
-Is he dead?
-Oh, no.
483
00:19:06,014 --> 00:19:08,408
[hisses]
Ouchie.
484
00:19:08,451 --> 00:19:10,192
Just a little sore.
485
00:19:10,236 --> 00:19:12,194
Oh, God-- Oh. Oh...
486
00:19:12,238 --> 00:19:14,327
lucky I missed
these wooden stakes.
487
00:19:14,370 --> 00:19:15,850
[all laugh]
488
00:19:15,893 --> 00:19:17,591
He's safe.
489
00:19:17,634 --> 00:19:19,767
I am okay.
490
00:19:19,810 --> 00:19:22,335
[yelps]
491
00:19:26,426 --> 00:19:28,210
What's that smell?
492
00:19:28,254 --> 00:19:29,820
Hey, I got the rose...
493
00:19:32,475 --> 00:19:34,129
[whispers]:
Fuck.
494
00:19:35,261 --> 00:19:36,262
[gasps]
495
00:19:38,612 --> 00:19:39,569
Oh...
496
00:19:39,613 --> 00:19:41,049
-Wow.
-[groans]
497
00:19:41,092 --> 00:19:43,051
Oh, shit.
498
00:19:43,094 --> 00:19:45,009
♪ Let's go sunning♪
499
00:19:45,053 --> 00:19:46,446
♪ It's so good for you♪
500
00:19:46,489 --> 00:19:48,361
♪ Let's go sunning♪
501
00:19:48,404 --> 00:19:50,450
♪ 'Neath the sky of blue♪
502
00:19:50,493 --> 00:19:53,279
♪ Greet the sun every morn♪
503
00:19:53,322 --> 00:19:56,282
♪ Feel as free and happy
as the day you were born♪
504
00:19:56,325 --> 00:19:58,675
♪ Let's go native♪
505
00:19:58,719 --> 00:20:01,591
♪ Sun your cares away,
be creative♪
506
00:20:01,635 --> 00:20:03,593
♪ Learn to live and play♪
507
00:20:03,637 --> 00:20:06,379
♪ Pretty flowers need the sun♪
508
00:20:06,422 --> 00:20:09,904
♪ This applies to everyone♪
509
00:20:09,947 --> 00:20:13,037
♪ Happiness to everyone♪
510
00:20:13,081 --> 00:20:17,085
♪ So let's go sunning.♪
511
00:20:25,093 --> 00:20:27,138
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
512
00:20:28,314 --> 00:20:30,185
[guitar plays rapidly]
513
00:20:31,491 --> 00:20:32,883
Very cool, Master.
514
00:20:32,927 --> 00:20:34,320
-[groans]
-[cackles]
515
00:20:37,975 --> 00:20:39,368
-[music stops]
-Name that tune!
516
00:20:40,413 --> 00:20:41,718
-[music resumes]
-[hissing]
517
00:20:41,762 --> 00:20:42,893
Ow!
518
00:20:42,937 --> 00:20:44,852
[both cackling]
519
00:20:44,895 --> 00:20:47,855
"I'm a vampire.
I'm immortal."
520
00:20:47,898 --> 00:20:50,945
-Creepy paper.
-It's "crepe paper," Master.
521
00:20:50,988 --> 00:20:53,426
Creepy.
Oh, multipack.
522
00:20:53,469 --> 00:20:55,166
ANNOUNCER:
What We Do in the Shadows.
523
00:20:55,210 --> 00:20:58,387
All new, Wednesday
at 10:00 on FX.
524
00:20:59,475 --> 00:21:03,479
[jazz music plays]
525
00:21:09,355 --> 00:21:10,312
Again.
526
00:21:10,356 --> 00:21:14,490
Fosse/Verdon. All new,
Tuesdays at 10:00 on FX.
527
00:21:15,796 --> 00:21:17,667
Whoa. Gotta use
only the right foot.
528
00:21:17,711 --> 00:21:19,408
You gotta alternate.
529
00:21:19,452 --> 00:21:22,716
[warning bell dinging]
530
00:21:24,413 --> 00:21:25,893
Okay. Good lesson.
531
00:21:25,936 --> 00:21:27,547
ANNOUNCER: Better Things.
532
00:21:27,590 --> 00:21:28,591
All new
Thursdays at 10:00 on FX.
533
00:21:31,594 --> 00:21:32,726
[record static]
534
00:21:32,769 --> 00:21:36,382
[hip-hop beat]
535
00:21:40,429 --> 00:21:42,605
[rapid drumming]
536
00:21:42,649 --> 00:21:46,174
[beat resumes]
34689
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