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00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:03,601
(funky disco plays)
♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
2
00:00:03,604 --> 00:00:05,804
♪ And I am proud to be
3
00:00:05,806 --> 00:00:07,966
♪ Right back in my hometown
4
00:00:08,108 --> 00:00:10,838
♪ With my new family
5
00:00:10,845 --> 00:00:13,045
♪ There's old friends
and new friends ♪
6
00:00:13,047 --> 00:00:15,207
♪ And even a bear
7
00:00:15,216 --> 00:00:17,516
♪ Through good times
and bad times ♪
8
00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:19,118
♪ It's true love we share
9
00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:21,320
♪ And so I found a place
10
00:00:21,322 --> 00:00:23,692
♪ Where everyone will know
11
00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:25,961
♪ My happy mustached face
12
00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:29,190
♪ This is The Cleveland Show. ♪
13
00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:31,196
(chuckles)
14
00:00:33,666 --> 00:00:34,966
We now return to...
15
00:00:34,969 --> 00:00:36,269
Projects Runway.
16
00:00:36,270 --> 00:00:37,500
All right, designers.
17
00:00:37,505 --> 00:00:39,805
I'm David Hyde Pierce's
father, Tim Gunn.
18
00:00:39,807 --> 00:00:42,837
For today's challenge,
you have $50 to...
19
00:00:45,278 --> 00:00:46,448
Ouchies.
20
00:00:46,447 --> 00:00:47,607
Really, B.E.T.?
21
00:00:47,615 --> 00:00:49,615
Uh-uh! Get your
butt out that chair!
22
00:00:49,617 --> 00:00:50,947
That seat's for my dad.
23
00:00:50,951 --> 00:00:52,621
He asked if he
could come over
24
00:00:52,620 --> 00:00:54,490
and watch March Madnesswith me.
25
00:00:54,488 --> 00:00:56,988
You know what
this means, Rallo? What?
26
00:00:56,991 --> 00:00:58,961
Why are you saying
it like that?
27
00:00:58,959 --> 00:00:59,829
Just tell me.
28
00:00:59,827 --> 00:01:01,087
Well, all right.
29
00:01:01,095 --> 00:01:02,685
We're going to bond
30
00:01:02,696 --> 00:01:04,526
as father and son.
31
00:01:04,532 --> 00:01:06,672
Oh! That's not what
I thought you were gonna say!
32
00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:07,997
That's good!
33
00:01:08,002 --> 00:01:10,342
You've been waiting for that
for a long time.
34
00:01:10,337 --> 00:01:11,337
Man, good luck!
35
00:01:11,338 --> 00:01:14,108
From one neglected son
to another,
36
00:01:14,108 --> 00:01:16,178
go with God.
37
00:01:16,177 --> 00:01:19,337
Hey, y'all hear Cleveland's
bonding with his dad?!
38
00:01:19,346 --> 00:01:22,506
Rallo can be
all right sometimes.
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00:01:22,516 --> 00:01:24,476
(March Madness theme playing
on TV)
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00:01:24,485 --> 00:01:27,145
I'm pretty happy
where I'm seated
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00:01:27,154 --> 00:01:28,794
in this tournament,
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00:01:28,789 --> 00:01:31,359
right next to my dad.
43
00:01:31,358 --> 00:01:32,758
Good game, huh?
44
00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:35,160
Great game.
45
00:01:35,162 --> 00:01:37,532
Hey, check it out, I paid
extra for the package
46
00:01:37,531 --> 00:01:39,501
that just lets you hear
the shoes squeaking.
47
00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:41,000
(shoes squeaking)
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00:01:41,001 --> 00:01:43,341
How much is the package
that has no you?
49
00:01:43,337 --> 00:01:44,437
Zing!
50
00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:46,368
Ha, ha! This is fun,
I'm having fun,
51
00:01:46,373 --> 00:01:47,673
we're having fun.
52
00:01:47,675 --> 00:01:49,675
Hey, looks like you're
getting low on ice.
53
00:01:49,677 --> 00:01:50,937
(loud mechanical rumbling)
54
00:01:50,945 --> 00:01:53,345
I bought this just for the game!
55
00:01:53,347 --> 00:01:54,677
I thought you'd like it!
56
00:01:54,682 --> 00:01:57,582
Do you like me, it, Dad?! Dad?!
57
00:01:57,585 --> 00:01:58,975
Dad!?
58
00:01:58,986 --> 00:02:01,246
I don't want ice
in my beer, Tubby!
59
00:02:01,255 --> 00:02:03,185
I ain't no white dude
on a plane.
60
00:02:03,190 --> 00:02:05,990
Kansas versus
Wofford College.
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00:02:05,993 --> 00:02:08,033
Wofford's gonna win.
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00:02:08,028 --> 00:02:09,498
(laughs)
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00:02:09,497 --> 00:02:10,957
I doubt that,
Tubby Jr.
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00:02:10,965 --> 00:02:13,695
A 16 seed's never
beaten a number one.
65
00:02:13,701 --> 00:02:16,501
Guess you taught your
son everything you know about sports.
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00:02:16,504 --> 00:02:18,104
(laughs)
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00:02:18,105 --> 00:02:19,765
ANNOUNCER :
And in a history-making upset,
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00:02:19,773 --> 00:02:22,313
Wofford obliterates Kansas,
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00:02:22,309 --> 00:02:24,679
128 to 72!
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00:02:24,678 --> 00:02:26,978
How the hell did
you know that? Easy.
71
00:02:26,981 --> 00:02:29,851
I just thought about
which team's mascot would win in a fight.
72
00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:32,750
Wofford's Terrier against
Kansas's Jayhawk?
73
00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:35,523
That dog would
rip the head off some stupid bird.
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00:02:35,523 --> 00:02:37,863
You knew Wofford
College's mascot?
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00:02:37,858 --> 00:02:39,088
I know all of them!
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00:02:39,093 --> 00:02:40,763
I've been memorizing
the Internet.
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00:02:40,761 --> 00:02:42,431
Okay, let's test
out your system.
78
00:02:42,429 --> 00:02:44,499
Michigan versus
U.C. Irvine, who won?
79
00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:46,168
Uh, last time
I checked,
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00:02:46,167 --> 00:02:48,497
a wolverine was tougher
than an anteater.
81
00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:50,472
Michigan, silly.
82
00:02:50,471 --> 00:02:51,871
Damn! That's two for two.
83
00:02:51,872 --> 00:02:54,472
Come on, Junior, we got
to go talk to my bookie.
84
00:02:54,475 --> 00:02:57,175
Okay, but first
I'll talk to my forkie.
85
00:02:57,178 --> 00:03:00,008
Hey, Forkie. Hey, Junior.
86
00:03:00,014 --> 00:03:02,354
Are you having a nice tine?
87
00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:03,679
(chuckles)
Hey, that's racist!
88
00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:06,024
I know. What you
gonna do about it?
89
00:03:06,020 --> 00:03:08,990
(cries, shouts in pain)
(dish breaks)
90
00:03:08,989 --> 00:03:11,489
But, Dad,
what about our bonding?
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00:03:11,492 --> 00:03:12,822
Bonding?
92
00:03:12,826 --> 00:03:15,656
Look, man, I came
because you got a big TV,
93
00:03:15,663 --> 00:03:17,603
free food,
and a cushioned toilet seat
94
00:03:17,598 --> 00:03:19,768
that when you
sit on it goes,
95
00:03:19,767 --> 00:03:22,697
"pssssshhh... "
96
00:03:28,174 --> 00:03:30,344
Roberta, I'm baking my
March Madness Hoopsberry pie.
97
00:03:30,344 --> 00:03:32,014
Can you run to the store
98
00:03:32,012 --> 00:03:33,952
and pick me up
some orange frosting?
99
00:03:33,948 --> 00:03:36,448
Just put some food
coloring in the vanilla, bitch.
100
00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:38,280
Roberta!
Oh, Mama!
101
00:03:38,285 --> 00:03:39,685
I thought you
were Junior.
102
00:03:39,687 --> 00:03:42,957
He asked me for
orange frosting eight times today.
103
00:03:42,957 --> 00:03:45,017
I'll go get it, Mom.
No problem.
104
00:03:45,025 --> 00:03:46,485
Oh. Well,
thank you, Rallo.
105
00:03:46,493 --> 00:03:48,833
I need it quick,
so don't be a wimp
106
00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:50,499
about cutting through
that dark alley.
107
00:03:50,497 --> 00:03:52,357
All right!
108
00:03:56,336 --> 00:03:59,866
Okay, who do I take,
Notre Dame or Illinois?
109
00:03:59,873 --> 00:04:01,943
Hmm. The Fighting Irish
110
00:04:01,942 --> 00:04:03,942
versus the Fighting Illini...
111
00:04:03,944 --> 00:04:07,354
CLEVELAND JR.:
This is a toughie becausethey're both drunk as hell.
112
00:04:07,348 --> 00:04:08,748
(bottle shatters)
113
00:04:15,321 --> 00:04:17,821
(beeping)
114
00:04:17,825 --> 00:04:18,985
(explosion)
115
00:04:18,993 --> 00:04:21,493
Take the Illini.
116
00:04:22,762 --> 00:04:25,632
This is the part
of the job I love.
117
00:04:25,633 --> 00:04:27,673
Congratulations.
118
00:04:27,668 --> 00:04:28,828
All right...
119
00:04:28,836 --> 00:04:30,936
Clemson versus Texas?
120
00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:32,838
Well, Clemson's
got the Tiger
121
00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:34,970
and Texas is
the Longhorn.
122
00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:36,335
Now, assuming, of course,
they're battling
123
00:04:36,343 --> 00:04:37,783
on the spiked Platform of Death
124
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:40,178
from Flash Gordon.
125
00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:41,680
(growls)
126
00:04:41,682 --> 00:04:43,082
(bellows)
127
00:04:45,151 --> 00:04:46,151
The Longhorn, notorious
128
00:04:46,153 --> 00:04:47,953
for its poor sense of balance,
129
00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:50,485
would fall offthe platform and die.
130
00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:51,591
That's sad.
131
00:04:51,592 --> 00:04:53,162
I'd give it to Clemson.
132
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:54,930
And I'd take the points.
133
00:04:57,430 --> 00:05:00,530
I think your new TV's
even bigger than my Dad's!
134
00:05:00,534 --> 00:05:02,704
(chuckles)
Check out the remote control.
135
00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:05,003
Two, four, seven...
136
00:05:05,005 --> 00:05:06,935
Got 'em all.
137
00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:09,370
Junior, life don't stink.
138
00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:15,713
(laughs)
You funny.
139
00:05:15,716 --> 00:05:17,746
You like a black Mork.
140
00:05:17,751 --> 00:05:18,781
Nanu-nanu!
141
00:05:18,786 --> 00:05:21,286
Look, cocaine!
142
00:05:21,288 --> 00:05:22,688
(snorts)
143
00:05:23,790 --> 00:05:25,760
Rallo, where'd
you get that money?
144
00:05:25,759 --> 00:05:28,589
Every time you refuse
to run an errand for Mama,
145
00:05:28,595 --> 00:05:29,755
she sends me.
146
00:05:29,763 --> 00:05:31,963
And not once has she
asked for the change.
147
00:05:31,965 --> 00:05:33,425
So I've been saving up.
148
00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:34,774
Even started
clipping coupons
149
00:05:34,768 --> 00:05:36,668
to increase
my profit margin.
150
00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,000
Yeah, but how
much could you...
151
00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:39,495
2,900 bucks.
152
00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:42,166
Gonna buy me a '67 Mustang.
153
00:05:42,176 --> 00:05:43,636
(laughs) You're five.
154
00:05:43,644 --> 00:05:45,614
You can't buy a car.
155
00:05:45,612 --> 00:05:46,982
Just did.
156
00:05:46,980 --> 00:05:50,580
Now I'm gonna try
to see a naked lady.
157
00:05:50,584 --> 00:05:52,554
Ah, it says you have to be 18.
158
00:05:55,988 --> 00:05:58,318
No... way!
159
00:05:58,325 --> 00:06:00,285
Where did you get him?!
160
00:06:00,294 --> 00:06:02,164
Oh! Is his name Charlie?
161
00:06:02,162 --> 00:06:04,162
Come here, Charlie.
Come here.
162
00:06:04,164 --> 00:06:05,864
No, his name's not Charlie.
163
00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:06,866
What is it?!
164
00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:08,097
Larry the Monkey.
165
00:06:08,102 --> 00:06:10,102
Grandpa Freight Train
bought him for me
166
00:06:10,104 --> 00:06:11,774
with some of his
basketball winnings.
167
00:06:11,772 --> 00:06:13,272
Come on, Larry the Monkey,
168
00:06:13,273 --> 00:06:15,713
let's get to know each other
before you inevitably
169
00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:18,379
rip my face and privates off.
170
00:06:19,712 --> 00:06:20,952
That poor boy.
171
00:06:20,948 --> 00:06:23,478
I've seen this too
many times before.
172
00:06:23,484 --> 00:06:25,324
Good old Freight Train's
your best friend
173
00:06:25,319 --> 00:06:27,319
as long as he needs
you to pick winners
174
00:06:27,321 --> 00:06:28,751
or help him move...
175
00:06:28,756 --> 00:06:31,856
Or pose as his
young wife at his high school reunion.
176
00:06:31,859 --> 00:06:34,529
I repeatedly asked
you not to do that.
177
00:06:34,528 --> 00:06:36,458
He bought me a piece
of salmon fish!
178
00:06:36,463 --> 00:06:38,003
Wow!
179
00:06:37,998 --> 00:06:39,728
(doorbell rings)
180
00:06:40,666 --> 00:06:42,826
Hey, Donna. I'm here
to pick up Junior.
181
00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:45,666
Over my dead body!
182
00:06:45,672 --> 00:06:48,172
Holy...
Don't worry, it's a stage rig.
183
00:06:48,175 --> 00:06:49,835
Borrowed it from
the community theater.
184
00:06:49,843 --> 00:06:52,313
But my point is,
I am not letting you
185
00:06:52,312 --> 00:06:54,512
gamble with
Junior anymore.
186
00:06:54,515 --> 00:06:56,445
What?! March Madnessended two weeks ago.
187
00:06:56,450 --> 00:06:58,080
Junior and I aren't
gambling anymore.
188
00:06:58,085 --> 00:07:00,285
Sure, I might've been
using him at first,
189
00:07:00,287 --> 00:07:02,917
but it turns out,
I just like the kid.
190
00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:04,663
Makes me feel young.
191
00:07:04,658 --> 00:07:06,988
One, two...
192
00:07:06,994 --> 00:07:08,494
three.
193
00:07:08,495 --> 00:07:12,125
Soul... plane!
194
00:07:12,132 --> 00:07:15,232
(laughter)
195
00:07:16,536 --> 00:07:18,096
(sighs)
196
00:07:19,839 --> 00:07:21,969
You're not gonna
kiss me, are you?
197
00:07:21,975 --> 00:07:23,935
And the guys
at the office loved him.
198
00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:25,714
They agreed that he...
You took him
199
00:07:25,712 --> 00:07:27,782
to your office? You
work at an office?
200
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,711
You've never taken
me to your office!
201
00:07:29,716 --> 00:07:31,516
I've got the heart
of a 60-year-old,
202
00:07:31,518 --> 00:07:33,518
and now the hobby of one.
203
00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:34,990
Let's hit the links!
204
00:07:34,988 --> 00:07:36,148
(laughs)
205
00:07:36,156 --> 00:07:37,986
Hey, I got you something.
Check it.
206
00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:39,961
A Chewbacca
golf club cover?
207
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,660
Nuh-uh!
208
00:07:41,662 --> 00:07:43,332
Well, who better
to help you drive
209
00:07:43,330 --> 00:07:45,100
than the co-pilot
of the Millennium Falcon
210
00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:47,468
from the Wookiee
planet Kashyyk?
211
00:07:47,468 --> 00:07:49,868
(Yoda impression):
Taught you well, I have, Train Freight.
212
00:07:49,870 --> 00:07:51,600
Okay, this is
ridiculous!
213
00:07:51,605 --> 00:07:54,165
I tried to show you
Star Wars in 1978,
214
00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:56,444
and you called me a...
215
00:07:56,443 --> 00:07:58,783
(clears throat) "space 'mo."
216
00:07:58,779 --> 00:08:00,679
(chuckles) Yeah.
Well, we golfin'.
217
00:08:00,681 --> 00:08:02,851
Catch you later,
Jabba the Gut.
218
00:08:02,850 --> 00:08:05,520
Oh! But Junior's
tubbier than me!
219
00:08:05,519 --> 00:08:08,119
Calling your
own son fat.
220
00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:09,491
(disapprovingly):
Mm, mm, mm.
221
00:08:19,432 --> 00:08:20,502
(knocks)
222
00:08:21,467 --> 00:08:24,297
Cleveland Brown, audio journal.
223
00:08:24,304 --> 00:08:26,474
2:45 p.m.
224
00:08:26,473 --> 00:08:29,473
I'm here finally to make peace
with my father.
225
00:08:29,476 --> 00:08:31,606
Also, pockets in socks.
226
00:08:31,612 --> 00:08:33,852
Sock pockets.
227
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,547
Remember the
sock pockets!
228
00:08:35,549 --> 00:08:37,219
Remember
the sock pockets!
229
00:08:37,217 --> 00:08:39,317
What do you want, Stinky?
230
00:08:39,319 --> 00:08:40,749
(clears throat)
231
00:08:40,754 --> 00:08:42,024
"Father...
232
00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:44,592
"Padre, Papa...
233
00:08:44,591 --> 00:08:46,991
"all different words
that mean 'Dad.'
234
00:08:46,994 --> 00:08:49,164
"All I've ever wanted
235
00:08:49,162 --> 00:08:52,102
"is to make you happy and proud,
236
00:08:52,099 --> 00:08:55,869
"but you've always been
so distant and cruel to me.
237
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:58,369
Please stop crying, Father."
238
00:08:58,372 --> 00:08:59,842
Oh, come on!
239
00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:02,170
That's the kind of thing
I'm talking about!
240
00:09:02,175 --> 00:09:04,005
Why don't you like me?!
241
00:09:04,011 --> 00:09:05,511
Why?! Aah!
242
00:09:05,512 --> 00:09:07,982
Look, we don't get
along, that's all.
243
00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:10,181
But why?!
Give me a reason.
244
00:09:10,183 --> 00:09:11,483
You want to know why?!
245
00:09:11,485 --> 00:09:13,645
'Cause you couldn't find a flag
in a pancake!
246
00:09:13,654 --> 00:09:16,324
What's that now?
The flag in the pancake!
247
00:09:16,323 --> 00:09:18,893
When we went on
Dare Squared, remember?
248
00:09:19,625 --> 00:09:22,225
(theme music playing, cheering)
249
00:09:24,263 --> 00:09:27,333
Okay, it's time
for the obstacle course.
250
00:09:27,334 --> 00:09:29,334
If the red team can
find all the flags
251
00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:30,666
before time runs out,
252
00:09:30,671 --> 00:09:32,871
they're gonna win
a trip to Orlando--
253
00:09:32,873 --> 00:09:34,613
the theme park, boy band
254
00:09:34,608 --> 00:09:37,678
and child molester
capital of the world!
255
00:09:37,678 --> 00:09:39,178
(applause, cheering)
256
00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:42,009
Oh boy, Dad,
here we go!
257
00:09:42,015 --> 00:09:43,675
Let's do this, son!
258
00:09:43,684 --> 00:09:44,754
HOST: On your mark,
259
00:09:44,751 --> 00:09:47,491
get set, go!
260
00:09:47,487 --> 00:09:49,617
HOST: Cookie's got
the first challenge.
261
00:09:49,623 --> 00:09:51,293
It's called Happy Birthday.
262
00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:52,891
Go, go, go!
Yeah, yeah!
263
00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:55,590
(grunting)
264
00:10:01,634 --> 00:10:03,034
Flag number one,
265
00:10:03,036 --> 00:10:05,466
and it's Freight Train's turn
in the Royal Flush.
266
00:10:05,472 --> 00:10:06,912
(cheering)
267
00:10:09,508 --> 00:10:10,778
I'm number one,
268
00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:13,037
but I'm going down
like number two!
269
00:10:13,046 --> 00:10:14,576
(toilet flushes)
270
00:10:15,681 --> 00:10:18,351
(grunts)
271
00:10:18,352 --> 00:10:19,682
HOST: Okay, only one more flag,
272
00:10:19,686 --> 00:10:21,316
and they are going to Orlando.
273
00:10:21,321 --> 00:10:24,321
Cleveland just has to find it
in Flapjack Attack.
274
00:10:24,324 --> 00:10:25,694
20 seconds.
275
00:10:25,692 --> 00:10:27,332
Should be plenty of time.
276
00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:29,027
Can he find it?
277
00:10:29,029 --> 00:10:31,599
I can't...
Where's the...
278
00:10:31,598 --> 00:10:33,368
Flag in the flapjacks.
279
00:10:33,367 --> 00:10:35,327
The onbright
orange thing in there.
280
00:10:35,335 --> 00:10:36,795
COOKIE: Come on!
281
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:38,673
Under the butter!
It's under the butter! Come on!
282
00:10:38,672 --> 00:10:40,312
It is, in fact,
under the butter.
283
00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:42,837
We are all seeing it.
284
00:10:42,843 --> 00:10:45,043
It's right there!
285
00:10:46,712 --> 00:10:48,852
It's right (bleep) there!
286
00:10:48,849 --> 00:10:51,249
(buzzer sounds)
287
00:10:51,984 --> 00:10:54,054
(crying)
288
00:10:55,821 --> 00:10:58,521
DareSquared... of course!
289
00:10:58,525 --> 00:11:00,325
So that's why I can't
eat pancakes
290
00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:01,787
except in the morning
291
00:11:01,795 --> 00:11:03,995
or occasionally
other times of day.
292
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:06,797
That was when everything
in my life went to crap.
293
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:09,530
My work buddies at Google--
not the one you're thinking of,
294
00:11:09,536 --> 00:11:12,296
we made eyes for puppets--
they started making fun of me,
295
00:11:12,305 --> 00:11:14,605
so I stopped going to
work, and I got fired.
296
00:11:14,608 --> 00:11:17,538
The next day, I got bit by
a skunk and caught rabus.
297
00:11:17,544 --> 00:11:20,354
And then, unemployed
and foaming at the mouth,
298
00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:23,517
I cheated on your poor,
poor mother for the first time.
299
00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:25,317
Actually, that was
the fifth time.
300
00:11:25,318 --> 00:11:27,448
First time with
a bank teller. Actually...
301
00:11:27,454 --> 00:11:29,794
First time with a bank
teller named Charmaine.
302
00:11:29,790 --> 00:11:32,490
Remember when I stabbed
that bitch with her own ink pen?
303
00:11:32,492 --> 00:11:33,992
Ripped it right off the chain!
304
00:11:33,994 --> 00:11:37,034
Then, when I finally got
a shot at my dream--
305
00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:40,770
a tryout with the Redskins--
your bad luck followed me.
306
00:11:40,767 --> 00:11:43,437
I got cut two weeks
into training camp.
307
00:11:43,437 --> 00:11:45,437
Lost my spot to
Cannonball Williams.
308
00:11:45,439 --> 00:11:47,869
Hall of Famer turned rotisserie
chicken franchise mogul
309
00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:49,644
Cannonball "Mm Mm" Williams?!
310
00:11:49,643 --> 00:11:51,883
That should've been me
playing in those games.
311
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:53,138
That should've been me
312
00:11:53,146 --> 00:11:55,476
mailing drawings of my
penis to cheerleaders.
313
00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:58,782
That should've been me posing
awkwardly on football cards.
314
00:11:58,785 --> 00:12:01,445
But because of you, I
got to stand like this.
315
00:12:01,455 --> 00:12:06,255
Father, isn't it possible that
you're blaming me for all...
316
00:12:06,259 --> 00:12:07,489
Shut your mouth!
317
00:12:07,494 --> 00:12:09,664
I have nothing
to say to you.
318
00:12:09,663 --> 00:12:15,333
It was under
the damn butter.
319
00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:16,735
(revving)
320
00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:22,170
You did it, Rallo.
321
00:12:22,175 --> 00:12:23,875
A '67 Mustang.
322
00:12:23,877 --> 00:12:25,007
Yep.
323
00:12:25,011 --> 00:12:27,281
Been wanting one of these
my whole life.
324
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:29,850
And this feels like
an intersection.
325
00:12:29,850 --> 00:12:31,920
(tires screeching)
326
00:12:34,453 --> 00:12:36,693
Rallo, all this bouncing around
is have to make me
327
00:12:36,690 --> 00:12:38,160
want to go use the restroom.
328
00:12:38,158 --> 00:12:39,758
Well, that's your problem.
329
00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:41,860
I told you to go
before we left the house.
330
00:12:41,862 --> 00:12:44,332
If you don't pull over, it's
gonna be all our problem.
331
00:12:44,331 --> 00:12:46,061
All right, fine.
332
00:12:47,032 --> 00:12:49,502
You know how to
parallel park?
333
00:12:49,503 --> 00:12:52,673
Sure, I've seen my mom do it
plenty of times.
334
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:55,666
(slamming, glass breaking)
335
00:12:58,644 --> 00:13:00,084
Just like Mama.
336
00:13:02,515 --> 00:13:04,215
"Hoarding," my ass.
337
00:13:04,217 --> 00:13:05,747
Like I'm gonna
throw out magazines
338
00:13:05,752 --> 00:13:07,092
with movie stars in them.
339
00:13:07,087 --> 00:13:08,187
Cleveland!
340
00:13:08,188 --> 00:13:09,848
You got camel nose
in that thing.
341
00:13:09,856 --> 00:13:10,916
What you doing?
342
00:13:10,924 --> 00:13:13,934
Searching for a flag
for my father.
343
00:13:13,927 --> 00:13:17,157
Much like the soldiers
at "I-wo Jy-ma."
344
00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:20,104
Cleveland, what have I told you
about referencing World War Two?
345
00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:21,700
It bums me out.
346
00:13:21,701 --> 00:13:24,301
You tried to talk to your dad,
and it didn't work.
347
00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:26,104
It's time for you to move on.
348
00:13:26,106 --> 00:13:30,006
As my Cousin Ernestine always
said, "Two people in a boat?
349
00:13:30,010 --> 00:13:31,610
I don't think so."
350
00:13:31,611 --> 00:13:33,111
Thank you, Donna.
351
00:13:33,113 --> 00:13:34,983
I needed to
hear that.
352
00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:36,281
Daddy, Daddy!
353
00:13:36,283 --> 00:13:38,653
Guess who Grandpa Freight Train
asked to be his partner
354
00:13:38,652 --> 00:13:40,422
in a golf tournament
this weekend!
355
00:13:40,420 --> 00:13:41,650
Me?! Hooray!
356
00:13:41,655 --> 00:13:43,415
Daddy forgives me!
357
00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:44,423
(laughs)
358
00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:46,094
No, silly, me.
359
00:13:46,092 --> 00:13:47,962
And I'm getting
pretty good at golf.
360
00:13:47,961 --> 00:13:49,991
I might get to win
a trophy!
361
00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:52,926
An actual sports trophy,
with a guy on it.
362
00:13:52,933 --> 00:13:55,533
Not a book
or an owl or pasta.
363
00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:59,102
I like your Mr.
Macaroni trophy.
364
00:13:59,105 --> 00:14:01,665
'Member? You ate
that whole pan.
365
00:14:01,675 --> 00:14:03,435
Scrapings and all.
366
00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:06,783
Yeah, but this time I'm gonna
know I'm in a contest.
367
00:14:06,780 --> 00:14:08,110
(laughs)
368
00:14:08,114 --> 00:14:09,354
(tires screech, horn honks)
369
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:10,649
(screams)
370
00:14:10,650 --> 00:14:12,150
Are we there yet, Rallo?
We there?
371
00:14:12,152 --> 00:14:13,152
Are we there yet?
372
00:14:13,153 --> 00:14:14,153
We there?
373
00:14:14,154 --> 00:14:15,424
Huh, you know what?
374
00:14:15,422 --> 00:14:18,322
On this side, that is annoying.
375
00:14:18,325 --> 00:14:19,455
We lost.
376
00:14:19,459 --> 00:14:21,489
(engine idling)
377
00:14:22,494 --> 00:14:24,864
Just filled up
on number three.
378
00:14:24,865 --> 00:14:27,995
Took me a minute to get
the hang of the pump.
379
00:14:28,001 --> 00:14:29,031
(spits twice)
380
00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:30,765
Hey, I was wondering
381
00:14:30,770 --> 00:14:33,370
if you could give me
directions to here?
382
00:14:34,206 --> 00:14:36,006
It's my house.
383
00:14:36,009 --> 00:14:39,509
This is it, as you can see,
on a very sunny day.
384
00:14:39,512 --> 00:14:42,152
Son, you seem lost
and you reek of gas.
385
00:14:42,148 --> 00:14:44,848
I have reason to suspect
you're with Randy Quaid.
386
00:14:44,851 --> 00:14:46,681
I'm calling the cops.
(dialing)
387
00:14:46,686 --> 00:14:48,316
Five-O creepin'!
388
00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:50,821
We got to go!
My tags ain't right!
389
00:14:50,824 --> 00:14:52,724
(tires screech)
390
00:14:55,961 --> 00:14:58,601
Hey, follow the grooves, woman.
391
00:14:58,598 --> 00:15:00,628
And careful with
the speed bumps in the back.
392
00:15:00,634 --> 00:15:03,474
You gonna tell Montel's former
hairdresser how to shave a head?
393
00:15:03,470 --> 00:15:04,470
Ow!
394
00:15:04,471 --> 00:15:05,671
The hell?
395
00:15:06,538 --> 00:15:07,968
Fore!
396
00:15:07,974 --> 00:15:10,014
Cleveland, what do you
think you're doing?
397
00:15:10,010 --> 00:15:12,980
Just practicing my golf
for the big tournament.
398
00:15:12,979 --> 00:15:14,449
You're playing in
the tournament?
399
00:15:14,447 --> 00:15:16,447
What dumbass agreed
to be your partner?
400
00:15:16,449 --> 00:15:17,749
This dumbass.
401
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,490
Cannonball Williams?
402
00:15:23,490 --> 00:15:26,690
Hey, looks like Freight Train
added a snack car!
403
00:15:26,693 --> 00:15:27,863
(laughs)
404
00:15:27,861 --> 00:15:29,831
Yeah, and check
out his caboose!
405
00:15:29,829 --> 00:15:31,429
(laughs)
406
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:33,771
What a fat,
jiggly ass!
407
00:15:33,767 --> 00:15:35,567
Okay, this is
getting weird.
408
00:15:39,538 --> 00:15:41,838
Cannonball Williams,
you no-neck,
409
00:15:41,841 --> 00:15:43,171
rat-soup-eating bastard!
410
00:15:43,176 --> 00:15:45,506
I swore if I ever
saw you again, I'd...
411
00:15:45,512 --> 00:15:46,682
You'd do what?
412
00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:48,010
You ain't no Freight Train.
413
00:15:48,014 --> 00:15:49,184
You're a fart stain.
414
00:15:49,182 --> 00:15:50,522
(laughs): Ho-ho!
415
00:15:50,517 --> 00:15:52,817
You all know I'm not a fan
of potty humor,
416
00:15:52,819 --> 00:15:54,649
but when it's done
intelligently like that...
417
00:15:54,654 --> 00:15:55,694
(kisses)
418
00:15:55,689 --> 00:15:58,789
Oh, Cannonball,
my new father figure,
419
00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:01,592
tell me how the world works,
bounce me on your knee.
420
00:16:01,594 --> 00:16:03,934
Bounce me on your knee!
421
00:16:07,299 --> 00:16:08,999
Oh, yeah!
422
00:16:09,002 --> 00:16:10,172
That's it!
423
00:16:10,170 --> 00:16:11,700
Bounce me, Daddy!
424
00:16:11,705 --> 00:16:15,535
Oh, gee, Freight Train,
I forgot you existed.
425
00:16:15,542 --> 00:16:17,482
Is this hard for you?
426
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:21,177
Does it make you jealous,
seeing me with my new daddy?
427
00:16:21,181 --> 00:16:23,481
Your son is a mess,
Freight Train.
428
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:25,023
Ha! You hear that?
429
00:16:25,018 --> 00:16:26,318
I'm a mess.
430
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:27,849
Thanks to you.
431
00:16:29,088 --> 00:16:31,988
(car horns honking,
tires screeching)
432
00:16:31,992 --> 00:16:33,692
Look, I don't mean to be
the little bitch,
433
00:16:33,693 --> 00:16:34,933
but this ain't,
this ain't safe.
434
00:16:34,928 --> 00:16:35,928
What?
435
00:16:35,929 --> 00:16:37,459
Don't make me come back there!
436
00:16:37,464 --> 00:16:38,464
You know what?
437
00:16:38,465 --> 00:16:40,525
(punches landing)
438
00:16:42,034 --> 00:16:45,174
ANGUS: Welcome to the Stoolbend
Two-Man Golf Classic.
439
00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:48,171
GORDY: Breaking records
with four black people
440
00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:50,314
playing golf on the same day.
441
00:16:50,310 --> 00:16:54,010
And I've accidentally
called each one Vijay Singh.
442
00:16:54,014 --> 00:16:56,354
Junior, can I be
honest with you?
443
00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:59,319
A long time ago, that Cannonball
got inside my head.
444
00:16:59,319 --> 00:17:00,649
I'm scared, man.
445
00:17:00,653 --> 00:17:04,263
Grandpa, can I be
honest with you, too?
446
00:17:04,257 --> 00:17:06,857
You're talking like a
little piss-pants right now!
447
00:17:06,860 --> 00:17:08,930
Now, I am taking
that trophy home,
448
00:17:08,928 --> 00:17:11,998
and I best not have to
piggyback your ass to do it!
449
00:17:11,998 --> 00:17:14,428
This is why I like you
more than your father.
450
00:17:23,776 --> 00:17:26,376
Hold still; I'm
almost done.
451
00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:29,079
We may forget our ears,
but the sun doesn't.
452
00:17:31,817 --> 00:17:33,377
Yes!
453
00:17:35,754 --> 00:17:37,924
You're up.
454
00:17:45,531 --> 00:17:47,431
Yay! I'm Tiger Woods!
455
00:17:47,434 --> 00:17:48,834
I'm Tiger Woods!
456
00:17:48,835 --> 00:17:50,795
(panting)
457
00:17:50,804 --> 00:17:54,714
Must've put on a few pounds
since my Quahog days.
458
00:17:54,707 --> 00:17:56,737
Whew. I'm sure no one noticed.
459
00:18:00,179 --> 00:18:01,209
Yes!
460
00:18:01,214 --> 00:18:02,354
Right in the cup.
461
00:18:02,348 --> 00:18:03,678
Boop.
(grunts)
462
00:18:03,683 --> 00:18:05,523
You're not supposed
to boop a man's balls
463
00:18:05,518 --> 00:18:07,248
till the third hole.
464
00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:09,823
♪
465
00:18:26,271 --> 00:18:27,771
Focus!
466
00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:30,784
Keep your eye on the ball!
Keep your eye on the ball!
467
00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:32,437
My favorite nipple!
468
00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:35,805
On the 18th hole,
with only two teams remaining,
469
00:18:35,815 --> 00:18:40,515
it all comes down to Cleveland
Brown and Cleveland Brown, Jr.
470
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:43,020
ANGUS:
Cleveland stuck behind a tree.
471
00:18:43,022 --> 00:18:45,122
Perfect placement
for taking a whizz,
472
00:18:45,125 --> 00:18:46,785
not so much for playing golf.
473
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:48,593
(people screaming)
474
00:18:50,195 --> 00:18:51,825
Man, we must be
going in circles.
475
00:18:51,831 --> 00:18:53,901
Didn't we just hear
a bunch of people scream?
476
00:18:57,302 --> 00:18:59,142
Hey, Cleveland, I hope you find
477
00:18:59,139 --> 00:19:01,109
a measure of peace
with your daaaaad!
478
00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:04,741
Well, that makes things easier.
479
00:19:08,180 --> 00:19:09,380
Yeah!
480
00:19:09,382 --> 00:19:11,952
Par-three over here!
481
00:19:15,287 --> 00:19:18,017
ANGUS: Like a quadriplegic
pageant winner,
482
00:19:18,024 --> 00:19:19,794
Cleveland is sitting pretty.
483
00:19:19,792 --> 00:19:22,992
GORDY: All he has to do now
is tap it in
484
00:19:22,996 --> 00:19:25,126
to take home
this actual sports trophy.
485
00:19:25,131 --> 00:19:26,461
The trophy.
486
00:19:26,466 --> 00:19:28,626
CLEVELAND JR.:
I might get to win a trophy.
487
00:19:28,635 --> 00:19:30,165
An actual sports troph...
488
00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:31,540
Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah,
I know.
489
00:19:31,538 --> 00:19:34,438
I just want to beat my dad
so badly.
490
00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:36,170
CLEVELAND JR.:
At what cost, Daddy?
491
00:19:36,176 --> 00:19:38,176
At what cost?
492
00:19:38,178 --> 00:19:39,538
Good luck with that putt.
493
00:19:39,546 --> 00:19:42,306
I'm gonna go backin my own body now.
494
00:19:42,315 --> 00:19:45,415
(gasps)
495
00:19:50,822 --> 00:19:52,262
(sighs)
496
00:19:52,258 --> 00:19:54,128
Oh, no, I'm choking!
497
00:19:54,127 --> 00:19:56,627
It's Dare Squared
all over again!
498
00:19:56,629 --> 00:19:58,299
(people gasp)
499
00:19:58,298 --> 00:20:00,028
Dang!
500
00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:03,903
ANGUS:
Freight Train and Cleveland Brown Jr. win the tournament!
501
00:20:05,837 --> 00:20:06,837
We did it!
502
00:20:06,839 --> 00:20:08,509
We won the
sports trophy!
503
00:20:08,508 --> 00:20:09,838
Yeah!
(back cracks)
504
00:20:09,842 --> 00:20:11,412
Oh, nope. Bad idea.
505
00:20:12,377 --> 00:20:14,607
Wait a minute.
506
00:20:14,614 --> 00:20:17,014
You threw the match on
purpose, didn't you?
507
00:20:17,016 --> 00:20:18,176
Duh.
508
00:20:18,184 --> 00:20:19,624
I did it really obviously
509
00:20:19,619 --> 00:20:22,019
so you would know
the sacrifice I was making.
510
00:20:22,021 --> 00:20:24,821
That's why you're better
than Grandpa Freight Train.
511
00:20:24,824 --> 00:20:26,164
I am?
512
00:20:26,159 --> 00:20:29,589
He's a good grandfather,
but he was a terrible dad.
513
00:20:29,596 --> 00:20:33,926
You're a great dad, and you'll
be an awesome grandfather.
514
00:20:33,933 --> 00:20:35,833
Aw, thanks, Junior.
515
00:20:35,835 --> 00:20:38,995
I promise I will never
show your son love,
516
00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:40,935
because it might
hurt your feelings.
517
00:20:40,940 --> 00:20:42,970
Thanks, Daddy.
518
00:20:42,976 --> 00:20:44,676
Hey, everybody!
519
00:20:44,677 --> 00:20:46,837
We're all gonna get laid!
520
00:20:46,846 --> 00:20:48,546
(crowd cheering)
521
00:20:49,481 --> 00:20:51,551
(coughs three times)
522
00:20:53,151 --> 00:20:55,151
♪ I'm all right
523
00:20:55,154 --> 00:20:58,794
♪ Don't nobody worry about me
524
00:20:58,791 --> 00:21:01,491
♪ Why you gotta
give me a fight? ♪
525
00:21:01,494 --> 00:21:04,964
♪ Why can't you just
let me be? ♪
526
00:21:05,014 --> 00:21:09,564
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