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1
00:00:02,135 --> 00:00:04,665
(funky disco plays)
♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
2
00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:06,972
♪ And I am proud to be
3
00:00:06,974 --> 00:00:09,144
♪ Right back in my hometown
4
00:00:09,143 --> 00:00:12,043
♪ With my new family
5
00:00:12,046 --> 00:00:14,146
♪ There's old friends
and new friends ♪
6
00:00:14,148 --> 00:00:16,378
♪ And even a bear
7
00:00:16,384 --> 00:00:18,684
♪ Through good times
and bad times ♪
8
00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:20,186
♪ It's true love we share
9
00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:22,487
♪ And so I found a place
10
00:00:22,490 --> 00:00:24,820
♪ Where everyone will know
11
00:00:24,825 --> 00:00:26,985
♪ My happy mustached face
12
00:00:26,994 --> 00:00:29,194
♪ This is The Cleveland Show.
13
00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:31,096
(chuckles)
14
00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:34,670
Hey, fellas.
15
00:00:34,668 --> 00:00:36,498
Mind signing
this get-well card?
16
00:00:36,504 --> 00:00:38,144
Sure. Who's it for?
17
00:00:38,139 --> 00:00:39,769
It's for me.
You were sick?
18
00:00:39,774 --> 00:00:41,674
Wha...? Yes, I was sick.
19
00:00:41,675 --> 00:00:44,475
I had a temperature of 99.4.
20
00:00:44,478 --> 00:00:47,848
The doctor said, if I
had been born in the 1800s,
21
00:00:47,848 --> 00:00:49,348
it could have been fatal.
22
00:00:49,350 --> 00:00:51,120
Where do you think
I've been all week?
23
00:00:51,118 --> 00:00:53,088
I don't know.
Mustache camp?
24
00:00:53,087 --> 00:00:54,917
That's in June.
You know that.
25
00:00:54,922 --> 00:00:56,592
Oh, sorry, Cleveland.
26
00:00:56,590 --> 00:00:58,190
We... we were just
so, uh, busy
27
00:00:58,192 --> 00:01:00,692
with, uh, Peter Griffin
being in town, you know.
28
00:01:00,694 --> 00:01:02,834
Animation Domination's
Peter Griffin was here?!
29
00:01:02,830 --> 00:01:05,160
Yep. Said when he came down here
for the Beer Walk last year,
30
00:01:05,166 --> 00:01:07,326
he left his daughter,
so Gus had to give her back.
31
00:01:07,334 --> 00:01:10,004
She'd been in the lost and found
box for over a week,
32
00:01:10,004 --> 00:01:11,944
so I figured I could have her.
33
00:01:11,939 --> 00:01:13,269
Peter didn't call you?
34
00:01:13,274 --> 00:01:15,144
No. Did he ask
about me?
35
00:01:15,142 --> 00:01:18,042
Well, he-he spoke generally
about black people.
36
00:01:18,045 --> 00:01:20,345
You know, maybe we should
just leave it at that.
37
00:01:20,347 --> 00:01:21,707
How queer.
38
00:01:21,715 --> 00:01:23,115
Peter's my best friend.
39
00:01:23,117 --> 00:01:24,217
Why would he not call me?
40
00:01:24,217 --> 00:01:25,777
He-he probably just
didn't have the time.
41
00:01:25,786 --> 00:01:28,116
He was only here
for four days.
42
00:01:28,122 --> 00:01:32,192
Well, if you'll excuse me,
I'll be in my sad sack.
43
00:01:33,493 --> 00:01:36,063
(moaning sadly)
44
00:01:40,633 --> 00:01:42,033
Ow.
45
00:01:44,003 --> 00:01:46,613
Roberta, you got something
from Unilab!
46
00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:48,307
Give me that!
47
00:01:48,309 --> 00:01:49,939
Whoo-hoo!
48
00:01:49,944 --> 00:01:52,044
Rallo, you got a letter.
49
00:01:52,046 --> 00:01:53,976
Does it say "Rallo Tubbs"
or "Resident?"
50
00:01:53,981 --> 00:01:55,981
'Cause that bit's
getting pretty tired.
51
00:01:55,983 --> 00:01:58,583
It's from Ms. Gregg,
your old day care teacher.
52
00:01:58,586 --> 00:01:59,916
Cyndi's writing me?
53
00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:01,920
Probably asking for more money.
54
00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:05,092
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
55
00:02:05,092 --> 00:02:07,132
Mm-hmm.
56
00:02:07,128 --> 00:02:08,458
I can't read.
57
00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:11,132
"Dear Rallo, you
are cordially invited
58
00:02:11,132 --> 00:02:13,102
"to attend
the two-year reunion
59
00:02:13,100 --> 00:02:15,030
of your day care
graduation."
60
00:02:15,035 --> 00:02:17,135
Reunion already?
61
00:02:17,138 --> 00:02:19,938
Dang, I thought
I'd be a fireman by now.
62
00:02:19,940 --> 00:02:22,270
Maybe I'll just lie
and say I am.
63
00:02:22,276 --> 00:02:24,676
I know I got a hat
around here someplace.
64
00:02:24,678 --> 00:02:27,678
"Please RSVP
with your meal preference
65
00:02:27,681 --> 00:02:30,021
of beef, chicken or pasketti."
66
00:02:30,017 --> 00:02:33,087
Ooh, Rallo, looks like
you're getting a bath.
67
00:02:33,087 --> 00:02:33,787
Thank God.
68
00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:35,987
I've asked you four
times this week.
69
00:02:35,990 --> 00:02:38,320
I'm itchy, Mama.
70
00:02:40,927 --> 00:02:44,097
(slowly):
Call Peter. Mobile.
71
00:02:44,098 --> 00:02:46,028
Hands free. Safer.
72
00:02:46,033 --> 00:02:47,203
FEMALE VOICE:
Please enjoy the music
73
00:02:47,201 --> 00:02:48,671
while your party is reached.
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00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:50,099
PETER (recording):
♪ A-well-a, bird, bird, bird
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00:02:50,104 --> 00:02:51,474
♪ B-bird's the word
76
00:02:51,472 --> 00:02:53,012
♪ A-well-a, bird, bird,
b-bird's the word ♪
77
00:02:53,007 --> 00:02:54,537
(groans)
♪ A-well-a, bird, bird, bird
78
00:02:54,542 --> 00:02:55,972
♪ B-bird's the word
79
00:02:55,976 --> 00:02:58,536
♪ A-well-a, bird, bird, bird,
well, the bird is the word ♪
80
00:02:58,546 --> 00:03:00,646
Okay.
♪ Well, don't you know about the bird? ♪
81
00:03:00,648 --> 00:03:02,948
♪ Well, Peter's gonna tell you
about the bird ♪
82
00:03:02,950 --> 00:03:05,580
♪ A-well-a, bird, bird, bird,
b-bird's the word... ♪
83
00:03:05,586 --> 00:03:06,816
FEMALE VOICE:
We're sorry.
84
00:03:06,820 --> 00:03:08,090
PETER:
Dick Poop... (giggles)
85
00:03:08,088 --> 00:03:09,588
FEMALE VOICE:
Is not available.
86
00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:11,290
Please leave a message
after the tone.
87
00:03:11,292 --> 00:03:12,662
(beep)
'Sup?
88
00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:14,160
Cleve again.
89
00:03:14,161 --> 00:03:16,961
I was just calling to see
if you got my other messages
90
00:03:16,964 --> 00:03:18,764
or e-mails or tweets or pokes.
91
00:03:18,766 --> 00:03:21,426
So, uh, you know,
just call, e-mail,
92
00:03:21,435 --> 00:03:24,035
tweet or poke me
when you get a chance.
93
00:03:24,038 --> 00:03:25,938
Peace!
94
00:03:25,940 --> 00:03:28,110
Donna, I just
don't understand.
95
00:03:28,108 --> 00:03:30,278
Why didn't Peter call
when he was in town?
96
00:03:30,277 --> 00:03:32,307
He and I were BFFs.
97
00:03:32,313 --> 00:03:33,553
Black and fat friends?
98
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:36,107
Yep. We even
got these tattoos.
99
00:03:37,350 --> 00:03:39,350
I'm sorry, baby.
100
00:03:39,353 --> 00:03:41,423
But Stoolbend is
your home now,
101
00:03:41,422 --> 00:03:42,992
and you've got
great friends here.
102
00:03:42,990 --> 00:03:44,190
More than me.
103
00:03:44,191 --> 00:03:45,591
I've lived here
my whole life,
104
00:03:45,593 --> 00:03:46,993
and I don't have
any friends.
105
00:03:46,994 --> 00:03:48,264
Seriously.
106
00:03:48,262 --> 00:03:50,802
Name one friend of mine.
I can't.
107
00:03:50,798 --> 00:03:52,698
While you're at it,
name one friend
108
00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:54,370
of Marge Simpson's.
Can't do it.
109
00:03:54,368 --> 00:03:55,928
Or Lois Griffin's.
Nope.
110
00:03:55,936 --> 00:03:57,466
Francine Smith?
Who?
111
00:03:57,471 --> 00:03:59,201
See? So you
should be happy
112
00:03:59,206 --> 00:04:01,136
with the friends
you've got now
113
00:04:01,141 --> 00:04:03,681
and not worry about those
guys back in Rhode Island.
114
00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:06,137
(sighs)
You're right, Donna.
115
00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:09,876
But I'm not taking advice
from a woman with no friends.
116
00:04:16,422 --> 00:04:19,592
Peter Griffin is my best friend,
117
00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:22,433
and I'm going to get him back.
118
00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:25,329
♪
119
00:04:25,332 --> 00:04:27,372
(engine revving)
120
00:04:28,801 --> 00:04:30,171
(tires squealing)
121
00:04:34,807 --> 00:04:36,877
♪
122
00:04:42,915 --> 00:04:44,975
♪
123
00:05:11,544 --> 00:05:14,214
(sniffles)
124
00:05:18,117 --> 00:05:20,187
♪
125
00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:25,093
Rallo!
126
00:05:25,092 --> 00:05:25,692
'Sup, fellas?
127
00:05:25,692 --> 00:05:29,192
Aw, who let this paste-eating
S.O.B. in here?
128
00:05:29,196 --> 00:05:30,996
(both laughing)
129
00:05:30,998 --> 00:05:32,528
What you been
up to, man?
130
00:05:32,533 --> 00:05:34,533
Oh, Byron's been
very busy.
131
00:05:34,535 --> 00:05:36,935
Tell Rallo what you
learned today.
132
00:05:36,937 --> 00:05:41,137
Uno, due, tre,
quattro, cinque...
133
00:05:41,141 --> 00:05:42,671
Ha! That's awesome.
134
00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:45,606
Blooba, gooba, chunka, flunka,
Willy Wonka,
135
00:05:45,612 --> 00:05:47,312
chocolate bar!
136
00:05:47,314 --> 00:05:48,354
No, Rallo.
137
00:05:48,349 --> 00:05:50,119
Byron's speaking Italian.
138
00:05:50,117 --> 00:05:51,947
You know the best time
to learn a language
139
00:05:51,952 --> 00:05:53,092
is when you're young.
140
00:05:53,087 --> 00:05:54,247
I am learning a language.
141
00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:55,694
It's called English.
142
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:57,319
And it's dibbicult.
143
00:05:58,691 --> 00:06:01,161
So, you've all got your
kids in language classes?
144
00:06:01,161 --> 00:06:02,431
And sculpting.
145
00:06:02,429 --> 00:06:03,829
Central American
folk dance.
146
00:06:03,831 --> 00:06:05,001
Eco-awareness.
147
00:06:04,998 --> 00:06:06,528
Eco-American
folk sculpting.
148
00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:08,173
I don't even own a TV.
149
00:06:08,168 --> 00:06:11,438
Well, I was thinking of
signing Rallo up for T-ball,
150
00:06:11,438 --> 00:06:13,968
but I... missed the deadline.
151
00:06:13,974 --> 00:06:15,344
Well, then,
I guess we won't
152
00:06:15,342 --> 00:06:16,982
be seeing him
at Junior Quiz Bowl.
153
00:06:16,977 --> 00:06:18,937
What's Junior
Quiz Bowl?
154
00:06:18,946 --> 00:06:20,446
It's a friendly
competition
155
00:06:20,447 --> 00:06:22,247
among five-
to seven-year-old children
156
00:06:22,249 --> 00:06:24,079
that proves which mothers
are the best.
157
00:06:24,084 --> 00:06:26,494
Oh, Rallo would be
great at Quiz Bowl.
158
00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:28,117
He's very gifted.
159
00:06:28,122 --> 00:06:29,022
RALLO:
Mama, check it out!
160
00:06:29,022 --> 00:06:31,092
This bean dip
looks like diarrhea!
161
00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:32,961
(laughs, imitates passing gas)
162
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:36,130
(laughing)
163
00:06:36,130 --> 00:06:37,200
(sighs)
164
00:06:37,197 --> 00:06:39,597
(doorbell rings)
165
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:40,970
(Brian barking wildly)
166
00:06:40,968 --> 00:06:42,598
STEWIE:
Hey, get back. Get back!
167
00:06:42,603 --> 00:06:44,303
Go to your crate!
Brian, go to your crate!
168
00:06:44,304 --> 00:06:46,374
BRIAN:
I don't have a crate. I've never had a crate.
169
00:06:46,373 --> 00:06:48,143
STEWIE: You should.
You'd feel safe there.
170
00:06:48,142 --> 00:06:49,212
(doorbell rings)
BRIAN: Who is it, Stewie?
171
00:06:49,209 --> 00:06:50,679
STEWIE:
Some black guy.
172
00:06:50,677 --> 00:06:52,207
BRIAN: Oh. we don't
want any candy bars.
173
00:06:52,212 --> 00:06:53,452
STEWIE:
Or magazines.
174
00:06:53,447 --> 00:06:54,577
Brian, it's Cleveland.
175
00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:55,981
BRIAN:
Oh. Hi, Cleveland.
176
00:06:55,983 --> 00:06:57,623
STEWIE: Has he been
canceled already?
177
00:06:57,618 --> 00:06:59,278
He doesn't just
get to come back.
178
00:06:59,286 --> 00:07:00,686
Is Peter home?
179
00:07:00,687 --> 00:07:02,147
BRIAN:
He... is...
180
00:07:02,156 --> 00:07:03,956
(whispering):
It's Cleveland.
181
00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:05,257
Not.
182
00:07:05,259 --> 00:07:07,029
Did he say when he'd be back?
183
00:07:07,027 --> 00:07:09,357
No... uh, vember.
184
00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:12,997
Peter!
185
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:14,200
Come on, come on!
186
00:07:14,201 --> 00:07:15,771
Peter, it's Cleveland.
187
00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:17,139
Hello!
188
00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:19,137
Peter, I'm standing
right here!
189
00:07:19,139 --> 00:07:20,969
(mouths silently)
190
00:07:20,974 --> 00:07:22,844
Oh, hey, Cleveland.
191
00:07:22,843 --> 00:07:24,283
Yeah, I...
I didn't see you there.
192
00:07:24,278 --> 00:07:26,508
How's, uh...
how's Loretta?
193
00:07:26,513 --> 00:07:28,013
You killed her.
194
00:07:28,015 --> 00:07:30,615
Right, right, right.
195
00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:32,247
Business good?
196
00:07:32,252 --> 00:07:34,592
How's the, uh...
197
00:07:34,588 --> 00:07:36,818
(sighs)
magic shop?
198
00:07:36,824 --> 00:07:38,264
Cable installing.
199
00:07:38,258 --> 00:07:39,688
Fine. Thank you
for asking.
200
00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:41,133
Peter, why didn't
you call me
201
00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:42,628
when you were in
town last week?
202
00:07:42,629 --> 00:07:45,799
Yeah, uh, my phone died...
of AIDS.
203
00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:48,629
AIDS is no longer
a death sentence.
204
00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:49,995
(sighs)
Look, I'm sorry.
205
00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:52,273
I-I would have called,
but I didn't want to.
206
00:07:52,272 --> 00:07:55,142
You moved away, and I moved on,
and so should you.
207
00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:56,812
But I thought
we were friends.
208
00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:58,680
We were neighbors
and drinking buddies.
209
00:07:58,679 --> 00:08:00,149
We weren't friends.
210
00:08:00,147 --> 00:08:02,307
Wha...? Not friends?
211
00:08:02,316 --> 00:08:03,746
Bye.
(tires squeal)
212
00:08:03,750 --> 00:08:04,950
(groans)
213
00:08:04,952 --> 00:08:06,082
Geez, buddy,
let it go.
214
00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:08,186
Have some dignity.
215
00:08:13,926 --> 00:08:16,256
Sorry about what happened
with Peter, Cleveland,
216
00:08:16,263 --> 00:08:19,103
but, uh, I can't
say I'm surprised.
217
00:08:19,099 --> 00:08:21,269
I only spent a few days
with the guy, and he...
218
00:08:21,268 --> 00:08:23,028
you know, he's funny and all,
but, man,
219
00:08:23,036 --> 00:08:24,266
what a... what a B-hole.
220
00:08:24,271 --> 00:08:25,941
Agreed.
He's a close sitter.
221
00:08:25,939 --> 00:08:27,609
Lot of leg on leg.
222
00:08:27,608 --> 00:08:29,438
GUS: Also does not
care for the Jews.
223
00:08:29,443 --> 00:08:33,113
But then he bought it all
back by farting on a pizza.
224
00:08:33,113 --> 00:08:34,153
(laughing)
225
00:08:34,147 --> 00:08:35,947
That's not even
a topping.
226
00:08:35,949 --> 00:08:36,979
(laughing)
227
00:08:36,984 --> 00:08:38,524
Very clever.
Very clever.
228
00:08:38,519 --> 00:08:39,779
All true,
229
00:08:39,786 --> 00:08:41,516
but I thought he was my friend.
230
00:08:41,522 --> 00:08:45,162
Now I'm wondering if maybe you
guys aren't my friends, either.
231
00:08:45,158 --> 00:08:47,828
You bite your tongue,
or I'll bite it for you.
232
00:08:47,828 --> 00:08:49,588
Holt, boundaries.
233
00:08:49,596 --> 00:08:51,696
But I do want us all
to be closer.
234
00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:55,098
Maybe we need to do
something special together.
235
00:08:55,102 --> 00:08:56,972
So how do men bond?
236
00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:59,370
Let me search it
on my Pad.
237
00:08:59,373 --> 00:09:01,143
(exhales)
238
00:09:01,141 --> 00:09:03,141
You are such a douche.
239
00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:05,443
"Male... bonding."
240
00:09:05,445 --> 00:09:07,105
(Cleveland,
Tim and Lester groan)
241
00:09:07,114 --> 00:09:08,614
Man, those guys are cut.
242
00:09:08,615 --> 00:09:09,775
Muscular, too.
243
00:09:09,783 --> 00:09:11,653
Give me that pointless thing.
244
00:09:11,652 --> 00:09:13,792
Oh, here's a friendship camp
245
00:09:13,787 --> 00:09:16,047
sponsored by
"Nature Boy" Ric Flair.
246
00:09:23,696 --> 00:09:26,096
I'm "The Nature Boy" Ric Flair.
247
00:09:26,099 --> 00:09:27,269
Whoo!
248
00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:30,137
Let me tell you,
there are three things I know:
249
00:09:30,137 --> 00:09:33,167
divorce, wrestling
and enduring male friendship.
250
00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:35,143
Whoo!
251
00:09:35,142 --> 00:09:37,182
Now, that is what
a man looks like.
252
00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:39,607
So if you want to be
lifelong friends, join me
253
00:09:39,613 --> 00:09:42,913
on "Nature Boy" Ric Flair's
Male Bonding Nature Trail.
254
00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:44,976
Whoo!
255
00:09:44,985 --> 00:09:46,315
That sounds perfect.
256
00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:48,150
Do you think he'd
come to Stoolbend?
257
00:09:48,155 --> 00:09:49,345
I'm already here.
258
00:09:49,356 --> 00:09:50,786
Whoo!
259
00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:52,621
So how does this work?
260
00:09:52,626 --> 00:09:53,956
Whoo!
261
00:09:53,961 --> 00:09:54,991
A river trip?
262
00:09:54,995 --> 00:09:55,925
Whoo!
263
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:57,259
To the Stoolbend Springs?
264
00:09:57,264 --> 00:09:58,504
Whoo!
265
00:09:58,498 --> 00:10:00,128
Sorry. Stoolbend
Hot Springs?
266
00:10:00,133 --> 00:10:01,533
Sounds great!
267
00:10:01,535 --> 00:10:03,165
That's one idea.
268
00:10:03,170 --> 00:10:04,970
Here's... here's
another way to go.
269
00:10:04,972 --> 00:10:06,812
Uh, I'm just
spit-balling here,
270
00:10:06,807 --> 00:10:08,767
but how about
we stay here,
271
00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:10,335
drink a bunch
of beers
272
00:10:10,344 --> 00:10:12,584
and leave one by one
without ever really
273
00:10:12,579 --> 00:10:14,509
saying good-bye
to each other? Yeah.
274
00:10:14,514 --> 00:10:16,114
No. No.
275
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:18,616
We're in.
We're all in.
276
00:10:18,619 --> 00:10:20,989
Whoo!
277
00:10:20,988 --> 00:10:23,518
I don't want to spend
my Saturday with a tutor.
278
00:10:23,523 --> 00:10:26,423
Why do I need to be in that
stupid Quiz Bowl anyway?
279
00:10:26,426 --> 00:10:28,826
'Cause Mama never got
her mama's approval,
280
00:10:28,829 --> 00:10:31,099
and now she seeks it
from every woman she meets.
281
00:10:31,098 --> 00:10:32,998
Now, get in there!
282
00:10:36,669 --> 00:10:38,769
What's with
the Uggs, Tim?
283
00:10:38,772 --> 00:10:40,272
They said...
they said, "Buy boots."
284
00:10:40,273 --> 00:10:41,443
I don't know.
285
00:10:41,441 --> 00:10:43,481
Where is that Pad-bustin'
son of a bitch?
286
00:10:43,477 --> 00:10:45,507
We had a rule
in grad school.
287
00:10:45,512 --> 00:10:48,252
If the professor was ten
minutes late, we could leave.
288
00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:50,018
You went to grad...
289
00:10:50,017 --> 00:10:53,647
Whoo! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo!
290
00:10:53,654 --> 00:10:56,354
Are you guys ready
to be lifelong friends?
291
00:10:56,356 --> 00:10:58,986
Yes, Mr. "Nature Boy"
Ric Flair, we are.
292
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:01,132
Good. Now, put
on your wigs
293
00:11:01,128 --> 00:11:03,728
and have fun in
your canoooooe!
294
00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:12,502
(birds squawking)
295
00:11:12,506 --> 00:11:14,366
You know what, Cleveland,
you-you were right.
296
00:11:14,374 --> 00:11:17,614
Maybe nature doesn't
suck a huge bag of butt.
297
00:11:17,611 --> 00:11:18,811
This is peace...
298
00:11:18,812 --> 00:11:20,452
Goose! Lice!
299
00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:21,977
All birds have lice!
300
00:11:21,982 --> 00:11:23,212
Hand me the
goose repellent!
301
00:11:24,917 --> 00:11:26,077
(screams)
302
00:11:27,186 --> 00:11:29,016
My tooths!
303
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:34,525
(gasps)
304
00:11:39,265 --> 00:11:42,165
Help us, Mr. Flippers!
305
00:11:47,940 --> 00:11:49,110
(sighs)
306
00:11:49,109 --> 00:11:51,239
(buzzing)
307
00:11:54,013 --> 00:11:55,813
How was math class, Rallo?
308
00:11:55,816 --> 00:11:57,916
Boring. So we played poker.
309
00:11:57,918 --> 00:11:59,978
I'm 47, never
learned how.
310
00:11:59,986 --> 00:12:01,586
(laughs)
311
00:12:01,588 --> 00:12:04,088
Your son is an
excellent tutor.
312
00:12:04,091 --> 00:12:05,961
That'll be $200
for the hour.
313
00:12:05,959 --> 00:12:08,629
I got this, Mama.
314
00:12:08,628 --> 00:12:10,498
We're still a buck-40 up.
315
00:12:10,497 --> 00:12:11,827
They were gambling?
316
00:12:11,832 --> 00:12:13,032
(chuckles)
317
00:12:13,033 --> 00:12:15,373
I don't know where he would have
learned to play poker.
318
00:12:15,368 --> 00:12:16,938
Oh, yeah,
you don't have any id...
319
00:12:16,937 --> 00:12:18,267
(muffled grunting)
320
00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:21,271
I think I'll be handling
Rallo's tutoring myself.
321
00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:23,514
Donna, I just hope
you're taking this seriously.
322
00:12:23,510 --> 00:12:24,940
Quiz Bowl is not a game.
323
00:12:24,945 --> 00:12:26,975
Well, technically,
it is a game.
324
00:12:26,980 --> 00:12:29,750
Deedee, you took my husband;
is that not enough?
325
00:12:29,750 --> 00:12:32,050
(laughs)
326
00:12:33,452 --> 00:12:35,192
(all panting heavily)
327
00:12:37,156 --> 00:12:40,786
Well, this seems
as good a place as any to die.
328
00:12:40,794 --> 00:12:42,364
Uh, y-you guys
go ahead.
329
00:12:42,362 --> 00:12:45,002
I'm-I'm going to sit
with Holt until he dies
330
00:12:44,998 --> 00:12:46,968
so I can,
you know, eat him.
331
00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:50,167
(whispers): Don't worry,
I'll eat them, too.
332
00:12:50,170 --> 00:12:52,670
You're just the
amuse-bouche.
333
00:12:52,672 --> 00:12:53,972
Listen to me.
334
00:12:53,974 --> 00:12:57,584
Who needs food when we have
our friendship to sustain us?
335
00:12:57,577 --> 00:12:59,807
Yeah, well, sustain this,
336
00:12:59,813 --> 00:13:02,583
he said, too tired
to grab his wang.
337
00:13:02,582 --> 00:13:04,982
Just because your fat friend
didn't call you,
338
00:13:04,985 --> 00:13:06,275
we're gonna die in the woods.
339
00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:07,916
You're on your own.
340
00:13:07,921 --> 00:13:08,991
Come on, snack pack.
341
00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:10,189
Oh.
342
00:13:10,923 --> 00:13:13,693
Nobody's going nowhere.
343
00:13:13,693 --> 00:13:15,633
Oh, thank
God, a local!
344
00:13:15,629 --> 00:13:17,829
We found these
by the river.
345
00:13:17,831 --> 00:13:18,931
Our wigs!
346
00:13:18,932 --> 00:13:20,702
Put them on.
347
00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:25,200
Now, which one of you
wants to be my first girlfriend?
348
00:13:25,205 --> 00:13:26,365
What'd he say?
349
00:13:29,775 --> 00:13:30,835
(hoots)
350
00:13:32,745 --> 00:13:34,645
Okay, Cleveland,
here's the plan.
351
00:13:34,648 --> 00:13:36,978
Since you're the one
who got us into this,
352
00:13:36,983 --> 00:13:38,583
you pull down your pants,
353
00:13:38,585 --> 00:13:40,985
and while they're taking turns
with you, we'll run away.
354
00:13:40,987 --> 00:13:42,087
That's fair.
355
00:13:42,088 --> 00:13:43,348
Wait a minute.
356
00:13:43,356 --> 00:13:45,356
That's what they meant
by "girlfriend"?!
357
00:13:45,358 --> 00:13:48,128
I thought we were gonna wear
their lettermen jackets!
358
00:13:48,128 --> 00:13:49,828
Run!
359
00:13:49,830 --> 00:13:51,130
Out of my way.
360
00:13:51,131 --> 00:13:51,961
Dude, run much?
361
00:13:51,965 --> 00:13:54,365
What a, uh, cluster cluck.
362
00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:56,467
One of them got away.
363
00:13:56,469 --> 00:13:57,469
Which one?
364
00:13:57,470 --> 00:13:59,040
The one in the
yellow shirt.
365
00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:00,169
Huh?
366
00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:03,583
You know, th-the guy
with the moustache.
367
00:14:03,577 --> 00:14:05,107
He's right here.
368
00:14:05,111 --> 00:14:07,151
No, the heavyset...
369
00:14:07,147 --> 00:14:09,407
(quietly):
The black gentleman.
370
00:14:09,416 --> 00:14:10,646
Ho, ho!
371
00:14:10,650 --> 00:14:12,080
Let's leave
race out of it.
372
00:14:12,085 --> 00:14:14,115
Leave rape out of it?
373
00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:16,090
No, no, I said "race."
374
00:14:16,089 --> 00:14:17,089
(laughs)
375
00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:19,660
Can you imagine
if we left rape out of it?
376
00:14:19,659 --> 00:14:20,959
(laughter)
377
00:14:20,961 --> 00:14:21,931
(laughing)
378
00:14:21,928 --> 00:14:23,528
Classic.
379
00:14:23,530 --> 00:14:25,030
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
380
00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:26,101
That was so scary.
381
00:14:26,099 --> 00:14:27,129
A little pee came out.
382
00:14:27,133 --> 00:14:28,703
But it's not that noticeable.
383
00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:31,502
If you just glanced at it, you
might think I spilled a soda.
384
00:14:31,504 --> 00:14:33,004
Everyone okay?
385
00:14:33,006 --> 00:14:35,536
Guys? Guys?
386
00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:36,542
Oh, no!
387
00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:38,113
The rednecks got them!
388
00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:39,341
Oh, their bottoms.
389
00:14:39,346 --> 00:14:41,976
Their poor, poor bottoms.
390
00:14:41,982 --> 00:14:43,312
Oh, okay, think.
391
00:14:43,316 --> 00:14:44,916
Congratulations,
Cleveland.
392
00:14:44,918 --> 00:14:46,918
Whoo!
393
00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:48,020
I made it!
394
00:14:48,021 --> 00:14:49,491
I completed the
Friendship Adventure!
395
00:14:49,489 --> 00:14:50,959
Hooray!
396
00:14:50,957 --> 00:14:53,087
But there's no time for this
right now.
397
00:14:53,093 --> 00:14:55,033
I have to save my--
oh, lower back.
398
00:14:55,028 --> 00:14:56,028
(groans)
399
00:14:56,029 --> 00:14:57,999
You got massage
tables here?
400
00:14:58,998 --> 00:15:00,158
A little lower.
401
00:15:00,166 --> 00:15:01,626
Oh, there you go.
402
00:15:01,635 --> 00:15:03,095
Oh, yeah.
403
00:15:03,103 --> 00:15:06,143
No one's ever saved their
friends with a tight lower back.
404
00:15:06,139 --> 00:15:08,139
Could you spend the last
ten minutes on the feet?
405
00:15:08,141 --> 00:15:09,141
Cleveland.
Right!
406
00:15:09,142 --> 00:15:10,342
I'm off to save my friends.
407
00:15:13,612 --> 00:15:15,052
Cucumber water.
408
00:15:19,184 --> 00:15:22,924
So, uh, Lester, w-what, uh,
what can we expect from this?
409
00:15:22,923 --> 00:15:24,423
(mumbles):
I don't know.
410
00:15:24,423 --> 00:15:27,493
I'm not usually on the Ned
Beatty side of this situation.
411
00:15:27,494 --> 00:15:31,004
Best I can guess is
ouchie in the boom-boom.
412
00:15:30,997 --> 00:15:33,767
(whispering):
Guys, it's me.
413
00:15:33,767 --> 00:15:34,997
I've come back
to save you.
414
00:15:35,001 --> 00:15:36,631
Cleveland, thank God you're--
415
00:15:36,636 --> 00:15:38,136
Wow, look at your skin.
416
00:15:38,138 --> 00:15:39,098
You're radiant.
417
00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:40,835
Yeah, you look
really relaxed.
418
00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:43,010
Well, a seaweed wrap
will do that for you.
419
00:15:43,009 --> 00:15:45,909
You know, you guys should take
better care of yourselves.
420
00:15:45,912 --> 00:15:48,912
Well, I'm not sure you picked
the best scenario
421
00:15:48,915 --> 00:15:51,015
to walk in
looking your most attractive.
422
00:15:51,017 --> 00:15:52,417
(shotgun pumps)
423
00:15:52,419 --> 00:15:57,219
You can't do anything to me I
haven't already done to myself.
424
00:16:00,826 --> 00:16:03,456
♪ Quiz Bowl today,
Quiz Bowl today ♪
425
00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:06,003
♪ That's what the sign
said, Quiz Bowl today. ♪
426
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:09,896
He's got what
Radio had.
427
00:16:13,038 --> 00:16:16,068
Greetings, you big bunch
of query fans.
428
00:16:16,076 --> 00:16:18,676
I'm Wally Farquhar,
the Bowlmaster.
429
00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:21,178
Not to be confused
with the toilet cleanser
430
00:16:21,181 --> 00:16:22,811
of the same name.
431
00:16:22,816 --> 00:16:26,076
Our first category today
is Ornithology.
432
00:16:26,086 --> 00:16:28,146
Stoolbend goes first.
433
00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:31,424
Kyle, name the bird
that makes this call.
434
00:16:31,424 --> 00:16:35,494
(does long, elaborate birdcall)
435
00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:37,695
The sulphur-crested cockatoo.
436
00:16:37,697 --> 00:16:40,097
Correct-a-roonie-o!
437
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:41,430
You see that, Donna?
438
00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:43,174
That reflects on me!
439
00:16:44,303 --> 00:16:46,443
I bet Wally's seen
a cockatoo.
440
00:16:46,439 --> 00:16:47,509
(chuckles)
441
00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:49,907
Goochland
Science is next.
442
00:16:49,909 --> 00:16:53,079
The topic: Napoleonic
Cryptography.
443
00:16:53,079 --> 00:16:54,249
Who deciphered...?
444
00:16:54,247 --> 00:16:55,477
Sir George Scovell.
445
00:16:55,482 --> 00:16:56,912
Sir right!
446
00:16:56,916 --> 00:16:58,076
(cheering)
447
00:16:58,084 --> 00:17:01,424
Next one goes
to Rallo of Stoolbend.
448
00:17:03,789 --> 00:17:07,759
Rallo, your topic is
Boobies and Wieners.
449
00:17:07,761 --> 00:17:09,591
Yes! I got this.
450
00:17:09,596 --> 00:17:11,596
I'm sorry, I read that wrong.
451
00:17:11,598 --> 00:17:14,668
It's 17th Century
European Metalworking.
452
00:17:14,667 --> 00:17:15,597
What?
453
00:17:15,602 --> 00:17:16,932
The question is:
454
00:17:16,936 --> 00:17:21,136
Name the metalworking process
practiced by Sir Basil Brooke
455
00:17:21,141 --> 00:17:23,441
at the Coalbrookdale ironworks
in Shropshire.
456
00:17:23,443 --> 00:17:25,913
Oh, why don't you
just give it to him!
457
00:17:25,912 --> 00:17:28,782
Uh... uh...
458
00:17:28,782 --> 00:17:29,812
He's gonna blow it.
459
00:17:29,816 --> 00:17:31,376
He's not ready
for this.
460
00:17:36,822 --> 00:17:38,762
You don't
know, do you?
461
00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:40,088
(growls):
You're right!
462
00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:41,133
I don't know!
463
00:17:41,127 --> 00:17:42,157
(crowd gasps)
464
00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:44,432
But I'll tell you
what I do know.
465
00:17:44,431 --> 00:17:47,301
I know how to change the tire
on my Big Wheel,
466
00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:50,670
how to tip a host to get a table
by the skee ball.
467
00:17:50,670 --> 00:17:53,810
I know you don't ask a man
what he makes in allowance.
468
00:17:53,807 --> 00:17:56,237
I know never to
buy property in Detroit.
469
00:17:56,242 --> 00:17:59,482
I can take a punch
and I can throw a punch.
470
00:17:59,479 --> 00:18:01,949
I know never to bet
on the Golden State Warriors,
471
00:18:01,948 --> 00:18:04,618
'cause they don't
play no defense.
472
00:18:04,617 --> 00:18:08,217
And most important,
I know how to treat a lady.
473
00:18:09,488 --> 00:18:10,988
Do you, Wally?
474
00:18:10,990 --> 00:18:12,320
I know menstruating women
475
00:18:12,325 --> 00:18:14,655
cause fruits and vegetables
to spoil.
476
00:18:14,661 --> 00:18:15,661
Damn, Wally.
477
00:18:15,662 --> 00:18:16,962
What's wrong
with you?
478
00:18:16,963 --> 00:18:19,203
Look, Mama, I'm sorry.
479
00:18:20,332 --> 00:18:22,932
I'm not one of these kids
and I'm never gonna be.
480
00:18:22,936 --> 00:18:25,266
You know, it probably
was my fault, too,
481
00:18:25,271 --> 00:18:26,771
for pushing
you too hard.
482
00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:27,843
That's all right.
483
00:18:27,841 --> 00:18:28,911
Let's go home.
484
00:18:28,908 --> 00:18:30,408
I'll make you a dry martini.
485
00:18:30,410 --> 00:18:32,310
Mmm, you do make 'em dry.
486
00:18:32,312 --> 00:18:34,252
Y'all's a bunch of bitches.
487
00:18:34,247 --> 00:18:36,147
Later, nerds.
488
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:46,362
Guys, I'm sorry I wanted
to be friends with you.
489
00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:48,929
Male friendship
is not about emotions.
490
00:18:48,928 --> 00:18:51,258
I get that now
and feel nothing about it.
491
00:18:51,264 --> 00:18:52,334
(door thumps)
492
00:18:52,931 --> 00:18:55,101
You're up.
493
00:18:55,101 --> 00:18:57,801
The, uh, curlier-haired
individual.
494
00:18:57,804 --> 00:18:59,344
You're making
it worse.
495
00:18:59,339 --> 00:19:00,939
Can we at least
have a drink
496
00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:02,640
and get to know
each other a little?
497
00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:03,812
I'll go first.
498
00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:05,940
I'm an Aries,
and I ate a bunch of glass
499
00:19:05,945 --> 00:19:07,105
that's about to come out.
500
00:19:07,113 --> 00:19:08,113
Now you go.
501
00:19:08,114 --> 00:19:09,114
(grunts)
502
00:19:09,115 --> 00:19:10,945
But-but you don't want me.
503
00:19:10,950 --> 00:19:11,980
I'm frigid!
504
00:19:11,985 --> 00:19:13,745
I'm just gonna lie there!
505
00:19:13,753 --> 00:19:16,123
I kiss like a cat!
506
00:19:16,122 --> 00:19:17,292
Peter!
507
00:19:17,290 --> 00:19:19,690
Leggo my Neggro.
508
00:19:19,692 --> 00:19:22,292
Looks like
it's four against one.
509
00:19:22,295 --> 00:19:24,525
Four against two.
510
00:19:25,764 --> 00:19:27,104
Thanks for your help, Monkey.
511
00:19:27,100 --> 00:19:28,930
Rip their faces and nuts off.
512
00:19:28,935 --> 00:19:32,165
(screeching)
513
00:19:32,172 --> 00:19:33,842
Thanks, Peter.
514
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:35,310
How did you know
we were here?
515
00:19:35,308 --> 00:19:38,138
Well, I felt bad after you left
Quahog, so I called your house.
516
00:19:38,144 --> 00:19:40,784
Your wife said you were doing
a friendship thing in the woods,
517
00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:42,950
and I immediately thought,
well, this is going to end
518
00:19:42,949 --> 00:19:45,349
in hillbilly rape, so I tracked
you down and here I am.
519
00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:48,591
But I thought you didn't want
to be my friend anymore.
520
00:19:48,588 --> 00:19:51,018
Well, as soon as you left,
I started really intense
521
00:19:51,024 --> 00:19:53,024
psychotherapy with
that gay guy in town
522
00:19:53,026 --> 00:19:54,486
who has, like,
a thousand jobs.
523
00:19:54,494 --> 00:19:56,194
They once said his
name was Bruce.
524
00:19:56,196 --> 00:19:58,696
Right. So, apparently,
I have abandonment issues
525
00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:00,798
stemming from my relationship
with my father,
526
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,130
blah, blah, blah,
ticking time bomb,
527
00:20:02,135 --> 00:20:04,535
so I pushed you away
before you could do it to me.
528
00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:06,167
But I would never do that.
529
00:20:06,172 --> 00:20:08,242
We're BFFs.
530
00:20:14,746 --> 00:20:17,776
(both laugh, sigh)
531
00:20:17,784 --> 00:20:19,084
I'm sorry, Cleveland.
532
00:20:19,085 --> 00:20:20,275
You're my friend.
533
00:20:20,286 --> 00:20:22,016
You always have been.
534
00:20:22,021 --> 00:20:23,421
And I know...
535
00:20:24,623 --> 00:20:29,363
deep down in my heart,
I still love you.
536
00:20:31,330 --> 00:20:35,400
(sobbing loudly)
537
00:20:41,974 --> 00:20:43,074
See, Cleveland,
that's the difference
538
00:20:43,076 --> 00:20:44,236
between our two shows.
539
00:20:44,244 --> 00:20:46,584
On our show, we would have
shown the rape
540
00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:48,279
and had a show tune
about the rape.
541
00:20:48,281 --> 00:20:50,581
And I would have just
been the black guy.
542
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:53,653
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
543
00:20:57,022 --> 00:20:57,052
Captioned by
access.wgbh.orgoup at WGBH
544
00:20:57,102 --> 00:21:01,652
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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