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♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
2
00:00:04,621 --> 00:00:06,891
♪ And I am proud to be
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00:00:06,890 --> 00:00:09,060
♪ Right back
In my hometown ♪
4
00:00:09,060 --> 00:00:11,660
♪ With my new family
5
00:00:11,662 --> 00:00:13,882
♪ There's old friends
And new friends ♪
6
00:00:13,881 --> 00:00:16,031
♪ And even a bear
7
00:00:16,033 --> 00:00:18,483
♪ Through good times
And bad times ♪
8
00:00:18,486 --> 00:00:20,086
♪ It's true love we share ♪
9
00:00:20,087 --> 00:00:22,217
♪ And so I found a place
10
00:00:22,222 --> 00:00:24,462
♪ Where everyone will know
11
00:00:24,458 --> 00:00:26,828
♪ My happy mustache face
12
00:00:26,827 --> 00:00:28,837
♪ This is The Cleveland Show ♪
13
00:00:28,845 --> 00:00:31,105
[LAUGHS]
14
00:00:31,115 --> 00:00:34,015
[♪]
15
00:00:34,017 --> 00:00:35,217
Kobe's got the ball.
16
00:00:35,219 --> 00:00:37,469
He's really having his way
with his opponents.
17
00:00:37,471 --> 00:00:39,241
He is gonna take it
right at the hole
18
00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:40,670
whether they like it or not.
19
00:00:40,674 --> 00:00:43,284
He sneaks to the back,
sees an opening
20
00:00:43,277 --> 00:00:44,777
and forces it in!
21
00:00:44,779 --> 00:00:45,739
[♪]
22
00:00:51,468 --> 00:00:52,618
[YELLS]
23
00:00:52,619 --> 00:00:54,339
Oh, my face!
24
00:00:54,338 --> 00:00:56,308
What you got? You got nothing.
Ow. That hurt.
25
00:00:56,307 --> 00:00:57,507
You can't guard me.
Stop.
26
00:00:57,508 --> 00:00:59,238
I can do this all day.
Get off me.
27
00:00:59,243 --> 00:01:01,733
[GROWLS]
You are much bigger than me.
28
00:01:01,729 --> 00:01:04,059
Yeah!
29
00:01:05,365 --> 00:01:06,965
[GROANING]
30
00:01:06,967 --> 00:01:08,567
Boom!
31
00:01:10,436 --> 00:01:12,066
Hm-hm. Still got it.
32
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:15,042
Feels like I'm back
in my basketball camp days
33
00:01:15,042 --> 00:01:16,542
running the three-man weave
34
00:01:16,544 --> 00:01:19,954
making reliable but not flashy
two-handed chest passes
35
00:01:19,947 --> 00:01:21,777
shooting free throws underhand
36
00:01:21,782 --> 00:01:24,452
bringing out the ladder to get
the ball out of the peach basket
37
00:01:24,451 --> 00:01:27,971
throwing it down on skinny
little Barry Obama's head.
38
00:01:27,972 --> 00:01:29,412
Punk-ass Barry.
39
00:01:29,407 --> 00:01:32,167
Wait. Cleveland, did you just
say Barry Obama?
40
00:01:32,176 --> 00:01:35,526
That was his name. Goofy,
big-eared kid.
41
00:01:35,529 --> 00:01:38,459
Thirteen years old,
smoked like a chimney.
42
00:01:38,465 --> 00:01:41,925
Barry Obama. Probably sleeping
in a ditch somewhere.
43
00:01:41,936 --> 00:01:43,266
We got any lemonade?
44
00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:46,770
Cleveland, Barry Obama is the
president of the United States.
45
00:01:46,774 --> 00:01:50,044
No, Barack Obama
is the president.
46
00:01:50,043 --> 00:01:53,583
Barry Obama is Barack Obama.
47
00:01:53,581 --> 00:01:56,051
That kid Barry
is now the president.
48
00:01:56,049 --> 00:01:57,819
Barry Hussein Obama is?
49
00:01:57,818 --> 00:01:59,018
Hm-hm.
50
00:01:59,019 --> 00:02:00,919
This is...
51
00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:03,891
Well, that-- It can't be.
52
00:02:03,891 --> 00:02:05,221
I need to sit down.
53
00:02:05,225 --> 00:02:06,255
[MOANS]
54
00:02:06,260 --> 00:02:08,290
Cleveland, it's not that bad.
55
00:02:08,295 --> 00:02:11,095
Not that bad?
Easy for you to say.
56
00:02:11,098 --> 00:02:13,268
You're a woman.
You can't be president.
57
00:02:13,267 --> 00:02:14,327
That's true.
58
00:02:14,334 --> 00:02:16,744
But Barry and I
are almost the same age
59
00:02:16,737 --> 00:02:17,967
and yet some would say
60
00:02:17,972 --> 00:02:20,072
he's accomplished
much more than me.
61
00:02:20,074 --> 00:02:22,644
Oh, Donna.
What have I done with my life?
62
00:02:22,643 --> 00:02:24,283
You've done plenty.
63
00:02:24,278 --> 00:02:27,648
You've raised Cleveland Jr.
pretty much all by yourself.
64
00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:30,318
And I'll always
be your first lady.
65
00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:34,917
Not to brag, but you're more
like my sixth lady.
66
00:02:36,589 --> 00:02:38,559
[♪]
67
00:02:38,558 --> 00:02:40,278
Hey, Rallo,
may I have your Snack Pack?
68
00:02:40,277 --> 00:02:41,807
I saw Donna put it in there.
69
00:02:41,812 --> 00:02:44,412
No, you can't have
my Snack Pack.
70
00:02:44,415 --> 00:02:48,245
Hm, well, I guess this is God'sway of keeping me skinny.
71
00:02:48,252 --> 00:02:51,602
Bye, Daddy.
Touch the sky, baby.
72
00:02:51,605 --> 00:02:54,565
Locally-famous rapper
Kenny West?
73
00:02:54,575 --> 00:02:55,965
What are you doing here?
74
00:02:55,976 --> 00:02:58,476
I'm trying to get my daughter
a decent education
75
00:02:58,479 --> 00:03:01,109
so she doesn't grow up
to be in one of my videos.
76
00:03:01,114 --> 00:03:02,134
Huh? Oh.
77
00:03:02,132 --> 00:03:03,132
[LAUGHING]
78
00:03:03,133 --> 00:03:04,833
Where's Candice's mom?
79
00:03:04,834 --> 00:03:06,804
I wanna talk to her now.
80
00:03:06,803 --> 00:03:08,043
She's gone for six months
81
00:03:08,038 --> 00:03:10,208
doing Bret Michaels'
Rock of Love Bus.
82
00:03:10,207 --> 00:03:11,817
Congratulations.
83
00:03:11,826 --> 00:03:14,856
Hey, you should bring Candice
over for a playdate.
84
00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:17,002
Hm, that's actually
not a bad idea.
85
00:03:16,998 --> 00:03:19,028
I got a gig
this afternoon, anyway.
86
00:03:19,033 --> 00:03:21,153
I'll treat her like she's
one of my own.
87
00:03:21,151 --> 00:03:24,121
And I mean my own,
not one of my stepkids.
88
00:03:24,121 --> 00:03:26,391
Sometimes I forget to feed them.
89
00:03:26,390 --> 00:03:28,090
Man, I am starving.
90
00:03:28,091 --> 00:03:30,261
I feel like I haven't
eaten in days.
91
00:03:30,260 --> 00:03:32,800
That's probably why
you look so fly, Ro.
92
00:03:32,797 --> 00:03:34,957
My girl is mad rexy.
93
00:03:34,965 --> 00:03:36,225
[GRUNTING, MOANING]
94
00:03:36,233 --> 00:03:38,103
No! Bad! Bad!
95
00:03:38,101 --> 00:03:39,701
[DOORBELL RINGS]
96
00:03:39,703 --> 00:03:40,973
My man.
97
00:03:40,971 --> 00:03:42,871
Thanks again
for watching Candice.
98
00:03:42,872 --> 00:03:45,442
I wish more grown men I barely
knew would offer
99
00:03:45,442 --> 00:03:47,712
to look after my 4-year-old
daughter for a few hours.
100
00:03:47,711 --> 00:03:49,061
No problem.
101
00:03:49,063 --> 00:03:52,063
I'd like to see Barack Obama
look after two kids.
102
00:03:52,066 --> 00:03:55,566
But he's probably too busy
dealing with Afghanistan
103
00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:59,339
and cleaning up the gulf,
and his two kids.
104
00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:02,320
Anyway, bye, sweetie.
105
00:04:02,326 --> 00:04:04,626
Rallo, you got a playdate.
106
00:04:06,061 --> 00:04:07,861
[♪]
107
00:04:07,865 --> 00:04:10,445
Damn.
108
00:04:12,635 --> 00:04:15,285
I thought we'd never meet again.
109
00:04:15,288 --> 00:04:17,708
So you wanna watch
a Star Wars movie?
110
00:04:17,708 --> 00:04:19,268
I'm ready for anything.
111
00:04:19,276 --> 00:04:21,036
I'm a straight-up freak.
112
00:04:21,044 --> 00:04:22,644
I love you.
113
00:04:26,366 --> 00:04:28,366
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
114
00:04:33,706 --> 00:04:36,336
[YELLING]
115
00:04:36,343 --> 00:04:39,463
You sure this is where
your dad's performing?
116
00:04:39,463 --> 00:04:41,833
♪ We got nachos with attitude
And onion blings ♪
117
00:04:41,832 --> 00:04:44,802
♪ We got drive-by salad
If you're dieting ♪
118
00:04:44,802 --> 00:04:47,572
This is funky fresh.
119
00:04:47,570 --> 00:04:49,640
Shut up, bitch,
we ain't finished.
120
00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:51,370
Oh, you.
121
00:04:51,375 --> 00:04:53,605
Tell them
the dessert special, yo.
122
00:04:53,610 --> 00:04:55,440
[SIGHS]
123
00:04:55,446 --> 00:04:57,846
♪ Fight the flour
Fight the flour ♪ Uh.
124
00:04:57,848 --> 00:05:00,078
♪ You gotta bite
The flourless cake ♪
125
00:05:00,083 --> 00:05:02,123
What he say?
126
00:05:03,553 --> 00:05:06,623
What are you doing here?
I told you I'd pick Candice up.
127
00:05:06,623 --> 00:05:08,023
Oh, yeah. That must be why
128
00:05:08,025 --> 00:05:10,925
I have this string
tied around my finger.
129
00:05:10,927 --> 00:05:14,207
Say, how about Candice and Rallo
have another playdate tomorrow?
130
00:05:14,215 --> 00:05:16,475
Any chance you can watch
them at your place
131
00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:19,793
since apparently I plain old
forgot to go to work today?
132
00:05:19,787 --> 00:05:21,987
It's just not a good time.
133
00:05:23,189 --> 00:05:25,619
Oh, cool. A Pop A Cop machine.
134
00:05:25,626 --> 00:05:28,386
[BEEPING, SIRENS WAILING]
135
00:05:32,448 --> 00:05:34,548
These are great.
Why did I buy these?
136
00:05:35,952 --> 00:05:37,152
What the--?
137
00:05:38,521 --> 00:05:41,941
[♪]
138
00:05:41,942 --> 00:05:45,082
Kenny. You're-- You're homeless.
139
00:05:45,079 --> 00:05:47,149
Sh. Man, not in front of my kid.
140
00:05:47,147 --> 00:05:48,847
I told her that cars were houses
141
00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:51,779
and houses were cars, so she
just thinks we're car-less.
142
00:05:51,785 --> 00:05:54,385
That's it. I'm finding you
a place to live.
143
00:05:54,387 --> 00:05:56,047
Something Barack Obama
144
00:05:56,056 --> 00:05:58,086
apparently hasn't been
able to do.
145
00:05:58,092 --> 00:06:00,612
Actually, his Cash for Clunkers
program helped me--
146
00:06:00,611 --> 00:06:02,341
Do you want my help or not?
147
00:06:02,345 --> 00:06:04,705
[♪]
148
00:06:04,715 --> 00:06:06,145
[GUNSHOTS ON TV]
149
00:06:08,168 --> 00:06:10,698
Remember when I was upset
that I hadn't accomplished
150
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,274
as much as the president?
151
00:06:12,272 --> 00:06:14,042
Well, guess who's helping
152
00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:16,741
a young family get off
the streets?
153
00:06:16,743 --> 00:06:18,833
Cleveland,
what are you talking about?
154
00:06:18,828 --> 00:06:20,548
Here they are.
155
00:06:20,547 --> 00:06:23,647
From the parking lot
next to the old muffler shop
156
00:06:23,651 --> 00:06:26,081
soon to be living in our garage
157
00:06:26,086 --> 00:06:29,336
Kenny and Candice West.
158
00:06:34,059 --> 00:06:35,829
Awesome.
159
00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:36,829
Oops.
160
00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:38,800
Wrong show.
161
00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:43,633
I got a whole mess of
Snack Packs out in my minivan.
162
00:06:43,636 --> 00:06:44,736
Hee.
163
00:06:46,806 --> 00:06:49,306
[♪]
164
00:06:49,310 --> 00:06:51,940
Donna, don't worry.
Kenny won't be here long.
165
00:06:51,946 --> 00:06:54,206
Today, I'm gonna take him down
to Waterman Cable
166
00:06:54,215 --> 00:06:55,645
and get him a real job.
167
00:06:55,649 --> 00:06:58,249
Not like whatever it is you do
at the hospital.
168
00:06:58,252 --> 00:07:00,522
I work at the school.
Yep.
169
00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:02,350
Hey, Cleve. Hey, Miss Tubbs.
170
00:07:02,356 --> 00:07:03,756
I got you a little
thank you gift
171
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:05,757
for letting me and Candice
crash at your place.
172
00:07:06,809 --> 00:07:08,479
Oh, my God.
173
00:07:08,478 --> 00:07:11,798
"Tyler Perry presents Wine."
174
00:07:11,798 --> 00:07:13,968
CLEVELAND:
They say it's rich and super fruity
175
00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:15,597
and not complex at all.
176
00:07:15,603 --> 00:07:17,743
Kenny, you shouldn't have.
177
00:07:17,737 --> 00:07:18,997
How could you afford it?
178
00:07:19,005 --> 00:07:20,505
I sold all
my recording equipment.
179
00:07:20,507 --> 00:07:22,237
I mean, I don't need it anymore.
180
00:07:22,242 --> 00:07:23,842
As Cleveland told me,
181
00:07:23,843 --> 00:07:26,413
cable installers are today's
rap stars.
182
00:07:26,413 --> 00:07:27,783
See, dum-dum?
183
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,811
Come on, Kenny.
Let's go to the hospital.
184
00:07:29,816 --> 00:07:31,776
Cable company.
Yep.
185
00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:39,318
Oh, I am running away
from some problems tonight.
186
00:07:42,361 --> 00:07:44,961
Love you.
Love you more.
187
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,925
That's impossible.
188
00:07:46,933 --> 00:07:48,733
[GIGGLES]
189
00:07:48,735 --> 00:07:49,825
Can it be?
190
00:07:49,836 --> 00:07:52,336
Has Rallo Tubbs finally
found the one?
191
00:07:52,339 --> 00:07:55,209
Gentlemen, there comes a time
in every man's life
192
00:07:55,209 --> 00:07:57,879
when he needs to grow up
and settle down.
193
00:07:57,877 --> 00:07:59,287
I'm not 5 anymore.
194
00:07:59,296 --> 00:08:01,096
I'm five and a half.
195
00:08:01,097 --> 00:08:03,797
I would kill to be five and a
half again.
196
00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:06,300
I'm just so tired all the time.
197
00:08:06,303 --> 00:08:08,803
[♪]
198
00:08:08,806 --> 00:08:11,966
Well, look who it is.
Who is that?
199
00:08:11,975 --> 00:08:14,005
Gentlemen, I'd like you
to meet Kenny
200
00:08:14,010 --> 00:08:17,650
a kid off the streets who I've
been teaching everything I know.
201
00:08:17,648 --> 00:08:19,178
It's whom. Not who.
202
00:08:19,182 --> 00:08:21,822
I-I-I hope you're
not teaching him grammar.
203
00:08:21,818 --> 00:08:23,968
Oh, damn.
You got whom-ed.
204
00:08:23,970 --> 00:08:26,200
Kenny West.
Caught you at the county fair.
205
00:08:26,206 --> 00:08:29,206
Yeah, I listen to rap.
Got a De La Soul CD in my car.
206
00:08:29,209 --> 00:08:31,579
Do a little beatboxing.
You don't wanna hear it.
207
00:08:31,578 --> 00:08:33,178
Unless you do. You probably do.
208
00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:35,000
Boo-boo-boo-be-do-boob.
209
00:08:34,998 --> 00:08:38,698
Boob-boob-bee-bee-boo-
bee-do-boob.
210
00:08:38,702 --> 00:08:40,872
I'm really not
glad I heard that.
211
00:08:40,871 --> 00:08:42,601
[BOTH LAUGHING]
212
00:08:42,606 --> 00:08:44,766
Oh, Kenny, you're terrible.
213
00:08:44,775 --> 00:08:46,005
No, you're terrible.
214
00:08:46,009 --> 00:08:48,109
No, you're terrible.
215
00:08:48,112 --> 00:08:49,382
We're both terrible.
216
00:08:49,379 --> 00:08:50,649
[LAUGHING]
217
00:08:55,885 --> 00:08:58,085
Nice playing, Arthur Ass.
218
00:08:58,087 --> 00:09:00,757
So we got a wonderful plan
for tomorrow.
219
00:09:00,757 --> 00:09:03,567
Yeah, I was thinking maybe we
could go to the merry-go-round.
220
00:09:03,576 --> 00:09:06,206
Ignore him.
We're going to the library.
221
00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:08,082
Oh, the library.
222
00:09:08,081 --> 00:09:12,831
You'll love that, Walt.
It's free.
223
00:09:12,836 --> 00:09:14,646
[♪]
224
00:09:14,655 --> 00:09:16,215
[DOOR OPENS]
225
00:09:16,223 --> 00:09:17,793
So, what do you think?
226
00:09:19,274 --> 00:09:23,114
I think there's no greater sign
of maturity than the mustache.
227
00:09:23,112 --> 00:09:25,932
Yep. It shows you've put away
your childish dreams
228
00:09:25,932 --> 00:09:29,472
and said to yourself,
"Self? This is it for you.
229
00:09:29,470 --> 00:09:31,870
You are going
no farther than this."
230
00:09:31,872 --> 00:09:33,602
Well, I don't know about that.
231
00:09:33,606 --> 00:09:36,266
Each mustache has its own story.
232
00:09:36,276 --> 00:09:38,826
Have you ever eaten
a cheesesteak with a mustache?
233
00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:41,028
Here, take my second one.
Whoops.
234
00:09:41,030 --> 00:09:43,970
Don't worry about it. Just grab
a shirt out of my closet.
235
00:09:43,967 --> 00:09:46,897
We adults can change clothes
whenever we want.
236
00:09:46,903 --> 00:09:50,543
And ride our bikes
in the street.
237
00:09:50,540 --> 00:09:53,160
Cleveland, what have you done
to that poor boy?
238
00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:54,830
Filled him full of awesome.
239
00:09:54,827 --> 00:09:56,887
You're turning him into you.
240
00:09:56,896 --> 00:09:58,626
And, Cleveland, I love you,
241
00:09:58,631 --> 00:10:00,331
and I mean this
in the best possible way
242
00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:03,903
but any 19 year old who has
your life should kill himself.
243
00:10:03,903 --> 00:10:05,673
Donna, you're overreacting.
244
00:10:05,672 --> 00:10:08,272
I'm not trying
to turn Kenny into me.
245
00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:10,405
Hey, thanks for the shirt,
Cleveland.
246
00:10:11,794 --> 00:10:12,944
You showed me the way.
247
00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,946
All those years wasted
on some stupid dream
248
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:16,248
of being a rap star.
249
00:10:16,249 --> 00:10:19,319
I just wanna thank you for
taking the music out of my life
250
00:10:19,319 --> 00:10:21,989
both literally
and metaphorically.
251
00:10:21,988 --> 00:10:24,518
[♪]
252
00:10:26,725 --> 00:10:28,885
Kenny, I've made a mistake.
253
00:10:28,895 --> 00:10:31,925
I've encouraged you
to abandon your dreams.
254
00:10:31,932 --> 00:10:34,202
This life is not your destiny.
255
00:10:34,201 --> 00:10:37,871
Good, honest work is for
the downtrodden and the Polish.
256
00:10:37,871 --> 00:10:40,711
Oh, come on, man.
My music wasn't going anywhere.
257
00:10:40,707 --> 00:10:43,777
That's because you didn't have
anyone to believe in you.
258
00:10:43,777 --> 00:10:49,177
Or should I say, be-Cleve
in you. Registered trademark.
259
00:10:49,182 --> 00:10:51,072
Feel like writing a hit song?
260
00:10:51,067 --> 00:10:52,567
My stuff.
261
00:10:52,569 --> 00:10:56,099
I appreciate it, Cleveland,
but I don't know if I can do it.
262
00:10:56,105 --> 00:10:58,855
I've been out the game
for six days.
263
00:10:58,858 --> 00:11:01,528
Lil Wayne's dropped 30 mix tapes
since then.
264
00:11:01,528 --> 00:11:02,908
You can do it, Kenny,
265
00:11:02,913 --> 00:11:04,983
because I'm gonna help you.
266
00:11:04,982 --> 00:11:06,532
We're not gonna sleep
267
00:11:06,533 --> 00:11:09,873
until we've written a hit
hip-hop single.
268
00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:11,990
[♪]
269
00:11:30,606 --> 00:11:32,806
Done.
Wow, I can't believe
270
00:11:32,809 --> 00:11:36,479
you wrote an entire hit song
in 15 seconds.
271
00:11:36,479 --> 00:11:38,979
And I still can't believe
Beyoncé didn't win.
272
00:11:38,982 --> 00:11:41,272
Kenny!
273
00:11:41,268 --> 00:11:45,348
Donna, wake up! The house
is on fire! Rallo's dead!
274
00:11:45,355 --> 00:11:48,555
What? Oh, my God, no!
My baby! My baby!
275
00:11:48,558 --> 00:11:49,758
[LAUGHING]
276
00:11:49,759 --> 00:11:52,379
Just kidding. But now that
I have your attention
277
00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:55,799
you should know that Kenny and I
have recorded a hit song
278
00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:59,398
and now I'm gonna help him
make it big in the music biz.
279
00:11:59,402 --> 00:12:01,072
So we're going on tour
280
00:12:01,070 --> 00:12:02,600
and you're gonna stay here
281
00:12:02,606 --> 00:12:05,206
and watch his
and our children. We cool?
282
00:12:05,208 --> 00:12:07,678
Fine. If this is what you need
283
00:12:07,677 --> 00:12:09,477
to get you past your whole
mid-life crisis
284
00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:11,579
Barack Obama thing, then go.
285
00:12:11,581 --> 00:12:13,881
Damn it, Donna!
You can't stop me.
286
00:12:13,883 --> 00:12:17,573
I am leaving with Kenny West
to be a rap-guy manager.
287
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:20,400
It's my new lifelong dream.
288
00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:23,306
Cleveland. Look at me.
I don't care.
289
00:12:23,310 --> 00:12:26,010
If you can get
the time off work, then go.
290
00:12:26,012 --> 00:12:29,482
Oh, work. I keep forgetting
to go to that.
291
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:33,824
[♪]
292
00:12:33,820 --> 00:12:36,960
Well, it's been four days
and you're still not famous.
293
00:12:36,957 --> 00:12:38,157
I don't get it.
294
00:12:38,158 --> 00:12:41,388
We tried having a rap battle
like in 8 Mile.
295
00:12:41,394 --> 00:12:44,764
We tried getting you addicted
to drugs like Walk the Line.
296
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:47,504
There's one movie
we haven't tried.
297
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:49,530
We haven't tried Ray.
298
00:12:49,536 --> 00:12:50,916
Let me at them.
What are you doing?
299
00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:52,290
You need to be blind.
Get away!
300
00:12:52,289 --> 00:12:53,889
Do you wanna be famous or not?
Stop!
301
00:12:53,890 --> 00:12:56,070
Oh, what's the use?
302
00:12:56,075 --> 00:12:58,205
This won't work. It's hopeless.
303
00:12:58,211 --> 00:13:00,291
All we need is one break.
304
00:13:00,296 --> 00:13:01,976
MAN [ON TV]:
We interrupt this program
305
00:13:01,981 --> 00:13:03,781
with a Dwayne Meighannews flash.
306
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:07,083
Hi, I'm Dwayne Meighan.News flash.
307
00:13:07,086 --> 00:13:09,486
It had beenin Goochland County.
308
00:13:09,489 --> 00:13:13,489
Apparently, somebody, a person,had been playing around
309
00:13:13,493 --> 00:13:16,133
or standing too closewith a well.
310
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:19,859
A news flash indicateit was a small girl.
311
00:13:19,866 --> 00:13:22,996
Maybe perhaps playingwith her doll
312
00:13:23,002 --> 00:13:26,572
or maybe wanted to seedown her reflection on well.
313
00:13:26,573 --> 00:13:30,143
Oh-oh. Fell in.This had had been the news.
314
00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:31,793
There's a girl trapped
in the well.
315
00:13:31,795 --> 00:13:33,155
You know what that means.
316
00:13:33,163 --> 00:13:35,003
Benefit concert.
Funeral concert.
317
00:13:34,998 --> 00:13:36,598
Well, one or the other.
318
00:13:36,599 --> 00:13:38,099
[♪]
319
00:13:38,101 --> 00:13:40,651
[CROWD CHATTERING]
320
00:13:44,923 --> 00:13:46,723
Ladies and gentlemen,
ladies and gentlemen,
321
00:13:46,726 --> 00:13:48,226
first a little housekeeping.
322
00:13:48,227 --> 00:13:49,407
Uh, for the time being,
323
00:13:49,412 --> 00:13:53,012
please stop urinating
down the well. Thank you.
324
00:13:53,016 --> 00:13:56,246
Second, these two guys showed
up and insisted on singing.
325
00:13:56,253 --> 00:13:58,653
So put your hands together
326
00:13:58,654 --> 00:14:01,294
for Kenny West featuring
Cleveland Brown.
327
00:14:01,290 --> 00:14:02,590
[CROWD CHEERING]
328
00:14:02,592 --> 00:14:04,962
I know what it's like to feel
down, little girl.
329
00:14:04,961 --> 00:14:06,261
I hope someone lifts you up
330
00:14:06,263 --> 00:14:08,163
like the big guy
who lifted me up.
331
00:14:08,164 --> 00:14:09,564
MAN: Praise the Lord.
No.
332
00:14:09,566 --> 00:14:14,966
I'm talking about the big guy
right here, Cleveland Brown.
333
00:14:14,971 --> 00:14:17,321
♪ Not long ago
I was lower than Lohan ♪
334
00:14:17,323 --> 00:14:18,963
♪ No plan, a lost man
335
00:14:18,959 --> 00:14:21,079
♪ Raising my little girl
In a Cadillac Brougham ♪
336
00:14:21,077 --> 00:14:23,387
♪ My quest? Success
But my life was a mess ♪
337
00:14:23,396 --> 00:14:25,846
♪ Poor Kenny West
No zest, anti-depressed ♪
338
00:14:25,848 --> 00:14:28,328
♪ Not dressed to impress
Matter of fact, more stressed ♪
339
00:14:28,334 --> 00:14:30,574
♪ Than John Mayer
Waiting on his AIDS test ♪
340
00:14:30,570 --> 00:14:31,740
♪ Then I met a man
341
00:14:31,738 --> 00:14:33,198
♪ Who taught me
How to live large ♪
342
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:35,656
♪ Took me out of the my car
Now I'm in his garage ♪
343
00:14:35,658 --> 00:14:38,078
♪ Turns out all I needed
Was some inspiration ♪
344
00:14:38,077 --> 00:14:40,857
♪ Like Mr. Miyagi
But a lot less Asian ♪
345
00:14:40,864 --> 00:14:43,064
♪ My game was timid
Now my flow much bolder ♪
346
00:14:43,066 --> 00:14:46,446
♪ Got a chubby brown angel
On my shoulder saying ♪
347
00:14:46,452 --> 00:14:51,172
♪ You know, it don't matter
What you do ♪
348
00:14:51,174 --> 00:14:55,544
♪ Because I'll always be there
For you ♪
349
00:14:55,544 --> 00:14:58,084
♪ Be-Cleve in yourself
♪ Grow a mustache
350
00:14:58,081 --> 00:14:59,161
♪ Be-Cleve in yourself
351
00:14:59,165 --> 00:15:00,405
♪ Slap your wife's ass ♪
352
00:15:00,416 --> 00:15:01,766
♪ Be-Cleve in yourself
353
00:15:01,768 --> 00:15:02,748
♪ Never smoke grass
354
00:15:02,752 --> 00:15:04,102
♪ Be-Cleve in yourself
355
00:15:04,103 --> 00:15:05,673
♪ Freely pass gas
356
00:15:05,672 --> 00:15:07,092
Be-Cleve in yourself, Goochland.
357
00:15:07,090 --> 00:15:08,660
BOTH: Good night.
[CROWD CHEERING]
358
00:15:12,727 --> 00:15:15,107
Our hearts go out to the goodpeople of Goochland.
359
00:15:15,114 --> 00:15:18,634
We hope you stay strong duringthe ongoing rescue effort.
360
00:15:18,635 --> 00:15:22,495
Barack Obama doesn't careabout black people.
361
00:15:25,023 --> 00:15:26,873
What the fuck
were you thinking?
362
00:15:26,876 --> 00:15:30,536
I don't know. The lights,
the camera. I got nervous.
363
00:15:30,546 --> 00:15:33,456
Plus, Obama's accomplished
so much.
364
00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:34,976
You just destroyed Twitter.
365
00:15:34,984 --> 00:15:37,754
It literally exploded
from people's tweets.
366
00:15:37,754 --> 00:15:39,094
Your song is gonna be
367
00:15:39,088 --> 00:15:41,188
the number-one downloaded
song ever.
368
00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:42,520
No doubt about it.
369
00:15:42,525 --> 00:15:44,825
You put our music on the
Internet, right?
370
00:15:44,828 --> 00:15:47,208
You can put music on the WebTV?
371
00:15:47,214 --> 00:15:49,014
♪ I gotta testify
372
00:15:49,015 --> 00:15:50,275
♪ Come up with a spot
373
00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:52,123
♪ I'm looking extra fly ♪
374
00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:54,018
♪ For the day I die
375
00:15:54,020 --> 00:15:56,700
♪ Gonna touch the sky
[BEEPING]
376
00:15:56,706 --> 00:15:58,036
♪ Gotta testify
377
00:15:58,041 --> 00:15:59,441
♪ Come up with a spot
378
00:15:59,442 --> 00:16:01,712
♪ I'm looking extra fly ♪
[MODEM DIALING]
379
00:16:01,711 --> 00:16:03,011
♪ For the day I die
380
00:16:03,013 --> 00:16:04,363
♪ I'm gonna touch the sky ♪
381
00:16:04,363 --> 00:16:07,083
♪ Uh, I gotta testify
382
00:16:07,083 --> 00:16:10,543
♪ Come up in the spotLooking extra fly ♪
383
00:16:10,537 --> 00:16:11,717
♪ For the day you die
384
00:16:11,721 --> 00:16:13,021
♪ You gonna touch the sky
385
00:16:13,022 --> 00:16:14,842
♪ You gonna touch the skyBaby girl ♪
386
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:16,190
♪ Testify
387
00:16:16,192 --> 00:16:19,332
♪ Come up in the spotLooking extra fly ♪
388
00:16:19,328 --> 00:16:21,008
♪ For the day you die
389
00:16:21,013 --> 00:16:22,833
♪ Yeah, you gonnaTouch the sky ♪
390
00:16:22,833 --> 00:16:23,883
♪ Check it out baby
391
00:16:23,883 --> 00:16:27,893
♪ Sky high
Uh-uh, sky high ♪
392
00:16:27,888 --> 00:16:29,618
♪ Uh-uh, sky high
393
00:16:29,622 --> 00:16:31,892
♪ Uh-uh, sky high
394
00:16:31,891 --> 00:16:33,791
Man, look at that crowd.
[CROWD CHEERING]
395
00:16:33,793 --> 00:16:35,433
What did I tell you, Kenny?
396
00:16:35,428 --> 00:16:38,028
I knew we'd hit the big time.
397
00:16:38,030 --> 00:16:40,260
Cleveland, you're fired.
What?
398
00:16:40,266 --> 00:16:42,046
I'm sorry, but the book
I read said
399
00:16:42,052 --> 00:16:43,182
if you've got bad news,
400
00:16:43,186 --> 00:16:44,946
you should just come right
out and say it.
401
00:16:44,954 --> 00:16:47,764
No, you're supposed to first
give them a fake compliment,
402
00:16:47,757 --> 00:16:49,117
then the bad news.
403
00:16:49,125 --> 00:16:52,685
Oh. You've lost weight.
And you're fired.
404
00:16:52,695 --> 00:16:54,555
Well, at least I've lost weight.
405
00:16:54,564 --> 00:16:56,164
But why am I fired?
406
00:16:56,166 --> 00:16:58,766
Look, Cleveland.
I'm sorry, but I've learned
407
00:16:58,768 --> 00:17:00,398
that to make it as a rap star
408
00:17:00,403 --> 00:17:02,743
you have to make wildly
irrational decisions
409
00:17:02,738 --> 00:17:03,998
without thinking about it.
410
00:17:04,006 --> 00:17:05,966
Just look at Flavor Flav.
[CHUCKLES]
411
00:17:05,975 --> 00:17:07,575
That's not a name.
412
00:17:07,577 --> 00:17:08,907
And that's another thing.
413
00:17:08,911 --> 00:17:11,811
Your rap knowledge begins
and ends with Kurtis Blow.
414
00:17:11,814 --> 00:17:13,984
Yeah. Kurtis Blow.
415
00:17:13,983 --> 00:17:16,223
And what's up with
all these stupid outfits?
416
00:17:16,219 --> 00:17:18,589
I'm a rapper,
not the mayor of Detroit.
417
00:17:18,588 --> 00:17:20,988
Goodbye, Cleveland.
418
00:17:20,990 --> 00:17:22,840
[CROWD CHEERING]
419
00:17:22,842 --> 00:17:26,742
[♪]
420
00:17:26,746 --> 00:17:32,316
♪ And I am telling you
421
00:17:34,352 --> 00:17:36,552
♪ I'm not going ♪
422
00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:39,186
Sir, you can't stand here.
I'm going. I'm going.
423
00:17:41,643 --> 00:17:43,133
[PIANO SOFTLY PLAYING]
424
00:17:43,129 --> 00:17:45,449
Mm. This bruschetta is amazing.
425
00:17:45,448 --> 00:17:47,818
Yeah, $12 bread
with some tomatoes on it.
426
00:17:47,817 --> 00:17:49,517
Yeah, that's great.
Enough.
427
00:17:49,518 --> 00:17:53,958
Come on. Let's go to the ladies'
room before our entrées arrive.
428
00:17:56,758 --> 00:17:59,538
This sucks.
I know, but we're stuck.
429
00:17:59,546 --> 00:18:00,906
We could just leave.
430
00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:02,513
What?
Just leave.
431
00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:04,675
Can we do that?
Why not?
432
00:18:04,684 --> 00:18:07,324
Do you know how many men
wish they could just leave
433
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:09,620
while their girlfriends
were in the bathroom?
434
00:18:09,622 --> 00:18:12,162
One hundred percent. I'm out.
435
00:18:12,158 --> 00:18:13,918
Attention, men.
[PIANO STOPS PLAYING]
436
00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:15,656
If your ladies
are in the bathroom,
437
00:18:15,662 --> 00:18:17,832
and you wish,
for just once in your life
438
00:18:17,831 --> 00:18:21,771
you had the cojones to just get
up and leave, follow me.
439
00:18:21,768 --> 00:18:24,838
I'm going to play skee-ball
at Cheesy Charlie's.
440
00:18:24,838 --> 00:18:27,808
I'm going.
Me too.
441
00:18:27,807 --> 00:18:29,157
MAN 1: Yeah.
MAN 2: Great idea.
442
00:18:29,158 --> 00:18:30,358
MAN 1: Let's go.
443
00:18:32,227 --> 00:18:34,957
Don't worry.
I'm not going anywhere.
444
00:18:34,964 --> 00:18:36,334
Ooh. I gotta get this.
445
00:18:36,333 --> 00:18:38,473
This could take forever.
446
00:18:38,468 --> 00:18:40,268
Hello?
447
00:18:40,269 --> 00:18:42,689
[♪]
448
00:18:42,688 --> 00:18:43,988
Donna, I'm home.
449
00:18:43,989 --> 00:18:47,429
I realized that my place is here
with you. Hey, cool wok.
450
00:18:47,427 --> 00:18:48,887
Kenny fired you, didn't he?
451
00:18:48,894 --> 00:18:50,334
Yeah, but that's okay.
452
00:18:50,330 --> 00:18:52,600
Where'd you get the wok?
Bed, Bath and Hospital?
453
00:18:52,599 --> 00:18:54,329
Beyond.
Beg pardon?
454
00:18:54,333 --> 00:18:55,623
Bed, Bath and Beyond.
455
00:18:55,618 --> 00:18:57,488
Beyond what?
The hospital.
456
00:18:57,487 --> 00:18:59,347
What are you talking
about a hospital?
457
00:18:59,355 --> 00:19:01,155
[HELICOPTER WHIRRING]
Chopper.
458
00:19:03,042 --> 00:19:04,192
[♪]
459
00:19:16,104 --> 00:19:17,304
Barry.
460
00:19:17,306 --> 00:19:19,606
They kick you
out of Washington already?
461
00:19:19,608 --> 00:19:21,338
No, no, I'm still your ruler.
462
00:19:21,344 --> 00:19:23,714
I was on my way back from
pulling a girl out of a well
463
00:19:23,712 --> 00:19:25,252
and I heard what you said
about me.
464
00:19:25,248 --> 00:19:27,878
I can't help but think that had
something to do with the fact
465
00:19:27,883 --> 00:19:29,853
that you never could beat me
on the court.
466
00:19:29,852 --> 00:19:32,522
What? You-- I-- That's not--
467
00:19:32,522 --> 00:19:35,942
How about right now?
You and me. One on one.
468
00:19:38,476 --> 00:19:40,586
[♪]
469
00:19:42,431 --> 00:19:44,131
Oh.
470
00:19:44,133 --> 00:19:45,253
You're on.
471
00:19:46,985 --> 00:19:48,285
Whoops.
472
00:19:48,288 --> 00:19:49,618
There we go.
473
00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:55,379
[♪]
474
00:20:00,148 --> 00:20:01,348
[WIND BLOWING]
475
00:20:04,970 --> 00:20:06,790
If there's one thing politics
has taught me,
476
00:20:06,790 --> 00:20:11,040
it's to watch out for attacks
from the right.
477
00:20:11,044 --> 00:20:12,144
First basket wins.
478
00:20:17,766 --> 00:20:19,666
I better call
my Secretary of Education
479
00:20:19,669 --> 00:20:21,299
because you just got schooled.
480
00:20:21,304 --> 00:20:23,274
I could also call
my Secretary of the Treasury
481
00:20:23,273 --> 00:20:25,773
because that shot was money.
Also, I--
482
00:20:25,775 --> 00:20:27,475
Sir, we really--
I've got one more.
483
00:20:27,477 --> 00:20:29,577
I could call
my Secretary of Defense,
484
00:20:29,579 --> 00:20:31,549
because I am the bomb.
485
00:20:31,547 --> 00:20:33,107
Wheels up.
486
00:20:33,115 --> 00:20:35,265
[♪]
487
00:20:39,938 --> 00:20:42,218
Take me with you!
488
00:20:42,225 --> 00:20:43,885
[SOBS]
Oh.
489
00:20:43,893 --> 00:20:46,083
[CRIES OUT]
490
00:20:47,228 --> 00:20:48,258
[SHRIEKING]
491
00:20:50,799 --> 00:20:52,399
You know what, Donna?
492
00:20:52,401 --> 00:20:54,331
He may live in the White House,
493
00:20:54,336 --> 00:20:56,736
but I'd rather live
in the Brown house.
494
00:20:56,739 --> 00:20:58,869
I'd rather live
in the White House.
495
00:20:58,875 --> 00:21:00,835
Yeah, me too.
496
00:21:00,843 --> 00:21:02,683
[♪]
497
00:21:05,747 --> 00:21:08,517
[♪]
498
00:21:38,814 --> 00:21:41,754
[English - US - Line 21]
499
00:21:41,804 --> 00:21:46,354
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