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1
00:00:00,667 --> 00:00:02,497
(funky music)
2
00:00:02,503 --> 00:00:05,503
CLEVELAND:
Twelve, eleven, ten--
3
00:00:05,506 --> 00:00:06,836
hurry, Jr.!
4
00:00:06,841 --> 00:00:07,941
(snoring)
5
00:00:07,942 --> 00:00:10,242
(screaming)
Wake up! Wake up!
6
00:00:12,779 --> 00:00:16,849
BOTH:
Four, three, two, one!
7
00:00:16,851 --> 00:00:19,521
Happy Black History Month!
8
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:21,350
(cheering, laughing)
9
00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:22,755
This is why you
woke us up?
10
00:00:22,757 --> 00:00:26,327
It took me four Budweisers
to get to sleep.
11
00:00:26,327 --> 00:00:28,987
You've been pre-partying?!
12
00:00:28,996 --> 00:00:30,896
(funk playing)
♪ Black History
13
00:00:30,898 --> 00:00:31,828
♪ Month
14
00:00:31,832 --> 00:00:34,472
♪ Black History!
♪ Month!
15
00:00:34,468 --> 00:00:35,728
What's happening?
16
00:00:35,736 --> 00:00:37,636
Is this real life?
17
00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:39,468
Is this gonna be forever?
18
00:00:39,473 --> 00:00:42,713
BOTH:
♪ For we're a jolly good race ♪
19
00:00:42,710 --> 00:00:45,280
♪ For we're a jolly good race ♪
20
00:00:45,279 --> 00:00:48,409
♪ For we're a jolly
good race... ♪
21
00:00:48,416 --> 00:00:52,846
So how many beers had you had
when you agreed to marry him?
22
00:00:52,853 --> 00:00:54,823
Eight.
23
00:00:54,822 --> 00:00:55,892
(funky disco plays)
24
00:00:55,890 --> 00:00:58,420
♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
25
00:00:58,426 --> 00:01:00,486
♪ And I am proud to be
26
00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:02,804
♪ Right back in my hometown
27
00:01:02,797 --> 00:01:05,357
♪ With my new family
28
00:01:05,366 --> 00:01:07,896
♪ There's old friends
and new friends ♪
29
00:01:07,902 --> 00:01:09,772
♪ And even a bear
30
00:01:09,770 --> 00:01:12,240
♪ Through good times
and bad times ♪
31
00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:13,839
♪ It's true love we share ♪
32
00:01:13,841 --> 00:01:15,841
♪ And so I found a place
33
00:01:15,843 --> 00:01:18,513
♪ Where everyone will know
34
00:01:18,512 --> 00:01:20,512
♪ My happy mustached face
35
00:01:20,514 --> 00:01:23,184
♪ This is The Cleveland Show ♪
36
00:01:23,184 --> 00:01:25,354
(chuckles)
37
00:01:28,888 --> 00:01:31,888
I float like a butterfly,
sting like a bee.
38
00:01:31,892 --> 00:01:33,732
I am the greatest!
39
00:01:33,727 --> 00:01:34,757
Thank you, Dylan.
40
00:01:34,762 --> 00:01:35,832
Well, I think
it's obvious
41
00:01:35,830 --> 00:01:38,800
that Dylan would make
the best Muhammad Ali
42
00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:40,869
on our float
in the Unity Parade.
43
00:01:40,868 --> 00:01:44,798
(humming "Hail to the Chief")
44
00:01:44,805 --> 00:01:47,205
Obama's in the house, y'all!
45
00:01:47,208 --> 00:01:49,138
Stimulus package.
46
00:01:49,143 --> 00:01:49,913
Shut up, Biden.
47
00:01:49,910 --> 00:01:52,180
Give me a cigarette.
(chuckles)
48
00:01:52,179 --> 00:01:54,379
Oh, Rallo,
I'm so sorry,
49
00:01:54,381 --> 00:01:56,621
but I already promised
Hot Wheels
50
00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:58,347
he could play
President Obama.
51
00:01:58,352 --> 00:02:00,422
I'm more Barack
than you'll ever be,
52
00:02:00,421 --> 00:02:03,491
and more Michelle
than you'll ever get!
53
00:02:03,491 --> 00:02:04,821
Ooh, ooh!
54
00:02:04,825 --> 00:02:07,755
The audacity
of Hot Wheels!
55
00:02:07,761 --> 00:02:08,661
(mimics sizzling)
56
00:02:08,662 --> 00:02:10,562
In the spirit of
President Obama,
57
00:02:10,564 --> 00:02:12,734
I'm gonna accept
that with a calm,
58
00:02:12,733 --> 00:02:14,403
almost medicated
equanimity.
59
00:02:14,401 --> 00:02:17,001
I'll just go ahead and be one
of the other black presidents.
60
00:02:17,004 --> 00:02:19,944
Actually, I want to be the first
black president.
61
00:02:19,940 --> 00:02:20,840
Who was it?
62
00:02:20,841 --> 00:02:21,641
(kids giggle)
63
00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:23,942
Rallo, Barack
Hussein Obama
64
00:02:23,944 --> 00:02:26,714
is the first
black president.
65
00:02:26,714 --> 00:02:27,484
What?!
66
00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:29,781
Washington wasn't black?
67
00:02:29,783 --> 00:02:31,523
No.
Jefferson?
68
00:02:31,519 --> 00:02:32,319
No.
69
00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:33,349
If Rutherford B. Hayes
70
00:02:33,354 --> 00:02:36,524
wasn't a brother,
I don't know what's up!
71
00:02:36,524 --> 00:02:39,424
Well, who were all the black
people voting for back then?
72
00:02:39,426 --> 00:02:42,996
For a long time they weren't
allowed to vote, Rallo.
73
00:02:42,997 --> 00:02:44,757
They were slaves.
74
00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:45,695
What?!
75
00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:49,329
Do-Do people know about this?
76
00:02:49,669 --> 00:02:51,739
This is an inexcusable outrage!
77
00:02:51,739 --> 00:02:54,539
I want every black person
to listen up.
78
00:02:54,542 --> 00:02:55,912
And that means everyone.
79
00:02:55,910 --> 00:02:57,040
I want you to rise up
80
00:02:57,044 --> 00:03:00,484
and find the nearest white-owned
home or business and burn...
81
00:03:00,481 --> 00:03:02,781
(Muzak plays)
82
00:03:04,484 --> 00:03:05,354
(wrench clicking)
83
00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:09,622
Jr., would you like the honor
of flipping the switch?
84
00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:14,257
(air hissing)
85
00:03:15,895 --> 00:03:18,225
(Cleveland Jr. cheering)
There he is!
86
00:03:18,232 --> 00:03:19,432
What do you think,
Donna?
87
00:03:19,433 --> 00:03:22,033
I think black history
is American history
88
00:03:22,036 --> 00:03:24,936
and shouldn't be celebrated
just one month a year.
89
00:03:24,939 --> 00:03:26,809
I also think I don't
want my house
90
00:03:26,807 --> 00:03:28,507
looking like Lionel
Jefferson.
91
00:03:28,509 --> 00:03:29,509
Why didn't anybody tell me
92
00:03:29,510 --> 00:03:32,680
about the travesties our people
have been subjected to?
93
00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:34,810
Slavery. Couldn't vote.
94
00:03:34,815 --> 00:03:35,945
Condoleezza Rice.
95
00:03:35,950 --> 00:03:36,850
What else don't I know?
96
00:03:36,850 --> 00:03:40,320
A man plants his seed
in a woman.
97
00:03:40,321 --> 00:03:43,421
Man, growin' up today.
98
00:03:43,424 --> 00:03:44,994
Our people
are making strides.
99
00:03:44,992 --> 00:03:48,932
The Aunt Jemima label is
less racist than in days past.
100
00:03:48,929 --> 00:03:51,359
Are you kidding me?
What? I like it
101
00:03:51,365 --> 00:03:53,365
on my buttery pancakes.
What?!
102
00:03:53,367 --> 00:03:55,697
Ooh, I could go for
some pancakes.
103
00:03:55,703 --> 00:03:57,873
Did somebody say "pancakes"?
104
00:03:57,871 --> 00:03:58,901
Mmm.
105
00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:00,866
Man, you're a
fat sellout.
106
00:04:00,874 --> 00:04:02,214
What did I
expect from you?
107
00:04:02,209 --> 00:04:04,679
You let your stepdaughter
date a white boy,
108
00:04:04,678 --> 00:04:06,648
you let your son date
a white boy.
109
00:04:06,647 --> 00:04:08,547
(giggles)
That's impossible.
110
00:04:08,549 --> 00:04:10,919
Me and Ernie
are both boys!
111
00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:13,448
That doesn't
make any sense.
112
00:04:13,454 --> 00:04:15,824
(laughs)
113
00:04:15,823 --> 00:04:16,763
You work for a white guy.
114
00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:19,987
You ride around all day
in a truck with a white guy.
115
00:04:19,994 --> 00:04:21,834
You drink with white guys.
116
00:04:21,829 --> 00:04:22,929
And a bear.
117
00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:23,900
A black bear?
118
00:04:23,897 --> 00:04:25,897
His father was
a black bear.
119
00:04:25,899 --> 00:04:27,829
His mother, a kangaroo.
120
00:04:27,835 --> 00:04:28,965
So call him what
you will.
121
00:04:28,969 --> 00:04:33,669
Well, your boy Lester's
definitely a straight-up racist.
122
00:04:33,674 --> 00:04:35,644
Look at that!
123
00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:36,983
CLEVELAND:
The flag?
124
00:04:36,977 --> 00:04:38,377
Oh, he's just
expressing
125
00:04:38,379 --> 00:04:41,579
his rich cultural tradition
of dumbassedness.
126
00:04:41,582 --> 00:04:44,022
CLEVELAND JR. (laughing):
Two boys!
127
00:04:44,018 --> 00:04:45,318
Mrs. Lowenstein told me
128
00:04:45,319 --> 00:04:47,019
what that flag means.
129
00:04:47,021 --> 00:04:48,351
You're pathetic for being
130
00:04:48,355 --> 00:04:49,985
friends with him.
131
00:04:49,990 --> 00:04:51,060
You're worse than
132
00:04:51,058 --> 00:04:52,588
Uncle Thomas the Tank Engine.
133
00:04:52,593 --> 00:04:55,633
I reckon I'll take you where
these here tracks go, sir.
134
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:56,729
Thank you, Uncle
Thomas.
135
00:04:56,730 --> 00:04:59,000
You're a clean,
articulate train.
136
00:04:58,999 --> 00:05:00,869
Just get your white ass
on board.
137
00:05:00,868 --> 00:05:02,098
What's that,
Thomas?
138
00:05:02,102 --> 00:05:04,742
Uh, uh, choo-choo!
139
00:05:07,407 --> 00:05:10,737
RALLO: Where you going,
sellout convention?
140
00:05:11,944 --> 00:05:14,884
I am going to see
my friends, Rallo.
141
00:05:14,882 --> 00:05:17,022
Oh, including Lester,
the racist?
142
00:05:17,017 --> 00:05:18,877
Why don't you ask him
what he thinks
143
00:05:18,886 --> 00:05:20,516
about Seal and Heidi Klum?
144
00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:22,291
The recording artist
who sang "Kiss from a Rose"
145
00:05:22,289 --> 00:05:23,789
from the Batman Foreversoundtrack
146
00:05:23,791 --> 00:05:25,661
and the German supermodel
I think about
147
00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:27,529
during self-exploration?!
148
00:05:29,629 --> 00:05:31,029
Black History Month!
149
00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:33,201
Where's our White History Month?
150
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:34,870
Where's our White
Panthers?
151
00:05:34,868 --> 00:05:37,798
Where's the White & Decker
cordless sander?
152
00:05:37,805 --> 00:05:40,935
You don't have an answer
to that, do you?
153
00:05:40,941 --> 00:05:42,111
(grunting)
154
00:05:42,109 --> 00:05:45,979
Lester, how do you feel
about Seal and Heidi Klum?
155
00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:48,079
I'm glad you asked,
Cleveland.
156
00:05:48,082 --> 00:05:50,052
I don't think a man
with his skin
157
00:05:50,050 --> 00:05:51,620
should be with a
woman like that.
158
00:05:51,618 --> 00:05:55,548
When you say, "his skin,"
do you mean color or texture?
159
00:05:55,556 --> 00:05:57,616
I don't think I like your tone,
Cleveland.
160
00:05:57,624 --> 00:06:00,934
When you say, "my tone," do you
mean the tone of my voice,
161
00:06:00,928 --> 00:06:02,128
or the tone of my skin?
162
00:06:02,129 --> 00:06:04,999
I'm too drunk to fully
understand what you just asked,
163
00:06:04,998 --> 00:06:06,258
but you're pissing
me off.
164
00:06:06,266 --> 00:06:08,396
You and that black
mustache of yours.
165
00:06:08,402 --> 00:06:12,142
How dare you judge me
by the color of my mustache!
166
00:06:12,139 --> 00:06:13,409
(grunting)
167
00:06:15,608 --> 00:06:17,108
(groans)
168
00:06:22,115 --> 00:06:23,975
(both grunting)
169
00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:32,664
Take this, you
honky cracker!
170
00:06:32,659 --> 00:06:35,989
This is for not letting us have
more offensive racial slurs
171
00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:38,226
than "honky" and
"cracker"!
172
00:06:38,232 --> 00:06:39,232
(glass shattering)
173
00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:42,173
(machine dinging)
174
00:06:42,169 --> 00:06:46,539
Someone clean up
the trash!
175
00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:47,670
Wait, wait, wait.
176
00:06:47,674 --> 00:06:50,844
Someone clean up
the white trash.
177
00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:54,154
Yeah, that's better.
178
00:06:57,016 --> 00:06:58,516
Look, I didn't want
to hit him.
179
00:06:58,519 --> 00:07:01,289
But I couldn't let him get away
with it, Donna.
180
00:07:01,288 --> 00:07:02,618
Well, all right, old man!
181
00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:04,993
Finally taking the fight
to whitey himself.
182
00:07:04,992 --> 00:07:07,192
I didn't know you had it in you.
183
00:07:07,194 --> 00:07:07,834
No, Rallo.
184
00:07:07,828 --> 00:07:09,998
I shouldn't have
resorted to violence.
185
00:07:09,997 --> 00:07:11,657
Violence is
never the answer.
186
00:07:11,665 --> 00:07:15,125
Unless the question is,
"What is never the answer?"
187
00:07:15,135 --> 00:07:17,595
(doorbell rings)
188
00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:19,104
Cleveland Brown?
189
00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:19,836
That's me.
190
00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:21,610
We are investigating
a racial incident
191
00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:23,308
which took place
at The Broken Stool last night.
192
00:07:23,310 --> 00:07:26,080
Oh, Lester didn't mean
anything by that mess.
193
00:07:26,079 --> 00:07:28,849
I'm afraid that's not why
we're here, Mr. Brown.
194
00:07:28,849 --> 00:07:30,019
According to multiple
eyewitnesses,
195
00:07:30,017 --> 00:07:33,547
you were seen assaulting
Mr. Lester Krinklesac.
196
00:07:33,554 --> 00:07:34,024
What?!
197
00:07:34,021 --> 00:07:35,121
Apparently you also referred
198
00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:36,222
to Mr. Krinklesac as a--
199
00:07:36,223 --> 00:07:39,863
ma'am you may want to cover
your child's ears for this--
200
00:07:39,860 --> 00:07:42,590
a "honky" and a "cracker."
201
00:07:42,596 --> 00:07:43,956
You make me sick.
202
00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,264
You're under arrest.
203
00:07:45,265 --> 00:07:47,225
For what?
Hate crime.
204
00:07:47,234 --> 00:07:47,774
(gasps)
205
00:07:47,768 --> 00:07:49,228
A hate cr...?! Wha...?!
206
00:07:49,236 --> 00:07:51,296
I'm gonna call
my lawyer.
207
00:07:51,305 --> 00:07:52,265
(keypad beeps)
208
00:07:52,272 --> 00:07:54,842
Uh, Cleveland Brown
for Len Stein.
209
00:07:54,842 --> 00:07:56,012
He's not?
210
00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:58,709
He's sitting Shivah
for his dead aunt?
211
00:07:58,712 --> 00:07:59,982
He'll be out for
two weeks?!
212
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:03,180
You tell that bagel muncher
he's a dead man!
213
00:08:03,183 --> 00:08:05,153
You hear me?
A dead ma--
214
00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:06,252
(clears throat)
215
00:08:06,253 --> 00:08:07,953
I'm sorry for his loss.
216
00:08:07,955 --> 00:08:12,685
You watch, he's still gonna
charge me for that call.
217
00:08:18,130 --> 00:08:19,260
Mmm, check out my man,
218
00:08:19,266 --> 00:08:21,296
all smooth and sexy-lookin'
219
00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:24,341
like Blair Underwood goin'
to court in L.A. Law.
220
00:08:24,338 --> 00:08:27,368
Or Denzel in Philadelphia,but the point is,
221
00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:30,614
how dare Lester accuse me
of a hate crime?
222
00:08:30,611 --> 00:08:32,281
That's like
the Twilight movies
223
00:08:32,279 --> 00:08:34,579
lining up to see
a bunch of fat girls.
224
00:08:34,581 --> 00:08:36,181
It's all backwards!
225
00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:37,723
You're a hero, old man.
226
00:08:37,718 --> 00:08:40,248
You wouldn't believe
how many white college kids
227
00:08:40,254 --> 00:08:41,694
bought these T-shirts.
228
00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:42,688
Let me see that?
229
00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:44,889
Hanes Beefy Tees? How much?
230
00:08:44,892 --> 00:08:46,662
$20.
All right.
231
00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:47,730
Give me two for 35?
232
00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:49,028
I want to get one
for my wife.
233
00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:50,729
Yeah, I'll give you two
for 35.
234
00:08:50,731 --> 00:08:52,231
You got a woman's large?
235
00:08:52,232 --> 00:08:54,132
Look, there's
Lester now.
236
00:08:54,134 --> 00:08:56,074
Geez, Lester.
237
00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:56,999
Overact much?
238
00:08:57,004 --> 00:08:59,304
That's verbal assault!
Verbal assault!
239
00:08:59,306 --> 00:09:00,666
Witness!
240
00:09:00,674 --> 00:09:01,214
(sighs)
241
00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:02,968
Hi, Ernie, you want a bite
242
00:09:02,976 --> 00:09:04,406
of my candy necklace?
243
00:09:04,411 --> 00:09:07,111
Do I?!
244
00:09:07,114 --> 00:09:08,314
You're coming with me.
245
00:09:08,315 --> 00:09:12,745
You keep your weird son
away from my weird son!
246
00:09:14,754 --> 00:09:16,324
So, I think you'll
find, Your Honor,
247
00:09:16,323 --> 00:09:17,923
that like most
hate crimes,
248
00:09:17,925 --> 00:09:21,685
this was nothing but a
big misunderstanding.
249
00:09:21,695 --> 00:09:22,925
Huh? You know what?
250
00:09:22,930 --> 00:09:26,900
It's such a nice day, why don't
we have court outside?
251
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:29,100
He's the coolest judge.
252
00:09:29,102 --> 00:09:31,372
Your Excellency...
253
00:09:31,371 --> 00:09:32,771
Oh-oh, hang on.
254
00:09:32,773 --> 00:09:34,413
(sighs) I felt a drop.
255
00:09:34,408 --> 00:09:36,438
You feel that, Tony?
Yeah.
256
00:09:36,443 --> 00:09:37,943
Yeah, me, too.
257
00:09:37,945 --> 00:09:40,205
LESTER:
And I can't eat,
258
00:09:40,213 --> 00:09:41,413
I can't sleep.
259
00:09:41,415 --> 00:09:42,745
I live in constant fear.
260
00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:46,719
Plus, with my sprained finger,
I can't fiddle or whittle.
261
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:48,790
I mean, this guy
messed me up bad.
262
00:09:48,789 --> 00:09:50,319
My teeth used
to be straight.
263
00:09:50,324 --> 00:09:51,764
That's an outright lie!
264
00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:55,928
Oh, so now all white people
are liars!
265
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:57,759
No, just you!
266
00:09:57,764 --> 00:10:00,874
And George W. Bush.
267
00:10:00,867 --> 00:10:02,497
There. I said it.
268
00:10:02,502 --> 00:10:04,872
Do with me what you will.
269
00:10:04,871 --> 00:10:06,771
Order in the court!
Order in the--
270
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:08,643
Oh, ah, bummer.
271
00:10:08,642 --> 00:10:10,182
Left my gavel outside.
272
00:10:10,177 --> 00:10:11,737
Nope, got it
right here.
273
00:10:11,745 --> 00:10:12,735
Cheers, man.
274
00:10:12,746 --> 00:10:14,476
Anyway, listen,
I've heard enough.
275
00:10:14,481 --> 00:10:16,351
So, I-I know you
dudes are all,
276
00:10:16,350 --> 00:10:19,480
"Okay, Judge Dave,
what is the sentence?"
277
00:10:19,486 --> 00:10:21,016
All right, all right,
get this.
278
00:10:21,021 --> 00:10:24,321
I sentence you both
to build a float--
279
00:10:24,324 --> 00:10:28,734
together-- for the
Stoolbend Unity Parade.
280
00:10:28,729 --> 00:10:29,689
What?!
What?!
281
00:10:29,696 --> 00:10:31,896
Classic Judge Dave.
282
00:10:31,898 --> 00:10:33,428
He really thinks
outside the box,
283
00:10:33,433 --> 00:10:35,273
like the editors of
Time magazine.
284
00:10:35,268 --> 00:10:38,268
(tank wheezing)
We could do a story on computers.
285
00:10:38,271 --> 00:10:40,011
What?
Computers.
286
00:10:40,007 --> 00:10:43,337
(overlapping mumbling)
287
00:10:47,113 --> 00:10:49,283
So... uh...
288
00:10:49,282 --> 00:10:50,222
this is fun.
289
00:10:50,217 --> 00:10:51,647
The-the two musketeers!
290
00:10:51,652 --> 00:10:56,252
Who says we need Lester and
Cleveland to have a good time?
291
00:10:59,392 --> 00:11:01,362
(sighs) I wish Cleveland
and Lester
292
00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:03,401
would kiss and make
out already.
293
00:11:03,397 --> 00:11:04,957
I once tried to kiss Josh Lucas.
294
00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:06,155
Didn't go for it.
Punched me.
295
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:08,066
Told him I was doing a bit.
Didn't believe me.
296
00:11:08,068 --> 00:11:10,498
Told him he was more handsome
than a young Paul Newman.
297
00:11:10,504 --> 00:11:12,804
Then he kissed me.
Weird night.
298
00:11:12,806 --> 00:11:14,036
Never doing shrooms again.
299
00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:17,581
Turns out it wasn't Josh Lucas.
300
00:11:17,577 --> 00:11:19,677
Yeah, okay.
301
00:11:25,451 --> 00:11:27,191
(moans)
302
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:28,387
Aw, dawg!
303
00:11:28,388 --> 00:11:28,848
Liquid ice!
304
00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:32,555
What? Roberta, why can't you
just date a black guy?
305
00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:34,459
Do I look white or Asian?
306
00:11:34,461 --> 00:11:37,531
Yo, sis, you got to be
more like Cleveland--
307
00:11:37,531 --> 00:11:38,461
he's the real deal.
308
00:11:38,465 --> 00:11:41,195
He knows how to
stand up to The Man.
309
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:44,641
By doing arts
and crafts with him?
310
00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:48,709
What?! People are crazy!
311
00:11:48,709 --> 00:11:50,939
We need some racial
justice around here!
312
00:11:50,944 --> 00:11:54,884
I guess if a man wants to see
any real change in this world,
313
00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:56,551
he has to take it
upon himself to...
314
00:11:56,550 --> 00:11:59,450
Rallo, you're
blocking the TV!
315
00:11:59,453 --> 00:12:01,953
TV ANNOUNCER:
In honor of Black History Month,
316
00:12:01,955 --> 00:12:03,915
tonight's episode
of Flavor of Love
317
00:12:03,924 --> 00:12:07,794
will be shown without
commercial interruption.
318
00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:13,104
I'm gonna take that flag down
by any means necessary.
319
00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:15,070
Our people have come too far.
320
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:17,268
FLAVOR FLAV (on TV):
Yeah, boyeee...!
321
00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:18,540
(TV audience laughing)
322
00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:20,838
(groans)
323
00:12:21,807 --> 00:12:24,037
(van door closes)
324
00:12:27,546 --> 00:12:29,276
Rallo! You're
gonna miss your bus!
325
00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:31,622
Don't want to be late
for the Unity Parade!
326
00:12:31,618 --> 00:12:32,518
Yeah, yeah,
whatever.
327
00:12:32,519 --> 00:12:35,289
Let's get this thing over with.
328
00:12:36,822 --> 00:12:39,892
Look, Cleveland, let's
just get through this,
329
00:12:39,893 --> 00:12:42,333
and we never have to talk
to each other again.
330
00:12:42,329 --> 00:12:46,359
Fine. Soon I will only
stare down at you eerily
331
00:12:46,366 --> 00:12:49,166
from my attic window.
332
00:13:02,014 --> 00:13:04,284
(door creaks)
333
00:13:14,426 --> 00:13:15,926
(high-pitched gasping)
334
00:13:15,929 --> 00:13:18,129
Oh, no, oh, no, oh, no!
335
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:19,631
Timber...!
336
00:13:19,633 --> 00:13:21,173
(screaming)
337
00:13:22,501 --> 00:13:24,271
Oh, my Lord...
338
00:13:24,271 --> 00:13:28,471
I think I crushed
another dog.
339
00:13:29,341 --> 00:13:31,541
KENDRA:
Help...!
340
00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:36,279
Help! Somebody help!
341
00:13:36,283 --> 00:13:38,983
Dang, you're a lot of lady.
342
00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:40,515
Is that you, Jesus?
343
00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:42,590
No! It's me, Rallo!
344
00:13:42,589 --> 00:13:44,689
(grunting in fear)
345
00:13:44,691 --> 00:13:46,621
Don't rob us!
346
00:13:46,626 --> 00:13:48,426
We ain't got no cash!
347
00:13:48,428 --> 00:13:50,028
That bagel muncher Len Stein
348
00:13:50,030 --> 00:13:54,030
got us all tied up
in mortgage-backed securities!
349
00:13:54,034 --> 00:13:55,274
What?! I'm not a thief!
350
00:13:55,268 --> 00:13:57,668
I'm just here
to steal your flag.
351
00:13:57,671 --> 00:13:59,071
Now, get off me!
352
00:13:59,072 --> 00:14:02,142
(strained grunting)
353
00:14:02,142 --> 00:14:04,012
I can't move!
354
00:14:04,010 --> 00:14:05,040
(grunts)
355
00:14:05,045 --> 00:14:08,005
My Rascal is my legs.
356
00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:09,984
And my arms.
357
00:14:09,983 --> 00:14:13,023
And, too often, my toilet.
358
00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:13,349
(groans)
359
00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:16,453
(squeaky chittering)
360
00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:18,056
Oh, Princess!
361
00:14:18,058 --> 00:14:19,018
Thank God!
362
00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:21,355
Bring Mama the phone.
363
00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:22,991
(squeaky chittering)
364
00:14:22,996 --> 00:14:25,596
El telefono.
365
00:14:25,599 --> 00:14:27,929
Bring it to Mama.
366
00:14:29,335 --> 00:14:30,695
Stupid possum.
367
00:14:30,704 --> 00:14:31,644
(squeaks)
368
00:14:31,638 --> 00:14:35,538
(squeaking)
Aah! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
369
00:14:37,977 --> 00:14:43,477
Welcome, minorities, to
the 2010 Stoolbend Unity Parade.
370
00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:45,383
The parade has been
a Stoolbend tradition
371
00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:48,315
since Virginia became
the last state in the nation
372
00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:52,621
to officially abolish slavery
earlier this year.
373
00:14:54,260 --> 00:14:56,560
Hey, Gilbert Grape's mom.
374
00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:57,533
Yeah?
375
00:14:57,530 --> 00:14:58,960
I'm hungry.
376
00:14:58,965 --> 00:15:00,095
Me, too.
377
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:02,430
If you was on
death row,
378
00:15:02,435 --> 00:15:04,465
what would your
last meal be?
379
00:15:04,471 --> 00:15:07,771
Oh, what, I'm gonna end up
on death row because I'm black?
380
00:15:07,774 --> 00:15:12,844
No. I said it because my peepaw
was on death row,
381
00:15:12,846 --> 00:15:17,176
and his last meal was
77 mozzarella sticks.
382
00:15:17,183 --> 00:15:20,183
He never made
it to the chair.
383
00:15:20,186 --> 00:15:21,686
Massive coronary.
384
00:15:21,688 --> 00:15:24,158
(laughs)
But that was peepaw!
385
00:15:24,157 --> 00:15:25,517
Popcorn shrimp.
386
00:15:25,525 --> 00:15:26,285
What, now?
387
00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:29,433
That'd be my last meal--
popcorn shrimp.
388
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:32,429
(laughs) I love
popcorn scrimps!
389
00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:34,772
Getting hard to find
these days, though.
390
00:15:34,768 --> 00:15:37,538
Yeah, if they close down
one more Red Lobster,
391
00:15:37,537 --> 00:15:38,797
I'm gonna have
to kill somebody.
392
00:15:38,805 --> 00:15:42,265
And then you'd end
up on death row.
393
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:43,535
Like your peepaw.
394
00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:45,213
And then you
could order...
395
00:15:45,211 --> 00:15:47,451
popcorn scrimps!
Popcorn shrimp!
396
00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:50,147
(both laughing)
397
00:15:51,650 --> 00:15:54,090
I got to say,
Mrs. Krinklesac,
398
00:15:54,087 --> 00:15:55,147
I misjudged you.
399
00:15:55,155 --> 00:15:58,215
You may be a backwoods
redneck cracker,
400
00:15:58,224 --> 00:15:59,494
but you're all right.
401
00:15:59,492 --> 00:16:00,462
Oh, Rallo,
402
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:04,030
I take back what I
said about Katrina.
403
00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:05,560
Uh-huh.
(beeping)
404
00:16:05,565 --> 00:16:06,525
RALLO:
What's that?
405
00:16:06,533 --> 00:16:10,233
Oh, no!
It's my diabetes buzzer!
406
00:16:10,236 --> 00:16:13,496
I need sugar,
or I'll go into a coma
407
00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:15,536
and you'll be crushed!
408
00:16:15,542 --> 00:16:16,512
What do you mean?
409
00:16:16,509 --> 00:16:17,609
I've been
arching my back
410
00:16:17,610 --> 00:16:20,310
to keep some of
my weight off you.
411
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:23,683
But I'm starting
to get weary.
412
00:16:23,683 --> 00:16:25,723
(cracking)
413
00:16:25,719 --> 00:16:26,619
Oh, no!
414
00:16:26,619 --> 00:16:29,649
I hope they just say
I died under a woman
415
00:16:29,656 --> 00:16:31,856
and leave it at that.
416
00:16:31,858 --> 00:16:34,988
And here we have our
third court-ordered float,
417
00:16:34,995 --> 00:16:35,825
"Working Together,"
418
00:16:35,829 --> 00:16:38,059
featuring the duo
behind Stoolbend's
419
00:16:38,064 --> 00:16:39,634
most recent hate crime,
420
00:16:39,632 --> 00:16:41,802
Cleveland Brown
and Lester Krinklesac.
421
00:16:41,801 --> 00:16:43,671
GORDY: And look who they've
got on the float.
422
00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:46,570
It's Robert Parish
and Larry Bird.
423
00:16:46,573 --> 00:16:47,913
ANGUS:
Flashing back to the '90s,
424
00:16:47,907 --> 00:16:52,107
there's Dave Matthews
and his weird violinist guy.
425
00:16:52,112 --> 00:16:54,752
GORDY:
And Madonna and Barbaro.
426
00:16:54,748 --> 00:16:56,348
Just another
quarter-mile
427
00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:59,849
and I don't have to be
tolerant ever again.
428
00:17:02,755 --> 00:17:03,855
(crowd gasping)
429
00:17:03,857 --> 00:17:06,417
The Chief!
You're burning the Chief!
430
00:17:06,426 --> 00:17:08,086
You did that on purpose!
431
00:17:08,094 --> 00:17:09,594
(grunts)
You bastard!
432
00:17:09,596 --> 00:17:12,296
Without that mustache,
he's hideous!
433
00:17:13,198 --> 00:17:14,928
Mrs. Tubbs?
434
00:17:14,934 --> 00:17:16,334
What are you doing here?
435
00:17:16,336 --> 00:17:18,136
I thought Rallo
was missing school
436
00:17:18,138 --> 00:17:21,368
to tend to your bad
sore throat, which makes you sound
437
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,274
exactly like Rallo
on the phone.
438
00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:25,876
What?! Rallo never
came to school today?
439
00:17:25,879 --> 00:17:28,509
Where is he?
(grunts)
440
00:17:34,653 --> 00:17:35,753
(tires squeal)
441
00:17:37,189 --> 00:17:38,759
Don't worry, Rallo.
442
00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:41,128
Mama's on her way.
443
00:17:43,529 --> 00:17:46,529
(tires squeal)
444
00:17:53,472 --> 00:17:55,742
(tires squeal)
445
00:17:59,978 --> 00:18:01,648
As a mother,
this is not even
446
00:18:01,648 --> 00:18:04,718
the most stressful thing
I've done today.
447
00:18:07,719 --> 00:18:12,619
Oh! The darkness
is closing in.
448
00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:15,225
I'm comin', Peepaw!
449
00:18:15,228 --> 00:18:17,998
I'm comin', Dale, Sr.!
450
00:18:17,997 --> 00:18:20,697
No. Don't you die
on me, Mrs. K!
451
00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:24,970
Stay with me and I'll make sure
we get that popcorn shrimp.
452
00:18:24,971 --> 00:18:27,111
With side orders?
453
00:18:27,107 --> 00:18:29,237
You bet.
Cheese biscuits,
454
00:18:29,242 --> 00:18:31,342
onion rings, hush puppies...
455
00:18:31,344 --> 00:18:33,444
Oh, hush puppies!
456
00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:36,276
You're getting me
all hot and juicy.
457
00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:39,922
What?!
You're making me sweat!
458
00:18:40,419 --> 00:18:42,619
Oh, man,
you're not kidding.
459
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:43,822
Wait a minute!
460
00:18:43,823 --> 00:18:45,093
If you keep
sweating like this,
461
00:18:45,091 --> 00:18:47,021
I can probably
slide myself out.
462
00:18:47,026 --> 00:18:50,326
Well, then keep naming sides.
463
00:18:50,330 --> 00:18:52,330
Uh, macaroni
and cheese,
464
00:18:52,332 --> 00:18:54,732
bread, baked potatoes...
465
00:18:54,734 --> 00:18:56,204
Describe them!
466
00:18:56,202 --> 00:18:58,242
They're huge and fluffy
467
00:18:58,238 --> 00:19:01,308
and covered in butter
and cheese...
468
00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:02,207
Oh, yeah!
469
00:19:02,208 --> 00:19:03,608
And bacon bits
470
00:19:03,610 --> 00:19:05,840
and sour cream
and ice cream
471
00:19:05,845 --> 00:19:07,905
and Pop-Tarts
and Fun Dip.
472
00:19:07,914 --> 00:19:09,654
Are you close?
Yes!
473
00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:10,479
Faster!
474
00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:12,083
Cocoa Puffs.
Lucky Charms.
475
00:19:12,085 --> 00:19:15,185
Marshmallows.
Maple syrup. (Kendra moaning)
476
00:19:15,188 --> 00:19:16,648
Peppermints. Beef.
477
00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:17,986
Uh, cookie dough, uh...
478
00:19:17,991 --> 00:19:19,061
jar of lard.
(moaning continues)
479
00:19:19,058 --> 00:19:21,658
Cheez-Its. Funyuns.
What do they call those
480
00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:23,691
fried jalapeño cheese things?
481
00:19:23,696 --> 00:19:25,796
Poppers!
482
00:19:25,798 --> 00:19:27,528
(Rallo grunts)
483
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:30,540
(Kendra sighing)
484
00:19:33,972 --> 00:19:36,112
(Cleveland and Lester scream)
485
00:19:36,109 --> 00:19:37,309
(paramedics grunting)
486
00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:39,680
Oh, my God!
Rallo!
487
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:40,609
Kendra!
488
00:19:40,613 --> 00:19:43,113
What did you do to her,
you little rascal?
489
00:19:43,116 --> 00:19:44,976
Which one of the
Little Rascals?
490
00:19:44,984 --> 00:19:46,524
I think you know.
491
00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:48,189
Lester, stop!
492
00:19:48,188 --> 00:19:50,288
He saved my life.
He what?
493
00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:53,690
If it wasn't for Rallo,
I'd be dead.
494
00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:56,293
But thanks to him,
the doctor says
495
00:19:56,296 --> 00:19:58,196
I'm gonna be perfectly fine.
496
00:19:58,198 --> 00:20:00,358
I definitely
did not say that.
497
00:20:00,366 --> 00:20:02,366
Your wife has severe
type-2 diabetes
498
00:20:02,368 --> 00:20:05,268
and cholesterol that
cannot be measured
499
00:20:05,271 --> 00:20:06,401
by current science.
500
00:20:06,406 --> 00:20:09,406
Your boy saved my Kendra.
501
00:20:09,409 --> 00:20:10,439
You know, uh,
502
00:20:10,443 --> 00:20:13,113
maybe you're not
so bad after all.
503
00:20:13,112 --> 00:20:14,852
I accept your apology.
504
00:20:14,847 --> 00:20:16,107
I didn't apologize.
505
00:20:16,115 --> 00:20:18,315
You don't have to.
And neither do I.
506
00:20:18,318 --> 00:20:19,348
It's just who we are.
507
00:20:19,352 --> 00:20:21,392
I'm probably gonna
keep saying dumb crap,
508
00:20:21,387 --> 00:20:23,447
'cause I don't know
any better.
509
00:20:23,456 --> 00:20:25,816
And I'll be here
to fly off the handle
510
00:20:25,825 --> 00:20:28,355
and slap you around
when you do.
511
00:20:28,361 --> 00:20:29,461
Friends again?
512
00:20:29,462 --> 00:20:31,962
Course we are.
513
00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:35,298
Oh, and it would
mean a lot to Rallo
514
00:20:35,301 --> 00:20:37,441
if you took down
that Confederate flag.
515
00:20:37,437 --> 00:20:39,497
Confederate flag?
What's that?
516
00:20:39,505 --> 00:20:41,935
That there's
my Dukes of Hazzard flag
517
00:20:41,941 --> 00:20:43,741
signed by Roscoe P. Coltrane
hisself.
518
00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:47,453
You don't know what
the Confederate flag stands for, do you?
519
00:20:47,447 --> 00:20:48,247
Nope.
520
00:20:48,248 --> 00:20:50,348
Do you know what
"KKK" stands for?
521
00:20:50,350 --> 00:20:53,080
Kendra Krystal
Krinklesac. Huh?!
522
00:20:53,086 --> 00:20:57,256
Maybe they should have
a White History Month.
523
00:20:57,257 --> 00:20:58,387
(all laughing)
524
00:20:58,391 --> 00:21:04,101
Stay tuned for an all-new,
all-white Family Guy.
525
00:21:04,151 --> 00:21:08,701
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