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1
00:00:01,534 --> 00:00:03,904
♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
2
00:00:03,904 --> 00:00:06,174
♪ And I am proud to be
3
00:00:06,173 --> 00:00:08,473
♪ Right back in my hometown
4
00:00:08,476 --> 00:00:10,736
♪ With my new family
5
00:00:10,745 --> 00:00:13,605
♪ There's old friends
and new friends ♪
6
00:00:13,614 --> 00:00:15,454
♪ And even a bear
7
00:00:15,449 --> 00:00:17,719
♪ Through good times
and bad times ♪
8
00:00:17,718 --> 00:00:19,548
♪ It's true love we share ♪
9
00:00:19,553 --> 00:00:21,753
♪ And so I found a place
10
00:00:21,756 --> 00:00:24,156
♪ Where everyone will know
11
00:00:24,158 --> 00:00:26,128
♪ My happy mustached face
12
00:00:26,127 --> 00:00:28,787
♪ This is The Cleveland Show. ♪
13
00:00:28,796 --> 00:00:31,026
(chuckles)
14
00:00:34,601 --> 00:00:35,901
See you tomorrow, Rallo.
15
00:00:35,903 --> 00:00:38,903
Looking good, Rallo.
16
00:00:38,906 --> 00:00:40,306
Nice ass!
17
00:00:40,307 --> 00:00:41,867
So, Rallo, who you gonna be
18
00:00:41,876 --> 00:00:44,476
rubbing up on
at the school carnival?
19
00:00:44,478 --> 00:00:45,578
Fool, please.
20
00:00:45,579 --> 00:00:47,609
I'm too cool for pre-school.
21
00:00:47,615 --> 00:00:48,505
I need a real woman.
22
00:00:48,516 --> 00:00:51,816
There ain't a girl in our class
with more than an A-cup.
23
00:00:51,819 --> 00:00:54,149
Heck, there ain't
a girl in our class
24
00:00:54,155 --> 00:00:55,845
with more than a sippy cup.
25
00:00:55,856 --> 00:00:58,156
(laughter)
26
00:00:58,159 --> 00:00:59,289
What are you doing?
27
00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:01,893
I was practicing what
I'd do if I was on fire.
28
00:01:01,896 --> 00:01:03,496
- A'ight.
- (sighs)
29
00:01:03,497 --> 00:01:06,667
Rallo, I was robbed
today at school.
30
00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:08,927
A girl stole my heart.
31
00:01:08,936 --> 00:01:10,596
Her name is Chanel.
32
00:01:10,604 --> 00:01:11,804
Did you make your move?
33
00:01:11,806 --> 00:01:13,436
She's out of my league.
34
00:01:13,441 --> 00:01:14,541
So instead of making a move,
35
00:01:14,542 --> 00:01:17,582
I'm going to stuff my feelings
down deep so they can come out
36
00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:21,848
in interesting and
surprising ways years later.
37
00:01:21,849 --> 00:01:23,919
Hey, Too-cool-for-preschool,
38
00:01:23,918 --> 00:01:25,878
how 'bout getting him
hooked up with that girl
39
00:01:25,886 --> 00:01:27,916
he's all loco
in the coco about?
40
00:01:27,922 --> 00:01:28,922
Bring it on.
41
00:01:28,923 --> 00:01:30,523
How hot can
she be anyway?
42
00:01:30,524 --> 00:01:32,994
Probably somewhere between
a young Bea Arthur
43
00:01:32,993 --> 00:01:34,933
and a present-day
Bea Arthur.
44
00:01:34,929 --> 00:01:38,799
BEA ARTHUR:
God will get youfor that, Rallo.
45
00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:40,769
(audience laughter)
46
00:01:40,768 --> 00:01:41,928
(applause)
47
00:01:41,936 --> 00:01:44,566
(sitcom theme song playing)
48
00:01:50,076 --> 00:01:51,406
You're late!
49
00:01:51,412 --> 00:01:53,582
We're the cable guys;
we're always late.
50
00:01:53,581 --> 00:01:54,351
(laughs)
51
00:01:54,348 --> 00:01:57,048
That's not true.
We try.
52
00:01:57,884 --> 00:01:59,494
Hey, everyone!
53
00:01:59,487 --> 00:02:01,247
The cable guys are here!
54
00:02:01,255 --> 00:02:03,015
(hooting and hollering)
55
00:02:03,023 --> 00:02:04,863
Take it off!
56
00:02:04,859 --> 00:02:06,189
Come again?
Come on!
57
00:02:06,193 --> 00:02:07,163
(upbeat techno music playing)
58
00:02:07,161 --> 00:02:10,301
WOMAN:
Ooh, I love your hair!
59
00:02:10,297 --> 00:02:12,157
Man, they think
we're strippers.
60
00:02:12,166 --> 00:02:15,126
Good thing I'm wearing
my breakaway pants!
61
00:02:19,506 --> 00:02:20,436
(screams)
62
00:02:20,441 --> 00:02:24,411
That shirt is the property
of Waterman Cable!
63
00:02:24,411 --> 00:02:25,641
Come on man, loosen up!
64
00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:27,906
(women hooting and whooping)
65
00:02:30,316 --> 00:02:32,776
Let me see what
you're working with!
66
00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:33,916
Let me see your ass!
67
00:02:33,921 --> 00:02:35,691
I guess there's no harm
68
00:02:35,689 --> 00:02:37,989
in showing a little helmet.
69
00:02:37,992 --> 00:02:38,992
Here it is!
70
00:02:38,993 --> 00:02:40,993
Look, it's the Redskins!
71
00:02:40,995 --> 00:02:41,755
(laughs)
72
00:02:41,762 --> 00:02:43,362
Take your pants off!
73
00:02:43,364 --> 00:02:45,264
Oh...
(nervous chuckle)
74
00:02:45,266 --> 00:02:47,766
(making siren noises)
75
00:02:51,504 --> 00:02:53,614
(women whooping, cheering)
76
00:02:55,708 --> 00:02:58,238
$435!
77
00:02:58,245 --> 00:03:00,745
Terry, do you realize
if we did
78
00:03:00,748 --> 00:03:02,648
four bachelorette
parties a day,
79
00:03:02,650 --> 00:03:07,450
we'd be clearing more
than $450,000 a year?!
80
00:03:07,454 --> 00:03:10,024
And if we spend it all
at Bed, Bath & Beyond,
81
00:03:10,024 --> 00:03:12,724
saving 20% from the gross,
82
00:03:12,726 --> 00:03:17,056
that's, like, $562,500!
83
00:03:17,064 --> 00:03:18,864
Sheets! Candles!
84
00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:20,926
Bath mats! Small appliances!
85
00:03:20,935 --> 00:03:22,765
We'll be swimming in them!
86
00:03:22,770 --> 00:03:25,800
Oh, Terry, we have got
to make this happen!
87
00:03:25,806 --> 00:03:27,866
A couple of those chicks
did ask for our number.
88
00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:30,435
As long as your wife
is cool with it.
89
00:03:30,444 --> 00:03:31,284
Donna!
90
00:03:31,278 --> 00:03:32,038
You're right.
91
00:03:32,046 --> 00:03:35,876
This is exactly the sort
of thing wives don't like.
92
00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:37,783
Wait, I'll make up a lie.
93
00:03:37,785 --> 00:03:40,615
But what if she
finds out I'm lying?
94
00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:43,661
I'll just tell her
I wasn't lying.
95
00:03:43,657 --> 00:03:45,417
(laughs)
96
00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:50,530
Today is your lucky day,
Cleveland Jr.
97
00:03:50,531 --> 00:03:51,731
Yay! Why?
98
00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:54,572
I've decided to help you
on your quest for love.
99
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:57,038
So I'm gonna give you
some of Rallo's Rules.
100
00:03:57,037 --> 00:03:58,867
First, you got to stand out.
101
00:03:58,872 --> 00:04:02,072
Decorate your body
to attract a mate.
102
00:04:02,076 --> 00:04:03,676
Here.
103
00:04:05,945 --> 00:04:06,645
Wow!
104
00:04:06,647 --> 00:04:07,877
It only hurt for a second!
105
00:04:07,881 --> 00:04:11,951
Second, find a way
to initiate physical contact.
106
00:04:11,952 --> 00:04:14,352
Here's one of my classics.
107
00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:14,885
Hey, little lady.
108
00:04:14,888 --> 00:04:18,018
What if I told you
that you could draw a turkey
109
00:04:18,025 --> 00:04:19,985
using nothing but your hand?
110
00:04:21,628 --> 00:04:24,558
(Cleveland Jr. giggles)
111
00:04:24,565 --> 00:04:28,125
I've never been
turkey-fingered before.
112
00:04:28,135 --> 00:04:29,735
Third, smile.
113
00:04:29,737 --> 00:04:32,037
Think of something
that makes you happy.
114
00:04:32,039 --> 00:04:33,139
What are you
thinking about?
115
00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:35,510
Anderson Cooper
with curly hair.
116
00:04:35,509 --> 00:04:36,479
(giggles)
117
00:04:36,477 --> 00:04:39,437
All right, don't say out loud
what you're thinking.
118
00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:41,846
♪ As I walked out
119
00:04:41,849 --> 00:04:44,119
♪ On the streets of Lare--
120
00:04:44,118 --> 00:04:46,618
Oh, hey,
there's our cable truck.
121
00:04:49,522 --> 00:04:50,662
(dance music playing inside)
122
00:04:50,658 --> 00:04:52,518
All right! My jam!
123
00:04:53,993 --> 00:04:56,503
(women cheering)
124
00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:01,130
Terry!
125
00:05:01,135 --> 00:05:03,065
You really are a stripper.
126
00:05:03,070 --> 00:05:05,870
A stripper
of a friend's trust.
127
00:05:05,873 --> 00:05:06,913
(groans)
128
00:05:06,907 --> 00:05:09,067
(school bell rings)
129
00:05:09,076 --> 00:05:11,106
All right,
now put this in your ear,
130
00:05:11,111 --> 00:05:12,481
and I'm gonna feed you lines.
131
00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:14,949
Hasn't this bit
been done to death?
132
00:05:14,948 --> 00:05:16,108
Yeah, you're right.
133
00:05:16,116 --> 00:05:17,116
You got this.
134
00:05:17,117 --> 00:05:18,117
Go make me proud.
135
00:05:18,118 --> 00:05:21,048
(quiet, indistinct chatter)
136
00:05:21,055 --> 00:05:21,845
All right.
137
00:05:21,855 --> 00:05:23,885
Now show her the tattoo.
138
00:05:23,891 --> 00:05:26,121
(quiet chatter continues)
139
00:05:26,126 --> 00:05:27,386
(laughs)
140
00:05:29,729 --> 00:05:30,629
Talk to me.
141
00:05:30,631 --> 00:05:31,601
She said yes!
142
00:05:31,598 --> 00:05:32,898
She's coming over
to the house
143
00:05:32,900 --> 00:05:34,730
to study geometry
with me tomorrow.
144
00:05:34,735 --> 00:05:35,995
Ha, ha!
There he goes!
145
00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:37,643
Look what
Big Round Brown did.
146
00:05:37,638 --> 00:05:39,098
Here she comes!
147
00:05:39,106 --> 00:05:41,406
♪
148
00:05:45,978 --> 00:05:48,678
See you tomorrow,
Cleveland Jr.
149
00:05:51,517 --> 00:05:55,047
She will be mine.
150
00:06:00,493 --> 00:06:03,533
O... bama!
151
00:06:13,973 --> 00:06:15,143
Hey, man,
what's going on?
152
00:06:15,142 --> 00:06:17,142
I'm confronting you.
153
00:06:17,144 --> 00:06:18,344
About betraying me.
154
00:06:18,345 --> 00:06:22,505
My friends think
I'm strong enough to do this.
155
00:06:22,516 --> 00:06:24,146
And I believe them.
156
00:06:24,151 --> 00:06:24,951
Ah, man.
157
00:06:24,952 --> 00:06:25,952
I'm sorry, Cleveland.
158
00:06:25,953 --> 00:06:27,153
I didn't want to
hurt your feelings,
159
00:06:27,154 --> 00:06:29,554
but the women who called
specifically requested
160
00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:31,186
that you not come.
161
00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:31,791
What?!
162
00:06:31,792 --> 00:06:33,092
You must have
misinterpreted them.
163
00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:36,233
They said, "Please do not bring
the portly black gentleman."
164
00:06:36,230 --> 00:06:39,900
One woman was particularly
repulsed by your stretch marks.
165
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:41,530
I have a child!
166
00:06:41,535 --> 00:06:42,695
Hey, wait, wait, wait!
167
00:06:42,703 --> 00:06:45,043
Cleveland, you can
be my manager!
168
00:06:45,038 --> 00:06:46,708
Book gigs,
handle the money.
169
00:06:46,707 --> 00:06:48,107
I mean, you're
decent with numbers,
170
00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:50,008
and-and I don't know
any Jewish people.
171
00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:54,050
Tell you what, I get 20%,
and it's a deal.
172
00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:55,647
Hell, you can
have 30%!
173
00:06:55,649 --> 00:06:59,749
Wow, you really don't know
any Jewish people, do you?
174
00:07:01,788 --> 00:07:03,718
Oh, this is so hard.
175
00:07:03,724 --> 00:07:07,034
I don't know how to find
the secant of a triangle.
176
00:07:07,027 --> 00:07:09,627
Well, then hold on a secant.
177
00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:12,300
(long, nervous laugh)
178
00:07:12,299 --> 00:07:15,199
(identical long,
nervous giggle)
179
00:07:15,202 --> 00:07:16,032
(both laughing)
180
00:07:16,036 --> 00:07:17,736
Hey, is that
Chanel Williams
181
00:07:17,738 --> 00:07:19,768
chopping it up with
my steppity-bro?
182
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,813
I think you mean
step-brizzle.
183
00:07:21,809 --> 00:07:23,239
(awkward laugh)
184
00:07:23,243 --> 00:07:24,213
(awkward laugh)
185
00:07:24,211 --> 00:07:26,481
(awkward laughter)
186
00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:29,310
(all laughing goofily)
187
00:07:29,316 --> 00:07:31,846
There's been a gas leak!
188
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:37,885
(laughing continues)
189
00:07:38,858 --> 00:07:40,658
Leave the batteries
190
00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:43,731
in your carbon monoxide
detector from now on.
191
00:07:43,730 --> 00:07:47,100
When your wife says she'll
use it in front of you,
192
00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:49,070
you find some
batteries.
193
00:07:49,069 --> 00:07:51,699
(both share a knowing chuckle)
194
00:07:51,705 --> 00:07:52,765
Yo, check it.
195
00:07:52,773 --> 00:07:55,813
Big Fed's about to bless
y'all with two VIP passes
196
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:59,579
to the release party for
my new CD, Fireman Killer.
197
00:07:59,580 --> 00:08:01,750
But aren't firemen heroes?
198
00:08:01,748 --> 00:08:02,748
(scoffs)
To who?
199
00:08:02,749 --> 00:08:05,219
Wastin' water,
blastin' they sirens,
200
00:08:05,219 --> 00:08:08,749
ridin' around with them
Dalmatian-ass dogs.
201
00:08:08,755 --> 00:08:10,185
Blap!
202
00:08:10,890 --> 00:08:12,490
Was he that dumb
before the gas leak?
203
00:08:12,493 --> 00:08:16,563
He's just trying to find
his way like everybody else.
204
00:08:16,563 --> 00:08:17,603
You're sweet.
205
00:08:17,598 --> 00:08:20,298
RALLO:
Well, what do we have here?
206
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:22,970
(mellow rock)
207
00:08:22,970 --> 00:08:24,600
I didn't know we had a guest,
208
00:08:24,605 --> 00:08:27,035
much less such
a beautiful young lady.
209
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:29,310
What are you guys
working on, math?
210
00:08:29,309 --> 00:08:30,179
Oh, a number six.
211
00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:31,777
Yeah, I know how
to make one of those.
212
00:08:31,778 --> 00:08:34,978
In fact, Chanel,
I even know how to draw a turkey
213
00:08:34,982 --> 00:08:37,652
using nothing
but your lovely hand.
214
00:08:37,651 --> 00:08:39,721
We could do it in my room.
215
00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:41,120
You are just too cute!
216
00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:41,991
Huh?
217
00:08:41,989 --> 00:08:45,619
(baby talk): Does somebody
want a airplane ride?
218
00:08:45,626 --> 00:08:46,756
Whoosh! Whoosh!
219
00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:48,090
Put me down!
Put me down!
220
00:08:48,095 --> 00:08:49,755
Whoosh! Whee!
Put me...
221
00:08:49,763 --> 00:08:50,733
Here we go!
Whee!
222
00:08:50,731 --> 00:08:52,001
(laughs):
Oh, I'm a plane!
223
00:08:51,999 --> 00:08:54,369
You are!
Yes, you are! Wait a minute, put me down.
224
00:08:54,368 --> 00:08:55,298
(grunts)
225
00:08:55,302 --> 00:08:56,702
Sorry he's so cranky.
226
00:08:56,703 --> 00:08:59,003
He was up till 7:15 last night.
227
00:08:59,006 --> 00:08:59,936
Oh, thanks.
228
00:08:59,940 --> 00:09:01,370
Anybody else
want to take a shot?
229
00:09:01,375 --> 00:09:03,705
Rallo, are you
bothering the big kids?
230
00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:06,710
Come here, I need to give
you your diarrhea medicine.
231
00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:07,883
(both laugh)
232
00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:11,821
You are in for a world of hurt,
buffalo butt.
233
00:09:11,818 --> 00:09:13,078
What did you call me?!
234
00:09:13,086 --> 00:09:16,556
No, not you, Mom-- (screams)
235
00:09:20,726 --> 00:09:23,826
Hey, Junior, glad to hear
that first date went well.
236
00:09:23,830 --> 00:09:28,030
Now I want to give you
Rallo's Rules for a second date.
237
00:09:28,035 --> 00:09:29,195
(evil chuckle)
238
00:09:29,202 --> 00:09:31,802
(echoing evil chuckle
innocently)
239
00:09:31,805 --> 00:09:32,735
Thanks!
240
00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:33,709
Okay, listen up.
241
00:09:33,707 --> 00:09:35,137
Always be on your phone.
242
00:09:35,142 --> 00:09:36,712
It makes you
look important.
243
00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:38,280
Talking, texting,
doesn't matter.
244
00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:41,778
But what if she has something
she wants to talk to me about?
245
00:09:41,782 --> 00:09:44,052
Then you let out
a long exhale,
246
00:09:44,051 --> 00:09:46,821
roll your eyes and say,
"What?"
247
00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:50,090
And if there's a problem,
you try to solve it immediately.
248
00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:51,990
Don't even wait to hear
the whole problem.
249
00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:55,392
And then look back at
your phone, point to it and say,
250
00:09:55,395 --> 00:09:57,825
"Ha, ha,
this guy's hilarious."
251
00:09:57,831 --> 00:10:00,031
Be on your phone,
never listen,
252
00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:02,233
"this guy's
hilarious."
253
00:10:02,235 --> 00:10:03,335
Thanks, Rallo!
254
00:10:03,337 --> 00:10:04,467
You're welcome.
255
00:10:04,471 --> 00:10:06,401
(sinister laugh)
256
00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:09,436
DONNA (in distance):
Rallo, it's time to take a pee-pee!
257
00:10:09,443 --> 00:10:13,813
I wish so much I didn't have
to take a pee-pee right now.
258
00:10:13,814 --> 00:10:16,654
(grumbling)
259
00:10:18,084 --> 00:10:19,954
Come on out of there.
260
00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:22,453
Come on out of there,
lost hair.
261
00:10:22,456 --> 00:10:25,716
I'm gonna scratch
a little hole in the skin
262
00:10:25,726 --> 00:10:27,726
so you can find your way out.
263
00:10:27,728 --> 00:10:31,128
Stretch on out instead
of being all curled and bunched.
264
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:32,861
Hey, what took
you so long?
265
00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:35,096
We're going to be late
for your next gig.
266
00:10:35,102 --> 00:10:37,202
Hey, there's
$200 here.
267
00:10:37,204 --> 00:10:38,274
Big tippers, huh?
268
00:10:38,271 --> 00:10:38,901
Nah, no tips.
269
00:10:38,905 --> 00:10:40,865
Just, you know,
a hundred for the stripping
270
00:10:40,874 --> 00:10:42,344
and a hundred for the sex.
271
00:10:42,342 --> 00:10:42,912
What now?
272
00:10:42,909 --> 00:10:44,579
It turns out
that they kind of expect
273
00:10:44,578 --> 00:10:48,208
the "deluxe package,"
if you know what I mean.
274
00:10:48,215 --> 00:10:48,905
Wait.
275
00:10:48,915 --> 00:10:51,845
I'm organizing
and scheduling sexual acts
276
00:10:51,852 --> 00:10:55,022
and then collecting
a portion of the profits?
277
00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:56,722
Yep.
Terry,
278
00:10:56,723 --> 00:10:59,493
that makes you a prostitute!
279
00:10:59,493 --> 00:11:03,163
And that makes me... a pimp!
280
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:03,903
(giggles)
281
00:11:03,897 --> 00:11:05,097
I'm a pimp!
282
00:11:05,098 --> 00:11:08,428
Oh, I'm gonna go buy a
pimp hat and a pimp suit,
283
00:11:08,435 --> 00:11:10,495
some pimp shoes,
maybe a pimp scarf...
284
00:11:10,504 --> 00:11:11,504
Pimp socks?
285
00:11:11,505 --> 00:11:14,705
No one's gonna see
my damn socks, you slut.
286
00:11:14,708 --> 00:11:16,068
(both laughing)
287
00:11:16,076 --> 00:11:17,936
Hey, you're not
paid to laugh.
288
00:11:17,944 --> 00:11:20,384
Get out there and
make my money, trick!
289
00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:22,150
Okay, that one hurt a little.
290
00:11:22,149 --> 00:11:24,119
I'm sorry,
I'm just so excited
291
00:11:24,117 --> 00:11:26,277
to be a (high-pitched): pimp!
292
00:11:27,853 --> 00:11:28,553
(chuckles)
293
00:11:28,555 --> 00:11:30,815
This is gonna
be good, fellas.
294
00:11:30,824 --> 00:11:31,894
One sec, Chanel.
295
00:11:31,892 --> 00:11:34,492
I'm just reading
a text from my dad.
296
00:11:34,494 --> 00:11:36,034
This guy's hilarious.
297
00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:38,059
(chuckles)
Here we go. Here we go.
298
00:11:38,065 --> 00:11:42,125
I'm gonna write him back because
I'm very important to him.
299
00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:43,595
No, but I love my dad.
300
00:11:43,603 --> 00:11:45,243
Aw, that's cute.
301
00:11:45,238 --> 00:11:47,368
I didn't tell him
to say that.
302
00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:48,374
(giggling)
303
00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:49,535
KENNY:
Chanel?
304
00:11:49,543 --> 00:11:50,983
Kenny?
305
00:11:58,417 --> 00:12:00,387
That's Kenny West.
306
00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:01,187
Who's that?
307
00:12:01,188 --> 00:12:03,418
Stoolbend's most
famous rapper.
308
00:12:03,423 --> 00:12:05,823
You'd know that
if you read my blog,
309
00:12:05,826 --> 00:12:08,056
"Out and About
with Julius."
310
00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:08,861
Who are you?
311
00:12:08,862 --> 00:12:09,992
Her boyfriend.
312
00:12:09,996 --> 00:12:12,626
You'd know that if you read
"Out and About with Julius."
313
00:12:12,632 --> 00:12:14,132
Not exactly.
We broke up.
314
00:12:14,134 --> 00:12:16,134
I gotta get to a phone!
315
00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:19,466
Chanel, what are you doing
with this water balloon?
316
00:12:19,473 --> 00:12:21,113
This is Cleveland Jr.
317
00:12:21,108 --> 00:12:23,108
He's sweet and thoughtful,
318
00:12:23,110 --> 00:12:26,110
and he doesn't make me wait
around all day while he's off
319
00:12:26,113 --> 00:12:28,083
buying sunglasses
with his posse.
320
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:28,981
Cleveland Jr.?
321
00:12:28,982 --> 00:12:31,452
There ain't nothing
junior about this guy.
322
00:12:31,451 --> 00:12:33,081
(laughing)
323
00:12:33,919 --> 00:12:34,789
(laughing)
324
00:12:34,788 --> 00:12:35,988
Crash and burn, Junior.
325
00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:38,359
This worked out even better
than I planned.
326
00:12:38,358 --> 00:12:40,128
Who is this
Chia dwarf?
327
00:12:40,127 --> 00:12:41,057
What'd you just call me?
328
00:12:41,061 --> 00:12:43,961
You get that tattoo
from a Cracker Jack box?
329
00:12:43,964 --> 00:12:45,034
Yeah. Why?
330
00:12:45,031 --> 00:12:46,261
(laughing)
331
00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:47,266
Tell me, little man.
332
00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:49,927
How the hell do you support
that big-ass afro
333
00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:51,266
with that tiny-ass neck?
334
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:54,171
You're like
a Questlove bobblehead.
335
00:12:54,174 --> 00:12:57,044
Come on, Chanel.
We need to talk.
336
00:12:57,043 --> 00:12:58,913
Sorry, Junior.
337
00:12:58,912 --> 00:13:00,452
Chanel, wait!
338
00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:02,650
Sometimes I even kiss
339
00:13:02,649 --> 00:13:04,379
my dad on the lips!
340
00:13:04,384 --> 00:13:07,894
(laughing)
341
00:13:13,392 --> 00:13:16,962
Man, Kenny West made us
both look like punks.
342
00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:20,033
Oh, well. I guess we need
to pray for the courage
343
00:13:20,033 --> 00:13:22,503
to accept the things
we cannot change.
344
00:13:22,502 --> 00:13:23,842
Man, shut up!
345
00:13:23,837 --> 00:13:25,067
We gotta get revenge.
346
00:13:25,071 --> 00:13:27,311
And we are gonna
get you that girl back
347
00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:29,907
at Federline's party tonight.
348
00:13:29,910 --> 00:13:34,380
Yaaaaayyyyy...!
349
00:13:34,381 --> 00:13:36,681
I'm just gonna...
350
00:13:36,683 --> 00:13:40,823
...aaaaayyyy!
351
00:13:42,388 --> 00:13:45,118
(whistling tune)
352
00:13:47,059 --> 00:13:49,559
Cleveland, where did you
get that huge wad of cash?
353
00:13:49,563 --> 00:13:53,063
Can't a man sneak into his house
in the middle of the night
354
00:13:53,066 --> 00:13:55,296
with a huge wad
of unexplained cash
355
00:13:55,302 --> 00:13:58,072
without being nagged
by his wife?
356
00:13:58,071 --> 00:13:58,601
Shoot.
357
00:13:58,605 --> 00:14:00,735
Well, Yvette told me
a friend of hers
358
00:14:00,740 --> 00:14:04,140
received one of Terry's
special installations.
359
00:14:04,144 --> 00:14:06,444
Also, I found this next
to the bathroom sink.
360
00:14:06,446 --> 00:14:10,376
Well, what are you doing looking
next to the bathroom sink?
361
00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:11,423
You're pimping Terry.
362
00:14:11,418 --> 00:14:13,078
Ain't nothin'
but somethin' to do.
363
00:14:13,086 --> 00:14:14,686
Cleveland, it's a crime!
364
00:14:14,688 --> 00:14:15,488
What?!
365
00:14:15,488 --> 00:14:17,318
Crimes have victims, Donna.
366
00:14:17,324 --> 00:14:18,694
There are no victims here.
367
00:14:18,692 --> 00:14:21,032
Prostitutes are
the victims.
368
00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:22,957
Terry is the victim.
369
00:14:22,963 --> 00:14:24,303
Ha! I'm Terry.
370
00:14:24,297 --> 00:14:27,467
"Oh, no, I have to have sex,
which feels really good.
371
00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:31,597
"Oh, it's worse, I have
to have sex for cash money
372
00:14:31,605 --> 00:14:33,265
"that I can buy things with.
373
00:14:33,273 --> 00:14:35,913
"Oh, and I can't stay
the night and hold in farts
374
00:14:35,909 --> 00:14:40,309
"while I listen to story after
story about your funny coworker.
375
00:14:40,313 --> 00:14:45,123
(crying):
Oh, oh, make it stop!"
376
00:14:45,118 --> 00:14:47,388
You're an idiot.
377
00:14:48,754 --> 00:14:51,224
Can you believe
she said that?
378
00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:52,764
You, a victim.
379
00:14:52,759 --> 00:14:54,729
(laughs)
As if.
380
00:14:54,728 --> 00:14:55,888
(laughs)
381
00:14:55,896 --> 00:14:56,726
I know, I know.
382
00:14:56,730 --> 00:15:00,400
Although sometimes I can't help
thinking that man wasn't meant
383
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:03,300
to do it more than
six times a day.
384
00:15:03,602 --> 00:15:05,042
And now that you mention it,
385
00:15:05,038 --> 00:15:07,308
you know what else I found out
about myself?
386
00:15:07,307 --> 00:15:08,807
I don't like to be strangled.
387
00:15:08,808 --> 00:15:10,908
Hell, it's scary.
388
00:15:10,911 --> 00:15:11,681
You black out.
389
00:15:11,678 --> 00:15:13,478
You wake up
in a different place,
390
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:15,680
your face
in a different headboard.
391
00:15:15,682 --> 00:15:17,382
(laughs, sighs)
392
00:15:17,384 --> 00:15:19,454
And that's just
the physical pain.
393
00:15:19,452 --> 00:15:21,592
I never thought
I'd hear myself say this:
394
00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:23,448
I don't want to be a prostitute.
395
00:15:23,456 --> 00:15:26,586
Well, at least I get
to hang on to these.
396
00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:29,133
Hey, you got the pimp socks!
397
00:15:29,129 --> 00:15:30,399
I did.
398
00:15:30,397 --> 00:15:32,527
Thanks for
the fun, Terry.
399
00:15:32,532 --> 00:15:34,472
You were my
best bitch.
400
00:15:34,467 --> 00:15:36,397
And you were
a cold, cold pimp.
401
00:15:36,403 --> 00:15:39,603
CLEVELAND:
Sorry about all those menI set you up with.
402
00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:42,236
(lively music and chatter)
403
00:15:44,276 --> 00:15:46,806
Yo, what's poppin', y'all?
404
00:15:46,813 --> 00:15:48,283
I want to thank everyone
for coming
405
00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:51,421
to the official release party
of Fireman Killer.
406
00:15:51,418 --> 00:15:55,618
Firemen's been getting
a free pass for too long.
407
00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:57,422
(clapping)
408
00:15:57,424 --> 00:15:59,724
May-may we say a few words?
409
00:15:59,726 --> 00:16:00,726
Dag, Pops.
410
00:16:00,727 --> 00:16:02,427
Why you always gotta
blow up my spot?
411
00:16:02,429 --> 00:16:04,759
We're not blowing up
anyone's spot. (sighs)
412
00:16:04,764 --> 00:16:08,834
Hello, I'm Gabriel's father,
Professor Friedman.
413
00:16:08,835 --> 00:16:13,065
And I'm Gabriel's mother,
also Professor Friedman.
414
00:16:13,073 --> 00:16:14,473
(both laughing)
415
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:17,184
Please be mindful
of the new carpet.
416
00:16:17,177 --> 00:16:19,137
Enjoy!
417
00:16:20,679 --> 00:16:22,549
She's here.
418
00:16:23,182 --> 00:16:25,122
All right, now get over there
419
00:16:25,118 --> 00:16:27,118
and tell her how you feel.
420
00:16:27,619 --> 00:16:30,119
Chanel, there's something
I want to tell you.
421
00:16:30,123 --> 00:16:31,093
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
422
00:16:31,091 --> 00:16:33,861
I can't believe you're showing
your face around here,
423
00:16:33,860 --> 00:16:35,760
especially talking
to my girl like that.
424
00:16:35,762 --> 00:16:37,302
I should mess you
up right now.
425
00:16:37,297 --> 00:16:40,727
But instead, I'm gonna
take you down with my lyrics.
426
00:16:40,734 --> 00:16:44,074
Federstein, lay
down a beat.
427
00:16:44,070 --> 00:16:46,170
(hip-hop beat playing)
428
00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:48,912
♪ It's Kenny sippin' Henny,
rhymes slicker than Teflon ♪
429
00:16:48,908 --> 00:16:51,408
♪ At Stoolbend High,
I'm the black Zac Efron ♪
430
00:16:51,411 --> 00:16:53,681
♪ And when I meet a shorty,
you know we're goin' bedwards ♪
431
00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:57,180
♪ Pullin' more tail
than my man, John Edwards ♪
432
00:16:57,183 --> 00:16:58,853
♪ Lumpy, chunky, booger-eatin'
chump be ♪
433
00:16:58,852 --> 00:17:01,622
♪ Actin' out of place,
like Hootie singin' country ♪
434
00:17:01,621 --> 00:17:03,791
♪ Leave my girl alone
and get your own tenderoni ♪
435
00:17:03,790 --> 00:17:09,130
♪ Come on, who are we kidding?
You're used to being lonely. ♪
436
00:17:09,129 --> 00:17:11,629
(cheering)
437
00:17:13,532 --> 00:17:16,702
I need to say something here.
438
00:17:17,703 --> 00:17:20,003
(feedback whine)
439
00:17:20,472 --> 00:17:23,242
(taps mic, feedback)
H-Hello?
440
00:17:23,243 --> 00:17:24,583
Can you hear me?
441
00:17:26,111 --> 00:17:27,751
♪ A, B, C, D
442
00:17:27,747 --> 00:17:29,407
♪ E, F, G
(snickering)
443
00:17:29,416 --> 00:17:33,716
♪ Someone shoulda told you
not to (bleep) with me. ♪
444
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:36,750
(quiet murmurs,
hip-hop beat resumes)
445
00:17:36,756 --> 00:17:38,216
♪ You think you can rhyme?
446
00:17:38,224 --> 00:17:39,424
♪ Man, your flow is amateur
447
00:17:39,426 --> 00:17:42,386
♪ I'm a nerd, I can smoke you
in iambic pentameter ♪
448
00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:44,495
♪ Mess with me?
Homeboy, don't want to risk it ♪
449
00:17:44,497 --> 00:17:48,227
♪ I'll burn you like Mrs.
Friedman's god-awful brisket. ♪
450
00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:49,974
Well, that was
uncalled for.
451
00:17:49,969 --> 00:17:52,769
(cheering)
Yeah, how you like me now, bitch?
452
00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:55,242
(music continues)
453
00:17:55,941 --> 00:18:00,341
♪ Fall back, big boy, 'cause
you're steppin' to the best ♪
454
00:18:00,346 --> 00:18:02,846
♪ Kenny West--
Test, test, test ♪
455
00:18:02,849 --> 00:18:04,549
♪ Yo, is this thing on?
456
00:18:04,551 --> 00:18:06,351
♪ Krato-bah-hictock
457
00:18:06,352 --> 00:18:07,522
♪ Yeah, I just dissed you
in Klingon. ♪
458
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:10,320
♪ Nucdoch-perrotta-- yeah,
I speak Klingon, too ♪
459
00:18:10,323 --> 00:18:13,693
♪ So kiss my chock-naguntah
and also hachh you ♪
460
00:18:13,693 --> 00:18:14,763
(cheering)
461
00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:17,431
♪ Your flow is faded and dated,
deflated and constipated ♪
462
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:20,330
♪ If I had to rate it? Hate it;
translated: you ate it ♪
463
00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:21,473
♪ Hey, cheeseball,
you been grated ♪
464
00:18:21,468 --> 00:18:24,338
♪ Chewed up, swallowed,
and defecated ♪
465
00:18:24,337 --> 00:18:25,467
♪ Ha, to restate it
466
00:18:25,472 --> 00:18:28,272
♪ On the DVD,
this won't be pixilated. ♪
467
00:18:28,607 --> 00:18:31,507
Dang, he got him!
That's my brother.
468
00:18:31,511 --> 00:18:35,151
♪ All right, all right, I know,
you think you're so hot ♪
469
00:18:35,148 --> 00:18:36,378
♪ Question is...
470
00:18:36,382 --> 00:18:41,952
(Auto-Tune effect):
♪ Can you sing like a robot?
471
00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:48,725
(Auto-Tune effect):
♪ Yes, I can sing like a robot. ♪
472
00:18:48,728 --> 00:18:51,928
♪ Now, y'all just witnessed
history in the makin' ♪
473
00:18:51,931 --> 00:18:54,531
♪ Greatest combination
since eggs and bacon ♪
474
00:18:54,534 --> 00:18:56,334
♪ Kenny West
and Cleveland Jr. Brown ♪
475
00:18:56,336 --> 00:18:57,496
♪ Now, let's get up... ♪
476
00:18:57,504 --> 00:19:00,474
BOTH:
♪ And burn this mother down.
477
00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:02,973
(cheering wildly)
478
00:19:02,976 --> 00:19:04,906
(punching)
479
00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:11,982
(panicked screaming)
480
00:19:11,985 --> 00:19:15,385
Saul, call the
fire department!
481
00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:16,618
(dialing)
No!
482
00:19:16,623 --> 00:19:17,693
Don't y'all see?
483
00:19:17,690 --> 00:19:19,920
That's just what
they want y'all to...
484
00:19:21,627 --> 00:19:23,287
(dialing)
485
00:19:23,296 --> 00:19:24,326
(groans)
486
00:19:24,330 --> 00:19:26,500
(siren wailing)
487
00:19:28,734 --> 00:19:33,474
Dag, girl, my whole
world is upside down.
488
00:19:33,473 --> 00:19:35,343
They are heroes.
489
00:19:35,341 --> 00:19:37,581
Not like those
Coast Guard punks,
490
00:19:37,577 --> 00:19:39,377
with they
tuggin'-ass boats.
491
00:19:39,379 --> 00:19:42,649
You got another
CD in you, boo.
492
00:19:43,815 --> 00:19:44,945
(chiming tones)
493
00:19:44,951 --> 00:19:46,551
(sizzling)
494
00:19:46,553 --> 00:19:47,993
What do you know?
It works.
495
00:19:47,987 --> 00:19:51,087
Hey, Junior. Man, I'm sorry
I laid into you so hard.
496
00:19:51,090 --> 00:19:54,390
It was just kind of tough
seeing you with my baby mama.
497
00:19:54,394 --> 00:19:56,394
Baby mama?
498
00:19:56,396 --> 00:19:57,026
Yes.
499
00:19:57,030 --> 00:19:58,600
Kenny and I have
a child together.
500
00:19:58,598 --> 00:20:00,358
Meet Kandace.
501
00:20:00,832 --> 00:20:04,402
(sputtering):
Wa, wa, wa, wa, wow!
502
00:20:04,404 --> 00:20:06,374
You two are a
mommy and daddy?
503
00:20:06,372 --> 00:20:09,242
Kenny, don't tell me
my new-friend-slash-hype-man
504
00:20:09,242 --> 00:20:10,042
is a deadbeat dad?
505
00:20:10,043 --> 00:20:11,413
Nah, I ain't
no deadbeat dad.
506
00:20:11,411 --> 00:20:15,081
I'm taking Kandace to school,
I'm putting her to bed at night,
507
00:20:15,081 --> 00:20:19,021
I'm running around town trying
to sell bone-density machines.
508
00:20:19,018 --> 00:20:20,448
Do you know how hard it is
509
00:20:20,453 --> 00:20:22,723
to sell a bone-density
machine in this economy?
510
00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:25,062
How hard is it?
511
00:20:25,058 --> 00:20:26,758
It's hard.
512
00:20:26,759 --> 00:20:27,489
Oh.
513
00:20:27,493 --> 00:20:29,463
I thought you were
trying to set up a joke.
514
00:20:29,462 --> 00:20:32,362
The point is,
this child needs a family.
515
00:20:32,365 --> 00:20:33,825
And this is a good man.
516
00:20:33,833 --> 00:20:36,373
And who knows-- someday
he might even make it
517
00:20:36,369 --> 00:20:39,039
as the self-described
voice of his generation.
518
00:20:39,038 --> 00:20:39,868
Thanks, man.
519
00:20:39,872 --> 00:20:41,972
Hey, I want you
to have something.
520
00:20:41,975 --> 00:20:45,535
Nah, they look good on you.
521
00:20:49,615 --> 00:20:52,845
What if I told you
that you could draw a turkey
522
00:20:52,852 --> 00:20:56,822
with nothing but your hand?
523
00:20:56,872 --> 00:21:01,422
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