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1
00:00:01,534 --> 00:00:03,804
♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
2
00:00:03,804 --> 00:00:06,144
♪ And I am proud to be
3
00:00:06,140 --> 00:00:08,470
♪ Right back in my hometown
4
00:00:08,476 --> 00:00:10,736
♪ With my new family
5
00:00:10,745 --> 00:00:13,505
♪ There's old friends
and new friends ♪
6
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:15,354
♪ And even a bear
7
00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:17,649
♪ Through good times
and bad times ♪
8
00:00:17,651 --> 00:00:19,491
♪ It's true love we share ♪
9
00:00:19,487 --> 00:00:21,617
♪ And so I found a place
10
00:00:21,622 --> 00:00:23,792
♪ Where everyone will know
11
00:00:23,791 --> 00:00:25,791
♪ My happy mustached face
12
00:00:25,793 --> 00:00:28,793
♪ This is The Cleveland Show. ♪
13
00:00:28,796 --> 00:00:30,756
(chuckles)
14
00:00:33,833 --> 00:00:35,273
Bacon,
cheese, eggs.
15
00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:40,269
Smells like a Denny's in here,
but without the old man stink.
16
00:00:40,274 --> 00:00:41,314
You got that covered.
17
00:00:41,308 --> 00:00:43,708
No, I smell
like a middle-aged man:
18
00:00:43,711 --> 00:00:46,411
Propecia, hot wings,
and night sweats
19
00:00:46,414 --> 00:00:48,614
from our
adjustable-rate mortgage.
20
00:00:48,616 --> 00:00:50,346
Now, pass those eggs.
21
00:00:50,351 --> 00:00:50,781
Uh-uh.
22
00:00:50,785 --> 00:00:53,185
Remember what Dr. Fist
said about your cholesterol?
23
00:00:53,187 --> 00:00:57,287
Yes, he said it was "appalling"
and "life-threatening."
24
00:00:57,291 --> 00:00:58,421
Uh, pass the eggs.
25
00:00:58,426 --> 00:00:59,556
This is your breakfast,
Cleveland,
26
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:03,460
the same breakfast you've been
eating for the past two weeks.
27
00:01:03,464 --> 00:01:04,334
More twigs?
28
00:01:04,331 --> 00:01:08,301
Fiber Twigs-- the cereal
that lowers your cholesterol.
29
00:01:08,302 --> 00:01:08,932
(crunches)
30
00:01:08,936 --> 00:01:10,796
Aah!
I got a splinter!
31
00:01:10,805 --> 00:01:14,235
'Cause you got a mouthful
of wood, like usual.
32
00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:15,841
Huh? Oh.
33
00:01:15,843 --> 00:01:16,883
(laughs)
34
00:01:16,877 --> 00:01:18,477
(both laughing)
35
00:01:18,479 --> 00:01:19,849
(Cleveland growls,
Roberta screams)
36
00:01:19,847 --> 00:01:20,777
Hey!
37
00:01:20,781 --> 00:01:21,651
Oh, come on, baby,
38
00:01:21,649 --> 00:01:22,649
I need you alive and healthy
39
00:01:22,650 --> 00:01:25,350
for the karaoke contest
this weekend.
40
00:01:25,352 --> 00:01:26,622
We could win $500,
41
00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:30,520
and I don't want a repeat
of our high school talent show.
42
00:01:30,524 --> 00:01:31,864
(pop music)
43
00:01:31,859 --> 00:01:33,329
♪ Love
44
00:01:33,327 --> 00:01:35,827
♪ Love will keep us
together... ♪
45
00:01:35,830 --> 00:01:40,870
(tapering off):
Donna, I got my license.
46
00:01:40,868 --> 00:01:41,868
(farts)
47
00:01:41,869 --> 00:01:42,839
Oh, Roberta.
48
00:01:42,837 --> 00:01:44,667
ROBERTA (distantly):
I'm in my room!
49
00:01:44,672 --> 00:01:47,312
That's just your breakfast
getting down to business.
50
00:01:47,308 --> 00:01:48,338
Here's your lunch--
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00:01:48,342 --> 00:01:49,982
bran muffin, can of
beans, and for dessert,
52
00:01:49,977 --> 00:01:53,577
some of that Jamie Lee Curtis
yogurt that makes you poop.
53
00:01:53,581 --> 00:01:54,551
(farts)
54
00:01:54,548 --> 00:01:55,578
Damn, Daddy.
55
00:01:55,583 --> 00:01:56,623
Remember
when that cat crawled
56
00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:58,347
in the air conditioning duct
and died,
57
00:01:58,352 --> 00:02:00,352
and we couldn't get it out
for 16 months?
58
00:02:00,354 --> 00:02:03,764
That was like a Glade Plug-In
compared to this.
59
00:02:03,757 --> 00:02:05,357
(laughs)
Heat rises.
60
00:02:05,359 --> 00:02:05,889
I smell nothing.
61
00:02:05,893 --> 00:02:07,333
Oh, what do you think
you're...?
62
00:02:07,328 --> 00:02:10,358
Aah, oh, no, aah,
put me down, put me down!
63
00:02:10,364 --> 00:02:13,304
(groaning)
64
00:02:16,903 --> 00:02:20,673
(farts, grunts)
65
00:02:21,374 --> 00:02:25,284
(farting and grunting)
66
00:02:25,279 --> 00:02:27,349
(upset murmuring)
67
00:02:27,348 --> 00:02:30,218
Oh, what if they come in here?
68
00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:33,989
What the...?
(meows)
69
00:02:33,988 --> 00:02:35,648
Oh, my-- oh, no!
70
00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:37,756
Auntie Em, Auntie Em!
71
00:02:37,758 --> 00:02:41,058
(cats yowling)
72
00:02:41,061 --> 00:02:44,401
Oh, Terry, hurry up,
we got to go!
73
00:02:44,398 --> 00:02:45,728
But I'm not finish-- oh!
74
00:02:45,733 --> 00:02:49,273
(groaning, glass shattering)
75
00:02:49,270 --> 00:02:51,440
Ah, oh, ow! Oh!
76
00:02:51,438 --> 00:02:54,368
Ow, my urethra!
77
00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:56,635
(screams)
78
00:02:57,510 --> 00:02:58,440
(grunts)
79
00:02:58,445 --> 00:02:59,375
(farts)
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00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:00,510
(sheepish chuckle)
I'm sorry, Terry,
81
00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:03,924
but I'm on this new
high-fiber diet, and I--
82
00:03:03,918 --> 00:03:05,818
My hermaphrodite yogurt!
83
00:03:05,819 --> 00:03:07,149
Look, if you're gonna
be my partner,
84
00:03:07,154 --> 00:03:09,624
I don't want to hear
one more fart out of you.
85
00:03:09,623 --> 00:03:11,823
Is that clear?!
Yes, sir.
86
00:03:11,825 --> 00:03:13,055
Good, 'cause I...
87
00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:14,260
Oh, you bastard!
88
00:03:14,261 --> 00:03:17,561
Ha, ha, sometimes
they no make a noise.
89
00:03:17,565 --> 00:03:19,695
(coughing)
90
00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:20,900
(choked groan)
91
00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:22,701
(tires screeching)
92
00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:23,743
Look out!
93
00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:25,667
(both screaming)
94
00:03:25,673 --> 00:03:27,313
(gasping):
I can't believe...
95
00:03:27,308 --> 00:03:28,868
my last breath...
(grunting)
96
00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:30,776
is gonna be
your ass-gas.
97
00:03:30,778 --> 00:03:34,978
I always knew
we would die this way.
98
00:03:34,982 --> 00:03:36,352
Good-bye, Terry.
99
00:03:36,350 --> 00:03:38,820
(both screaming)
100
00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:40,519
(projector clacking)
101
00:03:40,521 --> 00:03:42,651
BOTH:
Gee, thanks, Mr. Flippers.
102
00:03:42,656 --> 00:03:45,616
Terry, always keep
your eyes on the road.
103
00:03:45,626 --> 00:03:46,426
Will do.
104
00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:51,997
And Cleveland, see a doctor
about your ungodly flatulence.
105
00:03:51,999 --> 00:03:53,069
Yes, sir.
106
00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:53,827
Good.
107
00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:55,634
See you later, peoples.
108
00:03:55,636 --> 00:03:57,796
BOTH:
Bye, Mr. Flippers!
109
00:03:57,805 --> 00:04:00,035
(techno music playing)
110
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,440
(clapping)
111
00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:08,810
You're deep.
112
00:04:08,816 --> 00:04:11,546
Thank you.
I was a philosophy major.
113
00:04:11,552 --> 00:04:12,752
Everything checks
out, Cleveland.
114
00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:15,753
Your flatulence is a
perfectly normal side effect
115
00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:16,686
of a high-fiber diet.
116
00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:19,360
So you're saying
all this farting is okay?
117
00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:21,830
No, I'm saying it's
medically necessary.
118
00:04:21,829 --> 00:04:23,499
But what
about the social stigma?
119
00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:26,797
Won't people consider me
a gross, farting pig
120
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,100
like Tommy Lasorda?
121
00:04:28,102 --> 00:04:29,032
I'll write you a note.
122
00:04:29,036 --> 00:04:31,466
You mean a free pass
to pass gas
123
00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:34,142
wherever and whenever
I want to?
124
00:04:34,141 --> 00:04:36,111
The medical term
is a fart card,
125
00:04:36,110 --> 00:04:37,210
but remember,
Cleveland,
126
00:04:37,211 --> 00:04:40,781
with great power comes
great responsibility.
127
00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:42,611
(drum intro)
128
00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:43,416
(bell dings)
129
00:04:43,417 --> 00:04:44,777
(passengers clamoring)
130
00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:45,615
Fart card.
131
00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:47,519
♪ Let one out
132
00:04:49,522 --> 00:04:50,962
♪ I gotta let one out
133
00:04:50,958 --> 00:04:54,788
(Cleveland farts, Rallo laughs)
134
00:04:55,662 --> 00:04:58,302
(farts)
135
00:04:59,799 --> 00:05:01,599
(farts)
136
00:05:01,602 --> 00:05:03,572
(groans)
137
00:05:03,570 --> 00:05:05,840
(vomits)
138
00:05:08,574 --> 00:05:09,784
(farts)
139
00:05:09,777 --> 00:05:11,077
(groans)
140
00:05:21,220 --> 00:05:23,990
♪ He was a famous trumpet man
from out Chicago way ♪
141
00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:26,861
(barely audible):
♪ He had a boogie style that no one else could play ♪
142
00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:29,800
BOTH:
♪ He was the top man at his craft ♪
143
00:05:29,797 --> 00:05:31,597
♪ But then
his number came up... ♪
144
00:05:31,598 --> 00:05:32,998
♪ And he...
(clears throat)
145
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,030
What did I tell you?
146
00:05:34,034 --> 00:05:35,274
You got to project, Kendra.
147
00:05:35,269 --> 00:05:38,269
Sing like you do when you're
in your washtub out back.
148
00:05:38,272 --> 00:05:42,712
(barely audible):
♪ A-toot, a-toot, a-toot-diddly-a-da-toot. ♪
149
00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:43,680
(sobbing):
Oh, I'll...
150
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:47,207
(music stops)
I'll never be no Kellie Pickler!
151
00:05:47,214 --> 00:05:49,084
(sobbing)
152
00:05:55,722 --> 00:05:57,662
Poor, fat Kendra.
153
00:05:57,658 --> 00:05:59,558
Lester and Kendra,
everybody.
154
00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:02,130
Vote with your applause.
155
00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:07,567
Wow, that really
was not very popular.
156
00:06:07,568 --> 00:06:10,738
You two will not advance
to the finals Sunday night
157
00:06:10,738 --> 00:06:15,038
and thus will not be winning
the $500 grand prize.
158
00:06:15,042 --> 00:06:17,112
Play 'em off, Charlie.
159
00:06:17,777 --> 00:06:18,607
(music plays)
160
00:06:18,612 --> 00:06:21,112
♪ 'Cause you had a bad day ♪
161
00:06:21,115 --> 00:06:22,245
♪ You're taking one down ♪
162
00:06:22,249 --> 00:06:25,619
♪ You sing a sad song
just to turn it around ♪
163
00:06:25,619 --> 00:06:28,949
♪ You say you don't know,
you tell me don't lie ♪
164
00:06:28,956 --> 00:06:32,956
♪ You work at a smile
and you go for a ride ♪
165
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:36,800
♪ You had a bad day.
166
00:06:36,797 --> 00:06:38,757
No regrets!
167
00:06:40,566 --> 00:06:42,596
♪ Then when I lose
my will ♪
168
00:06:42,603 --> 00:06:44,843
♪ You'll be there
to push me up the hill ♪
169
00:06:44,838 --> 00:06:49,668
BOTH:
♪ There's no, no looking back for us ♪
170
00:06:49,676 --> 00:06:54,076
♪ We've got love,
sure 'nough, that's enough ♪
171
00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:59,151
♪ You're all,
you're all I need ♪
172
00:06:59,153 --> 00:07:01,653
♪ To get by.
173
00:07:01,655 --> 00:07:03,785
That hairy beast can sing.
174
00:07:03,791 --> 00:07:04,761
Gosh.
175
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:05,188
Gee whiz.
176
00:07:05,192 --> 00:07:07,632
What a tough act to follow, huh?
177
00:07:07,628 --> 00:07:09,958
Boy, I wouldn't want
to follow them.
178
00:07:09,963 --> 00:07:12,803
Following them
are Cleveland Brown
179
00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:16,740
and his wife,
Mrs. Cleveland Brown.
180
00:07:16,737 --> 00:07:17,797
(slow pop intro)
181
00:07:17,805 --> 00:07:22,165
♪ I never knew love
like this before ♪
182
00:07:22,176 --> 00:07:27,106
♪ Now I'm lonely
nevermore ♪
183
00:07:27,114 --> 00:07:29,114
♪ Since you came
184
00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:33,046
♪ Into my life
185
00:07:34,987 --> 00:07:37,557
♪ You are my love light
186
00:07:37,558 --> 00:07:39,088
♪ This I know
187
00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:42,162
♪ And I'll never let you... ♪
188
00:07:42,162 --> 00:07:44,062
(farting)
♪ Oh-- oh, you're my all-- ♪
189
00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:46,004
♪ Oh, boy-- your heart...
190
00:07:45,999 --> 00:07:47,329
(farts)
Oh, it burns.
191
00:07:47,334 --> 00:07:48,804
♪ Part of me...
(farts)
192
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:51,672
Oh, bad, bad,
nothing but problems.
193
00:07:51,672 --> 00:07:55,972
♪ Once I was lost,
and now I'm found ♪
194
00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:58,636
♪ Then you turned
my world around ♪
195
00:07:58,645 --> 00:07:59,735
Ow, ow, ow!
196
00:07:59,746 --> 00:08:02,046
(Cleveland farting,
crowd laughing)
197
00:08:03,783 --> 00:08:05,983
(farting)
198
00:08:07,086 --> 00:08:09,586
♪ 'Cause I never ♪
199
00:08:09,590 --> 00:08:11,190
♪ Knew love
like this ♪
200
00:08:11,191 --> 00:08:13,791
♪ Before
201
00:08:13,794 --> 00:08:15,134
(farting melody)
♪ What a surprise
202
00:08:15,128 --> 00:08:19,628
♪ 'Cause I never knew
love like this ♪
203
00:08:19,633 --> 00:08:21,403
♪ Before.
204
00:08:21,401 --> 00:08:22,871
ALL:
Wow!
205
00:08:22,870 --> 00:08:24,840
(cheering)
206
00:08:28,207 --> 00:08:30,277
(screams with delight)
207
00:08:30,277 --> 00:08:31,277
(cheering)
208
00:08:31,278 --> 00:08:34,178
Great job, folks.
You made the finals.
209
00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:35,351
Everybody, be
back here Sunday
210
00:08:35,349 --> 00:08:37,019
to watch the Browns
and the Bears
211
00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:39,417
face off on national television.
212
00:08:39,419 --> 00:08:41,349
(applause)
Then, after the football game,
213
00:08:41,355 --> 00:08:46,685
we'll turn off the TV and finish
our stupid karaoke contest.
214
00:08:48,227 --> 00:08:51,657
I always thought I had a
God-given talent, Donna.
215
00:08:51,665 --> 00:08:52,995
I'm a fartiste.
216
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:57,300
We get you farting, too,
and we'll be unbeatable.
217
00:08:57,304 --> 00:09:00,174
Cleveland,
I want to win by singing.
218
00:09:00,173 --> 00:09:02,213
Why? Take the
low road, baby.
219
00:09:02,209 --> 00:09:02,909
(farts)
220
00:09:02,910 --> 00:09:04,140
It's so much more
fun and profitable.
221
00:09:04,144 --> 00:09:08,414
I mean, who would you rather be:
Weird Al Yankovic or Dido?
222
00:09:08,415 --> 00:09:09,475
Dido.
223
00:09:09,483 --> 00:09:14,393
You and I are very
different people, Donna.
224
00:09:14,388 --> 00:09:17,418
(phone rings)
225
00:09:17,424 --> 00:09:18,794
Hello.
226
00:09:18,792 --> 00:09:19,692
Uh-huh.
227
00:09:19,693 --> 00:09:20,293
Singing.
(scoffing) Puh.
228
00:09:20,294 --> 00:09:23,334
Don't have to pay royalties
on... (farts) these babies.
229
00:09:23,330 --> 00:09:27,830
No, sir, my creative output is
entirely... (farts) my own.
230
00:09:27,834 --> 00:09:28,774
Cleveland.
231
00:09:28,769 --> 00:09:30,999
(farts quietly)
It's about Loretta.
232
00:09:31,004 --> 00:09:32,344
Loretta?!
(farts loudly)
233
00:09:32,339 --> 00:09:33,409
Ha, what about her?
234
00:09:33,407 --> 00:09:35,407
(farting)
What about my lousy...
235
00:09:35,409 --> 00:09:39,739
two-timing... ugly-ass...
ex-wife? (farting)
236
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:41,846
She's dead.
237
00:09:41,848 --> 00:09:43,348
Oh.
238
00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:45,820
(farts quietly)
239
00:09:50,323 --> 00:09:52,093
Yes, I understand.
240
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:53,732
I will handle
the arrangements.
241
00:09:53,727 --> 00:09:55,187
Thank you for
the sentiment.
242
00:09:55,195 --> 00:09:56,655
(farts)
Good-bye.
243
00:09:56,663 --> 00:09:58,803
I am so sorry,
Cleveland.
244
00:09:58,799 --> 00:10:00,969
Loretta had no next
of kin in Quahog,
245
00:10:00,968 --> 00:10:05,098
so one of my old friends is
driving the body down here.
246
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:07,465
The funeral is... Friday.
247
00:10:07,474 --> 00:10:09,314
(farts)
There she is.
248
00:10:10,209 --> 00:10:10,909
Oh, what a drive.
249
00:10:10,911 --> 00:10:14,411
13 hours is a long way with
only one hand on the wheel.
250
00:10:14,414 --> 00:10:16,314
Oh!
Ha, sex.
251
00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:18,676
You want to see her?
252
00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:23,219
Why is she wearing
a French maid's costume?
253
00:10:23,223 --> 00:10:25,423
'Cause I wanted to nail
a dead French maid.
254
00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:26,355
Giggity, giggity!
255
00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:29,160
I've... missed you,
Glenn.
256
00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:30,202
Do you know
how she died?
257
00:10:30,197 --> 00:10:34,967
Yep, it all started when Brian
dug up a brontosaurus skull.
258
00:10:36,369 --> 00:10:38,499
All right,
little more, little more.
259
00:10:38,505 --> 00:10:41,805
I'll have this sucker
in the bedroom in no time.
260
00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:43,408
(creaking rumble)
261
00:10:43,410 --> 00:10:44,210
(alarm beeps)
262
00:10:44,211 --> 00:10:46,811
Oh, time
for United States of Tara.
263
00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:48,853
(rumbling)
264
00:10:50,049 --> 00:10:54,049
No, no, no, no, no, no!
265
00:10:54,054 --> 00:10:54,894
Oh, God!
266
00:10:54,888 --> 00:10:55,548
Wait, what's that?
267
00:10:55,555 --> 00:10:58,085
Oh, look
at her gross boobs.
268
00:10:58,091 --> 00:10:59,091
(laughter)
269
00:10:59,092 --> 00:11:01,332
Well, I'll run her over
to the funeral home.
270
00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:02,928
Then I'm heading up to Langley.
271
00:11:02,929 --> 00:11:03,829
Got a background gag
272
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:05,960
in a bachelor party scene
on American Dad.
273
00:11:05,966 --> 00:11:07,526
Oh, that... that's good.
274
00:11:07,534 --> 00:11:08,934
Paying work.
275
00:11:08,935 --> 00:11:09,395
Save it.
276
00:11:09,403 --> 00:11:11,473
Have fun on your
spin-off, Joey.
277
00:11:11,471 --> 00:11:12,501
I will!
278
00:11:12,506 --> 00:11:14,036
And this ain't no Joey,
279
00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:15,811
you one-note (bleep)!
280
00:11:15,809 --> 00:11:17,179
We are so sorry,
Cleveland.
281
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:20,077
Please accept our tuna
for this difficult time.
282
00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:22,810
It's a pity you two
will have to drop out
283
00:11:22,816 --> 00:11:24,716
of the karaoke finals.
284
00:11:24,718 --> 00:11:26,248
Such a disappointment.
285
00:11:26,253 --> 00:11:26,923
Excuse me?
286
00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:29,150
I don't think
we're dropping out. Hell, no.
287
00:11:29,156 --> 00:11:31,586
We're going to win--
to spite Loretta.
288
00:11:31,591 --> 00:11:33,321
She was an awful person.
289
00:11:33,326 --> 00:11:35,456
How did Cleveland Jr.
take the news?
290
00:11:35,462 --> 00:11:39,862
Why would my son care
that my ex-wife is dead?
291
00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:40,266
Oh, boy.
292
00:11:40,267 --> 00:11:43,227
(tune of "Three Blind Mice"):
♪ Warm white socks
293
00:11:43,236 --> 00:11:44,296
♪ Warm white socks
294
00:11:44,304 --> 00:11:47,114
♪ Gee, you are fun,
gee, you are fun ♪
295
00:11:47,107 --> 00:11:49,407
♪ I washed you and rolled you
all up in a ball ♪
296
00:11:49,409 --> 00:11:51,479
♪ Carried you upstairs
and then down the hall ♪
297
00:11:51,478 --> 00:11:53,238
♪ You make me feel
11 feet tall ♪
298
00:11:53,246 --> 00:11:55,076
♪ My warm white socks.
299
00:11:55,082 --> 00:11:56,882
Good evening,
Cleveland Jr.
300
00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:58,353
Hello.
Son,
301
00:11:58,351 --> 00:12:01,751
I have some good news
and some bad news.
302
00:12:01,755 --> 00:12:03,655
Well, can I have
the good news first?
303
00:12:03,657 --> 00:12:06,087
The good news is
that I bought you
304
00:12:06,093 --> 00:12:08,533
a handsome new
funeral suit!
305
00:12:08,528 --> 00:12:09,428
Wow!
306
00:12:09,429 --> 00:12:13,259
("Pretty Woman"
instrumental playing)
307
00:12:23,142 --> 00:12:25,182
(music stops)
And now for the bad news.
308
00:12:25,178 --> 00:12:29,978
Junior, your mother,
Loretta, is dead.
309
00:12:30,883 --> 00:12:32,953
The funeral is Friday.
(farts)
310
00:12:32,953 --> 00:12:35,523
Watch out
for this boy, Lord.
311
00:12:35,522 --> 00:12:37,022
Oh. I see.
312
00:12:37,023 --> 00:12:41,063
Well, that...
that's very sad news.
313
00:12:41,061 --> 00:12:43,191
If you want to cry,
it's okay.
314
00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:44,326
Don't hold it
in, Junior.
315
00:12:44,331 --> 00:12:46,601
I've been reading up
on child grief and...
316
00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:48,200
Oh, Dr. Genstler's book?
317
00:12:48,201 --> 00:12:49,531
Uh, I'm not sure.
318
00:12:49,536 --> 00:12:51,466
It was in that free
parenting magazine
319
00:12:51,471 --> 00:12:52,941
they give away at
the supermarket.
320
00:12:52,939 --> 00:12:55,509
Oh, because Dr. Genstler
said that it's possible
321
00:12:55,509 --> 00:12:58,439
to grieve for a loss
before an actual death.
322
00:12:58,445 --> 00:13:00,005
I've already mourned the loss
323
00:13:00,013 --> 00:13:02,113
of my mother
and that broken family,
324
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:03,775
and now I have
a new family
325
00:13:03,784 --> 00:13:05,424
that will love
and support me
326
00:13:05,418 --> 00:13:07,388
in a way that,
unfortunately,
327
00:13:07,387 --> 00:13:09,587
my biological mother
never could.
328
00:13:09,589 --> 00:13:13,419
I still don't know
if you're smart or stupid.
329
00:13:13,426 --> 00:13:14,386
So, you're okay?
330
00:13:14,394 --> 00:13:16,594
Well, I'm sad that Mom
was never able to find
331
00:13:16,596 --> 00:13:18,826
what she was looking for
in her life, Daddy,
332
00:13:18,832 --> 00:13:21,502
but yeah, I'm okay.
333
00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:22,401
Okay, Junior,
334
00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:25,302
but we're here
if you need us.
335
00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:29,910
That boy is a ticking bomb.
336
00:13:29,910 --> 00:13:32,380
Say, you up
for a nooner? No.
337
00:13:32,379 --> 00:13:33,849
What time is it?
1:30.
338
00:13:33,847 --> 00:13:35,907
You up for
a one-thirtier?
339
00:13:35,916 --> 00:13:36,376
No!
340
00:13:36,383 --> 00:13:37,983
See you at 2:00.
(snaps fingers)
341
00:13:37,984 --> 00:13:40,084
(clicks tongue, farts)
342
00:13:40,086 --> 00:13:42,246
(bell tolls)
343
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:46,420
Mmm. Poor Junior.
344
00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:47,986
Keeping it all in.
345
00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:49,764
You watch--
in 20 minutes,
346
00:13:49,763 --> 00:13:51,403
we'll be picking
up the pieces.
347
00:13:51,398 --> 00:13:55,668
And he's a big boy, so there's
gonna be a lot of pieces.
348
00:13:55,669 --> 00:13:56,629
(laughs)
349
00:13:56,636 --> 00:13:59,596
I'm sorry.
That's inappropriate.
350
00:14:01,273 --> 00:14:05,183
Loretta Brown
was a woman I did not know,
351
00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:09,178
but according to Wikipedia,
a woman by that name
352
00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:12,752
won a Grammy in 1989
for Best Spoken Word Album.
353
00:14:12,752 --> 00:14:16,652
Another woman by that name--
or possibly her, as well--
354
00:14:16,656 --> 00:14:18,656
served in the Australian
Parliament
355
00:14:18,658 --> 00:14:21,988
between 1958 and 1964.
356
00:14:21,995 --> 00:14:23,555
Citation needed.
357
00:14:23,563 --> 00:14:25,063
Praise the Lord!
358
00:14:25,065 --> 00:14:26,325
We now commit the body
359
00:14:26,333 --> 00:14:30,443
of Loretta Marie Callender Brown
to the Earth.
360
00:14:30,437 --> 00:14:31,467
(choked sob)
361
00:14:31,471 --> 00:14:33,271
Stay strong, Junior.
362
00:14:33,273 --> 00:14:35,173
(whirring)
363
00:14:35,175 --> 00:14:36,535
(choked sobbing)
364
00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:38,683
(clearing throat)
365
00:14:38,678 --> 00:14:41,948
(sobbing)
366
00:14:41,948 --> 00:14:45,048
No! No!
367
00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:46,751
No! (sobs)
368
00:14:46,753 --> 00:14:49,093
It's too soon!
369
00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:50,089
Why, God?
370
00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:51,720
Why?!
(farts)
371
00:14:51,725 --> 00:14:53,685
(sobs, farts)
372
00:14:53,693 --> 00:14:55,533
I'll miss you both.
373
00:14:55,528 --> 00:14:56,688
All right, close it up.
374
00:14:56,696 --> 00:14:59,126
Who's up for barbecue?
375
00:15:01,166 --> 00:15:03,426
(Cleveland sobbing)
376
00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:06,396
(moaning)
377
00:15:09,775 --> 00:15:11,435
(sobbing)
378
00:15:11,444 --> 00:15:14,314
Do you still love
her, Cleveland?
379
00:15:14,314 --> 00:15:15,414
No. No, baby.
380
00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:16,505
I love you.
(farts)
381
00:15:16,516 --> 00:15:19,676
Having an emotional breakdown
on your ex-wife's casket
382
00:15:19,686 --> 00:15:21,086
is a strange way to show it.
383
00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:23,187
I'm sure I'll have
the same reaction
384
00:15:23,189 --> 00:15:25,619
on your casket
in front of my third wife.
385
00:15:25,625 --> 00:15:27,125
Cleveland, that
was the woman
386
00:15:27,127 --> 00:15:28,527
you always
complained about.
387
00:15:28,528 --> 00:15:32,058
The woman who cheated on you,
who slept with your friends.
388
00:15:32,065 --> 00:15:33,125
Well, one friend.
389
00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:34,273
No, there were more.
390
00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:35,597
Peter Griffin told
me at our wedding.
391
00:15:35,602 --> 00:15:39,202
Mayor West, Ollie Williams,
Frank Sinatra Jr.,
392
00:15:39,205 --> 00:15:41,205
the greased-up
deaf man... Guy.
393
00:15:41,207 --> 00:15:44,407
The point is, Cleveland,
she wasn't good to you.
394
00:15:44,411 --> 00:15:44,741
I know.
395
00:15:44,744 --> 00:15:47,584
I have no idea
what happened at the funeral.
396
00:15:47,580 --> 00:15:50,650
I don't know why
I lost control or... or...
397
00:15:50,650 --> 00:15:54,050
(sobbing): Or why I'm
still upset about it!
398
00:15:54,054 --> 00:15:56,054
Well, you'd better...
399
00:15:56,056 --> 00:15:57,416
(farting)
400
00:15:57,424 --> 00:15:59,364
You'd better figure
it out, Cleveland,
401
00:15:59,359 --> 00:16:01,489
before you lose
another wife.
402
00:16:01,494 --> 00:16:05,304
I would slam the door, but
the children are sleeping.
403
00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:07,298
I'll act as if you did.
404
00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:08,830
Thanks.
405
00:16:08,835 --> 00:16:11,595
You don't have to be
so damn dramatic!
406
00:16:11,604 --> 00:16:13,174
RALLO:
Don't worry, Cleveland.
407
00:16:13,173 --> 00:16:14,373
She ain't leaving.
408
00:16:14,374 --> 00:16:16,174
She broke.
409
00:16:19,311 --> 00:16:20,451
Hot tea-- how classy.
410
00:16:20,447 --> 00:16:22,307
Do you take it
with one dong or two?
411
00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:24,245
No, it's...
it's too hot for dongs.
412
00:16:24,250 --> 00:16:26,150
Just honey. It's good for the...
413
00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:27,422
the karaoke vocal chords.
414
00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:30,720
Hey, maybe you and Donna
should just give up now, eh?
415
00:16:30,724 --> 00:16:31,764
(chuckles)
Whatever, Tim.
416
00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:33,518
No, no, no. No,
I'm... I'm just...
417
00:16:33,526 --> 00:16:36,626
I'm giving you friendly
trash talk. (stammering)
418
00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:38,399
Now you say something
rude about me
419
00:16:38,398 --> 00:16:39,798
or-or how fat
my mama is.
420
00:16:39,799 --> 00:16:43,129
Look, Tim, Donna's
not even speaking to me,
421
00:16:43,136 --> 00:16:44,396
much less singing
with me,
422
00:16:44,404 --> 00:16:46,604
so you got nothing
to worry about.
423
00:16:46,606 --> 00:16:48,466
McFALL:
Wrong. Dead wrong.
424
00:16:48,475 --> 00:16:50,775
Mrs. Hot Brown's
singing with me.
425
00:16:50,777 --> 00:16:53,747
Say what?
Said she wanted to piss you off
426
00:16:53,747 --> 00:16:55,447
by showing she'd
be happier singing
427
00:16:55,448 --> 00:17:00,788
with the most pathetic piece
of human garbage she could find.
428
00:17:00,787 --> 00:17:02,787
Her words.
429
00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:03,449
(sighs)
430
00:17:03,456 --> 00:17:05,356
I've got one wife that's dead
431
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:07,258
and one wife that hates me.
432
00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:10,160
Just like O.J. Simpson.
433
00:17:10,896 --> 00:17:12,456
He's hurting bad.
434
00:17:12,465 --> 00:17:13,525
Why else would
a black guy
435
00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:16,103
talk that way about
O.J. Simpson? (chuckles)
436
00:17:16,102 --> 00:17:18,442
Yes, and what kind
of friends would we be
437
00:17:18,438 --> 00:17:19,498
if we didn't help him?
438
00:17:19,506 --> 00:17:20,906
Normal American
male friends.
439
00:17:20,907 --> 00:17:24,477
Let's book while he's
still in the john.
440
00:17:28,781 --> 00:17:32,381
(mouth full):
I don't understand, Loretta.
441
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:35,615
Why did I cry
at your funeral?
442
00:17:35,622 --> 00:17:37,722
You did me so wrong.
443
00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:39,194
I moved on.
444
00:17:39,192 --> 00:17:41,492
So, why am I upset?
445
00:17:42,094 --> 00:17:44,634
No, no, no, no, no, no!
446
00:17:44,631 --> 00:17:47,531
Wait. That's it.
447
00:17:49,168 --> 00:17:51,398
(high-pitched whooping)
448
00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:52,374
MAN:
Ow!
449
00:17:52,372 --> 00:17:54,742
Hey, I'm trying
to mourn over here.
450
00:17:54,741 --> 00:17:56,271
Oh, it's a cookie.
451
00:17:56,276 --> 00:17:58,306
Thank you.
452
00:17:59,778 --> 00:18:04,378
♪ 'Cause you ♪
453
00:18:04,384 --> 00:18:10,394
♪ You mean the world to me
454
00:18:10,390 --> 00:18:11,260
♪ Oh
455
00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:13,657
♪ I know
♪ I know
456
00:18:13,660 --> 00:18:16,260
♪ I've found ♪
♪ I've found ♪
457
00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:19,502
♪ In you
458
00:18:19,499 --> 00:18:24,469
♪ My endless love.
459
00:18:24,471 --> 00:18:27,271
I am not going
to go out there
460
00:18:27,273 --> 00:18:29,213
and sing "On Top
of Spaghetti."
461
00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:32,209
Well, how about
"Yes, We Have No Bananas"?
462
00:18:32,212 --> 00:18:33,642
(crashing)
Donna, wait.
463
00:18:33,646 --> 00:18:35,846
There's something
I got to tell you.
464
00:18:35,849 --> 00:18:36,549
What, Cleveland?
465
00:18:36,549 --> 00:18:40,179
I figured out why I cried
at Loretta's funeral.
466
00:18:40,186 --> 00:18:41,786
Survivor's guilt.
467
00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:43,088
Survivor's guilt?
468
00:18:43,089 --> 00:18:44,919
What does that
mean, Cleveland?
469
00:18:44,924 --> 00:18:47,364
It means I fell out
of that bathtub
470
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:50,230
more times
than could possibly be funny--
471
00:18:50,230 --> 00:18:51,660
and never a scratch.
472
00:18:51,664 --> 00:18:52,834
She falls out once,
473
00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:55,332
breaks her neck
and gets Quagmired.
474
00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:56,725
It could have been me.
475
00:18:56,736 --> 00:18:58,896
You cried
at your ex-wife's funeral
476
00:18:58,905 --> 00:19:01,305
because of survivor's guilt?
477
00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:03,507
Donna, let me
ask you something.
478
00:19:03,510 --> 00:19:05,740
Would you cry
if Robert died?
479
00:19:05,745 --> 00:19:07,305
Hush your mouth! (gasps)
480
00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:10,253
You still want to sleep
with him, don't you?
481
00:19:10,250 --> 00:19:12,280
I'd like to be asked.
482
00:19:12,285 --> 00:19:13,915
So I can tell him no.
483
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:14,790
It's not how it seemed
484
00:19:14,787 --> 00:19:18,057
when you first said
you'd like to be asked.
485
00:19:18,057 --> 00:19:20,487
Survivor's guilt.
486
00:19:21,860 --> 00:19:23,630
No looking back?
487
00:19:23,630 --> 00:19:26,330
No looking back.
488
00:19:27,733 --> 00:19:29,203
McFALL:
Oh, my God.
489
00:19:29,202 --> 00:19:31,742
We do have more olives.
490
00:19:31,738 --> 00:19:33,038
(pop intro)
491
00:19:33,039 --> 00:19:34,539
♪ Love
492
00:19:34,541 --> 00:19:37,441
♪ Love will keep
us together ♪
493
00:19:37,443 --> 00:19:40,443
♪ Think of me,
babe, whenever... ♪
494
00:19:40,446 --> 00:19:41,706
(crowd booing)
495
00:19:41,714 --> 00:19:43,384
Where's the farting?
496
00:19:43,383 --> 00:19:44,883
Any ass can sing.
497
00:19:44,884 --> 00:19:46,784
We want the singing ass.
498
00:19:46,786 --> 00:19:48,786
CROWD:
Cleveland! Cleveland! Cleveland!
499
00:19:48,788 --> 00:19:51,888
Better give them
what they want, baby.
500
00:19:51,891 --> 00:19:55,361
You are my soul mate.
501
00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:59,831
CROWD: Cleveland! Cleveland!
Cleveland! Cleveland! Cleveland!
502
00:19:59,832 --> 00:20:02,402
(passing gas melodically)
503
00:20:02,402 --> 00:20:03,872
(whooshing)
504
00:20:03,870 --> 00:20:05,800
(cheering and applause)
505
00:20:05,805 --> 00:20:07,905
(sobbing)
506
00:20:07,907 --> 00:20:08,837
You see, Arianna?
507
00:20:08,841 --> 00:20:10,741
I told you you
should have let me
508
00:20:10,743 --> 00:20:12,343
take a poop
on the stage.
509
00:20:12,345 --> 00:20:15,975
Tim, that can't be
your answer to everything.
510
00:20:15,982 --> 00:20:19,282
(crowd cheering)
511
00:20:19,285 --> 00:20:21,715
I love you, Cleveland.
512
00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:24,821
I love you, too, Loretta.
513
00:20:25,557 --> 00:20:27,657
(farts)
514
00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:36,298
(quiet piano)
(no audible dialogue)
515
00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:52,575
CLEVELAND:
Good-bye, Loretta.
516
00:20:52,625 --> 00:20:57,175
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