All language subtitles for Not.Okay.2022.WEBRip_English-CP

Have you ever wanted
to be noticed so badly,

you didn't even care what it was for?

You just wake up every day thinking,
"I want to be seen."

To be completely honest, Danni Sanders
might actually be the worst person

we've ever covered on this show,
and we covered Hitler.

I wanna be important.

Okay, guys. Today,
we're talking about white privilege.

So you know
we need to talk about Danni Sanders.

…acting like she was the victim.

I think that
that turned a lot of people off to her.

I wanna have purpose.

So I was just gonna bleach the front bits,

but I'm really not trying to get mistaken
for Danni Sanders.

I wanna be known.

I wanna be loved.

And the award
for Most-Anticipated Death…

- Danni Sanders!
- I can't wait for her to kick the bucket.

- Don't...
- In fact, I'll do it for you.

That's a little far.

I'm not gonna go that far. It's a fine.

Not for me. I own guns.

I wanna matter.

Yeah, well, let me tell you…

Be careful what you fucking wish for.

♪ I'm the worst ♪

♪ You're gonna hate me ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I'm the worst ♪

Okay.

- Danni.
- Yeah?

Had a chance to read
that article you sent me.

- You did?
- Mm-hmm.

What did you think?

Well, you've titled it, "Why am I so sad?"

That's just a working title.

"In a world surrounded by those
who seem to have it all,"

I've settled on a few reasons
for my own feelings of emptiness.

"The first is that
I currently live in Bushwick."

J-Train Bushwick.
L-Train Bushwick would be fine.

Just, like, somewhere you can get
a decent matcha, you know?

"Reason number two,
my lack of a private office at work."

Open-concept spaces
really drown out my inner voice.

Finally,
and this one really stuck with me.

Okay.

"Missing 9/11."

Yeah.

I was on a cruise with my parents
when it happened.

In general, I think we try to avoid
expressing any kind of FOMO about 9/11.

Did you read that article on The Cut?

The one...

It talked about how it was the single
most formative trauma experience

for "zillennials."

And since I wasn't there,

I didn't get to share that bond
with my peers.

You know, like,
I didn't even know anyone that died.

Okay. And you don't feel like it comes off
a little tone-deaf? Offensive even.

- Can't tone-deaf be, like, a brand though?
- Oh, no.

- Isn't that what Lena Dunham does?
- You don't wanna be like Lena Dunham.

I don't feel like
you take me seriously as a writer.

That's because you're not a writer.
You're a photo editor.

One who's very late on their deadlines.

Deadlines that should take priority
over personal goals.

I've just been having
a difficult time focusing lately.

And I've been having a difficult time
ending this conversation. And we're done.

Okay.

Gonna load up
the Headspace app after that.

- Hi, Harper.
- Interesting article pitch.

Thanks.

Hey, Susan,
I just uploaded the new draft for Tuesday.

Thank you. Oh, and great work
on that RBG retrospective.

I can't believe you got that quote
from her personal trainer.

Thank you.
I was thinking of using it as my sample

to apply for a couple writers' retreats.

Oh, a retreat.
Yeah, you would be a shoo-in.

Oh, thank you.

They love SCOTUS.

♪ Never met a pill
I didn't know how to take ♪

♪ But that was getting old
I had to give it a break ♪

♪ I never met an emotion
I didn't know how to fake ♪

♪ But now I'm getting older
And I wanna be straight ♪

♪ I never got a tattoo
that I didn't regret… ♪

Hey, yo. Frame up on this shit.

♪ I'm not a brat
Used to be a hot little mess ♪

♪ But I never made a video
You didn't embed ♪

♪ I got a new pair of shoes
And my hair done ♪

♪ Where's Sonny Moore? Damn
When I'm gonna meet a millionaire's son? ♪

8♪ I'm bored of being the rare one
I'm the chairwoman ♪

♪ Never took a dare
I don't really care for 'em ♪

♪ Watch me… ♪

- Colin, dude, how was the trip?
- Ah!

Man, you know how it was.
Lit as shit. Lick a tit. We did it.

Also, peep this.
I learned how to twist it.

That's a scorpion joint
right fucking there.

- That's so cool.
- Yo, zoom in on that.

- He can't hear you.
- I said zoom in on it.

No, do it like I meant.

♪ It isn't bad
But it is embarrassing enough ♪

We're gonna do it again.
Gotta do it again. Everybody back inside.

♪ I'm an Abercrombie-lookin' ass bitch
And I don't give a fuck ♪

♪ I got a new pair of shoes and a payment
Slay Kitty Ray damn ♪

♪ When I'm gonna meet a limitation… ♪

- Hey, Danni's in the house.
- Okay.

Um… Oh, I've had a crazy morning.

I just found a new shortcut
for sharpening in camera RAW.

That is great, Kevin.

It's Kelvin. My name... it's... it's Kelvin.

No. I don't think so.

Okay.

I'm pretty sure, though, that, um…

- Sarah's coming tonight.
- Like, Sarah, Sarah?

Yeah, Sarah from Cubbyhole.

- So you're drinking tequila tonight.
- Yeah, I am.

It's the tequila

- It's the tequila
- It's the tequila

Wait. What's happening tonight?

- We're going queer bowling.
- Yas, queen! Slay!

You know me. I'll probably just drink
alone in my apartment till I black out

and call my old best friend
from high school, or something.

Is this queer bowling night
only for LGBTs?

- Yeah. Yeah.
- Okay.

You know…

…I made out with a girl
at an NYU party once.

So, I might be bi.

Not with those nails.

What's wrong with my nails?

Just wishful thinking.

You guys are so lucky. You have, like,
a community. You have a parade.

- You have your own bowling night...
- Yeah, being a minority is great.

Right?

Well, have fun.

- I hate straight people.
- Uh-huh.

- Hi, Mom.
- Hi.

- You wanna hang out tonight?
- I can't. It's Friday.

Oh.

Yeah, no worries. That's all good.
I understand.

Girlboss book club is pretty… unmissable.

Hi, it's your favorite writer, socialite,
scammer, Caroline Calloway.

I'm here in London right now
to meet up with my UK publisher.

You guys are such a big part of why
this is happening. Fucking love you guys.

No way. Je obsessed.

Colin.

Oh, shit. What up, honey?
Yeah, I can't take a pic right now, but...

No, no, no. Danni, from work.

- Danni. Yeah. What's good?
- What are you doing here?

- Do you live in Bushwick?
- Me? No. Fuck no.

- I'm so...
- No. No, I'd never live here.

Uh, no. I'm supposed to be going to, uh…

there.

Matcha Baby.

Plus my plug lives here,
so two birds, one stone.

Yeah, I smoke marijuana,
like, all the time.

Ever see one of these?

Other side.

Okay.

Oh, shit.

Good.

Yo, Colin!
It's that weed blogger from Depravity.

Hey, yo, shorty. What up?

Yo. I love your videos, man.
Costa Rica looks sick.

Let's go, baby! Stay up, boss.

Aight. What up? You good?

So cool that you have a fan.

Oh, yeah. I got... I got a bunch.

That's just one.

Hmm.

So, like, what are you?

Like, at Depravity? What are you?

I'm a... I'm a writer.

I started in the photo department,
but I'm transitioning.

And then I'm looking to, like, develop
my work more by, like, uh, traveling.

And maybe, like, going on
one of those writer retreats or something.

- Oh, you're going on re-treat?
- Sort of retreat.

- What?
- You're going on re-treat?

- That's tight.
- Oh, I just got invited to a re-treat.

Retreat's actually coming up next week.

I'm going to Paris for it.

Shit. That's dope.

- Hey, get pics.
- I'm gonna get lots of pics. Yeah.

♪ I'll throw 'em all up on the 'gram ♪

By the way, this was laced with mad wax.
So your tolerance must be OD as fuck.

Damn, ma.

Good luck in Paris, Jenny.
Good to meet you.

Danni.

- What's up?
- My name's Danni.

No, it's Colin.

I'll see you at work. Or I guess I won't.

Oh!

Fuck me.

Oh.

Why, Danni, why?

Why'd you do that?

Okay, crazy bitch.

Paris. Paris, Paris, Paris.

All right. How much are you, Paris?

Shit.

What do you think?

Should we call Mommy and Daddy?

See if they'll buy us a ticket?
Will they know that we're on drugs?

Just kidding.
I know that you're not on drugs.

Guinea Weasley,

you're a fucking genius.

Hello?

Susan. Hi. Danni. I had a question.

If a really big opportunity came up,

would there be a way
to get some time off work?

- Absolutely not.
- Amazing. Thank you. Bye.

Hey, Mom.

- Guess what?
- What?

I got invited to a writers' retreat
in Paris.

- Really?
- Yes, really.

It's not a scam?

No, it's not a scam.

It has a website.

Hey, guys. Crazy plot twist.

I got an e-mail today inviting me
to go on this retreat in Paris.

I'm on my way to the airport.

So for this very chic beauty look,
we're gonna be taking this concealer.

And we go dot, dot, dot.

And dot there.

The next weekend,
I did step up my outfit game a little

because it was time to head to Paris

and mispronounce
the names of all the pastries.

I'm gonna stress-eat my croissant
a little bit

to ease the discomfort
of vlogging in public.

I'm getting dressed for a date.
A first date in fact. Now my...

Oh, my God.

…whether I look like I'm trying too hard
or don't try hard enough.

Like, trying to find
the fucking effortless sexy balance

that is always impossible to find.

I thought it would be easier
since I only have about 40 items…

Okay.

But somehow, I have…

3:00 a. m. That's 9:00 a. m. Paris time.
I'll post…

Clothes are everywhere.
I've only tried about every…

Starting my morning right.

Now, where is my baguette?

…very, like, French-maid-chic.

It feels like a little bit more
of a classic first date outfit though.

Usually with a bit of an open neckline,
so that when you're chatting...

Shit.

Okay.

We have some breaking news at this hour.

A string of coordinated terrorist attacks
struck Paris this morning at 9:13 a. m.,

targeting landmarks across the city.

The bombings hit the Louvre,
the Champs-Élysées,

the Centre Pompidou
and the Arc de Triomphe.

Oh, fuck.

Hi, Mom. Hi, Mom.

Oh, my God. Danni?

- Yeah.
- Honey, she's okay!

- I'm okay.
- What happened? Where have you been?

- We have been calling for hours.
- No... I'm fine. I'm okay.

- Thank God.
- Where are you?

Yeah, no, I'm... I'm not actually...

- When can she come home?
- It's a long story. But... What?

Are you able to leave?

- I could call our travel agent...
- No, no, no. I'm... I'm not…

Harold, call your mother.
She keeps trying this line.

- I told her to call my cell.
- Grandma knows?

Magdalena called.
You remember, your old nanny?

- She follows you on the Instagram...
- Okay, I just need to... Shi...

- Oh, my God. What now?
- Ow!

- Are you okay?
- Are you all right?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Danni!
- Yeah. Hi. I'm fine. I gotta go. Okay?

Danni!

…but neither agency is reporting

an official statement at this hour.

So far, no terrorist organization has
claimed responsibility for the attacks.

However, multiple witnesses have reported
seeing this suspicious individual,

although officials have not
identified a suspect at this hour.

Just tell them you fucked up.
You just tell them you fucked up.

Oh, my God. Come on, you fucking idiot.

So many.

Really hope you're okay.

I'm okay and safe. Period.

I don't have reliable service yet,

but please know, I am all right.
Exclamation mark.

Devastated for those who are not.
Broken heart emoji.

Air France flight 2677 now arriving.

Here they come.

Sir. Were you there at the Arc?
Do you think this was an act of terrorism?

Did you experience any of the attacks?

We are live here
at the International Arrival gate at JFK.

The flight from Paris just got in.

Danni?

- Danni. Oh, my God. Honey.
- Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Oh, God.

You okay, Daddy?

Here you go.

Just the way you like it
with the mini marshmallows.

Wow. Thank you.

You need to get that trauma
out of your muscles before it sticks.

So, I'm booking you a massage
with Greta for tomorrow.

And I want you
to start taking these new supplements.

Harold, pull it together.

We could've lost her. Little baby girl.

Sweetie, have you eaten yet?
Did they feed you on the plane?

Not really.

Maybe we could order Momofuku?

Oh, of course.

Harold, do you have
that, uh, app thing for the food?

Seamless? Grubhub?

I just can't believe
you posted that photograph

five minutes before the bombs hit.

I mean,
what if it had been five minutes later?

Could you even imagine?

- Oh, God.
- It's... It's a lot.

It's pretty… …unbelievable.

I was actually... I was pretty close.

So, I had just started
walking away when it...

Oh!

You saw the blast?

Yeah, I saw the... I saw the blast.

- Oh, my God.
- Are your ears okay?

My... What do you...

No ringing?

- A little.
- Harold, wha...

What's the name
of that colleague of yours? The ENT?

- Richard?
- No, no, no. Mom. They're gonna be fine.

- I'm calling Helen.
- No.

Yeah. Her husband's cousin
was at the Boston bombing.

Well, he was at least
in Boston at the time.

Actually, I think he used to go
to a support group.

That'd be good for you, emotionally.

- Peanut.
- Yeah?

Wanna make things
a little bit easier for you.

- Just any way I can.
- Thank you.

Feels like Christmas.

We might not have ever had
another Christmas together.

- I just wanted to say good night.
- Okay. Night.

Love you.

I love you too.

I know I haven't said this
as much as I should,

but I just want you to know
I'm so proud of you.

Me too, Peanut.

So…

Sweet dreams.

Dix.

Starting my morning right.
Now, where's my baguette? Baguette emoji.

Danni.

I have to be honest.
I don't even know what to say.

What?

I can't even fathom
what you've been through.

And I don't want you to feel pressure
to come back to work right away.

No, really. I wanna be here.

If you're sure, but you set the pace.

If you need to leave early,
take a mental health day,

you don't even have to ask, just go.

- I will.
- And, Danni...

I know we've had our conflicts.

And I'm so sorry
I was ever gonna fire you.

But I want you to know,

- the fact that you're standing right here…
- You were gonna fire me?

…In front of me instead of being
curled up in a ball somewhere,

mainlining gummy worms,
which is what I would have been doing,

that's incredible.

You are so strong.

Isn't she so strong, everybody?

- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

You go, girl! You go, woman.

Thank you, everyone. Thank you.

Mmm. It means the world.

Okay, good.

Let me know if there's anything else
I can do. Anything at all.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Actually.

I was thinking, um…

Maybe writing a piece about my experience,

it... it might help me
work through the pain.

Of course. Depravity would be honored
to give you a platform.

All right.

So, it was a totally normal day at first.

It was sunny. It was clear.

I was at the Arc having
a cute little, quiet morning to myself,

before I went to breakfast
with the other writers.

And I don't know.

I saw this weird guy in this big jacket.

Then suddenly,
I was hit with this feeling.

Like something horrible was gonna happen.

Oh, Jesus.

I knew I needed to leave.

So I turned around to go,
and as I was walking away,

boom!

That's when it hit.

So you're a psychic.
Like the Lady of Galadhrim.

Or it was God.

Excuse me.
This is a non-denominational workspace.

Well, I didn't say which god.

- Didn't you?
- Whoa. Whoa.

My bad.
It's just my ears are still ringing.

Because of the terrorists?

Yo, Danni.

Come here for a sec.

Yes. Co... I come.

Danni, um…

We just wanted to invite you
to queer bowling.

- Aw!
- Like, if you wanted to come.

Everybody's a little bit gay. Right?

Aren't we?

I have to...

Sorry. I was just... just chatting
with my gay friends.

Wow.

I, uh… I got you this.

You know, for, like, a feel-better gift.

It's a joint.

Thank you.

I'm really glad you're not dead.

Me too.

Ha.

My name is Danni Sanders,
and on April 10th, I almost died,

but something, or someone, saved me.

Maybe it was a guardian angel,
or God, or Alan Rickman's ghost,

but I don't think that I believe
in any of that.

More likely, it was me who saved me.

Not that I believe in myself either.

But if all of this
has taught me something…

…it's that maybe I should.

Oh, my God.

This is me. Exclamation mark.

Neuf.

I will never forget what I saw that day.

What did I see that day?

Okay. Survivor of bombing.

Ew.

Oh, my God.

That's good. That's a good idea.

- Hello?
- Hey, Mom. Hi, Mom.

- How are you, Danni?
- Hi, Mom. Yeah.

- No, I just had a quick question.
- Uh-huh?

What...

Do you remember what the name
of the support group is

that Helen's husband used to go to?

…and the sounds were coming,
like, 30 seconds apart.

I'm sure it was just
a wheel on the tracks.

Everyone else was just, you know, annoyed.

I physically started shaking.

I got off the train.
I just walked uptown from Canal.

I mean, I felt like such an idiot.
And I was late.

I was not getting back on that train.

Loud noises can be very triggering.

I think a lot of us struggled with that.

I make my kids mute
the TV when they're gaming.

They hate it.
But I can't get any work done

when I'm hearing gunfire
or... or explosions.

You let your kids play those?

You don't think that's normalizing
a culture that glorifies gun violence?

Okay, why don't we all just take a second

and welcome our new addition.

Hi.

Hi.

- What's your name?
- Danni.

I was in Paris last week
when the bombings hit at the Arc.

Oh. I am so sorry. Do you...

Do you wanna share anything about how
you're... you're feeling, or your thoughts?

Oh.

I was just hoping to listen today.

Of course. Of course, Danni.
In your own time.

We're all survivors here.

Charles, why don't you speak for a bit?

Charles is one of our newer members.

He just returned from the UK.

He's also a bombing survivor.

He was at the Ariana Grande concert.

Look, it's not easy…

okay?

I mean, it's been years for me,

and I still have to talk
about it every week.

I'm sorry. That's not comforting. Um…

It's not like...

Your life doesn't end. Okay?

I know that it probably feels
like that right now.

It's just…

Everything changes colors.

Yes. That's... Exactly.

I never would have thought
to put it like that.

What is it for you?

Maybe purple.

What's yours?

Red.

It's like everything is red forever.

And on one hand,
it's really vivid and intense.

But on the other,
everything feels completely…

monochrome.

You relate to that, Danni?

I just...

Sort of understand the monochrome bit.

That's how everything is for me too.
But mine's like…

gray all the time.

And how does it feel
when the world looks that way to you?

I don't know.

Doesn't really feel like anything.

Just sort of numb.

Ugh.

See you next week.

Yeah. I will 100% be back.

Rowan, I am so sorry to do this to you,

but my daughter is such
a huge fan of yours.

Would you mind taking a quick photo
with me for her?

- Yeah, of course.
- Thanks. I really appreciate it.

Where's my ChapStick? Maybe I dropped it.

Oh!

You guys almost forgot this last chair.

- Here.
- Oh, you're so sweet.

So, um…

I'm Danni, by the way. Danni Sanders.

- Rowan. Welcome to group.
- Thanks.

Thanks for sharing today.
I know the first meeting can be hard.

Do you guys do, like,
post-group coffee or…

Actually I have to run
to this school rehearsal thing.

- No worries, no worries.
- Next time.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.

Maybe we can swap Insta handles
or numbers?

Sure. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah.

Here. Just text me anytime, okay?

Oh, thank you.

Bye. I'll talk to you later.

- See ya, Charles.
- See ya.

I'm actually free right now
if you wanna go grab that coffee.

Oh, gosh.

I forgot I have this thing
that I have to do. So…

Yeah. Okay.

Cool. Hey, did you want my Insta handle?

Uh…

It's "godisawomanmann."
Two Ns. "Godisawomanmann."

Okay.

Today we're talking about Rowan Aldren,

a teen gun-safety activist,
poet and social influencer.

After surviving the Oak Valley
school shooting in North Carolina,

Rowan came to New York to partner
with the We've Had Enough organization

to begin her fight for gun reform.
Here's a look.

Two miles.

You can be two miles from a gunshot
and still hear it.

That day,
even if you were nowhere near it,

I swear, you heard those bullets
loud enough to fear 'em.

Two miles.

But the 23 at my school
carried much farther.

Maybe that's just how it sounds
when a child dies a martyr.

And yet, it was quiet.

Quieter than it should have been.

We needed a riot
and all we got was a funeral hymn.

And someone saying, "Hey,
couldn't one of you have tackled him?"

Two miles. And yet not a word.

I look up at the people in power
and ask how thick are your walls

that you can't hear what I heard?

Well, here, behind our walls,
our lives were taken turn by turn.

Have we earned your sympathy yet, sir?

There is more than one person at fault
for what happened to us.

There is more than one person
who pulled the trigger on that gun.

And I have had enough.

Enough pain. Enough corruption.

Enough death. Enough destruction.

Enough sleepless nights,
still watching my friends die.

Enough of listening
to our politicians lie.

Enough!

Hey.

- Hey.
- That is such a cute hairpin. I'm dead.

- Oh, thank you. I made it myself.
- Cool.

- So... No, you.
- So...

I was just gonna say thank you
for meeting me.

Yeah, of course. Of course.

How are you... How are you doing?

I'm good. Yeah.

- I mean, I'm managing, I guess. Yeah. But…
- Yes.

Do you have family around?
You know, like, in New York?

Yeah. My dad cries
whenever he sees me now though.

And my mom keeps shipping me

wellness supplements
that she reads about on goop.

Okay, um, well, what about your friends?

I mean, I'm seeing you, right?

Right.

So, you know…

Hey, are you... are you cool
if we, maybe, walk somewhere?

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

That's a good idea.

I'm glad you reached out.

It's gonna be great to have someone
in group who's not, like, 50.

Oh, that's... No, I'm...
I don't think I'll...

That was just, like,
a onetime thing for me. But...

The support group? Why?

I don't know.
Therapy never really worked for me.

It's not therapy, okay?
It's better. It's... It's family.

Besides, I mean, who's gonna help me
explain TikTok references to the boomers?

Is TikTok a... Is it a topic
that comes up a lot in meetings?

Oh, you would be surprised.

So, listen. I was kinda hoping I might
be able to get your advice on something.

Full disclosure, I stalked you online.

That poetry you do, it's crazy.
It sounds just like Hamilton.

Yeah, it's... it's called spoken word.

Cool, cool, cool. I'm a writer too.

Oh, cool.

Yeah. And I actually have
this article due right now

for the magazine that I'm working at.

And I feel really stuck.

Like, I just...

I don't know if you could
give me any tips, or…

It's about what happened?

And I brought my laptop.

I don't know. We could hole up
at one of those little writer-y cafés.

You could be my coach.

- Sure.
- Thank you. Okay.

You know, actually,
I wanted to take you here first.

I think it could be super helpful.

Before you write, you have to deal with
why you're feeling stuck.

- Oh, okay, so... And then we'll go write?
- Yeah. Come on.

Okay.

What is this place?

How do you feel about breaking things?

Fuck the Senate for not passing
that background check bill last week.

Now you try.

Oh. Um…

Okay.

Fuck the bombing in Paris.

No, you're not mad enough, okay?
You have to feel it.

Okay. What if I don't...
What if I don't feel angry?

All right, then what do you feel?

Well, I don't know.

Numb.

Still numb.

Use that. Smash the numbness.

Smash the numbness.

Good. Again.

Yes. Okay, you feel that?
Keep going. Let it out!

That's it. Let it out.
Yell if you want to.

Fuck you.

Look, what you asked before...
That is how I write.

You have to attack it.

That is what's gonna make
people pay attention. Okay?

No more scrolling past headlines.
No more distractions.

We do that with our truth.

If you're not okay, that's okay.

You know as... as fucked up as it sounds,

your pain is your biggest asset.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Okay.

I'll never forget what I saw that day.

But the truth is,
you don't need to hear it.

All you need to know is…

I am not okay.

What happened in Paris changed me.

But what I've realized since
is that my pain can actually be an asset.

It can stop you all
from scrolling past headlines,

distracting yourselves with baby goats
and SHEIN ads and ASMR videos.

It can make you pay attention

and, in turn, truly ask yourselves,
"Am I okay?"

Am I okay?

Now, my own sadness, my anger...
They may stem from something

more traumatic
than you'll ever experience,

but that doesn't mean
your pain isn't just as real.

Yo.

It doesn't mean
you're not waking up every day

feeling numb and useless and alone.

I think a lot of us are.

So I wanna invite you.

Take this opportunity to share your truth,
share your pain.

You've got nothing to lose
and everything to gain.

Let's make the world wake up

and pay attention
to the fact that we're all hurting,

and it's time to stop being so afraid.

We stan a fearless queen.

- Hey, Danni. Booch?
- Sure.

Oh, my God. Cheers.

Cheers.

So as BLM and MeToo came before us,

let us usher in a new era of honesty
on the Internet. #IAmNotOkay.

This is a lockdown drill.

All students and teachers
please follow lockdown procedure.

Here's the article.
It would mean a lot if you reposted.

Couldn't have written it without you.

Dancing girls emoji,
sparkling heart emoji.

Congrats, @TheDanniSanders.

If you haven't read her article yet,
it's up on Depravity right now.

#IAmNotOkay.

I feel empty all the time.

I can't sleep
because our planet is fucked.

- I am not okay.
- I am not okay.

I am not okay.

We are not okay.

#IAmNotOkay.

Danni, you had a big week.

Do you wanna talk a little

about how it felt
to publish such a personal piece?

Uh…

Honestly…

it's been amazing.

It's just so freeing
to finally admit that I am not okay.

And it's so crazy
to see all these celebrities

using my hashtag
to talk about their trauma.

Did you see Kendall Jenner's post?

- You did?
- Oh, yeah.

I had no idea
that she was so discriminated against.

You always hear these horror stories

of people in the spotlight
getting all this hate, but I don't know.

Doesn't seem to be happening to me.

Well,
you should still be prepared if it does.

I think what Rowan is trying to say is,

some people on the Internet just
aren't as nice as we'd like them to be.

I think I can handle, like,
one troll on Twitter.

I've been through a lot worse, right?

Right. Yeah, of course.

So, wait. Did I hear you guys were doing,
like, a kickball game on Saturday?

Yeah. It's kind of the best time.
You should come.

Yeah, sure. I'm down.

You know, I owe you a major,
major thank you for posting my article.

You're one of the main reasons
that it blew up.

I mean, you and Kendall.

No, I'm... I'm happy to help.

And listen, I didn't... I didn't mean
to sound pessimistic or anything in group.

- I just... I...
- Oh, no.

I know the Internet likes
to turn victims into villains sometimes.

And I am an expert at blocking,
so I am here if you need me.

Thank you.

So, what are these mysterious rehearsals
you're always walking to?

Oh, uh, this thing called Act Up
at my school.

It's, um...

Well, they call it a talent show
for the most talented kids in New York.

No pressure or anything.

No pressure? Rowan,
you're literally the most talented person

- that I have ever met in my entire... Yes.
- Oh, my God. No.

- What do you mean, "no"?
- It's a lot to juggle, okay?

It's... I've got another rally
coming up next week,

- and I always get so anxious.
- Really?

I have really bad stage fright.

- I don't believe that.
- No, I do.

I mean, back at Oak Valley,
Cora, my sister...

She literally had to, like,
hype me up before every book report.

That's cute.

Yeah. She would, like,
blast cheesy oldies music in her car.

- Like, dad tunes?
- Yeah. Like, Avril Lavigne.

Did you just say
that Avril Lavigne is oldies?

I can't. I didn't know you had a sister.

- She older or younger?
- I'm right here.

She's... She's older.

You're so lucky.

I've always wanted a sister.
Being an only child is so boring.

Does she, like, sneak you beers
and all that fun stuff?

Uh, no. Actually, she's, um…

She... She died in the shooting.

Shit.

I'm gonna... I'll see you later.

Sept.

Our most popular article
in two and a half years.

Covered in The Cut, Refinery29,
BuzzFeed, and trending on Twitter,

all because of you, Danni.

- Damn.
- You can clap.

That's an appropriate response.

Thanks, everyone.

Knock, knock.

Who's there? It's me.

Um, I just wanted to say that, um,
your article gave me the courage

to finally speak up to my DnD Discord.

I told them about my trypophobia.

It means I have a fear of small holes.

Um, like this cookie is terrifying to me,

but you've given me the strength
to eat the cookie.

Hey. Yo, Kevin.
Mind if I steal Danni for a sec?

It's Kelvin. It's like the base unit
of thermodynamic temperature.

- Hey, whatever. So, uh...
- Hi, Colin.

Shout-out from Rowan Aldren, huh? Damn.

- She's famous as fuck.
- Is she?

She's just Rowan to me.

We met in our support group, so…

All right, so listen. This...

I got this event this weekend.
It's like a party.

Influencer stuff. Saturday night.

I can get you on that list.
But you wanna come through?

Yes.

- Yeah?
- Yeah, I mean, if I can...

If you can get...
If you can get me on that list.

Yeah, I'll get you on that.

I'll send you the deets.
DM me your number.

- Okay.
- All right, late.

Bye.

So, I guess
you're officially a writer now.

Hmm, I guess so.

Did I, uh, hear you're getting an office?

Well, Susan just told me. Crazy, right?

- That is... That is crazy.
- Let me go talk to her.

You know, I meant to ask you.

What was the name of that retreat
that you went on?

L'Esprit Nouveau.

Cool. Where'd you hear about it?
I've been looking for journalism programs.

I just haven't really found one
that's right for me.

I read this article. It was like,
I don't know, I can't remember exactly,

"Top Ten Famous Writers' Retreats"
or something, you know.

- Well, yeah. Super easy.
- Yeah.

It was honestly so beautiful.
So, so beautiful.

Before, you know, it all went down.

Right, right.

Toured this gorgeous cathedral...

Oh, nice. Which one?

Which cathedral?

Notre-Dame.

Interesting.

Six.

Anyway,

it... it was obviously
a really awesome opportunity,

but mainly I'm just so happy to be alive.

Hmm.

I'm gonna... I gotta... Do one…

- Yeah.
- …thing.

Notre-Dame.

♪ Fuck you ♪

♪ And you, and you ♪

♪ I hate your friends
And they hate me too ♪

♪ I'm through ♪

♪ I'm through ♪

What's your name?

Um… Danni.

- Danni what?
- Um…

Danni Sanders.

Oh, my God. Of course.

You're the girl from the Paris attacks.

- #IAmNotOkay.
- Mm-hmm.

- Come in, girl.
- Thank you.

♪ I swear she had a man ♪

♪ But shit hit different
When it's Thursday night ♪

♪ That college dropout music ♪

♪ Every day leg day
She be too thick ♪

♪ And my friends are all annoying ♪

♪ But we go dumb
Yeah, we go stupid ♪

♪ This that 10K on… ♪

Danni.

Yo, give me a hug.

- Danni Sanders?
- Hey, you smell nice.

- What?
- Bonsoir.

- Oh, hi.
- Look at you.

We have a photo opportunity
right over here.

- Cool.
- Hey, let's get a pic.

- Yes!
- Come on.

Cool.

Y'all, this is Danni Sanders.
She was in the Paris attacks, yo.

Hi, Danni Sanders.

Ooh.

Let's not forget the signature red beret.

Get one with the beret.

Here.

All the way in?

That's it. Smile.

I wanted to ask you, actually.

Snapchat is thinking of
doing a beret filter,

you know, to honor everyone lost in Paris.

Can we reach out to you about a collab?

- Yeah.
- Amazing. I'll have them DM.

And don't forget a gift bag.

- Oh, okay.
- Au revoir.

- Thank you. Bye.
- Bye.

- Are these free or…
- Yeah, fuck yeah.

Take as many as you want.
No one gives a shit.

Take, like, ten.

Okay.

Hey, bartender.

Can we get two tequila shots, please?
You got Kendall Jenner's brand?

Dope.

- This is crazy.
- Yeah.

Yeah, you get used to it.

What you got now, like, 20K followers?

Uh, 32K, actually.

Shit. Okay.

Hey, cheers to that.

- Thanks.
- Yeah.

Cheers.

Fuck. Yo.

I just realized, like,
I never even asked you if you were okay.

- What?
- Are you okay?

Yeah.

- Why?
- 'Cause, like,

if what happened to you ever happened
to me, I don't think I'd ever be okay.

Right now I'm okay.

I just wanted you to know, like…
if you weren't…

I'd, like, be there, you know.

Do these fucking shots, yo!

Ah-ha!

- Hey, do the arm thing.
- What's the arm thing?

- The arm thing. Like this.
- Oh, that arm thing.

Yeah.

Hey, fuck terrorists!

Say it. Come on.

Fuck terrorists!

- Yeah, fuck terrorists, yo!
- Fuck terrorists!

The fuck you even doing, huh?

Cinq.

Is there somewhere else we can go?

You read my mind.

That's it.

Shit's like double knotted.

- What the fuck is that?
- They're bike shorts.

- All right, I guess.
- Maybe I should just get 'em off.

Okay.

Ow.

Fuck. You're so tight.

Jesus.

Who's my damaged little girl, huh?

You're damaged?

Don't worry, I'ma protect you.

I ain't gonna let anything bad
happen to you now.

You're so fucking helpless.
Yeah, you're so fucking helpless.

Did you just come in me?

Hey, what's good? It's your boy, Colin.
You know I got the honeys on me.

We had a time, about to roll out.
You know we headed to LAVO.

Lick my face, girl.

This is going great, clearly.

What's so different about that?

Hey, guys!

- Danni!
- Hey. Oh, my God.

- You made it.
- I made it!

- You look, uh…
- A tad overdressed?

- Do you want a T-shirt?
- Yes, please.

- Do you have an extra one?
- Charles made them.

- Cute.
- Hey!

- Welcome to the league.
- Thanks!

Just like softball only less dangerous.

Yay!

- You look amazing.
- I look... You want to...

You want the look
to get even more elevated?

- Yeah. How are you...
- Are you ready?

You didn't think it could get better.
Whoa!

- Oh, yes. The bike shorts.
- The power of the bike shorts.

Come on,
we're gonna start a new game.

Okay, coming!

All right, dibs on you for my team.

Really, are you sure about that?
I'm not so good with the sports thing.

♪ Dee B got that heat ♪

♪ You got that heat
You got that heat ♪

♪ I don't wanna be on the ground
When the time flies ♪

♪ Had so many friends goin',
"Wonder when it's my time" ♪

♪ I live every day like
I'll die by the nighttime ♪

♪ It took me so long
Gettin' back to my right mind ♪

♪ Five days straight, no rest
Oh, well ♪

♪ Eyeball a bitch, don't need no scale ♪

♪ I've been on my shit
I don't need no help ♪

♪ Always gettin' money
Rain, snow, sleet, hail ♪

♪ I never used to think
I'd be on magazine covers ♪

♪ They keep on trying to find new ways
To push my buttons ♪

♪ I came out of the jungle
Where it rain and it thunder ♪

♪ But I bring the heat like the summer ♪

♪ I don't wanna be on the ground
When the time flies ♪

♪ Had so many friends goin',
"Wonder when it's my time" ♪

♪ I live every day like
I'll die by the nighttime ♪

♪ It took me so long
Getting back to my right mind ♪

I'm really, really glad
that I came out tonight.

I thought that group was going
to be, like, depressing.

- Mmm.
- It's actually really fun.

We try our best.

I don't know. Being with you guys
makes me realize what good people are.

You're a good person too.

Thank you.

Bleurgh.

- What is that?
- I don't know.

I keep trying to like beer,
and I just don't like beer.

I hate it, actually.

- Can I try some?
- Oh, I pitched it really well.

You want to try it, you rebellious teen?

Oh, my God. It's just a sip.

Yeah.
No, I think it's pretty good, actually.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- Okay, no.
- Whoa!

Hey.

We're having fun...
We're not having too much fun.

- Really?
- Yeah. Just the right amount of fun.

Oh, my God. You sound just like my sister.

You don't have to talk about it.

No, no. I, um…

I want to, I... I do. It's…

It's nice.
I... I wish I could do it more often.

It's just…

You know,
not a lot of people know she exists.

I don't...
I don't talk about her in my speeches.

I mean, I wish I could, but, uh…

Well…

Do you want to do something fun next week?

Um…

Maybe, I don't, um... I...

I have a lot of prep stuff to do
for the "We've Had Enough" rally. I...

God, I haven't even started working
on what I'm going to say yet, so…

Do you want me to help you?

Do you want me to help you write it?

People online keep saying
that we have super similar voices.

And we could even, like,
perform it together.

Uh…

- What?
- Yeah.

- Yeah?
- Yeah, I mean…

I've never really performed
with anyone else before,

but, I don't know,
it could be kind of fun. I...

Could be really fun.

We'd be leading a revolution
together like Katniss and Rue.

- It'll be fun though, right?
- Yeah, it...

It would be nice to not be alone up there.

Yeah.

I got your back, sis.

Rowan!

That would be my ride, so…

Oh.

All right. I'll see you.

And get home safe.

Quatre.

Here. For you.

What the fuck am I supposed to do with...

♪ It's a mood ♪

We are here with Danni Sanders,
the girl of the moment,

who rose to Internet fame
after surviving the Paris bombings.

You know her as the girl
behind the hashtag, "I Am Not Okay."

But, girl. Right now, can I just say,
you look more than okay.

Are we getting a shot of this fit?

So, you and your new bestie Rowan Aldren,

you've been blowing up our Insta feeds.

I mean, speaking of bombings, okay.

So, what are you two up to lately?
I know that you've both posted

about this "We've Had Enough" rally
that you're going to be speaking at.

That's right.

Enough is an incredible organization,

and I'm so, so thankful to Rowan
for introducing me to it.

She's been such an amazing guide
into my new identity as an activist.

One second.

There is so much to learn,
and it's just such an important cause...

- And I have to stop you right there.
- Okay.

I'm so sorry,
that's all the time that we have.

'Cause next up, Danni and I,
we're doing goat yoga.

- Harper, hi.
- Hi.

Susan wants you to punch up my RBG article

to give it, and I quote,
"more viral potential."

- Hmm.
- That's the latest draft.

All righty.
Thank you so much for bringing this over.

How? Hmm.

Yeah, it's just gonna need a little work.

But I probably won't be able to get to it
till next week. I'm heading out right now.

You taking another mental health day?

No, I'm not taking
another mental health day.

I'm going to the "We've Had Enough" rally,
actually. Have you heard of it?

- Yeah.
- Yeah. That's where I'm going.

You know, Harper, you could probably
get your own office too

if you worked on that positivity a little.

Hey, there's my girl.

- Hey, you want to chill later?
- No.

- What about tomorrow?
- No.

What about, like, uh...
Like next Wednesday or something?

I'm just busy.

Yeah, I'm busy trying to make the world
a better place, Colin.

- Yeah.
- I see what you're doing.

It's like a...
Like a hard-to-get kind of thing.

- I'm gonna go now.
- Okay, you go.

Go. You follow your dreams.

- I'll see you later.
- No, you won't.

Bitches, am I right?

Damn, she still got that backside
on her though.

Got that thickie. That fatty, right?

Colin, you're from Maine.

Okay. Cool, Harper. Great.

We all know information about each other.

I still got bars.

I still got bars for days, bro.

You know, we chose goat yoga

because you're the greatest of all time.

I sit on my throne.
Is that a pizza? That's a calzone.

Hey.

Look, I know it's, like, so embarrassing.

No, it's fucking cool.

- Thank you.
- Come on.

Hey, Linda.
I didn't know you were speaking today.

Oh, I... I'm not.

So, plot twist. Linda's actually my mom.

For real?

But I thought you... you were a survivor?

I am. I worked at Rowan's old school
in the front office.

Fuck. Oh, shit. I mean...

Oh. No, it's fine.

It's a...
It's a fuck-shit kinda thing to find out.

So, you'll be taking the girls
directly to the stage, correct?

That's right. We'll be meeting security
when we get there.

Hey. What's up? You okay?

Nervous. Told you.

Can I have the aux?

Thank you.

♪ 'Cause life's like this… ♪

Avril?

For your stage fright.
Cheesy "oldies", right?

♪ Chill out, what ya yellin' for? ♪

♪ Lay back, it's all been done before ♪

♪ And if you could only let it be ♪

♪ You would see ♪

♪ I like you the way you are ♪

♪ When we're driving in your car ♪

♪ And you're… …to me ♪

- So stupid, you know?
- I know!

- Come on.
- I'm not doing that. No.

♪ Somebody else
'Round everyone else ♪

We're not...

♪ You're watchin' your back
Like you… ♪

No. Don't look at me...

You can't stop yourself.
You're going to have to join in.

♪ Look like a fool to me ♪

♪ Tell me ♪

♪ Why'd you have to go
And make things so complicated? ♪

♪ I see the way you're ♪

♪ Actin' like you're somebody else
Gets me frustrated ♪

♪ Life's like this, you ♪

♪ And you fall, and you crawl
And you break, and you take what you get ♪

♪ And you turn it into honesty ♪

♪ And promise me
I'm never gonna find you fakin' ♪

♪ No… ♪

This is far as I can go.

You're gonna be great, baby.

And you too.

I'll be watching the whole time.

- Bye.
- Bye.

The people united will never be divided!

The people united will never...

We love you, Rowan!

Danni! Danni!

Say it with me.

We've had enough.

We've had enough!

We've had enough! We've had enough!

We've had enough!

My speech here today is for Cora Aldren.

She should have been here today to watch
her little sister up on this stage.

But instead,
her life was taken by violence.

This year, there have been
over 250 mass shootings in the US alone.

Over 250!

And across the world, we have endured
countless episodes of terrorism.

But if what I witnessed in Paris
taught me any...

- Trois.
- Uh…

- You got this.
- Keep going.

- We, uh...
- Danni!

We need to... We need to work together to...

Firecrackers!

They're firecrackers!
They're firecrackers!

Fucking snowflakes!

Check it out, it's okay!

Move out, come on. Let's go.

Rowan? What's happening?

It's okay, Rowan.

Rowan, it's okay. It's just firecrackers.

Can you do something?

Rowan.

Stop taking photos!

Rowan?

Can you tell us what's happening?

Is the movement over?

Come on!

Apparently, the brand
of firecracker was "Truth Bomb."

- Gets the libs every time.
- Rowan Aldren is a pussy.

So much for "bravery."

The libtards have a leader
as weak and stupid as they are.

LOLOL. Guess we don't
even need guns to win boogaloo.

Just throw firecrackers
and the snowflakes will surrender.

Rowan Aldren clearly faked
being in a school shooting

to get attention. #fakenews #liarliar.

Hi.

Hey.

Hey.

They give you some good drugs at least?

Liquid Valium.

Brought you some hot cocoa.
I'll bring it to you.

No mini marshmallows.

- Here.
- Thanks.

Well, that was embarrassing.

Stop. It wasn't.

You don't have to... I know I fucked up.

I know no one's gonna
take me seriously anymore.

Rowan, that is... that is not true.

I am supposed to be setting an example,

but I couldn't, and I just...

I feel so weak.

And if I'm weak,
then that just weakens what I stand for.

And everything, everyone I fought for,
it just... it all...

- It falls apart.
- Ro.

God, the alt-right is gonna
crucify me for this.

Look at you.

You need to...
Remember what you said to me? You...

That the Internet loves
to turn villains into victims.

Said it the wrong way, didn't I?

Yeah. Right.

God, I don't know...

I don't know how you stayed so… strong.

But I just, like, I saw it,

and it was like I was back there again,
and I...

Un.

Just coming to check your vitals.

Right, I'll let you guys…

- Oh, you're welcome to stay.
- No, no.

You should get some rest.

I'll see you later.

Danni?

I just want to thank you
for being there today.

Coming here.

I mean, honestly,
you're probably one of the only people

that really gets what she's been through.

Well…

I...

Uh, I don't, um… I have to go.

Okay.

Yeah, my phone. I have to charge my phone.

And I have to feed my guinea...
My guinea pig.

Okay.
So, I have to leave, like, right now.

Like, big rush, but, um…

But... Bye.

Don't look at me like that.

Dix.

Neuf.

Huit.

Sept.

Six.

Cinq.

Quatre.

Trois.

Deux. Un.

♪ Dix, neuf, huit, sept, six, cinq
Quatre, trois, deux, un ♪

♪ Neuf, huit, sept… ♪

Rowan! Rowan, no, no! No!

This is all your fault!

Stop!

- Your fault, Danni!
- This is your fault!

Your fault, Danni, this is all your fault!

- Hello.
- It's Harper.

Who?

Harper, from work. Can I come up?

Uh, yeah.

Uh, yeah. One sec.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Hey.

What's up?

Harper?

We need to talk.

Okay, about what?

About Paris.

I don't...
I don't know what you're talking about.

Remember your first day back at work?

You talked about how sunny and clear
it was all morning before the bombings.

Well, I remembered reading
it was raining right before the attacks.

That's weird, right?

But I thought, "Hey, you know what?"

She's confused.
She's been through a lot. It happens."

Then, at that party,

you know the one
for your brilliant article,

you said you went and toured Notre-Dame.

Which I found odd,

considering it's been closed to the public
since half of it burned down.

Okay.

So, I decided to look up
this retreat, L'Esprit Nouveau.

Other than one website,
doesn't really seem to exist.

And when I Googled
all the names on the list,

not a single one turned up anything
about writing, except yours.

I mean, God,
does nobody fact-check anything anymore?

Okay. If you just give me...

Uh, no. I'm not done.

See, I had my suspicions.

But I didn't have proof. Until I saw this.

You went through my computer?
Why would you do that?

You know what? Because I didn't like you.
I never trusted you.

The way you acted when you came back
from Paris was sus as hell.

And yeah, I was probably jealous
that you got an office.

But you know what I didn't do?

Lie about being in a fucking
terrorist attack to get one for myself.

I didn't know. How was I supposed to know
that there was going to be a...

I just was lying about a trip,
that was it, to get Colin's attention.

So what? You thought this was better

than admitting you lied
in a couple of Instagram stories?

I don't know. I don't know. I just...
Harper, I'm a different person now.

Please. Please, just... What do you want?

Do you want money? I can find you money.
My parents have a lot of connections.

My mom can get you into Soho House,
the one in Malibu.

People died, Danni!

Do you get that? People died.

I know.

I'm gonna give you two options here.

You can either wait for me
to write an article exposing you,

which would be really good for my career…

or I will give you the opportunity
to tell everyone yourself.

I don't...

You have until Monday
to make your decision.

Oh, and by the way,

whichever one you pick,

you owe Rowan Aldren a fucking apology.

Fuck.

Fuck.

I can't.

I want to start off by saying

there's nothing that will make
what I'm about to tell you okay.

Two months ago, I informed you all

that I had been selected
for a writers' retreat in Paris.

I lied.

I never went to Paris.

I stayed home and faked photos
to make it look like I did.

All to impress a guy.

Fuck.

I was under the influence of marijuana
at the time that I concocted this idea,

which contributed
to my poor decision-making.

But still, I am taking full responsibility
for my actions.

I recognize now that this decision
was a product of my loneliness

and desire to find meaning in my life.

And also my depression.

I deeply regret my actions,
and I'm committing myself to change.

I feel that coming clean now
is the first step towards that change.

And Rowan...

I promise you, I will do better.

Okay.

Ro, you're trending.

This is so fucked up. Isn't it, Kevin?

White women.

We did... We did a round of fact-checking.

She made a fucking website.

Where is she?

- No, I know...
- Do not touch me right now!

You have no idea!
You didn't tell me!

I had to find out
from a fucking Depravity article, Danni!

Just give me one minute! I know! I know!

And I made a mistake! And I just...
I feel bad because you're my best friend!

You have to go. No, Danni.

Listen to me for one minute.

No. You have to go. You have to go.

Just go.

Oh, shit.

What I miss?

♪ Why does the sun go on shining? ♪

♪ Why does the sea… ♪

Danni Sanders
might actually be the worst person

we've ever covered on this show,
and we covered Hitler.

…acting like she was the victim.

I think that
that turned a lot of people off to her.

But I'm really not trying
to get mistaken for Danni Sanders.

I'm not gonna go that far. It's a fine.

Not for me. I own guns.

You wanna be everywhere?
Try being in an obituary.

Danni Sanders,
you don't seem to know where you're at.

But you know, I know where you're at.

- Is that your address?
- That look familiar?

I'm pretty sure that's your address.

3824 Linden Street.

You're here, ha-ha!

Yo, any serial killers wanna do
a little practice run. There's your place.

If I was you, I would not want
that information out. That sucks.

- Oh, no.
- That sucks.

No one loves you, Danni. Fuck you!

♪ It ended when I lost your love ♪

♪ I wake up in the morning and I wonder ♪

♪ Why everything's the same as it was… ♪

Danni?

No, no, no. Look at this. Hmm?

Six years in Afghanistan.
You want to talk about fucking trauma?

Huh? Trauma! That's...

Bitch!

All right, Guinea Weasley.
This is gonna be our new home for a while.

What are you gonna do?

How are you ever gonna be able
to get another job?

Or find a husband.

- Or get approved by a co-op board?
- I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know.

Your father is getting death threats
sent to his work.

They're accusing us of being in on it.

Yeah, I know.

I just... I can't.

Okay, I... Me...

Can I have a cup of hot cocoa?

Please?

♪ Why does my heart go on beating? ♪

♪ Why do these eyes of mine cry? ♪

♪ Don't they know ♪

♪ It's the end of the world? ♪

♪ It ended when you said ♪

♪ Goodbye ♪

Hi. I'm Danni.

It has been a little over a month.

And it's like I still don't know
where to start.

Sometimes a good place to start
can be with a little self-reflection.

You know, speak on the new perspective
that you've gained from this experience.

Right, yeah. I...

I guess... what I've learned
from this experience is that…

I…

I don't think
that I like myself very much.

Mm-hmm.

I'm not sure that I ever really have.

Which is funny.
Like, considering my life...

Oh, my God.
My life before this, it was so easy.

So easy.

No one stared at me in the street.

No one doxed me on Twitter. No one...

No one gave a shit.

Yeah.

Which is why I lied.

And now…

Now I hate myself so much more
than I did before.

So what?
Are we supposed to feel bad for you?

I mean, you're saying you've learned,

but at the end of the day,
you're a privileged white girl

who thinks she's the main character.

Quinn! What have we said
about criticizing other people…

For the mistakes
we've made ourselves.

Quinn's…

totally right.

I don't know if I've learned anything.
I don't know…

if I'm better.

I don't know if I've grown.

I don't know if I've… learned,

and... I just... I don't know. I don't know.

Have you tried making amends?

Directly to the people that you hurt.

Not like over the Internet.

Hmm.

Okay.

♪ Finale, finale, fin-ale ♪

♪ Finale, finale, fin-ale ♪

♪ Finale, finale, fin-ale ♪

♪ Finale, finale, fin-ale ♪

And up next,

we have Rowan Aldren reciting
an original spoken-word piece.

So this is a different piece than the one
I originally planned on doing.

It's a little rough, but I, um…

I think it's more fitting.

If you're not okay, that's okay.

That's advice I gave.

Six words that came out of my mouth

that on that day
you snatched up like a handout.

#IAmNotOkay.

A sentence that resonated
with a nation... No.

A generation scared to wake up
in their own nation,

determined of their own
inevitable termination.

Smart move,
turning that fear into clickbait.

But, God, I guess I am
just so used to being stolen from,

that when I read my words in your voice,
I reposted 'em.

And applauded as you boasted.

Gave you a platform
that floated you right up to the top.

And you never thought to stop?

When you looked down at the bodies
that you used as props,

when you looked into my eyes,
you just saw another voice to co-opt?

You know, for someone who's not okay,
you seem okay with quite a lot, actually.

And while I was blindsided,
why am I not surprised?

Why is a story like yours
something we read every other night?

Why do people like you get movies
on Netflix and Hulu,

and people like me get told
to sit tight and wait for change?

No, you don't know what that's like!
You can't take the mic!

This is my time slot.
One more minute, right?

I have had everything stolen from me.

Their breath, stolen.

My breath, perpetually holding, wondering
if someone near me might be holding...

I'm sorry.

Is my trauma showing?

Because I don't plan
on slowing or sitting down.

This is my time to take back the words
that you stole from my mouth.

You have never seen anything destroyed
except yourself!

And that is of your own doing.

So hell no. I am not okay.

I think about her every single day.

You know when the newspapers wrote
about my sister,

they misspelled her name?

And now you think her place
is something you can claim?

Her body is in the ground,
and you think you're the same?

I hope you realize that by doing this,
you've only given me more to say.

So maybe one day I'll forgive you…

but we will never be okay.

Yes!

Yes!

You did that. You did it.

♪ Like a dog with his tail
Between his legs ♪

♪ I sleep in the bed I know I've made ♪

♪ I knew things could get complicated ♪

♪ Oh-oh, I'm ashamed ♪

♪ I don't know her face
Or where she came from ♪

♪ I don't even know her name ♪

♪ The mirror's clean, I scream again ♪

♪ Whoa-oh, oh, I'm ashamed ♪

♪ So-whoa-whoa-whoa ♪

♪ I run ♪

♪ Can't escape the fate of judgment day ♪

♪ For the things I've done ♪

♪ This is a declaration of a fuckup ♪

♪ A product of how I was raised ♪

♪ And I don't expect a single teardrop ♪

♪ Whoa, I am ashamed ♪

♪ This is a declaration of a fuckup ♪

♪ And in the end
I don't know how to change ♪

♪ And I don't expect a single teardrop ♪

♪ Whoa, I am ashamed ♪

♪ Shot you words you don't deserve ♪

♪ Rolled through your town
And massacred ♪

♪ I wish I died a hundred times ♪

♪ Whoa-oh, oh, I'm ashamed ♪

♪ So-whoa-whoa-whoa ♪

♪ I run ♪

♪ Can't escape the fate of judgment day ♪

♪ For the things I've done ♪

♪ This is a declaration of a fuckup ♪

♪ A product of how I was raised ♪

♪ And I don't expect a single teardrop ♪

♪ Whoa, I am ashamed ♪

♪ This is a declaration of a fuckup ♪

♪ And in the end
I don't know how to change ♪

♪ And I don't expect a single teardrop ♪

♪ Whoa, I am ashamed ♪

♪ Oh, I am deranged ♪

♪ Oh, I am insane ♪

♪ Oh, I'm inhumane ♪

♪ Oh, I am ashamed ♪

♪ Oh, I am deranged ♪

♪ Oh, I am insane ♪

♪ Oh, I'm inhumane ♪

♪ Oh, I am ashamed ♪