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1
00:00:01,295 --> 00:00:02,695
? Men. ?
2
00:00:03,481 --> 00:00:04,507
All righty.
3
00:00:04,707 --> 00:00:05,315
Here we go.
4
00:00:05,316 --> 00:00:07,984
$ 38.41 for school pictures.
5
00:00:07,985 --> 00:00:09,202
Thanks.
6
00:00:09,737 --> 00:00:11,204
You forgot to sign it.
7
00:00:11,205 --> 00:00:12,605
No. Did I?
8
00:00:12,606 --> 00:00:14,958
Oh! Silly me.
9
00:00:14,959 --> 00:00:18,929
Um. Alan... Jerome... Harper...
10
00:00:18,930 --> 00:00:20,497
D.C.
11
00:00:20,498 --> 00:00:22,782
District of Columbia?
12
00:00:24,585 --> 00:00:27,137
Doctor of Chiropractic.
13
00:00:27,138 --> 00:00:29,723
You know, not everyone can use
those letters after his name.
14
00:00:29,724 --> 00:00:31,958
Congratulations.
Give me the check.
15
00:00:32,158 --> 00:00:34,558
-- Sync, corrected by elderman --
-- for www.addic7ed.com --
16
00:00:34,628 --> 00:00:36,062
You put the wrong date.
17
00:00:36,063 --> 00:00:37,797
Oh. Did I?
18
00:00:37,798 --> 00:00:39,266
Yeah, see? It's
for next month?
19
00:00:39,267 --> 00:00:40,800
Oh! Uh, don't worry about that,
20
00:00:40,801 --> 00:00:42,635
that's just for
bookkeeping purposes.
21
00:00:42,636 --> 00:00:44,905
This isn't going to be
like the check you gave me
22
00:00:44,906 --> 00:00:46,523
for the field trip
to Catalina, is it?
23
00:00:46,524 --> 00:00:48,692
Hey, hey, that was
the bank's mistake.
24
00:00:48,693 --> 00:00:50,810
Yeah? Well, the teacher
made me stay on the boat
25
00:00:50,811 --> 00:00:53,113
while everyone else went
swimming with dolphins.
26
00:00:53,114 --> 00:00:55,031
Dolphins carry disease, Jake.
27
00:00:55,917 --> 00:00:58,985
Alan Harper, D.I.C.
28
00:00:58,986 --> 00:01:00,653
You're welcome!
29
00:01:00,654 --> 00:01:01,788
You're cheap.
30
00:01:01,789 --> 00:01:03,323
I'm not cheap,
I'm broke!
31
00:01:03,324 --> 00:01:04,925
There's a difference.
32
00:01:04,926 --> 00:01:07,127
He was cheap long
before he was broke.
33
00:01:09,430 --> 00:01:11,548
If you knew what I'd done
on that table recently,
34
00:01:11,549 --> 00:01:14,401
you wouldn't put
your face on it.
35
00:01:16,954 --> 00:01:18,188
I don't get it, Charlie.
36
00:01:18,189 --> 00:01:20,490
I'm a good guy, I try
to do the right thing,
37
00:01:20,491 --> 00:01:22,142
and I have nothing
to show for it.
38
00:01:22,143 --> 00:01:24,344
Are you still grinding
on the fact that you
39
00:01:24,345 --> 00:01:25,612
finally met a great gal,
40
00:01:25,613 --> 00:01:26,613
moved in with her,
41
00:01:26,614 --> 00:01:28,281
had a house you
could call your own,
42
00:01:28,282 --> 00:01:30,217
then burned it down along
with all your possessions
43
00:01:30,218 --> 00:01:33,170
and watched her run off
with her ex-husband?
44
00:01:33,171 --> 00:01:36,373
Was it really necessary
to list the entire fiasco?
45
00:01:36,374 --> 00:01:40,093
I enjoy the
occasional recap.
46
00:01:40,094 --> 00:01:41,328
But look at the bright side.
47
00:01:41,329 --> 00:01:42,362
What bright side?
48
00:01:42,363 --> 00:01:44,130
I just got a big residual check,
49
00:01:44,131 --> 00:01:45,215
and I'm heading to Vegas!
50
00:01:45,216 --> 00:01:46,383
Oh, my God!
51
00:01:46,384 --> 00:01:48,718
Do you have any idea
how long it would take me
52
00:01:48,719 --> 00:01:49,970
to earn that kind of money?
53
00:01:49,971 --> 00:01:51,388
Oh, don't think like that.
54
00:01:51,389 --> 00:01:53,539
You're never going
to earn that kind of money.
55
00:01:56,043 --> 00:01:56,977
Seriously-- table.
56
00:01:56,978 --> 00:01:58,762
Oh...!
57
00:01:58,763 --> 00:02:01,882
Okay, I know I give
you a hard time,
58
00:02:01,883 --> 00:02:05,685
but it makes me feel horrible
watching you go through this.
59
00:02:05,686 --> 00:02:06,853
You know what
I'm going to do?
60
00:02:06,854 --> 00:02:08,104
What?
61
00:02:08,105 --> 00:02:09,823
Stop watching you.
62
00:02:11,525 --> 00:02:13,860
I'm starting to
feel better already.
63
00:02:15,913 --> 00:02:17,864
Table!
64
00:02:17,865 --> 00:02:20,300
? Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men ?
65
00:02:20,301 --> 00:02:22,211
? Ah. ?
? Men. ?
? Men. ?
66
00:02:22,411 --> 00:02:25,711
? Two and a Half Men 8x05 ?
The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel
Original Air Date on October 18, 2010
67
00:02:25,785 --> 00:02:27,536
? Men. ?
68
00:02:28,141 --> 00:02:29,759
Okay, I'm out of here.
69
00:02:29,824 --> 00:02:32,242
Bye.
70
00:02:32,243 --> 00:02:34,010
Oh, Zippy.
71
00:02:34,011 --> 00:02:36,329
I can't stand seeing
you like this.
72
00:02:36,330 --> 00:02:38,915
You going to
Vegas, too?
73
00:02:38,916 --> 00:02:40,617
I wish.
74
00:02:42,537 --> 00:02:46,006
You know, I've been
where you are.
75
00:02:46,007 --> 00:02:48,175
What'd you do on the table?
76
00:02:53,414 --> 00:02:56,550
No... I've been
down and out.
77
00:02:56,551 --> 00:02:57,801
I've lost everything,
78
00:02:57,802 --> 00:02:59,786
didn't know where my next
meal was coming from.
79
00:02:59,787 --> 00:03:00,937
Really?
80
00:03:00,938 --> 00:03:03,023
Felt like I was all
alone in the world.
81
00:03:03,024 --> 00:03:04,191
No friends.
82
00:03:04,192 --> 00:03:06,877
Nobody who gave a damn
whether I lived or died.
83
00:03:06,878 --> 00:03:08,311
What'd you do?
84
00:03:08,312 --> 00:03:11,681
Well, first thing I did
was pick myself up,
85
00:03:11,682 --> 00:03:15,352
dust myself off, and rat out
my ex-boyfriend to the Feds.
86
00:03:15,353 --> 00:03:17,354
You're kidding.
87
00:03:17,355 --> 00:03:19,623
Got a $2,500 reward from
88
00:03:19,624 --> 00:03:21,908
the Bureau of Alcohol,
Tobacco, and Firearms.
89
00:03:23,461 --> 00:03:26,029
Took that, and invested
it in a pallet of
90
00:03:26,030 --> 00:03:27,547
counterfeit
Jordache jeans,
91
00:03:27,548 --> 00:03:30,300
set up a booth at the
Rose Bowl swap meet.
92
00:03:30,301 --> 00:03:31,585
Made a killing.
93
00:03:31,586 --> 00:03:32,619
Really?
94
00:03:32,620 --> 00:03:34,304
Took those profits
and opened up
95
00:03:34,305 --> 00:03:36,523
a little donut shop,
across the street
96
00:03:36,524 --> 00:03:39,025
from a police station...
97
00:03:39,026 --> 00:03:40,594
Can't miss, right?
98
00:03:41,629 --> 00:03:44,797
Turns out, cops don't
like paying for donuts.
99
00:03:46,601 --> 00:03:50,187
Lost my ass.
100
00:03:50,188 --> 00:03:53,390
Had to go to work cleaning
toilets for strangers.
101
00:03:53,391 --> 00:03:55,792
What's the point
of this story?
102
00:03:55,793 --> 00:03:59,696
I just wanted you to know
I've had a colorful past.
103
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,668
Good night.
104
00:04:06,537 --> 00:04:08,488
It was a hell of a story.
105
00:04:08,489 --> 00:04:11,424
? Men. ?
106
00:04:11,425 --> 00:04:14,094
Jake, I'm going to take a nap.
107
00:05:16,224 --> 00:05:17,424
Ow.
108
00:05:30,838 --> 00:05:32,255
Oh...
109
00:05:32,256 --> 00:05:35,292
Egyptian cotton.
110
00:05:43,884 --> 00:05:46,770
Might as well take a nap
in style for a change.
111
00:05:55,596 --> 00:05:57,781
Oh, yeah.
112
00:06:00,985 --> 00:06:02,786
No wonder he can
have so much sex.
113
00:06:02,787 --> 00:06:05,872
The mattress does half the work.
114
00:06:05,873 --> 00:06:09,108
Oh, hello.
115
00:06:09,109 --> 00:06:11,878
New TV.
116
00:06:11,879 --> 00:06:13,496
Hmm, remote.
117
00:06:13,497 --> 00:06:16,733
Remote, where is
the remote?
118
00:06:21,555 --> 00:06:22,672
Poor Charlie.
119
00:06:22,673 --> 00:06:25,759
Went to Vegas
and forgot his hooker money.
120
00:06:29,513 --> 00:06:30,680
Oh, here we go.
121
00:06:43,561 --> 00:06:44,911
What the hell?
122
00:06:44,912 --> 00:06:48,264
You sick bastard.
123
00:06:48,265 --> 00:06:50,350
Oh...
124
00:06:50,351 --> 00:06:53,453
This would be terrific
with a woman.
125
00:07:05,516 --> 00:07:06,599
Ugh.
126
00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:10,303
My ass cannot be that big.
127
00:07:10,304 --> 00:07:12,505
Ugh...
128
00:07:17,194 --> 00:07:18,978
Who's your daddy?
129
00:07:19,780 --> 00:07:20,980
Who's your daddy?
130
00:07:20,981 --> 00:07:23,316
Unfortunately,
you are.
131
00:07:24,785 --> 00:07:25,852
Hey, buddy.
132
00:07:25,853 --> 00:07:27,303
Uh, what
are you doing up here?
133
00:07:27,304 --> 00:07:29,622
You're on the TV downstairs.
134
00:07:31,425 --> 00:07:34,411
Yes, well, there's a very
good explanation for that.
135
00:07:34,412 --> 00:07:35,462
I'm listening.
136
00:07:35,463 --> 00:07:36,696
It never happened.
137
00:07:37,631 --> 00:07:40,450
Understood. Daddy.
138
00:07:42,253 --> 00:07:44,254
? Men. ?
139
00:07:44,255 --> 00:07:46,756
Yeah, hi, this is Charlie Harper
in the garden suite.
140
00:07:46,757 --> 00:07:49,225
I'm going to need a couple
more pillows and some ice.
141
00:07:49,226 --> 00:07:50,427
Thank you.
142
00:07:53,898 --> 00:07:56,399
Okay, this is nice...
143
00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:58,601
quiet... private...
144
00:08:00,271 --> 00:08:01,654
Come on in.
145
00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:05,992
Mr. Harper?
146
00:08:05,993 --> 00:08:07,727
Call me Charlie.
147
00:08:07,728 --> 00:08:10,413
All right, Charlie.
148
00:08:10,414 --> 00:08:11,381
Call me Kendra.
149
00:08:11,382 --> 00:08:14,484
Can I call you Nurse Kendra?
150
00:08:14,485 --> 00:08:16,536
If you like.
151
00:08:16,537 --> 00:08:17,904
Ooh, I like.
152
00:08:19,590 --> 00:08:22,241
I gotta tell you, Nurse Kendra,
I'm a little nervous.
153
00:08:22,242 --> 00:08:23,760
I've never done anything
like this before.
154
00:08:23,761 --> 00:08:26,896
Oh! A newbie.
Well, don't worry.
155
00:08:26,897 --> 00:08:28,882
You're in good hands.
156
00:08:28,883 --> 00:08:30,133
Is it going to hurt?
157
00:08:30,134 --> 00:08:34,437
Maybe a little soreness
afterwards... some bruising...
158
00:08:34,438 --> 00:08:37,757
Well, I guess that's
what I'm paying for, right?
159
00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:40,477
Hello, Mr. Harper!
160
00:08:40,478 --> 00:08:41,978
Welcome to the
Schenkman Clinic.
161
00:08:41,979 --> 00:08:45,782
We have you down for an eye lift
and a neck tuck in the morning.
162
00:08:45,783 --> 00:08:46,866
That's correct.
163
00:08:46,867 --> 00:08:48,768
Is there anything else
you'd like done
164
00:08:48,769 --> 00:08:49,819
while you're out?
165
00:08:49,820 --> 00:08:51,237
Little lipo? Nose job?
166
00:08:51,238 --> 00:08:52,271
Penis enlargement?
167
00:08:52,272 --> 00:08:53,740
No, no. No, thanks.
168
00:08:53,741 --> 00:08:55,158
And for the record,
169
00:08:55,159 --> 00:08:57,243
I got a penis enlargement
when you walked in the room.
170
00:08:57,244 --> 00:08:59,612
Thank you.
171
00:09:00,881 --> 00:09:03,249
You have any questions?
Concerns?
172
00:09:03,250 --> 00:09:05,902
I don't think so, I just want
to make sure I look natural,
173
00:09:05,903 --> 00:09:07,253
like I haven't
had any work done.
174
00:09:07,254 --> 00:09:08,421
No. Don't you worry.
175
00:09:08,422 --> 00:09:10,122
My work is undetectable.
176
00:09:10,123 --> 00:09:12,458
In fact, you might be surprised
to learn that Kendra here
177
00:09:12,459 --> 00:09:14,894
is a 62-year-old black man.
178
00:09:17,648 --> 00:09:18,815
I'm kidding.
179
00:09:18,816 --> 00:09:22,301
But those boobs?
Those are Schenkman's.
180
00:09:22,302 --> 00:09:24,971
I'm not sure I want my eyes
to pop out like that.
181
00:09:24,972 --> 00:09:27,306
You're going to look great.
See you in the morning.
182
00:09:27,307 --> 00:09:29,642
Thank you, Doc.
183
00:09:29,643 --> 00:09:31,110
Anything else you need?
184
00:09:31,111 --> 00:09:32,779
I think I'm okay.
185
00:09:33,647 --> 00:09:34,647
Wait, wait, wait.
186
00:09:34,648 --> 00:09:35,949
There is one thing.
187
00:09:35,950 --> 00:09:38,952
No, you can't see them.
188
00:09:38,953 --> 00:09:40,319
Then I'm good.
189
00:09:42,857 --> 00:09:44,641
? Men. ?
190
00:09:45,759 --> 00:09:48,661
Jake! Your mom's here!
191
00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:55,935
Hey.
192
00:09:55,936 --> 00:09:59,138
Well, I guess it
was probably inevitable.
193
00:09:59,139 --> 00:10:00,440
What? Oh!
194
00:10:00,441 --> 00:10:01,691
Oh, the clothes.
195
00:10:01,692 --> 00:10:04,510
Well, as you know, most
of mine burned up in the fire,
196
00:10:04,511 --> 00:10:07,146
and Charlie's in Vegas,
so I figured, why not?
197
00:10:07,147 --> 00:10:09,148
Because you look like an idiot.
198
00:10:09,900 --> 00:10:10,867
Hey, Mom.
199
00:10:10,868 --> 00:10:11,901
Hi.
Bye, buddy.
200
00:10:11,902 --> 00:10:14,737
Get help.
201
00:10:17,074 --> 00:10:18,741
Wish I could afford it!
202
00:10:21,762 --> 00:10:22,912
Oh, man.
203
00:10:22,913 --> 00:10:27,250
My life is pathetic.
204
00:10:27,251 --> 00:10:29,469
On the other hand...
205
00:10:30,971 --> 00:10:33,139
Charlie's life is great.
206
00:10:34,642 --> 00:10:35,758
Bartender!
207
00:10:35,759 --> 00:10:37,477
Drinks for everybody!
208
00:10:39,346 --> 00:10:41,848
Just house brands.
209
00:10:41,849 --> 00:10:43,883
Hi. Charlie Harper.
210
00:10:43,884 --> 00:10:46,369
? Men. ?
211
00:10:47,811 --> 00:10:49,528
? Men. ?
212
00:10:49,529 --> 00:10:51,880
Wow! A house
on the beach.
213
00:10:51,881 --> 00:10:53,181
That's awesome,
Charlie.
214
00:10:53,182 --> 00:10:55,651
Well, I suppose it
must seem that way.
215
00:10:55,652 --> 00:10:57,619
I mean, you'd think
driving around town
216
00:10:57,620 --> 00:10:58,787
in a big,
brand-new Mercedes
217
00:10:58,788 --> 00:11:00,823
would also be pretty awesome.
218
00:11:00,824 --> 00:11:01,790
And-- and it is.
219
00:11:01,791 --> 00:11:04,326
Um, but, at the end
of the day,
220
00:11:04,327 --> 00:11:06,662
doesn't matter
how much stuff you have.
221
00:11:06,663 --> 00:11:08,831
What matters is
what's in here.
222
00:11:08,832 --> 00:11:11,550
Oh, what is in here?
223
00:11:11,551 --> 00:11:13,635
Oh! Pfft! More cash.
224
00:11:14,704 --> 00:11:16,305
How about that?
225
00:11:16,306 --> 00:11:19,341
And you got all that
just by writing jingles?
226
00:11:19,342 --> 00:11:21,543
I know! Not even a real job.
227
00:11:21,544 --> 00:11:24,346
What can I say? You know,
some of us are very lucky.
228
00:11:24,347 --> 00:11:28,917
Very, very...
very lucky.
229
00:11:28,918 --> 00:11:30,919
Charlie?
230
00:11:30,920 --> 00:11:33,856
Yeah.
Charlie.
231
00:11:33,857 --> 00:11:37,276
I mean, yeah!
Charlie!
232
00:11:37,277 --> 00:11:39,060
You want to get
out of here?
233
00:11:39,061 --> 00:11:40,729
Wow! Where'd
that come from?
234
00:11:40,730 --> 00:11:41,947
I thought we
were getting along.
235
00:11:41,948 --> 00:11:43,916
N-No!
236
00:11:43,917 --> 00:11:45,250
I mean together.
237
00:11:45,251 --> 00:11:46,702
Someplace quiet?
238
00:11:47,403 --> 00:11:49,254
Oh, yes, uh, yes,
by all means!
239
00:11:49,255 --> 00:11:50,506
Let's go somewhere quiet.
240
00:11:50,507 --> 00:11:53,425
Uh, bartender, thank you for
taking such good care of us.
241
00:11:53,426 --> 00:11:54,460
Here you go.
242
00:11:54,461 --> 00:11:57,045
One, two, three dollars.
243
00:11:57,046 --> 00:11:58,580
Give one of those
to the waitress.
244
00:11:58,581 --> 00:12:00,382
So, where would
you like to go?
245
00:12:00,383 --> 00:12:02,684
How about your beach house?
246
00:12:03,887 --> 00:12:05,521
Great idea!
247
00:12:05,522 --> 00:12:06,939
Yeah, why go to
Denny's or Appleby's
248
00:12:06,940 --> 00:12:08,423
when you have
your own beach house?
249
00:12:08,424 --> 00:12:12,144
Come, let us Mercedes
to the beach.
250
00:12:12,145 --> 00:12:14,646
This is so easy.
251
00:12:15,815 --> 00:12:17,432
? Men. ?
252
00:12:17,433 --> 00:12:19,618
Charlie...
253
00:12:20,436 --> 00:12:22,988
Mom?
254
00:12:25,041 --> 00:12:26,925
Sweet Jesus!
255
00:12:26,926 --> 00:12:28,210
Surprise!
256
00:12:28,211 --> 00:12:29,912
What happened to you?
257
00:12:29,913 --> 00:12:31,330
What are you doing here?
258
00:12:31,331 --> 00:12:34,616
Since I referred you to Dr.
Schenkman, he was kind enough
259
00:12:34,617 --> 00:12:36,251
to offer me a
free chemical peel.
260
00:12:36,252 --> 00:12:39,621
When this heals, I will have
the face of a 12-year-old girl.
261
00:12:39,622 --> 00:12:41,623
Yeah, but from
the neck down,
262
00:12:41,624 --> 00:12:43,625
you'll still be
an Egyptian mummy.
263
00:12:43,626 --> 00:12:45,477
Oh, hush.
264
00:12:45,478 --> 00:12:47,679
I just stopped by
to wish you luck tomorrow.
265
00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:48,680
Well, thanks.
266
00:12:48,681 --> 00:12:50,849
No, wait-- why would
I need luck?
267
00:12:50,850 --> 00:12:52,985
Oh, no reason.
268
00:12:53,853 --> 00:12:56,271
That 60 Minutes report
on Dr. Schenkman
269
00:12:56,272 --> 00:12:58,473
was entirely one-sided.
270
00:12:59,859 --> 00:13:03,078
Much like that
poor woman's vagina.
271
00:13:05,832 --> 00:13:07,032
Sleep well.
272
00:13:25,785 --> 00:13:29,888
Yeah, like I'm going
to sleep at all after that.
273
00:13:29,889 --> 00:13:31,773
? Men. ?
274
00:13:31,774 --> 00:13:35,227
Welcome to the Casa del Charlie.
275
00:13:35,228 --> 00:13:36,945
Wow.
276
00:13:36,946 --> 00:13:38,480
What a beautiful beach house.
277
00:13:38,481 --> 00:13:39,565
Yes, yes, it is.
278
00:13:39,566 --> 00:13:40,682
Beach is out there.
279
00:13:40,683 --> 00:13:43,151
And just past it,
the ocean.
280
00:13:43,152 --> 00:13:44,686
Oh.
281
00:13:44,687 --> 00:13:46,288
Keep going
and you hit Hawaii.
282
00:13:46,289 --> 00:13:47,355
Oh.
283
00:13:47,356 --> 00:13:49,024
Then Japan.
284
00:13:49,025 --> 00:13:52,744
And I guess this is where
you write all your jingles.
285
00:13:52,745 --> 00:13:54,963
Yup. This is
where the magic happens.
286
00:13:56,266 --> 00:13:57,799
Play me something.
287
00:13:59,219 --> 00:14:00,586
Oh, gosh.
288
00:14:01,888 --> 00:14:03,672
I'd rather not.
289
00:14:03,673 --> 00:14:06,041
Oh, please? For me.
290
00:14:06,843 --> 00:14:07,843
Well, if you insist.
291
00:14:21,674 --> 00:14:23,358
Ah...
292
00:14:23,359 --> 00:14:31,166
Here is a little song
you might remember by...
293
00:14:33,903 --> 00:14:36,088
...the immortal...
294
00:14:38,958 --> 00:14:40,792
...Mr. Billy Joel.
295
00:14:45,848 --> 00:14:47,916
? Harry Truman, Doris Day ?
296
00:14:47,917 --> 00:14:50,052
? Red China, Johnnie Ray ?
297
00:14:50,053 --> 00:14:53,922
? South Pacific,
Walter Winchell, Joe DiMaggio ?
298
00:14:53,923 --> 00:14:55,107
? Ho! ?
299
00:14:55,108 --> 00:14:56,858
? Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon ?
300
00:14:56,859 --> 00:14:59,094
? Studebaker, television ?
301
00:15:01,531 --> 00:15:03,699
? Marilyn Monroe ?
302
00:15:03,700 --> 00:15:06,702
? We didn't start the fire ?
303
00:15:06,703 --> 00:15:10,872
? It was always burning since
the world's been turning ?
304
00:15:10,873 --> 00:15:13,274
? We didn't start the fire ?
305
00:15:13,275 --> 00:15:17,462
? No, we didn't light it,
but we tried to fight it ?
306
00:15:17,463 --> 00:15:19,715
? We didn't start the fire! ?
307
00:15:28,207 --> 00:15:29,758
You're very talented.
308
00:15:29,759 --> 00:15:30,792
Oh, no, no, no.
309
00:15:30,793 --> 00:15:32,678
Billy Joel is very talented.
310
00:15:32,679 --> 00:15:34,646
I'm just a piano man.
311
00:15:34,647 --> 00:15:37,265
I only have one question.
What's that?
312
00:15:37,266 --> 00:15:40,235
How long are you going
to pretend to be Charlie Harper?
313
00:15:43,323 --> 00:15:45,190
? Sing us a song ?
314
00:15:45,191 --> 00:15:47,192
? You're the piano man... ?
315
00:15:47,193 --> 00:15:49,394
Oh, please... yeah,
give it a rest.
316
00:15:50,663 --> 00:15:52,147
How'd you know?
317
00:15:52,148 --> 00:15:53,915
I've been with Charlie.
318
00:15:53,916 --> 00:15:56,451
I-I've been in
this house.
319
00:15:56,452 --> 00:15:57,869
Well...
320
00:15:57,870 --> 00:16:00,038
Color me embarrassed.
321
00:16:01,207 --> 00:16:03,491
So...
322
00:16:03,492 --> 00:16:05,160
Who are you?
323
00:16:06,379 --> 00:16:07,929
All right. All right.
324
00:16:07,930 --> 00:16:10,265
Here's the truth.
325
00:16:10,266 --> 00:16:13,101
My real name is Derek.
326
00:16:15,104 --> 00:16:17,506
Brick.
327
00:16:18,641 --> 00:16:20,842
House.
328
00:16:22,145 --> 00:16:24,679
Derek Brickhouse.
329
00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:26,114
Yeah, try again.
330
00:16:26,115 --> 00:16:28,200
All right.
331
00:16:28,201 --> 00:16:30,569
My name is Alan.
I'm-I'm Charlie's brother.
332
00:16:30,570 --> 00:16:32,154
I-I live on his
fold-out couch.
333
00:16:32,155 --> 00:16:33,622
I'm-I'm sorry.
I'll drive you back.
334
00:16:33,623 --> 00:16:34,823
Hang on.
335
00:16:34,824 --> 00:16:36,458
I didn't say I
wanted to go.
336
00:16:36,459 --> 00:16:39,360
Oh, no, but I thought
it was kind of implied.
337
00:16:39,361 --> 00:16:42,297
I'm having a good
time, aren't you?
338
00:16:42,298 --> 00:16:45,417
Well, not now.
339
00:16:45,418 --> 00:16:47,669
I was.
340
00:16:47,670 --> 00:16:49,871
When I was Charlie.
341
00:16:49,872 --> 00:16:52,391
And Billy Joel.
342
00:16:52,392 --> 00:16:54,643
Who else do
you like to be?
343
00:16:54,644 --> 00:16:55,677
What do you mean?
344
00:16:55,678 --> 00:17:00,699
I think role-playing
is kind of a turn-on.
345
00:17:00,700 --> 00:17:02,150
No kidding.
346
00:17:02,151 --> 00:17:03,268
Yeah.
347
00:17:03,269 --> 00:17:05,020
That's why I came
back here with you.
348
00:17:05,021 --> 00:17:07,072
Makes some guys nervous.
349
00:17:07,073 --> 00:17:08,156
Your brother hated it.
350
00:17:08,157 --> 00:17:09,390
Well, I am not my brother.
351
00:17:10,743 --> 00:17:13,328
As you so adroitly
pointed out.
352
00:17:13,329 --> 00:17:15,363
Come on.
353
00:17:15,364 --> 00:17:16,782
Oh, boy.
354
00:17:16,783 --> 00:17:18,667
Role playing.
355
00:17:18,668 --> 00:17:20,585
Can I be the man?
356
00:17:20,586 --> 00:17:22,237
Are you serious?
357
00:17:22,238 --> 00:17:26,425
Well, I've had
a bad run lately.
358
00:17:26,426 --> 00:17:27,993
? Men. ?
359
00:17:27,994 --> 00:17:30,212
Mr. Harper.
360
00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:33,414
Mr. Harper.
361
00:17:33,415 --> 00:17:34,850
How are you feeling?
362
00:17:34,851 --> 00:17:36,885
Okay.
363
00:17:36,886 --> 00:17:38,069
How'd it go?
364
00:17:38,070 --> 00:17:40,021
It went great.
365
00:17:40,022 --> 00:17:42,691
And the doctor decided
to give you a bonus.
366
00:17:42,692 --> 00:17:44,926
Check 'em out.
367
00:17:49,065 --> 00:17:50,782
Oh, no, no.
368
00:17:50,783 --> 00:17:51,983
I didn't ask for these.
369
00:17:51,984 --> 00:17:53,268
But you haven't
even seen them yet.
370
00:17:53,269 --> 00:17:57,038
I don't want to see them.
371
00:17:57,039 --> 00:17:59,191
Hang on.
372
00:18:03,612 --> 00:18:07,916
You know, this could work.
373
00:18:15,475 --> 00:18:17,292
? Men. ?
374
00:18:17,293 --> 00:18:20,395
So, Gretchen, what exactly
was the role playing
375
00:18:20,396 --> 00:18:21,997
that freaked Charlie out
so much?
376
00:18:21,998 --> 00:18:23,732
Hang on. You'll see.
377
00:18:23,733 --> 00:18:25,767
I'm just glad you're not
as uptight as he is.
378
00:18:25,768 --> 00:18:28,770
Well, as you know, I'm
capable of bending the rules
379
00:18:28,771 --> 00:18:30,939
and going with the flow.
380
00:18:44,987 --> 00:18:47,722
What do you think,
381
00:18:47,723 --> 00:18:49,958
Schweinhund?
382
00:18:54,714 --> 00:18:58,166
Not a deal-breaker.
383
00:18:58,167 --> 00:19:00,602
? Men. ?
384
00:19:03,464 --> 00:19:05,047
? Men. ?
385
00:19:05,048 --> 00:19:06,749
Honey, I'm home.
386
00:19:06,750 --> 00:19:10,052
In the kitchen.
387
00:19:10,053 --> 00:19:12,255
Kids okay?
388
00:19:14,341 --> 00:19:16,309
How's the Beaver?
389
00:19:16,310 --> 00:19:18,644
Everybody's fine.
How's Vegas?
390
00:19:18,645 --> 00:19:20,730
You know, the usual.
391
00:19:20,731 --> 00:19:21,731
How was your weekend?
392
00:19:21,732 --> 00:19:22,982
Pretty good.
393
00:19:22,983 --> 00:19:25,184
I met a girl.
394
00:19:31,275 --> 00:19:33,576
Did her name happen
to be Gretchen?
395
00:19:33,577 --> 00:19:35,445
Jawohl.
396
00:19:38,749 --> 00:19:40,416
That's indelible marker,
you know.
I know.
397
00:19:40,417 --> 00:19:42,568
Don't worry, it'll
come off in a few weeks.
398
00:19:42,569 --> 00:19:43,736
That's what I figured.
399
00:19:43,737 --> 00:19:45,705
Does she still have
her little mustache?
400
00:19:45,706 --> 00:19:47,907
You know, down
at the Russian front?
401
00:19:47,908 --> 00:19:51,010
I wouldn't know
what she's got.
402
00:19:51,011 --> 00:19:53,212
I was blindfolded
and hog-tied.
403
00:19:53,213 --> 00:19:55,465
Right, right, right.
404
00:19:55,466 --> 00:19:57,082
Why are you wearing
sunglasses?
405
00:19:57,083 --> 00:19:58,184
No reason.
406
00:19:58,185 --> 00:19:59,218
Why don't you take them off?
407
00:19:59,219 --> 00:20:01,437
Okay, fine.
408
00:20:01,438 --> 00:20:03,606
You might as well know.
409
00:20:05,926 --> 00:20:07,894
Bar fight.
410
00:20:07,895 --> 00:20:10,229
Oh, no. What happened?
411
00:20:10,230 --> 00:20:12,732
Eh, some bikers were giving
a stripper a hard time,
412
00:20:12,733 --> 00:20:14,116
so I jumped in.
413
00:20:14,117 --> 00:20:15,100
You're kidding.
414
00:20:15,101 --> 00:20:16,486
You know me.
415
00:20:16,487 --> 00:20:18,905
I can't stand to see
a naked, high-heeled,
416
00:20:18,906 --> 00:20:20,873
glitter-covered,
ping-pong-ball-shooting
417
00:20:20,874 --> 00:20:23,409
woman in distress.
418
00:20:24,878 --> 00:20:28,464
Wow.
That-That sounds very brave.
419
00:20:28,465 --> 00:20:29,832
Good for you.
420
00:20:29,833 --> 00:20:31,384
Thank you.
421
00:20:31,385 --> 00:20:32,952
Uh, Charlie?
422
00:20:32,953 --> 00:20:34,119
Yeah?
423
00:20:34,120 --> 00:20:35,721
Uh, if you're going
to go with that story,
424
00:20:35,722 --> 00:20:36,889
you might want to ask mom
425
00:20:36,890 --> 00:20:38,424
to stop telling people
you had your eyes done.
426
00:20:38,425 --> 00:20:40,877
Damn.
427
00:20:42,012 --> 00:20:44,463
The mummy strikes again.
428
00:20:46,934 --> 00:20:50,803
You know, it's actually
not a bad look.
429
00:20:50,804 --> 00:20:52,989
Shame one guy had
to ruin it for everybody.
430
00:20:52,990 --> 00:20:54,457
? Men. ?
431
00:20:54,458 --> 00:20:58,343
-- Sync, corrected by elderman --
-- for www.addic7ed.com --
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