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1
00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:39,970
That wasn't a store robbery.
2
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That was an assassination.
3
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That wasn't a clerk.
That was a wise guy.
4
00:01:45,320 --> 00:01:48,750
How do I know?
5
00:01:48,760 --> 00:01:52,350
I spent a little time with the
FBI's organized crime unit.
6
00:01:52,360 --> 00:01:54,750
I guess you could say that
I'm intimately knowledgeable
7
00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:56,850
with the seedy and rancorous
workings of the mob
8
00:01:56,860 --> 00:01:59,420
in the Midwest section of this country.
9
00:01:59,430 --> 00:02:01,590
I know a gangland slaying when I see one,
10
00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:03,730
and that's exactly what this baby is.
11
00:02:03,740 --> 00:02:07,530
I'd look into it myself personally,
but I got a date tonight.
12
00:02:07,540 --> 00:02:10,260
Think I'll take the private jet out
13
00:02:10,270 --> 00:02:13,070
and fly to Spain, pick up the little lady.
14
00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:15,870
Do the subsonic tummy bump at 30, 000 feet.
15
00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:18,670
Then glide back into the U.S.
of A. By dawn.
16
00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:23,270
I know what you're gonna say,
"Jim. Jim Dodge, settle down."
17
00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:25,610
"Relax. You owe it to
yourself."
18
00:02:25,620 --> 00:02:27,780
I'll tell you what I tell everybody else.
19
00:02:27,790 --> 00:02:31,780
Any little Fraulein that
expects anything more from me
20
00:02:31,790 --> 00:02:33,410
than a little bit of pleasure
and a little bit of danger
21
00:02:33,420 --> 00:02:35,680
and a great set of pectorals,
22
00:02:35,690 --> 00:02:37,650
she's looking for a fall right on her ass.
23
00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:44,360
Hubie, Hubie, Hubie, Hubie!
24
00:02:44,370 --> 00:02:46,360
Get out of here!
Let me tell you something.
25
00:02:46,370 --> 00:02:49,000
If you know what's good for
you, don't you ever come back!
26
00:02:49,740 --> 00:02:51,600
Wait a minute, now, Hubie.
27
00:02:51,610 --> 00:02:53,900
You're not gonna find someone who has
the relationship with those animals
28
00:02:53,910 --> 00:02:55,600
that I do.
29
00:02:55,610 --> 00:02:58,310
Listen to the dogs, Hubie.
They love me!
30
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:03,040
It all started when I was 15.
31
00:03:03,050 --> 00:03:06,070
That's when I invented
the artificial cow heart.
32
00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:08,740
That was a big thing.
33
00:03:08,750 --> 00:03:12,050
A little before your time, but
it made all the newspapers,
34
00:03:12,060 --> 00:03:14,710
ABC, NBC, CBS, they all picked up on it,
35
00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:18,060
but it's more or less a hobby for me, boys.
36
00:03:18,990 --> 00:03:21,290
Scoot over!
37
00:03:21,300 --> 00:03:23,630
Actually,
38
00:03:24,830 --> 00:03:28,590
today I decided that I've gone
just about as far I can go
39
00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:30,790
in the animal
health-care business.
40
00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:34,060
But that's your question. The reason
that I'm not at work this afternoon,
41
00:03:34,070 --> 00:03:38,830
is because I was made an offer that
I simply cannot refuse. I sold.
42
00:03:38,840 --> 00:03:40,600
Whatcha gonna do with the cash, Jim?
43
00:03:40,610 --> 00:03:42,570
I don't know. Maybe
I'll invest it overseas.
44
00:03:42,580 --> 00:03:44,610
I've got some projects
in eastern Europe right now.
45
00:03:44,620 --> 00:03:46,410
I don't know. I've got
everything a man needs.
46
00:03:46,420 --> 00:03:49,440
Jim, you just bought the animal hospital.
47
00:03:49,450 --> 00:03:52,150
How come you sold it so fast?
48
00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:56,250
Tax problem.
49
00:03:56,260 --> 00:03:58,620
And here's my accountant right now.
50
00:03:58,630 --> 00:04:01,020
Earl, take a bow.
51
00:04:01,030 --> 00:04:04,290
20 minutes for lunch, okay?
Go buy another suit.
52
00:04:04,300 --> 00:04:06,450
He works for me.
53
00:04:06,460 --> 00:04:08,790
He's scouting some
real estate for me right now.
54
00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:11,330
Yeah, but the market's real tight.
55
00:04:14,270 --> 00:04:16,570
I like the new uniform, Lorraine.
56
00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:21,300
You know, with the right shoes and handbag,
57
00:04:21,310 --> 00:04:23,540
that might be suitable for a cocktail party.
58
00:04:24,110 --> 00:04:26,540
So... Question.
59
00:04:26,550 --> 00:04:30,010
When in the world are you going
to start serving sashimi?
60
00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:32,050
Maybe when I find out what it is.
61
00:04:33,180 --> 00:04:36,940
You've never heard of sashimi?
62
00:04:36,950 --> 00:04:39,150
You've got to be kidding.
63
00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:42,450
It's this special Japanese fish you eat raw.
64
00:04:42,460 --> 00:04:44,020
With a little butter sauce,
65
00:04:44,030 --> 00:04:47,120
and you're ready to go to heaven.
66
00:04:47,130 --> 00:04:52,160
I'd hire you in a minute if I hadn't
already fired you so many times.
67
00:04:52,170 --> 00:04:54,870
Did you ever think of leaving town?
68
00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:59,300
Thousands of people
over in St. Louis...
69
00:04:59,310 --> 00:05:02,470
Got no idea how full of shit you are.
70
00:05:04,310 --> 00:05:07,800
You've been alive for 21 years, my friend.
71
00:05:07,810 --> 00:05:12,050
Plenty of time for most people
to find a place for themselves.
72
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:16,140
Well, I'm not like everybody else.
73
00:05:16,150 --> 00:05:18,710
You know what I'm saying?
74
00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:20,890
Yeah, that's for sure.
75
00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:25,650
How about if I...
76
00:05:25,660 --> 00:05:27,890
I work for you for free?
77
00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:32,260
No.
78
00:05:32,270 --> 00:05:34,800
I'm afraid not, Jimmy.
79
00:05:35,500 --> 00:05:38,170
Think about St. Louis.
80
00:05:39,700 --> 00:05:41,230
- Hey, Josie.
- Hi.
81
00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:42,490
Fill her up?
82
00:05:42,500 --> 00:05:43,740
Fill her up.
83
00:06:03,020 --> 00:06:04,920
How you doin'?
84
00:06:21,700 --> 00:06:23,530
You got fired again,
didn't you? Didn't you?
85
00:06:23,540 --> 00:06:25,230
Yeah.
86
00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:26,600
Who told you that?
87
00:06:26,610 --> 00:06:29,030
Hubie Marshall called me at work.
88
00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:31,200
He called you at work?
89
00:06:31,210 --> 00:06:35,040
That's it. Okay, I'm gonna... I'll speak...
What'd he say?
90
00:06:35,050 --> 00:06:37,870
He said he fired ya!
91
00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:40,240
He said that?
And you believed him?
92
00:06:40,250 --> 00:06:42,080
Damn straight I do!
93
00:06:42,090 --> 00:06:47,050
With all due respect, Dad, you're Mr.
Gullible, sometimes.
94
00:06:47,060 --> 00:06:49,290
The truth of the matter is, Dad, I resigned.
95
00:06:50,230 --> 00:06:51,380
I'll tell you something else, Dad.
96
00:06:51,390 --> 00:06:52,420
Shut up, Jimmy!
97
00:06:52,430 --> 00:06:54,620
When I took the job, I had no idea
98
00:06:54,630 --> 00:06:57,660
it was gonna be
a hire-fire situation.
99
00:06:57,670 --> 00:07:00,130
Luther Betenhauser's boy
is doing much better.
100
00:07:00,140 --> 00:07:01,430
What's wrong with him?
101
00:07:01,440 --> 00:07:02,730
Fell off his grandfather's silo.
102
00:07:02,740 --> 00:07:04,060
He's got brain damage.
103
00:07:04,070 --> 00:07:05,300
He does not.
104
00:07:05,310 --> 00:07:06,930
He does, too.
105
00:07:06,940 --> 00:07:08,730
Hoover Fey says his tongue's gonna hang out
106
00:07:08,740 --> 00:07:10,430
the side of his mouth the rest of his life.
107
00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:12,230
And when he dies and they bury him,
108
00:07:12,240 --> 00:07:14,570
at the funeral they're
gonna put a mask on him.
109
00:07:14,580 --> 00:07:17,010
Do I have to listen to
this while I'm eating?
110
00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:19,710
Let's talk about something else.
111
00:07:25,090 --> 00:07:27,280
Josie McClellan moved to New York.
112
00:07:27,290 --> 00:07:30,250
She did not. I saw her today.
113
00:07:30,260 --> 00:07:32,250
Well, I don't know how you could.
114
00:07:32,260 --> 00:07:35,180
I heard at the bank that she got
tired of taking care of her father,
115
00:07:35,190 --> 00:07:36,950
and she told him to jump in a lake,
116
00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:40,020
and then she left for New York to
get her MBA in high-fashion design
117
00:07:40,030 --> 00:07:42,690
at the University of New York City.
118
00:07:42,700 --> 00:07:46,460
I just saw her down at the
gas station in living color.
119
00:07:46,470 --> 00:07:49,090
We had a cup of java together.
120
00:07:49,100 --> 00:07:53,160
Well, I'm gonna take Lou Selby's
word over yours any day.
121
00:07:53,170 --> 00:07:56,930
Lou Selby.
Lou Selby's a drunk.
122
00:07:56,940 --> 00:07:59,700
You know, for a guy who's just
lost his umpteenth job,
123
00:07:59,710 --> 00:08:01,670
you sure are handy with the tongue sword.
124
00:08:01,680 --> 00:08:03,770
You got canned again?
125
00:08:03,780 --> 00:08:05,780
Well, he didn't get canned.
126
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:07,880
He got fired.
127
00:08:09,220 --> 00:08:11,100
That's gotta be some kind of a record.
128
00:08:15,490 --> 00:08:17,450
Not only are you an obnoxious slug,
129
00:08:17,460 --> 00:08:20,220
but you're a freeloading obnoxious slug.
130
00:08:20,230 --> 00:08:22,120
Well, you should talk.
131
00:08:22,130 --> 00:08:24,650
What are you? In your mid-forties
and still living at home.
132
00:08:25,670 --> 00:08:28,530
I'm 24, and I pay rent.
133
00:08:29,070 --> 00:08:30,220
So do I.
134
00:08:30,230 --> 00:08:31,370
You did pay rent.
135
00:08:32,140 --> 00:08:35,630
Dad, you mean you're cutting my rent?
136
00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:37,700
Hell, no!
137
00:08:37,710 --> 00:08:39,460
You're not paying a rent
'cause you don't have a job
138
00:08:39,470 --> 00:08:41,060
and you don't have any money.
139
00:08:41,070 --> 00:08:43,770
You're out of school and you live
in this house, you pay rent!
140
00:09:03,330 --> 00:09:05,890
Jim! Yo, Jim!
141
00:09:05,900 --> 00:09:07,920
Jim, wake up!
142
00:09:07,930 --> 00:09:10,270
Hey, get up!
143
00:09:12,670 --> 00:09:14,570
Get up!
144
00:09:19,010 --> 00:09:22,130
You know, getting this job,
145
00:09:22,140 --> 00:09:24,270
restoring your faith and pride in me
146
00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:26,340
is a number-one
priority right now, Dad.
147
00:09:26,350 --> 00:09:29,710
Priority ought to be making
something of yourself.
148
00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:31,440
That's right up there.
149
00:09:31,450 --> 00:09:35,690
When I was your age, I couldn't
wait to get out of my folks' house.
150
00:09:37,560 --> 00:09:39,190
I love living at home.
151
00:09:49,830 --> 00:09:53,230
I don't think this is such a
great place for me to work, Dad.
152
00:09:55,870 --> 00:09:57,530
Okay,
153
00:09:57,540 --> 00:10:00,740
say I don't get this job, hypothetically.
154
00:10:01,370 --> 00:10:02,900
Are you gonna be upset?
155
00:10:02,910 --> 00:10:06,300
You don't get this job,
you're on a bus to St. Louis.
156
00:10:06,310 --> 00:10:08,070
St. Louis?
157
00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:10,800
Uncle Jeff's offered to put you
to work in his garden shop.
158
00:10:10,810 --> 00:10:12,710
I don't know anything about gardening.
159
00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:15,140
You will learn!
160
00:10:15,150 --> 00:10:18,510
I'm getting a distinct feeling
that you want me out of your life.
161
00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:21,550
I don't want you out of my life.
I want you out of my house.
162
00:10:23,420 --> 00:10:25,050
Wow.
Out!
163
00:10:25,060 --> 00:10:26,890
Okay, okay, okay.
164
00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:45,600
Are you sure I can't offer you
a coffee and a bear claw?
165
00:10:45,610 --> 00:10:47,170
No, thanks.
166
00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:48,900
They're very good, they're fresh.
167
00:10:48,910 --> 00:10:50,670
No, I'm fine.
168
00:10:50,680 --> 00:10:52,680
You don't want one, and I don't need one.
169
00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:55,440
Right!
170
00:10:55,450 --> 00:10:57,240
I love the darn things, though, I tell you.
171
00:10:57,250 --> 00:10:59,540
You know, I got a sweet tooth, I
could eat those things by the dozen.
172
00:10:59,550 --> 00:11:01,240
By the looks of it, I have.
173
00:11:01,250 --> 00:11:02,880
Right.
174
00:11:02,890 --> 00:11:06,550
I tell ya, I'm so excited
that you're considering
175
00:11:06,560 --> 00:11:09,090
joining the Target team.
We all are.
176
00:11:10,460 --> 00:11:12,020
I appreciate that.
177
00:11:12,030 --> 00:11:15,530
Good, then, let's cut
right to the chase, shall we?
178
00:11:16,700 --> 00:11:20,090
We're prepared to offer you $42, 500 a year,
179
00:11:20,100 --> 00:11:22,270
with a full benefit package.
180
00:11:22,970 --> 00:11:25,030
That's dental, medical,
181
00:11:25,040 --> 00:11:27,130
profit sharing, pension,
182
00:11:27,140 --> 00:11:29,970
expense account, car allowance,
183
00:11:29,980 --> 00:11:31,900
vacation, of course,
184
00:11:31,910 --> 00:11:35,270
and any and all relocating expenses.
185
00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:39,820
This is our first, best, and last offer.
What do you think?
186
00:11:40,790 --> 00:11:42,610
Well...
187
00:11:42,620 --> 00:11:45,810
C.D., with all due respect,
188
00:11:45,820 --> 00:11:47,550
I came in here
189
00:11:47,560 --> 00:11:50,460
with the number 45 in my mind, and...
190
00:12:12,580 --> 00:12:15,110
You've got me.
191
00:12:16,180 --> 00:12:17,750
45 it is.
192
00:12:19,250 --> 00:12:20,640
Welcome aboard.
193
00:12:20,650 --> 00:12:22,070
Thank you.
194
00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:23,240
I'd like to buy you lunch.
195
00:12:23,250 --> 00:12:24,640
No, no, no.
196
00:12:24,650 --> 00:12:26,810
Your money's no good here.
Lunch is mine, all right?
197
00:12:26,820 --> 00:12:28,310
I'm not going to argue with you.
198
00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:30,200
You better not.
I'm bigger than you are.
199
00:12:31,290 --> 00:12:33,250
Hang on a second, will you?
I told her to hold my calls.
200
00:12:33,260 --> 00:12:34,780
Get it.
201
00:12:34,790 --> 00:12:36,320
Yeah, Peg.
202
00:12:37,260 --> 00:12:39,920
No, it's okay.
203
00:12:39,930 --> 00:12:41,450
No, he's right here with me now.
204
00:12:41,460 --> 00:12:42,950
Hi, Peg.
205
00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:45,260
We just closed the deal.
206
00:12:45,270 --> 00:12:49,500
It was a slam-dunk, too.
I got him for 45.
207
00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:56,510
No, he's right here.
208
00:12:57,980 --> 00:13:00,670
What do you mean, he missed the plane?
209
00:13:03,150 --> 00:13:05,410
Then who the hell am I talking to?
210
00:13:07,310 --> 00:13:09,350
Lord!
211
00:13:10,980 --> 00:13:14,350
I'll...
I'll get back to you.
212
00:13:15,890 --> 00:13:17,680
Hey, I know a great little Italian place
213
00:13:17,690 --> 00:13:20,610
that has the best pasta primatonis in the...
214
00:13:20,620 --> 00:13:22,450
Excuse me a minute, will you, please?
215
00:13:22,460 --> 00:13:23,880
Lovely wife you have there.
216
00:13:23,890 --> 00:13:25,290
Dodge, James?
217
00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:32,690
James, I'm afraid we have a
little misunderstanding here.
218
00:13:32,700 --> 00:13:35,360
You see, I thought you came in for the...
219
00:13:35,370 --> 00:13:38,690
Operations Manager's job.
220
00:13:38,700 --> 00:13:41,200
I have you down here as night cleanup boy.
221
00:13:44,540 --> 00:13:46,330
Well, I'm a little overpaid
222
00:13:46,340 --> 00:13:49,240
for night cleanup boy,
wouldn't you say, C.D.?
223
00:13:50,980 --> 00:13:54,510
The truth is, James, I can
offer you $4.44 per hour.
224
00:13:58,050 --> 00:14:01,510
Four, four... $4.44...
225
00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:03,310
$4.44.
226
00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:05,250
What about the benefits?
227
00:14:05,260 --> 00:14:07,660
Two fifteen-minute breaks
and a half hour for lunch.
228
00:14:09,030 --> 00:14:12,890
And the title is, night cleanup boy?
229
00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:14,890
Yes.
230
00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:19,190
I'll take it.
231
00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:21,330
And, lose the curl.
232
00:14:22,870 --> 00:14:24,970
Welcome to the Target team.
Thank you.
233
00:14:26,670 --> 00:14:29,940
So the parrot says, "Of course, I can talk.
Can you fly?"
234
00:14:34,510 --> 00:14:38,340
I don't want any damn Japanese
automobile plant in this town.
235
00:14:41,180 --> 00:14:43,180
It means jobs.
236
00:14:44,350 --> 00:14:46,280
I don't need a job.
237
00:14:46,290 --> 00:14:49,350
Your governor's tryin' to use
my town as a political chip.
238
00:14:49,360 --> 00:14:51,080
Gentlemen, I resent that.
239
00:14:51,090 --> 00:14:54,990
Well, there could be some specific
benefits for you personally.
240
00:14:58,930 --> 00:15:00,790
Josie!
241
00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,560
Yeah?
Come here.
242
00:15:05,570 --> 00:15:08,770
I want you to meet these gentlemen
from the governor's office.
243
00:15:09,940 --> 00:15:12,100
Come on in here, honey.
244
00:15:28,620 --> 00:15:29,980
Honey, I want you to meet Bill...
245
00:15:29,990 --> 00:15:31,320
Bob.
246
00:15:32,550 --> 00:15:34,290
Bob Bosenbeck.
247
00:15:37,620 --> 00:15:38,790
Bob.
248
00:15:54,740 --> 00:15:55,970
Dave.
249
00:15:59,110 --> 00:16:01,410
My pleasure, Dave.
250
00:16:03,350 --> 00:16:05,110
Right.
Dave Hockner.
251
00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:09,340
I don't want to interrupt your meeting.
252
00:16:09,350 --> 00:16:11,450
Very nice to meet both of you.
253
00:16:11,750 --> 00:16:13,510
Bye.
254
00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:15,190
Bye.
255
00:16:20,030 --> 00:16:21,830
Josie?
256
00:16:23,230 --> 00:16:24,800
Josie!
257
00:16:32,370 --> 00:16:35,590
You pull another stunt like you did today,
258
00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:38,440
I'll beat the livin' daylights outta you!
259
00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:00,890
All right, out!
260
00:17:04,230 --> 00:17:07,990
Out of here, man.
Get out of here!
261
00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:09,130
Get out of the car!
262
00:17:29,750 --> 00:17:30,980
Right on time!
263
00:17:34,350 --> 00:17:36,250
Everything's going as planned.
264
00:17:37,420 --> 00:17:38,650
You ordered a limousine?
265
00:17:40,090 --> 00:17:42,220
Of course.
266
00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:44,410
My first day at work.
267
00:17:44,420 --> 00:17:47,480
How's it gonna look if my dad drives me?
268
00:17:47,490 --> 00:17:49,580
A little treat to
myself for getting the job.
269
00:17:49,590 --> 00:17:51,490
It was only 50 bucks.
270
00:17:53,990 --> 00:17:55,320
Right on time, Henry.
271
00:17:55,330 --> 00:17:56,990
Yes, sir.
272
00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:58,750
Henry, the sign...
273
00:17:58,760 --> 00:18:00,430
Very well, sir.
274
00:18:03,770 --> 00:18:05,830
Ciao!
275
00:18:12,340 --> 00:18:14,840
Hey, Jim, where are you going?
276
00:18:15,710 --> 00:18:18,270
Hello, boys.
277
00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:20,700
Going to Paris on an F-14.
278
00:18:20,710 --> 00:18:23,610
Got a little peace meeting with
the Vice-President of Bulgaria.
279
00:18:23,620 --> 00:18:26,440
Business, you know?
Then I'm going to Venice,
280
00:18:26,450 --> 00:18:29,110
for a big spaghetti dinner
with the princess of Austria.
281
00:18:29,120 --> 00:18:31,780
A beautiful lady...
Really big bones.
282
00:18:31,790 --> 00:18:34,550
Remember to brush your teeth, Melvin!
283
00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:37,790
You, too, Sidney! Adios!
284
00:18:39,900 --> 00:18:42,260
Jim is so cool!
285
00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:12,930
Bobby.
286
00:20:12,940 --> 00:20:13,950
Got a loose tile here.
First thing in the morning,
287
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:16,410
I want you to take some epoxy
cement and take care of this.
288
00:20:16,420 --> 00:20:18,550
I don't need a lawsuit, okay?
289
00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:21,060
I've got enough to worry about.
290
00:20:22,760 --> 00:20:24,050
Who's he?
291
00:20:24,060 --> 00:20:25,650
Attention shoppers.
292
00:20:25,660 --> 00:20:27,490
The store will be closing in five minutes.
293
00:20:27,500 --> 00:20:30,800
Please bring all your purchases
to the front. Thank you.
294
00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:10,870
Are you a slacker?
295
00:21:11,810 --> 00:21:15,030
No, Presbyterian.
296
00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:17,340
What did you say?
What did you say?
297
00:21:17,350 --> 00:21:19,440
I'm askin' you a simple question.
298
00:21:19,450 --> 00:21:21,670
Are you lazy?
No, sir.
299
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:24,010
'Cause the last guy that wore
that uniform was a lazy slacker,
300
00:21:24,020 --> 00:21:25,850
and I fired his no-good butt.
301
00:21:27,220 --> 00:21:29,980
About the uniform,
302
00:21:29,990 --> 00:21:31,610
will I be getting my own?
303
00:21:31,620 --> 00:21:34,050
You work out, which I doubt,
304
00:21:34,060 --> 00:21:35,790
you can have yourself a new name patch.
305
00:21:40,860 --> 00:21:43,490
Would I be able to have it laundered?
306
00:21:43,500 --> 00:21:45,460
It smells a little bit like Darnell.
307
00:21:45,470 --> 00:21:48,460
I don't think you know
who you're messin' with, boy.
308
00:21:48,470 --> 00:21:50,960
Right, after you clean the
ladies' and men's crappers,
309
00:21:50,970 --> 00:21:53,130
I'm talking about you'd better
be able to eat off those bowls.
310
00:21:53,140 --> 00:21:54,970
Sure.
You clean my coffeemaker,
311
00:21:54,980 --> 00:21:56,530
then you wax my desk.
312
00:21:56,540 --> 00:21:58,800
Clean what?
313
00:21:58,810 --> 00:22:00,540
You clean my coffeemaker and wax my desk!
314
00:22:00,550 --> 00:22:02,570
I got it!
315
00:22:02,580 --> 00:22:04,810
You, sweep the aisles, startin'
with health and beauty,
316
00:22:04,820 --> 00:22:06,670
and you work your way over
to juniors and misses.
317
00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:09,640
Ups and downs, leaving your
debris in the cross aisles.
318
00:22:09,650 --> 00:22:10,810
So I start with health and beauty...
319
00:22:10,820 --> 00:22:12,140
What did I just say?
320
00:22:12,150 --> 00:22:14,180
I just said to start
with health and beauty, okay?
321
00:22:14,190 --> 00:22:15,810
Then you do your cross aisles.
322
00:22:15,820 --> 00:22:17,650
That'll bring your dustbin into play.
323
00:22:17,660 --> 00:22:19,920
You take the debris.
You load it into the dustbin.
324
00:22:19,930 --> 00:22:22,820
You take the dustbin out
to the loading dock area
325
00:22:22,830 --> 00:22:24,720
and you empty it into the receptacle.
326
00:22:24,730 --> 00:22:26,020
You got that? Easy as pie.
327
00:22:26,030 --> 00:22:27,650
Yeah.
328
00:22:27,660 --> 00:22:29,660
Now, I was employed for a brief
period at Del Taco, and...
329
00:22:29,670 --> 00:22:32,490
I don't care about your
Del Taco experiences, boy.
330
00:22:32,500 --> 00:22:34,990
All right. Now, we've got this little
problem in this store with grazers.
331
00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:36,760
You know what a grazer is, boy?
332
00:22:36,770 --> 00:22:39,000
Is that some sort of farm term?
333
00:22:39,010 --> 00:22:40,770
A grazer is a customer or an employee
334
00:22:40,780 --> 00:22:42,500
that eats off the shelves, okay?
335
00:22:42,510 --> 00:22:45,340
Sort of similar to a cow
grazing in a field of grass.
336
00:22:45,350 --> 00:22:47,940
Only this isn't a field of grass,
okay, and you're not a cow.
337
00:22:47,950 --> 00:22:50,570
There's no eatin'. You're not
being paid to eat, so don't!
338
00:22:50,580 --> 00:22:52,040
You got any questions?
339
00:22:52,050 --> 00:22:53,440
Not right offhand, no.
340
00:22:53,450 --> 00:22:54,940
You think you can handle it?
341
00:22:54,950 --> 00:22:56,380
I'll give it the old college try.
342
00:22:56,390 --> 00:22:57,990
Don't touch me!
343
00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:01,350
Well, despite our age difference,
344
00:23:01,360 --> 00:23:03,020
I think I'm really gonna
enjoy working with you.
345
00:23:03,030 --> 00:23:05,220
Let's get something straight, boy.
You ain't workin' with me.
346
00:23:05,230 --> 00:23:07,190
You're working for me.
347
00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:09,850
Still, I think it's gonna
be fun being around you.
348
00:23:09,860 --> 00:23:11,420
Yeah, I ain't gonna be anywhere near you.
349
00:23:11,430 --> 00:23:13,920
I'm gonna be home pumping the
pasties out of Colleen Jackson.
350
00:23:13,930 --> 00:23:15,360
You're not going to be here?
351
00:23:15,370 --> 00:23:16,700
Hell, no.
352
00:23:18,300 --> 00:23:21,960
I'm gonna be here by myself?
353
00:23:21,970 --> 00:23:25,710
Yeah, that's right! And you'd better
stay out of the ladies' undergoods.
354
00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:30,600
Wait a minute. Nobody told
me I'd be here alone.
355
00:23:30,610 --> 00:23:32,040
What are you doing?
356
00:23:32,050 --> 00:23:33,410
Saving money.
357
00:23:33,420 --> 00:23:35,370
Wait a minute. Are you
turning off the lights?
358
00:23:35,380 --> 00:23:37,880
In 25 seconds, you got light
in every third aisle.
359
00:23:37,890 --> 00:23:39,110
When the sun comes up, you turn off
360
00:23:39,120 --> 00:23:40,960
all the lights.
You understand?
361
00:23:41,250 --> 00:23:44,210
No, I don't understand.
Just hold on a second!
362
00:23:44,220 --> 00:23:45,980
I'm locking you in.
363
00:23:45,990 --> 00:23:49,360
When I come back at 7:00 to
open up, I'll let you out.
364
00:23:51,630 --> 00:23:53,620
You're locking me in?
365
00:23:53,630 --> 00:23:55,220
What do you take me for, a fool?
366
00:23:55,230 --> 00:23:58,720
Nobody gets a set of keys
on their first night. Nobody!
367
00:23:58,730 --> 00:24:00,700
Now, get to work!
368
00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:02,630
What if there's a fire?
369
00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:04,400
Then the fire department will come.
370
00:24:04,670 --> 00:24:05,960
I could perish!
371
00:24:05,970 --> 00:24:07,430
Boo!
372
00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:10,930
You can't do this. I'm locked
in, alone, in the dark.
373
00:24:10,940 --> 00:24:13,010
That was not a part
of my employment agreement.
374
00:26:30,750 --> 00:26:32,780
9:17?
375
00:26:34,410 --> 00:26:37,110
Time for a break.
376
00:27:02,740 --> 00:27:04,140
Hello.
377
00:27:06,410 --> 00:27:08,030
Anybody out there?
378
00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:10,000
When I accepted the...
379
00:27:10,010 --> 00:27:13,280
The post of President,
grand Pooh-Bah of Target,
380
00:27:15,080 --> 00:27:17,650
realizing that I have brought
381
00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:21,110
meaningfulness and peace and happiness,
382
00:27:21,120 --> 00:27:23,480
into the lives of thousands of people.
383
00:27:24,190 --> 00:27:26,850
Jim Dodge, of Monroe,
384
00:27:26,860 --> 00:27:28,850
top moneymaker on the tour.
385
00:27:28,860 --> 00:27:31,350
His father's here today, Bud Dodge,
386
00:27:31,360 --> 00:27:33,220
and sister Penny, a sad, sad story,
387
00:27:33,230 --> 00:27:36,350
was just admitted to university hospital.
388
00:27:36,360 --> 00:27:40,200
While trying to pop a zit, her
head mysteriously exploded.
389
00:28:04,590 --> 00:28:06,280
Dad! Hi!
390
00:28:06,290 --> 00:28:08,210
Jim, do you know what time it is?
391
00:28:08,220 --> 00:28:12,080
You know, I'm starting to think
about Christmas and gifts,
392
00:28:12,090 --> 00:28:15,550
because I'm in a big store and I'm
starting to get a lot of gift ideas.
393
00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:16,880
Hi.
394
00:28:16,890 --> 00:28:18,420
Mom, hi!
395
00:28:18,430 --> 00:28:20,390
How's it going?
396
00:28:20,400 --> 00:28:23,560
Well, I finished all my janitor
stuff, I've finished most of it.
397
00:28:23,570 --> 00:28:25,420
I've got to save some stuff for later.
398
00:28:25,430 --> 00:28:27,490
But it's easy as hell.
399
00:28:27,500 --> 00:28:30,230
Honey, it's a little late.
400
00:28:30,240 --> 00:28:33,340
Yeah, it is kind of late.
Well, sleep tight.
401
00:28:34,670 --> 00:28:36,770
See you in the morning.
402
00:28:36,780 --> 00:28:38,340
Love you, too.
403
00:28:43,580 --> 00:28:45,750
Mr. James Dodge!
404
00:29:41,570 --> 00:29:44,700
He can't be happy as the night cleanup boy.
405
00:29:46,540 --> 00:29:48,270
Sweetheart...
406
00:29:49,180 --> 00:29:51,810
He wants us to call him a janitor.
407
00:29:54,310 --> 00:29:58,580
Maybe I should have spent less time
harping and more time helping.
408
00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:01,880
Harpin' and helpin' him what?
409
00:30:03,090 --> 00:30:07,310
Harpin' on him to leave,
and helpin' him become the...
410
00:30:07,320 --> 00:30:10,420
Good, mature, productive person he could be.
411
00:31:40,580 --> 00:31:42,310
Are you all right?
412
00:31:43,980 --> 00:31:45,840
Yes, I'm fine, thanks.
413
00:31:45,850 --> 00:31:46,920
And you?
414
00:31:48,520 --> 00:31:49,990
What are you doing here?
415
00:31:51,590 --> 00:31:53,910
I work here.
416
00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:55,850
Have a good one, Officer Don.
417
00:31:55,860 --> 00:31:59,820
Okay, Carl. Keep in touch. Let
me know if you hear anything.
418
00:31:59,830 --> 00:32:01,390
You bet.
419
00:32:03,300 --> 00:32:05,620
Well, sir, she didn't leave on the bus.
420
00:32:05,630 --> 00:32:08,820
Apparently, she isn't here. Let's
go look for her someplace else.
421
00:32:08,830 --> 00:32:12,260
She wouldn't be dumb
enough to thumb, would she?
422
00:32:12,270 --> 00:32:15,770
Does she have any friends that
she might have run off with?
423
00:32:16,340 --> 00:32:18,100
Boyfriends?
424
00:32:18,110 --> 00:32:21,600
Would you just get in the car so we
can go look for the girl, please?
425
00:32:21,610 --> 00:32:23,640
I'm tired, I had to get out of the bed,
426
00:32:23,650 --> 00:32:25,670
I haven't had any coffee.
I don't feel good.
427
00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:27,040
My daughter, I don't know
where the hell she is.
428
00:32:27,050 --> 00:32:28,810
And you're standing by the car there,
429
00:32:28,820 --> 00:32:30,640
sounding like some goddamn
preacher or something!
430
00:32:30,650 --> 00:32:32,280
Come on. Get in the car!
431
00:32:34,050 --> 00:32:35,290
Prick.
432
00:32:40,160 --> 00:32:42,450
Are you sure you didn't hurt yourself?
433
00:32:42,460 --> 00:32:45,150
No. Are you kidding?
434
00:32:45,160 --> 00:32:47,690
No, I'm fine. I'm fine.
435
00:32:47,700 --> 00:32:49,120
Can I ask what you were doing?
436
00:32:49,130 --> 00:32:51,130
I was roller-skating.
437
00:32:52,000 --> 00:32:53,660
I know, but why?
438
00:32:53,670 --> 00:32:55,790
Why not?
439
00:32:55,800 --> 00:32:59,460
I got bored. One thing
led to another and...
440
00:32:59,470 --> 00:33:02,570
And I'm roller-skating
in my shorts.
441
00:33:02,580 --> 00:33:04,880
Better question would be,
"What are you doing here?"
442
00:33:05,580 --> 00:33:07,300
Shopping.
443
00:33:07,310 --> 00:33:09,910
Well, we've been closed for five hours.
444
00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:12,170
Yeah. I fell asleep.
445
00:33:12,180 --> 00:33:13,670
While shopping?
446
00:33:13,680 --> 00:33:15,310
No, in the ladies' dressing room.
447
00:33:15,320 --> 00:33:18,880
That makes no sense. You're a
high-profile young ingenue.
448
00:33:18,890 --> 00:33:20,680
I was debating...
What?
449
00:33:20,690 --> 00:33:24,080
Whether or not to get
arrested for shoplifting.
450
00:33:24,090 --> 00:33:27,250
Doesn't your father own, like, $10 million
worth of real estate in this town?
451
00:33:27,260 --> 00:33:29,050
Well, it's not my fault.
452
00:33:29,060 --> 00:33:30,820
No, no, I didn't imply such.
453
00:33:30,830 --> 00:33:34,060
It just seems funny that someone of your...
454
00:33:34,070 --> 00:33:35,820
Wealth?
455
00:33:35,830 --> 00:33:37,490
If you will.
Would be shoplifting...
456
00:33:37,500 --> 00:33:39,970
I didn't do it.
I chickened out.
457
00:33:40,910 --> 00:33:43,600
Would consider shoplifting.
458
00:33:43,610 --> 00:33:47,330
It's a long, dull, self-indulgent,
highly unromantic story
459
00:33:47,340 --> 00:33:49,840
about an overbearing father,
460
00:33:49,850 --> 00:33:52,040
deceased mother and brother
461
00:33:52,050 --> 00:33:55,680
and a completely confused girl
who looks a little like me.
462
00:34:33,450 --> 00:34:36,240
I sure am glad you dropped by.
463
00:34:36,250 --> 00:34:39,050
I was getting pretty
tired of being with myself.
464
00:34:42,090 --> 00:34:45,890
I guess... I guess, I'm what
you call a people person.
465
00:34:49,060 --> 00:34:50,290
What are you cooking?
466
00:34:50,300 --> 00:34:51,450
Hobo Chicken.
467
00:34:51,460 --> 00:34:53,820
It's a glazed chicken in wine sauce
468
00:34:53,830 --> 00:34:56,760
with vegetables
and skin-on potatoes.
469
00:34:56,770 --> 00:34:58,970
Silverware... Silverware...
470
00:35:02,270 --> 00:35:04,230
It's only 210 calories.
471
00:35:04,240 --> 00:35:06,500
And I don't know if you're watching
472
00:35:06,510 --> 00:35:08,730
your figure, but I sure am.
473
00:35:08,740 --> 00:35:10,940
If you can just grab a serving spoon
474
00:35:10,950 --> 00:35:13,080
over there, I think we'll be set.
475
00:35:18,350 --> 00:35:20,510
Keep your distance from these things.
476
00:35:20,520 --> 00:35:22,750
I think it's safe to keep five feet.
477
00:35:27,760 --> 00:35:29,920
I think they're about done.
478
00:35:32,090 --> 00:35:34,490
Well, dining room's right this way.
479
00:35:41,670 --> 00:35:45,270
I think my father poured
the cement for your pool.
480
00:35:46,700 --> 00:35:49,700
He's a cement contractor.
Good man.
481
00:35:50,840 --> 00:35:52,360
Bud Dodge?
482
00:35:52,370 --> 00:35:55,160
My mother works at Hoenicker's
over Christmas, part time.
483
00:35:55,170 --> 00:35:57,030
My sister's a teller at the bank.
484
00:35:57,040 --> 00:35:59,930
My brother's in grade school.
He's not employed at the moment.
485
00:35:59,940 --> 00:36:02,670
I used to work at the animal shelter.
486
00:36:02,680 --> 00:36:06,180
But I was terminated. And now...
Now I'm working here.
487
00:36:08,650 --> 00:36:10,280
Do you always talk this much?
488
00:36:12,960 --> 00:36:15,550
Yeah, I guess I do.
489
00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:17,620
I like talking to people.
490
00:36:19,590 --> 00:36:22,050
I was thinking maybe
you should go into sales.
491
00:36:22,060 --> 00:36:23,330
I've actually tried that.
492
00:36:30,740 --> 00:36:33,100
Some fresh ground pepper?
493
00:36:33,110 --> 00:36:34,540
Please.
494
00:36:37,010 --> 00:36:38,830
Some people don't like a lot of pepper.
495
00:36:38,840 --> 00:36:40,640
Say when.
That's fine.
496
00:36:41,850 --> 00:36:43,600
I happen to really like it a lot.
497
00:36:43,610 --> 00:36:47,150
I think it enhances the natural
flavor of the chicken.
498
00:36:50,750 --> 00:36:53,490
I hope you don't take this the wrong way.
499
00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:56,450
I've had dreams about you.
500
00:36:56,460 --> 00:36:58,660
You've had dreams about me?
501
00:37:00,260 --> 00:37:01,750
Not recently.
502
00:37:01,760 --> 00:37:03,920
I've had dreams about you in the past.
503
00:37:03,930 --> 00:37:06,420
I've had dreams about
entire cheerleading squads,
504
00:37:06,430 --> 00:37:08,490
so don't get me wrong.
505
00:37:08,500 --> 00:37:10,760
It's kid stuff, you know.
How 'bout you?
506
00:37:10,770 --> 00:37:12,230
Do I dream?
507
00:37:14,600 --> 00:37:16,540
That's about all I do.
508
00:37:30,480 --> 00:37:34,010
- Raisin' a kid's hard work.
- You got any kids?
509
00:37:34,020 --> 00:37:36,880
No, sir. No, sir. And from
listening to you talking
510
00:37:36,890 --> 00:37:38,780
and from observin' this,
511
00:37:38,790 --> 00:37:42,020
I'm kinda grateful old Emily
turned up infertile.
512
00:37:59,180 --> 00:38:01,980
Shouldn't you be cleaning up the store?
513
00:38:02,810 --> 00:38:04,310
I got plenty of time.
514
00:38:04,880 --> 00:38:06,910
Big store.
Huge.
515
00:38:08,810 --> 00:38:10,280
Always smoke cigars?
516
00:38:11,850 --> 00:38:14,210
I enjoy a good one after a fine meal.
517
00:38:14,220 --> 00:38:16,220
It settles the stomach.
518
00:38:17,390 --> 00:38:19,050
You're the town liar, right?
519
00:38:23,930 --> 00:38:25,080
What?
520
00:38:25,090 --> 00:38:29,150
I'm sorry.
That really came out wrong.
521
00:38:29,160 --> 00:38:30,820
I don't see how something like
that could come out right.
522
00:38:30,830 --> 00:38:32,260
I guess I meant that's what people call you.
523
00:38:32,270 --> 00:38:33,660
But I didn't mean to imply
that it's actually true.
524
00:38:33,670 --> 00:38:34,860
People are actually calling me that?
525
00:38:34,870 --> 00:38:36,490
I thought you knew.
526
00:38:36,500 --> 00:38:37,990
Know what?
That I was the town liar?
527
00:38:38,000 --> 00:38:39,230
You didn't?
528
00:38:39,240 --> 00:38:40,560
No. I'm not.
529
00:38:40,570 --> 00:38:42,160
I think that you might have
the wrong information.
530
00:38:42,170 --> 00:38:43,340
I didn't mean to offend you.
531
00:38:44,610 --> 00:38:46,060
Did you think that was a compliment?
532
00:38:46,070 --> 00:38:48,230
No. No. And I apologize.
533
00:38:48,240 --> 00:38:50,870
You know, I can't repeat things like that.
534
00:38:50,880 --> 00:38:53,440
Don't think about it.
It's all right.
535
00:38:53,450 --> 00:38:56,040
As I said, I think you've got
the wrong information.
536
00:38:56,050 --> 00:38:58,040
But, if people are calling me that,
537
00:38:58,050 --> 00:39:00,670
it's only because they're small,
cheap, petty, and jealous.
538
00:39:00,680 --> 00:39:03,180
Small towns are notorious
for that kinda thing.
539
00:39:03,190 --> 00:39:04,410
I'm sure there's a word for me.
540
00:39:04,420 --> 00:39:05,840
Yeah. Sure.
541
00:39:05,850 --> 00:39:07,050
What do they call me?
542
00:39:07,060 --> 00:39:08,280
A tease.
543
00:39:08,290 --> 00:39:09,690
Tease?
544
00:39:11,560 --> 00:39:13,960
Yeah, I can see that.
545
00:39:15,360 --> 00:39:17,950
Actually, I never teased.
546
00:39:17,960 --> 00:39:20,290
This is becoming amusing.
547
00:39:20,300 --> 00:39:22,190
Who exactly calls me a liar?
548
00:39:22,200 --> 00:39:24,060
Everybody.
549
00:39:24,070 --> 00:39:25,690
Everybody.
No, not everybody.
550
00:39:25,700 --> 00:39:27,190
I'm sure there's some old people in town.
551
00:39:27,200 --> 00:39:28,630
Right.
552
00:39:34,910 --> 00:39:36,600
Well, what do you think?
553
00:39:36,610 --> 00:39:38,270
What do I think?
554
00:39:40,210 --> 00:39:42,070
Do you think I'm a liar?
555
00:39:42,080 --> 00:39:44,280
Well, I don't know you well enough.
556
00:39:45,980 --> 00:39:47,970
You've known me for almost 17 years.
557
00:39:47,980 --> 00:39:50,380
We went to the same schools
from kindergarten on up.
558
00:39:50,390 --> 00:39:53,120
I knew of you, but I didn't
know you personally.
559
00:39:54,490 --> 00:39:56,450
That's always bothered me.
560
00:39:56,460 --> 00:40:00,120
I mean, that old "in-out,
us-them" thing.
561
00:40:00,130 --> 00:40:01,580
That's the way it's been.
562
00:40:01,590 --> 00:40:02,980
I know.
It's always bothered me.
563
00:40:02,990 --> 00:40:05,420
Sure, but it's water over the dam now.
564
00:40:05,430 --> 00:40:08,720
Yeah, but it's your dam and my water.
565
00:40:08,730 --> 00:40:10,490
I got crapped on a lot of years.
566
00:40:10,500 --> 00:40:12,730
I just meant that it's in the past.
567
00:40:12,740 --> 00:40:15,560
Well, the present is a result of the past.
568
00:40:15,570 --> 00:40:17,800
I look at my high school yearbook,
569
00:40:17,810 --> 00:40:20,900
and I don't see four fabulous years.
570
00:40:20,910 --> 00:40:23,100
Actually, what I'm reminded of
is what it feels like
571
00:40:23,110 --> 00:40:25,240
to have my underwear yanked up my ass
572
00:40:25,250 --> 00:40:27,610
by some big football player
with arms like telephone poles.
573
00:40:27,620 --> 00:40:30,150
Okay, and where are those guys now?
574
00:40:31,750 --> 00:40:36,280
I know they're not working nights at Target.
I'll tell you that.
575
00:40:36,290 --> 00:40:39,080
Yeah. You know,
576
00:40:39,090 --> 00:40:41,080
I look at my yearbook
577
00:40:41,090 --> 00:40:44,390
and I see four fabulous years
578
00:40:45,860 --> 00:40:47,790
that are gonna be the highlight of my life.
579
00:40:47,800 --> 00:40:49,920
Here's what it's like...
580
00:40:49,930 --> 00:40:53,190
First, you feel a hand going
down the back of your pants
581
00:40:53,200 --> 00:40:54,930
and tighten around the elastic waistband...
582
00:40:54,940 --> 00:40:56,590
Highlight.
583
00:40:56,600 --> 00:40:58,430
Sometimes I'd actually see stars.
584
00:40:58,440 --> 00:41:00,130
It's not going to get any better.
585
00:41:00,140 --> 00:41:02,670
And if I was particularly unlucky,
586
00:41:02,680 --> 00:41:05,130
my shorts would like rip completely free
587
00:41:05,140 --> 00:41:06,540
and I would get this
really drastic fabric...
588
00:41:06,550 --> 00:41:07,880
Jim? Do you hear me?
589
00:41:10,820 --> 00:41:12,010
Yeah.
590
00:41:15,120 --> 00:41:19,010
I don't really care about a graphic
description of a childhood prank.
591
00:41:19,020 --> 00:41:21,360
Hey, that prank was a motif in my life.
592
00:41:25,830 --> 00:41:29,490
You know, I'm locked in this store here
593
00:41:29,500 --> 00:41:32,490
because I didn't have
the guts to steal a skirt,
594
00:41:32,500 --> 00:41:35,330
so I could get arrested
and embarrass my father
595
00:41:35,340 --> 00:41:37,900
in this stupid, desperate, childish,
596
00:41:37,910 --> 00:41:40,060
pathetic attempt to leave home.
597
00:41:40,070 --> 00:41:42,630
And you have your underwear
yanked up your ass.
598
00:41:42,640 --> 00:41:45,580
I have my entire life yanked up my ass.
599
00:41:47,350 --> 00:41:49,500
Well, you're speaking figuratively.
600
00:41:49,510 --> 00:41:51,570
I was speaking literally.
And you're happy.
601
00:41:51,580 --> 00:41:52,880
You know, you're happy.
602
00:41:54,080 --> 00:41:55,640
I'm not happy.
603
00:41:55,650 --> 00:41:57,310
I'm working nights.
604
00:41:57,320 --> 00:41:59,810
Everybody thinks I'm a liar.
605
00:41:59,820 --> 00:42:01,510
My whole family's laughing at me.
606
00:42:01,520 --> 00:42:03,720
Reverend Harwell gave me
the finger last week.
607
00:42:03,730 --> 00:42:05,080
Okay, okay, you're not happy,
608
00:42:05,090 --> 00:42:06,820
but at least you have
some control over your life.
609
00:42:06,830 --> 00:42:08,790
So do you.
My father controls my life.
610
00:42:09,660 --> 00:42:11,320
You're over 18.
611
00:42:11,330 --> 00:42:13,260
You can tell him to drop dead,
and get on a plane.
612
00:42:13,270 --> 00:42:14,490
So can you.
613
00:42:14,500 --> 00:42:15,630
I don't want to.
614
00:42:17,370 --> 00:42:19,230
I like living at home.
615
00:42:19,240 --> 00:42:20,530
No, you don't.
616
00:42:20,540 --> 00:42:23,410
What am I, a garden snail?
617
00:42:24,510 --> 00:42:26,500
An involuntary muscle in a janitor suit?
618
00:42:26,510 --> 00:42:28,240
I, I know what I want to do.
619
00:42:29,080 --> 00:42:30,670
What could you possibly like
620
00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:33,070
about living at home at your age?
621
00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:37,250
The meals are great. I mean, there's the...
There's cable.
622
00:42:38,690 --> 00:42:41,910
The accommodations
are excellent, five-star.
623
00:42:41,920 --> 00:42:44,040
What do you care if I'm
living at home or not?
624
00:42:45,190 --> 00:42:47,920
Hey, I didn't come here to irritate you.
625
00:42:47,930 --> 00:42:49,590
Well, you're beginning to.
626
00:42:52,860 --> 00:42:55,860
Great.
That's really great.
627
00:42:55,870 --> 00:42:58,860
I gotta stop saying those kinds of things.
628
00:42:58,870 --> 00:43:01,530
Those freakin' kids!
I knew I couldn't trust 'em.
629
00:43:01,540 --> 00:43:04,700
Town liar.
That's a nice rep. Nice rep.
630
00:43:04,710 --> 00:43:06,570
I bet it was Gregory, that little weasel.
631
00:43:06,580 --> 00:43:08,430
Top secret, top secret, I tell 'em,
632
00:43:08,440 --> 00:43:10,200
and they still shoot off their mouths!
633
00:43:10,210 --> 00:43:12,270
If I'd really been a French spy,
634
00:43:12,280 --> 00:43:14,640
those little tots would've gotten me killed!
635
00:43:14,650 --> 00:43:16,610
Piano wire wrapped around my neck.
636
00:43:16,620 --> 00:43:18,270
My testicles shoved down my throat,
637
00:43:18,280 --> 00:43:20,350
a piece of dynamite stuck up my ass.
638
00:43:26,320 --> 00:43:27,690
She's so beautiful.
639
00:43:30,090 --> 00:43:31,660
And I'm the town liar.
640
00:45:15,260 --> 00:45:19,920
Jim, there's no reason to lie right now.
641
00:45:19,930 --> 00:45:22,420
There's no one to impress.
642
00:45:22,430 --> 00:45:24,120
You know, I'm not impressed by a man
643
00:45:24,130 --> 00:45:25,930
telling me he likes living at home.
644
00:45:25,940 --> 00:45:29,330
Excuse me. I'm not lying,
645
00:45:29,340 --> 00:45:31,500
and I'm not trying to impress you.
646
00:45:31,510 --> 00:45:33,700
So, if you'll excuse me, I have work to do.
647
00:45:33,710 --> 00:45:36,170
I have to clean dead flies
out of the lighting fixtures.
648
00:45:36,180 --> 00:45:39,440
Okay, okay, my error.
I apologize.
649
00:45:39,450 --> 00:45:43,370
It's just that I can't imagine a man,
650
00:45:43,380 --> 00:45:46,750
giving up his independence,
his right to mate,
651
00:45:47,450 --> 00:45:49,280
to have a family,
652
00:45:49,290 --> 00:45:52,710
to have children,
to build a life for himself,
653
00:45:52,720 --> 00:45:53,950
for good cooking.
654
00:45:53,960 --> 00:45:55,280
Hold on.
655
00:45:55,290 --> 00:45:58,120
I have not given up my right to mate.
656
00:45:58,130 --> 00:46:00,450
I have the right to mate
657
00:46:00,460 --> 00:46:03,530
anytime I feel like mating.
658
00:46:04,230 --> 00:46:05,990
You go out with someone.
659
00:46:06,000 --> 00:46:07,790
You bring her home.
660
00:46:07,800 --> 00:46:09,830
You introduce her to...
661
00:46:09,840 --> 00:46:12,900
Mom, Dad, sis, Billy,
662
00:46:13,500 --> 00:46:15,130
Woofie the dog.
663
00:46:15,140 --> 00:46:17,040
Cocktails in the rumpus room, and then
664
00:46:17,910 --> 00:46:19,570
do it on the bunk bed?
665
00:46:21,510 --> 00:46:23,310
Let's analyze that remark.
666
00:46:23,980 --> 00:46:25,830
First, I don't have a dog,
667
00:46:25,840 --> 00:46:27,500
my brother's not named Billy,
668
00:46:27,510 --> 00:46:30,670
and I don't even have a rumpus room.
So I don't even...
669
00:46:30,680 --> 00:46:32,210
You know what I mean.
670
00:46:37,390 --> 00:46:39,950
Yeah, I know what you mean.
671
00:46:41,060 --> 00:46:42,890
Spit on me, make me feel lousy.
672
00:46:49,400 --> 00:46:51,060
Jim?
673
00:46:52,430 --> 00:46:54,660
You said something that wasn't true.
674
00:46:55,530 --> 00:46:57,160
No.
675
00:46:57,170 --> 00:47:01,760
No, I said that I can
have sex when I want to,
676
00:47:01,770 --> 00:47:04,600
and I do. I do.
677
00:47:04,610 --> 00:47:07,670
However, I was looking forward to a
nice, quiet evening of janitoring.
678
00:47:10,340 --> 00:47:12,380
I don't think you see what I'm getting at.
679
00:47:12,850 --> 00:47:14,770
I see what you're getting at.
680
00:47:14,780 --> 00:47:17,370
I'm a lying monk with an Oedipus complex
681
00:47:17,380 --> 00:47:18,670
and an appetite for home cooking.
682
00:47:18,680 --> 00:47:20,270
Don't forget. You're
the indecisive shoplifter.
683
00:47:20,280 --> 00:47:22,280
Yes! Exactly!
684
00:47:22,290 --> 00:47:24,450
I would do anything to be in your shoes.
685
00:47:25,120 --> 00:47:27,680
These are Darnell's shoes.
686
00:47:27,690 --> 00:47:30,320
You know, you have freedom,
and you're not using it.
687
00:47:31,530 --> 00:47:33,450
It makes me sad.
688
00:47:33,460 --> 00:47:36,020
Well, you have the collective
wealth of the entire town,
689
00:47:36,030 --> 00:47:38,790
and you're trying to get yourself arrested.
Now, that makes me sad.
690
00:47:38,800 --> 00:47:40,860
That makes me sad, too.
691
00:47:40,870 --> 00:47:42,190
That's pretty stupid.
692
00:47:42,200 --> 00:47:43,470
It's very stupid.
693
00:47:44,740 --> 00:47:46,690
Are you serious?
694
00:47:46,700 --> 00:47:48,960
I mean, you haven't been drinking?
695
00:47:48,970 --> 00:47:50,770
This isn't the bottle talking?
696
00:47:51,540 --> 00:47:52,870
No.
697
00:47:53,810 --> 00:47:56,540
Then why don't you just talk to the guy?
698
00:47:58,710 --> 00:48:01,600
For the same reason
that you can't leave home,
699
00:48:01,610 --> 00:48:03,610
I can't tell my father to go to hell.
700
00:48:05,210 --> 00:48:06,680
Why not?
701
00:48:09,420 --> 00:48:12,290
Because I don't want to be alone.
702
00:48:40,010 --> 00:48:41,640
Mr. McClellan?
703
00:48:43,110 --> 00:48:46,180
You ever have any family
problems, you and your daughter?
704
00:48:47,320 --> 00:48:49,350
What the hell do you think this is?
705
00:48:51,190 --> 00:48:52,590
You got a point.
706
00:48:58,460 --> 00:49:00,160
Would you go with me somewhere?
707
00:49:03,130 --> 00:49:04,760
Where?
Florida?
708
00:49:05,430 --> 00:49:07,590
Wyoming? Spain?
709
00:49:07,600 --> 00:49:09,830
It doesn't really matter,
just away somewhere.
710
00:49:11,270 --> 00:49:12,770
I'd love to.
711
00:49:13,500 --> 00:49:16,160
I just can't afford to be
712
00:49:16,170 --> 00:49:18,300
capricious and carefree like yourself.
713
00:49:18,310 --> 00:49:22,070
I, I've gotta set my sights on
something and really go for it.
714
00:49:23,140 --> 00:49:24,610
Night janitor?
715
00:49:25,540 --> 00:49:27,600
It's a beginning.
I'm looking at...
716
00:49:27,610 --> 00:49:29,240
It's an end.
717
00:49:31,780 --> 00:49:33,940
Maybe if you had,
like, a destination in mind,
718
00:49:33,950 --> 00:49:36,220
that would make all the
difference in the world.
719
00:49:37,280 --> 00:49:39,440
Why?
720
00:49:39,450 --> 00:49:41,940
Well, I'm, I'm just not
721
00:49:41,950 --> 00:49:44,310
built to aimlessly roam the world.
722
00:49:44,320 --> 00:49:46,690
I'm too conservative for that.
723
00:49:48,130 --> 00:49:49,980
Well,
724
00:49:49,990 --> 00:49:52,130
I was thinking about Los Angeles.
725
00:49:55,400 --> 00:49:56,620
What for?
726
00:49:56,630 --> 00:49:57,700
Live. Work.
727
00:49:59,400 --> 00:50:01,130
At what?
Whatever.
728
00:50:01,870 --> 00:50:03,970
And what about your father?
729
00:50:05,640 --> 00:50:07,500
When I don't die,
730
00:50:07,510 --> 00:50:10,730
he'll realize that I can make it on my own.
731
00:50:10,740 --> 00:50:14,900
If I do, he'll have the satisfaction
of knowing that I can't.
732
00:50:14,910 --> 00:50:18,310
If I run and he brings me back,
or if I go back on my own,
733
00:50:18,320 --> 00:50:20,010
either way he's just, gonna
beat the shit out of me.
734
00:50:20,020 --> 00:50:21,740
So it doesn't really make a difference.
735
00:50:21,750 --> 00:50:23,220
What, literally?
736
00:50:26,890 --> 00:50:27,950
Yeah.
737
00:50:29,320 --> 00:50:30,660
Sad.
738
00:50:31,590 --> 00:50:32,980
Yeah, it's sad.
739
00:50:32,990 --> 00:50:35,390
Until he throws you
across the room, it's sad.
740
00:50:36,430 --> 00:50:37,990
I'm just afraid to live with him,
741
00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:39,690
and I'm afraid to
live without... You know,
742
00:50:39,700 --> 00:50:42,660
you didn't come to work to hear this stuff.
I'm really sorry.
743
00:50:42,670 --> 00:50:43,990
That's all right.
744
00:50:44,000 --> 00:50:45,230
I'm gonna clean this up.
745
00:50:53,380 --> 00:50:55,430
I'm, I'm just surprised.
746
00:50:55,440 --> 00:50:57,410
I thought everything was okay, you know.
747
00:50:58,350 --> 00:50:59,700
I figured you got a nice car, you got
748
00:50:59,710 --> 00:51:01,000
a nice house, you got some money.
749
00:51:01,010 --> 00:51:02,410
Everything's okay.
750
00:51:02,420 --> 00:51:04,170
It should be,
751
00:51:04,180 --> 00:51:05,770
but it's not.
752
00:51:05,780 --> 00:51:07,840
It's twisted, and it's distorted,
753
00:51:07,850 --> 00:51:10,520
and it can't be changed,
and it cannot be saved.
754
00:51:18,060 --> 00:51:19,460
I'll go with you.
755
00:51:24,770 --> 00:51:26,300
Really?
756
00:51:27,400 --> 00:51:28,700
Yeah.
757
00:51:30,570 --> 00:51:32,200
We have to get a car.
758
00:51:33,570 --> 00:51:35,400
Let's get through the night, first.
759
00:51:35,410 --> 00:51:36,870
I have money.
760
00:51:36,880 --> 00:51:38,030
How much?
761
00:51:38,040 --> 00:51:39,710
$52, 000.
762
00:51:42,180 --> 00:51:43,380
On you?
763
00:51:45,050 --> 00:51:46,820
In my purse.
764
00:52:00,200 --> 00:52:02,090
$52, 000. Wow.
765
00:52:03,330 --> 00:52:05,660
I've never seen so much money in my life.
766
00:52:05,670 --> 00:52:07,960
This is more than my house cost.
767
00:52:09,330 --> 00:52:11,390
Jim,
768
00:52:11,400 --> 00:52:13,590
now that I'm spending the night,
769
00:52:13,600 --> 00:52:15,260
how can I pay you back
770
00:52:15,270 --> 00:52:17,670
for being so cold to you in high school?
771
00:52:20,510 --> 00:52:22,340
Do you need an answer right away?
772
00:52:22,610 --> 00:52:23,910
No.
773
00:52:24,850 --> 00:52:26,750
Sometime before the sun comes up.
774
00:52:30,120 --> 00:52:31,750
Well,
775
00:52:32,680 --> 00:52:34,680
you're probably not going to remember this,
776
00:52:34,920 --> 00:52:37,180
but,
777
00:52:37,190 --> 00:52:39,790
there was a homecoming dance
our sophomore year.
778
00:52:41,090 --> 00:52:42,360
Do you remember Mrs. Noble?
779
00:52:43,520 --> 00:52:46,180
Large, hairy gym teacher
780
00:52:46,190 --> 00:52:48,050
with a suspiciously cumbersome groin bulge?
781
00:52:48,060 --> 00:52:49,790
I had her for two years.
782
00:52:49,800 --> 00:52:51,290
Well, she made everybody switch partners
783
00:52:51,300 --> 00:52:52,690
because all the fat girls
were dancing together,
784
00:52:52,700 --> 00:52:54,290
and the doinks, myself included,
785
00:52:54,300 --> 00:52:55,860
were standing against the wall,
786
00:52:55,870 --> 00:52:58,060
blowing spit bubbles.
Right.
787
00:52:58,070 --> 00:53:03,840
Well, for three-quarters
of one verse of a slow song,
788
00:53:05,310 --> 00:53:06,680
we danced together.
789
00:53:08,310 --> 00:53:09,710
You reeked of Stridex.
790
00:53:10,880 --> 00:53:12,610
No, that was Larry Fry.
791
00:53:13,880 --> 00:53:15,210
I'm sorry.
792
00:53:16,480 --> 00:53:17,710
I don't remember.
793
00:53:17,720 --> 00:53:19,740
Well...
794
00:53:19,750 --> 00:53:21,680
You got your hair caught in my braces.
795
00:53:22,390 --> 00:53:23,880
I don't remember.
796
00:53:23,890 --> 00:53:25,290
Well, it's not important.
797
00:53:27,820 --> 00:53:29,250
I had...
798
00:53:29,260 --> 00:53:30,890
Well, I just always...
799
00:53:31,960 --> 00:53:33,960
Dreamed of finishing that dance.
800
00:53:37,230 --> 00:53:38,290
Okay.
801
00:53:41,570 --> 00:53:45,160
Don't, don't feel
you have to answer right away.
802
00:53:45,170 --> 00:53:48,630
It's just a small portion
of my life that's incomplete.
803
00:53:48,640 --> 00:53:50,900
I thought you were gonna say
something different.
804
00:53:57,080 --> 00:53:58,580
Well,
805
00:54:00,450 --> 00:54:02,150
first things first.
806
00:54:18,190 --> 00:54:22,230
¶ When things go wrong
807
00:54:23,430 --> 00:54:26,360
¶ As they sometimes will
808
00:54:26,370 --> 00:54:30,940
¶ When the road you're
trudging seems all uphill
809
00:54:34,540 --> 00:54:38,180
¶ When the funds are low
810
00:54:39,510 --> 00:54:42,770
¶ And the debts are high
811
00:54:42,780 --> 00:54:47,680
¶ And you want to smile,
but you have to sigh
812
00:54:51,050 --> 00:54:54,350
¶ When care
813
00:54:54,360 --> 00:54:58,980
¶ Is pressing you down a bit
814
00:54:58,990 --> 00:55:02,030
¶ Rest if you must
815
00:55:05,300 --> 00:55:07,970
¶ But don't you quit
816
00:55:09,800 --> 00:55:12,400
¶ No
817
00:55:13,070 --> 00:55:16,440
¶ Don't you quit
818
00:55:17,970 --> 00:55:19,940
¶ No
819
00:55:35,390 --> 00:55:39,680
¶ But you never can tell
820
00:55:39,690 --> 00:55:44,020
¶ How close you are
821
00:55:44,030 --> 00:55:49,630
¶ It may be near when it seems so far.
822
00:57:06,000 --> 00:57:07,630
Officer Don!
823
00:57:07,640 --> 00:57:09,890
You scared the crap out of me.
824
00:57:09,900 --> 00:57:12,400
I thought it was the custodian.
825
00:57:12,410 --> 00:57:14,500
Jim, what are you doing in there?
826
00:57:14,510 --> 00:57:16,470
I work here now.
827
00:57:21,580 --> 00:57:23,640
You wanna let me in?
828
00:57:23,650 --> 00:57:26,810
I'd love to let you in.
I don't have the keys.
829
00:57:26,820 --> 00:57:28,650
I'm locked in
here till 7:00 a.m.
830
00:57:29,150 --> 00:57:30,680
What's going on?
831
00:57:30,690 --> 00:57:32,920
Have you seen Josie McClellan?
832
00:57:34,350 --> 00:57:36,690
Of course...
833
00:57:37,490 --> 00:57:41,080
Dark hair, green eyes, beautiful.
834
00:57:41,090 --> 00:57:42,480
Yeah. Of course.
835
00:57:42,490 --> 00:57:43,760
You seen her recently?
836
00:57:45,590 --> 00:57:49,090
Matter of fact, I just
saw her yesterday, yeah.
837
00:57:49,100 --> 00:57:51,320
We had a cup of java together.
838
00:57:51,330 --> 00:57:53,520
She come into the store?
839
00:57:53,530 --> 00:57:56,090
I don't know.
I only work nights.
840
00:57:56,100 --> 00:57:58,070
Why?
Well,
841
00:57:59,210 --> 00:58:01,030
she's missing.
842
00:58:01,040 --> 00:58:04,770
Now, I was looking around this side
of town for her and I come past.
843
00:58:04,780 --> 00:58:07,670
I seen that the outside sign's on.
844
00:58:07,680 --> 00:58:10,080
The outside sign's never on.
845
00:58:10,650 --> 00:58:12,440
Yeah. Yeah.
846
00:58:12,450 --> 00:58:14,170
Did you try the library?
847
00:58:14,180 --> 00:58:16,580
Because, you know,
maybe she fell asleep reading.
848
00:58:17,820 --> 00:58:19,540
No.
849
00:58:19,550 --> 00:58:22,860
She's probably just screwing somebody
the old man don't approve of.
850
00:58:28,630 --> 00:58:30,050
Would you know...
851
00:58:30,060 --> 00:58:34,460
If the custodian comes by
to check up on people?
852
00:58:34,470 --> 00:58:37,300
No, I wouldn't think he'd do that, Jimmy.
853
00:58:38,040 --> 00:58:40,400
I feel pretty good now.
854
00:58:49,480 --> 00:58:51,170
I'm sorry, sir.
855
00:58:51,180 --> 00:58:53,480
I had to practice a little therapy.
856
00:58:54,150 --> 00:58:55,880
Boy's in his own world.
857
01:01:28,940 --> 01:01:30,820
Why don't we get underneath the bench?
858
01:01:34,070 --> 01:01:35,740
Do you want to get on top?
859
01:01:44,080 --> 01:01:46,310
You check the office.
I'll scope the dressing rooms.
860
01:01:46,320 --> 01:01:47,820
Right.
861
01:01:56,330 --> 01:01:57,820
You're on top.
862
01:02:00,090 --> 01:02:01,450
Did you want to be on top?
863
01:02:01,460 --> 01:02:03,320
No.
864
01:02:03,330 --> 01:02:06,000
No, no, I'm fine where I am.
865
01:02:06,260 --> 01:02:07,660
Sure.
866
01:02:46,130 --> 01:02:48,070
I think he went to the back.
867
01:02:59,750 --> 01:03:01,480
Evening.
868
01:03:05,390 --> 01:03:07,680
Nice.
869
01:03:07,690 --> 01:03:09,510
Excellent.
870
01:03:09,520 --> 01:03:12,820
Hey, you got a tattoo?
871
01:03:15,260 --> 01:03:16,420
No, sir.
872
01:03:16,430 --> 01:03:17,980
Not you, asshole!
873
01:03:17,990 --> 01:03:20,050
I'm a missing person.
874
01:03:20,060 --> 01:03:22,690
The whole town is looking for me.
875
01:03:22,700 --> 01:03:25,660
What, are you hidin' out?
Yes.
876
01:03:25,670 --> 01:03:28,030
And I would appreciate
it if you'd let us sit up.
877
01:03:28,040 --> 01:03:29,930
What about the tattoo?
878
01:03:30,770 --> 01:03:32,830
I don't have one.
879
01:03:32,840 --> 01:03:34,160
You owe me a buck.
880
01:03:34,170 --> 01:03:35,600
Actually, it's up to two.
881
01:03:35,610 --> 01:03:38,430
I borrowed that one off you at Burger King.
882
01:03:38,440 --> 01:03:40,070
Excuse me.
883
01:03:41,610 --> 01:03:44,000
Are you planning to shoot us
in the back of the head?
884
01:03:44,010 --> 01:03:46,750
We haven't decided yet, have we?
885
01:03:48,350 --> 01:03:49,740
Who are you?
886
01:03:49,750 --> 01:03:52,510
You don't want to know.
887
01:03:52,520 --> 01:03:54,940
He wouldn't have asked if he
didn't want to know, butthead.
888
01:03:54,950 --> 01:03:56,910
He's a little crazy.
He's my brother.
889
01:03:56,920 --> 01:03:58,920
He's not quite right.
That's not true.
890
01:03:59,420 --> 01:04:00,850
She doesn't even know me.
891
01:04:00,860 --> 01:04:02,420
Somebody better start talking straight here.
892
01:04:02,430 --> 01:04:03,920
That's the truth.
893
01:04:04,190 --> 01:04:06,120
Okay.
894
01:04:08,360 --> 01:04:09,960
You want to know?
895
01:04:11,030 --> 01:04:12,930
Okay, good.
896
01:04:13,360 --> 01:04:15,130
But...
897
01:04:16,300 --> 01:04:18,330
Come on over here.
898
01:04:19,200 --> 01:04:21,730
- What?
- Come on over.
899
01:04:21,740 --> 01:04:23,700
Come on over here! Over here.
900
01:04:41,320 --> 01:04:43,120
Come on down here.
901
01:04:46,090 --> 01:04:47,850
That's right.
Down here. Down here.
902
01:04:50,760 --> 01:04:52,130
Okay.
903
01:04:53,660 --> 01:04:56,130
You dumb sons of bitches.
904
01:04:57,130 --> 01:05:00,160
Do you realize that you have just walked
905
01:05:00,170 --> 01:05:03,730
straight into a $60-million
drug transaction?
906
01:05:06,440 --> 01:05:07,760
So, you're running this
907
01:05:07,770 --> 01:05:11,260
multi-zillion-dollar
drug transaction by yourself?
908
01:05:11,270 --> 01:05:13,100
Little Target boy.
909
01:05:13,110 --> 01:05:15,230
No.
910
01:05:15,240 --> 01:05:17,900
No, I'm not doing it by myself.
911
01:05:17,910 --> 01:05:19,550
No, no.
912
01:05:20,780 --> 01:05:22,210
As a matter of fact,
913
01:05:23,750 --> 01:05:25,740
in about 10 minutes,
914
01:05:25,750 --> 01:05:28,940
this place is gonna be
alive with the meanest,
915
01:05:28,950 --> 01:05:32,510
ugliest, most impatient animals
you guys have ever seen.
916
01:05:32,520 --> 01:05:35,920
So I'll tell you what, I'll
give you five minutes to take
917
01:05:35,930 --> 01:05:38,620
whatever you want in the whole store.
Anything you want and just go.
918
01:05:38,630 --> 01:05:41,600
I won't tell. Just go. Just
take your guns and go. Scoot.
919
01:05:42,330 --> 01:05:44,060
Okay, then, who's the girl?
920
01:05:46,430 --> 01:05:47,660
I'm his hostage.
921
01:05:47,670 --> 01:05:48,830
Yes, yes.
922
01:05:49,940 --> 01:05:52,930
Is that true?
923
01:05:52,940 --> 01:05:55,340
Yes! Yes, it's true.
924
01:05:55,770 --> 01:05:57,540
And...
925
01:06:00,650 --> 01:06:02,750
If the deal doesn't go down,
926
01:06:03,380 --> 01:06:04,770
she becomes pig feed.
927
01:06:04,780 --> 01:06:05,950
Bullshit.
928
01:06:06,380 --> 01:06:07,850
Really?
929
01:06:10,820 --> 01:06:12,010
Well, blow her away.
930
01:06:12,020 --> 01:06:14,120
Come on, that's bullshit!
931
01:06:15,460 --> 01:06:16,890
Okay.
932
01:06:18,290 --> 01:06:21,720
Then give me your guns
and I'll do it for you.
933
01:06:22,890 --> 01:06:24,020
It's bullshit, right?
934
01:06:25,660 --> 01:06:27,090
We'll see.
935
01:06:29,700 --> 01:06:31,320
Roll over.
936
01:06:31,330 --> 01:06:32,820
Come on, you heard him.
What?
937
01:06:32,830 --> 01:06:34,860
Roll over!
That's right. You too, honey.
938
01:06:34,870 --> 01:06:37,230
You heard me.
Roll over. Come on, do it!
939
01:06:37,240 --> 01:06:40,960
Come on, come on! Roll! Roll.
That's it. Very good.
940
01:06:40,970 --> 01:06:44,300
Yeah.
941
01:06:44,310 --> 01:06:47,240
Give me the guns.
942
01:06:48,980 --> 01:06:50,500
No way, man..
943
01:06:50,510 --> 01:06:52,240
Fine. Fine.
944
01:06:52,250 --> 01:06:54,380
You do it. I don't
need her anymore, anyway.
945
01:06:55,720 --> 01:06:57,410
I only needed her to get through customs.
946
01:06:57,420 --> 01:06:59,080
I don't like this.
947
01:06:59,090 --> 01:07:00,740
This sucks. It's not worth it.
948
01:07:00,750 --> 01:07:02,310
Come on, we don't
have much time. Do it!
949
01:07:02,320 --> 01:07:03,750
All right.
950
01:07:07,590 --> 01:07:09,320
It's nothing personal.
951
01:07:09,330 --> 01:07:11,090
Jim!
Too late. They're here!
952
01:07:13,000 --> 01:07:14,490
It's too late. They're here.
953
01:07:14,500 --> 01:07:16,260
Men, hold your fire.
Hold the fire.
954
01:07:16,870 --> 01:07:18,760
Ned in housewares, hold your fire.
955
01:07:18,770 --> 01:07:20,560
Tommy in sporting goods, hold your fire.
956
01:07:20,570 --> 01:07:21,890
Ned, hold your fire.
957
01:07:21,900 --> 01:07:24,260
There are infrared scopes
trained on your heads.
958
01:07:24,270 --> 01:07:25,830
We didn't want this!
959
01:07:25,840 --> 01:07:27,520
It's the girl you want, not us!
960
01:07:28,410 --> 01:07:29,830
Just relax, okay.
Ned, we got a WD-40.
961
01:07:29,840 --> 01:07:31,330
That's right.
A full-scale PMS.
962
01:07:31,340 --> 01:07:33,030
Okay, everybody, just relax!
963
01:07:33,040 --> 01:07:35,900
Now, now, everybody just relax.
964
01:07:35,910 --> 01:07:37,670
Okay, the whole place is gonna blow.
965
01:07:37,680 --> 01:07:38,840
Everybody just relax.
966
01:07:38,850 --> 01:07:40,670
Now, put down your guns.
Put the guns down.
967
01:07:40,680 --> 01:07:42,210
Ned, they're putting down the guns.
968
01:07:42,220 --> 01:07:43,910
Are you putting them down?
They are putting them down.
969
01:07:43,920 --> 01:07:46,340
Now, get down, 'cause
lives are at stake here.
970
01:07:46,350 --> 01:07:49,750
Let go. Let go, let go.
Now, get back, get back.
971
01:07:51,190 --> 01:07:54,610
Spread 'em. Spread the legs.
Put down the dogs.
972
01:07:54,620 --> 01:07:57,180
Okay, put the dogs down.
Put the dogs down.
973
01:07:57,190 --> 01:07:59,630
Both of 'em!
Put the dogs down! Down!
974
01:08:01,360 --> 01:08:03,220
That was great!
975
01:08:03,230 --> 01:08:04,960
I got a big surprise for you guys.
976
01:08:04,970 --> 01:08:07,800
We have a bit of a surprise for you, too.
977
01:08:09,300 --> 01:08:11,070
Them guns aren't loaded.
978
01:08:21,550 --> 01:08:23,340
I got an idea.
979
01:08:23,350 --> 01:08:25,310
How about a truce?
980
01:08:25,320 --> 01:08:28,310
I'm full of shit.
You're full of shit.
981
01:08:28,320 --> 01:08:31,040
I think everybody at one time
in their life is full of shit.
982
01:08:31,050 --> 01:08:32,650
I'll throw on a couple of corn dogs
983
01:08:32,660 --> 01:08:34,750
and we'll all get to know each other.
984
01:08:34,760 --> 01:08:37,050
I'd like to know what
goes on inside your heads.
985
01:08:37,060 --> 01:08:39,350
Okay, you had the big one, you had the...
986
01:08:39,360 --> 01:08:41,020
No.
987
01:08:41,030 --> 01:08:42,910
Sorry. I could've
sworn you had the big one.
988
01:08:47,070 --> 01:08:49,100
I lied.
989
01:08:52,910 --> 01:08:55,940
These are the men that
killed that guy in Saltburg.
990
01:08:57,040 --> 01:08:59,400
I'm fairly sure that we're gonna die.
991
01:08:59,410 --> 01:09:01,200
I just want to tell
you how disappointed I am
992
01:09:01,210 --> 01:09:03,000
that we're not going to California together.
993
01:09:03,010 --> 01:09:04,750
We're not dead yet.
994
01:09:05,850 --> 01:09:08,510
Pretty darn close.
No.
995
01:09:08,520 --> 01:09:11,110
If I can get them to take me with them,
996
01:09:11,120 --> 01:09:13,510
maybe I can get away and come back for you.
997
01:09:13,520 --> 01:09:16,250
Don't forget we need a car
and they obviously have one.
998
01:09:17,620 --> 01:09:19,550
Just...
999
01:09:19,560 --> 01:09:20,950
Go along with whatever I do, okay?
1000
01:09:20,960 --> 01:09:22,330
Okay.
1001
01:09:34,710 --> 01:09:36,730
So, what's the word on you two?
1002
01:09:36,740 --> 01:09:40,430
Are you married?
Obviously, you're...
1003
01:09:40,440 --> 01:09:43,710
Hack crooks if you can't pull
off a discount store job.
1004
01:09:45,780 --> 01:09:48,450
What were you planning to steal?
A little hair spray?
1005
01:09:52,950 --> 01:09:54,020
Sorry.
1006
01:09:58,220 --> 01:09:59,450
Lady, you got a job?
1007
01:10:01,560 --> 01:10:03,050
No.
1008
01:10:03,060 --> 01:10:04,460
Well, then don't knock ours.
1009
01:10:05,430 --> 01:10:07,560
Crime isn't a job.
It's a sickness.
1010
01:10:12,570 --> 01:10:13,900
Whoops.
1011
01:10:14,800 --> 01:10:16,070
Anyone have some change?
1012
01:10:27,940 --> 01:10:30,900
You look like a lady in need of a quarter.
1013
01:10:30,910 --> 01:10:33,250
I might need more than just a quarter.
1014
01:10:35,920 --> 01:10:38,610
You know...
No.
1015
01:10:38,620 --> 01:10:40,480
You and I could make a lot of money.
1016
01:10:40,490 --> 01:10:43,410
Honey, me and Nestor are partners.
1017
01:10:43,420 --> 01:10:45,510
Okay? We don't need a third.
1018
01:10:45,520 --> 01:10:48,060
You don't know what you need,
so why don't you shut up?
1019
01:10:51,460 --> 01:10:53,500
Hop on.
1020
01:11:09,680 --> 01:11:11,340
Now.
1021
01:11:11,980 --> 01:11:13,710
Let's go now.
1022
01:11:15,150 --> 01:11:16,370
Know what you are?
1023
01:11:16,380 --> 01:11:17,500
Yeah.
1024
01:11:17,510 --> 01:11:20,410
You are one
good-looking ball of trouble.
1025
01:11:23,620 --> 01:11:24,850
Good.
1026
01:12:02,020 --> 01:12:03,480
What do you think, for the car?
1027
01:12:03,490 --> 01:12:05,050
This one?
1028
01:12:05,060 --> 01:12:08,320
No, the whole thing. We'll
just lay it down in the back.
1029
01:12:08,330 --> 01:12:10,390
We got
multi-cassette capabilities.
1030
01:12:10,400 --> 01:12:11,890
Think of the sound.
1031
01:12:39,220 --> 01:12:42,350
Let me just tell you. I'm not
helping you load your car.
1032
01:12:42,360 --> 01:12:44,220
Think again, boy.
1033
01:12:44,230 --> 01:12:48,020
You're not going to take the stolen
merchandise out of the store. No.
1034
01:12:48,030 --> 01:12:49,190
I'm not gonna let you.
1035
01:12:49,200 --> 01:12:50,690
Get out.
1036
01:12:50,700 --> 01:12:51,850
It's stolen. All of it!
1037
01:12:51,860 --> 01:12:53,020
- Give me that!
- No!
1038
01:12:53,030 --> 01:12:55,020
It's mine!
Give it to me!
1039
01:12:55,030 --> 01:12:56,370
It's mine.
1040
01:13:00,800 --> 01:13:03,100
But where... Wait a minute.
1041
01:13:06,540 --> 01:13:07,870
You're not going with them?
1042
01:13:07,880 --> 01:13:09,140
Yeah.
1043
01:13:10,210 --> 01:13:11,940
You'll be an accessory.
1044
01:13:13,540 --> 01:13:15,700
So?
1045
01:13:15,710 --> 01:13:17,700
So? You don't know
anything about them.
1046
01:13:17,710 --> 01:13:19,710
You certainly don't know anything about him.
1047
01:13:19,720 --> 01:13:21,210
These are hardened criminals here!
1048
01:13:21,220 --> 01:13:23,310
Okay, come here. That's enough.
That's enough!
1049
01:13:23,320 --> 01:13:24,380
Gil.
1050
01:13:26,790 --> 01:13:29,450
Don't waste your time.
You could get a hernia.
1051
01:13:29,460 --> 01:13:31,620
You know, if my foot could talk,
1052
01:13:31,630 --> 01:13:34,620
it would say, "May I please
go up this geek's ass?"
1053
01:13:34,630 --> 01:13:35,820
Forget him!
Forget him.
1054
01:13:35,830 --> 01:13:37,450
Come on! All right.
1055
01:13:37,460 --> 01:13:40,220
He's no use to us. After all,
the guy's built like an oyster.
1056
01:13:40,230 --> 01:13:41,800
Listen, little mister.
1057
01:13:44,430 --> 01:13:46,090
If you tell on us,
1058
01:13:46,100 --> 01:13:47,470
I'll kill you.
1059
01:13:53,440 --> 01:13:54,710
Fine.
1060
01:13:59,780 --> 01:14:01,640
Jim.
1061
01:14:10,150 --> 01:14:11,750
Don't be an ass.
1062
01:14:14,420 --> 01:14:16,990
Okay, Jimbo?
1063
01:14:19,090 --> 01:14:20,890
Let's go, shall we?
1064
01:14:50,860 --> 01:14:52,250
Come on, come on, come on!
1065
01:15:10,840 --> 01:15:13,370
I got 'em.
I got 'em. I got 'em.
1066
01:16:36,720 --> 01:16:39,480
That wasn't a store robbery.
1067
01:16:39,490 --> 01:16:41,810
That was an assassination.
1068
01:16:41,820 --> 01:16:43,890
That wasn't a clerk.
That was a wise guy.
1069
01:16:44,720 --> 01:16:46,820
How do I know?
1070
01:16:46,830 --> 01:16:50,150
I spent a little time with the
FBI's organized crime unit.
1071
01:16:50,160 --> 01:16:52,120
I guess you could say that
I'm intimately knowledgeable
1072
01:16:52,130 --> 01:16:53,990
with the seedy and rancorous
workings of the mob
1073
01:16:54,000 --> 01:16:56,760
in the Midwest section of this country.
1074
01:16:56,770 --> 01:16:59,630
Let me just say, I know a
gangland slaying when I see one,
1075
01:16:59,640 --> 01:17:01,640
and that's exactly what this baby is.
1076
01:17:03,270 --> 01:17:07,010
I'd look into myself personally,
but I got a date tonight.
1077
01:17:15,580 --> 01:17:17,550
Attention Target shoppers.
1078
01:18:05,390 --> 01:18:06,830
Jim!
1079
01:19:01,780 --> 01:19:04,350
He is so cool.
76932
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