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1
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( Jazz music playing )
2
00:00:01,967 --> 00:00:03,668
Darling,
I don't care what you say
3
00:00:03,669 --> 00:00:05,589
these rice cakes
taste like cork.
4
00:00:07,906 --> 00:00:10,308
That's a coaster, Ma.
5
00:00:16,882 --> 00:00:19,417
Here's the rice cake.
6
00:00:19,418 --> 00:00:20,619
Will you stop hawking me?
7
00:00:20,620 --> 00:00:23,254
The doctor told me
my cholesterol was perfect.
8
00:00:26,292 --> 00:00:27,926
Stop it, stop that.
9
00:00:29,762 --> 00:00:32,096
You can't
keep eating fat like this.
10
00:00:32,097 --> 00:00:35,333
Or you are not gonna live long
enough to dance at my wedding.
11
00:00:35,334 --> 00:00:36,768
I'll take my chances.
12
00:00:39,538 --> 00:00:42,040
See how mean I get
when I don't eat?
13
00:00:42,041 --> 00:00:43,475
Mm-hmm.
14
00:00:43,476 --> 00:00:44,942
Well, goodbye, sweetheart.
15
00:00:44,943 --> 00:00:46,077
Bye, Ma.
16
00:00:46,078 --> 00:00:48,346
Oh, not so fast.
17
00:00:48,347 --> 00:00:49,581
What?
18
00:00:49,582 --> 00:00:51,149
You wanna hug?
19
00:00:51,150 --> 00:00:53,151
No, "Kisses."
20
00:01:00,526 --> 00:01:02,760
( telephone ringing )
21
00:01:02,761 --> 00:01:05,197
Oh. Hello.
22
00:01:05,198 --> 00:01:07,932
Woman: Yes, I'm looking for Ms.
Fran Fine.
23
00:01:07,933 --> 00:01:09,601
Oh, this is Fran Fine.
24
00:01:09,602 --> 00:01:11,336
Oh, you have no idea
25
00:01:11,337 --> 00:01:13,638
how happy I am
to hear your voice.
26
00:01:13,639 --> 00:01:15,841
Oh, you know, if I had a nickel
27
00:01:15,842 --> 00:01:18,710
for every time I heard that,
28
00:01:18,711 --> 00:01:19,811
I'd have a nickel.
29
00:01:22,715 --> 00:01:24,883
Maybe I should just be direct.
30
00:01:24,884 --> 00:01:26,751
My name is Lila Baker.
31
00:01:26,752 --> 00:01:29,688
Miss Fine, there's a possibility
32
00:01:29,689 --> 00:01:31,590
that there was a mixup
in the hospital
33
00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:34,092
and I may be your birth mother.
34
00:01:34,093 --> 00:01:35,259
What?
35
00:01:35,260 --> 00:01:38,063
Oh, that's ridiculous.
36
00:01:38,064 --> 00:01:41,933
I mean, you obviously
have the wrong Fran Fine.
37
00:01:41,934 --> 00:01:44,302
Although, who else but
a mother could be so happy
38
00:01:44,303 --> 00:01:45,704
to hear this voice?
39
00:01:45,705 --> 00:01:49,140
( Lila laughing like Fran )
40
00:01:53,713 --> 00:01:56,681
♪ She was working in a bridal
shop in Flushing Queens ♪
41
00:01:56,682 --> 00:01:57,949
♪ Till her boyfriend
kicked her out ♪
42
00:01:57,950 --> 00:01:59,417
♪ In one of those
crushing scenes ♪
43
00:01:59,418 --> 00:02:01,319
♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪
44
00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:05,056
♪ She was out
on her fanny ♪
45
00:02:05,057 --> 00:02:07,325
♪ So over the bridge from Flushing
to the Sheffield's door ♪
46
00:02:07,326 --> 00:02:09,994
♪ She was there to sell
makeup, but father saw more ♪
47
00:02:09,995 --> 00:02:12,130
♪ She had style, she had
flair, she was there ♪
48
00:02:12,131 --> 00:02:15,733
♪ That's how she became
The Nanny ♪
49
00:02:15,734 --> 00:02:18,469
♪ Who would have guessed that
the girl we've described ♪
50
00:02:18,470 --> 00:02:21,106
♪ Was just exactly what
the doctor prescribed? ♪
51
00:02:21,107 --> 00:02:22,240
♪ Now the father finds
her beguiling ♪
52
00:02:22,241 --> 00:02:23,608
♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪
53
00:02:23,609 --> 00:02:25,075
♪ And the kids are
actually smiling ♪
54
00:02:25,076 --> 00:02:26,311
♪ Such joie de vivre ♪
55
00:02:26,312 --> 00:02:27,679
♪ She is the lady in red ♪
56
00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:31,916
♪ When everybody else
is wearing tan ♪
57
00:02:31,917 --> 00:02:33,852
♪ The flashy girl
from Flushing ♪
58
00:02:33,853 --> 00:02:35,486
♪ The Nanny named Fran ♪
59
00:02:39,358 --> 00:02:42,894
So, C.C., how is everything
going in Los Angeles, hmm?
60
00:02:42,895 --> 00:02:44,128
C.C.: Fabulous, Maxwell.
61
00:02:44,129 --> 00:02:45,729
I have a friend at CBS
62
00:02:45,730 --> 00:02:48,800
who wants to buy our show
and turn it into a TV series.
63
00:02:48,801 --> 00:02:50,401
Whoa, back up.
64
00:02:50,402 --> 00:02:51,469
You have a friend?
65
00:02:55,107 --> 00:02:57,876
Now, C.C., you do realize
if we sell this idea,
66
00:02:57,877 --> 00:02:59,637
you are gonna have
to live out there?
67
00:03:00,780 --> 00:03:02,080
What?
68
00:03:02,081 --> 00:03:04,215
No comment from
the quicker picker upper?
69
00:03:06,152 --> 00:03:08,153
No, he's outside.
I don't think he heard you.
70
00:03:08,154 --> 00:03:09,520
Woo-hoooo!
71
00:03:17,496 --> 00:03:18,896
Oh, Mr. Sheffield.
72
00:03:18,897 --> 00:03:20,398
I'm so freaked out.
73
00:03:20,399 --> 00:03:21,899
A woman just called and told me
74
00:03:21,900 --> 00:03:24,702
that ma may not be
my real mother.
75
00:03:24,703 --> 00:03:27,272
So, are we happy or sad?
76
00:03:30,076 --> 00:03:31,109
We're thinking.
77
00:03:55,734 --> 00:03:57,434
Ma, look at you.
78
00:03:57,435 --> 00:04:00,338
You're being so good.
I'm so proud of you.
79
00:04:00,339 --> 00:04:02,006
Well, I'm trying.
80
00:04:16,388 --> 00:04:19,224
Now I know
why I breast fed for two years.
81
00:04:19,225 --> 00:04:20,458
I was sucking Yoo-hoo.
82
00:04:24,597 --> 00:04:27,231
You know, Ma,
if you continue to eat this way
83
00:04:27,232 --> 00:04:29,534
you are going to kill yourself.
84
00:04:29,535 --> 00:04:32,370
You know, I get so
little pleasure in life.
85
00:04:32,371 --> 00:04:34,372
It's not like
you've given me a wedding
86
00:04:34,373 --> 00:04:36,340
to plan or grandchildren or...
87
00:04:36,341 --> 00:04:37,708
Have some whipped cream.
88
00:04:41,513 --> 00:04:42,547
Thank you.
89
00:04:44,283 --> 00:04:46,751
Ma, when I was born,
90
00:04:46,752 --> 00:04:48,119
who did I look like?
91
00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:49,720
Dick Van Patten.
92
00:04:52,491 --> 00:04:54,792
And when we were
in the hospital,
93
00:04:54,793 --> 00:04:56,928
were you with me every second?
94
00:04:56,929 --> 00:04:59,797
I never let you out of my sight.
95
00:04:59,798 --> 00:05:02,266
Not even to go out and steal
96
00:05:02,267 --> 00:05:05,003
some rice pudding or Jell-O or...
97
00:05:05,004 --> 00:05:08,506
What are you?
The hospital security?
98
00:05:08,507 --> 00:05:11,075
So I took a couple that
didn't belong to me.
99
00:05:11,076 --> 00:05:12,810
The woman was catatonic.
100
00:05:16,815 --> 00:05:19,851
So you did leave me.
101
00:05:19,852 --> 00:05:21,419
Maybe we're not related.
102
00:05:32,131 --> 00:05:33,998
TV broadcast:
♪ And then there's Maude ♪
103
00:05:33,999 --> 00:05:35,633
♪ And then there's Maude ♪
104
00:05:35,634 --> 00:05:37,302
♪ And then there's Maude ♪
105
00:05:37,303 --> 00:05:38,869
♪ And then there's Maude ♪
106
00:05:38,870 --> 00:05:40,538
♪ And then there's Maude ♪
107
00:05:40,539 --> 00:05:43,674
♪ And then there's Maude ♪
108
00:05:43,675 --> 00:05:45,710
♪ That uncompromisin',
enterprisin' ♪
109
00:05:45,711 --> 00:05:47,479
♪ Anything
but tranquilizing ♪
110
00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:49,280
♪ Right on, Maude ♪
111
00:05:53,685 --> 00:05:56,721
Nadine, Francine, come on in.
112
00:05:56,722 --> 00:05:59,491
I made gedempte meatballs
with noodles.
113
00:06:05,230 --> 00:06:07,198
Why do you have to scream?
114
00:06:07,199 --> 00:06:08,466
We're right here.
115
00:06:11,036 --> 00:06:13,204
Who's screaming?
116
00:06:13,205 --> 00:06:14,939
Morty!
117
00:06:14,940 --> 00:06:17,975
Ma, you sound so obnoxious.
118
00:06:19,144 --> 00:06:20,904
I can't believe
you're my mother.
119
00:06:22,247 --> 00:06:24,382
Well, believe it.
120
00:06:24,383 --> 00:06:25,917
Meet my hips,
121
00:06:25,918 --> 00:06:27,785
Nadine and Francine.
122
00:06:31,756 --> 00:06:33,824
Who's she blaming for her tush?
123
00:06:33,825 --> 00:06:35,360
Cousin Scooter Pie?
124
00:06:37,662 --> 00:06:40,397
Oh, I'm just so honored
125
00:06:40,398 --> 00:06:43,201
that Tootie Fields
came for supper.
126
00:06:45,236 --> 00:06:47,204
Maybe you're not
her real daughter.
127
00:06:47,205 --> 00:06:50,040
Did you ever wonder
why you have black hair
128
00:06:50,041 --> 00:06:51,576
and we have blonde?
129
00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:55,713
That's because Francine
looks like daddy.
130
00:06:57,282 --> 00:06:58,449
See?
131
00:07:04,123 --> 00:07:07,525
Now, less talk and more eat.
132
00:07:07,526 --> 00:07:09,460
After supper,
133
00:07:09,461 --> 00:07:13,331
we're gonna go buy
your Halloween costumes.
134
00:07:13,332 --> 00:07:16,801
I thought you'd go as a bride.
135
00:07:18,303 --> 00:07:20,438
I don't wanna go as a bride.
136
00:07:20,439 --> 00:07:22,106
I wanna go as a career woman.
137
00:07:38,890 --> 00:07:41,259
A career woman?
138
00:07:41,260 --> 00:07:43,594
Whose child are you?
139
00:07:45,063 --> 00:07:46,698
That's it, young lady.
140
00:07:46,699 --> 00:07:49,667
No more That Girl for you.
141
00:08:00,645 --> 00:08:05,049
Ma, I have something very
important I need to tell you.
142
00:08:05,050 --> 00:08:07,652
Oh,
let me switch to a softer food,
143
00:08:07,653 --> 00:08:08,753
so I could hear you.
144
00:08:20,566 --> 00:08:23,234
Ma,
a woman called me this morning
145
00:08:23,235 --> 00:08:27,605
and said that because of
a hospital mixup years ago,
146
00:08:27,606 --> 00:08:31,542
it's possible that
she's my real mother.
147
00:08:31,543 --> 00:08:33,010
Oh, my God!
148
00:08:33,011 --> 00:08:37,348
What kind of a crackpot
would make up a thing like that?
149
00:08:37,349 --> 00:08:38,649
Oh,
150
00:08:38,650 --> 00:08:41,085
she's trying to extort something
151
00:08:41,086 --> 00:08:43,321
probably from me
and your father.
152
00:08:44,423 --> 00:08:45,656
Like what, Ma?
153
00:08:45,657 --> 00:08:47,558
Your toaster oven
with the burnt cheese
154
00:08:47,559 --> 00:08:48,659
on the heating coil?
155
00:08:53,398 --> 00:08:55,199
Ma,
156
00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:58,536
I invited this woman over
to the house tomorrow.
157
00:08:58,537 --> 00:08:59,804
I just need to know.
158
00:09:01,973 --> 00:09:03,908
Fran, you are my daughter.
159
00:09:03,909 --> 00:09:07,712
I remember every detail of your
birth like it was yesterday.
160
00:09:07,713 --> 00:09:10,748
I remember I ordered
two eggs over easy.
161
00:09:12,283 --> 00:09:16,554
It came scrambled,
but I'm not a complainer.
162
00:09:16,555 --> 00:09:19,090
Then I'm thinking,
what is so delicious?
163
00:09:19,091 --> 00:09:21,826
And I find bacon bits in it.
164
00:09:21,827 --> 00:09:24,796
I had to push it away,
it was Rosh Hashanah.
165
00:09:26,231 --> 00:09:30,067
I was born on a Jewish holiday?
166
00:09:30,068 --> 00:09:31,502
Oh, my God, then
167
00:09:31,503 --> 00:09:33,137
there really could have been
a mixup.
168
00:09:33,138 --> 00:09:37,441
I mean, what were there like two
doctors left in that hospital?
169
00:09:43,481 --> 00:09:47,050
Your cheeks were so rosy
when you were a baby.
170
00:09:47,051 --> 00:09:48,819
Were you wearing blush?
171
00:09:48,820 --> 00:09:51,455
No, I was making.
172
00:09:57,562 --> 00:09:59,763
C.C., just tell them
the deal is off.
173
00:09:59,764 --> 00:10:01,799
I want you to get yourself
on a plane and come home.
174
00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:03,267
Are you stark raving mad, sir?
175
00:10:03,268 --> 00:10:04,568
Sell that schlock.
176
00:10:06,905 --> 00:10:09,040
I'd just like to know why they
were interested in my play
177
00:10:09,041 --> 00:10:11,075
in the first place if they
want to change everything.
178
00:10:11,076 --> 00:10:13,544
Oh, you'll drive yourself crazy
asking questions like that.
179
00:10:13,545 --> 00:10:15,647
Just tell them
"show me the money."
180
00:10:21,586 --> 00:10:23,087
I'll call her back in the car.
181
00:10:23,088 --> 00:10:24,822
Now, come on, everyone,
we're gonna miss the movies.
182
00:10:24,823 --> 00:10:26,256
- All right.
- Bye, Fran.
183
00:10:26,257 --> 00:10:28,359
Bye, kids, have fun.
184
00:10:29,895 --> 00:10:31,261
There we are, Miss Fine.
185
00:10:31,262 --> 00:10:33,464
This way you can meet your
new mother in private.
186
00:10:33,465 --> 00:10:35,633
Don't call me Miss Fine.
187
00:10:35,634 --> 00:10:37,468
That may not be my name.
188
00:10:37,469 --> 00:10:40,338
I may be a completely
different person.
189
00:10:40,339 --> 00:10:42,139
I may not even talk like this.
190
00:10:43,909 --> 00:10:45,610
Come here.
191
00:10:45,611 --> 00:10:50,347
Oh, come on, I'm sure everything
is gonna turn out just fine.
192
00:10:54,385 --> 00:10:56,487
( Thinking )
Well, well, well,
193
00:10:56,488 --> 00:10:58,555
I'm getting a different mother
194
00:10:58,556 --> 00:11:00,716
and suddenly he can't
keep his hands off me.
195
00:11:03,228 --> 00:11:04,795
Coincidence?
196
00:11:04,796 --> 00:11:06,998
I think not.
197
00:11:06,999 --> 00:11:08,032
( doorbell rings )
198
00:11:09,701 --> 00:11:10,802
Oh, my God.
199
00:11:16,941 --> 00:11:18,875
Fran?
200
00:11:18,876 --> 00:11:20,344
Ma?
201
00:11:34,993 --> 00:11:36,493
Oh, look at us.
202
00:11:36,494 --> 00:11:38,796
You can't be my mother.
203
00:11:38,797 --> 00:11:40,957
Why not? Your children
look nothing like you.
204
00:11:43,702 --> 00:11:45,536
Those aren't my children.
205
00:11:45,537 --> 00:11:48,272
- I'm not even married.
- You're not?
206
00:11:48,273 --> 00:11:49,640
Honey, what are you waiting for?
207
00:11:52,176 --> 00:11:53,276
Sit down, Ma.
208
00:11:56,648 --> 00:11:58,782
So I'm guessing that my father
209
00:11:58,783 --> 00:12:01,285
was probably a honky?
210
00:12:04,223 --> 00:12:07,491
Well, actually when we first met
I thought he was black.
211
00:12:07,492 --> 00:12:09,760
But then two weeks after
we left Miami,
212
00:12:09,761 --> 00:12:11,062
he faded.
213
00:12:11,063 --> 00:12:13,998
( Both laugh )
214
00:12:13,999 --> 00:12:15,966
Oh, Miami.
215
00:12:15,967 --> 00:12:17,702
So, then I'm still Jewish?
216
00:12:19,103 --> 00:12:21,805
Oh, absolutely.
217
00:12:21,806 --> 00:12:22,973
You know, actually Fran,
218
00:12:22,974 --> 00:12:24,141
we wouldn't be
sitting here together
219
00:12:24,142 --> 00:12:25,542
if it weren't for Morley Safer.
220
00:12:25,543 --> 00:12:29,413
Oh, Morley Safer is my father?
221
00:12:29,414 --> 00:12:31,348
No, no, no.
222
00:12:31,349 --> 00:12:33,050
60 Minutes did an expose
223
00:12:33,051 --> 00:12:35,018
on this nurse at
Midtown General.
224
00:12:35,019 --> 00:12:38,289
She confessed that she had
mixed up some birth records
225
00:12:38,290 --> 00:12:39,924
right about the time
both of you were born.
226
00:12:39,925 --> 00:12:42,860
Ah, how could that happen?
227
00:12:42,861 --> 00:12:45,062
She said she dropped
them while she was chasing
228
00:12:45,063 --> 00:12:47,531
some maternity patient
who was stealing food.
229
00:12:55,873 --> 00:12:57,542
So anyway, my daughter
got tested
230
00:12:57,543 --> 00:12:59,544
and found out that it was true.
231
00:12:59,545 --> 00:13:02,112
There is no way that we
are genetically related.
232
00:13:02,113 --> 00:13:03,680
- Aww.
- Oh, we were both devastated
233
00:13:03,681 --> 00:13:05,816
when we found out
I wasn't her real mother.
234
00:13:05,817 --> 00:13:08,218
Wait till she finds out
who her real mommy might be.
235
00:13:12,256 --> 00:13:13,423
Listen, Fran.
236
00:13:13,424 --> 00:13:15,559
You know what,
I would love for you to come
237
00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:16,694
to dinner tomorrow night
238
00:13:16,695 --> 00:13:17,995
and meet the rest of the family.
239
00:13:17,996 --> 00:13:19,964
I have two grown sons.
240
00:13:19,965 --> 00:13:23,167
- Oh, all right, I got brothers.
- That's right.
241
00:13:23,168 --> 00:13:24,468
By my second husband.
242
00:13:24,469 --> 00:13:25,970
He's African-American.
243
00:13:25,971 --> 00:13:28,505
Oh, so I got brothers.
244
00:13:38,383 --> 00:13:41,118
So, you're telling me
that you're black?
245
00:13:41,119 --> 00:13:42,553
And beautiful.
246
00:13:45,156 --> 00:13:47,157
Well, you're finally home.
247
00:13:49,528 --> 00:13:51,062
Miss Babcock called
248
00:13:51,063 --> 00:13:53,397
and it looks as if she won't
be moving to California.
249
00:13:53,398 --> 00:13:55,433
CBS decided not to do your play.
250
00:13:55,434 --> 00:13:57,134
- Why?
- Because they saw it.
251
00:13:59,570 --> 00:14:01,405
So now I bet they made me pitch
252
00:14:01,406 --> 00:14:05,075
a hundred lame ideas just to
keep me to that bloody contract.
253
00:14:05,076 --> 00:14:06,577
Do you mean there is
still a chance to keep C.C.
254
00:14:06,578 --> 00:14:09,613
selling shoddy shows
by the seashore?
255
00:14:09,614 --> 00:14:12,916
You get in your office, man,
and come up with a fresh idea.
256
00:14:12,917 --> 00:14:14,585
If I had a fresh idea,
257
00:14:14,586 --> 00:14:16,867
I wouldn't be trying to sell
this crap on Broadway.
258
00:14:18,189 --> 00:14:20,257
What about the story
of the nice Jewish girl
259
00:14:20,258 --> 00:14:21,358
from Flushing who discovers
260
00:14:21,359 --> 00:14:23,493
that her mother is
an African-American?
261
00:14:23,494 --> 00:14:24,862
Excuse me,
262
00:14:24,863 --> 00:14:29,967
but this happens to be a highly
personal, very private story.
263
00:14:29,968 --> 00:14:31,001
You'll get a royalty.
264
00:14:31,002 --> 00:14:32,970
That just screams movie
of the week.
265
00:14:36,174 --> 00:14:37,941
- You want a nosh?
- Hmm.
266
00:14:37,942 --> 00:14:39,176
I just made a peanut
butter sandwich,
267
00:14:39,177 --> 00:14:42,746
courtesy of my mishpocha...
George Washington Carver.
268
00:14:44,582 --> 00:14:46,583
I just came by to tell you
269
00:14:46,584 --> 00:14:47,952
you're killing me!
270
00:14:50,589 --> 00:14:52,622
( Door shuts )
271
00:14:52,623 --> 00:14:55,025
Want to cut them half
or in the diagonal.
272
00:14:55,026 --> 00:14:56,994
You're just gonna let her
walk out like that?
273
00:14:56,995 --> 00:14:57,995
Diagonal.
274
00:14:59,564 --> 00:15:02,132
Oh, she's waiting
right outside the door.
275
00:15:02,133 --> 00:15:05,002
Just waiting for
me to come around
276
00:15:05,003 --> 00:15:06,870
and beg her to come in.
277
00:15:06,871 --> 00:15:08,872
Sylvia:
Big shot knows everything.
278
00:15:11,876 --> 00:15:14,311
I just wanted you to know
that after you gave me
279
00:15:14,312 --> 00:15:17,480
the bad news yesterday,
my whole body broke out
280
00:15:17,481 --> 00:15:19,249
in blotches all over.
281
00:15:19,250 --> 00:15:20,551
- Look.
- Oh, please, no.
282
00:15:20,552 --> 00:15:23,087
Let's keep those hatches
battened down, shall we?
283
00:15:26,091 --> 00:15:27,925
Ma, calm down.
284
00:15:27,926 --> 00:15:30,494
You're very upset.
285
00:15:30,495 --> 00:15:32,362
You want some pudding?
286
00:15:32,363 --> 00:15:35,399
Why do people think
I only respond to food?
287
00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:38,101
My heart is breaking.
288
00:15:38,102 --> 00:15:39,970
Oh, Sylvia, you're here.
Perfect.
289
00:15:39,971 --> 00:15:42,173
Ms. Babcock faxed
over this contract.
290
00:15:42,174 --> 00:15:43,107
We're doing a movie
291
00:15:43,108 --> 00:15:45,309
about your daughter and
her two mothers.
292
00:15:45,310 --> 00:15:47,011
( Cries )
Oh.
293
00:15:47,012 --> 00:15:49,679
We'll need your
John Hancock right here.
294
00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:52,649
Niles, can't you see
Sylvia's distraught?
295
00:15:52,650 --> 00:15:55,685
My God,
the woman turned down pudding.
296
00:15:55,686 --> 00:15:57,654
When did I turn it down?
297
00:16:00,124 --> 00:16:02,392
♪ We are family ♪
298
00:16:04,195 --> 00:16:06,263
♪ I got all my sisters
with me ♪
299
00:16:08,033 --> 00:16:10,034
♪ We are family ♪
300
00:16:10,035 --> 00:16:12,135
( siren wailing )
301
00:16:12,136 --> 00:16:14,604
♪ Get up everybody and sing ♪
302
00:16:16,441 --> 00:16:18,676
♪ We are family ♪
303
00:16:20,879 --> 00:16:22,346
Can I see your license, please?
304
00:16:22,347 --> 00:16:24,748
Officer, I was not speeding.
305
00:16:24,749 --> 00:16:26,716
Yeah, I'm signing you for
reckless driving, lady.
306
00:16:26,717 --> 00:16:28,052
What reckless?
307
00:16:28,053 --> 00:16:31,455
I was just putting on
mascara and brushing my hair.
308
00:16:31,456 --> 00:16:33,416
What were you holding
the wheel with?
309
00:16:37,228 --> 00:16:38,796
Driver's license, please.
310
00:16:41,633 --> 00:16:44,801
You know it is just so obvious
311
00:16:44,802 --> 00:16:47,471
why you stopped me.
312
00:16:47,472 --> 00:16:49,407
Yeah, why is that, Miss Fine?
313
00:16:49,408 --> 00:16:51,541
Eh, because I'm black.
314
00:17:00,484 --> 00:17:02,152
Hi.
315
00:17:02,153 --> 00:17:03,987
Wow!
316
00:17:03,988 --> 00:17:06,423
What a palace!
317
00:17:06,424 --> 00:17:07,958
Oh, I forgot something.
318
00:17:07,959 --> 00:17:10,628
- What?
- My luggage.
319
00:17:12,364 --> 00:17:13,730
Fran?
320
00:17:13,731 --> 00:17:16,934
Oh, I'm so delighted to see you.
321
00:17:16,935 --> 00:17:20,503
Oh, Ma, I just love what
you've done with our home.
322
00:17:20,504 --> 00:17:22,072
Oh.
323
00:17:22,073 --> 00:17:25,042
We had it all
redone in neoclassic.
324
00:17:25,043 --> 00:17:28,578
Oh, we had ours all
re-covered in neoplastic.
325
00:17:28,579 --> 00:17:30,748
( Both laugh, nasal )
326
00:17:30,749 --> 00:17:32,817
Oh, I'd like for
you to meet my sons.
327
00:17:32,818 --> 00:17:34,885
- Oh, hi.
- How do you do? I'm David.
328
00:17:34,886 --> 00:17:36,320
- Hi. Hi.
- Hello, I'm Mark.
329
00:17:36,321 --> 00:17:38,122
Oh, why so formal?
330
00:17:38,123 --> 00:17:39,589
I'm your sister.
331
00:17:39,590 --> 00:17:41,758
Come here and give me a hug.
332
00:17:41,759 --> 00:17:44,928
I haven't seen you guys in...
333
00:17:44,929 --> 00:17:45,929
well ever.
334
00:17:47,565 --> 00:17:50,233
Oh, shall we have hors d'oeuvres
in the salon?
335
00:17:50,234 --> 00:17:52,870
Oh, your salon.
336
00:17:52,871 --> 00:17:56,106
Why didn't Morley Safer do
that story 20 years ago?
337
00:17:58,876 --> 00:18:00,177
Oooh!
338
00:18:00,178 --> 00:18:02,746
So tell me,
boys, what do you do?
339
00:18:02,747 --> 00:18:04,781
I'm a resident
at New York hospital.
340
00:18:04,782 --> 00:18:06,417
Oo-ha.
341
00:18:07,953 --> 00:18:09,987
I'm in NYU law school.
342
00:18:09,988 --> 00:18:11,588
And I'm a nanny.
343
00:18:11,589 --> 00:18:12,689
Look at this, Ma.
344
00:18:12,690 --> 00:18:14,592
Three professionals.
345
00:18:14,593 --> 00:18:17,761
Boy, ambition like that,
it's in the blood.
346
00:18:17,762 --> 00:18:19,095
( Doorbell rings )
347
00:18:20,298 --> 00:18:23,600
Ooh, raisin kugel.
348
00:18:23,601 --> 00:18:25,269
It was your
grandmother's recipe.
349
00:18:25,270 --> 00:18:27,972
- Oh. -Man, her potato
latkes were the bomb.
350
00:18:29,641 --> 00:18:30,474
Sylvia: Where is she?
351
00:18:30,475 --> 00:18:31,541
Ma?
352
00:18:31,542 --> 00:18:33,577
I can keep silent no more.
353
00:18:33,578 --> 00:18:35,346
Fran is my daughter.
354
00:18:35,347 --> 00:18:38,215
I nursed her through measles,
chickenpox,
355
00:18:38,216 --> 00:18:42,686
her first zits and no one will
ever take her away from me.
356
00:18:42,687 --> 00:18:43,887
You're black?
357
00:18:47,158 --> 00:18:49,894
How the hell can
she be your mother?
358
00:18:49,895 --> 00:18:52,796
Well,
her first husband was Jewish.
359
00:18:52,797 --> 00:18:56,600
Oh, well, that explains
the kugel I smell,
360
00:18:56,601 --> 00:18:58,435
which no one has offered me.
361
00:19:00,772 --> 00:19:02,739
Why are you pursuing this?
362
00:19:02,740 --> 00:19:05,241
I am your mother and
nothing that this woman
363
00:19:05,242 --> 00:19:09,179
will ever say will ever
convince me that I am not.
364
00:19:09,180 --> 00:19:11,147
Would you two like
a little privacy?
365
00:19:11,148 --> 00:19:12,750
We have a guest house.
366
00:19:12,751 --> 00:19:13,917
You hear that?
367
00:19:13,918 --> 00:19:15,786
Your mother has a guest house.
368
00:19:17,722 --> 00:19:20,991
( Telephone ringing )
369
00:19:20,992 --> 00:19:24,561
Does your butler service
the guest house, too?
370
00:19:26,664 --> 00:19:27,998
Ma.
371
00:19:27,999 --> 00:19:29,199
Both: What?
372
00:19:31,736 --> 00:19:34,705
Well, that was the hospital with
the results of Fran's blood test.
373
00:19:34,706 --> 00:19:35,839
Yeah?
374
00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:37,808
Mom, I'm really sorry,
375
00:19:37,809 --> 00:19:39,710
but your DNA doesn't match.
376
00:19:39,711 --> 00:19:40,877
Fran's not your daughter.
377
00:19:42,146 --> 00:19:43,314
Aw.
378
00:19:43,315 --> 00:19:44,415
I'm so disappointed.
379
00:19:44,416 --> 00:19:46,550
I feel like I've
known you my whole life.
380
00:19:46,551 --> 00:19:49,353
Oh, you know you
will always be my Fran.
381
00:19:50,622 --> 00:19:52,489
Doctors make mistakes.
382
00:19:52,490 --> 00:19:54,558
We'll get a second opinion.
383
00:19:54,559 --> 00:19:57,260
Ma, you're embarrassing me.
384
00:19:57,261 --> 00:19:58,862
Will you stop calling me Ma?
385
00:20:01,198 --> 00:20:03,133
Knock it off.
You're my mother.
386
00:20:03,134 --> 00:20:05,535
If I can accept it,
who's the bigger sport here?
387
00:20:15,713 --> 00:20:16,780
Both: Good.
388
00:20:22,487 --> 00:20:26,390
Oh, I can't believe
I came this close
389
00:20:26,391 --> 00:20:29,893
to having a gorgeous mansion
with a butler
390
00:20:29,894 --> 00:20:32,128
and a loving family of my own.
391
00:20:33,264 --> 00:20:35,064
Miss Fine,
you have all that here.
392
00:20:36,334 --> 00:20:37,867
Here's what I'm talking about.
393
00:20:39,904 --> 00:20:41,037
Oh.
394
00:20:41,038 --> 00:20:43,307
Oh, C.C., at last,
there you are.
395
00:20:43,308 --> 00:20:44,775
What on Earth kept you?
396
00:20:44,776 --> 00:20:46,944
Well,
the plane landed in Chicago,
397
00:20:46,945 --> 00:20:48,545
Bucksnort, Tennessee,
398
00:20:48,546 --> 00:20:50,813
and I don't know, Hooterville.
399
00:20:50,814 --> 00:20:53,684
What hack travel agent
booked that flight?
400
00:20:53,685 --> 00:20:55,552
I'm Niles. Fly me.
401
00:21:01,393 --> 00:21:03,126
Fran, is your mother mad at us?
402
00:21:03,127 --> 00:21:04,461
She hasn't called.
403
00:21:04,462 --> 00:21:07,263
She hasn't come over.
There are leftovers.
404
00:21:10,001 --> 00:21:14,004
Oh, honey, I think that the
whole mixup really got to her.
405
00:21:14,005 --> 00:21:16,539
She hasn't answered
any of my calls.
406
00:21:16,540 --> 00:21:19,376
Maybe she just needs
a little space.
407
00:21:19,377 --> 00:21:21,211
Sylvia, dear.
You don't understand.
408
00:21:21,212 --> 00:21:24,581
You see,
even if Fran were my daughter,
409
00:21:24,582 --> 00:21:26,350
you and I
410
00:21:26,351 --> 00:21:27,818
are not related.
411
00:21:30,988 --> 00:21:33,923
Fine,
I know when I'm not wanted.
412
00:21:33,924 --> 00:21:35,859
And I'm not one to push.
413
00:21:40,265 --> 00:21:43,367
Morty, wake up Yetta
and get out of the pool!
414
00:22:09,861 --> 00:22:11,161
Hey.
415
00:22:11,162 --> 00:22:12,863
I grew up pretty good.
416
00:22:12,864 --> 00:22:14,698
I got myself a mansion,
417
00:22:14,699 --> 00:22:16,934
kids, a gorgeous husband.
418
00:22:18,569 --> 00:22:21,137
You're the Nanny, baby.
419
00:22:21,138 --> 00:22:23,540
( Screams )
420
00:22:37,021 --> 00:22:40,423
( jazz music playing )
29716
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