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1
00:00:02,351 --> 00:00:05,152
Look at my sexy lady
on her business trip.
2
00:00:06,723 --> 00:00:08,327
How's it going up in San Francisco?
3
00:00:08,352 --> 00:00:09,507
CLAIRE: Well, it's a sports bar,
4
00:00:09,532 --> 00:00:11,632
so the redesign's pretty simple.
5
00:00:11,657 --> 00:00:12,984
I'm basically just
putting in everything
6
00:00:13,009 --> 00:00:15,094
eight-year-old you would
have wanted in our house.
7
00:00:16,336 --> 00:00:18,082
Anyway, I can't believe
your dad decided to make
8
00:00:18,107 --> 00:00:20,474
a last minute trip;
that's so not like him.
9
00:00:20,657 --> 00:00:22,068
Yeah, he loves planning ahead.
10
00:00:22,265 --> 00:00:23,703
In third grade, they asked
him what he wanted to be
11
00:00:23,728 --> 00:00:26,029
when he grew up, and he
said, "15 minutes early."
12
00:00:27,849 --> 00:00:29,092
Well, I'm bummed to miss him.
13
00:00:29,117 --> 00:00:30,779
You guys are so cute together.
14
00:00:30,804 --> 00:00:32,604
You sing the same songs,
15
00:00:32,629 --> 00:00:34,701
and tell jokes and work stories,
16
00:00:34,726 --> 00:00:37,951
you're always dancing. (LAUGHS)
17
00:00:38,754 --> 00:00:41,098
You know what, actually, I'm
fine to be missing this weekend.
18
00:00:42,083 --> 00:00:44,061
But I am sad to be missing
19
00:00:44,086 --> 00:00:46,724
our little saturday night routine.
20
00:00:47,144 --> 00:00:50,278
Ooh. You mean, 60 minutes of intense,
21
00:00:50,303 --> 00:00:52,503
mind-bending pleasure?
22
00:00:52,528 --> 00:00:56,565
(LAUGHS) More like
seven minutes of that,
23
00:00:56,590 --> 00:01:01,143
followed by 53 of us just
housing Ben & Jerry's.
24
00:01:01,614 --> 00:01:03,716
Well, either way, this
hubby's getting chubby.
25
00:01:04,799 --> 00:01:06,913
Well, you know, we could, uh,
26
00:01:06,938 --> 00:01:09,498
try a little something over FaceTime.
27
00:01:09,523 --> 00:01:11,293
Ooh, you bad.
28
00:01:11,634 --> 00:01:13,816
I'm about to get all
up in that bandwidth.
29
00:01:13,841 --> 00:01:16,353
'Cause you know you drive me
crazy even in pixel form.
30
00:01:16,545 --> 00:01:19,449
With those gorgeous eyes
and that adorable...
31
00:01:19,474 --> 00:01:22,308
Hold on, Cooper's in the house.
32
00:01:22,562 --> 00:01:24,028
Okay.
33
00:01:24,053 --> 00:01:25,927
Cooper, you've met my
spouse, Claire Davis.
34
00:01:25,952 --> 00:01:28,286
- Hi, Claire.
- Hi.
35
00:01:28,795 --> 00:01:30,895
Don't mind Jake. He gets
weird when people hear us
36
00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:32,394
being romantic on the phone.
37
00:01:32,446 --> 00:01:35,783
All right, well, bye, Jakey-poo.
I love you.
38
00:01:35,808 --> 00:01:38,370
My little buttercup,
you're just so cute.
39
00:01:38,737 --> 00:01:41,634
Interesting. And for thee,
I, too, feel affection.
40
00:01:41,659 --> 00:01:45,495
- All the best and good day, madame.
- (KNOCKING ON DOOR)
41
00:01:45,569 --> 00:01:48,241
MIKE: I have a delivery for Jake Davis.
42
00:01:48,266 --> 00:01:51,402
(LAUGHING): Oh-ho-ho.
Who might that be?
43
00:01:51,427 --> 00:01:53,784
- It's your daddy!
- Daddy!
44
00:01:53,809 --> 00:01:56,589
(BOTH LAUGHING)
45
00:01:56,916 --> 00:01:59,190
Oh, good to see you.
46
00:01:59,215 --> 00:02:00,354
Oh. Oh, man.
47
00:02:00,379 --> 00:02:02,653
Oh, it's so good to see you, Jake.
48
00:02:03,067 --> 00:02:04,333
It's good to see you, too, man.
49
00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:05,329
You never come visit out of the blue.
50
00:02:05,354 --> 00:02:06,484
What brings you out here?
51
00:02:06,509 --> 00:02:08,316
- Well, I found out I was dying.
- What?
52
00:02:08,341 --> 00:02:09,550
To see you!
53
00:02:11,030 --> 00:02:12,268
I miss you.
54
00:02:12,293 --> 00:02:14,574
Plus, I'm curious about this, uh,
55
00:02:14,599 --> 00:02:16,263
pop star roommate of yours.
56
00:02:16,288 --> 00:02:17,788
Oh, right. Okay, well,
57
00:02:17,813 --> 00:02:19,783
just remember, Cooper likes
living a simple life,
58
00:02:19,808 --> 00:02:21,541
so it's best just to
act normal around him.
59
00:02:21,566 --> 00:02:24,805
Jake, I'm a lead accountant
with the Boston Celtics.
60
00:02:24,830 --> 00:02:26,851
I'm around celebrities all the time.
61
00:02:26,876 --> 00:02:28,138
Hey, Mr. Davis.
62
00:02:28,163 --> 00:02:30,089
(SQUEALING)
63
00:02:30,395 --> 00:02:32,095
Coop-burger.
64
00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:33,728
- I love you, man.
- Oh.
65
00:02:33,753 --> 00:02:35,136
I love your tunes.
66
00:02:35,161 --> 00:02:36,460
You're just awesome.
67
00:02:36,652 --> 00:02:38,487
Thanks. It's so nice to meet you.
68
00:02:38,512 --> 00:02:40,145
Yeah, same.
69
00:02:42,333 --> 00:02:43,731
In fact...
70
00:02:44,749 --> 00:02:46,940
♪ I feel like I've known you ♪
71
00:02:46,965 --> 00:02:48,744
♪ My whole life... ♪
72
00:02:48,831 --> 00:02:50,697
- One of my songs.
- Yeah.
73
00:02:50,722 --> 00:02:52,681
With a, with a lot more eye
contact than I'm used to.
74
00:02:53,003 --> 00:02:54,306
♪ When I'm with you ♪
75
00:02:54,331 --> 00:02:56,711
♪ My whole world disappears ♪
76
00:02:56,736 --> 00:02:58,198
♪ Gone are my worries ♪
77
00:02:58,223 --> 00:03:00,306
♪ And erased are my fears ♪
78
00:03:00,331 --> 00:03:03,632
- Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad, stop.
- ♪ When I'm with you. ♪
79
00:03:03,761 --> 00:03:04,986
Stop, dude.
80
00:03:05,011 --> 00:03:06,135
Geez.
81
00:03:06,288 --> 00:03:08,351
So we can hit him with
that (sing-songy): remix.
82
00:03:08,375 --> 00:03:10,875
- Re-re-remix!
- (BEATBOXING)
83
00:03:10,901 --> 00:03:12,158
JAKE AND MIKE: ♪ When I'm with you ♪
84
00:03:12,183 --> 00:03:14,353
♪ My whole world disappears ♪
85
00:03:14,378 --> 00:03:15,589
♪ When I'm with you ♪
86
00:03:15,614 --> 00:03:17,416
♪ My whole world disappears ♪
87
00:03:17,441 --> 00:03:19,080
♪ Gone are my worries ♪
88
00:03:19,105 --> 00:03:21,306
♪ Erased are my fears ♪
89
00:03:21,331 --> 00:03:24,167
♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah. ♪
90
00:03:24,192 --> 00:03:24,838
Hey, guys.
91
00:03:24,863 --> 00:03:26,103
- Hey, guys, guys, stop, stop.
- (JAKE AND MIKE CONTINUE SINGING)
92
00:03:26,128 --> 00:03:27,775
Stop. Stop. Stop. Come on.
93
00:03:28,335 --> 00:03:29,300
It goes like this.
94
00:03:29,325 --> 00:03:30,864
One, two, three, four.
95
00:03:30,889 --> 00:03:32,133
♪ When I'm with you ♪
96
00:03:32,158 --> 00:03:34,358
♪ My whole world disappears ♪
97
00:03:34,383 --> 00:03:35,569
♪ Gone are my worries ♪
98
00:03:35,594 --> 00:03:37,642
♪ Erased are my fears ♪
99
00:03:37,864 --> 00:03:41,165
♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah. ♪
100
00:03:42,351 --> 00:03:45,524
♪ Imagine me and you, I do ♪
101
00:03:45,641 --> 00:03:48,352
♪ I think about you day and night ♪
102
00:03:48,377 --> 00:03:50,211
♪ It's only right ♪
103
00:03:50,236 --> 00:03:52,329
♪ So happy together ♪
104
00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:54,350
(VOCALIZING)
105
00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:59,556
- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -
106
00:04:04,848 --> 00:04:08,307
So I look up at the clock,
time is running out.
107
00:04:08,332 --> 00:04:11,477
The whole year has led to this moment.
108
00:04:11,502 --> 00:04:14,053
And my team, they're counting on me.
109
00:04:14,344 --> 00:04:15,710
It's April 15,
110
00:04:15,735 --> 00:04:16,842
tax day.
111
00:04:16,867 --> 00:04:18,181
Tax day.
112
00:04:19,005 --> 00:04:22,057
And I only have ten minutes
113
00:04:22,082 --> 00:04:24,480
to finish Paul Pierce's tax return
114
00:04:24,505 --> 00:04:26,676
- or I got to file the extension.
- JAKE: Ah.
115
00:04:27,674 --> 00:04:29,458
This is why you get in
the accounting gig.
116
00:04:29,759 --> 00:04:31,258
MIKE: I got a receipt
117
00:04:31,283 --> 00:04:33,387
for a Mango Jamba Juice right next
118
00:04:33,412 --> 00:04:36,221
to a receipt for a Mango Ferrari.
119
00:04:37,192 --> 00:04:41,107
And that's when the roller
ball on my mouse gives out
120
00:04:41,132 --> 00:04:43,812
just like my fake tooth
when I bite into an apple.
121
00:04:44,697 --> 00:04:46,119
He's got a fake tooth,
when he bites into a...
122
00:04:46,144 --> 00:04:48,222
Yeah, I heard. That's the
one part I do understand.
123
00:04:48,843 --> 00:04:52,431
So now, I'm filing deductions
using the toggle column
124
00:04:52,456 --> 00:04:54,915
on the scroll bar, and lowering
125
00:04:54,940 --> 00:04:57,683
the track piece like it's 1996.
126
00:04:57,708 --> 00:04:58,946
Oh!
127
00:05:00,910 --> 00:05:03,566
You got to tell me how it ends,
Cooper, I'm too nervous.
128
00:05:05,095 --> 00:05:09,105
And that, my friend, is
when my computer freezes.
129
00:05:09,130 --> 00:05:10,539
No!
130
00:05:10,641 --> 00:05:12,107
You were listening.
131
00:05:12,132 --> 00:05:13,491
I was listening.
132
00:05:13,858 --> 00:05:16,810
So I did the only thing I could,
133
00:05:17,020 --> 00:05:18,354
I hit the back button
134
00:05:18,379 --> 00:05:20,475
and re-entered the tier one deductions
135
00:05:20,500 --> 00:05:22,465
from memory.
136
00:05:22,490 --> 00:05:24,348
Are you not entertained?!
137
00:05:29,367 --> 00:05:30,424
Judging from that reaction,
138
00:05:30,449 --> 00:05:32,347
that's a great story, Mr. Davis.
139
00:05:32,756 --> 00:05:34,500
- Oh, yeah, man.
- Oh, yeah.
140
00:05:34,532 --> 00:05:35,502
Speaking of basketball,
141
00:05:35,527 --> 00:05:37,394
I'm singing the national anthem
at the Lakers game tomorrow
142
00:05:37,419 --> 00:05:38,685
if you guys want to come.
143
00:05:38,857 --> 00:05:40,721
Uh, that depends on
who they're playing.
144
00:05:40,746 --> 00:05:42,677
- They're floor seats.
- That's my favorite team.
145
00:05:42,702 --> 00:05:44,302
(LAUGHS)
146
00:05:44,615 --> 00:05:45,367
Thanks, Coop.
147
00:05:45,392 --> 00:05:47,816
Uh, I'll go get us some more beers.
Yeah, sure.
148
00:05:47,899 --> 00:05:49,305
(LAUGHS)
149
00:05:50,811 --> 00:05:53,318
So, Cooper, what's
with you living here?
150
00:05:53,343 --> 00:05:56,636
Is this like a reverse
Make-A-Wish kind of thing?
151
00:05:58,254 --> 00:05:59,986
Yeah, I know people think it's weird,
152
00:06:00,011 --> 00:06:02,378
but I recently went
through a bad breakup,
153
00:06:02,403 --> 00:06:05,271
and wanted to escape the public
eye and hide for a while.
154
00:06:05,296 --> 00:06:09,194
Oh. I know what it's
like to want to hide.
155
00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:11,800
You just want to escape.
156
00:06:12,297 --> 00:06:14,663
Find a little cottage out in the woods.
157
00:06:15,384 --> 00:06:18,211
Away from everyone and everything.
158
00:06:19,657 --> 00:06:21,855
But then I'd be all
alone in my thoughts.
159
00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:23,824
Nothing but my harmonica.
160
00:06:25,624 --> 00:06:27,538
Which I really can't even play.
161
00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:39,201
Mr. Davis, are... are you okay?
162
00:06:39,226 --> 00:06:40,646
- JAKE: I got the beers.
- (LAUGHS)
163
00:06:40,671 --> 00:06:41,882
I got the beer.
164
00:06:41,907 --> 00:06:43,740
- What are we talking about?
- Oh, nothing.
165
00:06:43,765 --> 00:06:45,882
Cooper's just sitting
here bumming me out.
166
00:06:50,314 --> 00:06:53,545
(SIGHS) So it's Saturday night.
167
00:06:53,889 --> 00:06:57,474
Are you ready to forget that the
government is likely watching
168
00:06:57,499 --> 00:07:00,771
- and get nasty?
- (CLAIRE LAUGHS)
169
00:07:01,044 --> 00:07:03,579
Yeah. (LAUGHS) I'm also kind of nervous
170
00:07:03,604 --> 00:07:05,092
'cause I've never done this before.
171
00:07:05,117 --> 00:07:07,122
Me, either. But how hard can it be?
172
00:07:07,147 --> 00:07:10,571
Which is a question I should
probably be asking you.
173
00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:15,035
(LAUGHS)
174
00:07:17,002 --> 00:07:19,772
All right. Okay.
175
00:07:19,797 --> 00:07:22,127
(LAUGHING)
176
00:07:22,152 --> 00:07:23,863
I'm sorry, that was so good.
177
00:07:23,888 --> 00:07:26,408
Okay. Ah, here we go.
178
00:07:26,433 --> 00:07:28,744
- All right, here we go. Here we go.
- Mm-hmm.
179
00:07:28,769 --> 00:07:31,038
(LAUGHS) Hey, baby.
180
00:07:31,391 --> 00:07:33,457
- Hey.
- (BOTH LAUGH)
181
00:07:33,482 --> 00:07:34,514
Yeah.
182
00:07:34,539 --> 00:07:36,218
- Ah.
- Ah.
183
00:07:36,243 --> 00:07:38,201
Mmm. Spicy.
184
00:07:38,226 --> 00:07:40,115
Mm-hmm.
185
00:07:40,140 --> 00:07:43,122
- Hot-ta-ta-ta.
- (CLAIRE GIGGLES)
186
00:07:43,147 --> 00:07:44,980
Jake, is this working?
187
00:07:45,005 --> 00:07:46,319
I'm not sure. So far, we just sound
188
00:07:46,344 --> 00:07:48,317
like Guy Fieri eating a cheesesteak.
189
00:07:48,342 --> 00:07:50,889
You know what, I'm gonna
Google what we should say.
190
00:07:50,954 --> 00:07:52,253
That's smart.
191
00:07:52,721 --> 00:07:54,987
Let me just answer this
e-mail really fast.
192
00:07:55,138 --> 00:07:56,800
Babe, focus.
193
00:07:56,825 --> 00:07:58,499
What? Sorry. Okay.
194
00:07:58,524 --> 00:08:00,952
So, hey, boo.
195
00:08:00,977 --> 00:08:03,723
That's you. (LAUGHS)
196
00:08:03,748 --> 00:08:07,047
Why don't you unbutton your
shirt and stroke your chest?
197
00:08:07,072 --> 00:08:11,065
Oh. Don't mind if I do-skees.
198
00:08:11,090 --> 00:08:12,349
(LAUGHS)
199
00:08:12,374 --> 00:08:13,481
Ah.
200
00:08:13,506 --> 00:08:15,464
Now push 'em together.
201
00:08:16,138 --> 00:08:18,188
All right, it's a little bit weird,
202
00:08:18,213 --> 00:08:19,790
but... how's that?
203
00:08:19,815 --> 00:08:21,745
- Mm-hmm.
- Are they together enough?
204
00:08:21,770 --> 00:08:23,026
(BOTH LAUGH)
205
00:08:23,051 --> 00:08:25,372
Now put a pencil between them.
206
00:08:26,197 --> 00:08:27,596
Uh...
207
00:08:31,714 --> 00:08:33,134
Now spit on it.
208
00:08:33,159 --> 00:08:34,492
Spit on it? What?
209
00:08:34,517 --> 00:08:36,805
Oh! Oh, no. I'm reading
what the guy should say.
210
00:08:36,830 --> 00:08:37,978
Okay, hold on.
211
00:08:38,003 --> 00:08:39,911
Ah! Someone's in here!
212
00:08:41,173 --> 00:08:42,773
Oh, there's my pencil.
213
00:08:42,798 --> 00:08:44,398
Always between the nipples, am I right?
214
00:08:44,423 --> 00:08:45,813
Well, sorry to interrupt,
215
00:08:45,838 --> 00:08:47,612
but can I talk to you about your dad?
216
00:08:47,637 --> 00:08:49,465
I'm a little worried he might
be going through something.
217
00:08:49,490 --> 00:08:52,192
What? Oh, come on, man, that's crazy.
(GRUNTS)
218
00:08:52,217 --> 00:08:53,784
No offense, Cooper, but
if something was wrong,
219
00:08:53,809 --> 00:08:55,415
why would he talk to you and not me?
220
00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:57,106
People open up to me all the time.
221
00:08:57,131 --> 00:08:58,366
It might be because of my single,
222
00:08:58,391 --> 00:08:59,390
"You Can Tell Me Anything...
223
00:08:59,415 --> 00:09:01,115
Parentheses Yes, Anything."
224
00:09:02,895 --> 00:09:04,953
I'm just saying it might be
worth checking in with him.
225
00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:07,081
Oh, please. What would
that even sound like?
226
00:09:07,106 --> 00:09:09,058
(STUPID VOICE): "Hey,
Dad, are you okay?"
227
00:09:09,083 --> 00:09:11,041
(NORMAL VOICE): He's okay.
228
00:09:11,819 --> 00:09:12,900
I don't know why you'd use that voice,
229
00:09:12,925 --> 00:09:14,364
but, yeah, that's the gist.
230
00:09:14,872 --> 00:09:16,704
Anyway, I'll let you get
back to your FaceTime sex.
231
00:09:16,729 --> 00:09:18,428
I wasn't... that's not what I
was doing. I wasn't doing that.
232
00:09:18,453 --> 00:09:19,893
Mate, I'd believe you, but
you're still connected
233
00:09:19,918 --> 00:09:21,566
to the Bluetooth speaker downstairs.
234
00:09:26,777 --> 00:09:28,633
I'm a little nervous about
singing the national anthem.
235
00:09:28,658 --> 00:09:30,548
Do I say "spangled" weird?
236
00:09:32,602 --> 00:09:34,355
You say everything weird.
237
00:09:36,932 --> 00:09:38,323
Oh, uh...
238
00:09:39,081 --> 00:09:40,347
All right.
239
00:09:40,372 --> 00:09:41,683
Hey, uh, Pop.
240
00:09:41,708 --> 00:09:43,594
Um, how you doing?
241
00:09:43,619 --> 00:09:44,918
What's going on? Everything good?
242
00:09:44,943 --> 00:09:46,289
Oh, everything's great.
243
00:09:46,314 --> 00:09:48,005
(LAUGHS)
244
00:09:48,030 --> 00:09:49,734
Just rocking and rolling.
245
00:09:49,759 --> 00:09:51,093
- Rocking and rolling.
- Yeah, yeah.
246
00:09:51,118 --> 00:09:52,675
- Righteous. Righteous.
- Yeah, yeah.
247
00:09:53,055 --> 00:09:54,285
So everything's good at home?
248
00:09:54,310 --> 00:09:56,195
Oh, yeah. Everything's great.
249
00:09:56,220 --> 00:09:57,319
So you're okay.
250
00:09:57,344 --> 00:09:58,498
Of course I'm okay.
251
00:09:58,523 --> 00:10:00,149
What kind of question is that?
252
00:10:00,174 --> 00:10:02,314
(STUPID VOICE): Hey, Dad, are you okay?
253
00:10:03,403 --> 00:10:05,700
(STUPID VOICE): Hey, Dad, are you okay?
254
00:10:06,590 --> 00:10:09,358
- (PHONE RINGS)
- Oh, that is my phone.
255
00:10:10,015 --> 00:10:11,692
Must be Claire, my wife.
256
00:10:14,185 --> 00:10:15,870
I'm just gonna grab
one of these pencils
257
00:10:15,895 --> 00:10:17,315
for no reason whatsoever.
258
00:10:17,340 --> 00:10:20,015
(PHONE CONTINUES RINGING)
259
00:10:24,603 --> 00:10:28,171
So, Cooper, how do you
like your eggs, buddy?
260
00:10:28,196 --> 00:10:29,568
Uh, over easy.
261
00:10:30,358 --> 00:10:33,859
Huh. I'll tell you what was over easy.
262
00:10:34,473 --> 00:10:36,003
My marriage.
263
00:10:38,453 --> 00:10:40,125
I'm so sorry to hear that, Mike.
264
00:10:40,150 --> 00:10:42,055
Maybe we should tell Jake. Jake?
265
00:10:42,173 --> 00:10:43,659
It's been six years
266
00:10:43,684 --> 00:10:45,483
since Jake's mom left me,
267
00:10:45,599 --> 00:10:49,597
and every day hurts
just a little bit more.
268
00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:51,414
Wow.
269
00:10:51,439 --> 00:10:53,810
Mike, could you just
give me one second?
270
00:10:53,835 --> 00:10:54,973
Jake?!
271
00:10:55,437 --> 00:10:56,412
Jake?
272
00:10:56,437 --> 00:10:58,577
Coop? Cooper?
273
00:11:03,048 --> 00:11:04,792
You know, I guess
274
00:11:04,817 --> 00:11:06,583
I thought somewhere, in
the back of my mind,
275
00:11:06,608 --> 00:11:08,700
that she would always come back to me.
276
00:11:09,262 --> 00:11:11,863
Look, Mike, I wrote that "You
Can Tell Me Anything" song
277
00:11:11,888 --> 00:11:14,286
for the Trolls movie, and they
didn't even use it, so...
278
00:11:16,254 --> 00:11:18,045
Well, now she's getting remarried,
279
00:11:18,070 --> 00:11:20,231
so I guess I just have to move on.
280
00:11:24,458 --> 00:11:27,276
You know what? I'm just
gonna go take a jog.
281
00:11:27,301 --> 00:11:31,562
(CRYING): Maybe the sweat
will camouflage my tears.
282
00:11:33,859 --> 00:11:36,419
Hey, where'd my dad go?
Oh, he went for a run.
283
00:11:36,444 --> 00:11:39,332
Oh. Well, uh, that was my mom.
284
00:11:39,357 --> 00:11:41,286
Apparently, she's getting remarried.
285
00:11:42,691 --> 00:11:44,882
Wonder if that's why my dad's upset.
286
00:11:44,907 --> 00:11:47,578
(MIKE WAILING)
287
00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:52,492
Think it might be.
288
00:11:59,771 --> 00:12:02,272
Wow. So your mom's getting remarried?
289
00:12:02,297 --> 00:12:04,255
Can't believe my dad hasn't
talked to me about this.
290
00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:05,239
You know, this whole time, I thought
291
00:12:05,264 --> 00:12:07,929
I had this great relationship
with my dad, but...
292
00:12:08,650 --> 00:12:09,749
(SIGHS)
293
00:12:09,774 --> 00:12:11,500
Why won't he talk to me about my mom?
294
00:12:11,525 --> 00:12:14,721
It's okay. I mean, most dads don't talk
295
00:12:14,746 --> 00:12:16,547
to their sons about their love lives.
296
00:12:16,572 --> 00:12:19,504
Yeah, but we're not just father
and son. We're best friends.
297
00:12:19,613 --> 00:12:21,354
And how many people can
say they started life
298
00:12:21,379 --> 00:12:22,690
in their best friend's scrotum?
299
00:12:24,228 --> 00:12:25,567
Okay.
300
00:12:25,875 --> 00:12:27,044
You know, when we first started dating,
301
00:12:27,069 --> 00:12:29,425
you were pretty closed
off emotionally, too.
302
00:12:29,450 --> 00:12:31,773
And then, that one night,
we had a few drinks,
303
00:12:31,798 --> 00:12:34,400
and we played that game
"Never Have I Ever."
304
00:12:34,425 --> 00:12:36,585
We learned that I was the first girl
305
00:12:36,610 --> 00:12:38,326
you ever said "I love you" to.
306
00:12:39,042 --> 00:12:41,328
And I felt way closer to
you after that night.
307
00:12:41,353 --> 00:12:43,249
Oh, honey, I was just
trying to get some.
308
00:12:43,274 --> 00:12:44,406
(CLAIRE LAUGHS)
309
00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:45,711
Well, it worked.
310
00:12:45,941 --> 00:12:48,584
Yeah. Yeah, that's a great idea, babe.
311
00:12:48,609 --> 00:12:50,334
Yeah, I'll-I'll invite
your parents over
312
00:12:50,359 --> 00:12:53,717
for a little game night and try
to get my dad comfortable enough
313
00:12:53,742 --> 00:12:54,733
to open up to me.
314
00:12:54,758 --> 00:12:55,704
(LAUGHS) Mm-hmm.
315
00:12:55,729 --> 00:12:58,263
You know, we could start
playing right now,
316
00:12:58,857 --> 00:13:02,509
'cause never have I
ever had FaceTime sex.
317
00:13:02,534 --> 00:13:04,221
Ooh. (LAUGHS)
318
00:13:04,246 --> 00:13:06,024
So, hey there, big boy.
319
00:13:06,049 --> 00:13:07,328
(STATIC)
320
00:13:07,353 --> 00:13:09,190
So you like what you see?
321
00:13:09,215 --> 00:13:10,650
- Screen froze.
- CLAIRE: How is this?
322
00:13:10,675 --> 00:13:12,208
You look like you sell chins.
323
00:13:12,767 --> 00:13:15,645
Well, why don't you come up
to my hotel room, and...?
324
00:13:15,670 --> 00:13:17,688
- Uh, rain check, okay? Rain check.
- Throw me down onto the bed?
325
00:13:20,117 --> 00:13:21,379
Is this turning you on?
326
00:13:21,404 --> 00:13:22,717
All right.
327
00:13:26,257 --> 00:13:29,053
(LAUGHING): Oh. Mike, it
has been such a long time.
328
00:13:29,078 --> 00:13:30,203
Yeah, I haven't seen you since
329
00:13:30,228 --> 00:13:32,699
you accidentally grabbed
my butt at the wedding.
330
00:13:34,491 --> 00:13:36,926
BOTH: Sorry, I thought
you were someone else.
331
00:13:40,044 --> 00:13:42,202
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
332
00:13:43,745 --> 00:13:44,952
Hey, g'day. Hey there, Cooper.
333
00:13:44,977 --> 00:13:45,454
Hey.
334
00:13:45,479 --> 00:13:47,332
Check out our courtside
tickets for tomorrow's game.
335
00:13:47,357 --> 00:13:48,921
I am very excited!
336
00:13:49,531 --> 00:13:51,383
So sorry. This is for
me, Jake and his dad.
337
00:13:51,408 --> 00:13:52,869
For you guys!
338
00:13:53,298 --> 00:13:54,937
Don't worry. This isn't the first time
339
00:13:54,962 --> 00:13:57,076
I've been excluded from a threesome.
340
00:13:58,489 --> 00:14:00,645
Thanks. Thanks. Thanks.
341
00:14:00,670 --> 00:14:01,902
Guys, you know my manager Wayne.
342
00:14:01,927 --> 00:14:02,843
- Hey.
- Hi, Wayne.
343
00:14:02,868 --> 00:14:03,343
Hey.
344
00:14:03,390 --> 00:14:04,820
Hey, buddy. Have a seat.
345
00:14:04,845 --> 00:14:07,426
So, tonight, I was thinking
we all play a little
346
00:14:07,451 --> 00:14:08,610
"get to know each other" kind of game.
347
00:14:08,635 --> 00:14:10,925
Oh, great. I'll find a bowl
for us to put our keys in.
348
00:14:13,426 --> 00:14:16,315
Uh, no, no. I was, uh,
thinking more like
349
00:14:16,340 --> 00:14:17,640
"Never Have I Ever." Right?
350
00:14:17,665 --> 00:14:19,689
So, you say something
that you've never done,
351
00:14:19,714 --> 00:14:21,481
and if someone has done it, they drink.
352
00:14:21,929 --> 00:14:24,669
Ooh, well, I have never
played this game.
353
00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:29,360
Uh, Bonnie, no. You-you
drink if you have done it.
354
00:14:29,385 --> 00:14:31,661
Oh, well, now I have. (LAUGHS)
355
00:14:33,427 --> 00:14:35,566
Well, I'll go first. Uh... hmm.
356
00:14:36,067 --> 00:14:37,366
At the top of my head.
357
00:14:37,391 --> 00:14:39,690
I don't know. Uh, never have I ever...
358
00:14:40,300 --> 00:14:42,556
hidden my feelings from my best friend.
359
00:14:49,239 --> 00:14:51,515
All right, that was a lame one.
I'll go.
360
00:14:51,540 --> 00:14:54,438
Never have I ever... had sex at work.
361
00:14:54,463 --> 00:14:56,035
- Oh.
- (SCOFFS)
362
00:14:57,127 --> 00:15:00,168
- (LAUGHTER)
- Hey-oh! Hey-oh!
363
00:15:06,003 --> 00:15:09,723
Uh, Gerald, we've worked
together our entire careers.
364
00:15:09,748 --> 00:15:12,616
Oh, honey, this was before we
met, when I worked at the zoo.
365
00:15:12,641 --> 00:15:14,920
Oh...
366
00:15:17,366 --> 00:15:18,932
Oh.
367
00:15:20,212 --> 00:15:21,596
Oh, I got another one.
368
00:15:21,621 --> 00:15:23,667
Uh, never have I ever
buried my feelings
369
00:15:23,692 --> 00:15:26,726
because I felt like I had to
be strong for everyone else.
370
00:15:34,023 --> 00:15:36,797
Jake, did I leave my journal
lying around the office?
371
00:15:37,410 --> 00:15:39,385
(LAUGHING): 'Cause...
372
00:15:39,410 --> 00:15:40,967
All right, Dad, you're up.
373
00:15:40,992 --> 00:15:43,693
It can be anything, anything
you're feeling at all.
374
00:15:43,949 --> 00:15:45,370
Okay, uh...
375
00:15:45,395 --> 00:15:47,976
never have I ever...
376
00:15:48,317 --> 00:15:50,010
tried gazpacho.
377
00:15:50,296 --> 00:15:52,124
Ooh.
378
00:15:53,389 --> 00:15:56,604
- Tried gazpacho?
- Yeah.
379
00:15:57,567 --> 00:15:59,128
Is that all you got?
380
00:16:03,114 --> 00:16:04,820
Ah. I love a cold soup.
381
00:16:06,530 --> 00:16:07,700
It's so surprising.
382
00:16:07,725 --> 00:16:10,122
It's like stepping onto an
escalator that's broken.
383
00:16:10,147 --> 00:16:11,625
Oh...
384
00:16:11,951 --> 00:16:13,788
Hey, I got one. I got one.
385
00:16:13,813 --> 00:16:16,019
Never have I ever found out
386
00:16:16,044 --> 00:16:17,903
that my ex-wife is getting remarried,
387
00:16:17,928 --> 00:16:19,243
which made the reality of my divorce
388
00:16:19,268 --> 00:16:21,808
hit home in a way it
hadn't in six years,
389
00:16:22,070 --> 00:16:24,070
and I'd rather talk to
a stranger about it
390
00:16:24,095 --> 00:16:25,215
than my own son!
391
00:16:26,950 --> 00:16:28,814
Boy, you read me like a book.
392
00:16:31,497 --> 00:16:33,778
What the hell, Jake?
393
00:16:33,803 --> 00:16:35,645
This was supposed to be a fun game.
394
00:16:35,670 --> 00:16:38,534
Yeah, well, it would be fun if
you would just open up to me.
395
00:16:38,559 --> 00:16:40,883
Look, I know you're upset
about Mom getting remarried.
396
00:16:40,908 --> 00:16:44,081
Well, that's my problem, and
it's up to me to deal with it.
397
00:16:44,106 --> 00:16:46,753
But I want to help you.
We're best friends.
398
00:16:46,778 --> 00:16:49,410
Yeah, well, best friends
don't trick each other
399
00:16:49,435 --> 00:16:52,002
into talking about things
that they don't want to.
400
00:16:52,336 --> 00:16:55,152
Damn. To think that's
how you repay the guy
401
00:16:55,177 --> 00:16:57,395
who carried you around in his scrotum.
402
00:17:04,545 --> 00:17:07,720
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
403
00:17:07,780 --> 00:17:09,690
(CHEERING)
404
00:17:12,037 --> 00:17:13,369
Right.
405
00:17:13,394 --> 00:17:14,848
Pretty good seats, huh?
406
00:17:15,416 --> 00:17:17,070
Little tip. Uh, when the
cheerleaders come out,
407
00:17:17,095 --> 00:17:18,386
make sure you stare at the ceiling.
408
00:17:18,411 --> 00:17:20,019
Otherwise, the tabloids
will make it look
409
00:17:20,044 --> 00:17:21,794
like you're staring at their butts.
410
00:17:22,739 --> 00:17:24,181
(ORGAN PLAYS CHEER)
411
00:17:24,206 --> 00:17:25,685
Well, this is fun.
412
00:17:26,571 --> 00:17:28,714
You know, Justin Timberlake
and Kevin Hart wanted
413
00:17:28,739 --> 00:17:31,585
to come tonight, but I'm super
glad I brought you guys instead.
414
00:17:31,610 --> 00:17:33,972
(ORGAN PLAYS CHEER)
415
00:17:34,147 --> 00:17:36,348
He's right, Dad. You know, um,
416
00:17:37,016 --> 00:17:38,589
this is your last night here,
417
00:17:38,614 --> 00:17:40,615
and these seats are insane, so...
418
00:17:40,998 --> 00:17:43,854
can we just go back to only
talking about sports and stuff?
419
00:17:43,879 --> 00:17:45,688
- Yeah.
- (CHEERING)
420
00:17:45,713 --> 00:17:47,710
ANNOUNCER: LeBron James, for three!
421
00:17:47,735 --> 00:17:49,937
(CHEERING, WHOOPING)
422
00:17:53,651 --> 00:17:56,177
I can't believe LeBron left Cleveland.
423
00:17:56,201 --> 00:17:58,150
Right? Must have been devastating
424
00:17:58,176 --> 00:18:01,364
for those Cleveland fans,
getting left behind like that.
425
00:18:03,833 --> 00:18:05,436
Oh, totally.
426
00:18:05,461 --> 00:18:07,070
Yeah. Uh,
427
00:18:07,351 --> 00:18:10,251
you know, it's-it's got
to be painful as hell
428
00:18:10,276 --> 00:18:11,854
when someone you thought would be
429
00:18:11,879 --> 00:18:13,797
on your team forever
leaves for another team.
430
00:18:13,822 --> 00:18:17,036
But, uh, doesn't mean
that the Cavs should just
431
00:18:17,061 --> 00:18:18,481
shut down and stop playing.
432
00:18:18,506 --> 00:18:19,873
They got to get back out there,
433
00:18:19,898 --> 00:18:22,052
maybe even find a new LeMom...
I mean, LeBron.
434
00:18:22,421 --> 00:18:24,990
(ORGAN PLAYS CHEER)
435
00:18:25,015 --> 00:18:27,770
I'm just scared that Cleveland
436
00:18:28,288 --> 00:18:31,031
will never be the same without LeBron.
437
00:18:31,288 --> 00:18:33,448
Dad, come on. That's impossible.
438
00:18:33,473 --> 00:18:34,664
Cleveland needs to look back
439
00:18:34,689 --> 00:18:36,953
on all the times it had
with LeBron fondly.
440
00:18:37,174 --> 00:18:39,614
Remember that they'll always have
441
00:18:39,639 --> 00:18:41,989
that sexy championship
they made together.
442
00:18:42,486 --> 00:18:45,215
I'll always love that championship.
443
00:18:45,826 --> 00:18:48,860
Well, Dad, all the championship
wants is for Cleveland
444
00:18:48,885 --> 00:18:50,802
to open up to it from time to time.
445
00:18:50,827 --> 00:18:54,060
It's just, I know how much
you look up to me, Jake,
446
00:18:54,085 --> 00:18:58,325
and I'm afraid that if I
burden you with my problems,
447
00:18:58,350 --> 00:19:00,424
you might start thinking less of me.
448
00:19:00,449 --> 00:19:02,825
Dad, you've been my hero
since I was a little kid.
449
00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:06,275
You're the coolest dad ever, and
you've always been there for me.
450
00:19:07,263 --> 00:19:08,700
And nothing would make me happier
451
00:19:08,725 --> 00:19:10,919
than to have the chance
to repay the favor.
452
00:19:11,355 --> 00:19:12,954
Oh, man.
453
00:19:12,979 --> 00:19:14,082
(VOICE BREAKING): Dad, don't do that.
454
00:19:14,107 --> 00:19:15,908
Yo... and...
455
00:19:15,933 --> 00:19:18,129
No, 'cause when your lip
quivers, my lip quivers.
456
00:19:18,154 --> 00:19:20,087
I know, and it's just, I love you, man.
457
00:19:20,112 --> 00:19:21,683
When you cry, then I feel like...
458
00:19:21,870 --> 00:19:24,056
- I love you so much, Dad.
- (HORN BLOWS)
459
00:19:24,081 --> 00:19:26,549
ANNOUNCER: The Los Angeles Lakers
would like to once again thank
460
00:19:26,574 --> 00:19:29,951
multi-platinum recording
artist, Cooper James,
461
00:19:30,101 --> 00:19:32,568
for singing today's National Anthem.
462
00:19:33,228 --> 00:19:35,731
(BOTH CRYING, PHONE RINGING)
463
00:19:35,949 --> 00:19:38,688
That was good. Oh.
464
00:19:38,713 --> 00:19:40,311
Oh. Oh, babe.
465
00:19:40,336 --> 00:19:42,520
You'll never guess what just happened.
Claire?
466
00:19:42,545 --> 00:19:45,835
Hey, babe. I hope that you're
ready for some cybersex.
467
00:19:45,860 --> 00:19:48,185
ALL THREE: No! No!
468
00:19:48,210 --> 00:19:49,786
No!
469
00:19:50,641 --> 00:19:52,196
Jake, what the hell?!
470
00:19:52,221 --> 00:19:53,518
I'm sorry, baby. I forgot to tell you
471
00:19:53,543 --> 00:19:55,277
I was at a basketball game tonight.
472
00:19:55,302 --> 00:19:57,446
I'll call you later, okay?
I'm super impressed.
473
00:19:57,471 --> 00:19:59,417
So was everyone else. Bye.
474
00:20:05,291 --> 00:20:08,438
(JAKE AND CLAIRE MOANING)
475
00:20:09,508 --> 00:20:12,014
I can't believe we're finally
doing this on FaceTime.
476
00:20:12,039 --> 00:20:14,205
CLAIRE: I know. I've
been so hungry for it.
477
00:20:14,230 --> 00:20:15,922
(JAKE LAUGHS)
478
00:20:15,947 --> 00:20:17,747
(BOTH MOAN)
479
00:20:17,772 --> 00:20:20,106
BOTH: Mmm!
480
00:20:20,587 --> 00:20:21,887
Ah.
481
00:20:21,912 --> 00:20:23,692
Such a good call to
just bail on the sex
482
00:20:23,717 --> 00:20:26,229
and just skip to the part where
we eat the ice cream together.
483
00:20:26,254 --> 00:20:29,773
Yeah, and for once, we can
both finish at the same time.
484
00:20:29,798 --> 00:20:31,274
(BOTH LAUGH)
485
00:20:31,299 --> 00:20:32,532
- Mmm.
- CLAIRE: Oh.
486
00:20:32,557 --> 00:20:33,735
Ah, don't tease me.
487
00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:36,533
(JAKE AND CLAIRE MOANING)
488
00:20:39,030 --> 00:20:40,496
(BOTH MOANING)
489
00:20:40,836 --> 00:20:42,999
JAKE: Look how thick that
piece of chocolate is.
490
00:20:43,024 --> 00:20:45,374
CLAIRE: Mmm. Oh.
491
00:20:45,399 --> 00:20:46,109
JAKE: Thick.
492
00:20:46,134 --> 00:20:48,291
CLAIRE: Ah, it's going straight
to my butt, but I don't care.
493
00:20:48,643 --> 00:20:52,056
For God's sake, Jake, get your
damn phone off Bluetooth!
35558
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