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1
00:00:02,086 --> 00:00:03,378
Here's what you missed...
2
00:00:03,462 --> 00:00:05,797
Will's wife put the "Terri"
in "terrible" relationships.
3
00:00:05,881 --> 00:00:07,924
- So now, she's his ex-wife.
- What is wrong with you?
4
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:10,551
Kurt met this kid, Blaine,
who he really likes,
and he seems really nice.
5
00:00:10,636 --> 00:00:13,137
But he sings in the glee club
at another school.
They're called the Warblers.
6
00:00:13,222 --> 00:00:15,014
The Warblers are like rock stars.
7
00:00:15,099 --> 00:00:16,432
Kurt isn't liking his own school at all.
8
00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:18,518
Karofsky's been coming after him,
and nobody knows why.
9
00:00:18,602 --> 00:00:21,312
You can't punch the gay
out of me any more than I can
punch the ignoramus out of you!
10
00:00:21,397 --> 00:00:23,147
Kurt knows why,
but he hasn't told anyone.
11
00:00:23,232 --> 00:00:24,982
And that's what
you missed on Glee.
12
00:00:32,157 --> 00:00:35,326
- Morning, Sue.
- Oh, I'm gonna stop you right there.
13
00:00:35,452 --> 00:00:37,453
It's Principal Sue.
What?
14
00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:39,038
You heard me right.
15
00:00:39,123 --> 00:00:42,625
My years-long quest for power
has finally bore fruit.
16
00:00:42,751 --> 00:00:45,878
What happened to Figgins?
You need to start listening
to the news, William.
17
00:00:45,963 --> 00:00:49,882
A particularly virulent strain
of monkey flu has arrived
in Ohio from Borneo...
18
00:00:49,967 --> 00:00:54,220
where it had been festering
in a small clutch of loud,
bisexual primates...
19
00:00:54,304 --> 00:00:56,264
not unlike your very Glee Club.
20
00:00:56,348 --> 00:00:58,641
But how-how did Figgins get it?
21
00:00:59,643 --> 00:01:01,769
And that's what it means
to be an American.
22
00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:03,813
I think I have a fever.
Can it.
23
00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:06,691
Now!
24
00:01:18,328 --> 00:01:19,996
'Sup?
25
00:01:21,373 --> 00:01:24,584
So Figgins is sick.
How does that make you principal?
26
00:01:24,668 --> 00:01:27,086
Through the blackmail
of prominent local politicians,
27
00:01:27,171 --> 00:01:30,757
I strong-armed some extraordinarily
broad clauses into my contract.
28
00:01:30,841 --> 00:01:34,010
My first order of business...
destroy the Glee Club.
29
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:35,595
I thought we were friends.
30
00:01:35,679 --> 00:01:37,388
That got boring.
31
00:01:50,152 --> 00:01:52,779
Just one of the perks
of being a high school teacher...
32
00:01:52,863 --> 00:01:54,822
constant exposure to illness.
33
00:01:54,907 --> 00:01:56,449
All right, guys, um...
34
00:01:57,701 --> 00:02:00,203
It's time to start thinking
about song selections.
35
00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:03,539
I feel like I might have a fever,
but it's important that I power through it.
36
00:02:09,254 --> 00:02:10,671
Okay.
37
00:02:10,756 --> 00:02:12,507
I definitely have a fever.
38
00:02:12,591 --> 00:02:14,175
Looking good, Puckerman.
39
00:02:14,259 --> 00:02:16,928
Someone's been eatin'
their Wheaties.
40
00:02:17,012 --> 00:02:18,888
These guns are fully loaded.
41
00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:24,769
Mr. Schue, I, for one,
think we should use
our set list for sectionals...
42
00:02:24,853 --> 00:02:28,189
to start exploring the oeuvre
of one Bernadette Peters.
43
00:02:28,273 --> 00:02:31,400
Someday, I'm gonna go to Paris
and visit the "Oeuvre."
44
00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:33,778
I just want to dance.
45
00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:36,572
Mr. Schuester,
you look a little green.
46
00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:39,534
Um, I think I'm gonna
go see the nurse.
47
00:02:41,411 --> 00:02:44,247
But first, I feel like I should
get you guys a sitter.
48
00:02:44,331 --> 00:02:47,875
At this point, we're going
to add any of your aromatics...
49
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:59,262
From here,
we're gonna cover the pan
until the scallops open up...
50
00:02:59,346 --> 00:03:00,721
I can take care of myself.
51
00:03:00,806 --> 00:03:02,640
Is that why Mrs. Weiss
called me from next door?
52
00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:05,351
Because according to her,
she's here morning and night.
53
00:03:05,435 --> 00:03:08,229
- Lift your head up.
- You're making me feel worse.
54
00:03:08,313 --> 00:03:10,731
- Oh, honey.
55
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:15,903
I'm probably revealing too much,
but I do still love you.
56
00:03:15,988 --> 00:03:19,574
And you have to admit,
no matter how toxic
our marriage was,
57
00:03:19,658 --> 00:03:22,034
I was really good at taking care
of you when you were sick.
58
00:03:22,119 --> 00:03:24,453
That's because you like me best
when I'm weak.
59
00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:27,582
Maybe. That's what my therapist says.
60
00:03:27,666 --> 00:03:30,501
- You're seeing a therapist?
- And I'm medicating too.
61
00:03:30,586 --> 00:03:33,462
Now roll over
and pull your pants down...
62
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,673
because we're gonna
take baby's temperature.
63
00:03:35,757 --> 00:03:37,592
No.
64
00:03:37,676 --> 00:03:40,469
But baby knows that
the only way that we can
get an accurate reading...
65
00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:42,138
Stop, Terri.
66
00:03:43,599 --> 00:03:45,558
I don't wanna play "sick baby"
with you.
67
00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:47,393
Now get out of here.
68
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:54,775
What are you doing?
69
00:03:56,361 --> 00:03:58,738
Singin' in the Rain.
We were together 16 years.
70
00:03:58,822 --> 00:04:02,116
You think I don't remember
what movie makes you feel
better when you're sick?
71
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:06,078
Another thing to remember...
don't overcrowd the pan.
72
00:04:06,163 --> 00:04:08,539
And that is how
you steam scallops.
73
00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:13,294
I am shaking, and it's either
from low blood sugar or rage.
74
00:04:13,378 --> 00:04:14,879
I knew it was only
a matter of time...
75
00:04:14,963 --> 00:04:16,797
before Rachel tried
to take over the Glee Club.
76
00:04:19,718 --> 00:04:23,220
Class, in Mr. Schuester's absence,
I'd like to go around and ask everyone...
77
00:04:23,305 --> 00:04:26,223
what solos they'd like to hear me
perform at sectionals.
78
00:04:26,308 --> 00:04:27,642
All right!
Let me at her!
79
00:04:27,726 --> 00:04:29,435
- ¡Tú eres loca!
80
00:04:29,519 --> 00:04:31,771
We'll forget all about it
tonight at bowling.
81
00:04:31,855 --> 00:04:34,023
I can't.
Blaine asked me to hang out.
82
00:04:35,192 --> 00:04:37,944
I've been looking forward to it
all week.
83
00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:41,113
Wait. Are you two going out?
Because I think you need
to come clean.
84
00:04:41,198 --> 00:04:45,284
What? No. I don't want another
Jesse-Rachel traitor scenario
to overcome.
85
00:04:45,369 --> 00:04:47,328
Please, Mercedes.
Mum's the word.
86
00:04:47,412 --> 00:04:50,331
We'll be happy for you.
We know how lonely you've been.
87
00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:53,626
Hey, we just hang out.
Nothing about Glee Club
even ever comes up.
88
00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:56,796
It's just nice to have
someone to talk to.
89
00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:59,215
- What is that supposed to mean?
- I mean someone like me.
90
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:02,718
But I promise to make it up to you.
We'll hang out Friday night.
91
00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:15,398
- 'Scuse you. Watch out.
- She's just hungry.
92
00:05:17,776 --> 00:05:20,027
Whoa, whoa.
Couple more. Thanks.
93
00:05:20,112 --> 00:05:23,781
So what are we gonna do about
Glee Club while Mr. Schue is sick?
94
00:05:23,865 --> 00:05:26,826
I have an idea.
Have you met
the new Spanish teacher?
95
00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:31,122
It's not easy being a substitute teacher.
96
00:05:31,206 --> 00:05:32,665
Kids feel like
they get the day off.
97
00:05:32,749 --> 00:05:33,916
They'll goof off,
98
00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:35,793
egg your car,
cut class...
99
00:05:35,877 --> 00:05:39,255
break into your car, throw spitballs,
put an alligator in your car.
100
00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:40,923
And I don't even have
a nice car.
101
00:05:46,430 --> 00:05:48,139
So I try to relate to the kids...
102
00:05:48,265 --> 00:05:50,641
Listen to what they have to say,
make it fun for them.
103
00:05:56,940 --> 00:05:59,775
Because I'm the cure
for the common class.
104
00:06:09,661 --> 00:06:11,996
Excuse me.
Miss Holliday, a word?
105
00:06:23,508 --> 00:06:26,052
I understand that you are subbing
for Mr. Schuester's Spanish class,
106
00:06:26,136 --> 00:06:30,264
and I was wondering if you
might not want to take over
his Glee Club duties as well.
107
00:06:30,348 --> 00:06:32,725
What makes you think
I know the first thing
about Glee Club?
108
00:06:32,809 --> 00:06:36,812
You subbed for my English class last week,
and you were extraordinary.
109
00:06:42,027 --> 00:06:43,569
Conjunction Junction
110
00:06:43,653 --> 00:06:45,654
What's your function
111
00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:50,242
Hookin' up words
and phrases and clauses
112
00:06:50,327 --> 00:06:51,702
Conjunction Junction
113
00:06:51,787 --> 00:06:53,913
What's your function
114
00:06:53,997 --> 00:06:58,375
Hookin' up cars
and makin' 'em function
115
00:06:58,460 --> 00:07:01,045
Are you on anything?
116
00:07:01,129 --> 00:07:03,422
'Cause this is trippy.
117
00:07:03,507 --> 00:07:06,967
You smell homeless,
Brett. Homeless.
118
00:07:07,052 --> 00:07:08,636
Miss Holliday, we are floundering.
119
00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:10,346
Won't you please
take over Glee Club?
120
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:12,473
I thought you'd never ask.
121
00:07:12,557 --> 00:07:14,100
Yeah!
122
00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:15,601
Muchas gracias.
123
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:22,566
- Dude, what are you doing?
- Kurt got us a substitute,
so I'm buttering the floor.
124
00:07:22,651 --> 00:07:24,610
But sectionals is, like,
two weeks from now.
125
00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:27,279
Hey, Gigantor.
We're all gonna
swap names, yo!
126
00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:30,199
Did I hear something
about a substitu...
127
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:31,575
Yes! It works!
128
00:07:33,537 --> 00:07:36,038
Well, at least I didn't fall
and break my talent.
129
00:07:36,164 --> 00:07:38,332
I'm fine.
130
00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:45,589
- What da hell?
- Hola, clase.
131
00:07:45,674 --> 00:07:49,677
Nothin' says "Bienvenidos"
quite like a buttered floor.
132
00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:52,888
Let's start
with some introductions.
133
00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:56,892
My name is Holly Holliday.
What's yours? Go!
134
00:07:56,977 --> 00:07:59,603
I'm Finn Hudson.
I'm quarterback
of the football team.
135
00:07:59,688 --> 00:08:02,064
I'm Rachel Berry...
his loud, loud girlfriend.
136
00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:04,483
I'm Mike Chang.
137
00:08:04,568 --> 00:08:07,278
- Those aren't your names.
You know why I know that?
- You're psychic?
138
00:08:07,362 --> 00:08:11,407
I know this because I recently
watched a video of you guys
performing at regionals...
139
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:13,409
where you came in last.
140
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:16,245
Maybe it's because the songs
were about 30 years old, but...
141
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:18,998
- Those songs are classics.
- Those songs are amazing.
142
00:08:19,082 --> 00:08:22,877
But they sounded
like somebody else's
favorite songs, not yours.
143
00:08:22,961 --> 00:08:24,795
- Just sayin'.
- She speaks the truth.
144
00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:27,673
I'm not your average,
run-of-the-mill substitute teacher.
145
00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:32,052
I want you guys to do things
that you want to do.
146
00:08:32,137 --> 00:08:36,098
I want you to have fun in our fabulous
but fleeting time together.
147
00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:38,976
- What do you say
we have class outside today?
- It's raining outside.
148
00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:42,229
- Then let's take a field trip to Taco Bell.
- Oh, yeah!
149
00:08:42,314 --> 00:08:45,024
Should we toke up
some medical-grade marijuana?
150
00:08:45,108 --> 00:08:47,151
- I wish.
151
00:08:47,235 --> 00:08:49,278
It's really hard
not to like this woman.
152
00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:51,906
Okay. No, we can't just
goof off all day.
153
00:08:51,990 --> 00:08:54,158
We have to write a set list
for sectionals.
154
00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:56,577
You're right. What songs
would you like to do?
155
00:08:58,747 --> 00:09:01,790
Oh. Don't get asked
that question much, do we?
156
00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:04,084
Miss Holliday's right.
Mr. Schuester's set list...
157
00:09:04,169 --> 00:09:06,462
sometimes seems like he hasn't
listened to the radio since the '80s.
158
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,589
He never listens
to what I have to say.
159
00:09:08,673 --> 00:09:11,550
Mr. Schue, can we do
that new Cee Lo song, "Forget You"?
160
00:09:11,635 --> 00:09:13,886
Uh, no. Come on, guys.
161
00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:16,430
There's gotta be a Journey song
we haven't done yet.
162
00:09:16,514 --> 00:09:17,723
Cee Lo!
163
00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:19,391
That's what I'm talkin' about.
164
00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:21,227
- Yeah!
- Snap.
165
00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:23,312
Excuse me. What would you
know about Cee Lo?
166
00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:26,690
- 'Cause you're, like, 40.
- Top 40, sweet cheeks.
167
00:09:26,775 --> 00:09:28,651
- Hit it!
-
168
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:38,577
I see you drive around town
with the guy I love
169
00:09:38,662 --> 00:09:42,790
- And I'm, like, forget you
- Hooh-ooh
170
00:09:42,874 --> 00:09:46,418
I guess the change in my pocket
wasn't enough
171
00:09:46,503 --> 00:09:50,422
- I'm, like, forget you
- Ahh-ahh-ahh
172
00:09:50,507 --> 00:09:53,217
Yeah, I'm sorry
I can't afford a Ferrari
173
00:09:54,511 --> 00:09:57,012
But that don't mean
I can't get you there
174
00:09:57,097 --> 00:10:01,600
I guess she's an Xbox
and I'm more an Atari
175
00:10:01,685 --> 00:10:04,270
But the way you play
your game ain't fair
176
00:10:04,354 --> 00:10:07,106
I pity the fool
177
00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:09,692
That falls in love with you
178
00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:11,277
Ooh, she's a gold digger
179
00:10:11,361 --> 00:10:13,195
- Well
- Just thought you should know it
180
00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:14,905
Hooh, hooh-ooh
181
00:10:14,990 --> 00:10:17,116
I got some news for you
182
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:20,160
Yeah, go run and tell
your little girlfriend
183
00:10:20,245 --> 00:10:23,706
I see you drive around town
with the guy I love
184
00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:27,793
- And I'm, like, forget you
- Whooh-ooh
185
00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:31,422
I guess the change in my pocket
wasn't enough
186
00:10:31,506 --> 00:10:33,465
I'm, like, forget you
187
00:10:33,550 --> 00:10:35,342
And forget him too
188
00:10:35,427 --> 00:10:38,220
Said, if I was richer
189
00:10:38,305 --> 00:10:39,930
I'd still be with ya
190
00:10:40,015 --> 00:10:42,641
- Huh, now ain't that some sh...
- Ain't that some sh...
191
00:10:42,726 --> 00:10:44,810
Now though there's pain
in my chest
192
00:10:44,894 --> 00:10:46,770
I still wish you the best
193
00:10:46,855 --> 00:10:49,315
With a forget you
194
00:10:49,399 --> 00:10:50,399
Whoo-hoo, ooh
195
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:52,276
Now, baby, baby, baby
196
00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:55,070
Why do you wanna
wanna hurt me so bad
197
00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:58,657
- So bad, so bad
- Yeah
198
00:10:58,742 --> 00:11:00,659
I tried to tell my mama
but she told me
199
00:11:00,744 --> 00:11:03,037
This is one for your dad
200
00:11:03,121 --> 00:11:04,538
- Your dad
- Yes, she did
201
00:11:04,622 --> 00:11:06,623
Yes, she did
202
00:11:06,708 --> 00:11:10,419
- Why
- Uh
203
00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:13,714
Why, ba-a-baby
204
00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:15,883
I love you
205
00:11:15,967 --> 00:11:19,303
I still love you
206
00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:20,846
Hey
207
00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:24,266
I see you drive around town
with the guy I love
208
00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:27,895
- And I'm, like, forget you
- Forget you
209
00:11:27,979 --> 00:11:31,523
I guess the change in my pocket
wasn't enough
210
00:11:31,608 --> 00:11:33,734
I'm, like, forget you
211
00:11:33,818 --> 00:11:35,944
And forget him too
212
00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:39,281
Said, if I was richer
I'd still be with ya
213
00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:41,950
- Yeah, yeah
- Huh, now ain't that some sh...
214
00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:43,452
Oh, oh-oh
215
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:46,872
Although there's pain in my chest
I still wish you the best
216
00:11:46,956 --> 00:11:49,750
- Wish you the best
- With a forget you
217
00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:51,668
Whoo-hoo, hoo-hoo
218
00:11:56,508 --> 00:11:58,384
Let's go get some tacos!
Yeah!
219
00:11:58,468 --> 00:11:59,843
Yeah!
220
00:12:01,930 --> 00:12:04,264
This is not
up for discussion, fellas.
221
00:12:04,349 --> 00:12:10,145
You do not spray
athlete's foot medicine
in your teammates' eyes.
222
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:11,730
Come on!
223
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:16,402
Can I help you, Sue?
Principal Sue.
224
00:12:16,486 --> 00:12:20,447
And I'm here to inform you that,
effective 4:00 p.m. Today,
225
00:12:20,532 --> 00:12:23,617
the football team
is officially disbanded.
226
00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:27,955
Well, if you're cuttin' the football team,
who are your Cheerios gonna cheer for?
227
00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:36,171
I will get back to you
on all of this later.
228
00:12:43,346 --> 00:12:44,555
No.
229
00:12:44,639 --> 00:12:46,598
Humiliation.
230
00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:50,644
Bested by the Beiste...
less than 24 hours after my plan...
231
00:12:50,728 --> 00:12:54,815
to replace all chairs in the school
with sharp poles was thwarted.
232
00:12:54,899 --> 00:12:57,568
A resounding defeat
in my war against sitting.
233
00:12:57,652 --> 00:12:59,778
The reality is I'm a champion,
234
00:12:59,863 --> 00:13:03,699
and once I get power,
I do not let it go.
235
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:05,576
I need a cause.
236
00:13:10,665 --> 00:13:13,250
That's it!
237
00:13:13,334 --> 00:13:16,086
Becky, get your fanny in here
and bring your pad.
238
00:13:16,171 --> 00:13:18,922
- Yes, Coach?
- Becky, take a memo.
239
00:13:19,841 --> 00:13:21,717
I'm banning potater tots.
240
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:23,677
Outstanding.
241
00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:27,556
Mr. Schue!
So glad you're better.
242
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,308
We can't win sectionals
without you.
243
00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:32,269
Mike, I know. Now I'm gonna
run through a number here.
244
00:13:32,353 --> 00:13:34,104
- After a bit, I want you to join in. Got it?
- Got it.
245
00:13:34,189 --> 00:13:36,440
All right.
246
00:13:36,566 --> 00:13:38,817
Though the world is full
of a number of things...
247
00:13:38,902 --> 00:13:41,737
I'm sure we should all
be as happy as...
248
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,238
- But are we? No.
-
249
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:45,240
Definitely, no.
Positively, no!
250
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:47,075
Decidedly, no! Uh-uh.
251
00:13:50,079 --> 00:13:52,164
Short people
have long faces,
252
00:13:52,248 --> 00:13:53,957
and long people
have short faces.
253
00:13:54,042 --> 00:13:57,503
Big people have little humor,
and little people have
no humor at all.
254
00:13:57,587 --> 00:14:01,507
And in the words
of that immortal god,
Samuel J. Snodgrass,
255
00:14:01,591 --> 00:14:04,843
as he was about to be led
to the guillotine...
256
00:14:04,928 --> 00:14:07,763
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
257
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:10,849
Don't you know everyone
wants to laugh, ha-ha
258
00:14:10,934 --> 00:14:14,686
My dad said
Be an actor, my son
259
00:14:14,771 --> 00:14:16,855
But be a comical one
260
00:14:16,940 --> 00:14:19,691
They'll be standin'
in lines
261
00:14:19,776 --> 00:14:22,736
For those old
honky-tonk monkeyshines
262
00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:26,073
Now you could
study Shakespeare
and be quite elite
263
00:14:26,157 --> 00:14:29,034
And you can charm the critics
and have nothin' to eat
264
00:14:29,118 --> 00:14:31,703
Just slip on a banana peel
The world's at your feet
265
00:14:31,788 --> 00:14:35,082
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
266
00:14:35,166 --> 00:14:37,709
Make 'em...
Make 'em laugh
267
00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:41,255
Don't you know
everyone wants to laugh
268
00:14:41,339 --> 00:14:44,424
My grandpa said
Go out and tell 'em a joke
269
00:14:44,509 --> 00:14:46,718
But give it plenty of hoke
270
00:14:46,803 --> 00:14:49,596
Make 'em roar
Make 'em scream
271
00:14:49,681 --> 00:14:53,141
Take a fall, butt a wall
Split a seam
272
00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:55,769
You start off by pretending
you're a dancer with grace
273
00:14:55,853 --> 00:14:58,772
You wiggle till they're gigglin'
all over the place
274
00:14:58,856 --> 00:15:01,608
And then you get a great big
custard pie in the face
275
00:15:01,693 --> 00:15:05,195
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
276
00:15:28,845 --> 00:15:31,763
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
277
00:15:31,848 --> 00:15:35,267
Don't you know
everyone wants to laugh
278
00:15:35,351 --> 00:15:37,686
Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
ha, ha, ha, ha!
279
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:41,106
Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
280
00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:44,276
Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
ha, ha, ha, ha!
281
00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:51,199
Make 'em laugh
Ha-ha!
282
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:56,538
Make 'em laugh
Ha, ha, ha!
283
00:15:56,623 --> 00:16:00,208
Make 'em laugh
284
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:03,962
Make 'em laugh
285
00:16:07,884 --> 00:16:12,304
I don't understand
who gave her the authority
to take over Glee Club.
286
00:16:15,933 --> 00:16:17,392
What?
287
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:20,354
I was doing a fine job
of running Glee
in your absence.
288
00:16:20,438 --> 00:16:22,606
And then Kurt, jealous,
asked her to take over.
289
00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:25,275
I'm not too worried
about her, Rachel.
290
00:16:27,403 --> 00:16:30,947
I really appreciate
your concern, but-
291
00:16:31,032 --> 00:16:33,241
I'm not worried about someone
coming in and usurping me.
292
00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:34,868
You kids love me.
293
00:16:34,952 --> 00:16:36,703
Sue doesn't.
294
00:16:36,788 --> 00:16:40,082
You know what's so nice,
is having someone fun
at this school.
295
00:16:41,959 --> 00:16:43,543
Mmm! We're back.
Okay.
296
00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:46,838
Hoarders is great, but-
Animal Hoarders isbetter.
297
00:16:49,217 --> 00:16:50,717
Hoarders and red wine.
298
00:16:50,802 --> 00:16:52,594
I'm buzzed
299
00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:55,889
You have to get well,
Mr. Schuester.
300
00:16:55,973 --> 00:16:57,974
Because every day you're here,
she's there.
301
00:16:58,101 --> 00:17:00,852
And it becomes more and more likely
that she's gonna start
running the Glee Club...
302
00:17:00,937 --> 00:17:03,146
and you're gonna become
the substitute.
303
00:17:11,656 --> 00:17:13,365
We have to get there early
on Friday.
304
00:17:13,449 --> 00:17:15,200
It's league night for little people.
305
00:17:15,284 --> 00:17:16,993
They'll buy up all the small shoes
if they get there first.
306
00:17:17,078 --> 00:17:20,455
I totally forgot.
Greg Evigan is starring in Rent
at the Community Playhouse,
307
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:22,249
and Blaine got us tickets.
308
00:17:22,333 --> 00:17:24,584
"Us" as in "all of us"?
309
00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:26,628
I think he could only score two.
310
00:17:34,637 --> 00:17:36,596
Wait. Where do you think
you're going with those?
311
00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:38,974
- Principal Sue banned the tots.
- She can't do that!
312
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:41,059
They look like deep-fried deer poop.
313
00:17:41,144 --> 00:17:42,978
Take it up with Principal Sue.
314
00:17:46,107 --> 00:17:47,941
I'll get you some... Okay.
315
00:17:50,027 --> 00:17:51,987
Why did you take away
our tots?
316
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:54,865
- You don't have an appointment.
- It's all right.
317
00:17:54,949 --> 00:17:59,661
Jackée, I am like my idol,
Richard Milhous Nixon...
318
00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:02,539
regarded in his time
as petty, corrupt and venal.
319
00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:06,084
He actually always
had the best interests
of his people in mind.
320
00:18:06,169 --> 00:18:07,669
And also like Richard Nixon,
321
00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:10,839
I'm obliged to inform you
that this conversation
is being recorded.
322
00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:12,799
I want my tots.
323
00:18:12,884 --> 00:18:15,677
Nutrition is abysmal
at this school.
324
00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:18,180
- You know what this is?
- Toilet brush.
325
00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:21,141
It's broccoli. When I showed
this to Brittany earlier,
she began to whimper,
326
00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:25,187
thinking I had cut down
a small tree where a family
of Gummi Bears lived.
327
00:18:25,271 --> 00:18:27,647
I am declaring a war
on junk food.
328
00:18:27,732 --> 00:18:29,691
I'm getting my tots back.
329
00:18:31,819 --> 00:18:35,530
Becky. That can't happen again.
Keep 'em out.
330
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:37,407
Roger that.
Thank you, Coach.
331
00:18:40,703 --> 00:18:42,788
- Hey, Rachel.
- Hello, Miss Holliday.
332
00:18:42,872 --> 00:18:45,707
I'd like you to know that
I have a very severe bruise
on my right buttocks...
333
00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:48,251
from your game
of gangsta rap musical chairs.
334
00:18:48,336 --> 00:18:50,378
I'll be going on record
with the school nurse later today.
335
00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:52,422
Rachel, you suck.
336
00:18:52,507 --> 00:18:55,425
Oh, my God.
You're, like, a total drag.
337
00:18:55,510 --> 00:18:56,802
Has anyone
ever told you that?
338
00:18:56,886 --> 00:18:58,220
- I have.
- Oh, Puckerman.
339
00:18:58,304 --> 00:19:00,847
Here are the answers
to the pop quiz I'll be
giving in Spanish class later.
340
00:19:00,932 --> 00:19:02,682
It is so boring in there.
341
00:19:02,767 --> 00:19:06,937
- Thanks, Miss H.
- Righteous. Mmm!
342
00:19:07,063 --> 00:19:10,774
Maybe I should be more like you...
all fun... and just forget about
the consequences.
343
00:19:10,858 --> 00:19:13,902
Frankly, yes, you should.
I mean, at least sometimes.
344
00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:15,904
When is the last time
that you did something...
345
00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:17,906
just because you thought
it would be a blast?
346
00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:21,368
Take Glee Club.
I mean, you have
all these great ideas.
347
00:19:21,452 --> 00:19:23,453
When is the last time
you actually did one of them?
348
00:19:23,538 --> 00:19:26,331
Mr. Schue can be a little tightfisted
with song selection, but-
349
00:19:26,415 --> 00:19:28,959
I would like to do something
a little bit more upbeat...
350
00:19:29,043 --> 00:19:30,794
and glamorous
with a good dance beat.
351
00:19:30,878 --> 00:19:33,755
Sounds reasonable to me.
Have you asked?
352
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:36,341
Mr. Schuester, I want
to do more of an upbeat,
353
00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:38,510
glamorous song
with a really good dance beat.
354
00:19:38,594 --> 00:19:41,054
No, but I have good news.
355
00:19:41,138 --> 00:19:43,473
I found a Journey song
we haven't done yet.
356
00:19:43,558 --> 00:19:45,559
Rachel, I used to be
just like you...
357
00:19:45,643 --> 00:19:48,186
trying to get everything so right,
hanging on so tight.
358
00:19:48,271 --> 00:19:49,354
What happened?
359
00:19:49,438 --> 00:19:51,439
I got punched in the face.
Anyway...
360
00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:52,858
Why don't you
let me know the name...
361
00:19:52,942 --> 00:19:55,569
of this upbeat, glamorous song
with the nice dance beat?
362
00:19:55,653 --> 00:19:58,905
Because, hot stuff,
you are doin' it in Glee Club.
363
00:19:58,990 --> 00:20:01,992
I kind of need a partner
to do the song I wanted.
364
00:20:02,076 --> 00:20:05,120
I thought you'd never ask.
It's kind of my catchphrase.
365
00:20:07,582 --> 00:20:10,250
So, what meds are you on?
366
00:20:10,334 --> 00:20:15,046
Um, antidepressants.
And antianxiety when I need them.
367
00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:20,594
Are you happy?
368
00:20:20,678 --> 00:20:23,513
I think I feel like,
for the first time,
maybe I could be happy.
369
00:20:24,807 --> 00:20:26,850
How about you?
370
00:20:26,976 --> 00:20:28,768
Happy?
Um.
Yeah.
371
00:20:29,604 --> 00:20:32,814
If I'm gonna be honest, no.
372
00:20:33,941 --> 00:20:36,735
I still feel like
I'm searching for something.
373
00:20:36,819 --> 00:20:38,904
Here. Some more.
374
00:20:40,990 --> 00:20:42,741
Thanks, Terri.
375
00:20:43,701 --> 00:20:46,703
Baby likes his soup.
376
00:20:46,787 --> 00:20:49,664
You know, I remember something else
that baby loves a lot.
377
00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:56,129
Okay.
378
00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:02,344
Rub-in menthol.
379
00:21:03,346 --> 00:21:05,388
I love that stuff.
I know you do.
380
00:21:05,473 --> 00:21:08,224
Take your shirt off,
lie on your stomach.
What?
381
00:21:08,351 --> 00:21:10,852
Um...
What? I'm not gonna kill you.
382
00:21:13,189 --> 00:21:15,023
It'll make you feel better.
All right.
383
00:21:16,484 --> 00:21:17,984
Here.
384
00:21:37,797 --> 00:21:40,465
Don't.
385
00:21:40,549 --> 00:21:42,509
I don't wanna get you sick.
386
00:21:43,552 --> 00:21:45,261
I don't care.
387
00:21:58,150 --> 00:22:01,361
Look at this crap.
Foam fish sticks?
388
00:22:01,445 --> 00:22:05,448
Principal Sylvester is only
serving predigested food now...
to give us more energy.
389
00:22:05,533 --> 00:22:07,200
Do I look like
a damn baby bird?
390
00:22:07,284 --> 00:22:10,328
Don't fret your
culinary disappointments.
I come bearing gifts.
391
00:22:10,413 --> 00:22:13,039
- You brought tots?
- Better. I've set you up on a date.
392
00:22:13,124 --> 00:22:15,875
I get it. My new budding
friendship with Blaine...
393
00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:17,794
is making you feel left out,
jealous.
394
00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:20,088
Who's the guy?
Anthony Rashad.
395
00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:25,051
Hmm? Hmm?
396
00:22:25,177 --> 00:22:27,220
Why him?
No reason.
397
00:22:27,304 --> 00:22:29,014
So it has nothing
to do with the fact...
398
00:22:29,098 --> 00:22:31,474
that he's one of the five
black guys at this school.
399
00:22:31,559 --> 00:22:34,019
No. He is a wide receiver
on the football team.
400
00:22:34,103 --> 00:22:36,521
He is very good-Iooking,
401
00:22:36,605 --> 00:22:38,857
and he is a member
of the Black Student Union.
402
00:22:38,941 --> 00:22:40,233
Any nonblack activities?
403
00:22:40,317 --> 00:22:43,028
I don't know.
My Google search was a little...
404
00:22:43,154 --> 00:22:44,821
I can't take this anymore.
Mercedes, trust me.
405
00:22:44,905 --> 00:22:46,740
Love is just
around the corner.
406
00:22:46,824 --> 00:22:47,949
'Sup, homo?
407
00:22:49,618 --> 00:22:52,787
- That's not what I'm talkin' about.
408
00:23:00,004 --> 00:23:01,921
- Tots!
- Oh, my God!
409
00:23:02,006 --> 00:23:03,757
Tots! Tots! Tots!
410
00:23:09,722 --> 00:23:12,807
So, the tots wars
have begun, Becky.
411
00:23:12,892 --> 00:23:17,729
You can like
the life you're living
412
00:23:17,813 --> 00:23:21,691
- You can live the life you like
413
00:23:21,776 --> 00:23:27,822
You can even marry Harry
414
00:23:27,907 --> 00:23:31,534
But mess around with Ike
415
00:23:31,619 --> 00:23:33,995
And that's good
416
00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:36,456
Isn't it grand
417
00:23:36,540 --> 00:23:38,500
Isn't it great
418
00:23:38,584 --> 00:23:40,919
Isn't it swell
419
00:23:41,003 --> 00:23:44,756
Isn't it fun
Isn't it
420
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:49,135
But nothing stays
421
00:23:49,220 --> 00:23:53,973
In fifty years or so
422
00:23:54,058 --> 00:23:58,103
It's gonna change
you know
423
00:23:58,187 --> 00:24:03,566
But, oh, it's heaven
424
00:24:04,318 --> 00:24:08,571
Nowadays
425
00:24:08,656 --> 00:24:10,865
-
426
00:25:15,139 --> 00:25:17,515
And all
427
00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:19,809
That
428
00:25:26,317 --> 00:25:31,446
Jazz
429
00:25:38,871 --> 00:25:40,330
Hey, buddy, you look terrible.
430
00:25:40,414 --> 00:25:43,124
You should be home in bed.
There's no reason
for you to be here.
431
00:25:43,209 --> 00:25:44,751
The kids need me.
432
00:25:44,835 --> 00:25:47,378
No, literally.
There's no reason
for you to be here.
433
00:25:47,463 --> 00:25:50,131
The kids prefer
the substitute,
and so do I.
434
00:25:50,216 --> 00:25:51,758
I gotta be honest
with you, Will.
435
00:25:51,842 --> 00:25:54,010
A lot of it's the hair thing.
436
00:25:54,094 --> 00:25:57,388
In fact, right now,
I'm tempted to sell your scalp
on the black market...
437
00:25:57,473 --> 00:25:59,307
as a tiny full-length shearling coat...
438
00:25:59,391 --> 00:26:02,518
for only the most fashionable
of premature babies.
439
00:26:02,603 --> 00:26:06,648
I long for the day when Figgins
gets better and comes back.
440
00:26:06,732 --> 00:26:08,274
That's not gonna happen.
441
00:26:08,359 --> 00:26:10,568
The school board has been
just flooded with e-mails...
442
00:26:10,653 --> 00:26:15,156
from parents thrilled
with my tough stance
on healthy teen lunches.
443
00:26:15,241 --> 00:26:18,743
Figgins has been fired,
and I've been formally
offered the position.
444
00:26:18,827 --> 00:26:20,620
So why don't you go home,
445
00:26:20,704 --> 00:26:24,207
rest, watch some TV, die.
446
00:26:24,291 --> 00:26:26,584
It doesn't matter.
'Cause you know what?
447
00:26:26,669 --> 00:26:29,629
As my first official act
as full-time principal,
448
00:26:29,713 --> 00:26:31,464
you are fired.
449
00:26:39,181 --> 00:26:41,099
I'm just saying that drunk people
who get married to someone...
450
00:26:41,183 --> 00:26:43,184
they met an hour ago...
by an Elvis impersonator...
451
00:26:43,269 --> 00:26:45,645
that's a bigger insult to marriage
than two gay guys getting hitched.
452
00:26:45,729 --> 00:26:49,274
Totally. It's, like, if marriage is so sacred,
they should just outlaw divorce.
453
00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:51,526
Right. Right.
What do you think,
Mercedes?
454
00:26:51,610 --> 00:26:53,403
Oh, about "don't ask, don't tell"?
455
00:26:53,487 --> 00:26:56,531
- No, we're on Prop 8 now.
- Totally for it.
456
00:26:56,615 --> 00:26:58,908
- Against it.
- All right.
457
00:26:58,993 --> 00:27:00,743
I'm sorry.
I kind of just blanked out.
458
00:27:00,828 --> 00:27:03,329
Don't apologize.
We should talk about stuff
that you're interested in too.
459
00:27:03,414 --> 00:27:05,665
I know. Let's play a game.
On the count of three,
460
00:27:05,749 --> 00:27:07,375
name your favorite
2010 Vogue cover.
461
00:27:07,459 --> 00:27:09,919
You ready? One, two, three!
462
00:27:10,004 --> 00:27:11,170
Marion Cotillard!
463
00:27:11,255 --> 00:27:12,755
- Oh, my God! Stop it!
- Yes!
464
00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:15,466
- She's amazing. Amazing.
- Amazing. Amazing.
465
00:27:15,551 --> 00:27:17,385
- Gay.
- Gay.
466
00:27:17,469 --> 00:27:19,178
- Gay, gay, gay.
- Gay. Gay.
467
00:27:19,263 --> 00:27:20,596
Gay, gay, gay, gay,
gay, gay, gay.
468
00:27:20,681 --> 00:27:23,308
Oh, my gosh. I open my mouth,
and a little purse falls out.
469
00:27:23,392 --> 00:27:25,518
- That's so gay.
- How did that get in there?
470
00:27:25,602 --> 00:27:26,728
Mercedes?
471
00:27:28,772 --> 00:27:29,939
Mercedes.
472
00:27:30,024 --> 00:27:31,858
I was just talking
about the Buckeyes.
473
00:27:31,942 --> 00:27:34,319
I'm a college football fan.
I like sports too, you know.
474
00:27:34,403 --> 00:27:36,237
Way to break the stereotype.
475
00:27:36,947 --> 00:27:39,407
Excuse me.
I know it's not on your menu,
476
00:27:39,491 --> 00:27:41,826
- but I was wondering if you guys had...
- You want some tots.
477
00:27:41,910 --> 00:27:44,078
You kids must go to McKinley.
478
00:27:45,748 --> 00:27:47,749
So what were we talking about?
479
00:27:49,084 --> 00:27:50,877
Has anyone read
Patti LuPone's new book?
480
00:27:54,340 --> 00:27:55,798
I'm kidding.
Of course I have.
481
00:27:55,883 --> 00:27:58,134
You scared me so much there.
482
00:27:59,595 --> 00:28:02,472
- Nice job, band dudes.
483
00:28:02,556 --> 00:28:04,182
Feels like the sun
is shining in here.
484
00:28:04,266 --> 00:28:07,060
And the body's still warm.
485
00:28:07,144 --> 00:28:09,520
Hi. I'm Will Schuester.
486
00:28:09,605 --> 00:28:11,773
And this is my choir room.
487
00:28:11,857 --> 00:28:13,941
I'm sorry we had to meet like this.
488
00:28:14,026 --> 00:28:16,444
The kids really love you.
You must be a great teacher.
489
00:28:16,528 --> 00:28:19,781
You don't believe that.
If you did, you wouldn't
have taken my job so easily.
490
00:28:19,865 --> 00:28:21,574
Guys, you wanna take five?
491
00:28:23,369 --> 00:28:25,203
You wanna have
this conversation,
let's have it.
492
00:28:25,287 --> 00:28:27,038
You're a substitute.
493
00:28:27,122 --> 00:28:30,792
Of course you can paint murals
and let the kids sing
whatever they want.
494
00:28:30,876 --> 00:28:33,503
You're never around
when they have to deal with
the hangover of all that fun.
495
00:28:33,587 --> 00:28:37,590
Sixteen percent
of all high school students
dropped out last year.
496
00:28:37,674 --> 00:28:39,592
We can't just expect them
to sit up and pay attention.
497
00:28:39,676 --> 00:28:42,845
These kids feel special.
They have a voice.
498
00:28:42,930 --> 00:28:45,181
If we don't listen to it,
they just tune us out.
499
00:28:45,265 --> 00:28:49,394
I give my kids a voice.
I just don't let it run free.
500
00:28:49,478 --> 00:28:51,729
I'm the teacher.
It's my job to know
more than they do.
501
00:28:51,814 --> 00:28:56,275
Right. But you don't know
more about what they care
about the most... themselves.
502
00:28:56,360 --> 00:28:58,986
These kids get bored,
they change their Facebook status.
503
00:28:59,071 --> 00:29:01,239
They're entitled to have
all of these emotions.
504
00:29:01,323 --> 00:29:03,908
Not only that, they're entitled
for the world to care about them.
505
00:29:03,992 --> 00:29:05,493
That's what this generation is about.
506
00:29:05,577 --> 00:29:07,787
A great teacher
is supposed to show them...
507
00:29:07,871 --> 00:29:09,622
there are other points of view
besides their own.
508
00:29:09,706 --> 00:29:13,626
Okay, fine. What do you do
when a kid does something
really great in your class?
509
00:29:13,710 --> 00:29:16,754
- Praise them.
- I tweet them about it
right there and then.
510
00:29:16,839 --> 00:29:20,133
And for those 30 seconds,
I know that that kid
has a connection with me.
511
00:29:24,763 --> 00:29:27,765
Look, it's a terrible economy,
512
00:29:27,850 --> 00:29:31,769
and good teaching jobs
are hard enough to get,
let alone one in the arts.
513
00:29:31,854 --> 00:29:33,396
I just-
514
00:29:33,480 --> 00:29:37,733
I'm sorry, but I... I can't
turn this opportunity down.
515
00:29:48,829 --> 00:29:50,830
You want to tell Ms. Holliday
why we're here?
516
00:29:50,914 --> 00:29:53,541
You remember when I asked
to be excused from class?
517
00:29:53,625 --> 00:29:55,293
May I be excused?
I'm gonna go shove some tots...
518
00:29:55,377 --> 00:29:57,086
up the tailpipe
of Coach Sylvester's car.
519
00:29:57,171 --> 00:29:59,130
Sure.
520
00:29:59,214 --> 00:30:01,299
I told her not to touch my tots.
521
00:30:01,383 --> 00:30:05,011
You did $17,000 worth of damage.
522
00:30:06,763 --> 00:30:09,557
I drive a very rare
and desirable automobile, ladies,
523
00:30:09,641 --> 00:30:14,520
prized by collectors
for its peerless grace among
vintage European sports cars,
524
00:30:14,605 --> 00:30:19,108
one of out seven in existence...
the 1979 Le Car.
525
00:30:19,234 --> 00:30:23,196
You know how many hours
it took to find a mechanic
who even knew what a Le Car was?
526
00:30:23,280 --> 00:30:26,949
She's your student.
Love to hear what you
suggest as punishment.
527
00:30:27,034 --> 00:30:30,244
I was gonna suggest clapping erasers...
528
00:30:30,329 --> 00:30:33,748
but you guys
are mostly dry erase here, so...
529
00:30:33,832 --> 00:30:36,334
You know what you might not
find so funny, Mercedes,
530
00:30:36,418 --> 00:30:39,378
is that tampering with
an automobile's exhaust is a felony.
531
00:30:39,463 --> 00:30:42,882
And you can rest assured
that I and my attorney, Gloria Allred,
532
00:30:42,966 --> 00:30:44,675
will be pressing charges.
533
00:30:44,760 --> 00:30:48,137
So... am I going to jail?
534
00:30:48,222 --> 00:30:49,430
- Undetermined.
- Great.
535
00:30:49,515 --> 00:30:51,390
Get the hell outta my office.
536
00:30:56,480 --> 00:31:00,107
You have absolutely no idea
what you're doing, do you?
537
00:31:01,443 --> 00:31:03,528
No, not really.
538
00:31:03,612 --> 00:31:04,987
By the way, berets are out.
539
00:31:09,451 --> 00:31:11,744
Sorry for just
coming over like this.
540
00:31:11,828 --> 00:31:14,705
I wanted to do this in person.
541
00:31:14,790 --> 00:31:16,916
Plus I heard
you have expensive beer.
542
00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:18,751
I'm glad you did, and I do.
543
00:31:21,171 --> 00:31:24,215
I was out of line before.
You have every right
to teach however you want.
544
00:31:24,299 --> 00:31:26,467
And the fact is
the kids clearly love you.
545
00:31:26,552 --> 00:31:28,302
I'm a terrible teacher.
546
00:31:28,387 --> 00:31:30,972
Don't argue with me.
I know I am.
547
00:31:32,599 --> 00:31:35,017
Today...
548
00:31:35,102 --> 00:31:39,564
Mercedes got in trouble
for shoving tots up
Sue Sylvester's tailpipe.
549
00:31:39,648 --> 00:31:43,818
And we were sitting in
Sue's office, and Mercedes
was looking at me like...
550
00:31:43,902 --> 00:31:45,945
And I just was totally lost.
551
00:31:46,029 --> 00:31:48,406
- What did Sue do to her?
- Whatever. I don't know.
552
00:31:48,490 --> 00:31:50,491
She, like, suspended her
or whatever.
553
00:31:50,576 --> 00:31:52,076
Oh, see?
554
00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:53,744
God! I do that every time.
555
00:31:53,829 --> 00:31:56,789
As soon as things get serious,
I retreat.
556
00:31:56,873 --> 00:32:01,168
God. I... I didn't used
to be like this, you know?
557
00:32:01,253 --> 00:32:04,005
I... I was more like you.
558
00:32:04,089 --> 00:32:06,674
Spalding High School, 10 years ago.
559
00:32:06,758 --> 00:32:08,092
Good morning, class.
Whoo.
560
00:32:08,176 --> 00:32:09,802
I was subbing for a math teacher.
561
00:32:09,886 --> 00:32:11,470
The syllabus says that
you're on algorithms.
562
00:32:11,555 --> 00:32:13,097
So let's start
with some easy ones.
563
00:32:13,181 --> 00:32:14,932
Let's start with you
kissin' my ass.
564
00:32:15,017 --> 00:32:16,475
Her name was Cameo.
565
00:32:16,560 --> 00:32:18,728
She was like
an attractive Biggie Smalls.
566
00:32:18,854 --> 00:32:20,438
Okay, Miss...
Cameo.
567
00:32:20,522 --> 00:32:24,942
Miss Cameo, do you find
that algorithms are hard
for you to understand?
568
00:32:25,027 --> 00:32:26,569
Do you find my fist
hard to understand?
569
00:32:26,653 --> 00:32:30,031
I have some really great tricks
that make them very easy to learn.
570
00:32:30,115 --> 00:32:32,575
Tricks? What are you...
some type of magician substitute?
571
00:32:32,659 --> 00:32:36,037
I'm a Christian,
and that devil magic stuff offends me!
572
00:32:36,121 --> 00:32:37,663
- Cameo!
573
00:32:37,748 --> 00:32:40,082
When I woke up
in an empty classroom,
574
00:32:40,167 --> 00:32:42,710
they'd stolen my Air Jordans.
575
00:32:42,794 --> 00:32:45,755
From that moment,
I realized I gotta
keep things movin'.
576
00:32:45,839 --> 00:32:47,673
I gotta keep it
mellow and fun.
577
00:32:47,758 --> 00:32:49,425
Keep from gettin'
your butt kicked.
578
00:32:49,509 --> 00:32:51,969
And I do in all ways.
579
00:32:52,054 --> 00:32:55,056
I never sign more than
a month-to-month lease.
580
00:32:55,140 --> 00:32:56,974
I only eat off paper plates.
581
00:32:57,059 --> 00:32:59,060
I live on one-night stands.
582
00:32:59,144 --> 00:33:02,355
Last year, a guy asked me
to marry him. I moved.
583
00:33:04,941 --> 00:33:08,277
Sounds... lonely.
584
00:33:10,697 --> 00:33:12,490
Yeah.
585
00:33:12,574 --> 00:33:15,242
Well, it works for me.
586
00:33:17,788 --> 00:33:20,956
But it doesn't work for those kids.
I'm resigning.
587
00:33:25,754 --> 00:33:27,838
Wow, Will. I mean, wow.
588
00:33:27,923 --> 00:33:29,548
What are you doing here?
You should've called.
589
00:33:29,633 --> 00:33:31,258
I brought you some more soup.
590
00:33:31,343 --> 00:33:33,219
But I guess baby's
feeling a lot better...
591
00:33:33,303 --> 00:33:36,222
if he's healthy enough
to have a beer with a friend.
592
00:33:36,306 --> 00:33:37,973
No, no. I...
593
00:33:38,058 --> 00:33:39,850
Hi. I'm Holly Holliday.
594
00:33:39,935 --> 00:33:42,269
Are you a porn star
or a drag queen?
595
00:33:42,354 --> 00:33:44,188
I'm Terri Schuester...
Will's wife.
596
00:33:44,272 --> 00:33:47,233
Wow. Your wife's
kind of a bitch.
597
00:33:47,317 --> 00:33:50,653
She's my ex-wife, and I have
no idea what she's doing here.
598
00:33:50,737 --> 00:33:52,279
Do I have to remind you
what went on here?
599
00:33:52,364 --> 00:33:53,906
Can we talk about this
another time?
600
00:33:53,990 --> 00:33:55,616
'Cause this is embarrassing
in front of your new girlfriend?
601
00:33:55,701 --> 00:33:57,576
Where's she been
the past two days, huh?
602
00:33:57,703 --> 00:34:00,454
Okay, I'm just gonna
go home, I think.
No.
603
00:34:01,248 --> 00:34:03,374
I'm sorry, Terri.
604
00:34:03,458 --> 00:34:07,253
Last night was a mistake.
I knew it as soon as it happened.
605
00:34:07,337 --> 00:34:10,339
I was lonely, and...
you were there.
606
00:34:10,424 --> 00:34:12,466
I... I am sorry.
607
00:34:14,302 --> 00:34:18,222
No. I'm... Honey, I'm sorry.
I just-
608
00:34:18,306 --> 00:34:20,307
I'm really out of control
right now.
609
00:34:20,392 --> 00:34:23,394
I'm gonna come back. Okay?
610
00:34:23,478 --> 00:34:24,729
- Terri.
- Yeah?
611
00:34:24,813 --> 00:34:26,355
Don't.
612
00:34:27,607 --> 00:34:29,024
Don't come back.
613
00:34:30,527 --> 00:34:32,486
This is your last chance, Will.
614
00:34:34,114 --> 00:34:37,700
It's never gonna happen again.
If I leave now, I'm never gonna come back.
615
00:34:39,661 --> 00:34:42,329
You're gonna regret this, Will.
616
00:34:42,414 --> 00:34:45,166
I swear to God,
you're gonna regret this.
617
00:34:49,463 --> 00:34:52,631
- You okay?
618
00:34:52,716 --> 00:34:54,800
Tell me again about this life
with no consequences.
619
00:34:54,885 --> 00:34:56,552
It's kind of awesome.
620
00:34:58,305 --> 00:34:59,722
- Psst!
621
00:35:01,391 --> 00:35:03,184
Look what I snuck in.
622
00:35:05,353 --> 00:35:07,271
My heart was racing.
623
00:35:07,355 --> 00:35:08,981
Are you out of your mind?
624
00:35:09,065 --> 00:35:11,567
After what you did
to Sue's Le Car?
You're gonna end up in prison.
625
00:35:11,651 --> 00:35:15,154
So? You know what
they have in prison... tots.
626
00:35:15,238 --> 00:35:17,156
I'm not breaking it off with Blaine.
627
00:35:17,949 --> 00:35:19,700
I really like him.
628
00:35:19,785 --> 00:35:23,162
You are substituting
food for love, Mercedes.
629
00:35:23,246 --> 00:35:25,372
And more importantly,
you're substituting me
for a boyfriend.
630
00:35:27,542 --> 00:35:29,335
Look at me.
Two weeks ago,
631
00:35:29,419 --> 00:35:31,587
I thought there was no way
I'd ever find someone like Blaine.
632
00:35:31,671 --> 00:35:33,506
And there he was.
633
00:35:33,590 --> 00:35:35,674
You will find somebody.
634
00:35:35,759 --> 00:35:40,012
But until then, you just
gotta take care of yourself...
635
00:35:40,096 --> 00:35:42,056
and treat yourself
with a little respect.
636
00:35:43,683 --> 00:35:45,392
You're right.
637
00:35:45,519 --> 00:35:48,187
I gotta go.
Where?
638
00:35:48,271 --> 00:35:49,897
I'm gonna go talk
to that Anthony kid.
639
00:35:51,817 --> 00:35:53,901
First time I saw him,
I thought he was kind of cute.
640
00:35:55,111 --> 00:35:56,862
Maybe we have a shot.
641
00:35:59,199 --> 00:36:00,699
Question for you!
642
00:36:00,784 --> 00:36:04,787
You tell anyone else
what happened...
how you kissed me?
643
00:36:04,871 --> 00:36:07,164
You kissed me, Karofsky.
644
00:36:07,249 --> 00:36:11,168
And I understand how hard
this is for you to deal with,
so, no, I haven't told anyone.
645
00:36:11,253 --> 00:36:13,379
Good. You keep it that way.
646
00:36:13,463 --> 00:36:15,381
'Cause if you do,
647
00:36:15,465 --> 00:36:17,883
I'm gonna kill you.
648
00:36:28,270 --> 00:36:31,772
I guess this is where I grovel
to try to get my job back.
649
00:36:31,857 --> 00:36:34,483
No groveling necessary,
William.
650
00:36:34,568 --> 00:36:36,277
I'm returning you
to your position.
651
00:36:36,361 --> 00:36:38,612
One of the marks
of a successful leader...
652
00:36:38,697 --> 00:36:40,614
is in appointing
trusted lieutenants.
653
00:36:40,699 --> 00:36:43,784
And Ms. Holliday was clearly
not up to the job.
654
00:36:45,161 --> 00:36:47,288
You irritate me, William.
655
00:36:47,372 --> 00:36:50,583
You make the underflaps
of my breasts burn...
656
00:36:50,667 --> 00:36:53,419
like when I used to rub them
with poison sumac.
657
00:36:53,503 --> 00:36:55,087
But your kids sure love you,
658
00:36:55,171 --> 00:36:59,133
as evinced by the amount
of treacly blubbering
I had to sit through.
659
00:36:59,217 --> 00:37:01,677
Mr. Schue's the only teacher at this school
who asks you how you're doing...
660
00:37:01,761 --> 00:37:03,345
and actually wants
to hear an answer.
661
00:37:03,430 --> 00:37:06,223
Mr. Schue's the only teacher
at this school that ever
really touched me...
662
00:37:06,308 --> 00:37:07,808
besides Mr. Ryerson.
663
00:37:07,893 --> 00:37:09,894
He taught me
how to tie my shoelaces.
664
00:37:09,978 --> 00:37:12,688
I used to think that I was
the best thing that happened
to this school, but...
665
00:37:12,772 --> 00:37:14,523
I was wrong.
666
00:37:14,608 --> 00:37:16,400
Mr. Schuester is.
667
00:37:16,484 --> 00:37:18,819
Mr. Schue taught me
the second half of the alphabet.
668
00:37:18,904 --> 00:37:21,196
I stopped after "M" and "N."
669
00:37:21,281 --> 00:37:23,949
I felt they were too similar
and got frustrated.
670
00:37:24,034 --> 00:37:27,369
You know, William,
one thing I learned
in my time as president...
671
00:37:27,454 --> 00:37:30,456
- Principal.
- You can't force public opinion.
672
00:37:30,540 --> 00:37:31,916
I pardoned you.
673
00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:33,918
Sometimes you gotta
give the inmates
what they want.
674
00:37:34,002 --> 00:37:36,837
You throw 'em a comb and hope they
stop beating each other long enough...
675
00:37:36,922 --> 00:37:38,631
to whittle it into a shiv.
676
00:37:40,884 --> 00:37:44,470
Well, I am relieved.
I sort of thought I'd been replaced.
677
00:37:44,554 --> 00:37:46,347
Shut your gash, Nancy.
678
00:37:47,557 --> 00:37:49,767
And as a condition
of my not pressing charges,
679
00:37:49,851 --> 00:37:53,479
your Glee Club will return my Le Car
to mint condition.
680
00:37:53,563 --> 00:37:55,731
I suggest selling yourself
on Craigslist...
681
00:37:55,815 --> 00:37:59,026
under the heading of
"Men Seeking Men with Butt Chins."
682
00:38:08,536 --> 00:38:10,913
All right, all right.
Thank you very much, guys.
683
00:38:10,997 --> 00:38:13,290
Please. Please, sit down.
684
00:38:13,375 --> 00:38:16,794
Thank you for that and...
685
00:38:16,878 --> 00:38:18,921
And for all the kind words
you said about me to Sue.
686
00:38:19,839 --> 00:38:22,091
The feelings are mutual.
687
00:38:22,175 --> 00:38:24,301
Now we gotta
get cracking though.
We lost a few days there.
688
00:38:24,386 --> 00:38:28,013
It's all gonna be about
focus and hard work
for the next couple of days.
689
00:38:28,098 --> 00:38:29,598
I guess Miss Holliday
really is gone.
690
00:38:29,683 --> 00:38:31,684
I know you guys liked her,
and she was a lot of fun.
691
00:38:31,768 --> 00:38:33,769
But she and I both agreed
that this is what was best.
692
00:38:33,853 --> 00:38:36,355
Don't get us wrong, Mr. Schue.
We always want you as our teacher.
693
00:38:36,439 --> 00:38:38,732
- She was just a nice break.
- She did loosen us up.
694
00:38:38,817 --> 00:38:40,693
She actually had
some good ideas for a sub.
695
00:38:40,777 --> 00:38:42,861
Yeah. I get it.
696
00:38:42,946 --> 00:38:46,281
And maybe we can incorporate
those... after sectionals.
697
00:38:46,366 --> 00:38:50,202
Now, when I'm sick,
there is only one thing
that makes me feel better.
698
00:38:50,286 --> 00:38:51,578
Gin and juice.
699
00:38:51,663 --> 00:38:54,081
No. Singin' in the Rain.
700
00:38:54,165 --> 00:38:56,166
I must have watched it, like,
10 times over the past few days.
701
00:38:56,251 --> 00:38:58,544
It's actually what inspired me
to try this out...
702
00:38:58,628 --> 00:39:00,963
as a contender
for our first song at sectionals.
703
00:39:01,047 --> 00:39:04,800
- When is this song from?
- Well, the movie opened in 1952.
704
00:39:06,094 --> 00:39:07,803
But-But it's really timeless.
705
00:39:11,975 --> 00:39:15,019
Mary Todd Lincoln
in the house!
706
00:39:15,103 --> 00:39:17,938
My husband was probably gay,
and I'm bipolar,
707
00:39:18,023 --> 00:39:19,481
which makes me
yell things like,
708
00:39:19,566 --> 00:39:22,443
"That teapot's
spreadin' lies about me!"
709
00:39:22,527 --> 00:39:26,363
Or, "That can't be my baby,
because I don't love it!"
710
00:39:28,199 --> 00:39:30,075
Ms. Holliday.
Can I talk to you for a sec?
711
00:39:30,160 --> 00:39:31,702
Sure.
712
00:39:31,786 --> 00:39:33,662
Guys, practice
your bipolar rants, okay?
713
00:39:33,747 --> 00:39:35,789
See? History can be fun.
714
00:39:37,751 --> 00:39:40,210
- How you holdin' up?
- Okay.
715
00:39:40,295 --> 00:39:42,254
I'm back to my itinerant ways,
I guess.
716
00:39:43,590 --> 00:39:45,340
I do miss Glee Club though.
717
00:39:45,425 --> 00:39:48,886
Well, as much as the kids like me,
they sure do miss you.
718
00:39:48,970 --> 00:39:52,139
Which is why next time I'm sick,
I'm requesting you as the Glee sub.
719
00:39:52,223 --> 00:39:54,433
Really?
720
00:39:54,517 --> 00:39:57,102
Mr. Schuester,
that's so nice of you.
721
00:39:57,187 --> 00:39:59,938
It would be nice to feel
like a part of something,
you know?
722
00:40:00,023 --> 00:40:02,274
I know.
723
00:40:02,358 --> 00:40:05,360
I actually need your help
with something else though.
724
00:40:05,445 --> 00:40:08,405
See, I've been dying to do
"Singin' in the Rain" with the kids,
725
00:40:08,490 --> 00:40:10,324
show them how great it is.
726
00:40:10,408 --> 00:40:12,868
But they're convinced
it's too old-fashioned.
727
00:40:12,952 --> 00:40:16,872
Would you mind helping me
make it a little more... modern?
728
00:40:18,833 --> 00:40:21,668
- I thought you'd never ask.
-
729
00:40:21,753 --> 00:40:24,213
- Uh-huh, uh-huh
- Chill.
730
00:40:24,297 --> 00:40:26,715
- Holly. Good girl gone bad.
- Uh-huh, uh-huh
731
00:40:26,800 --> 00:40:28,550
- Uh-huh, uh-huh
- Take three.
732
00:40:28,635 --> 00:40:31,095
- Action. Go!
- Uh-huh, uh-huh
733
00:40:31,179 --> 00:40:32,930
You have my heart
734
00:40:33,014 --> 00:40:35,849
And we'll never be
worlds apart
735
00:40:35,934 --> 00:40:38,352
Maybe in magazines
736
00:40:38,436 --> 00:40:40,729
But you'll still be my star
737
00:40:40,814 --> 00:40:43,857
Baby, 'cause in the dark
738
00:40:43,942 --> 00:40:46,527
You can't see shiny cars
739
00:40:46,611 --> 00:40:49,113
That's when
you'll need me there
740
00:40:49,197 --> 00:40:51,824
With you, I'll always share
741
00:40:51,950 --> 00:40:55,202
'Cause I'm...
'Cause I'm singin' in the rain
742
00:40:55,286 --> 00:40:57,871
Just singin' in the rain
743
00:40:57,956 --> 00:41:00,541
What a glorious feelin'
744
00:41:00,625 --> 00:41:03,752
I'm happy again
745
00:41:03,837 --> 00:41:05,963
I'm laughing at clouds
746
00:41:06,047 --> 00:41:08,590
So dark up above
747
00:41:08,675 --> 00:41:10,467
I'm singin'
748
00:41:10,552 --> 00:41:12,511
Singin' in the rain
749
00:41:12,595 --> 00:41:14,805
You can stand
under my umbrella
750
00:41:14,889 --> 00:41:16,098
Ella, ella
751
00:41:16,182 --> 00:41:17,975
Eh, eh, eh
752
00:41:18,059 --> 00:41:20,144
Under my umbrella
753
00:41:20,228 --> 00:41:22,146
Ella, ella
754
00:41:22,230 --> 00:41:25,107
Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh
755
00:41:25,191 --> 00:41:26,692
These fancy things
756
00:41:26,776 --> 00:41:29,403
Will never come in between
757
00:41:29,487 --> 00:41:31,905
You're part of my entity
758
00:41:31,990 --> 00:41:34,908
Here for infinity
759
00:41:34,993 --> 00:41:37,786
When the world
has took its part
760
00:41:37,871 --> 00:41:40,414
When the world
has dealt its cards
761
00:41:40,498 --> 00:41:42,875
If the hand is hard
762
00:41:42,959 --> 00:41:46,378
Together, we'll mend your heart
763
00:41:46,462 --> 00:41:48,797
'Cause I'm singin'
in the rain
764
00:41:48,882 --> 00:41:51,675
Just singin' in the rain
765
00:41:51,759 --> 00:41:54,344
What a glorious feelin'
766
00:41:54,429 --> 00:41:57,931
I'm happy again
767
00:41:58,016 --> 00:41:59,600
I'm laughing at clouds
768
00:41:59,684 --> 00:42:02,686
So dark up above
769
00:42:02,770 --> 00:42:04,438
I'm singin'
770
00:42:04,522 --> 00:42:06,356
Singin' in the rain
771
00:42:06,441 --> 00:42:09,026
You can stand
under my umbrella
772
00:42:09,110 --> 00:42:10,736
Ella, ella
773
00:42:10,820 --> 00:42:13,155
Just singin' in the rain
774
00:42:13,239 --> 00:42:15,032
I'm singin'
775
00:42:15,116 --> 00:42:17,326
Singin' in the rain
776
00:42:17,410 --> 00:42:18,952
Eh, eh, eh
777
00:42:19,037 --> 00:42:20,829
It's rainin', rainin'
778
00:42:20,914 --> 00:42:23,498
Ooh, baby, it's rainin', rainin'
779
00:42:23,583 --> 00:42:26,835
Baby, come here to me
780
00:42:26,920 --> 00:42:29,546
Come here to me
781
00:42:29,631 --> 00:42:31,840
- It's rainin', rainin'
- I'm singin' in the rain
782
00:42:31,925 --> 00:42:34,676
- Ooh, baby, It's rainin', rainin'
- Just singin' in the rain
783
00:42:34,761 --> 00:42:37,512
- Baby, come here to me
- The sun's in my heart
784
00:42:37,597 --> 00:42:39,765
And I'm ready for love
785
00:42:39,849 --> 00:42:40,891
My umbrella
786
00:42:40,975 --> 00:42:42,935
Eh-eh, eh-eh-eh
787
00:42:43,019 --> 00:42:45,229
My umbrella
Eh-eh, eh-eh-eh
788
00:42:45,313 --> 00:42:48,065
My umbrella
Eh, eh, eh, eh-eh-eh
789
00:42:48,149 --> 00:42:49,441
My umbrella
790
00:43:27,855 --> 00:43:28,855
English - US - PSDH
62390
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