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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:04,870 [♪] 2 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 3 00:01:10,136 --> 00:01:12,671 [police sirens] 4 00:01:17,944 --> 00:01:19,078 My name is Will, 5 00:01:19,979 --> 00:01:22,347 and this... is my office. 6 00:01:33,526 --> 00:01:35,094 You've seen us before. 7 00:01:35,096 --> 00:01:37,262 A sea of glowing screens 8 00:01:37,264 --> 00:01:39,498 attached to your coffee shop like barnacles. 9 00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:43,535 Or... maybe you're one of us, and you understand 10 00:01:43,537 --> 00:01:45,104 we're not here to be different 11 00:01:45,106 --> 00:01:47,706 we're here to survive. 12 00:01:47,708 --> 00:01:50,509 I manage a website for an electronics company. 13 00:01:50,511 --> 00:01:52,778 Mainly updating driver downloads, 14 00:01:52,780 --> 00:01:54,480 integrating advertising revenue 15 00:01:54,482 --> 00:01:55,948 with product-specific pla- 16 00:01:55,950 --> 00:01:57,116 [gunshot] 17 00:01:57,984 --> 00:02:00,018 But, I do have a job, so... 18 00:02:00,020 --> 00:02:02,020 I guess I shouldn't complain. 19 00:02:02,022 --> 00:02:03,422 [Speakerphone conversation] 20 00:02:03,424 --> 00:02:05,424 When I got laid off from my office job a year ago, 21 00:02:05,426 --> 00:02:06,825 I tried working at home... 22 00:02:08,027 --> 00:02:10,262 But roommates can make that difficult. 23 00:02:11,464 --> 00:02:13,799 - I HAVE FUCKING AIDS! 24 00:02:13,801 --> 00:02:15,667 AAAIIIDDSS! 25 00:02:16,669 --> 00:02:19,304 - So, I come here... Coffee Town. 26 00:02:19,306 --> 00:02:21,440 Though, it wasn't always called that. 27 00:02:22,509 --> 00:02:24,343 A local businessman, Morris Brown, 28 00:02:24,345 --> 00:02:26,845 wanted to starts a chain of coffee stores 29 00:02:26,847 --> 00:02:29,882 and since coffee is brown... 30 00:02:29,884 --> 00:02:31,850 he came up with the ingenious name. 31 00:02:31,852 --> 00:02:32,851 Brown Town, 32 00:02:33,786 --> 00:02:35,187 which some took the wrong way. 33 00:02:35,189 --> 00:02:36,421 [Glass shattering] 34 00:02:36,423 --> 00:02:39,424 So, it became... Coffee Town. 35 00:02:39,426 --> 00:02:40,926 And it works for me because, 36 00:02:40,928 --> 00:02:42,361 unlike some people in this world... 37 00:02:42,363 --> 00:02:44,530 - Do you have another card, maybe? 38 00:02:44,532 --> 00:02:45,831 - I live within my means. 39 00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:46,832 - Next? 40 00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:49,201 I drive a 1998 Saturn. 41 00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:51,170 [Inaudible conversation] 42 00:02:51,671 --> 00:02:54,039 [whistling] 43 00:02:54,041 --> 00:02:55,240 [car lock chirp] 44 00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:00,812 I used to have one of these. 45 00:03:00,814 --> 00:03:02,514 I buy clothes at estate sales. 46 00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:08,754 - That was his church... coat... [sobbing] 47 00:03:08,756 --> 00:03:11,023 - I get my hair cut at a cosmetology school. 48 00:03:11,025 --> 00:03:11,823 - No... 49 00:03:12,992 --> 00:03:15,894 ...lose yourself. Don't be afraid to fail. 50 00:03:18,932 --> 00:03:20,332 - Uuh... 51 00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:23,535 And... I use a coffee shop as my office, 52 00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:25,170 which I love. 53 00:03:25,172 --> 00:03:27,806 It's three blocks from my house, has comfortable chairs, 54 00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:29,341 and, most importantly,.. 55 00:03:29,343 --> 00:03:31,476 People that are bigger losers than me. 56 00:03:31,478 --> 00:03:33,011 - Where's your dial-up connection? 57 00:03:33,013 --> 00:03:35,514 - But, like any office, there are rules to surviving 58 00:03:35,516 --> 00:03:37,649 and they have to be followed. 59 00:03:37,651 --> 00:03:40,419 The main rule? Always be drinking. 60 00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:44,156 If you stop drinking, you stop being a customer. 61 00:03:44,158 --> 00:03:47,960 And the reason I have to play by the rules... is this guy. 62 00:03:47,962 --> 00:03:48,860 Sam. 63 00:03:49,829 --> 00:03:52,097 He sees people me as parasites, 64 00:03:52,099 --> 00:03:55,100 squatters in his house of free wi-fi. 65 00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:56,368 - What'll it be, sir? 66 00:03:57,103 --> 00:03:58,337 - He knows. 67 00:03:58,339 --> 00:04:01,373 Medium drip... lightly sweetened... 68 00:04:01,375 --> 00:04:04,276 Sometimes I let him write it all down. 69 00:04:04,278 --> 00:04:05,611 Then I change it up. 70 00:04:05,613 --> 00:04:07,879 With whole... milk. 71 00:04:18,024 --> 00:04:19,858 I win. 72 00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:22,427 Now I just have to find a way to drink milk 73 00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:24,429 without shitting my pants. 74 00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:28,767 Another up-side of having a coffee shop as your office 75 00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:31,903 is your friends can drop by and hang out whenever they want. 76 00:04:37,977 --> 00:04:39,444 This is Chad. 77 00:04:40,346 --> 00:04:41,826 We've been friends since high school. 78 00:04:43,349 --> 00:04:46,685 - Mmm... mmm, cawamel... 79 00:04:46,687 --> 00:04:48,954 I like... cawamel. 80 00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:51,423 MMMH... mmm 81 00:04:53,026 --> 00:04:54,526 mmh... 82 00:04:54,528 --> 00:04:56,128 - He works in the building across the street 83 00:04:56,130 --> 00:05:00,032 and visits during his company-sanctioned smoke breaks... 84 00:05:00,034 --> 00:05:01,566 even though he doesn't smoke. 85 00:05:05,838 --> 00:05:07,539 - [Whispering] Coffee Town... 86 00:05:07,541 --> 00:05:09,841 It's amazing that black people got mad about Brown Town. 87 00:05:09,843 --> 00:05:15,447 I mean, if 'brown town' meant them, that would mean it's they're town. 88 00:05:15,449 --> 00:05:17,015 Right? Isn't that what you want? 89 00:05:17,017 --> 00:05:18,483 Your own town? Just for you? 90 00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:20,519 I mean, that's like havin' a... a... 91 00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:22,921 - Water fountain? Just for you? 92 00:05:24,090 --> 00:05:25,490 - You're making fun of me. 93 00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:27,993 - Oh no, no, no. You pretty much take care of that on your own. 94 00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:29,361 - Well, guess what. 95 00:05:29,363 --> 00:05:31,430 I don't think that whole water fountain thing is racist either. 96 00:05:31,432 --> 00:05:32,497 - See? 97 00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:35,000 - You have a water fountain just for yourself. 98 00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:37,302 Everywhere you go, there's two water fountains. 99 00:05:37,304 --> 00:05:41,006 Now, sure, it's wrong if, like, the black person water fountain is like... 100 00:05:41,008 --> 00:05:42,674 rusty, or something like that. 101 00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:45,377 [Whispering] But if it's just as good as the white person water fountain... 102 00:05:45,379 --> 00:05:48,280 [intense whispering] That's more water fountains. 103 00:05:48,282 --> 00:05:50,048 It keeps the crowds down! 104 00:05:50,050 --> 00:05:51,850 - The water fountain crowds? 105 00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:53,719 - I've stood in line at a water fountain before. 106 00:05:53,721 --> 00:05:56,021 - No you haven't. - I know. 107 00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:58,357 Because black people don't like water fountains. 108 00:05:58,359 --> 00:05:59,091 - What? 109 00:05:59,093 --> 00:05:59,925 - Africa... 110 00:06:01,461 --> 00:06:02,728 ...is a desert continent. 111 00:06:03,429 --> 00:06:06,031 - That's crazy... it's... crazy. 112 00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:10,035 - I am all for civil rights. I'm like the number one civil rights guy. 113 00:06:10,037 --> 00:06:12,270 But, let's be real. 114 00:06:12,272 --> 00:06:14,373 Since the civil rights era... 115 00:06:14,375 --> 00:06:17,042 there's half as many water fountains. 116 00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:17,976 Fact. 117 00:06:17,978 --> 00:06:19,811 [Muffled rap music ♪] 118 00:06:19,813 --> 00:06:21,980 - More often than not, we're joined by our friend, Gino. 119 00:06:21,982 --> 00:06:23,982 - Gino. 120 00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:26,385 - Who became a police officer solely to hook up with women. 121 00:06:26,387 --> 00:06:29,821 Which he's far more skilled at than, you know, stopping crime. 122 00:06:29,823 --> 00:06:30,989 - Can I get a coffee? - Sure. 123 00:06:30,991 --> 00:06:33,024 - Hey, you're new here, huh? - Yeah. 124 00:06:33,026 --> 00:06:34,359 - Yeah, well, keep your head down. 125 00:06:34,361 --> 00:06:35,994 There've been some drive-by shootings in the area 126 00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:38,330 and I'd hate to see that pretty face of yours gettin' blown off. 127 00:06:38,332 --> 00:06:40,365 - Oh my god. 128 00:06:40,367 --> 00:06:44,169 - Gino's theory is that fear stimulates women more than flirtation. 129 00:06:44,171 --> 00:06:46,204 - It's on the house. - Look me in the eyes. 130 00:06:46,206 --> 00:06:47,939 - [Flirtatious breath] - You're welcome. 131 00:06:49,342 --> 00:06:51,009 - You're welcome. 132 00:06:51,011 --> 00:06:53,779 - And as far as I can tell... he seems to be right. 133 00:06:53,781 --> 00:06:55,013 - You guys saw that, right? 134 00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:56,548 Cop talk never fails. 135 00:06:56,550 --> 00:06:58,049 - Aw yeah! 136 00:06:58,051 --> 00:07:01,119 - I'm just glad you didn't use the serial rapist on the loose story. 137 00:07:01,121 --> 00:07:02,487 - What, are you nuts? That's my closer. 138 00:07:02,489 --> 00:07:05,090 You open with that and they associate you with rape. 139 00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:06,425 And not the good kind. 140 00:07:07,293 --> 00:07:08,660 - What? - What? 141 00:07:08,662 --> 00:07:11,663 - Hey, so was that drive-by shooting thing bullshit? 142 00:07:11,665 --> 00:07:13,365 - That actually was real, my friend. 143 00:07:13,367 --> 00:07:15,767 Guy got plugged over in Norwich outta nowhere. 144 00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:17,436 This whole town is going to shit. 145 00:07:17,438 --> 00:07:19,538 - Yeah, because you're in charge of protecting it. 146 00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:23,542 You know, at the academy, when they asked me if I ever did drugs 147 00:07:23,544 --> 00:07:28,380 I said "no" to a detective, and he took my word for it! 148 00:07:28,382 --> 00:07:30,215 I've SOLD drugs. 149 00:07:30,217 --> 00:07:31,716 [Laughter] 150 00:07:31,718 --> 00:07:33,518 - I can't believe you can shoot people. 151 00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:34,519 - Oh, I can, Will. 152 00:07:35,521 --> 00:07:36,855 I could shoot anybody I want. - Oh! 153 00:07:36,857 --> 00:07:38,857 [Walkie talkie] All units, all units. 154 00:07:38,859 --> 00:07:41,760 Possible break-in at Beatty Towers. Back-up units requested. 155 00:07:41,762 --> 00:07:43,195 - One sugar's never enough. 156 00:07:43,197 --> 00:07:44,463 You know what I mean? They should make the packets huge. 157 00:07:44,465 --> 00:07:46,164 [Walkie talkie] Officer down! Officer down! 158 00:07:46,166 --> 00:07:48,166 [Frantic walkie talkie chatter] 159 00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:50,602 - You gonna get that? - No, it's so far away. 160 00:07:50,604 --> 00:07:52,270 - Is the volume bothering you? [Walkie talkie goes silent] 161 00:07:52,272 --> 00:07:56,775 I should have been a cop. There's literally no down-side. 162 00:07:56,777 --> 00:07:59,010 - Yeah, totally. I mean, except dying. 163 00:07:59,846 --> 00:08:01,680 - I'd welcome that... 164 00:08:01,682 --> 00:08:03,348 Chad works for an industrial lighting company 165 00:08:03,350 --> 00:08:06,685 where employees sell expensive L.E.D. lighting systems 166 00:08:06,687 --> 00:08:09,287 while sitting underneath the cheap fluorescent bulbs 167 00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:10,655 they're competing against. 168 00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:12,324 - FUUUCK YOU! 169 00:08:12,326 --> 00:08:13,425 [Zap] 170 00:08:13,626 --> 00:08:15,527 [crying] 171 00:08:15,529 --> 00:08:17,829 - That happens about once a week. 172 00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:19,464 - You lose a sale, Roger? 173 00:08:19,466 --> 00:08:20,999 [Weeping] 174 00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:23,034 - Hey, check this guy out right here. 175 00:08:23,036 --> 00:08:24,803 He comes in here every single day 176 00:08:24,805 --> 00:08:26,271 and he wants to tip Sam, 177 00:08:26,273 --> 00:08:28,340 but Sam doesn't wanna acknowledge the tip. 178 00:08:28,342 --> 00:08:30,342 Okay, watch. He's gonna go to give Sam a tip and 179 00:08:30,344 --> 00:08:33,144 no, no. See Sam doesn't want to acknowledge the tip! 180 00:08:33,146 --> 00:08:35,313 But this guy WANTS him to acknowledge the tip. 181 00:08:35,315 --> 00:08:37,315 Sam will probably look back at-yep, see. 182 00:08:37,317 --> 00:08:39,017 And Sam turns around again. 183 00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:41,052 And the other guy just walks off, he doesn't tip Sam, 184 00:08:41,054 --> 00:08:44,022 and then Sam looks at the jar, and he can tell by sight 185 00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,590 that nothing's been put in there. 186 00:08:45,592 --> 00:08:47,259 - Asshole. 187 00:08:47,261 --> 00:08:49,461 - It's like a tiny little ballet. - Mm hmm. 188 00:08:49,463 --> 00:08:52,430 - He should do those jellybean in a jar contests 189 00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:53,532 and get RICH! 190 00:08:53,534 --> 00:08:55,200 - I wouldn't acknowledge a tip either. 191 00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:58,036 Someone throwing their spare change at you like you're a hobo? 192 00:08:58,038 --> 00:08:59,371 How humiliating is that? 193 00:08:59,373 --> 00:09:02,040 - Whoa! Here comes your girl! 194 00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:09,748 - She stops by every day after the gym. 195 00:09:11,484 --> 00:09:13,385 Stunning, graceful. 196 00:09:13,819 --> 00:09:16,421 A perfect, sweaty angel. 197 00:09:22,929 --> 00:09:24,095 - Hi. - Hey. 198 00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:26,164 - What can I get you? - Soy latte, please. 199 00:09:29,201 --> 00:09:31,536 Hey! - What? [Laughs] 200 00:09:31,538 --> 00:09:33,972 - Shit. - He works in a coffee shop. 201 00:09:33,974 --> 00:09:35,507 Not a threat. 202 00:09:35,509 --> 00:09:37,108 - He's in a band. - Threat. 203 00:09:37,110 --> 00:09:38,777 - Daily grind of coffee, daily grind of rock 'n' roll. 204 00:09:38,779 --> 00:09:39,644 You know what I mean? 205 00:09:39,646 --> 00:09:41,246 - What's her name? 206 00:09:41,547 --> 00:09:42,380 - Becca. 207 00:09:43,382 --> 00:09:44,516 Oh... 208 00:09:45,151 --> 00:09:46,618 She just saw me mouth her name. 209 00:09:46,620 --> 00:09:47,519 - Yeah, that's a tell. 210 00:09:47,521 --> 00:09:48,553 - Soy latte? 211 00:09:48,555 --> 00:09:50,789 - Oh. - HEY, I got that. 212 00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:52,290 [High-pitched singing] YYEAAH! 213 00:09:53,092 --> 00:09:54,159 That is for you. 214 00:09:54,161 --> 00:09:55,427 - Just go over there and talk to her. 215 00:09:55,429 --> 00:09:56,461 I'm sick of watching you drool over her every day. 216 00:09:56,463 --> 00:09:58,530 - I would love to talk to her, Chad, 217 00:09:58,532 --> 00:10:01,299 but she always comes in here wearing work-out clothes. 218 00:10:01,301 --> 00:10:03,134 You can't make a move on a girl in work-out clothes 219 00:10:03,136 --> 00:10:05,136 without comin' off like a douche. 220 00:10:05,138 --> 00:10:08,506 Hey there, I could not help but notice your body being displayed 221 00:10:08,508 --> 00:10:13,345 and I was wondering... if i could have sex with it. 222 00:10:13,347 --> 00:10:14,646 [ROAR!] 223 00:10:14,648 --> 00:10:16,147 AAAH! 224 00:10:16,149 --> 00:10:17,716 - Alright... I'm givin' her a brush-by. 225 00:10:17,718 --> 00:10:18,617 Police privilege. 226 00:10:18,619 --> 00:10:19,884 - Oh no, please don't do that. 227 00:10:19,886 --> 00:10:21,886 - Oh please, I will do that. It's for you, okay? 228 00:10:21,888 --> 00:10:23,989 Athletic wear is very misleading. 229 00:10:23,991 --> 00:10:25,323 You don't know what's firm underneath that. 230 00:10:25,325 --> 00:10:26,191 - I don't need to know. 231 00:10:26,193 --> 00:10:27,692 - Yeah, well no I need to know. 232 00:10:29,829 --> 00:10:30,929 Excuse me. 233 00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:34,165 - Oh... Thanks for all your hard work. 234 00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:36,434 - Just tryin' to keep you safe. 235 00:10:37,670 --> 00:10:41,439 [No audible sound] 236 00:10:41,441 --> 00:10:42,641 - No, plea-please d-plea- 237 00:10:42,643 --> 00:10:44,242 - [shouting] SO FIRM!! 238 00:10:45,678 --> 00:10:47,679 - Why are we friends with him? 239 00:10:47,681 --> 00:10:48,780 - He's got a good heart. 240 00:10:49,849 --> 00:10:52,183 Is he parked in two handicapped spots? 241 00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:57,455 I should get back to the office. 242 00:10:57,457 --> 00:10:58,423 - Yep. 243 00:10:59,058 --> 00:11:00,592 Me too. 244 00:11:00,594 --> 00:11:03,428 I wouldn't say a coffee shop is the perfect office... 245 00:11:03,430 --> 00:11:06,364 but I'll admit, it means something to me. 246 00:11:08,467 --> 00:11:12,537 In a world that lets me feel joy just long enough to taste it 247 00:11:16,442 --> 00:11:19,711 then somehow finds a way to cruelly yank it away, 248 00:11:24,150 --> 00:11:26,384 So, I continue to go there, even though my apartment 249 00:11:26,386 --> 00:11:27,919 is now mine, alone... 250 00:11:29,455 --> 00:11:30,655 shared only by the belongings 251 00:11:30,657 --> 00:11:32,691 of my recently deceased roommate, 252 00:11:32,693 --> 00:11:35,293 whom I think about a lot. 253 00:11:36,262 --> 00:11:37,929 Sometimes too much. 254 00:11:39,432 --> 00:11:42,000 I thought his family would come and collect his things, 255 00:11:42,002 --> 00:11:44,269 but I think after the funeral... 256 00:11:44,271 --> 00:11:45,904 ...they preferred to avoid me. 257 00:11:47,940 --> 00:11:49,061 [Whispering] I just feel th- 258 00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:54,846 ...um... 259 00:11:58,017 --> 00:11:59,417 [whispering] C'mon. 260 00:12:01,821 --> 00:12:02,754 Come on... 261 00:12:03,222 --> 00:12:04,656 Come- 262 00:12:04,658 --> 00:12:06,458 [gasps] 263 00:12:07,493 --> 00:12:09,761 [crying] 264 00:12:18,971 --> 00:12:20,872 I guess the sad truth is. 265 00:12:20,874 --> 00:12:23,208 Coffee Town is the only place I really feel comfortable. 266 00:12:23,210 --> 00:12:23,942 - Enjoy. 267 00:12:25,144 --> 00:12:27,779 - Medium drip, lightly sweetened, light soy. 268 00:12:30,282 --> 00:12:31,382 - Name? 269 00:12:34,453 --> 00:12:40,525 - Willllinton Zegonda-Georgington Zybl- [trails off] 270 00:12:42,795 --> 00:12:43,995 Junior. 271 00:12:54,273 --> 00:12:55,707 - Did I spell that right? 272 00:12:56,542 --> 00:12:57,776 - You just drew a penis. 273 00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:02,580 - Next in line? 274 00:13:04,550 --> 00:13:07,519 - Another attempt to squeeze people like me out. 275 00:13:07,521 --> 00:13:10,355 Tryin' to make every piss cost a quarter. 276 00:13:10,357 --> 00:13:13,024 But, as it doesn't specify 'quarter' 277 00:13:13,026 --> 00:13:16,928 there's no reason I can't use Pizza Castle tokens... 278 00:13:16,930 --> 00:13:18,530 Turn over. Oh yeah. 279 00:13:18,532 --> 00:13:20,532 ...which I harvest by the hundreds. 280 00:13:20,534 --> 00:13:21,966 That is what I need! 281 00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:22,867 Oh yeah! 282 00:13:22,869 --> 00:13:24,736 - You here with a kid? 283 00:13:26,505 --> 00:13:27,972 - Yeah... yes. 284 00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:29,641 - Gary, why don't you, uh, meet me down at the ball pit. 285 00:13:29,643 --> 00:13:31,509 We've a pervert situation here. 286 00:13:31,511 --> 00:13:33,878 Gary, the pervert's on the run. The pervert's on the run, he's... 287 00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:34,746 - MOVE! 288 00:13:37,883 --> 00:13:39,117 - Green tea for Molly. 289 00:13:40,019 --> 00:13:44,355 Medium drip for... Penis Drawing. 290 00:13:48,727 --> 00:13:50,328 - Hey. - Hey! 291 00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:53,364 - So, you didn't get in early enough for the big table, huh? 292 00:13:53,366 --> 00:13:56,367 - No, I did. It's just technically for the disabled, 293 00:13:56,369 --> 00:13:58,670 so sometimes you gotta give it up. 294 00:13:58,672 --> 00:14:01,873 Lucky bastard... Right near an outlet. 295 00:14:01,875 --> 00:14:05,009 - So get this. Yesterday, my boss says to me 296 00:14:05,011 --> 00:14:08,947 that my teeth don't look like any smoker he's ever seen... Huh? 297 00:14:08,949 --> 00:14:10,782 Hey... Are you listening? 298 00:14:10,784 --> 00:14:12,183 - Yes, I'm listening. 299 00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:14,185 It's weird that your boss was looking at your teeth. 300 00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:15,653 - Wait, no, he's not a homo. 301 00:14:15,655 --> 00:14:18,790 He just thinks I'm full of shit and he's tryin' to flush me out. 302 00:14:18,792 --> 00:14:21,059 - Technically, Chad, you are full of shit. 303 00:14:21,061 --> 00:14:22,527 - Yeah, I know. 304 00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:24,696 But we're talking about five ten-minute breaks every day 305 00:14:24,698 --> 00:14:27,465 sanctioned by the boss, because he smokes, alright? 306 00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:29,801 I'm not gonna miss out on that. 307 00:14:29,803 --> 00:14:31,436 So... 308 00:14:33,038 --> 00:14:34,539 I've gotta start smoking. 309 00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:35,340 - Ooh... - For real. 310 00:14:35,342 --> 00:14:36,941 - You know, they say 311 00:14:36,943 --> 00:14:39,777 starting smoking is one of the toughest things you can do. 312 00:14:39,779 --> 00:14:42,213 - You know what the worst part's gonna be? 313 00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:43,448 - Cancer? 314 00:14:43,450 --> 00:14:44,449 - Buying the things. 315 00:14:44,451 --> 00:14:47,018 It's worse than buying condoms, alright? 316 00:14:47,020 --> 00:14:50,655 You can't turn a cigarette inside-out and smoke it again. 317 00:14:50,657 --> 00:14:51,522 - Wait, what? 318 00:14:52,524 --> 00:14:53,558 - I r-I rinse it out! 319 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,560 - Chad, I'll give you condoms. 320 00:14:56,462 --> 00:14:57,662 - Ooooh boy. 321 00:14:57,664 --> 00:14:59,163 - Yo. - Hey, what's goin' on? 322 00:14:59,165 --> 00:15:00,331 - I dunno. 323 00:15:00,333 --> 00:15:02,000 - Check this out. Ah you're gonna love this. 324 00:15:02,002 --> 00:15:03,268 - What do we got? 325 00:15:03,270 --> 00:15:05,470 - Oh, what do I got... what don't I got? Boom! 326 00:15:05,472 --> 00:15:07,939 - Oh! - The evidence room is a joke. 327 00:15:07,941 --> 00:15:10,441 That, my friends, is an ivory handle. 328 00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:12,343 - Does that have... blood on the blade? 329 00:15:12,345 --> 00:15:13,945 - Probably. 330 00:15:13,947 --> 00:15:15,847 - They're gonna think there's a murder going on in here. 331 00:15:15,849 --> 00:15:18,783 - Because of that little amount of blood? Chad... 332 00:15:18,785 --> 00:15:20,485 - Forensics? - You're an idiot. 333 00:15:20,487 --> 00:15:21,719 - Let me show you, over here, 334 00:15:21,721 --> 00:15:23,655 is where I'm thinkin' we can put the taps. 335 00:15:23,657 --> 00:15:25,290 - [Whispering] Hey, guys, guys guys... 336 00:15:25,292 --> 00:15:26,524 That's Morris Brown. 337 00:15:26,526 --> 00:15:27,959 He owns this entire chain. 338 00:15:27,961 --> 00:15:29,227 - Oh, wow! 339 00:15:29,229 --> 00:15:31,529 - Droppin' by to get his ass kissed, I like that. 340 00:15:31,531 --> 00:15:33,998 - I-I really think that this is your best bet. 341 00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:36,935 I mean, they might call it Coffee Town, but I call it... 342 00:15:36,937 --> 00:15:38,269 ...Coffee Home. 343 00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:40,471 - I don't... think they're just here for a visit. 344 00:15:40,473 --> 00:15:41,539 They're checkin' everything out. 345 00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:43,308 - Ah! And here's my coffee wife, 346 00:15:43,310 --> 00:15:45,276 hehe, right over here. 347 00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:46,844 Not... not really, 348 00:15:46,846 --> 00:15:48,346 I mean, I don't have sex with her... or anything. 349 00:15:48,348 --> 00:15:50,181 I mean not that... you don't deserve it, but.. 350 00:15:50,183 --> 00:15:51,149 - Ugh. - Alright... 351 00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:52,216 uh, let me show you the bathroom. 352 00:15:52,218 --> 00:15:53,451 - It's awesome. 353 00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:55,787 - You think this place is up for remodel? 354 00:15:55,789 --> 00:15:57,121 - Maybe... 355 00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:58,489 - You think they're gonna get rid of these chairs? 356 00:15:58,491 --> 00:16:00,391 I'm sick of having all beanbags. 357 00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:02,627 - Told you you'd regret that. - I do. 358 00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:05,330 Biggest mistake of my life. 359 00:16:05,332 --> 00:16:06,664 - Even bigger than that haircut? 360 00:16:07,499 --> 00:16:09,434 - Oh, hey, Sam, Sam, Sam, 361 00:16:09,436 --> 00:16:12,437 c'mere... C'mon, dude, c'mere. 362 00:16:12,439 --> 00:16:13,604 Come here. 363 00:16:14,473 --> 00:16:16,274 What's the owner doing here? 364 00:16:17,042 --> 00:16:18,476 - Ah, well, see, they are... 365 00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:21,212 converting one of the locations to a bistro lounge. 366 00:16:21,214 --> 00:16:22,447 Serve alcohol and stuff. 367 00:16:22,449 --> 00:16:25,350 More of a social atmosphere as opposed to a place where 368 00:16:25,352 --> 00:16:27,285 dick-heads can leech off our resources 369 00:16:27,287 --> 00:16:28,586 for six dollars a day. 370 00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:36,094 - Fuck. 371 00:16:36,395 --> 00:16:37,729 - I like the idea! 372 00:16:37,731 --> 00:16:38,796 - What do you mean you like the idea? 373 00:16:38,798 --> 00:16:40,698 This is my office! I have to work here! 374 00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:42,200 - You don't HAVE to work here. 375 00:16:42,202 --> 00:16:44,869 - Yes I do. This is the only place within walking distance, 376 00:16:44,871 --> 00:16:46,637 has free wireless, outdoor seating... 377 00:16:46,639 --> 00:16:47,772 ...printing station... 378 00:16:47,774 --> 00:16:49,207 - There's a printing station? 379 00:16:49,209 --> 00:16:50,842 - Yeah, you get Nathan a muffin. 380 00:16:51,777 --> 00:16:54,445 - I would never give that guy a muffin. 381 00:16:54,447 --> 00:16:55,546 - This place is like my home! 382 00:16:55,548 --> 00:16:57,615 - Calm down, there's a million Coffee Towns. 383 00:16:57,617 --> 00:16:59,017 How do you know they're gonna pick this place? 384 00:16:59,019 --> 00:17:00,485 - Because this is the best one, Gino. 385 00:17:00,487 --> 00:17:01,619 They're gonna see that. 386 00:17:01,621 --> 00:17:04,722 - The one in Albertson's is nice! 387 00:17:04,724 --> 00:17:06,290 - You know, I don't think they're gonna pick one 388 00:17:06,292 --> 00:17:08,526 that's in a grocery store, Chad. 389 00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:09,861 - They probably won't. - Yeah. 390 00:17:09,863 --> 00:17:11,129 - Ah, dammit. 391 00:17:11,131 --> 00:17:14,098 They're gonna turn my office into a T.G.I. Fridays. 392 00:17:17,936 --> 00:17:19,103 Oh god. 393 00:17:19,105 --> 00:17:21,105 - Oh ho, that's not gonna help your cause. 394 00:17:21,107 --> 00:17:22,140 - Becca! 395 00:17:22,142 --> 00:17:24,208 Beautiful Becca. 396 00:17:24,210 --> 00:17:25,810 Nice to see you... as always! Always great, uh... 397 00:17:25,812 --> 00:17:27,678 - Morris Brown is totally checking her out. 398 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:30,014 - Uh, I can get that kinda clientele here. 399 00:17:30,016 --> 00:17:33,217 - Morris is gonna think this is the place for the bistro. 400 00:17:33,219 --> 00:17:36,120 [Whispering] Cuz you got a... - We got it, Chad. 401 00:17:36,122 --> 00:17:37,889 - I'm just explaining... - Yeah, a lot. 402 00:17:37,891 --> 00:17:40,658 - Ah, what is that? Oh hey! Wait a minute. 403 00:17:40,660 --> 00:17:43,728 We have, uh... we meaning my band Mr. And Mrs. Williams... 404 00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:45,229 - Oh no. 405 00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:46,330 - What is that? 406 00:17:46,332 --> 00:17:47,365 - His demo C.D. 407 00:17:47,367 --> 00:17:50,001 - Aw, shit just got real, my friend. 408 00:17:50,003 --> 00:17:51,836 - It's what I do, I put my heart into the... into the... 409 00:17:51,838 --> 00:17:54,105 the stories are-are where it comes from. 410 00:17:54,107 --> 00:17:56,374 - He's going in via the artist's entrance. And do you see this? 411 00:17:56,376 --> 00:17:57,675 Do you see this right now? 412 00:17:57,677 --> 00:18:00,344 He is pointing to the song that she'll think is about her. 413 00:18:00,346 --> 00:18:02,346 This dude is good. That is a veteran move. 414 00:18:02,348 --> 00:18:04,182 - I'm not gonna say it's about you, 415 00:18:04,184 --> 00:18:06,818 and I'm not gonna say that it is not about you... cuz... 416 00:18:06,820 --> 00:18:08,319 - Aw, Sam. - That's how I work. 417 00:18:08,321 --> 00:18:09,787 - Nobody's ever written a song about me before. 418 00:18:09,789 --> 00:18:11,923 - I mean it's-it-may not be... 419 00:18:13,892 --> 00:18:15,293 - Thanks. 420 00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:16,461 - He's a dick. 421 00:18:16,463 --> 00:18:18,496 - I got news for you, friend. He's not. 422 00:18:18,498 --> 00:18:19,664 - What do you mean? You don't know him. 423 00:18:19,666 --> 00:18:21,099 - This is what I do know, okay? 424 00:18:21,101 --> 00:18:23,000 I went into that bathroom right there a couple days ago 425 00:18:23,002 --> 00:18:26,370 and took a very adult shit. Laid some very heavy skid-marks. 426 00:18:26,372 --> 00:18:29,307 When he leaves, I go back in to wash my hands. 427 00:18:29,309 --> 00:18:30,475 - Wait, wait wait. 428 00:18:30,477 --> 00:18:31,509 You don't wash your hands the first time? 429 00:18:31,511 --> 00:18:32,543 - Of course not. 430 00:18:32,545 --> 00:18:34,545 Dries out my skin... But... 431 00:18:34,547 --> 00:18:35,713 my thumb stunk a lot... 432 00:18:35,715 --> 00:18:37,048 I think I clipped asshole. 433 00:18:37,050 --> 00:18:39,016 Regardless, I get back in there, 434 00:18:39,018 --> 00:18:41,152 all of the streaks... totally off. 435 00:18:41,154 --> 00:18:44,789 That guy pissed em off the porcelain. 436 00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:46,457 That says a lot about a man. 437 00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:48,793 - You know what he is? He's a poop-chipper. 438 00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:50,661 - Chad, you nailed it, dude. 439 00:18:50,663 --> 00:18:53,030 Dude is a poop-chipper. - A what? 440 00:18:53,699 --> 00:18:54,699 - What? He just said 'what'. - What. 441 00:18:54,701 --> 00:18:55,433 - Tell him what it is. 442 00:18:55,435 --> 00:18:56,767 I'll take it from here. 443 00:18:56,769 --> 00:18:58,870 There are two types of guys in this world, right? 444 00:18:58,872 --> 00:19:01,639 Those who use their own urine to chip away someone else's poop, 445 00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:03,374 for the greater good, 446 00:19:03,376 --> 00:19:04,709 and those who do not. 447 00:19:04,711 --> 00:19:06,444 - I don't even chip my own poop at home. 448 00:19:06,446 --> 00:19:08,179 - It's weird to say that. Okay? 449 00:19:08,181 --> 00:19:10,348 And that, my friend, right there, we are looking at 450 00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:11,449 is a poop-chipper... 451 00:19:11,451 --> 00:19:12,884 ...who is in a band... 452 00:19:12,886 --> 00:19:13,551 [laughter] 453 00:19:13,553 --> 00:19:14,719 You should be nervous. 454 00:19:14,721 --> 00:19:16,521 - I gotta make my move! - You sure do. 455 00:19:16,523 --> 00:19:19,957 - Yeah, especially before they turn this place into a bistro lounge, 456 00:19:19,959 --> 00:19:22,393 because a girl like that, she's not gonna come in here, 457 00:19:22,395 --> 00:19:24,495 all sweaty and naked, 458 00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:27,465 when people are, you know, sittin' in tuxedos, sippin' wine. 459 00:19:27,467 --> 00:19:28,499 Uh uh uh. 460 00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:29,667 - Have you ever been to a bistro before? 461 00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:31,802 - No. I'm gonna go to this one, though. - Right. 462 00:19:31,804 --> 00:19:33,538 - Do you think the cover charge is gonna be high? 463 00:19:33,540 --> 00:19:34,872 - Aw man. 464 00:19:34,874 --> 00:19:36,541 - God, if this place converts 465 00:19:36,543 --> 00:19:37,608 I'm gonna lose everything... 466 00:19:37,610 --> 00:19:39,710 my office, my girl... 467 00:19:39,712 --> 00:19:41,479 - All the things you don't actually have? 468 00:19:41,481 --> 00:19:42,446 - Heh heh. 469 00:19:43,116 --> 00:19:46,484 If you want to approach a girl who's not on your playing field, 470 00:19:46,486 --> 00:19:49,120 you have to meet her on hers. Look at that. 471 00:19:49,122 --> 00:19:50,821 You gotta get yourself some work-out wear. 472 00:19:50,823 --> 00:19:51,989 - Or be super sweaty. 473 00:19:51,991 --> 00:19:53,124 - I'd stick with the work-out wear. 474 00:19:53,126 --> 00:19:55,126 - Either way works. - Except one of em. 475 00:19:56,795 --> 00:19:58,529 - Okay. No, you're right. I gotta try that. 476 00:19:58,531 --> 00:20:00,198 I'm gonna try that. 477 00:20:01,233 --> 00:20:02,300 - FUCK! 478 00:20:10,442 --> 00:20:11,709 - Hey, Matthews! 479 00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:14,278 - Hey Mr. Ryan. Just comin' here to get my fix. 480 00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:15,846 - No wonder I never see you in the courtyard, 481 00:20:15,848 --> 00:20:16,881 you sneak over here for a smoke. 482 00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:19,050 - Yeah, I just find it more peaceful. 483 00:20:19,052 --> 00:20:20,051 - Hey. 484 00:20:22,321 --> 00:20:24,455 - I'll-I'll see you back at the office. 485 00:20:24,457 --> 00:20:25,389 - Yeah. 486 00:20:26,625 --> 00:20:28,793 - It's on the house, right? Yeah. 487 00:20:30,896 --> 00:20:33,297 - C'mon Phil. You don't even have a cord. 488 00:20:33,299 --> 00:20:34,799 - Phil, get outta here. 489 00:20:34,801 --> 00:20:36,033 - This guy... - PHIL! 490 00:20:38,804 --> 00:20:40,471 - Oh, OOH, ooh! 491 00:20:40,473 --> 00:20:41,372 Fish on! 492 00:20:41,374 --> 00:20:43,174 Seems like a nice dude, right? 493 00:20:43,176 --> 00:20:44,976 I think I could live with this guy. 494 00:20:44,978 --> 00:20:47,211 - Okay, calm down, he hasn't even taken a tab yet. 495 00:20:47,213 --> 00:20:48,546 - Yeah, no, you're right, you're right. 496 00:20:48,548 --> 00:20:50,381 He might just be lookin' at the missing dog flyer. 497 00:20:50,383 --> 00:20:51,882 - He'd be wasting his time. 498 00:20:51,884 --> 00:20:53,351 I found that dog last week. 499 00:20:53,353 --> 00:20:54,719 [Loud rap music ♪] 500 00:20:54,721 --> 00:20:56,053 [dog yelp] 501 00:20:57,222 --> 00:20:59,056 - Come on... c'mon, c'mon, c'mon. 502 00:20:59,058 --> 00:21:02,026 Oh, wait. - Look at this! Boom! 503 00:21:02,028 --> 00:21:04,495 - I got him. He's mine. 504 00:21:04,497 --> 00:21:06,397 - I think... is he-is he dialing now? 505 00:21:06,399 --> 00:21:08,399 Oh shit. - Oh. 506 00:21:10,035 --> 00:21:11,535 - Hello? 507 00:21:11,537 --> 00:21:15,039 - Hi, I was just calling about the room for rent. 508 00:21:15,041 --> 00:21:17,975 - Yes, uh, the room is available and... - Mm hmm? 509 00:21:17,977 --> 00:21:20,811 - Uuuuuh... you can have it, if you want to, 510 00:21:20,813 --> 00:21:23,147 because... I mean... 511 00:21:23,149 --> 00:21:25,349 Yes, I'm sitting right here. Hehehe... 512 00:21:26,551 --> 00:21:28,552 - I'm standing right here. 513 00:21:30,622 --> 00:21:31,956 - That's the living room. - Okay. 514 00:21:31,958 --> 00:21:34,158 - And uh, your bedroom's gonna be right through here, 515 00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:36,193 and this is gonna be the... bath... room... 516 00:21:36,195 --> 00:21:38,362 You know what? Actually, I will meet you in there. 517 00:21:38,364 --> 00:21:39,964 Uh, and I'm just gonna do... something. 518 00:21:41,500 --> 00:21:45,369 Something being removing the last traces of my previous roommate. 519 00:21:53,111 --> 00:21:54,445 [Yawn] 520 00:21:54,447 --> 00:21:57,148 So... yeah. It's just a futon in here right now, 521 00:21:57,150 --> 00:21:59,150 but you're welcome to move a bed in if you'd like. 522 00:21:59,152 --> 00:22:02,320 - Naw, it's okay, I don't even sleep. 523 00:22:02,322 --> 00:22:05,556 - You... you don't... sleep? - Mm mm... 524 00:22:05,558 --> 00:22:09,226 I have a neurological disorder that prevents me from sleeping. 525 00:22:09,228 --> 00:22:10,661 - Really? Wow. 526 00:22:10,663 --> 00:22:12,563 How do you deal with something like that? 527 00:22:12,565 --> 00:22:16,667 - I do exercises to simulate rapid eye movement. 528 00:22:16,669 --> 00:22:18,302 Sort-of like this guy. 529 00:22:21,540 --> 00:22:23,274 This kinda reminds me of me. 530 00:22:23,276 --> 00:22:24,842 Thank you... 531 00:22:25,844 --> 00:22:28,346 ...It's gonna be fun staying awake here. 532 00:22:28,348 --> 00:22:29,947 - Nice. 533 00:22:32,117 --> 00:22:33,884 Well, what are you doin' now? 534 00:22:33,886 --> 00:22:35,386 - Exercising. 535 00:22:47,532 --> 00:22:48,966 [Raucous laughter] 536 00:22:48,968 --> 00:22:51,268 - [shouting] OH NO, NO, NO! 537 00:22:52,604 --> 00:22:54,038 - What? 538 00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:56,774 - Are you serious!? - What? 539 00:22:56,776 --> 00:22:57,708 - What are you wea-w-what is this!? 540 00:22:57,710 --> 00:22:58,876 - Work-out clothes! 541 00:22:58,878 --> 00:23:00,678 - Work-out clothes!? - This was your idea! 542 00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:01,679 - But sleeveless!? 543 00:23:01,681 --> 00:23:02,546 - Oh, c... - You're not Rafael Nadal, 544 00:23:02,548 --> 00:23:03,714 you're barely Jim Courier! 545 00:23:03,716 --> 00:23:05,549 - Hey, hey, man, this is all I have, okay? 546 00:23:05,551 --> 00:23:06,650 - Aw hey, ya know, maybe you should open up the arm holes a little bit, 547 00:23:06,652 --> 00:23:08,452 show off those sweet nipples ya got. 548 00:23:08,454 --> 00:23:10,121 - Hey, you said, you said make it look like we have something in common, 549 00:23:10,123 --> 00:23:11,122 and this is what I'm... 550 00:23:11,124 --> 00:23:12,523 - Not that you wear the same size! 551 00:23:12,525 --> 00:23:15,192 - Ey, I've seen you shirtless too, everything's drooping down. 552 00:23:15,194 --> 00:23:17,328 It's like the Earth is trying to suck you back in. 553 00:23:17,330 --> 00:23:19,196 - I'm a cop, I don't have to be in shape. 554 00:23:19,198 --> 00:23:21,065 I'm never gonna run faster than a bullet. 555 00:23:22,033 --> 00:23:23,467 Get me somethin'. 556 00:23:23,469 --> 00:23:25,269 - After you. - Thanks. 557 00:23:29,174 --> 00:23:29,940 - Really? 558 00:23:31,343 --> 00:23:32,209 - Hi. - Hey. 559 00:23:32,211 --> 00:23:33,377 - Okay... 560 00:23:33,379 --> 00:23:36,414 - Sam, we've got an office list. 561 00:23:37,616 --> 00:23:39,049 - Okay, you ready? 562 00:23:39,951 --> 00:23:42,453 - Bring it. - Kyle, iced large chai. 563 00:23:42,455 --> 00:23:44,021 - Kyle, iced large. 564 00:23:44,023 --> 00:23:45,189 - Yep. Uh, chai. 565 00:23:45,824 --> 00:23:48,058 But leave room for, um... 566 00:23:48,894 --> 00:23:50,127 ...leave room for the... 567 00:23:50,129 --> 00:23:51,462 - Just-just leave the room, and then, uh... 568 00:23:51,464 --> 00:23:54,532 they can figure out what to put in that room. 569 00:23:54,534 --> 00:23:55,900 - Cream! It's cream. 570 00:23:55,902 --> 00:23:57,301 Leave room for the cream. - Got it. 571 00:23:57,303 --> 00:23:58,969 - Oh my God. - Medium iced cog. 572 00:23:58,971 --> 00:24:00,805 - [Singing] Everybody loves the iced cog! 573 00:24:00,807 --> 00:24:02,373 - Eric, white chocolate mocha. Whoa. 574 00:24:02,375 --> 00:24:03,140 - [Singing] White chocca mocha chocca! 575 00:24:03,142 --> 00:24:04,475 - That was really bad. 576 00:24:04,477 --> 00:24:06,544 - That's like, a lot of complicated drinks, huh... 577 00:24:06,546 --> 00:24:08,212 ...in the office... that's great. 578 00:24:08,214 --> 00:24:10,714 - What's up with concentrated detergent? 579 00:24:10,716 --> 00:24:12,349 One teaspoon does an entire load. 580 00:24:12,351 --> 00:24:15,486 How did they figure out how to get more soap into soap? 581 00:24:15,488 --> 00:24:17,455 - Didn't seem like soap was somethin' needed fixin'. 582 00:24:17,457 --> 00:24:18,622 - Yeah, I've never done my laundry and thought, 583 00:24:18,624 --> 00:24:21,559 "Jesus, I wish I could pour less soap in here". 584 00:24:21,561 --> 00:24:25,095 - They should figure out a way to put more porn... in porn. 585 00:24:27,566 --> 00:24:31,168 - Midgets... - No, that would be less porn, don't you think? 586 00:24:31,170 --> 00:24:33,471 - Sometimes... less is more. 587 00:24:33,473 --> 00:24:35,339 - No, not in this case. 588 00:24:35,341 --> 00:24:36,841 - Oh, you know what? That would be a great name 589 00:24:36,843 --> 00:24:39,510 for a midget porn star. Less Ismore. 590 00:24:39,512 --> 00:24:42,179 - Yeah. And featuring Less Ismore. 591 00:24:42,848 --> 00:24:44,548 - Featuring Less Is More... 592 00:24:44,550 --> 00:24:47,852 - His tag line should be '"one teaspoon equals an entire load". 593 00:24:47,854 --> 00:24:50,087 - I'd watch that. I'd watch it anyway. 594 00:24:51,122 --> 00:24:52,556 - Unbelievable. 595 00:24:52,558 --> 00:24:53,991 - What is this? 596 00:24:53,993 --> 00:24:56,827 - Just... people. I open the door for them and then they... 597 00:24:56,829 --> 00:24:59,563 got in line in front of me. I just don't understand that. 598 00:24:59,565 --> 00:25:01,198 You do a good deed and you get punished for it? 599 00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:03,534 - Well isn't opening the door saying "you go first"? 600 00:25:03,536 --> 00:25:06,337 - No, Chad. Opening the door is saying "you go first into the building", 601 00:25:06,339 --> 00:25:08,806 not "you go first into the line where I have to wait 20 minutes 602 00:25:08,808 --> 00:25:11,876 while you make extremely complicated coffee drink orders 603 00:25:11,878 --> 00:25:14,378 for your stupid... office... coworkers". 604 00:25:14,380 --> 00:25:16,814 - Well, you do a good deed, it always comes back to you. 605 00:25:16,816 --> 00:25:19,550 - Really? Because right now I feel like jack shit comes back to me. 606 00:25:19,552 --> 00:25:21,385 I mean wh-when was the last time anything went my way? 607 00:25:21,387 --> 00:25:23,387 - Well you got that awesome shirt. 608 00:25:24,556 --> 00:25:25,689 - [Sigh] The... 609 00:25:27,192 --> 00:25:28,359 The shirt's for Becca. - Oh. 610 00:25:29,861 --> 00:25:32,196 Well, should you be wearing it before you give it to her? 611 00:25:34,232 --> 00:25:37,368 - Relax! Who cares man? Look at this guy over here. 612 00:25:37,370 --> 00:25:39,503 What is that a Dave Matthews shirt? 613 00:25:39,505 --> 00:25:43,374 - Hm... You think that means he's gay, or just a douche? 614 00:25:43,376 --> 00:25:45,442 - It's a tough call with, uh, guys that like Dave Matthews. 615 00:25:45,444 --> 00:25:47,378 I mean, is he just a guy that likes to smoke weed 616 00:25:47,380 --> 00:25:49,113 and listen to shitty music? 617 00:25:49,115 --> 00:25:50,848 Cuz nobody seems to mind when you do that to the Grateful Dead, 618 00:25:50,850 --> 00:25:52,550 or... Phish. 619 00:25:52,552 --> 00:25:56,220 - Which makes it more about Dave, who is both likable and good-looking, 620 00:25:56,222 --> 00:25:57,955 which pushes it right on over... 621 00:25:57,957 --> 00:25:59,623 ...to the gay column. - Oooh. 622 00:25:59,625 --> 00:26:01,458 - You know what I was thinking about last night? 623 00:26:01,460 --> 00:26:04,461 When you think about it, being straight is gay. 624 00:26:04,463 --> 00:26:07,398 I mean, how gay is it being attracted to a woman... 625 00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:10,000 all pink... and perfumey. 626 00:26:10,002 --> 00:26:12,570 You know, it's like "ooh, i like girls. 627 00:26:12,572 --> 00:26:14,805 I wanna rub up against girls". 628 00:26:14,807 --> 00:26:16,473 Fag. 629 00:26:16,475 --> 00:26:19,343 But... If you wanna be straight... 630 00:26:19,345 --> 00:26:21,979 ...shove it up another guy's ass. 631 00:26:21,981 --> 00:26:23,113 That's straight. 632 00:26:26,318 --> 00:26:27,518 You see what I'm saying? 633 00:26:30,055 --> 00:26:31,055 - Are you gay? 634 00:26:31,057 --> 00:26:32,456 - No, no no no no. I'm just saying, 635 00:26:32,458 --> 00:26:36,527 what's straighter than having sex with another guy? 636 00:26:36,529 --> 00:26:39,029 - Everything. - Literally everything. 637 00:26:39,031 --> 00:26:41,565 - No, you guys... are homophobes. 638 00:26:41,567 --> 00:26:42,967 - Of straight people? 639 00:26:42,969 --> 00:26:44,409 - Yeah, well I call them gay people. 640 00:26:45,537 --> 00:26:49,873 - I'm lost... I don't know what you're... 641 00:26:49,875 --> 00:26:51,642 - Are you enjoying that coffee? 642 00:26:51,644 --> 00:26:53,477 - Sam's newest tactic. 643 00:26:53,479 --> 00:26:56,013 He does nothing to the drink, but asks me how it is, 644 00:26:56,015 --> 00:26:58,515 to make me question that he might have. 645 00:27:01,052 --> 00:27:02,886 - Medium drip... for Will. 646 00:27:04,389 --> 00:27:07,224 - But the best retaliation for psychological warfare 647 00:27:07,226 --> 00:27:10,527 is more psychological warfare. 648 00:27:10,529 --> 00:27:12,429 It's delicious... thanks. 649 00:27:15,533 --> 00:27:18,335 - Jesus fucking Christ, Will! C'mon, man! 650 00:27:18,337 --> 00:27:19,236 - Sorry I thought that was a coaster. 651 00:27:19,238 --> 00:27:20,504 - No! - That's not a coaster... 652 00:27:20,506 --> 00:27:21,872 - This right here is my life, okay? 653 00:27:21,874 --> 00:27:23,874 This is like my little baby child. 654 00:27:23,876 --> 00:27:25,376 Not a fuckin' coaster. 655 00:27:25,644 --> 00:27:27,044 Phil! 656 00:27:27,046 --> 00:27:29,546 Oh, c-Phil, no no no, that's not a coaster, man. 657 00:27:29,548 --> 00:27:30,748 - I gave them to everybody. 658 00:27:31,549 --> 00:27:32,783 - You're a genius. 659 00:27:32,785 --> 00:27:34,385 - God dammit. These are not coasters, okay? 660 00:27:34,387 --> 00:27:36,787 I don't care what the fuckin'... Jesus Christ-sign says. 661 00:27:36,789 --> 00:27:38,455 This is a-a C.D. that I made. 662 00:27:38,457 --> 00:27:41,358 Concrete Angst. Give it a listen, you might like it. Okay? 663 00:27:41,360 --> 00:27:42,326 Let me know what you think. 664 00:27:42,328 --> 00:27:43,527 - It's still free, right? 665 00:27:45,463 --> 00:27:48,565 - Alright, time to go... light up. 666 00:27:48,567 --> 00:27:50,501 My boss saw me in here yesterday, 667 00:27:50,503 --> 00:27:53,404 it's gettin' too risky, not smoking. 668 00:27:53,406 --> 00:27:54,371 - Newports? 669 00:27:55,507 --> 00:27:57,908 - ...Yeah, why? What's wrong with Newports? 670 00:27:59,277 --> 00:28:00,344 - ...Well... 671 00:28:02,013 --> 00:28:03,447 ...Nothin'. 672 00:28:03,449 --> 00:28:04,615 - Menthol, too, huh? 673 00:28:04,617 --> 00:28:06,350 - Yeah, I thought it would make it taste better. 674 00:28:06,352 --> 00:28:08,719 - Yeah... probably would. That's a good choice. 675 00:28:08,721 --> 00:28:11,922 - Okay... Time to kick the not smoking habit. 676 00:28:14,392 --> 00:28:16,460 I'm really gonna do it this time. 677 00:28:20,699 --> 00:28:23,667 - What's a non-racist way to tell Chad that he's smoking... 678 00:28:23,669 --> 00:28:26,904 - Cigarettes that mostly black people smoke? 679 00:28:26,906 --> 00:28:28,539 - Yes. - Right... right. 680 00:28:28,541 --> 00:28:31,942 There's no non-racist way to say something racist, Will. 681 00:28:31,944 --> 00:28:34,378 - Okay. - Oh... Listen up. 682 00:28:34,380 --> 00:28:36,013 I've got some bad news on the whole Coffee Town front. 683 00:28:36,015 --> 00:28:37,181 - What? 684 00:28:37,183 --> 00:28:38,382 - Some exec called the department yesterday 685 00:28:38,384 --> 00:28:40,384 to check up on the crime history of this place... 686 00:28:40,386 --> 00:28:42,686 Check over any felony reports, stuff like that. 687 00:28:42,688 --> 00:28:43,620 - Why? 688 00:28:43,622 --> 00:28:45,456 - Because whatever store they choose, 689 00:28:45,458 --> 00:28:47,357 they're gonna convert into their flagship store. 690 00:28:47,359 --> 00:28:50,394 They gotta make sure there's absolutely no risk. 691 00:28:50,396 --> 00:28:52,229 - Well, so what did they find out? - Nothing. 692 00:28:52,231 --> 00:28:53,397 Place is clean. 693 00:28:53,399 --> 00:28:54,565 The whole neighborhood is, honestly. 694 00:28:54,567 --> 00:28:56,066 - No! No no no! 695 00:28:56,068 --> 00:28:58,469 What about the drive-by shooting you were telling me about? 696 00:28:59,637 --> 00:29:01,371 - ...I didn't file a report on that. 697 00:29:02,540 --> 00:29:04,174 - What do you mean you didn't file a report? 698 00:29:04,176 --> 00:29:05,876 Guy fired a gun out of a moving car! 699 00:29:05,878 --> 00:29:09,613 - Nobody got shot. I didn't solve it. Seemed like a waste of time. 700 00:29:09,615 --> 00:29:12,015 - W-you can't just not file reports, can you? 701 00:29:12,017 --> 00:29:14,551 - I rarely file reports... 702 00:29:14,553 --> 00:29:17,020 - Jesus Chr-You are the worst cop in the world. 703 00:29:17,022 --> 00:29:19,389 - Well fuck off, dude! Honestly, I try my hardest, 704 00:29:19,391 --> 00:29:21,558 and if you think about what I do every day, it's insane. 705 00:29:21,560 --> 00:29:23,360 - AAH! - Aw, the safety's on! 706 00:29:23,362 --> 00:29:24,495 CALM DOWN! 707 00:29:24,497 --> 00:29:25,963 The safety's on! 708 00:29:27,532 --> 00:29:28,732 Oh god, the safety's off. 709 00:29:29,734 --> 00:29:30,868 I gotta snap it in. 710 00:29:30,870 --> 00:29:33,036 It's such an easy thing and I forget to do it. 711 00:29:36,775 --> 00:29:38,442 - This is unbelievable. 712 00:29:38,444 --> 00:29:40,544 Seriously, you know, this is what I get for being a good guy. 713 00:29:40,546 --> 00:29:42,379 It's what I get for opening the doors for people 714 00:29:42,381 --> 00:29:44,548 and living a moral life. 715 00:29:44,550 --> 00:29:45,849 I get shit on. 716 00:29:45,851 --> 00:29:47,484 Get-I get the only place that feels like home 717 00:29:47,486 --> 00:29:49,086 taken away from me. 718 00:29:50,221 --> 00:29:52,356 Thanks world! Thanks a whole fucking lot! 719 00:29:54,959 --> 00:29:56,193 - Are you talking to me? 720 00:29:56,195 --> 00:29:57,728 - I was talking to the world! 721 00:29:57,730 --> 00:29:59,930 - World, yeah... just, yep. I get it now. 722 00:30:04,836 --> 00:30:05,636 Becca's here. 723 00:30:06,971 --> 00:30:09,006 - Okay... okay. If she's gonna see you in that thing 724 00:30:09,008 --> 00:30:11,275 you might as well get pumped up. Get some veins showin', alright? 725 00:30:11,277 --> 00:30:12,342 - Oh make myself look bigger? 726 00:30:12,344 --> 00:30:13,710 - Yes! Go! - Okay. 727 00:30:17,782 --> 00:30:19,917 Alright... Come on, baby. 728 00:30:26,391 --> 00:30:29,092 What am I doin'? That's not gonna do anything. 729 00:30:47,011 --> 00:30:49,446 [Grunt] That's it. That's it. 730 00:30:50,315 --> 00:30:51,982 - AAH! AH! 731 00:30:51,984 --> 00:30:52,950 AAGH! 732 00:30:52,952 --> 00:30:54,852 [Muffled] Son of a... STOP SPRAYING! 733 00:30:54,854 --> 00:30:56,019 Aaah! 734 00:30:56,021 --> 00:30:58,021 COME ON! You-you kidding me!? 735 00:30:58,023 --> 00:30:59,456 Agh, come on. 736 00:30:59,458 --> 00:31:00,724 Oh FUCK! 737 00:31:00,726 --> 00:31:01,859 Ugh. 738 00:31:01,861 --> 00:31:03,794 Jesus Christ. 739 00:31:09,734 --> 00:31:11,101 ...One paper... 740 00:31:16,407 --> 00:31:19,543 - Oh! - Oh god... really? 741 00:31:21,212 --> 00:31:23,013 - Jesus, are you-are you okay? 742 00:31:23,015 --> 00:31:24,014 - Ey... yeah. 743 00:31:25,483 --> 00:31:28,352 This... yeah, yeah. W-I was just, um... 744 00:31:30,221 --> 00:31:31,555 I should probably go... tell em. 745 00:31:31,557 --> 00:31:32,956 - Yeah, it's probably a- probably a good idea. 746 00:31:32,958 --> 00:31:35,058 - Uh, the pizza place has a bathroom next door. 747 00:31:35,060 --> 00:31:37,294 - No, it's fine, I just wanted to wash my hands. 748 00:31:37,296 --> 00:31:39,496 - Oh, cool. The sink still works. 749 00:31:39,498 --> 00:31:40,898 - Actually I do have to go... 750 00:31:40,900 --> 00:31:42,499 I just said I didn't cuz I don't like guys to know 751 00:31:42,501 --> 00:31:44,501 that pee comes out of me. 752 00:31:44,503 --> 00:31:46,603 But it does... all the time... 753 00:31:47,538 --> 00:31:49,072 In fact, that's a lot of information. I'm sorry. 754 00:31:49,074 --> 00:31:51,842 - No, that's healthy. Pee should always c-I'm totally cool 755 00:31:51,844 --> 00:31:53,510 with anything that c-... that-that comes outta you. 756 00:31:53,512 --> 00:31:55,178 - Okay, I just said pee, let's not go crazy. 757 00:31:55,180 --> 00:31:58,348 - I'm sorry... I just worked out so my head get a little blblblble. 758 00:31:58,350 --> 00:32:00,851 - Yeah? You work out near here? 759 00:32:00,853 --> 00:32:03,053 - Uh, yeah, yeah, it's-it's right on the corner actually. 760 00:32:03,055 --> 00:32:04,721 Yeah, the... my gym. 761 00:32:05,857 --> 00:32:08,258 - Wait... Isn't that a place for toddlers? 762 00:32:10,194 --> 00:32:11,295 - ...yep. 763 00:32:12,397 --> 00:32:14,131 And that's where I work out. 764 00:32:14,133 --> 00:32:16,300 - That's sweet. [Laughing] 765 00:32:16,302 --> 00:32:18,502 - Here take this key, okay? It's for the pizza place bathroom. 766 00:32:18,504 --> 00:32:21,338 They always keep theirs locked to a deep-dish pan 767 00:32:21,340 --> 00:32:22,372 cuz people keep stealing it. 768 00:32:22,374 --> 00:32:23,874 - Like yourself. 769 00:32:23,876 --> 00:32:25,542 - Yeah, I guess I'm one of those people. 770 00:32:25,544 --> 00:32:27,544 - Well, thanks. This is very sweet. 771 00:32:28,346 --> 00:32:30,180 - Any-any time, though. 772 00:32:30,182 --> 00:32:32,215 - Alright... - Okay. 773 00:32:32,884 --> 00:32:34,117 See ya, have fun! 774 00:32:35,520 --> 00:32:37,387 What does have fun mean? 775 00:32:38,890 --> 00:32:40,190 - Brilliant... Okay? 776 00:32:40,192 --> 00:32:42,559 Now, when she returns the key... you make your move. 777 00:32:42,561 --> 00:32:43,527 - Yep! 778 00:32:43,529 --> 00:32:44,528 - Hey, you wanna hold my gun? 779 00:32:44,530 --> 00:32:45,495 - I'm not gonna shoot her. 780 00:32:45,497 --> 00:32:48,465 It's to create a subliminal feeling of fear, 781 00:32:48,467 --> 00:32:49,366 moisten her up a little bit. 782 00:32:49,368 --> 00:32:51,735 - I'm good. - Oh, are you? 783 00:32:51,737 --> 00:32:54,404 Okay, so you're gonna stick with the old soaked in toilet water method? 784 00:32:54,406 --> 00:32:56,173 - Yeah, I'm gonna ride that one out. 785 00:32:56,175 --> 00:32:57,374 - Okay, saddle up. 786 00:32:58,343 --> 00:32:59,343 - What the hell? 787 00:32:59,345 --> 00:33:00,344 Where's she goin'? 788 00:33:00,346 --> 00:33:01,445 Is she stealing my key? 789 00:33:01,447 --> 00:33:03,313 - I can go arrest her for it, 790 00:33:03,315 --> 00:33:06,616 but she's gonna wanna fuck me the second I slam her face on that hood. 791 00:33:06,618 --> 00:33:07,918 - Yeah. Who wouldn't? 792 00:33:08,619 --> 00:33:11,288 She's stealing my stolen key! 793 00:33:11,290 --> 00:33:12,856 - Definitely not a poop-chipper. 794 00:33:16,361 --> 00:33:19,062 - I don't know if it was my fear of losing Coffee Town, 795 00:33:19,064 --> 00:33:21,465 or finding out my dream girl was a thief 796 00:33:21,467 --> 00:33:23,233 with pee coming out of her... 797 00:33:23,235 --> 00:33:25,402 ...or that my new roommate thought it would be okay 798 00:33:25,404 --> 00:33:29,673 to decorate my apartment like Lord of the Rings exploded in it. 799 00:33:29,675 --> 00:33:33,443 - Hey! Can you cook game in this fireplace? 800 00:33:36,881 --> 00:33:40,650 - But it was starting to feel like everything was slipping away. 801 00:33:40,652 --> 00:33:42,486 Like all my years of responsible living 802 00:33:42,488 --> 00:33:46,490 had earned me nothing but fate's cold hands around my neck. 803 00:33:46,492 --> 00:33:48,125 - Join me! 804 00:33:54,832 --> 00:33:56,566 - And you wanna do something dramatic... 805 00:33:56,568 --> 00:33:57,801 ...and Elvis-y... 806 00:33:57,803 --> 00:34:00,270 like shooting out your T.V. screen. 807 00:34:05,376 --> 00:34:08,478 But... you settle for something far less cool. 808 00:34:08,480 --> 00:34:10,847 Like... turkey Lunchables. 809 00:34:11,382 --> 00:34:12,549 - Hey Will. 810 00:34:12,551 --> 00:34:14,151 - What the fuck! 811 00:34:14,153 --> 00:34:15,018 What the fuck? 812 00:34:15,653 --> 00:34:19,022 - I told you... I don't sleep. 813 00:34:22,293 --> 00:34:23,527 - Ugh! 814 00:34:23,529 --> 00:34:26,897 Then... you decide to do something to change it. 815 00:34:38,342 --> 00:34:39,409 - Hey... 816 00:34:39,411 --> 00:34:41,211 What's with all the medicine? 817 00:34:41,213 --> 00:34:43,647 - Oh!... I have AIDS. 818 00:34:43,649 --> 00:34:45,615 Yeah... I hope that's cool. 819 00:34:47,051 --> 00:34:49,586 Oh! Aw shit, that's gonna bleed. 820 00:34:50,621 --> 00:34:52,222 - You can keep it. 821 00:34:54,392 --> 00:34:57,861 - And when it works... You don't wanna stop. 822 00:34:57,863 --> 00:34:59,362 I'm gonna rob this place. 823 00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:03,733 - What? 824 00:35:05,403 --> 00:35:08,872 - If I created a crime that scared the executives away 825 00:35:08,874 --> 00:35:10,841 from converting this store... 826 00:35:10,843 --> 00:35:12,209 I'm gonna plan a robbery. 827 00:35:12,211 --> 00:35:15,145 - Hey. Are you serious? I'm a cop! 828 00:35:16,714 --> 00:35:18,615 If anyone's gonna plan a robbery it should be me. 829 00:35:18,617 --> 00:35:21,118 I have studied this shit. 830 00:35:21,120 --> 00:35:23,453 - Okay. - Alright, but I only wanna cause a crime. 831 00:35:23,455 --> 00:35:25,122 I don't wanna take any money. 832 00:35:25,124 --> 00:35:26,523 - I am in... 833 00:35:26,525 --> 00:35:27,724 But let's take some money. 834 00:35:28,493 --> 00:35:30,460 - Then we're literally robbing it... 835 00:35:30,462 --> 00:35:31,661 - We'll just take a little. 836 00:35:31,663 --> 00:35:33,530 - Still robbing. 837 00:35:33,532 --> 00:35:35,132 - You're right. We'll just take some merchandise and shit. 838 00:35:35,134 --> 00:35:38,502 I have had my eyes on one of those hoodies. 839 00:35:38,504 --> 00:35:39,704 - Do you know what robbing is? 840 00:35:39,705 --> 00:35:42,973 - Yeah! Charging 35 dollars for a hoodie. 841 00:35:42,975 --> 00:35:44,407 - I'm gonna tell you your biggest issue right off the bat, 842 00:35:44,409 --> 00:35:46,676 this place is all glass. It's like we're in a fishbowl, 843 00:35:46,678 --> 00:35:49,045 and there's constant traffic on that street. 844 00:35:49,047 --> 00:35:50,313 - Okay, true. 845 00:35:50,315 --> 00:35:51,681 - So let's brainstorm about that tonight. 846 00:35:51,683 --> 00:35:53,717 We'll have our first planning session tomorrow. 847 00:35:53,719 --> 00:35:55,886 - Okay, where are we gonna go? 848 00:35:55,888 --> 00:35:58,488 - Here... - You son of a bitch 849 00:35:58,490 --> 00:36:00,690 - [whispering] We're planning a robbery of Coffee Town 850 00:36:00,692 --> 00:36:03,360 inside Coffee Town. 851 00:36:03,362 --> 00:36:05,095 - This is my office. 852 00:36:24,882 --> 00:36:26,383 - [Whispering] Tomorrow. 853 00:36:27,652 --> 00:36:29,186 - Okay. 854 00:36:29,654 --> 00:36:31,188 Time to smoke. 855 00:36:32,490 --> 00:36:34,324 - What's that do? 856 00:36:34,326 --> 00:36:35,525 - I dunno. 857 00:36:36,561 --> 00:36:38,361 - Yes, yes, yes... yes, yes. 858 00:36:38,363 --> 00:36:40,363 - Hey. 859 00:36:40,365 --> 00:36:42,465 I, uh, I forgot to give this back to you yesterday. 860 00:36:42,467 --> 00:36:46,169 - Oh! Wow, I didn't even realize. 861 00:36:46,171 --> 00:36:47,204 - You didn't? 862 00:36:48,206 --> 00:36:51,641 - No... no, I did... I lied just then. 863 00:36:51,643 --> 00:36:53,143 I don't know why. 864 00:36:53,145 --> 00:36:54,344 - Okay. 865 00:36:54,346 --> 00:36:55,879 Well, um... 866 00:36:59,283 --> 00:37:00,250 Thanks again. 867 00:37:01,452 --> 00:37:03,553 - No, thank you. 868 00:37:05,556 --> 00:37:07,023 - Okay. 869 00:37:10,561 --> 00:37:11,728 - No, thank you!? 870 00:37:13,364 --> 00:37:15,398 You're trying to bone her, not get her to join your youth group. 871 00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:17,300 - Why did you shove me? You threw me off! 872 00:37:17,302 --> 00:37:19,002 - You gotta get in her space, threaten her a little bit. 873 00:37:19,004 --> 00:37:20,537 Do you know ANYTHING about women? 874 00:37:20,539 --> 00:37:23,673 - Apparently not is right. I'm sorry I yelled. 875 00:37:23,675 --> 00:37:25,508 Listen... When she's done ordering, 876 00:37:25,510 --> 00:37:27,410 she's gonna be standing right there, totally bored. 877 00:37:27,412 --> 00:37:29,713 That's when you go up and you ask her out. 878 00:37:29,715 --> 00:37:30,814 - Okay. - Okay. 879 00:37:30,816 --> 00:37:32,916 - That sounds doable. - Yeah, it's good. 880 00:37:34,452 --> 00:37:36,620 But don't stare at her. Now you look like a serial killer. 881 00:37:36,622 --> 00:37:37,887 - R-right. 882 00:37:38,956 --> 00:37:40,557 - And don't look in my eyes. Why would you do that? 883 00:37:40,559 --> 00:37:41,625 That's so weird. 884 00:37:41,627 --> 00:37:42,392 - What do... What am I supposed to... 885 00:37:42,394 --> 00:37:43,360 - What you normally do. 886 00:37:43,362 --> 00:37:44,761 Look at your computer. 887 00:37:46,297 --> 00:37:47,464 Open your computer. - Open the computer. 888 00:37:47,466 --> 00:37:49,366 - Why would you look at a closed computer? 889 00:37:50,968 --> 00:37:52,469 - You don't mind if I smoke, do you? 890 00:37:52,471 --> 00:37:53,470 - No. 891 00:37:59,210 --> 00:38:00,410 Newports, huh? 892 00:38:00,412 --> 00:38:01,978 - Mm hmm. 893 00:38:03,581 --> 00:38:04,814 Menthol. 894 00:38:07,385 --> 00:38:10,287 I can feel these turning my insides black. 895 00:38:11,989 --> 00:38:13,523 Blacky black black. 896 00:38:14,825 --> 00:38:16,459 It's worth it, though... 897 00:38:16,461 --> 00:38:17,961 ...don't have to work as hard. 898 00:38:20,531 --> 00:38:23,199 You know this used to be Brown Town. 899 00:38:23,201 --> 00:38:25,368 - Okay okay okay, now's your time. Ready? 900 00:38:25,370 --> 00:38:26,803 - Now? - Go get her, this is big. 901 00:38:26,805 --> 00:38:27,570 Go baby, you got this. Go get her. 902 00:38:27,572 --> 00:38:31,241 - Okay... - Okay. 903 00:38:31,709 --> 00:38:33,176 - Hello again. - Hey. 904 00:38:33,178 --> 00:38:36,579 - Hey. Uuh... So, I was just wondering... 905 00:38:36,581 --> 00:38:39,849 - Sorry, I forgot, did you want, uh, whipped cream? 906 00:38:39,851 --> 00:38:41,217 - Yeah, sure, thanks. 907 00:38:50,027 --> 00:38:51,728 - There you go. - Wow... thank you. 908 00:38:51,730 --> 00:38:53,163 - Hey, before I forget, um, 909 00:38:53,165 --> 00:38:54,998 my band and I are playing at the Vanguard tonight, 910 00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:56,466 and it is going to rock. 911 00:38:56,468 --> 00:38:59,369 - Yeah, I'm gonna be there. I'm gonna bring some old college friends. 912 00:38:59,371 --> 00:39:00,870 - Nice! 913 00:39:00,872 --> 00:39:03,073 - You know, you guys don't freak out or anything, but... 914 00:39:03,075 --> 00:39:05,208 ...I may dedicate a song to you tonight. 915 00:39:05,210 --> 00:39:06,443 - Oh! 916 00:39:07,411 --> 00:39:10,080 ♪ The way a little kitten purrs ♪ 917 00:39:10,082 --> 00:39:12,816 ♪ that's the way my passion stirs ♪ 918 00:39:12,818 --> 00:39:17,454 ♪ stirs for you, stirs for me, that's all that I can... 919 00:39:17,456 --> 00:39:18,388 No? - Uh... 920 00:39:18,390 --> 00:39:20,557 ♪ Stirs my soul 921 00:39:20,559 --> 00:39:22,359 ♪ as far as I can see 922 00:39:24,061 --> 00:39:26,863 Stir. It's track three. It's from the... it's... I gave it to you. 923 00:39:26,865 --> 00:39:28,298 - Ah... Right. 924 00:39:28,300 --> 00:39:29,499 - You may not have heard- maybe you didn't hear it yet. 925 00:39:29,501 --> 00:39:30,533 - Not yet. - It's alright. 926 00:39:30,535 --> 00:39:32,135 You will, I mean-hopefully, maybe. 927 00:39:32,137 --> 00:39:36,373 That was just a little amuse-bouche to the main course later. 928 00:39:36,375 --> 00:39:37,941 - Alright. 929 00:39:39,009 --> 00:39:40,844 I'm sorry, what were you saying? 930 00:39:40,846 --> 00:39:42,479 - Was I... say-... 931 00:39:42,481 --> 00:39:45,281 Oh... No, no no no no... No. 932 00:39:46,951 --> 00:39:49,152 - You know, I... I have to go. 933 00:39:49,154 --> 00:39:50,053 - Yeah! - Alright. 934 00:39:50,055 --> 00:39:51,388 - I was just gettin' a straw. 935 00:39:55,559 --> 00:39:56,960 - What'd she say? 936 00:39:56,962 --> 00:39:59,462 - You got up from our table? - Yeah. 937 00:40:01,632 --> 00:40:03,400 - Mother fucker! 938 00:40:03,402 --> 00:40:05,835 It's amazing how much disdain you can have 939 00:40:05,837 --> 00:40:07,337 for people hogging the tables 940 00:40:07,339 --> 00:40:09,739 when your intention is to do the same. 941 00:40:09,741 --> 00:40:12,976 And since the outside tables smell like Chad's cigarettes, 942 00:40:12,978 --> 00:40:16,513 the couch is the only remaining option. 943 00:40:16,515 --> 00:40:18,181 [Sigh] 944 00:40:18,183 --> 00:40:20,383 The problem with that is my laptop seems to be powered 945 00:40:20,385 --> 00:40:22,352 by some type of car engine, 946 00:40:22,354 --> 00:40:25,121 burning the ever-loving hell out of my lap. 947 00:40:34,331 --> 00:40:36,466 - Did you see the newspaper? 948 00:40:40,538 --> 00:40:42,205 - Nope. 949 00:40:55,553 --> 00:40:57,720 [Police siren] 950 00:40:59,190 --> 00:41:00,523 - GET ON THE GROUND AND PUT YOUR HANDS ON YOUR HEAD 951 00:41:00,525 --> 00:41:03,893 OR I'LL SHOOT YOU IN YOUR FACE, MOTHER FUCKER! 952 00:41:03,895 --> 00:41:05,028 - Hey. - HEY. 953 00:41:05,830 --> 00:41:07,363 - I'm not talking to you on that thing. 954 00:41:07,365 --> 00:41:09,499 - C'MON MAN IT'S LIKE YOU'RE TALKING TO LIGHTNING MCQUEEN. 955 00:41:09,501 --> 00:41:11,201 - Lightning McQueen was not a police car. 956 00:41:11,203 --> 00:41:12,502 - ARE YOU SURE? WHICH ONE WAS THE POLICE CAR? 957 00:41:12,504 --> 00:41:13,369 - I don't know. 958 00:41:13,371 --> 00:41:14,838 - NEITHER DO I. ALL I REMEMBER 959 00:41:14,840 --> 00:41:16,573 IS THAT HILLBILLY TOW TRUCK WITH THE FUCKED UP TEETH. 960 00:41:16,575 --> 00:41:19,042 AND HE'D BE LIKE "HEY Y'ALL!" 961 00:41:19,044 --> 00:41:19,976 - Hey, I'm gonna go. 962 00:41:19,978 --> 00:41:21,744 - No no no, stop. - C'mon, man. 963 00:41:21,746 --> 00:41:23,079 - Stop. 964 00:41:23,681 --> 00:41:24,581 Look at me... 965 00:41:25,516 --> 00:41:26,883 Where ya headed? 966 00:41:26,885 --> 00:41:28,384 - I'm gonna go home, I'm gonna eat some hot pockets, 967 00:41:28,386 --> 00:41:29,385 and I'm gonna drink a six-pack of beer. 968 00:41:29,387 --> 00:41:31,387 - You're not gonna do that, okay? 969 00:41:31,389 --> 00:41:32,655 Cuz we're going to the Vanguard. 970 00:41:32,657 --> 00:41:33,890 - What? 971 00:41:33,892 --> 00:41:35,492 - Yeah, Sam might be in a band, who cares? 972 00:41:35,494 --> 00:41:39,028 He's on stage, you're not, giving you full access to Becca. 973 00:41:39,030 --> 00:41:43,333 And you can draft off the very horniness his rock 'n' roll creates. 974 00:41:43,335 --> 00:41:45,502 Ride that airstream, just slingshot by! 975 00:41:45,504 --> 00:41:49,138 Right up into her cooch... and stay there. 976 00:41:49,140 --> 00:41:51,474 - You think? - I never lie when I'm on duty. 977 00:41:51,476 --> 00:41:53,843 Alright? Pick up those beers, we'll bang em off in the car. 978 00:41:53,845 --> 00:41:55,011 Ready? - Okay. 979 00:41:55,013 --> 00:41:56,246 You know you hit that wall, right? 980 00:41:56,248 --> 00:41:57,580 - Let's move it! Let's Go! 981 00:42:00,484 --> 00:42:02,418 [Upbeat music ♪] 982 00:42:04,722 --> 00:42:07,223 [crowd chatter] 983 00:42:15,733 --> 00:42:19,302 - There's something about being in a rock band... 984 00:42:19,304 --> 00:42:21,471 It doesn't matter how good the music sounds... 985 00:42:22,873 --> 00:42:24,707 You still look like a total pussy playing the piano. 986 00:42:24,709 --> 00:42:26,075 - Ladies and gentlemen! 987 00:42:26,077 --> 00:42:29,612 Clap your hands for Mr. And Mrs. Williams! [Cheering] 988 00:42:32,316 --> 00:42:33,583 - Whoa... there she is. 989 00:42:33,585 --> 00:42:34,651 - Where is this? 990 00:42:35,519 --> 00:42:38,121 Woof! - Hehe, woof. 991 00:42:40,491 --> 00:42:42,525 Why is she talking to that guy? 992 00:42:42,527 --> 00:42:43,726 - It's perfect. 993 00:42:43,728 --> 00:42:45,795 Get ready to bat some cleanup. 994 00:42:45,797 --> 00:42:46,829 - What? 995 00:42:46,831 --> 00:42:48,364 - I dunno, it sounded like something. 996 00:42:48,366 --> 00:42:49,799 - There's some old baseball a... 997 00:42:49,801 --> 00:42:51,200 - I just went for it, who cares, 998 00:42:51,202 --> 00:42:53,536 I made a mistake. Go go go go! Go go go. 999 00:43:07,551 --> 00:43:08,918 [Whistling] 1000 00:43:08,920 --> 00:43:09,852 Hey. 1001 00:43:09,854 --> 00:43:11,454 - Hey. - Hey, stop it. 1002 00:43:11,456 --> 00:43:12,355 Let me get you a drink. 1003 00:43:12,357 --> 00:43:13,790 - Sure! - Yeah? 1004 00:43:13,792 --> 00:43:16,292 Alright. Let me get a rum and diet coke for the lady. 1005 00:43:16,294 --> 00:43:17,895 - Gino's move when he's not in uniform... 1006 00:43:17,896 --> 00:43:21,364 subtly lower the girl's self esteem to make her an easier target. 1007 00:43:21,366 --> 00:43:23,633 - Do you want me to get you a sturdier stool? 1008 00:43:23,635 --> 00:43:25,335 - Uh, No, this one's fine. 1009 00:43:25,337 --> 00:43:27,537 - This one can hold you? You sure? 1010 00:43:27,539 --> 00:43:29,038 - Yeah, I think, it's okay. - Yeah yeah yeah, go go go. 1011 00:43:29,040 --> 00:43:30,940 Please, please. 1012 00:43:31,842 --> 00:43:33,409 So, what happened to your face? 1013 00:43:39,483 --> 00:43:42,652 - Hey! - Ah, Hi! Hey! 1014 00:43:42,654 --> 00:43:44,387 - Hi! - How are you? 1015 00:43:44,389 --> 00:43:46,389 - I'm good... Good. How are you? 1016 00:43:46,391 --> 00:43:49,292 - Uh.. Uh... I don't wanna be weird or anything, 1017 00:43:49,294 --> 00:43:51,127 but that guy that you were just making out with 1018 00:43:51,129 --> 00:43:53,363 is now... kissing your friends. 1019 00:43:53,365 --> 00:43:56,232 - [Laughs] That guy? ...Oh, no... no. 1020 00:43:56,234 --> 00:43:59,502 I was, um... I was taking E. 1021 00:43:59,504 --> 00:44:01,237 You know, ecstasy. 1022 00:44:01,239 --> 00:44:02,305 - Yeah... - Yeah yeah. 1023 00:44:02,307 --> 00:44:03,373 He puts it on his tongue. 1024 00:44:03,375 --> 00:44:06,409 - Oh! That... that's clever. 1025 00:44:06,411 --> 00:44:07,543 - I'm not a drug person. 1026 00:44:07,545 --> 00:44:10,980 My girlfriend convinced me of it, you know, and... 1027 00:44:10,982 --> 00:44:13,182 I'm usually really really boring... 1028 00:44:13,184 --> 00:44:15,318 But... ahem... 1029 00:44:15,919 --> 00:44:17,387 This is great! 1030 00:44:17,888 --> 00:44:19,055 Like, WOW! 1031 00:44:19,057 --> 00:44:20,390 You know, I'm really starting to feel it! 1032 00:44:20,392 --> 00:44:22,325 - Really? - Yeah! Yeah. 1033 00:44:22,327 --> 00:44:24,160 You should totally take a hit. 1034 00:44:24,162 --> 00:44:26,329 - Uh, no.. No no. - Yes! 1035 00:44:26,331 --> 00:44:27,864 Have you ever done it? 1036 00:44:27,866 --> 00:44:31,200 - No, no, I-I-I'm really more of a heroine guy. 1037 00:44:31,202 --> 00:44:32,802 But I get mine in the chewables... 1038 00:44:32,804 --> 00:44:35,405 that looks like little, uh.. Kurt Cobains. 1039 00:44:35,407 --> 00:44:37,407 - Come on, you gotta try it... Come on. 1040 00:44:37,409 --> 00:44:39,575 Can I get another one for my friend? 1041 00:44:39,577 --> 00:44:41,411 - Uh... yeah... 1042 00:44:41,679 --> 00:44:43,346 Okay, so... 1043 00:44:43,348 --> 00:44:45,415 - No, no... it's too risky. 1044 00:44:46,684 --> 00:44:47,917 Oh, what the fff- 1045 00:44:47,919 --> 00:44:51,654 - C'mon! Quick! Quick! C'mon! You can do it. C'mon. 1046 00:44:51,656 --> 00:44:53,423 - Shit, alright. 1047 00:45:06,070 --> 00:45:08,471 UGH! There's nothing in there! 1048 00:45:08,473 --> 00:45:09,539 - [Laughs] 1049 00:45:09,541 --> 00:45:11,474 I can't believe you went for it, man. 1050 00:45:11,476 --> 00:45:14,510 Mmyeah... you give great mouth. 1051 00:45:14,512 --> 00:45:16,412 Here ya go, huh? 1052 00:45:16,414 --> 00:45:18,614 It's on the house. - Come on. 1053 00:45:22,486 --> 00:45:25,054 - You know that guy has AIDS... 1054 00:45:25,056 --> 00:45:26,756 - Can't get it twice. 1055 00:45:30,060 --> 00:45:32,161 - Okay, I hope this is worth it. 1056 00:45:32,163 --> 00:45:33,963 - Oh, it's totally worth it. 1057 00:45:33,965 --> 00:45:36,199 - Is memory loss a side-effect? 1058 00:45:36,201 --> 00:45:38,935 - Nope... just death... [giggles] 1059 00:45:45,676 --> 00:45:47,410 - Turns out, except for the moments 1060 00:45:47,412 --> 00:45:49,545 when your heart feels like it's gonna explode, 1061 00:45:49,547 --> 00:45:53,182 Ecstasy is awesome. [Echoes] 1062 00:45:53,184 --> 00:45:54,584 [♪ Real Life: "Send me an Angel"] 1063 00:45:54,586 --> 00:45:57,186 I don't know what it looked like on that dance floor... 1064 00:45:57,188 --> 00:45:59,355 but I know what it felt like... 1065 00:45:59,357 --> 00:46:01,023 ♪ Do you believe in heaven above ♪ 1066 00:46:01,025 --> 00:46:04,527 Like the dance scene in the 1986 movie "Rad". 1067 00:46:04,529 --> 00:46:06,696 ♪ Do you believe in love? ♪ 1068 00:46:07,865 --> 00:46:11,367 ♪ Don't tell a lie, don't be false or untrue... ♪ 1069 00:46:11,369 --> 00:46:14,570 When love can only be expressed with BMX freestyle. 1070 00:46:14,572 --> 00:46:18,474 ♪ Open fire on my burning heart ♪ 1071 00:46:18,476 --> 00:46:22,011 ♪ I've never been lucky in love ♪ 1072 00:46:22,013 --> 00:46:26,382 ♪ My defenses are down, a kiss or a frown ♪ 1073 00:46:26,384 --> 00:46:29,485 ♪ I can't survive on my own ♪ 1074 00:46:29,487 --> 00:46:32,855 ♪ It gets in your eyes, it's making you cry ♪ 1075 00:46:32,857 --> 00:46:37,059 ♪ Don't know what to do, Don't know what to do ♪ 1076 00:46:37,061 --> 00:46:42,064 ♪ You're looking for love, calling heaven above ♪ 1077 00:46:42,066 --> 00:46:44,534 ♪ Send me an angel 1078 00:46:45,402 --> 00:46:48,538 ♪ Send me an angel 1079 00:46:49,506 --> 00:46:51,941 ♪ Right now 1080 00:46:52,910 --> 00:46:54,410 ♪ Right now... 1081 00:46:54,412 --> 00:46:56,412 - And I actually do know what it looked like... 1082 00:46:56,414 --> 00:46:58,147 [heavy metal music ♪] 1083 00:47:01,685 --> 00:47:03,853 But who cares? 1084 00:47:03,855 --> 00:47:05,087 It worked. 1085 00:47:13,063 --> 00:47:14,530 Oh! Ooh, wait wait wait wait. 1086 00:47:14,532 --> 00:47:16,399 - I know, I know it's crazy. But I really want a memory. 1087 00:47:16,401 --> 00:47:19,869 - Oh, I know, I know. I do too. No no! Oh... 1088 00:47:21,638 --> 00:47:22,738 - ...Oh... 1089 00:47:23,974 --> 00:47:25,241 Um... 1090 00:47:26,210 --> 00:47:28,678 - It's from my laptop... - It's okay. 1091 00:47:28,680 --> 00:47:31,013 - It's a lap... top... burn. 1092 00:47:31,015 --> 00:47:33,149 - Yep... I just, um... 1093 00:47:33,151 --> 00:47:36,085 I don't think I'm in any condition to do this anyway, 1094 00:47:36,087 --> 00:47:37,520 I should-I should go. 1095 00:47:37,522 --> 00:47:39,322 - Okay, wait, wait. It's not what you think it is! 1096 00:47:39,324 --> 00:47:40,356 No, look, listen listen listen... 1097 00:47:40,358 --> 00:47:41,290 I wanna-I wanna do this again. 1098 00:47:41,292 --> 00:47:42,458 - Totally, yeah, I'll call you. 1099 00:47:42,460 --> 00:47:44,093 - You don't have my number! 1100 00:47:46,196 --> 00:47:47,563 - You're asleep. 1101 00:47:47,565 --> 00:47:49,298 - No I'm not... 1102 00:47:49,300 --> 00:47:50,366 I'm awake. 1103 00:47:51,468 --> 00:47:55,004 Uugh, totally awake! I was thinkin' about some stuff. 1104 00:47:55,006 --> 00:47:56,906 Sleeping can get you kicked out. 1105 00:47:56,908 --> 00:48:00,509 Being awake is the only thing that separates us table squatters 1106 00:48:00,511 --> 00:48:02,478 from the homeless people out front. 1107 00:48:03,580 --> 00:48:05,648 That's good... good roast. 1108 00:48:07,050 --> 00:48:09,185 - You know you ruined our gig last night... 1109 00:48:09,187 --> 00:48:12,722 with your little dance of the drugged-out idiots. 1110 00:48:12,724 --> 00:48:14,457 And now the club doesn't want us back. 1111 00:48:14,459 --> 00:48:15,625 - The reason the club doesn't want you back 1112 00:48:15,627 --> 00:48:17,493 is cuz your band sucks, Sam. 1113 00:48:17,495 --> 00:48:18,961 I'm serious. 1114 00:48:18,963 --> 00:48:21,297 Really, you're not Coldplay. The whole tape on the fingers thing? 1115 00:48:21,299 --> 00:48:22,365 You look like gymnasts. 1116 00:48:22,367 --> 00:48:23,699 - We're still finding our sound, man. 1117 00:48:23,701 --> 00:48:25,134 - Yeah, I saw you looking for it. 1118 00:48:25,136 --> 00:48:27,703 - And one, two [loud drumming] 1119 00:48:27,705 --> 00:48:29,472 No, no! God dammit, Devin! Who comes in on three. Man!? 1120 00:48:29,474 --> 00:48:32,708 - I said what fucking professional drummer comes in on three! 1121 00:48:32,710 --> 00:48:34,076 - What fucking professional piano player 1122 00:48:34,078 --> 00:48:35,578 wears a marching band jacket? That's my question! 1123 00:48:35,580 --> 00:48:37,747 - It's progressive, you idiot! - Asshole! 1124 00:48:37,749 --> 00:48:39,148 - Whatever! 1125 00:48:39,150 --> 00:48:42,218 - Alright, alright. 1126 00:48:42,220 --> 00:48:43,019 We're done then! 1127 00:48:43,021 --> 00:48:44,520 - Fuck you! 1128 00:48:44,522 --> 00:48:46,589 - By the way, who's Mrs. Williams? 1129 00:48:46,591 --> 00:48:49,525 - Yeah yeah yeah, go refill the half and half. 1130 00:48:49,527 --> 00:48:51,060 - Why don't you go refill the half and half. 1131 00:48:51,062 --> 00:48:54,397 - I don't think I'm allowed to refill the half and half, am I? 1132 00:48:56,900 --> 00:49:00,036 - Are you seriously saying the half and half is empty? 1133 00:49:00,038 --> 00:49:03,072 - Yeah.. The half and half is empty. 1134 00:49:03,074 --> 00:49:04,073 - FUCK! 1135 00:49:05,909 --> 00:49:09,879 - Aaah, look at you! Did you hook up last night? 1136 00:49:09,881 --> 00:49:10,980 - I don't wanna talk about it. 1137 00:49:10,982 --> 00:49:12,848 - Okay, that's fine... can ya mime it? 1138 00:49:12,850 --> 00:49:14,350 - No. 1139 00:49:14,352 --> 00:49:17,219 - Okay. You know, I could beat it out of you. I'm a cop. 1140 00:49:17,221 --> 00:49:18,554 - In a lethal weapon movie? 1141 00:49:18,556 --> 00:49:20,122 - Fuck, I wish. 1142 00:49:21,058 --> 00:49:22,458 - Where's Chad? 1143 00:49:22,460 --> 00:49:24,260 - He's in line at the bathroom. 1144 00:49:27,564 --> 00:49:30,066 - It's been ten minutes, who is this idiot? 1145 00:49:31,535 --> 00:49:34,236 Oh... - Retard. 1146 00:49:35,305 --> 00:49:37,606 - What?... Dammit. 1147 00:49:38,375 --> 00:49:40,376 Anyone got a quarter? 1148 00:49:40,378 --> 00:49:42,378 Pizza Castle token? 1149 00:49:42,380 --> 00:49:44,213 - They let you drive that car when you're off duty? 1150 00:49:44,215 --> 00:49:45,514 - Only car I got, kid. 1151 00:49:45,516 --> 00:49:47,416 - Yeah, but you don't got it... 1152 00:49:47,418 --> 00:49:48,517 It's owned by the city. 1153 00:49:48,519 --> 00:49:52,488 - You totally struck out last night, didn't you. 1154 00:49:52,490 --> 00:49:54,991 - Yeah [sigh] look... 1155 00:49:56,860 --> 00:49:58,561 [whispering] My laptop burned my dick. 1156 00:49:58,563 --> 00:50:03,466 - I'm so sorry, I thought you said that your laptop burned your dick. 1157 00:50:03,468 --> 00:50:05,301 - My laptop burned my dick. 1158 00:50:05,303 --> 00:50:08,471 And I think she thought I had, like a, sexual disease, or... 1159 00:50:08,473 --> 00:50:10,673 - That's a thing? Laptops can burn dicks? 1160 00:50:10,675 --> 00:50:12,541 - Yeah, apparently. - Can I see it real quick? 1161 00:50:12,543 --> 00:50:14,010 - No, you can't see it. What are you doing, man? 1162 00:50:14,012 --> 00:50:15,511 - I'll show you mine, it'll be totally cool. 1163 00:50:15,513 --> 00:50:17,346 - Oh, you show-Oh! That changes everything. 1164 00:50:17,348 --> 00:50:19,048 Yeah yeah yeah, let's do that. 1165 00:50:19,050 --> 00:50:20,182 OW! 1166 00:50:20,184 --> 00:50:21,650 Jesus Christ, dude. What are you doing? 1167 00:50:21,652 --> 00:50:23,252 - You really toasted that thing, huh? 1168 00:50:23,254 --> 00:50:24,987 - Yes, I really burned it. 1169 00:50:25,389 --> 00:50:26,722 Stay away! 1170 00:50:26,724 --> 00:50:30,693 - Think that Down syndrome guy... just called me a retard. 1171 00:50:30,695 --> 00:50:32,862 - Are you serious? That's messed up. 1172 00:50:32,864 --> 00:50:34,897 - I think they're the only ones who should be allowed to say it. 1173 00:50:34,899 --> 00:50:37,400 - I think I should be allowed to say it, too. 1174 00:50:37,402 --> 00:50:38,868 - I don't disagree. 1175 00:50:39,636 --> 00:50:41,737 - Wait, are you calling me a retard? 1176 00:50:41,739 --> 00:50:44,040 - I'm not allowed to. 1177 00:50:44,042 --> 00:50:46,876 - Guys? If you still wanna hit this place, 1178 00:50:46,878 --> 00:50:48,310 I think I figured out an opening. 1179 00:50:48,312 --> 00:50:49,645 - Yes, of course I do. Yes, I do wanna hit it. 1180 00:50:49,647 --> 00:50:51,547 What's-what's the deal? 1181 00:50:51,549 --> 00:50:55,051 - This Friday night, the street is being closed down for traffic light repair, 1182 00:50:55,053 --> 00:50:56,986 they're switchin' em over to L.E.D. or some shit. 1183 00:50:56,988 --> 00:50:57,720 - What? 1184 00:50:57,722 --> 00:50:59,422 Who got that contract? 1185 00:50:59,424 --> 00:51:01,657 Fucking G.E... Bob Horsewood, I bet. 1186 00:51:01,659 --> 00:51:03,526 - Who the fuck is Bob Horsewood? 1187 00:51:03,528 --> 00:51:04,693 - Fucking Bob Horsewood. 1188 00:51:04,695 --> 00:51:06,662 - What the f... - My nemesis, Bob Horsewood. 1189 00:51:06,664 --> 00:51:08,564 - Would you shut up about Bob Horsewood! Nobody... 1190 00:51:08,566 --> 00:51:10,533 Just... Anyway. 1191 00:51:10,535 --> 00:51:12,535 - Listen up. Utility company's gonna be done with the job 1192 00:51:12,537 --> 00:51:13,836 by around midnight, 1193 00:51:13,838 --> 00:51:16,372 but the barricades won't be removed 'til 4 a.m. 1194 00:51:16,374 --> 00:51:18,541 and that should give you guys plenty of time to get in there. 1195 00:51:18,543 --> 00:51:21,744 - No no no, I can't. I have to be on call. 1196 00:51:21,746 --> 00:51:24,313 That way, if someone figures it out and calls it in, 1197 00:51:24,315 --> 00:51:27,383 I will be the first to respond and you guys can just bolt. 1198 00:51:27,385 --> 00:51:28,517 - So how are we gonna do it? 1199 00:51:28,519 --> 00:51:30,519 Just kick open the door, grab all the cash? 1200 00:51:30,521 --> 00:51:33,489 - Nobody's-We're not taking any money, Chad. 1201 00:51:33,491 --> 00:51:35,891 - I wanna take something. I want a souvenir! 1202 00:51:35,893 --> 00:51:37,059 - Are you a serial killer? 1203 00:51:37,061 --> 00:51:38,627 - I'll serial kill Bob Horsewood. 1204 00:51:38,629 --> 00:51:40,963 - Chad, nobody's taking anything, do you hear me? 1205 00:51:40,965 --> 00:51:42,631 - Nobody's taking anything, you just rough the place up enough 1206 00:51:42,633 --> 00:51:44,133 for someone to file a report. 1207 00:51:44,135 --> 00:51:47,703 Anything more, some assholes gonna wanna solve it. Also... 1208 00:51:47,705 --> 00:51:50,673 You can't go in through the front door cuz there's an alarm on that thing. 1209 00:51:50,675 --> 00:51:51,974 I'm trying to think of different options in there. 1210 00:51:51,976 --> 00:51:53,542 I'm looking at ceilings, I'm looking at windows, 1211 00:51:53,544 --> 00:51:55,644 I don't know yet, I'm gonna report back tomorrow. 1212 00:51:55,646 --> 00:51:58,814 - Good stuff, Gino, good stuff. Very cool. 1213 00:51:59,983 --> 00:52:01,484 - Hey, do you know what I was just thinkin'? 1214 00:52:01,486 --> 00:52:03,486 The Special Olympics are great, right? 1215 00:52:03,488 --> 00:52:04,854 - Yeah they are. - I like em. 1216 00:52:04,856 --> 00:52:06,489 - You know what would be even more amazing? 1217 00:52:06,491 --> 00:52:08,591 An ultimate fighting league where challenged people 1218 00:52:08,593 --> 00:52:09,825 fought non-challenged people. 1219 00:52:09,827 --> 00:52:12,661 Because they're so strong, I feel like it would be equal. 1220 00:52:12,663 --> 00:52:15,397 - They are often very strong, you're right about that. 1221 00:52:15,399 --> 00:52:16,665 And if just one could win... 1222 00:52:16,667 --> 00:52:18,534 - It'd be like Seabiscuit. 1223 00:52:18,536 --> 00:52:22,037 - It wouldn't work. The non-challenged person would always win. 1224 00:52:22,039 --> 00:52:23,506 - You don't know that, Chad. You don't know that, K? 1225 00:52:23,508 --> 00:52:25,708 So, don't say that, because think about if it was even, 1226 00:52:25,710 --> 00:52:27,376 how amazing that would be! A level playing field! 1227 00:52:27,378 --> 00:52:31,914 We have more speed, more coordination, more agility. 1228 00:52:31,916 --> 00:52:33,415 - Can I ask you a question real quick, buddy? 1229 00:52:33,417 --> 00:52:35,484 - Oooh geez... 1230 00:52:36,353 --> 00:52:38,721 - Me? - Yeah, you have Down syndrome right? 1231 00:52:38,723 --> 00:52:41,390 - [Sarcastic gasp] Yes I do! 1232 00:52:41,392 --> 00:52:43,159 - Hehe, okay, sure. 1233 00:52:43,161 --> 00:52:45,528 Do you think a fight between someone with Down syndrome 1234 00:52:45,530 --> 00:52:46,729 and someone without Down syndrome... 1235 00:52:46,731 --> 00:52:47,630 Do you think that'd be fair? 1236 00:52:47,632 --> 00:52:48,964 - Someone without? 1237 00:52:48,966 --> 00:52:50,533 - Yeah, like, I dunno. Some shmoe schmuck stupid ass 1238 00:52:50,535 --> 00:52:51,834 like this guy. 1239 00:52:51,836 --> 00:52:54,069 Like we're lookin' at this guy, right over here. 1240 00:52:54,071 --> 00:52:55,471 - I thought you said someone without. 1241 00:52:55,473 --> 00:52:56,705 [Laughter] 1242 00:52:56,707 --> 00:52:59,008 - I don't have Down syndrome... Just, F.Y.I. 1243 00:52:59,010 --> 00:53:02,745 - Between you guys, do you think that would be a fair fight? 1244 00:53:02,747 --> 00:53:05,047 - I could beat the living shit out of this guy. 1245 00:53:05,049 --> 00:53:07,416 - Yeah, sure you could, mm hmm. 1246 00:53:07,418 --> 00:53:11,086 - No, I think you could too... I think you could too. 1247 00:53:11,088 --> 00:53:14,256 - You honestly don't think I could beat up a... a... 1248 00:53:16,059 --> 00:53:17,293 - Say it. 1249 00:53:18,461 --> 00:53:19,962 Say it! 1250 00:53:20,363 --> 00:53:21,697 - Nevermind. 1251 00:53:21,699 --> 00:53:23,732 - That's what I thought... Retard! 1252 00:53:23,734 --> 00:53:25,501 - HEY YOU'RE A RETARD! 1253 00:53:25,503 --> 00:53:27,903 [Shouting] 1254 00:53:27,905 --> 00:53:30,906 - You want a piece of me!? - Is that what you want!? 1255 00:53:30,908 --> 00:53:34,710 - C'mon... We're not really gonna do this are we? 1256 00:53:34,712 --> 00:53:36,912 - Yeah... I'm sick of people like him. 1257 00:53:36,914 --> 00:53:39,982 - I'm sick of people like you! 1258 00:53:41,518 --> 00:53:43,452 That sounded awful. 1259 00:53:43,987 --> 00:53:44,887 I didn't mean that. 1260 00:53:44,889 --> 00:53:46,355 - I'm going to kick your ass! 1261 00:53:46,357 --> 00:53:48,891 - Oh yeah!? You gonna kick my ass? Well bring it, bitch! 1262 00:53:48,893 --> 00:53:50,392 - Hold on. Hold on, HOLD ON! - Bring it bitch! 1263 00:53:50,394 --> 00:53:51,860 - Hold on, hold on. 1264 00:53:51,862 --> 00:53:55,364 Okay... - Thank god, the police. 1265 00:53:55,366 --> 00:53:57,366 - I just wanna say congratulations, okay, 1266 00:53:57,368 --> 00:53:58,667 on being the very first match 1267 00:53:58,669 --> 00:54:00,803 of the special people versus non-special people 1268 00:54:00,805 --> 00:54:02,471 ultimate fighting championship. 1269 00:54:02,473 --> 00:54:03,839 Thank you guys so much, okay? 1270 00:54:03,841 --> 00:54:05,007 Here are the ground rules, 1271 00:54:05,009 --> 00:54:07,543 no punching, no eye-gouging, no kicking... 1272 00:54:07,545 --> 00:54:08,510 Just wresting. 1273 00:54:08,512 --> 00:54:10,479 - Wait, I can't roundhouse him? 1274 00:54:10,481 --> 00:54:11,480 - You can't roundhouse anybody, dude. 1275 00:54:11,482 --> 00:54:12,982 You don't know how to roundhouse. 1276 00:54:12,984 --> 00:54:14,049 - I know how to roundhouse! 1277 00:54:14,051 --> 00:54:15,751 - Fantastic. Roundhouse like crazy. 1278 00:54:15,753 --> 00:54:17,653 - What? - He gets one special, okay? 1279 00:54:17,655 --> 00:54:19,088 - This isn't Mortal Kombat. 1280 00:54:19,090 --> 00:54:21,156 - Okay. You don't want a special? 1281 00:54:22,158 --> 00:54:23,692 - Uh... 1282 00:54:23,694 --> 00:54:25,461 I indian burn. 1283 00:54:26,963 --> 00:54:28,130 - You indian burn? - Yeah. 1284 00:54:28,132 --> 00:54:30,499 - You sure do. Okay, you guys ready!? 1285 00:54:30,501 --> 00:54:32,668 This is it! This is huge! 1286 00:54:32,670 --> 00:54:33,469 Fight! 1287 00:54:33,471 --> 00:54:35,571 - Ooh! Guess what! 1288 00:54:35,573 --> 00:54:39,808 Regular people rule and special people suck, mother fucker! 1289 00:54:39,810 --> 00:54:41,443 - AAAAH!! 1290 00:54:43,380 --> 00:54:45,547 [Grunting] 1291 00:54:49,386 --> 00:54:51,320 - Oh, OH! 1292 00:54:59,062 --> 00:55:00,496 - AAAHH! - Whoa! 1293 00:55:01,798 --> 00:55:03,465 Oh my god! 1294 00:55:05,402 --> 00:55:06,802 - AAAAHH! 1295 00:55:06,804 --> 00:55:09,038 - Oh! Indian burn! 1296 00:55:09,040 --> 00:55:10,406 - This is not funny. 1297 00:55:10,408 --> 00:55:11,674 - No no no no no, it's kinda... - This is terrible. 1298 00:55:11,676 --> 00:55:13,309 - Give it a second. 1299 00:55:13,311 --> 00:55:15,477 - I gotta-I gotta stop this. - No no no, sit down, sit down. 1300 00:55:15,479 --> 00:55:17,246 - Tap out! Tap out! 1301 00:55:17,248 --> 00:55:19,715 - YYEEAAHH! - That's a tap out! 1302 00:55:19,717 --> 00:55:22,418 - Boom! That's, it bitch! 1303 00:55:25,155 --> 00:55:28,090 - He's got Down syndrome asshole! 1304 00:55:30,560 --> 00:55:31,827 [Chuckling] 1305 00:55:31,829 --> 00:55:33,629 - Bitch. 1306 00:55:34,798 --> 00:55:35,731 - See you guys. 1307 00:55:35,733 --> 00:55:37,566 - Alright, buddy, be good. - Later. 1308 00:55:37,568 --> 00:55:39,401 - Chad, I'll give you a ride. 1309 00:55:42,205 --> 00:55:45,441 - Can I smoke back here? - Yeah, I don't care. 1310 00:55:53,149 --> 00:55:55,150 - Wait, hey! Hey, gimme that! 1311 00:55:55,152 --> 00:55:56,752 - There you go, you earned it. - Thanks. 1312 00:55:56,754 --> 00:55:58,053 - Cheers. - Cheers. 1313 00:55:58,055 --> 00:55:59,588 - Thank you so much Mr. Brown. 1314 00:55:59,590 --> 00:56:02,157 That-that's great. Okay, bye-bye. 1315 00:56:02,159 --> 00:56:06,495 Okay, it is down to us and the Coffee Town in Fullerton. 1316 00:56:06,497 --> 00:56:08,130 We got this! 1317 00:56:08,132 --> 00:56:11,066 - It was happening. You could see it on their faces. 1318 00:56:11,068 --> 00:56:13,535 - DJ station back here maybe? I dunno if these people... 1319 00:56:13,537 --> 00:56:16,238 - And Coffee Town wasn't the only thing slipping away. 1320 00:56:19,576 --> 00:56:21,076 Oh. - What? 1321 00:56:21,811 --> 00:56:23,712 - She's gonna stop coming in here. 1322 00:56:23,714 --> 00:56:25,414 I don't have her phone number, I don't know her last name, 1323 00:56:25,416 --> 00:56:27,449 I don't know anything about her. 1324 00:56:28,184 --> 00:56:29,485 I gotta catch her. 1325 00:56:29,487 --> 00:56:32,921 - You can use my bike! - Okay, thanks! 1326 00:56:35,425 --> 00:56:40,596 ♪ You're looking for love, calling heaven above ♪ 1327 00:56:40,598 --> 00:56:43,232 ♪ Send me an angel 1328 00:56:44,167 --> 00:56:46,402 ♪ Send me an angel 1329 00:56:47,904 --> 00:56:50,372 ♪ Right now 1330 00:56:51,574 --> 00:56:54,309 ♪ Right now 1331 00:56:55,145 --> 00:56:57,379 ♪ Send me an angel 1332 00:56:58,715 --> 00:57:01,250 ♪ Send me an angel 1333 00:57:02,585 --> 00:57:04,253 ♪ Right now 1334 00:57:06,256 --> 00:57:08,457 ♪ Right now 1335 00:57:09,893 --> 00:57:12,227 ♪ Right now 1336 00:57:18,067 --> 00:57:21,136 - Hey.. Hi... hey. 1337 00:57:24,474 --> 00:57:27,376 - I'm sorry, did you just chase me down on an adult tricycle? 1338 00:57:27,378 --> 00:57:32,314 - Listen... that was a laptop burn! Okay? 1339 00:57:34,918 --> 00:57:36,585 Hey. - Hey. 1340 00:57:36,587 --> 00:57:37,653 - Sorry... 1341 00:57:39,489 --> 00:57:44,159 - I know... I asked a doctor in the E.R. this morning. 1342 00:57:44,161 --> 00:57:46,929 Apparently it's fairly common. 1343 00:57:46,931 --> 00:57:48,197 - E.R.? 1344 00:57:48,199 --> 00:57:49,665 - I'm a-I'm a trauma nurse. 1345 00:57:50,700 --> 00:57:55,337 - Oh you're... a trauma nurse... Cool. 1346 00:57:55,339 --> 00:57:56,371 - Okay. - Oh, wait wait wait, 1347 00:57:56,373 --> 00:57:59,107 Becca Becca Becca... Let me j... 1348 00:58:00,176 --> 00:58:02,544 It's... it's okay if you're not into me. 1349 00:58:02,546 --> 00:58:05,514 Really... I wouldn't be into me either. 1350 00:58:05,516 --> 00:58:07,382 I just don't want you to feel weird about coming into Coffee Town. 1351 00:58:07,384 --> 00:58:10,786 I mean... you've been going there longer than I have. 1352 00:58:13,556 --> 00:58:16,024 - Last night... that wasn't me... 1353 00:58:16,026 --> 00:58:18,494 Yeah, the-the drugs... 1354 00:58:18,496 --> 00:58:21,997 Almost having sex with somebody I barely know. 1355 00:58:21,999 --> 00:58:23,298 It's just not who I am. 1356 00:58:24,200 --> 00:58:26,535 - No, no no. Listen, that's not me either. 1357 00:58:26,537 --> 00:58:29,671 Seriously I don't just... go out to clubs and take ecstasy, and... 1358 00:58:29,673 --> 00:58:34,409 kiss guys, and, you know, show women my blistered penis. 1359 00:58:34,411 --> 00:58:36,512 Seriously, I-I don't do that stuff, okay? 1360 00:58:36,514 --> 00:58:38,380 I'm a nice guy... really... 1361 00:58:38,382 --> 00:58:40,849 Sometimes I think I'm too nice. 1362 00:58:40,851 --> 00:58:41,683 [Gasp] 1363 00:58:41,685 --> 00:58:44,419 - You son of a bitch! 1364 00:58:44,421 --> 00:58:48,056 You think it's funny to steal an old man's bike!? 1365 00:58:48,058 --> 00:58:51,627 I fought a fucking war for you! 1366 00:58:55,431 --> 00:58:57,633 - Sorry... sorry... 1367 00:58:59,002 --> 00:59:02,538 I thought it was, uh... different... 1368 00:59:03,740 --> 00:59:05,307 Can I get a ride? 1369 00:59:05,708 --> 00:59:07,543 - Yeah, get in. 1370 00:59:15,084 --> 00:59:17,553 - Thanks for the ride. - Of course. 1371 00:59:17,555 --> 00:59:20,556 - Hey... That one's mine. 1372 00:59:21,224 --> 00:59:22,724 - Got it. - Cool. 1373 00:59:23,560 --> 00:59:26,795 Later homesnap. - Okay, bye. 1374 00:59:28,097 --> 00:59:30,265 Do you have time for a coffee? 1375 00:59:31,334 --> 00:59:32,401 - Yeah. - Yeah? 1376 00:59:32,403 --> 00:59:35,404 - I think I have a second. - Ah, good. 1377 00:59:35,406 --> 00:59:36,405 - I'll get my own, though. 1378 00:59:36,407 --> 00:59:40,742 - Uh, no, actually, here. Let me get it. 1379 00:59:40,744 --> 00:59:42,477 I need this. 1380 00:59:45,415 --> 00:59:46,582 - Hey... 1381 00:59:47,417 --> 00:59:48,917 - Yup? - Yeah, um, 1382 00:59:48,919 --> 00:59:51,587 let me get a soy latte... uuh... 1383 00:59:51,589 --> 00:59:54,823 and why don't you go ahead and add a bunch of extra whip to that. 1384 00:59:58,695 --> 00:59:59,895 - Name? 1385 01:00:01,698 --> 01:00:03,465 - Becca. 1386 01:00:06,536 --> 01:00:08,303 - No. 1387 01:00:11,541 --> 01:00:14,943 - Why don't you write a shitty song about that. 1388 01:00:16,312 --> 01:00:19,047 So... trauma nurse. 1389 01:00:19,049 --> 01:00:21,483 - Yep! - Wow. That's gotta be tough. 1390 01:00:21,485 --> 01:00:23,885 - Hell, I love it. I mean... 1391 01:00:23,887 --> 01:00:25,253 the thing about trauma... 1392 01:00:25,255 --> 01:00:27,889 is that... it's always total chaos. 1393 01:00:27,891 --> 01:00:30,592 So, I mean, you get to be a doctor half the time. 1394 01:00:30,594 --> 01:00:35,063 The lines really get blurred, which, I mean, I love. 1395 01:00:35,065 --> 01:00:35,931 - I never thought about it that way. 1396 01:00:35,933 --> 01:00:37,833 - Yeah. It's a total rush. 1397 01:00:37,835 --> 01:00:40,902 What about you? I mean you-you really work out of this place? 1398 01:00:40,904 --> 01:00:44,406 - Yeah, it's-it's not saving lives without a medical degree, but- 1399 01:00:44,408 --> 01:00:46,541 - I don't usually save them. 1400 01:00:46,543 --> 01:00:48,377 - Are you serious? 1401 01:00:51,080 --> 01:00:52,914 - I mean why-why work here? 1402 01:00:54,083 --> 01:00:56,084 - Look, honestly, um... 1403 01:00:57,220 --> 01:01:01,456 I think I just... like being part of the world. 1404 01:01:04,327 --> 01:01:06,628 Feeling like I exist somewhere. 1405 01:01:08,398 --> 01:01:10,732 This is gonna sound really stupid, but... 1406 01:01:12,568 --> 01:01:15,937 I think if I worked out of my apartment... 1407 01:01:18,374 --> 01:01:20,776 The world might forget who I am. 1408 01:01:24,380 --> 01:01:26,648 - Doesn't sound stupid at all. 1409 01:01:26,650 --> 01:01:29,184 - That's what I was about to lose. 1410 01:01:29,186 --> 01:01:34,389 Not a place for free wi-fi, or to meet friends, or outwit the economy. 1411 01:01:34,391 --> 01:01:37,526 Coffee Town was a place to belong. 1412 01:01:37,528 --> 01:01:41,063 That's something everybody needs in life. 1413 01:01:41,065 --> 01:01:42,831 An intersection. 1414 01:01:42,833 --> 01:01:44,566 A place to meet with the rest of the world 1415 01:01:44,568 --> 01:01:46,501 on the way to wherever you're headed. 1416 01:01:46,503 --> 01:01:50,972 Because let's face it, we're all headed the same place. 1417 01:01:57,080 --> 01:01:58,547 So they're closing the street tonight? 1418 01:01:58,549 --> 01:02:00,515 - I'm sorry, dude, I tried my hardest, okay? 1419 01:02:00,517 --> 01:02:02,384 They must have moved the work order up. 1420 01:02:02,386 --> 01:02:05,387 Traffic is back in the street at 9 p.m. tonight. 1421 01:02:08,524 --> 01:02:10,492 - Do we still have a window at midnight? 1422 01:02:10,494 --> 01:02:12,561 - I don't think it's a good idea. - Why? 1423 01:02:12,563 --> 01:02:14,329 - Because before we were doing a Friday night, right? 1424 01:02:14,331 --> 01:02:17,265 Cops would be busier all over the place, busting drunk drivers and shit. 1425 01:02:17,267 --> 01:02:19,868 This is Tuesday. Cops are bored on Tuesday. 1426 01:02:19,870 --> 01:02:23,004 Someone calls this thing in, the entire force is gonna show up. 1427 01:02:23,006 --> 01:02:27,709 - I don't care... I'm goin' in. Are you gonna be on shift? 1428 01:02:27,711 --> 01:02:29,344 - Yeah. 1429 01:02:29,346 --> 01:02:31,646 - I'm in too. I could really use the cash. 1430 01:02:31,648 --> 01:02:33,849 - Chad... - Chad, god dammit... 1431 01:02:33,851 --> 01:02:35,917 - You have any idea how expensive cigarettes are? 1432 01:02:35,919 --> 01:02:36,918 - We are not taking any cash. 1433 01:02:36,920 --> 01:02:38,720 - Nobody's taking fucking money! 1434 01:02:40,389 --> 01:02:42,390 - Just... Did you come up with a plan? 1435 01:02:42,392 --> 01:02:43,558 - Are we really doing this? 1436 01:02:43,560 --> 01:02:45,093 - Yes, we're doing this. - We're doing this. 1437 01:02:45,095 --> 01:02:46,094 - Stop it. 1438 01:02:47,263 --> 01:02:48,396 Alright guys. 1439 01:02:48,398 --> 01:02:49,731 - Whoa whoa whoa. Hey, just be careful. 1440 01:02:49,733 --> 01:02:50,832 - Best way to stay under the radar 1441 01:02:50,834 --> 01:02:52,501 is to shut the shit off in plain sight. 1442 01:02:52,503 --> 01:02:53,702 - But how did you do that? 1443 01:02:53,704 --> 01:02:55,670 - I got some guys at the crime unit to draw it up. 1444 01:02:55,672 --> 01:02:58,173 They thought it was for a drug raid. Fuckin' idiots. 1445 01:02:58,175 --> 01:02:58,974 [All laugh] 1446 01:03:00,243 --> 01:03:02,477 Alright. You guys'll be these sugars right here. 1447 01:03:02,479 --> 01:03:04,546 - Whoa whoa whoa whoa, can I be the Sugar in the Raw, 1448 01:03:04,548 --> 01:03:07,015 because I'm sort of the badass of the group. 1449 01:03:07,017 --> 01:03:08,216 - Says who? 1450 01:03:08,218 --> 01:03:09,484 - Well, you're not the badass of the group. 1451 01:03:09,486 --> 01:03:11,319 - I didn't say I was the badass. 1452 01:03:11,321 --> 01:03:12,387 - Then that's a weak group. 1453 01:03:12,389 --> 01:03:13,655 - You guys are both creamers. 1454 01:03:13,657 --> 01:03:14,723 - Now we're both creamers. 1455 01:03:14,725 --> 01:03:16,191 - Yeah, well, cuz you wouldn't shut up. 1456 01:03:16,193 --> 01:03:16,992 - One of us could have been the Sugar in the Raw... 1457 01:03:16,994 --> 01:03:18,426 - Stop it! 1458 01:03:18,428 --> 01:03:20,028 - I don't care if I'm a creamer. Why are we talking about this? 1459 01:03:20,030 --> 01:03:21,329 What's the plan? 1460 01:03:21,331 --> 01:03:23,999 - First, we prep the target for a 1 a.m. strike. 1461 01:03:25,101 --> 01:03:28,403 Which means you gotta get that homeless guy at 10 p.m. 1462 01:03:28,405 --> 01:03:30,939 Throw him a tall boy with roofies in it. 1463 01:03:32,241 --> 01:03:34,409 That'll knock him the fuck out. 1464 01:03:34,411 --> 01:03:36,645 That takes care of the only witness. 1465 01:03:36,647 --> 01:03:39,347 After that both of you guys, at 1 a.m., 1466 01:03:39,349 --> 01:03:42,384 will go across to the back of the store. 1467 01:03:42,386 --> 01:03:43,819 You'll find a utility ladder, 1468 01:03:43,821 --> 01:03:45,987 and that will give you access to the roof. 1469 01:03:45,989 --> 01:03:47,289 [Dog barking] 1470 01:03:54,430 --> 01:03:57,232 That is where you will wait for my radio confirmation. 1471 01:03:57,234 --> 01:03:58,600 Chad, what did I just say? 1472 01:03:59,502 --> 01:04:00,535 - I-I wasn't listening. 1473 01:04:00,537 --> 01:04:01,837 - You weren't li... 1474 01:04:01,839 --> 01:04:03,071 - I was playing with the Sugar in the Raw. 1475 01:04:03,073 --> 01:04:05,407 - Stop. - I'm gonna move all the sugars away. 1476 01:04:05,409 --> 01:04:06,541 All the sugars are away from you now, okay? 1477 01:04:06,543 --> 01:04:09,010 - This-this is important. We could go to jail. 1478 01:04:09,012 --> 01:04:11,580 - Okay, sorry. I'll-I'll close my eyes and just concentrate. 1479 01:04:11,582 --> 01:04:12,547 - That's fine. Can you hear me better now? 1480 01:04:12,549 --> 01:04:13,982 - Mm hmm. - Fantastic. 1481 01:04:13,984 --> 01:04:16,885 - It's like Stevie Wonder, how he-he has dog hearing. 1482 01:04:16,887 --> 01:04:18,186 - He doesn't have dog hearing. Dog hearing... 1483 01:04:18,188 --> 01:04:19,921 - Stevie Wonder does have dog hearing. 1484 01:04:19,923 --> 01:04:21,056 - What? 1485 01:04:21,058 --> 01:04:22,057 - Are you gonna close your eyes too, or... 1486 01:04:22,059 --> 01:04:22,858 - No, he doesn't have to. - Okay. 1487 01:04:22,860 --> 01:04:24,492 - Chad? - Go. 1488 01:04:24,494 --> 01:04:26,228 - That's when you're gonna wait for my radio confirmation. 1489 01:04:26,230 --> 01:04:27,362 What are you gonna do? 1490 01:04:27,364 --> 01:04:28,396 - Wait for your radio confirmation. 1491 01:04:28,398 --> 01:04:30,498 [Walkie talkie] All clear. 1492 01:04:30,500 --> 01:04:31,733 Next you're gonna take the bolt cutter. 1493 01:04:31,735 --> 01:04:33,902 Cut that padlock that's on the hatch. 1494 01:04:33,904 --> 01:04:37,505 There is absolutely no alarm on it. You'll be safe. 1495 01:04:37,507 --> 01:04:39,841 Once you're down, you have about five minutes. 1496 01:04:39,843 --> 01:04:41,710 Open the cash, like, throw it around a little bit. 1497 01:04:41,712 --> 01:04:44,246 Rough the place up enough to look like you were doing a robbery, 1498 01:04:44,248 --> 01:04:47,048 but you got interrupted in the process, and you had to jet. 1499 01:04:48,851 --> 01:04:53,321 That's when you go right back up through that hatch. K? 1500 01:04:53,323 --> 01:04:54,356 That's the plan. 1501 01:04:54,358 --> 01:04:56,391 - K, I'm gonna open my eyes now. 1502 01:04:56,393 --> 01:04:58,193 - Nice. - Nice. 1503 01:04:58,195 --> 01:05:00,595 - So when we're finished we just split the money, 33, 33... 1504 01:05:00,597 --> 01:05:02,330 - Oh my god! - Holy shit, Chad. 1505 01:05:02,332 --> 01:05:03,431 Holy shit, Chad. 1506 01:05:03,433 --> 01:05:05,400 - Chad, if you take something from this place, 1507 01:05:05,402 --> 01:05:06,601 I'll kill you. 1508 01:05:06,603 --> 01:05:08,970 - Oh that's... very Sugar in the Raw of you. 1509 01:05:08,972 --> 01:05:10,906 - Chad, stop, stop. 1510 01:05:10,908 --> 01:05:13,041 You're not gonna take any money, right Chad? 1511 01:05:13,043 --> 01:05:14,075 - My lips are zipped. 1512 01:05:14,077 --> 01:05:15,977 - You said this whole thing is a secret! 1513 01:05:15,979 --> 01:05:17,212 It's out in the open, it's a secret... 1514 01:05:17,214 --> 01:05:18,246 - That's fine, that's fine. 1515 01:05:18,248 --> 01:05:21,516 Just tell me you're not gonna take any money. 1516 01:05:21,518 --> 01:05:22,918 Don't cover your eyes! Don't cover your eyes. 1517 01:05:22,920 --> 01:05:24,920 - It's got nothing to do with that. - Don't cover your eyes. 1518 01:05:24,922 --> 01:05:26,421 Just say you're not gonna ta- Watch this. 1519 01:05:26,423 --> 01:05:27,722 Will, are you gonna take any money? 1520 01:05:27,724 --> 01:05:29,491 - I promise I'm not taking any money. 1521 01:05:29,493 --> 01:05:30,558 - Chad, are you gonna take any money? 1522 01:05:30,560 --> 01:05:31,826 - Okay, whatever. - Don't take your hands. 1523 01:05:31,828 --> 01:05:32,928 Promise you're not gonna take any money. 1524 01:05:32,930 --> 01:05:33,828 - I promise I won't take any money. 1525 01:05:33,830 --> 01:05:35,397 - Thank you. Do you swear? 1526 01:05:35,399 --> 01:05:36,598 - I-I swear. 1527 01:05:36,600 --> 01:05:37,532 - Okay, that's it. 1528 01:05:37,534 --> 01:05:42,103 Which I will fax over to Coffee Town corporate office. 1529 01:05:42,105 --> 01:05:43,471 We did it, guys. 1530 01:05:44,540 --> 01:05:45,974 - Alright, so, we'll meet here at 1 a.m. 1531 01:05:45,976 --> 01:05:47,976 Alright, got it? 1 a.m.! - Mm hmm. 1532 01:05:47,978 --> 01:05:51,746 - 1 a.m.? That's late. You guys stay up that late? 1533 01:05:51,748 --> 01:05:53,882 - Hey! - Hey, buddy! What's up? 1534 01:05:53,884 --> 01:05:55,083 - OH! 1535 01:05:55,085 --> 01:05:57,385 - Okay, yeah. We reuse paper at the station. 1536 01:05:57,387 --> 01:05:58,420 - Good, good. 1537 01:05:58,422 --> 01:05:59,754 - I don't stay up that late. 1538 01:05:59,756 --> 01:06:01,656 - No, normally we don't either, it's just a... 1539 01:06:01,658 --> 01:06:03,258 special occasion. 1540 01:06:03,260 --> 01:06:05,493 Special occasion comin' up. - We're havin' a party. 1541 01:06:05,495 --> 01:06:06,795 - Chad. - Chad, yeah. 1542 01:06:07,396 --> 01:06:08,663 - It's your birthday? - No. 1543 01:06:08,665 --> 01:06:10,332 - Yep! - Yes. 1544 01:06:10,334 --> 01:06:11,700 - Yeah yeah. I'm 56. 1545 01:06:11,702 --> 01:06:12,767 - 56. - How 'bout that. 1546 01:06:12,769 --> 01:06:15,537 - 56 already 56. - You wouldn't think. 1547 01:06:15,539 --> 01:06:17,372 - Oooooooooh. 1548 01:06:17,374 --> 01:06:21,409 ♪ Have a happy birthday ♪ 1549 01:06:21,411 --> 01:06:25,080 ♪ Have.. A... happy birthday... ♪ 1550 01:06:25,082 --> 01:06:29,884 ♪ Have a happy birthdaaaaay ♪ 1551 01:06:29,886 --> 01:06:32,487 - Fuckin Phil, get outta here! 1552 01:06:32,489 --> 01:06:33,555 - Get outta here, Phil. 1553 01:06:34,490 --> 01:06:35,890 - You know better than that, Phil. 1554 01:06:36,926 --> 01:06:44,132 ♪ Haaave a happy birthday to Chaaad ♪ 1555 01:06:47,203 --> 01:06:51,139 - Thank you, thank you. I'm, uh... 56! 1556 01:06:51,141 --> 01:06:52,240 - 56. 1557 01:06:57,847 --> 01:06:59,547 - I left Coffee Town early. 1558 01:06:59,549 --> 01:07:02,317 Too nervous about that night to let Becca see me. 1559 01:07:04,086 --> 01:07:06,321 Instead, I sat at the park. 1560 01:07:07,590 --> 01:07:08,923 The thought of a future in prison 1561 01:07:08,925 --> 01:07:12,227 made an afternoon with nature seem pretty nice. 1562 01:07:14,263 --> 01:07:18,433 But, it turned out to be more like prison than nature. 1563 01:07:20,503 --> 01:07:24,472 And finally... the time had come to put our plan in motion. 1564 01:07:32,715 --> 01:07:35,650 And things started off flawlessly. 1565 01:07:37,420 --> 01:07:39,754 Shit. 1566 01:07:40,423 --> 01:07:43,058 Hey pal... hey buddy... 1567 01:07:43,060 --> 01:07:45,627 Wake up, I got some beer for ya. Want some beer? 1568 01:07:49,665 --> 01:07:51,166 - YA! Don't kill me! Don't kill me! - Oh, whoa whoa. 1569 01:07:51,168 --> 01:07:52,867 Hey, I was just trying to give you some beer. 1570 01:07:52,869 --> 01:07:55,403 Hey hey! Calm down, calm down, man. Shh shhhh. 1571 01:07:55,405 --> 01:07:56,504 Just trying to give you some beer, man. 1572 01:07:56,506 --> 01:07:57,672 You look thirsty... oh... 1573 01:07:59,208 --> 01:08:02,510 [sigh] Okay, ok ok ok, listen, I'll make it up to you, um... 1574 01:08:02,512 --> 01:08:04,079 Let me put you up in a hotel for the night. 1575 01:08:04,081 --> 01:08:06,481 - Naw, I don't sleep in hotels. 1576 01:08:06,483 --> 01:08:08,249 Bed bugs. 1577 01:08:13,589 --> 01:08:15,190 - Okay, so, here we are. Um. 1578 01:08:15,192 --> 01:08:18,860 I've got some plans tonight, but you can sleep on the couch. 1579 01:08:18,862 --> 01:08:22,697 - I don't sleep on couches... couch bugs. 1580 01:08:22,699 --> 01:08:25,400 - Couch bugs? What the hell's a couch bug? 1581 01:08:25,402 --> 01:08:26,434 Where ya goin'? 1582 01:08:26,436 --> 01:08:28,269 Oh come on, man. 1583 01:08:28,271 --> 01:08:30,705 Dude, oh... 1584 01:08:30,707 --> 01:08:33,508 No no, c'mon, that's my bed! 1585 01:08:34,910 --> 01:08:36,311 Aw fuck! 1586 01:08:36,645 --> 01:08:37,979 [Whispering] Chad. 1587 01:08:41,917 --> 01:08:43,218 Chad! 1588 01:08:43,220 --> 01:08:46,087 - I'M GONNA KILL YOU MOTHER FUCKER! 1589 01:08:46,089 --> 01:08:48,189 - Shut the fuck up! Shut the fuck up. 1590 01:08:48,191 --> 01:08:49,757 Don't do that, man. That's not cool. 1591 01:08:49,759 --> 01:08:52,060 - Look, it's me. It's Chad! 1592 01:08:52,062 --> 01:08:54,596 - Yeah, I know it's you. Nice kitty shirt. 1593 01:08:54,598 --> 01:08:56,064 - I look awesome, huh? - Yeah. 1594 01:08:56,066 --> 01:08:58,600 - I just wish I had some black paint around my eyes, 1595 01:08:58,602 --> 01:09:00,502 you know, like, uh, like Batman. 1596 01:09:00,504 --> 01:09:04,072 Isn't that weird... that Batman wears makeup? 1597 01:09:04,074 --> 01:09:06,207 You know, like, you go out and you kick ass all night. 1598 01:09:06,209 --> 01:09:07,542 You come home, take off your cowl, 1599 01:09:07,544 --> 01:09:09,077 and you're just a dude in eyeshadow. 1600 01:09:09,079 --> 01:09:10,578 - This is a very interesting conversation, Chad, 1601 01:09:10,580 --> 01:09:11,813 can we have it later? 1602 01:09:11,815 --> 01:09:13,915 - Okay, like, tomorrow? 1603 01:09:14,750 --> 01:09:16,684 - Yeah, tomorrow. We'll have it tomorrow. 1604 01:09:16,686 --> 01:09:17,685 Where's my mask? C'mon. 1605 01:09:17,687 --> 01:09:19,654 - Ah, I only had one, dude. 1606 01:09:19,656 --> 01:09:22,357 - You were supposed to bring the disguises. 1607 01:09:22,359 --> 01:09:24,159 - I made you this! 1608 01:09:25,427 --> 01:09:26,394 - That's a sock. 1609 01:09:26,396 --> 01:09:27,695 - It'll stretch. 1610 01:09:27,697 --> 01:09:29,397 - I'm not concerned about the fit! [Dog barking] 1611 01:09:29,399 --> 01:09:31,733 - This is not a fashion show, mother fucker! 1612 01:09:31,735 --> 01:09:33,668 We are knockin' over a coffee store! 1613 01:09:33,670 --> 01:09:35,036 - Alright alright, don't say "knocking over" 1614 01:09:35,038 --> 01:09:37,071 or you make us sound like thugs. - I wanna be a thug! 1615 01:09:37,073 --> 01:09:40,308 I didn't load up my iPhone with Kanye just so I could go jogging. 1616 01:09:40,310 --> 01:09:42,810 Oh crap, the one with Rihanna's on. 1617 01:09:42,812 --> 01:09:44,379 - Oh, fuck. - That one is for jogging. 1618 01:09:44,381 --> 01:09:47,515 Okay, great. You know what? I'm doing this by myself. 1619 01:09:47,517 --> 01:09:50,919 - No! We are in this together. 1620 01:09:51,820 --> 01:09:53,888 Now put your sock on. 1621 01:09:59,595 --> 01:10:00,662 - It's a sock. 1622 01:10:00,664 --> 01:10:03,898 - It's just a sock. - Really.... god. 1623 01:10:03,900 --> 01:10:06,000 Jesus Christ. 1624 01:10:08,837 --> 01:10:10,238 You didn't make me a mouth hole? 1625 01:10:10,240 --> 01:10:11,406 - You're not gonna eat in it! 1626 01:10:13,809 --> 01:10:15,543 - Oh, you look like that rabbit from "Life in Hell". 1627 01:10:15,545 --> 01:10:18,179 You know, the-the rabbit... from the Simpsons guy. 1628 01:10:18,181 --> 01:10:20,748 - Will you just shut the fuck up!? Just shut the fuck up. 1629 01:10:20,750 --> 01:10:22,483 - I'm just sayin' who you look like. 1630 01:10:35,431 --> 01:10:37,332 [Grunt] 1631 01:10:40,769 --> 01:10:42,604 [loud voice on walkie talkie] - Are you guys in position yet? 1632 01:10:42,606 --> 01:10:44,105 - What the fuck is that? 1633 01:10:44,107 --> 01:10:46,507 - It's Gino, we only had Spiderman walkie talkies 1634 01:10:46,509 --> 01:10:48,209 so he sounds like the Green Goblin. 1635 01:10:48,211 --> 01:10:50,511 - So, we gotta talk to each other like Green Goblin all night? 1636 01:10:50,513 --> 01:10:51,579 - No. Just him. 1637 01:10:51,581 --> 01:10:53,548 - You guys sound like Spiderman. 1638 01:10:53,550 --> 01:10:55,483 - Why aren't we just using our cellphones? 1639 01:10:57,019 --> 01:10:59,220 - Why don't we just use our cellphones? 1640 01:11:00,389 --> 01:11:02,223 [Phone rings] 1641 01:11:03,492 --> 01:11:05,760 - Hello? - Yeah, this is way better. 1642 01:11:05,762 --> 01:11:07,495 Keep it on vibrate, though. 1643 01:11:07,497 --> 01:11:08,563 - Okay, fine. 1644 01:11:08,565 --> 01:11:09,897 - Why do you sound so weird? 1645 01:11:09,899 --> 01:11:11,766 - Chad didn't cut me out a mouth hole. 1646 01:11:11,768 --> 01:11:14,435 - Why do you need a mouth hole? You're not gonna eat in it. 1647 01:11:14,437 --> 01:11:16,504 - Oh come-come on, what's the deal? 1648 01:11:16,506 --> 01:11:17,705 - The street is clear. 1649 01:11:17,707 --> 01:11:18,940 You guys can go in. 1650 01:11:18,942 --> 01:11:20,008 - Copy that. Goin' in. 1651 01:11:20,010 --> 01:11:21,342 - Goin' in? - Goin' in! 1652 01:11:21,344 --> 01:11:23,745 - Okay, wait. I'm gonna put on the 8 Mile soundtrack. 1653 01:11:23,747 --> 01:11:25,079 - Don't put anything on, Chad! 1654 01:11:25,081 --> 01:11:26,814 - Those are-what are you-oh fuck! 1655 01:11:26,816 --> 01:11:28,416 Those are my headphones! 1656 01:11:28,418 --> 01:11:30,985 - I need you listening! Now go! You've got the rope, so go. 1657 01:11:30,987 --> 01:11:33,087 - Okay. Go time. 1658 01:11:34,690 --> 01:11:36,958 Oh... What the hell? 1659 01:11:39,028 --> 01:11:42,096 God dammit... ugh! 1660 01:11:42,098 --> 01:11:45,600 - Why aren't you wearing... This was on your foot!? 1661 01:11:45,602 --> 01:11:47,502 - It's clean! - No it's not clean, Chad, 1662 01:11:47,504 --> 01:11:49,837 if it came off your foot. Because it was on your foot! 1663 01:11:49,839 --> 01:11:52,206 - I barely walked anywhere today. 1664 01:11:52,208 --> 01:11:55,910 - You wore it all day!? Jesus Christ! 1665 01:11:55,912 --> 01:11:57,979 - Now this other sock is worthless! 1666 01:11:57,981 --> 01:12:01,349 - I'm wearin' this. - No. 1667 01:12:01,351 --> 01:12:02,717 - Come here you mother fucker. 1668 01:12:02,719 --> 01:12:05,153 - You mother fucker! - You mother fucker! 1669 01:12:05,155 --> 01:12:06,487 - Get back here! - You asshole! 1670 01:12:06,489 --> 01:12:08,189 - We shouldn't me fighting amongst ourselves! 1671 01:12:08,191 --> 01:12:10,525 This is what they want! This is what they want! 1672 01:12:10,527 --> 01:12:12,527 [Cellphone game music] 1673 01:12:12,529 --> 01:12:13,461 [grunt] 1674 01:12:18,534 --> 01:12:19,500 - Sorry. 1675 01:12:30,346 --> 01:12:32,246 - What the fuck are you doing? Just go around! 1676 01:12:41,857 --> 01:12:43,157 - Dude! 1677 01:12:45,060 --> 01:12:47,595 It's just a bear. 1678 01:12:47,597 --> 01:12:48,996 - Sorry, okay. 1679 01:12:51,600 --> 01:12:52,567 [Gasp] 1680 01:12:52,569 --> 01:12:53,601 - What? 1681 01:12:53,603 --> 01:12:55,937 - The cash register's open and empty! 1682 01:12:55,939 --> 01:12:56,804 - What!? 1683 01:13:04,480 --> 01:13:05,546 - Holy shit! 1684 01:13:05,548 --> 01:13:07,582 - We gotta go, we gotta go! 1685 01:13:22,598 --> 01:13:26,167 - We're gonna go to prison! Fuck. 1686 01:13:26,169 --> 01:13:28,569 - Please stop holding my hand. 1687 01:13:28,571 --> 01:13:30,037 [Sound of the bathroom door opening] 1688 01:13:30,039 --> 01:13:33,441 [footsteps] 1689 01:13:34,943 --> 01:13:36,744 [cellphone vibrating] 1690 01:13:42,384 --> 01:13:45,586 [Gino on walkie talkie] Why aren't you answering your phone? 1691 01:13:51,927 --> 01:13:53,494 - Aaaah! - Aah! Aah! Aah!! 1692 01:13:53,496 --> 01:13:55,430 - Don't hit us! It's us! 1693 01:13:55,432 --> 01:13:58,399 Please Sam, Sam, Sam! It's us! It's us! It's us. 1694 01:14:00,903 --> 01:14:03,404 - What are you-what are you doing? 1695 01:14:03,406 --> 01:14:04,739 - What are YOU do... 1696 01:14:05,607 --> 01:14:06,741 You're robbing the store? 1697 01:14:06,743 --> 01:14:08,075 - So are you! 1698 01:14:08,077 --> 01:14:10,645 - No no no, we were just pretending to rob the store. 1699 01:14:10,647 --> 01:14:11,979 - What!? - It's complicated. 1700 01:14:11,981 --> 01:14:14,315 Look look look, let's just split the cash. 1701 01:14:14,317 --> 01:14:16,484 - We're not taking any cash! 1702 01:14:16,486 --> 01:14:17,685 - He's taking cash! 1703 01:14:17,687 --> 01:14:20,221 - I have to, okay? Thanks to dick-head here, 1704 01:14:20,223 --> 01:14:21,589 my band lost our gig. - Oh pff. 1705 01:14:21,591 --> 01:14:23,724 - You think I could survive on shitty Coffee Town tips alone? 1706 01:14:23,726 --> 01:14:25,993 - Well, you would be able to if you'd stop looking away 1707 01:14:25,995 --> 01:14:27,495 every single time somebody tries to tip you! 1708 01:14:27,497 --> 01:14:29,897 - It's cuz it makes me feel LIKE A WHORE! 1709 01:14:29,899 --> 01:14:31,399 - Well then, get a different job! 1710 01:14:31,401 --> 01:14:33,234 - I had another job. You made me lose it! 1711 01:14:33,236 --> 01:14:36,170 - Oh psh, yeah right. You think U2 would lose a gig 1712 01:14:36,172 --> 01:14:37,538 just because somebody danced weird? 1713 01:14:37,540 --> 01:14:40,208 No. Because they're a good band, Sam. 1714 01:14:40,210 --> 01:14:43,277 You wrote a fuckin' song about cappuccino foam. 1715 01:14:43,279 --> 01:14:45,580 - It's about Becca! 1716 01:14:45,582 --> 01:14:47,181 - How is that about Becca? 1717 01:14:47,183 --> 01:14:51,652 - She's the stirrer... and my heart is the foam... 1718 01:14:51,654 --> 01:14:53,387 Whatever, man, you know what, let's just get out of here. 1719 01:14:53,389 --> 01:14:54,755 Okay? I'll put the money back. 1720 01:14:54,757 --> 01:14:56,390 [Pounding on the door] 1721 01:14:59,027 --> 01:15:00,094 - Hey! 1722 01:15:00,096 --> 01:15:01,429 - Oh no, he's gonna set off the alarm. 1723 01:15:01,431 --> 01:15:02,597 - No no, Toby! No no! 1724 01:15:02,599 --> 01:15:03,531 [Alarm blaring] 1725 01:15:03,533 --> 01:15:05,099 - RUN! - Oh fuck FUCK! 1726 01:15:05,101 --> 01:15:07,535 What are you doing? What are you doing!? 1727 01:15:07,537 --> 01:15:08,569 - Fuck! 1728 01:15:08,571 --> 01:15:12,473 Just use the front door, the alarm's already going off! 1729 01:15:16,612 --> 01:15:17,678 Get the fucking key! 1730 01:15:17,680 --> 01:15:20,381 - I don't know where it is! Get it! Get it! 1731 01:15:20,383 --> 01:15:22,517 - Where's the fucking key? Where's the fucking key!? 1732 01:15:22,519 --> 01:15:24,352 - It's a cargo jacket! I don't know! 1733 01:15:24,354 --> 01:15:26,420 [Dispatch on police radio] Alarm reported at 225 Boyer. 1734 01:15:26,422 --> 01:15:28,389 - Unit 69 responding. 1735 01:15:28,391 --> 01:15:30,925 [On the radio] 84 responding. 57 en route. 1736 01:15:30,927 --> 01:15:32,760 Unit 33 on the way. 42 responding. 1737 01:15:32,762 --> 01:15:34,428 - Fucking Tuesdays! 1738 01:15:34,430 --> 01:15:36,230 [Siren] 1739 01:15:37,900 --> 01:15:40,835 - Okay, Toby, we're gonna move the party somewhere else, alright pal? 1740 01:15:40,837 --> 01:15:42,203 - Why is that alarm going off? 1741 01:15:42,205 --> 01:15:44,639 - No time to talk about that, we gotta go. Oh shit! 1742 01:15:47,009 --> 01:15:49,243 - On the ground! 1743 01:15:49,245 --> 01:15:51,345 Everybody on the ground! 1744 01:15:52,180 --> 01:15:55,516 Now put your right hand behind your back! 1745 01:15:55,518 --> 01:15:57,218 Left hand, back! 1746 01:15:57,220 --> 01:15:58,252 - Do it! Do what he says! 1747 01:15:58,254 --> 01:15:59,153 - I am doing it, I am doing it! 1748 01:15:59,155 --> 01:16:00,488 - Don't move! 1749 01:16:00,490 --> 01:16:02,557 - I don't wanna go to prison! 1750 01:16:09,598 --> 01:16:11,399 - Listen up. 1751 01:16:11,401 --> 01:16:14,335 I'm gonna ask you this once... 1752 01:16:14,337 --> 01:16:15,303 What happened here? 1753 01:16:16,905 --> 01:16:19,373 - I'll admit... I'm one of those guys who only prays 1754 01:16:19,375 --> 01:16:22,410 at football games and craps tables. 1755 01:16:22,412 --> 01:16:27,315 But right then... I was asking for any help I could get. 1756 01:16:27,317 --> 01:16:29,850 And then the strangest thing happened... 1757 01:16:29,852 --> 01:16:34,422 A savior appeared. And he had Down syndrome. 1758 01:16:34,424 --> 01:16:36,891 - I wanted my chocolate milk! 1759 01:16:36,893 --> 01:16:39,794 They tried to stop me from getting my chocolate milk! 1760 01:16:54,743 --> 01:16:56,711 - But like every silver lining, 1761 01:16:56,713 --> 01:16:59,814 it only frames a cloud full of lightning that kills people. 1762 01:16:59,816 --> 01:17:03,384 - Okay guys, I see no reason to file a report on this. 1763 01:17:03,386 --> 01:17:04,518 - No report? 1764 01:17:04,520 --> 01:17:06,887 - Nah. They're actually trying to convert this place 1765 01:17:06,889 --> 01:17:09,323 into some kind of bistro lounge. 1766 01:17:09,325 --> 01:17:10,858 Gotta admit, it would be pretty sweet to have a place 1767 01:17:10,860 --> 01:17:13,661 to go grab a drink with the guys after our shift. 1768 01:17:16,565 --> 01:17:18,432 - Yeah... 1769 01:17:18,434 --> 01:17:21,902 - Well, I'll swing by in the morning and explain it all to the manager. 1770 01:17:21,904 --> 01:17:23,671 Get this kid home safe. 1771 01:17:23,673 --> 01:17:25,973 And uh, get him some chocolate milk. 1772 01:17:29,177 --> 01:17:30,511 - Retard. 1773 01:17:32,681 --> 01:17:35,182 - And something they don't tell you when you get struck by lightning... 1774 01:17:35,184 --> 01:17:37,952 you also shit your pants. 1775 01:17:39,421 --> 01:17:41,455 And that's life. 1776 01:17:42,391 --> 01:17:43,991 You lose. 1777 01:17:49,231 --> 01:17:50,998 The world evolves... 1778 01:17:52,401 --> 01:17:54,568 and you can't stop it. 1779 01:17:57,172 --> 01:18:00,508 You're just a passenger like everybody else... 1780 01:18:00,510 --> 01:18:04,512 sitting on a rock, spinning through space, 1781 01:18:04,514 --> 01:18:08,516 watching everything around you change. 1782 01:18:10,419 --> 01:18:13,788 No matter how much you wish it would stay the same. 1783 01:18:16,591 --> 01:18:21,762 - When you think about it... being straight is gay. 1784 01:18:24,399 --> 01:18:25,433 - What did you say? 1785 01:18:25,435 --> 01:18:30,571 - I said, do you wanna play chase? 1786 01:18:34,609 --> 01:18:36,777 - So you accept it. 1787 01:18:44,586 --> 01:18:46,887 Because there's no karma... 1788 01:18:46,889 --> 01:18:50,591 No reason to be a good person and play by the rules. 1789 01:18:50,593 --> 01:18:52,693 Hey, look guys. I opened the door for you, 1790 01:18:52,695 --> 01:18:54,995 so really I should be ahead of you in the line. 1791 01:18:54,997 --> 01:18:58,232 Just take what's yours and fuck what people think. 1792 01:18:58,234 --> 01:19:00,868 Because no fictional force is gonna punish you... 1793 01:19:00,870 --> 01:19:01,836 [gunshot] 1794 01:19:37,572 --> 01:19:39,507 I guess this is the point where you realize. 1795 01:19:39,509 --> 01:19:41,142 I've been narrating this from the dead. 1796 01:19:42,511 --> 01:19:45,146 And your friend acts like he knew it all along. 1797 01:19:46,748 --> 01:19:48,015 Well... 1798 01:19:48,017 --> 01:19:49,150 Your friend is an idiot. 1799 01:19:49,152 --> 01:19:50,217 - Hey. 1800 01:19:50,219 --> 01:19:52,720 - Because dead people can't talk. 1801 01:19:52,722 --> 01:19:54,455 - Welcome back. 1802 01:19:58,260 --> 01:19:59,260 - Hey... 1803 01:20:00,595 --> 01:20:04,064 - I called your parents, and, uh, they're flying in. 1804 01:20:06,268 --> 01:20:08,469 - Was it a drive-by? - Yes. 1805 01:20:09,437 --> 01:20:11,672 Doctors say you're gonna be okay. 1806 01:20:11,674 --> 01:20:13,507 I made sure one worked on you, 1807 01:20:13,509 --> 01:20:16,343 even though a trauma nurse called dibs. 1808 01:20:16,345 --> 01:20:18,345 Wanda... she's... 1809 01:20:18,347 --> 01:20:19,213 It's like a death sentence, 1810 01:20:19,215 --> 01:20:21,015 she mainly just kills people. 1811 01:20:25,487 --> 01:20:27,721 - Is there a catheter in me? 1812 01:20:27,723 --> 01:20:29,824 - I used the smallest size... 1813 01:20:31,726 --> 01:20:33,561 because it's the least painful. 1814 01:20:33,563 --> 01:20:35,095 It has nothing to do with penis size, 1815 01:20:35,097 --> 01:20:36,430 you have a normal penis... 1816 01:20:36,432 --> 01:20:40,401 when it's... you know, not... burned by a laptop. 1817 01:20:40,403 --> 01:20:43,904 - I mean, I can always jam the big one in there 1818 01:20:43,906 --> 01:20:45,406 if it'll make you feel better. 1819 01:20:45,408 --> 01:20:47,575 - I will stick with the small one, okay? 1820 01:20:47,577 --> 01:20:50,244 - You sure? - Yeah, please. 1821 01:20:50,246 --> 01:20:52,947 Thanks, though. - Any time. 1822 01:20:52,949 --> 01:20:54,949 - Heeeeey! 1823 01:20:54,951 --> 01:20:57,151 - I can't believe you are not dead. You were on the news. 1824 01:20:57,153 --> 01:20:58,519 You're like a celebrity. 1825 01:20:58,521 --> 01:21:02,323 There was blood all the way to the muffin counter, man. 1826 01:21:02,325 --> 01:21:04,458 - That's kinda cool. 1827 01:21:06,528 --> 01:21:08,929 - I'll check back in on ya in a bit, okay? 1828 01:21:10,265 --> 01:21:11,532 - Okay, yeah. 1829 01:21:11,534 --> 01:21:14,835 - Hey! No, no. - Yeah, I was gonna just... 1830 01:21:14,837 --> 01:21:19,240 - Hey, look what I got for you. A little memento. 1831 01:21:20,609 --> 01:21:23,577 - Um, I think I was only shot once. 1832 01:21:23,579 --> 01:21:24,879 - Oh no, these aren't from you. 1833 01:21:24,881 --> 01:21:26,714 These are from the kid who shot you. 1834 01:21:26,716 --> 01:21:28,515 A couple minutes later, we all catch up to him. 1835 01:21:28,517 --> 01:21:30,017 The entire department just unloads on him, 1836 01:21:30,019 --> 01:21:31,986 takes out their gun, emptying clips like the wild west, 1837 01:21:31,988 --> 01:21:32,987 like BRRRAGAGAGAGA! 1838 01:21:32,989 --> 01:21:35,923 Smoke all over the place. - Helicopters. 1839 01:21:35,925 --> 01:21:39,226 - Wh-wait, no. I don't think it was a kid. 1840 01:21:39,228 --> 01:21:44,498 I feel like I saw... like... an older Latina lady. 1841 01:21:50,238 --> 01:21:53,507 - You know, they said, uh, technically you were dead for a minute. 1842 01:21:53,509 --> 01:21:54,408 [Equipment beeping] 1843 01:21:54,410 --> 01:21:55,409 - What are you doing? 1844 01:21:55,411 --> 01:21:57,044 - You-you don't need that.. 1845 01:21:57,046 --> 01:21:58,512 So, what did you see when you died? 1846 01:21:58,514 --> 01:22:01,715 - Hmm... just a long hallway. 1847 01:22:01,717 --> 01:22:04,285 - How long we talkin'? - Yeah, like 50 feet? 1848 01:22:04,287 --> 01:22:06,854 - I didn't measure it. - Do you think it was heaven? 1849 01:22:06,856 --> 01:22:08,989 - Aw, you think? Why would God put in a hallway? 1850 01:22:08,991 --> 01:22:10,357 It's kinda shitty architecture 1851 01:22:10,359 --> 01:22:12,326 for the most powerful being in the universe, right? 1852 01:22:12,328 --> 01:22:14,728 - Yeah, heaven should have looked at least as good as the Bellagio, right? 1853 01:22:14,730 --> 01:22:18,565 - I agree, which makes me think... you think it was hell? 1854 01:22:18,567 --> 01:22:21,402 - Ooh, but would hell have a hallway? 1855 01:22:21,404 --> 01:22:23,404 - I think hell would. Absolutely. 1856 01:22:23,406 --> 01:22:24,605 Just to fuck with you. 1857 01:22:24,607 --> 01:22:25,940 - How long do you think that hallway would be? 1858 01:22:25,942 --> 01:22:27,207 Like, 50 feet? 1859 01:22:27,209 --> 01:22:28,842 - No, why do you keep thinking it's 50 feet? 1860 01:22:28,844 --> 01:22:31,045 - I just think that's enough time for you to anticipate 1861 01:22:31,047 --> 01:22:33,113 what's gonna happen when you open the door. 1862 01:22:33,115 --> 01:22:34,581 - And what happens when you open the door? 1863 01:22:34,583 --> 01:22:36,550 - The Devil... - Stop, it's not the D... 1864 01:22:36,552 --> 01:22:38,519 - Did you see the Devil? - No. 1865 01:22:38,521 --> 01:22:40,721 - Will, did you see the Devil? 1866 01:22:40,723 --> 01:22:42,890 - So, maybe karma is real... 1867 01:22:42,892 --> 01:22:44,425 Maybe if you cut in front of a line, 1868 01:22:44,427 --> 01:22:46,527 you get shot in the chest. 1869 01:22:46,529 --> 01:22:49,063 Or maybe bad things happen randomly. 1870 01:22:50,432 --> 01:22:52,399 Just like good things do. 1871 01:22:57,172 --> 01:22:59,340 - I really wish you would reconsider. 1872 01:22:59,342 --> 01:23:02,576 A- a drive-by could happen at any location. 1873 01:23:07,449 --> 01:23:11,085 - But either way... I think it's better to just focus 1874 01:23:11,087 --> 01:23:13,954 on the things we can change ourselves. 1875 01:23:15,490 --> 01:23:17,424 - It's gonna be so weird operating on cadavers 1876 01:23:17,426 --> 01:23:18,592 instead of real people. 1877 01:23:18,594 --> 01:23:20,160 So much less resistance. 1878 01:23:22,897 --> 01:23:24,531 - Hey can I have your muffin? 1879 01:23:24,533 --> 01:23:25,566 I need to print this. 1880 01:23:25,568 --> 01:23:27,368 - Of course. 1881 01:23:27,370 --> 01:23:30,504 - And let karma deal with everybody else. 1882 01:23:34,109 --> 01:23:35,609 - Get out. 1883 01:23:38,346 --> 01:23:39,913 - No. 1884 01:23:47,188 --> 01:23:50,057 [♪ T-Pain: "Bang Bang Pow Pow"] 1885 01:24:14,182 --> 01:24:17,551 - Less... Is More... shoots more. 1886 01:24:17,553 --> 01:24:19,353 - Yeah, with less. - Yeah. 1887 01:24:19,355 --> 01:24:21,155 - Oh you know what, you can get them to be dressed up 1888 01:24:21,157 --> 01:24:22,489 like a regular heighted person. 1889 01:24:22,491 --> 01:24:23,524 So you have five of them in one trench coat, 1890 01:24:23,526 --> 01:24:24,825 and them just going to town. 1891 01:24:24,827 --> 01:24:26,693 But then their dicks are just hitting, like, belly buttons, 1892 01:24:26,695 --> 01:24:29,329 and nipples, and faces, and stuff like that. 1893 01:24:29,331 --> 01:24:30,497 - Oh... 1894 01:24:30,499 --> 01:24:31,432 - Would you watch midget porn? 1895 01:24:31,434 --> 01:24:33,901 - Oh... Would I? I do. 1896 01:24:36,604 --> 01:24:39,573 [♪ The Wellspring: "Stir"] 1896 01:24:40,305 --> 01:24:46,899 Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/w34r Help other users to choose the best subtitles143063