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Zulu

Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 2 00:01:35,603 --> 00:01:40,603 3 00:02:06,950 --> 00:02:09,753 Tyrone. What blend is that bag? 4 00:02:10,854 --> 00:02:12,955 Winter. Oh, shit. 5 00:02:12,957 --> 00:02:14,957 Sorry, Shane. 6 00:02:14,959 --> 00:02:18,127 Please, pay better attention. 7 00:02:18,129 --> 00:02:21,196 It's just we never had a mid-winter blend before, 8 00:02:21,198 --> 00:02:23,665 and it's, like, why and who cares? 9 00:02:23,667 --> 00:02:26,036 I can't think about that, Tyrone, and neither should you. 10 00:02:28,939 --> 00:02:32,740 - Good morning, Lulu. - Good morning, Carl. 11 00:02:32,742 --> 00:02:35,211 Hey, Lulu. Check this out. 12 00:02:44,654 --> 00:02:46,521 Are you break-dancing, Carl? 13 00:02:46,523 --> 00:02:49,257 Yes. It's... body popping. 14 00:02:49,259 --> 00:02:51,893 [Shane] Ice! No dancing! 15 00:02:51,895 --> 00:02:53,663 Get back to work. 16 00:02:56,032 --> 00:02:57,801 [door bells jingling] 17 00:03:01,973 --> 00:03:03,473 Excuse me. 18 00:03:04,741 --> 00:03:06,076 Excuse me? 19 00:03:09,879 --> 00:03:11,848 May I have a large cappuccino, please? 20 00:03:13,550 --> 00:03:15,085 [coins clinking] 21 00:03:16,552 --> 00:03:18,554 [cash register dings] 22 00:03:22,624 --> 00:03:25,560 Here you go, sir. One large cappuccino. 23 00:03:25,562 --> 00:03:27,862 Thank you. Is Mr. Danger here? 24 00:03:27,864 --> 00:03:29,866 Yeah, hang on a second. 25 00:03:38,308 --> 00:03:42,043 Hi. Shane Danger, Manager. 26 00:03:42,045 --> 00:03:44,345 Mr. Danger, I'm Barry Ofeld 27 00:03:44,347 --> 00:03:46,682 with Human Resources from our corporate office. 28 00:03:48,052 --> 00:03:50,720 Is there somewhere we can speak in private? 29 00:03:56,092 --> 00:04:01,062 The reason for my visit is the company is in the process of scaling back operations. 30 00:04:01,064 --> 00:04:04,300 This means making across-the-board personnel cuts, Mr. Danger. 31 00:04:05,935 --> 00:04:06,968 Oh. 32 00:04:06,970 --> 00:04:08,602 Unfortunately, we must ask you 33 00:04:08,604 --> 00:04:12,241 to relieve one of your employees of their responsibilities. 34 00:04:12,243 --> 00:04:14,042 I will leave that to your discretion, 35 00:04:14,044 --> 00:04:16,811 but we'd like this to happen immediately, Mr. Danger. 36 00:04:16,813 --> 00:04:20,314 - Do you have any questions? - No, I don't think so. 37 00:04:20,316 --> 00:04:24,154 Times are tough, Mr. Danger. Better one of them than you. 38 00:04:25,055 --> 00:04:26,890 Good point. 39 00:04:32,895 --> 00:04:35,198 Not a very good cappuccino. 40 00:04:36,733 --> 00:04:38,635 If you'll excuse me. 41 00:04:42,372 --> 00:04:43,971 [door opens] [bells jingling] 42 00:04:43,973 --> 00:04:47,075 That guy was checking you out, Lulu. 43 00:04:47,077 --> 00:04:50,011 No, I was checking him out, Carl. 44 00:04:50,013 --> 00:04:54,217 [laughing] 45 00:04:56,952 --> 00:04:58,921 It wasn't that funny, Carl. 46 00:05:01,091 --> 00:05:04,859 Lulu, if you could see me in my office. 47 00:05:04,861 --> 00:05:06,196 Certainly. 48 00:05:20,676 --> 00:05:24,446 I'm sorry. There was nothing I could do about it. 49 00:05:24,448 --> 00:05:27,248 You can stop going on about it. 50 00:05:27,250 --> 00:05:28,852 I don't care about the job. 51 00:05:34,457 --> 00:05:37,191 Oh. Someone told me today what they were building 52 00:05:37,193 --> 00:05:38,794 behind the hardware center. 53 00:05:40,796 --> 00:05:43,964 Oh, but I can't remember what it was. 54 00:05:43,966 --> 00:05:45,335 [sighs] 55 00:05:56,846 --> 00:05:59,913 Oh, I remember now. 56 00:05:59,915 --> 00:06:03,919 They're putting in a state-of-the-art fitness center behind the hardware center. 57 00:06:05,355 --> 00:06:07,823 Might have to get my gym bag on. 58 00:06:14,397 --> 00:06:17,098 [sighs] Thanks, sweetie. 59 00:06:17,100 --> 00:06:20,767 Now I have to find my way to bed in the dark. 60 00:06:20,769 --> 00:06:24,740 [man on TV chattering] 61 00:06:30,212 --> 00:06:31,747 Sweetie. 62 00:06:34,316 --> 00:06:36,484 Five dollars for fun. 63 00:06:36,486 --> 00:06:39,353 Why don't you enjoy yourself and buy one of those cinnamon swirly things 64 00:06:39,355 --> 00:06:41,224 you like so much from the bakeshop? 65 00:06:44,093 --> 00:06:47,163 I will see you later, won't I, sweetie? 66 00:06:50,832 --> 00:06:52,435 [groans] 67 00:06:55,270 --> 00:06:58,774 [door closes] [chattering continues on TV] 68 00:07:00,410 --> 00:07:03,844 [Carl] Kinda does feel like a morgue with Lulu gone. 69 00:07:03,846 --> 00:07:07,781 - She was fun. - Yeah, well, she got fired, Carl. 70 00:07:07,783 --> 00:07:10,117 Times are tough. We have jobs to do. 71 00:07:10,119 --> 00:07:12,852 And this is what happens when you don't do your job. 72 00:07:12,854 --> 00:07:15,423 So, we have our first casualty, guys. 73 00:07:15,425 --> 00:07:18,060 Might not be our last. 74 00:07:26,402 --> 00:07:29,537 You gonna have problems with your marriage now you fired your wife, Shane? 75 00:07:29,539 --> 00:07:34,074 [sighs] No, I am not gonna have problems with my marriage now, Tyrone. 76 00:07:34,076 --> 00:07:36,109 I have a tremendous marriage. 77 00:07:36,111 --> 00:07:38,512 In fact, Lulu is relieved not to be working. 78 00:07:38,514 --> 00:07:40,814 Well, I got problems, Shane. 79 00:07:40,816 --> 00:07:43,250 My mom just got diabetes. 80 00:07:43,252 --> 00:07:47,053 I have to buy her a little scooter to get her around, but I don't have no money. 81 00:07:47,055 --> 00:07:50,824 I'm sorry about that, but you have to save, Tyrone. 82 00:07:50,826 --> 00:07:53,127 I save everything I can, 83 00:07:53,129 --> 00:07:56,266 and I think positive all the time! 84 00:07:58,501 --> 00:08:00,601 Okay, I have to take a shit. 85 00:08:00,603 --> 00:08:02,936 Can you guys man the shop for 25 minutes? 86 00:08:02,938 --> 00:08:04,273 [Tyrone] Sure. 87 00:08:09,344 --> 00:08:12,446 Who shits for 25 minutes? 88 00:08:12,448 --> 00:08:16,850 [man on TV] Love me, love me, love me. 89 00:08:16,852 --> 00:08:19,387 [Shane] Hey, nearly birthday girl. 90 00:08:19,389 --> 00:08:21,988 Can I make you a cappuccino? 91 00:08:21,990 --> 00:08:24,157 Oh, I used to make cappuccinos. 92 00:08:24,159 --> 00:08:26,993 Sweetie, Mr. Ofeld said, 93 00:08:26,995 --> 00:08:31,131 "Either the both of you go, or just the girl. 94 00:08:31,133 --> 00:08:33,133 The girl's gonna go anyway though." 95 00:08:33,135 --> 00:08:36,039 So I chose to stay, so at least one of us has a job. 96 00:08:37,906 --> 00:08:40,106 You seem sad. 97 00:08:40,108 --> 00:08:44,578 Yeah, well, this TV is really shitty, you know? 98 00:08:44,580 --> 00:08:46,647 That's what I want for my birthday... 99 00:08:46,649 --> 00:08:49,082 a new, bigger, better TV. 100 00:08:49,084 --> 00:08:52,419 So I can sit in front of it all day until my ass gets so fat and flat 101 00:08:52,421 --> 00:08:54,289 we have to get a new couch. 102 00:08:55,524 --> 00:08:58,957 Don't say that. 103 00:08:58,959 --> 00:09:01,162 Plus, we don't have that kind of money right now. 104 00:09:01,164 --> 00:09:03,364 Not until I become area manager, 105 00:09:03,366 --> 00:09:05,901 which, I think, is gonna happen, by the way. 106 00:09:08,671 --> 00:09:10,503 [sighs] 107 00:09:10,505 --> 00:09:12,040 Now that's a real cappuccino. 108 00:09:14,242 --> 00:09:17,577 Maybe I should ask my brother for a new TV. 109 00:09:17,579 --> 00:09:20,313 He's got that kind of money in his cashbox. 110 00:09:20,315 --> 00:09:22,449 [laughs] Who? Adjay? 111 00:09:22,451 --> 00:09:23,952 Yeah, right. 112 00:09:29,625 --> 00:09:32,158 How much money does Adjay have in his cashbox? 113 00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:34,596 More than what you have in your tiny little cashbox. 114 00:09:35,931 --> 00:09:38,467 I don't have a fucking cashbox. 115 00:09:41,636 --> 00:09:45,938 There's no way that little fuckin' vegan has more money than me. 116 00:09:45,940 --> 00:09:47,943 No, he does. 117 00:09:49,945 --> 00:09:51,313 [exhales] 118 00:09:52,615 --> 00:09:54,584 If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bath. 119 00:09:58,186 --> 00:10:03,058 Oh, yes. I am the fresh fun, goodie goodie man. 120 00:10:05,160 --> 00:10:10,263 An... Evening... with Beverly Luff Linn. 121 00:10:10,265 --> 00:10:15,001 For one magical night only. 122 00:10:15,003 --> 00:10:17,671 Beverly. Beverly Luff Linn. 123 00:10:17,673 --> 00:10:20,442 Luff Linn. Luff Linn. 124 00:10:27,282 --> 00:10:29,382 Is that you, sweetie? 125 00:10:29,384 --> 00:10:30,918 Yes. 126 00:10:33,220 --> 00:10:37,660 Sweetie, exactly how much money is in Adjay's cashbox? 127 00:10:40,195 --> 00:10:42,664 A lot. 128 00:10:48,737 --> 00:10:52,674 Sweetie, I don't understand how Adjay has got all this fucking money. 129 00:10:53,642 --> 00:10:55,040 He saves. 130 00:10:55,042 --> 00:10:57,176 So do fucking I! 131 00:10:57,178 --> 00:10:59,414 Well, Adjay saves more than fucking you. 132 00:11:01,183 --> 00:11:02,317 [sighs] 133 00:11:11,593 --> 00:11:15,195 Okay, do we all know what we're doing? I'm staying in the car. 134 00:11:15,197 --> 00:11:18,765 I'm walking in with you, Shane, and asking a guy to take me to the grains of paradise. 135 00:11:18,767 --> 00:11:21,601 And he will take you to the back of the store to the spice aisle. 136 00:11:21,603 --> 00:11:23,403 Yes, he will. 137 00:11:23,405 --> 00:11:26,676 You will keep him there as long as possible. Yes, I will. 138 00:11:28,610 --> 00:11:30,145 Let's do this. 139 00:11:39,321 --> 00:11:41,723 [bell dinging] 140 00:11:42,791 --> 00:11:44,491 How may I help you gentlemen? 141 00:11:44,493 --> 00:11:46,759 Take me to the grains of paradise. 142 00:11:46,761 --> 00:11:49,662 Wow, your face is very shiny, man. 143 00:11:49,664 --> 00:11:51,533 Yeah, my family has thyroid. 144 00:11:53,101 --> 00:11:55,235 I will take you to the grains of paradise. 145 00:11:55,237 --> 00:11:56,605 Come. 146 00:12:06,247 --> 00:12:08,280 This is the highest grade. 147 00:12:08,282 --> 00:12:11,353 [Tyrone] This is the best grains of paradise, okay? Yes? 148 00:12:13,588 --> 00:12:15,457 You don't look well, man. 149 00:12:16,725 --> 00:12:18,525 Where's your friend, by the way? 150 00:12:18,527 --> 00:12:21,227 Oh, he's just at the front of the store looking for a couple of items. 151 00:12:21,229 --> 00:12:24,229 How many kinds are there? 152 00:12:24,231 --> 00:12:26,668 This is the cheaper. This is the cheaper grains of paradise? 153 00:12:29,471 --> 00:12:32,538 Hey! What the fuck are you doing, man? 154 00:12:32,540 --> 00:12:34,041 [squeals] 155 00:12:35,175 --> 00:12:37,310 Are you trying to rob me, man? 156 00:12:37,312 --> 00:12:40,113 [gunshot] What the fuck is going on? 157 00:12:40,115 --> 00:12:42,782 Shane? Is that you? 158 00:12:42,784 --> 00:12:45,685 Adjay! What the fuck, Shane? 159 00:12:45,687 --> 00:12:47,754 Are you seriously trying to rob me? 160 00:12:47,756 --> 00:12:50,289 No! Are you fucking crazy? 161 00:12:50,291 --> 00:12:54,128 Okay! Now! Tyrone, run! Go! 162 00:13:02,537 --> 00:13:04,337 Carl, drive! 163 00:13:04,339 --> 00:13:06,041 [engine starts] 164 00:13:13,448 --> 00:13:15,149 [squeals echoing] 165 00:13:30,532 --> 00:13:31,866 Miss? 166 00:13:34,436 --> 00:13:37,436 Cinnamon swirly! Cinnamon swirly! 167 00:13:37,438 --> 00:13:39,739 Little swirls of cinnamon. 168 00:13:39,741 --> 00:13:42,842 Yum, yum, yum. [chuckling] 169 00:13:42,844 --> 00:13:44,445 Cinnamon, cinnamon. 170 00:13:48,183 --> 00:13:50,450 [door bells jingling] 171 00:13:50,452 --> 00:13:52,354 Cinnamon bullshit. 172 00:13:56,558 --> 00:13:59,759 Who is this fucking Shane Danger? 173 00:13:59,761 --> 00:14:02,795 He's my fucking brother-in-law. 174 00:14:02,797 --> 00:14:06,531 He shot a fuckin' hole in your ceiling. 175 00:14:06,533 --> 00:14:11,437 Yes, and then he ran off with my fucking cashbox with my fucking savings. 176 00:14:11,439 --> 00:14:13,141 You think! 177 00:14:14,843 --> 00:14:16,743 Fucking Shane Danger! 178 00:14:16,745 --> 00:14:21,482 That's not even a fucking real name! Stupid fucking fucks! 179 00:14:24,919 --> 00:14:28,720 So, this Shane Danger. He's got some new monies, huh? 180 00:14:28,722 --> 00:14:30,622 Yes. 181 00:14:30,624 --> 00:14:32,758 I'm just rolling through town, 182 00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:35,561 and then I hear you want the monies back from this Shane Danger. 183 00:14:35,563 --> 00:14:37,997 - I can help you do that. - Really? 184 00:14:37,999 --> 00:14:40,332 I was going to talk to my cousin Poony. 185 00:14:40,334 --> 00:14:42,535 Forget cousin Poony. 186 00:14:42,537 --> 00:14:44,438 This is what I do. 187 00:14:46,373 --> 00:14:48,440 Tell me more. 188 00:14:48,442 --> 00:14:50,609 You give me Shane Danger's address. 189 00:14:50,611 --> 00:14:54,346 I bring you the cashbox. You give me $200. 190 00:14:54,348 --> 00:14:57,382 You must blow out his kneecap. 191 00:14:57,384 --> 00:15:00,522 Yeah. I promise you I'll blow out both his kneecaps. 192 00:15:01,823 --> 00:15:05,692 Valerie! We need a pen and a fucking paper! 193 00:15:05,694 --> 00:15:09,628 I need to write Shane Danger's address down for this man. 194 00:15:09,630 --> 00:15:13,801 [hacking cough] 195 00:15:22,776 --> 00:15:24,679 [coughing continues] 196 00:15:34,288 --> 00:15:35,556 [parking brake sets] 197 00:15:42,896 --> 00:15:45,599 [dog barking in distance] 198 00:16:00,481 --> 00:16:01,747 [exhales] 199 00:16:01,749 --> 00:16:05,684 Okay. Time to open the glove box, Colin. 200 00:16:05,686 --> 00:16:07,020 Yeah. 201 00:16:11,092 --> 00:16:12,426 [exhales] 202 00:16:19,333 --> 00:16:20,766 Cashbox. 203 00:16:20,768 --> 00:16:21,902 Kneecaps. 204 00:16:23,704 --> 00:16:28,008 [bass: dance music] 205 00:16:42,891 --> 00:16:44,892 [drum joins in] 206 00:16:47,694 --> 00:16:49,496 [rings] 207 00:17:09,050 --> 00:17:11,318 Are you the party man, party man? 208 00:17:16,657 --> 00:17:18,455 Oh, hey, sweetie. 209 00:17:18,457 --> 00:17:20,592 You gonna let the party man in, Shane? 210 00:17:20,594 --> 00:17:22,528 Sure. Who is he? 211 00:17:23,497 --> 00:17:25,697 I'm Colin. Colin. 212 00:17:25,699 --> 00:17:27,534 [Lulu] Coming in for a drink, Colin? 213 00:17:28,902 --> 00:17:30,404 Yes, I am. 214 00:17:35,709 --> 00:17:37,945 [clock ticking] 215 00:17:47,155 --> 00:17:49,754 [Lulu] Why do you always make that brown shit? 216 00:17:49,756 --> 00:17:51,725 Because it's a fan favorite. 217 00:17:52,893 --> 00:17:55,362 Do you think Colin will like it? 218 00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:15,449 Kinda looks like a shit shake. 219 00:18:18,085 --> 00:18:20,020 So how do you guys know Colin? 220 00:18:22,155 --> 00:18:24,789 [Shane] I thought you knew this guy. [Lulu] I don't know him. 221 00:18:24,791 --> 00:18:26,758 You told me to invite him in for a drink. 222 00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:28,161 You don't have to do what I say. 223 00:18:31,765 --> 00:18:33,399 Who the fuck is this guy? 224 00:18:38,972 --> 00:18:41,172 Colin? 225 00:18:41,174 --> 00:18:42,576 Who the fuck are you? 226 00:18:45,045 --> 00:18:46,578 You stole the cashbox from Adjay! 227 00:18:46,580 --> 00:18:48,513 Now Adjay wants his monies back! 228 00:18:48,515 --> 00:18:50,849 So pull out the cashbox from behind the couch! 229 00:18:50,851 --> 00:18:53,020 Now, before I blow out these kneecaps! 230 00:19:02,496 --> 00:19:05,196 Colin, grab the cashbox. 231 00:19:05,198 --> 00:19:08,033 Grab the fucking cashbox! Grab it! 232 00:19:08,035 --> 00:19:09,870 - Now give me the gun. - That ain't gonna happen. 233 00:19:11,204 --> 00:19:13,805 - Uh, uh, uh! - Now let's go. Go! 234 00:19:13,807 --> 00:19:15,874 Move! 235 00:19:15,876 --> 00:19:17,574 Faster! 236 00:19:17,576 --> 00:19:18,644 Get my coat! 237 00:19:19,779 --> 00:19:21,612 Is that your car? Yes, it is. 238 00:19:21,614 --> 00:19:23,084 Good. Get in! 239 00:19:24,118 --> 00:19:25,219 Get in! 240 00:19:28,088 --> 00:19:29,721 - Drive! - [engine revs] 241 00:19:29,723 --> 00:19:32,023 [tires squeal] 242 00:19:32,025 --> 00:19:34,826 Lulu! Where you going? 243 00:19:34,828 --> 00:19:37,062 Come back here, sweetie! 244 00:19:37,064 --> 00:19:41,199 She's gone, Shane, and she's taken the fucking money! 245 00:19:41,201 --> 00:19:43,801 Oh, really, Tyrone? 246 00:19:43,803 --> 00:19:46,639 'Cause I wasn't here. Tell me what else fucking happened! 247 00:19:47,908 --> 00:19:50,775 Are we taking the cashbox to Adjay? No! 248 00:19:50,777 --> 00:19:52,944 We're not. No. 249 00:19:52,946 --> 00:19:56,848 And I will be asking the questions now. Okay. 250 00:19:56,850 --> 00:19:58,783 We're going on an adventure, Colin. 251 00:19:58,785 --> 00:20:01,886 Do you like adventures? I do. 252 00:20:01,888 --> 00:20:03,854 Adventures... I like them. Do you promise? 253 00:20:03,856 --> 00:20:05,789 I like adventures, yeah. 254 00:20:05,791 --> 00:20:08,193 Good. 255 00:20:08,195 --> 00:20:10,964 Are you a good guy or a bad guy? I'm a good guy. 256 00:20:12,933 --> 00:20:14,267 Good. 257 00:20:36,656 --> 00:20:38,256 Good evening. My name is Lawrence. 258 00:20:38,258 --> 00:20:40,125 Welcome to the Moorhouse Hotel. 259 00:20:40,127 --> 00:20:41,993 Thank you, Lawrence. 260 00:20:41,995 --> 00:20:43,596 We would like a room. 261 00:20:47,767 --> 00:20:52,203 Oh, that looks fun. Is Mr. Luff Linn staying here too? 262 00:20:52,205 --> 00:20:55,839 It's Luff Linn. Two words. 263 00:20:55,841 --> 00:20:59,744 Oh, and we'll need a room with two twins' beds, please. 264 00:20:59,746 --> 00:21:02,914 Is it two twins' beds or two twins bed? 265 00:21:02,916 --> 00:21:04,084 Or is it two twin bed? 266 00:21:06,887 --> 00:21:09,620 I'm not really sure about that kind of thing. I'm just not... 267 00:21:09,622 --> 00:21:11,924 Perhaps we should ask Mr. Beverly. 268 00:21:15,895 --> 00:21:19,229 Oh, lookee here. It looks like you're in lucky. 269 00:21:19,231 --> 00:21:22,066 Is breakfast included? We'll take it. 270 00:21:22,068 --> 00:21:24,304 Wonderful. Key time. 271 00:21:27,674 --> 00:21:30,275 Magical event. 272 00:21:30,277 --> 00:21:32,946 Magical Luff Linn. 273 00:21:35,848 --> 00:21:37,415 [door closes] 274 00:21:37,417 --> 00:21:41,319 Okay, well, this is my kind of hotel room. 275 00:21:41,321 --> 00:21:43,122 You take that bed. 276 00:21:44,824 --> 00:21:46,760 Okay. 277 00:21:49,996 --> 00:21:51,331 [sighs] 278 00:21:57,937 --> 00:22:00,106 Colin, do you think you could give me a massage? 279 00:22:02,007 --> 00:22:04,007 Yes. 280 00:22:04,009 --> 00:22:05,678 [coughs] I can do that. 281 00:22:12,719 --> 00:22:14,387 Like this? Mm-hmm. 282 00:22:15,288 --> 00:22:16,888 How's this? 283 00:22:16,890 --> 00:22:18,158 Mm-hmm. 284 00:22:19,059 --> 00:22:21,394 - And this? - Mm-hmm. 285 00:22:27,967 --> 00:22:30,834 I needed to get away from my husband. 286 00:22:30,836 --> 00:22:34,171 Aren't you worried about people coming after us? 287 00:22:34,173 --> 00:22:36,241 Adjay must be very upset and angry. 288 00:22:36,243 --> 00:22:39,410 Adjay would never come after us. 289 00:22:39,412 --> 00:22:42,413 He's had terrifying panic attacks since we were children 290 00:22:42,415 --> 00:22:44,850 because he choked on too much breast milk as a baby. 291 00:22:46,051 --> 00:22:48,386 I didn't know that was a possibility. 292 00:22:48,388 --> 00:22:50,256 Choking on breast milk? 293 00:22:52,124 --> 00:22:54,791 Choking on too much breast milk. 294 00:22:54,793 --> 00:22:56,128 Mm-hmm. 295 00:23:00,100 --> 00:23:02,435 Okay, that's enough. Thank you. 296 00:23:07,507 --> 00:23:10,941 Colin, I need you to protect me, okay? 297 00:23:10,943 --> 00:23:13,410 Can you handle that? Yes, I can do that. 298 00:23:13,412 --> 00:23:15,513 Are you sure you don't have any other commitments? 299 00:23:15,515 --> 00:23:18,048 No, I don't have any other commitments. 300 00:23:18,050 --> 00:23:20,884 In fact, putting myself in harm's way for the benefit of others 301 00:23:20,886 --> 00:23:22,755 is exactly what I do. 302 00:23:24,924 --> 00:23:26,226 Good. 303 00:23:32,865 --> 00:23:36,202 I'm going to take a bath. Why don't you watch? 304 00:23:37,803 --> 00:23:39,171 TV. 305 00:23:43,242 --> 00:23:44,776 [door closes] 306 00:23:51,016 --> 00:23:52,319 [exhales] 307 00:24:17,910 --> 00:24:19,211 Here comes din-dins. 308 00:24:22,348 --> 00:24:27,517 - You buckled up? - [groaning] 309 00:24:27,519 --> 00:24:30,923 Right. Let's try and find this hotel that apparently no one knows the name of. 310 00:24:32,157 --> 00:24:33,525 [groaning] 311 00:24:45,304 --> 00:24:47,371 Have you heard anything from Lulu? 312 00:24:47,373 --> 00:24:48,972 I haven't heard anything. 313 00:24:48,974 --> 00:24:50,542 [door opens] 314 00:24:52,278 --> 00:24:55,381 Hello, Shane! Do you have my money? 315 00:24:58,016 --> 00:25:00,485 No, Adjay. Have you talked to Colin? 316 00:25:00,487 --> 00:25:03,621 Colin is a double-crossing shit! 317 00:25:03,623 --> 00:25:06,056 Well, my wife and your money are with him, 318 00:25:06,058 --> 00:25:07,891 so you might want to track him down. 319 00:25:07,893 --> 00:25:11,928 Track him down, Shane? I'm a fucking vegan! 320 00:25:11,930 --> 00:25:16,300 I'm coming every day until you find my fucking money! 321 00:25:16,302 --> 00:25:19,003 Did you hear me, you fat loser? 322 00:25:22,308 --> 00:25:25,543 Adjay, please leave! You're causing a disturbance! 323 00:25:25,545 --> 00:25:27,311 Now! 324 00:25:27,313 --> 00:25:31,381 I will leave, and then I will come back again 325 00:25:31,383 --> 00:25:35,619 for my fucking M-O-N-E-Y! 326 00:25:35,621 --> 00:25:37,356 Aaah! 327 00:25:38,524 --> 00:25:40,890 [door opens, closes] 328 00:25:40,892 --> 00:25:42,392 Wow. 329 00:25:42,394 --> 00:25:45,027 Why has my wife run off with a fucking criminal? 330 00:25:45,029 --> 00:25:47,097 Maybe she was sexually attracted to him. 331 00:25:47,099 --> 00:25:50,469 I've definitely read women are attracted to mens with guns. 332 00:25:52,237 --> 00:25:53,570 Mens? 333 00:25:53,572 --> 00:25:56,606 Yeah, the gun is like a penis. 334 00:25:56,608 --> 00:25:59,545 Yeah, the male penis. 335 00:26:08,620 --> 00:26:10,621 Why are we buying all these outfits? 336 00:26:10,623 --> 00:26:13,192 Because I need outfits, Colin. 337 00:26:19,231 --> 00:26:22,332 I'm gonna be honest with you. 338 00:26:22,334 --> 00:26:25,535 Although I don't know quite what's going on, 339 00:26:25,537 --> 00:26:26,971 I'm having a great time, Lulu. 340 00:26:28,707 --> 00:26:30,376 And... [slurps] 341 00:26:32,110 --> 00:26:35,314 And you nailed it with these cheesy onion rings. Mmm. 342 00:26:36,949 --> 00:26:39,149 Listen. 343 00:26:39,151 --> 00:26:42,085 There is an event tomorrow night at the hotel. 344 00:26:42,087 --> 00:26:43,389 We're going to it. Okay? 345 00:26:44,289 --> 00:26:45,655 An event? 346 00:26:45,657 --> 00:26:48,057 Do you remember the man in the plaid hat 347 00:26:48,059 --> 00:26:51,127 from the large man-shaped poster near the hotel reception? 348 00:26:51,129 --> 00:26:52,431 Mr. Beverly. 349 00:26:54,031 --> 00:26:57,266 - Beverly's a woman's name. - No, I don't think so. 350 00:26:57,268 --> 00:26:59,369 It is. It's a Scottish woman's name. 351 00:26:59,371 --> 00:27:02,239 - Beverly is a man's name. - It's a very feminine name. 352 00:27:02,241 --> 00:27:05,475 No, it isn't, Colin. It's a very masculine name. 353 00:27:05,477 --> 00:27:07,711 I went to school with a girl called Beverly. 354 00:27:07,713 --> 00:27:10,516 No, Colin. Beverly is a man's name. 355 00:27:11,683 --> 00:27:13,517 [whispers] Beverly is a woman's name. 356 00:27:13,519 --> 00:27:15,387 No, Colin. Beverly is a man's name. 357 00:27:18,055 --> 00:27:19,123 Okay. 358 00:27:24,731 --> 00:27:26,563 Oh, my goodness. 359 00:27:26,565 --> 00:27:27,666 Mmm. 360 00:27:28,634 --> 00:27:32,135 Oh, this is so indulgent. 361 00:27:32,137 --> 00:27:34,304 I'm gonna need to do some exercise after this. 362 00:27:34,306 --> 00:27:36,140 Ugh. 363 00:27:44,482 --> 00:27:46,516 [muffled] Can you please wipe your mouth? 364 00:27:46,518 --> 00:27:48,220 That's absolutely disgusting. 365 00:27:59,096 --> 00:28:01,063 What are you doing? Don't do that. 366 00:28:01,065 --> 00:28:03,034 Just get the stuff out of the back. 367 00:28:08,406 --> 00:28:11,176 [low grunting] 368 00:28:19,818 --> 00:28:22,218 I believe we have a junior suite on reservation. 369 00:28:22,220 --> 00:28:24,119 Yes. 370 00:28:24,121 --> 00:28:26,556 We have you in our Loch Lomond suite 371 00:28:26,558 --> 00:28:28,557 with a balcony and a pool view. 372 00:28:28,559 --> 00:28:31,660 Would you like me to keep the reservation charges under Von Dongschlonger? 373 00:28:31,662 --> 00:28:33,762 It's Von Donkensteiger. 374 00:28:33,764 --> 00:28:36,466 - Is that German? - Yes. 375 00:28:36,468 --> 00:28:39,569 Actually, my father was a German shepherd. He looked quite like you. 376 00:28:39,571 --> 00:28:42,741 - You mean like the dog? - Yeah, like the woof-woof. 377 00:28:43,642 --> 00:28:45,442 [grunts] Hmm. 378 00:28:45,444 --> 00:28:47,444 We are very excited for 379 00:28:47,446 --> 00:28:50,747 An Evening with Beverly Luff Linn 380 00:28:50,749 --> 00:28:53,618 for one magical night only. 381 00:28:55,419 --> 00:28:57,121 Hmm. 382 00:28:59,858 --> 00:29:02,094 You look more like a dog than a dog does. 383 00:29:11,737 --> 00:29:14,405 [gasping] 384 00:29:16,207 --> 00:29:17,673 [elevator bell dings] 385 00:29:17,675 --> 00:29:19,277 No. 386 00:29:31,823 --> 00:29:33,324 [exhales] 387 00:29:52,611 --> 00:29:55,814 One of those jets is shooting water up the back of my shorts. 388 00:29:58,382 --> 00:30:00,618 Its quite a delicious feeling. 389 00:30:06,924 --> 00:30:08,459 [exhales] 390 00:30:19,671 --> 00:30:20,706 Uhh! 391 00:30:40,726 --> 00:30:41,860 Uhh! 392 00:30:42,894 --> 00:30:53,738 Waaah! 393 00:31:15,626 --> 00:31:17,628 Lets go downstairs. 394 00:31:21,632 --> 00:31:24,266 Good evening. I'm the captain. 395 00:31:24,268 --> 00:31:26,402 What can I get you folks? 396 00:31:26,404 --> 00:31:28,537 I would like a Rumble in the Heather. 397 00:31:28,539 --> 00:31:30,241 And I'll have a Rum and a Ramble. 398 00:31:30,876 --> 00:31:32,878 Coming up. 399 00:31:34,478 --> 00:31:36,645 You know, those might have poo on them. 400 00:31:36,647 --> 00:31:39,648 You don't want to get poo in your mouth, do you? 401 00:31:39,650 --> 00:31:42,584 Oh, no. No, we're not eating these poo nuts. 402 00:31:42,586 --> 00:31:45,587 Here you go, ma'am. Here's your drink. 403 00:31:45,589 --> 00:31:47,456 - Here you go, sir. - Thank you, Captain. 404 00:31:47,458 --> 00:31:50,694 And, uh, let's get some fresh nuts, huh? 405 00:31:50,696 --> 00:31:53,664 Poo nuts. You know what I'm talking about. 406 00:31:57,668 --> 00:31:59,370 And here's my nuts. 407 00:32:04,041 --> 00:32:06,608 I feel like we've been on the go for days, 408 00:32:06,610 --> 00:32:09,812 and we haven't had any time to just sit and catch up. 409 00:32:09,814 --> 00:32:12,347 Well, I'm really glad that we're getting to catch up, 410 00:32:12,349 --> 00:32:13,883 but we're not really on the go. 411 00:32:13,885 --> 00:32:16,318 We're on the run. Your brother's after us. 412 00:32:16,320 --> 00:32:19,321 I wouldn't be surprised if he kills me, but I think you'll be fine. 413 00:32:19,323 --> 00:32:21,557 [sighs] You know, you can be really depressing sometimes. 414 00:32:21,559 --> 00:32:23,292 I don't find myself depressing. 415 00:32:23,294 --> 00:32:25,296 Here's to not being depressing. I don't think I am depressing. 416 00:32:27,431 --> 00:32:29,232 [door opens] 417 00:32:31,001 --> 00:32:32,868 Here comes Mr. Beverly. 418 00:32:32,870 --> 00:32:36,338 He makes you nervous, doesn't he? 419 00:32:36,340 --> 00:32:38,607 And he's with his bearded friend, and they're coming this way. 420 00:32:38,609 --> 00:32:40,709 What a lovely evening, isn't it? 421 00:32:40,711 --> 00:32:42,644 Yes, it is. 422 00:32:42,646 --> 00:32:44,713 Oh, uh, Colin. 423 00:32:44,715 --> 00:32:48,452 Rodney. Rodney, this is Lulu. 424 00:32:53,524 --> 00:32:56,259 [growling] 425 00:33:00,531 --> 00:33:02,664 Mr. Rodney, I believe your booth is ready. 426 00:33:02,666 --> 00:33:04,702 Come with me, please. Absolutely. 427 00:33:14,745 --> 00:33:17,347 He's not very chatty, is he, Mr. Beverly? 428 00:33:31,729 --> 00:33:34,530 You know, I feel like I don't know anything about you, Colin. 429 00:33:34,532 --> 00:33:36,031 Why don't you tell me something? 430 00:33:36,033 --> 00:33:38,466 Why don't you tell me the story of Colin? 431 00:33:38,468 --> 00:33:40,771 You better settle in 'cause it's a long and interesting tale. 432 00:33:43,140 --> 00:33:45,040 Okay. 433 00:33:45,042 --> 00:33:47,442 So, my father's name was Keith, 434 00:33:47,444 --> 00:33:50,079 and his father was also called Keith. 435 00:33:50,081 --> 00:33:53,081 Uh, so that's two generations of Keiths in my family, 436 00:33:53,083 --> 00:33:55,384 so it's a bit of a tradition. 437 00:33:55,386 --> 00:33:59,721 And my father had an Uncle Colin who he loved very much. 438 00:33:59,723 --> 00:34:03,992 And he loved the name Colin and he wanted to be called Colin himself. 439 00:34:03,994 --> 00:34:06,694 In fact, sometimes he would introduce himself to people 440 00:34:06,696 --> 00:34:09,564 calling himself Colin as a joke. 441 00:34:09,566 --> 00:34:12,734 Anyway, he looked up the name Colin, 442 00:34:12,736 --> 00:34:16,505 and it meant small, young dog. 443 00:34:16,507 --> 00:34:19,708 And so when I was born, he thought, 444 00:34:19,710 --> 00:34:21,610 he looks like a small, young dog, 445 00:34:21,612 --> 00:34:24,414 and he named me Colin because I was born with teeth. 446 00:34:28,751 --> 00:34:30,087 What? 447 00:34:31,888 --> 00:34:33,090 That's it? 448 00:34:39,563 --> 00:34:42,798 That is by far the most uninteresting story I have ever heard. 449 00:34:42,800 --> 00:34:44,902 Well, I'm sorry you feel that way. 450 00:34:56,512 --> 00:34:58,914 We should go sit with them. Come on. 451 00:34:58,916 --> 00:35:00,451 Let's go. 452 00:35:06,724 --> 00:35:08,659 [chattering] 453 00:35:12,863 --> 00:35:14,731 Oh, do you mind if we join you? 454 00:35:17,234 --> 00:35:19,700 We haven't properly met yet, Mr. Beverly. 455 00:35:19,702 --> 00:35:22,606 It's Mr. Luff Linn, and it's two words. 456 00:35:28,112 --> 00:35:30,112 Luff Linn. 457 00:35:30,114 --> 00:35:32,814 Beverly, this is Colin, and this is Lulu. 458 00:35:32,816 --> 00:35:34,617 [grunting] 459 00:35:37,087 --> 00:35:39,221 Beverly and I are partners. 460 00:35:39,223 --> 00:35:42,590 Ah, you are... you're partners. Ah. 461 00:35:42,592 --> 00:35:44,527 It's a platonic union. 462 00:35:45,862 --> 00:35:47,765 That sounds nice. 463 00:35:49,800 --> 00:35:51,833 - Is it nice? - Yes. 464 00:35:51,835 --> 00:35:53,735 I mean, it's difficult to describe, 465 00:35:53,737 --> 00:35:56,637 but let's just say that we love each other very much. 466 00:35:56,639 --> 00:35:58,572 Colin and I are married. 467 00:35:58,574 --> 00:36:01,776 [loud growling] 468 00:36:01,778 --> 00:36:04,181 How long have you been married for? Two months. 469 00:36:06,082 --> 00:36:07,949 It's funny, isn't it? 470 00:36:07,951 --> 00:36:11,987 You come into a shithole town in the middle of nowhere, 471 00:36:11,989 --> 00:36:13,989 like this, 472 00:36:13,991 --> 00:36:16,925 and suddenly everything's very difficult. 473 00:36:16,927 --> 00:36:20,162 I have to buy Beverly this tea that he loves. 474 00:36:20,164 --> 00:36:22,998 The Earl Grey. I'm sure you haven't heard of it. 475 00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:25,967 So, I went into the local village this morning, 476 00:36:25,969 --> 00:36:29,204 and I gotta say, it was a real struggle, 477 00:36:29,206 --> 00:36:31,007 but eventually I found it, 478 00:36:32,608 --> 00:36:35,811 and, uh, Beverly has the satisfaction 479 00:36:35,813 --> 00:36:37,612 of getting the tea that he loves, 480 00:36:37,614 --> 00:36:39,613 and I have the satisfaction 481 00:36:39,615 --> 00:36:42,583 of being the one who got it for him. 482 00:36:42,585 --> 00:36:44,821 Are you gonna put an earring back in that hole? 483 00:36:46,123 --> 00:36:48,225 Hmm? 484 00:36:51,328 --> 00:36:54,831 - Yes. - [grunts] 485 00:36:56,566 --> 00:37:00,004 [groaning] 486 00:37:01,105 --> 00:37:02,272 Do excuse us. 487 00:37:09,812 --> 00:37:11,912 You should put an earring back in that hole. 488 00:37:11,914 --> 00:37:13,716 You should do what they say. 489 00:37:25,996 --> 00:37:28,598 Let it out and play. 490 00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:31,601 Come on, Bev. 491 00:37:34,103 --> 00:37:35,905 That's it. 492 00:37:37,073 --> 00:37:39,042 Let it out. 493 00:37:40,810 --> 00:37:43,146 Let that devil out. 494 00:37:44,614 --> 00:37:46,148 [farts] 495 00:37:46,150 --> 00:37:49,151 There she blows. 496 00:37:49,153 --> 00:37:51,155 There she blows. 497 00:37:58,628 --> 00:38:01,064 [crying] 498 00:38:07,870 --> 00:38:09,305 [sighs] 499 00:38:28,991 --> 00:38:30,958 [Tyrone] You look tired, Shane. 500 00:38:30,960 --> 00:38:33,795 - I hit the bottle last night. - Me too. 501 00:38:33,797 --> 00:38:37,932 - Brenda finally kicked me out. - Isn't Brenda your cousin? 502 00:38:37,934 --> 00:38:41,369 Yeah. I don't think she's attracted to me anymore 'cause I got fat. 503 00:38:41,371 --> 00:38:44,306 Oh, I thought you were always fat. 504 00:38:44,308 --> 00:38:47,810 - No, I used to be skinny. - I think it's great that you're dating your cousin, Tyrone. 505 00:38:48,778 --> 00:38:49,879 Thank you, Shane. 506 00:38:54,283 --> 00:38:57,017 What the fuck is that, Carl? 507 00:38:57,019 --> 00:38:59,822 It's a poster. Some bearded guy dropped it off last night. 508 00:39:00,690 --> 00:39:02,324 Bearded guy? Yeah. 509 00:39:02,326 --> 00:39:04,694 He looked like Michael McDonald from the Doobie Brothers. 510 00:39:05,828 --> 00:39:07,697 Who are the Doobie Brothers? 511 00:39:08,798 --> 00:39:11,234 Beverly Luff Linn. 512 00:39:13,970 --> 00:39:17,471 [Tyrone] It's the same black guy from the poster at the store, 513 00:39:17,473 --> 00:39:20,341 and that's Lulu with him in every single photograph. 514 00:39:20,343 --> 00:39:22,743 [Shane] Yes, Tyrone. 515 00:39:22,745 --> 00:39:26,115 It looks like they're having a pretty great time together, Shane. 516 00:39:27,183 --> 00:39:29,116 Tyrone. 517 00:39:29,118 --> 00:39:30,985 Listen to me. 518 00:39:30,987 --> 00:39:32,722 This man is in town. 519 00:39:34,023 --> 00:39:37,458 He's having an event at the Moorhouse Hotel. 520 00:39:37,460 --> 00:39:40,161 I don't know what this event is, 521 00:39:40,163 --> 00:39:42,298 but Lulu's gone missing. 522 00:39:45,368 --> 00:39:46,903 Tyrone. 523 00:39:49,373 --> 00:39:54,108 We need to go to the hotel, immediately, to see if she's there. 524 00:39:54,110 --> 00:39:55,876 Yes, we do Shane. 525 00:39:55,878 --> 00:39:58,412 We need to go to the hotel immediately to see if she's there. 526 00:39:58,414 --> 00:40:00,414 Immediately. Immediately. 527 00:40:00,416 --> 00:40:02,082 Immediately. Immediately. 528 00:40:02,084 --> 00:40:03,816 Immediately. 529 00:40:03,818 --> 00:40:05,419 Immediately. 530 00:40:05,421 --> 00:40:07,421 Immediately. Immediately. 531 00:40:07,423 --> 00:40:09,290 Immediately. Immediately. 532 00:40:09,292 --> 00:40:10,824 Immediately. Immediately. 533 00:40:10,826 --> 00:40:12,929 Immediately. Immediately. 534 00:40:14,297 --> 00:40:15,865 Immediately. 535 00:40:17,967 --> 00:40:19,500 Good evening. My name is Lawrence. 536 00:40:19,502 --> 00:40:20,937 Welcome to the Moorhouse Hotel. 537 00:40:22,104 --> 00:40:24,438 That man there, is he in the hotel? 538 00:40:24,440 --> 00:40:27,174 I need to see him. I must speak with him. It's urgent. 539 00:40:27,176 --> 00:40:29,312 Sir, you're more than welcome to wait in our captain's lounge. 540 00:40:30,912 --> 00:40:32,446 Is the captain in his lounge? 541 00:40:32,448 --> 00:40:36,219 No, the captain is not in his fucking lounge! 542 00:41:01,944 --> 00:41:03,946 Mmm. 543 00:41:07,583 --> 00:41:10,184 - [burps] - [giggles] 544 00:41:10,186 --> 00:41:12,953 I love cold beer! I gave you cold beer! 545 00:41:12,955 --> 00:41:14,988 I love cold beer! 546 00:41:14,990 --> 00:41:16,457 I gave you cold beer! 547 00:41:16,459 --> 00:41:18,592 I love cold beer! 548 00:41:18,594 --> 00:41:21,227 [whining] 549 00:41:21,229 --> 00:41:24,000 [panting] [sighs] Whoo. 550 00:41:27,336 --> 00:41:31,374 [low grunting] 551 00:41:33,209 --> 00:41:36,045 I know, I know. We'll sort it out. 552 00:41:39,848 --> 00:41:42,215 [low groaning] 553 00:41:42,217 --> 00:41:46,053 [tires squealing] 554 00:41:46,055 --> 00:41:48,522 You're late, Tyrone. What happened? 555 00:41:48,524 --> 00:41:50,557 I was worried stiff. 556 00:41:50,559 --> 00:41:53,394 He's there, Shane. They got a life-sized poster of him in the lobby. 557 00:41:53,396 --> 00:41:55,531 He's being pushed around in a wheelchair by the bearded man. 558 00:41:57,300 --> 00:42:00,234 Hello, Shane! You look fat today! 559 00:42:00,236 --> 00:42:04,371 Like I said, I'm coming back every day, and here I am! 560 00:42:04,373 --> 00:42:06,407 Where is my fucking money? 561 00:42:06,409 --> 00:42:10,880 I don't have your money, Adjay. But do you know this man? 562 00:42:17,086 --> 00:42:19,153 Where the fuck did this come from? 563 00:42:19,155 --> 00:42:22,589 This guy who looked like Michael McDonald from the Doobie Brothers dropped it off. 564 00:42:22,591 --> 00:42:24,325 There's a big event happening. 565 00:42:24,327 --> 00:42:28,194 Adjay, I found a box of pictures of Lulu with this man. 566 00:42:28,196 --> 00:42:30,431 It was hidden in her underwear drawer. 567 00:42:30,433 --> 00:42:32,165 That man is dead! 568 00:42:32,167 --> 00:42:33,901 That man ain't dead. 569 00:42:33,903 --> 00:42:37,237 That man is in a wheelchair at the Moorhouse Hotel. 570 00:42:37,239 --> 00:42:41,442 That man is dead! That man fucking drowned! 571 00:42:41,444 --> 00:42:44,645 And I want my fucking money, Shane! [squeals] 572 00:42:44,647 --> 00:42:47,048 That man ain't dead. 573 00:42:59,161 --> 00:43:00,363 Hello? 574 00:43:03,132 --> 00:43:05,399 [people groaning] 575 00:43:05,401 --> 00:43:10,169 Show delayed 24 hours for a medical emergency? 576 00:43:10,171 --> 00:43:11,474 Excuse me. 577 00:43:12,475 --> 00:43:14,708 I don't understand. 578 00:43:14,710 --> 00:43:17,176 Wait, there's Rodney. Ask him what's going on. 579 00:43:17,178 --> 00:43:18,980 I'm going in. 580 00:43:20,248 --> 00:43:22,316 Excuse me. Excuse me, Mr. Rodney. 581 00:43:22,318 --> 00:43:24,451 Is everything okay with Mr. Beverly? 582 00:43:24,453 --> 00:43:27,154 Mr. Luff Linn just needs some peace and quiet. 583 00:43:27,156 --> 00:43:28,722 He doesn't need to be disturbed. 584 00:43:28,724 --> 00:43:30,290 Is he dead? 585 00:43:30,292 --> 00:43:32,961 I have no idea. I'm not a doctor. 586 00:43:36,732 --> 00:43:41,401 I just don't understand why you're so stressed out about this Mr. Beverly event. 587 00:43:41,403 --> 00:43:43,970 I realize you don't understand. 588 00:43:43,972 --> 00:43:45,608 The thing is, I do understand. 589 00:43:47,176 --> 00:43:48,709 [shouting] Okay, then, you know what? 590 00:43:48,711 --> 00:43:51,578 I'm going out, and I'm gonna feast on snacks! 591 00:43:51,580 --> 00:43:56,517 Good! I hope you feast on snacks and you get so fat that your pants split! 592 00:43:56,519 --> 00:43:59,352 Oh, you would love it if my pants split! 593 00:43:59,354 --> 00:44:00,556 I would! [door slams] 594 00:44:03,224 --> 00:44:04,626 [Luff Linn grunts] 595 00:44:07,295 --> 00:44:09,496 I see you're writing again. 596 00:44:09,498 --> 00:44:12,201 Come on. I'll run you a bath. [grunts] 597 00:44:13,001 --> 00:44:15,669 [chuckling] 598 00:44:15,671 --> 00:44:18,739 [Rodney] I saw that dreadful couple downstairs. 599 00:44:18,741 --> 00:44:21,508 They seem pretty pissed off that the show's been postponed. 600 00:44:21,510 --> 00:44:23,411 [loud grunting] 601 00:44:30,585 --> 00:44:32,487 Well, well, well. 602 00:44:35,491 --> 00:44:39,693 Um, I think I'm gonna have a bit of a siesta now. 603 00:44:39,695 --> 00:44:40,696 Mmm. 604 00:44:43,632 --> 00:44:47,333 You really should start writing again. 605 00:44:47,335 --> 00:44:50,438 You write beautifully. You have a real way with words. 606 00:44:51,639 --> 00:44:52,574 [grunts] 607 00:45:02,618 --> 00:45:04,219 [door bells jingle] 608 00:45:25,341 --> 00:45:28,611 [groaning] 609 00:45:32,715 --> 00:45:34,614 [low growl] 610 00:45:34,616 --> 00:45:37,085 Yes, I will make sure that she gets it. 611 00:45:39,354 --> 00:45:41,356 [door opens, closes] 612 00:45:43,191 --> 00:45:45,726 I just saw Mr. Beverly, and he looked fine. 613 00:45:45,728 --> 00:45:47,861 Exceptionally healthy, in fact. 614 00:45:47,863 --> 00:45:51,598 And I saw magical event posters all over town. 615 00:45:51,600 --> 00:45:53,499 What are you thinking about? 616 00:45:53,501 --> 00:45:55,401 Because I'll tell you what I'm thinking about. 617 00:45:55,403 --> 00:45:58,137 I'm thinking about how I met your fat brother in the Laundromat, 618 00:45:58,139 --> 00:46:01,107 and I was promised to be paid $200, 619 00:46:01,109 --> 00:46:02,875 of which I have received nothing! 620 00:46:02,877 --> 00:46:06,345 I'm a professional! I make things happen! 621 00:46:06,347 --> 00:46:08,781 And now what do I do? I'm just protecting you 622 00:46:08,783 --> 00:46:11,518 so that you can see Mr. Beverly and his magic event. 623 00:46:11,520 --> 00:46:16,589 And I haven't even mentioned his fat, bearded, chipmunk-faced piggy partner 624 00:46:16,591 --> 00:46:20,562 who needs a punch right in his tightly packed poo-filled anus hole! 625 00:46:23,164 --> 00:46:25,431 I'll pay you the $200, okay? 626 00:46:25,433 --> 00:46:27,433 No, no, no. It's not about that. 627 00:46:27,435 --> 00:46:29,769 It's not about the money Ah, no! 628 00:46:29,771 --> 00:46:32,572 It's not about the money! 629 00:46:32,574 --> 00:46:36,077 Now Colin's opened his big, hairy trap, and Lulu hates him! 630 00:46:42,617 --> 00:46:44,152 Colin. 631 00:46:50,491 --> 00:46:52,725 I have an idea. 632 00:46:52,727 --> 00:46:56,629 How about the two of us go out for an old-fashioned night on the town? 633 00:46:56,631 --> 00:46:58,534 What do you say? 634 00:47:00,568 --> 00:47:02,437 I'd really like that. 635 00:47:05,874 --> 00:47:08,407 Lets paint the town, Colin. 636 00:47:08,409 --> 00:47:09,711 [bell dings] 637 00:47:12,847 --> 00:47:15,617 Oh. I need to go to the toilet. 638 00:47:18,386 --> 00:47:19,721 Okay. 639 00:47:31,199 --> 00:47:32,732 Oh, my God. Why are you here? 640 00:47:32,734 --> 00:47:35,201 I found this box in your underwear drawer 641 00:47:35,203 --> 00:47:38,604 with all these pictures of you and the Luff Linn poster man. 642 00:47:38,606 --> 00:47:39,874 Is this why you're here? 643 00:47:43,878 --> 00:47:46,647 Let go of me! Is he still alive? 644 00:47:46,649 --> 00:47:48,882 Because I heard he was dead. 645 00:47:48,884 --> 00:47:51,319 Get off of me. 646 00:47:52,420 --> 00:47:55,454 Security! This man is accosting me! 647 00:47:55,456 --> 00:47:57,525 Security! Security! 648 00:47:58,760 --> 00:48:02,928 Ow! My fucking ear, you fat fuck! Aaah! 649 00:48:02,930 --> 00:48:04,766 [panting] 650 00:48:06,567 --> 00:48:07,902 [groans] 651 00:48:12,807 --> 00:48:16,611 [shouting] Who the fuck is Beverly Luff Linn? 652 00:48:21,816 --> 00:48:25,017 Oh, shit! What happened, Shane? 653 00:48:25,019 --> 00:48:27,187 Got kicked in the stomach. 654 00:48:29,624 --> 00:48:32,524 I gotta go get my mom from the clinic. 655 00:48:32,526 --> 00:48:34,262 That's fine. Just drive. 656 00:48:36,564 --> 00:48:38,733 Did you get kicked hard? 657 00:48:39,967 --> 00:48:42,270 I should've blown out his kneecaps. 658 00:48:43,805 --> 00:48:45,673 I'm very protective. 659 00:48:50,912 --> 00:48:52,978 You put your earring back in, didn't you? 660 00:48:52,980 --> 00:48:55,917 Oh, yes. Yeah, I did. 661 00:48:57,853 --> 00:48:59,687 The mystery of Colin is deepening. 662 00:49:01,956 --> 00:49:04,392 Go deeper, if you dare. 663 00:49:08,763 --> 00:49:11,499 May I indulge you in a childhood story? 664 00:49:12,533 --> 00:49:14,669 Give it to me, Colin. 665 00:49:17,370 --> 00:49:20,605 My grandmother Eileen used to have these hard candies 666 00:49:20,607 --> 00:49:22,475 that were dusted in icing sugar. 667 00:49:22,477 --> 00:49:24,744 They were a real treat to be had. 668 00:49:24,746 --> 00:49:27,646 Now I'm getting to the major part of the story. 669 00:49:27,648 --> 00:49:30,585 When I was a little boy, I didn't like to, uh... 670 00:49:31,853 --> 00:49:33,819 do poo-poos inside, 671 00:49:33,821 --> 00:49:36,822 so I would march into the wood for hours 672 00:49:36,824 --> 00:49:39,591 just waiting until I had to go, you know. 673 00:49:39,593 --> 00:49:41,793 [straining] 674 00:49:41,795 --> 00:49:43,828 And I would just do it right there in the woods, 675 00:49:43,830 --> 00:49:45,765 or I would do it on a rock, 676 00:49:45,767 --> 00:49:48,667 or I would, um, dig a little hole and cover it with leaves. 677 00:49:48,669 --> 00:49:52,340 But it's not the way that we want little boys to go potty, is it? 678 00:49:53,808 --> 00:49:55,674 No, it is not. 679 00:49:55,676 --> 00:49:59,879 So, my grandmother very cleverly decided to give me these candies, 680 00:49:59,881 --> 00:50:01,613 which I was crazy about, 681 00:50:01,615 --> 00:50:02,917 whenever... 682 00:50:04,618 --> 00:50:06,887 doo-doos would come out indoors. 683 00:50:08,789 --> 00:50:11,590 So, whenever I went poopy inside, 684 00:50:11,592 --> 00:50:15,761 I would run down the hallway yelling, "Grammy, Grammy! Come and look in the bowl! 685 00:50:15,763 --> 00:50:17,563 Come and look in the bowl!" 686 00:50:17,565 --> 00:50:20,498 And then we would all gather around the bowl and just look inside 687 00:50:20,500 --> 00:50:22,737 and count the doo-doos, and guess what. 688 00:50:25,072 --> 00:50:26,671 What? 689 00:50:26,673 --> 00:50:29,440 She would give me a piece of candy 690 00:50:29,442 --> 00:50:33,412 for every piece of... poo-poo that I would produce. 691 00:50:33,414 --> 00:50:36,651 One time I got 14 pieces of candy. 692 00:50:40,721 --> 00:50:42,922 Grammy passed away some time ago. 693 00:50:42,924 --> 00:50:45,557 She was hit in the back of her head with a hammer. 694 00:50:45,559 --> 00:50:48,994 Okay, enough stories. It's time. 695 00:50:48,996 --> 00:50:50,965 I'm gonna lay it on the line. 696 00:50:52,166 --> 00:50:54,166 [sighs] 697 00:50:54,168 --> 00:50:58,504 Lulu, I may be a great deal younger than you, 698 00:50:58,506 --> 00:51:00,906 but I think you're the most beautiful, 699 00:51:00,908 --> 00:51:04,045 most interesting woman that I have ever met. 700 00:51:05,746 --> 00:51:09,714 And yes, I know everybody else thinks that too. 701 00:51:09,716 --> 00:51:12,584 But I need to know... 702 00:51:12,586 --> 00:51:14,452 and please be honest with me... 703 00:51:14,454 --> 00:51:15,856 I need to know... 704 00:51:17,457 --> 00:51:20,560 if any part of you is attracted... 705 00:51:22,430 --> 00:51:23,831 to any part of me. 706 00:51:38,545 --> 00:51:40,445 This is so unexpected. 707 00:51:40,447 --> 00:51:42,847 That's okay. You don't have to answer immediately. 708 00:51:42,849 --> 00:51:45,618 Look, I'm just in a very emotional place right now, you know? 709 00:51:45,620 --> 00:51:48,020 I just left my husband, and I have this event tomorrow night. 710 00:51:48,022 --> 00:51:50,789 Colin! Colin! Colin! Colin! Colin! 711 00:51:50,791 --> 00:51:54,862 Selfish! Selfish! Selfish! Selfish! 712 00:51:59,966 --> 00:52:01,666 [man] Crabs. 713 00:52:01,668 --> 00:52:03,003 Yummy! 714 00:52:07,474 --> 00:52:11,110 I had tickets to the magical Luff Linn, 715 00:52:11,112 --> 00:52:14,115 but I heard he had been delayed 24 hours. 716 00:52:17,952 --> 00:52:23,757 What makes the Luff Linn so... magical, Mrs. Paris? 717 00:52:25,659 --> 00:52:28,028 [coughing] 718 00:52:33,634 --> 00:52:38,039 [coughing, retching] 719 00:52:44,511 --> 00:52:48,148 [retching] 720 00:52:52,118 --> 00:52:54,921 [loud coughing] 721 00:53:02,029 --> 00:53:03,630 Ah! Ah! 722 00:53:09,236 --> 00:53:11,303 Psst. 723 00:53:11,305 --> 00:53:12,806 Miss Lulu. 724 00:53:18,678 --> 00:53:20,546 Yes? I have this for you. 725 00:53:26,220 --> 00:53:28,089 Thank you. Good evening. 726 00:53:31,858 --> 00:53:33,825 What did Mr. Lawrence want? 727 00:53:33,827 --> 00:53:37,729 He was just making sure you were protecting me. 728 00:53:37,731 --> 00:53:39,099 I am. 729 00:53:46,107 --> 00:53:47,975 Gonna go get ready for bed. 730 00:53:53,713 --> 00:53:55,015 [door closes] 731 00:54:12,732 --> 00:54:15,236 [Luff Linn grunting] 732 00:54:26,112 --> 00:54:28,012 [groaning] 733 00:54:28,014 --> 00:54:30,984 [funk music playing] Hmm? 734 00:54:33,653 --> 00:54:35,056 Is this our song? 735 00:54:35,855 --> 00:54:37,289 [Beverly] Mmm! 736 00:54:37,291 --> 00:54:39,025 Lord, this brings back memories. 737 00:54:40,193 --> 00:54:41,928 Endless nights at the Lamb and Lily. 738 00:54:43,363 --> 00:54:45,065 First time I saw you. 739 00:54:46,366 --> 00:54:48,766 You looked very smart with your orange hat. 740 00:54:48,768 --> 00:54:50,770 Mmm. 741 00:54:53,239 --> 00:54:55,273 Right, tea and bed, Bev. 742 00:54:55,275 --> 00:54:56,874 [growls] 743 00:54:56,876 --> 00:54:59,346 [light piano music] 744 00:55:08,688 --> 00:55:09,789 [door opens, closes] 745 00:55:14,060 --> 00:55:16,394 You look relaxed, Colin. 746 00:55:16,396 --> 00:55:18,162 Yeah, I'm just reading about Palominos. 747 00:55:18,164 --> 00:55:20,664 They're a very sought-after parade horse. 748 00:55:20,666 --> 00:55:22,035 Very pretty horse, I must say. 749 00:55:26,005 --> 00:55:27,941 [sighs] Well, I'm wiped. 750 00:55:30,343 --> 00:55:31,611 Good night. 751 00:55:32,178 --> 00:55:33,845 [sighs] 752 00:55:33,847 --> 00:55:35,982 Would you like me to read you a couple of paragraphs? 753 00:55:38,952 --> 00:55:40,251 No, thanks. 754 00:55:40,253 --> 00:55:42,955 [light piano music continues] 755 00:55:46,860 --> 00:55:48,860 [tape player clicks] [music stops] 756 00:55:48,862 --> 00:55:49,927 [Colin yawns] 757 00:55:49,929 --> 00:55:51,998 [Luff Linn grunts] 758 00:55:53,333 --> 00:55:56,434 [slurps] 759 00:55:56,436 --> 00:55:58,071 There we go. 760 00:55:58,838 --> 00:56:03,842 [light snoring] 761 00:56:28,734 --> 00:56:30,869 [water splashing] 762 00:56:45,751 --> 00:56:49,189 You look surprised. You expecting somebody else? 763 00:56:51,857 --> 00:56:54,458 No. No? Good. 764 00:56:54,460 --> 00:56:57,529 'Cause there'll be nobody else performing here tonight. 765 00:56:57,531 --> 00:56:59,432 The show's over. 766 00:57:28,228 --> 00:57:30,930 Mmm! 767 00:57:33,433 --> 00:57:36,336 [snoring] 768 00:57:47,080 --> 00:57:50,216 [whispers] Yes. Yes. 769 00:57:54,254 --> 00:57:55,919 No! Yes. 770 00:57:55,921 --> 00:57:58,589 No. Oh, God. No. 771 00:57:58,591 --> 00:58:00,591 I'm sorry. I must have gotten in the wrong bed. 772 00:58:00,593 --> 00:58:03,293 I like you in my bed. It's fine. No. 773 00:58:03,295 --> 00:58:05,362 It's fine. I like you in my bed. No, it's not fine. No, Colin. 774 00:58:05,364 --> 00:58:07,866 It's not fine. I'm sorry. 775 00:58:11,471 --> 00:58:15,039 Actually, Colin, I have my period. 776 00:58:15,041 --> 00:58:17,974 Can you run to the drugstore and get me some heavy flow tampons? 777 00:58:17,976 --> 00:58:20,313 The green box. It's an emergency. 778 00:58:21,347 --> 00:58:23,283 I'm going as fast as I can. 779 00:58:26,586 --> 00:58:28,320 [grunts] 780 00:58:31,056 --> 00:58:32,391 [door closes] 781 00:58:35,962 --> 00:58:37,397 [sighs] 782 00:58:45,605 --> 00:58:47,137 [dings] 783 00:58:47,139 --> 00:58:48,905 [clears throat] Good morning, Lawrence. 784 00:58:48,907 --> 00:58:50,206 Good morning, Miss Lulu. 785 00:58:50,208 --> 00:58:54,344 Can you please see that this gets to Mr. Luff Linn? 786 00:58:54,346 --> 00:59:00,117 It must be delivered to him when his male bearded partner is not present, is that clear? 787 00:59:00,119 --> 00:59:02,088 He will receive the message right away. 788 00:59:03,423 --> 00:59:05,991 Thank you. Ta-ta. 789 00:59:12,532 --> 00:59:17,269 [liquid pouring] 790 00:59:18,303 --> 00:59:20,907 Skinny little pig. 791 00:59:23,142 --> 00:59:26,009 [grunts] 792 00:59:26,011 --> 00:59:29,447 Strong coffee, Bev. This should wake you up. 793 00:59:29,449 --> 00:59:32,048 Mmm. 794 00:59:32,050 --> 00:59:38,388 I had to haul a special someone all the way from the armchair to the queen-sized bed last night. 795 00:59:38,390 --> 00:59:41,224 Mmm. 796 00:59:41,226 --> 00:59:44,995 Now, this may look like a lot of food, but you should eat all of it. 797 00:59:44,997 --> 00:59:46,630 [angrily] Mmm. 798 00:59:46,632 --> 00:59:49,032 I'm just concerned about your health. I'm not badgering. 799 00:59:49,034 --> 00:59:51,101 Mmm. 800 00:59:51,103 --> 00:59:53,604 Good morning to you both. 801 00:59:53,606 --> 00:59:55,506 My name is Kennedy Gordon. 802 00:59:55,508 --> 00:59:59,342 I am the manager of the Moorhouse Hotel. 803 00:59:59,344 --> 01:00:03,646 - It is a pleasure finally having you stay with us. - Mmm. 804 01:00:03,648 --> 01:00:08,318 I also wanted to check in with you regarding our evening with Beverly Luff Linn 805 01:00:08,320 --> 01:00:12,723 and whether we're all set for this evening? 806 01:00:12,725 --> 01:00:16,394 Yes, at this precise moment, I would say we are all set for this evening's performance. 807 01:00:16,396 --> 01:00:20,964 Isn't that right, Bev? Mmm. 808 01:00:20,966 --> 01:00:25,170 Oh, and Lawrence asked me to give you this letter in private, Mr. Luff Linn. 809 01:00:39,151 --> 01:00:43,255 Um, please enjoy your breakfast! 810 01:00:44,757 --> 01:00:46,391 Shall we open it? 811 01:00:59,037 --> 01:01:03,173 [Lulu] So, I get up at 1:00 a.m. to see you alone, finally, 812 01:01:03,175 --> 01:01:05,241 and you send your creepy bearded partner. 813 01:01:05,243 --> 01:01:06,777 Why? 814 01:01:06,779 --> 01:01:09,012 Anything interesting? 815 01:01:09,014 --> 01:01:10,382 Mmm. 816 01:01:14,252 --> 01:01:18,288 Right, when you finish that steak, those eggs, that steak on that plate with those eggs, 817 01:01:18,290 --> 01:01:21,191 the orange if you want, and there's a boiled egg there. 818 01:01:21,193 --> 01:01:23,727 The toast, and I want you to have the jam with the toast. 819 01:01:23,729 --> 01:01:26,630 We're gonna hit the fitness center and loosen your hips for this evening. 820 01:01:26,632 --> 01:01:29,132 Mmm! 821 01:01:29,134 --> 01:01:32,204 [grunting] 822 01:01:36,575 --> 01:01:41,511 You're in great shape, but your pelvis is kinked. 823 01:01:41,513 --> 01:01:43,045 [growls] 824 01:01:43,047 --> 01:01:48,086 [grunting] 825 01:01:50,623 --> 01:01:54,057 I got the... I had to go to three different stores to get them. 826 01:01:54,059 --> 01:01:56,459 The first store said they wouldn't have them in for a month. 827 01:01:56,461 --> 01:01:59,162 I said, "That's no use. It's a monthly cycle." And the second store... 828 01:01:59,164 --> 01:02:00,732 [grunting] 829 01:02:03,301 --> 01:02:05,802 Listen to me, you little bitch. We got your note. 830 01:02:05,804 --> 01:02:07,470 I told you to back off! 831 01:02:07,472 --> 01:02:09,405 You shouldn't speak to a lady like that, Mr. Rodney. 832 01:02:09,407 --> 01:02:12,277 Shut up! This is your final warning! 833 01:02:13,512 --> 01:02:17,482 [grunting] 834 01:02:18,683 --> 01:02:21,851 What? Are you gonna chew me out now too? 835 01:02:21,853 --> 01:02:22,787 How about you? 836 01:02:36,234 --> 01:02:38,270 Mmm. 837 01:02:46,144 --> 01:02:47,812 Drive! 838 01:02:58,423 --> 01:03:03,426 I just witnessed two male suspicious figures driving a blue sports coupe. 839 01:03:03,428 --> 01:03:06,831 They were wearing wigs, and when I noticed them they sped off. 840 01:03:08,533 --> 01:03:10,266 That'll be Shane and Tyrone. 841 01:03:10,268 --> 01:03:11,436 Oh. 842 01:03:16,474 --> 01:03:18,440 [sniffs] 843 01:03:18,442 --> 01:03:20,412 Colin, do you think you could give me a massage? 844 01:03:22,848 --> 01:03:25,784 Yes, I can. 845 01:03:31,389 --> 01:03:35,560 [humming] 846 01:03:44,336 --> 01:03:47,170 You're getting really good at this, Colin. 847 01:03:47,172 --> 01:03:48,771 Then you won't mind me telling you 848 01:03:48,773 --> 01:03:51,608 that I saw Mr. Beverly in the fitness center exercising, 849 01:03:51,610 --> 01:03:53,111 and I pulled the finger at him. 850 01:03:53,778 --> 01:03:55,178 What? 851 01:03:55,180 --> 01:03:58,313 Colin, why did you do that? 852 01:03:58,315 --> 01:04:01,784 Look, I don't need you causing any more trouble than there already is! Okay? 853 01:04:01,786 --> 01:04:04,286 Please! 854 01:04:04,288 --> 01:04:06,323 I'm going for a walk. 855 01:04:11,930 --> 01:04:13,863 [shouts] 856 01:04:13,865 --> 01:04:17,467 You will always be alone, Colin, with that big, hairy trap of yours! 857 01:04:17,469 --> 01:04:19,404 Why is it so hairy? 858 01:04:24,676 --> 01:04:25,877 Would you like to come with me? 859 01:04:29,580 --> 01:04:31,148 I would like that. 860 01:04:32,784 --> 01:04:35,818 And thank you for the tampons. 861 01:04:35,820 --> 01:04:37,787 It was a pleasure to buy you tampons. 862 01:04:37,789 --> 01:04:39,357 [door creaks, closes] 863 01:04:45,664 --> 01:04:48,165 Mmm! 864 01:04:50,935 --> 01:04:54,271 [groans] 865 01:04:59,511 --> 01:05:03,548 [groaning] [groans back] 866 01:05:09,788 --> 01:05:16,360 [both continue groaning] 867 01:05:23,334 --> 01:05:25,635 [passes gas] [groans] 868 01:05:25,637 --> 01:05:26,803 [groans] [passes gas] 869 01:05:26,805 --> 01:05:28,671 Ooh. 870 01:05:28,673 --> 01:05:30,707 Good afternoon. Yes, this is Lawrence, Mr. Gordon. 871 01:05:30,709 --> 01:05:35,978 I have Mr. Rodney here, Mr. Beverly Luff Linn's partner. 872 01:05:35,980 --> 01:05:39,815 Apparently, they would like to delay the event for another 24 hours. 873 01:05:39,817 --> 01:05:40,983 Yes. 874 01:05:40,985 --> 01:05:42,484 Okay. 875 01:05:42,486 --> 01:05:43,719 Thank you very much. 876 01:05:43,721 --> 01:05:45,388 [hangs up receiver] Well? 877 01:05:45,390 --> 01:05:48,326 Mr. Gordon will be here very shortly. 878 01:05:58,837 --> 01:06:00,802 Good day, Mr. Rodney. 879 01:06:00,804 --> 01:06:02,606 Lovely to see you again. 880 01:06:04,641 --> 01:06:07,843 Now, we have a full hotel of guests 881 01:06:07,845 --> 01:06:11,581 anxiously awaiting An Evening with Beverly Luff Linn 882 01:06:11,583 --> 01:06:14,617 for one magical night only. 883 01:06:14,619 --> 01:06:19,858 And I am happy to accommodate your request for another 24 hours, but... 884 01:06:22,827 --> 01:06:28,097 I am afraid there can be no further delays after that. 885 01:06:28,099 --> 01:06:30,868 Am I being clear, Mr. Rodney? 886 01:06:32,871 --> 01:06:34,873 Yes, you're being clear. 887 01:06:35,840 --> 01:06:37,339 Wonderful! 888 01:06:37,341 --> 01:06:38,543 Wonderful! 889 01:06:43,680 --> 01:06:44,883 Wonderful. 890 01:06:47,818 --> 01:06:49,887 [music pounding] 891 01:06:51,655 --> 01:06:52,823 [woman] It's open! 892 01:06:54,658 --> 01:06:56,926 [music grows louder] 893 01:06:56,928 --> 01:07:00,397 [pounding continues] 894 01:07:02,867 --> 01:07:04,566 It's her. 895 01:07:04,568 --> 01:07:05,734 Are you sure? 896 01:07:05,736 --> 01:07:07,738 Of course, I'm sure. 897 01:07:08,639 --> 01:07:10,572 [scoffs] 898 01:07:10,574 --> 01:07:12,474 I have to say, when Beverly Luff Linn 899 01:07:12,476 --> 01:07:16,480 said he had taken up with a man, you are not what I expected. 900 01:07:17,414 --> 01:07:18,880 What are you, from Scotland? 901 01:07:18,882 --> 01:07:22,118 I met Beverly while I was studying embroidery in Aberdeen. 902 01:07:22,120 --> 01:07:28,825 I don't give one or two or 17 fucks what you were studying in Aberdeen 903 01:07:28,827 --> 01:07:33,095 [affecting Scottish accent] or Edinburgh or-or the Orkney Islands, 904 01:07:33,097 --> 01:07:36,066 ya fucking bushy bearded cunt! 905 01:07:38,001 --> 01:07:40,001 [normal voice] I only pursued your request 906 01:07:40,003 --> 01:07:43,939 because that skinny little pig ended our marriage. 907 01:07:43,941 --> 01:07:46,577 I wanted to see her in the flesh. It's supposed to offer closure. 908 01:07:47,712 --> 01:07:50,913 - I see. - How'd you get my number? 909 01:07:50,915 --> 01:07:55,717 Beverly gave it to me during one of our more marinated sessions in the Lamb and Lily. 910 01:07:55,719 --> 01:07:57,719 He was suffering from acute depression. 911 01:07:57,721 --> 01:07:59,855 He said if ever he was in trouble, I had to contact you. 912 01:07:59,857 --> 01:08:01,425 Please don't contact me again! 913 01:08:05,596 --> 01:08:07,430 [screams] Ever again! 914 01:08:08,733 --> 01:08:10,835 [door slams] [music stops] 915 01:08:13,470 --> 01:08:17,875 [grunting repeatedly] 916 01:08:21,179 --> 01:08:24,915 [growls] 917 01:08:26,083 --> 01:08:27,618 [grunts] 918 01:08:30,120 --> 01:08:32,621 [engine starts] [music pounding] 919 01:08:32,623 --> 01:08:35,392 [growling] 920 01:08:37,228 --> 01:08:38,693 [music fades] [sighs] 921 01:08:38,695 --> 01:08:41,197 Adjay, I've got good news. 922 01:08:41,199 --> 01:08:45,370 That guy Colin is at the Moorhouse Hotel with Lulu. 923 01:08:46,169 --> 01:08:47,636 They should have your money. 924 01:08:47,638 --> 01:08:49,504 So? 925 01:08:49,506 --> 01:08:52,910 So, you should go there, to the Moorhouse Hotel. 926 01:08:54,244 --> 01:08:57,079 There is something you are not getting, Shane. 927 01:08:57,081 --> 01:08:59,215 It seems I was correct to bring Edwin. 928 01:08:59,217 --> 01:09:00,617 Edwin! 929 01:09:01,252 --> 01:09:03,154 [bell jingles] 930 01:09:05,856 --> 01:09:08,425 I hear you have a back room. Can you take me there? 931 01:09:10,661 --> 01:09:11,895 Sure, Edwin. 932 01:09:28,745 --> 01:09:29,980 [shouts] [blow lands] 933 01:09:35,719 --> 01:09:38,753 [Adjay] And I want my fucking money, Shane! 934 01:09:38,755 --> 01:09:40,190 [bell jingles] 935 01:09:45,263 --> 01:09:46,830 What happened to your face, Shane? 936 01:09:48,665 --> 01:09:51,202 Edwin happened to my face, you big, fat penis face. 937 01:09:56,106 --> 01:09:57,739 [all groaning] 938 01:09:57,741 --> 01:10:01,142 [music pounding] 939 01:10:01,144 --> 01:10:03,544 I wonder why they postponed it again. 940 01:10:03,546 --> 01:10:05,015 Can we please stop discussing it? 941 01:10:09,920 --> 01:10:11,187 [music continues pounding] 942 01:10:11,189 --> 01:10:12,787 [Captain] How are we doing over here? 943 01:10:12,789 --> 01:10:15,659 Oh, uh, I'll have the usual. Thanks, Captain. 944 01:10:16,560 --> 01:10:17,759 And for you, ma'am? 945 01:10:17,761 --> 01:10:19,894 No. Thank you. 946 01:10:19,896 --> 01:10:23,700 I'm not feeling so well, so I'm going to go to my room. 947 01:10:25,202 --> 01:10:27,936 Maybe you're thirsty, or hungry. 948 01:10:27,938 --> 01:10:30,271 Dehydrated or low blood sugar. 949 01:10:30,273 --> 01:10:33,111 My God, Colin. I just left my husband. 950 01:10:34,111 --> 01:10:36,144 Do you even remember that? 951 01:10:36,146 --> 01:10:37,912 I've been holed up in this hotel for days 952 01:10:37,914 --> 01:10:42,150 because I'm desperate to see An Evening with Beverly Luff Linn for one magical night only, 953 01:10:42,152 --> 01:10:44,686 and I don't know if that's ever gonna happen. 954 01:10:44,688 --> 01:10:47,255 And for some insane reason, I'm being called a little bitch 955 01:10:47,257 --> 01:10:51,192 by Beverly's fat, disgusting, creepy partner 956 01:10:51,194 --> 01:10:54,997 with his little chipmunk body shoved into his pants with his little fat legs. 957 01:10:59,236 --> 01:11:01,738 So, no. I'm not feeling very thirsty or hungry, okay? 958 01:11:04,174 --> 01:11:06,243 [music pounding] Okay. 959 01:11:08,378 --> 01:11:10,912 [sighs] 960 01:11:10,914 --> 01:11:12,380 [whispers] She's having her period. 961 01:11:12,382 --> 01:11:13,783 Oh, dear. 962 01:11:15,185 --> 01:11:18,087 I had to go to three stores to get green tampons. 963 01:11:18,988 --> 01:11:20,055 [sighs] 964 01:11:20,057 --> 01:11:21,925 Rum and a Ramble for you, sir? 965 01:11:28,265 --> 01:11:30,899 You have beautiful hands. 966 01:11:30,901 --> 01:11:33,303 These two stupid, fat hands? 967 01:11:34,237 --> 01:11:35,937 [slurps] 968 01:11:35,939 --> 01:11:37,573 I'm Paulette. 969 01:11:41,010 --> 01:11:43,212 Nice to meet you, Paulette. I'm Colin. 970 01:11:50,253 --> 01:11:52,656 [door creaks] 971 01:11:58,028 --> 01:12:00,297 [growls] 972 01:12:04,066 --> 01:12:08,338 [choir singing] 973 01:12:15,712 --> 01:12:17,080 [door closes] 974 01:12:27,457 --> 01:12:32,393 So, it's a bit of a tradition in my family for the men to be named Keith, 975 01:12:32,395 --> 01:12:35,196 but my father just loved the name Colin. 976 01:12:35,198 --> 01:12:39,336 And so it came to pass that he named me, his only son... 977 01:12:40,203 --> 01:12:41,735 Colin. 978 01:12:41,737 --> 01:12:44,239 Colin Keith Threadener. 979 01:12:44,241 --> 01:12:45,706 So the Keith's still in there. 980 01:12:45,708 --> 01:12:47,708 [chuckles] 981 01:12:47,710 --> 01:12:51,281 Yeah, he was a bit of a rebel, my father. 982 01:12:53,215 --> 01:12:54,815 [music pounding continues] 983 01:12:54,817 --> 01:12:58,920 You could fill me with your stories all night long. 984 01:12:58,922 --> 01:13:00,123 [inhales, grunts] 985 01:13:02,092 --> 01:13:04,361 Well, that's really nice to hear that at a time like this. 986 01:13:06,729 --> 01:13:07,897 Hmm. 987 01:13:10,500 --> 01:13:11,734 Colin. 988 01:13:12,502 --> 01:13:14,168 Paulette. 989 01:13:14,170 --> 01:13:16,270 Is there someplace we can be alone? 990 01:13:16,272 --> 01:13:21,845 [moaning, grunting] 991 01:13:22,946 --> 01:13:25,849 [grunts echoing] 992 01:13:27,117 --> 01:13:29,150 [moans] 993 01:13:29,152 --> 01:13:31,787 Oh, that... That was beautiful. 994 01:13:35,425 --> 01:13:36,792 I like you, Paulette. 995 01:13:38,194 --> 01:13:42,031 Eh, it was good, sweetie. It was good. 996 01:13:44,801 --> 01:13:48,102 Now... Uh-huh. 997 01:13:48,104 --> 01:13:49,504 Really good, really good. 998 01:13:49,506 --> 01:13:51,941 Now that's gonna cost ya 50 bucks. 999 01:13:54,477 --> 01:13:56,213 She usually charges $80, 1000 01:13:58,781 --> 01:14:02,550 but she said I could pay 50, 1001 01:14:02,552 --> 01:14:04,851 and we ended up settling with me only paying 37. 1002 01:14:04,853 --> 01:14:07,287 So, you had sex with a prostitute? Yes. 1003 01:14:07,289 --> 01:14:10,091 We went all the way. [inhales] 1004 01:14:10,093 --> 01:14:12,126 All the way up there as they say. [scoffs] 1005 01:14:12,128 --> 01:14:13,829 Well, good for you, Colin. 1006 01:14:14,464 --> 01:14:15,931 Good night. 1007 01:14:22,338 --> 01:14:26,008 I was a virgin, and now I'm not. 1008 01:14:28,444 --> 01:14:33,214 I understand that! I'm letting them know right now! 1009 01:14:33,216 --> 01:14:36,384 Valerie! You have to load the equipment through the service entrance, 1010 01:14:36,386 --> 01:14:38,051 not the main entrance! 1011 01:14:38,053 --> 01:14:41,121 I don't know where the fucking service entrance is! 1012 01:14:41,123 --> 01:14:43,056 I need you to follow the signs, Valerie! 1013 01:14:43,058 --> 01:14:45,928 I can't hold your hand through this, as much as you might like me to! 1014 01:14:47,162 --> 01:14:50,966 [snoring] 1015 01:14:53,435 --> 01:14:55,235 [grunts] 1016 01:14:55,237 --> 01:14:58,541 [groaning] Let's get this baby seal out of bed. 1017 01:15:00,277 --> 01:15:02,479 Here's your tea. [groaning] 1018 01:15:04,079 --> 01:15:07,149 Big night tonight. Showtime. [grunts] 1019 01:15:08,384 --> 01:15:11,184 Okay, your vaporizer is on. 1020 01:15:11,186 --> 01:15:13,954 The sandalwood is infused with lime and tangerine. 1021 01:15:13,956 --> 01:15:17,958 The bath salts are by the tub. The flexing mat is under the window. 1022 01:15:17,960 --> 01:15:19,996 And your breakfast is under the cloche. 1023 01:15:23,233 --> 01:15:24,867 Are we magical? 1024 01:15:25,635 --> 01:15:27,169 Hmm. 1025 01:15:33,942 --> 01:15:36,443 Are you upset that I had sex with a prostitute last night? 1026 01:15:36,445 --> 01:15:40,981 No. Are you gonna get out of bed? Today is the event! 1027 01:15:40,983 --> 01:15:43,617 Help! I've slipped, and I've fallen into the pond! 1028 01:15:43,619 --> 01:15:48,256 Can anybody hear me? I'm trapped under the ice! Who is Beverly Luff Linn? 1029 01:15:48,258 --> 01:15:51,925 Help, I'm trapped! Who is Beverly Luff Linn? 1030 01:15:51,927 --> 01:15:55,062 Who is Beverly Luff Linn? Who is... 1031 01:15:55,064 --> 01:15:56,298 He was a poet. 1032 01:16:00,135 --> 01:16:03,172 Okay? He was my professor. 1033 01:16:04,673 --> 01:16:10,380 We were a couple, and we were passionately in love. 1034 01:16:11,548 --> 01:16:13,483 [bag rattles] 1035 01:16:17,286 --> 01:16:21,955 One spring he took me to the exotic island of Prami. 1036 01:16:21,957 --> 01:16:27,927 There was a bird sanctuary there, and... we had the best time. 1037 01:16:27,929 --> 01:16:34,335 All we would do is hold hands and sing to the birds. 1038 01:16:34,337 --> 01:16:37,474 These funny little birds with flat heads. 1039 01:16:40,109 --> 01:16:41,510 Do you know those kinds of birds? 1040 01:16:42,444 --> 01:16:44,111 No. 1041 01:16:44,113 --> 01:16:45,481 [sniffs] They're beautiful. 1042 01:16:48,183 --> 01:16:49,618 It was heaven. 1043 01:16:55,123 --> 01:17:00,630 But on the last day he said, "Lulu, I'm going to take you to a secret cove." 1044 01:17:02,331 --> 01:17:06,435 We went there, and he swam ahead of me... 1045 01:17:08,437 --> 01:17:10,437 out to this point, 1046 01:17:10,439 --> 01:17:15,040 and I remember he looked back, waved at me 1047 01:17:15,042 --> 01:17:19,647 and then plunged deep beneath the surface. 1048 01:17:19,649 --> 01:17:22,617 And I tried to catch up to him. 1049 01:17:22,619 --> 01:17:27,687 I swam so fast, but he never came up, 1050 01:17:27,689 --> 01:17:31,527 and... I couldn't find him. 1051 01:17:35,164 --> 01:17:39,332 So I went back to the hotel and our friend Cornelius was there. 1052 01:17:39,334 --> 01:17:44,541 I remember crying in Cornelius's arms when they told me that he was dead. 1053 01:17:45,608 --> 01:17:48,043 Drowned. 1054 01:17:50,512 --> 01:17:52,047 Probably eaten by sharks. 1055 01:17:55,551 --> 01:17:57,419 Why didn't you tell me all this before? 1056 01:18:00,189 --> 01:18:01,723 Because I've never told anyone before. 1057 01:18:04,560 --> 01:18:09,198 Except for Adjay. But he's not interested unless it's vegan. 1058 01:18:16,638 --> 01:18:19,239 I've never been in love, 1059 01:18:19,241 --> 01:18:20,409 at least not until I met you. 1060 01:18:24,212 --> 01:18:26,981 But not the kind that you're talking about where it's mutual. 1061 01:18:31,385 --> 01:18:33,055 Are you still in love with him? 1062 01:18:34,656 --> 01:18:36,556 Are you going to get out of bed, Colin? 1063 01:18:36,558 --> 01:18:38,391 Are you going to answer the question, Lulu? 1064 01:18:38,393 --> 01:18:40,462 No! Because I'm brushing my hair. 1065 01:18:46,702 --> 01:18:48,768 Mr. Rodney Luff Linn. 1066 01:18:48,770 --> 01:18:52,772 Er, it's actually Rodney Von Donkensteiger, but Luff Linn will do. 1067 01:18:52,774 --> 01:18:55,542 Mitch Stemp, events coordinator. 1068 01:18:55,544 --> 01:18:57,511 Nice to meet you, Mitch. 1069 01:18:57,513 --> 01:19:00,480 I just want to let you know everything is moving along smoothly 1070 01:19:00,482 --> 01:19:05,519 and I would like to lock the set by 2:00 p.m. today, if that's okay. 1071 01:19:05,521 --> 01:19:07,487 If that works for you and Mr. Luff Linn. 1072 01:19:07,489 --> 01:19:09,154 Yeah, that's fine. 1073 01:19:09,156 --> 01:19:12,459 Um, I just want to confirm... [clears throat] 1074 01:19:12,461 --> 01:19:16,630 that Mr. Luff Linn will enter from stage left along this line 1075 01:19:16,632 --> 01:19:19,867 and then he will end up in his chair to the right of your good self. 1076 01:19:19,869 --> 01:19:22,202 Then he'll sort of, like, go... 1077 01:19:22,204 --> 01:19:24,239 No, I get it. You don't have to explain it. Okay. 1078 01:19:26,241 --> 01:19:28,644 Great. Great. 1079 01:19:33,382 --> 01:19:35,684 Oh, am I looking forward to the event. 1080 01:19:40,288 --> 01:19:44,326 It... will... be... magical. 1081 01:19:46,762 --> 01:19:51,065 [breathing deeply] 1082 01:19:53,468 --> 01:19:54,836 Beverly, I want you to look at me. 1083 01:20:00,408 --> 01:20:04,813 You and I both know why you chose to hold this event in this shitbox dickhole hotel. 1084 01:20:07,716 --> 01:20:09,883 I know you know what I'm talking about. 1085 01:20:09,885 --> 01:20:13,422 But I need to tell you that I love you deeply. 1086 01:20:14,489 --> 01:20:17,357 You're the man of my dreams. 1087 01:20:17,359 --> 01:20:18,694 We can survive whatever this is. 1088 01:20:20,662 --> 01:20:24,833 For tonight, the event will be magical. 1089 01:20:26,567 --> 01:20:31,807 A magical, magical night with my magical, magical Beverly. 1090 01:20:36,178 --> 01:20:38,847 And now, I'm gonna make you some tea... 1091 01:20:40,716 --> 01:20:45,854 and it... will... be... magical. 1092 01:20:49,390 --> 01:20:51,557 [groans] 1093 01:20:51,559 --> 01:20:53,594 [sighing] 1094 01:20:55,262 --> 01:20:56,665 Is that really what you're wearing? 1095 01:20:58,600 --> 01:20:59,899 You chose these clothes for me. 1096 01:20:59,901 --> 01:21:01,768 Well, I think you should wear a tie. 1097 01:21:01,770 --> 01:21:04,606 You said I looked good. I don't have a tie. 1098 01:21:07,809 --> 01:21:09,675 Can't you just find a tie somewhere? 1099 01:21:09,677 --> 01:21:11,577 I think you should calm down. 1100 01:21:11,579 --> 01:21:13,512 I really think we should just get down there, okay? 1101 01:21:13,514 --> 01:21:14,847 The event doesn't start for an hour. 1102 01:21:14,849 --> 01:21:16,882 Why does everyone always have to get so stressed out all the time? 1103 01:21:16,884 --> 01:21:18,550 Because I wanna get good seats! 1104 01:21:18,552 --> 01:21:20,453 Yeah, I know you want to get good seats 1105 01:21:20,455 --> 01:21:23,823 because you want to see Mr. Beverly and his partner with his magical beard 1106 01:21:23,825 --> 01:21:26,493 do whatever they do in their magical event. 1107 01:21:26,495 --> 01:21:28,327 Yes, I do want to see that. 1108 01:21:28,329 --> 01:21:30,897 What's so magical about this magical event anyway? 1109 01:21:30,899 --> 01:21:35,603 I don't know. But whatever it is, it will probably change your life. 1110 01:21:37,405 --> 01:21:39,872 He is by far the most brilliant man I've ever met. 1111 01:21:39,874 --> 01:21:42,941 Well, that sounds like I've won the golden ticket, doesn't it? 1112 01:21:42,943 --> 01:21:47,380 To the most spectacular evening of whatever the fuck this is 1113 01:21:47,382 --> 01:21:51,250 provided to you by the man who shat all over you in the ocean! 1114 01:21:51,252 --> 01:21:52,518 [grunts, sobs] 1115 01:21:52,520 --> 01:21:53,585 Sorry. That's the first time 1116 01:21:53,587 --> 01:21:55,855 I've said the words "fuck" and "shat" in a long time, 1117 01:21:55,857 --> 01:21:56,923 and they're horrible words! 1118 01:21:56,925 --> 01:21:57,926 Well, good for you. 1119 01:22:00,294 --> 01:22:03,364 I'm going downstairs, and I'm going to get us front row seats. 1120 01:22:22,583 --> 01:22:23,851 Happy birthday, Lulu. 1121 01:22:26,020 --> 01:22:28,520 What time is it? 1122 01:22:28,522 --> 01:22:30,522 6:50. 1123 01:22:30,524 --> 01:22:35,427 Okay, do we all know what we're doing? [both] Yes. 1124 01:22:35,429 --> 01:22:40,699 Okay. Then let's fucking do it! Let's fucking do it! 1125 01:22:40,701 --> 01:22:41,870 Good luck, everyone. 1126 01:22:53,948 --> 01:22:56,649 Good evening. Please sit wherever you like. 1127 01:22:56,651 --> 01:22:58,317 Ah, good evening, Miss Lulu. 1128 01:22:58,319 --> 01:23:01,355 I truly hope you enjoy tonight's show. Thank you. 1129 01:23:29,617 --> 01:23:31,819 [applause] 1130 01:23:34,989 --> 01:23:37,458 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. 1131 01:23:38,492 --> 01:23:40,458 Good evening. 1132 01:23:40,460 --> 01:23:43,732 My name's Kennedy Gordon. I'm the manager of the Moorhouse Hotel. 1133 01:23:45,000 --> 01:23:47,635 [applause] 1134 01:23:48,803 --> 01:23:51,570 Well, after some delays, 1135 01:23:51,572 --> 01:23:55,743 I'm beyond thrilled to be standing here introducing this evening's event. 1136 01:23:57,878 --> 01:24:02,147 For many of us this will be a once-in-a-lifetime experience, 1137 01:24:02,149 --> 01:24:07,588 so please, let's just meditate on every moment. 1138 01:24:09,958 --> 01:24:11,092 Okay. 1139 01:24:12,726 --> 01:24:20,666 Welcome to An Evening with Beverly Luff Linn 1140 01:24:20,668 --> 01:24:24,805 for one magical night only! 1141 01:24:30,077 --> 01:24:32,580 [applause fades] 1142 01:24:37,618 --> 01:24:42,122 [applause] 1143 01:24:44,859 --> 01:24:47,427 [music starts, drumming] 1144 01:24:59,974 --> 01:25:01,976 [drumming continues] 1145 01:25:21,996 --> 01:25:25,466 [applause continues] 1146 01:25:29,236 --> 01:25:32,006 [drumming continues] 1147 01:25:38,245 --> 01:25:40,847 [drumming stops] 1148 01:25:53,594 --> 01:25:59,697 ? Those little ticks of time Keep on tocking, tocking Tocking, tocking ? 1149 01:25:59,699 --> 01:26:04,568 ? Ticky-ticky-ticky-ticky Tocking all the day ? 1150 01:26:04,570 --> 01:26:09,808 ? But those little ticks of time Know no reason or no rhyme ? 1151 01:26:09,810 --> 01:26:13,881 ? They just Ticky ticky tick tick Tock the time away ? 1152 01:26:15,582 --> 01:26:20,285 ? The sun picks up Little drops of water ? 1153 01:26:20,287 --> 01:26:25,823 ? From the sea As she rolls around the sky ? 1154 01:26:25,825 --> 01:26:31,164 ? When her hands Are falling down She makes a little cloud ? 1155 01:26:31,166 --> 01:26:36,835 ? And sends the little cloud Drifting by ? 1156 01:26:36,837 --> 01:26:39,907 [instruments stop] ? Ticky-ticky Tick tock tick ? 1157 01:26:40,540 --> 01:26:42,810 [applause] 1158 01:26:53,786 --> 01:26:59,193 [grunting] 1159 01:27:03,097 --> 01:27:05,498 Thank you. Please sit. 1160 01:27:09,303 --> 01:27:11,704 [groans, coughs] 1161 01:27:14,074 --> 01:27:16,576 When I first moved to Aberdeen, 1162 01:27:17,910 --> 01:27:21,013 this next piece became my shepherd. 1163 01:27:21,015 --> 01:27:25,986 It guided me away from the shame that had trotted up inside me. 1164 01:27:28,355 --> 01:27:31,923 I'm sure a lot of you felt the same way I did 1165 01:27:31,925 --> 01:27:35,295 on those misty moors of Aberdeenshire. 1166 01:27:37,297 --> 01:27:40,698 This next song is about the ocean 1167 01:27:40,700 --> 01:27:42,168 and what it means to be alone. 1168 01:27:43,170 --> 01:27:46,740 Specifically in Aberdeenshire. 1169 01:27:50,077 --> 01:27:53,813 [playing jig] 1170 01:27:57,884 --> 01:28:01,286 ? Why did I ever become A football referee? ? 1171 01:28:01,288 --> 01:28:05,256 ? I could have been an engineer Or a sailor on the sea ? 1172 01:28:05,258 --> 01:28:08,894 ? Whenever there's A fault to find They always pick on me ? 1173 01:28:08,896 --> 01:28:12,663 ? Why did I ever become A football referee? ? 1174 01:28:12,665 --> 01:28:16,101 ? I used to play at center half When I was very young ? 1175 01:28:16,103 --> 01:28:20,004 ? Sticking out for fair play I never could hold my tongue ? 1176 01:28:20,006 --> 01:28:23,641 ? The men at the top Were watching And they quickly spotted me ? 1177 01:28:23,643 --> 01:28:25,277 ? They said Now there's a decent man ? 1178 01:28:25,279 --> 01:28:27,278 ? We'll make him a referee ? 1179 01:28:27,280 --> 01:28:30,848 ? Why did I ever become A football referee? ? 1180 01:28:30,850 --> 01:28:34,820 ? I could have been an engineer Or a sailor on the sea ? 1181 01:28:34,822 --> 01:28:38,223 ? Whenever there's A fault to find They always pick on me ? 1182 01:28:38,225 --> 01:28:41,661 ? Why did I ever become A football referee? ? 1183 01:28:45,998 --> 01:28:50,301 ? Why did I ever become A football referee? ? 1184 01:28:50,303 --> 01:28:54,207 [applause] 1185 01:29:08,121 --> 01:29:10,156 My real name is Edmund Summers. 1186 01:29:22,169 --> 01:29:24,104 I loved someone once. 1187 01:29:27,807 --> 01:29:30,743 I loved her with every waking moment, 1188 01:29:34,247 --> 01:29:36,115 and then I left her. 1189 01:29:41,821 --> 01:29:47,161 I have a great friend who loves me very much. 1190 01:29:48,761 --> 01:29:50,264 He's up on the stage with me tonight. 1191 01:29:56,302 --> 01:30:00,139 Rodney, you're my best friend. 1192 01:30:01,841 --> 01:30:04,777 You look after me, you care for me. 1193 01:30:07,014 --> 01:30:08,382 And I do love you, Rodney. 1194 01:30:13,853 --> 01:30:15,888 But I'm not in love with you, Rodney. 1195 01:30:22,361 --> 01:30:24,463 I left my love with someone else, 1196 01:30:28,968 --> 01:30:31,071 and I don't know if she'll ever have me back. 1197 01:30:32,372 --> 01:30:33,973 She's the reason I'm here. 1198 01:30:37,211 --> 01:30:38,945 Happy birthday, Lulu. 1199 01:30:44,116 --> 01:30:46,417 I'd like to dedicate this next song to you. 1200 01:30:46,419 --> 01:30:48,986 It's called, 1201 01:30:48,988 --> 01:30:53,226 "Mmmm mmm!" 1202 01:30:59,399 --> 01:31:02,735 [up-tempo song] 1203 01:31:05,838 --> 01:31:07,438 Wait a second! 1204 01:31:07,440 --> 01:31:11,477 - [audience gasps] - That's my wife! 1205 01:31:13,546 --> 01:31:14,813 And it's her birthday! 1206 01:31:16,148 --> 01:31:18,284 And I want to give her a fucking cake. 1207 01:31:27,461 --> 01:31:28,761 Happy birthday, sweetie. 1208 01:31:31,030 --> 01:31:34,233 [Rodney] I've had enough of this shit. We're in the middle of a show. 1209 01:31:35,101 --> 01:31:36,135 [blows] 1210 01:31:42,040 --> 01:31:43,208 [Lulu] Chipmunk! 1211 01:31:43,210 --> 01:31:47,414 [grunting] 1212 01:31:51,117 --> 01:31:52,852 [grunting] 1213 01:31:58,057 --> 01:32:00,259 [all groaning] 1214 01:32:03,529 --> 01:32:05,496 [groaning continues] 1215 01:32:05,498 --> 01:32:07,399 [Lawrence] Fucking cunts! [groaning] 1216 01:32:07,401 --> 01:32:10,136 Hmmm. 1217 01:32:11,505 --> 01:32:12,870 That's it? 1218 01:32:12,872 --> 01:32:14,538 Lulu. 1219 01:32:14,540 --> 01:32:16,240 What was that all about? 1220 01:32:16,242 --> 01:32:18,075 "I don't know if she'll ever have me back." 1221 01:32:18,077 --> 01:32:19,812 I meant what I said. 1222 01:32:22,048 --> 01:32:25,049 I think I did. Maybe I got carried away. 1223 01:32:25,051 --> 01:32:28,352 I get so anxious before these shows I can't speak. 1224 01:32:28,354 --> 01:32:30,255 All I say is "mmm." 1225 01:32:31,290 --> 01:32:32,526 My stomach hurts. I get gas. 1226 01:32:34,093 --> 01:32:37,461 Well, we all get gas, and then I go up there 1227 01:32:37,463 --> 01:32:40,032 and sometimes I can't remember a word I say up on that stage. 1228 01:32:41,233 --> 01:32:42,900 So, you didn't mean it? 1229 01:32:42,902 --> 01:32:45,135 I don't know what I mean anymore. 1230 01:32:45,137 --> 01:32:49,007 In fact, in this precise moment, I don't really know exactly who on earth I am. 1231 01:32:53,244 --> 01:32:57,147 But what about all the love you left with me? 1232 01:32:57,149 --> 01:33:01,921 Mmm. You see? You see? I'm doing it again. 1233 01:33:06,225 --> 01:33:08,127 Why did you leave me there alone? 1234 01:33:10,929 --> 01:33:13,499 When I swam past the point, and I saw that ocean, 1235 01:33:14,933 --> 01:33:17,100 I knew I had to keep swimming. 1236 01:33:17,102 --> 01:33:19,537 I knew it was the time. 1237 01:33:19,539 --> 01:33:23,540 I know it sounds corny, but something was calling me out there. 1238 01:33:23,542 --> 01:33:25,077 I had to keep swimming. 1239 01:33:27,346 --> 01:33:30,116 But where did you go? I swam around the corner. 1240 01:33:31,617 --> 01:33:34,718 - I hid behind a rock. - What? 1241 01:33:34,720 --> 01:33:37,590 Then that guy Cornelius... Remember him from the hotel? 1242 01:33:39,023 --> 01:33:42,058 Yes. Well, he was in on it. 1243 01:33:42,060 --> 01:33:43,362 He got me off the island. 1244 01:33:44,597 --> 01:33:46,630 I think I paid him 80 bucks to help me. 1245 01:33:46,632 --> 01:33:48,267 [Colin] You big witch! 1246 01:33:50,169 --> 01:33:52,269 Who is this guy? 1247 01:33:52,271 --> 01:33:54,405 You're a big witch. 1248 01:33:54,407 --> 01:33:57,241 Are you just gonna poo on her again like you did last time? 1249 01:33:57,243 --> 01:33:59,275 Colin, stay out of this! 1250 01:33:59,277 --> 01:34:01,210 No, I will not stay out of this. 1251 01:34:01,212 --> 01:34:06,048 I've had to put up with Beverly Luff Linn and his shit event for the past week 1252 01:34:06,050 --> 01:34:09,453 because the woman I am in love with is in love with him. 1253 01:34:09,455 --> 01:34:12,124 So, no, I will not stay out of this. 1254 01:34:15,628 --> 01:34:18,695 You have no idea, Edmund, how lucky you are 1255 01:34:18,697 --> 01:34:22,668 to even have the possibility of loving this special woman. 1256 01:34:26,572 --> 01:34:28,273 Oh, 1257 01:34:30,408 --> 01:34:32,545 I know all too well how special she is. 1258 01:34:36,015 --> 01:34:37,550 ? There was a little Lubird ? 1259 01:34:39,485 --> 01:34:41,019 ? As little as can be ? 1260 01:34:43,054 --> 01:34:44,723 ? And everywhere That Edmund went ? 1261 01:34:46,090 --> 01:34:47,425 ? The Lubird went with he ? 1262 01:34:49,795 --> 01:34:51,697 ? They went to swim in oceans ? 1263 01:34:53,131 --> 01:34:55,532 ? They went to walk on land ? 1264 01:34:55,534 --> 01:34:58,037 ? And everywhere They went together ? 1265 01:35:00,272 --> 01:35:02,974 ? They went there Holding hands ? 1266 01:35:05,544 --> 01:35:09,314 Meine kleine Lubird. 1267 01:35:21,260 --> 01:35:25,997 Do you know what it feels like when you simply don't belong? 1268 01:35:26,599 --> 01:35:27,466 Yes. 1269 01:35:38,743 --> 01:35:40,278 Edmund, wait! 1270 01:36:32,498 --> 01:36:35,131 [music pounding] 1271 01:36:35,133 --> 01:36:38,334 Someone drinking a Rum and a Ramble? 1272 01:36:38,336 --> 01:36:41,172 Um, well, let's see. Yeah, it would appear so. 1273 01:36:43,575 --> 01:36:44,542 And how is it? 1274 01:36:46,177 --> 01:36:48,279 As creamy and delicious as the last time. 1275 01:36:50,548 --> 01:36:52,150 Can I join you? 1276 01:36:59,625 --> 01:37:02,325 Captain, I'll have two A Rumble in the Heather. 1277 01:37:02,327 --> 01:37:03,827 Absolutely, Miss Lulu. 1278 01:37:03,829 --> 01:37:06,164 And two more Rum and Rambles for me, thanks, Captain. 1279 01:37:07,532 --> 01:37:10,268 Going out with a bang at the Moorhouse Hotel? 1280 01:37:11,302 --> 01:37:13,571 I'm driving out in the morning. 1281 01:37:16,441 --> 01:37:18,173 Where are you going? 1282 01:37:18,175 --> 01:37:21,177 Colin would rather that remain top secret, thank you. 1283 01:37:21,179 --> 01:37:23,114 But Lulu would like Colin to tell her. 1284 01:37:24,617 --> 01:37:26,719 You don't have access to that information. 1285 01:37:34,325 --> 01:37:38,196 You should know... that Edmund was my first love. 1286 01:37:44,436 --> 01:37:46,304 You can have other loves. 1287 01:37:51,744 --> 01:37:57,947 Two Rumbles in the Heather and two large Rum and a Ramble. 1288 01:37:57,949 --> 01:38:01,886 [music pounding] 1289 01:38:04,455 --> 01:38:06,287 [record scratches] 1290 01:38:06,289 --> 01:38:07,225 [slurping] 1291 01:38:13,398 --> 01:38:14,933 [music starts] 1292 01:38:19,004 --> 01:38:20,371 I love this song. 1293 01:38:23,007 --> 01:38:24,375 Don't you love this song? 1294 01:38:25,743 --> 01:38:26,778 I'm not familiar with it. 1295 01:38:27,879 --> 01:38:28,913 But do you love it? 1296 01:38:31,016 --> 01:38:34,617 [man sings] ? Don't come easy to me ? 1297 01:38:34,619 --> 01:38:36,719 It's all right. 1298 01:38:36,721 --> 01:38:38,587 But don't you love it? 1299 01:38:38,589 --> 01:38:41,457 ? To make you see ? 1300 01:38:41,459 --> 01:38:44,696 ? I love you Words don't come easy ? Do you want to dance? 1301 01:38:46,731 --> 01:38:49,400 It's been a long time. My moves are rusty. 1302 01:38:50,535 --> 01:38:51,669 It's okay. Mine are too. 1303 01:38:54,505 --> 01:39:00,609 ? This is the only way For me to say ? 1304 01:39:00,611 --> 01:39:01,978 ? I love you ? 1305 01:39:01,980 --> 01:39:04,215 ? Words don't come easy ? 1306 01:39:06,317 --> 01:39:09,785 ? Well, I'm just a music man ? 1307 01:39:09,787 --> 01:39:13,989 ? Melodies are so far My best friend ? 1308 01:39:13,991 --> 01:39:17,693 ? But my words Are coming out wrong ? 1309 01:39:17,695 --> 01:39:21,630 ? And I I reveal my heart to you ? 1310 01:39:21,632 --> 01:39:28,370 ? And hope that you believe It's true 'cause ? 1311 01:39:28,372 --> 01:39:34,677 ? Words Don't come easy to me ? 1312 01:39:34,679 --> 01:39:41,016 ? How can I find a way To make you see? ? 1313 01:39:41,018 --> 01:39:45,256 ? I love you Words don't come easy ? 1314 01:39:46,858 --> 01:39:50,593 ? This is just a simple song ? 1315 01:39:50,595 --> 01:39:54,563 ? That I've made for you On my own ? 1316 01:39:54,565 --> 01:39:59,835 ? There's no hidden meaning You know when I... ? 1317 01:39:59,837 --> 01:40:03,072 ? When I say I love you, honey ? 1318 01:40:03,074 --> 01:40:08,811 ? Please believe I really do 'Cause ? 1319 01:40:08,813 --> 01:40:10,748 [rock riff] 1320 01:40:20,758 --> 01:40:27,062 ? Words Don't come easy to me ? 1321 01:40:27,064 --> 01:40:33,636 ? How can I find a way To make you see? ? 1322 01:40:33,638 --> 01:40:37,473 ? I love you Words don't come easy ? 1323 01:40:37,475 --> 01:40:38,042 [scratches, stops] 1324 01:41:07,905 --> 01:41:09,674 You know what I was thinking? 1325 01:41:11,776 --> 01:41:14,678 Every girl needs a Colin, Colin. 1326 01:41:15,913 --> 01:41:16,880 [Colin] Be right back. 1327 01:41:25,857 --> 01:41:28,826 Now, Colin. Now's the time. 1328 01:42:15,773 --> 01:42:17,607 I love you, Colin. 1329 01:42:23,047 --> 01:42:24,015 What did you say? 1330 01:42:27,550 --> 01:42:29,786 I think I said I love you. 1331 01:42:34,859 --> 01:42:36,060 I love you too, Lulu. 1332 01:43:17,067 --> 01:43:18,736 [dings] 1333 01:43:33,317 --> 01:43:35,950 I'll tell you something, Bev. 1334 01:43:35,952 --> 01:43:40,054 This young pup'll be very keen to get away from the shitpick dickhole 1335 01:43:40,056 --> 01:43:42,093 that was the Moorhouse Hotel. 1336 01:43:43,227 --> 01:43:44,195 There's your nibbles. 1337 01:43:45,963 --> 01:43:47,264 Nibbles, Bev. 1338 01:43:49,867 --> 01:43:51,102 Bev, nibbles. 1339 01:43:53,270 --> 01:43:55,139 Nibbles, Bev. 1340 01:43:56,673 --> 01:43:57,707 Bev, nibbles. 1341 01:43:59,175 --> 01:44:01,711 Bev, nibbles. 1342 01:44:03,813 --> 01:44:06,117 Bev, Bev. 1343 01:44:09,320 --> 01:44:10,319 Whoa, Bev! 1344 01:44:10,321 --> 01:44:12,754 Help! Help! 1345 01:44:12,756 --> 01:44:15,625 Help! Help! We've got a death in here! 1346 01:44:16,293 --> 01:44:18,360 Help! Help! 1347 01:44:18,362 --> 01:44:21,231 This is a death scene! Hmm! 1348 01:44:23,367 --> 01:44:24,734 [groans] Oh, my... 1349 01:44:26,102 --> 01:44:29,904 Good God, Bev. You scared the hell out of me. 1350 01:44:29,906 --> 01:44:31,042 We all thought you'd died! 1351 01:44:34,345 --> 01:44:35,944 [sighs] 1352 01:44:35,946 --> 01:44:37,314 [loud] Hmmm! 1353 01:44:38,315 --> 01:44:39,783 Mmmm. 1354 01:44:42,819 --> 01:44:45,219 [chuckles] 1355 01:44:45,221 --> 01:44:47,355 [laughs] 1356 01:44:47,357 --> 01:44:50,058 [chuckles] 1357 01:44:50,060 --> 01:44:51,161 Hmm. 1358 01:44:53,863 --> 01:44:55,831 [both chuckle] 1359 01:44:55,833 --> 01:44:58,635 [music thumping] 1360 01:45:06,209 --> 01:45:07,577 [Beverly] Mm-hmm. 1361 01:45:10,146 --> 01:45:11,681 Hmm. 1362 01:45:14,350 --> 01:45:15,852 [Beverly] Mm-hmm. 1363 01:45:18,389 --> 01:45:19,823 Mm-hmm. 1364 01:45:38,374 --> 01:45:39,943 Mm-hmm. 1365 01:45:42,413 --> 01:45:43,813 [groaning] 1366 01:45:46,317 --> 01:45:47,717 Mm-hmm. 1367 01:45:50,321 --> 01:45:52,088 [groaning] 1368 01:45:54,290 --> 01:45:55,358 Mm-hmm. 1369 01:45:58,061 --> 01:46:00,163 [groaning] 1370 01:46:02,298 --> 01:46:03,867 Mm-hmm. 1371 01:46:06,303 --> 01:46:07,336 Mm-hmm. 1372 01:46:07,338 --> 01:46:10,073 [vocalizing] [synthesized music] 1373 01:46:26,356 --> 01:46:27,856 Mm-hmm. 1374 01:46:30,461 --> 01:46:32,129 Mm-hmm. 1375 01:46:34,365 --> 01:46:35,932 Mm-hmm. 1376 01:46:38,835 --> 01:46:40,003 Mm-hmm. 1377 01:46:42,372 --> 01:46:44,207 Mm-hmm. 1378 01:46:46,742 --> 01:46:48,111 Mm-hmm. 1379 01:46:50,480 --> 01:46:51,880 Mm-hmm. 1380 01:46:54,485 --> 01:46:55,785 Mm-hmm. 1381 01:46:57,987 --> 01:46:59,923 [music stops] Mm-hmm. 1382 01:47:00,957 --> 01:47:04,394 [music changes] 1383 01:47:26,783 --> 01:47:29,786 [groaning] 1384 01:47:33,389 --> 01:47:35,958 [low groaning] 1385 01:47:38,961 --> 01:47:41,431 [groans] 1386 01:47:49,405 --> 01:47:51,441 [groans] 1387 01:47:53,142 --> 01:47:56,179 [grunting] 1388 01:47:59,982 --> 01:48:02,416 [groans] 1389 01:48:02,418 --> 01:48:05,087 [grunts] 1390 01:48:05,089 --> 01:48:08,406 100925