All language subtitles for After

Subtitles by explosiveskull

I helped change
the sexual mores of this country,

and made it legal
for human beings

to go to a store and rent
a X-Rated movie legally.

And I helped make that thing
a reality in this country.

So, I freed a lot of dicks and pussies.
That's how I feel about it,

you know what I mean, real talk.
That's some real talk.

When I first got into the industry, I
was waiting tables for seven years.

And I was in college.
I was a broke-college student.

I used to sell in market timeshare,
and I really just hated my job.

And I actually have job satisfaction now.
So, even on the days that it's bad,

I just remind myself how much I love my work,
and the next day is going to be better.

She was like: "Please, please, do the scene.
I was like: "I'm not doing a fucking porn.

Now, get the fuck outa here." And they
were like: "Lo, we'll give you basically

three times what you make at
your regular job for 45 minutes

of doing what you did
at home for free an hour ago."

I was like:
"Okay. Let's do that."

He was my first scene
in the business in 2006.

- Did not go well... at all.
- Did not go well... at all.

It was so bad, I didn't want to work with
her for like three years after that.

- But three years later, he worked with me.
- And then it went well.

- And it went well.
- And now we're married.

I was treated
a little differently.

I think that actually got harder
when I was more like in junior high

and kids started
picking on me. And like...

I would get jumped.

I got held down,
my hair cut off.

I was pretty. I was a pretty little girl.
And so girls were very mean to me.

Little things like that would happen
to me all throughout my teen years.

I cannot be tamed. You know,
wild child is being an extraordinaire,

being not the norm.

Like I just loved being free.

And I'd say, like there's your
conservatives and then your exhibitionist.

Two different types of personalities.
Not one is better than the other.

They're just different.
Society tries to tell you

one is better than the other,
but they're not.

Remember guys, when you're
throwing money during the fights,

give it on the outside
of the cage.

I don't wanna have to teach
you all how to make it rain.

I'm actually really super
excited for this particular fight.

This is very new to me. I
don't know. It's just something

I wanted to tap into, have a
lot of fun and be a little sexy.

And I was like:
"Shit. Let's do it."

Okay. So where
was I before that.

I was born in New Delhi. I came to
America when I was eight months old.

I was adopted
by a very religious family.

They adopted four of us and they
had three of their own, so...

Theirs they're older, they're
really involved in the church,

so they're not really aware of the
extent of what I do and who I am.

Yeah, I think she has had this
idea that we were going to come.

We are going to be, you know,
good Indian little kids.

We were gonna go to school like a normal
Indian kid that comes from India.

I remember my mom looking at my brother and I,
and she goes, she looked at my brother and goes:

"You were supposed to be my engineer." Then
she was: "You were supposed to be my doctor."

And uhm, I just go on
with doctor of love.

She didn't like that too much.

Everything seems okay.
Oooh.

So, at 15 I'm pregnant, '93.

I remember
they had pregnant schools.

And they would ship all the
pregnant girls to this one school.

We'd all come in on buses
and we would go to school there

until we get our kids and then
we go back to school, so...

Definitely, a different world
than it is now.

I look back, but... I did it.

It was kind of forced upon me
to grow up really fast.

So, I went from being 15
to a parent.

You're ready?
Alright. Hands up.

And so, it's rough, you know, trying
to work and be a single parent.

I remember when I was looking at ads.
I was like, "Topless dancers."

All right. I'm gonna
go try this out, so...

Priya Rai, she's is at
Cheerleaders in the strip district

- and you're gonna be here for two shows tonight,
- Yes.

- and two shows tomorrow?
- Yes!

Stripping for me, you know, you
don't know what you're going come in there

and make in the hustle. I was just, you
know, being the little wild child at work.

I would be partying
instead of working.

And then like, I just remember
the girls in the back,

I'd be rolling around on the floor.
They would like: "Girl, why don't you

just become a porn star. What
the hell, doing your asshole

up in the air just like,
you know, it's just crazy."

And so I was like: "You know what? One day,
I thought about it." I was like: "Why not?"

So, I lived in Phoenix, Arizona. I
was in the circle of Jenna Jameson.

So, I would go to all the parties
and I would talk to people.

And I remember I was in the pool
talking to this guy.

I was like: "I want to be an actress
and thought about doing..."

He's like: "Honey, you don't
look like an actress."

He was like: "You look like a porn star." Back
then, my tits were bigger than they are now.

I don't know. I have this thing. It's
always been in the back of my head

when I was always too chicken shit
to really do it. And I'm like:

"You're a year away
from being 30, bitch."

Like, if you're gonna do it, do it.
Here's a perfect opportunity.

You know, In the beginning of my career,
I was doing nude modeling, soft porn,

should I say. My first share,
I got a lot of death e-mails

because of the niche of being... there
are no East Indian American porn stars.

You know, there was a lot more going on
in my life than to sit there and worry

about some guy half-way
across the country's opinion

on what I was doing because, guess
what, he's not paying my bills.

And he's probably not paying
for his porn either, so...

Yeah. Doing good? All right.

I had to deal with that
within the first year,

but I think, within
the first to second year,

it kind of calmed down
and people begun to love me.

- Who the fuck is that?
- What the fuck is she wearing?

Actually, making hardcore
movies, I went in at 29.

There's days
you go to work, and it's work,

but then there's days you go to work, and
I'm like: "I'm gonna have fun today."

- Look how sexy you are.
- So, let's go play. Hello to my licorice bra.

There are couple of scenes
in the beginning of my career

that taught me a lot
sexually about myself.

- Does that look like something that you like?
- It's so big.

Take a breath.
Where is water at?

Fighting out of Fresno.

This former rodeo rider,

adult star, cage fighter,
total package of dynamite.

- Blatten Lee!
- Blatten Lee!

It... It was hard for me, because I
had kids. So what I would do is,

I would get up at 7:00 a.m.
get on a flight, come to LA,

be in hair and makeup by 8:30.

Got Priya here and she just
look like a baby hot stuff.

- Look. Is she in this...
- It's so hot outside.

Do my scene, be on the last
flight back home to Phoenix

to be home with my kids for dinner, or
late, you know, to put them to bed.

But that's how I managed a
career for the first two years.

I was going back and forth
almost every other day.

- Priya!
- Priya!

My daughter and I have
a very good relationship,

but it got to a point she'd be at high
school, and she's like, tell everybody:

"My mom's Priya. My mom's
Priya," like: "Stop it!"

Like all these boys
out my door, you know.

I was like: "Do you want them to come
over for you or me, like just stop it!"

Alright, here we go,
guys. Round one! Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

My son, he is now in college and he's
doing well. I think for a couple of years,

it really affected our relationship
as he was going through puberty

and I probably ruined it
for him, but now it's like,

we kind of laugh about it. He's cool
about it. He's like: "Whatever."

He's like: "I know my friends have seen
you." But I just kinda stayed away,

like I don't
go near them on campus."

I did go to his graduation, but I, you
know, kind of just showed up and left.

I don't really linger around his
friends or his people right now.

Just out of respect. He's a straight-A
student. He's getting a full right

scholarship, so that's
a fun little experience.

So that's why
I'm a little jealous

of the whole like, college
experience, but I don't know.

I probably still, uhm,
expect more of myself,

like I could have done it.
I had uhm, extremely high GPA.

You know, I look back being 40,
gonna be 40.

I do wish I could do... could have
done things a little bit differently.

And that's what sucks, like, you
know, just having a couple regrets.

I don't have many regrets because, I've
lived life pretty wildly.

But, I do have regrets when it's
coming to having a normal life

just like kind of maybe missing out
on doing things like maybe college

or different things like that. I'm sitting
here watching my son go to college

and it's just like: "Wow, I got
to miss out on all of that."

Hi.

You're at Expo 2018.

In the United States, we don't
really talk about sex and porn.

Yeah, there's a lot of stigma
around pornography.

And that was very difficult for
me to break through this idea,

this stigma
of being a porn star.

Nearly everybody
knows a sex worker now,

but everybody keeps it hidden if you're a sex
worker because you don't know who's safe,

you don't know when
it will come back to bite you.

Unfortunately, it's still legal

to discriminate against
sex workers and fire somebody

because they used to be
a sex worker in normal jobs.

People have been fired from Subway
because they previously had a porn past.

Teachers have had jobs for 15 years and
they're fired because all of a sudden

they found out they did porn. As if
somehow having done this activity

changes how they'll behave
outwardly in society.

Unfortunately, until our society
can see sex workers in a better light,

and we can have more resources
to defend ourselves

and keep ourselves healthy, then people
are going to be able to attack us

as easily as
they have been for centuries.

And there's the bad boy, the
Master's choice with Ashley Renee.

She was one of my slaves
before I met you, Alex.

- We should take them into the basement, Luc.
- I know.

Then we have a whole basement
downstairs full of slaves.

- Yeah, that's a whole another show, though.
- Oh.

Okay, we'll start from the top.

- Okay.
- Luc Wylder, How did that happen?

How did
Luc Wylder happen? Okay.

We're in the mid '70s and
the sex industry was booming.

And Time Square became a mecca

for sexual deviance.

So, I began to explore
and I got into bondage

and discipline and S&M,
and I began to perform

for companies in New York that shot fetish,
like Bizarre Video and Gotham Gold

and Star Maker.

- Master, Luc, she broke your chain.
- She what?

She broke it.

And I got good at it because I had
studied Aikido when I was a kid,

so I was into that
fluid kind of motion

- that is involved in flogging and whipping people.
- Very good.

I was the most in demand
maledom in the adult industry.

And we came out to California and
we began to make films out here.

Alexandra, could you come on in here?
Come in here for just a minute.

Wait, wait, wait.

What?
She's crawling into that...

I was sitting over there.
You should see the view I have.

How did I get my star?
Well, I like sex.

Let me show you how these work.
I guess you could say,

I was really a fan
more than anything.

I loved watching adult movies.

So, like I knew, like for instance,
my first movie was with Randy West.

Alexandra Silk
is a very hot lady

that had been in the business six
or eight months before I met her.

In fact I met her at David
Christopher's 4th of July party.

You know David, the pussy man?

Ross Sil... I don't know
what the name of...

- Ross Sex.
- Sex.

We got married December 31st.
1999 in Las Vegas.

Ah, it was a fucking party, man.

It was not the traditional wedding, though.
We had a very...

I had a very short, short, short wedding
dress, and no panties.

If you could call that a dress, I suppose. And
the judge was somewhat taken back by that.

Partied like it was 1999.

- And you've been my best friend ever since.
- Absolutely.

- Hey, everybody. Come on in.
- Come on in.

Welcome to our home.

We had both been married twice
before. Both in open relationships.

We are swingers, and we're very
safe in our practice,

so, we like to encourage that.
As we're always safe,

but never sorry.

- Well, I want to say a little bit more about that.
- Yes, let's go.

We were like... We were just
gonna remain this casual couple

- and we were gonna be fuck buddies...
- Yes, my best friend.

...and have this wonderful life.

Just hanging around.
Waiting for Luc Wylder.

- Oh, there.
- You're waiting for me?

Hi, Luc Wylder.

Oh, my goodness, look this is...

In the background we began
to do a lot of work together.

So, we wanted to make films that
had a little bit more credibility.

A little bit more value.
A little bit more oomph.

We built
a company called Fallen Angel.

In essence, what we did
was, we created a company

that would distribute adult
video, but on higher standards

than many people were used to.

Let me explain. It's some of the
nastiest sex that you'll ever see.

The guy actually cums
right inside the girl's pussy.

However, they're all couples. It's real
couples having real sex with real cum.

We were offering something
that was different.

This is like I knew it, adult stars
at home. Thanks for doing this.

It was passionate.
It was intense.

The Silk series, remember? I did
a series called, Silk Stockings

in silk panties and silk ties. It
was very high end. It was quality.

Gosh, I remember when we were shooting that
movie, Tramps in New Orleans.

What do you think, Alexandra?
You wanna go out there

and play around a little bit and then come
back in here and watch how T. Jay Harkin,

- you know, turn a guy on?
- Oh, yeah.

Mary Gates said: "Would you do a Travel
Log series for us at Adam and Eve?"

We said: "Sure."
Road trip.

We went to
12 different states and had...

- Sex across America from San Francisco.
- To New Orleans.

We are headed to New York
next stop. Waikiki, Hawaii.

- Had sex across America.
- I don't think you're telling the whole story.

- Give me the camera. Act like you like it.
- Okay. Wait, wait

Camera...
I think we're gonna crash.

When we first started shooting that series
you were the hostess of the series.

Yeah.

- Isn't that great, guys or what?
- You guys are wild.

I'm running around the country we're
having all this wild, outrageous sex.

Mhm, and then the second volume we were
on the plane. We're flying everywhere.

I think we're in Hawaii.

Have you ever seen
such a beautiful vegetation?

We caught ten-foot long blue marlins
naked on a fishing boat in Hawaii.

We had sex in hot air balloons. I mean this
was a series where we really got to do

the things that you would
want to do in a Travel Log.

That was so fun.

At the time, we were
able to take the series

and really kind of
elevate the porn

that we were shooting at that time.
Through the locations,

through the people that we would
encounter while we were traveling.

Oh my gosh, that was, wait.
That was just... No snoring.

What a pivoting
point in our life.

That we're having fun
traveling across America

and then,

all of a sudden,

mom gets sick.

While we were in New Jersey,

taking... caring for my mother,
I went back to school.

And I completed
my degree in Psychology.

So, when we came back,

and went back to Chatsworth,
everyone else was gone.

Where did everybody go?
What happened?

- In the adult industry
- What the fuck happened?

- Chatsworth was the porn capital of the world.
- Maybe.

All of those buildings, all
of those companies had closed up.

Chatsworth had
turned into a ghost town

and all the companies
and people that we knew

were no longer there.

I understand now that
our circumstances had changed.

So, you know,
it's interesting. We're not

who we are in our 20's, it's
not who we are in our 30's,

and it's not who we are in our 40's.
We just keep evolving, you know.

I always go to
my passion, you know.

Where's my passion in life?
What can I do next?

Consequently, both Alex and I

have now achieved our doctorates
in Human Sexology.

Well, I became certified
surrogate partner therapist.

And there's only 19 in the United
States and I'm one of them.

It's very, uhm, serious work,
it's healing work.

And it's my way
of giving back to the world.

One orgasm at a time.
Right?

To go and meet a complete stranger,
have sex in front of 20 people,

no Viagra, no male enhancement pills,
it's very difficult to stay hard

and not cum immediately. So if you can prove
that you can do that, you have a shot.

Anybody can do it, but not
everybody can be successful at it.

Especially not long-term.
And it is fun,

it is an alternative lifestyle, but
it's not a joke, it's not a game.

It is a career
and it is a big business

that can be very lucrative
or very damaging to somebody.

- Wow.
- Hi.

Hi, yourself.
How are you there, beautiful?

- Good. How are you doing?
- How am I doing? How are you doing?

I'm doing fine, thank you for
asking me. Now that you're here,

Wow, what's
your name, gorgeous?

Shh.

What is that one
thing that you're holding on to?

That's making you become stuck
and you can't move forward?

Some of us will hold you onto
unforgiveness. We're holding on to pain,

we're holding on to bad relationships.
We're holding on to friendship,

and we're holding on to
all of these things

and this is the reason
why we can't move forward.

God gives you a new thing
in you when you're surrounded

by people who hinder you.

The unconditional love of God means
that no matter what this person did to me,

I will still love them.
I will not hate them.

Don't hate your enemies,
love your enemies.

Let me love people through you.

There were a lot of
factors throughout my childhood

and throughout my teenage years
that would've resulted in me

getting into the porn industry. I constantly
had to live up to unfair standards.

You know, if I had
a B+ plus on a report card,

it was ripped up in front of my
face, and I was called a loser.

I started, you know, searching
for ways to become perfect.

And that's kind of where things
started for me because I thought:

"Well if I could just be skinny enough,
maybe then my mom will love me.

If I can be perfect enough
and my grades are good enough,

then maybe I'll be loved."

I remember watching, you know,
the E-channel and seeing Jenna Jameson,

the other vivid girls and it
looked glitzy and glamorous.

And it looked like everything
that I wanted to become.

They really portrayed the industry to be
something that was lavish and beautiful.

So, that's what
I was expecting.

Hey, Jenna, there's going
to be a strip down here,

- we'll just take cold pictures.
- Okay.

- Okay?
- Okay.

Okay. Hell, are you pretty?

Yeah, you might be...
Yeah. Yeah well, yeah.

Yeah just stay there, strip down
and let's take cold pictures.

But, I need to
take all of my clothes?

- Yes, all of them, sorry.
- Really?

It is poignant. You are playing
with the other camera, right?

Well, but I haven't ever
done it before, so

- I was trying to get some...
- Okay, I'm not...

You've never taken
your clothes off before?

Must be a bitch
when you shower.

- But, I haven't in front of boys?
- Oh, I see.

Would it help
if I was naked too?

Please don't...
Don't go to that extreme.

Alright, let's... Let's get this going because
we got business. For other bitches to see.

It's so horrific to be asked, is it
okay if a guy spits in your face?

Is it okay if a guy slaps you
and pulls your hair really hard?

But at that time of my life, to me
it was like: "Oh yeah, that's cool.

They want to shoot me.
At least I'm wanted."

Do you think you might be interested
in doing a little hardcore stuff out there?

- How much are we talking?
- A thousand.

I'll do it.
I'll do it.

Brittni Ruiz who was known
to millions as Jenna Presley.

One of the biggest stars
in the porn industry.

Brittni, I remember we had someone on
here who was the CEO of a porn company.

He said: "Women in porn,
they were empowered."

You did about three sex scenes
a day, did you feel empowered?

In the beginning I felt beautiful. Like
I felt like I had found my self-worth.

And after a while, I felt destroyed,
hopeless, I felt helpless.

And here we are. Come on,
bring it right here. Come on, baby.

Okay.

- This is a set.
- Okay.

I was just going to
sit down and watch the monitor.

- Show her what to do.
- Okay, well, I guess the first thing we will do

is to show off
how beautiful you are.

Okay.
So, this is where porn happen?

M-hm.
Spin you around.

And it wasn't until I went into the
church and truly surrendered my life to God

and I said: "God, whatever your
word says in this book right here,

I'm gonna do it. Whatever it
says, I'm gonna do it."

And I started following all of his commands,
every word that I saw in this Bible.

I started to just do it.

I hit rock bottom
in the porn industry twice.

Uhm, the first one was
really, really bad.

Okay, let's all
stand for prayer.

This was the time where I was a full-blown
heroin addict. I was doing a lot of it.

Father, we come before
you, Lord in the name of Jesus.

And, God I thank you for what you're
doing in these women's lives, Lord.

I was depressed and I was suicidal.
I wanted to take my life,

but I was such a people pleaser

that I felt like I was gonna
let the directors down

if I didn't
show up to perform a scene.

[Jenna} God, I thank you that we are
learning to take the limits off of ourselves

that we could do all things through
Christ who strengthens us.

So, I thought:
"Okay." I can't commit suicide

because there's too many people
that are counting on me."

I wanted to cut my wrist,

I wanted to do something,
I just want to hurt myself,

I just wanted to feel something. I
felt so numb and I felt so lonely.

And I ended up just going to a tattoo shop and
I started getting tattoos all over my body

because I thought at least then
I can feel something, you know.

Ans then the next day when I went to
go do the movie, I had a girl tell me:

"What did you do to yourself? Why did you get
all these big tattoos all over your body?

Nobody's going to want to hire you now."
Once again in my life, I felt rejected.

And that was that point where I said: "Okay,
I'm done with the porn industry, I'm leaving.

Like I'm not even going
to be accepted here anymore."

And so I left for
the first time.

I thought when I quit the
first time, that I was gonna be done.

I had gone to church and that was when I
accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior,

but I didn't understand the importance
of having a relationship with God

because, having that relationship with
God, that's where you get strength

from God
is spending time with Him.

Do you want something to eat?
Or take it later.

Do you want me to pray for you?

My weakness at that time

in my life, was men.
If you sent me a man,

I would instantly fall in love.
I felt like somebody wanted me

and I almost felt safer because I wasn't alone.
I had a guy that God placed into my life

and then he took me to church
and then I got baptized.

I'm reading the Bible and I'm starting to
do really good, and then this guy says:

"You are gonna be a
bigger star than ever before."

It turns out he was a pimp, he
got me back into the porn industry...

for another
three and a half years.

It's a vicious cycle, in the porn
industry, it starts with one thing

and it's just goes on to the next
and to the next and to the next

until you just feel hopeless.

I knew that my life was gonna
change forever when I met Jesus

because a man cannot change your life.
Because, a man is not your Savior,

God is our Savior,
Jesus is our Savior.

That's the only person that
could ever transform my life.

God used Richard a lot in my life, so to
be a part of him moving to change my life.

And what I think the Triple X business
does, is that it gives you temporary relief.

It gives you the sense of wow, people are
noticing me, wow, I have money in my pocket

but it doesn't fulfill your heart
and your soul. It gave her promises

that it cannot fulfill. It told
her what she could have, but yet,

it didn't fulfill her heart. It told
her she was gonna be appreciated,

but the moment when she was reaching for
help, nobody was reaching out for her.

I want you to know that you are not alone.
Anytime that you feel like you are unworthy,

God wants you to know that you are worthy. And
It just takes a bold step of faith of saying:

"You know what, I'm done." And faith,
it's being sure of what you hope for

and certain of what you do not see.
So you may not see the better life,

but you just have to have faith to
believe that there is a better life

and God wants to give you that better
life, he really does.

For all you new girls, remember that this
is forever. The internet is completely

and totally forever
and you can't take it back,

your friends and family will find out.
You will get harassed by people.

This will affect
the rest of your life.

I've definitely seen girls
in the industry

where I'm like: "This
is not a good place for you.

You shouldn't be here."
Uhm, and it is a tough industry.

You've got to have guts in porn nowadays
because you are going to be judged.

So, you have to be okay with yourself and
we all struggle, there is insecurities,

we're all nervous about our bodies
and our minds and our future.

But, you really do have to have a strong
will when you come into this industry.

Especially, if you're younger and
I completely acknowledge that,

it's called "adult
entertainment" for a reason.

Like you kind of have to be
an adult to thrive.

I'm really glad that I get to be
on your documentary finally.

It's about time
you guys asked me.

I'm lying,
they've asked me every time.

We're each other's holiday presents every day
of the week here on vivid radio SiriusXM.

I've actually been with Vivid Radio which
is on SiriusXM for the past three years.

And then before that, I was on Playboy
Radio for 10 years on SiriusXM,

So I just... I had
like a two week period off

and then just right back in business.
And I love radio, it is so much fun.

It's Vivid radio's
winter holiday special

here on SiriusXM 415.

Your girls, here to just warm
you up this holiday season.

I definitely am not over sex after being
around since I was 18 in this business.

18, that's been in
like two decades now.

Looking for that lightning bolt
to strike me.

Hey, boys, I'm Christy.

- What's your fantasy?
- I've got to hand it to you, Paul,

you outdid
yourself this time.

I got in trouble
because my girlfriend and I made

Playboys
and we sold them to the boys.

They were like stick figures.

But like I'm sure
there was like this big weeny

going on
and boobs or something.

So, I think
it was from an early age

that I'd somehow been
in some kind of a business

with nudity, I guess.
I don't know.

When I got in the business,
I wasn't talking to my parents.

Never was abused, I don't
fall under that, never was hit,

never was molested by anyone.
I was just rebellious.

And I just knew that I'd... I had to be in
control of my life when I was 17 and moved out.

So, when I got into the business and I had
no money, nothing. And I hated that, like...

I hated being in that position and
then when I met somebody and they're:

"Oh, you can make, you know,
500 a day or 200, whatever."

For an 18-year-old that was making like
150 a week working 40 hours at a job,

it was like: "Wow!"

You don't need a car like this

to take a beautiful woman out.

- You're a beautiful woman.
- Thank you.

My first scenes that I look back on, nothing
against Ron Jeremy because he's one

of my best friends and I love him, that
was the scariest fucking day of my life.

Looking for...

hot babe with big huge tits

for a loving couple.

Like I really thought I was
going to a magazine or whatever

and it was a loop, which I didn't
know what a loop was at 18,

it turned out it was a porn, and I'd been doing
magazines for like three or four months.

Uhm, it was with
Ron Jeremy and another couple.

Come on.

- Well... Oh, what the fuck.
- Alright. Yeah.

And it was just scary. I don't
care who the guy or girl was,

it was like: "Oh my God, I'm having sex on
film." How... And I don't mean to be mean

because it turned out great for me eventually.
"How low has my fucking life sunk?"

Oh, my God!
Thank you, Lord. Oh, God.

But, then like the next time I did a
scene and it was with Ginger Lynn.

- Let's take a bath together.
- Together in there?

I'd never been with a girl. I was
like: "Not only is it with a girl,

but look how cute she is."

There was a whole different vibe on the set.
It was like these really great looking people.

Like I get to have sex with them and they're
paying me. I felt like a movie star.

I did a lot of firsts on camera,
inter-racial, gangbang, girls.

I didn't know what was going to
happen, but then he introduced me

to this beautiful woman,
Catherine.

Well, hurry up
and get to the good stuff.

Eighties, we made nothing,
but fuck it was fun. It was fun,

learned a lot about sex,
can't put a price tag on that.

Has TV almost gotten you
to a point of turning it off?

Well, don't pull that plug, because
we're going to turn you on.

This business has
had more integrity for me.

I don't think you have to sleep your way in
po... At least not in the '80's and '90's.

It's like... they were like: "Oh, my God,
a girl wants to fuck on film for $500?

Hire her." Like they didn't
wanna like ruin a good thing

because back in the '80's,
very few girls were doing it.

Never made to do a se... Like a
sex act that I wasn't got,

I never did anal, I never did DP, not because
there's anything wrong with it, wasn't my choice.

No one said: "Well, we can't hire you if
you don't take two dicks up your ass." No.

In September of 1990 is when
I signed my contract with,

what was then
known as Vivid Video.

And it was the best move.

I never left. Because the fucking
'90's rocked money-wise.

I mean, they were amazing.

I never compared myself
to anyone. I was my own person.

I didn't have to be number one.

I mean I kind of was.

Men are only after two things,

pussy and money, and
fortunately, I've got both.

And then in here
is the messy office.

Like this photo that was taken
of me, about two years ago.

Oh, that is lovely. No, I'm just kidding.
It's like 1985. This was a big fucking hit

and I made $400 off of it.

And so... Oh, you know what,
this was another great thing.

It's a little dusty.
My action figure doll.

I wouldn't wanna meet that
version of me in a dark alley.

Hey, wait, where's that
nice young boy?

I was going to give him a tub
of Vivid condoms.

That's for you.
It's your little party gift.

There you go.
Wear them in good health.

It was just a different time. It
was innocent. It was underground.

It was hidden. It was wonderful and
it was just a cozy little family.

The one thing that I will never ever
get rid of, and it's in my office,

it's a big poster from one of the AVN shows
of all the Vivid girls, Janine, Jenteal...

and we all signed a poster to each other.
See? That's the thing with me.

That's why I have no bad feelings about this
business. I never took any of it seriously.

It's a sex clinic
ran by Dr. Phil Lashio.

It was just
my job and a fun fucking job.

- Who wants to see me fuck the shit out of Steve?
- Yes! Yes.

I mean, I took a break for maybe a year,
came back. I made like three comebacks.

Every time I got divorced, I'd make a
comeback. As they were like moving out,

I'd be like, "Time to make a comeback,
Steve. Yeah, wait, he's packing up now."

Yeah, okay. I'm ready. Uh-huh. All right. Yes,
it was great while it lasted. All right."

So, anyway, can you get Tony to dashy
up, always want to have sex with him."

I just didn't miss a beat. I don't
have one complaint about the business.

I loved it. I loved it. If I could go back
in time and do films again under that era,

I would do it in a heartbeat. I mean,
I knew that there was a certain age

where I wanted to hang it up.
I don't even know why.

I think 14 years was enough,
but I thought:

"What do I want to do
after porn ends?"

- Annie Cruise, what is your cock fucking choice for the holidays?
- Oh, lot of anal.

The new girl today. They will
do anything.

So, I felt this warm sensation
in my throat and I'm going:

"Oh, my God." I wasn't expecting...
I didn't mean to be honest,

- I didn't even know what it was.
- The majority of men, they want to fuck a woman's ass.

Rap their dick in a little bow and
then, they can come feed it to me.

She can do triple vag,
triple anal.

Have them faced

like their ass facing me.

I want the tit
fucking Christmas cocks.

- It's going to be like a fuck of the year.
- It's just fun.

It's just a good...
Good old like,

I... uhm, don't know
if I can make films again,

and yet, I love the business.

So it just kind of
keeps me in the loop.

And I think just
through porn and even radio,

I've learned so much more
about sex, obviously.

I mean people call in
and they give me tips sometimes.

Something about a loofa
on her boyfriend's dick.

I don't know. I tried it.
It was actually good.

Thank you, Bob in Michigan.

This is an entertainment business,
and entertainment is tough,

and it's competitive.
And it's not particularly fair.

Because people get very excited
and they think

it's easy money
coming from all directions.

And You can get a quick influx
of money when you're brand new,

but you have to make sure that you're
sustaining yourself long terms.

Well, back in the day,
people would shoot one movie

and you would get up to $30,000 for shooting
one movie. It's not like that anymore.

I think the most valuable thing a
performer especially can do nowadays

is make, produce,
and own your own content.

I produce my own content,

I webcam,
I do custom videos. I do porn.

I do a little bit of camming,
a little bit of everything.

I made an identity out of myself and
that was the best thing that I ever did

was trademarking myself
and creating a brand.

I think now more than ever,
performers really do have

more control over their brands
and their success

and their future
than ever before.

Having an extra...
that extra income

gives you the ability to say:

"You know what, no,
I don't wanna shoot that scene.

I'm gonna shoot the type of scenes that
I want to shoot and I want to be...

This is the way
that I want people to see me."

Boy on a Dolphin, Sophia Loren.
This woman could come out of the ocean.

He was laughing at me, the boy.
He was all good, so big.

She was in my opinion and still is
the sultry siren. It was incredible to me.

So, I wanted to relive that,
and feel that on stage.

And every time, still to this
day, it's why I haven't stopped.

My father was in the Vietnam war. He's
hippie. He was drafted over to Vietnam,

met my mother there. They were both
very young and they fell in love fast.

My mother, she did the best she could.
I think that after 10 years,

she saw a bigger world outside of Montana,
and was like,.

So, I was raised by my father. My
father and I from a very early age

had a very close relationship.
My dad was into Rock and Roll.

He grew weed. He was studying to be a
winemaker. You know, he was a bit rogue.

Even if he personally didn't like
something, I knew that I could go home.

So at age 13, we enrolled me
in Barbizon Modeling school.

I think just out of necessity.

Welcome to Barbizon.

So he said: "She'll go
to this modeling school.

These, you know...
These people will teach her

everything she needs to know
and she'll come out a lady."

And you become a really unique
and wholesome person.

Okay, sort of.

I look at these pictures of myself,
and I can... I can tell you

every single picture I've
ever taken, where I've been.

I was 15, living abroad,
working as a model.

Now this, I think, this would
be considered trafficking.

But I remember my dad
always said, you know,

the one thing he wanted
me to be was fearless.

Paulina Porizkova was the first model
that I can remember being wow.

And it was because
she'd been in Playboy.

I'd taken my dad had that
issue with her on the cover.

She was a supermodel, Paulina.

Seeing her in that Playboy, really
changed it for me, because I realized:

"Wait, you can do both.
You can be an elegant woman

and show your body and, you know,
uh, get naked, and it's okay."

You know, the more fashion
models that I saw,

Linda Evangelista,
Christy Turlington,

this was Yasmeen Ghauri. This was
the height of the supermodel.

There was something missing about them, in my
opinion, and it was that they weren't sexual.

They just didn't... I always kind
of gravitated to Sophia Loren,

Marilyn Monroe. I liked...
I liked the va-va-voom.

I found myself
attracted to women

that were, in my opinion,
just uninhibited.

♪ Pa-dam
pa-dam pa-tudeli-dam, pooh ♪

You're really treated.

If you don't work,
we have 10,000 other girls.

It's not ten, it's not five, it's 10,000
other girls. So, I gave up modeling.

I came to Los Angeles, I wanted to
pursue working as a nurse anesthetist.

I had applied at school here.

I was just thinking
that you might be a model, are you?

No, I'm a student.
Can't you tell?

- Oh...
- Yeah, I just came home from school.

Playboy was doing one of
their Girls of the Campus

or I don't even remember
the exact title.

And I can remember going through the
Playboy Studio West in Santa Monica.

It's kind of the first taste I had
had of... They brought me champagne.

Marilyn said: "You're great." I went
to The Mansion a week later. I'm like:

"You know what, hmm, nursing just
isn't gonna cut it anymore."

You get a taste
of this amazing life.

It was 10 star, you had publicity.
They took such good care of us.

I'm the only woman who's been
featured on the cover of Pent...

I was Penthouse Pet of the Year
in February of 2002

and Playboy, on the cover
of Playboy, the same month.

The crazy thing is, so, the gateway
to porn for me was Playboy.

How could I not get into the business? I
was introduced in the most incredible way.

And, I mean, I didn't have to do a six guy
bukkake, right? It was like I went to Playboy.

If some girls aren't even college educated,
this is a dream. I had a college degree

and I wasn't making even a quarter of the
money, so where was I going to continue?

My first crush in porn
was Janine Lindemulder.

And I'll always remember she wore jeans,
blue jeans and a white tank top with no bra.

She was smiling so big
and she came over and hugged me.

And I was like: "This is... This is where
I need to be. This is it. I'm... I'm in."

I feel like this is a fantasy
and I'm making it come true.

Yeah, even better if you took off
that part. That... The top bra thing.

I realized if I'm getting into
this, I have to make it worth my while.

Once you've had a dick in your mouth, you can
never go back. You can't un-ring the bell.

Tera Patrick and the flesh.

There goes anonymity.

In a way, I think that
early on in my career,

I explored a lot of my sexualities.
I think anal was the hardest thing.

I can't believe I whispered that anal, you
know, I mean it was taboo a little bit.

I mean it was kind of like: "Okay,
now she's gonna do anal." You know.

Actually, for me, what was a big
deal was I never did girl-girl.

It's hot in here. Could we take
off all our clothes? My God.

So when I did my first
girl-girl scene in 2003,

and of course, it was with a
really beautiful woman, Savannah,

with Vivian,
for Tera, Tera, Tera.

Tera, Tera, Tera.

It was a great experience
for me, but I was ready.

I never did anything
that I didn't want to do. Ever.

We're out and open with what we do.
I've always said,

why do you think I wasn't in the
mainstream? I have my own production.

You know, I'm making my own money.
I'm doing what I want to do.

I don't want to do mainstream. I like
sucking dick. That's what I'm famous for.

I didn't cure cancer. You know what I mean?
I... I'm famous for being Tera Patrick.

And I can remember being in con. And I was on
the red carpet too, and I had a police escort.

And people, they knew me,
they were waiting for pictures.

They were waiting, and I said,
they've all seen my pussy.

My pussy made it to Europe.

So how I ended up with Teravision,
and on my own in the porn business

starting from 2003

until I retired in 2009, was,
uh, I became a feature dancer.

And this was what bankrolled my company.
I went on the road as a feature dancer

where we performed, uh, striptease
shows in clubs. We made money,

and I would go home and use
that money to fund my movies.

The sales from my movies,
half went into living,

the other half
went into savings.

We made a lot more
money per movie, per scene.

A lot of us got residuals,
a lot of us owned our content,

owned our company. We had many
ways to exploit our revenue.

I look at my body of work and Teravision,
my website, I made beautiful work.

I mean, listen, we're not shooting
Othello, you know, you...

The dialogue doesn't have to be
perfect, get the cock in the mouth,

the cum shot on the face
and we're good.

So, is there anything else
I can get you, guys?

I can't think of anything.

Yeah, what in the world could
we possibly want after that?

The opportunity to work in Italy
came up. And I said, Italy,

this is the most beautiful country in
the world. The best food, wine. I mean,

yeah, I'm gone.
I'm going.

Anything
to do with food or money

is what I learned first in Italian because
you have to eat and you have to get paid.

And so the first phrase
I learned was

Pay me now.

I signed a contract to do feature
shows. My very first feature show,

my now husband Alberto
had come from day one.

Of course,
I wanted to sit on his face,

you know, and this beautiful
Italian accent, and...

But he fascinated me.

This is an open-minded man, I
think to even jump in the water

and see what it would be like to swim with
me for a while. Yeah, it takes balls.

I think I feel this
one. Watch y'all.

Okay. Here we go.

I love the business.
I love my life now.

I'm just gonna...
I'm gonna keep camming.

I'm gonna keep my websites, I'm gonna
keep featuring. I'm never gonna stop.

I'm a pervert. I'm never gonna stop
dancing and performing on stage.

And so, maybe that's when it's gonna end,
maybe that's when porn is gonna end.

When they stop throwing
the dollars. I hope not.

Guys, come to
Cheerleaders next month.

I don't know if the analogy is the
same, but I feel like it's almost like

being a professional athlete. You have a
few good years, in my opinion, physically,

to do what you want. To make
your mark. To make your splash.

And then, I wanted
to go out gracefully.

This was something that early on I
said: "I can't do this till I'm 50."

And I don't want to but, I am so
grateful, and I always will be

because I've been
retired for 10 years

and I still sell in webcam.

And I have thousands
of website members.

My life in the adult business has not
resulted in anything negative for me.

Have I hit some speed bumps? Had a lawsuit?
Fucked the wrong guy a few times? Sure!

But I'm not damaged to a point
where I'm bankrupt, destitute,

and trying to figure out: "What
do I want to do with my life?"

It's a movie industry combine
with sex. Nothing more.

It is what you make of it.
It's an artistic medium

that is meant to draw out a
reaction from people, turned on,

angry, whatever it is,
it's working.

I really unlocked
a piece of my sexuality

that, uhm... That was
hidden before I got here,

and porn really helped open it up.
And it's built me confidence.

It's different that where you should
learn how to have sex, the same way

that you wouldn't watch
a waste crapping movie,

and then feel like you have to go
slaughter a teenager in a camp

in summer wearing a hockey mask.
You know what I mean?

So specific.

Now so, what should
we talk about?

Nina gave me
one of the best compliments

when I was put into the
whole famous Herschel Savage.

"Steel wrapped in skin,
that was his cock." I love that.

That's an unbelievably...

That's a great compliment coming
from Nina Hartley. Come on.

Can you believe it? Sometimes,
horses have wings, baby.

You know, like I would've taken the next
Grinch, but I was happy with what I had.

But I never competed with anybody. I
was not one of those guys, you know.

I had literally had the young porn stars
come on the set, and tell me shit like:

"I could cum eight times in a day. I got a
nine-inch dick." I said: "Nice to meet you.

Get the fuck out of my face." No, I didn't
say that, but still, I mean, you know,

people try to promote
themselves as you know,

give me a break, man.
Just say hello.

I'm looking for the manager, you
must be him. What's your name?

- You're the manager, right?
- Uhm, yeah, hi.

- What's your name?
- Uh, Boom, uh... Bada Boom.

How often did
you actually had an orgasm?

On film? Are you asking me how often I had
an orgasm on film? Is that a real question?

Versus faking.

That's my job, it's to have an
orgasm, to maintain an erection,

get the footage,
and... have an orgasm, cum.

A lot of people,
like Tera said she'd fake it.

Well, women can fake it. I mean, most women
in the business probably aren't cumming.

I mean that's... But they don't have to,
guys have to. We're doing real work.

I mean, It's hard to believe having
an orgasm on camera is work,

but there's some
physical, uh strain to it.

But no, guys don't,
guys don't like... I mean yeah:

"Herschel, We need you to fuck three girls
today, but please don't cum. Okay, no problem."

I don't care how you do it, but you
have got to make this girl cum,

and when she does, I want you to have this
beaker ready and catch every single drop.

And to reiterate nobody
ever told you to hold your orgasm

for a couple of days
to make it more prodigious?

Ah... no.

No one ever asks me to

hold off on cumming for
a couple of days

so I could have a prodigious ejaculate.
No, no one ever did that.

They assume that you... All men in the business
have these amazing powers and abilities,

but no we don't.
No, no one ever asks that.

I have never had a sexual relationship
with any of the White House interns.

I played Bill Clinton
in a scene with Monica Lewinsky.

Monica was played by Asha,
the beautiful Asha.

And I must say, I mean I got a blowjob under
the desk while I'm being interviewed on camera

as Bill Clinton, and she was...
She just didn't stop.

When they cut the camera
she kept blowing me.

She was the best.
It's amazing blowjob, so great.

Just send me the dry cleaning
charge, honey.

- What am I doing? Straight?
- Uh, well you know, freeway.

- West?
- Ah, you're gonna go East. We're gonna go back towards the house.

Alright. I'm having a good time. I just want
to let you know you're doing a good job.

- I do. I hope you're enjoying the...
- Are you having a good time?

I think, generally
speaking, my scenes are hot,

because of the connection
I have with the women.

It's hot. It's hot stuff, man.
I think, anyway.

I'd really like to finish
those planter boxes tomorrow.

I was never really kinky.
I was more of a romantic.

I mean, I just loved kissing and... For
me, it was like a romantic adventure.

I mean, you had to still make
it hot, but for the most part

those are private intense
connections with that woman.

So, when I... When I watch a scene that I'm
in, I'm reliving that moment with that woman

'cause that was so significant
to me, and so strong!

- Stay a while. Talk.
- Honey, if I stay, we won't be talking.

It wasn't even performing,
It wasn't performing for me,

it was like, I was, I was, I was with...
I was with somebody.

It was like, it was like
a universal snuggle, man.

It was great. I'm with you, you know.
It's fucking great.

You know you really beautiful?
I mean really attractive.

I quit the first time in '87.
Came back in '97.

And, and the difference between women from
the '80s to the '90s, was unbelievable.

It was like model quality young women, I
mean, you know. I mean, it was just like...

I was selling videotape
during my retirement period

realizing I'm never gonna have
sex with this woman, you know.

- Who're they gonna jump...
- Nice ass.

- Great eye stuff. You still got it.
- I do.

- You look really great.
- Thank you.

Light shining behind your head.
You look like, like an angel.

As we can see in the normal
entertainment industry.

How at risk women are to p...
men especially

who use their power
to take advantage of them.

Every woman is hit on whether they're
in the adult industry, or not.

Then certainly, it's going to be
more likely if they're encountering

many of the pigs to populate this industry.
"Oh, you wanna work?" You know it's like:

"Give me a blow..." I mean, it's like,
I'm gonna be blowing somebody, anyway,

and you're gonna be doing this,
anyway. I just want to see how

you all are, you know.
It's bullshit.

Everyone becomes objectified. And
you don't see a woman as a person

and that's a sickness. When
you're only dealing with the sex

and the need of that. It's...
You're an empty vessel.

So, massage parlors scene. And
I come in and I play the role

of a guy who's coming in for
a massage. She just pulling...

We don't actually
have intercourse.

She gives me a shower,
masturbates me and blows me.

One of my... one of the hottest scenes
ever... I masturbate to that scene.

I'm sorry, I have to have
some kind of life.

Anyway, that's a hot scene.
Check that one out.

As I spoke of earlier, this is the
scene I just love to watch called

soapy massage. And I am the shy
massage parlor customer

coming for a normal everyday massage.
But She is starting to grip my thigh.

And she's just, I mean...
Can you see this?

I'm reacting in horror.
"Oh, my God, what are you doing?

Oh, no,
I shouldn't be doing this.

I'm just here to have my muscles
workout." My shirt's off,

I shouldn't be shocked anymore. What I should
be shocked is that I wasn't going to the gym

for three years, that's
what I should be shocked about.

But here we go. You know,
I kind of feel embarrassed

being with you people and doing an
interview, and now my cock is coming out.

You know, so it's almost like, you know...
It's like forcing your close friend Bob,

to watch your dick getting sucked.
It's weird. Kind of weird.

People have been against me from
day one. Do you, do you see me?

Here I stand, go ahead. Try it,
I dare you. That's the thing

that this industry has taught me.
I have balls. Let me tell you.

And I'm very proud of my big balls.
Because you know what, I know who I am.

To be in adult entertainment
doesn't have to be a stigma.

It doesn't have to be a dark seedy
evil place. I'm very proud of myself.

I'm honest about what I do. Who I am
and how it is when you're with me.

Hopefully, you want to
come along for the ride.

And If not, then there's
another bus or train

or something down the way you can hop
on, but hopping on me is always fun.

I wanted to build
a Jenteal-pyre.

I wanted to build
an empire of my own.

My goal was to have a million dollars in the
bank free and clear by the time I hit 30.

All right. Can I,
first of all, I want to know,

what makes you do videos?
How come you're here?

My boyfriend and I were very
interested in watching porn.

I was very interested in girls.

I had a huge crush on Janine. She was one
of the girls that we always looked for

when we went to the adult bookstore. You
know, it's always kind of in the back

of my mind what
would that be like.

It's easy.
You just do what you feel.

Never did I think
that would come to fruition.

Look what the cat dragged it.

There was an ad in one
of the Berkeley school papers

that was looking for
nude models. I'd seen the ad

for months and months on end. And then
when I turned 18, my boyfriend was like,

"You need to call that ad."
I wanted to explore that more.

And he really wanted me
to explore that more.

So the ad was run by a man named
Zen Burrows, who became my agent.

Uh, he had a small little production
company called Wildfire Productions.

And uhm, a star was born.

Are you an exhibitionist?
Like to be watched?

I think that being watched
can be a turn on at one point.

You're being watched now.

We'll be watched by several
people. Several thousand.

I only worked with girls in the beginning
because I didn't wanna work with guys.

Like I only wanted to work with girls.
I was really curious about it.

Oh, yes.

Good Girl.

So I mean it had only been
six months, nine months maybe.

Uhm, I'd worked with all of the
girls I ever wanted to work with.

And Vivid had always told me when
I was on their set, uh, that

if you ever want to work with men,
we will sign you to a contract.

So, I wanted more money.

300 dollars?

And I knew that I could get a lot
more money working with guys.

I mean being a
Vivid girl, was a huge accolade.

I felt really special
that they wanted to sign me.

And they reassured me that I'd have
control over who I worked with

and that I could
insist on condoms.

And When I signed with Vivid,
my first boy-girl scene

was in Dangerous Games with Alex Sanders.
He was my first guy.

I don't like that kind of talk.
I don't like it at all

Can you believe these lines.

Vivid was definitely the
company to work for. It was sought after

by everybody in the business. And, they sort
of, were the elite girls that felt like...

you know, it was all of the classics.
It was Janine, Christie Canyon,

myself, Nikki Tyler, Racquel Darrian.
Everybody wanted to be a Vivid girl.

To be successful as in any business
in any industry you have to be unique

and do something different. Market
yourself in a different way.

Steve Hirsch was really big on
advertising in a mainstream way.

And for a time,
he had us all 17 feet tall

on Sunset Boulevard
right above Tower Records.

And that was huge. You know, no other adult
company had done anything like that before.

Vivid did so many different things in
their movies, you know, with costumes

and with locations that I had a
bunch of really unique experiences.

I know you don't know this yet, but...
it's a very big world out there.

Over my 21st birthday, we were in Hawaii
shooting for Vivid and for Playboy.

And those two movies that
I did in Hawaii were awesome.

Hi, I'm Eve. The locations were
just superb. I felt really pretty.

My boyfriend was really perfectly
okay with the industry.

He was perfectly okay with me
working with guys in movies.

I got into the business with my boyfriend.
And we got married about five years later.

And then six months later,
when I got pregnant, I stopped.

Everything, I stopped,
nude modeling, dancing.

I'd pretty much been done with films
already. Uhm, but for me, that was it.

I definitely knew I didn't wanna
be a part of the industry

and be pregnant
or raising two children.

I was born, I felt, to be
a mother first and foremost

and my accomplishments
in the industry

and with my business were just secondary,
but for me, being a mother was it

and I didn't want to
have to juggle the two.

I honestly after doing
so much in the business

and being made up so glamorously
for so many years

and all the travel and everything. I
just really wanted to be a basic bitch.

I wanted a flat salary, I wanted to
know my hours and... and that was it.

So, when I was at Trader Joe's, I hurt my
back really bad lifting some milk crates

and had to have two back
surgeries, that was in 2009.

And I've had this injury since
then despite the surgeries.

Thank you all for coming. Uh, I really just
wanted an opportunity to, uhm, open up

the discussion about the oil and share my
experience and see if you have any questions.

Not that long ago a girlfriend posted something
on her Facebook page regarding CVD oil.

And I'd heard that
it helps people you know,

with, with... heal cancer.
I've heard that it helps with,

with a lot of other illnesses and ailments.
And so I was really curious.

I just knew that with my back injury,
you know, this was something that was

really going to help me.
And I was very, very interested

in where the business is going,
so I got involved.

I don't really feel like
my past ever was...

it never brought any
tumultuousness to my life.

There're certain people that certainly
don't agree with it and have opinions.

Uh, their opinions are their business and
they've never really been imposed on me.

So I felt like I got away pretty
unscathed in that regard, actually.

Just having been a fan of porn,
I would definitely say

that the porn shot in the '90s was far
superior than, uh, than what is shot today.

And I definitely think just
from a fan's perspective

that the porn then was, was...
That was a golden era.

That little honey pot of my life
in my early 20s,

was really, uh... They had a lot packed into it,
though. There was a lot that I experienced,

I mean, a ton. I probably lived more life
in those five years than most 50 years old

have their entire life.

The juice was worth the squeeze,
and I wrung that fucker dry, dude.

I feel like people frequently
think that I'm just a sex object,

and I'm not, I'm a person.

And I've literally had guys
that... I was just hanging out

and they just took their dick out
expecting me to do something with it.

We need to stop shaming people for
being in porn. There is no reason to

shame people for being in porn. It's a
legitimate business. It's a real business.

- It's a billion dollar business.
- Everybody always says:

"You're in porn, you're an adult entertainer,
people are never gonna forget it.

They're gonna remember
this forever.

You are a porn star for life."

And I always thought:
"Well, use that

and if you're going to be in adult
entertainment anyway, try to be

the best version of yourself you
can be. Try to be as successful

as possible. So then When you
look back on your career,

you're not looking back
on it with regrets."

Take a breath in, bring your
ears in line with your shoulders

so your neck is in line with your spine.
That's it. Draw your shoulders back.

So, I went to this person's house and
I had one drink and after that one drink,

I remember nothing, and woke up
the next morning to my IDs

and a consent form on the nightstand.
And that was when I shot my first film.

Every time you exhale,
watch what you can let go of more.

Physical, mental, the exhalation
is a process of letting go.

My mother, ah, she didn't
raise me, she left me when

I was probably two months old. And
we haven't really had a relationship

since then and my father was
in prison my entire life.

My grandparents raised me from four
until I was you know, 16 years old.

I grew up with my grandfather.
My grandfather and grandmother

actually separated,
they're my mother's parents.

So my grandfather raised me. I grew
up at the horse track with him,

I grew up just in the country.

When I was 13, I lost my virginity to
a boyfriend and we were in school.

He was... I was in eighth grade,
he was in seventh grade.

And my best friend went to
church and told all of my family

that I lost my virginity. And then
the next day, I went to school

to beat up my best friend for, you know,
that issue and was then removed from school

and kicked out of school. And that was what
perpetuated me leaving school in eighth grade.

And once that all had happened
where I lost my virginity

and moved out from my grandmother's
back into my grandfather's,

I started tattooing myself.
This is a 13-hour tattoo,

I got it when I was 15.

My back, I kinda wanted
to do like a freak show thing

because it's... you know,
we're all freaks

Sinatra's everywhere and I have
to carry him with me everywhere.

I did this
and I named her Bonnie Rotten.

And I ended up being me.

Very quickly, I was very heavily
tattooed by the time I was about 17.

I started doing car shows,
horror shows,

different expos in the Midwest.
And that kind of like started

my modeling career
and I invented Bonnie Rotten.

I'm 21 years old, I don't need my mommy
and daddy worrying about me. Thanks.

You know what? I think you're
involved in some bad stuff.

Bad stuff like what?

Fuck. You're a fucking cunt.

The genre of horror for me was so
important. It was almost like a fantasy,

even though it was horror
kind of like crazy and scary,

it still was that fantasy world
for me that I could really enjoy,

just like people do with porn.

My first visit to California happened
because I was working on Horror Expo.

And they had a pageant for a magazine
and I competed in the pageant.

And I won the pageant. So the prize
was like to fly off to California

and shoot this
layout for a magazine.

So I did it and came out here,
shot the magazine and kind of met

some connections in the porn industry.
So, I'd actually met someone that was on

a podcast at the friend's that I was
staying at while I was in town.

So I went to this person's house and I
had one drink. And after that one drink,

I remember nothing.

And that was
when I shot my first film.

You look at him,
he has the devil in his soul.

I don't think that
about most people.

Scary, very scary. But, he was the
only person that I encountered

in the business
that was like that. After that,

I had the best experiences
that I could possibly have.

So when I came into the industry, I was
told by the bigger companies, like:

"We can't shoot you. You have too many
tattoos. We don't know what to do with you."

So, I was introduced to someone at
a company called New Sensations.

And because of them, they opened
the gate for tattooed girls

to be accepted into
mainstream porn companies.

I was accepted
with that movie, Meet Bonnie.

Hi, my name is Bonnie Rotten. I'm 19.
I just turned 19 three weeks ago.

It was nominated for a bunch of awards
the first year I was in in the business.

I was nominated for Best New
Starlet, like three months in.

How many awards are you nominated for tonight?
- Uh 14.

The winner is, Bonnie Rotten.

And then after that,
that was it. Everybody shot me,

everybody started hiring me. Everybody
started putting me on box covers.

And then it kinda just
took off from there.

- Rambo.
- Colonel, I didn't expect to see you here.

Rambo, I need you to abort this
mission immediately, soldier.

So, I was shooting 10 to 15 times a
month, featuring 1-2... 1-3 weekends a month.

Internationally famous,
Bonnie Rotten, in the building.

I got to experience a lot.

- Bonnie, how you doing?
- I'm awesome. How are you?

We're doing great. This is hard, I
don't know where to put my eyes.

Right here.

One of my most favorite parts of my
career, was when I got to travel

to Switzerland and Germany. And I
did like basically a world tour.

I can't go to sleep because I'm excited.
And I just want to see everything.

And I want to go eat
and I want to eat all the food,

and I want to try everything.
I want to do everything.

Where I started in South Africa
and did something

called SexPo in Johannesburg.

Went from there to Switzerland to
shoot a movie called Roller Girl.

And Went to Hungary
to shoot with Rocco Siffredi.

And we did Bonnie VS Rocco,
which was insane.

And it was the best time of my life. I got
a couple of tattoos, the Berlin bear,

and the Swiss flag
and the bull from Barcelona.

I really wanted to make porn art. You
know, 'cause I was shooting so much,

and I was always involved in
these things. And I was like:

"These guys, like they bring us in their,
you know their apartment or whatever.

And they have a shoot on
their couch, in these mansions.

But these could be so cool."

Like I have all these ideas.
Fuck it, I'm going to do it.

I put together
Anal Candy Disco Chicks.

Anal Candy Disco Chicks,
Can you get a picture?

Afros, buckets
of gumballs, it was insane.

And then after that, I directed Cape Fear.
And I also starred in it as Robert De Niro.

. Do you
swear to tell the truth, the whole truth

and nothing but the truth?
God help you all soul.

While using my friend's boat
in Marina del Rey,

and trying to make sure
that none of the mahogany

and nothing was like messed up
by the crew. It was intense.

I made zero money.
I lost money, but it was fun.

Yeah, and I learned, OK,
this is crazy and this is fun.

But you know, people
kinda want simpler stuff,

so, let's kind of dumb down production
and give them what they want.

The thing about the industry,
is you're 18 years old

and you're making 30-40 grand a
month. You don't know what to do

with that money
at 18 years old. It's insane.

So, that money is very short lived and
you're not taught what to do with it.

But luckily, I did start a sex
toy company that I owned myself.

One of the coolest things was these
action figures and they fashioned

an action figure from every inch of
your body. It is completely insane.

Every detail, every tattoo, every curl in
my hair showed up on this little doll.

And we started selling them online
and they were doing really great.

And people had like little Bonnie
figurines, and they could have big ones.

When I left the industry, I'd actually met my
second husband who I had my daughter with.

You know, I was
kind of looking for an out.

Because I won Performer
of the Year the year before.

I had to outperform myself, because
if you know anything about my films,

like always did the craziest stuff, and there
was really nothing more than I could do

that was any crazier than what
I was doing without it being

a circus act
or me not enjoying it.

I like to carry myself a certain way, because
I know that as soon as I walk into a room

I'm looked at a certain way. Even with the
moms at school, like I don't like for them

to get to know me too much because I don't
like to lie about my past or who I was.

And I don't want to compromise
my daughter's life

for her safety or her well-being
with her friends at school

because of my past and what
the parents think of me.

I want for her to have
the easiest, safest,

structured life
that she can possibly have.

There has been some talk about
like me returning to the industry,

but because of my daughter,
I don't think that I would.

Just because I want to be able to say
that I walked away when I had her

- and didn't have to return.
- Exhale, cobra.

- Low down, inhale, cobra.
- I'm very sensitive when it comes to emotions

and things like that, because of the
things that have happened to me,

abandonment, those things.

I'm... I really don't want
her to ever feel that way.

So, I'm just
very hands-on with her

and very attentive
and she's my role.

I was a very extreme, you know, tattooed
hardcore girl when I performed.

But In my life, I'm a very sweet, loving,
generous person and most people wouldn't think

that about me at all.
Just by looking at me.

Don't ever judge a book by its cover.
You never know who that person may be

on the inside and you never know
where that person may take you.

You need to realize that what goes
on in the adult industry, is created

for your entertainment.
It's not reality.

Oh, help me out.
Don't go in. Like, yeah.

Reality is bumping up
against people. It's having sex.

It's feeling that moment of
connection between two people.

Right.

The digital world can be very, very isolating
and dividing if we allow it to be.

Yeah, what's the solution though?
It's like we just need

to make better choices. Let's choose
to kiss and hug instead of...

Well, and turn it off.

- Or turn it on.
- It should be turned off and on.

On.

Subtitles by explosiveskull