All language subtitles for A Simple Favor 2018

subs by enwansix

♪ Les filles les garçons,
Les garçons et les filles ♪

♪ C'est fait pour vivre ensemble ♪

♪ C'est normal ♪

♪ Pourvu qu'ils soient d'accord ♪

♪ Rien d'anormal ♪

♪ Il y avait une fille dans
le groupe où j'étais ♪

♪ Que j'avais remarquée ♪

♪ Elle était ♪

♪ Jolie comme une poupée,
elle me plaisait ♪

♪ Un soir elle a ♪

♪ Voulu aller danser ♪

♪ Au cinéma ♪

♪ Moi je l'ai entraînée ♪

♪ Quand on était tous les deux
comme deux amoureux ♪

♪ J'étais intimidé ♪

♪ C'est pour ça ♪

♪ Qu'au début j'avais peur
de l'embrasser ♪

♪ En dix minutes, ça s'est arrangé ♪

♪ Depuis le soir ♪

♪ Le soir du cinéma ♪

♪ Je crois qu'elle a ♪

♪ Un sentiment pour moi ♪

♪ Et quand on est tous les deux
comme deux amoureux ♪

♪ Je n'ai plus peur de rien ♪

♪ Car au fond ♪

♪ Au fond je vois très bien
que l'on se plait ♪

♪ Comme vous voyez, ça s'est arrangé ♪

Hi, moms, Stephanie here.

Today, as promised,
I'm gonna share

my zucchini chocolate
chip cookie recipe.

But first,

many of you have asked me for
an update on the Emily situation.

And for those of you who
are new to my vlog,

you should know my

best friend Emily
is missing right now.

She asked me
a simple favor

to pick up her son,
Nicky from school

which was five days ago.

And she hasn't
come back yet, so.

I'm sorry, we're
all really worried

and I'm doing everything I can

to help the police
track her down.

I'm realizing I don't

know her as well as
I thought I did.

It's like my mom used to say,

God rest her soul, um,

"Secrets are like margarine;

"easy to spread,
bad for the heart."

But as different as we are,

I do consider
Emily my best friend.

She's this wonderful,
elegant person.

And our sons brought
us together, actually.

Well, for, you know,
for our new friends,

I'll just start from the beginning.

I met Emily a few weeks ago

at school.

It was International
Cuisine Day

in my son's first-grade class.

And once again, I drew Sweden

which meant my famous
meatless meatballs.

You're all dead!

I killed everyone!

Not me.
I came back to life.

I want to thank everyone who
participated in today's feast.

Yay!

Class, haven't we
learned so much

about food from
around the world?

Yes!

Give your parents a big
round of applause!

Big smile!

Like, where does she get
all that energy from?

What are you lookin' at?

I think there's crystal
meth in those meatballs.

Ooh, uh, parents, there's a
sign up sheet on the board

for our fun fair next week.

Uh, please, Stephanie, don't
sign up for more than one job.

I'm not sure everyone else has
had a chance to volunteer.

Miles, sweetie, sweetie,
maybe just be careful

with your fingers with
Nicky's truck, okay?

Has Nicky's mom volunteered?

Emily?

Like she would know a sign up
sheet if it bit her on the ass.

God, it'd be my dream to
run PR for Dennis Nylon.

Can you imagine all the
free shit she must get?

I know.

Okay, I'm crossing
myself off decorations.

I can leave that open for Emily.

And then if she can't make it,

I can still bring my
balloons and helium tank.

Please tell me you don't actually
own a helium tank, Stephanie.

I think lots of people
own helium tanks, Stacy.

'Cause kids love balloons.

Do you not have one,

you bad parent?

I'm kidding.

We're terrible parents.

I think it's a perfect
plan, Stephanie.

Good thinkin', Sss-tephanie.

Hey, smooch, aww...
great work today, smooch!

Smooch?

- Thanks a lot, Mom.
- Aw...

Can me and Miles have
a playdate today?

Um, I don't know, sweetie,

I think we need
to ask your mommy

and she's still in the city.

She's right there.

Come here, little dude!

Ooh, my baby.

Mm, mm, look at your shirt.

Did any food make it
in your mouth?

Ask her, Nicky, ask her!

Ask me what?

We want a playdate.

Oh, we can't. Mommy
already has a playdate

with a symphony of
antidepressants.

- Let's go.
- Playdate! Playdate! Playdate!

Nicky, please don't do this.

I gotta go, c'mon.
I got a ton of work to do.

You won't let me have any fun.

That's not true, I let you

tear my labia
as you exited my body.

So you're welcome.

You drink?

I need a martini.

Oh, uh, yeah, I like martinis.

I haven't had one in
a-a long time.

They're good though.

Had one that was like,
mostly chocolate.

And I was like, oh, chocolate.
Oh...

Mom life...

Oh, okay. No playdate.
C'mon, kid, let's go.

Then I'm staying here.

Christ, he's fucking stubborn.

It doesn't have to have
chocolate in it. Like...

Okay, I don't think
I'm gonna win this.

So, um...

I mean, do you wanna come over
for a beverage of any kind?

I think I could use some backup.

That's me? I'm backup?

Does your kid drink? Maybe?

It's never too early
to start teachin' 'em.

I think you're joking.
But, great.

- Sweetie?
- You, let's go.

Let's get your
umbrella out, okay?

'Cause we're gonna
go out in the rai-i-in.

What on earth are those two
gonna talk about?

Emily's gonna eat poor
Stephanie alive.

At least she'll be
eating something.

What is your problem?

Go show him your room.

Go.

Oh, please don't run...
Be safe please.

Cute socks.

Oh, thanks.

Uh, they're from Target.

It's ten bucks a pack.
So great. Target.

They have other animals.
They have these squirrels.

- They're cute, chipmunks.
- Mmm.

Beavers.

That's... so...

lifelike!

Yeah.

D'you like it?

Ah... how could you not?

It's, um...

Right?

I used to dye my hair.
I get bored easily.

Yeah, um...
did you paint that?

No, no, no. It's made by an
almost famous painter

from the East Village.
Half my life is littered with

almost somebodies.

I did some work
modeling in school

to pay my way through.

But then the pervert
got obsessed with me.

Oh, well, that happens, yeah.

So I stole the painting from him

thinking it would be worth
something someday, but no.

No such luck.

This house is incredible.

Thanks. It's a
fucking money pit.

Oopsy.

Hmm?

Oh, sorry, it's um,

what we say at my house
when someone swears.

It's a force of habit.

We have a...

an oopsy jar on the pantry.
It's like, you know,

put a quarter in
for every bad word.

You should smash the oopsy jar.

It might change your life.

Yeah... yech, sorry.

Don't say sorry.

You don't need to do that.
You don't need to apologize.

It's a fucked up female habit.

You don't need to be
sorry for anything ever.

That's-That's true. That's
great advice. Thank you.

- I love this music, by the way.
- Thanks.

Yeah. Makes me forget
I'm stuck in this shithole.

I'm gonna go get booze.

Great!

♪ Je sais bien qu'un ex amour ♪

♪ N'a pas de chance ou si peu ♪

♪ Mais pour moi ♪

♪ Une explication vaudrait mieux ♪

♪ Sous aucun prétexte je ne veux ♪

♪ Devant toi surexposer mes yeux ♪

♪ Derrière un Kleenex ♪

♪ Je saurais mieux ♪
Mhrmm.

I was really caught up in
the ambiance.

Come on,
give me a little more.

Ooh.

I like that.
I may join you later.

Oh, you must love cooking
in this kitchen.

No, not really,
but Sean does.

I think it's probably just
an excuse to avoid writing.

Your husband's a writer?

No, h-he wrote a
book ten years ago.

It made him
the toast of the town.

I actually had to stalk him
to make him fall in love with me.

Then nothing, he never,

he never wrote
anything ever again.

It's so bait and switch.

What was the book?

It's called Darkness at Dawn.

Oh, my gosh! I read that
in my book club.

- Really?
- This was...

Yeah, this was back when
I first became a single mom

and I joined this book club

and that was
the first book we read.

It's... I, it's so impressive.

So you're divorced, then?

Widowed.

Do you mind
if I asked how he died?

Car accident.

- Oh, how awful.
- Yeah.

My brother Chris was
in the passenger seat.

You're kidding.

In one fell swoop

and the two most important
men in my life were gone.

Normally, sad stories

don't get to me,
'cept for that one.

That one did.
That was brutal.

I don't talk about it a lot.

Especially with people
I just met. I'm really sorry.

Oh... hmm...

Baby, if you apologize again,

I'm gonna have to
slap the sorry out of you.

Yeah. That's so, I'm not sorry.

That's a hard habit
to break, though.

It is.

So, you dating anyone?

No.

Slim pickin's in Warfield.

Well, you are an hour and
a half outside the city.

I'm not gonna date
someone from the city.

I tried eHarmony for a while,

um, and then
that mother of three

wound up with her
head in a trash can.

You remember that?
And I... oof.

I said, no, thank you.
Don't need it.

What?

C'mon, baby, you're
too sexy to give up.

That's nice. I don't know, um...

If your head's gonna
end up in a trash can,

your head's gonna
end up in a trash can.

Didn't think I would
end up a single mom.

Struggling to make
ends meet, it's...

I mean, my husband
had life insurance.

Thank goodness,
but not a lot.

I put half of that away
for Miles' college and

so with that coming in,

the money still
runs out in 2020.

Thank God for his life insurance.

- Yeah.
- My husband doesn't have anything.

Makes me feel better,
but he does spend

like he's the man of the hour.

I fucking have to
pay for everything.

We can't even sell this house.

We bought it during
the bubble and...

I love your house.

I wouldn't dream of selling it.

If I were you, I'd just...

I'd just bask in the
kitchen all day long.

Maybe you should move in.

Here, cheers to
being house poor.

Yes, cheers!

- Mmm.
- What?

That's, uh...

It's just another one
of my bad decisions.

Yeah.

It's-It's great,
is that a charity symbol?

Yeah, Mother Teresa and I are
like, the same person, so.

It's a nice contrast
with your ring.

Thanks, well, this is
a family heirloom.

It belonged to Sean's great
grandmom and then his mom

and she insisted
that I have it, so.

Whose Subaru is
blocking the garage?

Speak of the devil.

Oh, that's mine.
I'm sorry, I...

- You're what?
- Nngh...

Your wife is trying to get
me to stop apologizing.

Maybe you can get her to start.

Ooh.

- Hi.
- Mmm.

Hi.

Oh, martini time.

I'm sure it's 5:00 somewhere.

Oh, my God, did you just come up
with that cliché by yourself?

He's such a brilliant writer.

I have to say you inspire me.

Not enough, apparently.

"Well, thank you very much

for going to the grocery
store," he said,

dripping with sarcasm.

Oh, I figured you'd want a break
from not writing... ever.

Uh-huh!

With that fatal blow,
she won the joust.

Mmm.

- Well played.
- Thank you.

This is Stephanie.

Our kid goes to
Warfield with her kid.

She read your book.

I-I did. I loved it!

It reminded me of
William Thackeray.

She really read it.

Wow.

Not many people train on
Thackeray as a reference.

Oh, I was an English
major at Barnard.

It was pre-mommy brain.

I did my thesis on
the Canterbury Tales.

"And with that word
Arcite gan espy

"Whereas this lady
roamed to and fro"

"And with that sight,
her beauty hurt him so"

I'm sorry, do you guys
wanna get a room?

Am I breaking this up?

I like that.

Hey, do you want me
to make you a drink?

No, I'm good. You guys enjoy.

I'm gonna head
upstairs for a shower.

Okay.

Pleased to meet you, Sharon.

Yeah.

It's lovely to meet you!

He's terrible with names.

Oh, yeah, I mean,
'Stephanie' is

crazy, like, p-h, what?

You guys are
such a cute couple.

Yeah, we're on the
verge of bankruptcy.

And uh, we can't find a decent
nanny in all of Connecticut, so.

Drowning.

If you ever need me to
pick up Nicky after school,

take him to my house,

even if... you just
need the night off...

You'd do that for me?

Yeah, anything.

Hi, moms, Stephanie here.

If it's your first
visit to the vlog,

a hearty welcome.

Today's theme is friendship.

So today I thought
we would make...

friendship bracelets!

I have never
understood these silly

hurtful divisions
between working moms

and stay-at-home moms.

Honestly, I have found it difficult
to make friends with either.

Emily!

Hi! What's up, lady?

Hey, I was wondering if I could

take you up on your
offer to pick up Nicky.

I'm in a meeting
with no end in sight.

Uh, yeah, I'm happy
to help, actually.

Um, I just got these jumbo
set of curler beads...

Yeah, yeah, okay.
You're the best.

Yeah, okay, um, just, does Nicky
have any dietary restrictions?

Yeah, yeah, just uh,

just don't feed him
shit he doesn't like.

- Thanks.
- Don't feed...?

Okay.

Oh, my God. She's so funny.

Whoo.

No, no, no, Dennis.
This is what's gonna happen:

I'm gonna do my job.
You're gonna take some pills.

And then I'm gonna
call you later, okay?

What? Oh, oh! I can't hear you.
I-I'm in an elevator.

I am hungry for flesh!

Just...

Darth Mommy, it's this game...
it's really silly.

Honestly, his dad was much better
at the roughhousing stuff.

- Don't do that.
- Do what?

Don't denigrate
your good parenting

to comfort me for my
shitty parenting.

Oh, gosh, no, Emily, that's,

that's not what I was doing at all.
I think you're a super mom.

Aw, no, you don't.

C'mon, you coulda had lobster
bisque for lunch the other day.

I'm lucky if I remember
my kid's lunchbox.

Honestly, it's fine.

The nicest thing I could do for
Nicky is blow my brains out.

I'm kidding.

Right, yeah, you, um...

You work in the city, so.

Did you just take my picture?

I'm yearbook mom.

Did I ask you
to take my picture?

- Erase it.
- Um, you look really chic.

It's just for faces and places...
just for the other parents.

Erase it

or I'll slap a fucking
injunction on your yearbook,

- d'you understand?
- Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, it's gone.

Woof. Bye-bye.

Don't do that again.

Oh, my gosh, so sorry...
or I didn't mean to offend you.

Um, I'm sure that stuff's
really sensitive and you're...

No, no. So it's all good.

I guess I'm probably
not the kind of person

you're normally friends with.

Oh, you do not want to be
friends with me. Trust me.

Dennis, sweetie,
let's try this again, um...

Okay, I want you to go home
and chill the fuck out

and don't ever call me again.
Bye.

That's how you
talk to your boss?

Yeah, you gotta
go right at 'em.

Especially the powerful ones

or they will fuck you in the face.

Yeah. I get that.

Wanna get outta here?

Mommy needs a drink.

Yeah. Totally.

Nicky!

Come here, guys!

I guess we're going.

Hey, Nicky! Bounce! Now!

Okay, I have a gift for you.
Please close your eyes.

Mnh-mnh.

Yeah. Hold out your
tattooed hand, please.

This is happening.
I'll wait all day.

- Are you propositioning me?
- Yes.

Good. I made that for you.

You made this for me?

Thought it would go with that
pinstripe suit you have.

Really, that-that's nice, no one
does stuff like this for me.

I used to um, watch those
Bewitched reruns on TV Land.

And I always thought
it was so classy when

Darren would
come home from work

and Samantha would
fix him a martini.

Every time we do this,
I feel so high tone.

My God, you're such a nerd.

Fuck this, I need a real martini.

- This one's not real?
- Nope.

Sean and I had the real
thing at Dukes in London.

The key: frozen gin.

And a frozen glass.

Okay.

Move, bad martini.

'Kay.

Little bit of vermouth.

Swirl it around.

Dump.

Don't you dare
touch that washcloth.

Then, add in your gin.

Mmm.

You need a twist.

Squeeze it, outside up.
Get a nice little mist.

Lick the edges.

And voila. And don't
add fucking ice.

- Ever.
- We don't like ice anymore?

Shit ruins everything.

Tough day at work?

I just need to hit the
reset button sometimes.

- Well, cheers.
- Cheers.

Make me one of those?

Do I look reset?

'Cause I feel reset.

You smell good.

What is that perfume?
You smell so good.

- I wish I smelled like you.
- Thank you.

Uh, i-it's one of Dennis'.

I can get you one.
I can get you a bathtubful

if you'd like.

I do, I-I would lo-
I would love, love

love it, girlfriend.
Thank you.

I'm really unhappy with myself

for taking that picture.

Oh, my God, are you still
talking about that?

It was so rude.

- It was like, ooh, paparazzi.
- Stop. Forget about it.

You are so nice.

I have no idea how you've
survived this long.

I'm not as nice
as you think, so.

Are you baiting me?

No! I'm just saying...

- Everybody has a dark side.
- Mm-hmm.

Some of us are better at
hiding it than others.

Wanna trade confessions?

- N-No. No.
- Come on.

What's the wildest thing
you've ever done?

Oh, I dunno, no, I shouldn't...

You go first.

Okay, um...

A few months ago, Sean and I
had his TA over for um,

dinner and drinks
and a threesome.

Well, was Sean jealous of him?

Did I say it was a him?

That's very cool, sis.
Very cool.

- You okay?
- Yeah!

I don't mean
to freak you out.

Hello?

What d'you mean freaked out?
Maybe you're freaked out.

'Cause I'm not freaked out.
I'm cool. I'm laissez-faire.

Okay, laissez-faire, I...

I mean, you're not exactly a
sexual maverick, and that's fine.

You know, prudes are people too.

I wanna know your secret, tell me.

My dad died when
I was a senior in high school.

And...

this boy showed up
for the funeral.

His name was Chris.

And I guess he is

the spitting image of my
father 30 years younger.

So my mom

thought she saw a ghost...

And it turned out
he was my half-brother.

That's-That's your whole secret?

That your-your
dad had an affair?

No!

Okay, can you just tell me
your secret? Come on.

Spill it, dark side.

So, Chris...

It was too late for him to drive
home, so he stayed over.

We stayed up all night talking.

And...

my dad was...

My dad was really the
person who understood me.

And he was gone, so.

I was...

alone, alone for the first time.

But he...

sees me, you know?

Like he really sees me.

And we just stared at each other
for the longest time.

Wait, you can't be too drunk at
my house not to finish the story.

- What happened?
- Yeah... uh...

Okay, so...

I don't know, maybe it's not
so racy where you're from, but,

Stop avoiding.
Tell me what happened.

We stood there
for the longest time.

So, I went in to hug him and...

we kissed.

I know. It's so gross.

- The end?
- Yeah.

- You just kissed?
- Yeah, we kissed.

You just kissed y-y-your brother?

- Yeah, it's so...
- What?

Well, it was like, uch,
it's so lurid.

It's my half-brother,
it's not my brother, but it's...

- It's your half-brother though. Okay.
- It's like...

- It's, but...
- Yeah, there's more.

- No. No, there's no more.
- Mm-hmm.

No, no. Yeah, there is.

- Mmm.
- So.

You fucked him.

What?!

Was he good?

That is so disgusting.

I don't know.

- Oh, you didn't fuck him?
- I don't...

Tell me you didn't fuck him.

- I don't know what's going on in here.
- Swear.

I swear.

Swear on your dad's grave.

Uh...

Oh, my God.

- Don't.
- You're a brother fucker!

This is good.

Oh, my God.

I've got a brother fucker
taking care of my kid.

I shouldn't have said anything.

Brother fucker.

You know what? I don't know.

It's these stupid martinis.

Hey, brother fucker,
do you wanna stay for dinner?

I shouldn't have
even said anything.

Yeah. I do.
Wanna stay for dinner.

That would be lovely.

I can't wait to see
what you cook.

Y'know what? I...

I'm gonna cook you

the best meal of your life

and you're gonna feel really bad
about being so mean right now.

- Mmm! Fucker!
- Ow!

I like you!

Hi, moms, Stephanie here.

Today we'll be talking about
perfect first-aid kits.

You never what you'll
need during a crisis.

Hi!

Stephanie, thank God
you picked up.

Hey, I just have
a little emergency.

Oh, really? Um, that's
a coincidence, I was just...

I-I need your help.

Uh, are you okay?

I'm fine, but I-I do need

just a-a simple favor.

Can you grab Nicky from school?
Sean's in London.

His mother broke her fuckin' hip

and I got a big fire
to put out at work.

Oh, yeah! Oh, my God.
Poor Sean.

Poor you, um...

Anything I can do
to help, yeah.

You're the best.
Hey, I gotta run.

But I'll get you back
for this okay?

Of course.
Nicky's in good hands.

Hey, Stephanie,
you're a good person.

True fat, I mean that.

Don't worry about it.
I'll talk to you later. Bye.

Freeze!
Do you know what I see?

I see two boys
getting a playdate!

- Yay!
- Yay!

Stephanie, it's so great
you took the nanny job.

Nanny job?

Yeah, for Emily. I know
she was looking for one.

Well, that...

Um, we're just friends.

I'm helping her as a friend.

Oh, God. I'm so-I'm so sorry.
I didn't,

I didn't realize you
guys were so close.

Well, we are!

We drink martinis together.

Strong ones from London.

Okay, boys, if you don't
wrestle in the car,

I'm gonna make you for brats!
Let's go!

- Go!
- Yay!

She doesn't know
she's working for free.

♪ A little bit of Jessica here I am ♪

♪ A little bit of you
makes me your man ♪

♪ Rah! ♪

This is Emily Nelson,
Director of Public Relations

for Dennis Nylon Holdings.

Leave a message
or go fuck yourself.

Hey, uh, Em, it's Stephanie.

Um, I know you're probably
knee-deep in that crisis.

Um, but Nicky's asking when
you're coming to get him

and I don't know
what to say, so.

Just let me know.

And I hope you're
hanging in there.

Give 'em heck.

Stephanie Smothers,
I'm a close friend of hers.

I'm watching her son.

Can you just tell
me where she is?

When she might me back?

Yeah, she's in

Miami for a few days. Uh, did
you wanna leave a message?

I'm s-I'm sorry, did you say
a few days?

Yeah, could you hold on
for a second, please?

She didn't say
it was gonna be a few...

Oh, for the love of Job.

Oh!

- Yes?
- Sean! Hi.

Um, it's Stephanie.
I'm so sorry to bother you.

I got your number from

- the school directory.
- Has something happened to Nicky?

No, uh, Nicky's

fine. He's...

Yeah, sorry, he's fine.
He's here with me.

Um, Emily though asked
me to watch him and...

that was two days ago

and I haven't heard from her.
Have you,

have you guys been in touch?

Christ, two days?

What'd she tell you?

Um, she said she had
to put out a big fire.

And I called her office and
they said she was in Miami?

Yeah, that sounds about right.

I mean, I've played through
some of these emergencies

before and once she knows
Nicky's being taken care of,

she disappears for

quite some time.

Oh, fun! Um...

I'm flying back tomorrow.

I'll pick up Nicky as soon
as I'm on the ground.

Alrighty?

Alrighty.

Ah.

Miss Canterbury Tales.

Um, her assistant Valerie said that

she couldn't get in
touch with her either,

which is weird 'cause it's a
work thing, uh, an emergency.

Some of the moms think
we should go to the police.

Jesus, it's really come to this.

Do you want tea?

Well, let's do it.

Not the tea, the police.

- Sean?
- Yeah.

The police are here.

Okay.

And when was the last time
either of you heard from her?

Three days ago.

I was in London.
My mother broke her hip.

- Sorry to hear that.
- Thank you.

She said it was a work crisis?

Yeah, she has a
high-profile job and

a full staff that she oversees.

Most times, when a woman
vanishes, she has a reason.

What are you implying exactly?

You two didn't have a fight?

Something to make you
run off to London?

Are you saying that
I broke my mother's hip?

You leave town,
the wife takes off.

Maybe there's um...

close friend she might be
spending some time with?

Excuse me, that's very rude.

He's a dedicated
husband and father.

I've seen him with his wife.
Let me tell you,

they've got more chemistry
than a science fair.

Just exploring all avenues, ma'am.

Well, that avenue's a dead
end, so you can drop it.

And where's Emily's family?

Um, she doesn't have any.

She was and only child and

her mother and father died
when she was a teenager.

I'm sorry, I didn't know that.

We'll file a missing
persons report

and contact you in the
next couple of days.

If she doesn't turn up,

we'll contact the local
authorities in Miami.

Not planning any more trips,
are you, Mr. Townsend?

Nah, I'm gonna be right here.

I'm gonna be at my house
with my son.

We can show ourselves out.

God knows we've had our
troubles in the past.

But... I don't think she'll just
up and leave her child.

No! God, she adores Nicky.
She wouldn't do that.

She's an enigma, my wife.

It's what drew me to her.

It could also make her impossible.

She could be so fiercely private.

She sure doesn't like
having her picture taken,

I'll tell you that.

I remember this one time
she shut down my Facebook

because I posted up
her family picture.

Ugh, social media's so tricky.

You can get close to her,

but you can never
quite reach her.

She's like a beautiful ghost.

Never entirely there.

That's so poetic, you know.

That's why you're
such a good writer.

I'm not a writer
anymore, Stephanie.

I gave all that up just to chase
this woman for the rest of my life.

I should call for a taxi
and go home.

Yeah.

Oh, gosh, it's 1:25.

They stop driving at 1:00 here.

That couch pulls out

um, if you want to stay over.

I know Nicky would love it if
you were here in the morning.

That would be lovely.

Who wants more B vitamins?

- I do!
- Yeah?

- That nice?
- Yeah.

Yeah? Delicious?

- Hi.
- Hey.

Um, what on earth
are you making?

These are hangover smoothies.

They'll get it right out of you.

And kids love them.

An old tip.

They have a full
portion of vegetables

and they don't even know it.

It's so hard to get kids
to eat their vegetables.

Right?

Mmm.

Try some?

Great!

Good?

I think we should
get ready for school.

Ugh!

Oh, school, school.

Hi, moms, Stephanie here.

Today, I'm making a
new recipe I read

for a hangover smoothie.

Uh, it's really nice.

I especially want to thank
everybody who's written in

to ask about Emily.

It's been four days now.

So.

The good news is that
Sean is home from London.

And he's working very
closely with the police.

Um...

Actually...

Moms,

I know a lot of you are
hung up on the idea

that the husband is always
the primary suspect.

I know. I've seen Law & Order.

But um...

I mean, first,
I'm here to tell you

Sean was in London
when Emily disappeared.

And some of you
have suggested that

he did that to set up an alibi.

But he's an amazing husband
and an amazing father.

So, the police haven't
been much help.

But everyone knows, if you
want something done right,

you have to do it yourself.

I will leave no stone unturned.

Think that's what I'm
gonna move on.

Dennis Nylon, please hold.

Dennis Nylon, please hold.

Thanks for holding. How
may I direct your call?

Hi, uh, my name's Stephanie...

Dennis Nylon, please hold.

My friend works here,
she's been miss...

Thanks for holding. How
may I direct your call?

She... uh, I tried to
call her assistant...

Dennis Nylon, please hold.

Valerie, she wasn't super help...

Thanks for holding. How
may I direct your call?

I can't tell if
you're talking to me.

You're looking right
at me, but I can't...

- Dennis Nylon... please hold.
- Okay.

Thanks for holding. How
may I direct your call?

Her name's Emily Nelson.

She's the head of
the PR department.

Emily's not in today.

I know she-I know she's
not in. She's...

Dennis Nylon, please hold.

Okay, just...

Sorry. No. I'm not sorry.

Um, I...

need to speak to
Dennis Nylon, please.

A woman's missing, so.

Mr. Nylon's not here right now.

Great, I'll wait.

Knock yourself out.

Okay.

Dennis Nylon, please hold.

Um, Mr. Nylon.

We don't accept
unsolicited résumés.

Cool. That's not why I'm here.
Um, we have a problem.

We most certainly do.

A friend of mine works in
your publicity department.

Is that vintage Aramis scarf?

My Aunt Frieda gave it to me.

Did she want you to hang
yourself with it? Look at that knot.

Jesus fucking Christ.

I'm here about Emily Nelson.

What about Emily?
What happened?

She asked me to pick up
her son four days ago

because she went to Miami.
She's still not back.

No texts, no calls and no one in
your office seems to give a crap.

Excuse my language.

- Kiko...
- Hmm?

Why did Emily go to Miami?

I didn't know she did.

We in this office
have learned that

when Emily elects
not to tell us something,

it's best not to ask.

Doesn't she work for you?

Emily's job is to
stop the apocalypse

without worrying
any of the designers.

And she always finds a way to
look fabulous when she does it.

That's great!

What do you suggest that I do?

Never wear a vintage Aramis
scarf with a Gap t-shirt.

If you were truly Emily's
friend, you would know that.

Excuse me, I have
a very busy day.

Valerie. My office. Now.

Motherfuck.

Well, if it isn't Aunt
Frieda's least favorite niece.

What were you doing up there?

Corporate spying or just a
common garden shoplifter?

Yeah, you gotta go right at 'em.

Especially the powerful ones

or they will fuck you in the face.

Listen, you bargain
basement Tom Ford.

If you don't have this Ken
doll unhand me this second,

I will tell the thousands
of moms that watch my vlog

that Dennis Nylon is a bully
who victimizes women.

And that they should stop
buying your tacky blouses

made by Indonesian children

because if you lose moms,
you lose business.

Okay, number one: they're
not Indonesian children,

they are Vietnamese teenagers.

Number two: Tom Ford
wishes he were me.

And number three: if I'm tacky...

okay...

you're...

This has been fun.

Better pray I don't have a bruise.

I know she doesn't like
having her picture taken.

Look at our little Stephanie.

Comforting the worried husband.

Oh, please.

It's an arts and crafts project.

I've never seen her pass up
the chance to use a stapler.

Emily's gonna hate those
flyers when she gets back.

She's not coming back.

Don't you watch Dateline?

If the case isn't solved
in the first 72 hours,

they're always dead.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, perfect timing.

Dinner's ready.

The boys are upstairs,
I'm just gonna have them

wash their hands
and come down...

Um...

Are you okay?

I just never experienced
anything like this.

Walking into a fully
set dinner table.

Yeah, uh, this is...

- weird, I mean...
- No, no, no, no.

Not at all.

I think anything

stable these days is like
a gift from heaven, right?

I should tidy up first, though.

- Hello, Mr. Townsend.
- Ah, yes.

Detective Summerville,
we spoke on the phone.

That's right.

Stephanie, can you help the
boys with their homework?

Of course.

Come in.

Just a pre-dinner

snack.

That's a cute nanny.

No, no, that's
one of my wife's friends.

She's been helping me out.

Well, shit, can she help out
around my house, too?

She wasn't on any
flights to Miami.

But she did rent a white
Kia from Budget.

She paid in cash for
a two-day rental.

Now, when people pay in cash,

it usually means one thing.

Are you saying she's
having an affair?

I can't say that
with any confidence.

Can't anyone else
track her Kia?

I'll have reports coming in
from across the country.

So, let's just not
spark an outbreak.

We gave the description of
your wife to every precinct

in the tri-state area, okay?

Does she have any
distinguishing features?

Have any birthmarks, tattoos?

She's got a tattoo
on her left wrist.

Great.

Flames and a charity symbol
in the middle.

Really?

- More judgment from you.
- No, no, no.

She did things like that.

Impulsive, crazy things.

I'm gonna call this in.

Tell your wife's friend
I said goodbye.

You're a saint.

You don't have to do that.

I'm not a saint, I just
like to keep my hands busy.

Um, I should go.

It's Flags of the
World Day on Monday.

Started on South America.

Sorry.

No, I didn't mean sorry,
I mean, thank you.

Thank you for being
such a good friend.

Of course.

I'm a problem solver.
I just wish I could do more.

You're doing plenty.

So that's where we are today.

And we are keeping our heads up

and not jumping to
any conclusions.

We are soldiering on.

Cookies and origami.

But for you moms
who want to help,

we know that Emily
was driving a white Kia.

that she rented from a Budget

uh, at LaGuardia
airport on the 24th.

And I did a little digging, so,
um, the license plate is...

Dear Stephanie, I'm writing
from Standish, Michigan

with a possible Emily sighting.

I was driving down
I-75 two days ago

when I saw a woman
gassing up a white Kia.

She was really pretty
and I remember thinking

she didn't look like
she was from around here.

I hope this help...

So, um,

several of us sent the info to
the local authorities in Michigan.

Did she ever mention Michigan?
Did she have a friend there?

As far as I knew, she didn't
have any real friends.

- Not before you.
- Oh.

I, uh, how is that possible?

Hello? Please tell
me you found her.

A lake?

Well, I... I don't know.

Okay, I'm heading there now.

They found a rental car
in Michigan.

Look, I'm gonna have to go

'cause otherwise,
I'm gonna go crazy.

- Can you do me a favor?
- Yes, it's done. Go.

Hi, moms. Stephanie here.

I can see we have a flood
of new viewers today.

And if you're new to the vlog,

I'm sorry, this probably isn't
the best entry to start with.

For those of you who have been
following my vlog this week,

you know that my best
friend, Emily went missing.

And so many of you wrote in
with your helpful tips and ideas.

And I want to

give a special thanks
to LeAnn Lippins

whose helpful tip made a
major break in the case.

I... have some somber news.

Emily was found.

Not alive, I'm afraid.

My friend Emily... Nelson

is dead.

Our Father,

We look to you again
facing this moment...

that our sorrow, grief,

and loneliness

will rise up to Yourself

that we may know the comfort
of everlasting life.

Especially support
and comfort those

who have been closest
to our departed sister.

Sustain them in the
blessed assurance

that death is conquered
and new life has begun.

To be absent from the body

is to be present with the Lord.

May we be assured in the hope

that we shall walk
together again

in Your blessed presence.

Help us to number our days
that we may

apply our hearts
unto wisdom.

In the name of the Father,

and of the Son,
and of the Holy Spirit.

Amen.

- Hi.
- Oh, hi.

Are those, um...?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, they are.

Uh, Th-they're from your uh,

'Last-minute Brownie' entry.

I can't believe
you watch my vlog.

Uh, well, I mean,
to be honest,

when we were first started
watching it, we were just

making fun of you, but um,

uh, but-but then you had some
really helpful hints in there.

Especially when Lulu
got that rash...

- Apple cider vinegar, it was great.
- Oh!

Well, great.

Yeah.

You're a real saint
to help her family out like this.

I'm not a saint, I'm...

Emily was my friend and she'd
do the same for me, so.

If-If you or Sean need me to
watch Miles or Nicky anytime,

it's nothing.

That's so sweet, Sona,
thank you.

I mean, it's the least she could do.
She didn't even bake anything.

- I'm gonna... Okay. Okay.
- Yeah. Yeah.

Nicky, you don't need to worry.

Your mom's in heaven now.

No, she's not! Shut up!

You need to run from me.
You're never coming back.

You're hurting me!

- I hate you!
- Stop it!

Nicky, get off him!

Nicky, what are you doing?!

Get off him. What the
hell are you doing?!

Calm down. Stop that.

She needs to stop,
she made my mom die!

That's crazy
and you know that.

She's trying to be
my new mom!

Sweetie, I'm not trying
to be your mom.

I want my mom!

I know you do, baby,
I know you do. But I'm...

Mom was right.
You are a loser.

Is that what she told you,
drunk at 2:00 in the afternoon?

I am trying my best!

Sean!

He's just a little boy, Jesus.

I'm sorry.

What do I do?

- Okay.
- What do I do?

We're gonna take a deep,
centering breath now, all right?

Now focus on
one thing at a time.

I'm gonna stay, talk to Nicky.

So, I need you to
take Miles inside

put some ice on his nose.

You got a good little
shiner comin'.

It's okay.

It's okay.

I don't wanna talk to you.

Well...

You're not my favorite dinner
date right now either, mister.

But you should know that

everything you're feeling
right now is normal.

You can act out all you
want, that's fine.

This doesn't change what I know.

What do you know?

That you're a good kid.

So, let's just sit here
and not talk.

Let's just sit here and

feel lousy and
watch the grass grow.

Hey.

Hey, come on.

Don't be hard on
yourself, all right?

This is the kind of stuff
nobody gets right.

You do.

- You always do.
- No, no, come on.

I don't know if...

Yeah.

You're right, we... shouldn't.

♪ So don't forget me ♪

♪ When my clothes peel ♪

♪ Under my skin ♪

♪ I save my breath ♪

♪ And go under my skin ♪

♪ We've had better days ♪

♪ I've been sitting pretty here my friend ♪

♪ Sitting pretty looking at you ♪

♪ You're a part of every word I say ♪

♪ When I come speak un... ♪

Oh!

♪ Woo ♪

♪ Woo ♪

♪ Vous avez lu l'histoire
De Jesse James ♪

♪ Woo ♪

♪ Comment il vécu ♪

♪ Comment il est Mort ♪

♪ Woo ♪

♪ Ça vous a plus hein ♪

♪ Vous en demandez encore ♪

♪ Woo ♪

♪ Et bien ♪

♪ Écoutez l'histoire ♪

♪ De Bonnie and Clyde ♪

♪ Woo ♪

♪ Alors voilà ♪

♪ Clyde a une petite Amie ♪

♪ Woo ♪

♪ Elle est belle et son prénom
C'est Bonnie ♪

♪ Woo ♪

♪ À eux deux ils forment
Le gang Barrow ♪

♪ Woo ♪

♪ Leurs noms
Bonnie Parker et Clyde Barrow ♪

♪ Woo ♪

♪ Bonnie and Clyde ♪

♪ Bonnie and Clyde ♪

♪ Woo ♪

♪ Moi lorsque j'ai connu Clyde
Autrefois ♪

♪ Woo ♪

♪ C'était un gars loyal
Honnête et droit ♪

♪ Woo ♪

♪ Il faut croire
Que c'est la société ♪

♪ Woo ♪

♪ Qui m'a définitivement abîmé ♪

♪ Bonnie and Clyde ♪

♪ Bonnie and Clyde ♪

Serious?!

♪ Woo ♪

Hey, Miss Smothers!

Can I talk to you?

Yeah, I'm...

come right down.

Shit!

- Hi! Hi.
- Hey. Hey.

- So...
- Uh, I just left something here,

so I was just,
I uh, had a key

'cause earlier,
Sean gave me a key.

You're not under arrest,
Miss Smothers.

- Oh!
- Just FYI.

I know I'm not.

- Uh! No.
- No, no, I uh...

- You're very funny.
- Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Um...

Sean's not here right now.

You know, I was actually
hoping to speak to you.

Oh.

Yeah, I went by your house,

and then went by the school,

and then one of the moms
thought you might be here.

- Did they? Okay.
- Mm-hmm.

Well, that's...

Was it Stacy?

Can I come in?

Of course, I would love that.

Entrez vous.

You said that uh,
Emily's your best friend.

Uh, yes.

Yes, we are.

Was she depressed?

No.

No, she had everything.

She had the house and the job.

And the husband.

I was getting there, yeah.

Oh, and the neighbors say
they fought a lot.

Well, they had issues, um...

They loved each other intensely.

What issues did they have?

They're normal issues. They
were stressed about money.

And I think Emily wanted to
slow down and smell the roses.

She slowed down, all right.

I got the autopsy report
right here.

Let's see here...

Severe liver damage
suggesting heavy alcohol use.

Track marks along her arms
and between her toes.

I mean, were you aware
of the heroin use?

No. That's uh... I'm...

I'm sorry, I... really have
trouble believing that.

- Me too.
- She...

She liked a very
strong martini, but...

I don't know how shh...she could
have kept that a secret from me.

And especially from
her husband, Sean.

Yeah, but you seem to know
Sean pretty well.

I have, we've gotten
to know each other

uh, over the... last few weeks

just as friends.

Uh-huh.

I'm guessing you've never dealt
with law enforcement before.

- Not really, no.
- Hmm.

That's a really nice dress.

Oh. Thank you.

Doesn't seem to be
your style, though.

Oh, I'm very versatile...
Detective. I think you'll find.

I'm really just trying to...

help Sean and Nicky
in their time of grief.

Oh, and how is Sean's grief?

He's... He's holding up very well.

As-As well as can be expected.

Uh-huh.

Is that... everything or?

Let me ask you somethin'.

Uh, were you aware that
he took out an extra

$4 million life insurance
policy on Emily

before she disappeared?

I was not...

aware of that, no. I'm, I'm...
Why, how would I...?

Okay.

All right.

Yeah. I don't...

I'm sorry, I wouldn't...

What are you...

Are you saying
he had her rubbed out?

He hired a hit man?

I didn't say anything about
him hiring a hit man.

You just did.

Okay, I...

can see that you're enjoying
yourself, Detective Summerville.

But if you wanna grill someone,

you should really speak to
Emily's boss, Dennis Nylon.

He could not be more suspicious.

That's super interesting
because he contacted us.

And he said he thought you knew
more than you were letting on.

Well, he is...

He sucks.

So.

As long as you're honest
with me, Miss Smothers,

I swear to you,

you have nothing
to worry about, okay?

I'm just following breadcrumbs
wherever they lead.

Okay, you know what?

I'm done for now.
Thanks for your time.

Um... your theory doesn't
hold water, you know.

Well, 'cause it doesn't
explain the...

the fake plane ticket
or the rental car.

And why would someone
shoot her full of heroin

over a summer camp
in Michigan?

There's plenty of good heroin
right here in Connecticut.

I'm told.

Great. Good. Okay, so we
have a lot to talk about.

All right then, just relax.

The worst breadcrumbs
I've ever heard of, you know.

Couldn't fill a Caesar salad
with those breadcrumbs!

Why is this Caesarean
salad so crunchy?

It's Caesar salad, baby,

and it's delicious.

What's in it?

Breadcrumbs.

Huh.

How was your day at work?

Grim.

I spent most of the day
explaining the difference between

"your" possessive and

"you're" apostrophe r-e
to college juniors.

I can see how that might
drive a man over the edge.

I know, right?

What about you boys?

What'd you guys get up to
today at school?

I saw my mom.

I understand, Nicky,
that sometimes

we think we see
people that we miss

even if they're gone.

No, I saw her.

She was right outside the fence
by the kickball yard at recess.

Well, lots of people look like
someone else.

Nobody looks like Mom.

She told me to say hi
to Stephanie.

Nicky, this is unhealthy.

Miles saw her too.
Right, Miles?

I think I did

but I don't know.

I was playing tetherball.

Did you two hatch this up?

Is this a game? Like when you
smash everything with trucks?

'Cause you know what
we say about lying.

I'm not lying! I saw her!

Fuck you!

Hey, Nicky.

Oopsy.

Sorry.

Don't I get a kiss goodnight?

Of course you do, sweetie.

Actually owe the oopsy jar a
quarter for earlier but I...

Goodnight, sweetie.

Hey.

We should get naked.

What is it?

What's wrong?

I smell her, Sean.
I smell her perfume.

It's all over Nicky
like a ghost.

Probably got to a perfume
bottle in the medicine cabinet.

He misses her.

And it's just you
being paranoid.

Is it?

'Cause I found this, too.

What's this?

It's the friendship bracelet
I made her.

Afraid to say
she would not have kept this.

She hated stuff like this.

She probably gave it to him
right after you gave it to her.

Unless he's telling the truth.

You saw her with your own eyes

in her coffin.

There was something off.

They found her out of
the bottom of a lake.

You saw her tattoo,

and you saw that ring that
she stole from my mother.

She said your mother wanted
her to have that ring.

She said your mother insisted.

That's what she told you?

My father gave that ring
to my mother.

It was like the only bit of
jewelry that she ever owned.

I took Emily to London to meet
my mother after we eloped.

It went missing that weekend.

My mother was frantic.

We searched everywhere.

Nothing. We didn't
find a single thing.

My mother was devastated.

So we took a flight back
to New York.

Guess what I found.

What did you find?

No!

No way!

My little Sherlock Holmes.

Mum is gonna be so relieved.

Oh, come on, baby.

Mum will take it to the grave,
what a waste.

So pretty.

Excuse me.

Not amusing, my darling.
Not in the slightest.

I'm not joking in the slightest,

my darling.

I took it. I don't have any
intention of giving it back.

Of course,
we're gonna give it back.

No.

Well, we'll tell her that

it just slipped into
your purse by accident.

and we've only found it now.

But if you tell her
that I found it,

then I have to tell
her that I stole it.

And what do think
will be worse for her?

Thinking that she lost her ring

or thinking that her son
married a thief?

- Baby...
- Hey.

You choose. Her or me.

Meet me in the bathroom
in 20 seconds. Knock twice.

Nine months later,
Nicky was born.

How could you stay with her?

I was spellbound.

She was the only woman
I could never figure out fully.

I was a young, arrogant writer.

Could never live up to
what she expected of me.

I was always
looking over my shoulder.

I could hardly sleep.

But with you, it's different.

I sleep like a log.

That's what every woman
wants to hear.

You know what I mean.

You understand me.
You see me.

You've rebuilt me, Stephanie.

I've even started writing again.

First couple of chapters, but

it's a start.

Oh.

That's wonderful.

You took a broken man

and you pieced him
back together again.

You're unlike any other
woman I've ever met.

Move in with me.

Sean.

No. It's too soon.
What will people think?

They're already thinking it.

And I'm tired of lying.
I am tired of pretending.

I want to be this man.

The man I am with you.

I've had two threesomes.

I want to say that.

I'll just get that out
in the open.

What are you talking about?

Your TA.

Emily told me about...
your little moment.

- That's what she told you?
- Yes.

Stephanie, listen...

Emily was a pathological liar.

That never happened.

Okay?

Why did you take out a $4 million
insurance policy on her?

My gosh.

Those cops really did a
number on you, didn't they?

I'm being serious.

It was because of you.

When Emily found out that

you were living off your
husband's insurance money,

she thought she and I
needed to get policies out

for Nicky's sake.

It was probably the most
responsible thing we ever did.

Thanks to you.

Move in with me.

We can start a whole new,
wonderful life together,

just you and me
and the boys.

Please, say yes!

I love you, Stephanie Smothers.

I love you, too.

♪ Le monde entier ♪

♪ Est un cactus ♪

♪ Il est impossible de s'assoir ♪

♪ Dans la vie,
il y a qu'des cactus ♪

♪ Moi je me pique de le savoir ♪

♪ Aïe aïe aïe! ♪

♪ Ouille! ♪

♪ Aïe aïe aïe! ♪

♪ Dans leurs coeurs,
il y a des cactus ♪

♪ Dans leurs portefeuilles,
il y a des cactus ♪

♪ Sous leurs pieds,
il y a des cactus ♪

♪ Dans leurs gilets,
il y a des cactus ♪

♪ Aïe aïe aïe! ♪

♪ Ouille ouille ouille! ♪

♪ Aïe! ♪

♪ Pour me défendre
de leurs cactus ♪

♪ Aïe aïe aïe! ♪

♪ Ouille! ♪

♪ Aïe aïe aïe! ♪

Hi, moms.

Stephanie here.

I'm gonna do something
a little different today.

I normally avoid any talk
of religion on the vlog.

I don't want to offend any
non-denominational moms.

But I do think that we
live on after we die. So.

Emily,

if you're out there,

and you can
hear me right now,

no one could ever replace you.

And you'll always be
Nicky's mom.

I can't take your place.

I can...

just try to love the people
that you love

and try to make
their lives better.

I think that's what
you would want.

Okay, guys, it's getting
too rough back there.

I murdered you!

Not me.
I came back to life.

Like your mom.

Okay! The dolls a going
in your backpack

or they're going in
the trash. I mean it.

Mom, they're not dolls! God!

Stephanie, my mom
told me to give you this.

Mom!

Damn, are you
trying to kill us?!

Hello?

Hi! I'm calling from United
Timeshare International.

Yup.

We'd like to offer you a
free trip to the Bahamas.

- All you have to do is
- I don't...

come down to one of our

I don't want that.
I'm so... I, I...

Have a nice day. I don't
want that. I don't care.

Oh, my God.

Hi, I'm sure you
have a job to do.

I don't need a free trip...

Hi.

Brother fucker.

Emily?

No, no, no. Emily's dead.

Oh, have you forgotten already?

Where are you?

I'm in heaven
watching over you.

Nice blouse, by the way.

Why are you doing this?

How do you know
it's just me doing it?

Hey, hey, hey...

kiss Sean for me

four million times.

Oh, hey.

Are you trying to Diabolique me?

What are you talking about?

Diabolique, you know,
the, the,

the French movie about the guy

whose wife and mistress..
they're trying to kill him...

but I don't have a
$4 million insurance policy...

- Stephanie...
- If you and Emily

- are in some kind of plan,
- Stephanie, relax.

- please just call it off.
- Stephanie.

I'm really not the one.

Just breathe, please.

Nicky's getting to you.
Emily is dead.

She called me.

What?

She called me today.

I have a friend in the
psychology department,

I'll give him a call...

Hey, handsome, you got time...?

I... am sorry.

I didn't know
you were in a meeting.

Beth, this is Stephanie.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Uh, I was just wondering if you
needed to use the smart board

'cause it's broken.

I can live without it.

Okay.

Right.

She seems nice.

Stephanie, go home.

Emily had some Xanax in the
medicine cabinet. Take one.

Take two.

Yeah.

Maybe she had some
heroin lying around, hmm?

This is all just grief.

Just stages of grief.

I'm sorry. You're right, I...

I'm so overwhelmed and I...

I'm so sorry.

Oh, baby, you just need
someone to love you.

I have you.

I could use a good friend.

Come on, don't you miss sex?

Having men fuck you on top
of a washing machine?

I barely remember what it's like.

Why are you being
such a masochist?

You can have a man in your
bed any time you want.

I had a man.
I ruined that, so.

What does that mean?

Come on, what does that mean?

Nah.

If you can't tell me,
y-you can't tell anyone.

I'm your best friend.

My-My brother Chris?
I don't...

Yeah, your brother.

You certainly don't act like it.

Sometimes it's more like
you guys are lovers, right?

That's... disgusting. That's...

Is Miles mine or not?

Ah... Ah...

Oh, my God!

Are you hear... are you
listening to yourself?

You sound ridiculous.

Yeah.

Davis?

Davis?

Where you going?

Da... where are you going?
Davis?

Steph, it's all right, don't worry.

Just gonna go for drive,
have a little talk, man to man.

No problem.

It's my fault.

I'm the reason they're both dead.

No.

Hey, don't do that.

People-People do terrible things
for their own fucked up reasons.

That's on them,
that's not on you.

I miss him.

Which one?

Both.

I'm... lonely.

I think loneliness probably kills
more people than cancer.

Hey.

Come here.

Come here.

You're okay.

Wanna order a pizza?

God, I'm so embarrassed.

Oh, 'cause of that? No, hey.

It's all good, baby.

It's all good,
just another Tuesday.

♪ Me da iguá que estés ciego ♪

♪ No soy tu parienta ♪

♪ Fáci la cabeza te revientan ♪

♪ Se aplican sentencias ♪

♪ Mis andares influencian ♪

♪ Niñas con deportes
lo hacen con elegancia ♪

♪ Yo tengo presencia ♪

♪ Destruyo mitos con un grito,
grita mala ♪

♪ La pachanga
Échale paciencia ♪

♪ Uh-huh ♪

♪ Dale fuerza ♪

♪ Dame fuerza ♪

♪ Dale fuerza ♪

Go away.

Diana Hyland?

Did you paint this?

Where on earth
did you find it?

I should start by giving
you some unfortunate news.

Emily is dead.

My condolences.

Who the fuck is Emily?

The girl in the painting.

Good.

Her name's not Emily.
Her name's Claudia.

Rest in peace, asshole.

So, not a pleasant memory
for you, then?

No, opposite. She was amazing.

I mean,

she was the best
that I ever had.

I was selling
paintings, you know.

It was the first time in my
career that I had any buzz.

She walked into my gallery.

A real fucking muse
just right out of thin air.

What happened?

She was all I could paint.

I memorized
every inch of her body.

My dealer fuckin' hated it.

And the art critics
fuckin' hated it.

They called me a knock-off
dyke Mapplethorpe.

Anyway, I blew my whole career
painting that con artist.

Now all I paint are these...

goddamn knives
which are pretty good

but nobody wants
to buy the shit.

What? They're so good.
People are just jealous.

I haven't had a drink
in 42 days.

Oh, don't...

Might as well celebrate.

Mm, well...

Cheers.

I gave her my heart
and I gave her my soul.

I paid for her

to go to college.

I paid off her debts.

Did you ever see
any heroin use?

No. No way. Her?

No she didn't touch it.

Shit.

She never let me paint her
face except for this one.

I've never seen
such a beautiful girl

want to be so invisible

or just completely vanish.

But you know what, it takes
money to vanish.

And so she took everything
that she could from me.

You know, I oughta paint you.

Beatific.

Like a-Like a fucking saint.

I get that a lot.

You should embrace it.
People love saints.

Yeah.

After they're dead.

Okay, what do you know
about her? How'd she die?

In a lake.

And heroin.

Well, you don't believe that
or you wouldn't be here.

She didn't ever mention
Michigan, did she?

That's the only thing
that she ever left here.

She said she had it
since she was a kid.

I warn you.

You go pokin' around
in her past,

you're gonna find some
shit that is terrifying.

She was not a normal person
like you or me.

Sean, it's Stephanie.

I thought about
what you said and

you're right.

These are just stages of grief.

This experience has been
so stressful for both of us.

I'm gonna take
a couple of days to myself.

I'll have Sona pick up the boys

and they can stay
at her house tonight.

You should take some time too.

There's ham stew in the freezer.
Five minutes in the microwave.

Lots of love.

We've been saving young souls
going on 50 years now.

Not Bobby and me personally.

Well, it seems just perfect.

And my son's practically
a porpoise,

so I know he's gonna love
swimming in that pond.

Oh, that's Squaw Lake.

The kids all joke
that it's holy water.

Any fish you pull out of there

is guaranteed
to feed a multitude.

- Oh, that's so funny.
- Yeah.

Um, have you guys got uh,
any old photo albums

or a yearbook I could look at?

I always feel like there's
no better review of a place

than the faces of the campers.

Oh, heck, yeah. We got a ton
of them down in the basement.

You'll see nothin' but smiles.

Hope and Faith.

Hi, uh, I'm looking for the
McLanden Foundation.

Is this Margaret McLanden?

Who's this?

Uh, yeah, hi there.

My name's Maryann Chelkowsky.

I'm the director of the
Squaw Lake Bible Camp.

What do you want?

Well, we are putting together

the 50th anniversary edition
of our camp gazette.

We're trying to track down
some star alumni.

Are you any relation to
Hope and Faith McLanden?

- Hello?
- Bruce, it's that camp.

The girls must have done
something again, and God...

The girls are long gone, Mrs. M,

you just go on
back in your chair.

It's filthy in that roost...

Gotcha.

Take your time, Bruce.

Mrs. McLanden?

Hi, I'm Gloria
from the cleaning service.

Who?

Didn't Bruce tell you? I'm
supposed to clean the entire place

until you could eat a
four-course meal off the floor.

Did I get the date...?

Shoot.

Start in my upstairs bathroom.

It's not lying
if I'm actually cleaning.

Bruce, the fire's dying!

Bruce!

I couldn't help noticing that

lovely picture of your daughters.

Where...?

Where's Bruce?

- Bruce?
- Oh, um...

Bruce had to go out, um.

So...

Your daughter Faith,

- she had some trouble, I gather.
- Troubles.

Troubles would have been
a vacation.

No, that child came
straight from hell.

That's a very strong statement
for a mother.

Are you a mother?

Yes.

I love every minute of it.

Aww.

Then you must have
brain damage.

It's a thankless business.

And some children are just
born rotten.

They don't need a parent.

They need an exorcist.

My husband understood that.

Just, oh, no, wait. Don't...
Don't tell Bruce.

- No.
- Bingo!

It's unseemly the way
that man polices me.

Would you like some sherry?

Oh, no, thank you.
You're very sweet.

Wait, that's...

That's not sherry,
that's the gin.

Where's the sherry?

Must be behind the Sylvia Plath...

What ever happened to Faith?

Oh, everything, everything.

We spent so much money
on her rehab.

Which helped her, it did...

helped take care of her.
Get her...

off that stuff.

Whereas Hope's a born liar.

Terrible posture.

Mrs. McLanden, do you...

Do you know the person
in this photograph?

That's Faith.

That's Faith!

Now, why you-why you...
Did she send you?

No, I'm not even sure...

Are you the police?

No, I'm just asking.

I have told you people
a thousand times.

My memory
is not good anymore.

Will not stand up in court.

The night of that fire,

my husband and I
were estranged.

We lived in separate wings
of the house.

The-The fire that
burned down the west wing?

Are you an insurance agent?

Yes.

Oh.

Oh, good.

Oh, good, good.

Bruce and I have been waiting
for the insurance money.

Of course,

you assholes had that
clause about arson.

- Right, arson, yeah.
- Vultures!

Here's to being house poor.

You ain't supposed to
be drinkin', Mrs. M.

Who're you?

Well! Uh, thank you so much
for your time, Mrs. McLanden.

I will get you that

faux Givenchy suit
in ivory and the

scarf in taupe.

I will put a rush on it!

Thank you for your order!

Where do you think
you're goin'?

I wanted to order
the navy blazer.

Extra large.

Great.

Hello.

What do you want, cupcake?

I'm looking for all the

Wayne County arson-related
news items

for the last 20 years.

Hi, moms. Stephanie here.

I'm coming to you from Michigan.

Special on-the-road edition.

As many of you know,

I was struggling to find closure

surrounding the death
of my best friend.

So I drove up to the lake
where she drowned

to see if I could...

dredge something up.

Oh, shit.

Well, it turns out,

this is the site of many
a canoe race

at the Squaw Lake
Bible Camp.

I had to dig through
a bunch of camp journals.

And I found...
a photo of Emily

whose middle name is Claudia.

In't that pretty?
I didn't know that.

You crazy fucking bitch.

It's like looking at an angel,
isn't it, moms?

Brother fucker.

And it gave me
the closure I needed.

I feel closer to Emily
than I've ever felt.

Almost like a twin.

Emily, wherever you are,

I hope...

that you're listening.

You gotta have faith.

Brother fucker!

♪ I'm a street regulator ♪

♪ True playa hater ♪

♪ Get back down ♪

♪ Make yo' ass a MAC sprayer hater ♪

♪ Things that we need ♪

♪ Money, clothes, weed, indeed ♪

♪ Hot food, booze, essentials ♪

♪ Credentials ♪

♪ Code of the streets ♪

♪ Owners who creep ♪

♪ Slow when you sleep ♪

♪ Holding the heat ♪

♪ Put holes in your jeep ♪

♪ Respect the streets ♪

♪ It's the L-I L-F A-M Ah! E Ah! ♪

Mom's home.

Oh, smoochy-smooch.

Oh, my goodness, smooch!
I missed you so much.

Mmm-mwah!

Where were you?

and why did we have to
sleep at Hector's house?

He pees the bed!

Oh! Hector's the worst!

You couldn't stay with me, huh?

I thought we all
needed a breather.

Now, I feel like a million bucks.

Maybe even four.

Hi, my name is Beth.

I'm calling on behalf of
my boss, Sean Townsend,

about his wife,
Emily Nelson's policy.

Number is CT-7602258001.

Can you tell me the
name of the agent

who handles that
account, please?

Dear Ms. Praeger,

My name is Bruce Hargrave

I'm writing to you about
a case you're handling

for Emily Nelson,
recently deceased.

I've been the caretaker of her
family estate for many years.

What I have to say will
sound crazy, but years ago,

my employer died
in a house fire.

His teen daughters,
Hope and Faith McLanden,

disappeared without a trace.

Hi, this is Sean Townsend,

I was meant to meet
Billy Kane for lunch.

What do you mean?

You guys two days ago
to organize this.

No, never mind.

I'll call him back.

Boo.

Oh, c'mon,
you knew that, for sure.

We spent every
anniversary here.

How could you not
put it together?

Emily, why?

I have four million reasons why.

How could you do this to Nicky?

I did this for Nicky.

I hated that job.
I never got to see him.

It's not like we could
live off your faculty buffet

the rest of our lives,
could we?

I grieved your death.

I understand.

Y-You're not alone.

They say that 90% of people
who lose their spouse

end up sleeping with their
spouse's best friend.

After their funeral, actually.

Really?

No, I just made the up,
you fucking dick.

That's how you grieve?

Balls deep in my best friend?

You could've told me something.

Except you can't keep a
secret even in the dark.

- Anything.
- You almost ruined everything.

I had to lay low until the
insurance money came through.

And so, why didn't you
stay low, hmm?

Instead, you terrorized our son.

- I didn't terrorize him.
- It made me think that

he had gone insane
as well as Stephanie.

I missed him too much.

He's our little dude.

You know how much
I love that kid.

Well, the clock is ticking now.

Nancy Drew knows too much.

If she fucks up my insurance
money coming through,

I'm taking you down with me.

You're taking me down...

Well, of course, this was
all your plan.

My plan?

I had nothing to do

- with it, you twisted,
- Why are you playing dumb, now?

fucking psycho.

I don't know where...

What were you saying about
me being a fucking psycho?

Do you love her?

No.

It was just sex.

Did you think of me
while you were fucking her?

Yes.

Do you love me or not, baby?

Of course, I do.

She doesn't mean
a thing to me.

Good.

Oh, my G...

Oh, sh... oh, shit,
I forgot to load it.

Fuck. Oh, God.

Can you imagine
if it was, though?

What a mess.

Emily, you're crazy.

Hey, it's pretty simple,
you know?

It's your choice.
Her or me.

It's not that hard.

Hey.

Stop it.

You love this.

Meet me in the bathroom
in 20 seconds.

Knock twice.

Oh, Mr. Townsend.

Isabel Praeger,
Addison First Insurance.

I'm investigating the death
benefit claim for your late wife.

Sean...

Did you know that
Emily had a twin?

No, but...

Well, I hate to even say this,

but it means the body
in the lake could be

this sister.

It could explain the DNA match.

And if that's the case, then...

where is Emily?

Well, if my wife were still
alive, she'd come home.

She'd want to see her son.

I'm not a cop

and I'm definitely no therapist.

I'm just an insurance guy.

But this is an incredibly
interesting case.

This is just bananas, isn't it?

- Yeah.
- I will say...

It's unusual

to live with someone
as husband and wife

and not know
that they have a twin.

She was a very private person.

Well, hey,

we all have our secrets.

But, as I'm sure
you can understand,

with a payment of this size,

we'll have to continue
this claims investigation.

- Of course.
- And by law,

give all our findings
to the authorities.

Of course, anything you need.

I just hope that
my wife is still alive.

I want her back.

Okie-dokie, then.

Obviously,
if you hear from her...

You'd be the first to know.

- Thank you so much.
- Okay, thank you.

Thanks for the coffee.

Buh-bye, thank you
so much again.

You knew that she had a twin.

Did I?

Why didn't you?

You knew
and you didn't tell me.

Sean.

You sound crazy.

Uh...

Take a Xanax.

Take two.

Hi, moms, Stephanie here.

Today, we're talking about
tombstone tributes.

I want to thank Helen,
from Missoula, Montana

for the suggestions,
for thinking outside the box.

You know,

it doesn't have to just
be flowers anymore.

I think any

item that sparks a fond
memory is-is perfect.

Now, Emily's favorite treat was

a dry gin martini
in the late afternoon.

I'm gonna make a couple
just like Emily used to.

Frozen gin.

Frozen glass.

Generous twist.

Gonna head out there
a little later today.

Have a toast on her grave.

Nice big twist,
I taught you well.

Student become the master?

Oh.

Waste of time.

Hey, give me that.

I don't know what
tricks you have

up those new sleeves of yours.

You think I poisoned both drinks?
That's not my style.

I don't even eat gluten.

- Want another?
- Please.

First, tell me why you killed
your father and sister.

Okay, why don't we first talk
about your son's real father.

Oh, Emily, I hold
all the cards here.

I want to know about
your twin, Faith.

I'm not a twin.

Great, uh, I know that you are.

We were triplets.

Faith, Hope and Charity.
Charity was stillborn.

Mom thought we offed her
in the womb.

- Hmm.
- Dad believed her.

She's quite a woman,
your mother.

I had a nice afternoon with Mags.

You met my mother.

She likes her martinis
even stronger than yours.

We had a little walk
down memory lane.

She's a cold woman, Em.

I bet you couldn't do
anything right in her eyes.

It was probably Faith's idea
to set that fire.

Bet all the bad ideas were
Faith's, weren't they?

- You don't know anything.
- Sure, I do.

And I get it.

You're 16.

It's that age where
you feel so trapped.

And if your mother always
had a biting comment...

- Hey, it's over. Let's go.
- Dad. Dad!

Dad! Don't touch me, Dad!

I'm guessing your father
wasn't too much proud of it.

That's when you figured to
hit the reset button, right?

Burn, baby, burn.

Why'd you leave each other?

Well, we couldn't stay
together after the fire.

The cops were looking for
the big blond arson twins.

We were a walking sideshow.

We, uh...

We had to say goodbye,
so we-we did it with tattoos.

Flames, and a little
something for Charity.

We split up in Corpus Christi.

She was gonna head
south to Mexico.

I was gonna go north.

We set a time and place to meet
after the smoke cleared.

But then, she never showed up.

I was worried sick.

I waited for days.

But nothin'.

You know, I thought maybe
this was my opportunity

to do it on my own.

She was always
gettin' me into trouble.

So I got a one-way ticket
to New York

and never looked back.

- Did you miss her?
- Of course, I missed her.

I wasn't whole without her.

But I didn't go on like that.
I had to survive.

And it worked.

Yeah, my life in New York
fell into place.

I got a job, worked my way up.

I met the perfect man.

Oh, you know that part, though.

Then your sister calls.

Fucking Facebook.

- You had to see her.
- Yeah, of course, I did.

So you fabricate this
trip to Miami.

Meet up at the old camp.

Yeah, bunk four.
It was our happy place.

It's the only place we could
escape our dad, really.

It must have been shocking
to see her after all those years.

Yeah, it was like
looking at a mirror.

Except it was a sick life
she chose over me.

What'd she want?

Everything.

You just gonna stand there?

You gotta have faith.

I don't hear from you for
14 years, and now...

- Here you are.
- I'm out of cash.

Shocking.

What the fuck d'you say?

Nothing...

Get away with it this time.

Okay, so, um, now what?

I don't know.
I didn't know where to go.

When I called you,
you act like a stranger.

You won't even let me
come meet your family.

What am I supposed
to say to that?

The truth.

Well, you may as well know,
'cause

I'm about to tell the cops.

You what?

I-I don't know
what else to do.

I mean,
I-I don't have anything,

so I don't really have
anything to lose.

I'm gonna go tell 'em everything
we did, and then, you know...

We'll go down together,
we can be together.

I have a little boy now.

Yeah, I know, I saw that kid.
He's super cute.

Cut the shit, okay?
What do you want from me?

I want a million bucks.

How am I supposed to
give you that?

You're rich and famous now.

I-I can't give you
a million dollars.

You do seem highly motivated.

I don't know what it is, though.

Probably it's your job.

Probably uh,
probably your kid.

Don't talk about Nicky.

Yeah, I'll...

I'll sell the house, I'll, um...
I'll do whatever I need to do.

If I do this, you can't
tell anyone ever,

do you understand?

Yeah, I get it.

I mean, I don't really get

the big deal about this
you and me.

you could always just...

I get that, like a kid.
You know that, right?

Can't remember
hittin' my sister up.

It's fucking hot.

Come on, let's go swimming.

My ride's gonna be here soon.

- You coming?
- Yeah.

I'm right behind you.

How'd you get her in the lake?

Fuck you, I didn't kill my sister.

It was her idea.

Come on, wimp.

What, I thought you
were the alpha now?

No?

I am the alpha, God damn it.

You abandoned me.

We were supposed to be
a team, you and me.

Remember?

Yeah, I know but we're a...

I was so totally in a jam,
I was alone.

You were right.

I'm sorry, kid.

Me too.

I was so worried.

I woke up the next morning
and I-I couldn't find her anywhere.

I never thought...

I never thought
she'd do that, you know?

When I found her body
in the lake, it was too late.

Lie.

You drowned her.

No, she killed herself.

I'm just all
that's left of her.

No, you're a sister killer.

You're a brother fucker.

Ooh.

What does Sean know?

Everything.

It was his idea.

I didn't know what to do
once I found the body, and...

And he said, "You know, maybe
this is our opportunity.

"We could finally
get out of debt.

"Leave the country.

"Spend more time with Nicky."

He convinced me
we could pull it off.

You know, that her DNA
would do the rest.

I don't believe you.

He grieved for you.

Oh, you believed that?

Aww, that was all an act.

You're a pathological liar.

Did Sean say that.

Well.

I'm just gonna play this
to you, real quick.

Do you love her?

No. It was just sex.

Did you think of me
when you were fucking her?

Yes.

Do you love me or not, baby?

Of course, I do.

She doesn't mean
a thing to me.

I'm sorry, baby. I know
you thought it was real.

But hey, I mean,
look on the bright side.

Your website went viral,
thanks to me.

All this for a little money?

A little four million dollars?

It's not exactly little, huh?

I was hiding out
till that money came in.

He was just gonna tie up
some loose ends.

Was I a loose end?

Well, he needed help with Nicky.

You're so good with those kids.

So, what happens now?

I just want my kid.

You fucked up my insurance plan.

Now the authorities won't
back down on that.

You can have Sean,
he's a piece of shit.

I don't even want him.

I don't want Sean.

I don't know, I got screwed.

There's another way, but...

So, one mother to another.

♪ Laisse tomber les filles ♪

♪ Laisse tomber les filles ♪

♪ Un jour c'est toi qu'on laissera ♪

Sleeping like a log.

♪ Laisse tomber les filles ♪

♪ Laisse tomber les filles ♪

♪ Un jour c'est toi qu'on laissera ♪

♪ Oui j'ai pleuré mais ce jour-là ♪

♪ Non je ne pleurerai pas ♪

♪ Non je ne pleurerai pas ♪

♪ Je dirai c'est bien fait pour toi ♪

♪ Je dirai ça t'apprendra ♪

♪ Je dirai ça t'apprendra ♪

Oh.

What's going on?

They have a warrant.
I tried to call you.

Excuse me, I'm Sean Townsend.

Look, I'm happy to comply
with anything you need,

but it would be nice
to have a heads up.

This is an open investigation.

You don't get to pencil us in
when it's convenient.

Hey!

Am I under arrest?

Oh, no, no, not yet. The D.A.
wants to slide it back.

Well, that's gonna be pretty hard
since I haven't done anything.

Did you know your wife was alive?

Not until recently.

When?

She contacted me.

And you immediately notified
the authorities, right?

I can't discuss this
without my attorney.

You know what? You really are
a professor, aren't you?

Okay, we'll talk some.

Oh, uh, if we need
to contact you,

will you be with your wife

or the best friend?

Somebody else?

I need a stiff drink.
There were some...

I'm sorry, you can't come in.

What?

Where's Nicky?

He's upstairs playing.

You have to go.

What are you talking about?

This is an ongoing
investigation, Sean.

Oh, fucks sake.

I can't let you in this house
until this whole thing's been solved.

She's gotten to you, hasn't she?

This has nothing
to do with Emily.

It's got everything to do with her.

She's gaslighting you.

You don't understand
how powerful she is.

No, I don't understand
anything right now.

Stephanie, don't do this.

Please don't make me
call the police.

♪ I don't wanna have to lie ♪

♪ To everybody ♪

♪ About how I feel ♪

♪ I can't eat, can't sleep ♪

♪ I'm on my knees ♪

♪ Praying for a miracle ♪

♪ It's alright what you say ♪

♪ Like a knife ♪

♪ I know you like the taste ♪

Stephanie, please call me back.

I don't know what's going on or

how this is all going to turn out.

But you're a great mum.

And you taught be how
to be a better dad.

For that, I'll always be grateful.

The truth is,

I don't think
I ever knew my wife.

Or what she's capable of.

♪ I love you, I hate you ♪

♪ I have you, I lose you ♪

♪ I just want someone to love ♪

♪ I don't wanna have to lie ♪

♪ To everybody ♪

♪ I just want a light ♪

♪ I wanna smoke more cigarettes ♪

♪ You'd think that I like getting hurt ♪

♪ But I do ♪

♪ And I can't seem to help myself ♪

♪ I'm a big girl ♪

♪ But big girls get hurt too ♪

A shocking new development
to the Emily Nelson case

which first went viral
on a popular internet vlog.

The PR executive who was
believed dead in Michigan

has resurfaced.

And it appears the body
found in the lake

was that of Nelson's
estranged twin sister.

Nelson's husband, Sean Townsend,

an abusive failed novelist
and English professor

allegedly forced her
to stage her own death

in order to collect a $4 million
life insurance policy.

Nevertheless, bail for
Mr. Townsend will be set today.

A British national, Townsend faces
deportation if found guilty.

Although an accomplice to fraud,

Miss Nelson is complying
with the authorities

in exchange for clemency.

Stephanie?

Where's Nicky?

Oh, he's at a friend's house
watching a movie.

I figure we needed some
mommy and daddy time.

Have you forgotten me already?

Impulse won't forget.

Thank you.

Oh, please, Sean.
I'm not gonna poison you.

If I wanted to get rid or you,
you'd already be dead.

You put those files
in my computer.

Yes, I did.

But I did have help from a woman

who loves volunteering
for everything.

Stephanie?

She's not as sweet
as her snatch, is she?

Were you ever gonna tell me
you had a twin sister?

Wasn't your business.

I'm your husband!

Oh, you've been fucking
my best friend in my house

but now you're my husband?

Okay.

Then I should probably tell
you that we were triplets.

Details.

Hi, moms!

Stephanie here.

I wanna thank you for all the
support you've been sending me.

Means so much.

Um...

You know, as shocked
as you guys are

about these turns of events,

I can assure you

nobody is more stunned than me.

Emily had her secrets,
so did her husband.

Clearly, I was the naive romantic
caught in the middle.

I love you guys.

I always will.

I hope you can forgive me in
advance for what I have to do.

Moms,

do everything yourself.

Stephanie.

You shouldn't be here right now.

I used to live here.

Remember?

Don't make this any harder...

Don't move.

Stephanie, please.

You don't even let the boys
play with squirt guns.

That was before you
told me you loved me

and it turned out you were
laughing at me behind my back.

Stephanie, I wish
you'd have the courage.

You used me.

You used me, too.

You had me making you dinner.

Watching your kid

and sucking your dick.

I had no idea that
she was still alive.

Stop lying.

Okay, guys.

I think we should just sit
down and talk this out.

Emily, you sit down.

You hated Stephanie.

Used to watch her vlog
and rip her apart.

All I wanted
was to be her friend.

You were.

And then you fucked my husband
and my insurance plan.

Don't blame her!

This is so typical of you.

Sean, I was just trying to get us
out of crushing fucking debt.

Oh, yeah, maybe if you had the
good sense to give me a call,

I could've helped you with
this little plot of yours.

Ugh, you haven't come up with
a decent plot in ten years.

Really? Right now?

Can I say something
as the lady with the gun?

Nicky deserves better
than both of you.

Fuck you, I love my kid.

Shut up.

Stephanie, put down the gun.

You don't wanna do this.

I really do, though.

I loved you.

Loved you too.

I think this is the best thing.

Hold on.

You know, we can say
he attacked us.

They'll believe us, you know.

No, no, no, no,
you're not fucking serious.

You're not gonna kill him.

We're just gonna send him to jail.

J... Are you serious?

Jail's enough for you?

- You don't need to kill him.
- Aren't you angry?

Don't you want revenge
for your sister?

Yes, yes, but he didn't
technically kill her.

Then who did?

'Cause I don't buy
that it was an accident.

Screw this.

Oh, my God.

- Oh, fuck.
- Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my God, um...

Oh, my God!

Is he really dead?

Sean?

Oh, I'm sorry.

What do I do? Do I...

Do you put pressure on it, or...?

Uh...

Do we call an ambulance?

Do we just let him die?

I mean, he deserved it, right?

No, I killed her.

I killed my sister.

What?

Sean? Sean?

Get up.

Show's over, come on.

Seriously? Come on.
Get the fuck up.

Hey, you too, Brando.

Get up!

Fuck!

Wow.

That was extra.

I mean, obviously, I knew
you guys were up to something

when I saw both the mics

that you had the
cops plant in here.

You clearly wanted a
confession out of me

so you could clear Sean's name.

Well, that was...

that was a good way
to go about it.

I mean, you really messed up,
though, baby girl.

'cause thinking that I
would confess to protect

that fucking yeast infection?

Really?

Come on, you gotta
know better than that.

But then you came out
all emotional with the gun

and that was...

that was convincing.

It was very cinematic.

How do you even know
where to find this shit?

You're really amazing.

Thanks, that means a lot.

Mmm.

But you did confess, Emily.

Oh, yeah, um...

I did, but..

I cut these first, though

for our friendship bracelets.

One for you.

That is... disappointing.

Oh.

My God, look what I found.

Okay.

You can't shoot us,
the police are outside.

No, they're not.

Hey, cops, Stephanie here.

Change of plans.

I'm meeting Emily and Sean
at Darren's house now.

I'll see you there.

You sent them to Darren's house?

Virus.

String theory. String
theory, isn't it?

Heads up! Get down!

I have a prescription for that!

I have ocular pressure!

Come on, I've been on
the lam for ten years.

You think I don't know how
to manipulate the system?

So you're gonna kill us?

Well, what the fuck else
am I supposed to do?

You two will clearly go
to extraordinary lengths

to take me down and
you know too much.

So, I feel like a murder-suicide

is the only fitting end
for you two.

And if you kill him, I think our
insurance still covers that, right?

I mean, it's sort of perfect.

One door closes and
another one opens.

Thank you for that.

You always have been
fucking crazy, haven't you?

Have I?

Oh, shit, you're right.

Actually fucking-you
actually fucking shot me!

I'm gonna miss him.

Your turn.

Emily, come on.

You're not gonna kill me.

Oh, yeah, I killed my dad
and my sister

but I can never kill my
husband-fucking best friend.

Am I really your best... friend?

You're not just saying
that for, you know?

No, no, I'm not
just saying that at all.

I get worried that it's just me.

I know, sometimes
I worry about that too.

Yeah.

It's so hard to connect
with other moms...

Not many have a
full-time job, it's...

Okay, okay, don't pull that crap.

Being a mom is a full-time job.
What I do is hard work.

And I have my vlog
on top of that

and that's just getting
bigger and bigger.

If you came on the vlog,
that'd be so fun.

If you came on the vlog,

and confessed to killing
your father and sister

and held me at gunpoint,

I could probably get a
million subscribers.

Aww, that would have been great.

Why don't we do that right now?

Hmm?

We're live streaming.
Did you not know that?

What the fuck are
you talking about?

Oh, that's so weird, I'm sorry, uh...

Wave hi to the moms!

Slick gadget.

Woop.

Yeah, they make nanny cams
so small these days.

Brother fucker.

Emily!

Emily, stop!

Emily, you cant outrun this.

Don't do this to Nicky.

Come on, you're still his mom.

Yeah, I am.

But you sure as shit
won't be.

America's hybrids.

Silent but deadly.

I saw you on the vlog.

You fuck with one of the moms,

you fuck with us all.

Oh, Emily.

Stop, Emily.

This looks super painful.

Now, sweetie...

Stop, you've just
been hit by a car.

Don't, don't do this.

I'm getting worried about
your knees right now.

Just relax.

I'm sorry.

I'm not sorry, urrh!

I'm still working on that.

Hi, moms, Stephanie here.

We have very
exciting news today

because we signed up our
one millionth subscriber,

Mrs. Carol Findley
of Ames, Iowa!

Thank you for joining us, Carol.

You should know,
as our newest friend,

that in addition to my usual
helpful tips and recipes,

I now take on
unsolved mysteries.

'Cause it turns out

I have a nose for sniffing out

the freshest basil

and criminals who thought
they got away with it.

So if you have a cold case

or a mystery that needs
to be unraveled,

just drop me a line, that
includes you now, Carol

'cause you're now
part of the family.

For now...

we're gonna be talking about
my favorite cold soup:

Gazpacho!

Which is normally gross

but we're not gonna
make it gross, right, guys?

It's gonna be great.

♪ Les sites de boules,
c'est comme la vraie vie ♪

♪ T'attrapes des virus ♪

♪ Quand j'étais p'tit,
y avait pas d'Internet ♪

♪ On trainait dans les abribus ♪

♪ Fallait attendre dimanche soir ♪

♪ Pour voir des filles nues ♪

♪ Depuis j'me fais ouij' en moins
d'cinq minutes avec E-mule ♪

♪ On trouvait jamais d'meufs,
on trainait qu'entre testicules ♪

♪ Maintenant les gens s'regroupent dans
les champs pour prendre des pilules ♪

♪ En boite la CC circule,
les pédés gesticulent ♪

♪ Les particules sur les p'tits
pulls c'est pas des pellicules ♪

♪ Putain, on dirait qu'ca suffit
plus d'fumer des spliffs ♪

♪ Ma génération GameBoy sniffe
plus de lignes qu'à Tetris ♪

♪ Depuis qu'on préfère les paquets
d'clopes aux paquets d'chips ♪

♪ Le sports d'équipe partent en vrille ♪

♪ Y a des grizzlis à Memphis ♪

♪ Maintenant les radios
s'torchent avec la playlist ♪

♪ Maintenant faut passer sous l'bureau ♪

♪ Pour qu'on passe tes disques ♪

♪ Plus la carotte est grosse ♪

♪ Plus l'auditeur écarte les cuisses ♪

♪ Le top albums 2006 c'est
la banane d'Elvis ♪

♪ Les vieux comprennent pas ♪

♪ C'qu'il s'passe
dans la tete des jeunes ♪

Aha! In your ass!

♪ Ils comprennent pas
à quel point on est felés ♪

♪ Ils connaissent pas l'rap,
les portables, le shit, la Despe ♪

♪ Un deux trois ♪

♪ Laisse tomber les filles ♪

♪ Laisse tomber les filles ♪

♪ Un jour c'est toi qu'on laissera ♪

♪ Laisse tomber les filles ♪

♪ Laisse tomber les filles ♪

♪ Un jour c'est toi qui pleureras ♪

♪ Oui j'ai pleuré mais ce jour-là ♪

♪ Non je ne pleurerai pas ♪

♪ Non je ne pleurerai pas ♪

♪ Je dirai c'est bien fait pour toi ♪

♪ Je dirai ça t'apprendra ♪

♪ Je dirai ça t'apprendra ♪

♪ Laisse tomber les filles ♪

♪ Laisse tomber les filles ♪

♪ Ça te jouera un mauvais tour ♪

♪ Laisse tomber les filles ♪

♪ Laisse tomber les filles ♪

♪ Tu le paieras un de ces jours ♪

♪ On ne joue pas impunément ♪

♪ Avec un cœur innocent ♪

♪ Avec un cœur innocent ♪

♪ Tu verras ce que je ressens ♪

♪ Avant qu'il ne soit longtemps ♪

♪ Avant qu'il ne soit longtemps ♪

♪ La chance abandonne ♪

♪ Celui qui ne sait ♪

♪ Que laisser les cœurs blessés ♪

♪ Tu n'auras personne ♪

♪ Pour te consoler ♪

♪ Tu ne l'auras pas volé ♪

♪ La la la la la la ♪

♪ La la la la la la ♪

♪ La la la la la la la ♪

♪ La la la la la la ♪

♪ La la la la la la ♪

♪ La la la la la la la ♪

♪ Laisse tomber les filles ♪

♪ Laisse tomber les filles ♪

♪ Laisse tomber les filles ♪

♪ Laisse tomber les filles ♪

♪ Laisse tomber les filles ♪

♪ Laisse tomber les filles ♪

♪ Laisse tomber les filles ♪

♪ Laisse tomber les filles ♪

♪ La la la la la la la ♪

♪ La la la la la la ♪

♪ La la la la la la la ♪

♪ La la la la la la la ♪

♪ La la la la la la ♪

♪ La la la la la la la ♪

♪ Oui j'ai pleuré mais ce jour-là ♪

♪ Non je ne pleurerai pas ♪

♪ Non je ne pleurerai pas ♪

♪ Je dirai c'est bien fait pour toi ♪

♪ Je dirai ça t'apprendra ♪

♪ Je dirai ça t'apprendra ♪

♪ La chance abandonne ♪

♪ Celui qui ne sait ♪

♪ Que laisser les cœurs blessés ♪

♪ Tu n'auras personne ♪

♪ Pour te consoler ♪

♪ Tu ne l'auras pas volé ♪

♪ Laisse tomber les filles ♪

♪ Laisse tomber les filles ♪

♪ Un jour c'est toi qu'on laissera ♪

♪ Laisse tomber les filles ♪

♪ Laisse tomber les filles ♪

♪ Un jour c'est toi qui pleureras ♪

♪ On ne joue pas impunément ♪

♪ Avec un cœur innocent ♪

♪ Avec un cœur innocent ♪

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