All language subtitles for Rasskazy.2012.BDRip.XviD.AC3.Rus.O.HQ.Underverse-eng

Hi!

They’ll be a couple of minutes.

Right.

- Is that OK with you?
- Yeah.

Max, are you coming?

Just a minute.

How are you?

Do you have a novel?

No.

People aren’t buying this kind
of thing at the moment.

They want blockbusters -
big narratives.

Do you have a novel?

No.

short stories

a Mikhail Segal film

I like the way they redesigned it.

It used to be...

Used to be a...

FIX-IT-ALL

I like the way they redesigned it.
It used to be a kids cafe.

Excuse me a moment.

Hi!

Whew! Traffic...
You got here all right?

Bumper-to-bumper at the park

I like the way they redesigned it.

A kids cafe, remember?

- No, i don’t.
- The place to come for ice cream ...

Served in silver goblets.
Nothing like that for kids now.

- A play centre at the supermall
- Not the same.

Are you ready to order?

- A capuccino.
- Americano. What desserts do you have?

- Try Elegy. - Elegy?

- Have you ever had
our Fruit Delight? - No

It's like Elegy,
but without the fruit.

I’ll think about it.

Do you have ice cream
in silver goblets?

Sure, 30 roubles a scoop.
Same or different flavors.

I'll have an espresso and
one scoop of ice cream, please.

Excuse me...!

- You said later.
- He said he’d think about it.

I'll have the Elegy...
Could I have a look at it first?

So, the only difference is the the fruit?

Elegy is flavored with liquor.

The Delight, then.

What did you order?

Delight.

Nice place, isn't it? Modern.

It's the only place around
with an European vibe.

Wrong vibe can really
kill the conversation, right?

You are very thorough. I like it.

Good organization
always pays off in the end.

A friend’s mom recommended you.
You’re a trendsetter.

We want it to be really special.

I can imagine the offers you had.
30 years past their sell-by date.

Ghastly, most of it.

We want something different.
And we'd like to plan it all out.

Yes, you’re clearly
a modern couple.

You've chosen this
modern place...

Do you mind if we
move over there?

Why did we move?

We're going to talk for a while,
so ambience is important.

If you stayed there,
what would you see?

- The window.
- Right. And what's beyond?

- A store.
- Which store?

“Fix-it-All”

And buses running
up and down the street.

- Not very feng shui, is it?
- Right.

Now, you see a bookcase.

Sunlight falling across the room.

A completely different experience.

Feng shui is pretty cool!

Back when I worked
in Moscow...

You used to work
in Moscow?

We’re across the street
from “Fix-lt-AII”.

Please meet Oleg.

- Hello!
- Hi!

Here's to health and prosperity
To you and your posterity!

Of course, it’s not set in stone.

The most important thing
for us is knowing exactly

what is going to
happen when.

Like recently,
at my friend's wedding -

at first, everything
was great,

but then the me sang
something utterly.....

Out of the question.

That’s way outside
Oleg’s vocabulary.

I could play jazz.

Jazz is cool, classy,
but not cringe-making.

We’d go with an accordion
if it there’s a place for it.

We could cope with that.

We just want to be prepared.

I have it all planned
to the minute. Let's start.

Oleg, stay close.

I’ve just the person for you.

A great singer who does jazz
and the rest!

Hi! Can you come to the
cogwheel factory?

Opposite “fix-it-all”?
You can? Great.

Have you chosen a venue?

We've been thinking
about Poultry.

Modern place. I've done
weddings there before.

Takes about 100 guests.

- We’ll kick off at 3 pm.
- Why?

Because of the poplars.

They cast a shadow.
When you step out of the limo...

You want the photos to turn
out well, don't you? - Of course!

The sun will be over the river.

So, it's best you
arrive from Lenin street.

It’s gonna look
Perfect at 3.

The sun is still up ... high
enough to clear the poplars.

Amazing. We didn’t think of that.

Nothing is too small.
Planning pays off.

The old school take things for granted.
Then - shockhorror!

All the faces in their photos are in shadow!
The main thing...

The main thing is predictable
emotions - from start to finish.

3 p.m. Bride and groom arrive
in the limo. Parents meet them.

The groom's mother has
the traditional wedding loaf.

The bride’s mother,
the cup of grain.

The fathers have
champagne and glasses.

By the way, we should
discuss which grain.

Traditionally, people
used to throw wheat,

"but in Europe, rice is "in"

I don’t know... Rice?

The guests arrive first. They form
a circle.

The newlyweds enter to mendelssohn.
The music stops. I start my speech

"On your joyful wedding day,
You begin a brand new life."

Wild applause for
the happy couple!

This day, a wonderful
thing came to pass

Her Majesty Love brought
together two tender hearts.

“Two worlds have fused
into one - a family is born”

"3.15. "the bride ..."

"A goddess beneath the
iridescent cloud of her veil,"

with flowers and smiles that
tend her where’er she goes.

Her thoughts are butterflies
in fresh morning dew -

"they hardly seem to disturb
the bliss of her happiness."

And what would I be doing?

It depends what you’re feeling.

What feelings might I have?

- Well, you might be anxious...
- That’s the last thing I want.

Anxious about the wedding? No.
But maybe ... awestruck

Makes sense.
After all, it is my wedding...

Being a bit anxious is natural

- Makes sense.
- What's next?

"Applause for the bride!"
Now, the groom."

“A celestial being!
Exuding the unattainable

The manly aura of gentility!”
Applause for the groom!

"and with their union,
a tender galaxy is born!"

- How do I react?
- Just be yourself.

No. We want to know exactly.

Then do this.

Again, please.

"Smile as if saying
"You're too kind,"

"then look down.
As if saying, "Yes, that’s me,"

"but I’m not a show-off."

We'll rehearse it at home.

I'll see to that.
Let's move on.

Let's go over the key points.

A toast for the parents.
Push-ups on knuckles.

Balloons. Gifts.
Are you okay with that?

Push-ups?

It’s 4.44. The starters
are finished.

Your guests
Are growing restless.

I announce two contests -
for women and men.

First, a balloon blowing contest.

"I sell it as "fill them up all
with your best wishes."

The men go for it -
their balloons pop,

I sell it as “a salvo
for the happy couple!”

But... push-ups?

- They start doing push-ups...
- Who?

The men, of course.

You announce a
push-up contest?

Well... At this point,

Somehow, the men never
need to be asked.

How are you with poetry?
This time, it is a game.

All together now!
In rhyme!

You two would like to be, I guess,
together for a lifetime?

Yes!

But tell me now: at times of stress
Will you support each other . . ?

Yes!

There's something I'd like
to know: do you adore each other?

Yes!

Then may you be together
forever and no less.

Yes!

That's much better.

So. At 5:11...

The lighting of
the family hearth.

There's no real hearth,
of course. We'll use candles.

- Want to try?
- Of course.

5.11. outside,
the light is falling.

Everyone’s in the mood
for poetry after push-ups.

Our ancestors had a tradition of
bringing fire to the newlyweds' home.

To cast light on their love
and the toil of their hands,

and bring happiness and
fulfillment to their lives.

Time to light the family hearth!

May the fire of love
burn forever and ever!

- Is anything wrong?
- No.

Next, the wedding gifts!

Are you sure
you're all right?

Yes. What time do we do it?

5:25 to 6:00 p.m.

How do they react?

Two options.
Open or secret gifting.

When someone hands you money,
people can see how much they gave.

Guests who are worse off
might not like that.

We could ask them to leave
money under a doll’s house.

"Laying the Foundation
for the family budget."

Dear guests! Time for everyone
to contribute to the family budget.

Inflation keeps on rising, so
we accept everything, even shares.

Banknotes - red, blue or yellow!
a shot of vodka to follow!”

But those who gave more might
get upset because their heroism

will remain unknown.

At least, with the first option,
I'll find out who loves me most.

But with the second option,
you won't lose friends.

But I need to know now...

A dance, then?

Whatever happens in your life,
Hold on to each other tight,

Let it be a wonderful dance
Through the years together!

I can't dance. I'm getting
some lessons this weekend.

I'll show you.

What's going on?

I’m anxious... I don’t
know how i feel.

You only get married once.

It’s not the wedding yet.

I have to know exactly
what's going to happen.

I understand that.

I remembered him
proposing to me.

In this very cafe.

I was shocked.

He did not warn me.

I had not thought
that one through.

It came out of the blue...
out of the blue.

How did it feel?

I cried before, during
and after my cappuccino.

Thank you.

We're much more relaxed
now that it’s all planned out.

Well, if there’s anything
else you need organizing...

You organize other
things as well?

A wedding is just the
beginning of a long journey.

We haven't planned
that far yet.

Of course.

Wait!

You said you can organize
what happens after the wedding?

Well, if you want to
leave it all to chance...

Of course not. We thought it
was out of our budget.

Don't worry about it for now.

You want it to be special, don't you?

You want to do things
the European way, right?

First option:
figure skating.

In six years, it will be
back in fashion.

You must plan it now
for your child's sake.

Option two: foreign languages.
In case you want to emigrate...

You must realize that in 15 years
the local economy will go bust.

You don’t want your daughter
to end up at city hall...

Making 200 dollars
a month, right?

- No. - And you don't want your
son working for the police.

Why would he?

Because there will be
no other jobs, trust me.

It's all been organized.

If we don't counter-organize,
everything will go unorganized.

Sign her up for
foreign languages, then.

Why not figure skating?

Are you out of your mind?

Now, married life.
It's a great thing, of course.

Sorry?

How long before your
mutual attraction fades away?

We haven't thought
about it yet.

What have you thought about?

Are you going to
leave it all to chance?

- No. - I knew you would
take things seriously,

So I’ve made some calls.

Meet Lena - and,
by coincidence, another Lena.

Hello.

He's a nice feller. No cheating for the first 6 years.

Lena and Lena
are completely different.

Lena is going to study
literature. She likes poetry.

The other Lena has no plans yet.
But she's really beautiful.

No, I need a moment...

After Lena graduates, she could
work in the same office as Dmitry.

With Lena #2, they could see
each other at the dog owners' club.

We don't have a dog.

We’ll see to that. So?

Girls, how old are you?

We're planning 6 years in advance.

Now, about you.

Are we planning well
in advance now, too?

Two years at most.

What you see is pretty much
what you're going to get.

Nice married men, all of them.

I'd like someone
who’s good at sex.

Wouldn't you rather have
a shoulder to lean on?

I said sex.

Is it getting clearer for you?

I ll mail you the whole script later.
Let's discuss the ending now.

- The ending?
- Yes.

What options do we have?

Very few, I'm afraid.
I can offer 2050 and 2055.

- Separate endings?
- As usual.

- Who's going to be the first?
- Dmitry is a gentleman, so...

It's still too far away,
so I don't really care.

What am I going to feel?

It's too far away,
so you shouldn't care.

I'd still like to know.
Time is running out.

Lunch break’s over?

No, not right now.
I mean, generally.

Women have less time
to do things in life.

Youth, raising children...

Men have at least 10
more years to enjoy life.

And less years to live.

Men die sooner.

Hey, the jazz is here.

Hello!

Irina is a trained singer.
She is the person to go to

if you don't want traditional
Russian wedding songs.

When would you
like us to pay?

You'll pay
when it's over.

Olya, what the hell are you doing?
Get back to work, now!

Hello, it’s Alexei.

You said you could help me with
the technical inspection of my car.

I’m on my way, near the garages.
How do I get to you from here?

There seems to be
a roundabout here...

ROUNDABOUT

Hey, go straight down that lane.
When you pass the trash cans,

continue down lane B.
Don’t miss the turn into lane A.

There’s no sign,
so keep your eyes peeled.

You’ll pass a heap of tires.
On the intersection, go left.

There’s gonna be a sign
saying Car Repairs.

Say you’re going to the body
shop and go through the gate.

- There’s a “No Entry” sign there.
- Just ignore it.

Hello!

Insurance papers... Ok, seems like
we have everything we need.

- Do I pay when it’s ready?
- No, you pay now.

- Will it take long?
- Look, I’ll go to the cops

after the weekend.
The paperwork takes three days.

So it’s going to be a genuine
inspection certificate?

Of course it will. We don’t print
them at night, you know.

Ok

Oh, and one more thing.
The photos in the database.

I read it on the Internet that
they take photos of every car

during the inspection
to avoid fraud.

Why do you think we charge
10 000 rubles instead of 8 000 now?

We have photos of all car makes,
all possible colors.

Taken at the inspection site.
And we have a dude who

photoshops license plates
onto these photos. Looks real.

- We’ll call you when it's done.
- Great.

- I forgot - who gave you my number?
- Max who drives an X5.

Hello. I’m Kirill.

- I’m here about a travel passport.
- You’re bleeding.

Do I pay there
or right away?

Right away.
I’ll pay them myself.

Shit, pardon me,
I’ll clean it up.

A little blood is ok.

You said I won’t
have to wait!

Shit.

Call me in 10 seconds.
I’ll think of something.

- There’s a line here.
- I’m not here to file a request.

Those getting a passport
have to wait too..

I’m not here for a passport.
It’s work-related.

That’s what they all say.

Get in the line, smartass.

Major Antokhin speaking.

I was just about to come in.

Care to see my badge?

You want to get that
passport, don’t you?

Loginov!

May I?

- Your passport will be ready
in about a week. - Thank you!

Use a different exit so as
not to irritate anyone.

It comes out the
other end of the hall.

- Mom! - I’ll kill you!
You dumb little bitch!

Seven lines without mistakes
in an essay of two pages.

She’s become interested
in philology only recently.

Well, then she should
come back next year.

She’d be happy with any other major
since she has so many mistakes.

Right. Next year.

Are there no...
other options?

The exams are over. Here’s her
essay, stamped and signed.

Well, there’s
always a way out...

There is. Right ahead,
then straight down the hall.

I understand your irony.
I’m sorry.

Sorry, I have to go now.

I’ll leave my card just in case
something unexpectedly turns up.

Let’s go, sweetie.

Apologies for having
to meet like this.

I take it there’s an opportunity
to redo the entrance exam.

More or less.

I’m so grateful. I’m a father,
so you must realize.

- It’s not going to be easy, is it?
- No.

I know. There are so many
corrupt people to pay off.

I’m so grateful that you,
an honest person,

have agreed to take time
to settle things for us.

- The entire amount?
- Yes.

Sir, you have a visitor.

Prepare her for surgery.

Hold on, Mom. I’ll be here.

Try to be strong.

- We had a meeting set for noon...
- Let’s talk someplace else.

- Sorry, I’m early.
- It’s all right. Did you drive?

No, I used public transport.

- Do you mind if we talk
in a restroom? - Why not?

- Sorry, it’s not too clean.
- It’s all right.

- Sorry.
- It’s all right.

That is the best they get.

At least we can
talk in private.

Here are the papers,
written exactly as you said.

And this is what
we agreed on.

Great.

- You might want to count it.
- I trust you.

And this is from my wife.

- Sorry. I can wash the money.
- It’s all right.

It’s my fault we’re meeting
in a place like this.

- How’s your wife?
- She sends her greetings.

- Is your son going to university?
- We’ll see to it. How are you?

Pretty well.

Fuck, that’s nasty!

- Hello, sir.
- Did you find us all right?

So, six more months,
and you can move in.

I really hope so...
I have something for you.

Come on, are you serious?

I shouldn’t have?

Sorry. My mistake.

Here are the account details.
Copy them in your own hand.

I’ve memorized them.
Which appartment is mine?

One of these. They are considered
“social housing”. The governor

is forcing us to give up two
apartments in every building.

- Hello, sir! - Hello!
You're not going on a swim?

I have a cold,
so I don’t want to risk it.

Boys, we’ll have lunch over there.
So, what brings you here?

I hate to disturb your vacation.

And I never have the time
when I’m working.

- Well, it’s the same old problem.
- What kind of problem?

You know, bureaucracy.
It keeps business from growing.

We could have been providing
social housing for a while now.

We could allot three more
apartments on every floor

for those on the waiting list. Each
of them is about 400 square meters.

We as developers could transfer
these apartments to the regional

housing fund, and you...

could distribute
them as you see fit.

- Well, what can I say.
- That’s my offer.

Good to hear developers are
taking an interest in social issues.

It’s the most pressing thing.

Exactly. We could build a new
neighborhood near the cemetery,

but we can’t get the permission.

A whole neighborhood?

Imagine how much social
housing could come out of it.

Do you think people will
buy apartments there?

People will snap them up -
Muscovites too!

It’s connected to Moscow
by a highway.

It’s certainly wrong to put an
important project like this on hold.

Thank you so much.

No, thank you.

Hello, sir.

- Want some tea?
- With pleasure.

Please don’t bother.
I’ll pour it myself.

- Cookies?
- With pleasure.

Domestic brand. Western sweets
seem to be more in fashion,

but I prefer domestic product.
- With pleasure.

I’ve been reading Karamzin’s
works on Russian history lately.

His thoughts on pleasure.
“The first days after the death

of a tyrant...” No, wait,
that’s not it. Here it is:

“The end of suffering
gives the biggest pleasure

a human being
can experience.”

Meaning?

When you’re in your normal state,
it's nice to feel pleasant things.

What if someone is feeling bad
or suffering? Then, when it ends,

the fact of it ending becomes
the greatest pleasure you can have..

Very profound.

- That’s Karamzin.
- Why have you told me that?

I think everyone should
rest once in a while.

It’s not healthy to work all the
time. I can feel that you’re tired.

I’m not.

You certainly are.

But I’m good at what I do.

A dignified man like you
will always find something to do.

Administering an entire region
is a very difficult task these days.

There are younger men who are
well-suited to the challenge.

What about experience?

- What kind of experience?
- Administering experience.

I’ve been reading the papers,
and it appears that your entire

experience of administering
is, to put it mildly, outdated.

I know your regional papers
would never publish that.

- I read it in a Moscow paper.
- And what does it say?

It’s hard to believe
you don’t read this stuff.

I’ve read it, of course.
But I can’t react to every insult.

Reacting implies you’re guilty.
I have to protect my status.

In Europe, people resign after
articles like these. Even taking

your daughter to school in your
official car is reason enough.

They have a civil society.
And what about us?

I’ve been reading Alexei
Tolstoy’s “Peter the Great”

Here’s a bit from the dialogue
between Peter and his minister:

“I’ve been recalling Moscow.
God, I’d love to burn it down.

They sit on all that’s ancient
until their asses rot.

In a thousand years they haven’t
learned how to plough the land.

A building may be tumbling down,
but none of you will prop it up.

You are so lazy you relieve
yourselves on the threshold.

We have untold land,
yet we are paupers.

I’d rather run away to Holland than
be a tsar in a country like this!”

Where does my job come in?

Do you think people are
watching me doing my job?

- Certainly
- Including the foreign press.

What kind of opinion will they have
about me as a president

when a regional governor
is getting this kind of press,

but continues working
as if nothing happened?

Think about it.

I’ve been reading Klyuchevsky’s
books on Russian history lately.

“The least propitious condition
for the organization of government

in the Moscow state seems to be
the attitude of the Moscow tsar

towards his primary means
of administration, the Boyars.”

Do you think I still have
a chance to fix things?

- What do you think?
- I will do everything I can.

Great idea.
Show who’s the boss

to all those who think
they’re above the law.

I’ll help you out with the media
so they’d provide truthful coverage.

Thank you.

I hope, of course, that your region
will support the state policies.

- We certainly will. - You have
quite a troublesome region.

Many people who threaten
stability in the country.

Don’t wait for us
To tell you what to do.

We’re watching the regional
voting results closely, you know.

Understood.
Very well understood.

Moreover, if you start a vigorous
anti-corruption campaign now,

you can take those against
stability down a peg.

Permission to
start, sir?

You may start.

We need every citizen to
take part in state administration.

We need to fight corruption
on all levels of government

and public life. Our country has
great intellectual potential,

yet we still cannot compete
with the major Western countries

in the volume of
high-technology product.

Yes. Where are you?
Drive under the No Entry sign.

- Here you are, as agreed.
- Thank you.

I’m amazed you could to do it at
all. After what I’ve heard on TV...

Why do you think we started
charging 15 000 instead of 10 000?

"ENERGY CRISIS"

This isn’t a nice place at all.
It has very bad energy.

I don’t know what to do.
Really bad energy.

ALEXANDER PUSHKIN

Are you here to research Pushkin?
Or did the major send you?

ALEXANDER PUSHKIN LIBRARY

I was only with her
a minute and felt weird.

Her energy is so strong.

Get back in the car, sir,
there’s a storm coming.

Take the dogs away!

Hello!

How are you, major?

Sorry for disturbing you.

You’re the only one
who can help us.

Our dogs are too scared
to go any further.

- It’s a girl.
- I can sense it.

We’ve been here
24 hours.

Here, this is hers.

Any books of hers?

No, she had her books with her
when she left school.

Alone or with a pervert.
Remember last winter?

She’s going into a trance.

- Stop the fucking engines!
- Stop the engines!

Such energy! She’s
a one-off. She’ll find her.

He’s going to translate.

With wintry force the frosty tide

Swept swiftly into wood and glade.

The winds have scattered far and wide

The garments of a lovely maid.

A whole day past, alas! her dreams

She whispered to the singing streams

The loneliest crannies of the park.

She says, get the fuck over here!

An ordinary librarian. No one
knows where she gets that energy.

A real psychic, like on TV?

I know her breath is still as fresh,
I know her weightless trace is there,

But did she go the way of flesh

And vanish in the brightening air?

I see a broad and winding road:

It leads away from our abode.

The major translates her
into normal Russian.

Too late. The little bitch is gone.
Close off the fucking roads.

There, far away, in meadows bright

She lies, her hair in morning dew,
And then...

one moment

to her right

A man appears. With footsteps few
He stoops above her, and his face

A veil of mid-aged wrinkled lace,
portends disaster. 0 too late

To run from a hideous fate!

Shit, we don’t know if she’s
dead or alive. Anna can sense

a strong male energy. Looks like
another hyperactive son of a bitch.

Astonishing powers.
Last of her kind.

I feel her breath now. Hear her sighing:

She lives for sure, but not one word

Will pierce the mist, and if she's crying,

In woods she is no longer heard.

Nothing can stop her.

Breathtaking energy.

You wait for us. The book is open,

It is your guardian, a token

Of all to come, a happy sign

That when the dreadful seal is broken,

The faceless demons shall resign.

She’ll find her any minute now.
Alive, perhaps.

What’s wrong?

Are you all right?

Are you in pain? Anna!
What are you feeling?

Get me a fucking doctor!
Quick! And a stretcher!

Sir, I can’t walk anymore.
I feel so weak.

You? Weak? You have such energy!

Used to have.

Now it’s all gone.

I think my time has come.

Please hold on!

Anna! Where’s the girl?

We must help her!

No one can help her anymore.

"THE SPARK THAT SETS THE BLAZE"

(Gangster song)

Once upon a time
a gang came to Odessa

"Thieves and "urks" (criminals)
were members of that gang"

The gang was involved in
all kinds of shady dealings,

and they were being trailed
by the Cheka (KGB)

Their chief was a beauty
by the name of Murka,

"A ROSE BY ANY OTHER NAME"

Sly looks and hands
A set of keys

This conversation will happen
Whether I want it or not

The traps are set
The gun is trained

Someone will get hurt
Someone will stay unharmed

Yet we burn
We all burn

The smoke is getting thicker
We’ve no regrets

Life goes on
There’s no point

Light is fading
Shadows moving in the dark

Kiss me or shoot
That’s all I ask

Kiss me or shoot
Just be sincere.

You know, like in childhood -
you leave for school, it’s April,

and it’s so warm outside that
you don’t really need a jacket.

You go back home and leave it.
You go out - the sun’s gone in.

You go back, get your jacket -
the sun’s out again.

...The last time I climbed
that mountain

- You’re so special.
- Not just an old bachelor?

- This wall is so red...
- Wine-colored.

- I like it.
- And I like you.

- Why?
- Why do you like the wall?

Because it’s beautiful.

And so are you.

Can you believe we only
met a few hours ago?

We’ve got to talk more.

I’ll be going now.
You’re so interesting to talk to.

She’s how old?

Have you seen her ID?

I’m wrecked.

Cover my back for 20,
30 minutes, OK?

Once upon a time
a gang came to Odessa

"Thieves and "urks" (gangsters)
were members of that gang"

The gang was involved in
all kinds of shady dealings,

and they were being
trailed by the Cheka (KGB)

Max, can I join you?

Sure.

My vacation photos
from the Altai mountains. Have a look.

It’s a genuine ice pick!
You could kill Trotsky with it.

With an ice pick?
Kill Trotsky?

Why are you looking
so happy today?

I was never attracted to a
man like I’m attracted to you.

You’re unique.

No, you are.

Then we both are.
We have so much in common.

Like what?

Well, we both like the color red.

I have a red car and a red phone,
you have a red sofa.

No one buys a red
sofa by accident.

What else?

That surprised look you have
when you’re being serious.

And I love the little lines around
your eyes when you smile.

- We have that in common?
- Yes, because I like it.

- My wrinkles?
- You don’t have any wrinkles.

Can I take your order?

- What will you have?
- What will you have?

- A tomato-and-mozzarella salad.
- A tomato-and-mozzarella salad.

See, so much in common.
We’ve got to talk more.

Do you take
sugar in your tea?

No. You too?

How about coffee?

- One teaspoon is OK.
- Everything matches.

- We’ve just got to...
- ... Talk more.

- Did you ever have pets?
- I had some fish as a kid.

You don’t like animals?

I love watching Animal Planet
drinking tea on my sofa.

I thought men only drink
beer and watch football.

I’m hooked on women’s handball.
It’s beautiful in its way.

Women's team sports are so cool.
They have their own tactics.

And those jump shots!
You could fall in love with them.

Handball? Is that the one
with an oval ball?

- Is that a joke?
- I was only asking.

Handball is the one with
an oval-shaped ball, right?

Understand “ball”.
Or is it a water sport?

What’s water polo then?

It must have something
to do with water.

How about rugby?

Sports isn’t my thing. I knew
what handball was. I just forgot.

Can you forget that the sky
is blue? That birds can fly?

If you knew,
you’d never forget.

No one ever told
me about it.

This is something you learn when
you're a kid. It’s all around you.

Snow is white, grass is green,
trains go “chug-chug-chug”.

Look, handball was on TV
all the time when we were kids!

Not when I was a kid.

Heard about women’s
field hockey?

Sport's not my thing.
Why make fun of me?

I know what hockey is.
They have sticks, and skate on ice.

And women don’t play hockey.

The “field” bit isn’t even funny.
How would they skate on grass?

- I’m not that stupid, you know.
- Forget it.

It’s like I’ve always known you.
We have so much in common.

- How much?
- This much.

You do everything
the way I like it.

You touch me
the way I like it.

You kiss me the
way I like it.

And this, too.

- What?
- Well... This.

What about your ex?
Was he good at it?

It was a long time ago.
He was too young.

You’re different.
Experienced, sensitive.

You must be bored with me.
I don’t even know what handball is.

- I’ll look it up on the internet
- You do that.

You bite like a beast.
Like a shark.

A beast? A fish, you mean.

No, they’re mammalians.
They’re not fish.

Mam-what?

Mammalians! They look like fish,
but they have lungs, like whales.

Aren’t you mixing them up
with dolphins?

- Who? Whales?
- Sharks.

No. Sharks are evil.
They have fins and sharp teeth.

Dolphins are sleek and nice.
They live in dolphinariums.

- Right. And who are they?
- Meaning?

What type of
animal are they?

Fish? I must have been sick
when we did that at school.

- Wow! You’ve got it framed?
- What?

Trotsky. I mean, you
with the ice-pick...

I like being in
a serious relationship.

The ones before
weren’t serious?

They were, but my
ex was my age.

All he wanted was sex.

You’re mature. Gentler.

You talk to me.

Sharks are the most ancient
species of fish. They inhabit...

Fish! You were right!
You make me smarter.

One more kiss for handball.

I forgot to look it up, by the way.
Mind if we do it at your place?

I love Moscow so much!
I’ve lived here all my life.

There’s a memory
round every corner.

For example?

The cafe we went to,

I was there in the fall, celebrating
my new car with a friend.

We sat there drinking,
watching the falling leaves.

I thought: it’s so cool that
I live in this city.

That I can get in my car
and drive wherever I want,

And drink coffee on a terrace.
Simple things make happiness.

And were those simple things
bought on credit?

Of course.
Buying on credit is cool.

I’m so young, and yet

I can drive my own car.

Or rather, sit in traffic.

What memories might you have
of Volokolamsk highway?

Just traffic jams.

- Why don’t you listen to radio?
- Why should I?

Well, everyone does.
I hate driving in silence.

And I hate the radio. It’s easy to
explain why you do what you do.

But how do you explain
something you don’t do?

You’re so original.

People use music as background.
They have withdrawal symptoms

if the music stops, they’re
afraid of the silence.

OK, no radio, then.

Sing that song about
Murka instead.

Once upon a time
a gang came to Odessa

"Thieves and "urks" (gangsters)..."

- Who sings that song?
- Sorry?

- What band?
- Are you joking?

I can’t know all
the new bands.

I’ll just go on singing.

"Thieves and "urks" were
members of that gang"

and they were being
trailed by the Cheka (KGB).

Who’s Cheka?

You never heard this word?

Cheka? It’s a funny song, so it
must be a nickname.

Or “urks”.
Did you mean ores?

All right.
We have to talk.

You don’t know
who urks are.

OK, you were born in Moscow,
in post-Soviet times, life was good...

But the Cheka?

Cheka? Is that a noun?

Yes.

I’m not sure.
I thought you meant “chick”.

- Like in American rap songs.
- A chick. Great.

- Ever heard about Trotsky?
- A writer?

Ever heard about World War II?
The October Revolution?

- Or Lenin? Or Stalin?
- Of course I have.

I wasn’t great at history.
I preferred maths.

Tell me what you
know about Russia.

Honestly, I don’t know much
about history.

- I’m scared.
- Don’t be.

Well, first there was
the revolution in 1917.

Why? Who fought who?

Lenin overthrew the Tsar. Right?

Did he do it on his own?

- No, wait. There were Bolsheviks.
- And then?

The Soviet regime?

So they killed the Tsar. When?

- In 1917.
- Where?

In the Hermitage Museum.

Great. And no one objected
to the Soviet rule?

No, some people were against it.
But they were arrested.

- And then?
- Then the war began.

Thank God. When?

On June 22, 1941.

Was it the only war, then?

There was World War I.
Before the Revolution.

What happened between
the Revolution and 1941?

The Civil War!

Who fought who?

The Bolsheviks were the Reds...

- And the Whites were for the Tsar.
- But the Tsar had been killed, right?

They wanted a different Tsar.

So they were monarchists?

No, I just remembered -
they were anti-Bolshevik.

And who won the war?

Lenin. Then he was
replaced by Stalin.

When?

- I didn’t study it properly.
- Make a rough guess.

Well, around 1935?
Or 1940, perhaps?

Perhaps?

Lenin?

In 1940?

What happened between
the Revolution and the War?

All I remember is a couple
of most important dates.

I know there was Socialism,
collective farms, excesses...

Excesses?
Les deviations?

People were arrested
by mistake and set free later.

- Who set them free?
- Stalin, when he found out.

And then?

Then there was the War.

The Germans attacked us at night.

And Stalin defeated Lenin...
No, Hitler.

A lot of people died, though.

Many thousands.

Thousands?

It doesn’t seem right to give
a ballpark figure when

talking about human lives. 100,
200, 300 thousands. I’ve no idea.

It was a terrible war.

How many people died
In the Civil War?

Does history excite
you that much?

Less than in the World War II,
I think. About 100 000.

What about the “excesses”?

50 000 at most. No, that’s too high...

It wasn’t a war, after all.
Let’s say, 25 000.

How many in all?

300 plus 100 plus 25 is 425.
Let’s round it up to 500 000.

What am I doing wrong?
You don’t want me anymore?

You’re tired.
It’s not problem at all.

I liked math more. I liked maths.
History was too hard.

Is that all they mean to you,
the people who died?

Just a subject...
Like physics, or maths?

It’s not my fault.
I was best at science.

- Do you have any idea of the country you’re
living in? - The Russian Federation.

And what do you know about it?

That we're a democracy
with a market economy.

So, you live in a great country
where you can buy a car on credit

and have coffee on a terrace,
and that’s enough for you, is it?

No

Sharks have lungs,
a handball is oval,

and chicks work
for the Cheka. Right?

And Trotsky is a writer.

And 425 000 have died
in all wars between WWI

and WWII, including Stalin’s terror.

Thanks for rounding
the figure up to 500 000.

I didn’t study it in depth.

We were born on a heap of bones.

We’re fucking on top of these bones.
Your coffee is made of them.

And you haven’t learnt
to count them up!

And you expect me to
get a hard-on after that?

- I didn’t know it mattered
so much to you. - It doesn’t.

And the Volokolamsk highway is
nothing but traffic jams to you.

I know German tanks almost
reached the IKEA store. I do!

And there were no urks.
Ores, yes. Urks, no.

Please don’t leave me.

I’m young. I can give you...
so much sex.

I know you have nothing
to talk to me about.

It’s fine. We could just fuck.

Fuck about what?

Hey, Max,
what’s the matter with you today?

If you’re not in the mood
to talk, it’s ok.

No, let’s talk.

What do you want
to talk about?

Trotsky.

Stand up, all victims of oppression,
For the tyrants fear your might!

Stand up, you victimized, you brutalized,
You who live beyond the pale of happiness,

You well-fed slaves, running furiously
From day of birth to day of senility.

Wanna end violence, ignorance?
Wanna rush in and fight?

Or throw in the towel
Bunk off for eternity?

Bury your dreams
Of a wonderful life!

For the sun will blaze!

And you’ll boil in your head
Till your mind’s full of lead

Comrades, unite!
For the final fight!

Believe in the international sun
Crushed into rays for everyone.