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1
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♪♪♪
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♪ Hey, Jesse ♪
3
00:00:36,536 --> 00:00:38,538
♪ When you coming home ♪
4
00:00:39,914 --> 00:00:41,166
♪ Hey, Jesse ♪
5
00:00:46,546 --> 00:00:49,424
♪ When you coming home ♪
6
00:00:49,424 --> 00:00:52,594
♪ The cat's in the closet ♪
7
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♪ The rats are in the grain ♪
8
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♪ And dust fills the attic ♪
9
00:00:57,348 --> 00:01:00,143
♪ That used to be your brain ♪
10
00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:02,395
♪ You wrote so many lines ♪
11
00:01:02,395 --> 00:01:05,356
♪ That could have been a poem ♪
12
00:01:05,356 --> 00:01:09,194
♪ The only thing I want to know
is Jesse ♪
13
00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:13,698
♪ When you coming home ♪
14
00:01:13,698 --> 00:01:15,450
♪♪♪
15
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Male Vocalist:
(humming)
16
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:34,344
♪ Hey, Jesse ♪
17
00:01:39,641 --> 00:01:42,936
♪ Where'd you get so lost ♪
18
00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:44,104
♪ Hey Jesse ♪
19
00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:53,321
♪ And at what cost ♪
20
00:01:53,321 --> 00:01:56,157
♪ The calendar is lying ♪
21
00:01:56,157 --> 00:01:58,618
♪ Each day is the same ♪
22
00:01:58,618 --> 00:02:00,912
♪ Winter might be over ♪
23
00:02:00,912 --> 00:02:03,331
♪ But summer never came ♪
24
00:02:03,331 --> 00:02:06,209
♪ You thought you'd
build a palace ♪
25
00:02:06,209 --> 00:02:08,920
♪ A pleasure dome or two ♪
26
00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:11,798
♪ But when the rivers ran
they asked ♪
27
00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:12,841
♪ Jesse ♪
28
00:02:16,344 --> 00:02:18,012
♪ Is that you ♪
29
00:02:18,012 --> 00:02:19,597
♪♪♪
30
00:02:22,183 --> 00:02:23,351
(humming)
31
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:27,897
♪ Hey Jesse ♪
32
00:02:32,068 --> 00:02:36,739
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
33
00:02:36,739 --> 00:02:38,867
♪ Hey, Jesse ♪
34
00:02:42,495 --> 00:02:46,374
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
35
00:02:46,374 --> 00:02:47,417
♪♪♪
36
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Male Vocalist:
(whistling)
37
00:03:10,273 --> 00:03:11,649
♪♪♪
38
00:03:15,361 --> 00:03:16,946
Hey, everyone.
39
00:03:16,946 --> 00:03:19,908
Just so you know why
I'm doing this Vlog,
40
00:03:19,908 --> 00:03:22,785
I lost the woman of my dreams,
the love of my life,
41
00:03:22,785 --> 00:03:24,829
my soul mate...
42
00:03:24,829 --> 00:03:26,080
And I'm going through
43
00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:29,000
a little bit of career menopause
on top of that.
44
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:32,253
So I'm having
kind of a hard time
45
00:03:32,253 --> 00:03:35,506
and I don't see a way out.
46
00:03:35,506 --> 00:03:38,760
So I guess what
I'm going to do is
47
00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:40,345
I'm going to off myself.
48
00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:42,096
(crowd cheering)
49
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Maybe I'll get a lot of hits.
50
00:03:45,934 --> 00:03:47,393
And go out that way
51
00:03:47,393 --> 00:03:52,106
instead of continue living
this life of anonymity.
52
00:03:52,106 --> 00:03:53,942
(bird screeching)
53
00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:58,029
And I'm probably going to
either do it by,
54
00:03:58,029 --> 00:04:00,782
I don't know, hanging myself
55
00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:02,450
or taking a lot of pills.
56
00:04:02,450 --> 00:04:04,410
(crying out in pain)
57
00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:07,247
Or drowning myself.
58
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,706
Or all three, probably,
59
00:04:08,706 --> 00:04:10,416
just to make sure I do it right.
60
00:04:10,416 --> 00:04:12,210
Okay, I'm not gonna lie to you.
61
00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:14,545
I sabotage every
relationship I'm in,
62
00:04:14,545 --> 00:04:15,964
every single one of them.
63
00:04:15,964 --> 00:04:19,217
And I don't know, I guess it's,
I got anger issues.
64
00:04:19,217 --> 00:04:20,802
I feel like the world owes me.
65
00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:23,429
I definitely have
self-esteem issues.
66
00:04:23,429 --> 00:04:24,973
Oh, that's guaranteed.
67
00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:26,349
'Cause I was a ghetto nerd.
68
00:04:26,349 --> 00:04:28,309
I wasn't even popular
in high school.
69
00:04:28,309 --> 00:04:31,729
I never even had an STD. See?
70
00:04:31,729 --> 00:04:34,023
But if you want to see me
off myself,
71
00:04:34,023 --> 00:04:36,734
the least you could do is
listen to my whole story, okay?
72
00:04:36,734 --> 00:04:38,653
'Cause I'm not gonna
blame my parents
73
00:04:38,653 --> 00:04:40,029
for all my problems.
74
00:04:40,029 --> 00:04:42,073
No, just the really
crippling ones.
75
00:04:42,073 --> 00:04:45,076
Jesse:
It wasn't all their fault
'cause it was the '70s--
76
00:04:45,076 --> 00:04:48,246
the era of urban decay,
disco dancing and free love.
77
00:04:48,246 --> 00:04:50,581
Well, free for everybody but me.
78
00:04:50,581 --> 00:04:53,084
No, I had to take
care of myself.
79
00:04:53,084 --> 00:04:55,503
I was such
a lonely little bastard.
80
00:04:55,503 --> 00:04:56,713
(moaning)
81
00:04:56,713 --> 00:04:58,589
Jesse:
And I desperately wanted love,
82
00:04:58,589 --> 00:04:59,799
but I didn't know how.
83
00:04:59,799 --> 00:05:01,175
So I went to see my pops
84
00:05:01,175 --> 00:05:03,970
and that's when he gave me
the damnedest piece of advice.
85
00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:05,388
It changed me forever.
86
00:05:05,388 --> 00:05:06,889
...mira gran pendejo,
87
00:05:06,889 --> 00:05:09,726
you want to know how powerful
a woman's orgasm is?
88
00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:11,519
It's in her sneeze.
89
00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:14,480
(sneeze)
90
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:15,606
Jesse:
Oh, by the way,
91
00:05:15,606 --> 00:05:17,108
that woman's
not my moms, no.
92
00:05:17,108 --> 00:05:18,568
And when my mother found out
93
00:05:18,568 --> 00:05:21,279
she kicked my father's ass out
all the way to Jersey.
94
00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:24,032
And then my Gramps became
my substitute dad.
95
00:05:24,032 --> 00:05:25,283
And he assured me--
96
00:05:25,283 --> 00:05:26,951
Love is like talent.
97
00:05:26,951 --> 00:05:28,745
You don't know where
it comes from
98
00:05:28,745 --> 00:05:30,038
or what it is,
99
00:05:30,038 --> 00:05:31,331
but it comes.
100
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:34,250
Jesse, you're lucky women
don't care about looks,
101
00:05:34,250 --> 00:05:36,753
but you better be funny.
102
00:05:36,753 --> 00:05:39,881
Whoa-whoa Dean, whoa-whoa Dean!
103
00:05:39,881 --> 00:05:42,592
I say... I say, You're way off.
104
00:05:42,592 --> 00:05:44,469
You're way off this time, son.
105
00:05:44,469 --> 00:05:46,554
Put 'em up, put 'em up.
106
00:05:46,554 --> 00:05:48,598
Jesse. Shit!
You're scaring people.
107
00:05:48,598 --> 00:05:49,724
Come inside.
108
00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:51,726
No one wants to kiss me, Gramps.
109
00:05:51,726 --> 00:05:54,145
Even Moms had to get drunk
to breastfeed me.
110
00:05:54,145 --> 00:05:55,396
I like you, M'ijo.
111
00:05:55,396 --> 00:05:57,357
I just like your
brother Ray better.
112
00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:58,858
Jesse:
Oh yeah, my Moms liked
113
00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:00,234
my brother much better.
114
00:06:00,234 --> 00:06:02,945
'Cause he had all the qualities
my mother liked in men--
115
00:06:02,945 --> 00:06:04,655
he was handsome,
he had nice hair
116
00:06:04,655 --> 00:06:06,574
and he always had my back.
117
00:06:06,574 --> 00:06:08,910
I'm ashamed to be your brother.
118
00:06:08,910 --> 00:06:10,912
Jesse:
Why did I have to be the loser
119
00:06:10,912 --> 00:06:12,955
Why did I have to be
the nerdy brother?
120
00:06:12,955 --> 00:06:14,332
It wasn't fair.
121
00:06:14,332 --> 00:06:16,667
I was so sick of watching him
get all the girls.
122
00:06:16,667 --> 00:06:20,588
So I took a more direct
approach.
123
00:06:20,588 --> 00:06:22,173
Oh my God!
124
00:06:22,173 --> 00:06:24,425
(giggling)
125
00:06:24,425 --> 00:06:27,845
♪ F-U-G-L-Y. You ain't
got no alibi! ♪
126
00:06:27,845 --> 00:06:31,099
♪ You fugly, fugly,
fugly, effin' ugly ♪
127
00:06:31,099 --> 00:06:33,226
Jesse:
The nickname stuck
128
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:36,896
Fugly, for the rest of my life.
129
00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:38,856
And then eight years later
130
00:06:38,856 --> 00:06:41,192
I got the chance to
escape the shadow
131
00:06:41,192 --> 00:06:42,568
of my better-looking brother
132
00:06:42,568 --> 00:06:43,945
and fled to college.
133
00:06:43,945 --> 00:06:45,905
And people,
I'd done my homework.
134
00:06:45,905 --> 00:06:48,574
I knew that as an ambassador
of Affirmative Action,
135
00:06:48,574 --> 00:06:50,159
I'd get into some good colleges,
136
00:06:50,159 --> 00:06:52,829
but nothing...
nothing prepared me
137
00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:54,122
for Vassar.
138
00:06:55,331 --> 00:06:58,459
Vassar was like a Pez dispenser.
139
00:06:58,459 --> 00:07:00,420
Six girls to every guy,
140
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,296
which meant that at
least one of them
141
00:07:02,296 --> 00:07:03,423
would be into me.
142
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:04,465
♪♪♪
143
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:12,557
Oh, God, I wanted women
to think I was great.
144
00:07:12,557 --> 00:07:14,058
(girls giggling)
145
00:07:14,058 --> 00:07:15,768
I wanted to exact my revenge.
146
00:07:15,768 --> 00:07:17,979
I wasn't going to fall
in love with them
147
00:07:17,979 --> 00:07:23,067
but make them
fall in love with me.
148
00:07:23,067 --> 00:07:24,652
But then I met Carol.
149
00:07:24,652 --> 00:07:25,987
And the saying goes
150
00:07:25,987 --> 00:07:28,030
that men look for their mothers
in a mate
151
00:07:28,030 --> 00:07:29,198
and maybe it's true
152
00:07:29,198 --> 00:07:31,617
'cause I found the most abusive
woman on campus.
153
00:07:31,617 --> 00:07:33,661
She even turned out
to be a Republican...
154
00:07:33,661 --> 00:07:35,997
Fuck me, you
commie lover. Oh!
155
00:07:35,997 --> 00:07:39,917
...And the president of the
Latinos for Bush campaign.
156
00:07:39,917 --> 00:07:41,461
Pinko! Leftist pinko!
157
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:43,087
Jesse:
Now I'm not partisan
158
00:07:43,087 --> 00:07:44,547
but Latin Republicans?
159
00:07:44,547 --> 00:07:46,591
That's like Roaches for Raid.
160
00:07:46,591 --> 00:07:47,633
- Are you kidding me?
161
00:07:47,633 --> 00:07:48,926
Was it good for you?
162
00:07:48,926 --> 00:07:51,971
I've had elevator rides
that lasted longer than that.
163
00:07:51,971 --> 00:07:53,055
(door slams)
164
00:07:54,348 --> 00:07:55,933
Jesse:
I needed more than Carol
165
00:07:55,933 --> 00:07:57,185
to undo my fugliness.
166
00:07:57,185 --> 00:07:59,437
So I decided to look for
a more sensitive type
167
00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:00,730
in the drama department.
168
00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:03,191
And since I was the only
straight man of colour
169
00:08:03,191 --> 00:08:04,901
I got the chance
to play Othello.
170
00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:06,611
You people will--
171
00:08:06,611 --> 00:08:08,446
Down, Strumpet!
172
00:08:08,446 --> 00:08:14,410
Why should I fear, I know not.
Guiltiness, oh, I know not.
173
00:08:14,410 --> 00:08:15,661
Cut!
174
00:08:15,661 --> 00:08:17,914
Down, Strumpet!
175
00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:21,542
Why? I feel! I fear!
176
00:08:21,542 --> 00:08:24,086
That was great. Thank you.
177
00:08:24,086 --> 00:08:25,713
(sneezes)
178
00:08:25,713 --> 00:08:27,381
Jesse:
And that's when I saw Lara
179
00:08:27,381 --> 00:08:29,217
for the first time.
180
00:08:29,217 --> 00:08:30,593
♪♪♪
181
00:08:30,593 --> 00:08:31,802
It's in her sneeze.
182
00:08:31,802 --> 00:08:33,638
(sneezes)
183
00:08:33,638 --> 00:08:36,682
Hey, how about her?
How about her?
184
00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:39,393
Her? Yeah, sure, yeah.
185
00:08:39,393 --> 00:08:41,604
Come on. Go on.
186
00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:43,481
Yeah, you. Up.
187
00:08:45,274 --> 00:08:48,569
Jesse:
Wow, what a beautiful mess
188
00:08:48,569 --> 00:08:51,614
trapped in an even hotter body.
189
00:08:53,032 --> 00:08:54,867
And she was an uptown girl, too.
190
00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:56,410
Good breeding, fancy.
191
00:08:56,410 --> 00:08:58,079
Oh, she was different,
all right,
192
00:08:58,079 --> 00:09:01,165
and she had everything.
193
00:09:01,165 --> 00:09:03,084
Okay. And... action!
194
00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:09,006
Go!
195
00:09:11,759 --> 00:09:15,179
Louder... Louder. You can do it.
196
00:09:15,179 --> 00:09:17,056
Talk you of killing!?
197
00:09:17,056 --> 00:09:20,101
Aye, I do.
198
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:25,273
If it were now to die,
199
00:09:26,482 --> 00:09:31,320
'Twere now to die most happy;
200
00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:38,828
for, I fear, my soul hath
her content so absolute
201
00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:45,126
that not another comfort like to
this succeeds in unknown faith.
202
00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:51,424
Why should I fear... I know not!
203
00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:56,304
Since guiltiness, I know not!
204
00:09:56,304 --> 00:09:59,557
I feel I fear!
205
00:09:59,557 --> 00:10:00,641
(sporadic clapping)
206
00:10:00,641 --> 00:10:03,394
Awesome. That was so great.
207
00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:04,520
Cut.
208
00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:06,147
Jesse:
Like I said,
209
00:10:06,147 --> 00:10:10,526
she had everything...
everything but talent.
210
00:10:10,526 --> 00:10:11,819
But I didn't care.
211
00:10:11,819 --> 00:10:13,946
Hey, it gave me a chance to
chat her up.
212
00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:15,323
No, God, and
I know I'm a
213
00:10:15,323 --> 00:10:17,116
horrible actress,
by the way.
214
00:10:17,116 --> 00:10:18,326
But that's great.
215
00:10:18,326 --> 00:10:20,703
The world needs more
horrible actresses
216
00:10:20,703 --> 00:10:21,996
who know they're horrible.
217
00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:24,582
You know how many actresses
that think they're amazing
218
00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:26,083
but they're really horrible?
219
00:10:26,083 --> 00:10:27,251
- Oh, wait no.
220
00:10:27,251 --> 00:10:28,419
No, no, no.
221
00:10:28,419 --> 00:10:30,796
No, I do not want
to be an actress.
222
00:10:30,796 --> 00:10:32,548
You don't want
to be an actress?
223
00:10:32,548 --> 00:10:36,135
No. I'm just doing this
because my mom thinks
224
00:10:36,135 --> 00:10:38,304
I have these
confidence issues,
225
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:41,223
which, by the way,
she gave me.
226
00:10:43,225 --> 00:10:47,772
Why am I telling
you this? I'm...
227
00:10:47,772 --> 00:10:49,398
Why did you
start acting?
228
00:10:49,398 --> 00:10:50,941
Oh, man,
I don't know.
229
00:10:50,941 --> 00:10:54,195
I was a kid and my mom,
every time I met somebody new
230
00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:56,614
she'd always go,
"Act like you're not my child."
231
00:10:56,614 --> 00:10:57,740
- Oh, come on.
232
00:10:57,740 --> 00:11:00,034
- Yeah. I thought I had an
inferiority complex.
233
00:11:00,034 --> 00:11:03,287
Now I realize that it was
just good judgement.
234
00:11:03,287 --> 00:11:05,122
It doesn't
look like it.
235
00:11:05,122 --> 00:11:06,374
Like what?
236
00:11:06,374 --> 00:11:07,875
It just doesn't
look like it.
237
00:11:07,875 --> 00:11:08,876
What do I look like?
238
00:11:08,876 --> 00:11:09,919
Honestly?
239
00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:11,545
Yeah.
240
00:11:11,545 --> 00:11:16,634
I would say, birth
order, second child.
241
00:11:16,634 --> 00:11:18,594
Spent a lot of time indoors.
242
00:11:18,594 --> 00:11:19,804
Yeah.
243
00:11:19,804 --> 00:11:22,223
Didn't get attention
from the opposite sex
244
00:11:22,223 --> 00:11:25,059
and so you used humour as
a way to compensate.
245
00:11:25,059 --> 00:11:26,102
Uh huh.
246
00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:27,436
And definitely penis envy.
247
00:11:27,436 --> 00:11:28,562
Oh, hey, hey, now, now.
248
00:11:28,562 --> 00:11:29,939
Now you got to stop that.
249
00:11:29,939 --> 00:11:31,857
If you're gonna be
straight up like that
250
00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:33,734
I'm not gonna be able to
hang with you.
251
00:11:33,734 --> 00:11:36,112
Who said I
wanted to hang?
252
00:11:36,112 --> 00:11:38,239
(singing in Spanish)
253
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,748
Jesse:
And that's when I discovered
254
00:11:47,748 --> 00:11:50,376
that she was the queen
of contradictions.
255
00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:51,419
Oh, yeah.
256
00:11:51,419 --> 00:11:55,297
Lara:
Oh yeah. (moaning)
257
00:12:02,346 --> 00:12:04,598
(sneezing)
258
00:12:05,641 --> 00:12:07,393
Jesse:
Oh, that sneeze.
259
00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:09,353
That mucozoidal
symphony of Lara's
260
00:12:09,353 --> 00:12:11,480
set the course for the rest
of my life.
261
00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:12,565
Cop:
Romeo!
262
00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:14,024
Get your ass off a Juliet
263
00:12:14,024 --> 00:12:15,234
and get outta this car!
264
00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:16,736
Jesse:
Okay, so the night didn't
265
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:17,778
turn out so perfect.
266
00:12:17,778 --> 00:12:18,863
But, we didn't care.
267
00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:19,864
To the left now.
268
00:12:19,864 --> 00:12:21,198
No, we made the most of it.
269
00:12:21,198 --> 00:12:22,908
Can we get one together?
270
00:12:22,908 --> 00:12:25,369
Jesse:
God, I was so into her.
271
00:12:25,369 --> 00:12:26,370
Isn't it cool?
272
00:12:26,370 --> 00:12:27,496
- Yeah.
273
00:12:27,496 --> 00:12:29,915
Isn't it cool just to do stuff
for the fuck of it?
274
00:12:29,915 --> 00:12:32,001
I did something expressly
for the fuck of it
275
00:12:32,001 --> 00:12:33,252
and look where it got me.
276
00:12:33,252 --> 00:12:34,920
Oh, come on.
This is the best date
277
00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:36,088
I've ever had.
278
00:12:36,088 --> 00:12:38,799
Lara?
279
00:12:38,799 --> 00:12:40,551
I'm very disappointed.
280
00:12:42,386 --> 00:12:45,598
Your mother is coming home
early from the ashram.
281
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:47,099
- Sir? I'm... I'm Jesse Sanchez
282
00:12:47,099 --> 00:12:50,186
I'm not paying your
bail, Mr. Snatchez.
283
00:12:50,186 --> 00:12:51,854
Wow, is that your dad?
284
00:12:51,854 --> 00:12:52,855
Yeah.
285
00:12:52,855 --> 00:12:53,856
Holy cow.
286
00:12:53,856 --> 00:12:55,983
No wonder you got
confidence issues.
287
00:12:55,983 --> 00:12:57,568
Come on. Let's get
out of here.
288
00:12:57,568 --> 00:12:58,736
Let's go to Denny's.
289
00:12:58,736 --> 00:13:00,863
We'll celebrate with
a side order of bacon.
290
00:13:00,863 --> 00:13:03,949
We're going home, Lara.
291
00:13:03,949 --> 00:13:04,950
Lara?
292
00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:06,660
Come on,
let's go.
293
00:13:08,412 --> 00:13:09,747
Jesse?
294
00:13:09,747 --> 00:13:11,248
Yeah?
295
00:13:11,248 --> 00:13:12,792
I really like you.
296
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:15,711
I like you too.
297
00:13:15,711 --> 00:13:17,630
That was like a
really fun night.
298
00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:18,756
Yeah, wasn't it?
299
00:13:18,756 --> 00:13:21,383
But I think...
300
00:13:21,383 --> 00:13:26,055
I mean, I know,
we're just too different.
301
00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:29,642
♪♪♪
302
00:13:52,456 --> 00:13:54,667
Jesse:
I couldn't believe Lara
had left me.
303
00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:57,419
So I wrote her a million letters
trying to get an answer,
304
00:13:57,419 --> 00:13:58,921
but they were all returned.
305
00:13:58,921 --> 00:14:00,714
God, I felt crushed.
306
00:14:00,714 --> 00:14:03,342
I felt so broken
I needed to expose my pain
307
00:14:03,342 --> 00:14:06,053
so I just focused on my art.
308
00:14:08,430 --> 00:14:09,682
Cut!
309
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:11,892
What the fuck is it...
I don't understand, man.
310
00:14:11,892 --> 00:14:13,227
How is this loneliness?
311
00:14:13,227 --> 00:14:15,062
What is alone?
Is it playing a cello?
312
00:14:15,062 --> 00:14:17,481
Jesse:
But eventually the
collegiate abstraction
313
00:14:17,481 --> 00:14:18,983
just left me feeling ignorant.
314
00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:20,818
So I chose to act for
a more honest
315
00:14:20,818 --> 00:14:22,695
and vocal crowd.
316
00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:23,904
(screaming)
317
00:14:25,906 --> 00:14:29,201
But children's theatre could
only fulfill me so much.
318
00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:31,161
(screaming)
319
00:14:31,161 --> 00:14:33,330
I kept hopelessly
looking for Lara
320
00:14:33,330 --> 00:14:36,041
in all of my leading ladies.
321
00:14:38,002 --> 00:14:39,420
Jesse, what are you doing?
322
00:14:39,420 --> 00:14:42,172
You're wasting your life,
you know that, and your time.
323
00:14:42,172 --> 00:14:45,301
Forget about her.
324
00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:48,637
Jesse:
Hm. She was finally right.
325
00:14:48,637 --> 00:14:50,389
And you know,
Lara wasn't the woman
326
00:14:50,389 --> 00:14:51,891
I was supposed to end up with.
327
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:54,560
She was just the woman
I happened to fall in love with.
328
00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:55,978
We were like West Side Story.
329
00:14:55,978 --> 00:14:57,313
She was rich, I was poor,
330
00:14:57,313 --> 00:14:59,773
but neither one of us could sing
or dance about it.
331
00:14:59,773 --> 00:15:00,774
♪♪♪
332
00:15:07,031 --> 00:15:10,826
Jesse:
It was the best sex I ever had
in my entire life.
333
00:15:10,826 --> 00:15:12,286
It was.
334
00:15:12,286 --> 00:15:15,581
I mean, for the first time
in my life I didn't feel fugly.
335
00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:17,625
(Gibberish)
336
00:15:17,625 --> 00:15:19,710
Jesse:
But I had to move on.
337
00:15:19,710 --> 00:15:21,670
So I went back to performing.
338
00:15:21,670 --> 00:15:22,713
(gibberish)
339
00:15:26,675 --> 00:15:29,970
What kind of a
place is this?
340
00:15:29,970 --> 00:15:31,305
It's too close.
341
00:15:31,305 --> 00:15:34,600
Jesse:
Hey, at least my family
showed up...
342
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:37,311
even if it was to watch me fail.
343
00:15:37,311 --> 00:15:39,939
(crying)
344
00:15:42,024 --> 00:15:45,319
(applause)
345
00:15:50,074 --> 00:15:53,160
I have an exaggerated sense
of my own unimportance.
346
00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:55,329
And I don't think it's
just me either.
347
00:15:55,329 --> 00:15:56,664
I think all Latin people,
348
00:15:56,664 --> 00:15:58,582
we have a collective
low self-esteem.
349
00:15:58,582 --> 00:16:00,542
I think it
must have started back when
350
00:16:00,542 --> 00:16:02,920
our whole culture got destroyed.
351
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:05,714
I mean, it must have started
when my great-great-great-
352
00:16:05,714 --> 00:16:07,466
Conquistador grandfather,
353
00:16:07,466 --> 00:16:09,218
who must have been like,
“I'm going
354
00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:11,220
to better your blood,
Incan slut.”
355
00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:13,806
And my great-great-great Incan
grandmother was like--
356
00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:15,182
(crying baby sound)
357
00:16:15,182 --> 00:16:17,142
“Excuse me,
what's wrong with my blood?
358
00:16:17,142 --> 00:16:18,894
Is it watery? Is it low in iron?
359
00:16:18,894 --> 00:16:20,688
And you certainly ain't man
enough
360
00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:21,772
to fix it for me.”
361
00:16:21,772 --> 00:16:23,857
Jesse:
(slaping sound effect)
362
00:16:23,857 --> 00:16:25,693
(boing sound effect)
363
00:16:25,693 --> 00:16:29,488
“Who's not man enough now,
Indian slut?
364
00:16:29,488 --> 00:16:31,699
I'm going to colonize you.”
365
00:16:31,699 --> 00:16:34,743
“Oh, no, no.
Can you please take my land,
366
00:16:34,743 --> 00:16:37,746
take my gold, just don't stop.”
367
00:16:39,206 --> 00:16:41,041
“Who's your king?
Who's your king?
368
00:16:41,041 --> 00:16:42,376
Huh!? Huh!?
369
00:16:42,376 --> 00:16:45,879
I know imperialism is bad
but it feels so good!
370
00:16:45,879 --> 00:16:51,218
Ay coño... coño, cup my pink,
fuzzy little balls. Oh...”
371
00:16:51,218 --> 00:16:53,012
(laughing)
372
00:16:55,431 --> 00:16:57,057
Dude, that didn't suck?
373
00:16:57,057 --> 00:16:58,934
How could I trust the
opinion of a guy
374
00:16:58,934 --> 00:17:01,562
who thinks Tennessee Williams
is a state capital, huh?
375
00:17:01,562 --> 00:17:03,397
Oh, you know
what? Fuck it, it sucked.
376
00:17:03,397 --> 00:17:05,441
You should get a better actor
to play you.
377
00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:08,318
Honestly? Put
more of that sex stuff in.
378
00:17:08,318 --> 00:17:09,319
More sex stuff?
379
00:17:09,319 --> 00:17:10,446
I ejaculated on stage.
380
00:17:10,446 --> 00:17:11,989
What are you talking about?
381
00:17:11,989 --> 00:17:14,491
It's like Inca stuff,
Indians, they don't want that.
382
00:17:14,491 --> 00:17:16,744
They want hot chicks,
BJs, that kind of stuff.
383
00:17:16,744 --> 00:17:17,911
You know, whoever said,
384
00:17:17,911 --> 00:17:19,747
"A mind is a
terrible thing to waste,"
385
00:17:19,747 --> 00:17:20,914
was talking about you.
386
00:17:20,914 --> 00:17:22,833
By the way, Moms and Gramps had
to split.
387
00:17:22,833 --> 00:17:24,918
That chick with
the bush freaked them out.
388
00:17:24,918 --> 00:17:25,919
Hello!
389
00:17:25,919 --> 00:17:27,504
Funny man,
let me shake the hand
390
00:17:27,504 --> 00:17:28,756
that wrote those lines.
391
00:17:28,756 --> 00:17:30,924
I don't know if you want to
shake this hand,
392
00:17:30,924 --> 00:17:32,760
it's done a lot
of other nasty things.
393
00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:34,011
Stoddard Lowenstein.
394
00:17:34,011 --> 00:17:35,637
Stoddard. I'm Ray.
395
00:17:35,637 --> 00:17:36,680
Hi, Ray.
396
00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:37,723
I'm a Pisces.
397
00:17:37,723 --> 00:17:39,058
Thank you, Ray.
398
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:40,100
It was pretty good.
399
00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:41,435
Needs a little bit of work.
400
00:17:41,435 --> 00:17:43,103
Oh, really?
See, the nicest thing
401
00:17:43,103 --> 00:17:44,521
I heard all day.
402
00:17:44,521 --> 00:17:47,149
And I hear there's this big
Latino invasion going on.
403
00:17:47,149 --> 00:17:49,610
So I need a client that could
compete with
404
00:17:49,610 --> 00:17:51,195
“Benicio Del Taurus”.
405
00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:52,196
Who's that?
406
00:17:52,196 --> 00:17:53,363
Shut up.
407
00:17:53,363 --> 00:17:58,410
I think I can change your life.
Call me.
408
00:17:58,410 --> 00:17:59,453
Ray:
Hey, Stoddard.
409
00:17:59,453 --> 00:18:00,621
Yes?
410
00:18:00,621 --> 00:18:02,498
I'm gonna
make a difference in you.
411
00:18:02,498 --> 00:18:04,374
I'll be waiting.
412
00:18:04,374 --> 00:18:05,709
Asshole!
413
00:18:05,709 --> 00:18:07,711
You should have told
me that Stoddard
414
00:18:07,711 --> 00:18:09,129
Lowenstein was gonna be here.
415
00:18:09,129 --> 00:18:11,006
Jesse:
And that's when I met the woman
416
00:18:11,006 --> 00:18:12,674
that was going to make me forget
417
00:18:12,674 --> 00:18:15,177
everything that
was wrong in my life--
418
00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:16,345
Zowie.
419
00:18:16,345 --> 00:18:18,639
I think I'm gonna
stay and watch.
420
00:18:18,639 --> 00:18:23,227
Jesse:
She was what the weather channel
would call a force of nature.
421
00:18:23,227 --> 00:18:26,021
Penetrated.
422
00:18:26,021 --> 00:18:28,148
Feline. Pussy cat.
423
00:18:28,148 --> 00:18:31,485
Fear my lioness. Yes!
424
00:18:31,485 --> 00:18:34,988
Queen of the jungle!
Screams of the jungle!
425
00:18:34,988 --> 00:18:39,284
Blood! No male fears!
426
00:18:39,284 --> 00:18:41,995
You never cum.
427
00:18:41,995 --> 00:18:44,164
She was the most passionate
of performers.
428
00:18:44,164 --> 00:18:46,542
Again...!
429
00:18:48,752 --> 00:18:52,297
Yeah. Yeah! Wow!
430
00:18:52,297 --> 00:18:54,174
Wow. Incredible word-smithing.
431
00:18:54,174 --> 00:18:57,845
You're political and movement.
And I feel castrated even.
432
00:18:57,845 --> 00:18:59,763
I'm Jessie Sanchez
and you are...?
433
00:18:59,763 --> 00:19:01,682
Late. I need my fee.
434
00:19:01,682 --> 00:19:04,226
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to
take up your time.
435
00:19:04,226 --> 00:19:06,395
I just think you're incredible.
436
00:19:06,395 --> 00:19:07,938
You really think I'm talented?
437
00:19:07,938 --> 00:19:09,022
Honestly, Zoe?
438
00:19:09,022 --> 00:19:10,399
Honestly. And it's Zowie.
439
00:19:10,399 --> 00:19:13,193
Zowie.I think you're a
Latino Meryl Streep
440
00:19:13,193 --> 00:19:15,154
with only one accent.
441
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:18,448
Well, I love Meryl Streep
but I'm barely Latin.
442
00:19:18,448 --> 00:19:19,867
Oh, come on, you're Latin.
443
00:19:19,867 --> 00:19:22,536
Not with these blue eyes and
blonde highlights, I'm not.
444
00:19:22,536 --> 00:19:23,912
Oh no, then you're right,
445
00:19:23,912 --> 00:19:25,664
you're a self-hatin'
Latin woman.
446
00:19:25,664 --> 00:19:27,916
No. I'm a
self-preserving Latin woman.
447
00:19:27,916 --> 00:19:30,627
Oh, come on, you're Latin.
You know it only takes a drop.
448
00:19:30,627 --> 00:19:32,671
Come on, can you dance
without music?
449
00:19:32,671 --> 00:19:33,797
Yeah, but...
450
00:19:33,797 --> 00:19:35,841
Do your friends tell you
to stop screamin'
451
00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:37,968
when you're
actually just talking?
452
00:19:37,968 --> 00:19:39,219
Uh huh. Right, see?
453
00:19:39,219 --> 00:19:41,054
Can you get to your house
blindfolded
454
00:19:41,054 --> 00:19:42,931
because the
smell of sazon in Manteca
455
00:19:42,931 --> 00:19:44,349
is so strong?
456
00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:46,727
(laughs) Yeah, but...
457
00:19:46,727 --> 00:19:49,271
See? You're either really fly
for a white chick
458
00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:52,065
or my favourite genre of female.
459
00:19:55,068 --> 00:19:56,153
Come here...
460
00:19:57,905 --> 00:19:58,989
Stoddard.
461
00:19:58,989 --> 00:20:00,157
What about her?
462
00:20:00,157 --> 00:20:01,575
She has to represent me, too.
463
00:20:01,575 --> 00:20:02,826
Yeah?
464
00:20:02,826 --> 00:20:05,412
Yeah. I'm gonna be a
famous actress
465
00:20:05,412 --> 00:20:06,872
come hook or by crook.
466
00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:08,498
Not a problem.
467
00:20:08,498 --> 00:20:09,917
You think I'm fuckable?
468
00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:11,752
Oh, hell, yeah.
469
00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:16,423
Good. 'Cause it's very important
in this business.
470
00:20:16,423 --> 00:20:17,591
Okay.
471
00:20:22,137 --> 00:20:24,556
Jesse:
Zowie was my cure for Lara
472
00:20:24,556 --> 00:20:26,892
even though she was the
most selfish
473
00:20:26,892 --> 00:20:29,269
and self-centred
woman I'd ever met,
474
00:20:29,269 --> 00:20:32,064
but it was
exactly what I needed.
475
00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:35,234
I know what's best for you.
You just be funny.
476
00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:37,444
Trust me and give
me ten percent.
477
00:20:37,444 --> 00:20:40,197
Okay. Okay. That's
fine with me,
478
00:20:40,197 --> 00:20:41,865
but I gotta ask
you something.
479
00:20:41,865 --> 00:20:43,533
I know it's a little
inappropriate,
480
00:20:43,533 --> 00:20:46,787
but can you represent my
girlfriend, too?
481
00:20:46,787 --> 00:20:48,080
For twenty percent.
482
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:49,122
♪♪♪
483
00:20:50,874 --> 00:20:52,709
Oh, strange place.
484
00:20:52,709 --> 00:20:53,877
Oh, God.
485
00:20:56,338 --> 00:20:58,715
Please don't judge me
by my relatives, okay?
486
00:20:58,715 --> 00:20:59,716
There he is.
487
00:20:59,716 --> 00:21:01,051
(girls giggling)
488
00:21:04,972 --> 00:21:06,974
This is Holly. She's a dancer.
489
00:21:06,974 --> 00:21:09,142
And this is Molly,
she's a lawyer.
490
00:21:09,142 --> 00:21:11,478
A lawyer looks like this?
I give up.
491
00:21:11,478 --> 00:21:14,106
My brother uses his
personality as birth control.
492
00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:15,565
(laughs) I can see that.
493
00:21:15,565 --> 00:21:17,317
I'm gonna go to the ladies room.
494
00:21:17,317 --> 00:21:19,236
- Yes. I'm feeling a little
over-dressed.
495
00:21:19,236 --> 00:21:20,779
Know what? That's a great idea.
496
00:21:20,779 --> 00:21:24,533
Why don't you
all go to the bathroom?
497
00:21:26,660 --> 00:21:27,828
Jesus Christ.
498
00:21:29,830 --> 00:21:31,290
I don't know how you do it.
499
00:21:31,290 --> 00:21:32,833
You're like a rock star, dude.
500
00:21:32,833 --> 00:21:34,418
You got all the juice right now,
501
00:21:34,418 --> 00:21:36,253
you could have all the
pussy you want
502
00:21:36,253 --> 00:21:38,130
and milk it
for the rest of your life.
503
00:21:38,130 --> 00:21:39,339
What are you doing?
504
00:21:39,339 --> 00:21:41,591
I think you're mixing up
your pussy metaphors.
505
00:21:41,591 --> 00:21:42,592
Do you realize that?
506
00:21:42,592 --> 00:21:44,094
Are you in love with that girl?
507
00:21:44,094 --> 00:21:47,764
So what? So maybe I have...
did... do... are.
508
00:21:47,764 --> 00:21:49,516
Bro, relationships
are like having
509
00:21:49,516 --> 00:21:50,892
a hippopotamus on your face.
510
00:21:50,892 --> 00:21:51,977
Hippopotamus?
511
00:21:51,977 --> 00:21:53,145
That's right.
512
00:21:53,145 --> 00:21:54,896
No matter how hard you
push or which
513
00:21:54,896 --> 00:21:56,773
way you turn
you're gonna see a hippo.
514
00:21:56,773 --> 00:22:01,778
You turn right, hippo!
You turn left, hippo!
515
00:22:01,778 --> 00:22:06,575
I... can't... get... up!
516
00:22:06,575 --> 00:22:08,618
I can't even breathe.
517
00:22:08,618 --> 00:22:12,039
(breathing heavily)
518
00:22:12,039 --> 00:22:14,374
Now hippopotamuses
aren't all bad,
519
00:22:14,374 --> 00:22:17,878
but I wasn't meant to live
with one sitting on my face.
520
00:22:17,878 --> 00:22:20,630
Jesse:
I wasn't afraid
of hippo or intimacy,
521
00:22:20,630 --> 00:22:22,215
so I stuck it out with Zowie
522
00:22:22,215 --> 00:22:24,676
‘cause she was determined to
make me a star
523
00:22:24,676 --> 00:22:26,345
in my first made-for-TV movie.
524
00:22:26,345 --> 00:22:28,889
Well, as long as she could be
the superstar.
525
00:22:28,889 --> 00:22:30,974
Well, how's the pay?
526
00:22:30,974 --> 00:22:33,060
Thirty? Thirty dollars?
527
00:22:33,060 --> 00:22:35,228
One sec... thirty K!
528
00:22:35,228 --> 00:22:36,730
Okay. All right.
You're right.
529
00:22:36,730 --> 00:22:38,774
That is meaningful.
One second, please.
530
00:22:38,774 --> 00:22:40,734
(whispers)
Ask about me.
531
00:22:40,734 --> 00:22:41,818
Yeah, I'm listening,
532
00:22:41,818 --> 00:22:43,111
Okay I'll do it.
533
00:22:43,111 --> 00:22:45,614
I'll call you back later then,
all right. Peace.
534
00:22:47,199 --> 00:22:48,200
What?
535
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:49,910
You fucking
cocksucker!
536
00:22:49,910 --> 00:22:51,411
You got the part,
didn't you?
537
00:22:51,411 --> 00:22:52,537
Yes.
538
00:22:52,537 --> 00:22:54,206
You didn't ask
for me. Not once!
539
00:22:54,206 --> 00:22:55,749
I didn't hear
my name mentioned
540
00:22:55,749 --> 00:22:56,958
not once!
541
00:22:56,958 --> 00:22:58,627
Zowie, I got you
Crack Ho #3.
542
00:22:58,627 --> 00:23:00,629
And you're gonna share
my trailer, okay?
543
00:23:00,629 --> 00:23:01,880
Does that make
you happy?
544
00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:02,964
Really?
545
00:23:02,964 --> 00:23:04,007
Yeah.
546
00:23:04,007 --> 00:23:05,092
Oh my God!
547
00:23:05,092 --> 00:23:06,218
I gotta study
my lines.
548
00:23:06,218 --> 00:23:07,386
Yeah, you better.
549
00:23:07,386 --> 00:23:09,930
Oh my God, this is so great.
What part did you get,
550
00:23:09,930 --> 00:23:11,264
the rapist or the mugger?
551
00:23:11,264 --> 00:23:12,391
I got the drug dealer.
552
00:23:12,391 --> 00:23:13,392
(gasp)
553
00:23:13,392 --> 00:23:14,393
(squealing)
554
00:23:14,393 --> 00:23:15,477
♪♪♪
555
00:23:17,771 --> 00:23:20,107
Jesse:
As low-brow as these
B movies were,
556
00:23:20,107 --> 00:23:24,486
I had found my career... or it
had found me.
557
00:23:27,406 --> 00:23:29,658
I was being racially profiled by
the industry.
558
00:23:29,658 --> 00:23:32,953
Always the perp for all seasons,
the working man's hoodlum.
559
00:23:32,953 --> 00:23:35,163
But I was finally
making it, man.
560
00:23:35,163 --> 00:23:36,790
I was finally somebody.
561
00:23:36,790 --> 00:23:39,126
I just want to write my own
stuff. I want to...
562
00:23:39,126 --> 00:23:41,628
I want to go back on that stage
and perform and...
563
00:23:41,628 --> 00:23:43,588
Do it. What are
you waiting for?
564
00:23:43,588 --> 00:23:45,841
'Cause there's no money in
theatre, that's why.
565
00:23:45,841 --> 00:23:47,259
There's no money in theatre.
566
00:23:47,259 --> 00:23:50,303
Look, I... I played a rapist and
I made ten thousand dollars.
567
00:23:50,303 --> 00:23:53,807
'Cause in Hollywood even
rapists get residuals, okay?
568
00:23:53,807 --> 00:23:56,309
Uh hm. You're trying to convince
your grandpa
569
00:23:56,309 --> 00:23:58,395
that playing gangster
is all right?
570
00:23:58,395 --> 00:24:02,941
Wanna play a
gangster, do it. But be the
571
00:24:02,941 --> 00:24:05,902
best motherfucking gangster that
ever lived!
572
00:24:05,902 --> 00:24:09,322
Jesse:
My Gramps is right.
I had to accept my lot in life.
573
00:24:09,322 --> 00:24:11,450
And as soon as I did I became
574
00:24:11,450 --> 00:24:14,619
the king of
exploitational movies.
575
00:24:14,619 --> 00:24:16,663
♪♪♪
576
00:24:16,663 --> 00:24:19,708
So I embraced my C-list status
577
00:24:19,708 --> 00:24:21,793
and I put everybody
on the payroll.
578
00:24:21,793 --> 00:24:25,046
I made my brother my assistant
and my Moms my manager.'
579
00:24:25,046 --> 00:24:27,966
Cause you know
how trebaho we Latin people is.
580
00:24:27,966 --> 00:24:31,011
You can get him a percentage of
the gross if there's a sequel.
581
00:24:31,011 --> 00:24:32,095
Two or three percent?
582
00:24:32,095 --> 00:24:33,388
And what about ancillary?
583
00:24:33,388 --> 00:24:35,807
It depends on the focus groups.
If kids love him,
584
00:24:35,807 --> 00:24:37,184
we can make some real money.
585
00:24:37,184 --> 00:24:39,186
You know, I love it when you
guys act like
586
00:24:39,186 --> 00:24:40,604
I'm not even in the room.
587
00:24:40,604 --> 00:24:41,605
(laughing)
588
00:24:41,605 --> 00:24:42,647
♪♪♪
589
00:24:45,525 --> 00:24:48,195
Jesse:
Success is tough, man. It makes
people get weird.
590
00:24:48,195 --> 00:24:51,490
Even my Moms wrote a book about
what a creep I was.
591
00:24:51,490 --> 00:24:54,284
Announcer:
Tonight Exclusive.
592
00:24:54,284 --> 00:24:56,161
Jesse:
Well, it was more about my life.
593
00:24:56,161 --> 00:24:58,079
Announcer:
Nylda Sanchez New Memoir.
594
00:24:58,079 --> 00:24:59,122
Jesse:
I'll sue you.
595
00:24:59,122 --> 00:25:00,499
Throw you out of the house.
596
00:25:00,499 --> 00:25:02,709
I'll cut off
the Macy's credit card and then
597
00:25:02,709 --> 00:25:05,337
I'll sue you again in case the
first time didn't stick.
598
00:25:05,337 --> 00:25:08,423
First chapter I deal with his
father making me into a bitch.
599
00:25:08,423 --> 00:25:11,551
Second chapter
I un-bitch myself.
600
00:25:11,551 --> 00:25:12,594
♪♪♪
601
00:25:16,348 --> 00:25:18,225
Jesse:
Look at us moving on up.
602
00:25:18,225 --> 00:25:22,729
And just like The Jeffersons, I
bought us a brownstone uptown.
603
00:25:28,860 --> 00:25:31,404
What? You're... you're all going
to be living here?
604
00:25:31,404 --> 00:25:34,241
No, no, just my Gramps, my
mother and my brother and me.
605
00:25:34,241 --> 00:25:37,619
I'm his accountant. If it wasn't
for me you'd be in big trouble.
606
00:25:37,619 --> 00:25:40,413
Yeah, right. Idol-maker. Man who
makes dreams come true.
607
00:25:40,413 --> 00:25:41,498
He got it, Ray.
608
00:25:41,498 --> 00:25:43,416
what about her?
609
00:25:43,416 --> 00:25:44,584
What about her?
610
00:25:44,584 --> 00:25:45,752
Is she staying here?
611
00:25:45,752 --> 00:25:47,921
What do you mean, is she? What
are you doing?
612
00:25:47,921 --> 00:25:48,922
Excuse me?
613
00:25:48,922 --> 00:25:50,549
You heard me,
what are you doing?
614
00:25:50,549 --> 00:25:51,591
Nothing.
615
00:25:51,591 --> 00:25:52,926
No. Since I'm single
616
00:25:52,926 --> 00:25:55,512
and since you haven't asked me
to move in with you...
617
00:25:55,512 --> 00:25:56,972
Well, you know,
I did ask you.
618
00:25:56,972 --> 00:25:58,682
well, I was going to.
I just didn't
619
00:25:58,682 --> 00:26:00,016
Jesse, what are you doing?
620
00:26:00,016 --> 00:26:02,936
There's not space for all of us.
Where're you gonna put her?
621
00:26:02,936 --> 00:26:04,437
Rey:
Dude, we talked about this.
622
00:26:04,437 --> 00:26:06,273
You talked about me
with your brother?
623
00:26:06,273 --> 00:26:07,649
Yeah, we talked
about it.
624
00:26:07,649 --> 00:26:08,692
We're a close family.
625
00:26:08,692 --> 00:26:09,693
Jesus, Jesse!
626
00:26:09,693 --> 00:26:11,361
You're such a freakin'
little kid.
627
00:26:11,361 --> 00:26:12,571
Am not.
628
00:26:12,571 --> 00:26:14,489
Yes, you are.
You're a little cry baby.
629
00:26:14,489 --> 00:26:16,324
Why can't you just man
up just once?
630
00:26:16,324 --> 00:26:18,743
you want me to show
you who's in charge here?
631
00:26:18,743 --> 00:26:23,957
I am. And I insist that you
marry me right now or soon.
632
00:26:27,210 --> 00:26:29,379
Are you asking me
to marry you or not?
633
00:26:29,379 --> 00:26:31,298
Yeah. I certainly
might be doing that.
634
00:26:31,298 --> 00:26:32,299
No.
635
00:26:32,299 --> 00:26:33,300
Yes.
636
00:26:33,300 --> 00:26:35,093
You have to get down
on your knees.
637
00:26:35,093 --> 00:26:36,136
Oh, yeah, yeah!
638
00:26:36,136 --> 00:26:37,220
Zowie, I--
639
00:26:37,220 --> 00:26:38,930
Never kneel in
front of a woman,
640
00:26:38,930 --> 00:26:42,350
you'll never get
up, shithead.
641
00:26:42,350 --> 00:26:45,020
Jesse:
And just like that
we got nuptialed.
642
00:26:45,020 --> 00:26:47,606
♪♪♪
643
00:26:47,606 --> 00:26:49,524
'Cause I was going to
prove to Zowie
644
00:26:49,524 --> 00:26:51,985
and my family
that I could man up.
645
00:26:51,985 --> 00:26:55,363
I was going to get their
respect. I...
646
00:26:55,363 --> 00:26:57,157
Well, I hoped anyway.
647
00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:04,122
As a civilian, getting a little
culture, that's all.
648
00:27:04,122 --> 00:27:06,541
I'm an investor in the show.
649
00:27:06,541 --> 00:27:08,835
I love Eisenstein on the Beach.
650
00:27:08,835 --> 00:27:11,171
Cop:
Look, I've been chasing
you for five years.
651
00:27:11,171 --> 00:27:12,172
Five, fucking years.
652
00:27:12,172 --> 00:27:14,883
Yeah! Hey. Shit. Ah!
653
00:27:14,883 --> 00:27:16,259
(groaning)
654
00:27:16,259 --> 00:27:20,263
Get off me. Get off me, man!
What the fuck is going on?
655
00:27:20,263 --> 00:27:21,848
Cut! Cut this bullshit.
656
00:27:21,848 --> 00:27:24,601
Director:
What are you cutting for?
You can't cut.
657
00:27:24,601 --> 00:27:26,102
What the hell's going on?
658
00:27:26,102 --> 00:27:28,980
Jesse. Jesse. You can't cut.
Don't call cut.
659
00:27:28,980 --> 00:27:31,066
I know, but I just got hit,
man. You...
660
00:27:31,066 --> 00:27:33,526
You get punched and see if you
don't yell, cut.
661
00:27:33,526 --> 00:27:34,861
I'm telling I will walk off.
662
00:27:34,861 --> 00:27:37,530
Wait a second. What bothered
you? Where did you get hit
663
00:27:37,530 --> 00:27:38,865
What bothered me?
664
00:27:38,865 --> 00:27:41,534
He punched me and slapped me in
the back of the head.
665
00:27:41,534 --> 00:27:43,370
I'm not gonna
put up with that shit.
666
00:27:43,370 --> 00:27:45,580
Mom, didn't I ban you
from the sets?
667
00:27:45,580 --> 00:27:49,542
(Spanish) Stoddard and I were
just finishing up.
668
00:27:49,542 --> 00:27:51,544
Ray can you
talk to him for me, please?
669
00:27:51,544 --> 00:27:52,754
Stoddard:
He's loving it.
670
00:27:52,754 --> 00:27:54,964
It's going really, really well.
671
00:27:54,964 --> 00:27:56,633
Jesse, producer.
672
00:27:56,633 --> 00:27:57,801
I'm not talking to him.
673
00:27:57,801 --> 00:27:58,802
Be nice.
674
00:27:58,802 --> 00:27:59,803
I'm not--
675
00:27:59,803 --> 00:28:01,429
Be nice. Thank you.
676
00:28:03,682 --> 00:28:06,643
Hey there, Mr. Bigel,
how're you doing?
677
00:28:06,643 --> 00:28:08,895
it's goin' great,
yeah, we had a great shot
678
00:28:08,895 --> 00:28:11,189
just now...yeah...No, I love
playing villains.
679
00:28:11,189 --> 00:28:14,526
I mean, what happened, all the
janitors and rapists were taken?
680
00:28:14,526 --> 00:28:15,652
Maybe next--
681
00:28:15,652 --> 00:28:17,278
That's not funny.
It was a joke.
682
00:28:17,278 --> 00:28:19,739
When you say, "Check the gate,"
what does that mean?
683
00:28:19,739 --> 00:28:23,034
Check the gate means let's get
the fuck out of here.
684
00:28:23,034 --> 00:28:25,620
Love you. Let me give you some
advice, okay?
685
00:28:25,620 --> 00:28:28,248
Lower your standards.
You can't open a movie.
686
00:28:28,248 --> 00:28:30,667
The industry is
moving away from actors.
687
00:28:30,667 --> 00:28:32,752
They want rappers, they want
reality stars.
688
00:28:32,752 --> 00:28:34,629
If you're not incredibly
good looking,
689
00:28:34,629 --> 00:28:35,964
get ready to be sidelined.
690
00:28:35,964 --> 00:28:37,507
Let me see if I understand you.
691
00:28:37,507 --> 00:28:39,634
Giving up is a way
of attaining my dreams.
692
00:28:39,634 --> 00:28:41,261
Is that what you're
saying to me?
693
00:28:41,261 --> 00:28:42,929
Your dreams?
You know what you are
694
00:28:42,929 --> 00:28:45,724
and you keep taking the cheques
for it. You have a niche,
695
00:28:45,724 --> 00:28:46,725
"angry urban guy".
696
00:28:46,725 --> 00:28:48,435
It could better,
it could be worse.
697
00:28:48,435 --> 00:28:49,853
Mom, I got it.
698
00:28:49,853 --> 00:28:52,897
Hey, look. You know, I'm gonna
go for my career my way,
699
00:28:52,897 --> 00:28:55,275
even if I fail, even if I never
work again. Okay?
700
00:28:55,275 --> 00:28:57,110
Okay, I want you to
call Dr. Penny,
701
00:28:57,110 --> 00:29:00,864
please. I'm
actually begging you.
702
00:29:00,864 --> 00:29:04,075
Jesse:
Stoddard threatened to drop me
if I didn't go see her psych.
703
00:29:04,075 --> 00:29:06,202
So I went 'cause
I started to suspect that
704
00:29:06,202 --> 00:29:09,789
I might have problems that went
beyond my career.
705
00:29:09,789 --> 00:29:13,209
Fuck you, you, you
uncivilized, uneducated,
706
00:29:13,209 --> 00:29:16,713
useless piece of ghetto,
underprivileged.
707
00:29:16,713 --> 00:29:18,465
You're never gonna be anybody.
708
00:29:18,465 --> 00:29:20,049
Never gonna be anything.
709
00:29:20,049 --> 00:29:21,426
You suck!
710
00:29:21,426 --> 00:29:23,428
Yes. Now respond
as yourself.
711
00:29:23,428 --> 00:29:25,638
Fuck you, back, because
712
00:29:25,638 --> 00:29:28,183
I mean, fuck me.
I don't know. I'm confused.
713
00:29:28,183 --> 00:29:30,643
I'm just... I'm just confused. I
mean, is it...
714
00:29:30,643 --> 00:29:37,567
is it me talking to me then or
me then talking to me now?
715
00:29:37,567 --> 00:29:39,652
That's okay. It
happens sometimes.
716
00:29:39,652 --> 00:29:41,488
Let's try
something different. Let's--
717
00:29:41,488 --> 00:29:42,906
I want Desdemona again.
718
00:29:42,906 --> 00:29:45,658
I just want... I just want to
have what I had with her.
719
00:29:45,658 --> 00:29:46,659
(sneeze)
720
00:29:46,659 --> 00:29:47,911
♪♪♪
721
00:29:53,958 --> 00:29:56,169
This image you
have of this girl is just
722
00:29:56,169 --> 00:29:58,838
a wish fulfillment
fantasy. Sorry.
723
00:29:58,838 --> 00:29:59,923
Really?
724
00:30:02,550 --> 00:30:03,593
Breakthrough.
725
00:30:03,593 --> 00:30:04,594
Really?
726
00:30:04,594 --> 00:30:05,595
Very good.
727
00:30:05,595 --> 00:30:06,679
Great.
728
00:30:14,771 --> 00:30:15,855
♪♪♪
729
00:30:25,198 --> 00:30:32,997
Wow! Lara... Lara Perry. Oh my
God. Jesse... Jesse Sanchez.
730
00:30:32,997 --> 00:30:36,501
Remember you vomited on me in
school. Remember that?
731
00:30:36,501 --> 00:30:40,129
Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm just...
I'm here to
732
00:30:40,129 --> 00:30:42,674
cancel an appointment actually.
733
00:30:42,674 --> 00:30:48,054
Oh, yeah, yeah. Just... you
seeing, um... Me too.
734
00:30:48,054 --> 00:30:49,222
Me?
735
00:30:49,222 --> 00:30:50,223
Yeah.
736
00:30:50,223 --> 00:30:51,558
(breathing intensifies)
737
00:30:51,558 --> 00:30:57,272
No. No, I'm... I don't even know
what I'm doing here.
738
00:30:57,272 --> 00:31:02,026
Lara. Hey... Lara. Lara, wait.
739
00:31:02,026 --> 00:31:03,820
I just want to talk.
Lara, please,
740
00:31:03,820 --> 00:31:05,905
give me a chance.
Come on, let's just talk!
741
00:31:05,905 --> 00:31:08,783
Please, I don't want a stupid
reunion scene, okay?
742
00:31:08,783 --> 00:31:10,451
I don't want to reconnect.
743
00:31:10,451 --> 00:31:12,537
I... I don't want to have sex
with you and
744
00:31:12,537 --> 00:31:14,289
I don't want to be friends.
745
00:31:14,289 --> 00:31:16,332
What? You don't want to
have sex with me?
746
00:31:16,332 --> 00:31:17,333
No!
747
00:31:17,333 --> 00:31:18,793
Okay then, why are you crying?
748
00:31:18,793 --> 00:31:19,836
Jesus, I'm not.
749
00:31:19,836 --> 00:31:21,254
Hey, did you just get dumped?
750
00:31:21,254 --> 00:31:23,423
Oh my God,
I didn't just get dumped.
751
00:31:23,423 --> 00:31:24,883
Okay. Good for you.
752
00:31:24,883 --> 00:31:28,511
Okay. I know what this looks
like. I know, you see a woman
753
00:31:28,511 --> 00:31:31,431
coming down from the therapist's
office in her mid-thirties,
754
00:31:31,431 --> 00:31:34,225
so you're going to make these
assumptions. Fine.
755
00:31:34,225 --> 00:31:35,935
You're looking good, by the way.
756
00:31:35,935 --> 00:31:37,353
Thanks. So are you.
757
00:31:37,353 --> 00:31:39,606
I'm... honestly,
I'm in a great space.
758
00:31:39,606 --> 00:31:42,108
I'm feeling very good
about myself.
759
00:31:42,108 --> 00:31:44,193
And I am in a
very happy relationship.
760
00:31:44,193 --> 00:31:46,112
Oh, no, no.
I... I can see that. I...
761
00:31:46,112 --> 00:31:48,615
'cause I always cry when I'm in
a happy relationship.
762
00:31:48,615 --> 00:31:51,075
Seems to me that you
may be getting married soon.
763
00:31:51,075 --> 00:31:53,286
Oh this? This? Oh, no, no. This
isn't what...
764
00:31:53,286 --> 00:31:54,746
what you think it is.
765
00:31:54,746 --> 00:31:57,790
I mean, I... I know it seems...
you see that and you think well,
766
00:31:57,790 --> 00:32:00,335
this guy is obviously not the
kind of...
767
00:32:00,335 --> 00:32:04,130
Oh God. My God! Are you all
right? You... you okay?
768
00:32:04,130 --> 00:32:08,384
You need some medication. Do you
need water with that or...
769
00:32:08,384 --> 00:32:11,512
Jesus Christ, you have. I'll
hold your head. Breathe.
770
00:32:11,512 --> 00:32:15,099
Uh oh, get away. Get away. Okay,
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
771
00:32:15,099 --> 00:32:16,184
No.
772
00:32:16,184 --> 00:32:18,436
No. No. Come back.
Come back. No.
773
00:32:18,436 --> 00:32:22,190
Nine. Me... nine me. One. 9-1-1.
774
00:32:22,190 --> 00:32:24,817
Oh my God, I'm such an
idiot. I'm such a goddamn idiot.
775
00:32:24,817 --> 00:32:27,654
I'm so sorry. Just breathe. Just
breathe. Just relax.
776
00:32:27,654 --> 00:32:28,821
(groaning)
777
00:32:28,821 --> 00:32:30,657
All right, hold. Oh, it's
breaking up.
778
00:32:30,657 --> 00:32:31,866
Oh, sorry. So sorry.
779
00:32:31,866 --> 00:32:32,992
(groaning)
780
00:32:32,992 --> 00:32:35,203
I got ya. I got ya. Oh, I... oh
God. Oh, God.
781
00:32:35,203 --> 00:32:39,832
Oh, Jesus, you're shoe. I can't
get your shoe. Oh.
782
00:32:39,832 --> 00:32:41,334
Taxi!
783
00:32:56,975 --> 00:33:00,812
Hey. How are you feeling?
784
00:33:00,812 --> 00:33:03,064
Why do you always carry a gun?
785
00:33:03,064 --> 00:33:05,858
Don't tell me you've
seen my movies.
786
00:33:05,858 --> 00:33:07,360
Of course.
787
00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:13,199
I want to shoot every 'A' list
actor until they have to use me.
788
00:33:17,453 --> 00:33:19,539
Miss Perry.
How are you feeling today?
789
00:33:19,539 --> 00:33:20,623
Um... I'm okay.
790
00:33:20,623 --> 00:33:22,041
I'll ... I'll wait outside.
791
00:33:22,041 --> 00:33:23,167
Just be a few minutes.
792
00:33:23,167 --> 00:33:24,377
You don't have
to leave.
793
00:33:24,377 --> 00:33:25,712
Yeah, I... I do.
794
00:33:28,881 --> 00:33:33,720
Hi. Lara Perry.
She was just admitted.
795
00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:34,804
Thank you.
796
00:33:34,804 --> 00:33:36,514
Oh you must be Lara's
Perry's dad?
797
00:33:36,514 --> 00:33:38,891
Get that a lot.
LNo. I'm her boyfriend.
798
00:33:38,891 --> 00:33:41,978
Oh. Well, no wonder she was
crying in therapy, huh?
799
00:33:41,978 --> 00:33:43,354
She was crying in therapy?
800
00:33:43,354 --> 00:33:45,314
Oh no, I shouldn't said
anything. My bad.
801
00:33:45,314 --> 00:33:46,399
Look, I'm gonna go.
802
00:33:46,399 --> 00:33:48,359
Oh, she's sleeping.
803
00:33:52,780 --> 00:33:55,116
No, I'm fine. They just put me
on some sedative
804
00:33:55,116 --> 00:33:57,035
and they won't let me leave.
805
00:33:59,495 --> 00:34:00,913
I'm here.
806
00:34:00,913 --> 00:34:04,459
Thank you. Why do you... why do
you always give me one flower?
807
00:34:04,459 --> 00:34:07,503
Why not... why not two or three?
808
00:34:07,503 --> 00:34:11,090
Well, I just think
the individuality makes it more,
809
00:34:11,090 --> 00:34:15,678
I don't know, beautiful. Hm? Any
more, it would just be common.
810
00:34:15,678 --> 00:34:18,056
I thought you said that nobody
was special.
811
00:34:18,056 --> 00:34:20,266
I... I... I didn't say that.
812
00:34:20,266 --> 00:34:24,687
Jesse:
I think less than
twelve makes you cheap!
813
00:34:24,687 --> 00:34:27,398
My opinion. Excuse me for
talking over here.
814
00:34:27,398 --> 00:34:30,151
Oh, this is Jesse.
815
00:34:30,151 --> 00:34:31,569
Jesse Sanchez.
816
00:34:31,569 --> 00:34:32,737
Okay.
817
00:34:32,737 --> 00:34:33,738
Nice to meet you.
818
00:34:33,738 --> 00:34:34,906
Oh, you're an actor.
819
00:34:34,906 --> 00:34:36,616
Yeah, it happens
to most families.
820
00:34:36,616 --> 00:34:37,992
You look
familiar, yes.
821
00:34:37,992 --> 00:34:40,328
Oh, it's really... it's kind of
random actually,
822
00:34:40,328 --> 00:34:42,622
we bumped into
each other on the street today.
823
00:34:42,622 --> 00:34:43,790
I just saved her life.
824
00:34:43,790 --> 00:34:45,583
He's not... He's exaggerating.
825
00:34:45,583 --> 00:34:47,168
Well, you are...
you're having
826
00:34:47,168 --> 00:34:49,170
these spells though, more and
more often.
827
00:34:49,170 --> 00:34:51,964
Honey. Honey, you are a
therapist, you're not a doctor.
828
00:34:51,964 --> 00:34:53,299
No, we're
both therapists.
829
00:34:53,299 --> 00:34:55,676
Yes we... we are actually.
We met in grad school.
830
00:34:55,676 --> 00:34:57,512
He was my professor.
831
00:34:57,512 --> 00:35:00,973
Uh huh. Not one of my finer
moments, falling for my student.
832
00:35:00,973 --> 00:35:02,975
Falling for
your student.
833
00:35:02,975 --> 00:35:04,060
Was worth it.
834
00:35:05,353 --> 00:35:07,146
(Chuckles)
835
00:35:07,146 --> 00:35:09,190
Oh, you must be so lucky, huh?
836
00:35:09,190 --> 00:35:13,319
Lara comes with all these daddy
issues built in.
837
00:35:13,319 --> 00:35:15,988
(laughs)
838
00:35:17,490 --> 00:35:21,369
Okay. Is it me? It's me right?
839
00:35:21,369 --> 00:35:22,912
♪♪♪
840
00:35:22,912 --> 00:35:25,331
Really? It usually is me.
841
00:35:25,331 --> 00:35:28,334
Okay. Okay, um, this was good.
This was good.
842
00:35:28,334 --> 00:35:30,419
You know, it was
really good doing this.
843
00:35:30,419 --> 00:35:32,463
This getting reacquainted
thing. Let's...
844
00:35:32,463 --> 00:35:35,091
let's do it again. Maybe in my
hospital room next time.
845
00:35:35,091 --> 00:35:36,884
Yeah. It was nice to
see you too.
846
00:35:36,884 --> 00:35:41,597
Yeah? What an asshole.
847
00:35:41,597 --> 00:35:42,682
♪♪♪
848
00:35:45,852 --> 00:35:48,771
Jesse:
Oh my God, what could she see in
that Jeffrey guy?
849
00:35:48,771 --> 00:35:51,482
Such an academic. Such a
"by the textbook" type of guy.
850
00:35:51,482 --> 00:35:53,317
Look at me, I'm successful
851
00:35:53,317 --> 00:36:00,616
and... and famous-ish and...
and... and... Never mind.
852
00:36:03,035 --> 00:36:04,829
Come on. Come on. Come on.
853
00:36:04,829 --> 00:36:08,207
Give it to me hard, quick. Come
on, baby, you're... you're
854
00:36:08,207 --> 00:36:14,046
Oh, oh yeah that
feels good. Yes, Jesse, yes.
855
00:36:14,046 --> 00:36:17,717
Come on. Give it to me, hottie.
You fake communist,
856
00:36:17,717 --> 00:36:21,220
you fucking wannabe socialist.
Your Chavez-hating--
857
00:36:21,220 --> 00:36:24,390
I don't hate Chavez I don't even
know how I feel about him--
858
00:36:24,390 --> 00:36:26,684
Oh, Jesse, please,
don't quit on me now.
859
00:36:26,684 --> 00:36:29,520
Okay, stop calling me names and
just stop insulting me.
860
00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:30,605
Just be nice.
861
00:36:30,605 --> 00:36:32,356
Okay. Okay, I'm sorry.
862
00:36:32,356 --> 00:36:35,610
Come on. Come on,
baby. Yes. Yes. Yes!
863
00:36:35,610 --> 00:36:38,404
That's it! You fucking spineless
little twerp!
864
00:36:38,404 --> 00:36:40,990
You fucking
self-applauding bastard!
865
00:36:40,990 --> 00:36:42,283
You beggar at the door!
866
00:36:42,283 --> 00:36:44,577
Oh, God! Oh God! Oh, God!
867
00:36:44,577 --> 00:36:45,995
Yes!
868
00:36:45,995 --> 00:36:48,581
Ah! Oh!
869
00:36:48,581 --> 00:36:51,500
Did you just spit on me?
870
00:36:51,500 --> 00:36:53,961
No, no, no. I... I came.
871
00:36:53,961 --> 00:36:55,755
You did?
872
00:36:55,755 --> 00:36:59,592
Oh. Oh, it was good.
So tired.
873
00:36:59,592 --> 00:37:02,011
What about me?
874
00:37:02,011 --> 00:37:03,512
Could you do me a favour?
875
00:37:03,512 --> 00:37:05,598
Could you... just,
it would really help.
876
00:37:05,598 --> 00:37:06,891
Could you sneeze for me?
877
00:37:06,891 --> 00:37:08,142
You want me to sneeze?
878
00:37:08,142 --> 00:37:09,936
Yeah, yeah, sneeze, just once.
879
00:37:09,936 --> 00:37:10,978
You're kidding?
880
00:37:10,978 --> 00:37:12,146
No.
881
00:37:14,315 --> 00:37:17,109
No. You fuckin' turn me off with
that shit.
882
00:37:17,109 --> 00:37:18,527
What do you mean sneeze?
883
00:37:18,527 --> 00:37:21,322
Who fuckin' does that? Is that
how you're gonna get off?
884
00:37:21,322 --> 00:37:23,783
Why can't you be like my
girlfriend's men, huh?
885
00:37:23,783 --> 00:37:26,869
They fuckin' pull their hair,
they spank their ass, you know?
886
00:37:26,869 --> 00:37:28,955
Fuckin' treat 'em like
a piece of meat.
887
00:37:28,955 --> 00:37:30,373
Why can't you do that for me?
888
00:37:30,373 --> 00:37:31,666
Is that what you want?
889
00:37:31,666 --> 00:37:34,126
I mean, what happened to all
your female power and
890
00:37:34,126 --> 00:37:36,462
emancipation and
all that? What happened to that?
891
00:37:36,462 --> 00:37:39,966
Feminism has no place in the
bedroom, darling.
892
00:37:39,966 --> 00:37:41,300
Damn.
893
00:37:41,300 --> 00:37:42,301
♪♪♪
894
00:37:43,803 --> 00:37:47,056
Jesse:
Seeing Lara earlier put me in a
bind with Zowie and,
895
00:37:47,056 --> 00:37:52,019
I mean, I thought
I was over her. But was I?
896
00:37:52,019 --> 00:37:54,730
So I dealt with
it in my usual way.
897
00:37:54,730 --> 00:37:58,150
I ignored it and... and wrote
about it.
898
00:38:00,069 --> 00:38:03,155
Hey, you gotta read this. You
read it for me.
899
00:38:03,155 --> 00:38:06,284
My... my boy,
I go... Tell your mother.
900
00:38:06,284 --> 00:38:08,452
Oh, come on. What's the matter?
901
00:38:08,452 --> 00:38:09,704
Gloria? Gloria?
902
00:38:09,704 --> 00:38:11,289
Mom, can you read this for me?
903
00:38:11,289 --> 00:38:12,540
You want me to read this?
904
00:38:12,540 --> 00:38:14,375
Yeah. Yeah.
I'm preparing. I got...
905
00:38:14,375 --> 00:38:15,960
I got another show coming up.
906
00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:19,714
I can't work on it unless I hear
it. I'm audio.
907
00:38:19,714 --> 00:38:23,467
“When I met her, her jeans were
so tight I couldn't breathe.
908
00:38:23,467 --> 00:38:25,761
And we got
naked for the first time.”
909
00:38:25,761 --> 00:38:27,847
It's the set up...
the set up. Come on.
910
00:38:27,847 --> 00:38:32,768
“Let me take a picture of it.
Why? So I can get it enlarged.”
911
00:38:32,768 --> 00:38:34,437
(laughing)
912
00:38:34,437 --> 00:38:36,188
That works. That's funny.
913
00:38:36,188 --> 00:38:39,066
“But as soon as she became Mrs.
Sanchez--“
914
00:38:39,066 --> 00:38:41,068
You know, she actually
said that to me.
915
00:38:41,068 --> 00:38:43,821
“Jesse, or should I call you
Peter Pan Pendejo .
916
00:38:43,821 --> 00:38:46,449
I've had it with your test, you
pussy.”
917
00:38:50,703 --> 00:38:52,580
Mom. What the hell
was that about?
918
00:38:52,580 --> 00:38:55,041
I told you not to do this
autobiographical crap.
919
00:38:55,041 --> 00:38:57,543
That's why I wrote
the book. To teach you a lesson.
920
00:38:57,543 --> 00:38:59,545
Thank you. No, you're right.
You're right.
921
00:38:59,545 --> 00:39:02,256
My dialogue is crap.
Everything... my life is crap.
922
00:39:02,256 --> 00:39:04,383
If you made a mistake
tell her in person,
923
00:39:04,383 --> 00:39:05,968
not on the stage,
you pendejo.
924
00:39:05,968 --> 00:39:07,386
No, I can't.
925
00:39:07,386 --> 00:39:08,512
Why?
926
00:39:08,512 --> 00:39:11,265
Because she's gonna hit me.
927
00:39:11,265 --> 00:39:15,102
Jesse, Zowie's right. You've
always been,
928
00:39:15,102 --> 00:39:20,691
and I say this
with l-o-v-e, a big pussy.
929
00:39:20,691 --> 00:39:22,234
That's great.
930
00:39:22,234 --> 00:39:25,571
And, at some point you have to
grab the steering wheel of life.
931
00:39:25,571 --> 00:39:26,906
Stop being a big pendejo .
932
00:39:26,906 --> 00:39:29,533
Mom, you know what's the best
thing to do is just...
933
00:39:29,533 --> 00:39:31,077
just stay out of my life, okay?
934
00:39:31,077 --> 00:39:33,579
You say you're for me, but
you're not really for me.
935
00:39:33,579 --> 00:39:34,914
But I am.
936
00:39:34,914 --> 00:39:38,584
Oh, mom, you can't hug
everything away just like that.
937
00:39:38,584 --> 00:39:42,588
Okay. Forget it.
938
00:39:42,588 --> 00:39:47,593
I have to go. I'm the featured
guest at the
939
00:39:47,593 --> 00:39:49,261
Mothers Who Get No Love lunch.
940
00:39:49,261 --> 00:39:50,262
See ya.
941
00:39:51,680 --> 00:39:52,681
Did she go?
942
00:39:52,681 --> 00:39:53,808
Yeah, she's gone.
943
00:39:53,808 --> 00:39:56,102
Well, she has never
been right, okay.
944
00:39:56,102 --> 00:39:58,479
But now, unfortunately,
945
00:39:58,479 --> 00:40:02,066
she was. It's time for
you to be a man
946
00:40:02,066 --> 00:40:05,653
and make a choice, goddamn it!
947
00:40:05,653 --> 00:40:09,573
I feel like a... I'm... like,
I'm a... I'm a--
948
00:40:09,573 --> 00:40:10,783
Complete failure.
949
00:40:10,783 --> 00:40:13,119
No. No. Me, yeah, but you know
what, I'm good,
950
00:40:13,119 --> 00:40:14,537
I'm good. I'm... I'm such a--
951
00:40:14,537 --> 00:40:17,623
Asshole. Loser. Closeted
homosexual?
952
00:40:17,623 --> 00:40:18,958
Alright. Come on. Come on.
953
00:40:18,958 --> 00:40:21,127
You're supposed to be trying to
help me out.
954
00:40:21,127 --> 00:40:22,628
I mean, this is not helping me.
955
00:40:22,628 --> 00:40:25,423
Well, if you don't want my
opinions then why are you here?
956
00:40:25,423 --> 00:40:27,466
I mean, I just feel like
seeing her again
957
00:40:27,466 --> 00:40:29,093
god if
you'd just make it easy
958
00:40:29,093 --> 00:40:31,262
for me and give me her
address, huh?
959
00:40:31,262 --> 00:40:33,973
I mean, I... I know you got that
client privilege thing,
960
00:40:33,973 --> 00:40:36,392
but, okay, if she lives above
Fourteenth Street
961
00:40:36,392 --> 00:40:38,644
tap your foot twice.
962
00:40:38,644 --> 00:40:40,938
Come on. Come on, her number.
Telephone number.
963
00:40:40,938 --> 00:40:44,358
Is it 212 or 718? Shit.
964
00:40:44,358 --> 00:40:46,485
♪♪♪
965
00:40:46,485 --> 00:40:49,363
Jesse:
I decided it was time
to talk to Zowie.
966
00:40:49,363 --> 00:40:52,491
For me to set her free.
To let her have her life back.
967
00:40:52,491 --> 00:40:53,868
To let her soar.
968
00:40:53,868 --> 00:40:55,953
(mumbling)
969
00:41:08,090 --> 00:41:09,383
Oh wow.
970
00:41:09,383 --> 00:41:12,344
Baby, it's not what you think.
971
00:41:12,344 --> 00:41:15,598
No, no, hey, no, no. Just keep
doing what you're doing.
972
00:41:15,598 --> 00:41:16,682
Don't worry about me.
973
00:41:16,682 --> 00:41:19,435
No. Baby, baby, wait. Wait.
974
00:41:21,187 --> 00:41:23,105
You cheated on me.
975
00:41:23,105 --> 00:41:27,485
I didn't cheat.
I just made it easy for you.
976
00:41:34,074 --> 00:41:36,035
Jesse:
(exasperated sigh)
977
00:41:39,955 --> 00:41:42,458
♪♪♪
978
00:41:42,458 --> 00:41:44,960
I don't know, I guess what I was
really hoping was
979
00:41:44,960 --> 00:41:47,046
that marrying
Zowie would fix everything.
980
00:41:47,046 --> 00:41:49,340
That somehow, I thought she'd
make me happy.
981
00:41:49,340 --> 00:41:51,550
And if she loved
me, she really loved me,
982
00:41:51,550 --> 00:41:54,303
then I'd be like Pinocchio, I'd
become a real live boy.
983
00:41:54,303 --> 00:41:56,889
Jesse, you gotta get out of your
freakin' way Jesse.
984
00:41:56,889 --> 00:41:59,892
The laws of attraction work if
you believe in the affirmative
985
00:41:59,892 --> 00:42:01,060
it will come to you.
986
00:42:01,060 --> 00:42:03,103
Stop being the man in the
relationship.
987
00:42:03,103 --> 00:42:05,481
Are you believe? No, you're not
believing in it
988
00:42:05,481 --> 00:42:07,733
‘cause if you believe in it
you'd be somebody
989
00:42:07,733 --> 00:42:09,652
instead of being a
nobody like you are.
990
00:42:09,652 --> 00:42:11,570
Stop being the man in the
relationship!
991
00:42:11,570 --> 00:42:14,114
I wanna be with a somebody.
'Cause I'm somebody, too,
992
00:42:14,114 --> 00:42:15,950
and I need to
be with somebody who's
993
00:42:15,950 --> 00:42:17,701
somebody not somebody
who's nobody.
994
00:42:17,701 --> 00:42:19,161
I didn't mean to yell at you.
995
00:42:19,161 --> 00:42:20,287
♪♪♪
996
00:42:27,127 --> 00:42:29,380
Lara. Hi.
997
00:42:29,380 --> 00:42:31,298
Are you stalking me?
998
00:42:34,802 --> 00:42:35,970
You clean up.
999
00:42:35,970 --> 00:42:37,179
Thank you.
1000
00:42:37,179 --> 00:42:38,556
Okay. You have one minute.
1001
00:42:38,556 --> 00:42:40,266
What? I have a minute?
1002
00:42:40,266 --> 00:42:42,226
One minute, go.
1003
00:42:42,226 --> 00:42:43,936
Okay, this is gonna
sound strange,
1004
00:42:43,936 --> 00:42:46,313
but how does a guy deal with the
fact that he met
1005
00:42:46,313 --> 00:42:49,024
the woman of his life when he
was only twenty years old?
1006
00:42:49,024 --> 00:42:51,777
Twenty in dog years is like a
hundred and forty,
1007
00:42:51,777 --> 00:42:54,280
but in emotional
man years, that's like twelve.
1008
00:42:54,280 --> 00:42:56,448
I know. I know. And I've done
all the things
1009
00:42:56,448 --> 00:42:58,826
a guy can do to fuck
up and I'm not proud of it.
1010
00:42:58,826 --> 00:43:00,286
I'm saying but, they were...
1011
00:43:00,286 --> 00:43:02,121
I thought they were noble
at the time.
1012
00:43:02,121 --> 00:43:04,415
But I'm a different man now.
I've been married
1013
00:43:04,415 --> 00:43:06,292
so I know what
it's like to be alone.
1014
00:43:06,292 --> 00:43:08,460
I'm a Knicks fan so I know what
it's like to
1015
00:43:08,460 --> 00:43:10,713
love unconditionally and get
nothing in return.
1016
00:43:10,713 --> 00:43:13,424
Not even from my beloved Mets.
And I'm twice as old and
1017
00:43:13,424 --> 00:43:15,676
three times as mature as when
you first met me.
1018
00:43:15,676 --> 00:43:16,677
And...
1019
00:43:16,677 --> 00:43:17,761
I'm getting divorced.
1020
00:43:17,761 --> 00:43:19,179
What do you mean, ridiculous?
1021
00:43:19,179 --> 00:43:20,973
But what do you really know
about me?
1022
00:43:20,973 --> 00:43:21,974
I... I really... I--
1023
00:43:21,974 --> 00:43:22,975
Nothing.
1024
00:43:22,975 --> 00:43:24,810
No, no, okay. Maybe not...
maybe not.
1025
00:43:24,810 --> 00:43:26,312
I got time though, I got time.
1026
00:43:26,312 --> 00:43:28,772
I don't have to be at work 'til
April of next year.
1027
00:43:28,772 --> 00:43:31,150
I'm supposed to summarize twenty
years of my life?
1028
00:43:31,150 --> 00:43:33,694
Yeah, why not? I just
summarized twenty years of my
1029
00:43:33,694 --> 00:43:35,904
life in sixty seconds. Three
seconds per year.
1030
00:43:35,904 --> 00:43:38,741
Where do I begin? I don't know.
I didn't go to Peace Corps.
1031
00:43:38,741 --> 00:43:40,826
Oh, that's why you didn't answer
my letters.
1032
00:43:40,826 --> 00:43:41,827
You sent me letters?
1033
00:43:41,827 --> 00:43:43,954
Yeah. Uh, never mind. Don't
worry about it.
1034
00:43:43,954 --> 00:43:44,997
What were you saying?
1035
00:43:44,997 --> 00:43:46,665
I didn't go to
Peace Corps 'cause
1036
00:43:46,665 --> 00:43:48,167
I fell in love with this jerk.
1037
00:43:48,167 --> 00:43:49,835
I moved to London to
be with him.
1038
00:43:49,835 --> 00:43:51,920
It didn't really work out. My
mom and him--
1039
00:43:51,920 --> 00:43:54,006
Oh, your mom hates
jerks? Can't blame her.
1040
00:43:54,006 --> 00:43:57,384
I lived in San Francisco. I
moved to Thailand.
1041
00:43:57,384 --> 00:43:58,510
I studied massage.
1042
00:43:58,510 --> 00:44:00,012
Massage. I like massage.
1043
00:44:00,012 --> 00:44:01,388
I worked with chickens.
1044
00:44:01,388 --> 00:44:02,931
Chickens? Sustainable, are you?
1045
00:44:02,931 --> 00:44:05,267
I found myself in a lot of
people's mess
1046
00:44:05,267 --> 00:44:07,811
for a long time until
I figured out, at some point,
1047
00:44:07,811 --> 00:44:10,356
that was something that I was
actually good at and--
1048
00:44:10,356 --> 00:44:12,524
That's great 'cause I got a lot
of problems.
1049
00:44:12,524 --> 00:44:14,693
...DJ Paul still gets me hot.
1050
00:44:14,693 --> 00:44:15,861
I gotta go.
1051
00:44:15,861 --> 00:44:18,030
Oh, wait, wait, wait. You gotta
go right now?
1052
00:44:18,030 --> 00:44:19,740
Yeah, I have a boyfriend, Jesse.
1053
00:44:19,740 --> 00:44:22,785
I know. I'm okay. Here,
here for you.
1054
00:44:22,785 --> 00:44:25,287
Hey, why don't you
guys come and see me perform?
1055
00:44:25,287 --> 00:44:27,039
I've got a
show coming up Friday.
1056
00:44:27,039 --> 00:44:30,209
You can bring the anti-social
worker, if you want.
1057
00:44:30,209 --> 00:44:31,543
Okay.
1058
00:44:31,543 --> 00:44:32,920
Friday.
1059
00:44:32,920 --> 00:44:34,171
Sure.
1060
00:44:34,171 --> 00:44:36,090
We'll... we'll have dinner
afterwards.
1061
00:44:36,090 --> 00:44:37,966
Something really casual.
No big deal.
1062
00:44:37,966 --> 00:44:39,385
Nice.
1063
00:44:39,385 --> 00:44:41,970
Yeah, I don't wanna... I don't
wanna throw them away.
1064
00:44:41,970 --> 00:44:44,682
Thanks.
1065
00:44:44,682 --> 00:44:46,934
I'd like to see you explain
that to him.
1066
00:44:46,934 --> 00:44:48,060
I'll try.
1067
00:44:48,060 --> 00:44:49,144
♪♪♪
1068
00:44:50,604 --> 00:44:53,107
I thought you guys were gonna be
here. I'm gonna...
1069
00:44:53,107 --> 00:44:55,484
I needed to run some
material through you, man.
1070
00:44:55,484 --> 00:44:58,278
And Gramps is not here to give
the bendicicon.
1071
00:44:58,278 --> 00:45:00,906
Dude, come on,
you're bumming me out.
1072
00:45:00,906 --> 00:45:03,534
Wow, check out the chompers.
1073
00:45:03,534 --> 00:45:06,745
Honey. Honey. Your hands
messing my hair.
1074
00:45:06,745 --> 00:45:08,247
Jesse:
Look, I gotta go.
1075
00:45:08,247 --> 00:45:09,373
You got the tickets?
1076
00:45:09,373 --> 00:45:10,374
Yes.
1077
00:45:10,374 --> 00:45:11,750
Really? You get them online?
1078
00:45:11,750 --> 00:45:13,502
No, he gave them to me.
1079
00:45:13,502 --> 00:45:14,712
When?
1080
00:45:14,712 --> 00:45:16,255
In the mail.
1081
00:45:16,255 --> 00:45:18,757
I've learned that you can't make
somebody love you.
1082
00:45:18,757 --> 00:45:21,093
No you can't. All you
can do is just stalk them
1083
00:45:21,093 --> 00:45:22,761
and hope they panic and give in.
1084
00:45:22,761 --> 00:45:23,804
(laughter)
1085
00:45:23,804 --> 00:45:25,931
And that's what I did.
I stalked 'em.
1086
00:45:25,931 --> 00:45:28,726
I follow them all the way up to
their upper Westside little
1087
00:45:28,726 --> 00:45:31,562
enclave and... and I became
a third wheel on their date
1088
00:45:31,562 --> 00:45:33,731
and made them come all the way
downtown to a
1089
00:45:33,731 --> 00:45:35,607
Film Forum and watch
a movie with me.
1090
00:45:35,607 --> 00:45:37,526
"This Revolution Will Not Be
Televised",
1091
00:45:37,526 --> 00:45:40,529
the Hugo Chavez Story. It was
all very subversively
1092
00:45:40,529 --> 00:45:43,157
intellectual and this Jeffrey
guy says to me,
1093
00:45:43,157 --> 00:45:45,284
he's like... he turns to me and
he's like...
1094
00:45:45,284 --> 00:45:47,453
"How was the film? What'd you
think of it?"
1095
00:45:47,453 --> 00:45:49,663
I was like,
"Oh dude, it's so dead on, man.
1096
00:45:49,663 --> 00:45:50,873
It's just like the US.
1097
00:45:50,873 --> 00:45:53,167
'Cause the US is just like that
guy at a party
1098
00:45:53,167 --> 00:45:54,835
who offers everybody coke,
1099
00:45:54,835 --> 00:45:56,670
but everybody still doesn't
like him."
1100
00:45:56,670 --> 00:45:57,796
(laughing)
1101
00:45:57,796 --> 00:45:59,131
And he says to me,
1102
00:45:59,131 --> 00:46:01,675
"Said like someone
who reads Harpers Magazine.
1103
00:46:01,675 --> 00:46:04,178
You must be a socialist too. Oh,
do you believe
1104
00:46:04,178 --> 00:46:06,305
everything should
be fair and egalitarian.
1105
00:46:06,305 --> 00:46:09,141
And we should make tall people
have to walk on their knees
1106
00:46:09,141 --> 00:46:11,351
and make attractive
people look ugly."
1107
00:46:11,351 --> 00:46:12,811
And I'm like, "Oh my God,
1108
00:46:12,811 --> 00:46:15,063
this dude sounds
just like the rest of those
1109
00:46:15,063 --> 00:46:17,566
flat pimply conservative asses
that infuriate me,
1110
00:46:17,566 --> 00:46:20,694
man. Because they don't... they
don't feel anything viscerally,
1111
00:46:20,694 --> 00:46:22,654
it's all gamesmanship and...
1112
00:46:22,654 --> 00:46:25,491
and advanced calculus and it
reminds me of my mom.
1113
00:46:25,491 --> 00:46:27,993
My mom's just like that.
Oh yeah,
1114
00:46:27,993 --> 00:46:30,204
'cause she tells
people, "I have two sons,
1115
00:46:30,204 --> 00:46:32,831
one's great and the other one,
well, he's an actor."
1116
00:46:32,831 --> 00:46:33,999
(laughing)
1117
00:46:33,999 --> 00:46:36,168
That's my mother... that's my
mother's ass.
1118
00:46:36,168 --> 00:46:37,211
Oh, my mother's ass,
1119
00:46:37,211 --> 00:46:39,546
oh my God, I'm thinking about
my mother's ass.
1120
00:46:39,546 --> 00:46:41,465
So please, don't you
think of her ass.
1121
00:46:41,465 --> 00:46:43,425
I mean, of course,
unless you've seen it
1122
00:46:43,425 --> 00:46:45,344
and then that's your
problem, not mine.
1123
00:46:45,344 --> 00:46:47,221
I know it's not a joke.
You know what,
1124
00:46:47,221 --> 00:46:49,473
you were brilliant
tonight. You were amazing.
1125
00:46:49,473 --> 00:46:51,975
The way that you talk and change
between characters
1126
00:46:51,975 --> 00:46:54,353
like that. It's not
even like he's acting, is it?
1127
00:46:54,353 --> 00:46:56,939
It's like you actually become
that person, you know.
1128
00:46:56,939 --> 00:46:59,775
You know, it's like I... I...
I'm like a shaman, you know,
1129
00:46:59,775 --> 00:47:02,444
I just channel stuff and get
myself possessed onstage.
1130
00:47:02,444 --> 00:47:03,570
(chuckles)
1131
00:47:03,570 --> 00:47:05,489
I mean, if only...
if only our clients
1132
00:47:05,489 --> 00:47:08,033
could become that self-aware.
Right? Right, Jeffrey.
1133
00:47:08,033 --> 00:47:10,536
If only our patients were as
talented as Jesse here.
1134
00:47:10,536 --> 00:47:11,578
Yes, that's true.
1135
00:47:11,578 --> 00:47:13,372
Although, I do think
your imitation
1136
00:47:13,372 --> 00:47:14,873
of me needs a little work.
1137
00:47:14,873 --> 00:47:16,083
(laughs)
1138
00:47:16,083 --> 00:47:18,752
I liked it, actually.
1139
00:47:18,752 --> 00:47:21,713
Well, I also... I said the
Atlantic, by the way.
1140
00:47:21,713 --> 00:47:23,549
I'll get it right next time.
1141
00:47:23,549 --> 00:47:25,217
Whatever.
1142
00:47:25,217 --> 00:47:27,219
So tell me, what...
what is your...
1143
00:47:27,219 --> 00:47:30,639
what's your family think of
being depicted like that?
1144
00:47:30,639 --> 00:47:32,933
My family? Well, I... you know,
I tell them,
1145
00:47:32,933 --> 00:47:35,686
look, I'm an artist, right, so
everything is fair game.
1146
00:47:35,686 --> 00:47:40,983
If they get offended, I say,
"Fuck you. I buy you back."
1147
00:47:40,983 --> 00:47:44,695
What? Hm. Oh wow. You mad at me?
1148
00:47:44,695 --> 00:47:45,904
Mad? Why would I be mad?
1149
00:47:45,904 --> 00:47:47,030
No, he's not mad.
1150
00:47:47,030 --> 00:47:48,031
It's art.
1151
00:47:48,031 --> 00:47:50,242
I'm getting the feeling you're
mad at me.
1152
00:47:50,242 --> 00:47:51,410
No!
1153
00:47:51,410 --> 00:47:53,745
Well, I didn't mean to offend
you or anything.
1154
00:47:53,745 --> 00:47:54,913
No, it's art. Right?
1155
00:47:54,913 --> 00:47:57,416
Yeah, it's just... it's my
interpretation of things.
1156
00:47:57,416 --> 00:47:59,167
Nothing based in reality,
you know.
1157
00:47:59,167 --> 00:48:01,628
And that's exactly
what we want from our patients
1158
00:48:01,628 --> 00:48:04,172
to become aware about themselves
in that kind of way.
1159
00:48:04,172 --> 00:48:07,134
Yeah well, yeah. If all of our
patients were exactly the same,
1160
00:48:07,134 --> 00:48:09,511
that's what we'd want. But
they're not, are they?
1161
00:48:09,511 --> 00:48:12,055
Is it so hard for you to just
flat-out agree with me?
1162
00:48:12,055 --> 00:48:13,599
Hey, I flat out agree with you.
1163
00:48:13,599 --> 00:48:16,018
Thank you. No, it's just that
he's so accomplished
1164
00:48:16,018 --> 00:48:18,061
it's kind of hard
for him to give me any
1165
00:48:18,061 --> 00:48:21,857
validation these days, isn't it,
baby? Isn't it?
1166
00:48:21,857 --> 00:48:24,276
I got a question for you. I...
1167
00:48:24,276 --> 00:48:28,280
I'm writing a book and it's very
dry and very academic.
1168
00:48:28,280 --> 00:48:31,783
What if I wrote about the case
studies of my patients?
1169
00:48:31,783 --> 00:48:35,287
You know, what if I made money
off of the most despondent,
1170
00:48:35,287 --> 00:48:39,750
you know? What if I, you know,
sacrificed their... their...
1171
00:48:39,750 --> 00:48:44,004
their sanity for my own
ambition, would that be art?
1172
00:48:44,004 --> 00:48:45,714
Only if it's funny.
But hey, look,
1173
00:48:45,714 --> 00:48:47,633
I don't know what's goin'
on here, but
1174
00:48:47,633 --> 00:48:49,176
this is just a friendly dinner.
1175
00:48:49,176 --> 00:48:51,053
No. This is not just a
dinner anymore
1176
00:48:51,053 --> 00:48:55,474
than your play is just a play.
1177
00:48:55,474 --> 00:48:56,934
Are you okay?
1178
00:48:56,934 --> 00:48:58,936
I... I'm sorry.
I'm not... I'm just...
1179
00:48:58,936 --> 00:49:01,355
I'm very tired and I'm just...
I... you know,
1180
00:49:01,355 --> 00:49:03,774
I have that... I've got that
appointment with
1181
00:49:03,774 --> 00:49:06,860
Dr. Sheveloff in the morning. I
kind of... I got to go to bed.
1182
00:49:06,860 --> 00:49:08,654
Do you mind?
I just... I'm gonna...
1183
00:49:08,654 --> 00:49:12,616
Actually, I... I'm gonna go. But
you stay, you stay--
1184
00:49:12,616 --> 00:49:14,284
Are you... are you sure?
1185
00:49:14,284 --> 00:49:15,786
Shh. You stay.
1186
00:49:15,786 --> 00:49:17,496
Thank you man.
1187
00:49:18,705 --> 00:49:19,831
Oh God.
1188
00:49:19,831 --> 00:49:21,667
I said something that
provoked him.
1189
00:49:21,667 --> 00:49:23,877
I'm so sorry.
I didn't... I didn't mean to.
1190
00:49:23,877 --> 00:49:27,381
He loved the play. He really
did. He... he loved the play.
1191
00:49:27,381 --> 00:49:28,632
Sure.
1192
00:49:30,342 --> 00:49:32,344
I never understood how they
could have
1193
00:49:32,344 --> 00:49:34,179
a smoking section
in the restaurant.
1194
00:49:34,179 --> 00:49:35,472
You know what it's like?
1195
00:49:35,472 --> 00:49:37,683
It's like having a peeing
section in the pool.
1196
00:49:37,683 --> 00:49:38,767
Yeah.
1197
00:49:40,519 --> 00:49:43,397
Hey... hey, don't take this the
wrong way either,
1198
00:49:43,397 --> 00:49:45,357
but he doesn't know you.
1199
00:49:45,357 --> 00:49:47,442
Well, you don't really
know me either.
1200
00:49:47,442 --> 00:49:49,778
I mean, we had a
one-night stand in college.
1201
00:49:49,778 --> 00:49:52,614
Yeah, a one-night stand that
lasted the rest of my life.
1202
00:49:52,614 --> 00:49:54,741
I mean, great
things happened in one night.
1203
00:49:54,741 --> 00:49:55,784
Super Bowl--
1204
00:49:55,784 --> 00:49:57,202
what are you
talking about?
1205
00:49:57,202 --> 00:49:59,413
You weren't this
enthused when you dumped me
1206
00:49:59,413 --> 00:50:00,497
like twenty years ago.
1207
00:50:00,497 --> 00:50:01,540
You dumped me.
1208
00:50:01,540 --> 00:50:02,874
You never called me again.
1209
00:50:02,874 --> 00:50:04,918
I never called you back
'cause I thought
1210
00:50:04,918 --> 00:50:07,212
you would understand
that was a cry for help.
1211
00:50:07,212 --> 00:50:09,798
Oh, geez, I... I must have dated
like a hundred guys
1212
00:50:09,798 --> 00:50:11,466
since I went out with you. And--
1213
00:50:11,466 --> 00:50:12,884
You dated a hundred guys?
1214
00:50:12,884 --> 00:50:15,721
Now you're starting to piss me
off and kind of turn me on,
1215
00:50:15,721 --> 00:50:16,847
at the same time.
1216
00:50:16,847 --> 00:50:19,349
Yeah, dated not slept with. But
that's... I just...
1217
00:50:19,349 --> 00:50:22,894
I... I never got to do the
dumping. Not once.
1218
00:50:22,894 --> 00:50:24,730
That's sad. Break up with me.
1219
00:50:24,730 --> 00:50:27,607
Go ahead, right now. Pretend
that you're going out with me
1220
00:50:27,607 --> 00:50:30,235
and pretend that I'm all those
jerks who dumped you
1221
00:50:30,235 --> 00:50:32,904
and take it out on me. Here's
our big chance. Come on.
1222
00:50:32,904 --> 00:50:33,905
That's stupid.
1223
00:50:33,905 --> 00:50:35,907
Do it, okay? Repeat after me.
1224
00:50:35,907 --> 00:50:38,827
Jeffrey, you never had anyone as
good as me, you never will.
1225
00:50:38,827 --> 00:50:43,457
Jesse, you never had anyone as
good as me and you never will.
1226
00:50:43,457 --> 00:50:46,793
I'm the prettiest, smartest most
together woman in the world.
1227
00:50:46,793 --> 00:50:48,253
I'm the prettiest, smartest,
1228
00:50:48,253 --> 00:50:50,172
most together woman
in the whole world.
1229
00:50:50,172 --> 00:50:51,298
And none of you--
1230
00:50:51,298 --> 00:50:52,632
...ever gave me--
1231
00:50:52,632 --> 00:50:54,634
An orgasm as good as my first
love, Jesse.
1232
00:50:54,634 --> 00:50:57,596
...an orgasm... Yeah, well,
you're just a fucker.
1233
00:50:57,596 --> 00:51:03,935
But you're all fuckers and...
and you're all the goddamn same.
1234
00:51:03,935 --> 00:51:08,023
You know what... you know what
the real problem is?
1235
00:51:08,023 --> 00:51:10,776
I just get into a
relationship and I just...
1236
00:51:10,776 --> 00:51:12,319
I get completely lost.
1237
00:51:12,319 --> 00:51:17,699
And I... I never know when to
leave. I'm stupid, I guess.
1238
00:51:22,204 --> 00:51:23,455
♪♪♪
1239
00:51:35,383 --> 00:51:36,968
sorry.
1240
00:51:38,845 --> 00:51:41,348
I should probably just go.
1241
00:51:44,601 --> 00:51:46,561
All right, they were more
intellectual,
1242
00:51:46,561 --> 00:51:48,772
more academic,
more... more evolved than me.
1243
00:51:48,772 --> 00:51:49,898
Is that possible?
1244
00:51:49,898 --> 00:51:52,359
But one thing we couldn't deny,
she was into me
1245
00:51:52,359 --> 00:51:54,611
and he knew it
and I think their breakup
1246
00:51:54,611 --> 00:51:56,488
might have gone a little bit
like this.
1247
00:51:56,488 --> 00:51:58,323
You want us to take
a break, right?
1248
00:51:58,323 --> 00:52:00,450
No! I want to break up with you.
1249
00:52:00,450 --> 00:52:02,661
You want us to spend
some time apart.
1250
00:52:02,661 --> 00:52:04,913
No. I want us to break up.
1251
00:52:04,913 --> 00:52:06,123
Of course you do--
1252
00:52:06,123 --> 00:52:09,751
No! I... I'm the one, okay, just
for the record,
1253
00:52:09,751 --> 00:52:12,045
I'm the one
breaking up with you.
1254
00:52:12,045 --> 00:52:13,505
Of course you are.
1255
00:52:13,505 --> 00:52:15,090
I'm... I'm leaving.
1256
00:52:15,090 --> 00:52:16,842
'Cause you need your space.
1257
00:52:16,842 --> 00:52:20,137
Yes! I need my space. I'm... I'm
going. I'm gone.
1258
00:52:20,137 --> 00:52:21,221
For now.
1259
00:52:21,221 --> 00:52:24,307
Oh, Jeffrey! I'm moving out.
1260
00:52:24,307 --> 00:52:26,685
Well, go ahead. Go to your
little clown.
1261
00:52:26,685 --> 00:52:29,563
Run to him. Run to the little
court jester,
1262
00:52:29,563 --> 00:52:31,439
the buffoon, the harlequin.
1263
00:52:31,439 --> 00:52:33,900
Jesse has more life
force than you'll ever have.
1264
00:52:33,900 --> 00:52:36,528
Jesse's got vitality and... and
spunk and imagination.
1265
00:52:36,528 --> 00:52:38,321
What do you have?
What do You have!?
1266
00:52:38,321 --> 00:52:40,365
Lara, you don't have to
fight for me.
1267
00:52:40,365 --> 00:52:41,741
Jeffrey, you heard her.
1268
00:52:41,741 --> 00:52:44,202
I think you should be man enough
to just walk away.
1269
00:52:44,202 --> 00:52:46,913
Just walk away, Jeffrey.
Come on, people, she picked me.
1270
00:52:46,913 --> 00:52:49,416
What are you upset about?
That many dislikes?
1271
00:52:49,416 --> 00:52:51,877
Well, it's time to
say goodbye to Jeffrey anyhow.
1272
00:52:51,877 --> 00:52:54,212
I imagine that's how the fight
must have gone.
1273
00:52:54,212 --> 00:52:55,589
There must have been a fight
1274
00:52:55,589 --> 00:53:00,260
'cause she called me soon after.
Bye, bye, Jeffrey.
1275
00:53:00,260 --> 00:53:03,013
Hello, Lara. Now
that Jeffrey's out of the way,
1276
00:53:03,013 --> 00:53:07,184
it's just you and me and I just
want to kiss you.
1277
00:53:07,184 --> 00:53:09,811
This is my chance to.
1278
00:53:09,811 --> 00:53:12,480
Please, do you mind?
A little privacy.
1279
00:53:12,480 --> 00:53:14,065
♪♪♪
1280
00:53:14,065 --> 00:53:15,567
...Relieved, you know.
1281
00:53:15,567 --> 00:53:16,568
Well, you should be.
1282
00:53:16,568 --> 00:53:17,694
No. No.
1283
00:53:17,694 --> 00:53:19,821
You made the right choice,
I'm telling you.
1284
00:53:19,821 --> 00:53:22,991
Oh God, I can't believe you
wrote all these letters. It's--
1285
00:53:22,991 --> 00:53:24,576
What? It's a
little obsessive?
1286
00:53:24,576 --> 00:53:26,077
It's really sweet.
1287
00:53:26,077 --> 00:53:30,207
Oh, God. Oh,
I just... I... I feel...
1288
00:53:30,207 --> 00:53:32,959
I'm feeling really guilty
right now.
1289
00:53:32,959 --> 00:53:35,420
Oh, don't feel guilty.
1290
00:53:35,420 --> 00:53:38,423
Ever since college
I... I... I still...
1291
00:53:38,423 --> 00:53:40,425
I think about that play.
1292
00:53:40,425 --> 00:53:41,760
You do?
1293
00:53:41,760 --> 00:53:44,429
Yeah. There's lines that... that
he says to Desdemona.
1294
00:53:44,429 --> 00:53:48,475
"If I were to die
now my soul would be content."
1295
00:53:48,475 --> 00:53:51,728
You know, later on he goes and
strangles the living daylights
1296
00:53:51,728 --> 00:53:54,648
out of her. But that's what I
think of at times
1297
00:53:54,648 --> 00:53:57,525
like this when I'm... when I'm
feeling kind of confused,
1298
00:53:57,525 --> 00:53:58,860
you know.
1299
00:53:58,860 --> 00:54:01,321
I... I know I'm gonna die so
what are the choices
1300
00:54:01,321 --> 00:54:03,740
that'll make my soul
the most happy? By the way,
1301
00:54:03,740 --> 00:54:05,450
I call this my...
my deathbed test.
1302
00:54:05,450 --> 00:54:08,036
Oh, wow, that's... that's...
that's really depressing.
1303
00:54:08,036 --> 00:54:09,371
No! I'm not depressing. No.
1304
00:54:09,371 --> 00:54:10,956
But it's a sign of intelligence.
1305
00:54:10,956 --> 00:54:13,792
No. It is. And it just... it
simplifies things.
1306
00:54:13,792 --> 00:54:17,128
How does
death simplify anything?
1307
00:54:17,128 --> 00:54:22,467
Well, I'm... I don't completely
trust you.
1308
00:54:22,467 --> 00:54:25,595
I mean, I don't even hardly know
you. But there... there is...
1309
00:54:25,595 --> 00:54:32,227
there's something about you and
about us that...
1310
00:54:33,645 --> 00:54:35,814
makes my soul content.
1311
00:54:43,238 --> 00:54:44,322
Okay.
1312
00:54:44,322 --> 00:54:45,365
Okay what?
1313
00:54:45,365 --> 00:54:46,491
Fine.
1314
00:54:46,491 --> 00:54:48,076
What? What? What'd I do?
1315
00:54:48,076 --> 00:54:49,369
No.
1316
00:54:49,369 --> 00:54:50,954
I did... I know I did something.
1317
00:54:50,954 --> 00:54:52,455
Nothing.
1318
00:54:52,455 --> 00:54:55,166
No, it's just I put... I've got
my soul like right here
1319
00:54:55,166 --> 00:54:57,335
in front of you
waiting to get stomped on,
1320
00:54:57,335 --> 00:55:00,255
but you know, take your time.
When you know how to answer--
1321
00:55:00,255 --> 00:55:01,506
No, no, no, no.
1322
00:55:01,506 --> 00:55:04,175
When you're ready you can just
let me know how you feel.
1323
00:55:04,175 --> 00:55:11,516
No. No, no. Shh. Shh. Shh. I'm
gonna pass your test.
1324
00:55:11,516 --> 00:55:14,311
Male Vocalist:
(singing in Spanish)
1325
00:55:32,162 --> 00:55:35,165
Jesse:
The passion was there like it
was twenty years ago.
1326
00:55:35,165 --> 00:55:38,084
But, I don't know, this time
something was different.
1327
00:55:38,084 --> 00:55:40,420
Something had changed.
1328
00:55:40,420 --> 00:55:41,796
♪♪♪
1329
00:55:49,846 --> 00:55:53,016
Jesse:
So she spent the night,
then the day
1330
00:55:53,016 --> 00:55:55,060
and then another
night and another day
1331
00:55:55,060 --> 00:55:56,353
and she didn't leave.
1332
00:55:56,353 --> 00:55:59,939
She stayed. And, you know what?
I didn't want her to go.
1333
00:56:04,069 --> 00:56:08,531
Male Vocalist:
♪ Lara, Lara, Lara ♪
1334
00:56:10,909 --> 00:56:17,582
♪ Beautiful Lara, Lara, Lara ♪
1335
00:56:19,084 --> 00:56:21,086
♪ Look at me ♪
1336
00:56:21,086 --> 00:56:22,712
♪ All I do-- ♪
1337
00:56:22,712 --> 00:56:25,006
Jesse:
Things were never better
between us...
1338
00:56:25,006 --> 00:56:27,592
and that's what
worried me. I mean,
1339
00:56:27,592 --> 00:56:29,844
was it too good to be true?
1340
00:56:29,844 --> 00:56:34,391
Male Vocalist:
♪ Lara, Lara Lara ♪
1341
00:56:34,391 --> 00:56:36,893
(whispers) Move in with me.
1342
00:56:36,893 --> 00:56:43,191
♪ Lara, Lara Lara ♪
1343
00:56:43,191 --> 00:56:45,693
♪ Wonderful Lara ♪
1344
00:56:45,693 --> 00:56:47,070
♪ Can you see that ♪
1345
00:56:47,070 --> 00:56:48,238
♪ Lara, Lara, Lara. ♪
1346
00:56:48,238 --> 00:56:50,490
Many people don't want to
finance a love story,
1347
00:56:50,490 --> 00:56:52,283
Jesse. Where's
the conflict in this?
1348
00:56:52,283 --> 00:56:53,952
You get back together
in the end.
1349
00:56:53,952 --> 00:56:56,204
Is this about Lara?
Is it because Lara's in it?
1350
00:56:56,204 --> 00:56:57,914
Honey, we've had this
conversation.
1351
00:56:57,914 --> 00:56:59,582
Fuck theatre.
And you should know
1352
00:56:59,582 --> 00:57:01,709
I found a really cute young
Hispanic kid.
1353
00:57:01,709 --> 00:57:03,128
Looks great holding a gun.
1354
00:57:03,128 --> 00:57:04,504
Are there quotas? You... you
1355
00:57:04,504 --> 00:57:06,381
can't have more than one
Hispanic guy?
1356
00:57:06,381 --> 00:57:08,508
I mean, what is
this? Am I in the sixties?
1357
00:57:08,508 --> 00:57:10,718
Is somebody gonna come in
with bellbottoms.
1358
00:57:10,718 --> 00:57:11,886
What's going on here?
1359
00:57:11,886 --> 00:57:14,389
Ah, the world needs people like
you, Jesse.
1360
00:57:14,389 --> 00:57:15,849
I just hope she's worth it.
1361
00:57:15,849 --> 00:57:18,601
My other clients have never put
love over a career.
1362
00:57:18,601 --> 00:57:21,187
You're dropping me.
You're dropping me as a client.
1363
00:57:21,187 --> 00:57:23,231
And then you're still
touching my hands.
1364
00:57:23,231 --> 00:57:26,192
I mean, I don't know what kind
of mixed signals you're giving,
1365
00:57:26,192 --> 00:57:28,027
but you're the one that's
fired, okay?
1366
00:57:28,027 --> 00:57:29,195
I fire you.
1367
00:57:36,119 --> 00:57:37,662
What, is this the only way I...
1368
00:57:37,662 --> 00:57:39,831
I'm going to be able to
communicate with you?
1369
00:57:39,831 --> 00:57:41,499
Come on. You know,
I... I've just
1370
00:57:41,499 --> 00:57:43,293
got to write this thing,
that's all.
1371
00:57:43,293 --> 00:57:45,712
I just feel like
you're ignoring me a little.
1372
00:57:45,712 --> 00:57:47,255
I'm not ignoring you. I'm not.
1373
00:57:47,255 --> 00:57:48,381
You're always working.
1374
00:57:48,381 --> 00:57:50,967
I'm writing my masterpiece. I
just need this morning.
1375
00:57:50,967 --> 00:57:52,719
You have a
better relationship with
1376
00:57:52,719 --> 00:57:54,512
your computer than
you do with me.
1377
00:57:54,512 --> 00:57:55,680
No I don't.
1378
00:57:55,680 --> 00:57:58,308
No, it's okay. I've got
an idea. Let's just talk about
1379
00:57:58,308 --> 00:58:05,231
all the things that really bug
us about each other. Okay?
1380
00:58:05,231 --> 00:58:07,484
Can we just get that stuff
out of the way,
1381
00:58:07,484 --> 00:58:10,361
it's bringing
us very close together.
1382
00:58:10,361 --> 00:58:12,655
No it's not. No, it's not.
It's gonna...
1383
00:58:12,655 --> 00:58:14,073
you're playing with fire.
1384
00:58:14,073 --> 00:58:15,116
No, I'll go first.
1385
00:58:15,116 --> 00:58:16,910
I... I'd rather you didn't.
1386
00:58:16,910 --> 00:58:23,208
your... your... you dress
a little young for your age
1387
00:58:23,208 --> 00:58:26,461
and it makes your childishness
somewhat unattractive.
1388
00:58:26,461 --> 00:58:30,131
Your hair. It's a
little, uh, it's a little big.
1389
00:58:30,131 --> 00:58:33,051
It's kind of attention-getting.
You know what,
1390
00:58:33,051 --> 00:58:35,887
That's not actually
what bugs me.
1391
00:58:35,887 --> 00:58:39,390
What bugs me is that you never
want to talk about our future.
1392
00:58:39,390 --> 00:58:41,476
I mean, where...
where are we going?
1393
00:58:41,476 --> 00:58:43,353
You don't even want to
make up like,
1394
00:58:43,353 --> 00:58:45,021
pretend names for our kids.
1395
00:58:45,021 --> 00:58:46,981
You want to pretend, I'll
pretend. Look,
1396
00:58:46,981 --> 00:58:49,651
I... I'll pretend. You want me
to pretend we have kids?
1397
00:58:49,651 --> 00:58:52,070
We could have a dozen,
a litter, we could have...
1398
00:58:52,070 --> 00:58:55,240
the... their names are... are
Harpo, Groucho, Zeppo, Gumbo.
1399
00:58:55,240 --> 00:58:56,908
And... you want to get on my...
1400
00:58:56,908 --> 00:58:59,202
pretend to be on my knees and
propose to you?
1401
00:58:59,202 --> 00:59:00,870
I'll pretend to propose to you.
1402
00:59:00,870 --> 00:59:02,205
We get chamber music, I--
1403
00:59:02,205 --> 00:59:04,249
I... I would like that.
1404
00:59:06,125 --> 00:59:07,752
(sighs)
1405
00:59:07,752 --> 00:59:09,337
(laughs)
1406
00:59:09,337 --> 00:59:10,922
I'm sorry.
1407
00:59:10,922 --> 00:59:14,384
Okay. Um, all right
so your turn.
1408
00:59:14,384 --> 00:59:15,635
I don't want to do this.
1409
00:59:15,635 --> 00:59:17,428
Don't censor any of
your thoughts.
1410
00:59:17,428 --> 00:59:19,180
I love what we have. I... I
want...
1411
00:59:19,180 --> 00:59:22,267
I want you just the way you are.
I don't want to ruin that.
1412
00:59:22,267 --> 00:59:24,435
I don't want to mess with it.
This is perfect.
1413
00:59:24,435 --> 00:59:27,313
No, come on.
What bugs you about me?
1414
00:59:27,313 --> 00:59:28,398
You're...
1415
00:59:32,110 --> 00:59:34,237
Say it. Just say it.
1416
00:59:34,237 --> 00:59:38,449
You're nice. You're too nice.
1417
00:59:38,449 --> 00:59:40,285
I'm nice?
1418
00:59:40,285 --> 00:59:44,038
Yeah. No, I... I didn't... I
didn't mean in a bad way.
1419
00:59:44,038 --> 00:59:46,833
Oh, that was great. I feel
better. You feel better?
1420
00:59:46,833 --> 00:59:48,668
No, honestly,
I don't feel better.
1421
00:59:48,668 --> 00:59:51,254
My friend is... is... is going
through something
1422
00:59:51,254 --> 00:59:54,007
and I... I feel like I
should really be there for her.
1423
00:59:54,007 --> 00:59:56,634
Lara, we're supposed to spend
the whole day together.
1424
00:59:56,634 --> 00:59:58,511
That's why I got the
Mets tickets.
1425
00:59:58,511 --> 01:00:00,346
You're probably going to have a
1426
01:00:00,346 --> 01:00:02,307
more exciting time without
me, anyway.
1427
01:00:02,307 --> 01:00:04,976
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it
to come out like that.
1428
01:00:04,976 --> 01:00:07,145
Have... have fun, okay?
1429
01:00:10,607 --> 01:00:13,234
Okay, so then... so
then Lara says to me, she says,
1430
01:00:13,234 --> 01:00:15,945
"Jesse, I hope some day you'll
be okay in your own skin."
1431
01:00:15,945 --> 01:00:18,823
I know I'm exaggerating, but
that's how she kind of sounds.
1432
01:00:18,823 --> 01:00:20,491
And I... and I say back to her,
1433
01:00:20,491 --> 01:00:25,955
"Yeah, Lara, I got
delusions of adequacy."
1434
01:00:25,955 --> 01:00:28,791
So what do you think?
1435
01:00:28,791 --> 01:00:29,959
That's it?
1436
01:00:29,959 --> 01:00:31,002
That's it.
1437
01:00:31,002 --> 01:00:32,503
That's not funny.
1438
01:00:32,503 --> 01:00:35,173
I know. I feel the same
way. I just... I don't know,
1439
01:00:35,173 --> 01:00:38,176
I hit a wall, man. I... I... I
don't know what's wrong with me.
1440
01:00:38,176 --> 01:00:39,177
I just don't know.
1441
01:00:39,177 --> 01:00:41,012
Remember the
thing about the triangle
1442
01:00:41,012 --> 01:00:43,097
that wanted to fit in
and he couldn't?
1443
01:00:43,097 --> 01:00:45,683
The little triangle and he just
rolls and rolls
1444
01:00:45,683 --> 01:00:47,685
and then becomes a circle
some day.
1445
01:00:47,685 --> 01:00:49,520
Right. That's you.
1446
01:00:49,520 --> 01:00:50,688
That's me?
1447
01:00:50,688 --> 01:00:54,192
Yeah. Now you have to
tell me why?
1448
01:00:54,192 --> 01:00:55,526
I got to tell you why?
1449
01:00:55,526 --> 01:00:57,153
Yeah.
1450
01:00:57,153 --> 01:01:03,493
All right, Socrates. Um, so
I'm... I'm the triangle
1451
01:01:03,493 --> 01:01:05,203
and I don't fit... I don't fit,
1452
01:01:05,203 --> 01:01:07,789
right? So I want to fit and I
try to fit in.
1453
01:01:07,789 --> 01:01:09,749
So I'm rolling
along and rolling along
1454
01:01:09,749 --> 01:01:12,377
and, Lara, she's already a
circle. And she's a circle
1455
01:01:12,377 --> 01:01:15,171
and she's got this guy and
the two of them were circling
1456
01:01:15,171 --> 01:01:18,549
and they were just fine 'til I
came along.
1457
01:01:22,220 --> 01:01:24,806
Jesse, please,
bring me the urinal.
1458
01:01:24,806 --> 01:01:26,307
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1459
01:01:26,307 --> 01:01:29,310
Ahh... ahh, hurry up,
I'm gonna pee in...
1460
01:01:29,310 --> 01:01:31,354
Hurry, Jesse! I'm going to pee.
1461
01:01:31,354 --> 01:01:37,819
Okay. There, there you go. Get
it in there. All right.
1462
01:01:37,819 --> 01:01:39,779
We actors, we're
like the chewing gum
1463
01:01:39,779 --> 01:01:42,031
of the movie industry 'cause we
get chewed up.
1464
01:01:42,031 --> 01:01:43,741
And then when
we lose our flavour
1465
01:01:43,741 --> 01:01:45,410
they just spit us out like, puh!
1466
01:01:45,410 --> 01:01:46,494
(laughing)
1467
01:01:46,494 --> 01:01:48,121
Man, that's what happened to me
1468
01:01:48,121 --> 01:01:50,540
and my relationship with Lara.
I'm starting to...
1469
01:01:50,540 --> 01:01:52,709
she's starting to
lose her flavour for me.
1470
01:01:52,709 --> 01:01:55,253
I mean, she says to me
the other night, she goes,
1471
01:01:55,253 --> 01:01:58,089
"Jesse, your idea of oral sex is
talking about yourself."
1472
01:01:58,089 --> 01:01:59,924
And I'm like, "When did that
happen?
1473
01:01:59,924 --> 01:02:01,843
When did that turn start
to happen?"
1474
01:02:01,843 --> 01:02:04,095
And she's
looking to me for stability?
1475
01:02:04,095 --> 01:02:06,597
Come on, that's like looking to
Lindsey Lohan for
1476
01:02:06,597 --> 01:02:08,766
psychoanalysis. That's just not
gonna happen.
1477
01:02:08,766 --> 01:02:10,101
(laughing)
1478
01:02:10,101 --> 01:02:13,104
But she's into the Mets. Oh, my
God a hot chick's into losers?
1479
01:02:13,104 --> 01:02:17,233
That's my kind of girl.
How did I luck into that shit?
1480
01:02:17,233 --> 01:02:20,778
And women are like that in
their relationships.
1481
01:02:20,778 --> 01:02:22,280
(groaning)
1482
01:02:23,865 --> 01:02:27,243
This is a one-man ego trip. He
may not even know that he's
1483
01:02:27,243 --> 01:02:30,455
not at all credible in
the part of a real human being.
1484
01:02:30,455 --> 01:02:32,957
Oh my God, a real human being?
It's theatre.
1485
01:02:32,957 --> 01:02:35,376
If you want to see real
people you go to the park
1486
01:02:35,376 --> 01:02:37,170
and watch them all day
long for free.
1487
01:02:37,170 --> 01:02:38,379
Let's just not do this.
1488
01:02:38,379 --> 01:02:39,547
no, do it.
1489
01:02:39,547 --> 01:02:40,673
You don't need this.
1490
01:02:40,673 --> 01:02:41,966
Yes, I do. I can take it.
1491
01:02:41,966 --> 01:02:43,134
It's good for you?
1492
01:02:43,134 --> 01:02:46,053
Yeah. It's like eating
your vegetables.
1493
01:02:46,053 --> 01:02:49,223
It feels like it was
written by a team of chimps...
1494
01:02:49,223 --> 01:02:52,727
and not the kind that are smart
enough to do sign language.
1495
01:02:52,727 --> 01:02:55,730
In fact, throwing... Jesus.
1496
01:02:55,730 --> 01:02:58,775
Throwing feces at the
page might--
1497
01:02:58,775 --> 01:03:01,569
You know what? Maybe you're
right. Maybe you're right.
1498
01:03:01,569 --> 01:03:04,322
This is crap. Unbelievable.
1499
01:03:04,322 --> 01:03:06,324
I feel they can destroy you.
1500
01:03:06,324 --> 01:03:08,618
All the work you put into it
they can just...
1501
01:03:08,618 --> 01:03:10,912
What do you think about
it though?
1502
01:03:10,912 --> 01:03:13,831
That's what matters.
What do you think?
1503
01:03:13,831 --> 01:03:16,834
Oh my God! What are you not
trying to say?
1504
01:03:16,834 --> 01:03:21,130
Well, I thought it was really
enthusiastic.
1505
01:03:21,130 --> 01:03:22,340
Enthusiastic?
1506
01:03:22,340 --> 01:03:24,509
Enthusiastic. Why don't you just
tell me that
1507
01:03:24,509 --> 01:03:25,843
"size doesn't matter".
1508
01:03:25,843 --> 01:03:28,805
I just didn't feel like you were
being completely honest.
1509
01:03:28,805 --> 01:03:30,515
I'm not being completely honest?
1510
01:03:30,515 --> 01:03:33,017
I didn't feel like you were
being completely honest
1511
01:03:33,017 --> 01:03:35,144
about yourself or about
me or... you know,
1512
01:03:35,144 --> 01:03:36,521
about anything. It just...
1513
01:03:36,521 --> 01:03:37,939
You know what it felt like?
1514
01:03:37,939 --> 01:03:43,319
It felt like it was being
written from a place of fear.
1515
01:03:43,319 --> 01:03:47,532
(heckling)
1516
01:03:47,532 --> 01:03:51,077
Uh huh. Okay. I'm writing from a
place of fear. Yeah.
1517
01:03:51,077 --> 01:03:53,454
Jesse, you said
that you were thick-skinned.
1518
01:03:53,454 --> 01:03:55,414
Yeah. I did, until you
started saying
1519
01:03:55,414 --> 01:03:56,999
these horrible things to me.
1520
01:03:56,999 --> 01:04:00,086
Oh, God. Come on. I've always
wanted the best for you, right?
1521
01:04:00,086 --> 01:04:02,296
I've always said that you're
going to go far.
1522
01:04:02,296 --> 01:04:05,049
And you have. Just keep writing.
It's going to be amazing.
1523
01:04:05,049 --> 01:04:07,134
When did you get so good at
condescending?
1524
01:04:07,134 --> 01:04:09,804
Or is that just an Upper
Westside white girl thing?
1525
01:04:09,804 --> 01:04:16,310
(applause)
1526
01:04:16,310 --> 01:04:18,980
This is where I started
going wrong. Right up in here.
1527
01:04:18,980 --> 01:04:22,567
I don't know. I started to go
wrong. I started to...
1528
01:04:22,567 --> 01:04:24,360
to freak out about
the whole thing.
1529
01:04:24,360 --> 01:04:26,779
And I don't know
maybe... maybe I was afraid.
1530
01:04:26,779 --> 01:04:29,240
Maybe I was afraid that I
couldn't live up to
1531
01:04:29,240 --> 01:04:31,742
the fantasy that she had of me.
1532
01:04:31,742 --> 01:04:32,994
I mean, whatever it was,
1533
01:04:32,994 --> 01:04:35,746
I just didn't want to wreck her
life with my problems.
1534
01:04:35,746 --> 01:04:38,958
I just didn't want to be the one
that brought her down, you know.
1535
01:04:38,958 --> 01:04:41,252
(Spanish)
1536
01:04:41,252 --> 01:04:43,129
Thank you all for coming.
1537
01:04:43,129 --> 01:04:44,380
Thank you.
1538
01:04:44,380 --> 01:04:46,549
We are so happy that you
could join us
1539
01:04:46,549 --> 01:04:49,385
for our Kosher Easter dinner.
1540
01:04:49,385 --> 01:04:52,847
Let us say what we
are thankful for.
1541
01:04:54,348 --> 01:04:56,809
Jesse:
First of all, they weren't
Jewish. And...
1542
01:04:56,809 --> 01:04:58,769
and what were you
doing here? I mean,
1543
01:04:58,769 --> 01:05:00,980
it was the last thing that Lara
and I needed.
1544
01:05:00,980 --> 01:05:03,316
We should have just
had this dinner over iChat
1545
01:05:03,316 --> 01:05:05,276
so we could really write
what we meant.
1546
01:05:05,276 --> 01:05:06,986
I'll start.
1547
01:05:09,947 --> 01:05:16,203
I... I am so happy that my
little boy has Lara in his life.
1548
01:05:18,122 --> 01:05:20,249
And you, Mr. Perry?
1549
01:05:20,249 --> 01:05:23,920
Oh, I'm thankful
that we all have our health
1550
01:05:23,920 --> 01:05:28,674
and that prosperity seems
within our grasp.
1551
01:05:28,674 --> 01:05:32,178
I'm happy (indistinct)
isn't pregnant.
1552
01:05:32,178 --> 01:05:35,932
I feel blessed
to be with Jesse's mom.
1553
01:05:35,932 --> 01:05:39,143
(giggling) (Spanish)
1554
01:05:39,143 --> 01:05:40,478
(Spanish)
1555
01:05:42,313 --> 01:05:44,607
And you, Mrs. Perry?
1556
01:05:44,607 --> 01:05:45,816
Well, I don't know that
1557
01:05:45,816 --> 01:05:47,985
I have anything to be really
thankful for.
1558
01:05:47,985 --> 01:05:51,280
My youngest daughter is going to
turn 40.
1559
01:05:51,280 --> 01:05:54,575
She turns 40. Makes
it sound like bad milk.
1560
01:05:54,575 --> 01:05:57,119
Then she'll be pushing
50 and...
1561
01:05:57,119 --> 01:05:58,996
whoa... everything's
slipping away.
1562
01:05:58,996 --> 01:06:01,707
Well, it makes you feel kind of
responsible, doesn't it?
1563
01:06:01,707 --> 01:06:02,792
Doesn't it, Jesse?
1564
01:06:02,792 --> 01:06:03,834
Not me.
1565
01:06:03,834 --> 01:06:05,169
It's the strangest thing.
1566
01:06:05,169 --> 01:06:07,588
The lowest paid banker in the
city probably makes
1567
01:06:07,588 --> 01:06:08,673
as much as any actor.
1568
01:06:08,673 --> 01:06:10,716
Oh, you don't
have to worry about me.
1569
01:06:10,716 --> 01:06:13,177
I mean, I just got this
e-mail from Nigeria
1570
01:06:13,177 --> 01:06:15,054
that the royal
prince is going to put
1571
01:06:15,054 --> 01:06:17,556
$10 million in to my account.
So I'm set for life.
1572
01:06:17,556 --> 01:06:19,058
Tell me, Jesse, honestly,
1573
01:06:19,058 --> 01:06:22,228
what makes you think you can
handle the commitment this time?
1574
01:06:22,228 --> 01:06:23,396
Dad!
1575
01:06:23,396 --> 01:06:25,356
Are you ready to be a husband
and father?
1576
01:06:25,356 --> 01:06:28,025
Okay, okay. Whoa. Hold on. Hold
up, sir. I mean,
1577
01:06:28,025 --> 01:06:30,111
who said anything
about being husbanded?
1578
01:06:30,111 --> 01:06:33,698
You know, I'm not ready. The
only... only engagement
1579
01:06:33,698 --> 01:06:36,117
I got going right now is my
34-city tour in May.
1580
01:06:36,117 --> 01:06:37,660
Jesse!
1581
01:06:37,660 --> 01:06:40,579
What? What? I'm not giving you
guys complimentary tickets.
1582
01:06:40,579 --> 01:06:43,457
If my friends and family can't
pay to see me who's going to?
1583
01:06:43,457 --> 01:06:44,875
Excuse me.
1584
01:06:50,589 --> 01:06:53,926
♪♪♪
1585
01:07:00,808 --> 01:07:03,227
Marriage? I don't... I don't...
I don't
1586
01:07:03,227 --> 01:07:05,229
want to be that kind
of guy. I'm not.
1587
01:07:05,229 --> 01:07:07,398
I don't want to be that
self-sacrificing--
1588
01:07:07,398 --> 01:07:08,733
What... what kind of guy?
1589
01:07:08,733 --> 01:07:10,443
The guys that
need to make excuses.
1590
01:07:10,443 --> 01:07:11,444
What excuses?
1591
01:07:11,444 --> 01:07:12,945
The miserable pieces of shit
1592
01:07:12,945 --> 01:07:14,613
that alway have
somebody to blame.
1593
01:07:14,613 --> 01:07:15,948
What are you talking about?
1594
01:07:15,948 --> 01:07:18,701
The people who say, "Where is my
hat. You owe me a hat.”
1595
01:07:18,701 --> 01:07:20,286
I'm not telling you what to do,
1596
01:07:20,286 --> 01:07:21,954
I'm just saying do
what you want.
1597
01:07:21,954 --> 01:07:24,081
I'm saying to you,
every single assumption
1598
01:07:24,081 --> 01:07:26,500
you made tonight wasn't about
me, it was about him.
1599
01:07:26,500 --> 01:07:29,879
Think about that.
1600
01:07:29,879 --> 01:07:32,923
Ray. Ray, I'm busy right now.
1601
01:07:36,427 --> 01:07:37,428
What? What?
1602
01:07:38,888 --> 01:07:41,265
Jesse:
Well, that night my Gramps
got his wish
1603
01:07:41,265 --> 01:07:43,476
to escape the Lower
Eastside. Unfortunately,
1604
01:07:43,476 --> 01:07:47,772
he was moving further uptown
than he had in mind.
1605
01:07:47,772 --> 01:07:50,566
My grandfather was the...
1606
01:07:50,566 --> 01:07:53,527
he was the only person who ever
really loved me.
1607
01:07:53,527 --> 01:07:56,781
I remember he once said to me,
"the goal is to lead a
1608
01:07:56,781 --> 01:08:00,242
good Christian
life and to attain heaven."
1609
01:08:09,210 --> 01:08:13,047
My God, what a
load of crap that is, huh?
1610
01:08:13,047 --> 01:08:15,800
'Cause He's not so perfect
otherwise how
1611
01:08:15,800 --> 01:08:18,761
would he have the balls to take
this beautiful man from me.
1612
01:08:18,761 --> 01:08:21,097
I mean, that's not
even fair 'cause God is...
1613
01:08:21,097 --> 01:08:23,474
God, you know, He could do
whatever He wants
1614
01:08:23,474 --> 01:08:25,059
and we just have to like it.
1615
01:08:25,059 --> 01:08:27,937
Otherwise, we're the ones that
get damned forever and ever.
1616
01:08:33,734 --> 01:08:35,319
I'm sorry. Sorry.
1617
01:08:45,704 --> 01:08:47,581
Priest:
The Lord is my shepherd.
1618
01:08:47,581 --> 01:08:48,749
Are you okay?
1619
01:08:48,749 --> 01:08:50,084
Yeah, I'm great.
1620
01:08:50,084 --> 01:08:52,336
Because you know,
you can talk to me.
1621
01:08:52,336 --> 01:08:53,963
It doesn't have to be like this.
1622
01:08:53,963 --> 01:08:57,299
Do you remember you said a long
time ago we were too different.
1623
01:08:57,299 --> 01:09:00,803
You were right.
You were right about that.
1624
01:09:00,803 --> 01:09:03,180
I don't get this...
what this is,
1625
01:09:03,180 --> 01:09:04,765
how we're going to end it?
1626
01:09:04,765 --> 01:09:07,184
I can't do it. I can't do this.
1627
01:09:11,063 --> 01:09:17,486
Priest:
Ye though I walk through the
valley of the shadow of death...
1628
01:09:17,486 --> 01:09:19,822
Wait, wait, wait. I mean,
what about myself?
1629
01:09:19,822 --> 01:09:22,867
Really? Really? "Grandpa was the
only one that ever loved me"?
1630
01:09:22,867 --> 01:09:25,786
Let me tell you something. You
remember when I was trying out
1631
01:09:25,786 --> 01:09:27,121
for the Little League?
1632
01:09:27,121 --> 01:09:29,832
Kept saying I threw like a girl.
So I never tried out
1633
01:09:29,832 --> 01:09:31,292
'cause I felt like I sucked.
1634
01:09:31,292 --> 01:09:33,836
- You did throw like a girl.
- Thank you for that.
1635
01:09:33,836 --> 01:09:36,422
You know why I said that
shit to you?
1636
01:09:36,422 --> 01:09:38,132
Because Grampa
does love you more.
1637
01:09:38,132 --> 01:09:40,259
Well, he has to
'cause Mom only loves you.
1638
01:09:40,259 --> 01:09:41,552
So he had to love me more
1639
01:09:41,552 --> 01:09:43,721
otherwise I'd never have
anybody on my side.
1640
01:09:43,721 --> 01:09:45,556
You didn't want anybody
on your side.
1641
01:09:45,556 --> 01:09:46,891
'Cause we all owe you--
1642
01:09:46,891 --> 01:09:48,225
You do owe me.
1643
01:09:48,225 --> 01:09:50,352
Well, you keep throwing it in
our faces.
1644
01:09:50,352 --> 01:09:53,230
You know why I said that you?
'Cause I wanted you to fail!
1645
01:09:53,230 --> 01:09:54,607
♪♪♪
1646
01:09:54,607 --> 01:09:58,152
(shouting)
1647
01:09:58,152 --> 01:10:03,657
Boys, boys, boys! Jesse!
1648
01:10:03,657 --> 01:10:06,994
Just don't hit him in the face!
1649
01:10:14,293 --> 01:10:22,134
♪ I get along without
you very well, ♪
1650
01:10:22,134 --> 01:10:27,681
♪ Of course I do ♪
1651
01:10:27,681 --> 01:10:32,561
♪ Except when soft rains fall ♪
1652
01:10:32,561 --> 01:10:37,775
♪ And drip from leaves
then I recall ♪
1653
01:10:37,775 --> 01:10:46,408
♪ The thrill of being
sheltered in your arms ♪
1654
01:10:46,408 --> 01:10:51,789
♪ Of course I do ♪
1655
01:10:51,789 --> 01:11:00,714
♪ But I get along
without you very well ♪
1656
01:11:04,301 --> 01:11:10,849
♪ I've forgotten you just
like I should ♪
1657
01:11:10,849 --> 01:11:18,857
♪ Of course I have
except to hear your name ♪
1658
01:11:18,857 --> 01:11:20,943
Oh... I got a few.
1659
01:11:20,943 --> 01:11:22,820
(laughs) Wow.
1660
01:11:22,820 --> 01:11:27,449
♪ Or someone's
laugh that is the same ♪
1661
01:11:27,449 --> 01:11:29,910
♪ But I've forgotten you ♪
1662
01:11:29,910 --> 01:11:32,538
Jesse:
All right. None of us saw that
coming. But...
1663
01:11:32,538 --> 01:11:35,249
but it doesn't
matter 'cause I have a plan.
1664
01:11:35,249 --> 01:11:40,838
So I'm throwing myself a going
away party. Going away forever.
1665
01:11:40,838 --> 01:11:43,549
That's right. Everybody thinks
it's for my tour.
1666
01:11:43,549 --> 01:11:47,636
But, no, this is... this
is the big good bye.
1667
01:11:47,636 --> 01:11:50,431
I'm going to kill myself
tonight. This is the night.
1668
01:11:50,431 --> 01:11:54,018
I'm going to go change into
something a little better.
1669
01:11:54,018 --> 01:11:58,105
And you can hear the guests
coming in--
1670
01:11:58,105 --> 01:12:00,524
All right, so I'll see you in
the bathroom.
1671
01:12:01,734 --> 01:12:04,903
♪♪♪
1672
01:12:25,215 --> 01:12:29,386
I'm all danced out.
I'm sorry. Sorry.
1673
01:12:29,386 --> 01:12:31,263
She may not be
the hottest girl here
1674
01:12:31,263 --> 01:12:33,223
but beauty is only a light
switch away.
1675
01:12:33,223 --> 01:12:36,226
Hey, Ray, did you ever feel like
the guy you thought you were
1676
01:12:36,226 --> 01:12:37,644
was just a big goddamn lie?
1677
01:12:37,644 --> 01:12:40,898
Lately, when I get really horny
I don't even want sex after all.
1678
01:12:40,898 --> 01:12:43,067
I just want
somebody to hold me and...
1679
01:12:43,067 --> 01:12:45,736
and make me feel like they're
always gonna be there.
1680
01:12:45,736 --> 01:12:48,030
Yeah, and I... I know how you
feel man, I know.
1681
01:12:48,030 --> 01:12:49,531
(laughing)
1682
01:12:49,531 --> 01:12:50,991
Oh, my head. I'm sorry,
1683
01:12:50,991 --> 01:12:55,537
bro. You didn't think I was
serious, did you?
1684
01:12:55,537 --> 01:12:56,622
What?
1685
01:12:56,622 --> 01:12:57,873
♪♪♪
1686
01:13:52,970 --> 01:13:54,805
♪♪♪
1687
01:15:04,291 --> 01:15:05,792
Um...
1688
01:15:05,792 --> 01:15:07,461
Hi.
1689
01:15:07,461 --> 01:15:11,882
Okay, come here. Come here,
before I throw up.
1690
01:15:11,882 --> 01:15:12,883
(laughs)
1691
01:15:12,883 --> 01:15:14,051
Where?
1692
01:15:14,051 --> 01:15:15,093
Just follow me.
1693
01:15:15,093 --> 01:15:16,345
Where are we going?
1694
01:15:16,345 --> 01:15:17,554
Come on.
1695
01:15:20,057 --> 01:15:21,391
♪♪♪
1696
01:15:32,569 --> 01:15:36,031
You want children,
I want children.
1697
01:15:36,031 --> 01:15:39,743
I'm talking about responsibility
and stability
1698
01:15:39,743 --> 01:15:42,371
and maturity in
a relationship and...
1699
01:15:44,623 --> 01:15:46,542
(phone rings)
1700
01:15:48,085 --> 01:15:50,087
A mature love
1701
01:15:50,087 --> 01:15:52,297
that we really deserve--
1702
01:15:52,297 --> 01:15:55,968
Jesse (answering machine):
Hey, Lara. I feel like I made a
huge mistake.
1703
01:15:55,968 --> 01:15:58,595
And I was wrong
and I'd like to see you.
1704
01:15:58,595 --> 01:16:01,139
Can you please video chat with
me. Can you sign on?
1705
01:16:01,139 --> 01:16:02,724
I need to talk to you.
1706
01:16:02,724 --> 01:16:04,768
I'm just feeling kind
of... I don't know,
1707
01:16:04,768 --> 01:16:06,103
I feel stupid...
1708
01:16:06,103 --> 01:16:08,272
I made a huge mistake pushing
you away--
1709
01:16:08,272 --> 01:16:09,773
Don't answer that, please.
1710
01:16:09,773 --> 01:16:12,568
This could be the last chance we
have to talk. Please.
1711
01:16:12,568 --> 01:16:14,945
I know, it's the last voice
you want to hear,
1712
01:16:14,945 --> 01:16:16,572
but I really need to see you.
1713
01:16:16,572 --> 01:16:17,781
I beg you, please.
1714
01:16:17,781 --> 01:16:18,991
I think I should go.
1715
01:16:18,991 --> 01:16:20,158
Are you serious?
1716
01:16:20,158 --> 01:16:21,618
I should probably... well
1717
01:16:21,618 --> 01:16:22,619
Really!?
1718
01:16:22,619 --> 01:16:24,246
Well, you heard what he said.
1719
01:16:24,246 --> 01:16:26,498
Can we just... can we hold,
like, one minute?
1720
01:16:26,498 --> 01:16:28,166
What?
1721
01:16:29,793 --> 01:16:32,629
Lara. Look, ah, you look
so great.
1722
01:16:32,629 --> 01:16:34,298
Oh my God.
1723
01:16:34,298 --> 01:16:36,049
Look, hey, I made a terrible
mistake.
1724
01:16:36,049 --> 01:16:37,342
I just want you to know,
1725
01:16:37,342 --> 01:16:39,595
I made the dumbest mistake of my
entire life.
1726
01:16:39,595 --> 01:16:41,054
Now is not a good time, Jesse.
1727
01:16:41,054 --> 01:16:43,515
Mind your business, okay,
Jeffrey. Stay out of it.
1728
01:16:43,515 --> 01:16:46,059
We're kind of in the middle of
something, Jesse.
1729
01:16:46,059 --> 01:16:47,644
I can't live without you.
1730
01:16:47,644 --> 01:16:49,980
I don't want to live my life if
I can't have you.
1731
01:16:49,980 --> 01:16:51,523
I know it sounds like a song.
1732
01:16:51,523 --> 01:16:53,442
I need you so desperately,
please Lara.
1733
01:16:53,442 --> 01:16:55,694
Please come back to me.
Will you take me back?
1734
01:16:55,694 --> 01:16:57,237
I pushed you away because well,
1735
01:16:57,237 --> 01:17:00,490
I wanted you to be happy with
him. But I changed my mind.
1736
01:17:00,490 --> 01:17:02,784
I rather...
I'm not that kind of a guy.
1737
01:17:02,784 --> 01:17:06,079
I'd rather you be miserable and
be with me than be with him.
1738
01:17:06,079 --> 01:17:07,164
(sighs)
1739
01:17:07,164 --> 01:17:09,458
Look, Jesse
I can't do this.
1740
01:17:09,458 --> 01:17:12,002
I need to be in a grown-up
relationship, okay?
1741
01:17:12,002 --> 01:17:14,880
I know you need a grown-up.
I'm ready for that.
1742
01:17:14,880 --> 01:17:18,967
I'm a stupid, childish,
idiotic man. But I love you.
1743
01:17:18,967 --> 01:17:21,428
Doesn't that mean anything
to you, Lara?
1744
01:17:24,348 --> 01:17:26,683
How can I forget
the best times of my life,
1745
01:17:26,683 --> 01:17:29,895
the best one in my entire life?
1746
01:17:29,895 --> 01:17:32,856
You dumped me!
Okay? You dumped me, right?
1747
01:17:38,028 --> 01:17:40,113
Look, I know I was stupid.
I was an idiot.
1748
01:17:40,113 --> 01:17:42,866
I made some horrible
mistakes. I pushed you away.
1749
01:17:42,866 --> 01:17:44,368
I was horrible to you.
1750
01:17:44,368 --> 01:17:46,787
But I know... I know.
I need you, Lara.
1751
01:17:46,787 --> 01:17:48,038
I need you in my life.
1752
01:17:48,038 --> 01:17:50,415
You had your chance
and you blew it.
1753
01:17:50,415 --> 01:17:53,293
No, don't say that, Lara.
Don't say no. Don't say no.
1754
01:17:53,293 --> 01:17:54,836
Give it... give it a shot.
1755
01:17:54,836 --> 01:17:56,713
And you don't
know what you're saying.
1756
01:17:56,713 --> 01:17:59,424
It's a blatant attempt for
attention. Can't you see that?
1757
01:17:59,424 --> 01:18:01,802
You think this is a ploy for
attention, Jeffrey?
1758
01:18:01,802 --> 01:18:02,803
Yes.
1759
01:18:02,803 --> 01:18:03,845
Jeffrey, goddamn you.
1760
01:18:03,845 --> 01:18:05,263
It's okay.
1761
01:18:05,263 --> 01:18:08,100
He's unstable right now. Just
give me one minute, okay?
1762
01:18:08,100 --> 01:18:10,894
Is that a dog leash?
1763
01:18:10,894 --> 01:18:12,646
I'm ready.
1764
01:18:12,646 --> 01:18:13,772
What is this?
1765
01:18:13,772 --> 01:18:16,233
It's like a bad reality show.
1766
01:18:16,233 --> 01:18:17,359
Get down.
1767
01:18:17,359 --> 01:18:19,861
If you go with Jeffrey, look,
I'm gonna jump, Lara.
1768
01:18:19,861 --> 01:18:21,613
I'm gonna end it all.
You see that?
1769
01:18:21,613 --> 01:18:24,241
I'm serious. Get down.
1770
01:18:24,241 --> 01:18:25,742
Hey, mind your business.
1771
01:18:25,742 --> 01:18:28,036
Jesse!
1772
01:18:28,036 --> 01:18:29,496
Gah!
1773
01:18:29,496 --> 01:18:30,956
♪♪♪
1774
01:18:42,551 --> 01:18:45,387
Huh? Oh. Oh.
1775
01:18:45,387 --> 01:18:48,181
I died for your sins. You know
it. You owe me.
1776
01:18:48,181 --> 01:18:50,350
Why can't we all love
each other.
1777
01:19:00,068 --> 01:19:02,821
Welcome to the last
circle of hell
1778
01:19:02,821 --> 01:19:05,866
for those who
quit the game of life.
1779
01:19:05,866 --> 01:19:08,660
Mr. Satan, I didn't really mean
to quit the game of life.
1780
01:19:08,660 --> 01:19:10,495
I just thought
I'd do her a favour.
1781
01:19:10,495 --> 01:19:13,123
Shut up!
Your death lacked conviction.
1782
01:19:13,123 --> 01:19:14,166
(laughing)
1783
01:19:17,461 --> 01:19:18,962
♪♪♪
1784
01:19:18,962 --> 01:19:25,969
Uh? Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
1785
01:19:25,969 --> 01:19:27,012
♪♪♪
1786
01:19:28,680 --> 01:19:29,973
Huh?
1787
01:19:29,973 --> 01:19:31,850
What the hell are you
doing, Jesse?
1788
01:19:31,850 --> 01:19:33,769
I know, I was
thinking the same thing.
1789
01:19:33,769 --> 01:19:36,396
Listen, I know, life is
a bunch of crap.
1790
01:19:36,396 --> 01:19:39,941
And, yes,
relationships are difficult.
1791
01:19:39,941 --> 01:19:42,027
But you can't avoid them, Jesse.
1792
01:19:42,027 --> 01:19:44,362
I know you're very much in love
with that girl.
1793
01:19:44,362 --> 01:19:49,159
I mean, I don't blame you. But
whether you deserve her or not,
1794
01:19:49,159 --> 01:19:50,869
who gives a shit?
1795
01:19:50,869 --> 01:19:52,871
Just get hold of her
and don't let go.
1796
01:19:52,871 --> 01:19:56,166
But, Gramps, it's too late.
I broke my promise.
1797
01:19:56,166 --> 01:19:58,043
I can't be her
deathbed test now.
1798
01:19:58,043 --> 01:20:02,839
That's enough! Okay. Don't screw
up again, coño .
1799
01:20:02,839 --> 01:20:07,052
Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!
Oh my... my God.
1800
01:20:07,052 --> 01:20:10,555
Jesse, are...
are you okay? Jesse?
1801
01:20:10,555 --> 01:20:12,933
He's not that good an actor.
1802
01:20:12,933 --> 01:20:15,268
Somebody call 911! Jesus!
1803
01:20:17,437 --> 01:20:19,773
Taxi. I need a taxi!
1804
01:20:19,773 --> 01:20:23,652
Taxi! Taxi!
1805
01:20:23,652 --> 01:20:26,071
Avenue D and Seventh.
1806
01:20:30,951 --> 01:20:34,037
Ray, go and take a piss.
1807
01:20:34,037 --> 01:20:35,413
You say something?
1808
01:20:35,413 --> 01:20:37,082
Go and take a piss!
1809
01:20:37,082 --> 01:20:38,834
Move. Move. Move. Move.
1810
01:20:38,834 --> 01:20:40,335
♪♪♪
1811
01:20:43,505 --> 01:20:44,714
No!
1812
01:20:48,385 --> 01:20:51,763
Wake up. Please wake up. Please
wake up, bro.
1813
01:20:54,766 --> 01:20:56,810
You're all I got, bro.
1814
01:21:05,277 --> 01:21:07,529
Hit him again. Hit him again.
1815
01:21:07,529 --> 01:21:08,947
Anything?
1816
01:21:08,947 --> 01:21:10,282
Nothing.
1817
01:21:10,282 --> 01:21:11,741
What have you got?
1818
01:21:11,741 --> 01:21:13,577
Nothing.
1819
01:21:13,577 --> 01:21:15,745
Can you go a little faster?
1820
01:21:18,582 --> 01:21:23,670
... Twenty eight, twenty nine,
thirty. Hit him.
1821
01:21:23,670 --> 01:21:25,255
Take his pulse.
1822
01:21:25,255 --> 01:21:26,381
Nothing.
1823
01:21:26,381 --> 01:21:29,509
All right one more time.
Here we go.
1824
01:21:29,509 --> 01:21:32,387
Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.
Here. Here.
1825
01:21:32,387 --> 01:21:34,055
Where's Jesse!?
1826
01:21:36,141 --> 01:21:38,393
Whoa. There we go. There we go.
1827
01:21:38,393 --> 01:21:40,228
Come on. Come on.
1828
01:21:40,228 --> 01:21:44,816
Ray! I... I gotta get to Lara. I
gotta... gotta get Lara.
1829
01:21:44,816 --> 01:21:46,776
No, you gotta...
you gotta relax, bro.
1830
01:21:46,776 --> 01:21:48,612
I'm gonna make
it up to you, man.
1831
01:21:48,612 --> 01:21:50,488
I'm gonna make everything
up to you.
1832
01:21:50,488 --> 01:21:51,781
Lara:
Jesse!
1833
01:21:56,786 --> 01:21:58,914
You asshole!
1834
01:21:58,914 --> 01:22:02,083
Lara, I'm so glad to see you.
You're my deathbed test.
1835
01:22:02,083 --> 01:22:03,627
I saw myself, Lara.
1836
01:22:03,627 --> 01:22:04,920
Shh. It's okay.
1837
01:22:04,920 --> 01:22:07,297
I saw my Gramps and he
was un-real too.
1838
01:22:07,297 --> 01:22:09,507
And then I met Satan.
Oh, my god,
1839
01:22:09,507 --> 01:22:11,551
it was terrifying. And then...
1840
01:22:11,551 --> 01:22:13,136
♪♪♪
1841
01:22:19,476 --> 01:22:22,646
Jesse:
You know, it's like
James Joyce once said,
1842
01:22:22,646 --> 01:22:25,231
"Mistakes are portals
of discovery".
1843
01:22:25,231 --> 01:22:29,110
What I learned from my giant
wormhole size mistake,
1844
01:22:29,110 --> 01:22:32,948
all of these fucked up moments
added together are my life
1845
01:22:32,948 --> 01:22:36,159
and I better milk as much
happiness from them as I can.
1846
01:22:36,159 --> 01:22:38,119
I know nothing completes me.
1847
01:22:38,119 --> 01:22:40,747
I know I'm going to be imperfect
'til the day I die,
1848
01:22:40,747 --> 01:22:42,332
but I'm okay with that.
1849
01:22:42,332 --> 01:22:45,001
Now, if I can get Lara on that
same program,
1850
01:22:45,001 --> 01:22:47,087
if we both know
that in this relationship
1851
01:22:47,087 --> 01:22:49,547
our bread is going to fall on
the buttered side,
1852
01:22:49,547 --> 01:22:52,759
that we're going to spill wine
on our nicest, whitest suits
1853
01:22:52,759 --> 01:22:55,512
that someday we're going to step
on dog shit,
1854
01:22:55,512 --> 01:22:57,055
in this relationship,
1855
01:22:57,055 --> 01:22:58,390
then we're golden.
1856
01:22:58,390 --> 01:23:00,058
Then we're gonna be fine.
1857
01:23:00,058 --> 01:23:03,061
Then we're gonna get through
this and so will you.
1858
01:23:03,061 --> 01:23:04,896
♪♪♪
1859
01:23:04,896 --> 01:23:08,692
(moaning)
1860
01:23:14,030 --> 01:23:15,281
Lara:
(sneeze)
1861
01:23:16,700 --> 01:23:18,535
Oh my God. Oh my God.
1862
01:23:18,535 --> 01:23:23,289
Jesse:
I'm sorry. I can explain
everything. Here.
1863
01:23:23,289 --> 01:23:25,542
Lara:
Uh, I was just
looking for my wallet.
1864
01:23:25,542 --> 01:23:28,461
Jesse:
She was looking for her wallet.
1865
01:23:28,461 --> 01:23:29,713
♪♪♪
1866
01:23:40,724 --> 01:23:48,148
Male Vocalist:
♪ Lara, Lara, Lara ♪
1867
01:23:48,148 --> 01:23:50,442
♪ Beautiful Lara ♪
1868
01:23:50,442 --> 01:23:55,405
♪ Lara, Lara, Lara ♪
1869
01:23:55,405 --> 01:23:58,199
♪ Look at me ♪
1870
01:23:58,199 --> 01:24:05,248
♪ All I do is say your name ♪
1871
01:24:05,248 --> 01:24:13,465
♪ Lara, Lara, Lara ♪
1872
01:24:13,465 --> 01:24:19,888
♪ Lara, Lara Lara ♪
1873
01:24:19,888 --> 01:24:29,272
♪ Wonderful Lara, Lara Lara ♪
1874
01:24:29,272 --> 01:24:31,274
♪ Look at me ♪
1875
01:24:31,274 --> 01:24:36,905
♪ You have set my heart aflame ♪
1876
01:24:36,905 --> 01:24:46,498
♪ Oh, Lara, Lara, Lara ♪
1877
01:24:46,498 --> 01:24:54,714
♪ Maybe it's much more
than a name to me ♪
1878
01:24:54,714 --> 01:25:03,306
♪ Tells the story
of how you came to me ♪
1879
01:25:03,306 --> 01:25:10,063
♪ All I do is say your name ♪
1880
01:25:10,063 --> 01:25:13,817
♪ Oh, Lara, oh Lara ♪
1881
01:25:13,817 --> 01:25:20,323
♪ Oh Lara! ♪
1882
01:25:20,323 --> 01:25:24,327
♪ Lara, Lara Lara ♪
1883
01:25:24,327 --> 01:25:31,334
♪ Lara, Lara, Lara ♪
1884
01:25:31,334 --> 01:25:32,794
♪♪♪
139653
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