All language subtitles for DAG - S04E10

The ring already weighed me down.
I was heading for Mordor.

- Are you saying I'm evil?
- No.

But you have no idea
how you appear to others.

How can you change anything
if you never listen to anyone?

- You can't see your own flaws.
- What flaws?

Please specify.

My dear Mona ...

I try to be straightforward,
but what do I get?

Nothing but negativity and shit.

No matter what I say,
you take it as criticism.

Because it is criticism!

- Give me an example.
- I'll give you a simple example:

You ask me to get something.
I say yes.

But if I take more than two seconds,
you say, "I'll get it myself."

And I would have gotten it
one second later!

The thing is, every time I talk to you
I have to repeat everything three times.

- That's because ...
- Trifles.

You have reduced your relationship
to mere trifles.

You're talking about our life.

That's what's so sad. And
it's the only life you'll ever get.

I'll let you determine
whether this is sad or not:

For your first 18 years together -

- you did everything you could
to make things work.

Through the sleep-deprived,
exhausting baby phase.

Where you replaced sex
and physical contact -

- with your children's love.

Your convinced yourselves
that was the best way to be parents.

You gave your kids everything,
but drifted apart.

Later you desperately tried
to find back to what you once had.

Maybe you checked into a hotel
twice a year, -

- where you both tried to be the
"bubbly" person you once were.

That maybe lasted 2-3 days,
before the daily grind killed it.

During the teenage phase
you drifted further apart.

Then the kids moved out,
and now you're back to square one.

But without any of the warmth
and sexual attraction you once had.

You allowed the daily grind
to kill your love.

You have lived together for 22 years.

I could tell you to give each other
three compliments a day -

- and swallow your irritation,
but why?

Your relationship is dead.

It's over.
Go home and pack.

Stand back to back, bag in hand, -

- and sense that wonderful feeling
of the world being your oyster.

Then run in opposite directions.

Feel free to stay, but I have to go.

Go where?

I'm ... getting married.

- Good evening.
- Good evening.

Radiant as always.

Deep-voiced as always.

I can't smoke inside.
I have to finish this.

I believe we're seated
at the same table.

What the hell are you doing?

What is the meaning of this?

Give me a fucking break!

That little boy wants nothing more
than for you to be together!

Now let's go get
this odd couple married.

Hi, you have reached Marianne.
Leave a message.

Hi, it's me.

Holy shit, do you ever look hot!

Vegard,
are you drooling over the guests?

- Go get ready with the band!
- Will do.

Sorry, this isn't my seat.

Dammit!

Wait here.

Eva?

Eva?

Can you open the door?

We have to be there in 30 minutes.
I tried to call you.

I know. Sorry.
I ...

We have to talk.

Can't we just talk -

- afterwards?
We have to go.

I don't know if I can do this.

I don't know if this is right
for either of us.

I don't know if I'm the one for you.

Maybe you should just let me
pack and get out of here.

I understand that you find this scary.
I'm terrified too.

I've thought
I can't go through with it.

But I believe that
the rest of my life with you -

- is better than
the rest of my life without you.

It's just you and me.

The fact that we're getting married
is irrelevant.

You have told me before -

- that you don't deserve to be loved.

But the past doesn't matter now.

From now on it's just -

- you and me.

And the kids.

It will be fine.
It will be better than you think.

I have some sort of a plan.

I like this door.
Don't make me drill a hole in it.

Do you love me?

I'm mad in love with you.

Then open the door.

It's bad luck
to see the bride before the wedding.

- You go ahead. I'll meet you there.
- OK.

See you soon.

Yeah.

Ready?

Yeah.

As ready as I can be.

You have the rings?

Good.

Can I smell your fingers?

Only you screw around
on your own wedding day.

So ...

Do you think she'll show up?

She'll be here.

She'll be here.

You OK?

You look stunning.

And you look handsome.

Ready?

We are gathered here today
to join together this couple.

So they can live the rest
of their lives as husband and wife.

Place your hand on the book.

Do you promise to respect each other,
and give each other freedom?

- Yes.
- Repeat after me:

I swear to always ...

I swear to always ...

... tell my partner the truth
and nothing but the truth.

... tell my partner the truth
and nothing but the truth.

Have sex even when we don't want to,

- and never share finances.

Have sex with each other
even when we don't want to, -

- and never share finances.

Excellent. You may now
give each other the rings.

Now kiss.

And then we can eat.

I hereby pronounce you
husband and wife!

The knot reminded my
I only had one life to live, -

- and to live it to the fullest.

As this evening's toastmaster, -

- it is up to me to present
this evening's menu.

The main course,
per the groom's wishes, -

- is whole, deep-fried pig,
served with bacon and plum sauce.

- You couldn't help yourself?
- Figured I could go all out today.

No doubt.
Did you see that, Leon?

- You're good with the girls, dad.
- You think?

You will be too, some day.

An excellent wine!

Come on.

You're probably going to want more.

Open wide.
There.

I suppose it's my turn.

My dear friends,
it is so fantastic -

- to be able to spend this day
with you two.

It's like the main chapter -

- in a love story -

- in some amazing book
you never want to end.

That's being said, -

- this is also a day for honesty.

And I am convinced that I speak
for everyone around this table, -

- when I say I find it repulsive, -

- repulsive to think of
this aging man's ball sack -

- slapping against the body
of this lovely, young girl.

So the question is why?

Why subject herself to this?

The answer is simple.

The standard for what is important
in life changes over the years.

And thank God for that.

When we are young, our eyes tell us
what our heart should fee.

When we are old, it's our hearing.

A beautiful face,
no matter how beautiful, -

- becomes ordinary after a few years.

I dare claim
that by the time we have turned 30, -

- there is nothing more sexy -

- than going through life
with someone who impresses you.

Who surprises you.

Who makes you laugh -

- as he or she walks beside you.

It's so easy
to take our lives for granted.

But take the 4.5 billion years
the earth has existed -

- and compress it to 24 hours.

Then life was created at 4 a.m.

A single-celled organism.

Then nothing happens for 16 hours.
Not until 8:30 p.m.

Two thirds of those 24 hours
have already passed.

And all the world
has to show for it, -

- are some insignificant
microorganisms.

But then things start happening.

First marine plants appear.
Jellyfish, 20 minutes later.

At 11:45 p.m.
the first mammals are born.

And 1 minute and 17 seconds
before midnight, -

- the first humanoids arrive.

One minute and 17 seconds!

With that perspective, our ancestors
only had a few seconds -

- to meet, -

- be attracted to each other,
and reproduce.

And all those tiny details -

- have resulted in us
sitting here today.

That is how incredible
the miracle is, -

- of finding someone to love,
who also loves you back.

Hemingway once said:

"An intelligent man
is forced to be drunk -

- to spend time with his fools."

Viewed from the outside, Dag, -

- it may seem exceedingly idiotic -

- to spend your life trying to find
the strength to dare live alone.

Only to throw away
everything that makes you feel save.

I don't have to get drunk
to understand you, Dag.

Is there anything more surprising
and comforting -

- than when the person
who knows you best -

- is still prepared to love you
for who you are?

I raise my glass -

- to the most nontraditional
romantic I know, -

- and his equally wonderful,
irresistible Eva!

- Cheers for the bride and groom!
- Cheers!

How about you?

I wanted to wait
until everyone was drunk.

But I forgot
I'd have to speak after Ernst.

- It isn't a competition.
- It is. And you know it.

Then don't speak.
You know me best.

You don't have to say anything.
I'm just glad you're here.

I have to say something.
If not for you, for me.

Thanks, Ernst. Very reassuring. You
couldn't have drawn a bigger picture?

I had to go for it.
You're never doing this again.

Are you OK?

Yeah.

Well, as the only -

- I was about to say "surviving" -

- relative of Dag's,
I'd like to say something.

I feel I have to say this -

- because it's the right thing to do.

And that is ...

I have to go to the bathroom.

- Now?
- Yes.

I'll take you afterwards.
Let's listen to Aunt Marianne first.

Cheers.

Yeah.
Cheers.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

Right, cheers.

Thank you.

Let's ...

Come on, Leon.

I let him run around a little.
He was getting bored.

Hi there.
Just a little on top.

Thank you.

Did you know -

- 10 % of all relationships
start at weddings?

- No.
- No? Think about that.

See you around.

Benedikt?

You have two paralyzed women here,
one pregnant, -

- as well as the mother of your child.
Isn't that enough?

- Do you want to add a 19-year-old?
- She had pretty eyes.

Cheers.

Have fun.

Well ...

Dear Dag.
And Eva, of course. Dear Eva.

I'm not very good at this either.

Speaking, that is.

So you'll just have to bear with me.

Some of you might also claim -

- that I'm not very good
at relationships. Right, Mia?

Benedikt,
you don't have to say anything.

But I know a great deal
about having a friend.

And I have learned that from you.

I have known Dag
since grade school.

He was in 9th, I was in 7th,
and we were very different.

I wanted to play in a band,
he wanted to listen to one.

I wanted to experience everything,
Dag wanted to read everything.

I wanted to bring friends home,
Dag wanted to go home.

We used to joke that we were -

- an odd version of Christopher Robin
and Winnie the Pooh.

Later on, in puberty,
when everything was difficult, -

- painful and confusing,
we were both Eeyore.

And we would sit for hours
and just talk.

Many great conversations.

Dag's room was on the second floor.
I sat in the apple tree outside.

So he could close the window
whenever he wanted.

That was great.

The first time I dated Mia, I was 18.

A long time ago.

I remember sitting in the hall
in your first apartment.

Listening to Tom Waits.

"Johnsburg, Illionois."

And I told you I had met
the woman of my life.

Dag asked if I was willing to scratch
her name into my arm with a nail.

Like in the song lyrics.

I never did.

Which Mia is probably happy for today.

But I would scratch your name any day.

To remind me of
who has been there for me.

And never let me down.

No mater how many asinine things
I have done to other people.

And for that I am very grateful.

You are the most just
and honest person I know.

You have the biggest heart
of anyone I know.

And I've never seen you braver
than you are today.

Now you're Christopher Robin.

So as you now
leave the Hundred Acre Wood -

- and Winnie the Pooh waves goodbye,
Christopher says to Pooh:

"Promise you won't forget about me.
Not even when I'm a hundred."

Pooh responds:
"How old shall I be then?"

"Ninety-nine."

And Pooh nods and responds:

"I promise."

I promise.

You can come and play with me
whenever you want.

So ...

Let's start drinking!

Let's drink before this turns into
tears and nonsense.

Here's to the world's best friend
and his bride.

Congratulations.

Cheers!

A wonderful speech!

- We will all die one day.
- But not any of the other days.

What's that?

- A kids' cocktail.
- That's for you.

I find nothing more depressing -

- than a bride and groom
who don't drink. It's so sad!

Wait till you get pregnant. It may
be sad, but it has a happy ending.

Now I feel faint.
Give me that booze.

OK, I guess it's my turn.

I would like to begin
by thanking Ernst.

Who has guided us through this evening
with a steady hand.

Any time.

But most of all
I want to thank Marianne.

If it weren't for you,
I would never have met Dag.

And we wouldn't be here today.

Thank you.

I may not have made it
clear enough before, -

- but I promise you -

- that I will take care of your
brother to the best of my ability.

Dag, we primarily have your friends, -

- your family and your colleagues
here today.

But I still feel that
we somehow are related, all of us.

They aren't your people,
they're our people.

And for that I am very grateful.

I know you like to call yourself
a hermit, -

- but you are the world's
most socially generous hermit.

Your door is always open. Though
you don't let just anyone inside.

And I love you for that.

Before I met Dag, -

- I had decided never to settle down
with anyone.

I didn't see the point
of committing to anything.

But it's different with you.

I don't want to live without you, Dag.

You are the man of my dreams.

And I hope you always
will remain that same person.

Because that is who I love.

So I thought we could drink to
the reason we all are here.

Cheers, honey.

And I have a present.
Or presents.

I have booked
round-the-world-tickets -

- for us, including you, Leon.

We can jump off
wherever we want, or, -

- if nothing is tempting enough, we
can keep going all the way around.

I want you to experience something
other than Norway and Legoland.

- And this.
- What is this?

This is somewhere you can hide
when life overwhelms you.

And then you can ...

- be left alone.

Masks are sexy.
We should try something like that.

What? I'm practicing living
with three women.

- Two of whom are paralyzed.
- Hey!

- I'm sitting right here!
- I'm aware of that.

That's the father of my baby.

They may be paralyzed,
but they still have feelings.

Don't soak the damn
steering-wheel cover!

I hope everyone is full and content.

But before we leave the table -

- we have one final speaker.

Dear everyone.

I am -

- the kind of guy who plans life
to the smallest detail -

- in order to avoid surprises.

But I did not see this day coming.

We are married, Eva.

It's us now.

This is actually very simple.

I love you.

And the reason I want to marry you
is to prove to you 100 % -

- that that is the case.

I have met hundreds
of repentant newlyweds.

And many may think that's a good
reason for us to think twice.

But I have also been around
for 43 years.

And I've never met anyone
who comes close to you.

You're not perfect, -

- but what I love about you
is that you don't try to be.

Many people who get married
think it indicates change.

But I prefer to think
the opposite.

It's meant to freeze you in a state
of something ... good.

And the feeling I get -

- when I watch you sleep, -

- or when you lie next to me, -

- is serenity.

I don't need a fanfare
or any big deal.

It's enough for me
to know you're there.

You and I are the kind of people
who don't dare -

- let others get too close.

We don't dare fall in love.

Yet -

- here we are.

I'm sure this will also be painful
from time to time.

But I don't care.
You make me feel alive.

God, you're beautiful!

If you don't kiss me now,
without that pillow, I'll lose it.

I have a little more to say.

Since you were so generous -

- with your gifts,
I can't be any worse.

Here you go.

A cozy three-room apartment,
ten minutes from my place.

A little bigger than mine,
with a lovely view.

And a big back yard -

- where Leon
and the new baby can play.

Have you really bought this?

You're welcome.

A moving truck
has already started removing -

- all of your and Leon's things.

And everything we bought
while we lived together.

And I got you a great stereo, Leon.

With a record player.
It's already in your new room.

With the most important albums.

Here is the key.

Voilà. I have paid
the first three months' expenses.

In order to give you a head start.

What ...
How ...

What do you mean?

You'll move in there
and I'll stay where I am.

It's a win-win situation.

We'll still be married, of course.

And we can visit each other
as often as we want.

If there's one thing I've learned
from my profession, -

- it's that you need time and space
for a relationship to work.

And as most of you know, I'm a man
who needs a lot of time to myself.

And I would be blind -

- if I hadn't noticed
your recent claustrophobia.

So now we can have it both ways.

We can build perfect homes.

And when we visit each other, often,
that will also be perfect.

And I'll build a bunk bed
in Leon's room, so there'll be room -

- for our new little rascal.

So if you want to go out
for whatever reason, -

- I can take care of the kids.

Because I will be home.

So ...

What do you think?

That is the best present
anyone has ever given me!

Fantastic!

Can I hear a hallelujah?

Hallelujah!

Allow me to present -

- Sister Rakel Magdalena's Choir
of Wounded Souls.

No one was home. I wanted to throw
myself in her arms with gratitude.

Remember that I tend to get horny
when I'm drunk?

That's your straw talking.

Ernst?

Have I ever told you -

- that your voice gets me
extremely excited?

I have a pile of books
at my office -

- I'd be glad to read to you.

That sounds like a fantastic idea.

- How low can you go?
- As low as you want.

- I may have to sleep with you twice.
- Only once. At least to begin with.

I'm just ...

- Why are you taking Viagra?
- I don't know.

Jesus made the lame walk with just
his hands. Imagine what I could do!

What do you say, Mia?
"Do you want me to plug it in?"

- You're sick, Benedikt!
- That's why you love me.

Bye.

Bye.

- Bye, Leon.
- Bye.

- See you tomorrow.
- See you tomorrow.

Come on in.

Now what?

That waitress.

Wow.